My search for meanings...

Change

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Sun, 09 Apr 2017 06:11:00 +0000

Change is natural and yet change is the most difficult to accept and adapt to. Like everything else, it is all a matter of perspective.

It's OK

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Thu, 06 Apr 2017 07:35:00 +0000

Often we tend to complicate our lives by over-thinking and over-analysis. That along with a challenging situation is a perfect recipe for chaos. My experience till now has taught me to accept the reality and to assure oneself that this too shall pass.

And in the meantime I strive towards simplicity.

"Simplicity is an achievement. It follows from a hard-won clarity about what matters." Alain De Botton

New Year

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Tue, 29 Dec 2015 06:51:00 +0000

The legacy that is carried forward without fail, year after year is a bunch of expectations. Some real, some absurd. The wishlist of all that could have been and all the possibilities. Often too afraid to give them wings, they remain in the thought closet, carried forward one more year.

So long 2015.

Expert advise and self-reflections

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Sat, 08 Mar 2014 13:10:00 +0000

I consider myself as a closed person who finds it a challenge to express and share. And admire people who are open and can share their feelings more openly and freely. It takes a degree of courage to open up. Appreciate the confidence that people sometimes put it in me when they share what is on their mind. Its a very humbling experience to hear someones personal experience. I always hope that I have been able to give some comfort by offering my sincere empathy and a bit of advise based on my own limited personal experiences.

So many times when we look at the situation of others, we are almost immediately ready with answers, solutions and (mostly) unsolicited advise. And yet when we have to tackle with our situation we at a loss and have the choicest of adjectives (challenging, uphill, tough, unfair, why me??) to define it and mostly clueless how to tackle it.

Why is it that we can look at the situation of others from an objective viewpoint and yet when it comes to personal situations our emotions colour our thoughts and judgement.

"Why me?"

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Sat, 19 Oct 2013 16:20:00 +0000

Just complete reading this article by Dr. Deepak Chopra - Why Does God Allow Evil ?

In this article he raises an issue which thanks to the media onslaught, have to grapple with on a day-to-day basis. Reading / Hearing about horrific acts of violence that are happening the world over often gets one thinking and questioning the very basic principles on which our personal belief system rests. Does God exist ? If he does, then why is a mute spectator in all the madness that is there around us. Why does he yet innocent people suffer and die.

Although the post talks about public tragedies, his suggestions to the issue (I will not call them as solutions) are equally valid in the case of personal suffering too. The pain that follows a personal suffering, leaves one numb emotionally and intellectually, is often impenetrable. We try to search for and attribute meanings to the suffering and in turn seek answer to one question that can at times haunt us for years - "Why me?".

No matter how hard we think over it, the closure seems to be elusive and this chain of thoughts become a downward spiral sucking in all mental and emotional energy.

The way out is not simple, it requires courage and acceptance. Courage to step out of the denial mode and coming to terms with the reality. Whatever happened, is past tense now, accepting this as a fact of life. The final step and what will actually drive things forward is the magic word - "Faith".

And just while I was writing this post an analogy came to my mind which seems apt here, for a ship to stay afloat in water and to keep moving it requires three things -

Ballast - which gives it stability. Similarly, courage is our ballast which acts as a reality check and gives us stability in troubled times.
Rudder - which helps it move in a particular direction. Similarly, acceptance and moving on is the rudder which can give a new direction and purpose to our life.
Propeller - which gives it thrust. Similarly, faith either at a personal level or faith in something external (people or religion) can be the driving force which will literally propel in the right direction.

The sea will always be rough and harsh, however as always the choice lies with us, whether we would give in to it a remain at its mercy or if we want to steer our life in the direction that we would like to.

PS: Writing this post has been cathartic for me. I was struggling with a few thoughts in my mind for past few weeks and was unable to make a headway. Reading the article and then thinking and writing about it has cleared my mind and helped me re-focus :)

Happy every day (including Valentines' day)

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Thu, 14 Feb 2013 16:59:00 +0000

"...to make a leap for real love, you don’t need much more than a twelve anna sari and a moving train", thus ends this simple and heartfelt article - 1941 - A love story or Why you don't need Valentine's Day on Firstpost.com. There is also an audio clip at the end of the article in which Mrs. Debika Ghosh (on whom the article is based) talks about her experience. I have very limited and rudimentary understanding of Bangla, but still could sense from the firmness in her voice how vivid are the memories in her mind of things that happened more than 70 years ago and how strong the 90 years young lady still is.

