Tracy's Grace Space

A Monumental Day...NOT!

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 17:39:00 +0000

Yesterday I heard an elderly gentleman from my church remark that he couldn't believe how fast 2012 is already whizzing by, that we're already into the second week of February. Then he looked at me with concern in his eyes and said "I think it's been a good while since I've talked to you. How are you getting along?"

By the look on his face and tone of his voice, I knew he was referring to my "condition." And that's when it dawned on me. January had come and gone and I hadn't even realized it! I mean, of course I knew January was over and we had moved full steam into February. But it's the first time in the four years since receiving my diagnosis of multiple sclerosis on January 23rd that the date had slipped by without me even giving it a thought. The date which was so monumental just four years ago had moved back to being a date on which I simply wished two special people in my life a happy birthday.

Ahh, God has been so faithful and good to me! Four years ago my life was turned upside down and I was left with a choice. I could dwell on it and let my days be all about me and my circumstances, or I could learn to truly step outside of myself and ask God to show me each day how I might be of use to Him. This blog chronicles many of those early days of my journey, and it's so amazing to me when I go back and read some of those posts to see and realize all that God has done in my life.

What I've learned is that our lives really aren't so much about us as they are about other people. I have complete trust and faith that the best life is the one that will come after my time on this earth. My days here are numbered just like everyone else's, but they are so much richer and more blessed when I commit them to the Lord for His purposes!

Does that mean every day is easy and wonderful? Of course not. Some of them downright stink. But I know where to find my joy, and it's not in my circumstances.

That's why when my elderly friend asked me so sincerely how I was getting along, as realization of the date dawned on me I was able to respond with the same sincerity, "I'm great!. Thanks for asking. I'm really great!"

Praise God, the One who brings you through what He brings you to!

O Christmas Tree

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 21:03:00 +0000

"What is the deal with this tree?!"

My husband was struggling to get the Christmas tree we had just chopped down into the stand and it just would not cooperate. That's when we noticed the crazy trunk. From the base to it's 7 foot tall tip, it was as bent and crooked as it could be. It's amazing we hadn't noticed it in the field, but all we had looked at was the shape of it's lovely branches. It took some doing, but Joey finally managed to force the tree into the stand, and was able to adjust it so that it stood perfectly upright.

As I began to decorate the tree, I studied its trunk more closely. Somehow with every bend it had managed to correct itself with an upward turn. In places it appeared to have overcorrected, bending a little too much in the opposite direction. But nearer the top it had straightened out more and more, so that the angel only had to sit slightly crooked.

As I continued hanging lights and ornaments, I saw similar growth patterns in my own life, and a Bible verse came to mind. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

I recalled how insistent I was as a teenager that I would attend a certain college, and then I didn't get accepted. So I went somewhere else and wasn't happy, still determined that I would get into my first choice the next year. Well, guess what? I didn't.

I did end up transferring, but to a school I had never even considered. It just kind of fell into place through a series of circumstances. Once there I loved it, and wished I had been there for my freshman year. Eventually I discovered my broadcasting major, again something I had never considered and that wasn't even offered at the school that had been my first choice.

Upon graduation, I decided on the cities I would go to in search of a job to launch my career. I put 1700 miles on my car driving to interviews, only to be rejected time and again. Finally, to appease my parents I sent my resume to a tv station in a tiny town I never would've considered had I not REALLY needed a job. Wouldn't you know it was the only place of the dozens I applied that made an offer? So off I went, again determining to bide my time until I could get where I wanted to be.

In the two years I spent at that little tv station I gained valuable experience, learning from people who were good at what they did and were willing to put up with my amateur mistakes and show me the ropes. And better still, in that tiny town I met the wonderful and amazing above-mentioned man, who, while forcing the above-mentioned tree into its stand caused me to reflect on all this!

Let me get to the point. You can be sure that all those changes to MY plans came with a lot of tears and anxiety. After all, I knew exactly what I wanted and had mapped out how and where I was going to get it. But never once did I ask God about HIS plans for my life, which turned out to be so much better than anything I could've dreamed up.

So back to the tree trunk. The way I saw them, every bend and twist reminded me of myself running off in my own directions, chasing after my own plans. I've heard it said that we're either growing or we're dying. Well, it's kind of hard to keep growing sideways. If that tree had kept growing in a crazy outward direction it eventually would've fallen over. Every bend required correction in the form of an upward turn.

As I look back on those events and other plans I made for myself, I realize the frustration and pain experienced when they didn't work out so well was a result of the Lord's correction, setting me back on course with HIS plan, pruning my branches, if you will. And those are the places I see true and meaningful growth, growth that is upward and stretches heavenward just like the tree, because it's been cultivated by the One who promised to prosper me and give me hope and a future.

I don't live with any regret over past failures. Rather, I chose to live with resolve to follow Proverbs 3:5-6: "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." If I can do that, I know that he will make my life beautiful in his sight, just like my Christmas tree looked to me!

Bless This Mess!

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 15:37:00 +0000

So, my day started out with a bang. Actually I guess it was more like a splat, the sound my daughter's foot no doubt made when it landed in the poop our elderly, senile, feline friend deposited outside her litter box. Then there was the smear my daughter's foot left across the carpet before she realized she had stepped in said cat poop. Oh joy!

The fun didn't stop there. I walked into the kitchen and realized some mail that came yesterday that I was really interested in looking at was no longer on the counter where I had left it. My hubby, in an effort to be helpful, had deposited it into the kitchen trash can, which I then had the pleasure of sifting through in order to retrieve said mail. More joy! All this before 7:00a.m., and after the whole family had overslept!

Some days counting our blessings and being joyful is truly a choice that must be consciously made. So today my mantra is "This is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." After all, the sun is shining, the sky is blue, the fall colors are beautiful. It's gonna be a great day!

Call Me an Egg-head!

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 01:33:00 +0000

This morning I woke up with my to-do list already running through my mind. Nevertheless, I was determined to make it a great day, and a successful one as far as my food plan is concerned. After I ushered everyone out the door, I surveyed the fridge and pantry and wondered what in the world I would eat for breakfast. I'm really trying to cut back on the carbs, and I realized that's about all I eat for breakfast.

Finally, I decided that since there were plenty of eggs in the fridge I would go ahead and boil six. That way I would have a ready-made breakfast for the next several days. I put them on the stove to boil and decided to let the multi-tasking begin.

