Mr Eugenides

Minding the shop

2008-07-18T20:00:00.004+01:00

I am extremely relieved to be leaving the soft Scottish rain behind for a couple of weeks of absolute inactivity in sunny Greece. I may be online before the fortnight is out, but certainly for the next week or ten days posting from me will be somewhere between zero and nil.

However, rather than leave the place unattended for a fortnight, this year I'm breaking with tradition by inviting some guest bloggers to keep the site going while I am kickin' it in the Aegean.

I am very grateful to a trio of fine bloggers for helping me out during my absence. The three have something in common; their own political blogs are all, shall we say, in hibernation or on hiatus, and so their stint here is in some ways a blast from the past. Maybe it will persuade them to take up their keyboards again on a more permanent basis. That really would be something.

Guestblogging while I am away will be:

* Carpsio, once of Dunderheadedness and an occasional contributor to the Devil's Kitchen;

* The mighty Moai, formerly proprietor of the Kalahari Lighthouse and co-blogger at the Daily Mail Tendency;

* and my good friend the Reactionary Snob, who has been persuaded to come out of self-imposed semi-retirement, for this fortnight at least.

Posting may be sporadic or heavy depending on how the spirit takes them. All three have been given entirely free rein, so all the usual caveats about opinions not necessarily reflecting those of the management apply here.

I hope you enjoy their contributions; I shall look forward to reading them in some dusty internet cafe on a Greek island somewhere. See you all in a week or two.

What's the Belgian for chutzpah?

2008-07-18T15:05:00.002+01:00

Extraordinary:

The European Commission is planning to block almost $1bn in funds for Bulgaria as a penalty for failing to tackle corruption and organised crime.

The commission's nine-page report, due to be published next week, is possibly the most scathing ever written by the EU executive about a member state.

It concludes that Bulgaria "has to make the commitment to cleanse its administration and ensure that the generous support it receives from the EU actually reaches its citizens and is not siphoned off by corrupt officials".

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

"Despite the Commission's repeated requests for improvement of the management and control systems, within reasonable deadlines, the Bulgarian authorities... have not fully explained or clarified the situation surrounding the irregularities and have not taken all necessary steps to correct them".

Oh mercy! Stop, you're killing me!

The document alleges there is a political umbrella protecting corruption, saying there are "powerful forces in the Bulgarian government and/or other state institutions" who are not interested in punishing the corruption.

For God's sake, why not try getting your own accounts signed off before lecturing others, you disgusting fucking hypocrites?

Brownonomics

2008-07-18T09:46:00.011+01:00

Fraser Nelson in the Spectator has for some time been warning that, with defeat in the next election looming, Gordon Brown would adopt a "scorched earth" policy - what Polly and her cronies like to refer to "locking in Labour reforms for a generation" but most of the rest of us would call spending money like a drunken sailor on 24-hour shore leave with a raging boner to try and detonate.

Reader, I must confess that I had a little bit of difficulty believing this; surely not even these loathsome fucktrumpets would be quite so egregiously cuntish as to balls up the economy simply in order to screw the incoming Tories. But today, with the news that the Treasury may be about to relax the "golden rule" on borrowing, we have confirmation of the charge.

The Treasury said the news was "pure speculation, based on comments that are over three months old".

Any seasoned observer of this government will immediately recognise this as the signal to unbutton their trousers, grab their ankles and await the searing pain. "Speculation" is, of course, the code that New Labour acolytes adopt when someone has guessed correctly what the government is going to do in advance of the official, carefully stage-managed announcement.

And on the Spectator blog, Fraser nails it:

Brown has realised that if the Tories win the next election he is now spending with Cameron’s Gold Card – every by-election bribe, every union sellout will be funded by borrowing with the bill sent to D. Cameron Esq. Cameron will have to tax us to pay for what Brown is today spending.

Danny Finkelstein said on Newsnight that this will undermine the whole New Labour project. My take is that Brown doesn’t care, not any more. Like a retreating army, he doesn’t want the advancing Cameroons to have any advantage at all. Debt is a boring subject, but it means we’ll all pay more taxes for longer. I have blogged here before about Brown’s existing ballooning debt, and here about how Britain over the last decade ramped up debt while properly-run countries vastly reduced it. This is big, serious and a problem: the consequences will be with us for years.