As I sit for my daily dose of semi-voyeuristic pleasure from the public posts on Facebook (thank you Facebook for making it so public and convenient. And hence redeeming a billion people from the guilt and embarrassment of being caught in the recent visitor lists which use to exist in the painful and pre-historic times of Orkut), the thought that crosses my mind is, people are so caught up in the frenzy of celebrating and offcourse letting the world know in almost real time about it through the status updates, that do they actually have time to realise and relish real love.

I for one, still derive comfort from many beautiful, timeless and often contradictory notions of love which are not bound by any specific day of the year. Sharing the ones with whom I strongly relate to -

“To say ‘I love you’ one must know first how to say the ‘I.’” The Fountainhead - Ayn Rand

"Love is painful because it transforms. Love is mutation. Each transformation is going to be painful because the old has to be left for the new. The old is familiar, secure, safe, the new is absolutely unknown." - Osho

"Love is not a thing that can be planned and cultivated; it cannot be bought through sacrifice or through worship. There is no means to love. The search for a means must come to an end for love to be. The spontaneous shall know the beauty of love, but to pursue it ends freedom. To the free alone is there love, but freedom never directs, never holds. Love is its own eternity." - Jiddu Krishnamurti

Midnight's Children - Thoughts and After-thoughts

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Tue, 05 Feb 2013 06:04:00 +0000

This post is not a review of the movie.

Although I must admit, it was brilliant to watch. A bit disappointing when I compare it with the novel. However, the sheer visual delight and screenplay more than compensated for the erratic narrative. And what made it an even more enjoyable watch was that I managed to find a near empty sunday afternoon show.

"The difference between reality and fiction? Fiction has to make sense "- Tom Clancy

Read this quote on sunday morningand it bounced back in my mind when I was seeing the movie - Midnight's Children. And has been ever echoing in my mind. Nudging me to give space and dimension.

The story line is layered with multiple themes (realistic and abstract) and full of allegory. And yet as the story progresses, each of them flow along with it sometimes in parallel, at times intersecting and many a times in disconnect. And yet as the climax approaches they all entwine and start heading towards a culmination as if causation was working its magical charm. Wish the same could be said about reality.

How I wish reality could make sense and provide a sense of closure on so many parallels - thoughts (real, unreal, imagined and surreal), hopes, experiences (lived and vicarious) that keep running in our head.

Musings

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Wed, 26 Dec 2012 14:56:00 +0000

"Is life meant to be rational and linear? Or is it just us trying to retrofit our ideals, illusions and delusions into everything we touch and see?" - AT

Window Sill

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Wed, 19 Dec 2012 06:00:00 +0000

Captivity, muted growth, crammed spaces, sunshine and hope. Sometimes a picture can capture so much in a single frame. Then as a after-thought I wonder is this a reflection of the state of my mind.

Happy Diwali

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Mon, 12 Nov 2012 07:51:00 +0000

Wishing all a warm, loving and prosperous Diwali & great year ahead.

Amidst (I was tempted to say "Instead", guess I am gradually but surely turning into a puritan :) ) all the shopping, decorations, crackers, texting, calling and euphoria, lets also may an attempt to imbibe the festival in its true spirit. I realized this as I was writing, the rituals of Diwali and all other Hindu festivals also have so many layers of symbolism in them e.g.cleaning, so much effort goes into cleaning and decoration, if only we put similar efforts to clean and unburden ourselves of the emotional baggage and vicious circle of thoughts.

Wikipedia page for Diwali has a beautiful explanation - While Diwali is popularly known as the "festival of lights", the most significant spiritual meaning is "the awareness of the inner light"

May this Diwali also inspire us to discover the inner peace and awareness that we all aspire for.

TGIS

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Sat, 03 Nov 2012 19:47:00 +0000

Wonderful lunch, a lazy saturday afternoon spent sleeping and in random nothingness followed again by some delicious home cooked dinner is all it takes to break the monotony of thoughts, anxiety and so many vicious circles that I tend to tangle myself in. I am glad to have discovered and realized this :)

Friday Rambling

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Fri, 15 Jun 2012 12:45:00 +0000

Just when friday is dragging endlessly and I have already been bombarded by 39 emails (addressed directly to me, not counting the ones on which make I wonder why have I been marked in the first place), continuous flow of phone calls and vendor meetings, I come across a classic from Woody Allen

"Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem" - Woody Allen

So what should I do when I have 30 more mins to go before the (office) day and (office) week ends and I realise that I have finally and unfortunately understood. And not just one understanding but have become a fountainhead of realization and that if I continue at this pace, might be hitting self-actualization much sooner than I intend to. After much deliberation, i.e. all that I can think in 2 mins flat, I decide. A decision that's so elegant and simple.

