Cabin Fever in Vermont

Two Types of People

2013-05-20T19:27:00.001-04:00

Today was a typical spring day in Vermont. The day was spotted with rain showers and fluctuating temperatures. Leaves have budded and sprouted into nearly their summer sized form. Blossoms and spring flowers fill the air with a sweet fragrance that wafts everywhere.

Shawn and I were leaving an office building where we had just had a little lunch with a few friends, pizza and cake for EMS week. As we left the building we passed several large lilac bushes that were full to the brim with deep purple blooms that smelled better than any fragrance Yankee candle could hope to imitate. I stopped to pick a couple blossoms. It was a spur of the moment decision, to grab a couple beautiful blossoms and bring them home to fill my kitchen with their lovely scent. Moments after I picked them, as we neared out car in the parking lot, a skinny, tall man wearing glasses approached me.

"Miss! Oh, miss!" He yelled after me. I spun around to meet his beady gaze.

"How dare you pick our flowers? How dare you? Who does that? You can't pick our flowers".

I stood there stunned and reeling with a half dozen responses, none of which would have been tactful. It perplexed me how this man had taken so much effort to confront me. He stopped what he was doing, came outside, tracked me down in the parking lot, and scolded me. That takes a lot of effort and the fact that someone would do so amazed me.

I just chuckled, turned back around, and kept walking to my car. When I glanced back the beady looking man shook his head and walked back inside. "It didn't hurt the tree!" I said back, my only retort. If I had been on my game I would have walked right up to him and handed him the flowers while saying "here, you have them then" as he scolded me, but alas I wasn't that brazen.

Now the flowers are occupying a nice little vase in my kitchen. The story behind their procurement is also giving me a slight bit more enjoyment from them as well.

So, you just need to ask yourself on question....

Are you the type of person that picks flowers or the type of person that scolds those who do?

4:30 AM

2013-05-09T21:39:00.002-04:00

I woke myself and my daughter up well before the sun, which is very early this time of year! We hit the highway and headed north, watching the sky go from navy to baby blue to pink to glowing yellow. As I pulled into the empty parking lot at one of my most favorite places, Lake Willoughby, Emily kept yelling "water, water!" I swept her up from her car seat and we headed down the deserted sands just as the sun was making its way down the mountain side. With my camera in hand I started snapping away at the always amazing landscape that surrounded me and Emily sat on a log and stared at the vast expanse of lake and mountains before her. It was quite the thought provoking and photogenic moment apparently.

I wonder what Emily will think of all these poignant photos that I've taken of her as she grows up? My hopes are that she will appreciate the look into the years that she can't remember with awe and admiration.

And onto what the heck else has been going on the last month... Goodness its been almost a month since I have updated this thing?! I have been mentally thinking 'I'll share this on my blog' and 'Oh, that will make a good post', but then I somehow end up never opening my laptop and sitting down to type my thoughts. Before you know it three days, a week, or four have passed and what I was going to write about now seems irrelevant. Mostly I've been working, taking lots of photos, doing the occasional ambulance shift, playing with Emily, yard work, and I somehow got caught up recently in that stupid game Candy Crush. The past three or four weeks have just flown by....

Choice

2013-04-17T21:56:00.000-04:00

This post has been a long time coming. Its been almost a month since I left my former job at the nursing home and have embedded myself in acute care nursing. A lot has happened. I've cared for a wide range of patients and given drugs or done interventions I had never done in my previous years as a nurse. There's been a wide range of patients to care for from the very complex to the ones who sometimes you wonder why they are in a hospital. At the end of each shift, while I am tired, I have felt like I have made a much more significant difference than I did before. Heck, I am actually being a nurse.

Now I am not in any way saying those who work at a nursing home aren't nurses, or good nurses for that matter. I was a nursing home nurse for the beginning of my career. However, in my position that I was in, as a manager, I did very little nursing. My job morphed into sitting at a desk, doing the schedule, doing paperwork, sitting in meetings, listening to staff complain about one another. It was absolutely not what I became a nurse to do.

What I did learn was how much I hate managing people. God, I hate dealing with drama people can't sort out. I just want to care for sick people, to make their bad day a better day, and to use some critical thinking skills while I do it. Can you do some of that at the nursing home? ...sure, but not to the degree I am now.

Initially I thought I would be staying at the nursing home, doing some shifts here and there. Honestly, I have grown quite attached to many of the residents and staff there. It was like a large family that I saw probably more than my actual family. So much of my time, life, and energy was invested in what I did.

But I won't be going back to the nursing home.

