My life starting now.

Depression

2012-10-13T10:38:00.001-07:00

In this life there are some things that drive you down so low where you wish you were dead, but death won’t take you. These are not just fears, but realities, they penetrate your soul. They are not simply tangible, but in fact you can hardly grasp the thought. You spend your life hoping, and wishing that you will never have to stand up to it. This thought where insanity lays waiting. When in the face of death you are maybe scared, but courage brings you to the fact where you can bear it. You are strong. And the doubt of death waiting outside the front door is conquered. This is because you know that it is not the terrible reality you are running from, but in fact an escape. We say a Hero is someone who has true courage, but who knew that this was not death, but entirely the risk of staying alive.

My mission

2012-09-09T11:42:00.000-07:00

I am Nicole Roberts I am 17 years old. I understand what I need to be, and do in this world. I can be a leader and a follower. I am not embarrassed to stand for truth and righteousness. I go to an amazing church, with an amazing ward, and stake! I love my leaders, friends, and family! The world is falling apart around me, but if you will help me, and help others to lift the world out of chaos, immorality, pride, and ignorance we can indeed live in this world together in peace, prosperity, and love. God promised us that. And I believe it. I will be a mother some day. I will be a wife, and I hope I will live to be a grandmother. I will raise my children in righteousness. I will start now to prepare for those children to come. I will be an example to you, God as my witness I am going to do what is right. And I want YOU to hold me up to it. Ronald Reagan once said:
"We are never defeated unless we give up on God." I wont give up. Will you?

Beauty

2012-06-07T19:15:00.001-07:00

Beauty is kindness, Charity too,
and all those things we should not go and "Boo".
T'is lovely and sweet, funny and neat,
with a perfect rhythmical beat.
Truly itself from head to toe
shows ALL the way just to let them know.
Loves you even when it knows not why
makes you sort of want to cry.
Beauty cares for all that it see's
and wishes all to have those keys
it knows the truth,
and will never be uncouth.
It begs for your trust
and forever will be just.
So let beauty in
and it will beg you not to sin
and then someday you will know why
Beauty's joy makes you want to cry.

Lifes picture

2012-06-07T18:33:00.004-07:00

Colors accenting each other makes a picture, a picture is just part of a story. There are many stories in a lifetime. And yet many of the most priceless moments are not captured. This is what makes them so amazingly priceless in my mind. those things we cannot see until we experience them for ourselves. Our life picture should be full of those things: The feeling of true friendship, love, charity, happiness, and all things that make beautiful shine through our lives making a marvelous painting on a canvas so big we do not know. We should make beautiful colors to paint with and learn through life continually painting the picture that someday we and our posterity will look back on. Make your picture great, make it beautiful. Instead of making it with over a thousand words make it so that words cannot describe its magnificence.

Becoming a woman of Christ

2012-04-16T13:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to an amazing woman of Christ fireside. I was touched by those amazing speakers. One of which knows the prophet of God Thomas S. Monson pretty well and she actually wrote his biography and has done many things of that sort. I was so strongly prompted to become as him and listen to every prompting as soon as it comes. I am going to be an example to all those around me. I am going to rise up and bring my friends and family with me. I am so happy for being able to live where I do, and know the people I know. I love my life, and I can't wait to be a mom and teach my children in righteousness and teach them to be people of Christ. I am so glad that I dont have to worry about hating people and holding grudges against them. I love people I know everyone is in fact a child of God and we are all heir to all of his blessings if only we repent, come unto him, and take upon us the name of Christ. I love you all with all my heart. I know that through Gods plan we all can be happy for eternity. I can say this because I know it.

Poems and update

2012-01-08T12:36:00.000-08:00

Okay I was thinking of this new year, and I have made some goals. Of course I have temporal ones like: stop biting nails, eating healthy, and exercising, but the ones that matter most are the mental and spiritual ones. I have decided that my thoughts need to be better, and I need to focus on the positive clean things rather than the negative unclean. And I am not going to be afraid of what others think, or even say about me. I am going to let my light shine forth. And I am not going to be scared to change and become better. my eternal progression depends on this. I am SO grateful I have so much good in my friends and family and also in my community. Happy New Year!!! hope I can see you all in the courts on high and I hope we all make the right decisions so we can be happy and smile together with our father in heaven him and also Christ and all the prophets and just think meeting Alma and all the prophets as well! Our faith, love, and endurance will get us their.

butterfly kisses and little lily hugs

daffodil's and daisy's give out all their loves

the flowers in the meadow with sunshine everywhere

say that they are happy when you visit there.

the sky sees you
and knows who you are

lovers fly high in the sky

she knows your thoughts

your wants and your regrets

so does he

and they know who you ll be

the questions that we ask

are not simple at all

who is God?

and where will I fall?

will you go to heaven

or go down down down?

will you be a goddess

or the other way around?

the sky sees you

and knows who you are

they can number your tears

and can tell every smile

they know you

better than you do.

