Musings of a Modern Mom

Faith: Following the ideas

2009-08-17T23:45:00.003-04:00

I am stepping out on faith. It feels scary but yet also empowering. I feel more in control and less a helpless victim. There are currently two endeavors underway. I strongly believe that both of these ideas were planted in my mind by the Holy Spirit, but it is now my "job" to follow through, and make each of them a success.

The first is that I signed up last week to be an Avon representative. The opportunities & benefits in this case are obvious:

The necessary social contacts required to distribute brochures and collect orders. This will decrease my sense of isolation as I continue to adjust to a world that doesn't include full-time employment
The ability to make money within the framework & limitations of my illness

I have passed out several flyers and have received positive responses as well as comments about the possibility of orders. I know my Mom (go, Mom!) can be counted on for an order of the Anew aging products. Aren't Moms wonderful? Oh, and in a shameless bit of marketing and self-promotion, you may access my Avon website at www.youravon.com/cbrower (yes I know the "u" is missing; should be fixed soon!)

The second whisper in my ear was about selling my books on Amazon.com. This was a bit more difficult, because my books are so precious to me. However as I look at the shelves, I notice that there are some that it would relatively painless to part with. Those went first! And guess, what?!??! I made my first sale today and made $1.70! I am also going to be soliciting books to sell from people I know. I also accept donations - of books!

Stay tuned for more on the changing life of Christine, sponsored by God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I wonder what will happen next?

Searching for the way forward

2009-07-27T12:51:00.005-04:00

I am searching for a new faith community. There are some things that have been in the back of my mind for a while now, concerning where I worship. The place that I am affliated with now served its purpose for a number of years, but it seems now that I am drawn to a different type of worship experience.

One of the things that has bothered me recently is the lack of focus on Biblical teachings. Growing up as I did in the Reformed tradition, usually attending Presbyterian or Reformed Church in America congregations, I was taught at a very early age that the Bible is a powerful resource for personal and spiritual growth. I have used several translations over the years, searching each for the meaning and message that I was lead to at that period in my life. I realized recently that my children are lacking this knowledge and this fact bothered me on a visceral level. I realized that a change needed to be made.

The second thing that I have been thinking about recently is that Communion is not a part of the worship practice at our most recent church. I enjoy Communion; once again, it is part of my upbringing and I believe that the Biblical teachings regarding the Lord's Supper are relevant and an important part of my faith journey. Quite simply, I miss it.

So yesterday, we tried out a new church. My youngest went to the Children's program but my oldest daughter chose to worship in the sanctuary with me. Well, 10 minutes into the service, she turned to me, her face glowing, and said "This church is really cool, Mommy!". What else needs to be said? If she is intrigued, then I made the right choice. Do you know how hard it is to capture (and hold) the interest of a "tween"?

The best part of all was that the service included the Lord's Supper. As I shared the bread and wine with other believers, I felt a deep sense of peace and belonging. I made the right choice.

Life is changing and I must adapt

2009-07-25T20:05:00.003-04:00

I don't think that any of us expect the things that happen to us. We just don't see it coming: the divorce, the lost friendship, the car accident, the hurricane, the illness that changes everything. I know I certainly didn't think "Oh yes, I expect I will be divorced one day" or "I believe that I will become too sick to do my job". We just don't think it will happen to us....

Well, guess what? It has happened. On a Friday night in November of 2007, I felt a strange pain developing on my neck near my left ear. There was a huge lump and I could barely turn my head. The next day I found out that, rather than the ear infection that I thought it was, I had extremely swollen lymph nodes. Nothing has been the same since that day. In the space of one day, I stopped being Christine, Senior Quality Assurance Analyst with a great paying job and became Christine, sick person with no job.

I know now what happened but it took many, many tests to figure it out and some doctors, even now, do not believe or understand what happened to me. The villian in this piece is the Epstein-Barr virus, a common but little understood virus. This nasty thing has completely turned my life upside down, inside out and back again. Some people get a little sick, recover and go about their lives. Other people get a bit sicker, take longer to recover and go about their lives. Then there are the ones like me: we get sick, stay sick and do not get better. The virus continues to do its dirty work and our immune system basically says, "Ok, do whatever you like, we will just be over here". Why some people react this way is the mystery that someone, someday will probably solve. But for now, for me, it is like having mono or the flu all the time.

So now I have to reinvent my life. I have to adjust, do things differently and figure things out as I go. And I will figure it out. I know this. And do you know why I know? Because I have FAITH. I believe that God has a plan for my life and that everything happens for good. Even this. I just have to adapt. And I will.

