Catherine Ensley's Words World and Wings

Novel Writing Diary: The Tinkertoy

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy) — Wed, 15 May 2013 18:14:00 +0000

Do you remember Tinkertoys? You can still buy them, but Legos, I'm sure, have overtaken them in popularity.

Still, I've always preferred the skeletal nature of Tinkertoys to the solid bricks of Legos. Why? I like being able to see and understand the underlying design and structure of something, particularly that of my preferred art form, the novel.

That said, I have now progressed to making those small structural changes in the following areas of my YA manuscript:

All notes for how each scene needs tweaking have been dropped into each scene.

I've determined new chapter breaks, based on a slightly altered pacing.

I'm now looking at the MS scene-by-scene, and paying particular attention to scene beginnings and endings, to ensure the transition is seamless. Am also making sure the hook at the end is as strong as possible.

I'm looking at each scene's conflict and, if necessary, boosting it. I'm also making sure the conflict has an appropriate arc.

I'm checking to see if each chapter works toward a focal scene, and that the chapter also has an arc.

For each set-piece scene, I'll make sure it’s as big as it needs to be. A couple of them aren't.

I'll make sure temporal cues are present in each scene, to ground the reader in space and time. If the scene is too talky, I'll add some relevant action to further ground the reader. My beta readers have told me that dialogue is my greatest strength. But I'm also aware that there is such a thing as too much dialogue. Sometimes the pacing needs to be slowed by filling out the scenes more.

So that's where I am now. I don't foresee it taking more than a month to make the changes.

When that's done, I'll start sending it to some RWA contests, based on how much feedback they give, and also the editors they've lined up to judge the finalists in the YA category.

How's your writing week been going?

One Scrapbooker's Paradise

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy) — Fri, 10 May 2013 10:00:00 +0000

I've written before about my scrapbooking room. Since the last time, two years ago, the room's changed quite a bit.

I'm almost hesitant to show it off. If you Google terms such as "Where Bloggers Create," you will find craft rooms of women who are featured in Somerset's Artful Blogging magazine.

Those rooms are incredible. They are in themselves things of beauty. Pictures of rooms you would Pin. My room's not a thing of beauty, but of organized functionality where I create things of beauty and worth to me. Our family's photo album scrapbooks.

It was early in 2004 that I took up scrapbooking, at which time I took a five-year hiatus from my writing. Since then, I've created 30+ scrapbooks, and yet I still haven't put a dent in photo journaling my family history. During those years, besides our nuclear family's history, I made a scrapbook for my father's 80th birthday, a memorial for my mother's funeral, and two retirement scrapbooks for friends with whom I worked.

I love scrapbooking so much that I could've devoted all of my free time to it forever, but I also love writing, and I eventually (mostly) set it aside and took up writing again in my spare time. Now that I've retired from the full time paying job, there's much more time for unpaid joys.

The first picture, above, is of the west wall. Unlike the pictures you would see in Artful Blogging, I'm not interested in having artful containers for my embellishments. Instead, I adore functionality AND keeping things in drawers, so they stay clean and free of dust.

This second picture is of a set of three shelves along the North wall. Each shelf is 10 feet long and, as you can see, stuffed with stuff. Below the shelves is a long desktop, not shown in this picture, but in the one below.

The Northeast corner of the room is devoted to paints, stamping ink, glitter and embossing materials, plus all manners of distressing and collage tools. Yes! Paste; UTEE; sponges, paint brushes and so on.

You see a lot of crates. Each one contains patterned paper in different themes such as: High Summer; Indian Summer; Autumn (October 1 through Thanksgiving); Halloween; Christmas; Winter; Farm; Travel; New Year; Fourth of July; Courtship, Weddings and Anniversaries; and Heritage.

It's very possible to stack all of those crates on top of each other, but I refrain from stacking them more than two or three deep, so that when I want something, I don't need to move a dozen crates to get to it, but only one or two.

This picture is of my primary work area, East wall, although I am currently working on my laptop at the table on the West wall, first picture in the post.

This is the same picture as before, but with a better view of how I handle storage. Under each of my countertops--I have a 4-foot table on the West wall, a 12-foot built in desk with countertop on the North wall, and a 8-foot table (to the left) on the East wall--beneath each of these are rolling drawers. Ugly, but functional. The drawers in this picture are overflowing with embellishments, grouped by color.

These drawers hold some of my rubber stamps. The crates to the left of them contain some of the patterned papers in different themes.

More rubber stamps and also card making supplies and frames.

These are my 12x12 colored paper drawers, which contain Bazzill and Colormate papers (solid colored cardstock), as well as patterned papers in each color that are not theme-specific.

The paint chips denoting the colors are from Sherwin and Williams, my favorite paint store.

They help me zero in on what color, exactly, I am looking at, in many cases, as I sort the papers by color.
When the intensity of each color is so dulled as to become neutral, I use another tool, a color swatch indicator used by quilters.

The final picture shows my ribbons, again sorted by color. I used to keep them out in the open, on dowels for easy unrolling, but I decided keeping them clean was far more important to me than having them look pretty.

That's a tour of my scrapbooking room, where I keep promising myself that I'll start spending more time. Hey! I'm it right now. Guess I may as well start scrapbooking last January's trip to Disneyland with our son and his family.

Such a joy. Such a labor of love.

Do you have a crafting room or area where you can create to your heart's content?

Novel Writing Diary: Clarity

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy) — Wed, 08 May 2013 21:27:00 +0000

It’s been a week since I began taking one final look at my YA manuscript before sending portions of it off to contests, and after getting contest feedback, querying agents.

I’ve made some decisions about it:

I’ve decided to bump it from 64,000 words to 75,000. I generally write lean to the bone, and so I’ll use most of the additional wordage to add further details for clarity, and otherwise to fill out the leanness. In each of the book's seven sections, I should be able to add about six pages, which amounts to about one page per scene, assuming the scene needs it.

There were two other reasons for the decision:

Though I write lean, I did find some bloat in Journey 2, (the scenes for the four throughlines that span a couple of chapters before, and a couple of chapters after, the middle). According to Dramatica, that section was 24 pages too long, which really S--L--O--W--E--D my pacing.