The world is not pleasant,
nor peaceful,

but teaseful,

it's hard and unruly,

oh so very cruelly,

why is man not so calm?

why not learn from his mom?

for I am sure her lessons were well,

but he fought

as the good spirit taught,

and the wrong one worked,

even so as he jerked,

he could not learn from the right,

so he did very wrong,

and his mother died from her boy,

oh so strong.

My heart is not big enough:

My heart is big enough to hold you tight,

to act as a blanket through the night,

but sometimes it does not cover your toes,

or maybe it still might miss your nose,

it can protect you from most of the chill,

but may need some help from others still,

you cannot live from my heart alone,

but need yours and others as I have shown.

Being happy takes talent,

being happy is a skill,

being happy is the way I am

and you cant change it still.

I love the way I walk and talk,

the way I sing and dance,

the way you look at me

when you know you ain't got a chance.

Why life and death are so serious,

only I would know the best.

Either I've got so much pride,

or I just want my life to glide.

My confidence is contagious,

or you wish 'cause its outrageous.

You can watch and grin

while I sit and spin.

I know what I'm doing

and you're not all worth shooing.

So just watch me roll

and then pay the toll.

Careful I might break your heart.

Although its not worth breaking.

there is a nice variety in my cart,

and its all mine for the taking.

Kisses aren't offered much,

unless you have the perfect touch.

Don't mess around with my luck,

cause you'll soon find out that you're stuck.

Love or hate you may say,

but I can tell either way.

Is it you who knows the path?

Or is it not me who really knows the math?

Skill and and talents what you'll find.

Well at least you know I made it rhyme.

~Perdy perfect me.

We have hands to hold on tight

two ears, but not to hear our loved ones fight

eyes to see the ones we need

lips to kiss the ones we miss

arms to hold on to our friends

legs to run when darkness never ends

spines to fight in times of need

mouths to speak when no one can

brains to think so we sound smart

hearts to share let no one part.

I see but cannot hear

yet the movement yells for me

It's enchantment spears my soul

And yet I feel my love yearn for it

Said I could be happy

Why tis lost in my heart?

Said it would not hurt

but the pain still lingers

The music lures me in

though the sound is not there

The voice is gone from mine ear

yet I know t'wood not waver

I feel the love of knowledge

I wish t'were not there

Where hast the sound gone?

Lost in the never ending waters.

A child cries,

a mother dies.

And life goes on.

The children sing,

the bells will ring.

Yes life goes on.

a young boy lies,

a life of strife,

But life goes on.

A girl will cheat,

children beat.

Will life go on?

A newborn dies,

a world of lies.

Does life go on?

A book is read,

and shoes are tread.

Life does go on.

Omniscience:

Everything has a purpose
and God knows it, true.
Although things feel hard,
we must endure it through.
Our trials we must fight,
for all things through Christ,
yes we must have that immortal might.
We CAN win our battle
with love from him, oh yes Jesus,
before the great and holy spirit leaves us.
Evil we can conquer,
but only through him,
who saved us from that eternal sin.

sometimes friends disappear, and you wonder where they are, and then when you ask there is no reply, to you life just stops and you wonder what went wrong, where they went, and why.

They are not just sitting by the phone waiting for your call as you do, you're wishing someone will take that time, like someone cares, I sit here doing nothing as I hear the wind whistle, and I wipe a tear and also a drop of sweat from my face because it is hot, but I cant seem to leave this place. Thinking about those fun times we used to have, but all at once its gone, I laugh then I cry, and all I seem to want to do is die.

again the tears roll, and I feel that sensation where I want to give up, but also try. I still love you, but now your gone, I care, but there is no one to tell how I feel, and somehow I can stand up again and fight my war, my battle for freedom from the thought, even though there is no place to go to be free from it I still try and my life goes on.

Journal entry

2011-07-16T18:39:00.000-07:00

5-19-11, 5-20-11

It has been a very spiritual time here in Nauvoo and I really love that! right now I am sitting out side on the shore of the Mississippi and its 7:00 am. The birds, frogs and everything else is showing the sign of life. Right now mist is settling on the water and all the trees, grass, and flowers in full bloom are swaying in the slight breeze. There are gees flying over my head right now and are honking as they fly by.
Everything is so beautiful, and luscious, and green. I love the humidity, Its not a desert like in Idaho, and its so nice. I used to think Idaho was so beautiful, but not now. The old houses and beautiful scenery bring out my imagination. I want to live here someday. Somewhere near this beautiful place.

Entry

2011-07-16T18:18:00.000-07:00

As I tend to look at scenery more, because I want to paint them I think about the meaning behind that scenery or place, or picture whatever it may be. What has walked through this grass? Who walked on it?, how did it come to be, and the stories it carried. What has the sun seen?, What has that water carried?, or maybe what has the person gone through, what is this place's history?, where did it or they or he/she whatever come from? What does their expression show? and why are they showing it?
A picture, or painting can only be seen truly with imagination, with lack of imagination I couldn't say where we would be, but I can say that we sure would be dull and life would be a bore. What would a book mean? because imagination is what brings that book to life. End of entry.