Always look ahead

2009-04-12T11:53:00.003-04:00

Editors Gary Schmidt and Susan Felch have gathered poems, essays, and stories which celebrate the wonders and blessings of summer. Here are two prayers by James Vanden Bosch on the spiritual practice of grace.

A Prayer
God of grace, grant us the further gift of noticing your grace every day.

In renewing sleep,
in food and drink,
in the dark sky and the fragile grass,
in the life of the senses,
in the passions of the mind,
in the love of a friend,
in the embrace of the family,
in the blessings of work and play,
in the breath of life,
may we feel the favor of your bounty.

God of grace,
grant us the further gift of responding to your grace every day.

In gratitude for your gifts to us,
in valuing the gifts you have given to others,
in valuing the gifts that others are,
may we live lives that are graceful in return.

Bless us with graceful lives today and always —
lives that honor the source of grace,
lives that accept gifts humbly,
lives that pass the grace along,
lives alert for signs of grace and glory
throughout your great creation.

Make all our goings graces.

Amen.

— James Vanden Bosch

A Prayer
God of creation, God of the seasons,
bless your creatures with seasons of delight.

Lord of the Sabbath,
you who have established the rhythms of life, establish in us also the rhythms for human prospering; grant us the good sense to enjoy Sabbath rest in this season.

Grant us, moreover, wisdom to know that there
is a time to play,
a time to cease from our labors,
a time to sense majesty in a blue sky,
richness in green grass,
love in faithful friends,
and joy in our being.

Grant us, then, blue skies this summer, and green grass;
grant us faithful friends and the time, strength, and spirit for play.
Grant us the wit to know the goodness of this creation, which, blind, defiant, or ungrateful, we despoil.

Send our roots rain; send our hearts ease,
so we may show in our lives
that we can live rightly in this season of our lives
and see it as if for the first time,
in wonder, in awe, and in a spirit of thanksgiving.

Amen.

— James Vanden Bosch

Spreading God Around

2008-04-20T23:19:00.004-04:00

Yesterday, my youngest daughter turned to me and said "Mommy, can we please, please go to church tomorrow? You know, we really need to spread God around."

Of course I said yes and we did go this morning. We worshiped, we learned, we prayed, and we gloried in the re-affirmation of God's Love.

A poem for my daughter

2008-02-25T10:20:00.005-05:00

I wrote this poem on February 20, 2008 which was my daughter's 10th birthday. We were in my bedroom together - I was on the bed with a notebook and she was, of course, looking at her collection of Pokemon cards. She had just gotten a new set for her birthday and she was absorbed with the organzing - placing the new cards in just the right place in her binder. I realized, in that moment, what is expressed in this poem.

For Nicole on her birthday

She came to me, innocent and sweet,

Chosen by God to make my life complete.

So tiny, so pretty, a picture of love,

She fit in my arms like hand and glove.

Now on this day, she turns ten,

My sweet baby is a person of opinion.

Dolphins, Pokemon and horses

are her methods and her forces

to express her inner voice

and show her courage of choice.

I wonder - "What will the future bring?"

God's plans are an unknown thing.

But this I know with all my heart,

my love for my daughter will never depart.

How to Meditate

2007-11-17T19:30:00.000-05:00

When you think of Meditation, this may conjure an image of a white-robed guru, sitting in a mountain top cave and fasting for days on end to seek enlightenment. Fortunately, meditation is not that demanding. Meditation is used in many spiritual traditions, and is a useful technique for getting in touch with the Divine Mind or God presence of your belief system. Meditation quiets your mind so you can hear the small voice of intuition or spirit. Meditation is often recommended for dealing with stress and reducing anxiety. It is very easy and convenient to meditate once you understand the basic principles. Here are the three principles of effective meditation:

A quiet mind
A quiet mind
A quiet mind

That's it in a nutshell -- a quiet mind. It sounds easy, but many people find that achieving a quiet mind can be challenging. Though some people indicate that incense, candles, special lighting, and a dedicated space are useful, I have found in my personal experience that they are not necessary. With practice, you'll be able to meditate on a quiet walk or in a crowded airport.

Now, let's try a very basic meditation; though this technique is great for beginners, it can also serve you well for a lifetime. Remember, we're striving for a quiet, focused mind.

