is Blog

Lockout

noreply@blogger.com (nathan) — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 14:40:00 -0700

Have you ever thought about what you would do if you couldn't listen to the podcast for a year? It would be tough to swallow. This week's podcast shows the conflicts that could make that nightmare a reality. Spencer and I bicker over percentages that would make a common man cringe. Are we willing to risk our millions just to make a point? Which side will fold first and receive the love of every man, woman, and child? Or will ridiculous egos backed by zero support from The People put this podcast and the livelihood and happiness of thousands in jeopardy? You'll be amazed at what pride can't accomplish.

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The Still Frame

noreply@blogger.com (nathan) — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 14:36:00 -0700

Better late than never. I finally received permission to post this podcast. Guest KC Naegle is extremely eager to come on and share her ideas. Several different types of media are discussed and their profitabilities are analyzed. Preliminary announcements are made.

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Chuck Premier Night

noreply@blogger.com (nathan) — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 11:00:00 -0600

Roll out the red carpet for this Special Edition podcast. Tonight is the premier of the final season of NBC's Chuck. Enjoy listening to guests with actual credentials. Spencer's origins and destinations are analyzed just for fun. With only a few handfuls of Chuck episodes remaining we pay a great tribute to this life-changing series.

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Death and Taxes

noreply@blogger.com (nathan) — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 17:51:00 -0600

Nothing is more important to Spencer than money. He'd kill to get it. And then he'd capitalize on the losses.

With these new ideas, however, everyone is a winner. Warm clothes. Key rings. Happiness. This podcast is full of surprises, especially for the guests.

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Computer Relations

noreply@blogger.com (nathan) — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 11:00:00 -0600

It's every podcaster's worst nightmare: choosing between a girl and a laptop. The two options might not be so different after all. The tech specs are laid out so you know what kind of motherboard you need and how to finance it.

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Note: This podcast was taped the day before Steve Jobs passed away. He is an inspiration to both of us.

Apple

noreply@blogger.com (nathan) — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 21:52:00 -0600

Creative. Innovative. Artistic. Inspiring. Genius.

Here's where it is. I heard a familiar tone. I reached into my pocket and grasped on to my iPhone. Breaking News. Steve Jobs had died.

Here's where it began. I was only nine or ten. My parents had just brought home a new computer for the family. It was the Macintosh LC III. It came complete with games and a word processor. It had everything.

I'll never forget the day I learned there were more than 32 colors

That was the beginning of my Apple experience. A few years later we purchased an iMac (sexy as ever in pink). My computer was now able to run advanced video games such as StarCraft and The Sims. A short while later we got the Internet. Instant messaging was all the rave and I was able to develop immaculate typing skills during those many late nights of chatting.

It was on that very computer that I created Facebook. Well... it wasn't exactly named Facebook. It was named G-House, but it carried all the same features that Facebook has. G-House had exclusive membership rights. Several of my high school friends were soon invited and a utopia of electronic communication was created. G-House had a message system, a calendar, and The Wall (Do you think the statute of limitations is up on our trademark Landon?), a message board used to post ideas, plans, and group conversations. I loved G-House.

All good things must come to an end

Things weren't always perfect with my Mac ways sadly. I often wondered if life would be better as a PC guy. You have to realize that during this time Apple wasn't considered cool. It wasn't necessarily uncool either. It was just why. Why? That was the question I always got. Why would you have a Mac? Why would you want to pay more for software? Why would you not want to be like everybody else? Why don't you want to be able to upgrade your computer? Did you know that black hides dust and smudges much better than white or pink? I would often have these questions myself. I asked my parents why we didn't get a PC and they just responded that they didn't want to learn a new operating system. So I made up some pretty cool answers to that question. "Because colors are cool" I said. "I like having everything in one. Less annoying wires." It was a tough argument. Deep down inside I knew that Apple made sense. The interface. The simplicity. Why not?