First stop, the laundry room. I started the first load of the day and before I could make it out of the basement the computer beckoned. I sat down to do a quick check of my email. That led to sending three replies, and then reading a really long story that someone forwarded to me. I don't usually read those forwards, I get a million and who has the time? But this one actually caught my attention so I sat and read it to the end.

Next it was on to a check of my Facebook. I sent a couple of happy birthday wishes, responded to a message in my inbox, posted on a friend's wall, then spent some time just scrolling through my newsfeed.
I have no idea how much time passed. It was the smell that finally pulled me from the Facebook vortex.

"What on earth is that?," I wondered aloud. And that's when my stomach growled, reminding me that I had not eaten breakfast because it was still boiling on the stove!

I have never taken the stairs in my house so fast in my life! I raced to the kitchen to find smoke beginning to curl up from the pot, now completely dry with six rock-hard eggs adhering to the bottom! After I cooled them down in some cold water, I broke a couple open. Those bad boys were charred almost halfway through! You can just imagine the smell in my house! But don't, seriously, you really don't want to know!

Once again, the Holy Spirit decided to use this unfortunate incident to teach me a lesson. The number one item on my to-do list when I woke up this morning was to finish working on my Bible study. I'm a group leader so it was imperative to get it done. I had it all spread out on the kitchen table with plans to enjoy my eggs and juice while I worked on it. However, I let the computer take over my brain and suck me into the emailing/Facebook vortex. Now don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying that email and social networking sites are wrong. But they can be major distractions that keep us from the things that we really should be doing. For me, they ended up derailing my two most important things of the morning, my Bible study and my healthy eating plan! Not the way I wanted to start my day, or my week, for that matter.

Proverbs 4:25-27 says "Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you.
Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm.
do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil."

The sad fact is that I even spent some quality time in prayer before all this happened. I need to remember though, to daily ask the Lord to order my steps and help me keep my eyes fixed on him. On my own it's too easy to let the seemingly good things of the world distract me from the better things of the kingdom! Those are the times I can end up with egg on my face, instead of in my belly!

In Pursuit of Weakness

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 17:56:00 +0000

It just figures that I would choose one of the most challenging and emotionally topsy-turvy weeks ever to embark on this new journey of healthier eating and (hopefully) weight loss. When you are an emotional eater like I am, high-stress days usually mean high-intake of comfort foods and chocolate!

I won't go into details of the cause of the stress. That would take a book, not a blog post! The point is that at this point, I am feeling just about mentally and emotionally wrung-out! A big 'ol bowl of double fudge chocolate ice cream with hot fudge on top would do quite nicely right about now, thank you very much!

All I could do this morning was pray "Lord, help me be strong." And do you know what? I received an immediate response! How often does that happen?

It came in the form of a question:

"Do you really want to pray to be strong?"

"Um, what?"

Silence.

"Okaaay, there are other people who really need me to be strong right now."

Silence.

And then it dawned on me. "Oh Lord, help me to be weak. I need and want to be utterly and completely dependent on you, because it's only from that place of dependence that I find wisdom, peace, and rest. It's only from that place of dependence that I am able to be any good for anyone else. Thank you for reminding me of that. So yes, Lord, help me to be WEAK!"

As soon as the words were out of my mouth I felt much calmer, just in knowing that the Sovereign Lord who created the heavens and set the earth on its foundations certainly could and would work in this situation. How gracious of Him to settle my spirit by whispering into my ear this morning, even teaching me how to pray!

So I guess it really is no coincidence at all that I started on this new personal journey during this most difficult and stressful week. It's not a journey that I can make on my own, but only by holding on to the hand of the One who promised to help me every step of the way.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power my rest on me."
2 Corinthians 12:9

Goodbye Babylon

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 22:59:00 +0000

Let me start by saying that I am writing this post not because I want to, but because I have to. It's been swirling around in my brain for a week and will not let me go, so finally, here I sit, compelled to write. I'm pretty certain I know the reasons that I have to write this post. The first is for the accountability that comes from going public. The second is for the humbling, because it definitely is that. This isn't the kind of information that I would normally be revved up to share!

So what on earth am I talking about? Well, I am very excited to say that I have experienced a huge breakthrough that I know without a doubt is going to be life-changing. Some of you who stumble across this post will peruse it and say "okay, whatever." That's fine, I get that. But I believe that the third reason that I am compelled to write it is for the benefit of the ones who will read it and say "Oh how I needed these words. Thank you, God!"

Without further ado, here is my story:

Recently in Bible study we have been in the book of Isaiah learning about the exile of the Jews in Babyon. These people were violently swept from their homes and their nation and forced to live as slaves in capitivity for 70 long and painful years. It came about as a result of their continued disobedience and inattention to God, and was nothing of which they had not been repeatedly warned. Basically, they had turned their backs on God and the abundant life He had offered them in the promised land in order to go their own way and follow their worthless idols.

So all that got me thinking about the worthless idols in my own life, the things that keep me from living my life to the fullest and that get in the way of my relationship with the Lord. The list was long, I'm afraid. The biggest were time-stealers like tv, and Facebook. I even had to include my own family on the list. More often than not I will put them, their activities and their needs before everthing else, and time and attention to my relationship with Christ takes a back seat.

For me, however, I realized that the biggest and most destructive idol in my life has been food. My relationship with food has caused me to pack on way too many pounds and has probably contributed to health issues as well. You see, instead of running first to the Lord when I'm sad or angry, I have chosen to stuff those emotions down with food. Instead of celebrating first with the Lord when I'm happy or excited, I tend to boost those emotions even higher by celebrating with food (and family, and friends.) For most of my life, I have made food my primary source of comfort and joy, rather than seeking those things in and from the Lord as he desires. "I am the LORD, that is my name! I will not give my glory to another or my praise to idols." (Isaiah 42:8)

So it was with that understanding and realization churning through my mind and heart that I read the words of the LORD through Isaiah when he was announcing their freedom from captivity and the destruction of Babylon.

"Depart, depart, go out from there!
Touch no unclean thing!
Come out from it and be pure,
you who carry the vessels of the LORD.
But you will not leave in haste
or go in flight;
for the LORD with go before you,
the God of Israel will be your rear guard." (Isaiah 52: 11-12)

Upon reading those words, I suddenly felt freedom like none I had ever known. Let me translate how the words sounded to me as the LORD spoke them into my heart.