Find a place without distractions. Sit erect in a straight backed chair with your feet flat on the floor and forearms resting in your lap. Another comfortable position may be in your favorite armchair or lying on your bed.
Take several deep, slow breaths. With each deep breath, your stomach should rise and fall. Be aware of each breath as you inhale, hold it for a few seconds and exhale. Continue slow, deep breathing while you close your eyes.
Relax your shoulders and neck. Relax your jaws. Breathe slowly and regularly. Relax in turn your arms, torso, legs, and feet.
Continue to breathe deeply.
As you breathe, think of a word or phrase and repeat it slowly and steadily as you breathe. A phrase that works well is "I am the I am that I am seeking" but there are many others. Find one that works for you.
Focus on mentally drawing back from any thoughts that occupy your mind. Watch each thought as it passes by but don't attach yourself to the thought. Just watch it pass by.
Repeat your calming phrase, concentrating on each word individually as you continue to breathe deeply.
Remain in this state for 5 minutes if you can. It's okay if you fall asleep; it shows that you were able to deeply relax. But sleep is not the purpose of meditation. The purpose is a deep, quiet period of connection with your inner self.

Don't be discouraged if you have difficulty the first few times you practice this technique. Learning to quiet your mind takes practice, but the benefits of connecting with inner self as well as connecting with your understanding of the The Father-Mother God cannot be underestimated.

How to Reduce Anxiety and Worrying

2007-11-17T10:55:00.000-05:00

If there is one thing that almost all parents have in common, it is that we worry. We worry about our kids, we worry about our finances, we worry about the future, and sometimes we even worry about the past. While some level of anxiety is good and can help us focus and take care of what is important, too much anxiety is bad for us and bad for our kids.

Just what is anxiety? Generally, anxiety is defined as sense of uneasiness about the future. These feelings affect both the body and the mind. When you become anxious, your body releases a hormone called adrenaline. It is nature's way of warning you that danger (both real and imagined) is imminent. As anxiety increases, you are likely to experience symptoms such as a pounding heart, quickened breathing and perspiration. The more you worry about something, the stronger these symptoms are likely to become.

Many people experience mild to moderate episodes of anxiety. For some, such nervousness may interfere with their ability to enjoy life fully. In some cases, the symptoms become severe and a panic atack results. Physical symptoms intensify the attack: sweating, racing heart, rapid pulse, feeling faint or as if one is choking. At this point, medical attention is usually required.

For most of us, there are steps you can take to reduce or even eliminate your anxious feelings.

Keep a positive attitude. Try the Complaint-Free Challenge.
Accept that there are events that you cannot control.
Be assertive instead of aggressive. Assert your feelings, opinions, or beliefs instead of becoming angry, defensive, or passive.
Learn and practice relaxation techniques; try meditation, yoga, or tai-chi.
Exercise regularly. Your body can fight stress better when it is fit.
Eat healthy, well-balanced meals.
Learn to manage your time more effectively.
Set limits appropriately and say no to requests that would create excessive stress in your life.
Make time for hobbies and interests. Do what you enjoy doing!
Get enough rest and sleep. Your body needs time to recover from stressful events.
Don't rely on alcohol, drugs, or compulsive behaviors to reduce stress.
Seek out social support. Spend enough time with those you love. Plan a fun activity with your children.

It is very important to remember that if these techniques aren't effective or your anxiety interfers with your day-to-day activities, it is time to seek the advice of a medical professional.

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

2007-11-11T20:15:00.000-05:00

Don Miguel Ruiz is known as a nagual, or shaman, of the Toltec tradition. The Toltecs were an ancient group of scientists and artists that was formed to explore and preserve the practices and spiritual knowledge of the ancient ones. It is not a religion, but a way of life that embraces spirit and honors all the spiritual masters who have taught on the earth. Toltec wisdom arises from the same essential unity of truth as other sacred esoteric traditions that are found all over the world.

The Four Agreements are very simple, yet very profound. The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, A Toltec Wisdom Book is a beautiful instruction guide to achieve a life of freedom and happiness. Don Miguel Ruiz goes step-by-step, with practical advice and examples, to help us achieve these four agreements. Embracing and living the Four Agreements is a challenging yet amazing rewarding experience which will lead you on a road to personal freedom and enlightment.

The Four Agreements

Be Impeccable With Your Words - Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

Don't Take Anything Personally - Nothing that others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

Don't Make Assumptions - Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

Always Do Your Best - Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

Ruiz has so much to offer in this brillantly written book. One thing to remember, however, is that Toltec wisdom, by definition, is an ancient wisdom. Is this some new, revolutionary technology for self-improvement? No, the fact is that in one way, shape or form, we've all heard these types of admonitions from other sources in our lives. What Ruiz does well is package them in a novel way and provide practical insights into how we can best apply them. The bottom line is that, even if you've heard something like this before, it never hurts to be reminded about good advice you've received in the past.

