My search for meanings...

Living on love and fresh air

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Mon, 09 Apr 2012 06:22:00 +0000

Simple living still exits in the times of consumerism. Was reminded of this fact and an article which I had read a couple of years back - http://www.downtoearth.org.in/node/3187 when I saw a similar article link posted on a friend's gtalk status message.

Although this kind of lifestyle is not possible in its entirety, however taking some inspiration from it and simplifying our lives, rather reducing our list of must-have things without which we think the world will cease to exist, is the very least that we can do.

Thanks once again Piu for posting the link :)

Lessons

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Sun, 25 Sep 2011 18:25:00 +0000

Why does life keep teaching me lessons which I never want / intend / wish to learn in the first place.

This is one question that has kept intriguing me since a very long time. And every time a "learning" is added, it leaves me even more perplexed. An optimistic view will be to use each such instance as a learning. Extract something out of it, ruminate over it and add to your collective experience database. A pessimistic view will be to look up towards the sky and shriek "Why Me?". And then there is an entire gamut of people having a opinion which hangs somewhere in between.

However I have a viewpoint which doesn't fit into this continuum. At time I feel tired of the free and uncalled for (over)dose of adventures and wish for a dull and boring phase in my life. Is that too much to wish for ?

Dynamic stillness

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Sat, 27 Aug 2011 07:08:00 +0000

Being a weekend I did not have to go through the alarm – snooze – snooze some more – OMG!!! I am late @#$%^& – swear some more – get ready – rush– office commute grind and had the luxury of getting up as I pleased. Made the best of this luxury by waking up well past the time by which I am usually at office. This is one simple and silly comparison always makes me feel good :)

The first thing I did after waking was opened all the windows. Thankfully the place where I stay is a peaceful one, which I think is a luxury in this maddening city. The brightness of the day, the soft clatter of the rain and the chirping of sparrows makes the perfect de-stress package for me. Always makes feel more relaxed and peaceful from inside. More so when I am aware that I have the luxury of time and can just sit near the window till as long as I feel and admire the rains, and don’t have to step out at all. These are the days when I truly enjoy the fabled Mumbai Monsoons.

Went through the tea – biscuit – newspaper routine. Once done with it, noticed outside the window, it was raining continuously in a steady flow. And sitting on the other side of the window, was me, with a thousand thoughts clattering my mind. The sound of the rains and the flow of thoughts in my head where at the exact same frequency and going on in an endless loop. Both of us enveloped in our own sweet obsession and compulsion.

And there right between me and the rains outside, sitting on the window ledge noticed the money-plant creeper sitting so very still, almost in a Zen like state, full of calmness and composure.

In my typical manner I would have loved to sermonize about it. But urge doesn’t seem to be there. Instead of obsessing myself to draw conclusions, for once I decided to enjoy this moment as it is, its dynamic stillness and share it just that way.

On Pain and Love

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Sun, 21 Aug 2011 18:40:00 +0000

In a workshop on "Self Healing through Creative Writing", that I attended last weekend during one of the exercises we were told to explore various themes in our lives and make space for them to surface and express themselves. This often is the first step towards closure. Catharsis through writing is something I had been doing for a while but then over the last few months had totally stopped. This has lead to a strong feeling of frustration at my inability to express.

However over the course of this two day workshop, I took the courage to once again let the feelings take over and express themselves through words. Some of them came in a natural flow, whereas others are still in the process of taking shape.

Following a Haiku like structure, using word economy and visualization here is what I wrote on two central themes of my life -

On Pain -

Pain striked
Cold numbness followed
I kept breathing
Life moved on

On love -

Your embrace
Tender and warm
Heals me
Completes me

There are also two verses that I wrote in Hindi, which I have also posted on my hindi blog - http://anubhutiyaa.blogspot.com/

जीवन

चार कोस

जीवन यात्रा

प्रारब्ध, प्रारंभ

विस्मय और अंत

शाम

स्याह शाम में

सिमट गयी

सारे शेहेर की उदासी

और मेरे मन का अँधेरा

This was an attempt from my end to atleast get started with writing, the way I had done it in the past and hope to keep exploring and keep posting more.

