Musings

...emergency brake

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 30 Mar 2025 19:49:00 +0000

Start, stop. Repeat. Again. That's how I'm feeling about my blog, but I'm at it again. I need a place to brain dump. I was using Facebook for that but I just deactivated my account. I'm tired of people using social media and texting to avoid contact. That voice connection can make all the difference.

Thankfully, this Saturday morning I had breakfast with a friend. We chose to meet at La Madeleine and have breakfast at 9am and then went our ways. She said she wants to do it again in a couple weeks. I'd love that, but we've been trying for a once a month and we are lucky to do once a quarter. Friendships need more priority in our lives. Relationships period. With people, not apps or phones.

If it hadn't been for Saturday breakfast, I wouldn't have spoken with anyone this weekend - and I had a three day weekend, Friday through Sunday. Used my voice for a whopping 1.5 hours, poor Linda!

I've put the brakes on SM. Yes I still have IG but I've only ever posted there because at one point I did connect my FB and IG. But really don't look at it even. The app connection had made me feel even more lonely - I want phones and people back in my life, been my obsession all weekend. Anyway, this will be my dumping ground. I want to save some pics, thoughts, memories. I loved that part of FB, the walk down memory lane. Creating here.

Just for cuteness sake, love this pic.

...reverting...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 28 Mar 2025 16:41:00 +0000

I used to freely admit I didn't like the phone and preferred texting. You know that saying....be careful what you wish for, right? Well, I'm taking back those words. Yes, the phone can put me outside my comfort zone for some reason. BUT....as I'm aging, I am resenting the disconnectedness of text and social media conversations.

Don't get me wrong, I think technology can be absolutely phenomenal, but I'm hitting the "back in the good ole days" period of my life. I want simple, direct, meaningful. I miss the conversations that are complete and not ignored or only a portion addressed. The time lapse between sides of the discussion/convo can be enormous. I want connection, discussion, resolution. I want the warmth of someone's voice and the feelings it evokes in me. I want hard conversations. I want to make myself and potentially the person I'm talking to uncomfortable with what I say because of the emotion, caring, and love that is in my words. That is something people are starting to forget, I fear.

It really hit home yesterday, which was my 64th birthday. I did not speak to one person. Every birthday wish was words on a screen - Facebook, Messenger, Text. It broke my heart that not one person could bother to pick up the phone and make that extra effort - and that I have done just this in the past, not realizing the personal connection I was rejecting.

I know an incoming phone call can be at an inconvenient time, or not something you want to deal with, but too bad. I'm going to be THAT person who calls you at THE most inopportune time and, if nothing else, tells you that I wanted a vocal connection to tell you the reason I'm calling. That connecting with you on a vocal level is more important to me than words on a screen. I love you.

.....dog gone it.....

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 07 Sep 2020 05:37:00 +0000

13.5 years this boy brought joy into my life. Helping him to the rainbow bridge last Monday was hard, but his quality of life had tipped toward the pain and “let me go” side. I held him as he left and he will be in my heart always. I still hear a noise and think he’s knocking to come in, or it will be time to feed him, and I have to stop myself from heading to the kitchen. My life is incredibly quiet, didn’t realize what a big space he had in it. I’ll always love you my sweet boy.

Cowboy

February 23, 2007 - August 31, 2020

American Staghound Extraordinaire, one of the Fab Five

Homemade incense.....yeah, it's a thing!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 26 Dec 2018 20:57:00 +0000

I have some amazing incense, purchased from a website where things are hand made and fresh. I also have some incense from the store....some from Walmart, some from Planet K, some from a metaphysical store in Sedona, some from Amazon.

There is a HUUUUGE difference between the incense I purchased from the website where the woman hand makes things and all the other sources. Huge. Did I mention how vast the difference is? The scent is true, not headache inducing overpowering like I've run into from other sources. Well worth the cost and yes, I know it's "handmade" but never stopped to ponder that handmade meant that me, with my aromatherapy background and love, could make it myself.