The day soon came that the iPod was invented. If I had money then I would have bet that anything made by Apple would not do as well as the generic mp3 players. I was certain that people would make fun of me for having white headphones instead of black. I was wrong. Apple suddenly clicked with the common man. It took an entire reformation of the music industry for it to happen, but it did. Suddenly the magic box that is Apple agreed with the people. Together with iTunes people were able to have their music on demand in the most simple way possible. You no longer had to drag your desired songs to your mp3 disk. They just magically appeared on your iPod after you downloaded them. You no longer had to push the scroll button six million times to get to the song you wanted. You just simply slid your finger around in a circle. Music was revolutionized. Apple was in front. White was cool.

But not everyone is a believer. There are those who believe the PC is simple enough. There are those who believe Apple is cliche. There are those who believe Mac buyers are throwing away their money for a brand. Lucky for you, I'm not going to argue those facts. Instead, I'm going to simply tell you why I like Apple, why I believe they are now successful, and how they have changed the world forever. And to make things more fun, I'm declaring this week Apple Week. There are more posts to come. I hope you enjoy.

Superman's Dead

noreply@blogger.com (nathan) — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 11:00:00 -0600

Kryptonite has done its damage. As new television shows emerge, we take a moment to remember one show which has ended. After ten great seasons, Smallville has completed its journey. Reasons for its successes and rough patches are analyzed. Spencer learns a valuable lesson on physical attraction. Landon joins us and I ruin his day. This mild mannered podcast will take your breath away.

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Goodbye Westridge

noreply@blogger.com (nathan) — Tue, 4 Oct 2011 21:09:00 -0600

Last week I said goodbye to an old friend. Westridge golf course is soon to become freeway. Going with it are trees, grass, wildlife, and memories. Spencer and I relive many of our special experiences from our days as manicurists of this great course. It's a pod like you've never heard before. This is the final memory of Westridge.

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Not bad for three years of growing

Asset Protection

noreply@blogger.com (nathan) — Sat, 1 Oct 2011 00:15:00 -0600

"Thank you for shopping at Wal-mart and have a nice day." Those are comforting words to shoppers around the world. When entering one of these stores I am usually greeted with a smile and personal acknowledgement or I am stranded trying to make eye contact with an individual who is missing a Halo party with his friends. Both scenarios are comforting. The "greeter", as they are called, is designed to be an asset protection employee for the world's largest retail giant. They are there to check returning merchandise and to deter merchandise from leaving the store without payment. No armed security personnel, Wal-mart prefers to take a more "friendly" approach to protecting its vast inventory.
But, sadly, Wal-mart is not always a place of smiles. The Deseret News and KSL ran stories several months ago on a happening at the Layton Wal-mart. I will paraphrase the story here but feel free to read it on the Deseret News website.

Low prices that just make you want to smile!

Wal-mart, like many retail stores, has a strict policy on how their employees should address shoplifters. On January 13th, a "shopper" unwrapped a netbook computer and hid it under his clothes. (Now, being the proud owner of a netbook computer, I can understand why he would want one.) Employees spotted him and the manager in charge of asset protection met him at the door. Per Wal-mart policy, this employee ushered the would-be thief to the asset protection room to confront him. Wal-mart chooses this method of confrontation so that other shoppers are not witnesses of the accusations and dealings. Keep on smiling everyone. Also per Wal-mart policy, three other employees were invited into the room to witness the proceedings and to make sure everything was handled according to the employee handbook. So far these all seem to be very wise moves on the part of corporate.

Enter policy AP09. Policy AP09 simply states that (quoted from Deseret News) "employees are allowed to use 'reasonable force' to limit movements of struggling suspects. If a weapon comes out, however, associates must 'disengage' and 'withdraw'." Another seemingly smart move by Wal-mart. Obviously it is much better to protect the lives of the employees over the store merchandise. It seems to be sage advice that the life of an employee should be put over a $300 laptop. They must have also ran some calculations to show that it is more cost effective to hire a non-violent withdraw-ready "greeter" than armed security personnel trained to protect their merchandise. It all makes sense.