But I was able to excise about half of it and easily move it to the next section (Signpost 3, which are all scenes that lead directly to the black moment). Signpost 3 was too short by 10 pages, and so everything’s still relatively well paced.

With the extra 12 pages remaining in Journey 2, I’ll think about shortening one of those scenes. The worst offender, a scene that is 3000 words long, is where the heroine almost gets booked for shoplifting with the bad boy character. He's fairly tangential to the story, but I had so much fun writing that segment, I hate to give any of it up. Although, as the saying goes, you have to “Kill Your Darlings.”

I don’t need to get rid of it entirely, but it might do the story good to enter the scene at a later point. Or maybe I’ll leave it alone and, hopefully one day, see what an editor has to say about it.

The last reason that led to my decision to lengthen the book came after doing a quick Amazon search and discovering that YA Romance is usually longer than most adult series romances. Even 300 pages (75,000 words) is on the low end.

Other things I've learned or done in the past week:

Though Dramatica’s great for helping to develop your story, you can also use it to give editorial guidance during revisions. I wasn’t familiar with it when I first dreamed up this story, and so most of it was written without the aid of Dramatica. But it did help me better understand my story after its first completion, to restructure and enhance it in many big ways.

The biggest thing it helped me see was that I could end my story any way I wished. In fact, I needed to come down on one side or another of my overall theme and drive it home.

Now, a year later, and after two or three more revisions, Dramatica is again helping me, one last time for this project.

This time, I've dropped all of the Dramatica notes into Scrivener and am able to analyze, in side-by-side panels, each of my book’s 28 scenes against Dramatica’s suggestions for what that particular scene should contain.

I’ve never used Dramatica at this level before. I’ve never paid any attention to the thematic issues that Dramatica suggests for each scene in this unique storyform (my book).

What I’ve discovered is that, delightfully, my own intuition has dealt with many of the thematic issues, meaning that I’m on track most of the time. But not always. And when I take Dramatica’s additional suggestions about things I hadn’t thought of, I’ll be adding further depth to my story.

That said, I’ve made notes to drop little clarifying details into most of my scenes. Dramatica has helped me see that many of my scenes need to be ever so slightly reslanted. Reslants and clarifying details are small things, and yet I have a feeling they’ll make a big difference to the reader’s experience of the story, understanding more fully all of its underlying themes.

During my analysis, I discovered some changes to the hero’s and heroine’s backstory, giving it both greater depth and some surprises in the end.

In some scenes, I discovered, I could change a character’s motivation to make the scene more interesting, but with the same outcome. I remember reading this once, in a book by Donald Maass (Writing the Breakout Novel). I didn’t get what he meant then, but I do now.

I also discovered that I have the hero and heroine getting along way too well, way too soon. I need to go in and tweak those scenes to make them not get along so well.

In summary, in one week, I analyzed my book, scene by scene, noting small changes that need to be made.

I was also able to go through Section 5 of the manuscript (all throughline scenes leading to the black moment), and actually make the planned changes.

I read once that the whole purpose of writing a novel is to push the protagonist toward the black moment, so that they can fail, and then have an epiphany about how they must change, to have the life they want to live, or be who they want to be.

So I decided to tackle that section first. Tomorrow, I’ll deal with the aftermath of the Black Moment (Black Moment Effects, epiphany and change) and the Resolution, and then next week, after being out of town for the weekend, I’ll start again at the beginning.

What you see above is a screenshot of my Scrivener desktop. I am so gobsmackingly delighted with Scrivener and Dramatica. Both are everything I've longed for forever, to help me understand what goes into writing a novel, and to corral all the notes and things that contain my thoughts.

How is your writing going this week?

A-Z 2013 Reflections Post

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy) — Fri, 03 May 2013 23:34:00 +0000

This was my third year for the challenge, which is the best blogging challenge that comes around each year. Why? It's a time when I have access to almost 2000 blog links, and I can go forth and visit perfect strangers--they've invited me to stop by!--and make a few new friends from all over the world.

That's what I noticed most this year: the challenge has truly gone global. There were so many more participants from Australia, New Zealand, England and India than ever before.

I love seeing the uniqueness of every person's blog. Everyone decorates their virtual home so differently from everyone else. We certainly leave a different impression. So much can be learned by each person's personality type by studying their blog, and personality types are my love and my forte.

Most blogs, personality type aside, are very intelligent and inspiring. But others? Not so much. Blogs I dislike are:

Those that have a photo of the blogger in almost every post--said blogger wearing a new dress, new nail color, new makeup. (Sorry, I'm not a teenager anymore. Not interested, but for all the teen girls, I hope they met up with each other.)
Those that told me in their blog title that their blog is about ramblings or musings, or that they are a procrastinator. My personality being what it is, I don't have time to read the ramblings and musings of a procrastinator. These people generally derail around the letter E anyway, and no more posts from them.

That said, although I peeked at most of the blogs that signed up, the only ones I ended up following were people who share my interests--writers and book bloggers. I truly enjoyed the various overall themes of many people's blogs, not just their A-Z themes. But beneath it all, I knew that once the challenge was over, I wasn't likely to ever visit them again. Even if they were blogging about delicious recipes. Or making beaded jewelry, which is something I did in another life.

There were a couple of exceptions. The previous two years, I sometimes followed bloggers who live in rural areas, as I do. Sometimes I followed bloggers who, like me, are "of a certain age." Sometimes, I followed travel blogs. This year, none of that.

On a different note, unlike previous years, I hit a wall this year and completely stopped visiting blogs around the middle of the month. I was sick and tired of it, until about two days before the end of the challenge, when I spent a couple hours on Saturday afternoon, checking out all the blogs that a friend of mine is now following as a result of the A-Z. That was relatively fruitful; I met a few more new friends by doing that.

The reason for burning out? I think it was because there was so much lead time this year. People were mingling with each other a couple of months before the challenge officially started, which made it feel as if the challenge was endless--two or three months long instead of one.

Yet now that it's over, I expected to need a nice, long break from blogging, as I did the previous two years.

Instead, I'm ready to move on to new blogging subjects, and happy to know the pressure's off. I can visit my new friends at leisure, and I'm not pushing myself to set any blog visit/comment quotas.

What about you? If you finished the challenge, what did you think of it?

