On Poetry, Prose, and Videogames

My Life

2012-03-07T01:03:00.000-05:00

I stand in darkness,
Silence.
Thinking thoughts that aren’t mine,
Wearing clothes that aren’t mine,
Moving in ways that aren’t mine.

I stand in moonlight,
Whispers.
Watching friends I don’t know,
Hearing words I don’t know,
Knowing things I don’t know.

I stand in twilight,
Murmurs.
Telling stories that aren’t real,
Seeing places that aren’t real,
Using objects that aren’t real.

But when I stand in the spotlight,
Thunderous.
Those thoughts become mine,
Those friends become mine,
Those stories become mine.

Because I am an actor.

Like A Turtle

2012-02-21T00:58:00.000-05:00

Like a turtle, I withdraw into a safe place of comfort.

Though I want nothing more than to explore my horizons,
The world outside is too hard to face.

I endeavour to soar with the eagles.
I attempt to swim with the dolphins.
I try to run with the cheetahs.

But in the end, I am ostracized,
And must hide away from the pain.
I must hide away
From the inevitable sting of defeat.

For though I want nothing more than to have a friend,
The safe shelter of my shell is the only thing
That can protect me from the harshness
Of the things I can never have,
And the failed opportunities I dare not face.

A Flash Of Blades

2012-02-07T11:24:00.000-05:00

Steel

The sword floats in the air,
Its silvery blade gleaming.

Hungry

The razor-sharp edge glistens
As it slices through the air,
Missing its mark by inches.

Thirsty

The ornate handle shows elegance,
Reflecting the weapon it adorns.

Beautiful

The clang of metal meeting metal
Rings like a toll of the Grim Reaper
At the end of days.

Deadly

Scratches and dents adorn the steel,
Remnants of battles long past.

Experienced

Crimson red liquid runs down its length
As it finally reaches its mark,
And leeches life from its victim.

Victorious

Worst Video Game Series: The Sims

2011-12-17T00:44:00.000-05:00

Let’s face it, for every good videogame you’ve played in your life, you can probably recall a dozen that you’ve played that simply weren’t up to par. Every aspect of life has its duds, and video games are no exceptions, whether it’s the result of poor controls, bad writing, or just a really crappy independent company that has no business making video games in the first place. We can all recall plenty of games that are just horrible, but which game SERIES is the worst? In my opinion, it’s got to be The Sims. I know this will probably seem like a strange choice to many readers, due to its popularity, when there are so many other games out there that are universally hated. And I’ll admit, there are a few things that The Sims does well which can make it “fun” to play. But if we’re talking about it in terms of series, The Sims comes out on top because of the fact that more universally hated games are usually a single game without a series because they were so bad that the developers dropped it immediately, or because they are a lone dud within the midst of a successful and well-done franchise. For me, The Sims matches neither of these criteria, so let’s jump right into the fray.

The most fun you'll have in a serious playthrough.

My dislike for The Sims series can all stem from one very simple root: the fact that it’s as boring as hell. Whereas other titles like SimCity or RollerCoaster Tycoon with a similar playstyle focused on doing things the player would never do in their lives, like design an amusement park or run an entire city, The Sims is just managing the life of a family… And that’s pretty much it. You create a character or characters and control their day-to-day lives. The “objective,” if you could call it that, is to be as successful as you can possibly be, by taking care of their needs, like hunger and hygiene, leveling up their skills, and then sending them off to work in the hopes that you get a promotion if your stats and mood are high enough. You foster relationships with your neighbours, who show up pretty much at random, and can even end up marrying someone if your relationship grows enough. And all by just pointing and clicking! While this premise is interesting enough at first, as a sort of fantasy life for the reclusive gamer, when you really think about it, what are you doing? You’re doing in a game what you should be doing in real life. In other words, to have one. Nothing interesting ever happens, you just make your character watch TV, read a book, take a shower, and go to work, just like you yourself would or should. It’s not even clever enough to be meta-gaming; it’s just boring.

It even LOOKS annoying.

There are also a lot of little things that bug me, such as the sounds of the game. There’s no soundtrack to speak of, except for the title screen and during character creation, and therefore the game only sounds are ambient noises, sound effects, and possibly the most annoying language ever created, called Simlish. It’s literally nothing but jibberish, a bunch of meaningless sounds thrown together in no particular order. While I can respect the design choice behind it, as it leaves the characters’ conversations up to the minds of the player rather than what would undoubtedly be endlessly repetitive greetings and such, it’s just so grating and annoying, that I will usually just mute my TV, which never detracts from the experience at all. That’s a bad sign in and of itself, as sound is one of the biggest factors in how a person understands things, even more so than sight. Simultaneously a blessing and a curse is the fact that time in The Sims is condensed, with an hour in the game being equal to around a minute in real time. On the bright side, this means the player can progress through the game at a much faster pace. On the downside, however, this time inconsistency leads to a lot of tasks taking MUCH, MUCH longer than they realistically would, such as a character taking a half an hour to use the bathroom in game time, or an hour of game time to make a bowl of macaroni. This significantly decreases the actual time available in the game to be able to do anything useful, like increase the skills you need to advance in your job, or even sleep. The design is overly simplified too, as if the creators wanted to make the game as boring as possible, but it’s hard to really explain about that without going into specifics.

And for some unholy reason, ghosts can have kids. No lie.

As the game series progressed, both through the main series and through spin-offs, very little changed at all. Most of the games in the series are basically just palette swaps, offering the exact same gaming experience, only in a different location, a poor excuse to squeeze more money out of the consumer. Between Sims and Sims 2, you were finally able to actually move throughout your entire neighborhood, rather than being trapped within the confines of your house. More features were added, such as goals and life goals, things that your character desired to do, though they don’t seem to have much effect on gameplay if you ignore them. Sims also gain one of the most annoying traits possible; the ability to die. Normally, this wouldn’t be such a big deal, except that the average lifespan of a Sim is so short, that it makes it impossible to make any lasting impression in the game. Even if you manage your time perfectly, you’ll wind up not doing something, whether it’s getting married, having a kid, achieving your lifetime aspiration, or that big promotion. It’s a huge downer to be days away from reaching Rock Star status, and then *poof* your character becomes an old man and has to retire. And then you have to start from scratch with your kid, who will probably have crappy traits because you forgot to pick him up once as a child. The game is fickle to a fault when it comes to aging, though in free-play mode, I do believe there is a “stop aging” option, but then you’re basically cheating the rules of the game, in which case, why play it anyway?

Put down that extinguisher and DIE!!!

There are a few things that make the game fun to play, like building houses and hooking up with other people just for the immature giggle at when they have sex, but overall the game just suffers from a lack of interesting things to do. It’s annoying because it’s boring, and it’s boring because you’re annoyed, and all the pointing and clicking can’t fix it, no matter how hard you try. I just recommend you throw these games in the trash and pick up something less frustrating. In the end, the only fun thing left to do is trap people in a house and watch them burn to death anyway.

Favorite Video Game Character: Ratchet, from Ratchet and Clank

2011-12-15T02:53:00.001-05:00

Every good game needs good characters. A great plot, great gameplay, doesn’t mean anything if your protagonist is an annoying jerk, your villain is shoddily put-together, or you’re playing a FPS. (No offense, HALO fans) If the characters in the game aren’t relatable or likable, then the player won’t want to play the game, since the essence of the game is following these characters around and how they drive the plot forward. So while I’m preparing for finals this year, I thought I would introduce you to my favorite videogame character: Ratchet, from the Ratchet & Clank game series.

Ratchet's first ship. Who's a good Lombax? You are!

Ratchet is a Lombax – a bipedal, feline alien race with an affinity for technology – and the games follow his exploits as he saves the universe numerous times from the forces of evil. The current count stands at eight rescues over the course of ten games. Growing up alone on the planet Veldin, Ratchet finally manages to leave the planet with the help of a small robot named Clank, who both become friends, though not without the occasional dispute, and even quicker become caught up in saving the Solana Galaxy from the evil machinations of Chairman Drek, as he made his way through the galaxy, stealing chunks from planets in order to build a new homeworld for his people. Along the way, they meet series regulars Skid McMarx, Captain Qwark, Helga, Big Al, and a whole cast of other characters, all of whom play vital roles in the plot. After saving the galaxy from Drek, Ratchet and Clank retire for a brief few months before being drafted into saving another galaxy, and then another, a vicious cycle of being heroes which is still going on today.

And pop culture references. Never subtle, either. Never

Ratchet is a very well-developed character for a videogame. Rather than the stereotypical hero – especially ironic, seeing as the “hero” in the R&C universe usually winds up ruining the day more often than saving it – we have a character with a whole range of emotions that develops over the course of the series, like his short temper and his early selfish, almost narcissistic personality, though his snarky humour kept him likable. In the original game, Clank practically has to blackmail Ratchet into saving some of the worlds they come across, and the writing made his personality change make sense, slowly coming to realize just how horrible the villains were and becoming more dedicated to stopping them at all costs as he witnessed the devastation firsthand. Though he quickly matured through the series, becoming more humble and wise, he has never lost his wit or sense of adventure. Another positive point stems from the series itself, as it was never really created for a younger audience, despite its seemingly childish design, and therefore pushes boundaries on what’s acceptable, very often tossing in not-so-subtle innuendos and close calls with swear words. Because it plays to an adult audience as much as it does teens and kids, it can treat its characters with realism, touching on subjects like sexual tension that flesh them out, indeed making ones like Ratchet seem more realistic than some of his non-talied counterparts in the gaming business.

All the better to blast you into subatomic particles with, my dear.

Undoubtedly one of the best things about this character, though, comes from the giant arsenal of weapons he utilizes. Aside from his trusty Wrench melee weapon, ratchet buys and discovers dozens upon dozens of weapons during his travels. From the basic Blaster, to the ultimate R.Y.N.O. (Rip Ya a New One), each one makes a bigger explosion than the one before, and has the capacity to be upgraded multiple times. While truly more of an aspect of the game rather than Ratchet’s character, the fact that he and all Lombaxes have a natural affinity for technology, creating new devices and weapons all the time, it only seemed natural to include them, as a few of the gadgets and weapons you come across are Lombax created. Ratchet especially does lots of inventing during the downtime before and after games, which range from duds, like the speeder he attempts to build and then spectacularly crashes at the beginning of A Crack In Time, to hilariously implausible and unnecessary, such as his “Stun-derwear.” His creativity and obvious infatuation with technology gives the player another way to relate to the character, as they more than likely have an infatuation with technology themselves. And let’s face it, it’s just a lot of fun for the most part.

Especially those graphics. Just bleh.

In the end, that’s really what the character boils down to: fun. Though initially a bit of a jerk, Ratchet is an amusing character to watch, listen to, and play as, with wonderful, realistic character development, and a highly invigorating story that becomes more in-depth as the whole series continues. That’s the short story, but if you want the long story, I suggest you go play the games themselves, as they are all wonderfully entertaining in every way. I’m rather apprehensive about the newest installment “All 4 One,” but hopefully you’ll all get to read about my full experience with that game soon enough.