Why? Why disconnect from something I was so connected to? Well, it wasn't entirely my decision, but it ends up being the right one. The best part is I didn't have to make the decision myself or awkwardly sever any ties. A lot was revealed to me after I left the nursing home. As I am one to not dwell or discuss something where paranoid parties may over analyze my words all I will say is that I was accused of being negative. Imagine that... All the time, energy, and emotion I invested there since I became a nurse just to be told I was negative. Once I was told that I knew immediately I had made the right decision to enhance my career elsewhere.

With a simple salute I walked out of the door of the nursing home for the last time. Happily.

Where I am now is great. My bosses are happy. My coworkers are happy. My emails are dotted with the occasional smiley face. I am utilizing nursing skills and critically thinking in ways I feared I had once forgotten over the last two years, but its all there, buried deep down somewhere, and coming to the surface. Not to mention my schedule is consistent. This job is literally the polar opposite of my former one and I love it.

While I learned a lot at the nursing home... that I dislike managing people, I love taking care of people, and I have a knack for time management and organizational skills... it just wasn't where I belonged.

I made the right choice.

Viral

2013-04-08T20:03:00.001-04:00

Boy has the last few days been a trial. A horrendous GI bug has been going around the neighborhood and unfortunately Emily fell victim to it and remained in its clutches for the entirety of the weekend. Out if all the GI illnesses I have seen this one seriously brought Emily to the edge of what her medically trained mom and dad could do at home.

What began as a midnight vomiting session early Friday quickly became a "puke and poop" escapade. Poor Emily could not keep a thing down. Not water or toast or even pedialyte settled in her stomach. It all came hurdling back up and onto whatever surface she happened to be next to. I did more laundry in two days than I do in a month. I scrubbed more floors, carpet, cushions, and gave more baths than I would ever care to. Poor Emily even wore a dress part of the weekend so I could have easy access for all the diaper changes I was doing. I swear, it was practically a war zone.

Sleep was elusive for both Emily and I. Shawn was at work for almost the entirety of the event, but not before running to the store four separate times for things we ran out of or I forgot to ask him to get. More diapers, pedialyte, and a bag of Doritos for me. ....hey, I was in desperate need of some junk food at that point. Finally, as the weather warmed enough for me to open the windows and let in some fresh air to my germ ridden house, she started to feel better. Her appetite slowly returned. The spunk returned.

Thank god...

I am so glad that weekend is behind us. Also, I am so glad I appear to somehow not have contracted it (knock on wood).

Sugaring and Sweet

2013-03-31T18:17:00.001-04:00

It's become a tradition every spring. A Captain on Shawn's department has a long lived family history in sugaring. They have a nice sugar house off in the mountains of central Vermont. Since we moved a few years ago we have made a visit while the guys are sugaring. Nothing beats an evening spent shooting the bull inside the steamy, damp sugar house while the sweet smell of boiling sap fills the air.

This year the sugaring has been much better and much longer. They have been boiling fancy grade syrup much of the year. I'm a fan of B grade actually. The thicker, darker stuff just is so much more rich and smooth in my opinion. In case you've never heard about maple syrup you can visit this website to learn more!

Maybe next year Emily will be able to actually help! This year she kept looking at her reflecting in the shiny steep of the arch (the metal system they boil sap in) and pointing at it saying "hot!" Oh, and we didn't get any fresh syrup this time, because they had just started boiling that evening and none was ready yet when we visited. There's always next spring!

Bliss

2013-03-22T11:37:00.002-04:00

I've taken almost two weeks off from work in the transition from one job to another. I haven't had this much time off since maternity leave and I was so sleep deprived that I don't even remember much of those few weeks. This time I am rested and have even (gasp) had a few days where I have stayed home and still taken Emily to daycare. Its been amazing. Its been peaceful.

I've rediscovered daytime television. I've also done things I haven't done in months, like gotten a hair cut and scrub the bathroom floor by hand.

I live an exciting life, don't I?

All the stress has seemed to lift off my shoulders. It literally has melted away and my mood has improved dramatically. I haven't even done anything particularly special and I just feel so darned happy. Maybe catching up on everything I haven't been able to is the reason, or spending extra time with Shawn and Emily, or maybe its not having the responsibilities of my former job.

Actually, I have accomplished quite a bit. All my EMT licenses have been renewed for another two years - all three of them that I have to keep current. I've even managed to transition to the new Advanced EMT level is replacing my existing certification level known as "Intermediate". I'm one of just over 2,000 in the country that has done the transition so far and I am glad to have that out of the way. Also, I've spent a great deal of time photographing things. The snow storm we had earlier this week was perfect for pictures. Its the first time in two years where I haven't been working during a storm and could spend a large portion of time just meandering in my car, without Emily, taking photos. Pure bliss.

Pure Bliss.

Two Days

2013-03-13T19:52:00.004-04:00

I have two days left.

Just two days.