Related Reading:

What makes my family different

2007-11-06T23:10:00.002-05:00

I have wondered about this many times. Exactly how different are single parents and their families? People - usually married people - are very fond of telling me that single parents are not appreciably different than parents with partners. How many time have I heard "I'm married, but I may as well be a single parent. He doesn't do anything with the kids." Believe me when I say I have heard this a lot.

Well, guess what, my mis-guided friends, we are different. And there is a special group among single parents that are even more unique. By that I mean that our children literally and legally do not have a father. That's right, my children, because I adopted them as a single mother, do not have a father on their birth certificate. And this fact makes me and my family different.

Now, I am not saying that different is a bad thing. It's just.... different. I am very open with my children and we discuss a lot of things (at an age-appropriate level, of course). I read a lot of books to give me insight and ideas, some of which you can see here on the blog. I am building their self-esteem in a variety of ways that emphasizes their own uniqueness in the world and that they are special and valued and incredible, whether they have a "father" or not. Our faith in the Father-Mother-God and in Jesus the Christ as the Way-Shower steadies us in difficult times, but your family may have other beliefs that do the same thing.

My point and what I try to emphasis with my girls, is that we are all different. Everyone has their own unique situation and experiences. Our uniqueness just happens to result from being an all-girl family and that's cool with us..... because, in the immortal words of my 1st grader, "Girls Rule and Boys Drool, Forever!".

Forever for a 1st grader is different that my concept of forever but the "boys drool" concept doesn't sound too far off. There have been times ... but that, I suppose, is another topic for another post...

Meanwhile, celebrate and embrace the uniqueness of whatever your situation is and make it work FOR YOU!

Learn to Live with Pain, Then Go One Better

2007-11-06T18:15:00.000-05:00

Please read this truly profound writing by a fantastic blogger who gets right to the heart of what faith truly is
Learn to Live with Pain, Then Go One Better ~ Christian Spirituality w/ Edges

Put on your own oxygen mask first

2007-11-04T19:39:00.000-05:00

If you have ever flown on a plane, you have heard the flight attendant say something similar to "If you are traveling with anyone needing your assistance, please put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others". This statement can be viewed in a broader context as a a way to live a richer and more full life. We must take of ourselves before we can take care of others. Here
are some suggestions for refreshing your body and mind.

Read a short story that you can totally lose yourself in.
Meditate. Here's how: select a short statement of two or three words. "God is love" is a good one, but there are many others. Close your eyes and settle your body in your chair or on your bed. Breathe in deeply, saying the first word or two of your chosen phrase. Breathe out fully, saying the remainder of your chosen phrase. Repeat.
Call one of your greatest, most compassionate friends and do not talk about kids (yours or hers) for the entire conversation.
Get a babysitter and go to a movie. Alone.
Smile for no other reason than it feels great.
Sit outside and breathe fresh air. (Hint: may be combined with #2)
If it is possible where you live, sit by a body of water - a river, a stream, a lake - and enjoy the peacefulness of water.
Go to bed an hour early.
Aromatherapy really works. Light a candle of your favorite scent (lavendar is especially soothing) and breathe deeply.
Get up fifteen minutes early so you can linger over a cup of coffee or hot tea.

God's Love

2007-11-01T12:30:00.001-04:00

As this week comes to a close, let us keep in mind the greatest love of all - God's love.

Werever we are, whatever we do, we are enfolded in God's love. In times of stress or sadness, we can depend on God's love to see us through to happier times. When we are faced with decisions that must be made, we can know that God's love is guiding us to right conclusions.

There is never a time that we are alone, for God is always with us.

Like a warm blanket draped across our shoulders on a cold night, God's love provides us with comfort and security. A feeling of peace fills our hearts, and we giv thanks for God's endless love. We let love guide us in all aspects of our lives. As God's precious love flows throught out beings, we know that all is well.

An Essay on Change

2007-10-30T22:51:00.001-04:00

Change
One constant in life is that all things change. Every season flows into another without concern for the ending that is taking place, and we, the viewers of nature, see the good results of that change.

The newness of spring moves into the warm and carefree days of summer, which melds into the glorious riot of color in autumn, which turns to the quiet dormancy of winter, where preparation for renewal beings once again. We do not view these changes with trepidation or sorrow because we know that they are all good.

An Ending Is Only a Beginning
We do not always initially view other changes or transitions in our lives with such optimism and hope, however. If we could only remember what we know about the seasons—that one ending is another beautiful beginning—perhaps we wouldn't experience such fear or doubt about the turning points in our lives.

Viewing life this simply is not an easy exercise, but with faith and with practice as we release our concerns to God, we learn to expect the best for ourselves and those we love.

