ConSense

Why did you make PK after PK so much

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 31 Dec 2014 20:51:00 +0000

Since I am writing this on an empty stomach, the best analogy for PK crossing my thoughts right now is that of a chef putting Rajma masala, chhole masala, chaat masala, meat masala, chicken masala, blah blah masala, all at once in a dish just because he did not want to leave out any flavor and in the process ruining what could have been potentially a cult dish.

PK’s core idea is to highlight a very common Indian disease, Voluntary Religious exploitation of people, by people and how ironic it is, irrespective of a particular religion. The movie deals with religious hypocrisy very logically and in a simple manner. Having said that, such a strong message in the movie got a bit diluted by many other ridiculous nonsense within the movie itself. And now I have so many points to crib about!

1. If cricket can go down from 60 overs to 50 overs to 20 overs with changing times, why can’t the length of a typical big banner movie in Bollywood as well? It was unnecessarily stretched by stupid things like Alien-Girl sequence etc. I donno if it is theater specific but I am sure that planets must have changed their position to cause major astrological influences and in the meanwhile entire janta must have got educated on ‘Aamsutra’ and ‘Choc-On’ by Katrina Kaif in those 30 minutes of interval advertisement.

2. Why would they keep zooming on Anushka’s ugly lips? Also, just because Sushant is married, not conventionally good looking and not a star kid, they made him chew on so much plastic. Awwwwwwwww…

3. What are the odds that a Bhojpuri speaking prostitute is working in a small area of Rajasthan just so that the hero could have that dialect #TooFake.

Also why wouldn’t he get his language updated when he falls for over enthusiastic Jaggu-The Maggu. After all, she would have held his hands more easily and he would have had a better shot at impressing her.

4. Jaggu and Sarfaraaz(Sarfu here on) bonded over poetry and literature and it was shown umpteen times where one of them is sitting and the other one is lying in the lap at a perfect angle to sniff the other’s armpits, reading books/notebooks. Sarfu himself was a writer by hobby so I am pretty sure atleast some of those notebooks had his handwriting in it. Then How the hell can neither of them recognize handwriting or call to inquire/please/abuse. What is the probability of being super dumb? Hmmmm…. 1.

5. Are we sure call was made to Pakistani Embassy? Because it surely looked like Love Guru’s hotline number. Dramatic boundaries were crossed as all the Pakistanis started reacting as if it was announced that Gosht will be served more in quantity than the usual.

6. I am all for men nudity (Finally!!!!) but why didn’t they show Ranbir’s goodies instead of a man who is the father of three in real life. #TooBad

PK is an Okay one time watch. See it for the strong, logical questions it raises, funny sequences in the first half and Ranbir Kapur in the end.

Anyway, I left theater with a very profound doubt. Did Sarfu have a job in Pakistan? Did he not? Was he so vella he kept calling everyday? Or was he damn rich? Was he working from home at the time of call? Are the companies there that cool?? Kya Aapke Toothpaste me Namak hai??Blah!

My New Year resolutions

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 06 Jan 2014 20:36:00 +0000

Lazy ~~bum~~ kam:

This year I intend to free myself from laziness thanks to some serious inspiration by the word going around that 2014 has same calendar as 1947, India’s year of freedom. (Too lazy and non excited to verify this.)

Run, run, run………

Not towards food but a healthy lifestyle. I have already dropped to samosa from samosa chaat. Plan is to convert it into popcorn(only) soon. Because deep down I know that there are more ways to looking hot than high fever.
Remember ladies!
"Once on lips, forever on hips"

Early to bed,

early to rise

On Weekdays

Is wise….

It’s not a matter of shame if you want to hit the sack early so that you can wake up minus the zombie look,have a peaceful breakfast and plan your day. Life has much more meaning to it than just shoes and booze(except on weekends)

Work is worship:

Okay Fine! Atleast important.

Now that I am into my first job after many sleepless nights(nay! Wasn’t studying.. just panicking), I am going to put in 100% into it to actually judge the nature of work instead of going by the conjectures.

Reduce prattling my opinion on well…just about everything:

Keeping quiet about irrelevant things can be a serenade to the mind. If you can’t subside the urge to insinuate on seeing someone being point blank wrong, Barfi them out.

Unfortunately, the quieter ones unfailingly look really intellectual even if all they may be doing is focusing on the nostril hair of oppositely seated person in between their pauses of an eternity.

Also, humorlexic people are not worthy of jokes and sarcasm. Don’t let them fart on your happy mood by their dissection of each and every statement. Let them be (poopy).

Read and write and read:

Just realized for the 2014^th time that if I cut down on reading nonsense fb stuffs and writing comments on all the pouting pics of others while being Jealous inside, I can actually read lot many good stuffs and polish my writing skills. Some of the sentences I have written here have been fitted around the words I learnt from watching Koffee With Karan Season 4. That is the level of my exposure to a language that I once loved to master. This has to change. Yes!

Understand the true meaning of love:

True love is supposed to make you feel the same way a good loud sneeze does. Free and happily silly.

Anything else is blah!

Speak up

Speak up for things you strongly care about. For me, next time I see a friend throwing wrapper on streets, I am throwing him as well.

Pick up

Go back and complete those unfinished comic strips on photoshop, half written articles, some artwork left midway and those weird ideas that died with the course of time, juggle them up and make something crazy. This time for myself. :)

Get atleast one of these off my bucket list:

1. Learn some western dance.

2. Learn swimming.

3. Join theatre.

2014 has already started on a good note. I was very upset to see all my boy crushes turn into uncles as the years passed by, but I finally have a new young crush, Arjun Kapoor. Weeeeeee!

Cheers and have a good year ahead you all.

How can I end without an Aloknath joke?

“How does Aloknath’s dog bark?

Bow-ji, Bow-ji”

To Boredom & Beyond

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 23 Nov 2013 15:54:00 +0000

You know you are extremely bored in life when:

1. You stop sympathizing with your maid and instead envy her for the immense job satisfaction she has, which is quite evident by the bright ‘Good Morning’ she greets you with in her pretty clothes, while your heart starts sinking knowing it’s a weekday morning.

2. You start fearing that soon enough, on some crazy day you may permit your parents to go groom hunting just because you believe that you will have atleast 0.1 % chance of having fun in future.