It seems such a short period of time and I am not really sure how I will react when I have to pack up everything. All the photos have to come down. I am hoping I won't need a box. That will just make it more sad and final. Seeing the look on everyone's faces isn't going to be easy either. There are a lot of people who are sad about this.

What exactly am I talking about?

I am getting a new job! That is the big news that has been brewing the last couple of weeks. Now my last day at the nursing home is just two days away and I am feeling the bittersweet angst of new beginnings, new opportunities, but friendships and familiar faces fading away.

So, what is this new job?

Finally, after a couple of years sitting, waiting, and scoping out various nursing career paths I've made the jump into acute care. I'll be working at a rural hospital on the medical surgical floor and then transitioning into the ICU and ER once I gain some footing and experience. I sincerely miss the hands on, clinical aspect of nursing care. I miss the challenges that I had in my clinical experience when I was in school. Plus, I am under the complete realization that I need a solid foundation in medical/surgical nursing before I'll ever be able or qualified to move into anything critical care or emergency related.

One step at a time. I'll reach my goal someday.

And some of you are probably wondering why I am choosing to leave my comfortable nine to five, no weekend management job for one that's further away, with weekend and holiday requirements. Well, one of the reasons is that its more in line with what type of nurse I am and in the direction that I have always said I wanted to go. When I sat down in my seat on my first day of nursing school my teacher asked us to draw a picture of what kind of nurse we each wanted to be. I drew an ambulance at a hospital and an emergency room. I haven't lost sight of that and this is just another step in the journey.

Well, in two days I will say goodbye to my friends, coworkers, and patients that I have seen almost more than my family for the last two years. While I will still be per diem there its not the same. I'll be out of the loop, there only occasionally, and faces will become unfamiliar. I've been treated like a family member there, for the most part, and its going to be hard to sever that relationship, but ultimately its the best decision for me, my family, and my career.

Wish me luck!!

Lieutenant

2013-03-08T20:01:00.002-05:00

So so much has happened in the last few weeks. I wanted to start off by sharing someone else's good news... my husband's!

If you didn't guess from the title he has been given a promotion! From firefighter to Lieutenant. It was a long, difficult testing process with half a dozen other firefighters on his department. He was put against friends and coworkers, some with over two decades of experience on the department, and came out on the top. Against the odds, him being the most junior guy eligable and testing for promotion, he was the number on choice and received the bugle. ....In case you didn't know bugles are used to designate rank in the fire department. The more bugles you have the higher your rank; ranging from Lieutenant with one bugle to the chief with five.

My husband on the ladder truck at a structure fire a year ago.

Nothing makes me more proud than seeing my husband work hard and succeed at what he does. All those nights spent leaving our warm bed and going into the station for coverage, all those overtime shifts, all those difficult calls, volunteered trainings, and extra classes he has attended at our own cost have all paid off. Congratulations to him!

A Year and a Half

2013-03-05T20:57:00.004-05:00

Happy Half Birthday to my cute, mischievous, funny, adorable, loving, energetic, smiling, tantrum-throwing, high five giving, amazing little girl. ...who looks no less than five years old in this photo!

I can't believe Emily is halfway to two. She even says "two" perfectly now and is working on showing me two fingers when she says the word. My, she is getting big. The tantrums are still going strong and I am finding it hard to deal with them at times. She can drag them out even if I ignore them and its hard to resist picking her up or giving her what she wants. Emily has her mama's persistence for sure.... But I never realized, despite the meltdowns, that is was possible to love a person so much. Its cliche, of course, but honestly I well up with happiness thinking of her. When she runs and yells as I come through the door after work I beam with pride. I know one day she will probably run away, yelling, telling me how horrible of a person I am. Teenage girls are mean. I know... I was one. My hopes are to store up enough sweet moments to draw off of when she's going through less than loving phases.

Also, there have been SEVERAL awesome things that have happened in the last two weeks. Some of you probably know about them (if you're friends with me in real life). There are some big changes coming and both Shawn and I are very excited. I will eliminate one guess right away -- Emily is not going to be a big sister -- no no... so sorry. But, I will have a lot more time starting in the near future to blog about it!

Almost a Month?

2013-02-25T19:06:00.001-05:00

Have I really only posted once this entire month? Holy jeez... I feel so busy and distracted that I can't believe its practically March. Its almost spring! Heck, I am almost a twenty-eight.

Thirty is creeping up on me...

But yes my life has been even more hectic than normal. We are amidst a kitchen remodel. I have a lot of really cool projects going on right now too, but I can't elaborate on them yet.... but in due time I will. All those things have made my life a lot busier than normal. To top it all off every single one of my professional certifications from nursing to EMS expires at the end of this coming month so I am working on getting all that paperwork completed.

