Welcome to my world

The first flower

2010-06-01T13:53:00.004-04:00

An old man and his wife live across the street from a young couple and their twin baby girls. One day as the young mother took her girls out for a stroll around the neighborhood the old man saw them approaching and called them over. He then proceeded to explain that he and his wife grow beautiful roses in their garden in the backyard and asked that once they are in bloom if the couple could bring their baby girls over and have a photo taken with two of the roses, one for each. "this way," he continued, "when they grow up to be beautiful young ladies and see the photo they will know that the crotchety old man who used to live across the street was the man who gave them their first flowers."

This was cute!

2010-01-28T15:07:00.003-05:00

My boyfriend put this picture up on my laptop, so when i got home from work at 1AM and opened it up I couldn stop laughing. I thought I'd share this because I thought it was cute and it made me smile.

I love it!

The Kick Me Sign

2010-01-25T13:49:00.001-05:00

In the 5Th grade my elementary school was the only one in the area that offered french Emersion classes. So children going into the 5Th grade had the option to choose whether they would like to learn some french. One of our rival elementary schools, since it was fairly close and did not offer the same type of program, offered the students there to merge with our school so they could learn french.
I liked the friends i had before the new kids came. and the school definitely did not warn us about them coming to the school. so when i met some of the new girls and boys i hated them right off the hop. one girl, who's name i wont mention, was particularly mean to me. a few months along the way we were working on some art projects and the rest of the class had suddenly discovered the infamous kick me sign, where they would write kick me on a piece of paper and stick it to someones back and giggle until said person would find it.
The girl who's name i said i wouldn't mention was away from class for half of the day. So when she came in i thought that that would be the perfect opportunity to swoop in a get her with my very own kick me sign. so i walked up to her patted her on the back to get the sign good and stuck and said "hey (insert girls name now) its really good to see you again, glad you re back" i ignored the stupid "what are you touching me for" look on her face and left with a goofy looking smirk on mine.
about 5 minutes until the recess bell was supposed to ring, i had almost gotten away with the kick me sign prank. however another girl who had stood up to talk to someone behind the unnameable girl had noticed it and pulled it off her back laughing about how someone got her... and so did my teacher.
As i watched my teacher walk up with a concerned look on her face asking who might have done it i had secretly said a prayer hoping she wouldn't remember. my heart sunk when i saw her eyes expand and her jaw drop as if a light bulb just went on in her head. She dramatically pointed at me and i rolled my eyes thinking "oh great"
i received a stern talking to while the girl sat by looking quite pleased with herself. The teacher kept asking me why i did it so i figured since we had learned about peer pressure recently id blame it on the other kids doing it. i think she felt sorry for me succumbing to it and let me go with a slap on the wrist. Thinking back now i think its kind of funny how hard i tried to hide that i just didn't like some people. i was way too nice and to be completely honest, even though i haven't seen her since she got kicked out of the french program the next year, i still don't like that girl... I wonder if she has face book....

I need a friend...

2010-01-22T13:06:00.002-05:00

I dont have someone realiable i can talk to, go out and have fun with. wake up and have them already waiting at the front door with a coffee in hand. i need that. i need a friend

RE: Brown guy tries to steal jdm front end

2010-01-19T11:30:00.005-05:00

I've been getting alot of comments on this video:

Since I havent really had the time to post an update video I thought some people would like to have a look at the new paint job.

BEFORE (with spray cans):

AFTER (professional paint job):

See he's not really a cheap ass after all...

things that I love entry 2

2010-01-13T02:13:00.007-05:00

what can a shoe tell you about a person at first glance? the way i see it a shoe defines a person's tastes and moods. it shows whether that person strives for style, comfort, class or attention. If they are feeling confident, or don't give a rats ass about what others think. for me...well I'm just a tiny person with a large obsession, like many other women have, for shoes! preferably 4 and 1/2 inches on the heel. i'm not going to lie i kind of like when other people look at the shoes i have and get jealous... it makes me feel kinda happy i make other girls self concious especially growing up the ugly loner weird kid in public school.
below is a picture of about 1/4 of my still growing collection... the rest are all in storage or were out of camera shot. either way i love each and every one and do my best to wear them all provided weather permits and they will not get ruined.

also here's a YouTube video i did in Feb 2009 about my favorite shoes. its a little outdated and i don't look like that anymore nor have i vlogged in a very long time but its kinda fun..ny

things that i love...