3. Friday is the day of your resurrection. Every week.

4. Hogging is the only way to break the monotony of daily life. Even if that means looking forward to eating South Indian style Chhole full of coconut in office as slowly and as much and as many times as you can just to while away time even when you weigh nearly 3 times your age.

5. You know the exact nature of Priya’s trauma currently in “Bade Ache Lagte Hain..” and sit through songs like ‘God, Allah, Bhagwan…’ poker faced.

6. Mirror is not a necessity anymore for your prior obsessed self. You pick up the first pair of cloth that falls out of the cupboard and go around the town in pink and yellow or red and dark red. There is no enthusiasm to look good.

7. 10 facebook notifications is the most exciting thing you came across today.

8. You actually start introspecting and contemplate over clichéd ideas like preparing for MBA.

9. You can relate to all the slow songs which you earlier assumed to be written by constipated people, for constipated people….

Some of my favorites these days:

· ‘Kabhi khud pe, Kabhi haalaat pe rona aaya…’ after regularly missing the office bus even after a real life ‘Temple Run’ daily and paying 200 damn bucks to go to the most Yo Yo place: Office!

· ‘Kyun Main Jaagoon……..’ in front of the desktop while a sheet stares back at me.

· ‘A Thousand Years........’ at 5:30 pm knowing that I have 3 more hours left in my shift and cannot take the shuttle that leaves like right now!

· ‘Kuch na Kaho, Kuch bhi naa Kaho…’ as the work is being assigned to me.

· ‘Ajnabi mujhko itna bataa, dil mera kyun pareshan hai…’ after manager gives his insights into my work.

10. When the Joke of the Day is: ‘Mommy, I know about Gandhi but who the hell is Jayanti’ by a teammate’s kid on Oct 2^nd.

Besharam piece by piece

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 05 Oct 2013 19:40:00 +0000

Okay I confess I was besharam and jobless enough to spend money on watching this utterly nonsense movie, but even RK is to be blamed for making me go against all reviews and trust his choice.

The movie was seriously an assault on sensibilities but certain scenes/songs/characters steal the show.

1. Meet Ch*ndel, the constipated criminal(Javed Jaffery) who is lame ass enough to focus on the car needed for the crime more than the crime itself.

2. Meet Babli(Ranbir Kapoor), an expert in car stealing who needs to make sure his balls are at place every 10 mins. Naachun?

3. Meet the childless police force, Mr. & Mrs. Chautala ( Rishi and Neetu Kapoor) who have literally been given poop scenes to create humor but the jokes stink. Not their fault at all.

4. Meet Tara, Babli’s love interest and the woman who is PMSing throughout the movie.

5. Tara, the dumbum lives in a modest area but spends all her savings on a BMW. Intelligent decision making considering she is the manager of some company.

6. Babli, the besharam meets her at a wedding and even in her cranky mood, she starts gyrating like some ‘Maata’ decided to enter her body.

7. Tara’s mom meets Babli and gets the divine idea that a loafer mechanic is the ideal guy for her daughter because all her daughter is expecting from her future partner is class. Duh!

8. Ch**** gives money to Babli to get him a car and he obliges.

By stealing his dream girl’s car.

From her official parking.

When he had seen her arrive in it for the 1^st time.

Dumbness_/\ _

9. Somewhere in between, we are expected to go all oooh-aah as a result of RK’s butt cleavage in our face for a good 30 sec. Yuck!

10. The bunch of disgusting attempts to evoke laughter does get a breakthrough in a scene thanks to T2’s(Babli’s buddy) reaction to desperate attempt to create laughter by making him bear the brunt of Babli’s morning wood. Thooo but funny!

11. Anyway, Babli realizes his mistake and promises to get the car back for Tara, the woman with the longest history of frown.

12. While Tara is in dilemma whether to go or not, her mom is all gung ho about Babli, her dream son in law. So what if he is a typical delhi boy, so what if he keeps eve teasing her daughter. She knows he is the one and Tara should totally tag along with him to get her car back. Wow !

13. They go and the 1^st thing they see in Chandigarh is her car. Whatta coincidence!

14. She finds out that he was the one who stole her car in the 1^st place and gets pissed off. He enlightens her about him being an orphan and how he gives it all to an orphanage and the inevitable happens.

15. Loou bug hits her and no amount of chicken, ice cream or coffee is enough to win his heart back. Damn it!

16. He gets beaten badly but one strike on the wind shield of his Tara’s car and he has his “This is spartaa…” moment. Through his gravity defying smartness, he is able to get the car back somehow while it’s coming back from servicing and she gives him a peck. 2 actually. Deep girl, we must notice here.

17. The great criminal, chu**** had actually sent the car for servicing with crores of money in it. BEST CRIMINAL EVER! Muaah muaah!

18. Bharat Maata, Tara gives the money bag to the corrupt police couple.Then comes the ultimate proposal dialogue by her.
"Abhi tak toh main sharma hi rahi thi, mujhe bhi besharam bana de..." or something like that.
Btw, her surname is Sharma. That's all. :|

19. In true Bollywood style chu kidnaps all the anaath ashram kids and after lot many blah blah scenes, Hero wins and villain loses.

Actually this part was so long and boring to watch that I don’t feel like describing it only.

20. A few PJs later, the childless cop couple decides to adopt Babli. Awwwwwwww… :\

21. It’s not over yet. Throughout the movie you are tortured by pathetic songs but the ending credits take it to the all new level where everyone is seen shaking to the tunes of something like “Hand utha ke naache….” which sounded like “Pant utha ke naache..” to me in the theatre making it all the more unbearable.