Old school assignment, Short story: A change of thought

2011-07-16T17:34:00.000-07:00

“Taylor!” a yell came from downstairs. “What?” I replied. “The family picture has already been taken. You missed out!” Sarah, my older sister yelled again.
What? it is 7:00 AM who, what, why me?
  This happened every year I hadn't been in a family picture ever, and this year I expected it to be different, but of course it wouldn't and if you haven’t noticed, it happened again.
Who really cared anyways? I thought to myself.
   “Beep, Beep” I woke from my daydream/memory to the sound of a reply on the chat box in my email. My laptop open on my bed, I slouched to my computer and read the reply from Kate. as I finished my lunch from earlier, reading:

                                     “Hey it starts in ten minutes,
                ill come pick you up.”

               “Thanks!”

I replied.
  I quickly changed from my shorts and Tee shirt into some skinny jeans, flats, a name brand shirt, and my favorite yellow scarf. Then I threw my stringy, dirty blond hair into a bun.
“Ugh” My lips were dry and cracking, grabbing my chap-stick I noticed a Zit right between my Green eyes.
The doorbell rang as I saw how much longer my nose looked today.
   “Coming!” I ran down the stairs in a hurry, almost tripping because of there steepness, and while reaching the door Grandma said as always. “Don’t forget your coat!”
Her light grey hair made her big blue eyes stand out. I giggled to myself as I noticed her favorite broach on her collar. “Bye Grandma!” I yelled as I ran out the door.
  The breeze felt good and the beautiful leaves fell from the tree’s. Golden, red, and orange leaves stroked the ground, with such grace and elegance. Then when the wind came it would swoop them up, and they would dance and whirl in the air, falling back onto the ground then repeating this in a rhythmical way. I wished I were a leaf sometimes able to dance and whirl in the wind so graceful and elegant, but of course I could not be like that because I was a clumsy girl, and I would not pass to be a true leaf. I would be more of a... Frog.
Yes that fits my Description clumsy, and blunt.
   My thoughts were interrupted by Kate saying. “Taylor Lendon, what ever took you so long?” “Oh for your information Kaitlin Brenski, I was day dreaming of how this party is going to be a blast!” I sarcastically said. If only I could tell someone how I really felt.
    “So guess what?” Kate asked. ”What?” I replied. “Tammy is going out with Garret, you know Jared’s brother?” “Oh ya.” I am so tired of talking about boys. What did they ever mean to me anyways? But whatever.
  My Parents disowned me last year, my Family never really cared for me, I never knew why. ever since I was little I was ignored and overlooked . It was kind of like I was the ugly duckling and somehow I just didn’t belong. Every time we had a family picture, project, or activity somehow or another I was left out. When I was little I would go to daycare, preschool, then move straight to kindergarten and then grade school. Unlike my other siblings who were home-schooled all their life.
  “Taylor?” Kate asked. “Huh?” I replied. “Are you okay?” she asked again. I was completely out of it. “oh yeah! I'm sorry!” I apologized.
“So what do you think?”
“About what?”
“My new dress. Do you like it?” She replied. Her brunette hair in loose curls blew in her face, her big brown eyes that everyone complemented on, were full of excitement. She was happy and she seemed to be excited with her new clothes. So I replied without taking much notice. “Yes it is so cute! Did I tell you? You look beautiful today!” And without waiting for a reply I said. “Hey lets go I can’t think right now, I need to just sit down, or something.”
   We got into the car. And I started to get a head ache which made everything seem to whirl around, and I felt nauseated. “Stop the car!” I yelled. Kate slammed on the brakes and without hesitation I jumped out and vomited.
“Sick! I mean are you okay?” Kate yelled then changed her tone when she asked if I was okay.
“I’m okay.” I wined back into the car. “Must be food poisoning, but I'm fine now.” I lied. “Are you still up for tonight?” Kate asked, sounding a bit concerned. “Oh yes!” I replied.
I couldn’t go back, being alone was the worst thing for me right now.
  We drove on in an awkward silence. Finally we arrived at Tammy’s house. Tammy drove me crazy, but it is better then staying home. I assured myself. Oh no here she comes I then braced and prepared myself for the outcome. She then welcomed us.
“Kate, Taylor! How are you guys?” Yelling so load, I thought for sure that she would break my eardrum. “Hey!“ Kate and I yelled back in unison.
  Concentration was the hardest thing for me right now. My headache grew more intense, and the room we walked into was so enormous I felt that I might faint. To much space; and then as it filled there was to little space.
The room was spinning around me. I felt like I was in a horror movie, and I couldn’t find a place to hide from the creature inside of me, screeching to find my soul. I couldn’t escape from it, and then I realized it was myself I was fighting with. Everything around me was normal, but I felt everything around me was Alien, and I didn’t understand.
Why wasn’t I “normal”, with a “normal” family, and be happy?
I think that is my real problem, nobody is “normal”, and I am wishing for something that is not really there. I couldn’t push this creature inside of me out. I was stuck.
   A crowd of teenage boys ran into me, and I fell over. I guess I'm not the only one who thinks I’m invisible.
       I walked up the stairs hoping, wishing that there would be somewhere I could get out of the lingering crowd. There, on the stairs were other loitering teens, some “making out” in corners, and through my thorough search I was not able to find anywhere to maybe sit down, unless I were at least six inches close to someone else. I thought it would be good to be around people, but I didn’t think there would be this many people, although I couldn’t help but thinking, Tammy sure had a good place for a party.
The room I found myself in was smaller then the rest of the house, but did look like
the rest. A shorter ceiling, big windows, white walls. But my favorite part of this spot was that there were not many people in it.
         I crouched down as my headache relaxed, but was replaced by nausea.
I started gagging, as I scrambled to my feet, struggling to find a place to “let it out”, maybe a sink, or garbage can, or if only a bathroom.
finally I found a door that lead outside. I slipped, on the cement pad. Turned out it had rained while I was scrambling throughout the house.
      A guy about the age of 17 helped me up. I didn’t recognize him, but he seemed to know me.
“Hey Taylor, are you okay?” He asked me. “Yeah, I'm fine.” I assured him, as I slowly got up. “No you are not, you’re bleeding.” I looked at my back, well tried, I didn’t feel any pain. But before I could see anything he snatched me up, and brought me back to the house.
“Are you kidding me?” I thought to myself.
“Do I know you?” I asked him. “No, but I'm Tammy’s brother.” “Great!” I thought in a sarcastic way. He didn’t look anything like Tammy, He was tall, and had brown eyes, or were they green? I couldn’t tell, he also had brunette hair. Unlike Tammy who was the classic “popular” girl. Like in movies. She had blond hair and blue eyes, and was tall, but skinny. But this guy looked more like a “Jock” not that I cared. There in the house was something that really mattered and down the hall I saw a bathroom in sight. I jumped off the seat he set me and “bandaged” me in. I reached the bathroom and quickly locked the door.
        I was probably in the bathroom a good hour before I came out all groggily. The rooms were just blurs, I was so dizzy I couldn’t make out anything completely.
The loss of energy made my senses dull. I couldn’t tell where I was, all I knew was that I needed to get out. I stumbled around and seemed to lose consciousness.
     The party was over and I found myself in a corner crouched down and crying. I forced myself up and we left. I got home and went straight to bed, and not able to move anymore, I fell asleep.