2010-01-12T00:24:00.014-05:00

For a change of pace I thought I'd take some time to point out some of the things that I love about my life ...

Below are a couple pictures of my boyfriend and I, we have been together for a year and a half and currently live together. When we met in 2007 I had not even imagined that he and I would ever be where we are today. I'm not going to lie, when we first met I was kind of rude (the first words being said to him "bitch please") and rejected him after he so kindly gave me a ride home while his friend (who's car I was in and had been pulled over) was busy with the police. He asked me for my number but I told him I had a boyfriend and gave him a speech about becoming friends and shook his hand...
his persistence paid off later on after adding me as a friend to facebook and MSN and sending a few messages to each other back and fourth for a while until I inquired about when he would be visiting our mutual friend in residence again. He told me he didn't visit too often because of school and work during the week but he'd come and hang out with me if I wanted to. I said yes and we set the date up for that Friday.
He definitely made an impression, taking me out for coffee and driving to Niagara just to take a walk in his two tone car. Not to mention I was a bit uncomfortable when I noticed in the trunk (because the back seats were removed) were a skill saw and some work boots, so naturally I cracked a joke about not going near any wooded areas and having a rope back there to accompany the two items or else I'd be real nervous... he assured me they were there for work and not because he was a crazy person.
About a year had passed where we went our separate ways keeping in touch once in a while until one day out of the blue he showed up at my part time job with flowers, we had a drink when I finished my shift and a week later (Aug 16 2008)at a drift race in Toronto we decided to start officially dating each other thus becoming a part of the things, or rather, people that I love.

Then...( 2007 in Niagara)

...Now (2010)

This is hard for me to write...

2010-01-04T20:36:00.003-05:00

Have you ever at any point in your life heard a tiny voice inside your head telling you that the end is drawing nearer? And no I'm not referring to that stupid 2012 business nor am I schizophrenic. I'm talking about that feeling, knowing in your gut that very soon you are going to pass away. As morbid as it sounds, when I sit by myself and really think about it that's all I can hear. "Soon", it says. I guess that's why I try to surround myself with people and things that make me happy, to try to drown that voice out.
when I really try to picture it, I don't see much after my 20's either, even though its sometimes touch and go. I wonder sometimes about when I picture things I want to accomplish in my future and the picture looked clear as crystal one day while the next time it does not, if maybe it means Ive jumped off the path I was supposed to take. sometimes I don't see myself growing old, going to my sisters wedding or my own for that matter, seeing my own children, sometimes I feel like I'm going to be gone even before my parents.
each year I find myself with a new obsession, first it was my boyfriend who while we were taking our separate routes for a little while (he with his ex girlfriend and me trying to find myself at 19 years old)...I still woke up every day for a year knowing he was who I wanted to be with and denying it until finally one day he was in fact mine, next it turned into more material obsessions...like my growing collection of footwear...currently I own 22 or more pairs of heels and love and wear every single one provided weather conditions are appropriate, this year so far in 2010 Ive found myself shopping for expensive perfumes. I already purchased a 75$ bottle today even though I know that I cant really afford it. Truthfully I don't really feel all that bad, only because what I really feel is that if I don't do it now, I will never get to again.
I know I shouldn't be feeling this way ever but I cant help but know it is very possible to be here one minute and gone the next. I have tried very hard to block that little voice out but it seems to get louder as each day comes. Its so hard for me to express to friends and loved ones what I'm going through which makes me hope that the one who reads this entry can open their mind and not be quick to judge or label me a crazy person. That maybe the one or two people who decide to take the time to read this will acknowledge the fact that I'm looking for someone to tell me that I'll be ok, or that theres nothing to be afraid of, or even that they feel the same way too. Because aside from this secret I've been keeping for so long, I am generally what one would call a normal person who unfortunately uses the Internet as an outlet for her fears and anxieties.
Underneath it all I still have a small sense of hope though, that I'll be in my late 50's or 60's and be able to read this again, and think that I made it a little further than what I expected and accomplished more in my lifetime than I would have ever been able to imagine or predict for myself. That i survive a little while longer to see the things I fear I'll miss now and be able to make my life a little more worth living. I really do hope for the best out of life, and if I dont get what I hope for, then I want you to know that I can't stand coffins and wish to be creamated. Thanks!