Final Fantasy Favorites: Gameplay

2011-11-17T11:41:00.001-05:00

Arguably the most important aspect of any game is, as the name suggests, gameplay. Beautiful graphics, wonderful stories, everything else becomes pointless if the interactive portion of the game isn’t interesting to the gamer. Otherwise, you might as well just read a book or watch a movie. I’m not talking about the battle system here, however, since I feel that deserves an entire post to itself, but I will be going into as much of the interactive experience of Final Fantasy as I can, including things like World Maps, minigames, transportation, and even simple things like controls and talking to NPCs. Let’s get to it.

Kinda silly when Cloud is bigger than cliffs.

Final Fantasy VII was the second-to-last FF game to utilize a fully traversable World Map screen. You could walk, ride, fly to any spot on the map and go wherever you wanted. It was a pretty cool system, but not really helpful for anything other than finding hidden dungeons, and became obsolete when technology evolved to the point where the entire world could be rendered to scale, leading to actual areas to traverse from one town to the next. All-in-all, you can ride a chocobo, a buggy, a boat, a skimmer/airship, a submarine, and an actual airship, the first four pretty much becoming unnecessary, with the exception of chocobos. In this game, you can actually breed chocobos, in the chance that you will wind up with a rare colored one, which is the only way to access certain hidden dungeons that contain super-powered items within. Personally, I found it to be MUCH too time-consuming, and rather unnecessary to beat the game when there was plenty of materia to go around. The game is also rife with minigames in the Golden Saucer area, literally dozens to play, but thankfully they are merely sidequests. None of them were very interesting to me, all too simplistic and dependant on chance unless you spend WAY too much time playing them. So like real arcades in that respect, I guess. Shops were available in nearly every town, but the wares they sold were usually pointless, and weaker than items you could find through random encounters. Controls were fairly simple, though camera angles and static background could sometimes make it difficult to see where your character was headed, where paths were located, or even what button to push in order to go a certain direction. It caused me to get stuck in certain areas much longer than should have been necessary, but didn’t detract too much, so it’s easy to let slide.

I'd make an obvious gay joke, but sports are already full of innuendo.

Final Fantasy X replaced the standard world map with an entire world in which every town was connected by full areas. As a result of this, the vehicles present in previous games disappeared except for chocobos and airships, and airship travel dropped you off at a specific point at your destination, rather than allowing free movement. Chocobos don’t really serve much purpose in this game, as they are only accessible in two places, and only one area has a chocobo-accessible hidden dungeon, though the treasure within, a trio of summons, is well worth the long and arduous journey to find and unlock. The airship is the main method of discovering hidden areas, as you can find passwords hidden across Spira that will give you coordinates to secret areas, or even by “searching” Spira via a minimap aboard the airship, all of which are powerful treasures. FFX is also home of quite possibly my favorite minigame/videogame sport of all time, Blitzball. It is basically an underwater version of rugby, but oh so much fun to play, mostly because of the numerous techniques you can use in it, from stealing your opponents’ health, to putting them to sleep, and even kicking the ball right in their face, giving you a clear shot to the goal. Shops were frequent until later in the game, where they become very sparse, but they almost always contain interesting wares. A traveling merchant named O’aka XXIII was your main shop, and always seemed to carry weapons and armor that you’d need to get through the next area easily. Suspicious. The increased graphics of the game compared to its predecessors influenced the camera and controls immensely, with a camera that frequently moved as the character progressed through an area, but unable to be controlled by the player. This was done to bring the gamer’s attention to the stunning artwork the game utilized, but the big drawback of this was that the controls for movement also followed the camera. Rather than being fixed as pressing up means you go north, pressing up would cause you to go directly up based on the camera position. While this might make sense, the fact that you could not control the camera meant that you had to keep adjusting the analog stick if you wished to continue in the same direction, and if you had to go behind something, the camera angle would shift dramatically, which sometimes results in going back and forth between the two angles as you attempt to figure out exactly which direction you need to go in order to actually GO.

Ugh, I hate lists.

Final Fantasy X-2 was the first FF game that was a direct sequel to a previous game, and so it has a lot in common with FFX. The transportation is the same, but unique in that the airship is available immediately upon the game start. This makes the world and story much more expansive; instead of being forced to follow the events that are going down, you can visit anywhere else on the map before moving forward with the story, except during Chapter 3. In fact, if you want to even have a chance of beating the game at all, you almost HAVE to go to every location and complete every sidequest. It can become a bit repetitive, but the game does a decent job of keeping the story related to the quests, so that you only know the whole story if you succeed in all the side missions. Blitzball undergoes a makeover, as the gamer finds themselves as more of a coach/manager than actually playing the game itself, which is a definite downgrade. I actually had to look up an online game guide just to figure out how the system worked, as the directions are rather vague, and the system itself is wildly irregular from character to character. It also includes another minigame known as “Sphere Break” which is all about, of all things, mathematics. You have to very quickly match up tiles that add up to a multiple of a number that the computer generates. It’s a fun, yet challenging, game to play, but completely optional to play, likewise with Blitzball. The control scheme properties are identical to FFX, but shops play a much smaller role, merely selling certain accessories, as weapons are dependent on character class. It makes much more sense just to explore the game thoroughly, as the items you find in the wild or through quests will ALWAYS be superior to anything you can find in a shop. FFX-2 also contains one of my favorite features in a videogame that is conspicuously absent from every other main title other than XII International; New Game Plus. Basically, you get to restart the game from the beginning, dropping back down to Level 1, but retaining all your items and class experience. I’m sure this was only possible with FFX-2 because of its significantly shorter plotline and the fact that the game is arranged in such a way that you can’t complete the game 100% unless you do literally everything there is to offer, but it’s still a wonderful game element I enjoy in games like Ratchet & Clank.

Half your time will be spent here. At least it's pretty.

Final Fantasy XII utilizes the same map scheme and idea as FFX, with chocobos and airships, though the world is much more “civilized,” and therefore has a few extra features pegged onto it. First is the inclusion of commercial airships, a sort of ferry system among the major cities of the world, which is very useful in the early parts of the game, but loses its significance when you gain your own airship, which is much more flexible in terms of accessibility. There are no “hidden dungeons” as we would expect from the previous games, but rather dungeons that are always accessible but impossible to progress through at an early stage. Also present are Teleport Crystals, which allow instantaneous transportation between any other Crystals you have touched, if you have the necessary Teleport Stone to activate it. It is the primary mode of transportation throughout the game, which is very helpful considering the significant size of the world and its expansiveness. It’s much more realistic in that there are no straight lines from point A to point B. You are only given a general direction in which you need to travel, and immense maps to explore, trying to figure out how to get where you need to go. You can go almost anywhere whenever you want, unless the story is specifically preventing you from going to a certain place, usually an area with higher-level monsters. While realistic, this range of motion can sometimes be intimidating and confusing, as you have the tendency to get lost, especially on a first playthrough. Shops are TREMENDOUSLY important in this game, for while the most powerful weapons are only available through quests and treasures, they aren’t available until much MUCH later in the game, so for the first ¾ of the story, you are at the mercy of the merchants for your every need, from weapons to armour to magic and even “techniks.” You’ll spend quite a lot of time defeating mobs just to get loot from them to sell for money, though the game makes up for this with the bazaar, which offers items based on the loot you sell, usually at a reduced price. The controls in this game are on a completely different level from its predecessors, with completely player-controlled movement of both the characters and camera, which make progressing through the game much more fluid. A necessity considering the size of the game. There is a startling lack of minigames, however, limited to a fishing minigame and a running minigame, both of which are pointless and frustrating. Instead, we have hunts, where NPCs will post a bill for a particularly strong mob they wish eliminated. You accept the job, go kill the offending monster, and return for your reward, which consist of money and some other items.

Using the tormented souls of others as transport. Seems legit.

Final Fantasy XIII decided to completely break with the other FF games in terms of transportation. Aside from a few brief trips in airships, which you never control, you are relegated exclusively to foot travel throughout the worlds of Pulse and Cocoon. The only method of transportation are available only on Pulse in the form of chocobos and Cie’th teleport stones, but even these are not accessible until the post-game. While the highly linear structure of the maps and story means you really don’t need any other transportation anyway, it is rather disappointing to be missing some of the standard things that the FF series is known for. Shops are available at every save point, but depending on your play style, you probably won’t find much use for them at all, since every item can usually be found in treasure chests along your path. As I mentioned, the maps are very straightforward, basically pushing you along a straight path between storyline events. The game has received much criticism for this linearity, but I felt it really contributed to the plot, as it emphasized the feeling of the characters’ inescapable fate, and the fact that their time was limited. Like FFXII, FFXIII includes the same control and camera schemes, making it easy to move around the maps, as well as absolutely NO minigames of any kind, though the hunts were still present in a slightly different form. A big difference between FFXIII and the other games in the series was interaction with NPCs. There are very few instances when your characters can talk to people outside of your party, but when they do show up, rather than having to press a button to talk to them, brushing up against them causes you to hear what they’re saying, more eavesdropping on their conversations than actually interacting.

This category is a bit difficult for me to choose a victor, but in the end I would probably have to pick FFXII. It’s expansive world and highly realistic portrayal of the world in its gameplay design was easily the most entertaining for me, even despite its lack of fun minigames. The ability to go anywhere and do anything at almost any time is a great feeling, and the hunts give you plenty to do if you feel like taking a break from the main storyline. The teleport crystals make it easy to travel, which makes the enormous world easier to handle, and though the ability to get lost can be frustrating at times, you’re never lost for too long. FFX came in a close second, due mostly to the fun of the Blitzball minigame, but in the end, the freedom of FFXII in both play and controls won over my heart better. Round 1 goes to FFXII.

Final Fantasy Favorites

2011-11-09T17:36:00.001-05:00

One of the more common video game blogs I’ve seen online have at one point or another done their own take on the Final Fantasy video game series, ranking them from worst to best, so I thought I’d join the club and contribute my own list to the internet. I find it really difficult to pick an absolute victor in the game series, however, since each game is so different from the others in so many different ways. So instead of a list, I’ll compare and contrast the games that I have played, which sadly is a rather short list, based on certain elements of the games, with a personal favorite in each category. Because this review list would otherwise be insanely long otherwise, I have decided to split it up into several separate posts, each detailing a different element. I’m excited, and I hope you are too!

First up: Gameplay

Maniacal Monday: Frieza, from Dragon Ball Z

2011-11-01T00:32:00.000-04:00

Dragon Ball Z is one of the more well-known manga/anime to come out of Japan, and certainly the most well known of its creator, Akir Toriyama. The sequel of the manga/anime Dragon Ball, it follows the chronicles of Goku as he defends the universe from all things evil with his fists, and massively unnecessary explosions. While the series has its ups and downs, one cannot deny that it has some of the most entertaining and terrifying villains ever created, even if they can sometimes look ridiculous (See Majin Buu). This week is none other than the tyrannical overlord known as Frieza.

Bet he wishes he'd killed Goku instead of useles ol' Krillin first.