I can't lie and say that I haven't decided to just put the laptop down and play with Emily instead or perhaps go out and take photos. Its done me good to take a couple breaks when I can. Also, Shawn and I are going to Boston overnight (baby-less, too!) for my Birthday in a couple weeks. I am very excited. My last trip to Boston was a ton of fun and we were only there for a few hours and a hockey game. If anyone has any 'must see' places or 'must eat' restaurants to hit please don't hesitate to share!

Meanwhile, I'll share some photos from the last few weeks from my various treks with my camera. It hasn't been much of a winter here. The snow is lacking significantly, but I have been able to find a few beautiful places at beautiful moments and capture them!

Ray of Sunshine

2013-02-05T22:08:00.000-05:00

My little ray of sunshine is seventeen months old today! That's almost a year and a half. She's also getting old enough where referring to her age in months rather than years is more confusing than effective.

See, doesn't she exude happiness?

Actually, that's how she's been a lot lately. Her toddler mood swings have bordered on extreme lately. We've had all out meltdowns for zero determinable reason to my knowledge where I just let her pile up and cry out her frustrations at toddler-hood. She gets mad because she doesn't have her sippy cup, because I hand her the sippy cup, because she is holding the sippy cup. You get the idea. She just gets mad about everything.

When she reaches an impass or has a problem, like say climbing up onto the couch (which she can't do without help), she will get mad and cry. I know darn well she is crying, because until now its served as an efficient way to communicate her needs and wants her entire life. Now that she is more mobile, able to "verbalize" things, and developing more complex wants beyond food and comfort crying doesn't suffice anymore. That has her more pissed off than ever. She doesn't always get what she wants, like putting her books in the toilet or climbing into the picture window, and Emily just hasn't figured out how to handle that.

I'm worried that since she is reacting to challenges and frustrations with crying and anger that will be her coping mechanism later in life. I don't want her to be quick to become irritated, but rather think about solutions to her problems or alternatives. When she does become upset I actually get down on the floor with her and sit, calmly, and ask her what else she could do to overcome her problem. Sometimes she just continues to wail and I give in and pick her up, consoling her as she's expected her entire life. Other times she lets me help her sort through her toddler problem and she runs off as if a tantrum never happened.

Either way... I am learning patience at a whole new level and my little ray of sunshine is discovering that sometimes life is hard. You can't always put your toy ambulance in the refrigerator. Sorry Emily.

EXPOsure

2013-01-30T21:04:00.003-05:00

Boy has it been a busy last couple of weeks! One of the biggest moment in my hobby/sort-of-professional career in photography happened this past weekend. If you didn't already know, because I plastered it all over my personal and photography Facebook page, I displayed my work at my first exposition!

Yup, that's me in all my nervous, smiling glory in front of my just set up exhibit. I almost look like I know what I am doing, don't I? In all honesty I had an amazing time. It was great to actually talk about my photography. When people came up to my booth I would let them look at my photos and try and guess where they were taken before telling them the correct answer. It was almost like a "how well do you know the Northeast Kingdom" quiz and people loved it. Some people even bee-lined for me, saying they had been following me on facebook with fervor. How cool is that? I got to meet virtual fans in real life!

Now the whole exposition thing wasn't just easy-peasy. I had a lot of set up to do for it. Since I had never done one before there were a lot of things I had to buy up front. I needed something to display my framed works on. An inventory to sell, and little things like a table cloth and lightning were all extra costs for the first show. While I didn't make back everything I spent I think I did really well considering it was my first show. After it all I at least have inventory and the set up for when I do my next exposition.

Yes, next exposition.

I haven't signed up for one yet, but come this spring/summer I plan on doing another one or two at least when towns start having outdoor fairs. It was just too much fun to only do once... Plus, I get so super excited and think that maybe I'll just be a step away, a handshake away, or a sale away from making it into the big-leagues.

One can dream, right?

Until then, I'll just settle for this little bit of exposure!

Keeping it Off

2013-01-21T21:51:00.003-05:00

A year ago I embarked on my weight loss journey. I was heavier than I had ever been at any point in my life. The baby weight had clung to my waist, hips, and thighs and refused to 'melt off' like everyone claimed it would. My self esteem was at an all time low and I had to do something about it.

Fast forward a year and I am in better shape, slimmer, and healthier than I have ever been. How? Well, somehow, even with an infant that has morphed into a toddler, I make half an hour a day for myself to exercise. Whether its the gym or getting in five or ten minutes on the elliptical at a time while Emily terrorizes the living room I somehow squeeze it in. Its become a habit.

Bottom line you have to make it part of your routine. You take a shower everyday, do your hair, and put on make-up. Why can't you exercise everyday?

You can.