P.S.: Neetu Kapoor is a very good actress and I would love to see her on screen again, but in a sensible movie next time. She played the role of a corrupt Jat cop to utmost perfection and was very convincing in the otherwise irritating battle scene. :)

The art of looking bad

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 25 Aug 2013 09:31:00 +0000

Some people are not content with the unforced genetic flaws that we all come with and try to take it up a notch by putting on nonsense in public. Some of the ultimate “My eyes! My eyes!” moments come for me when I see someone doing any of these:

Skin colored leggings: Okay you woman, from a distance it looks like you wore nothing but Kurti/Top. You look semi naked and I get disgusted with your bare(appearing) elephant/ toothpick legs below a pretty costume. It looks extremely cheap and kinda vulgar.
Goggles at night: Unless and until you are blind, I assume you have got conjunctivitis or are a bimbo of top category.
Scratched nail paint: Eeew is the word man! Remove it completely or keep updating it like your antivirus.
Undies out, grace over: Some morons forget that underwears must have been named so for a reason and go around flashing it like a talent. Unless and until you are Superman, please don’t do it.
Putting on favorite accessories: Doing it all at once makes you look like a shop on Chandni Chowk and takes the focus away from individual pretty pieces. So please don’t crowd yourselves and look like a bride.
V neck t shirts: In my personal opinion, a figure hugging V neck T Shirt takes a bit of manliness away from guys.
Cleavage: All you men who consider themselves John Abraham from Dostana and all you J Los’ , please note that belts have a purpose. So before you bend down and put your bums in someone’s face please make sure you have it covered because believe it or not, it looks disgusting.
Personal hygiene: Please don’t consider this world a bathroom and flash your booger around. Similarly, you don’t have to show off that you ate something nice by carrying it everywhere in your teeth.
Bad color combination: Green, pink, yellow, blue and red. Together you look good, nobody said. So please keep in mind the aesthetics before you decide to prove yourself to be a super cool matchmaker for your clothes. Remember, you are a person. Not a rainbow.

Fukrey review

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 12:21:00 +0000

So I enter the theatre will low expectations and two overgrown men playing kids(Choocha and Hunny) in school lowers it even further. Enters the wanna be singer, Zafar who I now assume is the hero of the movie. Zafar has girly hairstyle and plucked eyebrows for which I dunno how much he had to suffer. Dude! Plucking eyebrows won’t make you Imran Khan. You need to choose movies in which you have dialogues unless u get an offer in Barfi 2 ofcourse.

Now get rid of pre conceived notions!

Hunny and Choocha don’t look like a school boy because they have failed once in 1^st std, twice in 6^th std and are going to complete a hatrick in 12^th if they don’t pass this time. They come up with a brilliant plan: “Even now we won’t study”. Idiots for sure else who cannot not pass even if they start start studying 5 days before our CBSE board exams thanks to gap almost like summer vacation between papers. Dumb boys ofcourse. They decide to buy the board papers.

Choocha has the divine gift of dreaming up weird stories and Hunny(smart ass his ass) can interpret it accurately(100% mind you) to win lotteries. Zafar’s dad gets admitted and of course he cannot get money because even after 13 retakes in singing he pees in his pants. Also, comes in picture(came a lil early actually) Laali, The Surd whose bike has a virtual note on it: MOLEST ME. Laali is taking tuitions from Zafar’s gf (Neetu) to get into college and jalaaofy the girl who dumped him. He will later start falling for her only after she removes Bhujiya from his beard. LOL!

Hunny and Choocha decide to bet big amount of lottery and go to borrow it and come across Laali and Zafar. All of them need money ofcourse. Even though Big Daddy, Pandit ji is reluctant, Zafar The Duffer convinces him that this is the only way to make money( Of course he can’t sing to save his Dad’s life. )

And hence we enter the funniest minutes of the movie. They decide to make the town Gundi( Thank god the villain is a girl who is not into rape! Refreshing \m/ ), Bholi Punjaban. She is THE DON and seems to be a disciple of Rakhi Sawant loud and clear by the fact that she has a tattoo on her back that reads ‘SINDERELLA’

Bholi Punjaban steals all the best dialogues. “Kyu Pandit ji, itne din baad aaye ho, Gupt rog ho gaya tha kya” or “You also run, Behen ke Son” being some of them.

She decides to trust Choocha and his Choo friends’ idea to get benefit on a partnership basis. Now Choocha is not able to perform under pressure. Errrr…means he is not able to sleep only to get a dream. But out of fear, he tells them a fake story and obviously Bholi Punjaban is furious. She gives them drugs to sell in a party where Choocha’s chu friend brings along a girl(Priya) he keeps eve teasing. Oh wow true Loou! She comes to the party dressed as if all the the cham cham sitaara of the town has landed on her top. . Police strikes and pills are flushed down the toilet by Neetu to save the asses. Don’t ask how. Now while hiding, Hunny asks Priya if she is his gf and she goes furious saying “Zabardasti karne ki koshish kar re ho”. LOL!

After losing Bholi di Goli, they are asked to get 25 lacs in a day. Now Choocha gets a real dream and guess who supports him furiously to bet again. Ms.Neetu Ma’am. She smartly gives up all her savings along with the silly boy’s chindi amounts. Zafar The Duffer is against it this time and gets proven wrong again shortly as they all manage to win the lottery this time.

Bholi Punjaban is tricked into police custody. Choo and Hunny manage to pass and go to college on a horse( I wonder how could they pass even after getting the paper because searching the right answers for something we have no clue about also takes time). Laali gets a new arm candy and just before you feel like slapping that spineless Zafar, he starts singing and gets his girl back. Yayyiie!

PS: Choocha’s T-Shirt that read COMA and had Puma’s tiger/lion whatever lying dead was really hilarious.\m/

“Hello? Kon? Maata…” Jaagaran song had me jumping with laughter.

Also, both the chicks are really pretty.

Overall, Fukrey is a mast masala movie rey! DO WATCH IT for the real hero of the movie, the not at all bholi - ‘Bholi Punjaban’.

Btw, Fukrey means Vella te Jobless te a part of all of us. Isn't it? ;)

Art of Self Entertainment

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 13 Jun 2013 20:13:00 +0000

1. Let your hair loose literally on your neck and press it now. Feeling is same as that of caressing your favorite doggie. Oops! Sorry non girly boys.

2. Google your genuine doubts like the one I once had: ‘Why is butter milk called butter milk when it does not have butter’.

3. Make Maggi in Rasna. Or NOT. It tastes yuck!

4. Spam your hyper intelligent genius friend’s wall with the message: ‘Chaddi Or Vest, YOU ARE THE BEST!”

5. Climb up an escalator coming down.

P.S: Don’t act oversmart. Wait for everybody to leave the mall after the night show.

6. Dance like no one is watching or whoever is watching won’t be able to dance again out of sheer trauma. Same goes for singing like a frog-crow hybrid intentionally or otherwise.