"Tracy, why are you still hanging out in Babylon? Your food addiction has held you captive long enough. Don't you get it that Jesus broke those chains of captivity for you long ago? You're just sittin' there in Babylon of your own free will!
Now come on out of there and don't look back. Lock the door behind you when you leave because you don't need to be going back there. Oh, and don't bring any desserts or heaping plates of cheesy, greasy Mexican food with you, or any of those other tasty treats that trip you up the most. Just trust me to provide what you need. You're my girl, my vessel whom I have called to teach and preach my Good News, and it's time to let me have ALL of you.
Don't worry, you don't have to run. But you do have to get moving and start exercising again. I have a plan for your life and I need you to take care of that temple (your body) so that I can fulfill that plan. One step at a time, one day at a time. I will lead the way if you will only let me.
Make sure to follow closely because I know before you make it back to the Promised Land there will be temptations to return to Babylon. It may not have been the abundant life there that I desire for you, but I understand that it was what you knew and you had become comfortable with living the lesser life, sad as it is to say. So I will also be bringing up the rear in this journey, so that if you do grow weary and try to turn around I will steer you back in the right direction."

Wow! Finally, the answer. Years of battling the scales, the poor body image and resulting damage to my self-esteem, constantly comparing myself to my "skinny" friends, avoiding old friends who knew me in my much skinnier life back in the day because it was easier to avoid the embarrassment, years of tearful prayers and crying out to God to "fix" me; it had all come to this. In a firm but gentle way, God showed me my heart as a puzzle in his hands. For three years my so-called mantra has been Psalm 51:10, "create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me." This day, he opened my eyes to the puzzle piece that I was still grasping tightly in my own hands. It was "my issue" that I had chosen to wallow in in my Babylon, and now he was telling me to "come out from it and be pure!"

So I have started with babysteps. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit had already led me to give up sweets for Lent. That is usually a struggle, but so far this time it's not, and I am convinced it's because I now truly believe that God HAS broken those chains and I have said goodbye to Babylon. I'm also making healthier food choices, cutting out the snacks, drinking lots more water and getting back into walking. The next step (soon) will be to meet with my doctor or a nutritionist who can help me come up with a plan to follow.

I am so ready, my friends, to walk with the Lord towards a more pure and holy life, the abundant life that He wants for ALL His children. Will you walk with me? I don't necessarily mean by starting on a diet or plan for healthier living, as I have chosen to do. Surely there must be lots of street corners in Babylon besides the one where I had taken up residence. Maybe yours is the one called money or the pursuit of material pleasures and wealth, or perhaps it's your pride which has led to damaged relationships, including your relationship with the Lord. Could it be Facebook or the internet, sexual addictions or pornography? The list could go on and on. The point is we all have some kind of baggage in Babylon. Are you ready to leave it behind and hightail it out of there? Send me a comment and let me know. Let's embark on the journey together!

Stop the Train or Get Me Off the Track!

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 19:36:00 +0000

Do you ever feel like you are super-glued to train tracks with a runaway train blaring its horn and bearing down on you? If so, then you have some idea of how I'm feeling today.

This morning my husband got a doctor's diagnosis of type B influenza, otherwise known as The Flu. YUCK! He feels like he's already been run over by the train and I'm the one who's whining on my blog! Not only is Joey down for the count, but Kaelie, my 15 year-old, has a terrible head cold and is sneezing and coughing all over the house. Everywhere I turn there are GERMS!!

I feel like there is no escaping the train that is about to come barreling its way through our house. Hannah and I are still doing fine, and I'm praying hard that it stays that way. The truth is that I'm really afraid of getting the flu. If I have ever had it, it has been many, many years, so many that I can't remember. But I see the knock-out punch that it has delivered to Joey and I don't want it. Anything that can cause a high fever like that has the potential of triggering a flare-up of my MS, and that's what scares me more than anything.

I guess that's why I came running to my blog. Somehow I always feel closer to Jesus here. I'm thinking today of the woman who was so desperate for healing that she pushed her way through hugh crowds of people just to be able to touch his robe, certain that that's all it would take to cure her. Because of the faith she displayed, Jesus did heal her right then and there without ever laying a hand on her.

Today I just want to wrap myself in his robe from head to toe. If he can heal illnesses, he can also protect us from them. So that's my prayer, that his robe will drape around me and Hannah like a shield against the germs, and like a healing blanket to make Joey and Kaelie well. Jesus can move a mountain, so surely he an stop a train in its tracks! I'm praying that he will.

Ungripping

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Thu, 06 Jan 2011 18:20:00 +0000

Happy New Year!! I can't believe it's 2011! I am starting off the new year in grand style, let me tell ya. Oh yeah, I'm taking care of some long-overdue dental work. Aren't you jealous?

Honestly, I can't think of anything that causes me more stress and anxiety than a trip to the dentist. I even hate going for a simple cleaning. This morning's visit, however, was no simple cleaning. Apparently the molar pain I had been experiencing recently was partly due to some decay beneath a crown, so the crown had to be removed and the decay cleared out. By the time I arrived for my appointment this morning, I was such a nervous wreck I was actually becoming nauseous!

I don't know if you've ever had a crown removed, but it is a very noisy process. The dentist had to drill through both porcelain and metal in order to break it apart so he could take it out in pieces. While there was no pain involved (fortunately), it sounded like a jackhammer inside my head!

As I lay there focusing on that horrific noise and the worst-case scenario ( i.e. the numbness wearing off and the jackhammer pounding into a nerve), I gripped the arms of the chair until I was sure my fingers would pierce the vinyl! In that moment, with every muscle in my body tensed beyond belief, my mind drifted to words I recently heard my Bible study leader speak.

"When we can see God in our circumstances, we experience an out-of-circumstances peace."

So I decided to look for God from my vantage point of the dentist chair. The best way to do that, I figured, was to just start "singing" praise songs in my head. Over and over I "sang" whatever lyrics I could recall through the cacophony in my head. I closed my eyes and sang and sang, until eventually I became aware of an amazing thing. As I lay there praising God, his peace had descended into my very being. My hands were no longer trying to puncture vinyl, my legs were relaxed and I was actually breathing normally instead of just taking in tiny, shallow breaths when I remembered to. I was experiencing an out-of-circumstances peace because I had decided to shift my focus to the Lord instead of the dentist's drill! Once I had ungripped my hands from the chair, God was able to grip them in His! Meanwhile, time passed much more quickly and before I knew it the temporary crown was in place and Dr. Drill (uh, I mean Schnecker) was sending me on my way!

So what circumstances in your life have you feeling desperate for peace? What do you think would happen if you made a conscious effort to shift your focus from those circumstances to God, praising Him for who He is and for His blessings in your life? Will you let go of your grip and let Him hold you in His?

