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I really am a messed up kid, huh?

2012-02-28T09:00:00.000-06:00

Okay so I have realized that some things just need to be left alone. I've also learned that life is a sweetly bitter success ride down Plain street. I swear to God I have issues but I don't want to confront them. Oh well, guess I can just keep it to myself and you guys forever huh?

Monday

Sooo yesterday kinda sucked. I had to go all day without my phone and when I did turn it on around 6pm, I text Jess and watched TV. When I went to bed, well... I called Jessica. This is the part of the day that got me thinking I need help. Oh well.

I called Jessica and she answered but didn't talk in the phone for about 30 seconds because I heard the TV in the background and somebody laughing. I heard the TV. It was The Big Bang Theory. Jessica loves that show and so do I, she let me borrow season 2 from her, but that's not the problem. When she talked to me, I told her I wanted to say goodnight so she quickly said, "Alright. Good night." and acted as though I was actually BOTHERING HER.

I don't know, maybe I was over reacting, so I quickly said, "Alright well, uhh... I love you, good night." She replied with, "Shortest convo of our life." and she giggled. I just said, "Yeah... Night." and she said, "Bye." and I hung up right away and threw my phone on my bed and just started to rock on my back back and forth.

I am a MORON!! I am the biggest moron EVER!! I can't believe I lost sleep from my own stupidity. I couldn't get to sleep for about an hour, my mom watching TV didn't help either. I just thought about how I wished I had talked to Jess. I feel like I was being stupid and she could have cleared it up right away... I feel bad now. I feel like a terrible boyfriend.

Tuesday

I woke up and text my brother Alex Happy Birthday and sent Jess a good morning text. She said I was acting funny from my texts and I don't know how she knew from my texts. I played it off as "cool" as I could saying I was fine. Truth was that I couldn't bear to tell her that I was a little offended from Monday night. Maybe offended isn't the right word... disappointed? No... Gods, now I'm just sounding stupid. I can't think of the word and I don't want to upset Jessica.

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Maybe I am messed up. I get upset over the stupidest things. I can't rationally understand somethings and I can easily get confused, which is funny for my friends, but confusing for me. I just wish I could have had a better start to my week. I hope my phone gets here fast. I want to call Jessica when I get home but I have to "Save my battery" and now I can't talk on the phone more than 10 minutes or it'll run down my battery. UGH! Having a janky phone SUCKS!! Rule of thumb, If you get a blackberry, don't get the blackberry style...

HA! Be envious! BE JEALOUS!!

2012-02-26T23:50:00.000-06:00

Okay, I'm a little devil boy, I didn't go to church AGAIN this week. Sunday or Wednesday. Sue me, I had other things come up again. I love church and God is always going to be #1 in my life, but I can't always make it. And I put down Wednesday nights as available to work so I won't be going to youth every week now. Just when I'm not working. I need the money and I hope that my church friends can understand that...

Sunday

So I didn't go to church, I slept in. Oh, my bad... Is God going to punish me? *looks around* Guess not. Oh wait! HE LOVES ME NO MATTER WHAT!! Sweetness, I think that's worth praising him, right? Yes.

Side note: This is going to be out of order so matter how I edit my blog so I'll just say it. I went to the sprint store and they told me my phone won't charge, they have to order a new one, and they gave me 3 extra batteries for my phone to last me till NEXT WEEK when they'll call MY CELL PHONE and tell me when my new phone has arrived. HOW WILL MY PHONE LAST THAT LONG!!!??? Oh well.

So I slept in on Sunday and got up around 9:45am or so. It was totally epic because I got to see Jessica again!! We actually ended up getting to see "Gone" on Sunday because my sister was feeling better. The only thing was that before we went, a few hours earlier, Jessica and I were upstairs kissing when we heard a car door close. Lewis and Alexia randomly showed up to our house....

I text Hannah and I guess it wasn't randomly because they had asked before they showed up. Oh well, I guess I won't get as many kisses now... Mehhh.

Side note: I think Jessica has steadily let me kiss her more and more in public, but she just doesn't like kissing me excessively because she knows that it's something we need to do in private places. I don't know. Now that I have a girlfriend, I get why some people like PDA. They wanna say, "HEY! LOOK AT ME!! I GOT A HOT GIRL AND YOU CAN'T HAVE HER!!!" which Is totally what I'd be saying if I was holding Jessica's hand or kissing her in public.

Well Jessica and I hung out until 1:45pm or so when we left to go to the movies. Only one catch. Now Tommy is going with us. Oh well.

The movie was REALLY GOOD!! I just love Amanda Seyfried! She is such a great actress and I've seen almost all of her movies... Well not really, just like 5, but they were good movies!! Jessica loved the movie too, but we didn't like the 5 minute climax ending scene, it was a let down. But I would totally buy that movie, that's for sure!! It sucks that "Gone" is #9 at the box office the day after and movies that have been out for a week now are above it making more money still...

Anyway, the rest of the night was pretty awesome! Jessica and Lewis taught me how to make burgers on the grill or on "Broil" in the stove. It was really helpful because I want to learn how to cook and be able to feed myself without screwing up. Good thing I will be able too now!!

After that, we played Hide and Seek in the dark until around 9:30 when people started going home, including Jessica... I was sad to see her go, but knew it would have happened eventually. I love her though and she knows that, I just hope I can finally reach the day where she doesn't have to go home, because she is home and I can hold her all night long.

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I hope my blackberry gets here soon, I love my phone, but the Blackberry Style is the worst Blackberry of em' all!! It's just not the right phone. It came out right before they had the cool new apps and updates and none of those are compatible with my Blackberry. Ugh. Guess that's life. Just so long as I get my new phone fast, I don't care. It's killing me not being able to text Jessica as much or call her.

Not how it starts but how it ends...

2012-02-25T23:50:00.000-06:00

What can I say about Jessica that hasn't already been said? What can I say about my friends that makes them any EPIC...ER?!! I can't, so just know it. My life is awesome because of the people in it. Nuff said.

Saturday

SATURDAY FREAKING ROCKED!!! I got to see Jessica and I walked almost 10,000 steps!! Well I'll explain the 10K steps first...

I woke up REALLY HAPPY on Saturday, I just wanted to dance and I was singing in my room when I woke up and I was feeling really good. I went downstairs and Hannah was hungry so she asked me for food, I was so happy that I offered to buy her food! My mom too. Well I was about to go get them food, I had the door open and I was happy and my mom started to complain about it being cold, but It felt TOTALLY FANTASTIC outside and she was all the way on the couch.

Well I was talking to Hannah and my mom finally yelled at me, "CLOSE THE DOOR AND GET THE FOOD!!" so I got mad and slammed it in her face and walked away from the house. At that point, I wanted to say, "FORGET YOU!" and not buy them a damn thing. I felt like a damn robot and I felt totally used!!

Well I stopped behind the car where they couldn't see me and I thought for a minute. I eventually said, "Screw it." and walked to the store and got the doughnuts, but I was no longer WILLING to buy them doughnuts, just pissed that they'd made me go get them. use MY MONEY from work to buy THEM food. The ungrateful jerks!!

When I got home, I had a glare of death on my face and didn't say a word. I walked into the kitchen, opened the box and ate a doughnut right in front of them. They deserved so see me eat a doughnut. Not able to get one themselves. After I'd eaten it, I walked into the living room and sat across the room and ate another one, glaring at Hannah mostly, the whole time.

Eventually we spoke and I said she could eat a damn doughnut if she wanted. Hannah didn't believe me, but that's her fault. Well it got pretty ugly after that. My mom said it was pretty petty to act this way and I got so pissed the she couldn't justify what she'd done wrong so I .... Well, I cussed her out.

Side note: I've always been to afraid to cuss my parents out and I love my mom, I've never been this mad at her before, so I was so scared and shocked after I cussed her out.

I cussed out my mom and ran upstairs saying, "EAT THE DOUGHNUTS, THEY'RE YOURS!!!" and ran to my room. I slammed my door and jumped my bed and for the first time in a long time, I cried. I cried so hard and so long and I couldn't get myself to stop. I just wanted to cry forever. I felt so terrible for cussing out my mom, I never do that... I love my mom so much. I was so upset that it just happened and Jessica was supposed to come over soon and I couldn't be like that so I just cried and I text Jessica and she tried calling me and I ignored her calls because I was so upset, I didn't think I would be able to talk...

Eventually I just answered her phone call and we talked and she helped me feel better, but she was still not ready so I let her go get ready and I was so sad, I cried some more and eventually, I just walked downstairs, and without saying a word, I just walked outside and started walking. I walked and walked and I didn't stop walking.

I ended up walking all the way around my neighborhood and the one next to me, took 7,000 steps, and didn't stop until I got a text from Jessica saying she was at my house. I took the next turn I could and walked back to my house. I eventually got home and was no longer upset with my mom. For some reason, walking helped me let out my anger and I felt so much better!! It was awesome (because I didn't want to feel terrible)!!

Well Hannah, Jessica, and I were planning to see the movie "Gone" on Saturday but Hannah didn't feel good so we didn't see it. Instead we just took it easy and chilled out at home. Hannah and my mom ran some errands and Jessica and I hung out in my room and talked.

It was really fun spending the first half of my evening with Jessica, she is totally awesome and I truly love her SO SO SO SO SO MUCH!!!! Well later that evening, Kayla, Alexia, Lewis, Carolyn, and Nathan all showed up and we hung out and had a great time! Kayla made Chicken enchiladas and I thought they were yummy until I ate a tomato and had a spaz attack! TOMATOES ARE YUCKY!!! EWWWW!!!!!!

On the plus, we watched, "Fright Night" and it was a REALLY AWESOME MOVIE!!! We rented it from Redbox and it was totally worth the $1.20!! I would totally buy that one!!

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I will remember Saturday, February 25th, 2012 for the rest of my life. Not just because of how fun it was, but because my memories with Jessica will be forever. I can't wait till I'm thinking about this day years from now find a smile spread across my face like cheese on a ritz cracker. Gods, I love this woman and I love my life with her even more!

I don't get sick.

2012-02-22T15:40:00.000-06:00

I'm not sick, I just have a stuffy nose and sore throat. It's nothing to worry about.

Monday

I wake up with a couch and as the day goes on, i get a bad stuffy nose and sore throat. I'm not sick, this is a freak incident.

Wednesday

I had to leave school after Advisory because I felt terrible. Again, I'm not sick, just a freak thing.

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Some may assume that because Jessica was coughing Sunday and I kissed her, that's how I got sick. Well HA! I'm not sick (remember that), because I can't get sick. Also, Jessica isn't sick, so she isn't a contributor to this freak thing some call illness.

Remember: I'm not sick, This is just a freak incident.

Happy Birthday Jessica!

2012-02-20T10:00:00.000-06:00

Well this weekend has been nothing short of perfectly awesome, which I'm thankful for! HORRAH! But I just can't wait to tell you about Sunday. It was fantastic. Simply, yet perfectly, fantastic!

Friday

Friday was fun, I traded a shift and hung out with Jessica on Friday. We ended up going to see Ghost Rider 2: Spirit of Vengeance, which turned out to be a terrible movie! I couldn't believe how terrible it was! JUST AWFUL!!! I actually felt like I wasted my money!! That rarely happens, but when it does, you know the movie sucked!!

Reasons why: In the first Ghost Rider movie, it ended with Johnny Blaze and Roxanne together, but in SOV, she didn't even show up, he was riding anywhere to get away from light and a rogue man trying to escape his curse because he couldn't control it anymore. Also, speaking of his curse, the movie made him look like a hyped up drug addict when he changed into the Ghost Rider. Not to mention, he didn't talk or use his signature movie as the Ghost Rider. He would say one word cheesy lines. Lastly, the Ghost Rider got upgraded to look better, probably just for the 3D effects.

I recommend you save your money, but if your still curious, wait until it's one dollar at a movie rental machine. No need to thank me, I'm a blogger, I do this for the common good.

Saturday

On Saturday, I hung out with Jessica at her house and her family celebrated her birthday. They had THE BEST CAKE EVER TOO!!!! It was a custom white cake with some sort of whipped cream frosting. IT WAS FREAKING AWESOME!!! I'm sure Jessica will put a picture on her blog, don't worry.

Well we pretty much took it easy and had a really fun time on Saturday, I got to hold Jessica and watch The Mummy: Returns with her and Tracy. It was an over-all fun night.

Sunday
On Sunday, I went over to Jessica's house around 10am or so and watched the Big Bang Theory (season 2). When Tracy showed up, we continued to watch it, but also decided to play Dominoes, which was super fun!! It was really fun!

Well Tracy went home around 3pm and Jessica's dad drove us to the B&B Theatre we were going to for our date. Jessica and I wanted to see Journey 2 and because Tracy had already seen it the week prior, we didn't have to wait to see it anymore. AND IT WAS A GOOD MOVIE!!! YES!!!

Side note: After watching Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, I was afraid this movie would suck too! Thankfully it wasn't bad at all, but incredible!

The plot continued with the first movie (Journey to the center of the earth) and it opened up a third installment of the series at the end, which I would gladly go and see! I also can't wait to see that, if it comes out (probably going to be 2014 or 2015 before it's released though).

After we saw the movie, we went to Applebee's for some dinner, which was fantastic. We talked about writing, books projects, who inspires us, and things like that. Jessica is such a great listener, she doens't mind when I start to ramble or start side tracking (like the 'Side notes' on my blog). She just smiles and listens to me.

Dinner was fastic, I liked our waiter too, he was really nice. I think his name was Travis. Thanks Travis for a great nice!

We went home after dinner, which was around 8pm and we watched more Big Bang Theory until the disk we were on was finished. After that, we were too lazy to put on the next disk and decided to just talk for a few hours, which we did. We just talked to each other like it was the most natural thing in the world. We didn't have to hide anything, because we knew the other will listen. That our love is strong enough. It probably one of the move memorable nights of my life, because I with Jessica. I just hope her birthday turned out to be as fantasic as it did for me.

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Gods, I love Jessica! She rocks! I think Jessica and I have a very bright future ahead of ourselves. If we had both been members of Eharmony or Match.com, I think we would have still found each other, because we have SO MUCH in common and those sights match you based on similarities. I would never trust an online site such as those, but I'm just saying. My friend Tracy has a match.com account and I thought the reference made since. Ish.

The Last of the Demigods: The Missing Symbols

2012-02-17T11:30:00.000-06:00

Book 1 of 3

Book Description

A life changing quest is about to begin...

Ben Errington and Paul “Stain” Austin thought they were just two normal teens living in San Francisco, California until they arrive on a mysterious island. Curious, they explore it, ignoring Mr. C.’s orders to stay on the boat. When they come upon a cave where torches light up themselves, they knew something was strange and after they stumble upon a snake-haired lady named Medusa, she tells them something that they just couldn’t believe: they’re demigods. Being the first to survive her stare, Ben demands answers from Mr. C. who confessed that she was right. He and Stain were demigods. He explains that the gods on Olympus need these symbols in order for the great prophecy to take affect and that Ben and Stain are the last of the demigods, the only ones who could even accept this quest. If they don’t, then the world will be doomed.