           I woke up with my eyes forcing open, and pushing together, almost going cross eyed. I stumbled in my bright baby blue room, the light from the window felt blinding. I quickly shut the blinds thinking it would give me a slight comfort, but no the blinds went down, but the shades would not point anywhere but straight out .
By this time I was used to the light, and just plain annoyed.
       The smell of bacon, eggs, and waffles with an accent of buttery maple syrup stung my nose, as it seeped through my door.
I put on my slippers and went down the hall and then also down the carpeted stairs.
I hated these stairs they seemed to steep, and everything in this house in fact was to bright, too I don’t know just something I did not like.
Passing the door was the entry, a nice black grand piano sat on the same light blue carpet as the stairs. Pictures sat on the white walls, and a large black bookshelf full of books about music there as well. This room was of course always empty, because nobody played the piano, or any instrument for that matter here.
The small living room was empty except for a couple of bookshelves and some cream sofas.
But the one thing I did like about this house was the kitchen. It had always been a welcoming place. I mean the food we made wasn’t bad, but quite the contrary.
being in a kitchen just had a feel of control. That which i liked, because I knew something I couldn't control, and that was me.
         “Good morning Grandma, Grandpa!” “Oh good morning sweetheart! Are you feeling better this morning? Or do you just not want to talk about it?” My grandma asked.
“Yeah, it’s complicating.” I replied. I’m so happy my Grandma was so patient, and would just leave me alone when I needed it. My Grandma was always so cheerful. Her wrinkled face was so friendly. Who could pass her by? I did not know, although she was old and wrinkly she was beautiful in her own way.
When you looked at her she glowed and it was something I just couldn't explain.
Grandpa on the other hand was quiet, but stern. He would sit there, eat his eggs, leave his bacon, and read the newspaper.
Grandma always antagonized him for this, and said he should join in more, but of course he always had the best at arguments of that sort.
Grandma and I would go out for lunch, movies, read books together you know stuff you would do with your Family, or Mom.
I guess she just wanted me to feel like I had a family, or that someone loved me.
           It was Saturday, and Kate hadn't called as usual, I looked at the clock and it was
10:30 AM, and I realized I had not showered either.
I got up and thanked Grandma for breakfast, and went straight to the shower.
           I moved in with my Grandparents last year when I was 15 years old.
Having a restraining order from my family was hard, especially since I really didn't know why. “And why didn’t they like me? I could have been happy if they would have let me.”
I thought of this as I dried my long skinny legs with my towel.
“Chicken legs” I laughed at the thought of a young girl saying to me as I was running in the park. I think I remember it right “Your legs are like chickens legs, they are so skinny!” She accused me. If only that was all I had to worry about.
         My hair was still damp from the shower. I walked down the stairs feeling clean, I could see my mood had lightened, and I wasn’t as confused. Although I knew nothing more.
I was relaxed.
Passing the entry room I saw something out of place. There on the piano was my Grandpa plucking at the notes on the keyboard, his glasses snug over the long nose I had inherited, his lips were perked as of he was concentrating.
I watched him curiously as he clicked the keys to a unfamiliar tune.
“Grandpa? Do you play?” I asked in confusion. And without answering my question he said.
“Oh hey there Taylor! Hm... I always loved your name.” “Oh really?” I asked not surprised because that seemed like something Grandpa would say.
“You know Taylor, when you were born your mother didn’t really seem to care much. As I am sure you know. Just another child that wasn't what she wanted. But especially when you were born she was going through a hard time, she had already had two girls and she wanted a boy. she still doesn’t have one and you have six children in your Family all girls.” Where was he going with this I thought. “Taylor, you had a twin.” he paused.
everything was silent, and I could have sworn I had fainted, My Grandpa grabbed me and said something that I couldn’t make out. I just heard mumbling until it finally cleared to where I could understand. And he said. “Taylor, are you okay? You are turning white.”
He sat me down on the couch and gave me a glass of ice water.
Then he continued. “It was a boy. He died an hour after birth.” he got quieter. “He was bruised and distorted. And after he died your Mother didn’t know what to do, so she blamed it on you. Taylor you were healthy and strong and Thomas just wasn’t, it was only predictable. The Doctor said otherwise. He said the boy died because he was internally bleeding. Taylor it wasn't you. Nothing is wrong with you it was just that little spot in the baby’s bloodstream that didn’t mature enough, and the stress of labor and the last few weeks of being in the womb wore them out, his blood leaked which created the broken blood vessels which caused you to notice the bruised looking skin, and it turned out he bled to death. This must be hard for you to handle.” He said looking embarrassed for me,
and as if it was the hardest thing to tell me while looking into my eyes with tears rolling down my face.
“Why didn’t they tell me I had a Brother? let alone a twin?” I sobbed.
“Taylor, I don’t know. It was your Mothers choice and, I am so sorry.” He said with complete sincere sympathy.
      I sulked to the kitchen and placed my glass of water in the sink. Wiping my eyes as they refilled with tears. Then I walked slowly up the stairs, brushing my hand on the smooth white wall and down the hallway I reached my bedroom.
  The hardest thing to understand was not that I wasn’t wanted, because I was used to that by now. But the fact that I could have been the one who died and if I had, everyone would have been happier. Three children two girls, and one boy. They never got their boy, but instead six girls.
I never got to know my parents much. They left me in the smallest room in the house,
and I received my older sister’s out of style hand-me-downs.
My Grandparents always got me clothes and a lot of them with my birthday presents.
By the time I was 6 years old being independent was important, because that is what I had to be.
I slumped on my bed, with thoughts running through my mind, I cried heavily into my pillow. and into a deep sleep.