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." Philippians 4:6-9

Giving Thanks for Thanksgiving

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Wed, 08 Dec 2010 19:25:00 +0000

Just thought I'd do a quick update on my last post. Thanksgiving was GREAT! We had a total of 15 of us here to enjoy a scrumptious feast, and the weather was so picture-perfect that my sister, my niece and I even got to enjoy a nice outing on the walking trail afterwards to walk off some of those calories!

Our sweet friend Virginia and my parents really had a good time talking together since they all have ties to Richmond and Virginia Beach. They were able to chat about their high school days and people and places in common. I know that Virginia really enjoyed that and we were so happy to have her here with us.

We also got to hear some really great music. Three of the guitar players in the family all brought their guitars, so we had a couple of sing-alongs that everyone really enjoyed. I'm just glad we have enough good singers in the family that no one really has to hear my voice...it's ain't too pretty!

By the time it was all over, everyone was talking about what a wonderful Thanksgiving it had been and how much they had enjoyed themselves. I just couldn't help smiling and sending some praises to the Lord, because I know it was all his doing. Hospitality is not one of gifts, so I took a few minutes alone in my room that morning to invite the Holy Spirit to fill my home with His presence and to take a seat at our table. I asked him to help me be a good hostess and not a stressed-out control freak, and that there would be family harmony. I truly believe that He heard and answered all those prayers because the day just flowed, everyone seemed relaxed (including me), and we all had a wonderful time. That's a lot to be thankful for!

Me and Miss Virginia

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 22:04:00 +0000

For weeks I had been kicking myself over and over. I knew I should go and visit her, or at least pick up the phone, but for some reason I never did. I would think about it and then get busy or side-tracked, and then before I knew it another day had passed. So when my husband and I took our quarterly turn at serving Holy Communion in church last Sunday and my sweet friend Virginia reached out to dip her bread in the cup I was holding, I felt a mix of emotions welling up inside. Our eyes met and we both smiled, genuinely happy to see each other. But I couldn't escape the nagging feeling of guilt for neglecting her.

Miss Virgnia, as we often call her, is in her 80's and has been struggling with diabetes-related health issues, mainly with her feet. She has been hospitalized off and on, and occasionally has to spend weeks at a time in a rehab center. This is a woman who has always been so very active and involved, so I can't imagine how hard it must be for her to not be able to get out and about. I always miss her smiling face in church, so it was a joyous moment to see that she had returned and to be able to serve her Communion.

You would think after that I would have made sure to follow up with at least a phone call to let her know how glad I was to see her and how much I have missed her. Yet still, two days passed and I did not call. Instead, SHE called ME and said SHE was sorry for not getting in touch!

I couldn't believe it. I didn't know whether to feel better or worse! But at least we were able to catch up with each other. I even invited her to our house for Thanksgiving dinner, and better yet, she's coming!

I have so much to be thankful for, most especially the wonderful people that God has placed in my life. This year between Miss Virginia and all the family who will be here, I will get to enjoy Thanksgivining dinner with 13 of those wonderful people. I am truly blessed!

The Danger of Denial

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Fri, 12 Nov 2010 19:38:00 +0000

So, how do you like my new look? It's been a while since I've posted, almost 6 months actually. I thought I would celebrate with a blog makeover. I especially liked this design because of all the bright colors. My old design was just brown, about as dull as I have been now for the last 6 or 8 months!

A conversation with a friend this morning caused me to give some thought as to why I haven't written in so long. The truth of the matter is that I have been in a funk, actually it has felt more like a hole, and I believe it all comes down to denial.

For a long time, this blog for me was all tangled up with my multiple sclerosis. My diagnosis almost three years ago was the driving force behind the blog in the first place. It was here that I could record my thoughts and emotions about it all, as well as all the ways that I experienced God's grace and presence and comfort.

Eventually though, I reached a point that I didn't want to think about MS anymore. I stopped researching it on the internet, pulled out of the chat rooms and even stopped taking my meds. (Don't freak out, Mom and Dad.) I started getting aggravated and abruptly changing the subject when well-meaning people would ask me about my health. I mean, why wouldn't I be fine? If I'm not experiencing symptoms and I'm not thinking about it, it's a non-issue, right? Finally, I rebelled against the blog, the place where God had always met me and helped me sort through so much of the junk. This had been a therapeutic place for me, and why would I need therapy if nothing is wrong? Time and again whenever something would happen and it would cross my mind to write about it, I refused to follow through.

The problem is that refusing to act on those little urges often equates to ignoring the leading of the Holy Spirit.
The Spirit gifts each of us differently and expects us to use those gifts to the glory of God and in ministry to others. Now that I am coming out of my funk I see that I have been neglecting my gift. Even though most people don't write comments, I know that God has used this little spot in cyberspace to touch the lives of others. There's much more joy in that than living in denial and hibernating in a hole!

So I'll close with the promise I made to God a couple of years ago out of my gratitude for the grace with which he has showered me: "As for me I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more. My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds, of your salvation all day long--though I know not how to relate them all!" Psalm 71:14-15

John, Peter, and Me

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Thu, 20 May 2010 15:30:00 +0000

Hello blog, my dear old friend! It has been way too long since I have spent any time with you. But I'm happy to be back, and so glad you are there for me!

So, it is finished. The book of John in 31 weeks. It's only a 21-chapter book, so you can just imagine how in-depth this study was. That's Bible Study Fellowship for ya. If you have never heard of it or you've heard of it but have never done a BSF study, I strongly encourage everyone to look into it. Even if you have done lots and lots of Bible studies and think you know all there is to know about the Bible, you will be amazed and humbled at how much you really don't know!

Now that it's over, I am challenged to reflect on the past 31 weeks and figure you what I'm supposed to do with what I have learned. It's funny, but I think for me the whole thing boils down to what I came away with in the very last chapter. I mean, God certainly spoke to me throughout and I learned so very much. But most of all, I have to say that I have been humbled.

Let me tell you why. If I had to compare myself to Peter or John, I would've normally said John--a little more quiet, a little more reserved, though nonetheless passionate in his faith and love of Jesus. But God has opened my eyes to see that I have really been more like Peter was before Pentecost, when the Holy Spirit came to dwell within him and set his heart and mouth ablaze for the Lord.