Paperback: 226 Pages

Publisher: Outskirts Press

Links to buy

Amazon.com

Outskirtspress.com

Please support my girlfriend Jessica and best friend Tracy and buy the book they spend over a year co-writing! It would mean more than anything I can express!!

Oliver Twist during intermission

2012-02-16T23:30:00.000-06:00

I got to see Jessica on Thursday night. That made me quite happy. I was very pleased to see her, very pleased indeed. Wait, why am I speaking like a crazy person? GAHH!! Next paragraph!

Thursday

So Jessica came over at 6pm and we hung out until the Musical at my school, Oliver Twist, was being played. I had to go for 100 points in my Tech Theatre and Stagecraft classes, but I also wanted to see it regardless. Jessica so kindly agreed to go see it with me, because I didn't want to go alone to see a musical, I didn't know how that'd make me look, but she likes musicals too so I was glad she agreed to go.

Well the musical was just fantastic and I absolutely loved it!! I can't believe how awesome it was either, just fantastic!! I could go on forever, but no matter how much I rant about it, it's always going to be truly a fantastic and one of my favorite musicals my school will probably EVER do!

During intermission, I was checking my texts and my friend Tracy had text me saying in all caps, "THE BOOK HAS BEEN PUBLISHED!!!!!" I flipped out and decided to show Jessica the text, which made her began to FLIP OUT!!! Jessica called Tracy and they freaked out together, then Jessica called her mom and THEY freaked out together and I WAS SO HAPPY FOR JESSICA!!!

Side note: I will post a seperate blog for you guys so you can know about the book, but this is an ACTUAL FICTION BOOK!! Jessica, my girlfriend, is now an official, real, author!! Like Rick Riordan, Stephenie Meyer, and J.K. Rowling, Jessica Willis has co-written a book with my friend Tracy and THEY HAVE OFFICIALLY PUBLISHED IT NOW!!!

*Ahem* anyway... After the musical was over, Jessica and I hung out at my house and watched the big bang theory for about an hour before we decided to take Jessica home because I get to see her on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday again! I usually only get to see Jessica once or twice a week, but to see her for 3 days in a week is truly a fantastic pleasure and it makes me super happy!

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I can't wait until Jessica and I get to college! It's going to be a truly fantastic experience that I know I'll remember forever! I'm sure Missouri Northwest doesn't have crazy parties, but even if they did, I probably wouldn't go, like the big bang theory on episode six of season one, I cannot socialize at parties. I am the quiet guy who sits on the couch and waits for someone to talk to him. I can't can't bring myself to socialize. That's how I am at school dances too. Thanks Gods, I only have to go to prom at Jessica's school and mine. After that, no way I'll go to anymore!

As for the rest of my week, I plan on seeing Ghost Rider on Friday (that's today!) and celebrating Jessica's birthday on Saturday. Also, I'm going to see Journey 2 on Sunday with Jessica.

Speaking of Sunday, that's Jessica's 19th birthday! I can't wait to give her the gift I've picked out!! IT'S GONNA ROCK!!!

She's gonna love me forever... Oh wait, she already said she will. I win. She wins. WE BOTH WIN! That's my kinda love story.

Valentine's Day!

2012-02-13T10:00:00.000-06:00

I have 3, maybe 4 words to say... BEST VALENTINES DAY EVER!!!!!!! I know Valentines Day isn't technically until Tuesday, but I have school on Tuesday (unless they cancel school again) and I can't see Jessica unless her parents say it's okay.

Sunday

I seriously had the best Valentines day EVER!!! It started awesome, it ended awesome, IT WAS AWESOME!!! Gods, I'm rambling now!! AHHH!! I need to just say what I need to say... Now a song is stuck in my head.

So she came over around 9:15am ish and we hung out in my room and she gave me my first Valentines gift!! It was awesome too, because she made a poster with candy bars and it has all kinds of AWESOME STUFF on it!!

Let me guess, You can't read that right? That's cool, I'll translate!

To my dear Sugar Daddy,

I've spent many nights looking at the MilkyWay, watching the Starburst, thinking about my Lifesaver. I have been with Nerds, Goobers, and Runts. So I'm so thankful I Skored a Sweetheart, a guy who can make me grin. I wouldn't trade you for a 100 Grand PayDay! Your cooler than all 3 Musketeers put together! You bring Mounds of AlmondJoy and love to my life. I love you so much and you are the missing Reese's Pieces to my Puzzle.

Love your,
BabyRuth

In case you hadn't guessed, the Italicized words are the candy bars or candy. IT WAS SO SWEET, RIGHT!!!? YES!!!! IT TOTALLY FREAKIN' WAS!!!! Well after that, we went downstairs and had breakfast really quick before MY SURPRISE was next. I was taking her to see a movie, but she didn't know what we were seeing!

Well when we got to the movie theatre, it was closed until 11:30am... We had a half hour to spare. My mom dropped us off to wait and went to take my sister somewhere. Well we walked to the Kmart right next door and walked around for 30 minutes until we went back to the theater.

Well I took her to see The Vow, which was actually pretty good! Yes, it was a romance, but I don't care! It was still a pretty good movie regardless!

After the movie, I surprised her with Chinese food on the way home! It was great and yummy and delicious, I just wish I knew she had already had Chinese already that week AND LEFT OVERS.... Gods, I felt so dumb. If she had told me, I would have gotten something else. I even remembered instantly that she told me she had Chinese, but I'd forgotten!

Well after we had Chinese, I read her the final part of my surprises, the story I'd written her!! IT EVEN HAD A POEM!! It was totally awesome too, because I read it to her and she totally loved it!! I WAS SO GLAD TOO!!! I worked on that story for 5 or so days, but didn't know if it would be enough for her... I'm so glad it was!!

If you want to read the short story I wrote her, I've posted it on my stories blog! Bookmark it!

Well she had one more surprise for me! when I opened the bag she had, I found a lot of chocolate and candy (that I actually liked)!! She also bought me a case for my 3DS!! That was so sweet too, because it's an awesome case! It just doesn't fit in my pocket very well... which makes it less convenient, but that's okay, because I love the feel the case has! I don't really need play coins anyway, but they are nice to have.

After that, we just hung out and talked, watched movies, and had a really good night!! Around 7:30pm we got Subway, but other then that, nothing else monumental happened.

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I heard Hannah had a really uneventful day on Sunday, her Valentine's day will probably suck and she doesn't even know if she's actually single or still dating Tommy at this point. I wish I knew what to say, I wish I could help her out in some way, I just don't know what to do other than listen to her when she wants to complain about his stupidity.

I sit in my room and wonder how I got so damn lucky! Why am I being SO BLESSED?! Sure, I've tried to live a good life, but I know I have my own downfalls to look back on. I guess I'm just in a really happy patch of happiness (if that makes since) so I won't worry, just smile and keep walking this path of happiness!!

This sums up how I felt after Sunday

The Saturgrey

2012-02-11T21:00:00.000-06:00

"OH MY GODS, YES!!!" I shouted with a loud exclamation.

"YES! That was epic!" Agreed myself.

"Totally freakin' perfect ending!!" Me said.

"We need to hang out more, it's plain epic with you guys!!" I said with a smile.

"AGREED!" proclaimed Me and Myself in unison.

I got out of the car and walked to the door, waving my good friends good-bye.

Okay, so I don't actually have conversations with myself (that I'd share with YOU), but speaking with Me, Myself, and I... I get reminded of things I would normally forget.

Saturday

OMG, I WAS TOTALLY EXPECTING SOMETHING TOTALLY DIFFERENT TO HAPPEN TODAY!!! I WAS SO DISTRAUGHT TO THINK I'D WASTED TRADING MY SHIFT ON SATURDAY!!! THANKS GODS THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN!!! I LOVE YOU JESSICA!!!!

Okay, well I had to call Tracy and Jessica and have a three-way conversation to clarify everything, but what ended up happening (to skip the hour and 1/2 of skepticism that continued to happen) was that Jessica and I went to the movies with Jessica's mom and Tracy stayed home and went to her Birthday dinner at 5pm, because 5pm was a terrible time to have dinner and that alone prevented her from coming...

It sucked that Tracy couldn't come, but she chose her birthday dinner over hanging out, which I won't judge. As for the movie, OMG YES!!! We went to see 'The Grey' and it was a good movie. To be honest, it was not what I expected, but a good movie nonetheless!! It was classified as a drama/action, but it's more like a Suspenseful action movie.

Those wolves scared the crud out of me at times, but it was still a good movie!! Though, I must warn you that they dropped the F bomb A LOT OF TIMES in this movie, it got crazy at how often they would drop the F bomb, like it kept them breathing or something! Also, some people won't like the gore in this movie (It is rated R). I didn't care, because gore doesn't affect me, but it affected Jessica. She didn't like this movie AT ALL!!

I'm gonna have to find a movie buddy that likes suspenseful gory horror movies! I'm open-minded, what can I say? I love every genre! Well after the movie, we went to the McDonalds by my house and had dinner. I went home after that. OH GODS!

On the way home, Jessica's King Size Rice Krispy Treat fell on the floor, so I picked up by the wrapper and squealed, screaming the first thing that came to my mind, which happened to be, "OH MY GOD, IT'S FORESKIN!!"

Jessica completely lost control and began laughing SO FREAKIN' HARD!!! SHE COULDN'T STOP HERSELF FROM LAUGHING!!! So being myself, I held her hand and said, "PUSH!!!" which made her laugh EVEN HARDER!!! All of this happening right down the street from my house! She had to control herself long enough to walk with me to my front door, but it looked hard.

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I am so glad Jessica had a good time tonight! It sucked Tracy didn't go, but I wouldn't let that keep me down, she made her choice, as I made mine. Jessica and her mom are SO AWESOME!!! I LOVE THEM BOTH!!! Jessica's mom is so much fun, she isn't like the typical parent who makes things strict and awkward. I could hold Jessica's hand and still be cute and she didn't mind. I even kissed Jessica once and Jessica's mom acted as though it was a totally normal occurrence (YAY!! I hope it stays that way, I plan on being with Jessica a LONG, LONG time).

Sunday is what really scares me. I don't know if Jessica will like my surprise now. I keep playing it off as something incredible, b-but I DON'T KNOW!!! I'm gonna wing-it and I've been strong and my poker face has gotten better. It's not perfect, but it's getting to where she can believe me easier when I'm scared or unsure and don't wanna give that away.

Everything will be out in the open on Sunday so you'll have to check back in to see what happened...

Tracy's Birthday Party!

2012-02-11T08:30:00.000-06:00

Yay! My dad paid the internet bill this morning so I got my internet back this morning! I'm glad it didn't get shut off because this weekend is going to be full OF AWESOME PLANS I'VE MADE!! In fact, it all started last night...

Thursday

I GOT A HAIRCUT, FINALLY!!! THANK GODS!!!!! WOO HOO HOO HOO!!!! I also got the pics to prove it!! Are you ready to get your face blown off with the awesomeness?!

BEFORE!

AFTER!

Damn I look good! I look freakin... I LOOK FREAKIN' HOT!! RAWR! MMMM BABY!! Ahaha just kidding, I'm not the selfish type who looks in the mirror and has the charisma of 4 people, I just have the charisma of me! and that's enough.

Friday

Friday, OH MY GODS, FRIDAY! It was fun. I won't lie, I got confused towards the end of the evening, but I'm sure it was all an interpretation error. Tracy's Birthday was Friday and on Friday night, after school (where we had a LAME assembly), I got to go to Retro Bowl for Tracy's birthday! It was super fun! I bought Tracy 'The Journal of Curious Letters' by James Dashner, which is an awesome book!! It's book 1 in 'The 13th Reality Series'! I also got her a $20 Barns & Noble gift card and she said she loved my gift the best out of all of the ones she got! THAT MEANT A LOT!! I knew she'd like it, but I didn't know she'd LOVE IT! SWEET!!!

Anyway, we bowled for 2 hours strait, which was crazy! I got 'bowled out' after about 3 games!! Well I didn't think I'd like her Raspberry Swirl cake, but I ended up liking it! Though it tasted more like a flavored vanilla than anything... Maybe I just didn't taste the raspberry.

So after the party, I went home and called Jessica, when she got home too (Tracy's mom picked her up), and we talked for a few hours on the phone until 12:30am, when I was totally zonked out and needed some sleep. It was a fun night, overall, I just can't wait till Monday, so I can explain to you how EPIC Saturday and Sunday are going to be. THIS IS MY VALENTINES WEEKEND PEOPLE!!!

I get to commence my Valentines plans!! JESSICA IS GOING TO LOVE ME SO FREAKIN' MUCH ON SUNDAY!!! I'm gonna get more kisses than I know what to do with (which is okay with me)!!

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So Dustee, Annabelle, Jessica, and Myself went to Tracy's birthday party. James, this guy who Tracy is crushing on, didn't show up. I, honestly, didn't think he would go. If I barely knew someone and got invited to a birthday party for them, I would want to hang out with them and know them better before doing something like that, even if I wasn't obligated to buy a gift.

Tracy said that James not showing up ruined her entire day, but Jessica and I told her that she shouldn't let it affect her. Tracy is my best friend and I don't like seeing her upset, especially on her birthday, but how could she think he'd come? It would have been weird for him if he had. I just want Tracy to be happy, but if she wants a boyfriend, she has to be willing to create a friendship first. somewhere she (and whoever the guy is) can stand, before walking up the stairs and dating. In my eyes, she's trying to take the escalator with James up to the top floor. I don't think that'll work with him.

I just want her to be happy, y'know? That's all. She has to see Jessica and me be SO HAPPY all the time, I can see how it'd bug her. I was in that boat, not 5 months ago. I know how it feels, to want someone to love you, but to get nothing. I believe Tracy will find the happiness she's looking for, it'll just take time. If she's patient and waits long enough, she'll find a guy that will love her the right way.

During Tracy's party though, her parents began to bicker around the end, which made things awkward for me. I didn't understand what was going on. Her dad seems angry and secluded from the group toward the end and her mom seems a little upset about something around the end too. It started out great, it was fun, and I had a blast, but the ending was a little awkward for me. It was to the point where I'd happily wait in the freezing cold air alone for my mom to get me and they leave.

In High School (and some college), you have to see your friends parents and that can be either awesome or terrible. This was a first impression for me of Tracy's parents. I'd seen her mom twice before, but not for this long. Not really a good first impression on me. When my mom got to Retro Bowl to pick me up, I happily jumped in the car and said, DRIVE! I than thanked my mom and said, "I LOVE YOU!" repeatedly.

My mom didn't really understand until I explained things. I'm glad my mom does so well around my friends. My dad doesn't care if he crushes my plans, pisses me off, etc... but my mom does and for that I'm thankful.

Overall, Friday was a successful night and I can't wait for the rest of my weekend. I just hope I'm not over exciting Jessica about Sunday, because I don't want to let her down.

Ever heard of a shut off notice?

2012-02-08T11:00:00.000-06:00

The past few days have been nothing short of BORING! I don't understand why everything has to be so BORING all the time and if it's BORING, why can't I figure out a way to make it even better then the BORING week I've had? Don't answer, I'd probably get BORED.

Tuesday

My internet got shut off, which really sucks... A LOT!

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Yeah, yeah... Sue me later for having nothing happen this week.