Until today, that is. I take classes through Aromahead Institute and am working on my Aromatherapy Specialist designation. I read the Aromahead Blog as well as the Aromatics International Blog (one of my absolute favorite oil suppliers as they have extremely complete info on their site). Guess what? I found a great post from Aromahead that explains how to make your own incense sticks. It details out why many of the mass produced blank incense sticks are NOT good due to ingredients in them. The resource for Thai Punk Sticks she recommends is from Scents of the Earth.

I know this hand made incense won't be as inexpensive as what I'd been purchasing in stores, but that's not my end goal. I look to have more natural ingredients about me, things that do me and my psyche good, are good for my world. In pursuing this, I have less and better quality and truly enjoy it more.

It's not for everyone, making your own incense, but I wanted to share. I haven't tried it yet as I've just ordered my punk, but I'm moving my little used olive dish into my "laboratory" or studio as I prefer to call it, and am anxiously awaiting to make my own!

If you try it out, please let me know what you think.....dobré zdraví.

...let the cleaning begin!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 24 Mar 2018 19:46:00 +0000

I'm all about natural, thus my push to get chemicals out of my life. Fabrics? COTTON!!! Well, I'll take linen as well but 100 percent cotton is my hands down favorite. I know it wrinkles, but the most important thing to me is that it breathes!

I have a tendency to be warm so clothing and bedding must be 100 percent cotton. Sometimes, like in pillows, I do have to give in a bit. I found pillows that are cotton shells and interior are hypoallergenic and washable. Guess what was washed today?

If you haven't washed your pillows lately, please do. They get filled with dust mites, oils and moisture from our faces and goddess only knows what else. So today.....pillow cases off, as well as pillow protectors (you do have pillow protectors between your pillows and pillow cases, don't you? Or am I simply a bit more germophobe/clean freak than most? Me and Sheldon....).

Unfortunately, I saw some yellowish stains on my pillows. Sweat, saliva, I don't really want to know but it creeped me out. And I wash my pillows every three months or so. Pillow cases every week, protectors not as often as the cases. Ugh. HOT water into the machine, two pillows to keep the load balanced and Seventh Generation detergent. Then a cap of Thieves Concentrate from Young Living. Moved my pillows into the dryer and tossed in my wool dryer balls (see older post) that I had put lavender on and push that dryer button. About 30 minutes later, I HAVE THE FLUFFIEST, CLEANEST, MOST WONDERFUL SMELLING PILLOWS!!! Those dryer balls do wonders - smashing around inside the dryer, putting pockets of air between items allowing them to dry faster and fluffing up those pillows!

Did you catch all that natural stuff? Yes I used laundry "detergent" but it was Seventh Generation at least. Haven't gotten to making my own yet. No more dryer sheets in my house, simply oversized wool dryer balls with essential oils on them (added about 15 minutes before being tossed into the dryer, the oil that is....so oil spots don't get on your items).

Well, spring has already sprung and the spring cleaning has started. Are you joining me? If you have any specific questions on cleaning without chemicals, email or message me and I'll be happy to guide you!

...removing chemicals from my laundry life

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 18 Mar 2018 01:49:00 +0000

I'm on a major quest to remove as many chemicals from my life as possible. Yes, it's a current trend. Yes it's better for your health and environment. However, I have another motivator. My husband has "beat" cancer that was brought on by early and prolonged exposure to chemicals.

At a young age (10ish) he was exposed to strong pesticides as he sprayed crops, as well as when the crop dusters would spray the fields directly behind his home, lifting up only as they started passing his home. He had these awful chemicals eating away in him and at a young age (42) was forced to retire when his body could no longer function as it should and he battled Hairy Cell Leukemia. He's beaten the demon and continues to work on his health despite roughly 16 surgeries, many related to cancer and chemicals destroying his body.