7. Talk to kids as much as you can. They bring in a fresh perspective. After a few speechless moments, your stagnant IQ will start kicking up again.

8. Invent your own games. Translate your favorite song into another language. The idiocy of whole idea and the funny words will tickle you from within.

Look What I found!

Hindi

A Kya Bolti Tu ?

A Kya Mai Bolu ?

Sun

Suna

Ati Kya Khandala ?

Kya karu Ake mai Khandala ?

Are Ghumenge, nachenge, gayenge Aish karenge or kya

Sanskrit

Aye balike, twam katham kathisyasi

Aye balakah aham kim kathisyamh

Shrinvasi!

Shrunha

Kim twam khandaalaa agchasyasi

Aham kim kurwasyami khandaalayeh

gamisyami, bhramisyami, nryuthyami, gaayami, maja karishma, kim karishyam

9. Dance like no one is watching or whoever is watching won’t be able to dance again out of sheer trauma. Same goes for singing like a frog-crow hybrid intentionally or otherwise.

10. Talk to kids as much as you can. They bring in a fresh perspective. After a few speechless moments, your stagnant IQ will start kicking up again.

Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani Review

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 08 Jun 2013 19:30:00 +0000

Lemme start with ‘You r my pumpkin pumpkin, Hello honey Bunny(Ranbir Kapoor)’. Ranbir is not only the best actor that I have seen in recent times but also the most good looking one. Loafer whistles at you my Boy!

It all begins with the meeting of conservative, shy Naina(Deepika Padukone) and her Mommy with Naina’s dudette friend Aditi(Kalki). Mommy dear whose own daughter is in a mini skirt finds Aditi’s hotpants too much. LOL

Bored of mugging, Naina joins Aditi, Bunny and the Talli hero-from-Aashiqui 2-who-keeps-forgetting-that-this movie-is-not-Aashiqui 2, Avi(Aditya Roy Kapoor) for a trip to Manali(Kashmir in reality). After a few trademark Deepika’s hair shots , she falls for Bunny who meanwhile keeps flirting with nose-par-jiske-plastic-hai-saara, Lara and indulges in lots of idiotic slow motion dialogues with Naina who has probably damaged her own Naina by studying in the light of things like campfire. Aaargh!

Bunny runs off to USA to chase his dreams just as she was about to propose to him.

Fast forward the story to 8 years later.

Bunny has grown a beard and changed his earrings and is living his dream life of travelling places. Naina is emoting with her hair, Aditi has decided to marry a rich, fat boy after finally moving on from Awww I love that idiot Avi phase. Avi is ofcourse still shooting for Aashiqui 2

Bunny suddenly pops up at her wedding and dances like a hurricane without any choreography. Wow!

I have a complaint here: How can Aditi be so mean that while she is wearing the prettiest of clothes, she lets her hubby wear weird flowery shirts. Duh Woman..

Slow romantic(Yawn!) conversations resume between Bunny and now hot Naina who tells him Damn-you-Moron-Come-back-home in a very polite way and 20 mins later, he obliges.

Okay, The END.

Highilghts:

· The queen of grace and beauty Madhuri Dikshit’s tasteful item number.

· Kalki’s Bindaas acting and comic timing.

· Catchy songs

· Ranbir Kapoor ;)

Ek Thi Daayan Review

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 05 May 2013 18:17:00 +0000

Well it’s the story of a magician whose name if you chant in continuation will bring out the dog in you, Mr. Bobo(Emran Hashmi).

He is dating Tamara(Huma Qureshi) and they have an adopted son, Zubin in the pipeline. Now Bobo is not scared of burning a living girl in his magic shows but a baby girl with doll spooks him out. Spooky enough that after a while he decides marrying Tamara is the solution for it all.. Duh!

Bobo now digs up his past and story shifts to the eleven year old wanna be magician. Living happily with his Sis and Dad, Bobo is unable to tame the Sherlock in him and takes a trip to hell in the building’s non functional escalator. Yeah right.. Don’t press 666 or you will reach hell.

Now enters a daayan(Konkana) in their lives with the most innovative name, ‘Daayana’. She henpecks his Tharki Dad under her charm in no mean time. Bobo identifies the Daayan and tries to convince his Dad but Alas! Tharki Dad is just too tharki. Konkana actually manages to give out a few scary moments without any lame ass twist in the plot. _/\_

Daayana has the ability to transform into a lizard and slip through anywhere. So convenient whenever you feel too fat for the door ;)

Daayans are recharged by the sacrifice of a kid and Daayan Daayana picks up Bobo’s lil sissy. Caught red handed in the act by father and son, Daayan kills Daddy Cool also and asks Bobo to come along. But Bobo chops off her pigtail and boom! she crumbles after promising of PunarJanam..Also, we learn that Daayans have feet in the reverse direction.

Ofcourse all this Bobo’s intelligence comes from the H C Verma of Magic world, a crap book he bought from a Kabadi Wala.

Come back to the yawning present now, Enter the girl with front teeth all over the place, Lisa(Kalki). Her Daayan like jewelleries affirm that Daayan has come back. Yawn… Yawn.

She buys Bobo’s crappy childhood home and soon Tamara is hanging on the railing as if it’s ‘Khatron Ke Khiladi’. Ofcouse Piddi Lisa managed to topple Fat Huma and even more obvious is that atleast 50 more people who are at the party don’t lend a helping hand to Bobo The Dodo to pull his wife up. Duh!

Sniffing threat to Zubin’s life Bobo boboes to hell again ofcourse in the non functional elevator and meets the chudail+wife he had been with all along, Tamara…

Wonder how even after making out so many times he did not notice her feet. Like father, like son. :\

Bobo is enlightened with the fact that he is a potential ‘Pishaach’ and should sacrifice the kid on the table to join the league. Weirdly, lots of expressionless people are present in hell while all this goes on. LOL! Ofcourse ‘Bobo The Pishaach’ decides against it and delares:” THIS IS SPARTA..!”

‘ Tams the dumbs’ is apparently a newbie Daayan as she forgets to transform into a lizard before crawling up the wall in the fight. No common sense only :\

Being a sheer genius, ‘Bobo The Dodo’ recalls from the book that being a potential Pishach, he can harness the energy and has his Junior G moment. He then uses that energy to Khallaas Tamara.