Monkey on my Back

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy) — Fri, 03 May 2013 15:44:00 +0000

I dreamed last night that I was in a rowboat, rowing between Miami and Bermuda, when from out of nowhere, a monkey landed on my back and dug its little claws into me.

I couldn't shake it off, so I kept rowing. Fortunately the sea, which was choppy when I started, became smooth and as transparent as glass as I neared the tropical island.

When I got out of the boat, someone lifted the monkey off my back. It turned out that it wasn't one monkey, but a whole family of monkeys--mom, dad, and a couple of cute babies. Seeing that they were no threat to me, I decided to keep them.

This is truly what I dreamed last night, and I think I know why. I spent much of yesterday again pouring over notes I'd made about my manuscript, after having read through copious Dramatica reports the day before.

Reading the notes, I realized that while I have studied the Dramatica theory in relative depth (I had read the 270-page theory book three times, and the 60-page Lexicon twice, besides playing with three story ideas using the Dramatica Software), some small but important details still eluded me. Since first becoming familiar with the software, and the theory, a little over a year ago, I had promised myself that one day when there was time, I would learn the final distinctions. Yesterday was the day.

To fully understand the reports that Dramatica makes for your story idea, you need to understand the Dramatica Lexicon. You may think you understand a particular term, but in all likelihood there is more to the definition than you would've thought. Or, that's how it is for me.

I already understood Signposts and Journeys, Throughlines, Static Appreciations, Main Character, Impact Character, Overall Story, Subjective Story, Benchmarks, Costs, Dividends, Requirements, Prerequisites, and Forewarnings.

But what did Concern, Issue, Problem, Solution, Symptom, Response, Catalyst, Inhibitor, Unique Ability, Critical Flaw ... mean? And once you understand what those terms mean, what do the particular words that represent each one mean? It's quite a puzzle to unravel, but thoroughly involving.

For example, my heroine's critical flaw is KNOWLEDGE
Her unique ability is CONFIDENCE

My hero's [Impact Character, not an Antagonist, but a Contagonist, who is attempting to get the heroine to change] --his critical flaw is WISDOM
His unique ability is SECURITY

What the heck?
Yesterday, I finally reached the point where I understand all terminology, the fine distinctions, for this particular manuscript. (My YA novel.)

And while I wasn't sure at the start of my journey of the terminology's final VALUE or WORTH (two other great Dramatica terms, with important distinctions) to me ... I decided that the new KNOWLEDGE ... those little monkeys ... is pretty darned cool.

Definitely, definitely, definitely worth a day's study.

I learned an enormous amount about the underlying STORY ENGINE (Dramatica term) of my book, and I am now prepared to make many small changes to significantly improve the manuscript.

Character Epiphanies are Good, but Author Epiphanies are Better

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy) — Thu, 02 May 2013 15:11:00 +0000

Today, Wednesday May 1, 2013, I printed about 90 pages' worth of reports from Dramatica, which it created for my project. There was lots of redundant information, but I spent the day pouring over the reports to see if I had covered all bases in the book, originally when I wrote and then revised it ...Several times, but who's counting?

Well of course, I hadn’t covered all bases, according to Dramatica. I may not have even come close! So I took copious notes and will attempt to rectify some of the problems. Dramatica gets into such depth that it boggles my mind.

While reading the Story Structure Report, though, I had an epiphany. I’d thought I’d had all the author epiphanies that were to be had regarding this story, but no.

The choice for Crystal isn’t between Chad’s love or achievement. She can achieve her goals with or without him. It’s between choosing Chad as her life partner, or choosing someone else, later along life’s path.

She chooses Chad, so I need to go in and tweak the scenes that were slightly skewed because of my original faulty/inadequate thought processes, to make them fall in line with Crystal's true dilemma.

What's up with my Animus?

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy) — Thu, 02 May 2013 15:11:00 +0000

Today, Tuesday, April 30, 2013, I imported the YA manuscript into Scrivener and immediately divided it into its separate scenes.

It is so cool! Each one can be looked at separately, with a word count, a scene synopsis card, and a sidebar with file notes or document notes!

Yet it’s all still stitched together as a whole, even if it doesn’t look like it. Oh, and I can split the screen into index cards on one side, scenes on the other. Amazingly cool.

I also took time to pinpoint the hero and heroine’s flaw, fear, desire and so on, the same as I’d done last week for the new project. Was delighted to see I’m working with some very different personality types in each book.

Yes of course I knew that, but seeing their fears and flaws side-by-side is telling.

I’m thinking that I will find the heroine’s personality issues in the new book (Inspirational Historical Romance) challenging. She's a style 8, the Challenger. This type's issues seem fairly simple, but their personalities are so unlike mine that I'll need to ramp up my personality as I'm writing this type, always remembering that she's a "Deal with me" personality. There are some male personalities within my family clan that are like this, so I'll keep them in mind as I write her.

Interestingly, the hero in each book has a defect. Hmmm. Does that make them the same? Will I be rehashing old ground? Not by a long shot. The way each man deals with his defect is completely different, due to their differing enneagram styles.

But because each has a defect, I'm wondering what it's saying about my animus--my inner male archetype, as defined by Jung? Is it saying that the guy inside of me is weak?

I can't answer this question now, but perhaps my mind will come up with an answer sometime. If it does, I'll let you know.

Decisions, Decisions!

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy) — Thu, 02 May 2013 15:11:00 +0000

Today, Monday, April 29, 2013, there wasn't time to work on the book, but even as I spent the morning helping move tractors, and the afternoon taking the grandkids to the humane society and then to the pet store, my brain was mulling ...

Because I missed being a finalist in RWA's Golden Heart contest by only two points, I decided I owe it to myself to do some further work on that manuscript, a YA romance.

I'll table the new project an Historical Inspirational Romance for now and spend a couple of weeks tweaking the YA project. After two weeks, I'll see if it feels ready to submit to some of RWA’s summer contests, for feedback.

After two weeks, I might realize how deluded my thinking was, but this morning, I feel optimistic.

Zealot meets Salesperson or, Ann Coulter meets George Clooney

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy) — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 10:00:00 +0000

Today's letter is Z ... WooHoo! Made it through the challenge. We're looking at a match between Zealot Ann Coulter and Salesman George Clooney.