When times are tough, any sensible person looks at their income and outgoings, and rejigs them until they balance up. The alternative is to run up the credit card bill; utterly painless in the short term but, if you don't have the means to pay it off, utterly ruinous in the longer term. But Brown isn't going to be around in the longer term - let alone the ridiculous Darling, who'll surely be booted out on his arse before the leaves in his beloved Morningside start falling. No, people are, instead, going to look at that nice Mr Osborne and wonder why he's embiggening their taxes when he said he would cut them. More Tory lies, they will say. Maybe we made a mistake.

I think Fraser is right. I think Cyclops doesn't care. Fuck "prudence" and fuck "the right long-term decisions"; the essence of Brownonomics is that if at first you don't succeed, announce an extra £4 billion for it in the next Budget, and the next, and the next, until the numbers you are bandying about are too big for any sane person to grasp, and any unfriendly journalists who might have queried the wisdom of your decisions have all fucked off to the pub. And when, inevitably, the Tories are stuck with the bill for all this borrowing, Broon will sit in his retirement dacha in Fife smiling, because he'll have fucked them and anything they had hoped to do with their term in government. Shame he'll have fucked the rest of us, too.

Dave Cameron: The Angel of Darkness

2008-07-17T08:59:00.006+01:00

This is, indeed, a small but telling sign of the way the political wind is blowing:

As he prepares to head off on a family summer holiday in Cornwall at the end of the month, a relaxed and bubbling Cameron is confident he has made such progress it is now time to liken himself to Lara Croft, the video-game hero. "There is an element to politics that is a bit like Tomb Raider," he told the Guardian yesterday in his Westminster office overlooking the Thames, as he explained his central aim since his election as leader in 2005 - to decontaminate the polluted Tory brand.

"Until you have cleared level one, which I have incidentally never done, you cannot get on to level two. Level one is: are you a reasonable, decent, non-discriminating, sensible, practical person who understands the world as it is lived today, who wants to live in a modern world and who accepts what that means? If so, then you can move on to level two, where you can talk about some of the difficult issues about families and about responsibilities which can lead to trouble."

We all saw what happened when Gordon Brown compared himself with Heathcliff - actually, to be strictly fair, when a gushing interviewer noted that he had been compared with Heathcliff, and Brown agreed - and the contrast with Cameron could not be more telling. The rest of the press have, by and large, ignored this interview, and yet it is, by any measure, an utterly ludicrous comparison; after all, Lara Croft is a pampered aristocrat who grew bored of the wealth and luxury in which she had been born, and instead dedicated her life to the pursuit of adventure and battling fearsome monst- [that's enough Lara Croft comparisons - Ed.]

PS: Anyone want to send me a mockup of Dave as Lara Croft? There's an image you won't shake quickly...

UPDATE: Thanks to the Nameless One for alerting me to the Steve Bell cartoon today, which is not bad - but I'm sure you can do better, people...

MPs expenses, again

2008-07-16T09:50:00.003+01:00

Well, on the face of it at least, there's little doubt which of the two main parties has the better proposals to clean up the Augean stable of Westminster allowances:

The Tories will bring the issue before Parliament again by using an Opposition Day debate to consider MPs' expenses.

They would abolish almost every item than can currently be claimed on their £24,000 a year additional costs allowance, allowing MPs to meet only mortgage payments, council tax and utility bills from the public purse.

Labour has responded by tabling their own amendment. They would still allow MPs to furnish their second homes, but would use the independent National Audit Office as a measure of reasonable expenditure, rather than the John Lewis list.

A very New Labour solution, this; farm it out to a friendly "independent" quango so that next year, when expenses claims are up yet again, you can claim that it's nowt to do with you. Given the track record of the head of the NAO, Sir John Bourn (see Private Eyes passim), though, one can have little confidence that this body is in any position to scrutinise MP's expenses:

The total travel bill for him, his secretary and, on 22 occasions, his wife, is more than £365,000 for the past three years. Over the same period he has run up a meal account approaching £27,000.