So I totally had one good thing come out of this week so far! I just finished Jessica's Valentines day surprise! Well, not entirely. I still have ONE more thing to finish up. If Jessica didn't read my blog, I would gladly tell you what I'm doing... But I can't. Sorry! What I can tell you, that I've already told her, is that I'm reading her something special.

I still have to finish the rest of it (Yes, that means it's probably a story, but I won't confirm nor deny this statement), but I just hope she thinks its cute. I'm trying to be original and do something out of the ordinary, y'know? Valentines day is one holiday you DO NOT mess up on when you're in a relationship. I got that from Michael.

It's totally legit too, besides the fact that Jessica's birthday is the weekend after on February 19th. Great! I totally forgot until last night when it dawned on me. I was like, OH CRUD! I would have brainstormed ideas, BUT MY INTERNET WAS SHUT OFF! Man, I hate being so dirt poor. Something works for a month or two, then BAM! It's gone.

College is going to turn things around! I'm going to get my degree in English and be successful in the game of life. I was thinking about buying Jessica some jewelry, because she totally LOVES my penguin necklace I bought her, but I don't know if I have time now, because I need it by Sunday. Jessica told me she wanted an iTunes gift card so she can buy apps for her iPad, but I don't know how much to put on it!

I told her I would put $20 on the card, but now I might put more, I'm not sure exactly. I just want it to be a good gift and I'm always unsure with gift card, it seems like an 'easy out' of getting them a good gift. I had to give Kelsey a gift card for her birthday and I felt bad about it. She seemed to love it though...

To make it even worse, Tracy's birthday is THIS FRIDAY!! and I HAVEN'T BOUGHT HER A GIFT YET!!! GAHHH!!!! I AM SO BEHIND THESE DAYS!!!! or this month... ?

I think I'll buy her gift on Thursday, because her party is on Friday and I have Youth tonight and if I miss Sunday AND Wednesday, I'll be blacklisted by my church!

Okay, not really, but they seem to make a big deal about me missing Sunday services. I've missed 3 weeks now and I don't care. Sundays services make me feel like crap because I know God is waiting on me and I don't want to make a step forward so I feel like I'm being STARED AT by everyone and JUDGED! I know, in reality, I'm not, but still... It seems that way to me.

Wednesday services are more laid back and I only have to feel bad about the message, if it affects me (which it usually does). I don't want to upset anyone, but I don't see myself as a strong christian dude. They have to put a lot of dedication into religion and I can't do that. Besides, If I became a super religious dude, all my friends would leave me.

I have one Christian friend right now (at school) and she is starting to annoy me lately. Its nothing against her, she's a great friend, but she just had these habits that annoy me. I can't wait till I graduate.

Anyway, I'm probably going to get Tracy a --- Oh yeah, Tracy started reading my blog lately so it's probably not smart to say what I'm getting her on here until after it happens, huh? Sorry folks, check out my post on Monday (or Tuesday) and I'll tell you all about everything! I've already said too much...

Women in black and the Super Bowl

2012-02-06T04:30:00.000-06:00

So pretty much, my toenail hurts like crap still, but I still had to go to school this morning. Oh well. Guess I can cry about it later, as my toenail bleeds all over the place, drenching my sock in a gooey, red liquid... Too graphic? Sorry... (At least you didn't see the pictures I posted on Facebook. Now that was graphic).

Friday (again)

I'm going to re-cap what happened on Friday, because the last blog (skipping 'From the Words of an Author') only covered Friday morning. And let's face it, more exciting things happened Friday evening (Trust me, YES)! I didn't have to go to school, but I had to sit at home, staring at my toe all day. It was probably the most disgusting thing that's happened to me in the past couple of years.

Well Friday afternoon, after sulking all day in the pain of my demise, I eventually put my socks and shoes on (WHICH HURT LIKE A --- Like crap) and walked around the house (advice from my dad). I had too, my dad said it would help. Well it didn't really help.

For Pete's sake, my toenail was RIPPED UP on the sides and are NO LONGER ATTACHED!! IT'S GONNA FREAKIN' HURT!! My dad apparently had no sympathy, because he said to leave it alone and it'll fix itself. If I go to the doctor, that's a bill he will have to pay and he can't afford it. Thanks dad, love you too.

He didn't say that exactly, but it was implied. I think my moms going to take me on Monday afternoon to see a doctor, I'm not sure yet. Anyway, Friday afternoon, I got to leave the house and see Jessica! That was a FUN time too! I really enjoyed myself!!

Friday was February the 3rd, and it happened to be the Friday after Jessica's eye surgery AND our anniversary! I was so glad we got to see each other, because we had both assumed Red Lobster was the last time we would see each other for a few weeks! This upcoming weekend was when we thought we could see each other again. I'm just really happy that things didn't work out that way.

When I got there, her parents were going to see an old friend (someone that was her dad's best man at his wedding, I think) and Jessica and I were stuck at home alone with her younger brother James. That's okay, we ended up watching the new movie, 'In Time' which was actually really good! I enjoyed it and I'm definitively going to watch it again.

I love watching movies with Jessica, because she makes them more fun. I don't know why, but I can't help but love her company. Maybe it's just the fact that she's my girlfriend, maybe not. All I can be sure of is that I love her company and I hope she enjoys mine too (which she does).

Saturday

Saturday was really fun too! Despite my pain, I managed to get up and hang out with my best friend Tracy! I had made plans prior to Saturday to see 'The Woman in Black'. When I got there though, it wasn't as scary as I had thought, thank God! I was hoping it didn't scare the living crap out of me, but I was hoping that I left with a good scare or two, which I did. There was this one scene, where Daniel's character placed his hand on the window and this woman appears and screams from the other side. Man, I jumped out of my seat! It was awesome!!

Anyway, after the movie, Jessica and I almost watched 'The Mummy 2', but my dad showed up and didn't wanna watch it. Instead, we played Wii Sport Resort. Tracy brought her copy because I didn't have it and it totally rocked!! I love playing my Wii and it was even better playing on Saturday night with Tracy!

Side note: I don't understand why my dad doesn't like watching great sci-fi movies or anything with a lot of action in them! All he ever likes watching is boring crud like westerns or 'Christian movies'. I am a christian too and I am not going to hell for watching a good movie or two! He needs to lighten up and enjoy a good alien movie or something, before he ends up becoming more of a square then he already is. I love my dad, but his taste in movies SUCKS!

Sunday

On Sunday, I decided I would gladly accept my girlfriends offer and come over to her house for Super Bowl Sunday!! I also decided to bring over cheese sticks! WHICH ARE FLIPPIN' AWESOME!!! Anyway, before the Super Bowl, Jessica and I watched Ghost Rider in her room, which was great!

Side note: Her dad has never let me go in her room before, ever, until Sunday night. He was being very nice and I wasn't going to spoil that kind of trust. Turns out, Jessica's dad had to reprogram the TV (they don't have cable, but basic channels) because 41 wasn't on the TV. When we got the TV fixed and alright, the Super Bowl was already 10 minutes from the half time show! We missed the first half of the game.

Either way, we rooted for the New York Giants all the way! It was an amazing victory too! I absolutely loved it! The only sucky part was that I had to go home during the post game, which was right after the game, which meant Jessica and I had to say our good-byes.

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I had a really good game, personally, and I can't believe how much fun it was to be at Jessica's house (and I don't just base that on the fact that they had taco's, my favorite food EVER)! I think Jessica was feeling sick or something though, because she seems 'out of it' a lot of the night. If I could make her feel better, I would, because I love her so much and I would do anything for her.

Jessica knows and fully understands how much I love her, but I just wish I could make it stand out on a new level y'know, to make sure it never stops amazing her. I want our love to keep growing deeper and deeper and never stop. I want to find new ways to show that I love her and be as creative as I can in the process.

I know that she's 'the one'. Forget that I'm in High School and forget that I'm only 18 years old. I am in love with Jessica and I fully believe she is the one God picked out to be my other half. I truly believe that and I'm going to love Jessica every day for the rest of my life as if it were my last. I'm never going to stop caring and I'm always going to be there for her.

As far as my toe, It's probably going to hurt like crap for the rest of the week and I hope it just falls off or something so I can move on with my life. I want to do what I can to fix it and if that means I lose my toenail, just let it happen! I'm tired of the pain in my toe, it's gotten old and it needs to stop. I'm walking with a limp, and I look stupid.

From The Words of An Author

2012-02-04T18:00:00.000-06:00

This post is solely dedicated to promoting my best friend Tracy's blog! I may not have many best friends, but the two I have are completely awesome!!

Well This is where I'm supposed to put her awesome profile picture, but she thinks she looks weird (or something) so I can't put that here. Oh well. Next sentence!

Well check out her blog, because It's totally awesome!! You never know what truly happens to someone until you read about it from there perspective! That's why I love blogging, it's totally my opinion and you can't bitch and complain about it (and if you do, it's a wasted effort, because it's MY PERSPECTIVE)!!

Click here to view her blog!

Now that I've finally gotten her to blog, my two best friends both blog!! WOOT!! That's good enough for me.

Side note: If you are totally into stalking me and my friends (CREEPER!!), then you can check out her DeviantArt page! She is a good artist (and she doesn't give herself enough credit), so check it out and leave her comments (for Pete's sake (who's Pete, anyway?), she's gonna be a published Author soon)!!

Do Lobsters have toenails?

2012-02-03T09:00:00.000-06:00

The past few days have been kind of crazy. I won't like, the emotional stress has been high and I've been worrying about Jessica a lot. I know I've been trying to be the "Brave, strong boyfriend", but I haven't been, really. I've been scared out of my mind. Jessica even knew I was being strong, because she finally asked me about it. I just need to keep myself distracted for the next couple of days.

Tuesday

So I got to see Jessica again on Tuesday night because Jessica can't eat 24 hours before her surgery (or something like that) and they let her pick where she wanted to eat and she picked Red Lobster. They let me go because she wanted her boyfriend there and it was the last Jessica would see me before her surgery. Also, we were counting it as our 2 month anniversary, because we won't be able to see each other on the 3rd of February.

So they picked me up at my house and I had to sit in the front with Jessica's dad because Jessica's mom had to sit in the back with James, Jessica's brother. I was okay with that at first, but it made me nervous being next to her dad. It always makes me nervous because her dad is the "enforcing parent", if you will, and Jessica's mom seems more "laid back", if that makes since. I don't want to upset either of her parents, but I for sure don't want to upset her father.

I was nervous sitting in the front so I text Jessica trying to distract myself, but Jessica was distracted by the country music playing, so we didn't send many texts in the car. I was okay with that too, because feeling her presence made me happy. I always try to act on my super best behavior when I'm around Jessica's parents, because I want them to like me. I'm not going to act like my normal, crazy, silly self, because I don't want to say or do something offensive by accident. Jessica knows that, I think.

Well Red Lobster was amazing--Wait!

Side note: It's ironic, in my Creative Writing class, we're writing Memoirs about "A First" and I wrote about my "First Job". Well this was my "First time going to Red Lobster" and it was a totally memorable experience!

I talked to Jessica about small stuff at first, I can't exactly remember details, but I remember telling her a really cool short story idea I got from seeing lobsters in a tank when we walked in!!

Summary: First person story from a lobster living in the tank at a Seafood restaurant. It tells you about the smells and sights it see's every day, living in that tank. One day though, it is picked up and brought into a noisy loud room with sounds of water boiling and crackling under fires. It ends when the lobster is placed in a big pan of water, boiling hot, and the lid goes on, shutting him into complete darkness....

IT WAS AN EPIC IDEA!!!... But I don't think Jessica liked it as much as I did, so I dropped it. When we got to the table, they gave us some really yummy bread that melted in my mouth!! IT WAS SO GOOD!!! I had a food-gasm right there in the restaurant, not caring that anyone saw me, it was that good!!

Side note: According to Jessica, some 13 (ish) year old girl was starting at Jessica and me as we got to our table, I didn't notice, but Jessica said she was getting the look of death from her... I think the girl was just envious of the love Jessica and I share and that's she's not old enough to comprehend such a love as ours.j

Anyway, our waiter was really cool and did her job with excellent performance! She even once, this made Jessica and me smile, was talking to Jessica mom and said, "More tea, my lady?" In a sorta British accent! I was thinking it before I could say it and I saw it in Jessica's eyes too, THAT WAS TOTALLY EPIC!! I didn't see it coming either, it was like, BOOM! Surprise, epicness, table for one!

Side note: Think of me as a dork all you want, but as a writer, I notice the things most people wouldn't, I have too, that's what makes my writing so brilliant, Jessica's too!

Side note (again): For the first time, I saw Jessica order from a braille menu. I knew that Jessica was visually impaired, but I had never seen a braille menu before Tuesday night. It makes me want her to be healed that much more. I love her so much and to see that just solidifies a lot of doubt in my mind. I know, and believe, God will heal Jessica in 2012. I know a miraculous miracle will happen that will take away her Sticklers Syndrome and cure her of all sickness! She will live a life to it's fullest, no worries that tomorrow will be worse than today. I fully believe that. Even though she knows Braille (and Sign language), I know she will use that to help others, not for herself.

Well Jessica got Snow Crab Legs, which I'm guessing are awesome, but I wouldn't know, I got shrimp. I wasn't going to experiment with food I didn't know about at my first time going to a restaurant, because I wanted to leave a good impression on Jessica's parents.

Side note: Something I've noticed is that when your in a High School relationship, you have to make the parents happy. If you don't, you're screwed. If your in college or post-college, the parents rarely come up and you don't usually need approval. Though, in some cases (*ahem* *cough, sputter*...Tracy), maybe in college, you'll still need to make the parents happy. It's different for the individual.

Well dinner was amazing, Jessica was amazing, and I loved everything that happened. After Red Lobster, I thought I was going home, but Jessica's dad (who's name I do not know, I just thought of that...) decided to go to Best Buy. We got out and I looked around the store, holding Jessica's hand.

I remember talking about bragging about Jessica in public, while we walked, and shouting in the store, "I'M DATING A SEXY WOMAN AND YOU'RE NOT!!" or something to that extent. It made Jessica blush, and me too, but I didn't care because I knew that in a relationship, you have to be willing to take risks, love the other person, except them for who they are, etc... And I truly love Jessica as she is, Sticklers n' all. I don't just people based on the outside (Okay, maybe 30 or 40%), but I mostly judge people as who they are, on the inside, as a person. Let me tell you something too, Jessica is the sweetness, nicest, most caring person in the world!! If I didn't have her as my best friend this summer, I would still be depressed, lonely, and without a reason to live.

It's funny how things work out. I know Bethany holds one of the biggest anchors to my heart right now, along with Jessica, because she is the one who put things in motion. I know, and hope, God blesses her for leading me to find him. I also want God to bless Bethany because of how things have worked out. Bethany may be unknowing, but going to Tonka, just for Senior year, is the reason I found Jessica.

I was totally out of the picture, except for God, knowing Bethany wouldn't know until it happened, but she knew Jessica ONLY BECAUSE OF SWITCHING SCHOOLS senior year. For that, I can never thank her enough. I will forever keep Bethany close to my heart as a very good best friend, even when she makes me mad or upset.

I love Jessica, so much, I hope she never forgets that. Yes, I'm growing attached and Yes, I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I just hope that our love never ceases to grow and mature.