To start with, Ann and George would likely never be in a relationship, or even talk civilly together, as they are on opposite sides of the political spectrum. However, Zealots and Salesmen can find happiness if they share other deeply held beliefs and values. Zealots with Salesmen personalities are a common pairing in life, movies and books, as they create sparks off each other.

Zealot types, who are often missionaries or evangelists; protesters, reformers, are convinced that what they believe about an issue is the only correct way to look at it. They feel they have the authority of tradition or scripture backing them. They’re courageous and determined to bring people around to their views. The fiery passion that simmers just below the surface in their personalities is often channeled into politics, religion or some other worthy cause.

If this type were in a movie, the purpose would be to get them to let their hair down, focus their passion in a different direction, by breaking rules and having fun. At their core, they are fiery, but they are also trying to control the fire, which could lead to unwanted consequences.

Katharine Hepburn films (The African Queen) often use this theme, as well as The Sound of Music; My Fair Lady, and the King and I. The Zealot gets in touch with their feelings and with their playful side, enjoying their sensuality instead of disapproving of it.

But that won’t happen unless they come in contact with someone to help this happen. And who is the perfect person? Read more about the Zealot personality.

The Salesman personality—the charmer; the hippie; the adventurer, the Don Juan. As with all types, Salesman has its own inner demons. Non-commital risk-takers, they will skim over the top of life as long as possible, but they will eventually come face-to-face with something, or someone, they cannot seduce with their considerable charm. This person, thing or event will teach them some of the things they need to learn. Read more about the Salesman personality.

Having said this, you can imagine the sparks that would fly if Zealot Ann Coulter and Salesman George Clooney were face-to-face.

Each one contains within their personality something that the other is lacking, and a friendship/partnership/marriage could lead to growth on both parts, assuming they could ever stop fighting with each other.

This is what the Zealot would bring to the table: discipline, organization, attention to detail, and excellence, which he would appreciate. Here’s what the Salesman would contribute: spontaneity, energy, and a love of fun and adventure. Both are idealistic and future-oriented planners. Whereas the Salesman likes to keep his options open, the Zealot will rein him in, keeping him focused on follow through.

The Salesman will make life seem more exciting and enjoyable to the Zealot. The Zealot will help the Salesman see deeper meaning of things. The Zealot will take care of the details of life; the Salesman will provide the spice.

The relationship between the Zealot and the Salesman could be great, as long as they share the same values, and are working toward attaining the same things in life. In this real-life example, it’s unlikely that they would ever be more than nodding, and bitter, acquaintances.

If trouble were to arise between the Zealot and the Salesman, the Zealot would become more critical, judgmental, and inflexible than ever, insisting that things need to be done the right way—their way. The Zealot will begin to see the Salesman as undisciplined and childish, and they’re sure the Salesman is being that way only to annoy them.

The Salesman will see the Zealot as petty and uptight. They’ll tire of all the criticism, and become very demanding. Disillusioned, the Zealot will withdraw emotionally from the Salesman, and the relationship will die.

Additional Information:

What is the Enneagram, and What are Enneagram Personality Types?

What are Instinctual Subtypes?

Traits of the 27 Individual Subtypes

Sources of additional information, from which I synthesized all of the matches

What I Learned by entering the Golden Heart Contest

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy) — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 18:36:00 +0000

The Golden Heart scores have now been released. If you're unaware, the Golden Heart contest is sponsored by RWA (Romance Writers of America) each year for aspiring writers in the romance genre. Entries are separated into six different categories: series contemporary, single title contemporary; series historical, single title historical; romantic suspense, and young adult.

After a preliminary round of judging, the top ten percent of each category's entries, with a limit of eight in each category, provided the minimum total score for each finalist equals 80 percent of the total possible score, moves into the finalist category, which is judged by acquiring editors. Therefore, having a manuscript final in the Golden Heart is a big deal. Many finalists become published authors not long afterwards.

Preliminary round judges are themselves contest entrants but, obviously, in a different category than they are judging. Most contest entrants are at the level of having completed at least one manuscript and are members of RWA PRO, which means they've submitted one or more manuscripts to editors, and have proof. I.e. rejections! (Yes, I am a member of PRO.)

There are many RWA contests throughout the year that provide great feedback, however this contest provides none, only the entrant's raw scores. Also unlike all other RWA contests, this one requires that a completed manuscript be sent along with the contest submission, although only the actual submission is judged. The submission includes sample chapters and a synopsis, with the combined total not to exceed 55 pages.

So why, if you get no feedback whatsoever, should you enter? The truth is, you probably shouldn't. I wish I hadn't.

I wish I had entered feedback-providing contests prior to the GH. Based on the feedback, I could've honed my manuscript a bit more before entering The Big Kahuna. Due to the flow of my life at the time, it just wasn't something I had grasped. But with my next manuscript, guess what I'll be doing instead?

Even so, I did learn a few things by entering the GH.

I was judged by a total of five judges, which was cool. I got five different opinions about my manuscript's market readiness. The manuscript sample was judged on four criteria:

1. The Romance (20 points possible)
2. The Story/Plot (10 points possible)
3. The Characters (10 points possible)
4. The Writing (10 points possible)

Overall, the highest and the lowest judges' total scores were dropped, and the three middle scores averaged.

In all, I actually didn't do too bad. Although I wasn't a finalist, I missed being one by only 2.3 points.

See where entering prior contests might have made a serious difference to me? As stated before, I should've entered some of the other feedback giving RWA contests, gotten some great feedback, and revised my contest entry BEFORE throwing it into the GH pool. Had I done that, I *might* be a finalist. (GH winners will be announced at the national convention in August.)

As it turned out, two of the judges put me in the finalist category for overall score, but there was one that didn't like my entry, and gave me middling scores in every category.

But I did see that three out of the five judges believed the Romance was at finalist level. Three of the judges thought my Story/Plot was at finalist level. Three of the judges thought my Writing was at finalist level, and three of the judges thought my Characters were at finalist level. In fact, three of the judges gave me a perfect score of 10 for my Characters.

Expensive lesson learned. Others, please take heed: Enter other contests BEFORE entering the Golden Heart!