In the series, Frieza and his army travel to the Planet Namek in order to find a group of mystical objects known as Dragon Balls, which when gathered together grant three wishes to the summoner. Once there, he lays waste to the native inhabitants, collecting most of the balls before the arrival of our heroes, Krillin and Gohan, and the anti-hero/villain Vegeta. For the majority of the series, he is content to stand by and allow his subordinates to handle the dirty work, even as they are slaughtered around him. Eventually, however, he is forced to enter the fray himself, showing himself to be powerful beyond imagination, effortlessly disposing of the main characters of the series, but never quite finishing them off. It is not until the arrival of Goku that Frieza finds himself a worthy challenger. Though he survives a move that should have destroyed him utterly, he is eventually defeated by Goku after Frieza kills his friend Krillin, unlocking Goku’s latent powers, and finds himself on the brink of death. His father, King Cold, finds and revives him with technology, but though he is stronger than ever, when they travel to Earth to destroy Goku for good, he is dispatched immediately by another hero named Trunks, ending his reign on the mortal coil for good.

Pictured, Toriyama's messed-up nightmares.

Akira Toriyama has mentioned before that when creating Frieza, he imagined the monsters from his childhood as his inspiration, and Frieza certainly seems that way. He has the ability to transform, and each of his stages are scary in different ways. His initial form is demonic, with horns and a tail, his second form is giant-esque, as he grows in stature and build, his horns growing larger than before. In his third form, his skull becomes elongated, and his horns change, becoming smaller and part of his skull, and he bears a striking similarity to the Aliens from the Aliens movie series, albeit in a much more muscular and anthropomorphized manner. His Final Form is actually much different from his others, as he breaks out of his shell, revealing a very short creature that seems a mix of a lizard and human. The tail is still present but the horns have completely disappeared and his body has become more streamlines, resembling actual skin rather than armor. Not very threatening, a deceiving look for his most powerful form, which leads me to his personality, wherein lies the scariest aspects of his villainy. In his first three forms, Frieza is rather talkative and witty, and revels in sadistic tendencies, torturing his victims to death, enjoying their pain and terror. He shows no concern for any creature other than himself, a ruthless and cold-hearted being, all with a maniacal grin on his face, and speaking in a very high-class manner. This is only increased in his Final Form; he loses his talkative and overbearing nature, for all intents and purposes becoming nothing more than a killing machine. He shows no emotion whatsoever until it becomes evident that Goku might be able to beat him in battle, at which point he completely loses his cool, shouting and screaming, and blowing up the very planet they were on to ensure that Goku would die.

I guess Toriyama hated midgets...

Of course, his truly terrifying visage and personality would have been for naught if not for the actions that resulted from them. While we don’t know his entire background, we do know that Frieza’s empire comprised of the entire Nothern Quadrant of the universe at the peak of his power, controlling at least 79 planets with an unknown number utterly destroyed. He committed genocide upon several races of which we know, including the Namekian people, though they were later resurrected using the Dragon Balls, as well as almost the entire Saiyan race, as he destroyed the planet along with its inhabitants, and based upon certain movies and other episodes, we know that he regularly hired mercenaries such as the Saiyans and the Ginyu Force to wipe out the inhabitants of planets so that he could sell them to others. He has a tendency to violently murder his subordinates for little to no reason at all, especially when brought bad news. He is prideful, powerful, and arrogant, a combination that, while deadly, also caused him to severely underestimate his opponents, eventually leading to his downfall at the hands of Goku.

Yea, try sleeping at night knowing HE'S in the universe somewhere.

Frieza is the last natural-born villain in the Dragon Ball series, all the subsequent villains having been either created or summoned in some manner. But he is also probably the most easily recognizable and memorable. A power-hungry narcissist and sadist, whose insatiable lust for control led him to annihilate numerous races and enslave countless others, Frieza is definitely deserving of the title of Villain. His personality matches his actions, and ignoring the fact that aliens don’t exist (at least, that we know of) and space travel hasn’t been invented (yet), Frieza is a highly believable and interesting character, and frightening to boot. There’s even a song written about him, named “F” by Maximum the Hormone, which just goes to show how popular and well-known he is. Though the series has its detractors, and rightfully so, Frieza remains one of my favorite villains from my childhood, deliciously evil in every sense of the word. Let’s just hope he never decides to become real, or we’re all gonna die.

Next week: The Joker, from Batman: The Dark Knight

Friday Night Retro: Jet Force Gemini

2011-10-29T00:00:00.003-04:00

Once upon a time, video games used to be difficult. Now, I’m not talking about difficult in terms of faulty controls or infuriating design. I’m talking about the fact that gameplay used to actually be a challenge. Let’s face it, today’s gamers are soft because today’s games are too easy. (With the possible exception of Demon’s Souls and Dark Souls) Gone are the days when you had to spend hours trying to master a game, progressing inch by slow inch through an area as hordes of enemies tried to end your character’s puny existence, replaced with games that baby you, and the only danger is that you might accidentally fall to your death. Strategy and intricacy have taken a back seat to beautiful graphics and brute force, and even when you beat a game, it doesn’t seem to mean as much because you didn’t really have to try too hard. So let’s take a look back at one of the hardest games I recall from my childhood, Jet Force Gemini.

Wait, how do we know those bears weren't asking for it?

Jet Force Gemini follows the story of two teenagers, Juno and Vela, and their wardog, Lupus, as they attempt to overthrow the tyrant of the universe, Mizar, and his hordes of insectoid Drone soldiers. The three go their separate ways after their ship is attacked and destroyed, progressing through a series of non-linear planets, saving the Tribal friendly units along the way, as well as an NPC named Floyd who accompanies you, before reuniting at Mizar’s Palace, where they confront the tyrant himself. They defeat him, but before they can finish him off, he escapes, vowing revenge upon the human race, and sets an asteroid hurtling towards Earth. At this, the reunited JFG team must race across all the previous planets and gather a multitude of spaceship parts to power a ship, given to them by the tribals’ King Jeff, and catch up to the asteroid. Juno descends into the asteroid alone after a rough landing, defeating Mizar for a final time, only to discover that Mizar was actually the brother of King Jeff, Barry. Unfortunately, the asteroid is no longer able to be stopped, and so the team straps a warhead to Floyd, who proceeds to fly into the center of the asteroid and detonate, vaporizing the rock mere miles before it impacts into Earth, saving the planet.

Damn, Mizar, you ugly!

I have to admit that when I was a child, I never actually beat this game. It wasn’t until a few years ago, when I was going through a nostalgic phase, that I booted up my Nintendo 64 and ripped my way through this game, and it was just as hard as I remember. The non-linear levels, combined with enemies that were not as dumb as rocks, made the game a genuine challenge. Ammo needed to be conserved, surroundings had to be observed, different doors opened under different circumstances. It’s not a game you could just run through blindly and hope for the best. It required on-the-run thinking and knowledge of the enemies you were facing, so you could react appropriately before you were killed. The control scheme was sometimes criticized, but I found that after an hour or so of gameplay, the controls became second nature, and were actually rather fluid, really allowing the player to cycle between two different play styles: a third-person platforming mode, useful for moving around the worlds, and a first-person shooting mode, obviously useful for combat. It’s a method that hasn’t seen much use since, which I find strange, considering how well it lent itself to the game.

And a merchant who still charges you despite being in mortal peril.

Jet Force Gemini has also received mountains of praise for multiple reasons. Besides the non-linear game path, something that, with few exceptions, just plain does not exist in today’s video games, for the time it had superb graphics, with great diversity, color, and lighting effects, though the game was known to lag slightly if too many enemies were on the screen at once. The soundtrack was amazing, even by today’s standards, forgoing the usual techno-like music that is so common in sci-fi for more classical sounding music, which really adds to the atmosphere of the game. These two elements combined to give the game a very gritty, harsh, and realistic tone to it, treating its audience as adults. Planets like Tawfret still give me the chills, as the level is filled with mist, with enemies that jump out from behind every corner, enemies that exploded in a shower of bug guts, and even zombie drones. The enemy AI, as mentioned before, do not have the intelligence of rocks, and there is a satisfying variety of them, from snipers to soldiers to giant tank-like drones. Likewise, your arsenal, while somewhat limited, is very diverse, each weapon completely different from the others, from machine-gun, to rocket launcher, and even a tazer. When the player recruits Floyd, he accompanies you as an ally that automatically targets enemies, but also has the option of playing co-operatively with a friend controlling him instead, which is great if you have a friend who enjoys the game, but hasn’t quite gotten the hang of it yet. One of the few genuine concerns with the game’s difficulty, however, was the fact that you had to rescue every single Tribal in the game to defeat it, which could get very tedious in certain areas where enemies would specifically search out and kill them before you could rescue them. The game also had an multiplayer mode which put the players on an automated shooting course, where they competed to kill the most enemies, but it wasn’t very engaging; the focus was on the story mode, and rightfully so.

And in closing, here's that cute puppy again. Aaawwww!

Games like this make me long for the days when I couldn’t just sit down and beat a game in one sitting. While I find video games today just as enjoyable, the focus has shifted to games that look good with as little effort as possible, both from the point of the developer and the gamer. Jet Force Gemini is a perfect example of when a game took a long time to beat because the focus of the game was on the journey rather than the outcome, which made it all the better when you actually beat the game. You EARNED those credits, damnit, and you were going to enjoy watching those names scroll by as you laughed at their futile attempt to confound and defeat you. I look forward to the day when games like this become popular again, but until then, I’ll just sit here with my Nintendo 64 reminiscing.

Music Review: Super Ponybeat

2011-10-27T00:04:00.000-04:00

Before I review this music album, I have a confession to make. I am a Brony. For those of you who are unaware of the term, a Brony is a person, usually male and in their teens or 20s, who watches the TV show “My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic.” You may gasp, you may ask, “But isn’t that a show for little girls?!” Yes. Yes it is. The whole purpose of the Brony movement is to prove that just because something is marketed to a certain audience doesn’t mean a completely different audience that has nothing in common with the first group can’t enjoy it as well. It’s about shedding off the limitations of stereotypes and what is considered “right” and “wrong” for someone to do. Me, I just love the characters, and the story, and the animation… pretty much everything about it. But I digress. As the fanbase for a show grows, it only becomes natural that those fans become more and more involved with the show on an independent scale, which is where the album for this week’s review originated from T. Stebbins, entitled “Super Ponybeat.”

Fluttershy approves of the quality. Awwwww!

Now, I’m radically unfamiliar with the genre of Eurobeat, having grown up on classic rock, hard rock, and pop/rock, but based on this album, I would definitely give the genre a chance. Why? Because it is damn awesome. Super Ponybeat takes the numerous musical tracks from the TV show and remixes them into a Eurobeat style and the quality of it is astounding. This isn’t just some two-bit wannabe musician hastily throwing together a midi track and sticking the different lines with instrumentation; the instrument samples are high quality and the songs are legitimate remixes of the source material, keeping the original track very much in the forefront of the piece while giving the remix serious dramatic flair that really lets it stand out, despite being instrumentals for the most part. And I stumbled across it almost by accident while looking for an official soundtrack from the show. (There isn’t one yet) I instantly became addicted and have been listening to it for the past two weeks all the time.

Also, the song is a little bit racist. A little bit.