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2009-12-09T13:50:00.003-05:00

no inspiration lately has left me to believe i'm experiencing a bit of what most of us would know as writers block. you'd think it would be all the more easier for one to write about themselves but its not really as simple as some might think. when all you do during the day is sit around in the basement of your significant other's parents house during the day watching episode after episode of desperate housewives, only to come out in the late afternoon, hop into a car and drive 2 minutes from home to go to work in a call center, chat on the phone to vicious customers about their bills and be yelled at for 8 hours of the day only to be done with it at 1 am, crawl into bed with the said significant other whom youve only been able to keep in touch with via text message throughout the day and call it a night. repeat the next day.
my job isnt as bad as i thought it would be when i first began. ive come to realize that my coworkers are fairly easy going, the job itself isnt too bad to begin with. all i have to do is take payments and make payment arrangements for customers who call in. anything other than that i can transfer to someone else and it then becomes their problem, not mine. the pay isnt too bad and im eligible for bonuses but i cant help but hate the hours im working. as mentioned above my mornings are wasted doing nothing and in the evening when all the people i really care to see or be around are coming home from work as i just begin.
fortunately for me i was able to take a leave of absence from work beginning the 14th of dec and have the option to come back in early January if needed so i can spend time with family and friends as needed and finally be able to do my surgery for wisdom teeth removal which the money i earned through going to work for training allowed me to do. im a little afraid of being put to sleep but friends, hygienists, and dentists all assured me its going to be fine, i'll wake up in quite a bit of pain but tylenol 3's will come to my rescue for when that time comes. i can deal with pain, i just hate the thought that someone else has control over putting me to sleep.
2:05 time to get ready for another fun filled day at work aka decent paycheck...i guess i could sneak in another desperate housewives episode as i get ready.

a job is..

2009-11-18T19:43:00.001-05:00

A job is a job is a job is a job as a job is a job is a job
A job is a job is a job is a job as a job is a job is a job...