I think the easiest thing about making the habit of exercising stick is to do it every. single. day. When you don't skip a day or two a week in your regular regimen you aren't as tempted to skip an extra day, just like because you shower everyday you don't like to skip a shower even if you're not in the mood. It becomes what you do everyday. You start to feel good, just like after a nice warm shower.

And if someone says they don't have the time to exercise I don't want to hear it... I work a full time job, have my own growing business, work part time, am classes after school to keep my certifications, raising a toddler, and have a clean house. ...okay, maybe my laundry is a little out of control, but I hate folding laundry. There is always time... even for fifteen or twenty minutes.

So, that's it. The key to keeping it off is just keeping at it. Making the habit, keeping the habit, and forgoing excuses. Exercising has become as much a part of my life as making dinner or taking a shower and I think I owe my success to that.

Six months ago and now... I thought I hadn't been losing weight (honestly the scale hadn't moved more than a couple of pounds) and I didn't think I was making progress at all. It was discouraging and I wanted to slack off on exercising -- it would be so much easier, right?! But, this is why I periodically take photos. The difference is apparent, but hard to see from the inside. When you feel down, unchanged, or discouraged look back at a past photo. Sometimes the difference is right in front of you and you can't even see it!

New Car Problems

2013-01-16T19:50:00.001-05:00

Don't let the title throw you off. I absolutely love my new car. Its amazing. It warms up in an instant. Its comfortable. And its nice. But, its a very high tech car and it was its amazing computerization that led me to miss out on something cool the other day...

On my very short, one mile drive to work I get to listen to approximately two minutes of the radio. During those two minutes every weekday they play an audio clip and listeners are suppose to call in and guess what movie the audio clip is from. Since I hear the clips every day and since I have a baby and sit at home watching movies frequently I have called in and won twice in the last few months. They always give away pizza and movie tickets. However, the last couple of weeks they have really upped the ante on prizes. They've been giving away a pair of ski passes every morning!

Now, I don't ski.

At all.

I actually ended up as a patient in an ambulance with a severely sprained ankle that still has some weakness from the last time when I tried skiing.

But, I am never one to let an injury or my irrational fear get me down, especially if its free. That's my four letter word. So, for the last three weeks I have been intently listening to every audio clip every morning in hopes of recognizing it and being the first one to call in.

After weeks of not even recognizing a single movie (they had picked obscure clips since the prizes were much more expensive than normal) I finally recognized one the other day. It was a small, short line from the moving Being John Malkovich. Excitedly I dialed the radio station and my phone connected immediately just as I put the car into park at work.

This is where everything went awry...

To my horror the radio DJs voice blared over the car speakers as my phone, in its high tech automatic way, synced to my car's audio system. One would think its a very handy thing, to have your phone automatically sync and blare your calls through the speakers except that it mutes your voice until you acknowledge that you want to speak openly in the car rather then into your phone. Since my voice was muted the DJ said "hello? hello?!" and then quickly hung up before I could even register how to unmute my fancy car phone.

The one time I knew the answer and got through my extra-fancy car was too high tech for me and blew my chances at getting ski passes. Talk about 'first world problems'....

And I have not recognized any movie sound clips ever since that moment either. It figures.

I Want To Come Back

2013-01-13T21:01:00.001-05:00

This is the view from our land up north. Our land sits empty and waiting for us to one day make something of it. I am dreaming of the day where I can sit next to the woodstove while looking out a picture window at this view. A day where I can watch the lenticular clouds form over the mountains as the sun dips down behind the snow covered landscape. I need to come back, not just visit.

A Big Suprise

2013-01-11T18:55:00.002-05:00

My husband has never been the big romantic type. I think I can count on one hand the time he has surprised me with flowers. Occasionally he'll surprise me with my favorite French Onion Soup for lunch at work or bring home a little snack for me that he knows I'll love, but most of the time he is just as plain as can be when it comes to surprises and suspense. That's just who he is and I am okay with that.

Plus, I am a hard person to surprise. With our crazy schedule and my (more than slightly) OCD personality I don't make it easy for him to whip out something unexpected to make me swoon.

But today Shawn outdid himself.

And I mean really outdid himself!

My work days, especially lately, have been beyond hectic. There is a lot going on and a lot constantly changing and much of my day is spent trying to stay caught up. Mostly you can blame the fact that I have been given charge of the schedule for the nursing department. While my personality lends itself for such a task it is incredibly stressful of late. Over the last couple of weeks I've frequently stayed after work well after my normal end of business time and come in early. Getting groceries has even been a challenge this week.

Shawn was already being amazing enough, cleaning the house, cleaning out my car, and even making dinner when he hasn't been working. Then today at work, late in the afternoon, Shawn randomly appeared in the hallway at work. He was grinning and said "I need you to come outside for a minute." I had no idea what he was talking about and began to follow him.