Yes Man meets Responsibility or, Ben Affleck meets Jennifer Garner

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy) — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 10:00:00 +0000

Today's letter is Y, and I've chosen my second real-life match. First one was Kate and Wills. Anyway, we're coming close to the finish line with the match between a Yes Man, Ben Affleck, and Responsibility, Jennifer Garner, his wife.

The Yes Man is more often male than female, and is also the Horatio Alger personality, the Career Woman, the Soccer Mom, the Trophy Wife. It’s the Company Man and the Stepford Wife. This type focuses on getting ahead in their selected career. In movies featuring this personality type, themes involve overcoming obstacles by perseverance. (My left foot; Pursuit of Happyness). Themes also include immigrants seeking success in the New World. (Hester Street; Far and Away). This is the home of Success or Impostor stories, and the conflict between love and work. We see someone who never wanted to be a parent, but who’s suddenly become one, is clueless about how to be one. We see someone who’s lost their job due to illness or some other factor, and is forced to spend some time thinking about who they really are apart from the identity their job gave them. (Castaway.) They learn to be less concerned about material success and to take more time to smell the roses. Read more about the Yes Man (corporation man; man in the gray striped suit) personality.
The Responsibility personality is as often male as female. The Responsibility personality is most often associated with safety, family and home life, conservative values, and appreciation of cultural traditions. As children they were fearful and shy, whereas their related personality type, Warrior, were fearful, but overcame their fears by acting out. Family oriented, their home shelters them from the world. Often family is all they need, but they are also loyal friends. Books that exemplify this type’s outlook and values include family life stories: Sarah: Plain and tall; Little Women; Old Yeller; Our Town; Cheaper by the Dozen; The Waltons. Movies and books that focus on love and romance after marriage (rather than prior to marriage, which is grist for the Ambassador, Queen of Seduction and Nurturer types) fall into this type’s themes. This personality type gives love freely, giving people what they need but not what they don’t want, whereas the Ambassador, Queen of Seduction and Nurturer types often have a hidden agenda. Feeling unlovable, they help others in order to gain love. Knowing that they are loved, this is not an unconscious need for Responsibility types, and so their love is a gift without strings attached.

Additionally, these are the featured types in books or movies that feature loyal employees (labor dramas) or shy sidekicks; Thrillers (stories designed to invoke fear); fear comedies (because they are more fearful than most personality types, this type of movie pokes fun at their fearfulness. Examples: The Out-of-Towners; What about Bob.) Books and movies featuring this type also include those with themes that celebrate cultural traditions and also those of ordinary people banding together to fight a common enemy. Superhero stories fit into this personality type’s fantasies in movies and books. Lastly, themes for this type also fall under the umbrellas of science versus faith (this type prefers faith) and fear versus faith (this type uses their faith to overcome their fears). Read more about the Responsibility personality.

What might a pairing between the Yes Man (Ben Affleck) and Responsibility (his real life wife, Jennifer Garner) be like? Or if not them, between people of similar personality types?

My sources tell me that while this isn’t a common pairing, these types can work well as a team. Both are practical but eager to achieve material success. Both are hard workers, and will persevere until they achieve success.

But success is dependent on them resolving the tension between performance and performance-anxiety. (He’s naturally a great performer, or has worked to become one and will never forget how to be a success, whereas she might be one as well, but her never-ending performance-anxiety will keep her from maintaining success.) When she wants to stop and discuss her doubts (she’s always full of them), he’ll be afraid to do so, because it dredges up anxieties about his self-worth, despite the confident face he shows the world. So instead of stopping and talking about it, he’ll soldier on, which will inadvertently serve to increase her anxieties. Instead of working things out, issues are forgotten.

Ben will be energetic, optimistic, outgoing. Jennifer will be warm, supportive and loyal. She’ll feel compassion for the less fortunate, and because of this, he’ll learn to care more for them as well. Each respects the other for their talents. They’ll bolster each other’s confidence.

She’ll help him become part of something bigger than himself—a church, or political organization, a cause. Both become stronger individually and as a team through such endeavors. As long as they share important values, their relationship will be successful and lasting.

Each completes the other in important ways, but if the relationship isn’t healthy, they’ll bring out the worst in themselves and each other. Both are competitive and tend to spend too much time at work; both are insecure and need external reassurance and acceptance, and may look outside the relationship to find it.

Neither likes to talk about their feelings, but instead to soldier on in their respective tasks, which can get on each other’s nerves. She’ll see him as being too ambitious, and with too big an ego. She’ll get tired of his boasting. Both view success through very different eyes. He’ll feel accomplished if he can do something well, whereas she’s unable to remember her successes, and will need to be reminded. It helps when she can learn to focus on the task at hand, rather than getting mired in fear of failure.

He’ll see her as being too nervous and cautious. Both could become evasive about their actions and feelings. If still unwilling or unable to talk about their feelings, both could develop separate social lives from each other.

Ben will try to keep up appearances, and would be embarrassed if she let it be known that their relationship was in trouble. Instead of Jennifer’s healthy questioning of him, and his challenging competitiveness with her, they would lose interest in each other until something exposes the fact that the relationship has died.

Additional Information:

What is the Enneagram, and What are Enneagram Personality Types?

What are Instinctual Subtypes?

Traits of the 27 Individual Subtypes

Sources from which I collected and synthesized information about the matches

The Sunday Salon or, My Writing Week

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy) — Sun, 28 Apr 2013 02:56:00 +0000

I've been thinking that because I'm starting a new writing project, it might be fun, interesting, probably agonizing at times, to chronicle its birth, week by week.

When I was pregnant, even all three times, I used to love to look at gestational charts and see what my baby looked like inside my tummy, week by week. Did you enjoy doing that as well? The first time, hubby was convinced a melon was growing inside me, and so he nicknamed our baby Casaba. That was before Ultrasound, as you probably guessed.

So, how did my story develop last week?

On Monday, as I was putting some notes into Scrivener, I realized I didn't know my two main characters well enough, so I spent the day figuring that out. Don't ask me how many hours that was, because I'm not on a time clock, although a good friend keeps track of her writing hours down to the minute. I get too involved to remember to look at the clock, except for when my tummy tells me it's time to get up and start boiling some rice for lunch or dinner.