He now has to kill ‘Daayana The Daayan’ but sadly he loses his killer abilities with the loss of his innocence according to Satan manual. Duh!

After a funny fight between Bobo and Daayan’s choti, Javed Habib of the story-Zubin, chops off her hair and she crumbles again. If only he could make her Takloo.. :\

Okay Okay! Wake up now. This movie is not that bad and full of pretty ladies. You can watch it once and that’s all. J J

No figure is perfect figure

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 14 Apr 2013 19:02:00 +0000

Okay there is a girl who can immediately see every pizza piece I eat on my tummy /shoulders / face and sometimes on my fingers also. I tell you she is just crazy. First she forces me to go to gym at odd hours as I keep repeating the following lines in my head while huffing on the treadmill-

“You're on the frontline

Everyone's watching

You know it's serious

We're getting closer

This isnt over

The pressure is on

You feel it

But you've got it all

Believe it…..”.

Then I crawl back like a proud soldier who has just conquered her ~~Tiger~~ Tummy hill and this mean girl convinces me that I should be rewarded with pizza, chocolates and sometimes Soft drink also as my victory drink which apparently has calories equivalent to 7 spoons of sugar. Even as I open my mouth to say N..she interrupts me saying…”You look anorexic! Do you want to look like Kareena Kapoor!” and I am like “Yuck! Hell no! Who wants to look like her.. “

Yeah! Right! . Just 2 burps later she pops up in front of me reminding how life and my face goes on in a circle. :\

But there is one thing we agree on. There are only 2 kinds of girls in this world- Paper/Papad, Elephat.

Being a fan of the TV Series ‘2 Broke girls’, girls are either Carolined or Maxed in the virtual list. ;)

Paper Wafer girls are disgusting. Infact, we think they are non-males but not females. Their collar bone is like 2 swords hanging on a wall. They don’t even have a belly for belly dancing. Yuck Thoo!

Now elephats are so fat that a sofa can sit on them. If they hug us, we won’t even need a bubble wrap. Oh Man! They look eternally pregnant. Yuck thoo!

I, ofcourse, am different. I keep swaying back andf forth between NOTA(None of the above) and BOTA(Both of the Above). This is obviously decided by this crazy girl I have been talking about all along who is right now grinning back at me from the mirror. All I want to sing to her is:

“I hate you like I love you..love you..love you..love you… aaooouuu!”

P.S: I recently managed to get my favorite answer for my “Am I looking thin or fat?” question.

Me: “Am I looking thin or fat in that pic?”

Friend: I haven’t even seen it but I am sure very thin.

Me: Hatt!! Very funny <Weeeeee….Weeeee>

Me: Did you see the pic now?

Friend<After a long pause>: OMG! You are so thin that it took me a while to find you!

Me: Liar!(Read yes!) Kutta! (Read yes!) …. Be honest naa(Read No No No!)

'I, Me Aur Main' Pain

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 06 Mar 2013 14:07:00 +0000

Firstly, I would like a committee to be set up to investigate if Jyoti Randhawa has stolen all his wife’s cash. Why else did an amazing actor like Chitrangada Singh stoop to something as low as signing this movie. Tcchh….

The core of the movie is to promote ‘Assholism’ in general through John Abraham’s(Ishaan) character. The title reflects him as a selfish but actually he is also a cheapo who refuses to pay the milkman of his gf Anushka(btw, he is a leach living in her house, probably for free)because he drinks black coffee. Should we laugh? Haha..haha…

Anushka(Chitrangada) dumps him and he falls for his neighbor , Gauri (Prachi Desai) just because she keeps flashing.

I mean keeps flashing her …errr.. Teeth! Stylist by profession, she herself wears tacky combination of blue and yellow clothes. She is so demented that even being left alone on a road by the jerk, Ishaan also makes her laugh. She is also a part time electrician always playing with screwdriver in the building. Why the hell did she not fix her own loose screw !

Ishaan meanwhile, decides to promote Aamla, who is not edible or tolerable at all. She declares being a noob at everything except singing but miraculously starts doing classical dance at the end with bad lip syncing.

There is one good thing about Ishaan though. He turns into a motivational speaker(Deepak Chopra ..listening?) everytime Aamla is just about to piss in her pants in panic. Just 2 lines and boom!

Meanwhile Anushka discovers that she is pregnant with Ishaan’s child..blah..blah..

Ishaan’s mother takes revenge for the audience by slapping him tight which makes him a good person.LOL!So at the end, he becomes a responsible father while Anushka doesn’t take him back for a hotter guy. Finally a good decision. ;)

Throughout the movie, John keeps delivering an epic dialogue while scratching air in front of mirror like a dog. ”Who is the ~~best~~ (waste)… Who is the ~~best~~ (waste)… Who is the ~~best~~ (waste)…? Ishaan” Pissssssssssss

Why am I not the perfect marriage material

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 04 Mar 2013 17:05:00 +0000

If love is blind, marriage talks gives divine vision. While Indian parents are eventually embracing crazy ideas like letting kids choose their own life partner, a girl has to score above average in atleast four SSSShit departments . And even though I am a well educated(atleast on papers), almost independent girl, I will surely fall short in all of them. :P

1. Shaant: My Mom always compared my arrival from school to being hit by a storm. I considered it my duty to speak for even the gadgets in the house, while I played Frisbee with shoes, bag and water bottle. She stands by the fact that she called it ‘Toofan’ only because the term ‘Tsunami’ was not popular back then. Now, 20 years later, if anything, I have become more slapstick. It will be a little tough to blush now at silly Aunty comments or act shy because sometimes the desire to talk back to such people is stronger than the urge to pee after a bottle of Beer.

2. Sajjan: I firmly believe that ‘ Jhansi Ki Raani’ was me in my previous birth. While I am no ‘ Lalita Pawar’, I like to have my share of pranks. Crazy lil things are what tickle me up enough to live. Sorry but a Tigeress cannot really ‘Meow’.

3. Susheel: I have a record for unfailingly falling with the popcorn bucket in movies, accidently dropping water on innocent people who ask me for a glass of one, trying to make magic dal with just water, pouring shampoo all over myself in a hurry just because the talc and shampoo bottles were both green. Basically, I am very clumsy. Cooking, cleaning, singing, painting are probably A..B..C..D’s of “good girl” world but shit! I started reading backwards from ‘Z’. Reaching A will take time! I will probably embarrass my future Mom in Law(God save her!) in all her “Aao Behen Chugli Karein” kitty parties!