All through the four Gospels, I saw a sense of arrogance about Peter. For instance, what kind of show-off gets out of a boat in the middle of a storm to walk on water? Jesus let him do it, knowing full well what would happen. Peter got scared, took his eyes of the Lord and suddenly found himself fighting to keep his head above water, crying out to Jesus to rescue him. Talk about a humbling. I sadly realized I am that kind of show-off. No, I have never attempted to walk on water (although I used to love water-skiing (: ), but on more than one occasion I have been quick to place myself in "look-at-me" positions, only to suffer embarrassment when they didn't turn out the way I planned, or anger when I have been criticized. At times I wondered why God would even let me go through with those kinds of plans. Now I know. Arrogance needs to be humbled.

And what about Peter arguing with his Lord when Jesus told the disciples he would soon be killed? "Never Lord, this will never happen to you!" Jesus actually calls him Satan (Matt. 16:21-23)! How humiliated Peter must have been in that moment as he stood before the other disciples! Yet still, just hours before Jesus' arrest and crucifixion, Peter vows that even if all the other disciples fall away, he will follow Jesus even to death. Does he really think his faith and love for Jesus is that much better than everyone else's? Jesus lets Peter know on the spot that that very night, Peter would deny even knowing Jesus, not just once, but three times! After the third denial, when Peter realizes what he has done he weeps in bitter shame. But then, arrogance needs to be humbled.

Once again, I saw so much of myself in these stories. How often have I been so arrogant as to argue with God, or to take matters into my own hands when I think He is moving too slowly? And how quick have I been to judge the faith of other brothers and sisters in Christ? It makes me sick at heart to see my own attitude of superiority, as if I set the standard for others to live out their faith. In the different personalities of John and Peter, we see two men who loved the Lord Jesus, who did great things for Him in their own ways, and lived out the calling that God designed uniquely for them.  That's all he wants from each of us as well.

And here's the thing that made me fall so much more deeply in love with Jesus. Even after having to continually put Peter in his place, He showers Peter with grace and edifies him before all the disciples.  In John 21, Jesus asks Peter three times "do you love me?" Peter, now thoroughly humbled says "you know I love you."    There's no "I love you more than anyone else," or "I love you enough to die with you and for you."  Peter can't even bring himself to use the same form of the word love that Jesus uses, referring to agape or unconditional love. What he says, in effect, is "You know my heart and you know that I love you with the brotherly kind of love, and I get it now that that is really all I am capable of."

And Jesus, in his grace, accepts that love and gives Peter a ministry to feed and take care of Jesus' flock. He leaves Peter with a final reminder to just keep his eyes on Jesus, not to be distracted by others' faith journeys and ministries but to simply follow Christ.

Oh, what a lesson I needed to learn. In the last year I have felt so discouraged in ministry and placed a lot of blame where I shouldn't have.   But God, in his love and grace for me, has allowed me to see the error of my ways. My arrogance needed a humbling. I am grateful.

Body-Building

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 20:44:00 +0000

As I sit here at my computer, pondering what to write on my blog, I am faced with a startling revelation. Somehow I let the entire month of October go by without blogging even once. That's the first time in the year and a half since I started blogging that I have let a month go by "un-blogged."

My first reaction is that it's a good thing because I have obviously not felt the NEED to blog. Back when I started this project, it was during a time of emotional turmoil brought on by a diagnosis of multiple scerlosis. There were so many thoughts churning through my head that I just had to get them all out. As I look back through my posts since then, I can see a trend of fewer and fewer posts each month. But never have I skipped a month entirely.

My second reaction is that it's not such a good thing. Another reason I started the blog was because during that same time of turmoil, God was pouring so much grace and goodness into my life that I felt a need to keep a record of it to help me remember it all, and to serve as an encouragement to others. I have been repeatedly amazed at how God has used the stories and words recorded here to help and encourage others! That's the main reason I kept blogging even after the initial crisis died down, and that's also the main reason I need to continue blogging.

God is at work in my life, and in all our lives, every day, whether or not we take the time to notice. I guess I felt drawn back to the computer because this week he reminded me of that again in a very powerful way that has touched and humbled me so deeply.

Around this time last year, my husband and I breathed a big sigh of relief as our kitchen renovation project was finally completed. It had dragged on for a couple of months, and the start of the project was delayed for months to begin with because of my diagnosis earlier in the year. At that time when I explained to Barbara, my friend and kitchen consultant, the reason we needed to put things on hold for a while, she told me that she and her prayer group from her church would be lifting me up in prayer. I was very grateful then, and the many times thereafter that she continued to assure me she and her group were praying for me.

Well, fast foward more than a year later. I'm now a discussion leader for my Bible Study Fellowship group. I shepherd a group of about 15 wonderful ladies that I have been so blessed to get to know over the last several weeks. The other day I was talking to one of these ladies on the phone. She told me that when she mentioned my name to her mother, her mother remarked that her prayer group (my friend Barbars's group) had been praying for me for a really long time!

I cannot even express how humbled and how grateful I felt in that moment. It was during a week that found me pity partying over my health after having studied the story of Jesus healing the child of a royal official, and feeling frustrated that my own prayers for physical healing have gone unanswered. A week of questioning whether my faith is strong enough or sufficient enough, instead of trusting the complete sufficiency and sovereigny of my Heavenly Father.

It was that week and in that place of heartache that God chose to reach out and remind me of his great care and love for me through other believers, the Body of Christ.
Ephesians 4:16 says "from him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work."

I'm so thankful for the prayers that so many in the body have offered up on my behalf. They have provided the supporting ligaments that have sustained, encouraged, and touched me deeply. And they have inspired me to keep praying not only for others, but myself as well. It's so cool that now I have the privilege of praying regularly for the daughter of this woman who has been praying for me!

I know that the timing of the phone conversation with the woman in my Bible study group was no accident because God's timing is perfect. And his timing for my physical healing will also be perfect, whether it takes place on this earth or when it's time to receive my new heavenly body.
So I will choose to persevere and to trust, and to do my part, focusing less on my body and more on the body of Christ!

Praying Mantises and Honeycombs

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 14:08:00 +0000

It was a horrifying sight, to be sure. The frightening creature stared at me through my window screen with its beady black eyes. I shuddered and quickly closed the window, not wanting to be anywhere nearby if and when it decided to spit its poison.

Okay, so I'm a little dramatic. The horrifying creature was nothing more than a praying mantis. But those things just really creep me out. And yes, I realize that they do not spit poison, but when I was little another kid in the neighborhood told me that they did, and I've been afraid of them ever since.

Silly? Yes. Irrational? To be sure. But it still sticks in my mind, so therefore I do not like praying mantises. My family teases me about it and thinks I'm a little off-kilter, but such is life.