About my characters, I knew their underlying fear, which is what motivates everything they do, but I didn't know the type of things that stress them out, and their typical reactions to stress. As well, I didn't know their key defense mechanisms. This information was all easily determined via Riso Hudson (Enneagram) Charts, which are available for purchase at the Enneagram Institute (dot com).

On Tuesday, again putting notes into Scrivener, I realized, happily, that I'm solid on how all of my secondary characters interact with each other and with my hero and heroine. For determining who will be in conflict with whom, and what those conflicts will center upon, the Dramatica software is wonderful. It gave me (or spurred me to think up) many possibilities for External Conflicts and Subplots.

But, once again, I realized I was deficient in the area most important for a romance novel, and that is the hero/heroine conflicts. So I spent Tuesday pouring over notes I'd taken (years ago) about traits and possible compatibility conflicts. I don't remember the names of the books from which I took the notes, but one was a Barbara DeAngelis book, and the other was something like Getting Back Together. From those notes, I was able to think up many more possible conflicts that are specific to these characters' Enneagram Subtypes. There's way more than I'll need for one novel.

On Wednesday, again trying to put some notes into Scrivener, I was trying to reconcile some notes I'd taken about the specific scenes that MUST be present in a romance novel (first meet, first kiss, break up and make up, in addition to other aspects to building the romance) with the Signposts and Journeys I had worked out when first brainstorming the idea with Dramatica software.

The Dramatica Theory sweeps through an idea with various Signposts and Journeys, or movements, for each of the four storylines present in every novel. It took me all day on Wednesday AND Thursday to reconcile the two, but it's done now, more or less.

On Friday, hubby and I planned to leave around noon and drive to Boise, Idaho for the weekend, but before leaving, while my husband was planting a field of garbanzo beans, there was time for me to spend a couple of hours on my writing.

That morning, I realized that I didn't know how my hero and heroine react when they go up and down the scale of of psychological health. There are moments in every novel, such as after the big, set-piece event at the quarter mark, and at half, at the black moment, and at the resolution, when the protagonists' emotional or spiritual health goes up or down. It goes down at quarter mark and black moment; up at the half and at the end.

I find it very important to know, because my characters are not me, and so they're not going to react to stressful situations in the same way as I do.

I need to know what's accurate for them. For example, me being the mild-mannered person I am (most of the time), there was a situation in my book where I planned to have the hero simply brush off his mother's manipulations, because he couldn't prove whether she did it deliberately, or if it was an oversight. Well. He knows his mother. He knew darned well she was being manipulative, not forgetful.

I need to have him react the way HE would react. And how is that? Easy to discover, on
Riso and Hudson's The Expanded Levels Charts, which show each Enneagram style's attitude and behavior at each of nine levels of psychological health (from healthy to neurotic to psychotic).

Are these the type of things that confront you before you begin to write?

That was Week One of my new project. Still haven't put all of my notes into Scrivener. Still haven't planned where all of my possible conflicts fit into the scheme of things, but gaining on it.

Interesting Statuary

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy) — Sun, 28 Apr 2013 01:51:00 +0000

When we were in Florida, early March, not far outside of Daytona Beach, we passed an outdoor market selling the most imaginative and whimsical statuary. I meant to blog about it, but that was when my computer went kaput, and then I forgot about it until now.

In this first picture, which is the store entryway, my husband is standing beneath a giraffe. Some of the items appeared to be made out of plaster. Others were cut metal or cast metal.

Here's a couple of examples of When Pigs Can Fly, made of cut and soldered metal.

There was The Golden Calf.

There was even The Horse's Ass. This is actually an outdoor bar stool.

I'll write an update of my writing week in my next post, The Sunday Salon.

A to Z challenge: Xenophile

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy) — Sat, 27 Apr 2013 10:00:00 +0000

Today's letter is X.

I couldn't think of an enneagram subtype to correspond, so I'll define Xenophile instead.

Are you a Xenophile? Are you into analyzing personality types? Have you found this theme interesting? I hope so.

Warrior meets Takes Charge or, Julia Roberts meets Sean Penn

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy) — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 10:00:00 +0000

Today's letter is W, and we're looking at the Warrior personality, Julia Roberts, matched with the Takes Charge personality, Sean Penn.

The Warrior personality can as easily be male as female. In this pairing, I’ve chosen a female to represent the Warrior personality, and Julia Roberts seems to be of this type. Warriors are often skeptical of strangers but loyal friends. Like their related personality types—Responsibility and Guardian—fear is the lens through which they view the world, however, unlike their related types, instead of giving in to fear and anxiety, they deny their fears with bold actions. Read more about the Warrior [Strength or Beauty] personality. (Julia.)

They, with the related types mentioned above, are the True Believers, the Defenders of the Faith and of the weak. In movies and books, the Warrior personality is often a Superhero, or an ordinary person who takes extraordinary risks to fight for what he or she believes in. (Superman; David & Goliath). Books and movies featuring this personality type are also frequently along the lines of skeptics being confronted with strange relaties. (Contact; X-Files; Outer Limits). Of all personality types, Warriors are the biggest skeptics.

The Takes Charge personality, generally a masculine personality, in contrast, is often portrayed in books and movies as Knights, Gods or Goddesses, Lawmen, Champions, Samurai, or gunslingers or pirates. Seeing life as a war between weak and strong, they’re the avengers of wrongs done to themselves, their loved ones or friends. They protect the weak, although they might secretly hope someone had their back. When the story involves romance, the Takes Charge personality needs to learn how to show his needs and weaknesses. Movie examples: (The King & I; Gone With the Wind). Charismatic, he has big appetites and a fiery temperament. Read more about the Takes Charge personality.

So what might a relationship between Julia Roberts and Sean Penn—both fiery types—(or if not them, persons of similar personality types) be like?

Both have a defensive outlook on life, and so they could bond together against the world, so to speak, since they believe other people are not trustworthy. Because they are by nature skeptical of others, they’re happy to find people they can trust after a time of testing. Once they know they can trust each other, they trust deeply. Both are loyal, honorable, responsible, hardworking, courageous, protective, and have a soft spot in their hearts for the underdog. High energy, they’re doers.

Neither of them is particularly romantic. He values loyalty, and she’s unusually loyal, even in tough times. She values strength, and when up against it, he rises to the occasion.