4. Sundar: I just got a haircut whose tagline should be: “Crazy today, fashion tomorrow”. Also, I don’t belong to any of these categories.

· Healthy but not chubby/thin but not skinny

· Naagin hair society.

· Ghost white complexion.

· Collar bone prominent enough to be a hanger.

· Tall/short enough to make the guy appear taller and probably many more.

Actually, I become just a normal looking girl after you pay for tiny tucks on the face.

As of now, there is a little time to see if love takes me down or not, but I would surely like to be put on trial just because I have better ‘S’ characteristics. Spontaneous..Smart…Stubborn…Sporty.. and I would like to SSSShock some of the Mommies and Daddies desperate to get an intellectual Apsara for their poodle son. It’s all just For Fun. ;)

Murder of Murder 3

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 12:47:00 +0000

The tagline is: “This Valentine…love will be murdered”.

The tagline should have been: “This Valentine…a few hundred bucks will be murdered.”

Meet bimbo No. 1 in SA. Her acting skills can’t be analyzed solely because I was not able to see anything but her big nose, which sometimes becomes more red than her lipstick. She is dating Randeep Hooda (Tharki No. 1) whose kismet is seriously foota. Even Bimbo No. 1’s nose color could vary more than his expressions. But he is the prettiest person amongst all hands down.

Bimbo and Tharki shift to India where Bimbo wants to test his love for her. She locks herself in a bomb proof secret chamber in her own house and takes important things like purse (probably for shopping in a hideout room made in 1947) and keys for everything but the chamber. Smart girl! If no sound can be heard from inside, from where the hell does oxygen come in! The room also has leftovers from 1947 for her to eat. LOL! The chamber has 2 one-sided transparent doors and loudspeakers to hear what goes on in the main house. Big Boss inspired?

Now of course, Bimbo 1 gets locked in and hence, enters Bimbo No. 2. She is a waitress and hence can afford only bare minimal clothes. She stays in a good apartment which surely she cannot afford by working overtime.

Tharki soon brings Bimbo 2 to his house and wins her over with dialogues where vocal variations are as good as a dead person’s ECG. Yippee!

Now onwards all the activities are of course carried out in front of the two see through doors in a house stretched only across a few acres.

Bimbo 2 has to brush her teeth now. She picks up a random brush out of the 2 kept. Eeeew! What kind of a waitress is she! No sense of hygiene! She always manages to reach the house located in the outskirts of the city every evening (I think it’s Mumbai). Dafuq Traffic! :O

Enter Faaltu 1 and Faaltu 2. Both are cops involved in the most epic dialogue of the movie.

Tharki: “I think something is not right.”

Faaltu 1: “You mean something is wrong?”

Dafuq!

While Bimbo 1 and 2 are having conversations through a basin, faaltu 2 is busy hitting on Bimbo 2. Meanwhile, Tharki’s escapades come to light and Bimbo 2 decides to free Bimbo 1 from the chamber. But ofcourse, she gets locked in now.

Bimbo 1 flees back to SA and faaltu 2 comes to save Bimbo 2. As he puts his gun up, we the viewers, bow our heads down in shame for wasting a few thousand paise.

Oh BTW I forgot.. Movie has just ended.

How Can My True Love Leave me!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 08 Feb 2013 21:41:00 +0000

It’s been a couple of hours since he left me. All my calls are going in vain. Now I know how Sita must have felt in her exile bereft of Ram, Arnab Goswami in his Maun Vrata and Jacqueline Fernandez in Bollywood. Completely lost!

I pressed him hard to revive our relationship. Tried to reconnect all the connection I could think of. In a moment of desperation, breaching a barricade of robots, I reached his boss also who promised me a time frame of 2 days to get him back. I know that his promise is as fake as Koena Mitra’s nose.

How can he forget it all! How we stayed up till 2 in the night talking sweet nothings, searching for the meaning of life and trying to upgrade it all. I don’t know how to live anymore. I am sitting with my laptop and tears roll down its eyes as well. Even the domino’s free pizza offer on Friday night fails to cure my addiction to him. World seems black and white and this is the closest I have come to experiencing rural life in a while.

Baby, please come back.

You are my soul mate. You are my search mate. Because you are my Airtel Internet connection.

Mat Ghiso, Bas Hanso

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 31 Jan 2013 20:17:00 +0000

  1.    If constipation ever hits your smile, watch this happy dent ad and you will burst out laughing within khichiks ;)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yn1dQ3zyFg

2.    If ‘FRIENDS’ made you laugh, Sarabhai Vs Sarabhai will make you laugh++. Especially this particular episode:)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUZis7u0tnw

3.    Blow in air with your straw in that lime juice. Bubbles will make your giggle Strawnger. ;)

4.    Concentrate on Himesh Harammiya’s dance steps in this song. It is irritatingly funny. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1-aeR647oA

5.    If you feel frustrated and compressed, give it back to the bubble wraps. Every burst is an amazing stress buster.

6.    Give “Death by Chocolate” a quick hog when low \m/

7.    Sheer stupid things like the following scene from ‘Andaaz Apna Apna’ has cheered me up million times, especially the last bike drama :D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRbSzNfzmvE

8.    Instead of clicking away like an idiot to keep yourself superficially busy, click and hover randomly on an awesome page like this. Simple and neat, yet so amazing that it restores faith in human creativity ?
http://www.lateral-inc.com/about-us/team/

9.    Live for yourself, laugh at yourself and just when you think it’s all just a speech, ride up and shine… ‘Oppa Gangnam’ style!

RACE 2 the nearest Exit!!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 27 Jan 2013 14:06:00 +0000

Race 2 is a sheer disgrace to the awesome Race and basically a movie full of poopholes and probably not worth an effort even if you are tired of counting the interruptions of Arnab Goswami .

Jacqueline Fernandez’s talent is put forth in the form of uncalled for slutty moans and bimbo strutting. She plays an arm candy to John Abraham whose acting is worse than his character sketch, lacking power and expressions completely. Then there was Uncle Saif to bore you further. Anil Kapoor’s dialogues were ripped off from a C grade disgusting movie though Ameesha played a bimbo so well, it seemed it was inbuilt in her persona!