Wednesday

Wednesday was a weird day. I text Jessica until her surgery at 1:30pm and then I didn't hear from her for the rest of the day. It was sad and confusing, not knowing, but having to live my life as I wait. I wanted to put in a prop and leave school, go to the hospital and wait for her to return. I was so worried and concerned, that doubt in my mind scaring me. I almost let it win Wednesday night too, until I went to church.

I had a lot on my mind Wednesday, and the service at church was like any other, touching, moving, and made you think. Did I take any action on it other then feel condemned? No, I never do. I go, feel like crap for the way I've been living my life, and leave like I had never shown up. I don't even know If I'll go to church on Sunday now. I really don't like the worship part of service, I feel to compelled to change things. At least I can control myself on Wednesday nights.

Sunday mornings are intense. That's when you get your "praise on" and really cry out to God. I feel childish saying this, but I can never raise my hands to God unless Pastor Les says too, then I know others are doing it too. But choosing to do it willingly, that's another story. I can't take that step, and it's been 6 months, this Friday, when I got saved. I can't raise my hands to God after 6 months? Ugh -_-

Anyway, after the service, Michael asked me if I was okay and I said i was good. He asked me to level with him so I, sorta nervously stuttered, but said I was good again. I respect Michael, so much, I view him as the guy I can talk to about anything. Like how I SHOULD view my own father, but don't. Michael has never lied to me or led me astray. Everything he tells me, I view as wisdom from someone who knows more than me.

But I couldn't burden him with all my problems. It's too much to hold onto. It's hard enough for me. No way I'd share that with him, I'd feel like a bad friend. Bethany used to be open to listening to me and my problems, and I was fine talking to her, but now she's been more... distant, with me. She's always going to be my best friend, forever, but I can't talk to her about everything anymore, because I get the vibe that she doesn't care as much. Of course she cares, she makes that known, but I think she has enough problems of her own to worry about too and I can understand that, that's why I'm keeping my problems to myself.

I was a jerk Wednesday night though, I cussed out my sister because she made me mad and stormed off to my room. I felt awful. Little did I know, karma decided it was going to bite me in the ass on Friday, and quite the bite it took...

Thursday

My sister has been really moody lately, rude, and totally disrespectful! She's cared about nothing more than herself. I don't know why, but it just seems my problems have been stacking up lately. It seems small and minimal at first, but then, before you know it, you have a problems swimming up to your knees. I'm afraid I'll trip and drown in it too... Which may happen sooner then later.

As part of being a writer, I realize my faults. My biggest fault, and Carolyn's best attribute in writing, is Grammar and Punctuation. I always do something wrong, but Carolyn hardly misses anything. We had to finish our Memoirs on Thursday and edit our partners and I noticed my grammar sucked. Guess I need to work on that.

Well I finally heard from Jessica Thursday night, she randomly called me as I was about to watch Grey's Anatomy with my sister and mom. I ran upstairs and talked with her until she had to go and eat dinner. It was a nice chat because I knew she was okay by hearing her voice and I knew everything was going to be fine, just by hearing her voice. Hearing her voice made everything better. I was out of the dark, cloudy forest and finally reaching the sunny fields ahead.

I went back downstairs and we watched Grey's Anatomy. After it was over, I got in another argument with my sister and, yet again, cussed her out. She has been really bitchy lately and I don't know why. Well I went upstairs, pissed off, and decided to calm down for a second. After about 5 minutes, I called Jessica again. She was watching a movie and I told her to finish, but she wanted to talk to me, so I didn't argue.

I talked to her till we both wanted to fall asleep, around 10:40pm and when I hung up, I had a smile on my face and warm memories to hold onto.

Friday

Friday started with a bang, quite literally. Karma, or God, decided I needed to learn a lesson, so at 3:30am I woke up abruptly, banging the toenail from my left foot, strait into the wooden table behind my bed. It literally woke me from my sleep, started bleeding like crazy, throbbed like none-other, and decided to keep doing that to the point where I wanted to cry. It hurt so damn bad that I couldn't focus on anything else for about 10 minutes.

Eventually I walked to the bathroom and looked at it and my the sides of my toenail were ripped up and no longer attached to the skin, while the bottom was.What a great way to wake up in the morning, right? I had planned to see Jessica on Friday afternoon, because it was our anniversary and she really wanted to see me, especially since her surgery. It's only 10:30am on Friday but my toe still hurts. I put some Hydrogen Peroxide on it and even clipped the toenail with some clippers, which hurt really bad as well, but I just hope I don't lose my toe or anything... I made sure I didn't get infected.

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I know why this happened too, I have been a real jerk lately and don't deserve happiness. I should be nice to my sister, but I'm not. Maybe God saw that as wrong. There is no other explanation for this. I've been worried about Jess lately, and I treat my friends fine, but I have to be punished for the way I act around my sister? C'mon... Punish her!

Even Friday morning, we got in a huge argument, because she didn't want to go to school, but she's fine and I'm not. I had to stay home because I hurt so bad, I couldn't put my socks on! She was perfectly fine. Though on the way out the door, she mentioned angrily (and I think behind tears), "You may be getting your wish though... Tommy may be out of the picture!" with that she slammed the door and went to school... Gods, I wish I knew what was going on before I acted like a jerk.

Only I can determine my future, and right now, I feel like a fugitive in a foreign home.

Visit from Northwest!

2012-01-31T11:19:00.001-06:00

So I may not have mentioned it, but my came home last Friday and he left yesterday morning. I felt compelled to say that and now that I have, I feel better. I don't know why.

Monday

So Monday was a B day, so I had Tech Theatre, but I actually have something to talk about BEFORE that class (actually, I'm not talking about it at all)! At lunch (probably 30 minutes before Tech Theatre), I saw that Northwest was at my school that day during lunch. I had no idea prior to lunch, but I was like, "What great timing!" So I ate my lunch and after I finished I walked over to the table and got some very useful information!

I found out that there is a deadline for a few things, but this stupid booklet I have is confusing so I can't find it! I'm probably going to tell you in my next post about it, but right now I can't. Sorry about that.

In other news, I have been talking to Jessica a lot lately about our future. As we grow closer graduation, we can't help but think about our future together! We have a serious case of senoritis I'm guessing, BUT! That's okay, we know there are 110 days until I graduate and probably around the same for Jessica, but we are still going crazy and want to graduate NOW! It's crazy thinking about where my life will take me after I graduate.

I am sure that all my Sophomore and Junior friends will lose contact with me and some of my Senior friends will probably never talk to me again too, but thats okay, because I know that my truly real friends will stick around during the summer and hopefully the rest of my life! But I honestly hope that even if you only read this blog because you know of me, you'll keep reading as I go through my journey in college and life after!

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I think that my life is going to be a great one and I believe that college will open my eyes to a lot of things. I just hope that it turns out to be as successful as I plan it to be!

Tonight, I'm going to eat dinner with Jessica and her family, because she has her eye surgery tomorrow and she can't eat for 24 hours before the surgery. She wanted seafood so I already feel bad about ordering seafood, because I know it isn't cheap. I'm going to sit by Jessica and ask her what I should get, because I've never eaten at Red Lobster before IN MY LIFE!! I know, hold your gasps, but I can't say that after today.

Unpredictable pain

2012-01-29T13:45:00.000-06:00

So I've been trying to figure out a few things in my head, but it just isn't working out for me. I get so confused when I can't find the answer and what makes it worse is when it's staring you in the face. Now I've taken the time to know it's not in front of me, but I just hope I get the answers I seek soon.

Saturday

So I don't exactly remember anything that happened Wed - Friday (And I know I did SOMETHING on Wednesday...) so I'm going to just talk about Saturday. Basically Saturday morning was very boring. Nobody did squat and we had waffles for breakfast and Jessica is still in pain. WAIT! Have you been reading her blog? If you haven't, then you won't know what I mean, because I haven't mentioned it.

Yes, click on this link to read the full blog post(s), but basically (A quick summary) Jessica had her wisdom teeth removed last Wednesday (THAT'S WHAT IT WAS!) and she is in a ton of pain! It really sucks for her because she got it worse then I did. Mine were growing in sideways and I went to the dentist, they stuck a huge needle in my mouth and numbed me up and did the surgery while I was awake and Jessica was knocked out, but woke up during the middle of it and was in total pain! She also has not been able to eat anything but NOODLES since Wednesday! Let's just back up and go to Wednesday...

Wednesday

She also found out today that the stitches weren't in all the way and a stitch either popped or they didn't close it fully, but she was finally able to open her mouth enough today to see it in the back... The worse part is the doctor (She went to a dental school where students did the surgery) won't see her till tomorrow, which I think is BOGUS!!!

When I got my wisdom teeth taken out, it was terrible! I wasn't able to do jack-squat for 2 days. My mom made me go to school the day after too!! So Jessica is lucky she gets to miss school, I had to go to school with my cheeks swollen and everything!! Regardless of that, I made a YouTube video that shows my swollen cheeks too (A vlog)!!

Thursday (I remembered something)

Tracy also got her wisdom teeth taken out on Thursday, but Tracy's grew in strait and was a simple "Let's pull them out" surgery. Tracy was eating doughnuts the next day. On Friday, she was eating Chinese food. Tracy is one of my newest and best friends and I totally love having her around, because she is SO FUN and one hell of a great author, but I don't think she realizes how easily it is to offend Jessica.

Jessica is so upset that Tracy is able to eat food regularly again, while she is stuck eating noodles for 3 days strait (literally, for 3 whole days, she eaten nothing BUT NOODLES). I told Tracy that she needs to take the food convo and throw it out the window until next week when Jessica is fine again.

Lucky for Jessica, she was able to eat a egg sandwich today for the first time! I was so happy for her, because she said it tasted like heaven compared to the noodles, which I'd agree with! Ramon noodles get SO OLD, SO FAST!! I know I'm going to college, but Ramon Noodles are NOT on my menu, EVER!! I would rather starve, because that's gross! I will have money in my pocket and I'll spend that.

Saturday (again)

So Saturday evening, I was able to go see Jessica at her house, she had to ask her parents. I was doing nothing at home anyway (just messing around on the wii playing a Pokemon Rumble Demo) so when she asked and got a yes, she was SO HAPPY!! I told my parents, I got my socks and shoes on and we left the house!

My parents already wanted to leave to go see my uncle so it was fine with them. I got to Jessica's house and I didn't actually stand there like an awkward penguin! (that's a new joke from a facebook picture that Jessica and I share). I walked over to the couch.... Then I stood there like an awkward penguin!

Inside joke between Jessica and myself

Well Jessica and I watched some movies that her dad got from Redbox and I liked them all. I've never been one for "based on a true story" animal movies, but they're okay. After we finished watching the first 2 movies, Jessica's dad ordered a pizza and I went with him to pick them up. I talked to her dad about DVR and cable on the way to get the pizza (and he explained why they don't have any cable at all).

On the way back, we didn't really talk that much, but I carried the pizza in when we got back home. I brought the pizza in and ate a slice of pizza. Jessica sadly couldn't eat anything but the sausage and cheese so only ate the one and gave me the crust. After the 3rd movie was over, Jessica's dad took me home, which was about 11 o'clock or so.

After I got home from Jessica's, I text Bethany to tell her that I wasn't going to church. She replied asking why and I told her I was tired and didn't want to go tomorrow. She told me that was the STUPIDEST reason she had EVER heard and she "hopes I straiten up..." WHAT THE HECK?! What kind of friend says that?!

I text her back telling her that she was RUDE and I was deeply offended. She told me that she WAS being a good friend and she's just being realistic (yeah... rigggght) and maybe I should take a break. FROM WHAT?! I asked her and she said that I obviously don't get it and won't for awhile, but "that's okay". I felt totally insulted at this point!! I told her she doesn't get bragging rights so she needs to stop acting better then me and that she still has faults herself! she said she wasn't bragging and "I said it, not her" and i was just confused at this point! and VERY angry.

Things got ugly after that and I told her she was a bad christian and horrible friend and other things I shouldn't have said (or thought for that matter). I just wish Bethany didn't take things so seriously and wasn't such a literal person. SHE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO HAVE FUN!!!! Just because you're a hardcore christian doesn't mean you can't have fun!! GEESH!! I think Bethany is great, her advice is awesome and I always go to her first, but I just don't get why she has to get so upset with me. I can still be a strong christian and miss church once every now and then.

I'm not going to cry over what's happened, but I'm going to hope that she forgets this by Wednesday because I don't want to have to explain it to her again. Luckily she works today and won't bother me for now. I just feel bad is all.

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After Saturday night, I won't get to see Jessica again until February 12th. We're going to miss our 2 month anniversary, which really upsets Jessica, but I'll be happy as long as I know I can see her again after her eye surgery. Jessica's eye surgery is on February 1st at 1 o'clock and has a 2 week recovery time. I am going to be able to see her for valentines day and her birthday at least!! Jessica told me already that it was okay to combine her birthday and valentines day into one event (Jessica's birthday is February 19th), but I don't feel like that's right. Sure, I can see her on the 12th of February and I probably won't be able to see her again until February 19th (we can only see each other on Sundays, usually...) but I just don't feel right combining the 2 events.

I think I'll go to some stores and try to find something I can do for Valentines day on the 12th of February and do her birthday on the 19th of February. I'll save up my January paycheck and try to figure something out. I have 2 weeks to figure it out, because I won't be able to see her, but I still want to make sure it's special.

I may not have had a serious relationship before, but I'm going to make sure I'm damn well prepared for this one! There are a few holidays you don't screw up when you have a significant other. Valentines day and birthdays are in that list. Jessica's birthday happens to be the weekend after valentines day so I'm playing it safe and separating the events.

If anyone was wondering if I found out who reported my blog was, the answer is no. They did a good job of covering there tracks. I have a hunch it's someone Tiffany knows, personally, but Tiffany won't tell me. Gods, I keep hearing from everyone that I need to drop it, but I don't want this to happen after I go to college. If my blog gets reported to a higher authority in college, I'm screwed!

I'm going to let it go as suggested. Tiffany and I are friends now, that's what matters! I don't know who I'd be ranting about now, so I think my my life (and this blog) will find some consistency for once and that's good!

Resolution and Growth

2012-01-25T11:00:00.000-06:00

So I had an interesting chat yesterday with someone who's been frequently discussed on my blog in the past few posts. I think that it's finally coming out into the open whats going on. I also know now that someone is reading my blog with malicious intent... So any readers who know me at all, keep your eyes peeled... Someone is trying to shut down my blog...

Side note: We all remember last year, the controversy between George, Kyle, and myself, right? Well as of right now, almost a year later, George and I are fine again. We're not friends, but we've become acquaintances. We can talk and be civil and things are looking good. As for Kyle... I haven't talked to him much since the incident. I think I really offended him and it's my own fault. I'm living every day with the regret of losing a great friend who gave me great memories. Also, George and Gavin's mom still completely hates my guts. I just wish that it would have worked out better... Now that it's "blown over" and everyone has moved on (or so I thought), I was hoping I could rebuild the life I had, making improvements, and making a better life... Guess that won't be happening as long as that woman hates me. Until George and Gavin move out, I'm screwed.