Moments later we were outside and a new car appeared into view. Shawn ushered me to get in. I was stunned. "A test drive?" I asked him as I was overwhelmed by the smooth leather seats and glowing digital display. It was way more car than I have ever had the privilege of sitting in before.

"Nope. This is yours"

I was stunned. Mine? This is mine? As the words rang in my head I wondered where my old car was. Shawn explained he had spent three days wheeling and dealing with this car, cleaning out my old car, and making the trade. It was already done, finished, and wrapped up. The car was mine to drive away when my work day ended.

The car was everything I could have ever wanted. Heated seats, leather, hands free phone, digital displays, heck it even has mood lighting! I drove it gingerly around the block and parked it. There were just so many buttons and options that I sat and looked at them, wondering over all the options my car possessed.

To make the whole surprise even better Shawn informed me that when they connected my old car to the computer while he was making the trade it indicated that my transmission was shot. Over the last nine months I had taken my car to the dealer complaining that I thought something was wrong with the transmission three times. It just wasn't shifting right, not even since a couple months after I purchased it. Each time they hooked it up to the computer they said the transmission was fine. The third time they flushed the transmission just to appease me, but it still didn't shift right. Now the dealer where my new car came from said not to worry and they would deal with the other dealership that was clearly neglectful. So, I was unknowingly saved from a dangerous car as well.

In the driveway once I got home from work!

Now, this just goes to show that sometimes the type of relationship where you don't always get dozens of roses and boxes of candy ends up being the one where the surprises are just a million times more thought out and meaningful. I'm one lucky woman...

Photos of 2012

2013-01-02T19:56:00.000-05:00

I haven't talked a lot about my photography on here over the last year, but the truth is that my "business" has been growing little by little. Each year I do more photo shoots than the last. Each year I sell more prints than the last. My facebook page has over ONE THOUSAND fans.

That's crazy.

Honestly, I read every single comment on all my photos and sit back in amazement thinking 'man, are my pictures really that good?'. Then I start thinking crazy things like being a famous photographer with a gallery and published book and nights where I speak in front of artsy crowds about photography composition.

I like the way my father put it when I was last talking with him about my photos...Its a great hobby and the best thing about it is that it pays for itself.

So, I wanted to share a summary of some great photos I took over the last year.

I can't wait to see what photos of 2013 I'll capture....

Off Schedule

2012-12-27T19:39:00.002-05:00

I learned one thing over the last week. The schedule matters. I'm referring to my baby's schedule, of course. Upsetting her balance, whisking her to Maryland, and surrounding her with lots of loud and excited relatives meant for one thing.

A cranky baby.

That translated into an exhausted and tired mom. I brought my kindle with two newly purchased books on the trip with hopes of doing a lot of reading. The reality was that I didn't read a single page. Most of my time was spent corralling Emily who wanted to be held more than normal, never wanted to nap, hated everything we gave her to eat, and was unable to be occupied happily by any task for more than a few seconds. It was so stressful that when my dad mentioned he had to run to the store for something I nearly knocked him over running to the door to join him. Boy, I just needed a moment.

Sure, my mom watched Emily for a little here and there, but she was in the middle of her own holiday preparations and had to pay attention to that. Shawn helped when he was home, but most of the time he was out hunting, because part of my Christmas gift to him was a hunting trip on farm a few towns over.

There were just too many stimulations. Relatives coming and going who wanted to hold her and squeeze her and get in her face making silly noises. Nap times that were missed, because of family lunches and get togethers. I paid for all of that in spades.

For days I was seriously perplex as to what happened to my daughter's wonderful personality.

Finally, though, by Christmas Emily had found her groove. She got used to her new surroundings, new sleeping arrangement, and became the happy baby I know her as. Phew...

So, I learned the dangerous lesson of getting off schedule, especially with tons of stimulation and new surroundings. The schedule is not to be taken lightly and toddlers are no where near as capable as adjusting as an adult. Also, I am finding that increasingly I need vacations from my vacations. Perhaps I need to have an actual vacation that both doesn't involve taking my baby and doesn't involve a whirl-wind of family visits!

Christmas so Far

2012-12-17T19:44:00.002-05:00

This year Christmas has been busy. If you haven't been able to tell from my lack of blog posts there has been a heck of a lot going on. Between work, being on call more weekends than I've been off, Shawn's work schedule, and life in general things have been crazy. While our Christmas tree is standing the rest of the season seems to be disjointed. I ordered custom Christmas cards, but they aren't addressed, let alone mailed. Our Christmas shopping is finished, but none of it is wrapped. It feels as if Christmas is halfway done and I have very little energy to tackle it once Emily is fed, washed, and in bed.