What happened next back in that asset protection room is shocking. The suspect drew a pistol and held it to the back of one of the employees. He threatened him and began to use him as collateral to make an exit. Per policy AP09, the employees were told to disengage and withdraw in the presence of a weapon. Fortunately these employees had souls. They immediately disarmed the suspect and detained him. They chose in that split second to exercise their rights as Human Beings to defend themselves and others rather than adhere to Wal-mart's policy. No one was injured.

Rather than extend to these four individuals medals and promotions, Wal-mart decided to fire them for violation of policy AP09.

Consider the alternative. One or more of those employees could have been killed. A violent gunman could have gone running through the store doing whatever he desired. A deadly hostage situation could have brewed. Instead, a crisis was averted through the brave actions of sales associates.

I understand the need for companies to protect themselves and their employees. But choosing to enforce that policy through dismissals over common sense is disgusting. It's true that had the workers let the man go, everything could have turned out all right. But nobody knows. And personally, if you have the clear opportunity to disarm a criminal and save someone's life, throwing the dice doesn't seem very reasonable. I guess that's business.

What is the human response to danger? Is it to reach for the corporate manual? Or is it to act on guts and instinct to do everything in your power to keep yourself and others safe? I'd imagine there isn't much time to think in those situations.

KSL recently released surveillance video of the event. That also wasn't without controversy. KSL filed moves to receive the video from Layton City four times before it was granted. Walmart opposed the video release by stating the following in a letter: "If Layton City intends to release Walmart's video tape to KSL, Walmart will move forward in district court, seeking an injunction to prevent Layton City from doing so under GRAMA." This leads me to the following question: Why wouldn't Walmart want the public to see video evidence of blatant policy AP09 violation?

When it comes down to it I guess these employees were left to choose between protecting their jobs or protecting themselves and others from being shot. I guess they could have gambled but that's just not the way they reacted. It was a lose lose situation for them. They had to react one way or the other. After all, they had already followed their company policy to bring an armed robber into their asset protection room. I mean, they could have lost their jobs if they hadn't.

At the end of the day, assets need to be protected. The laptop was saved. Company policy violations were enforced to their fullest extent. Hey, and no one got hurt. That should give everyone (who kept their job) something to smile about.

Aging

noreply@blogger.com (nathan) — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 21:20:00 -0600

Happy Birthday Google. Who knew you'd mature so fast. I'm so proud of you for being a big boy. To celebrate your special day, I just want to take a quick look at some your conquests (products I use to use and now don't because of you).

Mapquest. Yahoo! Ask Jeaves (this one hurt the most -- I always wanted a butler). Firefox. Hotmail. Aol Instant Messenger. The phone book. Encyclopedia Britannica. My Third Grade teacher.

I thought long and hard about getting you a present. I mean, you're a pretty important part of my life. Then I decided that the best thing I can give you is to just continue to give you my statistical footprint. Another year of search queries, open emails, and map locations should do the trick. May your teenage years not involve too much mischief.

Virtually Unstoppable Crime

noreply@blogger.com (nathan) — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 21:12:00 -0600

When I was a young kid I remember thinking deeply about the concept of virtual reality. There was a new nintendo system out called the Virtual Boy. It included a head-mounted 3D display and a controller. As you donned the snazzy specs, you were brought into a new "advanced" world that bridged the real with fantasy. Your entire peripheral was consumed by an alternate reality. There was no limit to what you could do.

TV screens continue to get bigger and bigger. The picture is getting clearer and clearer. Some televisions are so picture perfect that they can be mistaken for windows. If you stare at them long enough, you just might confuse the real with the invented.

With technology becoming so sophisticated, I wonder, how many people think Charlie Sheen is actually dead?

I too am one who falls for the glitz and glam of television. After watching multiple episodes of Smallville back to back... to back, I began to believe that bald men everywhere were trying to ruin my chances with the ladies.

Please forgive me Dallin

It's the latest story of mistaken television identity that has me most concerned. CNN reported that several potential jurors in the Michael Jackson trial were questioned about their television viewing habits. Is nothing sacred? Special emphasis was put on so called crime solving television shows.