A Renewed Sense of Hope
Endings and beginnings are good and necessary in our lives. As you read the pages ahead, may you find a new sense of hope. And may you find the assurance that whatever you're facing in your life right now can be met with faith, knowing that you are not alone. God is always with you and within you.

Source: Unity E-newsletter, Issue 9, Oct 2007
Subscribe to Unity E-Newsletter

The Luminous Dusk by Dale Allison (Book Review) ~ Christian Spirituality w/ Edges

2007-10-30T15:15:00.001-04:00

Check out what a very interesting blogger has to say about this book ...The Luminous Dusk by Dale Allison (Book Review) ~ Christian Spirituality w/ Edges

Maya Angelou: How I Pray

2007-10-29T19:47:00.004-04:00

In the book How Strong Women Pray, a new collection of writings edited by Olympic Silver and Bronze Medalist Bonnie St. John, poet Maya Angelou shares how she found Unity and learned to pray.

Bonnie’s Introduction

In 1955, Maya Angelou, who would eventually become a poet, educator, historian, author, actress, playwright, civil rights activist, producer and director, was in a vocal class with Frederick Wilkerson, reading a passage out loud to the group assembled there. She had been a dancer all her life and would later become famous as the author of I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings and the Inaugural Poet for the United States in 1993. But at this point, she was still very young and was taking vocal lessons to enhance her career as a dancer.
Wilkerson called himself a “vocal technician.” He worked with Roberta Flack and many famous opera singers. Maya was friends with “Wilkie,” and he lived in her house. Once a month, he gathered his students together to read from Lessons in Truth by Emile Cady, a unit study in practical Christianity from the Unity Church.
She was reading along and came to, “God loves me.”
“Read that again,” said Wilkie.
“God loves me,” she said.
“Read it again,” he said to her. And she began to feel tense. She and Wilkie were the only Black people there. She was young and he had other students who were serious singers, and they were all White and older. She felt he was making her look foolish in her own house in front of these sophisticated Whites.
He said, “Read it again. Read it again.”
Finally she shouted it defiantly, “GOD…LOVES…ME!”

Maya’s Words

I heard Him. In that instant in my life I knew that I was a child of God…and knowing it then, I know it all the time, fresh. Just saying it makes me thrill, in the classic sense. I mean, my body—Wheeew!
At that moment, I had to leave the room. I started weeping…with the knowledge of it. And I could do it again right now. That which made the seas and mountains, made stars and moons, and goldfish…That loves me?!!
It was a freedom…a relief…a license to try to do all the good in the world. If That loves me, then I can do anything good. You see?
Now I pray all the time. I pray when I’m walking from here to over to the chair. I pray at any time…when something crosses my mind, I have a prayer, Mostly I’m thankful: Thanking God for God, thanking God for Jesus, and thanking Jesus for Jesus. I am thankful for the idea of love, the idea of forgiveness, and the offering of peace and joy two thousand years ago.
If I could go back to when I was 20 years old and teach myself something about prayer, I would just tell myself to be more grateful. Be even more grateful.
I know that at 20 I didn’t know very much. I knew that I was blessed, but not enough to know that I didn’t know very much. I didn’t know I knew what I knew. But I am a good student. I do listen. I would like to be more grateful today than I was yesterday.
So now, I don’t even say what I’m thankful for, unless something’s sticking in my head like some thorns on a rose. I’ll think, “Hmm, God did that too.” But generally, I just say, “Thank You. Thank You. Thank You. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures. He restoreth my soul. Thank You.”

I was asked to write a piece, come to the Bush White House, and participate in the lighting of the national Christmas tree. I wrote a piece called “Amazing Peace.” I knew I was taking the idea of peace into the war zone.
I prayed long ago, If the Lord wants somebody nearby, send me. I said that and I can’t take it back. So I wrote “Amazing Peace” with more than a passing interest and went to the White House to be with President Bush:

Amazing Peace
In our joy, we think we hear a whisper.
At first it is too soft. Then only half heard.We listen carefully as it gathers strength.We hear a sweetness.The word is Peace.
It is loud now.Louder than the explosion of bombs. We tremble at the sound. We are thrilled by its presence.It is what we have hungered for.Not just the absence of war.
But true Peace.
A harmony of spirit, and comfort of courtesies.Security for our beloveds and their beloveds.
We, Angels and Mortals, Believers and Nonbelievers, Look heavenward and speak the word aloud.
Peace.
We look at each other, then into ourselves,And we say without shyness or apology or hesitation:
Peace, My Brother.

Peace, My Sister.

Peace, My Soul.