Details of the disclosures include:

· 175 lunches and dinners since 2004 with permanent secretaries, directors of big accounting companies and defence contractors at the Ritz, Savoy, Dorchester, Brown's Hotel, the Goring Hotel, Cipriani, Bibendum, Wiltons, Mirabelle and The Square. The bills, nearly all for two people, vary from £80 to £301. Many of the bills came to between £150 and £220. One bill for four people - two from the NAO - at Wiltons was £500. In the past six months, he has spent £1,651.56 on meals.

· Entertaining by large defence contractors and accounting firms included a visit to the British Grand Prix at Silverstone on July 8, paid for BAE Systems, the company caught in a corruption investigation over a Tanzanian defence order. Sir John has refused to release an NAO document on BAE's biggest and most controversial defence order, the Al Yamamah defence deal with Saudi Arabia.

· Sir John went for a dinner at the Savoy hosted by the Society of British Aerospace Companies on September 6; attended a polo match on July 29 funded by IT contractor EDS, which has multimillion-pound government contracts; visited the opera at Garsington on July 4 paid for by GSL, a company promoting public finance initiatives, scrutinised by the NAO; attended a reception and opera recital at Middle Temple Hall with Lady Bourn on June 6, paid for by Reliance Security Group, which has PFI contracts with local government and the police.

· Sir John and Lady Bourn took foreign trips with first class air travel to San Francisco, Venice, Lisbon, Brazil, South Africa, the Bahamas and Budapest. Their air fares and taxi fares ranged from £15,997 to Brazil and £14,518 to South Africa, to £2,238 to Budapest and £1,718 to Venice.

Lady Bourn did not accompany him on his latest trips, to Moldova on September 28 and to Khazakstan. The air fares were £1,117.50 and £2,107.20 respectively. Over the past six months, Sir John has spent £16,998 of taxpayers' money on mainly first class travel for himself and his wife.

Nice if you can fucking get it. Let's be frank; they are all at it. Never mind the outdated metaphor of the "gravy train": these cunts are sitting on a yacht bobbing on a wine-dark sea of Bisto, sipping bubbly from John Lewis champagne flutes for which you have paid; and if you pick up those binoculars, you'll see their diary secretaries (who are also their wives and girlfriends) waving semaphore flags at you. Now, I'm a bit rusty at this, but I think I can make the message out: F-U-C-K Y-O-U S-U-C-K-E-... oh.

The only way to ensure that MPs do not make us pay for their lavish lifestyles is not some Byzantine system of superficial oversight, or having some quango drawing up its own list of what is an acceptable nick-nack to charge to Joe Public and what is not. Abolish the entire fucking list and make them pay for their own lampshades. I'm already funding their property portfolio; I'm damned if I'm going to pave their patios as well.

A pathetic defence

2008-07-15T16:27:00.005+01:00

Some [limited] good news from the courts today:

Ex-Gurkhas who claim they have been racially discriminated against by the UK government have won the right to stage a High Court challenge.

More than 2,000 Gurkhas who retired before 1 July 1997 have been refused permission to settle in Britain. The men, who say the policy is unfair, were given permission to apply for judicial review by Mr Justice Sullivan. [...]

The Gurkhas' legal team said that foreign soldiers would normally be eligible to settle in the UK after completing four years' service anywhere in the world.

But Gurkhas who retired before the British Army moved its main base for the regiment from Hong Kong to the UK in July 1997 "continue to be denied the opportunity to obtain settlement on the same basis as foreign soldiers discharged in the same period", their lawyers argued.

Quite why the government seem to determined to act like cunts towards these people is anyone's guess; given that 5000 Britons retire every week in this country, it seems a bit niggardly to refuse the same right to the Gurkhas. But when you consider that a useless prick like John Prescott is on a £60,000 index-linked pension for his decade of "service" to the nation, or that the government were happy to spunk £2.7 billion on the Crewe and Nantwich by-election, it is little short of obscene that they are cavilling at the cost of letting men who have risked their lives for this country enjoy a dignified old age here - men who have risked their lives for us, that is, rather than eating, drinking, holidaying, furnishing their houses and fucking their secretaries at our expense.