More overtly emotional than him, she’d bring warmth, playfulness and sensitivity. Both are good at seeing problems and thinking things through. She might advise him, but he would be the leader, especially as he’s a bold, quick decision maker. He enjoys taking on challenges. He’d be her hero, and he’d be moved by her devotion and similar courage. Unlike many personality pairings, this one is not only likely to last, but to deepen over time.

But if there were threatening issues between them, both would go on the counterattack. Even more of a leader than she is, he expects loyalty and even obedience from her. She wouldn’t mind it, except at times when she needs to show him that she won’t be taken advantage of. And he will ultimately respect her for it. It’s when she’s weak that he’ll lose respect for her.

Additional Information:

What is the Enneagram, and What are Enneagram Personality Types?

What are Instinctual Subtypes?

Traits of the 27 Individual Subtypes

Sources from which I collected and synthesized information about the matches

Vivant, bon meets King or, Cher meets Sean Hannity

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy) — Thu, 25 Apr 2013 10:00:00 +0000

Today's letter is V, for Vivant, Bon (Bon Vivant) [Cher], who we are matching with the King personality, Sean Hannity.

The Bon Vivant personality, as exemplified by Cher, is more often male than female. Bon Vivants love to live big. They have large appetites for sensual pleasures, and their lifestyles and families are often unconventional. They tend to be airheads. In books and movies, Bon Vivants (and their related personality tpyes: The Salesperson and the Utopian Visionary) are involved in travel and adventure, or are romantic outlaws, eternal youth. Read more about the Vivant, Bon (BonVivant!) personality.

The King personality, exemplified by Sean Hannity, is also more often male than female, and is often a patriarch, a CEO, an officer in the military. He’s a leader who can change the world. Read more about King-like personalities.

What might a pairing between a Bon Vivant (Cher) and a King (Sean Hannity) be like?

Assuming they were close to the same age and otherwise single/available for a romantic relationship, I can see Sean looking at Cher and thinking, "Yeah, she's a diva," and then quickly turning his attention to more important matters, like debating the budget crisis, gun control, or immigration reform.

But if not them per se, how might persons of their personality types relate?

Both are assertive, independent, and strong willed. Neither likes to be controlled or limited by others, or even by themselves. For them, being told not to do something is an invitation to do it. Both have big appetites, want a big life, and instant gratification. High energy, staying active keeps the energy supply strong. Adventuresome, they like trying new things. Opinionated, they’re not shy about being heard.

Cher would bring more of a sense of fun and excitement into the relationship, to keep things fresh. The Bon Vivant personality is often talkative as well, and in fact, they are usually wonderful storytellers, even if it means telling tales about their adventures and misadventures.

He would be more reserved and moody, but would be better at facing adversity with courage and staying power.

Independence is a must. Both prefer self-expression to self-improvement. Both look to themselves rather than turning to someone else, when they need support. He will never admit it if she hurt his feelings; it would be a sign of weakness, to his way of thinking. If she’s hurt, she’ll just go and find something exciting to do.

She’s prone to rationalizing, which sounds like a lie to him. He’s very big on truth telling.

When he feels threatened, he tries to control things, but she’d be awfully hard to pin down, especially when a relationship is growing toward love and commitment. If there are issues, she’ll find it easier to walk away than compromise . . . unless she’s grown to truly, deeply care.

When he’s stressed, he goes off by himself to think, but he also loves his privacy and space, even when not stressed.

Both need to find constructive outlets for their high energy. If they don’t, they could bring the relationship down. He might start bullying her, and she would retaliate with insults and contempt. Both can be terribly selfish, and their verbally abusive fights could turn into physical abuse. Both enjoy reckless behavior, and once their relationship reaches this level, it’s hard for them to back down to what would feel like boring behavior. Sometimes pushing the limits can have tragic consequences.

Additional Information:

What is the Enneagram, and What are Enneagram Personality Types?

What are Instinctual Subtypes?

Traits of the 27 Individual Subtypes

Sources from which I collected and synthesized information about the matches

Utopian Visionary meets Nurturer or, Jeff Bezos meets Paula Abdul

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy) — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 10:00:00 +0000

Today's letter is U, and we're matching the Utopian Visionary personality Jeff Bezos, founder of Amazon, with a Nurturer, Paula Abdul.

Utopian Visionaries are entrepreneurs, jetsetters, visionaries who sometimes sacrifice themselves to fulfill their utopian ideals. They’re willing to gamble, even if they lose. They’re inventors, futurists. Ideas spew out of them, and it’s difficult for them to rein it all in. Life is full of endless possibilities for them. Read more about the Utopian Visionary personality. (Jeff Bezos, founder of Amazon.)

The Nurturer personality is also a Matriarch, a Diva, a Guardian Angel or Fairy Godmother; a Nurse; a Cook; a Sidekick or friend; a Mother; a Stage Mother; a Matchmaker. She’s a lot of things, but what they all have in common is that she takes care of the young, sick, helpless and elderly. Denying her own needs (yes, men can also have this personality type, but most often, nurturers are women), they’re always helping others, but find it hard to ask for help when they need it. Beneath it all, they secretly hope that someone will notice their sacrifices and reward them with Diva treatment. Read more about the Nurturing personality.

So what might a relationship between these two personality types, if not these two people, be like?

This could be a fun match. Surprisingly enough, they can seem as if they’re of the same personality type. Both are outgoing, friendly, spontaneous, often funny, high-energy people. Both love the good things in life and want to have a good time. Both are optimistic, even after a setback.

The Nurturer would admire his chutzpah, and his adventurousness, his vision for life’s endless possibilities. She would even help him realize his plans. His vision is usually the focal point of their emotional life. Both will share the hope of a bright future together.

She’ll focus her life on his potential talents, and be fascinated by his sunny disposition. That he is always dissatisfied, oddly, attracts her. She (mistakenly) interprets his gluttony for experience as a search for emotional depth. She sees his lack of focus and feels compelled to make him more productive and to heal his underlying fears. He’ll respond by being a charming and often romantic playmate.

He’s going to follow his own interests even if she’s not around, so she’d better develop a few of her own. If she gives him enough freedom, he’ll be able to negotiate a commitment to her.