The track from the album that is probably the most impressive to me is “Evil Enchantress [Euro Spell Mix]” simply because of the original track upon which it was based. It only lasted thirteen seconds, and was nothing more than a melody line with very light background music. That was it. And from that thirteen second clip, Stebbins created an entire three minute fifteen second long song, and it truly reflects the message of the song. The original lyrics, about a strange pony that the characters feared, were, “She’s an evil enchantress/She does evil dances/And if you look deep in her eyes/She’ll put you in trances/Then what will she do?/She’ll mix up an evil brew/And she’ll gobble you up/In a big tasty stew/Sooo… WATCH OUT!" The song is in a minor key, and uses a lot of descending lines, reverb, and other effects that contribute to the creepy factor, like overlaid synthesizer chords, swooping scratch-like sounds, and even a few small electric guitar solos. There are also several very noticeable changes in the mood of the piece, starting out light and tense, soon expanding into a more vibrant section, and then transitioning into a quiet section, as if waiting for something to happen. It ends on a sustained chord, which fades out.

Because the fastest way to get something done is to sing about it!

The song from the show most popular with fans goes by the name of “Winter Wrap-Up,” which is about the changing of the seasons, which for some reason must be done BY the ponies. (It’s magic, just go with it) It’s also one of only three actual full-length songs in the show, so Stebbins had much more material to work with than a song like Evil Enchantress. The source material is easily heard in this track, which starts out with gentle chords playing, soon joined by a melody line. After a brief ritardando, we get about a second’s warning before the song practically explodes into the refrain, at which point, anyone familiar with the song will immediately begin dancing in their seat. The remix follows the path of the song with very few, if any, musical tangents. It follows along the same basic idea until about a minute and a half until the end, when the soft section returns, just chords and a melody, before blasting back into the main section, and slowly fading out in the end. However, this brings my attention to one of the few flaws I found with most of the music: repetition. While it isn’t repetitive to the point where I just want the song to end already, Stebbins tends to repeat the chorus sections more often than is really necessary, even for the musical style. I’d be willing to overlook this, if he hadn’t showed that he was more than capable of expanding on a simple theme into an entire song as he did with Evil Enchantess. More than likely, he wanted to pay tribute to the show by keeping his own revisions to the flow of the songs minimal, but I for one would have loved to hear what interesting countermelodies and such he could have brought to the music.

He looks funny, but is genuinely scary. Like The Joker.

Easily my favorite track in the entire album(s), however, is “Discord [EuroChaos Mix]” Discord is the primary villain in the opening episodes of the second season of the show, who has a penchant for making things make no sense whatsoever. He causes night to change to day and back again within minutes, causes it to rain chocolate milk, and turns roads into soap. Stebbins sums up this song perfectly: “Discord didn’t have a theme song in Season 2. So I made one for him. I tried to make this one reflective of his characteristic sense of humor and cunning, with a dash of villainy for good measure (and the fact that he’s, well, a villain).” And boy, does he deliver. The song begins with a rendition of Bach’s “Toccata & Fugue in d minor,” changing suddenly to the main section of the song, which, while also in minor, is much faster and more alive. It borrows partially from a song called “Speed Man,” by Dave Simon, though not much, and this section is just so damn catchy, I’m bobbing my head along just thinking about it. At the three-minute mark, the song pauses for a bout of maniacal laughter, almost to the point where you think the song is about to end, but then transitions into an amusing and creepy polka piece. Before you have much time to think anything besides “Is that polka music? I think that’s polka…” it again changes just as quickly into a rock/dubstep section, which is a great highlight of the piece, the wobbly bass personifying Discord perfectly. It ends much too soon, swinging back into the main portion before ending on more maniacal laughter. It’s hard to describe just how amazing and catchy this song is. One would think that the constant changing of musical styles would be irritating, but it adds such depth to the song, the sections all flowing seamlessly together despite the very clear cuts that separate them, reflecting Discord’s dislike of anything rational. Unlike all the other songs in his albums, the villain songs (this, as well as one named “Luna (DREAM MODE)”) Stebbins created have vocals that he himself sings, and are both well-written and well-sung, contributing to the style of the piece without distracting from the accompaniment.

And if you don't, this adorable pony will cry. But no pressure.

To be perfectly honest, it doesn’t matter whether you’re a Brony or not. Unless you specifically dislike techo-style songs like the Eurobeat genre, there is really no reason you shouldn’t give this album a listen. The above songs are my opinion of the best, but there’s a little something for everyone: villains, friendship, western, and fun of all kinds. All set to a catchy genre of music that’s perfect to groove and jam to. So go check out T. Stebbins at http://odysseymusic.bandcamp.com/and check out this and many other albums by Odyssey Music. I’ll certainly be doing the same.

Maniacal Monday: Seymour, from Final Fantasy X

2011-10-25T01:24:00.000-04:00

The Final Fantasy game franchise is widely regarded as one of the best RPG series’ of all time. And with over thirty game titles to their name, it’s certainly one of the largest. The first Final Fantasy was released in 1987 in Japan, as a last-ditch attempt to save the Square company from bankruptcy, and it quickly grew one of the largest fanbases in videogame history. Each new title in the main series brings an entirely new story, a new battle system, and new characters. Like any good story, however, it needs good antagonists. And one of the most intriguing is Maester Seymour, from FFX.

Rather anti-climactic final battle when you look like a ghost...

Final Fantasy X revolves around a young athlete named Tidus who is sucked into a land called Spira. Spira is home to an entity named Sin, a harbinger of death, who can only be defeated by summoners. Tidus joins a party that is escorting the summoner Yuna on her pilgrimage to defeat Sin, and along the way, they encounter Seymour. Maester Seymour is also a summoner, but does not actively seek to destroy Sin, serving as more of a figurehead within the government/faith of Spira, named Yevon. This is only a cover, though we do not discover this until much later. While Seymour at first seems to be a person that genuinely cares for the people, albeit one who acts somewhat suspiciously, within due course his insanity is unveiled. The party discovers that Seymour murdered his own father in cold blood as an act of retribution for forcing Seymour and his mother to grow up in exile. They then fight and defeat Seymour, but his followers refuse to believe Tidus and company, forcing them to flee. Seymour eventually kidnaps Yuna, and while the party saves her and are brought before the Yevon high court, an even more stunning truth is revealed; that the highest order of priests in the faith were aware of this murder, and are themselves already dead, merely ghosts wandering the lands of Spira. The entire religion upon which their world survived was nothing more than a way to keep Sin alive, perpetuating a circle of death. Seymour himself sees death as inevitable, wishing to take control of Sin and using it to vanquish all life in Spira so that their suffering might end. The party escapes once more, continuing on their pilgrimage, with Seymour soon catching them up, slaughtering an entire race in the process. He is defeated once more, but shows up for one last boss battle in the final dungeon as he attempts to join Sin. Thankfully, the party defeats him and is able to successfully send his soul into the next world.

Kidnap AND a forced marriage. This guy is insane!

Now, while most of what makes Seymour evil has already been mentioned, let us recap on his crimes.

1. Murders his father.

2. Unleashes a horde of fiends onto an unsuspecting populace to gain their trust by killing the fiends.

3. Actively participates in a cult centered on the destruction of the world, knowing its intentions.

4. Actively lies to his followers.

5. Attempts to kill the party on FIVE separate occasions.

6. Attacks an entire city of Al Bhed.

7. Kidnaps Yuna.

8. Kills fellow Maester Kinoc.

9. Commits genocide upon the Ronso race.

10. Attempts to personally destroy the entire world and all its inhabitants.

Seriously, just strangle her. Would've made your life much easier

Wow. Just wow. That’s quite the laundry list of offenses. Add to this list his natural charisma and the ease at which he can manipulate the populace with his honey-scented lies, and it’s practically the Hitler of video games. Seymour is powerful, cunning, and intelligent, a very dangerous combination. If it had not been for his devout fanaticism towards his end goal to the point of insanity, he could very easily have succeeded in his goals. In fact, I’m often surprised at how he wasn’t more successful, considering how easily he got his way about everything; it doesn’t make sense that Tidus and company constantly bested him. The only explanation of which I can think is that he either wanted to toy with them and pushed his luck too far, or that his insanity and blind rage caused him to become overconfident. I’m more inclined to believe the former, considering how many chances he had to merely kill them all off without having to lift a finger, especially with hundreds of Yevon troops at his disposal.

Mom, you look different... New haircut?

Regardless of his faults, however, it’s impossible to deny that Seymour was certainly a well-developed character. He was a child of mixed race, born of a Guado Maester, Lord Jyscal, and a human mother, who was never named. Their marriage caused racial strife, however, and he and his mother were exiled to the isle of Baaj, where his mother sacrificed herself to become an Aeon for her son, believing that if he could defeat Sin, he would gain acceptance from the world. However, Seymour never challenged Sin, living alone on the isle of Baaj until he reached 18 years of age, when his exile was revoked. His years of solitude had warped his mind, however, leading to his twisted views on life and death. He uses his new position as a priest of Yevon to slowly infiltrate and poison the minds of the populace, killing his father for revenge and so that he might gain even more influence. His character is portrayed in a very believable manner, his simmering resentment and crazed view always just below the surface, while he maintained a cool exterior to the masses. Even his voice contributes to his character, which is soft and almost demure, but when he reveals his true colors, it gains almost a snake-like quality to it.

"For the last time, the meter's 2/4 NOT 4/8! From the top!"

Seymour also has several distinct musical themes throughout the game, all of which are very dissonant, reflecting his madness. While his original theme is more apprehensive than sinister, it does still hint at what lurks beneath his pleasant demeanour. With every encounter, Seymour is accompanied by a new theme that slowly grows more and more menacing, making use of strings and synth, staccato, and dissonance, all of which are musical techniques meant to portray abnormality. “A Man Who Murdered His Father” in particular stands out to me, as it incorporates a harpsichord as well as synthesizer sounds, the juxtaposition of old and new instruments adding to the torment Seymour feels, even hinting at a possible schizophrenia or other similar psychological condition that would certainly be appropriate considering his actions and past. The final two battles with Seymour also use different battle music, but use many of the same techniques while increasing the tempo, emphasizing Seymour’s rage in battle, as he strikes quick and often, inflicting status ailments all the while.

Seriously, how the hell did he get his hair to do that???

Going into this post, I was not expecting to come out of it with the outlook I did. It’s been a while since I’ve played the game, which has its fair share of hate from the fanbase, but upon reflection, Seymour is a truly terrifying villain, and I understand why he inspired such fear in me when I first played the game back in middle school. His madness, his power, his constant attempts to defeat the party (which took me several attempts to win my first playthrough) and even the music that accompanied him, all turned him from a slightly ridiculous looking character into an antagonist that would haunt your nightmares for weeks to come.

Next week: Frieza, from Dragon Ball Z

Rondelet on Autumn

2011-10-23T17:52:00.000-04:00

Autumn comes now,

A pleasant chill pervades the air.

Autumn comes now

That summer is gone and winds plough

Through the light clothes we once wore. Fair

Is the breeze that harkens winter.

Autumn comes now.

Friday Night Retro: The Lion King

2011-10-22T02:15:00.000-04:00

Disney certainly has quite a relationship with animals, in many different ways. Sometimes, they can talk. Sometimes, they help the protagonist clean a house. Other times, animals will take center stage. When they do, Disney will be pushing the message of the wonders of nature, while wooing us with wonderful art and scenery. They give us equal amounts of laughter, awe, and sadness, as we learn the tough reality of life. No movie better exemplifies this than Disney’s The Lion King.