I truly believe that chemicals, plastics, convenience foods.....all play a part in our health and possibly had more detrimental effects than we had expected. As a result, I'm on a mission to de-chemical our home asap.

One of the first and easiest steps is the dryer. Dryer sheets are a new phenomenon that we honestly can easily eliminate. Wool is a natural material, not man-made like dryer sheets, created of "fake" materials. Ever seen a wool dryer ball? Similar in looks to an oversized tennis ball with some good heft to them. Dryer balls help your laundry dry faster by bumping around between your items inside the dryer and creating space that the hot air can get in. Static isn't entirely eliminated but that's a compromise I can tolerate. Oh! Almost forgot the other great thing about dryer balls...softness! As they bounce around among your clothing, they soften that sometimes stiff feeling left in towels and jeans. And yes, they will get "pills" but that doesn't deter from their effectiveness or long life (years potentially).

One thing I love to do is add essential oils to the dryer balls....I'm all about scent. You don't want to put the oils on as you toss the balls into the dryer with your clothing - you could get oil spots on your items and that is a drag. Instead, as you start your laundry and are loading items into the washer, put 3-4 drops of essential oil onto each dryer ball. By the time you toss your wash into the dryer, the oils have soaked in and you will not be chancing oil stains. Instead, the scent will be released slowly throughout the laundry tumbling.

My absolute favorite scent to add is lavender. My kids associate the smell of lavender with laundry and have been known to swear they will always use lavender laundry scented products. Orange and lemon are nice as well. Mix scents up. Look at the shelves at the store and check out the scents. Your imagination is the limit.

If I'm going to use my dryer, dryer balls are my choice, no more dryer sheets in this house. Of course, outdoors with the scent of fresh air and sunshine is my favorite method of drying!

Get your dryer balls here.

Have you cleaned your diffuser lately?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 16 Mar 2018 16:02:00 +0000

We all talk about wonderful diffuser recipes, but I really don’t see discussions on diffuser care. You do realize you need to take regular care of your diffuser, right?

Each week, take time to wipe your diffuser down, inside and out. If you’re a fanatical cleaner, after each use is best, but who has time for that? Wish I did….

First unplug your diffuse — leave cord in the wall and unplug at the diffuser point. By wipe down, I mean take a cloth and put a bit of alcohol on it and wipe the inside and out of the diffuser. Get those fingerprints off and the oil drops, as well as the dust that has collected. Use a cotton swap dipped in alcohol to get inside really good – the nooks and crannies as well as the ultrasonic plate or chip in the bottom. That’s the minimum you should do.

Once a month it’s a great idea to clean it a bit deeper, like you would your coffee pot. Fill the diffuser about halfway with water and add about 10 drops of white vinegar. Turn on the diffuser and run for about 10 minutes. Unplug and wipe it all down. Voila!

Ever hear your diffuser start to make grinding noises or sound like a little choo choo train starting up? Yup….deep cleaning time, you’ve waited a bit too long. Regular care and five minutes a week can extend the life of your diffuser. You are doing so much good for yourself using it, give it a bit of TLC as well.

.....petunia peppercorn, what the heck?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 16 Mar 2018 15:44:00 +0000

I actually bought my own domain and signed up for webhosting and created a website, PETUNIA PEPPERCORN. For years, I had wanted to purchase that domain as that was my nickname growing up (see below). I thought that basically transferring everything from Musings would be my goal and add in "so much more" that you can do with a website. Well. PIA in my opinion. Just another thing to do, monitor spam, add programs that filter and block spam, and I got a headache trying to get Pinterest to verify my site or whatever they do. Never achieved that one. Anyway.....I realized that however off and on this blog is, it has recorded periods of my life and I don't want to lose that. I let go of my hosted website and simply pointed PETUNIAPEPPERCORN.COM here since I own it. Not sure I'll keep it, but it does exist. And back to blogging I go.