One thing I am excited for is Friday. Myself and the rest of my little family will be traveling to Maryland for a good 'ol Eastern Shore Christmas. My mom and sisters will get a huge dose of Emily time. I will get a lot of camera time and to see old friends. Shawn is going to get to hunt. All of us will have an amazing few days.

Lets ignore the fact that the weather forecast right now is horrible for both the way down and the way back. Nothing sounds worse than traveling over five hundred miles through a Nor'easter with a baby. And yes, we are driving... its cheaper and easier than flying. Plus, if Shawn gets a deer while hunting it would be kind of difficult to get the meat back on an airplane. Lets just hope all the snowy weather holds off until the 27th when we are back in Vermont where its welcomed.

So, I have a few days to tie up all the leftovers of Christmas that I haven't before I am casting off all responsibilities and focusing on family. That will be a new thing... no work, no phone ringing constantly, no fire department, none of that. Just family.

Striking a Balance

2012-12-05T21:41:00.000-05:00

For years my work and home melded together as one. Shawn's work and home life flowed just as seamlessly. Somewhere him and I met in the middle and struck a happy medium. Now that Emily is here, especially now that she is a loud and rambunctious toddler, things aren't melding as easy, especially for me.

Shawn is married to the fire department just as much as he's married to me. I knew that going into a relationship with him years ago that he would have to spend a lot of time away from home for his job, much of it from an unexpected call when the pager goes off. That wasn't an issue. If he ran off for a call and I had obligations elsewhere I could just tend to them and know that at some point Shawn and I would end up back home together. Freely, I could excel at my work, dive into projects, and focus on my own career without limitations. Then I became a mom.

A mom who's married to a firefighter.

A mom who's a nurse that's married to a firefighter.

A mom who's a nurse that's married to a firefighter living far away from any family.

That's presented a fair share of complications over the last year and few months. In a marriage like ours someone has to be the one who decides to default and be there for the baby. Someone has to make sacrifices, despite the difficulties. That someone has been me. I would never think of dampening Shawn's drive on the fire department to stay home for family obligations (baring important events, of course). Its what makes him happy and when Shawn is happy I am happy. That's just who I am.

So, Emily and I spend a lot of time together, which isn't a bad thing. In fact, I love spending time with her - of course. She's about the most amazing human being I've met, but I think I am genetically programmed to think that. Either way, despite her lack of any intention to, Emily often puts me in difficult spots. I sometimes have to pass on doing things for myself, for work, and doing things things I enjoy. I have to set boundaries. No longer can I simply do whatever I want or jump to save the day like I might be inclined to. There are lines in the sand that without them existing my family would not function as it does.

I'm fortunate enough to have a wonderfully healthy and happy little family unit. The strife of friends, coworkers, and patients I routinely see makes me appreciate what I have. There are so many problems out there in the world and it isn't easy to keep them at bay. It takes a lot of work.

It takes balance.

My hopes are that people understand why these lines are so hard to draw, but so necessary. They also don't mean I am not any less engaged or eager about the things I do, but have to set limits on. Would I like to work more, come in earlier or go home later sometimes? Sure! But who then would pick up Emily or be home to wake her up? Would I like to do more photography? Sure! But who would spend time with Emily while I take the photos or edit them? A child is a wonderful complication, but it doesn't make me any less of a person, just a more responsible and balanced one.

Part of me is very excited for when she is older and can do things and go places and be part of everything! ...she'll grow, eventually, and then those lines in the sand can be redrawn.

Play Time is Becoming more Fun

2012-11-26T20:20:00.001-05:00

Now that Emily is officially walking playtime has taken on a whole new aspect of its own. Its gotten a lot more fun. There is running, laughing, chasing, hiding, and seeking. She's developing one heck of a playful personality, too.

I remember thinking fondly, even before I was pregnant, that I was going to one day take my baby to the park across the street -- how civilized to be able to just go across the street to a park complete with a playground?! -- and I would run and laugh and swing and slide with her. Now, I have turned that fond thought into a reality. While the swings were picked up for the winter and the she didn't quite understand the idea of the slide (or like the sudden drop down even the smallest ones) there was plenty of running and chasing.

We ran around in the backyard before going to the park.

While I miss the tiny, cooing, and squeaky baby Emily once was I have to admit that every new milestone she reaches I enjoy more and more. I keep thinking this part is better than the last every single time. Pretty soon she'll be doing dance or gymnastics or softball and I'll be cheering and beaming with pride as she completes a somersault or rounds second base. It just keeps becoming more fun...