And not a single worry was given that day.

For those of you with no childhood, The Lion King was the tale of a young lion cub by the name of Simba, son of the king of a pride of lions, named Mufasa. Mufasa is teaching young Simba about the Circle of Life in the Savannah grasslands, preparing him to eventually become king when he passes. Soon, we learn of a plot by Mufasa’s brother, Scar, to kill both King and son so that he may take over as the king of the lions. Thanks to a little help from his hyena subordinates, Scar successfully traps Simba in a gorge, and kills Mufasa in a stampede of wildebeest. Simba manages to escape, stumbling across Timon and Pumbaa, a fun-loving meerkat and warthog who live their lives without worries, Hakuna Matata their catchphrase. It is with them that Simba grows up, safe from the troubles that begin to plague Pride Rock. It isn’t until his childhood friend, Nala, finds him one day that he decides to return to reclaim his rightful throne from the oppressive rule of Scar. Scar attempts to frame Simba for the death of his father, but Simba retaliates, throwing Scar to be devoured by his own hyena subordinates, and Simba becomes king, a happy ending for everyone except Scar and Mufasa.

Seriously, if you didn't cry at this, you have no soul, and that's coming from a ginger.

Besides it being one of the first films I ever remember seeing in a movie theatre, this film incorporates star-quality voice acting from actors like Jeremy Irons, James Earl Jones, and Nathan Lane, stellar music written by Hans Zimmer, as well as basing its story heavily on many classical stories, including Shakespeare’s “Hamlet,” The Epic of Sundiata, and even elements of the stories of Joseph and Moses in the Old Testament. However, despite the gigantic names that were used, The Lion King didn’t count on their stardom to carry the film’s success. Unlike many modern movies, the primary focus of the film was always on the message of the battle between good and evil, how nature effects the world and the people in it, and vice-versa, and the amazing story; the big names were there because they were the best choices for the roles, not because Disney was looking to make a quick dollar off of the publicity they would bring. It’s hard to forget some of the more powerful scenes. The final showdown between Simba and Scar is certainly action-packed, and the final revelations of the truth to the assembled lionesses thrilling. Everyone remembers the saddest moment of the film, when Simba cuddles up to his father’s lifeless body, unable to fully comprehend his death until Scar comes out of the mist. It was truly a memorable film in every aspect, a product of Disney’s Renaissance, and of a quality which is hardly seen anymore.

Sorry, Mufasa, but the music says it's time for you to die.

Speaking of quality, the music for this movie is some of the best around. If you don’t believe me, note that the soundtrack for The Lion King is the only album for an animated movie to ever be Diamond certified, the highest possible certification for a music album to receive. With music by Hans Zimmer, and lyrics and music from Elton John and Tim Rice, it isn’t hard to see why. Each musical piece contributes significantly to the movie in some way, whether a vocal song, or merely background music. While we all remember the timeless classic songs like “The Circle of Life,” and “Hakuna Matata,” all of which help us gain a deeper understanding of the character singing it, it is the ambient sound that truly makes the movie shine. The huge score for the wildebeest stampede contributes so heavily to the atmosphere of the piece; it’s hard to imagine the scene without it. I always hear the suspenseful section of the music whenever I recall the desperate look on Simba’s face as he searches and waits for Mufasa to escape the clutches of the stampede, the tension amplified tenfold by the dissonant chords and modulating keys. The soundtrack also contains one of my favorite Disney villain songs of all time, Be Prepared, in which Scar reveals to the hyenas his intent to kill Mufasa and Simba so that he might rule as king in their stead. Aside from the truly terrifying landscape of the elephant graveyard, with geysers aplenty, the song itself is quite spectacular in its own creepy way. Jeremy Irons keeps such a cool and sophisticated demeanor in his singing voice as the song goes on, starting out softly, but gradually increasing in volume and number of parts as the ground that they stand on begins to fracture and rise into the air, as if Hell itself had decided to come out that day. And through it all, Scar shows little emotion other than arrogance and pride, with just the right touch of evil thrown in for good measure. I could go on, but I’ll save the majority of my commentary on him for another Maniacal Monday.

How I feel when I look back on this film. Seriously.

It’s a shame that movies these days can never compare with such masterpieces such as this. An amazing original story from the Disney corporation that was a collaboration of epic proportions between some of the best talents of the day, so successful that it has even sparked a hit Broadway adaptation. (Which, incidentally, I have seen, and was amazed by) In a way, though, I am thankful that these movies were so successful during my childhood, and that more recent films don’t seem to carry the same weight. It adds another element of nostalgia to my youth, knowing that I was alive during a time when the world valued quality over quantity, and when people actually cared about making something that would be worth watching, that would have a wonderful story and message, rather than just making a movie in order to make a lot of money. So while Aladdin remains my favorite Disney movie of all time, The Lion King is still way up there in the top five.

Next week: Jet Force Gemini

Maniacal Monday: Gilderoy Lockhart, from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

2011-10-18T00:41:00.000-04:00

What can I say about the Harry Potter books besides the fact that I think they are some of the best things to ever happen to this world? Well, I guess that says it all, really. And like in any decent story, Harry Potter has his fair share of enemies. From the maniacal Lord Voldemort to the control freak Dolores Umbridge, the villains of the Wizarding World are diverse and colorful, each bringing their own brand of evil to the table. And before we return to the more sinister villains that I love, I thought it would be nice to end our little trip into the world of humor with the wonderful character known as Gilderoy Lockhart.

Conceited? Him? Nnooooo...

Gilderoy Lockhart is a celebrated author in the wizarding world of Britain, well-known for his wonderful books about his many exploits in foreign lands defending the world from the forces of darkness. When we first meet him in the story, during a book-signing session, he announces that he will be taking the recently vacated position as teacher for the Defence Against the Dark Arts class at Harry’s school, Hogwarts. Once there, however, it becomes quite clear that Lockhart may not be all that he seems. During his first lesson, after a review test on his published works, he unleashes a group of pixies upon an unsuspecting class, who proceed to demolish the entire room within moments, while Lockhart stands by, powerless to stop them. For the rest of the book, his classes mainly consist of reenactments of scenes from his books, usually with Harry as an unwilling volunteer. He also spends quite a bit of time being overly dramatic, holding his fame over his students, and attempting to cozy up to the famous Harry Potter. It is not until the climax of the story that we discover that Lockhart is a fraud, having stolen his stories from other people and wiped their memories of their journeys so that he might profit from them. In the end, he accidentally erases his own memory, and he spends the rest of his life in a hospital, unable to ever regain his lost memories.

Had he been any more interested in Harry, I would've called "pedophile."

Gilderoy Lockhart is a very different villain from the sort we have encountered before in this blog. Rather than a grand scheme to take over the world or otherwise do evil things, Lockharts motives are purely selfish. He desires fame and fortune for himself, and exploits others to this end, lying and cheating his way to the top. He relies on his charms, dashing good looks, and acting prowess rather than any actual talents, knowing that they will get him far in life, but not as far as he desires. Besides his obvious theft of stories that had nothing to do with him, he also makes it his job to cozy up to Harry as often as possible, knowing that Harry’s star power could easily help him advance in life. As he says once, “Nice big smile, Harry; together we’ll make the front page.” He is a master of deceit, coasting through life with ease. However, under his confident exterior is a fairly pathetic individual, as we can easily see once Harry and Ron confront and Disarm him. He practically begs them to leave him alone as they go to the Chamber of Secrets. He even manages to use his fear to his advantage, pretending to faint in order to steal Ron’s wand from him, and had the spell not backfired because it was broken, he probably would have escaped scot-free. Fortunately for our heroes, that’s not the case.

"No, I totally meant to let myself get thrown 20 feet back and land on my arse."

For the majority of the story, Lockhart acts as a comedic relief, his larger-than-life personality adding both to his character and allowing for comedic moments during otherwise serious events. During one scene, Lockhart begins a Dueling Club in order to supposedly train the students to defend themselves. Though he is quite easily defeated by Professor Snape, who is assisting him, he shrugs off his defeat, claiming that he had known Snape’s intentions all along, merely wishing the students to see the results of the spell cast upon him. He plays to his audience well, knowing exactly what will and won’t affect them, and how to turn a situation to his advantage without ever lifting a finger. He also creates a number of comedic moments on Valentine’s Day. He dresses in a flamboyant pink outfit, recruits an army of dwarves to send Valentine’s wishes to people in the most annoying way possible. Everything about Lockhart is over-the-top, which is why he managed to become so popular in the first place. People naturally flock to those that possess confidence. If he had ever decided to do more than only look out for himself, there is a definite possibility that he might have done serious damage, his fame protecting him from negative backlash.

Okay, NOW I'm totally calling "pedophile."

Luckily for us, however, Lockhart was a bumbling idiot, whose villainous role was eclipsed by Voldemort himself (albeit in a younger form). Though in the end, he was an easily disposable character, he was certainly an entertaining one, and very well characterized by J. K. Rowling. He was a realistic opportunist, taking what he could and using it for his own benefit, regardless of morals. If he could get away with something that made him more popular or richer, he did it, and he was good at it. Just keep an eye out for real life Lockharts, and make sure you aren’t exploited for someone else’s gain.

Next Week: Seymour, from Final Fantasy X

Eidolons of Gran Pulse - Brynhildr

2011-10-16T21:52:00.003-04:00

By the grace of Etro, warrior maiden be drawn by the fires of battle.
Come forth, wreathed in blazing glory.
Your Rousing Inferno terrorizes all with your fury,
Discouraging those who would seek to quarrel.
The Ethereal Blaze that surrounds your vessel
Shall burn to cinders any who provoke thee,
And with ease, your enemies shall swiftly foresee
The demise of those who with Eidolons meddle.

As you burst forth swiftly, racing through
Your enemies, they will with dying groans exclaim,
As you follow your powerful master's bidding.
Múspell Flame, burn those who dare challenge you.
A name in blood, a pact of flame.
Brynhildr shall rise, her bond eternal and unyielding.

Eidolons of Gran Pulse - Odin

2011-10-15T12:48:00.000-04:00

By grace of Etro, let thunder herald your arrival.
Come forth, sunderer of falsehood.
Allow no evil to remain, struck down by good,
Struck down by you, thou lightning-bound angel.
The world remains in a state of peril,
Besieged by enemies vicious and crude.
They tremble before thee, bright-shining, and hued,
As they wait for a punishment cruel.

Gallop into the sunset swiftly,
As the story follows in futile pursuit.
The end will nigh find itself coming.
Zantetsuken, annihilate all those unworthy.
A name in blood, a pact of truth.
Odin shall rise, his bond eternal and unyielding.

Friday Night Retro: Mario Party

2011-10-15T01:21:00.004-04:00

Within the seemingly endless number of videogame and videogame sequels popping up this year, it’s nice to fall back on familiar classics that everyone knows. And easily the most recognizable videogame character is Mario, that pudgy Italian plumber that’s always one step behind his eternal rival Bowser and his lovely lady Princess Peach. He is Nintendo’s poster-character, and is synonymous with old-school gaming. He has aged quite a bit better than most of his 8-bit friends like Sonic, but we all remember and love him during his early years. Nintendo has always been about multiplayer games, and so it’s no surprise that their most famous franchise has dozens of games designed specifically for party play, even one that literally calls itself that: Mario Party.