What is below was my "ABOUT" portion and explains why the name. I'm back. Again.

I’m Sandy Underwood from San Antonio, Texas. I’ve only been in Texas 13 years, don’t think I’m anything close to a native. My husband (John Stacy, he goes by Stacy) is a native though. We met in 2012 online and eloped in 2014, two years to the date after we first met F2F. I’m a librarian, mom of two grown daughters, and a constant knowledge seeker.

Growing up, my mom nicknamed me Petunia Peppercorn. Where in the world it came from, I have no clue. I just know that you say that name to one of my siblings and they know just who you are talking about. My older brother often refers to me as simply “Petunia” and I’m sure that on Facebook, people wonder what that’s all about. As a teen in the 70’s I had a leather bracelet with Petunia tooled on it. The name has always just been “me” and special.

Years ago I found that the domain PetuniaPeppercorn.com was available for purchase and I was tempted. It’s been in the back of my mind for years to purchase it, but…..”it’s too long” rang in my brain repeatedly. Too bad, it’s me. Bitly and other great URL shortness exist just for me! So, low and behold, this odd, icy, snowy San Antonio day, I purchased the website and jumped on the website bandwagon for myself. I’ve created two websites for government entities in the past and now it’s time for my own.

I’m interested in so many things, but what is so important in my life comes down to saving memories via pictures and words (blogging), Essential Oils (EOs), Mindfulness, and simply stuff that rattles around in my mind … like recipes and why I can’t find the perfect recipe “box” online. Yes, my mind rambles. A LOT. I’m a librarian. Knowledge and constantly learning is important to me, so I’ll be recording my ramblings here and I’m sure we will all watch the tabs expand in topics.

Comment, react, share. I’d love some interaction and to hear hear your thoughts. I simply ask you be open to ideas. I’m always open to changing my mind if you can convince me. Deep conversation welcome, shallow small talk….not so much.

Welcome…..to Petunia Peppercorn.

Maui on my Mind

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 11 Oct 2016 23:15:00 +0000

This song Maui On My Mind, has been running through my head since I arrived on Maui a few days ago. I lived in Hawaii from age 11 through 18, graduating high school from Kalaheo High on the windward side of Oahu. These years growing up were so unlike any of my other friends that I currently have, and kind of were buried. My husband once asked me what music I listened to in high school since it didn't seem I had listened to anything he had (Pink Floyd for example). At the time he asked, I couldn't answer because I just didn't know for some reason.

Now that I'm in Maui and back in the islands, things are coming back that I had buried. I have no idea why they were buried except that when I went to college, the second time I said I was from Hawaii, one of my sorority sisters gave me a really hard time and told me no I wasn't because my mom lived in Lincoln (she had moved to same city I went to school in - Lincoln, Nebraska - shortly after I had moved for school). I was told I was a Lincoln Girl and I was lying when I said I was from Hawaii. It didn't seem to matter that I had spent the last seven years of my life in Hawaii and that my dad and brother lived there still. I was pressured into never mentioning it. That was the start of my hate of college. And unfortunately I will never forget who it was that said all that and made me feel like this. Not only the words, but she went through my greek yearbook and crossed out Hawaii by my name. I'm sorry, but at this point in my life, I'm going to say "what a bitch". I'm sure she's not, now, but it's a great lesson on words and how they affect others.

So.....I never mentioned or thought about where I came from that often. And that makes me incredibly sad that I was influenced so much and let her do that to me.

As we've been on Maui, memories from over 37 years ago are flooding back and the tears are at the surface. I tear up often for seemingly no reason. I so want to just quit my life as it is and stay here. The beauty that had surrounded me for years is still here and the laid back attitude is so far from what I live on a day to day basis. I want peace. I want happy. I want tranquility and beauty. Daily. And to appreciate and remember them always.