Vicarious Happiness

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 09:24:00 +0000

Osho says - To know that all has failed is the beginning of a new journey. To know that "All that I have achieved is lost" is the beginning of a new search for something that cannot be lost. When one is utterly disillusioned with the world and all its successes, only then one becomes spiritual.

I wish

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 13:02:00 +0000

In the mid-week madness of work, a thought kept hammering me all day through. Finally had to let it out :)

I have been in "I wish..." mode these days. And the latest in the series is -

I wish for new endings and old beginings

So long...

New (Year) Musings...

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Sat, 01 Jan 2011 19:40:00 +0000

In an attempt to follow the broad based trend and to reinforce the pretense of being intelligent and a thinker, tried to reflect on the year gone by. This effort lasted for almost a fortnight. Jotted a few thoughts (read: some scrambled sentences) over this span. But it all turned out to be too random to be joined together and to be claimed coherent :P

So I decided to do something else, instead to trying to make so sense of everything past, trying to think of what are the things on which I can channelize my thoughts and energy in the year ahead.

Its been a really long since the last time I wrote a new year resolution. However, as strange as it sound, this time around felt an inner urge to list a few goals towards I ought to be working on. Here are a few things on which I would like to focus in the year 2011 -

Clear the clutter - There is a cobweb of thoughts that have been just there, have not taken too much effort to confront them. High time now to come out of this cognitive lethargy. Also, keep going in the effort to organize my financial paperwork.
Think simple - Like I mentioned in my previous post, its often we who complicate the situation by adding our own coloured interpretations. In both, my personal and financial life, will try to control this as much as possible.
Live simple - To fill all the space that is created by simple thoughts and de-cluttering, with things that I enjoy to do the most.Creating a "personal space", reading regularly, listening to good music.
Write more - Writing has been cathartic for me. Unfortunately last year lost the flow and also at times simply didn't put the effort. Will require the help of a few of my dear friends who have been a regular reader of this blog. Need them to give me the push required to get the flow back when I am stubborn and lazy.

Happy New Year - 2011

Reactions...

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 04:50:00 +0000

Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you respond to it - Anonymous

Came across this thought, liked it in the first instance. Posted it as my Gtalk status message. This is one statement which pretty much summarizes my life learnings (if such a term exists, else I lay my claim to it :)

This has been my biggest take-away from life. No matter what the circumstances, its how we choose to respond to it that really matters. In the hind-sight when I look at so many events in life which were breakthrough, which really helped me to come out of my mental blocks and move in a different (often radical and tangential) direction, it was not the external factors but the internal ones that helped the most. What amazed me was that, in most cases, the external circumstances were exactly the same, and yet the choice (mostly taken without much forethought) that I took which mattered and made all the difference. This makes me also realize that, we act so confident, wise and intelligent, when talking about things of the past.

Closure ...

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 18:46:00 +0000

Letting go of the past, trying to move forward and to make a new start.

As clichéd as it might sound, thats what I am trying to do. And I will be forever grateful to people who have been a support for me in this journey, transition and closure. Saying thanks will be belittling the effort, love and concern. So I am not going to say so.

However, the sense of gratitude will forever be heart warming for me.

(Lack of) Expressions...

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Fri, 10 Sep 2010 12:34:00 +0000

the meanings are changing

they don't fit into my world anymore

the meanings are changing

they don't fit into my words anymore

need newer expressions now

Trek to Bhimashankar

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 12:53:00 +0000

Click on the pic above to view the album. And do remember to comment :)

Trek to Tung

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 20:38:00 +0000

Click on the pic below to open the web-album

Idea of a perfect weekend

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 18:39:00 +0000

Saturday

Sleeping till noon

Walking up and sitting with a mug of green tea, enjoying the silence both outside and within :)

Finishing off the newspaper at my own leisurely pace

Watching Alice in Wonderland in 3D Format at World's Largest IMAX Dome Theater at Wadala