Wait, why is Wario with them? He's a villain!!!

Mario Party doesn’t have much of a story. The main characters of the Mario franchise – Mario, Luigi, Peach, Yoshi, Donkey Kong, and Wario – are arguing about who is the Super Star of their world. Eventually, Toad suggests that they should have a competition to decide who the best of the group is. The object of the game is for the four players, whether player or AI-controlled, to collect stars and coins on a variety of different game boards based on each of the main characters, Bowser, and a star, each with a number of unique characteristics and visual styles. The way you earn the stars changes from board to board, but they are all bound together by a few common elements. The maps are populated with a number of spaces. The majority of them are blue, which add to your coin count, and red, which subtract from your coin count, but there are also a few special spaces. Green spaces are event spaces, which effect the board in some manner, there are spaces which activate single-player minigames, and Bowser spaces, which forces the players into a minigame that almost always winds up with loss of coins from everyone; there are literally dozens of different things that can happen, from stealing other players’ coins to switching the positions of everyone on the board, and too many to go into any detail about.

Quick, run before Toad drowns you!

Of course, this brings us to the main drawing point of the game: the minigames. As this is meant to be a fun multiplayer game, with no significant plot of which to speak, the game focuses almost exlusively on the dozens of minigames that the players wind up competing in. After every round of turns, the game will randomly select a minigame for the players to play. There are four different categories of minigames, each of which are rather self-explanatory: Single player (only accessible through special squares), Free-for-all, 2-vs-2, and 1-vs-3. This is determined by the color of squares that the players land on during the round. This was always meant to be the main part of the game that the players spent their time in, and the game reflects that with a wonderful selection of minigames. Over fifty completely different games with different objectives, and all insanely fun to play. From box car derbies to “Bombsketball” to even limbo, the game has so much to do, and that’s what it was meant to do. In the same way that people can spend hours on the internet playing flash games all day, Mario Party draws its players in through the exact same thing, merely on a different console. When you really look at the games, they aren’t anything special, but the fact that it’s something you do with your friends, with a long-term goal in mind, is really what makes this game great.

That's right, bow before the Princess, losers!

The visuals in this game are nothing astonishing, and neither are the musical tracks, but they aren’t meant to be. Mario Party lives up to its title as the perfect party game. Its combination of minigames and a larger objective, as well as the company of your friends is what makes this game great. Some have criticized it, as well as the numerous other spin-off games like Mario Tennis and Mario Golf as merely capitalizing on the recognition of their mascot, but is that really such a bad thing? All that the inclusion of the recognizable characters does is make the game even more fun to play by giving the gamer the ability to play as characters that they don’t normally get to play as, although I do remember a few arguments over who got Mario. (Since I owned the game, he usually went to me) It’s a game series that has brought us fun over eight different titles with a ninth in the works, and you can’t ask for much more than that.

Maniacal Monday: Gaston, from Beauty and the Beast

2011-10-11T01:11:00.002-04:00

Disney is full of the most wonderful stories of our generation. But “The Happiest Place On Earth” certainly has some of the most frightening villains as well. From the insane Cruella de Vil to the pious Minister Frollo, Disney certainly knows how to play to the fears of all people. However, not all Disney villains are quite as obvious as the audience is led to believe at the beginning of their films, at least not until they show their true colors near the climax of the movie. Many times, they seem like a genuinely good guy, or just an annoying character that serves to set the events in motion. “Beauty and the Beast” illustrates this perfectly with Gaston.

Who needs to read? Make me a sandwich!

The story of “Beauty and the Beast” is one about the harsh reality of prejudice. Our own misconceptions about the original antagonist and even of the village’s unwillingness to look beyond what they see are brought into stark contrast with the kind understanding of our hero Belle. Gaston is, at the beginning of the film, nothing more than a shallow, stuck-up muscleman who desires to marry Belle. Belle’s father, Maurice, is imprisoned by a selfish prince transformed into a hideous beast, until she offers to take his place in the castle. As she and the Beast slowly get to know each other, Maurice runs back to their village, telling the villagers about the hideous Beast who has imprisoned his daughter. They don’t believe him, of course, but this is when Gaston’s true colors begin to show. He threatens to throw Maurice into an insane asylum if Belle does not marry him, but when Belle proves that the Beast exists, he immediately rouses the villagers into frenzy, ignoring her desperate pleas that the Beast is a good person. The villagers are too repulsed by the Beast to consider him as being anything but a horrid Beast, and immediately march off to the castle to destroy him. When Gaston finally corners the Beast, who refuses to fight back, he is completely beyond rational thought, completely convinced by his own thought that what he is doing is just and right, despite finding no opposition from the Beast. It is not until Belle shows up that the Beast regains the will to fight, easily overpowering Gaston, but refusing to kill him. Even after this deliberate act of mercy, Gaston stabs the Beast in the back, but loses his balance in the process, falling to his untimely death.

Gaston: "Wait, I'm having second thoughts about this."

One word easily describes Gaston: Hubris. His excessive pride and overconfidence define him as a character, almost to the point where he is a caricature of himself, if not for the rage and resentment that festers underneath, visible whenever he feels threatened. He is the typical manly man, who has to prove his manliness all the time. As I mentioned earlier, for the majority of the movie, Gaston is a fairly unimportant character. During the opening scene, he harasses Belle by showing off just how manly he is, (Did I mention he’s manly? Just checking.) much to the disappointment of the other women in the village. He is respected throughout the village, the whole town showing up to his and Belle’s “wedding party,” and praising him during his fun character song, “Gaston.” He’s rather unique in the sense that he is one of the few villains that are accepted by society in general, even though he’s a jerk most of the time. This relates back to the theme of prejudice and judging people based on their appearance rather than who they actually are. It isn’t until we begin to see the Beast as less of an antagonist that Gaston begins his descent into true villainy. In an act of childish anger, Gaston tells Belle that if she refuses to marry him, he will throw Maurice into the loony bin. He’s accustomed to getting everything he desires, and abuses his power over the villagers to continue doing so. When he is proved wrong, he immediately turns the situation in his favor by turning the villagers against the Beast. It can easily be argued that his overconfidence and pride directly lead to his death; he sees the Beast as a threat to his own reputation, and an obstacle to getting what he wants, and sets out to eliminate that threat. Even when the Beast spares his life, his pride cannot allow the slight against him to go unpunished, and rather than accepting his defeat, he stabs the Beast, hoping to regain his lost ego. Instead, just like in Greek tragedies of old, his hubris ends up causing his own death.

Also, how the hell does he not have salmonella?

The music associated with Gaston is also very apropos. In “Belle,” a song that explains Belle in the eyes of the people around her, Gaston’s verse is still self-centered, focusing on how Belle would be perfect for him, rather than merely giving more information about Belle beyond what we can already see. His vocal range also contributes to his character, a rich bass/baritone voice that’s practically dripping with resonance and power. His character song, “Gaston,” is also a perfect song; dedicated entirely to enumerating the wonderful things about Gaston. With lyrics like, “For there's no one as burly and brawny/As you see I've got biceps to spare,” it’s hard to see him as a person with even an ounce of humility, because he very clearly isn’t. But of course, his true nature is shown in the villain song of the movie, “Kill the Beast.” Underneath his “charming” exterior is just a man whose hubris has driven him and his fellow villagers to mania. Even the lyrics bring the fact that they don’t really know WHY they’re going to kill the Beast to the forefront, “We don't like what we don't.../understand and in fact it scares us,/and this monster is mysterious at least./Bring your guns, bring your knives,/save children and and your wives,/so save our village and our lives!/LET’S KILL THE BEAST!” The fact that Gaston was so socially powerful that he could convince an entire village to wage war on something they know absolutely nothing about is scary, to say the least.

He even looks good when he's killing things!

So Gaston is the perfect villain for a story that’s all about not judging a book by its cover. There’s a good chance that we all know someone just like Gaston: a person who is popular, powerful, and so engrossed in themselves that they don’t care for anyone else, and would be willing to do anything to maintain that image. He starts off as a minor hindrance in Belle’s path, but soon grows into a much bigger threat, and is much more realistic because of it. In the end, the true Beast is the one that masquerades as a normal person, rather than the one who looks like one.

Next Week: Gilderoy Lockhart, from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Friday Night Retro: The Powerpuff Girls

2011-10-08T01:31:00.001-04:00

Cartoon Network was my deity while growing up. The sheer number of animated television series they had during the 90’s was amazing, and I enjoyed watching nearly all of them. While some of the shows annoyed me to the point where I wanted to punch my TV – like Ed, Edd, n Eddy – the vast majority of these shows were entertaining to watch, and had such personality than more recent television series can’t seem to match. Whether it was merely an explosion of animated talent or that today’s writers adhere to stereotypes, sacrificing quality for ratings, I do not know, but I can certainly thank Cartoon Network for the show The Powerpuff Girls.

And an unknown radioactive chemical. Science works!

The Powerpuff Girls was an incredible show that debuted in 1998 and ran until 2005. It followed the adventures of three girls who live in Townsville, USA, created in a laboratory explosion, who Professor Utonium creates using “sugar, spice, and everything nice” and given superpowers thanks to an accidental infusion of “Chemical X.” Their names are Blossom, Bubbles and Buttercup. Blossom is the smartest of the three, and the unofficial leader, who also possesses icy breath. Bubbles is the shy, sensitive one, though she will occasionally snap and show extreme anger when her sisters are threatened, and also has the ability to communicate with animals. Buttercup is the tomboy of the group, with a mean temper and the strength to back it up. The show is basically a spoof on stereotypical superhero shows, and filled with comedic characters and ridiculous plot lines, ranging from the girls defeating a giant monster to opening a pickle jar for the hapless Mayor of Townsville.

I find it quite funny that while supervillains can't beat up three little girls, three little boys can.

One of the more memorable aspects of the series to me was the villains. Following the week’s disposition to comedic villains, Powerpuff Girls was simply full of recurring villains that were both interesting and hilarious. Mojo Jojo used to be the simian assistant of Prof. Utonium before the Powerpuff Girls were created, and harbors intense jealousy toward the girls, as they replaced him. Despite his intelligence, he speaks in an overly repetitive manner, and often oversees fatal flaws in his plans for taking over Townsville, and is constantly being beat to a pulp by the girls. Another character, known only as HIM, is quite the strange character, a mix between a crab, a drag queen, and the devil. He is also probably the scariest and most devious villain in the show, as his plans often consist of psychologically manipulating the girls, turning them against each other or immobilizing them with fear. He comes the closest to succeeding of all the villains, but always manages to be defeated in the end. Last but not least are the Rowdyruff Boys, created by Mojo Jojo using “snips, snails, and puppy dog tails” as well as some foul prison toilet water. They are the polar opposites of the Powerpuff Girls, showcasing the stereotypical boy, and bully the Powerpuff Girls to no end. They actually manage to defeat the girls once, taking over Townsville, until the girls come back and defeat them using kindness rather than violence, causing them to blow up after the girls kiss them. Apparently, cooties actually exist.