Arriving on Maui and driving....so different from San Antonio. In SA everyone is so aggressive (me included) and out to be faster, not let people in. Here...dang, I made a mistake, slow down, try to figure out if I'm to turn left.....the person coming at me is driving maybe 20, slows and stops.....waiting for me to turn if that's what I need to do. People anticipate, drive slow, give the right of way to others constantly. Kindness. So nice. Made me feel so happy that there is a land where people are genuinely kind. And no, I wasn't in tourist area at the time. We had taken a detour to Wailea to a very local area to stop by a shop we wanted to hit before going to the resort. Believe me, I know that the locals realize where the money comes from and who to be nice to. That is tourism.

Any time I've taken a vacation before, I've had a hard time letting life go and relaxing immediately. NOT SO this time. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle going back to work. I think we are going to have to start talking about lifestyle and where we truly want to live. What our sacrifices are going to be. Timeline. Life is too short to live the way I have been. I need to truly feel and enjoy. Let the people and crap go that aren't truly beneficial. Live a life I love. Come along for the ride if you are willing to do same.....leave the crap behind....drama, game playing, fakeness. I can't do this anymore. I need the peace and beauty back in my life that I once had and was too young to appreciate. It's not too late.

What did I listen to in high school? Kalpana, Cecelio & Kapono, The Beamers, Olomana. Bob Scaggs, Loggins & Messina, Elton John. A lot of local influence. I missed a lot of what the mainland kids grew up on, but I had incredible local talent in my ears as well that the mainland didn't have like we did.

Keep on going....

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 05 Sep 2016 21:42:00 +0000

Sometimes it's hard to keep going. I'm not sure there are any good reasons to honestly. I'm trying but oh so tired of it.

....familiar

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 05 Sep 2016 03:35:00 +0000

I'm desperately missing the familiar tonight. I had always looked forward to the day I would be in a home I'd been in for years, having raised my children there. It would be their childhood home, the one they'd come back to and bring their children to. I didn't grow up with that and it was the one thing I wanted in life.

Life can be cruel. I was blindsided by divorce, never saw it coming. I built a brick wall around me and lost myself for a year or possibly more online. Online friends, games. Things to take my mind off the fact that everything I ever knew or dreamed of was gone forever. My life had changed dramatically yet again.

Fine. I went on with life and found a wonderful and kind man. Remarried. My kids grew up, although difficultly. I've changed, outlook and many of my interests. However, I have a deep need to be grounded. I love trips and adventures but I always need to get home to be grounded and comfortable. Too long away is hard on me.

I've been in Texas for over 13 years now. My sister Sally came to visit me about 10 years ago. My niece Lisa came to visit about 5 years ago. My high school friend Sharon came to visit 8 years ago or so That is it. No one else has come to visit me. 13 years. Pity party on my part, I know. My life for the last 13 years has had only the familiar of my children. Yet...they've grown up and gone off. Not cool to hang out with mom and there's often irritation at me.

The familiar is missing and it hurts. This is a nice life, but not what i had imagined or dreamt of. Sometimes I just need the familiar. The smells, memories, shared laughter. People. My people are not around me and i don't see a time they will be. They've not been to visit and that hurts. I love my husband and my life. I only wish that I wasn't so isolated and that my people might come visit some day. But I don't hold any hope. What makes it so much harder is that my husband has all his people near. I'm the one that had to fit in. No one knows my people and my life and my past. What I love. What is cozy and familiar to me. No shared memories from years ago.

Sometimes life is so lonely and isolated even in a home with a man I love and in a metropolitan city. Familiar. I wish.

Positivity

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 06 Jul 2016 20:34:00 +0000

I've been called a PollyAnna when I go for the positive. Dated myself, didn't I, with that PollyAnna reference. Go ahead and refer to me that way. But the above is truth.

It's all about choice. You can choose to gripe about the rain and mud puddles, or you can be thrilled with the wonderful clean, moist scent of the earth and the fact that the garden is getting watered and it's not cutting into your water bill! Why choose the dark and gloomy route? I do understand that some people are prone to negativity. You CAN make a choice about your attitude and outlook.