The Home Office will fight these people tooth and nail. Let us hope the High Court throws their defence out.

2008-07-14T13:15:00.005+01:00

Sombre news:

An Australian woman - reputed to be the world's oldest internet blogger - has died at the age of 108, officials say.

Olive Riley had posted more than 70 entries about her life since she began her blog in February 2007. She shared her thoughts on modern life and experiences of living through the entire 20th Century, including two world wars and the Great Depression.

With her passing, the world's oldest blogger now lives in Portugal.

Some cracking Holyrood chat

2008-07-14T11:48:00.003+01:00

A few days behind the times, I wholeheartedly recommend that you head over to the splendid "Crap Holyrood Chat" blog - which is always worth a visit - for this superb counterexample; a cracking speech given by Mike Russell MSP, the SNP's Environment Minister.

I would normally give a minister pelters for displaying such brazen contempt for the parliamentary process, but given that the object of his disdain on this occasion is Robert Brown, a Lib Dem MSP so hypnotically, apocalyptically dull that he makes Alistair Darling look like a speed-addled cross between Lee Evans and Liberace, I instead applaud him without reservation.

The Minister for Environment (Michael Russell): I find myself in some difficulty, because the opening sentences of my speaking notes say:

"This has been a very valuable and useful debate. I welcome the contributions and views that have been expressed".
I publicly dissociate myself from that opinion. This has not been a "valuable and useful debate." It is of some significance that not one member has declared an interest - because there has been no interest in the debate. Outside the chamber, there will be no interest in the debate. By insisting on holding this debate, Robert Brown has succeeded in wasting everybody's time. Labour members have been very cute - they knew that first of all.

Robert Brown rose—

Michael Russell: No, Mr Brown, do not waste any more of my time. My keynote for this summing-up speech is just to get through it.

At the start of the debate, only three out of 16 Lib Dem members were present. They were not going to have Mr Brown wasting their time. Mr Chisholm did worse - only six out of 41 Labour members were in the chamber for the start of the debate. Even Mr Fraser managed just three out of 16. Those absent members knew that this afternoon's debate was pointless. It was a pointless occasion, and it was one of those occasions that do the Parliament no good whatever. Let us be ruthlessly honest about it: this was political theatre for those who are paid to be here. The debate had no other meaning.

David Whitton: Will the minister give way?

Michael Russell: No, I will not give way. My intention is just to get through this. I just want to get through it and go home. Just understand that, all right? [Interruption.]

The Deputy Presiding Officer: Order.

Mr McAveety: On a point of order, Presiding Officer. Is it appropriate for a minister, in responding to a debate, to say that he is here only "to get through it"?

Michael Russell: Yup.

The Deputy Presiding Officer: That is for the chamber to judge.

Michael Russell: It is appropriate for ministers to tell the truth, which is what I intend to do...

Do go and enjoy the whole transcript.

Best. Trivia. Ever.

2008-07-14T07:30:00.000+01:00

The nine most terrifying words in the English language:
"You're playing left back, son, and you're marking Ronaldo."

Cristiano Ronaldo is named after Ronald Reagan.

Don't you dare pretend you knew that.

(h/t to the ASI)

"Look upon our gurgitators, ye Mighty, and despair"

2008-07-14T07:08:00.002+01:00

I am indebted to the mighty Andrew Sullivan for pointing me in the direction of this: a brilliant, brilliant article from 2006 exploring the world of "America's fastest-growing sport" - competitive eating.

In fifteen minutes the championship will be decided. It’s an eating contest. Whoever eats the most grilled-cheese sandwiches in ten minutes wins $3,500. The prize pot has attracted some of the world’s top competitors - people who eat under the banner of the International Federation of Competitive Eating, or IFOCE. They consider themselves professional athletes.