So, now a really disturbing thought has occurred to me. I am afraid of praying mantises spitting poison, even though they do not. But who should be afraid of me, for the poison that so easily can spew from my tongue?

Ouch...think about that one for a minute. And ponder this as well, from James 3:5-7. "The tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself on fire by hell. All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison."

I don't want people to feel the urge to back away when they see me coming. I don't want to see my children shrink away from angry or critical words spewing from my mouth like venom. I don't want my husband to dread hearing my complaints or whining, or friends to fear being the target of gossip or a judgemental attitude.

Rather than words that poison relationships and tear others down, I want to speak life-giving words of affirmation and encouragement, words that give hope and allow love to be heard above all else.

Those are the kinds of words that can only be spoken by someone living a life that is filled to overflowing with the Holy Spirit. Matthew 12:34 tells us "out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks." And from Proverbs 16:23-24: "A wise man's heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction. Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."

To live this kind of life and speak these kinds of words takes time on my knees with hands folded in prayer, the posture of a praying mantis without the "poison."

Back to School!

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 23:41:00 +0000

What a wild ride the month of August has been! I can't believe my girls have now been back in school for over a week. So much excitement over the start of school since Kaelie was starting high school and Hannah middle school.

I'm so happy to report that it seems to have been a smooth transition for both. I keep thinking back to when they were small, and how exhausting it was to be a mother of a toddler and then a preschooler. It's no less exhausting now, I've decided. It's just a different kind of exhausting. It's also no less of a joy. It's so amazing to watch them grow and change and mature. What a privilege to get to be a part of their lives!

So far they are also both enjoying the sports they're participating in this fall. Hannah is a manager for the middle school volleyball team and seems to be loving it. She's also playing travel soccer, so we have those practices twice a week and then games on the weeekends. Kaelie decided to give cross country a try, and I've been amazed to see how hard she's working and throwing herself into it. Her goal is to train all year through cross country, then both indoor and outdoor track in order to be in extra-good shape by the time volleyball tryouts roll around next summer. So glad to see her setting a goal and working so hard to pursue it. Unforunately, the athletic trainer at the school seems to think Kaelie may have a stress fracture in her foot, so we'll be getting an x-ray on Tuesday. I really hope it's not...she doesn't need that kind of setback right now.

Praying that God will continue to watch after their goings and comings...

Tryout Update

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 03:30:00 +0000

Well, here's the update as promised. I put it off as long as possible today because it is painful to write. Kaelie got cut from the J-V volleyball team.

It was a really tough afternoon, but I'm so proud of the way she has handled it. She said that she knows God has other things for her to do and that being on this team just isn't one of them. There were some tears, naturally, but overall she's been fine. One of her best friends, Kelsey, also was cut, so it has helped that they have been able to spend the day together, and Kelsey is here for a sleepover tonight.

One really cool thing is that Kaelie has recognized on her own how God used that mission trip she went on last week to prepare her for this disappointment. She sees a much bigger picture, and I am so very grateful to God for showing it to her!

Unshakable

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 01:07:00 +0000

Okay, so I just got Kaelie to bed and finished praying with her. Volleyball tryouts for the junior varsity team are tomorrow morning at 8:00. She's pretty nervous, but her attitude about the whole thing completely blew me away.

I told her that she just needs to go out there and work her rear end off so that whether she makes the team or not, at least she can leave the court knowing that she gave it her very best effort. "Hopefully that will be enough," I said. "But if it's not, it just means that God has other plans for you this year and it will be exciting to see what's in store."

She smiled, nodded her head in agreement and said the most amazing thing. "The way I'm looking at it is that all this is just earthly kingdom kind of stuff. I need to keep my focus on the unshakable kingdom that counts."

I couldn't hold back a couple of tears. Hearing those words from the mouth of my 14 year-old daughter was such an unbelieveable encouragement to me. I'm so grateful for the beautiful work that God is doing in her. She came back from her Jeremiah Project mission trip yesterday wearing a t-shirt with "unshakable" written on it. That was the theme for the entire week. Taken from the Message version of Hebrews 12:28-29, it obviously gave her just the preparation she needed to face this week.

"Do you see what we've got? An unshakable kingdom! And do you see how thankful we must be? Not only thankful, but brimming with worship, deeply reverent before God. For God is not an indifferent bystander. He's actively cleaning house, torching all that needs to burn, and he won't quit until it's all cleansed. God himself is Fire!"

It's really cool to see my child on fire for the God of fire. No matter what happens tomorrow and Tuesday on the volleyball court, I know that with this kind of faith, she'll be just fine!

Priorities and Provision

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 01:07:00 +0000

It never ceases to amaze me how much I learn from children. I'm so proud of Kaelie, my 14 year-old daughter, for what she has taught me most recently. This week Kaelie is on a mission trip with a group of middle school youth from our church. After we had already registered her for two fairly expensive camps this summer, she begged to go on this trip. My husband and I debated and debated whether to let her go for two reasons. First, the money. The trip itself is kind of pricey. Second, the fact that she would be gone for a week, getting home exhausted on Saturday afternoon, and have to be ready for tryouts for the junior varsity volleyball team at the high school at 8:00 Monday morning.

That might not seem like such a big deal, but it really is. Kaelie LOVES volleyball, has played for the middle school team as well as a club team, and really wants to continue in high school. The problem is that there are a total of eight girls moving up from the middle school, and they will be competing for only three or four open spots on J-V. I know Kaelie will be so disappointed if she doesn't make it.

For that reason even more so than the money, I tried to discourage her from going. But what it finally came down to for Joey and I was this: when our teenage daughter is begging to go and serve the Lord on a mission trip, how in good conscience can we put volleyball first and say no?

Obviously, we couldn't do that. That's why I am so proud of Kaelie for having her priorities on the matter straight even if we didn't. This week, I believe she is living out Matthew 6:33-34: "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

These verses are really talking about not worrying about God's provision for essentials such as food, clothing, and shelter. But my prayer for Kaelie is that next week, God will reward her faithfulness and her service to him this week by providing a spot for her on that team. What a testimony that would be!

Check back Tuesday and I'll post an update with the tryout results! In the meantime, please pray for Kaelie!

Life Lessons on the Commercial Break

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 18:33:00 +0000

I have to admit it was a bit uncomfortable, watching a tv show with my teenage daughter about a Christian teenager contemplating intimacy with her boyfriend. As the girl's friend attempted to dissaude her from moving ahead with her plans, the girl fired back with every argument in the book. Finally she ended the conversation saying that she had been praying about it and came to the conclusion that since God is love, that He would not have a problem with her expressing her love for her boyfriend physically.