It's the simple things in life that mean the most, people and memories. We tend to make things too complicated and place money and material objects in the seat of importance. Wrong. Simple. The warm, snuggly baby on your lap that just melts into you and is full of love. The knowledge that someone is on your side unconditionally. The daily waking up. The scent of the damp earth in the rain.

Life is simple and precious, look for the good and appreciate it.

Yes....this is a semi pep talk for those times I get frustrated with people and down. We all need to rise above it.

Positivity

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 06 Jul 2016 20:34:00 +0000

...next!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 29 Mar 2016 05:19:00 +0000

Sad, isn't it? Hard to swallow but we are so much healthier and happy if we do this.

LuLaRoe

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 18 Mar 2016 17:13:00 +0000

Why I chose LuLaRoe

The itch to see what this company is all about came after I searched for fun leggings to wear for work. I fell in love with the products immediately and of course I wanted to know how I could be surrounded by them all the time.

I know I haven't started my journey with LuLaRoe in earnest yet, so how could I possibly be someone that can rightfully tell anyone why this journey is one worth considering? Simply because I'm in the midst of that journey. I'm still asking questions even though I've committed. I wake almost daily wondering if I can change my mind. I wonder if I'm insane adding this business to my plate when I already have a professional job I love that keeps me working about 50 hours a week. I only married my incredible husband a year ago with dreams to travel and explore together on weekends.

Know what? Every single day I put all those concerns to bed. What I have personally seen in regard to financial freedom with this company makes my heart sing. The potential is huge. Right now, this is the ground floor. There is a whole world out there wanting what we've got, they are coming to us! That's not something you can say with many businesses. I want to be a part of what's happening. Besides, who wouldn't want to have your very own fashion boutique in your home? Here's to the end of "I have nothing to wear!"

Back to those concerns....sure I can change my mind at any point along the way. The worst that can happen? I sell my inventory off and make back at LEAST my initial investment.

The time thing? Yes, that is definitely my biggest concern with already working full time. However, I'm organized and detailed so that should be a positive in the time crunch (I'm a librarian by profession and have been a department director since I was 27 years old, both because of that organizing and detail stuff). In the long run, the time crunch will be worth it. Putting the time in will allow me to succeed sooner and get my husband and I on cruises and vacations, more plentiful and varied than we imagined. Life is for living, after all.

Being pressed for time now means benefits later. I deal with a congenital birth defect called skew foot. It took over 50 years for a doctor to X-ray my problem feet, diagnose, and tell me what my foot pain was all about. I now see a future where my job doesn't mean I'm walking miles each day (no, librarians do not have sedentary jobs contrary to popular belief). I can see my future where the miles I put on are by choice, for fun, and I can work my schedule to my benefit.

Which takes me back to having time to travel and explore the world, and not just Texas, with my husband. When we want.

Yes, the initial investment for your inventory is high compared to other home businesses, perhaps, but a zero percent credit card can cover it and I've repeatedly seen people pay that off in the first 3-6 months. So I keep coming back to the no brainier that LuLaRoe is the way to go, and the time is NOW!

Join me on this journey?

....lessons learned

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 07 Mar 2016 06:37:00 +0000

Unfortunate that we have to experience this to learn it. Sometimes more than once.

....keep at it

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 26 Feb 2016 03:46:00 +0000

Texting with my oldest the other day and randomly comes the comment, "you stopped blogging". I never knew she read anything I blogged. Not that it matters. Blogging is mainly a way to clear my head, talk to myself, or save a memory. But ya know...it's kind of nice knowing she chooses to read something I wrote.

So I will go back to my random musings and journal what's going on or some amazingly profound thought.

But for now, let me simply say, life is good. Choose happy.