Guys like Eric "Badlands" Booker, a 420-pound subway conductor, rapper, and world champion in the doughnut, corned-beef-hash, and cheesecake disciplines. "Hungry" Charles Hardy, who just half an hour ago had his right biceps tattooed with the initials IFOCE. Ed "Cookie" Jarvis, a Long Island real-estate agent who embroiders his numerous eating titles onto a gargantuan flowing robe with his portrait airbrushed on the front, flanked by a lighting bolt. Rich and Carlene LeFevre, the First Couple of competitive eating - a pair of sweetly manic retirees from the outskirts of Las Vegas. Carlene is a consistent top-five finisher, and Rich, nicknamed the Locust, holds records in Spam (six pounds in twelve minutes), chili (one and a half gallons in ten minutes), and corny dogs (eighteen and a half in ten minutes).

America’s greatest eater is also here. Sonya Thomas. Five foot five, 103 pounds. She calls herself the Black Widow, because she gleefully devours the males. Her eating titles are so numerous that promoters list them alphabetically...

I laughed so much my sides hurt. It's a long feature, but do read the whole thing when you have the chance.

Glaciers benefit from global warming

2008-07-14T06:30:00.003+01:00

Disturbing news from northern California:

The glaciers on Mount Shasta in California are growing because of global warming, experts say.

"When people look at glaciers around the world, the majority of them are shrinking," said Slawek Tulaczyk, a University of California, Santa Cruz, professor who studied the glaciers.

But the seven glaciers on Shasta, part of the Cascade mountains in northern California, "seem to be benefiting from the warming ocean," he said.

As the ocean warms, more moisture evaporates. As moisture moves inland, it falls as snow — enough on Shasta to more than offset a 1 C temperature rise in the past century.

Global warming... is there anything it can't do?

(h/t: Tim Blair)

Say it ain't so, Lembit!

2008-07-13T14:19:00.001+01:00

Who now will touch his bum?

Poll gives SNP 4% lead

2008-07-11T12:49:00.008+01:00

This is just bad journalism:

Blow for Labour as poll gives SNP four-point lead in Glasgow East byelection

Er, no it doesn't. A marginally more accurate headline would be

Blow for Labour in Glasgow East byelection as poll gives SNP four-point lead

as the poll is a national (Scotland-wide) YouGov/Daily Telegraph poll, not a poll in Glasgow East. Don't these people have editors?

On the other hand, I totally believe this:

Downing Street was embroiled in a row with the Department of Health last night after a "flagship" government bill to push back the boundaries of science - by allowing research using animal-human hybrid embryos - was suddenly withdrawn from the Commons next week.

Health ministers were said to be stunned when No 10 decided that the final Commons stage of the human fertilisation and embryology bill - its third reading on Monday - would be delayed until the autumn.

The Tories said the bill had been delayed because the government feared a confrontation with Catholic Labour MPs less than two weeks before the byelection in Glasgow East, which has a high Catholic population. David Mundell, the shadow Scottish secretary, said: "This legislation will be contentious with key voter groups in Glasgow and it is clear they are worried about the effect of a vote next week."

Yeah, I can buy that; Gordon Brown is not one to back away from a fight when he can run away instead. Or, look at it another way: is there anyone out there who thinks Labour wouldn't do this? If so, I salute your credulity...

UPDATE: Thanks to commenter Angry of SE1 for pointing me in the direction of Fraser Nelson's latest article on Glasgow East at the Coffee House. Thoroughly recommended.

Antisemite sues for defamation

2008-07-11T10:05:00.004+01:00

It was remiss of me not to mention this yesterday, but you should head over to Harry's Place for an account of why they are being sued by a representative of "Hamas UK".

Mohammed Sawalha is President of the British Muslim Initiative and a senior fundraiser for Hamas activities in Britain who objected to a post on HP in which they noted his use of the phrase "Evil Jew" in a speech delivered to Al-Jazeera, before an eagle-eyed editor changed the phrase to "Jewish lobby". HP backed this claim with screenshots and additional supporting evidence. The British Muslim Initiative are peeved that anyone would think they would use a phrase like "evil Jew" (perish the thought!) and, having not had the retraction and apology they were demanding, are now suing.

To quote DavidT:

Mr Sawalha is a man who prefers to conduct political debate by means of litigation. He hopes to bully those who oppose his vicious theocratic politics with threats of writs. I suppose that I should be relieved. Hamas’ usual technique is to murder those with whom it disagrees.