Dinner at a Punjabi roadside Dhaba (meal for two Rs. 58/- all inclusive) :P

Sunday

Night Out :D

Depart for Lonavala at 0430 am

Awesome roller-coaster bus ride

Trek to Fort Tung

Great view from the top

Lunch on the way back (at some random place)

Uploading Pics on Facebook

Adding new friends on Facebook

Leaving the room as unorganized as it has been for the past 3 weeks ;)

Prepared to doze off for 10 hours straight :D

Trek to Harishchandgad

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 13:59:00 +0000

Trek to Harishchandgad

One more trek completed in this month :)

I had heard and read a lot of reviews about Harishchandgad, which is the located in the Malshej Ghat and is the second highest peak in the Shayadri range. Upon getting an invite for the trek I was both excited and apprehensive. Excited because I had really enjoyed my last trek with V Hikerz. And apprehensive as the trek had been classified as “medium to tough” by most of the trekkers who had blogged about it. Well aware of my current state of fitness I was in a state of doubt and flux whether I should go for it or not. Ultimately after weighing my options and have a brief discussion with Varun and Samiir, who pep talked me out of it, decided to take the plunge.

After my last trek I had promised myself to be in a slightly better shape and be more regular at Gym. However, that wasn’t supposed to be. In the span between my last trek and this one (which was two weeks) , I went to the gym a grand total of two times L
And also the night before we had to start, I arrived late from work and for some odd reason decided to give sleep a miss :P

So on Friday night, with one night out and a complete day at work and a confused body clock headed to Dadar. We took the last local train to Kalyan at 12:55. From Kalyan we took the first bus out and reached the starting point. I slept through most part of the bus ride and missed most of the view, the only thing that I remembered was the chilly breeze that kept hitting me and how desperately it tried to sleep in the rollercoaster bus ride. We reached the start point (Khubi Phata, Khireshwar Village- Malshej Ghat) within three hours. Where we were greeted by an amazing view of the valley and pleasant sunshine.

I can divide this entire trek into three parts-
· Initial Ascent – Khireshwar to Tolar Khid
· Rock Patch (which will be the focal point of this post)
· Final Walk

Initial Ascent – Motivated by scenic beauty, amazing breeze and a hearty breakfast, we started the trek. The initial part was fairly easy. Walking through the jungle amidst ample shade was a fairy enjoyable experience.

Rocky Patch - After about an hour and half we reached the point from where the rocky patch started. This was the part of the trek about which I was very apprehensive, the reason being I am a bit scared of open heights. There were ample stories about this patch that I read online. So my anxiety started to shoot the moment we reached here.

Now let me digress a bit.

Trekking is something I have been thinking about and had always aspired to do. My past trek experiences have made me realize how I need to work on developing more physical stamina and overcoming my fear for open heights to become a regular trekker. I have decided to use these two reasons as a motivation to stretch and challenge myself.

The only way to fight your deepest fear is to confront it and be ready to put yourself to the test. The rock patch at Harishchandgad made me precisely do that. I had this open rock patch which became steeper as we progressed and top it we had a deep valley just behind us. The view was intimidating and the very thought – one slip and ….. (didn’t have the nerve to complete the sentence) left me frozen.

The moment of confrontation had come and I knew that there was no turning back from it. I started to take deep breaths and completely focusing on my footsteps, handgrips and weight balancing.

The thing that I find funny and ironic about myself is I tend think, panic, fret so much before starting something challenging. Usually after making the plunge these is barely anytime for cognitive diligence and all that remains is pure action.

In this case since the situation was much more primal, me against the brute and unforgiving forces of nature, I had to focus every bit of my energy to the task in hand, which by the way was – walking :P

The intensity of the focus that I have experienced while negotiating such rock patches over the past few treks has been beyond comparison. It made me realize that we have such a negative connotation of the word “fear”. Little do we realize that at times fear can drive us to achieve what we would never have done otherwise. It helps us stretch and challenge ourselves and all the boundaries that we have imposed on ourselves.