Put the "Add reminder" feature in Outlook to the best use, set a dozen reminders for the week ahead and with a freshly dry-cleaned conscience take a coffee break :P

The Infinite Loop

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Mon, 11 Jun 2012 18:26:00 +0000

Mind cannot be still. It needs continuous thinking, worrying.

The mind functions like a bicycle; if you go on pedaling it, it continues.

The moment you stop the pedaling, you are going to fall down.

Mind is a two-wheeled vehicle just like a bicycle,

and your thinking is a constant pedaling.

-Osho

Above quote pretty much sums up my current state of mind. The restlessness and continuous rumination has entered into an infinite loop.

Living on love and fresh air

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Mon, 09 Apr 2012 06:22:00 +0000

Simple living still exits in the times of consumerism. Was reminded of this fact and an article which I had read a couple of years back - http://www.downtoearth.org.in/node/3187 when I saw a similar article link posted on a friend's gtalk status message.

Although this kind of lifestyle is not possible in its entirety, however taking some inspiration from it and simplifying our lives, rather reducing our list of must-have things without which we think the world will cease to exist, is the very least that we can do.

Thanks once again Piu for posting the link :)

Lessons

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Sun, 25 Sep 2011 18:25:00 +0000

Why does life keep teaching me lessons which I never want / intend / wish to learn in the first place.

This is one question that has kept intriguing me since a very long time. And every time a "learning" is added, it leaves me even more perplexed. An optimistic view will be to use each such instance as a learning. Extract something out of it, ruminate over it and add to your collective experience database. A pessimistic view will be to look up towards the sky and shriek "Why Me?". And then there is an entire gamut of people having a opinion which hangs somewhere in between.

However I have a viewpoint which doesn't fit into this continuum. At time I feel tired of the free and uncalled for (over)dose of adventures and wish for a dull and boring phase in my life. Is that too much to wish for ?

Dynamic stillness

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Sat, 27 Aug 2011 07:08:00 +0000

Being a weekend I did not have to go through the alarm – snooze – snooze some more – OMG!!! I am late @#$%^& – swear some more – get ready – rush– office commute grind and had the luxury of getting up as I pleased. Made the best of this luxury by waking up well past the time by which I am usually at office. This is one simple and silly comparison always makes me feel good :)

The first thing I did after waking was opened all the windows. Thankfully the place where I stay is a peaceful one, which I think is a luxury in this maddening city. The brightness of the day, the soft clatter of the rain and the chirping of sparrows makes the perfect de-stress package for me. Always makes feel more relaxed and peaceful from inside. More so when I am aware that I have the luxury of time and can just sit near the window till as long as I feel and admire the rains, and don’t have to step out at all. These are the days when I truly enjoy the fabled Mumbai Monsoons.

Went through the tea – biscuit – newspaper routine. Once done with it, noticed outside the window, it was raining continuously in a steady flow. And sitting on the other side of the window, was me, with a thousand thoughts clattering my mind. The sound of the rains and the flow of thoughts in my head where at the exact same frequency and going on in an endless loop. Both of us enveloped in our own sweet obsession and compulsion.

And there right between me and the rains outside, sitting on the window ledge noticed the money-plant creeper sitting so very still, almost in a Zen like state, full of calmness and composure.

In my typical manner I would have loved to sermonize about it. But urge doesn’t seem to be there. Instead of obsessing myself to draw conclusions, for once I decided to enjoy this moment as it is, its dynamic stillness and share it just that way.

On Pain and Love

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Sun, 21 Aug 2011 18:40:00 +0000

In a workshop on "Self Healing through Creative Writing", that I attended last weekend during one of the exercises we were told to explore various themes in our lives and make space for them to surface and express themselves. This often is the first step towards closure. Catharsis through writing is something I had been doing for a while but then over the last few months had totally stopped. This has lead to a strong feeling of frustration at my inability to express.

However over the course of this two day workshop, I took the courage to once again let the feelings take over and express themselves through words. Some of them came in a natural flow, whereas others are still in the process of taking shape.