This is a matter of verifiable fact. Some may think that it takes remarkable chutzpah for a Hamas fellow-traveller to get upset over being called an antisemite, though I suspect Mr Sawalha might not use that word himself. The fact that government ministers are sharing a platform with these people - as you'll discover over at HP - is extraordinary. (UPDATE: The minister in question has now pulled out of tonight's event.)

Harry's Place is my cup of tea, but I accept that it may not be everyone else's. Once again, though, we find ourselves in a position when bloggers are being threatened with a big stick for pursuing stories that - so far, at least - the mainstream media haven't picked up on. So once again, I'd suggest, we should make a noise about it.

More detail can, as ever, be found at the Ministry of Truth.

Wuthering shite

2008-07-10T12:46:00.002+01:00

Risible, of course, but also curious:

In a New Statesman interview the PM was told: "Some women say you remind them of Heathcliff." He replied: "Maybe an older Heathcliff, a wiser Heathcliff."

Don't see it myself...

Heathcliff has some similarities to the popular comic strip Garfield, which it predated. Both title cats are noted for their bad temper; a "Beware of Cat" sign has been applied to both. However, the major difference between them is in their lifestyle. While Garfield prefers to stay at home, eat and sleep all day, Heathcliff is street-smart and has a more active and mischievous lifestyle.

Heathcliff as seen in the strip is predisposed to annoying the manager of the fish store, tipping over garbage cans, annoying the milkman, and pursuing female cats. He is, overall, an adventurous and fun-loving cartoon character.

"Mischievous"? "Adventurous and fun-loving"? No, this is not an apt comparison at all.

As for the line about "pursuing female cats", perhaps the less said the better...

Lies

2008-07-10T08:05:00.006+01:00

Gordon Brown, 4th June:

"If you look in detail at this proposal, the majority of drivers will benefit."

BBC, today:

An estimated nine million motorists will have to pay more road tax under reforms aimed at punishing gas-guzzling vehicles, the government has admitted.

Official estimates say vehicle excise duty will rise for 44% of vehicles made since 2001 - by up to £245 for the most polluting ones - but will fall for 33%. [...]

But ministers insist the aim is to cut pollution, not raise revenue. [...]

It is calculated that the Exchequer will receive more than £1bn in additional revenue from the scheme by 2011.

You mean... you mean they lied to us? That they - [sob] - that they told us deliberate untruths? I think my world view might not survive this shattering blow... but hark! What's this in the Herald?

Margaret Curran, Labour's candidate in the Glasgow East by-election, was yesterday forced to clarify a claim she had lived in the east end "all my life" after it emerged she has lived in an affluent part of the south side of the city for the past 20 years.

The Glasgow Baillieston MSP angrily denied allegations that she had misled voters, although an aide later conceded she may have made a "slip of the tongue".

During her first public outing as an official candidate in Shettleston on Tuesday, Ms Curran said: "I have worked in the east end all my life. I have lived in the east end all my life."

However, she claimed that this meant she had "either" lived or worked in the east end.

The first example is an important lie, because it will leave millions of people worse off - again - at a time when many are struggling to pay bills. The second, by contrast, is a piddling, childish little falsehood. But they are both symptomatic of a wider malaise; the belief that they can simply tell us anything and get away with it.

When will people cotton on to the fact that these people are liars? That untruth is the default position?

SNP candidate: take down those England flags

2008-07-09T08:35:00.005+01:00

Even though I'd like Labour to take a richly-deserved beating in Glasgow East (though I repeat that I do not see that happening), that's no excuse for the sort of stupidity that saw SNP candidate John Mason attack Labour's Margaret Curran for planning to combine the MP's role with her MSP job - stupid and hypocritical, given that's exactly what his own leader is doing.

But one step further down the ladder from stupidity is bigotry. So let's step into the time machine and go back to the heady days of 2006, when men were men, Hillary was frontrunner, and England qualified for major footballing tournaments...

A Scottish school was condemned today for flying too many England flags in a World Cup display.

Hillhead High in Glasgow was "unwise" to use a large majority of England flags in a corridor decoration, according to senior Scottish National Party councillor John Mason.