They grow up so fast?

The show has been very well-received over the years, and has even spawned two movies and a new series, Powerpuff Girls Z. It’s hard to go into too much more detail about the series without analyzing specific shows, which I can’t really do, because then this post will go on forever. But suffice it to say that the wonderful artwork, combined with very interesting characters and plots made this show so much fun to watch during my childhood. The relationships between the characters were always well thought out, and the stories were never stale, managing to find a happy medium between making fun of stereotyped superhero clichés and original story, along with a wonderful cast of characters, all of whom were entertaining to watch, and easily relatable in some way. And really, that’s just the best way to describe this show; entertaining. Everything about the show was fun, with nary a dull or stupid/annoying moment to be found, and certainly worth the watch. No rose-tinted glasses of nostalgia are required to enjoy this classic show.

Next week: Mario Party

Maniacal Monday: Dr. Nefarious, from Ratchet and Clank: Up Your Arsenal

2011-10-04T12:50:00.000-04:00

This week, we’ll be taking a break from the heavy, terrifying villains in favor of a more comedic villain. When it comes to bad guys in the world of comedy, their actions tend to be over-the-top and farcical. Their plans are crazy, and are usually either horribly convoluted to the point where you have NO idea how it works, or so spectacularly simple that you wonder where they learned how to be evil in the first place. Just like normal villains, however, they have just as varied and deep a background as any other (usually) and are the driving force behind the plot of the story. Enter Dr. Nefarious, from the Ratchet & Clank game series.

Captain Qwark: Bullshitter Extraordinaire

First debuting in the third game of the franchise, Up Your Arsenal, Dr. Nefarious is a robotic supervillain with a grudge to pick with series regular, Captain Qwark, a superhero who coasts by on looks rather than actual heroics. (More on him in a different installment of MM) Due to their past together, Dr. Nefarious, a genius bullied by Qwark in his youth, ends up being turned into a robot with a tendency to short-circuit and pick up soap operas. He is accompanied by his equally robotic servant, Lawrence, a shrewd butler who acts as a comic foil to Nefarious’s overly ostentatious, constantly making fun of him in a roundabout manner. As the plot progresses, Nefarious reveals his evil plan to use a ray gun that transforms organic life into mindless robots, and his only opposition is the protagonists of the game, Ratchet and Clank, along with the Galactic Rangers. In the end, Nefarious is defeated by our heroes, and finds himself stranded on an asteroid, making a few cameos until the most recent game, where he was reintroduced as the primary villain. For the sake of brevity, however, I’ll stick to his first appearance.

Terribly sorry, sir, I didn't mean to show them your dirty laundry as well.

As mentioned above, Nefarious’s character comes from one primary source: his overzealous personality. His almost constant yelling, while meant to be menacing, becomes a hilarious parody of stereotypical evil supervillains. His reactions to the comedic events that surround him, from being accidentally left behind on a self-destructing vessel to his audition tape for Galactic Idol being seen by our heroes, are what brings his character to life. He is also convinced that one of the game’s heroes, who is the star of a show called Secret Agent Clank, actually is the character he plays in the show, even going so far as to kidnap Clank in an attempt to convince him to join Nefarious’s scheme. He’s not particularly scary, and he doesn’t even come across as threatening for the most part, and that’s the genius of villains in comedic stories. They make us laugh, even as the entire galaxy is about to come crumbling down as a result of their actions.

Totally NOT a Death Star Prototype.

Of course, while Dr. Nefarious is a hilarious character, whose personality is nothing short of ridiculous, his actions are nothing to be taken lightly. His superweapon, the Biobliterator, is an amazing creation, capable of transforming organic matter into mechanical. Ignoring the physical impossibilities of such an invention, the Biobliterator was a planetoid-sized and shaped weapon that Nefarious controlled and even successfully used several times, even going so far as to create a second one in case of emergencies. He kidnaps Clank and replaces him with an evil replica, who transmits data to Nefarious from the back of the other protagonist, Ratchet. This may be merely for comic effect, but it suggests that his replica was convincing enough to fool someone he had known for a few years, which would be a truly remarkable feat. Even before his diabolical plan began coming to fruition, Dr. Nefarious had secured the services of an entire race of aliens and was staging very successful attacks on planets throughout the universe, completely overwhelming the Galactic Rangers. Were it not for the actions of Ratchet and Clank, it is almost certain that he would have been victorious in his takeover of the universe, completely annihilating all organic life, and when you think of these actions without relating them to his crazy character, it’s actually a pretty horrifying and evil plan.

Just remember, blowing shit up will ALWAYS solve your problem.

The Ratchet and Clank game series has been one of my favorites since it came out, its oftentimes risqué humor really making it a standout among other RPGs and FPSs. It successfully crosses the bridge between fantasy and sci-fi, and it has evolved along with its audience. Dr. Nefarious is a perfect example of a comedic villain, stereotypical and ludicrous, and his character just makes the game even more fun to play, which is what a good game should strive for. All the development and flashy graphics count for nothing if the audience doesn’t enjoy themselves, and Dr. Nefarious, as well as the rest of the cast, ensures that we do.

Next Week: Gaston, from Beauty & The Beast

Friday Night Retro: Fiddler on the Roof

2011-10-01T03:30:00.000-04:00

Growing up, many of the things to which I was exposed was as a direct result of my parents rather than what was popular at the time. When other kids were watching Power Rangers, I was watching Monty Python. When they were listening to N’Sync, I was listening to The Beatles. And by far, one of the more memorable movie/musicals I recall from my childhood was the epic tale of The Fiddler On The Roof. The tragic story of a Jewish family in the small Russian town of Anatevka, as the main character, Tevye, struggles to hold onto the traditions of his faith in a rapidly changing world around the turn of the 20^th century, from his daughters to the oppressive regime of the Russian Tsar. Phenomenal casting and a wonderful script combine to create an experience that is difficult to forget.

Screw tradition, just make me a bunch of grandkids!

Tevye is the local milkman, with five daughters, and a strict, but loving wife, Golde. Fiddler on the Roof follows his life in Russia, as he and his family try to maintain a semblance of normalcy in a time and place where Jewish people are persecuted for their religion, likening the community to a fiddler who makes his music on the rooftops. He soon finds himself in one moral dilemma after another, as his eldest daughter Tzeitel wishes to marry a poor bookseller by the name of Motel, only learning this after he has promised her hand to the local butcher, who is much wealthier, eventually allowing the young couple to wed. Unfortunately, the wedding is interrupted by a crowd of Russians who trash the party and the entire town, a grim reminder of the difficult times they live in, even during happy moments. Tevye’s second daughter also flaunts tradition, as she and her beloved, Perchik, let him know that they will marry with or without his blessing. However, after some brief soul-searching, Tevye also allows their relationship to continue, believing that their happiness is more important than whatever plans he might have in the future. It also prompts a lovely duet between him and his wife where they reflect on how their lives have been, and the fact that they love each other still. Unfortunately, when his third daughter, Chava, desires to marry Fyedka, a Christian Russian, Tevye refuses, his conscience unable to accept a marriage outside of his own faith. When the two elope, he considers her dead to him. The play ends on a rather somber note, as the entire populace of Anatevka is forced to abandon the village under orders from the Tsar.

I never realized Jewish people sang and danced so much.

One of the things that drew me into this movie was the fact that it was a musical, and a serious one at that. Even as a small child, I was inexorably drawn to the theatre; I loved being onstage, acting, singing. Fiddler on the Roof was actually the first play I was in, and my father introduced me to the movie in short order. The many musical numbers of the story enraptured me, as they offered insights to the characters thoughts and the general atmosphere of the piece in general. “Tradition” showed me how the society of Anatevka functioned, Tevye’s numerous songs like “To Life” and “Tevye’s Dream” helped me understand his caring, mischievous nature, and “Do You Love Me?” gave me hope that even in unknown circumstances that happiness can still be found. Even though I was too young to truly understand and analyze the effects these songs had on me, the messages still shone through clear as day, and in a manner that was catchy and memorable. Without a doubt, my favorite song of the entire movie was and is “If I Were A Rich Man,” as Tevye’s amusing aria to the heavens reflects many of our thoughts; would it be so terrible if I had a small fortune?

It's Topol. He's amazing. No joke in this caption.

Fiddler on the Roof paints a wonderful picture of life. Its message about toeing the line between tradition and the inevitable progress of time is clear, unlike the actual issue. Especially today, the line between the past and the future, between tradition and innovation, becomes smaller and less distinct all the time, something that Tevye points out multiple times throughout the course of the play. The film adaptation is also unique in the fact that it takes very few liberties with script editing, leaving it almost untouched, and resulting in a play time of over three hours. The setting is almost perfectly authentic as well, with period costumes and stunning sets and landscapes that make it easy to believe that the filming could easily have happened back in 1905. Chaim Topol’s portrayal of Tevye was also an instant classic, and though the entire cast was amazing, he brought such life to the film that it simply wouldn’t have been the same without him. His character’s constant disregard for the fourth wall only makes the role more interesting and amusing.

"If you've never seen this, then may you grow like an onion with your head in the ground!"

Fiddler on the Roof has spawned four separate Broadway revivals and a film adaptation, so I believe it is fair to say that Fiddler is a story that can withstand the test of time. It has a universal theme to which everyone can relate, even if the specific events seem so far removed from our society today and the story that it tells is engaging with phenomenal writing. It has a soundtrack that ranges from serious and depressing to upbeat and silly, encompassing every emotion in-between. In other words, Fiddler on the Roof has everything necessary to make it a bona fide hit, and its continuing success is only further evidence that the story of Tevye the milkman won’t be going anywhere anytime soon. It has earned its place on my wall of great movies that I can watch time and time again and never be tired of it.

Eidolons of Gran Pulse: Shiva

2011-09-29T23:32:00.001-04:00

By the grace of Etro, twin rulers arise from your icy thrones.
Come forth, sisters of Winter wastes.
In you, our trusts are placed.
Let not your presence remain unknown,
Lest your enemies’, you do condone.
Stiria, heal comrades with haste,
As Nix destroys those in frost encased,
And soon shall the tyrant be dethroned.

Two tires screech against the cement,
Knowing their speed will suffice.
A wall of ice, your weapon wielding.
Diamond Dust, freeze those of hot temperament.
A name in blood, a pact of ice.
Shiva shall rise, her bond eternal and unyielding.

The Death of Creative Writing in Schools

2011-09-28T15:39:00.001-04:00

One of the things I’ve noticed since beginning my blog is just how hard it is to really write. The ability to put words on paper in an attractive manner is difficult in and of itself, but when you are writing creatively, writing stories and novels, it becomes infinitely more complicated. I consider myself a fairly decent writer, doing my best to write my own novel in my spare time, but I find myself hitting blocks far more often than I should, doing far more research than actual writing. I was sitting alone the other day, looking at a blank sheet of paper, willing the story to materialize on the paper, when I think I may have stumbled upon the reason for my difficulty. Public school English courses.