What can I say about the routine monkey dance and song routine.. The story is so dumb that I don’t feel like torturing myself recalling it frame by frame. The climax of this super flop movie was in a super plane which survived open windows and broken doors. LOL!

P.S(If you are just too jobless): Girls, watch it for Deepika’s awesome style, sexy clothes, shoes, accessories and tonnes of attitude worth learning. Guys, mentioning Deepika is enough I hope? ;)

Sigh! If only she could change the almost certain fate of this film just like she LOLed(changed) the sequence of cards through a micro sensor fitted in her goggles! ;)

A lil beer and lots of Beauty ;)

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 20:10:00 +0000

A T Shirt I had designed for a beer-o-philic friend but the printing seriously pooped on all my photoshop hard work >.<

It's all about Nothing

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 19:42:00 +0000

I have been falling short of feelings to pick up pen and paper (Okay word file and keyboard in reality) because I have nothing on mind. Nothing is beautiful. It’s the void between materialism and heart. A happy place which I create and dissolve as and when I want to. It’s a sacred state I wish yet fear to achieve.

Then there is a nothing which is painful. A void that is forced. A certain news has always put my life into perspective. A woman recently lost her husband at the trigger of nothing. It was a normal day till the night it was decided that he would not live. I have never spoken to her and don’t know how she cried, how much she cried but I feel a bond of pain. How could he just go away! The excitement in the relationship had settled down to a beautiful friendship and understanding and the god just recalled him. Why? What did she do?? The hair had not even turned pepper salt before life turned grey for her.

I anticipate the blues, the pain, the fear as I stand here cribbing about losing hair, food, toenail, fighting when all I should be caring about is nothing.

Manly India?

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 19 Dec 2012 16:15:00 +0000

"Dhol Ganwar Shoodra Pashu Nari Sakal tadana ke adhikari"

This is a quote by Kalidasa which means Animals, illiterate Harijans and any woman who behaves like an animal deserve to be beaten up.Clearly shows how a concerned Mr. Kalidasa handed over the social responsibility of controlling the C grade beings of society to the Mankind ages ago.

“A child’s gender is more dependent on the man’s sperm than the divine interruptions” is like a funny joke in an Indian family, seeing the no. of mothers being tortured if she doesn’t give birth to a potential rapist. After all, he will be taking the family legacy forward.

But all families don’t encourage their son to be rowdy. Some actually ask “KulDeepaks” to study and become something. “Arrey! Padhega nahi toh achi ladki se shaadi kaise hogi!?Apni behen ki shaadi kaise karwaaega!??”

Achi ladki means daughter of a rich tycoon who hates his daughter so much that he will pay just to part with her.The poor ‘behen’ is an expert at studying, cooking, cleaning, talking in a meek voice and everything but self defense. The same ‘behen’ eventually becomes the epicenter of her brother’s favorite word as he hits puberty.

Some men blame space constraint for their *eve pleasing*. More the crowd, stronger is the pull to pinch and pat anything that doesn’t resemble a male figure. The world also has nice guys who just flash their license to rape (Penis) and smile away to glory. But even they rape. With their eyes.

Why is an Indian man so horny? Because he saw his mother getting assaulted and finds it a norm? Because in school, boys and girls were made to sit separately and the closest boys could come to interacting with girls was in their fantasy land? Because the society will not let him date a girl normally? Because his parents won’t let him satiate his sex drive before they get the deserved amount of cash ? Or because short hemline indicates a consenting girl and salwar kurti represents someone too meek to protest? After all, if he is a man, how will he not manhandle!

In every rape case, there is a rapist, a victim and hundreds of witnesses-those who could, but did not stop it. May be they have the same testosterone that drives a man to rape. May be that’s what stops them from standing up for a girl’s dignity and life.

May be our culture itself is a big scam. May be, I am not proud to be an Indian anymore.

I wish every Indian man would implement this:

Chappal Chor!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 25 Nov 2012 10:14:00 +0000

Recently a special friend who is always high on morals and always forces me to distinguish between right and wrong like that Sunday serial on DD1,” Yeshu Dayasagar” lost his expensive shoes. Funny!

Suddenly the price of his shoes went upto 2600 from the 500 that he had told me. Modesty & lies are like Inzamam-Ul-Haq and English. They can never be compatible. Hopefully he has finally learnt that he shouldn’t lie to me. God has his ways to make anyone spill truth. :D

Now dirty, hot ground sent a shockwave to his head and ‘need’ slamchoked ‘Mr. Goodie two shoes’. He had a decision to make. An action to perform. He had to fend for himself. He had to steal. From an infinite array of shoes. This is what I call ‘Shoercle of Life’ ;)

He chose 2 chappals. Formed a pair. Pair was like Rakhi Sawant and Anna Hazare. Totally different. :D
He has been justifying it all with the fact that he chose dirty ones in exchange of his expensive one. :D

Every molecule of my body is laughing that someone stole his shoes and I have been bombarding him with songs like “Chorni baaga maa bole..” and will be teasing him to watch movies like “Chori Chori Chupke” for a lifetime. Tattoos of “Mera friend chor hai” have also been discussed.
But I wish he had stolen a really good one. Atleast we could be sure that he did not leave a poor man with naked feet.

It’s funny yet sad that religious places have been turned into red light area for shoe lifting. God help me if I ever wear a pretty shoe to temple!

P.S: Dear Shoe lifters, Booze and shoes are all that a man needs. Giving up either hurts. ;)

Make DreamsWork !

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 19 Nov 2012 17:51:00 +0000

Dreams do come true if a chap gets placed in a dude company like DreamWorks.

So what if they undergo a few funny tweaks to settle in the dudeness ;)

Step 1: Refer to the fb pics of seniors, analyze their attire and chop off all the pants to knee length.

Step 2: If you are unfortunately named something like ‘Teerthankar’ brace yourself up to be called ‘Tatti’ as a part of ‘disfigure-any-name’ tradition.

Step 2.5: Compare it against colleges nicks like Golu, Badboo, Ghissu and cry.

Step 3: Learn to distinguish between male and female colleagues. Men will always have longer hair and prettier earrings.

