My life, in a nutshell.

James

2013-02-01T12:34:00.000-08:00

I finally got my DSLR camera. It's a Canon 60D. Amazing piece of machinery, for sure! I've taken tons of photos but get too caught up in wasting time on Facebook, that they're all sitting in my PC where no one can love them. :( I'll have to do a 2012 year-in-review photo dump. But the most significant event that happened, I will only share this one photo for now. It is one of my favorite pictures of him and the way I want to remember my beautiful, handsome and precious cousin.

2012 started off well, but it ended badly. I lost my cousin in a car accident in August. He was only 31. Needless to say, it has been a terrible time for my family and I doubt I'll ever be the same. I feel that I had "warnings" come to me before his passing. I didn't know they were warnings at the time, but, in retrospect, they are now eerily obvious. *sigh* I'm still in a phase where I'm trying to connect to the meaning of life and trying to connect to my cousin in a different way. Has this shook my faith, or made it stronger? Some days, I can't tell you the answer. I guess it's normal to second guess everything you really want to believe in. But still, I do believe in Heaven and hope it's as beautiful as I imagine it to be. I miss my cousin deeply. I hope he's happy and free. I miss him every day, every hour...

RIP

I'm back - again!

2012-04-11T17:04:00.000-07:00

Ok, my entire excuse for not sticking to my blog was that I still haven't purchased my DSLR. I wanted to take these blog-worthy photographs to share with everyone here. But looking at the shots I was able to capture with my little point-and-shoot, they're really not bad at all. I know I'll eventually get my DSLR, but these will have to do for now. Hope you don't mind.

So let me catch you up on my life, in a nutshell.

My baby is almost 4 years old now. Time is flying. He now attends pre-school at a public school, and yes, I did cry the first day I left him AGAIN. It's a mom thing. Just so hard to see things change and realize that he's growing up and growing more independent from me. It's bittersweet, that is for sure. He also started to ride the bus. He cried the first day, and I was a wreck up until that afternoon too. I felt this sense of guilt for sending him on the bus. I kept saying, "But he's soooooo little!" Well, he has loved it since then and, I'll admit, it's made my mornings so much easier. We have our routine going and all is well.

He also started attending ABA therapy (ACES). He was evaluated through the public school system and diagnosed with PDD-NOS. So we're taking it by the horns and doing everything we can to get him all caught up by kindergarten, or as much as we can. He's done remarkably well, my Ethan. I couldn't be prouder.

Btw, Dad also returned safely from Afghanistan in November. It took some time to adjust, but we pretty much have the hang of everything. It's hard having someone around again when I was used to being the boss. We've butt heads a bit, but we get through it.

Cheese!

2010-11-13T11:28:00.001-08:00

I'll never forget this moment. I picked up my cell phone and aimed the camera at my son. He looked straight at me and softly says, "Cheeeeeese." Oh. My. G*d! It was the first time he'd ever said the word. I was shocked and elated, wanted to jump up and down and squeal with delight. But instead I kept my cool. I definitely didn't want to embarrass him or scare the kid. Here's the pic I got.

Deployment

2010-10-28T21:34:00.000-07:00

So much has happened since my last blog. First, we moved from Hawaii back to Texas. Then we purchased our first home (finally)! Then we got the bad news that my husband would be deploying. We were prepared for it, as this is the reason we chose to come back to Texas so that I can be with family and friends. He's now been gone for over a month and it has been really hard doing everything on my own. Still, I'm doing well and so is my son. We're getting used to not having dad around for everything and my son is adjusting wonderfully. I just got a message yesterday that he's safe but I can't even imagine what a huge impact this will be on him. As long as he comes home safely to us is all that matters to me. The key has been for me to keep busy, and I have. I decided to enroll my toddler in day school so that I can have some free time for myself. Ironically, having him in school means more work for ME! Now I have to get breakfast ready nice and early, prepare his lunch, make sure his uniforms are cleaned and ironed, attend school functions/meetings, pick him up, make sure he ate lunch and then naps. I do think, however, that it's important for him to be around other children his age so this is all worth it. Did I mention I still have some unpacking to do? So I now officially being the life of a single parent and so far it is the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm still lucky enough to stay home and have my husband's income, but all this running around is exhausting. I'm sure things will calm down once I finish getting things arranged around the house. Wish me luck!

Here's my baby in his school uniform at the pumpkin patch.

School days

2010-10-01T12:03:00.001-07:00

My baby started day school today. It was so hard to leave him there. In the days leading up to his first day, I thought I was fine with it. Boy, was I wrong!