Mr Mason took the step of writing to the headteacher, arguing he should balance up the display and also accusing him of making a political statement.

The councillor said: "I received a complaint from someone at the school who had objected to the number of England flags.

"From what I understand it was almost exclusively England, and I think it was ill advised to attach the World Cup to England in that way.

"The headteacher tried to draw a comparison with St Andrew's Day and Chinese New Year.

"But the World Cup is an international event and I would expect the school to dig out 32 flags."

Mr Mason said he considered the matter a serious issue.

He said: "I feel that's making a political statement. I would have thought the school should be taking a neutral view.

"I think it was very unwise of the school." [source]

I think it was unwise of Mason, because it makes him out to be a copper-plated bigot and a moron. It may not lose him too many votes in Glasgow East, let's face it (his surname has probably done for him already, anyway); but I am bemused, to put it mildly, that this is the sort of chip-on-shoulder, shortbread-tin nationialism that Eck wants to promote after a successful year in government.

If this hasn't come up in the campaign yet, I think it should, and I would be interested to hear Mr Mason defend his ludicrous and petty anti-English spite on a national stage.

"Do they want a full time representative or a part-timer?"

2008-07-08T13:50:00.007+01:00

Since I've been slagging Scottish Labour for their uselessness and hypocrisy for the last few days (not least for deleting press releases from their website), let's redress the imbalance with a visit to the SNP website (yes, I know, but bear with me).

John Mason today challenged Labour’s candidate for the Glasgow East by-election to commit to being a full time MP for the area.

The SNP candidate was speaking as today announced he would resign from Glasgow City Council if elected to Westminster on 24th July.

“I am committed to this constituency and to being a full time MP for Glasgow East," he said.

“As the SNP candidate in this by-election I have said clearly to people on the doorsteps that if they give me the honour of representing them in Westminster I will resign as a councillor on the 25th of July.

“That is my commitment to the East End.

“It has been a huge honour to serve as a councillor for the East End but I know that people in the Glasgow East deserve a full time MP who will provide a strong voice in London for this constituency.

“Margaret Curran needs to decide – does she want to be an MP for Glasgow East or an MSP. Before anyone even considers voting Labour they should ask very carefully, do they want a full time representative arguing for lower fuel and energy costs or a part-timer sitting quietly on Gordon Brown’s backbenches."

Er, John...?

Photo of the day

2008-07-08T13:10:00.004+01:00

Via Samizdata, this is Beijing's all-new, Segway-riding anti-terrorist police at a recent photocall.

Even allowing for everything we know about the unsavoury armed wings of the Chinese regime, and their undoubted readiness to shoot you down like a dog in the street as soon as look at you, you have to agree that they still look just a teensy bit stupid.

Racism in toddlers, again

2008-07-08T11:22:00.005+01:00

This is by turns depressing and horrifying:

Nursery staff must be alert for racist remarks among toddlers, a government-sponsored agency report has said. [...]

The 336-page guide said staff should investigate the reasons behind apparent racial prejudice.

It said: "A child may react negatively to a culinary tradition other than their own by saying, 'Yuck!"'.

That may indicate a lack of familiarity with that particular food, or "more seriously a reaction to a food associated with people from a particular ethnic or cultural community".

Words almost fail you, don't they? What complete duck-brained mupptards we are ruled by. Have these "experts" ever tried to feed a fucking toddler? With some kids, it's like trying to split the atom; we all know there are certain foods that certain children just won't put in their mouths, despite our best efforts. How heartening, then, to know that the eating habits of our offspring are, from the very earliest age, carefully being scrutinised for signs of latent racism.

One wonders where this might end. Perhaps a grimace at the sight of yet another spoonful of stewed apples might be interpreted as betokening a foul prejudice against West Country folk, say; maybe your little nipper's aversion to deep-fried food marks him out as an anti-Scottish xenophobe. That's going to fuck their healthy eating campaign, isn't it?

Anyway, parent, the lesson here is simple; even if your child reacts badly to a certain foodgroup, don't take the risk. Next time you sit down to an Indian takeaway in front of The Bill, make sure you include the whole family - and don't take any shit from your toddler about how his king prawn vindaloo is "yucky", because one day, six months from now, your name's going to be on a fucking database with a red flag next to it.