Tuesday

I mentioned that incident (which you'd have to hit the archives to find, though A LOT of content was removed from my blog) because this is almost the same thing... almost. There is no negativity on both sides, just mine, as said by the principle. Apparently I'm the weak link. I'm the problem, and I need to fix it. Not really, but that's what Dr. Principle says. But I'm solving that in this post, I'm posting THE TRUTH. Because I've found it, well... I've taken a step in the right direction.

Here's what I'll do, I'll explain Tuesday's events in Tech Theatre and then ask you, my fellow reader, to help me out with something.

So in tech theatre, we pretty much stood around and did squat, yet again, because Oliver will be playing in 22 days. Well all i did was paint one thing black and I had the rest of the hour to myself. So 7th hour, we were sitting in the house (audience seats) and Tiffany was in the back middle of the front section working on homework and I was in the front left sitting my Lexie. I was trying to talk myself into talking to her, but I ended up freaking myself out more. So will one final shove, I threw myself out of the seat and walked to Tiffany.

I didn't sit next to her, but left one seat between us (I don't want to freak her out) and asked her, "Can we talk?" She replied with a, "Sure." but seemed nervous... I proceeded to tell her about my visit with the principle and asked her, "Why didn't you just talk to me? I could have solved the issue right away..." or something to that effect.

She told me that she DID NOT report me to the office and HAS NOT read my blog AT ALL recently. In fact, she hasn't been on my blog in MONTHS! She swears to me that she's telling the truth. Now knowing that she's in FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes), I don't think she'd lie to me... I then asked her if anyone had talked to her or told her anything and she said that nobody had told her anything. I believe her too, I am 85% sure that she is being totally honest.

Now I talked to her in the last 15 minutes of class, so the bell rang shortly after our conversation and I left the room totally puzzled. A lot of people in my 6-7 Block class read my blog (Robin (I think), Casey, etc...) and they asked if I talked to her as they were leaving. I told them that I talked to her and she didn't report me.

I was so confused as I walked to the bus. Why would someone report my blog? If it wasn't Tiffany (who I was blogging about), then who in the hell was it?! You know that relief you feel when you find out the truth? It totally washes away the mystery of never knowing. Well I felt relief, but it became mixed with a deep confusion. I am so confused right now!! WHO REPORTED MY BLOG TO THE PRINCIPLE??!!!

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Here is where I need your help, as my reader. If you don't life anywhere near me or don't know me at all, then this won't affect you, but if you do... I need some help. Apparently the person who reported this actually reads my blog (and probably consistently). I can't seem to figure out who it was that reported it and the principle says it was "Anonymous", so if anyone hears anything or knows something, please find me and let me know, because it would mean A LOT TO ME!! If I could find out who reported my blog, I can talk to the person calmly and hear there side of the story (why it offended them enough that they reported it).

---

And now I'm going to talk DIRECTLY to the person who reported me:

Hello,

I hope you are having a good day. If you could please find me and tell me that you are the one who reported my blog and tell me why, it will save me the time of having to find out on my own and trust me, I will find out who you are and flag you down. I promise you (anyone who knows me will tell you, I keep my promises) that I won't get mad or yell at you. I will just calmly ask you why you did this. Look man, this is not about you, it's about me. It wouldn't be on my blog if it wasn't going through my head. Let it go, you have nothign to do with anything in this situation.

Now I know you probably know Tiffany (or have an Idea of which "Tiffany" I'm referring too in my blog), but she told me herself that she wasn't mad at me, upset, or anything! So you obviously haven't gotten the right facts before taking action... and that's a critical part. Just come find me and explain your side of things. I'll listen and we'll both go about our separate ways, happy and renewed.

From a friend,
Zachary

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From my last post, I forgot to update the scores...

Monday, January 23rd, 2012
Zachary - 6 points
Tiffany - 1 point

Wednesday, January 25th, 2012
Zachary - 56 points (talking it through and resolving the issue)
Tiffany - 151 points ("almost" reporting me got 50 points and talking it through gave her 100 points)

Final Score: Tiffany Wins

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In actuality, we both win, because we both ended up on level ground, and we both agreed that we can be friends, because we both know where things are at between us. I plan on being a great friend, but I don't think we'll become friends who hang out beyond school, but I can live with that, because as long as the relationships I have with people are at a healthy level, I won't complain. If I upset someone and that relationship becomes something bad, I don't like that happening, and I try to fix it.

I just want to apologize to the person who reported me, I didn't meant to offend you in any way. My thoughts and feelings are mine though and I won't keep that restricted to just myself, because I "might" offend someone. As Tiffany told me yesterday, you can choose to read my blog or you can never look at it, it's totally optional.

I just hope I don't have to find this person myself, because that's going to show poor judgement on the hands of the person when I find him or her...

Surprises around every corner!

2012-01-23T17:00:00.000-06:00

Who ever said Craigslist isn't good? I don't believe that, I just believe you have to find the right people... Besides, If I didn't trust the internet, why would I have a Facebook? Lord knows I'm giving out more information then I should...

Sunday

Sunday was a typical start, I go to church, I see Jessica, and I get to hang out with her all day until around 10pm! Well today was going to be a great day! After church, around 12:04pm, we left and went home to hang out. We ate waffles as I text the guy from Craigslist.

Side note: As I text The guy from Craigslist last night, He eventually told me his name was Grant. So because I was getting Pokemon, and for the future of my blog history, he will now be called Ace Trainer Grant!

As I continued to text Ace Trainer Grant, We decided to meet up at 4 o'clock in Independence, MO and make the transaction! Well as we got there, they were driving the Blue Escalade (as Ace Trainer Grant had told me) and I checked out the games before I gave him the cash (which was 50 bucks).

They all worked fine, but two were a little trippy on start up. It took me awhile to get 2 of them to recognize right away, so I was skeptical at first, but it all works out now, because they work fine (Well, that's still debatable right now...). I gave the man his money and he left happily (He needed the money for a laptop).

Well on the way home, I was with my mom and Jessica in the car, we stopped by Price Chopper to figure out what we wanted for dinner. On the way in, we stopped by Redbox and got Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides and Water for Elephants. We ended up making Taquitos and Chocolate pudding pie (I requested the chocolate pudding).

We watched the movie until Alexis showed up with her sister. They stayed and totally took attention away from the movie, which I wouldn't have minded if Jessica would stay later. Jessica had a 9pm curfew (which is usually 11pm...) and we wouldn't have been able to finish the movie in the first place. They just prolonged the process of how much we COULDN'T SEE.

Well Jessica and I went upstairs to play domino's, since we couldn't finish the movie, until it was time to go. We took Tommy home first, followed by Jessica. Hannah had to stay with Tommy so he could finish his homework while we took Jessica home, so my mom allowed that, but didn't like that she had too, because Tommy should have done his homework sooner.

We took Jessica home and went back to Tommy's house and I text Hannah before hand that we were coming and we still ended up waiting in front for 20 minutes!! Gahhh, my sister can be so annoying at times. I was trying to get home so I could blog about my awesome day, but she delayed to much and I got home around 10:30pm and had to go strait to bed. Oh well. Nothing new to be expected, I can hardly ever post at night, so no biggie!

Monday

Monday was a fun day, I got to actually mess around with my new Pokemon games. I was texting Carolyn Sunday night and she told me to play Pearl or Diamond first, then Platinum, and lastly Soulsilver. So I brought Diamond and Pearl to school and I'm currently playing Diamond because I found out he played Pearl longer and has a lot of cheats! He put a bunch of legendary and shiny pokemon on the game and I want to look at them some more before I erase it all and use my own career file.

When I was in 1st hour, I got a note saying to go to the office to talk to the Principle. I immediately starting thinking about what I could possibly get called to the office about and all I could really think of was Tiffany or my blog. Turns out, it was both.

Apparently, according to an "anonymous" person, I am bullying Tiffany and manipulating her into talking to me, which I shouldn't do and I am not protected, so says the principle, by my 1st amendment rights. The first amendment protects my freedom of speech online, especially online, and in person too! It's not like I'm calling Tiffany some horrible person or evil witch. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, I'M ONLY ASKING FOR RESOLUTION!!!

You may need to click on this and enlarge the print

Anyway, I laughed when I heard the principle say that and told him it made my day, It's hilarious how some people will tell SOMEONE ELSE to avoid doing something themselves. Tiffany apparently doesn't have the courage to approach me. AM I REALLY THAT SCARY?? NO!!! Ask my friends, I'm the nicest person you'll ever meet!!! I'm care about others and I'm a true friend. Sure, I ramble too much or talk to myself, but people shrug and say, "Yepp, that's Zach!" It's expected and some people think it's funny.

Oh well, guess I have something to talk to Tiffany tomorrow...

When I got home from school, I figured I would transfer the Pokemon from Pearl to the Pokemon: White that I got from Ace Trainer Grant. Well when I put the game into my DS, it didn't recognize, so I took it out and made sure it was better and when I put it back in, the screen went black. I turned off my DS and turned it back on and all I got was a black screen. That's all I've been getting for over an hour now and I'M SO PISSED OFF!!! I spend $200 on my DS (well $170 to be exact) and I only have it for a few weeks when I make a Craigslist purchase and have to screw it up. Story of my life.

In honesty, all the games work except for Pokemon: White. I already have my own copy of White so I didn't need it, but I just wanted to see what kind of pokemon he had for his and now I don't even have a usable DS at all AGAIN!!! I AM SO FREAKIN' PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!! I thought things were going my way and now I just... I don't even know if that's true.

I got saved in August, I got a job at The Tree of Lemons in August, I got a really close friend in Bethany (whom I really trust) by November, I started dating Jessica in December, I bought my 3DS in January, and now... I just hope this doesn't start going in reverse... One thing will start a chain reaction, that I can already foresee, and it truly and honest to God scares me.

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Okay, Let me just sort something out. Tiffany is the kind of person that makes someone go insane! She will drive you crazy with the stone silence she gives you. When you're exiled as a freak in her book, she makes sure you know it! I wish my parents hadn't taught me morals AND I wish I wasn't a good little christian boy. If I wasn't either of those, I'd chew Tiffany out and give her a piece of my mind!! GOD SHE PISSES ME OFF!!!!

I called Gamestop and they have a 30 day defective guarantee, so I can go in and replace my 3DS, THANK GOD!! I just found this out too, so I'm really happy about that, just not so much that I have to start over on the Mii Plaza... UGH! I'll get over it, no biggie, for now...

Tsk Tsk Zach...

2012-01-21T23:00:00.000-06:00

Tiffany is one tough cookie and I ramble to much. I totally made things awkward on Friday, but I'll get to that and also, I should read my work schedule more carefully next time...

Friday

Zachary - 6 points

Tiffany - 1 point

Yes, Tiffany finally got a point (according to my scoring rigged scoring system), but it's only because I talk to fast. Pretty much, I was trying help Alexis (My friend, not my Co-worker) figure out how to talk to this guy that she likes. Well she told me she didn't want to make it awkward. I laughed and said that it's supposed to be awkward. If it's too easy to talk to them and you're not all nervous and happy inside when you talk to them, it's not right.

Side note: Keep in mind, Tiffany and Kelly-Ann are at the table next to us (diagonal) and can hear us fine.

So I proceed to tell her, "Before I started dating Jessica, I was nervous as hell! I didn't know what to say...When I started dating Tiffany--I mean Jessica, I was still crazy nervous..." See the problem in there? Let me just say right now, I was talking at 90 mph to nothing so... I was just trying to help my friend and I slipped Tiffany instead of Jessica...

You should have seen the face on Tiffany's face, I don't know if it was shock, surprise, or anger. Maybe all three!! I just wish I hadn't slipped that though, Tiffany is getting in my head and she was right there and it messes with me. Mehhh, I just hope she doesn't read into this too much. Also, I am so sorry Jessica... I didn't mean to slip that, it was an accident.

Well I'm giving Tiffany 1 point for that, because that definitely gave her motive to talk to me and she also probably felt awkward after that, which is my fault. I wish I knew what she told Kelly-Ann about that too... I know friends talk, I just wonder... I'll never know what girls think or talk about... My brain probably couldn't handle it either, I'll just have to live in a forever wondering world where woman never share there secrets.

Anyway, That pretty much made school go by twice as slow, to make it worse, Mr. Y was doing lighting for our musical and I had to walk around the stage so they could get the lights right... So Tiffany stared at me as I did that.

After school I got to go to Jessica's house and hang out, which is always fun! Jessica was making dinner and when I got there, we ate the food! I love food, it is so yummy, and she makes REALLY GOOD FOOD!!!! We also watched Titanic and played domino's!! After that, I went home at 11:30pm and went to bed, but I had a really fun night at Jessica's house!!!!

Saturday

So on Saturday my nephew, Tylor, and Sister in-law, Michelle, came over to my house and we all hung out. I played Wii with my nephew and my mom and Michelle talked and such. My Aunt came over too during the day and that was fun as well.

Well my Nephew and Sister in-law left at 9:30 ish and my aunt left too. Well exactly as they leave, Carolyn and her boyfriend, Nathan, show up! So we hang out and I get on the computer. While I was on the computer, I got on Craigslist to look up Pokemon games. Well I found a great deal on 6 Pokemon games for $40. So I sent the guy a text because he left his number and we talked.

The guy told me that someone had already offered him $45, so I threw $50 at him right away! He accepted my deal and locked it in and I had confirmed. He told me his name was Grant and that we would meet up for this transaction tomorrow. I agreed and left it at that.

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I just hope everything works out (Yes, that's all I'm posting here).

At least I have some points, unlike you...

2012-01-19T11:30:00.000-06:00

So I'm still being a complete jerk to Tiffany, which is turning out to be fun, yet displeasing at the same time. I just wish she would "Man up" (Or "Woman up") and talk to me. It's getting sort of annoying acting like a bitch when I'm really a nice person. It still feels like something I HAVE TO DO in order to get across to her, but I don't think she's realizing that. I think she's just starting to ignore me, which is great! Also, I still feel bad every time someone mentions last Friday. Yeah, I didn't go to the dang rally, but talking about it still sucks!

Monday

So we had an extended weekend (WOOT, WOOT!), but I still didn't do anything productive except work, which I guess counts. I worked a double shift on Monday (1-5pm and 7-10pm) and enjoyed myself up until the point when I cut my finger chopping strawberries. I was cutting the first strawberry and BAM! I cut my finger. Go figure. That sounds like me.

It wouldn't stop bleeding and I had to take immediate action so I didn't get the fruit infected with my blood. I took the food handlers course and I know what precautions to take, I moved away from the food and went strait to the sink. I sanitized my finger and put a band-aid on, making sure I was completely fine before finishing the strawberries. I'm a big boy and that situation proved it. Even though it stung like crazy. (I have low pain tolerance, I'll cry if I get poked (not really), but it's still pretty low).

Tuesday

So I only need to mention Tech Theatre (as usual) for Tuesday. I did my whole "I hate your existence and hope you get mad at me and call me out on my actions about it" routine again. Zachary, 2 points. Tiffany, 0 points. Looks like I'm winning, because she isn't doing squat. Every day I get to do this routine and she does nothing about it, is another point for me. So I'm gonna win this game unless she calls me out. Its 100 points to call me out... I can't get that 100 points, only she can. I can get this and that points, for things I do in an attempt to get her to call me out, but in the end, I see myself winning, which for once, I don't want.