Reminded me of the voice over of a soft drink commercial –

Dar sabko lagta hai
Gala sabka sukhta hai
Dar se mat daro
Dar ke aage
badho
Kyonki darr ke aage jeet hai

Which loosely translates to –

Every feels afraid
Everyone’s throat parches
Don’t be afraid of
fear
March ahead of it
Because beyond fear lies victory

So after overpowering my internal fears and successfully negotiating the rock patch, reached a plateau and started the third phase of the trek.

Final Walk – This part of the trek consisted of walking up and down seven hillocks. It is during this phase that the exertion of the trek started to show its affect and to make things worse the sun was at its peak, with very little shade available. The terrain was mostly rocky and flat. We had to take more frequent breaks. My shoulders started to hurt, due to the weight of the backpack. This patch took us little more than an hour to complete.

We were so glad to reach the final destination. We found a perfect cave for us to stay, a helpful village couple who assured us to take care of our belongings and cook for us at night. Enjoyed the wonderful sunset at Konkankada (which is a sheer cliff with a vertical drop of 1700 feet, which gives an awesome view of the Malshej Ghat) and got a chance to click some nice snaps.

For the descent we were able to find a route that was much less strenuous. It was via Pachnai. It took us less than an hour to descent. From the base village we boarded a State Transport bus to Rajur and then book a jeep from there upto Kasara. From Kasara it was a local train journey via Dadar to Borivali.

I reached home tired, exhausted, without a bath for two days, still feeling recharged and motivated from within :)

Thanks V Hikerz for planning such an amazing trek and also making me a part of it.

Now my next target – Do some monsoon treks in the Sahyadris

Eyes have it...

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 20:21:00 +0000

You spoke to me

soft eyes

lingering glimpse

Pure emotions

spoken

and received

One fluid motion

a moment

that lasted till eternity

There is so much that eyes can say without words. Who needs words when there is such a beautiful medium of communication :)

PS: Thanks PD, for sharing the magic of such beautiful eyes and a soft smile. Although this was just a pic and all we had was just a chat. They revived me from a self-imposed state of comfortable numbness back to life. Making me realize that beauty has the power to invoke deep seated love and make you feel real and alive once again.

Trek to Bhupatgad...

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 12:49:00 +0000

Trek to Bhupatgad

So I am four trek old now. Here goes the list in chronological order -

Kalsubai - Highest peak on the western ghats, was only told so somewhere mid-way during the trek :(
Korigad - Was suppose to be a simple treak, which also made me realize how terribly out of shape I was. And yet did nothing about it.
Torna - Same as above, only this was a medium grade trek so made my body ache for full 4 days
Bhupatgad - First trek of 2010. Was a simple and fun trek. What made it even more enjoyable was the bus ride through the wilderness and the vast expanses of open spaces.

The trek to Bhupatgad happened on 14th Feb. One day which has been hyped and exalted to levels of insanity and become a big marketing opportunity. This is one particular day when singles are made to feel miserable by one and all.

Fortunately for me this trek happened and gave me an opportunity to re-connect with myself.

About the trek- The journey to the base village was a wondeful 3 hours ride from Mumbai. Initial part of it was on the Mumbai- Surat highway. However the best part came as we moved away from the highway to the roads less travelled. I am sorry I dont remember any of the locations by name, if you happen to be interested in getting the exact road directions please let me know, will connect you to my friends who are give the exact road directions.

The roads were in an amazing condition making the ride a real pleasure. And to top it were the barren and beautiful landscapes. The long streches of barren land with patches of green was such a pleasent sight and contrast to the space starved city of Mumbai. Strong gushes of fresh air on the face were a reminder that nature still exists in a pure form in not so distant places. As far as the trek goes, was a pretty easy one. Even for an out of shape person like me :)

During the trek, the view of the surrounding peaks and valleys was a beautiful sight. Luckily for us, even though we started the trek pretty late in the morning, the heat wasn't much and there was ample of shade on the way. Overall an easy trek and great way to enjoy yourself.