So we drove up to the school and he was in his car seat wearing his new school uniform. I unstrapped him and grabbed his lunch bag. I carried him down the stairs that lead into the school. We walked into his classroom and out the door that leads to their playground. There were other toddlers already playing in the jungle gym. I wanted to caution the teachers about my son, to tell them to pay extra careful attention to him because he really hadn't been on a jungle gym before, but I refrained. The ground was covered in small pebbles and it was this that captured my sons attention. He tried to steal a shovel that another toddler was playing with, but one of the teachers quickly gave him one of this own.

I could feel the knot in my throat starting to form because I knew I had to leave him there. I watched him for a little while and he had gone to sit down to play with a little girl. I studied him and made sure he was ok, and then I knew I needed to leave...quickly. I pulled my sunglasses over my eyes to cover up the tears that were forming. I rushed up the stairs and back outside. I walked around the corner to look down into the playground. I could still see him playing with the pebbles. I left before any of the teachers could see me.

Once I was in the car this overwhelming lonliness just hit me. My car seat was empty and it too quiet. I literally began to sob. This was the beginning of the end. The beginning of his school days and the end of my time with him alone. From now on it was going to be bedtimes, curfews, fixing lunches and preparing uniforms. This was all going to take more of my time away from him. My heart broke. I already missed him so much.

I finally got home and tried to get used to the emptiness of the house. My cell phone rang about 15 minutes later. It was school. I needed to pick him up because he was crying for me. They said as soon as he realized I wasn't there, the crying hadn't stop. My poor baby. I was so happy to get him because I also needed to see him. When I got to the school they were having recess again. He was playing and seemed to be happy outside. I took him home but I was proud that he lasted an hour and a half at school. Actually, I was also proud that I lasted that long. I was so happy it was a Friday.

Like Music to my ears

2010-06-16T20:27:00.000-07:00

We were at the NEX waiting in line to purchase new sunglasses for my husband. My son was sitting in the shopping cart being patient like he always is. He starts babbling; words I can never understand. Then suddenly I hear him say, "MaMa." I was so happy! He must've seen my reaction; wide eyed and ecstatic! Nothing else mattered except hearing my son say that word.

You see, my son is 27 months old and we were all starting to worry about his speech delay. His pediatrician even went so far as to start him on Speech Therapy. I knew nothing was "wrong" with him and I just really believe some kids are late talkers, but they just didn't want him to fall too far behind kids in his age group. I had slowly started to accept that I wouldn't hear any words from him until he was close to 3. But it started tonight! I'm just ridiculously happy. Ah, the things that amuse mommies!

Motherhood

2010-06-15T17:43:00.000-07:00

My son is 2 and now I understand what the "terrible 2's" are. He's actually not too bad but when he does have a tantrum it's dangerous. He tends to get upset and then just throws himself backward, with no care in the world as to what (or who) is behind him. I usually know when a tantrum is coming and I've always been there to keep him from getting hurt so far. Lucky for him or he'd have some pretty serious head bumps.

As I type this he has reached onto the dinner table and gotten the lime I left sitting there. This child LOVES lime. He'll suck all the juice out without flinching, as most people do when they encounter something so sour. He gets it from me. :) Don't worry, I never let him have too much and he gets his teeth brushed immediately after.

I love being a mom. It's so much more work than I ever anticipated, but it's also so much more rewarding than I could ever dream. To watch your own flesh and blood laugh and squeal because he's so happy well, it just warms me up inside. There's no feeling like it!

Big Island Adventures

2010-05-29T21:23:00.001-07:00

We took a trip to the Big Island of Hawaii. It was a very nice getaway. We stayed in the Hawaii Volcanoes National Park at Kilauea Military Camp (KMC). I was very suprised at how nice the camp is. I was expecting a run down former military camp and I have to admit that I was bracing myself for the worst. I was so relived to see how nice the grounds are, and mostly surprised at how nice our apartment was! I recommend this place to anyone going to the Big Island. The catch is that the Kilauea Military Camp (KMC) is only open to active/retired military and DOD civilian employees. Just an FYI!

If you have kids a child carrier is a must! Our Kelty came in very handy during our hikes. Our stroller would've been useless to us at most places. We'll be going to Maui soon. I'm so excited!

Morrissey

2010-05-22T13:27:00.000-07:00

I've been a Morrissey/Smiths fan since high school. My best friend, Tony, got me into them. I was sitting in the back seat of his car and we were on our way to pick up his girlfriend. As we approached her house he popped in his "Kill Uncle" cassette and the first song I heard was "Sing Your Life." The sound of his voice was so alluring to me. After that I tried to get my hands on anything Morrissey; CDs, posters, books, videos, fanzines...anything. His music is the soundtrack of my high school years (and still). I'm forever grateful to this man for his talent and insight into my life. Happy Birthday, Moz!