Apparently shows like CSI: Crime Scene Investigation have the effect of making people believe in advanced forensic sciences, which actually don't exist. People who watch these shows apparently have "unrealistic expectations about forensic work thus putting more pressure on prosecutors to provide more scientific, less circumstantial evidence at trial."

CSI star and virtual pathologist Robert Hall said this of real world crime scene investigations: "They don't have special lighting and eerie music playing."

I shudder to think of a justice system that doesn't provide due justice to criminals because of an inability to collect scientific evidence or to use screechy violin playing to build a case.

The fact is television technology is advancing faster than the average person. People will buy HD sunglasses just to keep up. I can't think of a smarter purchase to make at three in the morning.

Nothing says good vision quite as well as glasses

My only hope is that one day law enforcement officers will be able to keep up. Whatever it is -- backlights, cotton swabs, ballistics projectile training -- that they're lacking, I hope they get it. The last thing we need is more unstoppable crime. We have enough evil bald men stealing our women as it is.

Fatherly Figures

noreply@blogger.com (nathan) — Sun, 25 Sep 2011 14:38:00 -0600

The podcast this week is part of the family. Kids are growing up without the help they need. We're here to step in. News so good it didn't even make the newspaper.

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Losing Again

noreply@blogger.com (nathan) — Fri, 9 Sep 2011 17:48:00 -0600

Why do bad things happen to good people? That question remains unanswered today. Sadness becomes the new happiness and winning becomes losing. Everything flip flops and reverses and then goes back again. With the NBA season in serious jeopardy, this podcast may be the only thing you have to look forward to.

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Close Calls

noreply@blogger.com (nathan) — Tue, 6 Sep 2011 20:20:00 -0600

I briefly take over as the head podcaster. My luck quickly runs dry. Spencer and I call Bryan to hear about his luck. His tales are dark and fortunate. Stories you will surely not want to miss.

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Limitations

noreply@blogger.com (nathan) — Thu, 1 Sep 2011 18:01:00 -0600

No Flash? Here's QuickTime Eyes tired? Listen.

Ambition. Determination. Drive. You can't fake it. If you have it you will most likely be great and achieve great things. If you don't, you don't. And that's probably where you'll stay.

In The Pursuit of Happyness, Will Smith shows how determination and persistence can transform a person from being a societal failure to a business tycoon. A classic Cinderella story. It's stories like this that make me want to achieve more.

I love basketball. I love watching it and playing it. But the truth is I really am not very good. I can sometimes hold my own when I'm playing with other non-experts but that's pretty much it.

I apologize for the story telling. If you hate stories, you can skip the next paragraph and watch the movie instead. Ahem...

There is a scene in The Pursuit of Happyness that ties in my love of basketball to my love of success. Chris (played by Smith) takes his son out to play ball. The boy is very excited to play. He takes a few shots that look great for a small child. Full of excitement. Chris takes an awkward heave, showcasing his lack of talent. The boy, happy just to be on the court with his new ball in hand, boasts of how one day he will be a great NBA star. Chris is smarter than that. He explains to his son that due to genetics, that isn't likely. The boy is crushed.

Chris stops dead in his tracks. He boldy exclaims, "Don't ever let somebody tell you you can't do something. Even me. You got a dream? You got to protect it. If you want something, go get it. Period."

I love this advice. Why do you do the things you do? I'm talking about both positive and negative things. Do you do them because someone told you to? Or do you do them in spite of what someone has told you? I hope it's a good mix of both.

Sometimes people give great advice. Sometimes people give criticism and excuses. Both should lead to motivation.

At the same time, I must let you know that I believe that if you're going to accomplish something, you need to accomplish it for yourself. You can't do something great because someone else wanted you to, and you can't do something great because someone didn't think you could. You have to do whatever you do because of you. Period.

Know your goals. Know your limits. Know that you have no limits to your goals.

Dying for Income

noreply@blogger.com (nathan) — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 18:06:00 -0600

Well rested after a vacation, I return to the podcast with Spencer. After a heartfelt catch-up, we returned to business. Our conversations range from Thanksgiving to Pizza to Criticism.