      I woke up with another headache, the salty tears dried to my face which felt uncomfortable, I was hot, all except for my feet which were frozen in this chilly fall.
It was about mid day. I decided after I saw the window with bright light shining out.
There wasn't much to think of anymore. My questions were answered.
I was practically used to this feeling of being unwanted for an unknown reason, but now I knew why, so it wasn’t unknown anymore. But the feeling lingered. I knew why I wasn’t wanted and I didn’t have anymore questions about it. And yet I didn’t feel that satisfaction. I went over to my bathroom sink and washed off my face with cool and clean water. My puffy swollen eyes sunk back to their normal state.
Grandma walked in. “Hey Taylor, sorry to disturb you, but there is someone who needs you on the phone.” She stated.
“Its okay Gran. I’ll take it.” I replied.
        She knew I was having a hard time. And yet her sweetness and touching heart along with her well aged and wise mind, comforted me.
I wanted to put the blame on someone else, and the ease of the thought bruised my heart.
Why did this hurt so bad? To think that here on earth I would be treated so, and yet was I being treated so badly? I hear all the time that this life is so small and it takes charge of so much, depending on our attitude, our life, our choices here. And I found that so difficult to believe.

Could things be harder? Could Tammy, the most pretty and popular girl have problems worse then mine? Could Rachel, and Kate the two girls I knew so well?
   I took the phone and answered it. Kate asked if I wanted to come to a movie with her, and that a certain boy (that of which she would not name) wanted to see me there. I told her that I would think about it.
Grandma took the phone when I was finished. “you are going right?” The first time she had ever tried to over rule my decision.
“What grandma? Why do you want me to go?” I asked in slight confusion.
“Honey, you have been really sad and we just want you to have fun and meet people, come on Taylor it wont be that bad. I told Kate not to have to many people come. It will just be you, Kate and a couple of other people.” She assured and pressured me. “I will pay for you, and here, you can buy some treats, and popcorn to.” she bribed me, handing me a twenty dollar bill. “Fine Grandma.” She walked out of the room guilty of the nasty work just done as I called Kate to come pick me up.
     I decided that this would probably be good for me, and proposed to myself that I would have a great attitude, and be like a “normal” teen.
I went into my bathroom again and quickly applied my makeup, but assured that it was good enough for this “movie night”. As I did this I felt happier, I closely and perfectly chose my outfit which was different for me because I usually just threw something on.
I chose a nice pair of almost fading skinny jeans and layered shirts that matched the style I usually saw on Tammy, because everyone seemed to think she was “cute” all the time.
I brushed and put my hair carefully in a bun that I thought was appropriate and was refreshed.
I looked in the mirror and felt that I was happy. Nothing could make the smile I had never seemed to notice go away. The lights dimmed in my room as I flipped the switch to off.
“Taylor!” I heard Kate’s happy voice pronounce. I ran down the stairs and the first time I felt complete, and as a new person. Here I was and I am Taylor, someone with friends, and a family. All the people around me who cared for me was my family. And for the first time I knew it for a surety, and no one could persuade me otherwise.