Day 2

2009-11-18T10:22:00.005-05:00

last night i completed my second day of training. I had decided to let my guard down a bit and to keep my temper at bay when someone asked me a dumb question.
I smiled when people looked my way, helped others around me to the best of my ability and laughed when i heard someone say something funny (or something stupid but I'm sure they'll never know the difference). I also realized that one older woman who insists on pairing up with me when the entire class is in one room is nice and asks me stupid questions because she genuinely doesn't know. This again was a good way to better myself and practice controlling my temper.
on my first break a girl who sat at the computer next to me in the class approached the table that i was, as usual, sitting by myself at and asked if she could join me. Typically I said sure, and since she approached me i didn't see why not.
Ive had this thing about me since i was younger that if someone wants to be my friend or otherwise they'd have to approach me and initiate the conversation. this could be taken as one of a few things, arrogance, stubbornness, shyness or laziness.
Either way we began to talk back and fourth first about what we thought of our "jobs" and then soon found that we had a bit more in common than i thought. She went to my college last year which is probably why she looked familiar and even took a similar program. After we both declared that this job was temporary until we could find something in our respected fields it was time to go back into the training room to complete taking notes on our 70 page module. Blech.
this is kind of weird for me, anyone who knows me knows that i have the worst time making friends especially with members of the female population. I usually pair up with a guy and shoot the shit with them until someone makes a wrongful accusation that we are "together" and things get awkward.
I have a boyfriend, in case anyone was wondering, whom i ended up telling everything to later on in the evening and he even thought it was weird that i was getting along with girls.
After my conversation with that girl i loosened up a bit and became a little more comfortable in my surroundings. later on in class after lunch break i came back to the training room to overhear my new "work friend" talking to a couple ladies, a 30 year old Hungarian who looked 27 and a crusty 45 year old who looked well into her 50's and swore like a trucker. she was telling them about happenings in her country of origin, El Salvador, and a lot of the terrible things going on there and how it is affecting her family. i threw my two cents into the conversation and before i knew it i began shooting the shit with the 30 year old Hungarian chick as well about television shows like Dexter and telling screwed up stories about my hometown. The rest of the night seemed to go by quick after this and before i knew it, it was time to go. i left in a good mood but before i left the building the Hungarian caught up with me, asked me my name, shook my hand and introduced herself as well.
two "work friends" made in one day, all of which are female. im not keeping my hopes up about these relationships because im sure once we get on the floor and perhaps even get split up into different teams, im sure i'll be long forgotten. Also when i mentioned last night to my boyfriend he did warn me not to get too close to anyone there as some people can be... how should i put this nicely... oh right, bitches. We'll see how things go tonight and maybe some of the people who keep eying me down during breaks and look like they want to come talk to me will.

A Quickie

2009-11-17T14:44:00.005-05:00

sort of in continuation of my last entry i just thought id post an update.
Last night i started my new "job". I am now a faceless agent of an American company here to serve you in the accounts receivable department.
How exciting...
I started training yesterday and because i wasn't feeling very social and almost like i cant trust another human being because of what i mentioned in the previous entry, i decided to sit back and "people watch" as some might say.
It was really interesting to see how groups formed so quickly. it was like a sped up version of high school. except only this time people were polite to you if you say for example, accidentally bumped into them. this is mostly i would think because you are in a work environment and can get let go for harassment in the workplace... nonsense like that.
I did notice some people try to talk to me. i don't know if it was because they were nervous and looking to make friends to back them up in a situation or someone to cheat off of in a quick training quiz.. maybe i looked approachable despite how hard i tried to put on my mean "don't come close or I'll scratch your eyes out" face.
in the end I'm not really sure if i came off as a bitch or quiet, or even quite possibly invisible.
now i patiently await for training day number two to begin. we'll see what interesting stories are in store for me tonight. either way as i see things now, i would hardly call this a job.

Some people need to get a life!

2009-11-16T11:06:00.000-05:00

My name is Dora and I'm 21 years old.

Recently I lost my job working retail in a local mall. I knew things weren't working out for maybe two weeks before i was let go but i kept going because i needed the money and it was my only excuse for leaving the house and interacting with other people.
I have decided i wont go into detail about why i was let go however i will tell you that my ex-coworkers are still going on about the situation including my manager, even though its been a week and now things are beginning to be thrown out of proportion.
they are children trapped in the bodies of adults.
i feel like I'm getting picked on by bullies in an elementary school and to top it all off i don't think that i was let go in fairness. what i did was no different than what i was instructed to do during the two months i was employed there.I shouldn't have trusted anyone there even my superior. i also feel that because the rest of the staff were strongly against my working there my manager had decided that this time she was not going to stand up for me or give me the benefit of the doubt.
I enjoyed the work and the location i was working in and didn't mind most customers even though many of them were slightly rude. But recently i could tell by the tone of my managers voice when speaking to me that she had begun to dislike me. to be honest i had begun to dislike them as well.
i'm not good with this kind of situation i'm in. sometimes i cant handle people disliking me or spreading rumors and lies at my expense. i can be a generally happy person but sometimes these kinda things can push me over the happy/sad line and i think that the only real criticism i can handle is if it came from some faceless internet troll.
i have been advised to leave the situation alone, put it behind me and hope that they will forget about me as i should be forgetting about them which i am in fact trying to do. i just dread the thought that my decent looking record of employment becomes tarnished by the bullshit that this store has put me through and will have to go and confront that asshole of a manager i had to deal with and yes i just called her an asshole.
She takes pride in the fact that people call her a bitch. its almost a compliment to her. that's why i wouldn't give her that satisfaction. I never thought she was a bitch anyway. the way i saw her at first was assertive and strong, and didn't take bullshit from anyone. but as time went on i had come to the conclusions mentioned above. she is in her own ways a failure, a liar, a con. she brags about how smart she used to be and contradicts herself with the stupid decisions she made. she tells all sorts of stories..all of which dont fall into any sort of a real time line. on one day she'll be a promising student, valedictorian, and an almost lawyer, and the next a bad ass biker slut. She claims to have leukemia and doesnt like when people treat her differently because of it, then tries to make you feel bad for her.
in truth the reality as i see it is she is an ignorant, lonely manager of a small retail store, a nobody who might have had something going for her when she was younger but has nothing going for her now and nothing better to do than speak ill about people with a more promising future in business, relationships and in general life and tries to bring them down to make themselves feel better. shes trapped and i feel bad for her