Following a Haiku like structure, using word economy and visualization here is what I wrote on two central themes of my life -

On Pain -

Pain striked
Cold numbness followed
I kept breathing
Life moved on

On love -

Your embrace
Tender and warm
Heals me
Completes me

There are also two verses that I wrote in Hindi, which I have also posted on my hindi blog - http://anubhutiyaa.blogspot.com/

जीवन

चार कोस

जीवन यात्रा

प्रारब्ध, प्रारंभ

विस्मय और अंत

शाम

स्याह शाम में

सिमट गयी

सारे शेहेर की उदासी

और मेरे मन का अँधेरा

This was an attempt from my end to atleast get started with writing, the way I had done it in the past and hope to keep exploring and keep posting more.

Vicarious Happiness

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 09:24:00 +0000

Osho says - To know that all has failed is the beginning of a new journey. To know that "All that I have achieved is lost" is the beginning of a new search for something that cannot be lost. When one is utterly disillusioned with the world and all its successes, only then one becomes spiritual.

I wish

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 13:02:00 +0000

In the mid-week madness of work, a thought kept hammering me all day through. Finally had to let it out :)

I have been in "I wish..." mode these days. And the latest in the series is -

I wish for new endings and old beginings

So long...

New (Year) Musings...

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Sat, 01 Jan 2011 19:40:00 +0000

In an attempt to follow the broad based trend and to reinforce the pretense of being intelligent and a thinker, tried to reflect on the year gone by. This effort lasted for almost a fortnight. Jotted a few thoughts (read: some scrambled sentences) over this span. But it all turned out to be too random to be joined together and to be claimed coherent :P

So I decided to do something else, instead to trying to make so sense of everything past, trying to think of what are the things on which I can channelize my thoughts and energy in the year ahead.

Its been a really long since the last time I wrote a new year resolution. However, as strange as it sound, this time around felt an inner urge to list a few goals towards I ought to be working on. Here are a few things on which I would like to focus in the year 2011 -

Clear the clutter - There is a cobweb of thoughts that have been just there, have not taken too much effort to confront them. High time now to come out of this cognitive lethargy. Also, keep going in the effort to organize my financial paperwork.
Think simple - Like I mentioned in my previous post, its often we who complicate the situation by adding our own coloured interpretations. In both, my personal and financial life, will try to control this as much as possible.
Live simple - To fill all the space that is created by simple thoughts and de-cluttering, with things that I enjoy to do the most.Creating a "personal space", reading regularly, listening to good music.
Write more - Writing has been cathartic for me. Unfortunately last year lost the flow and also at times simply didn't put the effort. Will require the help of a few of my dear friends who have been a regular reader of this blog. Need them to give me the push required to get the flow back when I am stubborn and lazy.

Happy New Year - 2011

Reactions...

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 04:50:00 +0000

Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you respond to it - Anonymous

Came across this thought, liked it in the first instance. Posted it as my Gtalk status message. This is one statement which pretty much summarizes my life learnings (if such a term exists, else I lay my claim to it :)

This has been my biggest take-away from life. No matter what the circumstances, its how we choose to respond to it that really matters. In the hind-sight when I look at so many events in life which were breakthrough, which really helped me to come out of my mental blocks and move in a different (often radical and tangential) direction, it was not the external factors but the internal ones that helped the most. What amazed me was that, in most cases, the external circumstances were exactly the same, and yet the choice (mostly taken without much forethought) that I took which mattered and made all the difference. This makes me also realize that, we act so confident, wise and intelligent, when talking about things of the past.

Closure ...

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 18:46:00 +0000

Letting go of the past, trying to move forward and to make a new start.

As clichéd as it might sound, thats what I am trying to do. And I will be forever grateful to people who have been a support for me in this journey, transition and closure. Saying thanks will be belittling the effort, love and concern. So I am not going to say so.

However, the sense of gratitude will forever be heart warming for me.

(Lack of) Expressions...

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Fri, 10 Sep 2010 12:34:00 +0000

the meanings are changing

they don't fit into my world anymore

the meanings are changing

they don't fit into my words anymore

need newer expressions now

Trek to Bhimashankar

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 12:53:00 +0000

Click on the pic above to view the album. And do remember to comment :)

Trek to Tung

noreply@blogger.com (Ashutosh) — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 20:38:00 +0000

Click on the pic below to open the web-album