OH WAIT! I have 4 points, not 2. I did something funny and mean on Tuesday. I was working with Alexis and Dennis (who isn't important right now, or really at all (I probably spelled his name wrong too, oops?) on a project and Dennis was asking a question and Mr. Y came over, Tiffany following (I guess she was getting assigned something new, who knows, I didn't care). As soon as Mr. Y was done and walked away, I whispered loudly, "Your presence is not welcome here, go away!"

Dennis and Alexis laughed, but I don't know if Tiffany heard me. Either way, 2 more points for me.

Zachary - 4 points (Boo Ya!)
Tiffany - 0 points

The game is freakin' rigged for her to win, yet she allows this to happen? Her choice...

Wednesday

So on Wednesday, school was annoying, PE almost killed me (not even joking), and I went home exhausted. Well I got home and did my usual routine and found out later on that Jessica was able to go to Youth with me Wednesday night. I was happily excited about it too!! Well, to my surprise, her dad took her up to church a half hour early. It wasn't really funny to me, because Bethany was there.

Side note: Yes, Bethany is my best friend. Yes, I'm saying that I would prefer Bethany not be around my girlfriend. I'm sorry, it's just, If Jessica starts becoming like Bethany (Because the saying "You become who your friends are" IS TRUE!!), I'm not going to be able to live up to that. I love Jessica because she is an individual, not because she is someone else. In saying that, NO, I didn't insult Bethany. Bethany IS an individual and I am so thankful she is my friend. I just know we never happened for a reason. I don't want Jessica to become someone she isn't. I hope that didn't come across rude... (because I know Bethany AND Jessica both read this)

So I got there around 6:25pm to avoid any problems (with myself). So we went downstairs and I was happy to finally be going to a Wednesday night service with Jessica! It was fun too, because we played a game I lost. Mehhh, I guess I'm not good at trivia. Either way, it was a good serivce.

The only thing that really bugged me was at the start, when Michael began talking about Friday night again. Whenever that's mentioned, a wave of guilt totally hits me and I drown in it, suffering the biggest mistake of my spiritual life. It totally sucks. To avoid details, we'll just say I wasn't happy to hear about it again.

At the end of service, I text my mom and Jessica and I went back to my house. This is where the night got interesting. My mom left to go get my sister (and all the other 5 or 6 people she picked up) and take everyone home (as if she has gas to do that, which I'll never understand). On the way home though, they found a piano on the side of the road.

(This whole story is from my mom). They... *ahem* Tommy saw a piano on the side of the road and yelled, "STOP, THERE'S A PIANO!!" Somewhere along the way of seeing that piano and getting it caused a huge delay in moms arrival home. My mom was supposed to take Jessica home at 10pm, but she didn't get home until 10:40pm. Great, Jessica was in so much trouble now!

Side note: Jessica's dad called at 10pm and she said that my mom was taking Tommy home and coming to get us, which was supposed to be true, but my mom never told us they wanted a piano... WHICH NOBODY KNOWS HOW TO PLAY!!!

It's like they're mocking me!! The one and only instrument I ever REALLY wanted to play and they find one on the side of the road... I want to write music and songs... I DON'T WANT TO SING!! I just like writing, so I figured I could do that, but I don't know. Maybe I'll try to learn over the summer... I could ask Michael!! He is so great a piano player and role model that I could totally listen to him!! I don't know, I'd feel horrible if I wrote a song he didn't like and he taught me to play... We'll figure it out.

I just really want to play an instrument and have a talent people can see. A lot of people know I can write, but never take the time to read my short stories. My closer friends get to read the stuff I'm working on and they really like it, which I'm glad, it shows proof that I have a gift (which I'll use for good (like Spiderman), promise). I just hope I can read the music and such, I heard it was hard to read music... I guess I'll find out (or I can ask Bethany, she plays the Viola)!

Anyway, going back on topic, We quickly took Jessica home after a stop at Quick Trip (Jessica told me she had a late lunch, but didn't tell me it was at 3pm!! So I made her get something to eat) and she was returned home, safe and sound. I feel bad that she got home late and got in trouble (I don't know yet if she actually got in trouble, but I still feel bad about the idea that she did).

Tommy ruined my dad with Jessica ONCE AGAIN!! Because I yelled at Hannah, totally blew up at her, and she didn't "know why". I also got mad at my mom and told her I couldn't help carry it and yelled at her, right in front of Jessica. I felt so awful about it afterwords and I was so ashamed of my actions. I wish I had better control...Mehhh, I need to work on that.

Thursday

Zachary - 5 points (BOO YAA (again)!!
Tiffany - 0 points (She's not even trying!)

So I was intentionally rude again and it totally sucked, again. I had to be rude 4th hour and 6-7th hour!! Why does she have to be in MY STUDY HALL and go to MY LIBRARY??!!! It makes no since!!

Last week, I was talking to the librarian and I got them to agree to let me come to the library EVERY DAY 4th hour to write my book. It was very nice of them, but they only let me do it, because I have a block study hall. I really need time to work on my book too (or start a blog post) so I was SO THANKFUL they let me do it. Besides, After 2nd hour, I have a dud HS day... I need .5 Comm Art Credits and I'll graduate, that's it. Why am I going all day? It makes no since to me, I'm not in athletics this year.

Anyway, Tiffany decided to go to the library today as well and I was not happy about it. Just being in the same room pisses me off, she needs to go back to study hall and read a book. She shouldn't be ruining things with her presence (and I don't want to be mean, but I HAVE TO BE MEAN or it won't come across as it should).

It really sucks that I have to stoop this low, but I do... I didn't have Tech Theatre today, but I had study hall and I was rude, which is why I got 5 points.

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I hope I can figure out this Tiffany problem! If you have any advice for me, please leave me a comment. I know a lot of my readers don't want to "Follow" me technically, but it would be super easy if you could, because you could interact and that makes my blog more fun!

I'm going to end up posting a video explaining how easy it is, until then, I'll just manually tell you. (The easiest way is to have a blogger account, but I know none of you want to do that so I'll go with the email option). You click on the follow button and give your email. DONE. You can also follow me through Facebook. Just use NetworkedBlogs on the side.

If you're reading this on Mobile, well... Remember to do it when your on a computer.

Seriously though, I want to give you all a sneak peak of my book, because It's killing me NOT TOO, but I have to wait. I promise to share some when I get more written, that's a promise I hope I don't forget.

Also, I wrote a song about my blog and I plan to record it (it's a rap) and post it on here for you to see, just try to give me positive feedback (or negative, I don't care), It's a work in progress... (My rapping, not writing).

Surprise date Sunday!

2012-01-16T11:00:00.000-06:00

So Saturday evening I updated the App Poynt for my Blackberry (because it was being inaccurate and I don't like that AND there was an update!) and I decided to check the showtimes. It turns out, Happy Feet 2, was currently playing at the Independence Theatre, so I was like, "WOO HOO!!" and I made plans instantly with my mom (Had to make sure it was okay).

When my mom said it was okay, I told Jessica that I had a surprise for her on Sunday! She asked what it was but I told her it was called a surprise for a reason and she'd find out on Sunday at 4pm! She was really excited about it too, because I don't do surprises very often, but I KNEW she'd like it!

So Sunday came around and I went to church, like I always do, but I had to hear about Friday night, from EVERYONE! It made me SO MAD! I didn't need to hear that. It was just TOO MUCH! I was starting to feel horrible all over again.

Honestly, I felt like I shouldn't even be at church on Sunday morning. I felt like I didn't deserve to be there... If that even makes since. I felt like the God was ashamed of me and my actions, all for NOT going to a Youth Rally. It sounds dumb, I know, but it's just weird how I've felt ABOUT it and not going... I think something BIG was supposed to happen for me and my spiritual growth and I totally blew it...

From what I heard about it though, what I feared about it, actually happened. I've always been around church, my parents are both Christians too, but I just stopped going to church by my own choice since I was 15 or around that... Anyway, I've seen on TV where people pray for someone and suddenly that person being prayed for hits the ground and just lays there or shakes or something. Well that's always freaked me out, just because it made me scared.

God loves you, so why would you be shaking on the ground in his presence? It never made since to me. Well, from what I heard, that happened Friday night at the Rally. I both feel stupid and smart. Stupid, because I know I've wanted to experience God in a fresh, new way. Smart, because falling on the ground filled with the the holy spirit scares me to death! I know, it contradicts itself, but it's what I'm feeling...

Well during service, Bethany told Jessica she wanted to talk to us both about Friday night. That, in itself scared me, so we ended up leaving church ASAP because neither of us wanted to talk about Friday night. I went to Jessica's house because I was scared to go to the Youth Rally. Sure, I felt totally horrible about not going, but I didn't go for any other reason but being scared.

After church, Jessica and I hung out at home until around 2:50 or 3pm when we left for the surprise date. The movie started at 3:30 (so it wasn't a 4pm surprise like I previously told her) and when she found out it was Happy Feet 2, she was SO HAPPY!! I couldn't believe how happy she was, it made ME SMILE!! Well my mom drove us and watched it too, but she sat behind us a few rows by herself (which she didn't mind). We both enjoyed the movie and were having a great day, my surprise date was working out to be incredibly better then I had expected!!

Well after the movie, we got in the car and began driving back home, because we were eating at Red Robin. That was my 2nd surprise for Jessica.

Side note: Jessica didn't know about anything until it actually happened. Until we walk in the theatre, she didn't know the movie we were seeing. Same with where we ate, it was all a surprise!

Well on the way home, I got another surprise from my sister (Which always happens when I'm with Jessica, go figure). Tommy freaked out at home again and was causing MORE problems. I swear to God, I hate Tommy so strongly, it hurts to hate him so much. If they guy could have ONE normal day, maybe I won't die before I finish college. It really pisses me off!!

Turns out, he was torturing the cats again. From what I got out of my sister (she didn't want to talk about it), Tommy was in the living room messing with the cat. He had electrical tape (it may be called something else, but it's the black tape) and it "got on the cat" and he had to "help the cat get it off". The cats ran to my room, hid under my bed and Tommy went IN MY ROOM and MOVED MY BED and TRIED TO TORTURE THEM SOME MORE!!!

It really bugs me when Tommy tried to KILL my cat. Sure, he's not trying to literally kill them, but torturing a cat is basically the same thing right? Aren't there laws to protect animal abuse? I'm just thinking out loud. I love my sister and she loves Tommy (and her patience and forgiveness is the only think keeping them together), but Tommy has got to stop torturing my cats or he will end up going into the system, AKA JAIL!

I'm sorry, maybe I'm just over thinking? I don't think I am, but maybe its alright to torture animals. Nevermind.

Either way, Hannah ended up getting really mad at Tommy (and still is), but she had to call his mom and she took them back to his house, where Tommy and his mom talked, until he went downstairs and played Xbox, leaving my sister to be bored.

I felt bad about leaving my sister at home, but my mom wanted to pick up Hannah and Tommy and take them to Red Robin where we were eating. NO WAY! I promised Jessica I would keep her away from Tommy. Tommy has had an episode while Jessica was over and it scared her, It scares everyone! Ever since, she made me promise to keep her away from him unless I was there to protect her, and I'm keeping that promise. Never going to break it.

Well the date went successful and we hung out at my house until 10:30pm when we took Jessica home. I went to bed shortly after I got home because I was just too tired to do anything else. I text Jessica for awhile (and Tracy) and then I went to bed.

Post Content

If I had known the day would have gone differently, thanks to Tommy, I would have better prepared myself. I had to go to the restroom at Red Robin and calm down. I was SO MAD at Tommy (when my mom wanted to bring them both to Red Robin with us) that I had to withdraw myself from the table and calm down. Tommy is the only person who had ever gotten me that mad except my dad before I got saved. It baffles me, truly baffles me, that he can be TWO TOTALLY DIFFERENT PEOPLE. I don't understand.

The point is, I made Jess very happy Sunday night and she totally LOVED my surprise date, which is all I really wanted. I want to make my Jess happy as much as possible. I just love her so much... When she smiles, it just... God, It makes all the pain and sorrow in my life, that I have at the time, go away and perish. Its like shes can send it to the depths of hell, never to bother me again.

I will, in no way, compare her to God, but she is my angel. She is my gift from God and she truly cares about me. She loves me so much, that I know... I'm gonna lover her until tomorrow never comes, because I know God will bless me with her forever if I do.

'What was' and 'what is'.

2012-01-14T08:30:00.000-06:00

So whats new? I don't know, I survived another week, i successfully saw my girlfriend 3 out of 7 days this week, and I don't that'll ever happen again until late February. I know that in May - August 2012, those will be the best months of my life. I know that they will be totally awesome and downright SAH-WEET for one reason, I'll get to spend them with Jessica! If you go past the love between us and see the deep connection we share and how we're still very close best friends, it shows proof that our love is true, real, honest, and pure. I hope to keep Jessica around for awhile, so I want to be most importantly, honest and true. I feel like honesty is the single-most important thing in a relationship, which is why I've opened up to Jessica so much...

Wednesday

So remember when I said I wouldn't blog about Tiffany again and I instead lied, posting again about 4 times? Well we're about to make that five. Now to keep track what I want to say about her, I am going to have to separate Wednesday and Friday. Yeah, I'm mentioning her on both days.

Well I went into Tech Theatre on Wednesday (Nothing else before 6th hour is important right now, but I will mention something in the 'Post Content' about earlier on Monday) and it's like any other day, we go to the Theatre stage and build stuff, paint, etc... whatever Mr. Y (that's what we'll call him for blogging purposes, I don't usually like giving out a teachers name unless they don't care and I haven't asked) assigns us. Well I got stuck painting with Tiffany, Kelly-Ann, Photo Guy (Yes, from the field trip last semester), and a 3rd dude I don't know at all (I don't even know his name) (I don't know If I should be mentioning there names, but I guess since its not important, not really to this post, I can).

We painted all hour (after we fixed our stupid taping problem) until the bell rang. Well Kelly-Ann, Photo Guy, and 3rd dude (that's what I'm gonna call him from now on if ever mentioned) only have Tech Theatre 6th hour, while Tiffany and I have it blocked 6-7th hour. We went on break and when we got back, Tiffany immediately went to Mr. Young and got reassigned something different, while I painted alone. I didn't care about painting alone, it was only a small portion left that took me 5 minutes. The point is, Tiffany gave me the strong impression that she can't be around me. She's acting weird again!! IT IS MAKING ME SO DAMN CONFUSED!! And I'm starting to get a little peeved by it (Okay, so i'm basing this off Friday as well, bear with me).

Well I just wish I could go up to her and ask what the hell her problem is, but NOOOO I can't do that, because in the rule book of Tiffany, she's ALWAYS RIGHT and nobody can question her actions. So I had to just suffer all hour. Or at least, that's what she thought. I, on the other hand, had plans of my own (which, looking back, seem stupid and childish, but mehh, fire and fire don't solve much, but it makes you feel better... at the time). I'll get back to Tiffany with Friday's post. Let the suspense of what I do simmer a bit.