The problem as I see it stems mainly from standardized testing. When English teachers are teaching their curriculum, they aren’t giving students the tools they need to become a successful writer, least of all creative writers. What they are doing is teaching for a test. The national desire for uniform success leads to students learning a style of writing that is formulaic and predictable, rather than emphasizing literary techniques and how to combine them in multiple ways to create original work. This almost mathematical approach to writing only gets worse the more strenuous the curriculum is, as I specifically recall in my International Baccalaureate Literature and Composition class. The method was so ludicrously precise, that we were taught every single thing we could and couldn’t do, from the exact progression of sentences, to how we were supposed to annotate text. I’m not kidding when I say that our teacher taught us exactly how we were supposed to notate our tests; he required us to underline certain portions or circle certain portions depending on what significance it had upon our argument.

Of course, this isn’t to say that we, as writers, should completely throw off the oppressive shackles of regulation and embrace chaotic writing. Unless your message or style is specifically focused on chaos, writing requires and is expected to flow in a certain way most of the time out of necessity. Even in creative writing, your work must be orderly so that your reader can easily understand you. After all, what good is a message if it isn’t received by its expected audience? And though I have yet to encounter a job so rigidly precise as my IB courses, certain employers may require you to adhere to a certain format if you write articles for them, because society has grown up learning these techniques, making it even easier to understand, even if it hampers your creative process.

But, again, I feel like this rigid structure has harmed a generation of creative writers in an age where the written word is losing its value. When I’m writing, I keep drifting back into this dull format of writing, and I have to constantly change the structure so that I don’t get bored with my own work. If I’m bored writing it, what is that suggesting for my audience? Nothing good, that’s for sure. Fewer and fewer people look to writing as a profession, and so none of them bother to really learn to write past their dull English lectures, confident that it, along with most of the other things they learn in high school, are not going to affect their lives afterwards. And so, thanks to initiatives like No Child Left Behind or the FCAT, which force teachers to teach for a test rather than impart useful knowledge unto their pupils, I find myself trying to distance myself from predictability with an annoying consistency. The balance between creativity and practicality has been shifted, and I always hope that the scales may soon swing in the other direction.

Maniacal Monday: Darth Tyranus, from Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones

2011-09-27T01:07:00.001-04:00

While all villains terrify us, not every villain is of the sort that haunts the deepest, darkest corner of your nightmares. Some bad guys are more refined, possessing elegance about them, a certain presence that changes who they are. More often than not, these villains are of noble background, corrupted by the world around them into doing evil things in order to fix what they see as flaws in society. Sometimes they are aware of their Evilness, sometimes they aren’t, but the way they act about their actions, one would think that they were playing nothing more than a game, where the pieces are people, and the rules are undetermined. It is into this niche of villain that this week’s character, Darth Tyranus, finds himself.

Look at that smug grin. He loves being evil.

Dooku, Count of the planet Serenno, and later dubbed Darth Tyranus, was a fallen Jedi Master who lived during the Clone Wars. For the majority of his life, Dooku was a member of the Jedi Order, one of the greatest Jedi in their ranks. But as he grew up, he witnessed firsthand the many corruptions of the Republic, and the ease in which good people were manipulated by evil people, where no one did anything to stop evil in its tracks. He became so disillusioned with the government and the Jedi Order, he actually resigned from the Order, something only 19 others had ever done. Shortly after this, however, he was approached by Darth Sidious, who successfully and easily convinced him to join the Dark Side, so that he could fix the failures present in the universe. He played a critical role in the establishment of the Confederacy of Independent Systems, seceding from the Galactic Republic, and brought the entire galaxy into a massive civil war. He was also crucial in turning young Anakin Skywalker to the Dark Side, at the expense of his own life, furthering his Master’s plot even in death.

Dooku's elegant Makashi vs. Yoda's spastic Ataru.

Dooku had always reflected his noble heritage, even as a child. Growing up in the Jedi Temple, Dooku had always remained in relative isolation from his peers, cemented by a betrayal from a supposed friend. He was prideful in his accomplishments, but not overly so. Even his lightsaber technique mirrored his nobility, as he mastered in Makashi, a style often described as elegant, and suitable mainly for duels against single opponents. (So great was his skill, he was considered the 3^rd best swordsman in the entire Order) However, this nobility and pride that defined him was also the tool used for his downfall, as Lord Sidious appealed to these traits of his. He was convinced that he could bring order to the universe, and stop all the evil that he had witnessed over the years. And so was born Darth Tyranus, a villain quite reminiscent of the typical James Bond antagonist.

"Oh, I totally get it no-*snick*"

This sophistication makes Dooku a much deeper villain, not shallow like Maul, and his sharpness makes him more deadly as well. Whereas Maul was almost a force of nature, Dooku is a calm and calculating individual, with plans spanning years into the future. While not as threatening, Dooku is certainly a much stronger and more engaging villain, who pushes the story forward rather than allowing the story to come to him. Unfortunately for him, he turns out to be nothing more than a pawn to Darth Sidious, whose own plans spanned even further into the future than Dooku. Despite his cunning, his own hubris is his downfall; simultaneously his greatest strength and weakness.

Insert punny "lost his head" joke here.

Overall, Dooku is a great villain, but his role is overshadowed by an even greater character than himself. He exemplifies the value of intelligence and cunning over instinct and brawn, for the most part outsourcing the true evil to his underlings rather than dirty his own hands, as is befitting of a nobleman. His true strength as a character comes from his initiative, rallying the numerous seceding star systems of the universe under a common goal, gathering the resources necessary to mount a resistance of any value. Sadly, he loses much of his potential when one realizes that he was nothing more than a puppet for the true mastermind of evil to hide behind so that he might take the fall and pave the way for an era of darkness under a new villain…

Friday Night Retro: Pokémon: The First Movie

2011-09-24T01:04:00.000-04:00

The Pokémon game franchise has been one of the most successful of our generation. Go up to any early-20s, late teenager and say the word Pokémon, and it will be recognized. (If they don’t recognize it, pity them, for they had no childhood) Whether they grew up with 151 Pokémon or 649, few are the children who don’t recall the adorable game about enslaving… I mean, catching… various monsters that exist in the Pokémon world, from the adorable Togepi to the terrifying Onix. So popular is the series, that it has spawned not only an abundance of videogame spinoffs and sequels, but also highly successful anime and movie franchises, both of which center around the eternally youthful Ash Ketchum, whose dream is to become a Pokémon Master. So secure was the company in the longevity of their franchise, they actually entitled the first movie Pokémon: The First Movie, so without further ado, let’s jump right into the wonderful world of Pokémon.

Run, you fools... *a la Gandalf*

The movie begins with a story about Mew, the ancestor Pokémon, in whom resides the DNA of all known Pokémon. A group of scientists discover biological evidence of Mew’s existence, and use it in an attempt to clone Mew. However, the method of cloning was imperfect, leading to the creation of Mewtwo, whose Psychic powers were so powerful, he destroyed the entire laboratory in which he had been created. Thanks to the evil boss of Team Rocket, Giovanni, however, Mewtwo manages to control his powers before Giovanni attempts to use Mewtwo’s powers for his own gain, leading him to abandon the villain. Our heroes, Ash, Brock and Misty, soon find themselves a part of the plot as they are invited to an island by “The World’s Greatest Pokémon Trainer,” who turns out to be none other than Mewtwo. After a brief and fruitless battle against a set of cloned Pokémon that Mewtwo has created, Mewtwo captures the Pokémon of all the trainers he invited to the island, creating his own army of clones with which he intends to rule over the world. Before he can bring his plan to fruition, Mew appears and Ash breaks all the original Pokémon out of their captivity, leading to the climax of the film where all the Pokémon fight their cloned counterparts in a vicious battle. The trainers look on in desperation and sorrow as they realize just how horrible the fighting is, as all the Pokémon exhaust themselves and begin to collapse. Finally, just as Mew and Mewtwo are about to finish their battle, Ash runs in-between them, taking the full force of both their attacks and is turned to stone. The trainers and Pokémon all are stunned at Ash’s sacrifice, and their tears somehow manage to revive him. Mewtwo realizes the folly of his actions, and takes his cloned Pokémon with him so that they might live in peace, and returns the trainers and their Pokémon to the mainland, erasing their memories in the process.

Mewtwo finds your message disappointing.

Now, let it first be said that I am an avid lover of everything Pokémon. With that in mind, this movie is utterly confusing in the extreme as far as its message goes. The clear moral, of course, is that fighting without reason is bad. But this conflicts horribly with the original purpose of the franchise, which is basically to catch these creatures and pit them in fights against each other so that one might establish that they are the superior trainer. Certainly, I advocate non-violence whenever possible, but doing so in a universe that revolves almost exclusively around fighting is both hypocritical and bad for business. One might argue that there is a difference between fighting battles for sport and fighting battles out of hate, but if so, the movie does a horrible job at promoting the difference. And while we’re on the topic, the fact that Mewtwo erases the memories of everyone involved is so counter-intuitive it hurts. The whole point of a story is so that its characters can learn a lesson and become wiser. By forcing them to forget the fact that the events ever occurred, the characters are deprived of any manner of growth, and learn no lesson. And if the characters don’t remember the lesson, then why should the audience, especially when the very next episode is just more battling?

Look how cute that is! SO CUTE!!!

Of course, the movie does have its strong points as well. The art is superb as always, even going a step beyond the normal style of the animated series to throw in a few more fancy special effects than normal. One of the more common complaints I tend to hear is about the characters and their personalities or lack of common sense. I don’t honestly see any problem with the characters. One must remember that, despite the artistic style, the characters are very young, with Ash being only eleven years old. We’re talking the equivalent of a middle schooler here. That’s younger than my little sister, who still has trouble solving simple puzzles on videogames. To criticize a character this young for lack of intelligence or childishness behaviour is silly, and I would even argue that Ash is much smarter than many give him credit for, as he has a strong moral compass and occasional street-smarts; his dim-wittedness is only ever used as a comic gag and has no impact on the story rather than allow bad things to happen. I also happen to love the story of the movie, despite its contradictory message, merely for the fact that it shows the Pokémon as just as “human” as their trainers, not to mention the fact that the movie is actually referenced in the animated series before the movie was even created. Mewtwo becomes the vicious character he is as a direct result of the violence he was subjected to when he was created, and comes to the decision that all those around him – in other words, non-cloned people and Pokémon – are the reason evil exists. Even during the final battle, Ash’s Pikachu refuses to fight its clone counterpart, knowing that what they are doing is wrong, and allows itself to be pummeled by the clone up until the clone literally starts crying because of the pointless struggle. If you didn’t cry during this movie, and during that scene in particular, you are a heartless person, because nothing is sadder than a crying Pokémon.

And hope that Mecha-Mewtwo doesn't find you...

So, in retrospect, while the message of Pokémon: The First Movie is absolutely pointless in context, the positives far outweigh the negatives. The wonderful art, the believable characters, and the phenomenal, in-depth storyline does truly make this a movie that can stand the test of time. It is with fondness that I remember the days of 151 Pokémon, and this movie that captured my attention for a little over an hour. The more recent movies still hold the same charm, but also seem to have lost something along the way. It may just be the rose-tinted lenses of nostalgia obscuring my vision, but Pokémon: The First Movie will always have a space in my movie library.