2011-07-16T17:27:00.001-07:00

How I came closer to Christ

Our theme at girls camp this year was “Rock solid”, and in that (and along with most activities) we try to become more like our Savior Jesus Christ. Christ is “Rock solid”, he is perfect and throughout his life he cast away Satan and his temptations. He was and is the perfect example.

    The thing we focused on most at camp was service, Christ was diffidently “Rock solid” in service. Something that really stuck out to me at girls camp was how quickly the wards worked together and found service projects all around, and how easily they served others.
We had a board that the Jr. leaders placed sticky notes on, and had written on each an act of service we had noticed that day, and for each note we could put a gold nugget in a gold panning pan. And our goal was to have so many “hearts of gold” that we could fill the whole pan and wall.
    Watching the girls work together and going the extra mile looked easier to me, because of their great attitudes, and knowledge that this was how they could become closer to the savior.
Dreading our chore of cleaning the bathrooms one of the days, being surprised to find that someone had beat us to it.
    The happiness we had felt and the others had for serving others made camp an amazing experience. And I’m proud to say that we did cover that wall with acts of service and that pan full of gold nuggets. This being one of the many ways we can come closer to our Savior and our Heavenly Father.
    One of my favorite songs is “This is the Christ” and I would like to share with you the words, as I expound on them as well. And it goes:

“I read the words, the words he prayed, while bearing sorrow in Gethsemane”

I read the words in the scriptures when Christ prayed, praying to God, the Deity we as Latter day saints believe in. Suffering for all man kind, bleeding from every pore, and for all physical, mental, and spiritual pain and anguish.

“I feel his love, the price he paid, how many drops of blood were spilled for me?”

He loved me, and ALL so much that he even God the greatest of all trembled because of pain. How much pain did I cause him?

“With saints of old, in joyful cry, I to can testify, this is the Christ”

Jesus’ apostles and all who followed him, and I believe and can testify. He is Jesus Christ, Gods only begotten son.

“This is the Christ, the healer of our souls, who ransomed us with love Divine.”

This is Jesus Christ. Atoning for ALL mankind so that they can have a 2nd, or 3rd or as many chances as they need to return back to our Father, which is God, Jesus our brother. Jesus Christ our Redeemer, and Savior suffered and died for all mankind with love so strong we cannot even comprehend. He felt not only our painful thoughts, but he also felt Cancer, he felt being stabbed in the back, he felt Hell itself and yet he is so forgivable, and says as we spit on his face “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

I think girls camp really prepared me for this last weekend where I was privileged to be able to attend Youth conference for our stake, I was pleased to be able to make lots of good friends, and work on Christlike attributes such as: Patience, love, friendship, service, teamwork, and also leadership.

The activities and just the idea of what they taught brought me closer to my Savior. Becoming close to my Savior makes me happier and I don’t think I could have ever been happier then I am right now, I have a family who loves me and cares for me, I have a good education and am excited to learn from here on, I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints, and I have good friends who love me and care about me and want the best for me, I know with our Saviors help we can return back to the presence of our father in heaven.

Watching the girls serve at girls camp was so powerful, because you could see the light of Christ and true happiness shine in their eyes.

This year at girls camp is a year I will never forget and I can just say that it has been my favorite, and it did bring me closer to Jesus Christ.

Old school essay: The prince and the puaper

2011-07-16T17:19:00.001-07:00

The prince and the pauper

Nicole Roberts 4-29-11

In Shakespeare's play King John, It talked about a boy and the rightful heir to the thrown of England, and also the nephew of King John. This boys name is Arther, Arther's mother, Constance was more persistent then Arther in having him rule, as many said that she was annoying, and emotional, and that she would always get in in the way. Her saying that if Arther was ugly and ignorant she would understand, but he was smart and he had the beauty of royalty which gave him the right to rule.
   Arther was a very knowledgeable and a royal like child. Although he didn’t have a very large voice in regards to his future. He tried hard to get that voice. The way he acted as an innocent child and yet proper, orderly, and clean.
Prince John having sent Hubert one of his men to kill Arther, who fell in love with the boy, and could not fulfil his task to such innocence. The boy, much like the story we all know so well snow white didn’t know he was about to be slaughtered. Hubert then told the boy what was about to be done and urged him to flee for if he had not died Hubert might lose his own head.