21 years

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 03 Nov 2015 17:15:00 +0000

I know she's an adult and know 21 years have passed but the day after her 21st birthday leaves me choked up and with tears threatening.

I'm so proud of my girl. We went through some very very difficult times where I thought we wouldn't recover. Often not sure we would all make it. Yet she's turned into an incredible young lady that I'm very proud of. The demons she's conquered and things she's done to take control of her life sometimes leave me speechless. She's brave, fearless, and oh-so-strong. When she was very young her strong will made me think she'd be a very independent thinker. Then the teen years and I figured I had been wrong. Fast forward and in the last few years that strong willed, independent thinker is back with her own beliefs and no one telling her what to think. That's my girl.

This is Becca with her first "legal" drink, a watermelon sangria.

I miss my baby, the little girl I could hold, kiss and cuddle. I miss being able to touch her any time I want and not having her pull away. I miss smothering her little sweetness in kisses. She will always be my baby in my heart, yet it carries a touch of bittersweet.

...gentle reminders...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 11 Oct 2015 02:10:00 +0000

In my desire to be more selfish and put myself first, I've not been very successful. Old, lifelong habits are hard to break. This is simply me, putting in writing and hopefully getting through to myself because it takes longer, that this needs to be priority. Do things that make me happier and I will be a better spouse, boss, mom.

I love my home. Creating a yard that I enjoy is a big part of that for me. Cooler weather is coming. Someday. Although next week they say it will hit 99. October in Texas. Yikes. With cooler weather in mind I decided to pop some things in the ground and start rescreening in anticipation of beautiful breezes and incredible views out the front windows.

Here is the start. Definitely need to do more of this because it's good for my soul.

Sibling reunion flight day

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 26 Aug 2015 23:56:00 +0000

My sweet husband posted this pic on Facebook with the comment as noted. He is the most gentle, loving soul.

My journey is starting. The last time all my brothers and sisters and I have been all together was 29 years ago when Mom died. This is going to be so special. Two flights to get to California. Then Steve and Sally are picking me up at airport. Pics to come!

....life change

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 18 Aug 2015 03:37:00 +0000

This is MY time. I'm choosing to put myself first, to be selfish, that it is all about ME. I've always put everyone else first, at the risk of hurting myself, my feelings and my health. I've done my time, my good deeds, served on committees, raised children. Now I will be first and I hope it's not too late.

I will say no if I don't feel something is best for me. No explanation necessary. I will eat healthier, consume more water, sleep more. I will work my body, whether it be walking or weights or stretching. I long to do tai chi chih with my husband. I will meditate and learn to live NOW.

I will pursue mindfulness and simplicity. I will only have things in my life that spark joy. I will NOT tolerate toxic people in my life. I have choices and will exercise them to the betterment of myself.

I choose content, NOW, peace, appreciation. I have started by choosing a husband that is headed this way, that is open to new ideas, that feels the energy of the world. My chore now is to let go of restraints and join him in our journey.

Thank you, Stacy, for entering my life and introducing me to the beauty of 20 minutes of sunshine and meditation daily.

Enough already

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 28 Apr 2015 04:48:00 +0000

I'm not a bank. For money or emotional support. For anything.

Life is so full of bad news lately that I can hardly take it. Everyone has crap. Mine is health fears for my husband. My oldest just dealt with a former boyfriend stalking her to the point he is now in jail facing a felony charge, talk about fear and stress. Mom takes on the sheriff in a battle of words asking when they will take this seriously...when I plan a funeral? My youngest relapsing, again and disappearing. Fears that she's going to be homeless, and I need to shut off her phone and take car away because I'm enabling. Talk about rip a moms heart out.

I just can't take more. My tolerance is at an all time low. My caustic side is appearing and I don't like it. My husband is getting the fall out and that simply makes me cry because he does not deserve it, gentle soul that he is.