Where Halloween Isn't Just About Kids

2012-11-17T11:26:00.001-05:00

In all honesty I forgot to take a lot of photos this Halloween. Knowing how attached I am that's very unusual, but really I was so focused on spending time with Emily and enjoying a fun night with her that I forgot to take many photos.

While most people go door to door through the neighborhood on Halloween there is a better place to go, in my opinion. I never would have thought of it either, but a nursing home is an amazing place to go for Halloween. The one I work at actually does a huge celebration for it. Decorations, spooky set ups, games, prizes, coloring contests, and a free bike raffle. All the residents get excited days in advance. Tons of candy is purchased. The night of Halloween they all sit outside their rooms doling out candy to all the children. I think that the older folks might even enjoy it more than the children!

What I tell people who ask where I'm going is that going to the nursing home is like going to sixty houses in one swoop. It's all lit, safe, an indoors. The added activities are a bonus. Not to mention, the resident's happiness. It's a win all the way around.

So, next year when you are planning out your route for trick-or-treating make sure it includes a nursing home. There is no better place to go!

And here are a few photos of this year's Halloween...

Deer Camp

2012-11-12T20:51:00.001-05:00

Where have I been? Heck, where haven't I been is a more appropriate question, at least if your frame of reference is the state of Vermont. The past couple of weeks Shawn and I have been in the woods across a good chunk of the state, exploring land and looking for deer in anticipation of the long awaited rifle season. I am a hunter, of sorts, anyway.

This past weekend Shawn and I spent three days at hunting camp. Emily was there for part of it, but mostly we had a chance to spend time being adults without the worry of entertaining a toddler, changing diapers, and preparing meals that had nutritional value. While no deer were harmed during the weekend (sadly - because my freezer is near empty) we managed to have a very good time. Also, thrown into the last couple of weeks has been a visit from my mother and my father's 50th birthday.

And when it comes to Emily, she is doing great. She's walking as much, if not more, than she is crawling. She spent one weekend with her mommom and the other with her nana. She's one lucky baby to have such a loving family!

So, here are some photos from the last couple of weeks from hanging out at home to hunting in the woods.

Weekend in the Woods

2012-10-30T19:50:00.000-04:00

There's nothing I love more than time well spent outdoors. This past weekend Shawn, Emily, and I got to do just that. We went up north and had a great day up at "camp", our family's hunting camp. Besides starting the wood stove and airing everything out we also rode 4 wheelers, went hunting, for long walks, sited in our rifles, and soaked in the unusually warm sun.

I can't wait until hunting season begins in less than two weeks.

Meanwhile, here are lots of photos from this weekend. Enjoy!

Vaccines Got Her Down

2012-10-24T18:40:00.002-04:00

Its been a while since I've posted, but heck... its been a while since I've had my wits about me and my hands free of a sick/feverish baby to be able to type. The last week has been filled with fevers, doctor visits, long nights, early mornings, and a lovely red rash. Sounds fun, right?

It all began last Thursday. Emily was happily eating dinner when she suddenly started crying and just wasn't acting right. When I picked her up I knew something wasn't right. She was burning up. When I checked her temperature it was over 102.

My poor sick muffin. She spent a lot of time on the couch and cuddling.

To make a long story and a long weekend short we ended up in a cycle of high fevers, tylenol, motrin, cold baths, a worthless trip to the doctor, and researching Emily's fever with lack of symptoms online. After a while Shawn and I were both frustrated and wondering what was going on with our baby girl. She had no other symptoms, just a fever and it was too high to be related to teething. Then... we knew what it was.

Her MMR vaccine.

Sure enough, Shawn researched the side effects of the vaccine and found that a week to a week and a half after the first MMR vaccination a child can develop a significant fever with no other symptoms. The fever is then followed by a rash. Right on cue the following day a horrendous rash developed, but her fever also broke.

Disregard Emily's blinking. She was happy her fever was gone and the rash didn't seem to bother her at all.

Fortunately the rash abated after three days and she is now back to herself. No fever, no rash, no more reaction. And for those who are still wondering the question I have been asked many many times in the last week; "are you going to continue vacinating Emily?". The answer is yes.

Emily's reaction is not an adverse reaction or an indication of an allergy. It is just an indication of a sensitivity, meaning that her immune system is particularly keen and sensitive in its function. Its a good thing... well not the fever, but that her immune system is that acute. While I know that vaccinations is probably the second most contested topic among moms next to breast feeding I am not afraid to say I fully support it. There are exceptions to everything, but I highly advocate for everyone to obtain their vaccinations, if not for themselves, but also for those around them who cannot have the vaccinations (like newborn babies, etc). Sometimes vaccines aren't totally about providing immunity for yourself, but also providing contact immunity for others.

Oh, and Emily is fine now. Back to her normal, energetic, happy self. Rash free.