Holding on ..to something?

2009-11-12T18:40:00.000-05:00

My name is Dora and I'm 21 years old.

Recently I've noticed that in the months that passed, I'm desperately trying to hold on to my adolescence. and despite the fact that when i typed out that sentence, i pictured myself as i am now but in tight leather pants with a million chains attached to the belt loops and 5 different colors in my hair trying to grab onto a rope that was tied to something that i can only assume was my youth or memories and gripping on for dear life, i still cant help but get worried.
I don't know what it is that is scaring me away from growing up all of a sudden. i mean it looked like so much fun when i was younger and eagerly awaiting my chance to get to where i am now. but now that I'm here its not as wonderful as id hoped it would be. not that wonderful things still don't happen...they just don't happen as often as they used to. there isn't really a whole lot to get excited about anymore.
Its not that I'm afraid of looking older and getting grey hair (although it is OK to assume that i don't look forward to things "going south" if you know what i mean)its that I'm now afraid of taking the wrong path..or perhaps that i have already gone down the wrong path.
"Welcome to the machine" a friend so kindly put things. Ive found myself reconnecting with college friends i have very recently lost touch with. we first reminisce then talk about our present lives and how fantastic and magical they are. for the most part all of them have impressive full time jobs while here i am still chasing after mall retail positions and running off to restaurants when those don't work out to grab a hostessing position because its easy. that and i secretly feel better when finding out that i still have to take one more course in college to get my diploma because that silently means i still don't have to get a job that defines who i am and that i could potentially screw up beyond all repair. the way i see it is if i stick to something in a mall or restaurant and it doesn't work out...well i guess i didn't cause too much damage. my ego may get bruised a little but its not the end of the world.
either way i know that in the end i have to let go and move on and stop being afraid of what might happen. after all in the end we are all the same or should i say, we end up the same at the very least.

Birthday parties

2009-10-30T11:43:00.000-04:00

My name is Dora and I'm 21 years old.

all of my life i had trouble making and keeping friends. i came off as quiet and shy to most so you could imagine how hard it was for me to work up the courage to ask some kid to play. once you got me talking though i would not stop even to take a breath.
my parents work and life made it harder for me to make friends as well. i remember i was enrolled in preschool and one little girl named Sarah told me that i was her best friend. wow, that was easy. unfortunately for our young friendship my parents, who immigrated from Europe at a young age, found it hard to trust people and families they didn't know.
so when the time came that i received an invitation to Sarah's birthday party and was not allowed to go, well lets just say i only realize in hindsight why that decision was made. my mom didn't know her mom or where they lived or how they raise their children, there was a slight language barrier and also she could not get away from her work at a restaurant down town that was run poorly. That was the first birthday i was ever invited to.