   This story caused me think of the prince Edward of whales, In Mark Twain’s story The prince and the pauper, This young prince, being bred as a prince, and the rightful heir to the thrown, had much intellect, and had the beauty of royalty as well. Of course the story comes in with Edward bringing poor Tom Canty of Offal court, beggar's son and a pauper, into the the palace didn’t only change Tom’s life, but also the prince’s.
They talked and ate and then the prince feeling sorry and yet so excited, switched garments and noticed they looked almost as if they were identical and the prince being so fantasized, and hysterical, without switching back ran back to where the guard had treated Tom so badly to go teach him a lesson, but instead was thrown into the scummy streets of London,
and was much humbled by his long experience going through worse then most commoners had seen. The prince at first not used to people telling him what to do, yelling back telling them he was prince and the rightful heir to the thrown, was cast out of society and went down to the grimiest of grime. His father the king died and he was soon supposed to be crowned, but then realized that the pauper he had so kindly brought into the palace was replacing him.
Unlike Arther’s tragic story, he lived and soon reigned for the next short years of his life.
    Just like in Prince John and The prince and the pauper, Prince Edward and Arther, were the rightful heirs of the thrown, both scorned, and looked at as worthless and false.
Another thought that came to mind was what the Bastard, in King John said reading “Mad world! mad kings! mad composition!  John, to stop Arthur's title in the whole,  hath willingly departed with a part,  and France, whose armour conscience buckled on,  whom zeal and charity brought to the field  as God's own soldier, rounded in the ear  with that same purpose-changer, that sly devil,  that broker, that still breaks the pate of faith,  that daily break-vow, he that wins of all,  of kings, of beggars, old men, young men, maids,  who, having no external thing to lose  but the word 'maid,' cheats the poor maid of that,  that smooth-faced gentleman, tickling commodity,  commodity, the bias of the world,  the world, who of itself is peised well,  Made to run even upon even ground,  till this advantage, this vile-drawing bias,  this sway of motion, this commodity,  makes it take head from all indifferency,  from all direction, purpose, course, intent:  And this same bias, this commodity,  this bawd, this broker, this all-changing word,  clapp'd on the outward eye of fickle France,  hath drawn him from his own determined aid,  from a resolved and honourable war,  to a most base and vile-concluded peace.  And why rail I on this commodity? But for because he hath not woo'd me yet:  Not that I have the power to clutch my hand,  when his fair angels would salute my palm;  But for my hand, as unattempted yet,  like a poor beggar, raileth on the rich.  Well, whiles I am a beggar, I will rail  and say there is no sin but to be rich;  and being rich, my virtue then shall be  to say there is no vice but beggary.  Since kings break faith upon commodity,  gain, be my lord, for I will worship thee. ”
This reminded me of how when in The prince and the pauper, when The poor pauper, Tom Canty, looked at wealth as if it had no good to it, but if he were rich it would be good.
And also how The prince looked at the poor, and in fact didn’t know they truly existed and it was just a myth, this is why he being so surprised, Tom had been treated so badly and until he realized that it was normal and that this filth and tragedy struck throughout the land which caused compassion. For the Prince could truly say he had felt almost all there is to feel as a commoner and pauper.

Old school essay: Sumeria

2011-07-16T17:18:00.001-07:00

SUMERIA

Essay make-up work from oral exam

Nicole Roberts 5-10-11

Sumeria was a very advanced ancient civilization for instance: They created a language and a way of writing using cuneiform, or wedge writing. They made signs that were so unlike the objects they represented that they became symbols of sounds rather then of things.

Another example to how advanced Sumeria was is Paris, 200 yrs ago they figured out, (pipe) plumbing out of town,which when they didn’t have it they just threw their sewage out on the streets, unlike Sumeria who had out of town (pipe) plumbing 3000 years ago.

Sumeria also started the first code law, known as Hammurabi's law, and also started the first in many things such as: The first states, the first empires, the first irrigation, the first use of gold and silver as standards of value, temple edifice, the first business contracts, credit system, extensive development in writing, stories of the creation and the flood, the first libraries and schools, literature and poetry, cosmetics and jewelry, sculpture and bas relief, and so much more.

A lot of the things Sumeria had back in the day, we still use today. And maybe without the systems they came up with we could have taken much longer to invent those things and advance to where we are now.

Although the people were smart in building things and creating things, they did not seem to have very good family relationships, Durant says.

“She exercised equal rights with her husband

over their children; the estate as well as the home.

She could engage in business independently of her husband,

and could keep or dispose of her own slaves.

Sometimes, like Shub-ad, she could rise to the status

of queen, and rule her city with luxurious and imperious grace.

But in all crises the man was lord and master.

Under certain conditions he could sell his wife,

or hand her over as a slave to pay his debts....”

Family just didn’t seem as important, marriage didn’t sound very important, more like when the husband got bored he could just get rid of his wife and get another, which is a very sad thing. In our world today we are doing the same thing, divorces are frequent not rare, and nobody is surprised by them, which to me seems very pathetic, for marriage is such a strong covenant. The women still had rights as it says here, but of which were more focused on family things, unlike the husband who had way more rights for they were the true one’s who ruled over the home, and politics. Although the women could become Queen as Durant mentioned above, “But in all crisis the man was lord and master.”