Cut to commercial...thankfully.

I quickly muted the tv and asked my daughter what she thought about that last comment. She said that she completely disagreed with it because she believed that what the girl was about to do was a sin.

I was glad to hear that, but I decided I needed to take my daughter a little deeper. I wanted her to realize how easy it is to rationalize sin, any sin. We can creatively come up with just about any argument to support our decisions, and we must be aware that there is an enemy who desires nothing more than to prey on our human desires and weaknesses in order to lead us into sin. 1 Peter 5:8 says it best: "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." Doesn't that just give you the creeps?

I asked my daughter this question: "If you have been praying about a decision you need to make, do you think God would give you an answer that would lead you to do something that goes against his Word?"

Her answer was no, and she was right. The problem is, too often we don't bother to find out what exactly his Word has to say about it. We come up with our rationalizations that sound perfectly logical, just like the girl's comment on tv. I told my daughter that's why it is so important if there is any question in your mind about whether or not something is right or wrong, then don't do it. Go first to the Bible and see how your thoughts and rationalizations stack up against God's Word. If they don't fall in line and you proceed with your plans anyway, then do so with the knowledge that you are acting in disobedience to God, and disobedience to God is nothing other than sin.

We all face temptation in one form or another every day. The good news is that we don't have to face it alone. According to 2 Corinthians 10:4, "The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds."

God is on our side, and He has graciously given us his Word as an aresenal against the enemy. We just have to be willing to put it to work.

Making Sense from a Senseless Tragedy

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 20:11:00 +0000

What can you say to someone who has lost a child? What words are there to comfort someone who is living through such a nightmare? I can't begin to fathom the heartache as a parent.

In the wee hours of Monday morning, a high school friend of my husband's received the devastating news that no parent wants to hear. His oldest daughter, a beautiful, blond-haired, 20 year-old girl named Mary-Kathryn was killed in a tragic accident. She and her boyfriend had apparently gathered with some others along the side of an interstate highway in Northern Virginia to watch a street race. One of the drivers lost control and hit a parked vehicle, ramming it into Mary-Kathryn and her boyfriend, killing them both.

Soon after we got the news that afternoon, my own two daughters were fighting with each other and treating each other so hatefully. It nearly made me sick to my stomach as I thought about Mary-Kathryn. Life is too short and fleeting to waste time and energy on ugliness and fighting. If only we could all remember to treat others in ways that build up, rather than tear down, to show respect and kindess and love rather than contempt and meanness. I would hate to suddenly depart this life tomorrow if anything I've said or done today has hurt or offended. There's no guarantee we'll get the time or opportunity to make apologies or amends.

Obviously, I have been praying for Mary-Kathryn's family as they cope with this tragedy and if you are reading this, I hope you will too. Let me also challenge you to join me in praying that we would all strive to make a positive difference or contribution of some sort each day for the Kingdom of God. Even if you never see the results of your efforts in this life, trust that the eternal rewards will all be worth it.

"He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him. Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing."
(1 Thessalonians 5:10-11)

A Test of Trust?

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Tue, 19 May 2009 12:40:00 +0000

Something is about to happen. Do you ever get that feeling that you just can't shake, the feeling that warns you to be ready? That's the feeling I have, and I'm not liking it one bit.

Yesterday, I went on a two-hour road trip to do some furniture shopping in North Carolina. On the way, I tuned the radio to a Christian music station and listened to a guy who was giving an amazing sermon. He ended it by saying "Believe in miracles, trust in Jesus." Within a minute or two as I approached an interstate overpass, I saw the words "trust Jesus" spray-painted on the side of a concrete bridge support. "Wow, that's pretty cool," I thought. God must be trying to tell me something.

A short time later, I lost the signal for that station and found another. This time, a different pastor from a Chicago mega-church was giving a message on Psalm 23 and how it relates to trusting God. That's when I started to squirm. Psalm 23 is usually one that is used at funerals to bring comfort to the bereaved, or it is used to encourage those who are otherwise hurting or experiencing difficulty or trials. "Oh-oh," I thought, "what's coming?"

I found myself praying "If you're asking me if I trust you, Lord, the answer is yes. I do trust you completely. I don't need to experience any difficulty in order to know that I trust you." I suddenly felt like Peter, whom Jesus asked three times "do you love me?" Yes Lord, I love you, I trust you! Don't you believe me?

This morning, I opened my email to find something that disturbed me even more. The daily devotional I receive on email was there, and today's title was "Trusting God Through Difficult Times." The devotional included a couple of stories of faith through horrible tragedies, as well as a quote from Oswald Chamers:
"Faith by its very nature must be tested and tried. And the real trial of faith is not that we find it difficult to trust God, but that God's character must be proven trustworthy in our own minds."

I don't know what's coming, but I have this sense of foreboding. If you're reading this, I am asking for prayers for peace, for protection for me and my family, and for unshakable faith and trust no matter what comes my way. In the meantime, I'm leaning on two specific verses:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." (Prov. 3:5)

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." (Deut. 31:8)

Hopefully all this is coincidental, but I don't really believe in coincidence. I fully believe in God-incidences, and if in his grace he is trying to prepare me for something that is to come, it makes me love him all the more.

Who's in the Loop?

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Thu, 14 May 2009 13:00:00 +0000

Something happened last night between my daughters and I'm still trying to figure out exactly what. I do know that it caught me very much by surprise.

Hannah, who is 10, went to bed first. A little while later I went to tell Kaelie, my 13 year-old to do the same. I looked all over the house for her and couldn't find her. Finally, I heard voices coming from Hannah's room. When I went in, I found them both crying and neither wanted to share what it was all about. When Kaelie left to go to her room, Hannah said everything was fine, that it was just "sister stuff." Once I returned to Kaelie's room to get her to bed, she also insisted that they were just having a much-needed talk and everything was okay. Fortunately, both of them went on to sleep and seemed fine this morning before school.

I still wish I knew what it was all about though. While I do have some inkling, and I'm happy that perhaps they are learning to work things out for themselves and to talk to each other like rational human beings instead of getting into screaming fights, it drives me crazy to be left out of the loop. I'm their mother and I love them and I want to be able to help.

God has really been teaching me a lot about leadership recently, and I think he's reminding me in this situation that a good leader equips and trains those she is leading so that they can do things for themselves without relying so much on her. I'm certainly not implying that my children will grow up and never need me again, because I know how much I still need my own mother. But it's important that they learn to do and handle things for themselves, confident in the knowledge that I am here for them.