So after school on Wednesday, I got the surprising news that Jessica's dad was letting her come over to my house! I was really excited about it too! We had talked briefly about her coming over, but I didn't think it would happen. I had also planned on either watching a movie with Kayla (and some... guy I don't know that Kayla does) or go to Youth. Instead Jessica came over!! I WAS SO HAPPY!!

It was kind of a surprise, because I came home and began watching a movie (Fred 2, if you must know). Well she texts me at around 4:10ish that she's on her way over. I'm like, "WHAT??? YAY!!" or something, I don't have the exact texts. Well I keep watching my movie until she shows up, when I turn it off. We spend the day hanging out, talking, etc.... What normal people do when they hang out.

Side note: So Jessica and I like to have balance in our relationship. We like going on dates, but we also like hanging out at home. So we'll go on a date ever other week or so and on alternating weeks, we will just hang out. I get that we haven't been on a date in 2012 yet, but I have something planned (Trust me, I just checked something today (being January 14th (Saturday), not January 11th (Wednesday)) and I have something up my sleeve that will make Jessica VERY happy.

The suspense is killing me too, I know! I want to just tell Jessica now, but I'll save it for January 15th when I see her. I have to ask my mom is she can drive us though... Hmm, I'm sure she'll be willing to help me out like she always is. I love my mommy (Yes, I said mommy, get over it)!

Well we took Jess home at around 9:50ish and I went home, where I text Jess until 10:30 or 11pm ish (I never remember every nights sleep schedule) when I went to bed.

Thursday

I worked the closing shift at The Tree of Lemons and it was slow, yay, so I'm glad I brought my DS with me. It was so slow, I only had to refill one topping all night (Kayt was cashier (and I know you don't know her, but for blogging purposes, the only employees you need to know are Maya and Kelsey. The rest are just employees I either like or don't like. Though Andrew is funny... Wait, I can't ramble in parenthesis! New sentence!).

Well we have new winter hours so we close at 9pm instead of 9:30pm. So I sent my mom a text to pick me up at 9:30 around 10 minutes prior, because we were almost done closing. My mom ends up not getting my text and I call her at 9:35pm asking where she is. She's at home watching TV. She said she never got my text. I believe her. Any mother willing to leave there child in the cold winter air for 20 minutes is just cruel. My mommy loves me and she's the farthest thing from cruel (unless you count her jokes... Those can be cruel at times, but in a different context).

Friday

So has the suspense of what I did to Tiffany finally drove you mad? Did you even read Thursday?! Well regardless (maybe you'll scroll back up or something after reading this), I will finally share with you the evil plan I thought up (and half regret now).

So I decided on Friday, during the end of 6th hour and all 7th (because the start of 6th, she was being weird again) that I would just give her the cold shoulder and when she looked at me, I would glare at her really bad and occasionally grunt or make a smug noise as I passed her, giving her the impression that her being there annoyed the living hell out of me. Which it kind of does at this point. I asked Alexis if it was a good idea and she sarcastically said yeah, but I know it was probably stupid.

On the plus, It appeared to me that she was either getting mad and/or upset with me or she she had an offended look when I did that, but more like she was shocked. Yeah, I'm not taking her crap in 2012. New resolution Tiffany, I'm going to be happy in the classes I CHOOSE TO TAKE. I wish Tiffany had dropped Tech Theatre, it really bugs me that she is always making me feel uncomfortable.

Don't think I'm going to stop with my whole act of glaring at her. I'm going to keep doing it all semester until it drives Tiffany mad. The only way she can stop me is by confronting me (which she's never been good at). We all know that won't happen (and yes, by me saying that, it makes it a challenge. I dare her to confront me and tell me to stop, because I can finally give her a piece of my mind and hopefully she'll understand my side of the story).

Well, at least I have a solution for Tiffany. That's a step in the right direction.

Side note: When I first got to Tech Theatre, Robin (A guy in my block 6-7 Tech Theatre class) told me that he read my latest short story, If only for tonight. I asked him what he thought of it and he told me that he liked it! I didn't know if many guys would like reading a romance, but i was hoping a few guys would, considering I'm one and I wrote it. I honestly don't know who's read my stories, but I just hope they're being read by someone. I made my story blog 1 post per page, so you get One short story per page. I gave it a simple template and added a simple, custom banner. I wanted to make it simple and easy to read. I'm probably going to go update the font size too, just so it's easier to read.

Friday evening, I was at a crossroads. I could either go to a Youth Rally at my church or I could hang out with Jessica at her house. It was honestly one of the hardest decisions of my life, because I knew what I was supposed to do, but I didn't want to do it. The thought of a youth rally really scared me. I didn't know if I would feel comfortable, how many people would be there, WHO would be there... It scared the crud out of me.

I talked to Bethany Thursday night while I was at work (well, we text back and forth) and she explained that she's here for me and she wants to help me. It made me feel really good that I have such good friends. Bethany and I have been through so much since July 2011 and now that we've been through the darkest forests of our friendship, I'm glad we came out of that forest still friends, reaping the benefits of our growth.

Well I told Bethany Thursday night (after a seriously long conversation) that I would go to the Youth Rally. She really helped me figure out things in my head. I've always had to sit and think about things and over-analyze, making myself upset or confused. Well this wasn't that type of senerio. Bethany was the voice in my head telling me what I NEEDED TO HEAR, not the usual "Zach think this or Zach what about that?" that I usually tell myself. If any single person other then God could hear my thoughts when I'm thinking, they would make sure I had prescription drugs within 24 hours, but thankfully, only I know my thoughts and I try to keep them in check.

Well Friday came around and it was after school. My sister and mom were going somewhere and it was in the direction of Jessica's house. I had to make a quick decision. I was still scared to go to the youth rally. I was so scared that I would, honestly, have to change things in my life. I only know that because it's what I felt inside. I knew that it was better for me to go to the Youth Rally, but I was scared so I opted out of it. I felt so bad and awful and terrible for the next hour or two, but I kept it to myself. I was so scared that I had disappointed God, the one who got me a job and girlfriend and such good friends. I was afraid God would punish me for my disobedience. Honestly, I still am. I could see God taking Jessica from me or making something I care about, like my Laptop or DS, suddenly stop working. I was so scared that I had made such a big mistake that God would have to take action on mine.

I know God is one full of love and compassion, but I can't see how disobedience of this kind could go unpunished. I felt it in my spirit, I needed to go to that youth rally and I didn't, all because I was scared. I text Michael after Bethany didn't reply and I told him I wasn't going. He said it would be good for me and I should bring Jessica too. Well my mom and sister had plans in the direction of Jessica's house and Jessica's parents didn't want to take us anywhere because they were at the store getting groceries until around 6 or 7pm when they decided to eat out. I know I should have gone, but I told myself (and Jessica) that my mom wasn't going to be able to take me anyway, because she'd be out with Hannah doing who-knows-what!

Now I know for a fact that Bethany would come get me in a heartbeat because when she found out I wasn't going, she flipped out. In the best, 'I'm still your friend so don't get mad when I tell you this' voice, she told me that "she can only help me if I help myself" and "Jessica needs to understand that there are somethings more important than her (meaning God)" and "I need to cancel my plans and go to church".

After hearing that, already feeling like crap, I felt even worse. I knew she was right, and I'm glad she can be so honest with me, but I just don't understand why it's been so complicated for me to... honestly, experience God in a refreshing way. I mean, sure, I feel his presence every Sunday morning, but do I do anything about it? Not typically. I can FEEL myself pulling away from God and it's truly scaring the crap out of me.

I know that if you haven't experienced God before, it won't make since reading this, but the presence of God is truly the greatest feeling in the world. God alone can do things for you that you'd think impossible before they happened. I'm not even joking when I tell you the following story.

--

A few weeks after I got saved (August 3rd, 2011), I called Kelsey's mom asking for her okay if I do my whole "Vector Marketing" thing (Yeah, it was that long ago). She didn't want me to give her a sales pitch, but instead offered me a job at The Tree of Lemons OVER THE PHONE! She said she knew I was a good worker and would be great. So she hired me over the phone, all I had to do was fill out an application that day and she would make sure I got trained.

The following day, being a Sunday, she called me around 8:30am, while I was listening to Michael practice for worship (He is the Praise and Worship AND Youth pastor). I told her I could go in at 1pm if I had a ride (I would never say that if it wasn't my best friends mom). She agreed to pick me up, because she was going to The Tree of Lemons too. All I needed were tan khaki pants and a white shirt. I managed that and was ready when she showed up.

On the phone in the church parking lot though, I praised God for the opportunity of this magnitude. I had finally gotten a job after many long months of trying and trying again. Failures coming back at me and my parents riding me about it like never before. God pulled through and got me a job. I know it was really Phyllis who got me the job, but in my mind, God used Phyllis to get me a job, because I needed it and he wanted to bless me.

--

That's just one of the great things God did for me. I could go on, now that I'm thinking about it, in the way's I've been blessed. I won't, because this post is already freakin' huge! The point is, I felt like I had disappointed God after all he'd done for me. I love Jessica so much, and I don't regret seeing Jessica Friday night at all, not one bit, ever minute I spend with her is a minute spend better than elsewhere, but I just know that it would have been better for me to have gone to the Youth Rally. I feel as though I missed the opportunity to truly feel Gods presence. When you feel that, you know you screwed up.

I just know that in the future, I need to be smarter in my decisions. I need to put my priorities first. does anyone know what JOY means other then me?

J- Jesus First
O- Others Second
Y- Yourself last

I know that Jesus should have been first, but he was replaced with Jessica Friday night. I need to be stronger. I even told Bethany I wasn't a strong Christian like her or Michael and I wasn't going to be regardless. She told me that was a lie from the devil and I know it (which I did before I sent it), but in the words of Bethany, The Devil won the fight Friday night, but God will win the war. I just hope Bethany doesn't have to remind me on Sunday of what I did. I really know she cares, but I don't need to feel any worse all over again.

Seeing Jessica Friday will be a highlight of my week, but not going to the Youth Rally Friday night will be a down for my week as well...

High hopes for 2012

2012-01-09T17:00:00.000-06:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! Who's ready to read another year of my life?! YES! This is going to be so much fun! Maybe I'll even give you more details about what I do in my life as an added bonus in 2012, just in case the world actual ends on December 21st, which happens to be my sisters 18th birthday (sorry sis, guess it wasn't meant to be)... Alright, let's do this thingy!

So I have been spending a lot of my time with Jessica, when I can. We have agreed that since we're both going to church on Sunday (I'm so glad she is allowed to go to church with me now, I know God will keep us together and if she didn't go to church, that would be a problem already, I'm glad we don't have to worry about that), we may as well hang out, right? DUH! So we'll be hanging out on Sundays (unless she can't go to church) every week and we'll try to fit in sometime in the middle of the week to hang out, if we can. We don't want school to stop us from seeing each other. We are deeply in love and this love can't be contained. We have to be together because it's... It's... IT'S DESTINY!!

Okay. Maybe a little dramatic, but whatever. The point is, we love each other and when we're around each other, both of our lives are just... so much better.

In a typical post (or just what I've been doing lately), I would boldly put the day of the week, underline it, and tell you what happened on that day. Now I haven't posted in so long, I can't exactly remember whats happened (Don't blame me, blame my brain. I used all my memory trying to remember every pokemon ever created. It didn't work. I only know around 20 pokemon). Now If I were to be honest (the pokemon excuse was fake, I don't have a reason to remember them all), I would just tell you that I forgot, so I'll tell you that.

Sorry folks, I forgot what I've done in the past 9 days.

But don't be upset, I remember what I did yesterday, So I'll just share that (and probably rant and/or ramble a little, but you all know me well enough by now that I'll do that regardless).

Sunday

On Sunday, I woke up at 8am, took a wonderful, refreshing shower, and combed my beautiful silky locks of hair. I then proceeded to get dressed and go downstairs where I decided to play Tetris on... WAIT A DARN-STINKIN' MINUTE!! I REMEMBER WHAT I DID ON SATURDAY NOW... AND FRIDAY!! Man, thinking back, the chain effect of the day before happens! THIS IS GREAT! Let's go back to Friday (just for a minute) now so I can share that.

Friday

I had school, which was boring. I took a stupid quiz in Algebra (which I got a D on, because it was only the 3rd day of the semester). After school (because nothing else about that day matters right now), I went to work at 7pm and worked the closing shift. During my shift, my great co-worker (and I consider her a friend now, at this point) Maya, offered me her Saturday shift (3-7pm), which I gladly accepted. She then proceeded to ask if I wanted to work her 3-7pm shifts on the 20th and 27th (both on Fridays). I was really glad to have been offered so I took them!

Sidenote: It was really generous of her, because Maya only got 4 shifts in January and she gave me 3 of the shifts she got. She isn't going to make any money this month but I really am. I got 4 extra shifts in January, so far, giving me 14 shifts all together. I have more shifts than anyone else this month, even before I got the 4 extra shifts. I guess people just like me and know I'm dependable (I was actually offered a 15th shift, but I saw Jessica that night so I said I couldn't work).

So I was glad to have gotten that shift.

Saturday

TODAY WAS THE DAY!! IT WAS GOING TO BE THE BEST DAY EVER!!!

... And then I woke up.

Turns out, my sister rushed my mom out the door after I woke up, made her spend ALL DAY (up until 2:30) at Savers and Thrift Stores and my mom completely ignored me. I had to work at 3pm and my mom promised to take me to Gamestop before work so I can spend my paycheck on a 3DS. Well she pulled in the driveway at 2:30pm. I wasn't happy. I had to go to gamestop in my work clothes. I had to take my 3DS to work with me, and I had to be mad at my mom.

Look, I'll be honest with you. I wasn't mad at my mom for making me wait all day to buy my 3DS, I was mad because she made the plans with me over a week before and she ended up lying to me and spending the entire day with my sister (and it turns out Tommy and his mom showed up too, JOY...)

Sidenote: Tracy went to Jessica's house on Saturday, so I didn't even get to talk to Jessica on Saturday. At least, not very much. Life sucks when your stuck at home alone, not inspired to write anything. If I were inspired to write, I wouldn't mind being alone, I prefer being alone, actually, but it's just when I have nothing to do, I don't like being alone, I want to have a friend be there or go somewhere. I don't see that as too much.

So I went to work, worked my shift, and my 3DS was fully charged by the end of my shift. I was glad too, because that meant I could start playing with it.

Side note: while I was at Gamestop, I also bought Tetris: Axis for the 3DS in addition (which was $35). While the game itself is awesome, I just wonder if I made a good investment. I think I did, because it's super fun, but people kept questioning my motives.

Let me give it to you strait. I bought Tetris because it's one my favorite classic games! In my opinion, Tetris is an ageless classic. I just love how great it is. Anyone who hasn't heard of tetris before needs to Google it and slap themselves very hard for having to actually Google it. Just sayin'... It's been around for a long while.

Just to give you something funny to think about (which isn't really funny to me), I got paid $209 in December and I spend $220 after going to Gamestop. I spend over my entire paycheck on my 3DS and Tetris: Axis. OH YEAH! For those of you who don't know what Tetris: Axis is, here's a trailer from YouTube explaining the game I bought (And yes, it's even better then it looks, if you can believe that)!