God, I hate these people so much.

(The government, that is, not Indians.)

2008-07-07T16:18:00.001+01:00

Dear God.

Roundups

2008-07-07T11:16:00.001+01:00

Scottish: British.

Waste not, want not

2008-07-07T08:51:00.005+01:00

You almost have to admire the brazenness of the man:

Britons must stop wasting food in an effort to help combat rising living costs, Gordon Brown has said as he travelled to the G8 summit in Japan.

The PM said "unnecessary" purchases were contributing to price rises, and urged people to plan meals in advance and store food properly. [...]

"If we are to get food prices down, we must also do more to deal with unnecessary demand such as by all of us doing more to cut our food waste which is costing the average household in Britain about £8 per week."

How much does government waste costs the average household every week? I'll bet you it's a lot more than £8, that's for certain. How much did the abolition of the 10p tax band cost an average family every week? Why don't you cut the taxes of the average family by £8 a week to try and help them? Hello? Are you even listening?

How fortunate we are to be living in the Age of Change, with prosperity greater than at any time in our history, thanks to the ten year rule of the Iron Chancellor.

[Posters from Home Sweet Home Front, which is well worth a visit]

Glasgow East: Supergran to the rescue

2008-07-07T08:19:00.005+01:00

Well, there's certainly panic in the air. Last week I was sounding off about the possibility of the awful Margaret Curran becoming Scottish Labour leader; she was "taking soundings" among the grassroots in preparation for a leadership bid. Not any more. Instead, she's been parachuted into Glasgow East in a desperate attempt to ensure that the seat stays red, and thereby save Gordon's job.

Labour's by-election has, so far, been farcical. The frontrunner, George Ryan, got cold feet after learning that the papers were going to reopen old claims of housing benefit fraud, and failed to show up to the selection meeting. I would have thought that in a truly democratic party the meeting would simply have selected the best of the candidates who did front up, but this is Glasgow Labour; they simply cancelled the meeting and went home, and by Saturday our Mags was the preferred choice - despite being barred by Labour rules from standing as an MP while a member of another Parliament. Needs must, and these are desperate times.

I'm not too sad about that; yes, I would have liked la Curran to lead Scottish Labour to electoral limbo, but sending her to Westminster at least gets her off my fucking TV screen. Given the inchoate fury she arouses every time I hear her screeching, nasal whine on Newsnight, the spiralling blood pressure at the very sight of her Gorgon's face, my general wellbeing will be much improved for her leaving the cut and thrust of Holyrood for a seat on the Government backbenches. I wouldn't be surprised if she secures a minor bag-carrying job at the next reshuffle; not through merit, clearly (ha!), but because, one imagines, the PM will have dangled some inducement in front of her to help him out of a hole.

This is all about Labour and the SNP. The Tories and Lib Dems are nowhere in Glasgow East, despite both fielding able candidates. Predictions are a mug's game, so I repeat mine; the SNP will not win this seat. I simply don't believe they can. Even if the RAF sent a bomber with a Labour rosette painted on its tailfin to level Celtic Park with a carpet of cluster bombs, each one festooned with a Union flag, these bastards would still win (though they would at least have my vote).

It may not be comfortable but Gordon Brown will not wake up to an SNP win the following morning, despite what the wise heads at Political Betting may be saying. That said, it would be hilarious if I was wrong, and certainly the Nats will be throwing everything they have at this seat. With a capacious tumbler of malt at my side, I will be watching, and if I have to eat humble pie the next day, you can rest assured I'll be doing it with a grin on my face the width of the M8.

UPDATE: A propos of la Curran standing for Westminster despite being a sitting MSP, a spotters' badge goes to Richard Thomson for noticing that all those press releases slating Alec Salmond for serving in two parliaments have now mysteriously disappeared from the Scottish Labour website...

Quote of the day

2008-07-04T14:39:00.002+01:00

"Approaching [Christopher] Hitchens' prose is like walking into a closet where he has been farting for a week."

[via]