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Advertisement for Waking Jordan's new music video made by Tucker Debevec - video genius.

Accomplishment

noreply@blogger.com (nathan) — Thu, 19 May 2011 08:00:00 -0600

A guessing game turns into heartfelt memories. Last words are spoken for the last time.

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Old Ideas

noreply@blogger.com (nathan) — Wed, 11 May 2011 08:00:00 -0600

The quest for compensation continues. Spencer and Nathan discuss their financial futures as they attempt to enhance the future of others.

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Better Late than Never

noreply@blogger.com (nathan) — Wed, 4 May 2011 12:00:00 -0600

Spencer struggles with Patriotism. Spencer struggles with friendship. Will love of country conflict with brotherly love? Guest Landon Squire gets a good talking to. My life changes forever. Find out how.

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Mourning Morning

noreply@blogger.com (nathan) — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 08:00:00 -0600

After a brief hibernation, the podcast is back. Listen in as I get harassed about my habits. Ricky Andrus joins in to further my shame and to offer unsolicited advice.

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Heart Strings

noreply@blogger.com (nathan) — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 08:00:00 -0600

When it rains, it pours. It's as if things weren't bad enough for Spencer. The economy is the least of this accountant's worries. This month has been the most dynamic month in recent history. The Jazz have made the playoffs more than any other team since 1983. But not this year. Discount Tire Company has held the record for the longest continuously running commercial for 35 years. It has been replaced. New commercials are now being shown on FSN... oh wait, that's been changed to ROOT Sports. I can barely keep up.

This podcast includes detailed information from Caitlyn Ellis on why and how Spencer will never change. A man rooted in consistency faces one of the biggest changes of his life. I try my best to comfort him while addressing areas where he can improve. Will the rigid Spencer adjust to align himself with the world or will he let the world float on by?

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Link to the cat commercial... Happiness is a good feline.

Bruised and Beaten

noreply@blogger.com (nathan) — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 01:37:00 -0600

The blogging world is full of competition. Wikipedia, a blogger's best resource, reports that currently there are over 156 million public blogs fighting in this cyber world. With so many, it is tough to know where I stand.

Thankfully, I received some help from my blogging friend (and fiercest competition), Spencer Hansen. He recently reported that his blog was ranked the 20,951,584th most popular website in the world by Alexa.com. Alexa Internet Inc. and their results proved that Spencer was not only popular among blog readers but also among the entire internet. Twenty-one millionth most popular website in a world of 215 plus million web domains and 156 million blogs is a huge accomplishment. I commended Spencer for his great success and I have treated him as my social media leader ever since.

Today that ends. Spencer, consider yourself beat. I win, loser.

Alexa.com recently revealed that spencerhansen.blogspot.com has fallen over two million spots to an unimpressive and shameful 23,126,099 over the past three months. And to think I looked up to him...

What makes this pathetic event even better is how he fell from his lofty grandeur. He didn't do it all on his own. He was beat out by the competitors.

He was beat out by me.

Alexa.com reports that my blog is ranked 23,121,073 in internet popularity. That's right. nateballard.blogspot.com is 5,026 sites more popular than Spencer's gimmick. I went from unranked to locally best in a matter of weeks. Sadly, I guess preventing family shame isn't important to everyone like it is to me.

At the bottom of the see-saw - where he belongs

Now I do realize that I didn't reach this great milestone on my own. Were it not for Spencer's extreme failure, I'd probably be ranked 23,121,074. But I'm not. I'm ranked better than that. And I have his diluted and dull prose to thank for my great advancement.

A quick browsing of Spencer's domain reveals many fatal mistakes and last-ditch efforts over the past three months. Here are a few:

Fresh out of new ideas, Spencer has resorted to sequel posts (The Restoration II, Ryan Pearson II, The Coach II) - once was enough
Unable to pen worthy literature, Spencer has begun making podcasts (Often cited as being too long and boring)
Hoping to lure alternative demographics, Spencer has written posts with misleading sexual-reference titles, descriptions of bodily functions (younger/immature viewers?), and copycat national media endorsements
Desperately trying to bribe readership, Spencer has given out false, ego-boosting, nonexistent awards to supposed followers

With these credentials, I'm surprised his website didn't fall even lower. It is disgusting and horrid to think that he has imposed these sadistic conventions on his once vast support group. I'm glad the people have spoken.