Second, the fact that I feel left out of the loop makes me realize how much it must grieve the Lord when I leave him out. Sometimes when things come up, the first tendency is to go to my husband or a friend to help me through it, or to seek advice from self-help books or others who have faced similar situations. I need to make sure God, the one who made me and loves me and knows me inside and out, is the first one I call to rather than the last resort. Whatever the situation, he already knows it completely and desires to help me through it.

1 Peter 5:7 says "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." I like the word all in this verse. It tells me that I can go to God with anything. I've heard people say that they don't feel right bothering God with what they perceive to be small and petty problems, compared to the much bigger issues that other people may be facing. But God wants to be in the loop for all of it, and I want to have the kind of faith that trusts him to be big enough to handle all of it.

I'm glad my girls were able to talk things out with each other last night. I hope that when they each finally went on to bed, they also talked it out with the Lord.

Pursuing the Promised Land

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 13:19:00 +0000

'"If we have found favor in your eyes," they said, "let this land be given to your servants as our possession. Do not make us cross the Jordan."' Numbers 32:5

A sign outside a church I passed the week after Easter read "Attention: We are open between Easter and Christmas." Isn't that great? I got a chuckle out of the church's tongue-in-cheek attempt to remind folks that there are 50 more Sundays a year to worship the Lord besides the two biggest Christian holidays.

Because I happened to be in the middle of a Bible study on the book of Numbers at the time, my mind was immediately drawn to the Gadites and Reubenites, who begged Moses not to make them cross the Jordan River into the Promised Land. These people were among the Israelite tribes that had been wandering the desert for 40 years since the Lord freed them from slavery in Egypt. Finally, they've made it out of the desert and they're camped just outside the land of Canaan that God had promised to their ancestors. It's nearly time to enter the land, take possession of it and settle into their new lives, and these people say thanks but no thanks. This land looks really good for raising our livestock so we'd rather stay here. Can you imagine that?

Sadly, I can. It really made me pause and think about how often I am willing to "settle" instead pressing on in faith toward what God has planned and prepared for me. God had promised these people life in a land "flowing with milk and honey" and they turned it down! They grasped for what they could see before them right then, without moving forward with trust that what God had in store for them would be even better.

Things are no different today, unfortunately. I'm always so happy to see the church jam-packed at Christmas and Easter, and I always hope that many of the people who only show up those two days a year will be so inspired by the services that they will be moved to return week after week. It saddens me when the attendance drops back down the very next Sunday. Jesus offers us "abundant life," our own opportunities for Promised Land living. We might think we're living it, but when we don't spend time in regular worship, prayer, Bible study, and fellowship with other believers, of if we don't really even believe in him, we're only settling for what's before us and missing out on an abundance of blessings.

Hebrews 11:1 says "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see." The Gadites and Reubenites had faith in what they could see. Jesus' disciple Thomas, when told of the ressurrection said he would not believe it unless he could see and touch Jesus' wounds. When he got that opportunity, Jesus told him "Because you have seen me, you have believed. Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." Lord, please help me to always pursue the Promised Land and be among the blessed.

Goodbye and Godspeed

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 00:13:00 +0000

A very dear lady passed away early this morning, and I couldn't let the day go by without taking a moment to reflect and pay her some tribute. She was an elderly lady in my church named Nancy, and she just had this way of making people feel special.

Maybe it was the fact that she always greeted me with a smile, a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. Maybe it was the fact the she reminded me of my Great-aunt Louise, another faithful and amazing lady who passed away many years ago. Or maybe it was the fact that when she said she was praying for me, I always knew without a doubt that she really was.

Yesterday at church I was stunned to hear that Nancy had had a stroke and was in intensive care. So today I drove to the hospital to check in on her...I really just wanted to hold her hand and pray for her. When I got there, however, they didn't have her listed as a patient and I assumed I had gone to the wrong hospital. A few minutes later when I called a friend to try to find out where she was, I was heartbroken to learn that Nancy had died in the wee hours of the morning.

For the next little while, I was so angry with myself for not going to see her yesterday as soon as I heard she was hospitalized. Instead, I came home from church and just hung around the house for a couple of hours before I had to attend a scheduled event later in the afternoon. I so truly regretted missing the chance to let her know I loved her and say goodbye.

But then I started reflecting on the last time I saw her. It was in the sanctuary at church, as folks were filing out after a beautiful and joyful Easter Sunday service. She was waiting for our pastor to finish shaking hands with everyone so that she could give him a cake she had baked for him. That was so Nancy, she loved to pamper people with her cooking, and I was blessed to have been a recipient of that goodness as well!

Anyway, when Nancy saw me she came over and gave me a big hug and kiss on the check. "Oh, I just love you Honey," she said. "I prayed for you just this morning and I pray for you every day." And I hugged her back and returned a kiss on her check, and I told her I loved her too.

Reflecting back on that, I'm so very grateful that God allowed me that moment with her. That was our goodbye, and what more needed to be said than that? Even more special was the setting, two sisters in Christ standing beneath the cross of Christ on Easter. How fitting that that was Nancy's last church service...she dearly loved and faithfully served the risen Savior! I know she's rejoicing to be with him now, for to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.

Thank you for all the examples you set Nancy, and the love you so freely shared.

"Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints." Psalm 116:15

More, More, More!

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy) — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 21:46:00 +0000

So frustrated with my girls this afternoon. We spent a whole weekend at Kaelie's volleyball tournament...exhausting for everyone. Her team played great, by the way, but it was a long and tiring weekend for the players as well as the spectators.
Yesterday afternoon during a break between games I took Hannah to the mall for a little while as a "reward" for being a trooper about being dragged from gym to gym all day long. It was a nice little break and she got a new swimsuit out of the deal. I even picked up a dress for Kaelie while were there.
Late this afternoon when it was finally time to go home, they both whined and complained because I wouldn't take them to the mall before making the 45-minute trip home. You would have thought they were so deprived! Joey and I were talking about how we love them and will gladly sacrifice time, money, weekends, etc. for them to be able to do all the sports and things that they get to do, but we just wish they would act like they appreciate it rather than expecting more, more, more and whining when they don't get their way.

The Lord must have been shaking his head upon hearing that conversation. Am I really any different? How much has he sacrificed for me, after all? He gave up his only Son so that I can have eternal life with him, yet is that what I focus on when things aren't going my way? Too often I'm acting just like my girls were today, whining and complaing, or feeling deprived over not having this or that. Will I ever learn???