So that's all that really happened on Saturday. I went home after work and I honestly don't remember what I did. I know I bought a taquito from QT sometime that week, I just don't remember if it was Saturday. Either way, I loved it. Yummm....

Great, now I want one. (even though I get homemade Mac & Cheese tonight). Wait. Nevermind, I'll stick with that Macaroni.

Sunday... Again

So back to Sunday, as I was waiting for my dad to get out of the shower and get ready to take me to church at 9am, I decided to play some Tetris. Great idea right? I could have probably prayed and had a clear mind for church and I decided to play a game instead. I am so going to hell... wait, I don't wanna go to hell! Maybe I should just stay on the path of the strait and narrow... To avoid conflict...

I played until he came downstairs and he decided to take me. I took my 3DS to church because I wanted to show it off and make sure everyone knew I had a fancy, new, and shiny toy! All I got was some kid from Sunday school wanting to watch me play my 3DS.

Sidenote: One thing people should know about me, I don't care who knows, is that I am terrible with kids. It's not that I don't like them, they just don't like me, and I don't know how to act around them. It's not them, it's me. And that's actually true this time.

Surprisingly, this kid really liked me. He was staring at the 3DS like it was a million bucks and had a smile on his face. I wasn't even thinking twice about it, I told him about it and what it can do, etc... but all he really wanted to do was watch me. Well he had to leave because the lady instructing Sunday school made him go, but I was just glad that he liked me. If a kid can like me, that I don't even know, or that doesn't know me, then maybe I'm not doomed in the end like I thought.

Well Jessica went to service with me on Sunday morning and then after service, we hung out at my house until 2pm when my parents left (with my aunt as well) to go see my uncle. Well we didn't leave at 2pm with them, but we went to get Chinese food for lunch. Only... We left for the Chinese food at 3pm. We got to talking and just didn't end up leaving for an hour.

When we got the Chinese, we decided to eat it and watch a movie. Eventually, my parents and aunt showed up again at 8pm and we had to take Jessica home. That was the highlight of my week, seeing Jessica. I just love being able to hang out with her, it's always so great to see her!

Post content

I'm going to start doing 'Post content', which is basically anything I want to say, not related to the day I mention (so in this case, it's anything I want to say not related to Sunday).

So pretty much I have been playing my 3DS a lot, trying to figure it out and playing my games. It turns out, you can play DS games on the 3DS, which is awesome! You can even use 'Download Play' and play DS games with your friends who don't own a DS yet, but have the same DS game as you.

For Example: If you and your friend own Mario Kart (the 6th one for the Nintendo DS), but only you have a 3DS, you could use download play and still play Mario Kart with your friend. It's great!

It works the same way for 3DS games too, just use 'Download Play'. I'm quite excited about it myself. I just makes me really happy to know I got something for myself after so long of having nothing. I mean, all I really got for Christmas was clothes and a few movies, which I was okay with, but my mom felt terrible about it. She is glad that I bought something for myself. She said I deserve to have something I really want. That's ironically what Jessica said the day before too. So I guess I won't worry about it.

In addition to that, I am going to mention that it's weird that Tiffany is still treating me weird. She tried dropping Tech Theatre but couldn't, so she was stuck in the class again. It had nothing to do with me, just the fact that the people are so annoying, which I'll agree with. It's just that she acts as though I greatly offended her by having a crush on her. Newsflash, I'm probably not the first person to have a crush on her, so she needs to stop acting like I am.

Something that amuses me is that I told Bethany that I liked her and had a crush on her and was interested in a relationship, to her face, and we moved past that, and are still friends. Tiffany is acting like I told her I wanted to marry her and create memories every day that we'll cherish as we walk down a beach, holding hands, watching the sunset. THAT'S TOTALLY FALSE! Besides, she knows I'm in a serious relationship with Jessica, why can't she be friendly with me.

For all I know, she is being friendly, but that's just not the vibe I'm getting. I know that recently she's been nice to me, but since the semester, it's just been weird is all... She's been weird. I am in love with Jessica, so its no longer a big deal to me, I just wish I could give us some even ground to walk, instead of all the potholes covering the ground. It's an obstacle to try talking to her.

I'm even breaking the rules right now by blogging about her. I told her I wouldn't blog about her anymore, which I intended to keep, but this just came to my mind and I decided to share it. Whoever reads this blog and knows Tiffany, don't cause any trouble by telling her I posted. I'm not being mean, rude, negative, or bad in any way, shape, or form. I just blog about things in my life I did/am doing/thoughts I'm thinking. It's probably stupid to share so much with you, but it's just what I'm thinking so I don't see why not.

This week is going to be long and boring, but at least I'll finally have some entertainment. My friend Lexie is in my B day 4, 5, 6-7 block classes! and my friend Melita is in my B day 3-4 class!! I'm glad that I get some friends in my classes, that rocks! OH! and my friend Carolyn is in my 2nd hour!

So I hope that this first post of 2012 has been satisfactory! I think I'm going to start some new things in 2012 with my blog, so bear with me, I'm probably going to update the template sometime and make a new background image (which will hopefully be more professional). Speaking of which, if anyone knows how to make a professional background, please leave me a comment. I just want the RVR to be more organized and have some Red and yellow stripes. If I could get that, I would be happy. Thanks.

Perfect day? Kinda. Ish...

2011-12-31T10:00:00.000-06:00

So this week has been pretty much an interesting ride. I am starting to hate my sister boyfriend again, but I haven't murdered him yet. We'll see what happens, but most likely, I'll just control myself like I always do. It's no big deal. Yet.

Wednesday and Thursday

Nothing worth mentioning happened. It was boring for me. They were days without my Jess. Just... not worth mentioning (Besides, when nothing happens, I can't remember). Oh yeah! I called off work for no reason Thursday night, but that's about the only thing worth mentioning. My Thursday plans were cancelled and postponed.

Friday

Side note: Alexis and Sierra spent the night on Thursday, but I want to go past that and get to the important part, being Jessica. It just seemed fair to mention that they stayed the night, because Alexis helped us out later Friday afternoon, which I'll get to soon enough in the post...

Friday, OH FRIDAY! My Thursday night plans to see Jessica were delayed because her mom had a doctors appointment. Apparently, Jessica's mom has some kind of growth in her leg that turned out to be cancer. It was a heart-wrenching week for Jessica. She is going through a lot right now and her January 2012 experience won't be as great as she was expecting. She doesn't know if the cancer in her moms leg is benign or malignant yet, but she is going to find out soon. All I know is that I'm going to be here for her and I'm going to keep Jessica and her mom in my prayers. Jessica means a lot to me and that includes her family.

Well Jessica changed her Thursday plans with me for Friday. She was going to come over Thursday night, spend the night with me, and spend Friday with me. What ended up happening was Jessica came over to my house at 9am and spend the day with me until she went up at 10pm that night (more like 10:16pm, but who's watching the time?). I was glad she came over too, we had a good day (as far as Jessica and I being together).

Before we had our lunch date, I wanted to go to Price Chopper and buy some Dr. Pepper (we live so close, it was no hassle to walk), which Jessica said was a good idea, so we both walked over there and got the soda (lucky for me, they were having a sale! 78 cents for a 2 litter (limit 4), so I grabbed for and took em' home with me)!!

When we got home though, Tommy had cornered my cat under the sink and was clicking his "empty" air soft gun at my cat! I picked him up (he is literally a light weight sack of bones) and threw him out of the room, getting in his face, and telling him to leave my cat alone. He got really pissed all of a sudden and stomped upstairs, which made me feel uncomfortable. He came back down and had an EPISODE. Kind of like you see on movies when people have a serious disorder and can't process things in there brains correctly. It was like that. He started FREAKING OUT! He was screaming at my sister, saying he was leaving her, saying it was too much, and crying. He was also ranting about how he wasn't going to hurt himself (because my sister thought he was).

It scared Jessica, because she decided to hide in the hallway by the laundry room while it happened. Turns out, Stephen (A MORON from school, who is NO LONGER my friend) was texting Tommy, threatening to come to MY HOUSE and (this may be wrong, but from what I understand, this is it...) beat the crap out of Tommy. Now I was so glad it wasn't about me yelling at him for harassing the cat. It was much bigger then that and when I found out it was Stephen, I GOT PISSED!

I really hate people who do drugs, talk crap to people, and are just generally bad people. People like Stephen are just stupid. I'm sorry. You can't ALWAYS be right and you CAN'T talk crap to me. I won't let you. I'll just get in your face and yell back. This made the entire house full of a bad vibe, which made me mad. I gave Tommy a glass of water and told him it was fine, to calm down drink the water. I then decided to go outside and give Stephen a phone call.

He didn't answer. Typical. So I sent him a text message. I clarified the whole problem by texting him. I simply told him that, as a friend, I was only trying to clarify and get some answers, and I wanted to know what was going on. In the end, I found out Stephen was bluffing the whole time. He wasn't even at home. He wasn't going to walk over to my house and beat up Tommy. He was full of crap. That made Tommy feel a lot better, which pretty much resolved the whole problem.

Tommy said he was sorry for ruining my perfect day with Jessica, but honestly, I care about my sister. I care about her a lot. If she is in love with Tommy, then him getting hurt would, in result, hurt her. I have to put aside my feelings about Tommy and think about my sister. I love her so much and I would never want my sister to get hurt. I care about her too much. So I had to help Tommy so it eased the minds of both Hannah and Tommy.

Side note: Though I did find out, while I was at Price Chopper, that Tommy put a HUGE hole the wall upstairs AND in my sisters door. People like Tommy scare me. They make me afraid. If he starts with harassing and TORTURING my cats, then he will slowly move up to people. That's how it begins! The day he lays a hand on my sister is the day he gets to pick out a tombstone. I'm not playing games when it comes to my sister. If he can't control his anger, I will control it for him. Permanently. That's a promise I intend to keep.

Anyway, we had a lunch date after that, which was great. We went to Sonic (I let her pick, don't start complaining) and got some sandwiches and brought them home to eat. We went up to my room and ate them before getting ready for the movie date we had planned. Not much else to mention about lunch.

We decided to go see a movie at 4pm because it was the last time I get to see Jessica in 2011. I was really sad that I couldn't see her New Years Eve and give her a kiss a midnight, but in 2012, that will happen! We'll both be in much better places and we'll be able to be together! As for the movie, nothing ever goes as planned with me.

Alexis agreed to take us to the movies, because my mom wouldn't be home soon and the only 2D showing was at 4pm. We go in, walk up to the counter, and I ask for 2 tickets for the 2D showing of The adventures of Tin Tin at 4pm and the man at the counter (who I seem to always get when I'm with Jessica and go to the movies) tells me the movie isn't until 4:45pm. My heart skipped a beat.

"W-what?" I asked

"The Adventures of Tin Tin isn't showing until 4:45pm."

I wasn't happy, but I wasn't upset either. I'm used to things going as we DON'T plan it. We decided to walk to K-Mart (which was practically next door to the movies) and look around for 30 minutes. We had a good time and at 4:30pm, we went back to the movies and bought our drinks (we had eaten lunch so popcorn wasn't an option today).

We got out of the movie around 6:30 ish (I can't exactly remember, because I didn't look at a clock until I got home). Jessica and I enjoyed the movie and had a really good time. It was a fun night, up until I got home. My mom picked us up and told about what had happened while we were gone. Trust me, I NEVER WAN'T TOMMY IN MY HOUSE AGAIN!!!

The last thing I needed was the lunch disturbance, but for what he did while I was at the movies, that was SO NOT NECESSARY!! Turns out that while we were gone, he took my cat Sebastian (the black cat who my mom loves) and poured mouthwash (the off brand mouthwash with alcohol in it) all over my cat, getting it in his eyes and all over his body. How my cat let Tommy hold him down for so long baffles me, but my bathroom upstairs is a MESS now. I walked in the house and the ENTIRE HOUSE reeked of mouthwash. I could hardly breath and it gave me a massive headache. As for Jessica, it made her eyes hurt really bad.

Tommy said the cat poked a hole in the mouthwash, but it's been under our sink, unused, for the 3 years we've lived here. That story is BOGUS and my mom knew it. By the way, when my mom got home and saw the hole in the wall and my sisters door, SHE WAS BEYOND PISSED!!! She goes out of her way to pick up Tommy, and taxi him back and forth everywhere, and this is how he treats her house? I DON'T THINK SO!!

She told me she's about to ban him from the house, literally, not let him come over EVER again. She is so scared that Sebastian will have a heart attack and she almost cried last night about it. She is totally scared for his life. I'm just scared for my sisters life. We don't know what Tommy was thinking, but he crosses the line when he messes with my mom's cat. She loves that animal more then she loves money. She has grown attached to that animal and if he dies, she will lose it. She will not be the same person.

Jessica and I went to my room and soon after we did, my mom took Hannah and Tommy to the movies for there double date with Alexis (who was interested in this guy but didn't wanna go on a first date alone). Jessica and I spend the night in my room, talking and having a good time.

We even thought up a GREAT book idea!! It has a great plot and it's going to be in the genre of non-fiction Fantasy! It'll have elves, mortals, satyrs, and a few we create ourselves! It's going to be awesome. We're making it 3rd person from the perspective of both main characters! It'll be similar to 'The Lost Hero' by Rick Riordan, switching from the first person perspective of each character! I actually love the idea and we brainstormed for about 35 minutes, until we had to take Jessica home.

We took Jessica home at 10pm and when I got home, I text Jessica for awhile until we both went to bed around 11:20pm. I was not happy about what Tommy did still and he even had the nerve to come back to our house after the double date, making my mom take him home! It was really gutsy to do too. He may not know how pissed off my mom was, but I sure as hell did!

Not to mention, as soon as I saw Alexis pull up to drop off Tommy and Hannah, I bolted for my cat and took her upstairs, hiding her from Tommy in my room. I wasn't going to let my cat get scared again. Not a chance in hell. I ended up falling asleep afraid that Tommy would do something again, but when I woke up, he wasn't here and I was still alive.

As for Jessica, She'll be in Branson, MO until Monday when she returns. I'm hoping to see her again on Tuesday because school starts again on Wednesday, which is a dumb day to start again, but OH WELL! It'll be the last semester I spend in high school and then I'll be off to college in the fall with Jessica.

I just hope that between now and then, the place were living in doesn't fall apart...

Words of a Rambling Blind Girl!

2011-12-27T08:55:00.000-06:00

So I wanted to take the time out of my regular blogging to tell you about my girlfriends blog. Yes, Jessica has a blog and it is totally amazing! It is a new blog so the design isn't as incredibely mind-blowing as mine, but it's still pretty freakin' sweet!

This is my Jess! I love how she is totally into penguins like me! WE BOTH LOVE THEM SO FREAKIN' MUCH!!!! Well I guess there's a 2nd half to every person and I found mine. Please make sure you take the time out of your very busy blog reading schedule and check out her blog too! Following her blog would make her very happy, because she wants to know I'm not the only person (other than a few Russians) who read her blog.

Click Here to check it out!

I'm going to try to help with the design best I can over the following month or two, maybe we'll eventually find something sexy and stylish that works for her. I'm going to make her a WICKED SWEET banner once the semester starts again and I have free access to Photoshop again!

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read this and please go check out her blog, it'd make her very happy.