I now take the reigns of leadership. I will go forward and learn from the mistakes of those who have so foolishly fallen before me. Thank you.

Bird of Choice

noreply@blogger.com (nathan) — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 09:00:00 -0600

Chicken has long been acclaimed as The People's Choice for Top Dinner Bird beating out Duck, Mute Swan, Turkey, and The Pheasant year after year. Why is chicken so popular? I blame one man. The Colonel.

The average American consumes 60.4 lbs of chicken a year making chicken the choice for 80% of the poultry diets. Let's compare the seemingly boring chicken to America's Favorite Meal, Pizza. Americans plow through 100 acres of pizza a day. 93% of us will eat pizza at least once a month. Pizza sales in 2009 reached $36.3 Billion!

And chicken is served 2.5 times more than pizza (by weight).

This realization shocked me. Pizza has been at the top of my go-to list for decades. And yet they can't keep up with a little white bird. The Colonel was a visionary man who saw beyond the toppings.

A chicken lover throughout his life, Colonel Harland Sanders began cooking chicken professionally at the age of 40 in 1930. During this time, Americans developed an increased appetite for chicken in lieu of beef which was increasing in price due to the World War. Sanders developed his secret recipe and was given the statehood honor of Kentucky Colonel. He struggled with a failing business for the next 15 years.

In his early 60s, Colonel Sanders franchised his first Kentucky Fried Chicken. Over the next decade, 600 franchises were opened in North America. And then, in 1964, The Colonel must have thought the end was near. He must have been exhausted from all that seasoning. He sold the corporation for $2 million. Still alive, seven years later, Kentucky Fried Chicken was sold again for $284 million. Inflation does not cover that gap.

From the time he was successful to the time he died in 1980, The Colonel wore his identifying white suit and shoestring tie combo. Once he realized that KFC would be a success (though grossly underestimated) he quit shaving and abandoned his former wardrobe. He was a chicken man inside and out. He gave up his appearance and his life for the Chicken Movement. Then he gave up his chicken for cash.

Dave Thomas (conveniently reprinted for your enjoyment) helped The Colonel out during Kentucky Fried's developmental days. He guided Sanders' focus to the important things (chicken) and helped simplify his menu. Why didn't Dave disuade his good friend Harland from selling out too soon? They acted as fast food friends many times before but when The Colonel needed reinforcements, Dave and all other friends left him abandoned. This move (or lack) was worse than sending your healthy grandfather to a desolate care center.

Strong as ever, it wasn't the Double Down or the loss of fortune that eventually did The Colonel in. Age took this legendary hero from us. At 90 years old, this man gave everything he had for the chicken. He sacrificed his appearance, his face, his ingenuity (first man to sell chicken by the bucket), and his original recipe all for our enjoyment. He lost his potential fortune and his friends. All that remains is his fame.

Name Game

noreply@blogger.com (nathan) — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 09:00:00 -0600

This week's edition includes our first guests to appear on the show. Every child born deserves a good name. As does our podcast. With this decision weighing heavily on our minds we have turned to some experts for help. We're one step closer to becoming a podcast you can actually talk about...

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Devon Smith's Blog

Cause and Effect

noreply@blogger.com (nathan) — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 09:00:00 -0600

This second podcast is a coming of age story for me and Spencer. Listen in as we reveal secrets from our childhoods and stories of our lives.

With the Jazz season unraveling before our eyes and disappointment reaching record heights, know that you are not alone. We can get through this together.

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Here is one of my attempts at positive reenforcement:

The summary of my Jazz fanship (I think the poor resolution matches the situation):

It's kind of like Where's Waldo. Give up? Click here to reveal the answer.