As read from Durant.

“A system of credit existed by which goods,

gold or silver might be borrowed,

interest to be paid in the same material as the loan,

and at rates ranging from 15 to 33% per annum.

In the United States of America today, we have 4% and lower rates for loans.

You can just see how much we depend on the government today.

    Sumeria was very prosperous although Greece, Rome and the Jews didn’t know much about them.
They were wealthy which shows in their care for luxuries such as jewelry, cosmetics, and fine woven or lace clothing. the woman were usually heavily jeweled and the men some clean shaved, and most at least their upper lip, and had beards.
    Sumeria was the first of many things, including the first civilization we have records of.
    They were big in art which consisted of: Temples, statuary of animals, or heroes, and gods, pottery, and gold work or gold vessels (the more tasteful in design and delicate in finish). They had brilliant mastery as Durant said.
    While they had the first good things they also had some of the sins of a civilization: Slavery, despotism, ecclesiasticism, and imperialistic war.
    Art is important in a civilization, but Sumeria got consumed in its luxuries.
The men soon were becoming more feminine.
Morals decreased, and homosexuality, and cowardice took place.
Defense was not important only art and luxury.

Rome had three laws to keep it united and not to end up how Sumeria did naming:

No homosexuality
No cowardice
No murder

These things keep civilization going and without them you will fall into the worldly desires of your heart and your civilization will fall, as so many did just as Sumeria.

Old school essay: Fallacy

2011-07-16T17:17:00.003-07:00

Fallacy

Essay make-up work from oral exam

Nicole Roberts 5-10-11

A fallacy is mainly a false comparison, argument, or statement.
There are five more well known fallacies which are listed.

A red herring
Straw man
Ad hominem
False equivalency
false dichotomy

A red herring is a distraction.
A straw man would be known as presenting someone else's argument, but then while doing this tearing it down, or maybe the abuse of logic.
An ad hominem would be to contact a human being to a thing, or to say something and without looking at the defects. For example:
“All rodents are mammals, but a weasel isn't a rodent, so it can't be a mammal."
This does not logically follow.
here is another one: All politicians are liars, and you're just another politician. Therefore, you're a liar and your arguments are not to be trusted." there.
A false equivalency is when you give a false comparison and you are not aloud to compare to other things which is in a way like...
A false Dichotomy which could be when you give two choices, as if these are the only choices you have to chose from.
For example:
there are two ways to picking up trash from the ground.

By bending clear down where your nose touches your knees, and
When you do a cartwheel and when your hands hit the floor you grab the trash.

This is not a very great example, but you can easily tell those are not the only two choices in this example, for you can pick up trash with your toes, or by kicking it up into your hands, or with your hands by just slightly bending over. this one is more easily recognized but things you may not be so familiar to and that may be less ignowledgable. Which causes more confusing ones to mislead you.

The adventure to see my new baby brother

2011-07-04T13:31:00.000-07:00

So funny story, it all starts with my mom saying guess what guys! and her being sick all the time, then randomly listening to "hypno babies" music thing stuff. haha and thats when everyone says "your pregnent huh?" because having 9 kids its just not a surprise anymore.
Then it gets annoying, after her morning sickness and sleepiness goes away so does her appetite
sometimes she gets addicted to things; such as last time it was ice and she would never stop eating it.
But this time (of course when I am now the cook) she decides she hates garlic and onions, that of which is the only thing I cook with, so that was annoying.
Finally she was due on june 20th, you have to know that my mom never has early babies, so the story continues.... My dad and I had to go do a job in Salt Lake City, Utah a week before my moms due date.
and he had me drive untill about one in the morning we get to our destination and go to bed, then at 5:00 am My mother calls saying that she is in labor, and that we needed to come home right away.

My father says that we have to go and do that job before we go home, so he has my step grandma take my ma to the hospital.....So my mom is in labor and at the hospital, and My father and I are both gone in SLC, UT finishing a job......continue..... So FINALLY we leave at 1:00 pm from SLC and my dad is driving now at a crazy sycho speed while he puts his foot up on the dash board and talks on the phone AND eats his breakfast. Finally we arrive to the hospital in Rexburg at 3:30 And right as my dad went in she started to push, in about 2 hours we heard the beautiful cry of our new baby boy Henry Jefferson. And I love my little grunting baby bro! :)

My next painting starting with a sketch

2011-06-03T14:52:00.000-07:00

my first painting without a teacher :)

2011-06-03T14:51:00.000-07:00

My painting #4 :)

2011-05-03T21:12:00.000-07:00

First Oil painting

2011-01-25T16:57:00.000-08:00

Halloween

2011-01-19T20:41:00.000-08:00

dance class

2011-01-19T19:53:00.000-08:00

Dance class was great today!
everyone loved it and are all planning on coming next week ^_^ im so happy and sooo exited to teach! and perform and have a ball!!! i love this! :)

My family

2011-01-17T13:23:00.001-08:00