Quite simply, I'm sick of life. Grow up, take responsibility. Leave me the F-alone. I'd like some happiness and peace. My empathy is gone. Where is empathy for me? Is it any wonder I don't take care of myself? Here it is folks....ENOUGH. It is time for my health and needs to come first. This is the first time in 54 years, but I'm going to take a stand for once. I deserve happiness and peace. I do not have to answer the phone. If I want to disappear from texts, Facebook, the phone lines....I AM GOING TO. Most important? You will all survive and perhaps think. You don't need to call me and rain on my parade.

Ok my whine is over. Just remember, you have a choice.

Texas Library Association Annual Convention

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 14 Apr 2015 23:32:00 +0000

It has begun. The largest library convention in the US, which just happens to be in Texas and the one that I attend. It's always an incredible week as all the vendors and all the authors want to be at THIS convention. Originally, Stacy was going to come with me, but the reality is that I work from 8 am - 6 p and then after convention is done for the day I need to answer emails and take care of work stuff. Add that we just bought a house and we will move in three weeks.....well, seemed better he stay at home and work on packing, organizing and the like. So there he is and here I am.

Today I had a preconference meeting on book mending and repair. Tonight is an opening reception in the exhibit hall that I"m skipping since I waited 45 minutes for the shuttle and it hadn't come yet. I was going to miss the majority of the event so decided I'll skip it at this point and eat dinner in the hotel restaurant. Here I am! Sitting all by my lonesome in a booth directly in the line of sight of EVERYONE that walks in. Not the seculded little back booth I'd asked for. Guess who HATES dining alone? Yup. So my computer is keeping me company. Work emails, business letters and this blog. Don't know if I look like a pitiful lonely spinster librarian or a high powered executive that is earning shiploads of money. Guess the glasses, the hair up and the convention badge lend toward the first....

Our house....

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 08 Apr 2015 05:34:00 +0000

I always loved the CSN song Our House and now Stacy and I can say "our house" and mean it. We bought a house together on Monday. For our new life. This is just what I needed to feel part of San Antonio. Right now, I'm living in the house Stacy has had for 24 years.

It's very hard to feel at home and like you aren't in transition when it's not "your house". I've had to fit into what already existed and live in a house that wasn't my choice, nothing I'd pick. Becoming a couple really seems real when you create something that is new to both of you. This is what I'm looking forward to.

So much, so fast

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 04 Apr 2015 00:52:00 +0000

Be careful what you ask for.....

Stacy is a firm believer in the power of visualization. I haven't grasped that entirely yet but I do know when I'm told "let's do...." to me it means "GO!" Things tend to happen fast when I'm put on them.

In Decembere Stacy threw out the "let's move closer to your job since I'm retired and we are starting a new life." Words I never thought I'd hear as I know how much his house has meant to him. Nothing I pursued, figured in time.....plus we had a wedding we were planning and a child at home still.

Life keeps changing, child moves out, we get married, I get promoted to director. That last means that any alarm that goes off or any issue....guess who gets called and needs to get in? 30 minute commute, minimum.

Stacy's shoulder has been an issue for 2.5 years since his motorcycle accident and he has already had two surgeries, he's been convinced things are still wrong and is pursuing a third as the muscle seems to have been cut and healed wrong, bones, not setting in place right and the biggie is the constant pain. Big pain.

One week ago....Stacy says "GO!" to me on house and he's in middle of doc stuff, CT scans, tests etc for his shoulder. I issue the warning.....it could happen you know....

This house is a mess, not level, old, lots of miscellaneous things to do to make it sellable. Lots. And even then it would need to be a special buyer. Talk to the agent.....21 days before we put on market so we can get things done, etc, and "oh by the way, here's the name of an investor we know you might want to contact for us as he could be interested in buying our house."

Next day....investor looks and makes an offer. Yup. Not listed, house is sold. 21 day closing. Rent back for 30 days. ZOOOM!!!!

Tonight I do prequalification paperwork and Monday we look for a new home. Better start visualizing what we want.....