The reason why I would remember it is, this trek give me ample of time to re-connect with myself. Valentine day is celebrated as a day on which you are suppose to show your love and affection towards your significant other. However this Valentine Day I chose to spend quality time with myself. Realising that no matter how many trials and tribulations life throws at us, what really matters is how we choose to face them AND despite what life throws at us how much can we really enjoy and live each moment. This is one thing that we have to learn at an individual level, because filling inner void and emptiness by all things external (be it a relationship or material things) is a sure shot recipe for disaster.

Ayn Rand beautifully sums this up in The Fountainhead -

“To say ‘I love you,’ one must first know how to say the ‘I.’”

Farewell Grandmom...

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 18:59:00 +0000

Grand mom passed away day before yesterday (21st Jan) after a year long struggle with bad health. A life lived well. Full of dignity, hard work and pride.

Despite bad weather and two flight cancellations I was fortunate enough to reach Allahabad to perform the last rites as per Hindu belief at the bank of river Ganges. After a long series of rituals (mostly symbolic) that are to be followed in the Hindu way of cremation was able to gain insight into the deeper meaning attached to a few of them. I only pray and hope that she finds liberation from the cycle of birth and death and moves to a higher level of consciousness.

May her soul rest in peace.

Lack of Words...

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 17:09:00 +0000

Prelude: Thanks to Shibani, a post that had been incomplete for months, giving me blank stars and mocking me whenever I booted up my laptop, has finally come to a logical conclusion and ready to be posted.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wondered why when we bump into someone whom we have been out of touch with since ages, the conversation starts almost on the same note-

How have you been ?

Good. How about you ?

Fine.

So what’s up, its been really a while since we last spoke.

Yeah. True. So what’s up?

Well, nothing much.

How is job going ?

Good. And yours?

Well some rough patches here and there, but smooth sail most of the time.

Good. And how is your girlfriend (or boyfriend or significant other)

Chal raha hai.

Lets sit sometime and catch up like old times.

Sure would love to do that.

(exchange of contact info)

(Goodbyes)

And then never bothering to get in touch again.

I am not sure about the rest of the people, but this surely happens with me a lot of times. And these are the same people who at one point of time were the closest college, school, classes or building buddies. With the passing of time one just gets busy with ones own life.

Well can actually categorise them into three possible reasons for this- first, Genuine lack of interest and little common ground, we all change with time so our interests, hobbies too could change thus leaving the commonalities behind; second, there are new additions into our world the toll of work & pressure that come alongside which takes away a major portion of our time, then comes the significant other, not to miss out the family & some new friends. The older ones just drift apart for no specific reasons. It just happens!!! Third, so much water has passed down the bridge that you really don’t know where to start.

Well there are times when I can actually categorise some of my old friends into all of these scenarios. A chance phone conversation with an old school pal who in school was my best friend made me realize we have grown into very different people & with absolutely different interests left me wondering how?? the conversation just did not move ahead from the regular exchange of pleasantries. I did whine about it a little while…but then was back to my normal self coz the absence or presence of this long lost friend of mine would not make a difference to my world now.

So many times I have faced something which is a mix of the second and third situation. Even when I met up with someone who was really a good friend at one point of time and I really want to share all that life has been through since we last met, don’t really know where to start from. But we did manage to gather the past & voila…it was just like old times…& this has happened not once but a couple of times & we just manage to pick up from where we left last..,

Leaves me with a thought what’s going to be like say five years down the line? Will I be writing another blog post about how I have outgrown the current people in my life or will some stay all along and some drift away?

Only time can answer this one!!!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

PS: Shibani- We should be having such random conversations more often :)

Silence...

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 10:16:00 +0000

Finally after more than a week of wait, I am publishing this chain of thoughts as it is. There are too many missing links in the flow and too much has been left unsaid. However, I believe letting it stay back any longer is not going to solve the purpose. So here goes one more post in an attempt to understand myself and my experiment with silence. I think I have forewarned enough about the incoherence of thoughts and expressions to explain further J

For most of us silence is a very unsettling experience. Especially if it is for a prolonged period of time. We tend to re-act to silence by trying to run away from it the best we can. Ironically as it might be but silence makes us more restless and fidgety. I for one for a major part have been that ways.