Step 4: Get rid of the weird Indian accent. Religiously watch video lectures of F.R.I.E.N.D.S . to overcome this handicap.

Step 5: Wear GAP sweatshirt no matter how hot the weather is. Don’t wear full pants no matter how cold the weather is.

Step 6: Wear only bathroom slippers to work.

Step 7: Get ears pierced. Right after lower lip piercing.

Step 8: Buy fake boom boom boomer tattoos for biceps incase still numb with the pain of piercing.

Btw, all this this is just my guess about the guys who work 9 floors above me. Reality may be even more interesting. ;)

I got a contagious disease!!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 19 Nov 2012 13:10:00 +0000

Ok, So I am in solitary confinement. My roommate shifted to the hall. Now I know how mean untouchability was. I have utensils assigned which I keep outside like a pet whenever I am hungry.

Nobody shares chocolates with me anymore. I have been forced to take leaves way out of my league.

Is it that bad? May be, it’s not!

Woohoo! I have the master bedroom with the biggest attached bathroom all to myself. Even my hair on the floor is happy. No competition with my roommate’s after all. I am over the moon thanks to sheer impossibility of “Hi Hello..Ya Right! Bimbo” bitching all night and waking up crow eyed for work. I can instead polish other innate yet ignored talents. Training my flatmates for motherhood is one of them. ;D

I am being served breakfast, lunch, dinner in bed for free because “Babe, I pay by cash only these days. I swear I won’t wipe my viral nose with the note” is a good generosity magnet. :D

I have never had ownership over any plate or glass and suddenly I am entitled to everything of my own. Divine bliss I need not swim in the sink anymore before dinner for a tiny spoon.

Thank god I had a bite of every pack of chocolate in the house just before I was officially a weapon of mass beauty destruction . Now they are all mine. Self Hi-five!

And dear boss, for the 1^st time, I would like to come to office. Before time. Work overtime. Call just once and I will hug you, share my donut, laugh at your jokes really hard and wipe off the unintentional spit and leave the intentional virus behind on you. Just one call. Just one……

Life is not exactly a bed of roses these days. It’s a bed of Neem leaves and Neem is good, soothing, calming.

I am even rising above materialistic stuffs. Thanks to chicken pox, I already hate the idea of consuming any chicken dish. God forbid but if I ever get FISHer / EGGzema, PETA you know who to lookout for. ;)

Even my craze for the “perfect pattern for frivolous people”, polka dots is gone. Because I look like one already. L

@Friends who silently suffer with me even without chicken pox: What earlier was a tantrum is now my Right sweetheart. I will scream and whine because I have been asked not to have fine wine & dine. FYI, I still don’t think fruits, sprouts, juices are edible. I genuinely pray for thy mental strength till I win the fight against the eunuchs of living-non living world, Virus.

Why Why Why!!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 28 Oct 2012 08:00:00 +0000

1. Why the hell do clothes shrink right after a good meal?

2. Why can’t music listen to me and play itself when even I don’t know what I want to hear!

3. Why is ‘Maggi’ called ‘Maggi’ when it has 0% Magnesium?

4. Why don’t Malayalis belong to Malaysia and make atleast 1 GK fact simple?

5. Why do ideal men love men?

6. FAT: Why are just 3 letters enough to show 3 layers?

7. How can a Bollywood actor sing in so many voices within the same film?!

P.S: I have no clue why am I asking all this. May be I overthink or it’s one of those days when I have nothing to ponder on ;)

Bollywood is having a ball!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 26 Oct 2012 18:31:00 +0000

It was a great mango season in terms of some of the outstanding movies that were released in the past few months.

However cliché, horror Raaz 3 was an opener for a string of awesome hit movies in Bollywood.

Barfi was a special one with even more special characters in it. Barfi cycling to A R Rahman’s tunes in the beautiful bylanes was a treat. Kudos to Jhilmil for being a better retard than a retard. If only they hadn’t taken our old habit of copying from someone else’s “Notebook” so seriously!

And then came Heroine. The movie was a hit on every pocket that paid to watch it. It seems Madhur Bhandarkar manipulated Kareena’s role to portray each and every and probably the only emotion he went through(constipated pain) when Aishwarya chose pregnancy instead. Seeing the film’s fate, must say that the baby girl indeed brought Aishwarya immense good luck even before she arrived.

OMG! Oh My God restored my faith into the fact that Akshay Kumar is not a bimbo! A rare amalgamation of intelligence, sensibility and humor. It will surely be my choice for Oscars, Bharat Ratna and even Nobel ! This movie should be a compulsory video lecture for every Indian who shuns common sense for religious adamancy. Paresh Rawal is a class in himself but what entertained me the most was Sri…Sri…Sri…Sri…Sri…Sri…Sri…Sridevi in English Vinglish! ;)

It was a great comeback movie for our very own Lord Voldemort, Sridevi. Every kid can connect to their immature years through this movie. It’s about every Ma who falls in love with herself after loving her family for years. On a serious note, I wish she had run away with the cutexy French guy. But on 2^nd thoughts, by feeding her hubby an extra Laddoo in the last scene plus going by the trend of Indian men embracing stress diabetes, may be it was a smart move to keep the ugly husband’s property and the French stud a few years later. After all, you can never predict a woman. ;)

Hopefully films like SOTY are minor hiccups and the upcoming ones, Talaash, JTHJ, SOS etc. will manage to stretch up this dream run. :)

A lil tweak and a big twist ;)

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 25 Oct 2012 17:15:00 +0000

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

What's wrong with me?
Why do I feel like this?
I'm going crazy now

No more gas in the rig
Can't even get it started
Nothing heard, nothing said
Can't even speak about it
All my life on my head
Don't want to think about it
Feels like I'm going insane
Yeah

It's a thief in the night
To come and grab you
It can creep up inside you
And consume you
A disease of the mind
It can control you
It's too close for comfort

Throw on your brake lights
We're in the city of wonder
Ain't gonna play nice
Watch out, you might just go under
Better think twice
Your train of thought will be altered
So if you must faulter be wise
Your mind is in dyslexia
It's like the darkness is the light
Dyslexia
Am I scaring you tonight
Dyslexia
Ain't used to what you like
Dyslexia
Dyslexia