Only off late have noticed a gradual change in me from being uncomfortable and afraid of it I have been moving towards phases of mindful silence. I call it so because these are phases when I am merely an observant. Fully aware and being passive (by choice), just letting silence unroll.

It has not been an easy roll out till date. The emotional turmoil which I am going through keeps coming to the surface, resulting in a struggle between keeping peace and once again letting the vicious chain of thoughts take control.

Just came across this sentence in a book on Zen Buddhism –

Mindfulness is an energy that can hold the suffering, the anger, the despair, if you know how to hold your suffering for long enough, you get relief.

After going through a prolonged period of suffering and being emotionally drained out in the last few months, my only hope is letting silence take control and show me the path of healing. Putting these thoughts into words has not been an easy task for me. Being an introvert, all my struggles and conflicts as well as the source of their solution always lies inside. However this time I know this is not going to work for me. I am gathering the courage to bring it out step by step. I seek solutions and understanding which lies beyond me and bring the lost harmony.

Hunger...

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 10:16:00 +0000

life becomes so boring and meaningless when you are not hungry... both in metaphorical and literal sense :P

Trek to Torna...

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 11:32:00 +0000

13 Spetember 2009 - Trek to Torna

Trek to Torna

Dictionary...

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 16:58:00 +0000

The cynic in me, that usually lies dormant or atleast undercover suddenly raised in all its glory this sunday morning and asked me -

When things stop making sense and start to loose meaning, is it time to buy a dictionary ?

Any answers :P

Miss you dad...

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 20:36:00 +0000

Its that day of the year which I think about and keep promising to handle in a different and more mature way. Yet the gush of feelings and raw emotions is too strong to be in control.

Its been sixteen years, yet I miss you dad.

People say time heals, yet thats one thing that never seems to work for me. Life to me at times seems nothing more than a journey marred by wounds and scars. A recent setback also validated the same.

The only recourse that I do find is in diverting my mind to other things. That seems to work for me most of the times. And other times, I have found comfort in just letting me be myself, letting my feeling surface and coming to terms with my reality.

Over the years the only difference that I found in myself is that now I no longer try to escape. I am learning to face my self, my loss and my pain.

Perception of Perfection

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 12:22:00 +0000

Someone close to me wrote during a series of intermittentent conversations -

there is nothing perfect in this word..but when u have your own perception of perfection in your mind then life becomes very difficult becoz then its really difficult to adjust in other scenario which according to one is not perfect

So what really should we change, our definition of perception or our perception ?

Any suggestions ???

Reflection in the mirror...

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 09:31:00 +0000

Often even the mirror doesn’t show the reality. We only see what we want to see. It is our perception that we see in the mirror. And perception is nothing more than our interpretation of everything within us and beyond. The looking glass through which we choose to see both the inside and the outside world. If the world seems to have turned sepia all of a sudden, it is because of the tinted lens that we put on and not due to change in world order.

The same holds true for relationships and the way we choose to connect with the world. If we are empty from inside then no matter how complete the other person is, all that we will see is portions of his/ her that are empty too. The glass will always seem to be half empty. The world around us will always seem to have a void. A no matter how hard we attempt to fill the void by filling it with more and more companionship, activities and actions, the feeling of emptiness is going to remain there, forever. And gradually when all our attempts start to fail, we start to head towards despair and hopelessness starts to crop in from all spheres.

The only way to end this misery is look inwards, and accept oneself. Accept oneself for the person we are, for the past we had, our current and past relations, and for all that that constitutes a part of our being. It is only when start the process of accepting and becoming at peace with oneself that we will start to understanding things in a wider perspective and start to appreciate things that form a part of external reality.

And it is only after reaching this stage that we can start to look for a meaning and fulfilling relationship. One which does not bind us down and lead us to despair, but instead, liberates us and pushes us up towards greater heights of love and happiness.

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