Both are averse to prolonged contact. He’ll feel limited by it. She’ll fear he might discover who she really is, which is frequently someone who lives through others, afraid to fill her own needs, much less know what they are. She may want more attention from him than he’s able to give, and when that happens, he starts seeming pretty shallow to her, whereas she seems like a drag to him.

If he’s wise, he’ll help her to be willing to pamper herself, which she’s not apt to do unless given tacit permission. He does it by reminding her that if she hopes to care for others, including him, she needs to take care of her own health and needs first. She’s very good at helping him feel fulfilled, which is good, because the Utopian Visionary—like the Salesperson and the Bon Vivant, who share related personality types—are the most apt to stray of all 27 personalities.

The nurturer would bring caring and concern for others into the relationship. The Utopian Visionary would bring his wealth, both material and spiritual, making them a generous couple. As a couple, they are able to succeed at doing what few other couples can: they are warm and generous, loving and inclusive.

But this relationship also, frequently, turns sour. Utopian Visionaries are hard to pin down, and Nurturers are emotionally needy. Utopian Visionary personalities will sometimes sacrifice themselves to their ideals, and if they sacrifice themselves, they will surely sacrifice their relationships as well. These are society’s inventors and fururists, full of visionary ideals and willing to gamble their lives on them, even if they lose.

The Nurturer needs lots of couple time, and wants a family. The Utopian Visionary doesn’t want to be pinned down in these ways. They hate having their possibilities limited, including or especially settling down to one woman and having a family. They are true commitment phobes, whereas Nurturers are often ready to settle down at the bat of an eyelash. She’ll get possessive, manipulative and needy, and he’ll feel bored and trapped.

He also needs to be the center of everyone’s attention, including hers. Her needs mean little to him unless she’s able to match his energy and pace. She won’t mind this for a while, but eventually she’ll start to see him as a selfish playboy who is only using her. She might begin to withhold her attention from him, or to have her needs met in other ways such as overeating. Or she could develop health problems as a way of gaining his attention, which in turn will push him ever farther away from her. He is someone who cannot tolerate pain and suffering, his own or anyone else’s.

Additional Information:

What is the Enneagram, and What are Enneagram Personality Types?

What are Instinctual Subtypes?

Traits of the 27 Individual Subtypes

Sources from which I collected and synthesized information about the matches

Takes Charge meets Espionage or, Michael Douglas meets Madeline Stowe

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy) — Tue, 23 Apr 2013 10:00:00 +0000

Today's letter is T, and we're matching the Takes Charge personality (Michael Douglas) with the Espionage personality, actress Madeline Stowe.

Both the Takes Charge personality (Michael Douglas) and the Espionage personality (actress Madeline Stowe) are more often male than female.

The Takes Charge personality is often portrayed in books and movies as Knights, Gods or Goddesses, Lawmen, Champions, Samurai, or gunslingers or pirates. Seeing life as a war between weak and strong, they’re the avengers of wrongs done to themselves, their loved ones or friends. They protect the weak, although they might secretly hope someone had their back.

When the story involves romance, the Takes Charge personality needs to learn how to show his needs and weaknesses. Movie examples: (The King & I; Gone With the Wind). Charismatic, he has big appetites and a fiery temperament. Read more about the Takes Charge personality.

About the Espionage personality: in movies and books, he’s often a wizard, alchemist, mad scientist, spy or investigator. They’re secretive loners with a unique view of life. He might also be a brilliant thinker redeemed by love. The genres will include horror, spy, thrillers, mysteries, noir and dark fantasy. Read more about the Espionage (secretive) personality.

As to how Michael Douglas might relate to Madeline Stowe (or two people of these personality types), this is a common personality pairing.

A mental type, she needs more body awareness, as well as interest in ordinary life, such as being married and owning a house, and he’s just the man. She also needs to be more engaged with daily life, and to own her own power. Again, he’s just the man to show her how and why these things are important, and that she doesn’t have to live without them (though she feels self-sufficient by doing so). He takes pride in his conquests and making a mark on his environment is a primary goal for him.

Conversely, he needs to be more aware of how he impacts his environment, and she’s just the woman. He needs to learn how to be more mindful of the consequences of his actions, and her analytical skills will help him learn how. In other words, he needs to learn how to think before he acts, because impulsive actions often have unintended consequences.

Both are independent and territorial. Both enjoy debate, and admire someone who will stand up for themselves intellectually and in his case, physically. Both feel like misfits, and understand each other on an unspoken level. When they discover that they can trust each other, they’re able to show their vulnerabilities and needs. Both can be stoical.

Coupled, they are thoughtful and powerful, brilliant and brash, forming a coalition of power and brains. They protect and advise each other.

But if there were to be issues in the relationship, they react in totally opposite ways, which makes things even more difficult for them. Already an intensely private person, she would become even more isolated and secretive, whereas he would be more confrontational, which in turn would drive her more deeply into herself.

Finding him destructive and seemingly out of control, she would lose her respect for him. If he’s particularly mentally unhealthy, she will need to physically leave him in order to feel safe. If sufficiently provoked, she will attack his key vulnerability (the fear of being weak), and he will attack hers (the fear of being incompetent).

Both feel rejected easily. If she leaves, he’ll feel abandoned or betrayed, and may retaliate by seeking revenge in some way. If he’s the one to leave, she’s likely to sink into a deep depression. Both are cynical by nature, and the end of their relationship will confirm their cynicisms about marriage.

But if they can work things out (and this is a common pairing), they will begin to resemble each other. She’ll be more assertive and he’ll be tame. She was always more outspoken in the security of her own home. She will be able to experience emotional energy, and though she hates fighting, it will be beneficial to her. Anger will push her to experience her feelings in the moment. If not sufficiently angered, she’s more apt to detach—to her detriment. If in a secure relationship, she’ll be able to stay and be with it.

From his side, he’ll learn to wait. He dislikes having to hold back his emotions, but he’ll learn how to do it. Their emotional currents can be compared to the tide: he’ll press for contact with oceanic force that is pulled back by her undertow of withdrawal. But feeling safe with each other, he’ll open her feelings, and she will disarm his need to show strength always. She’ll provide a safe place for him to look within, feel his vulnerability for a change, instead of picking a fight.

Both like to be independent. Neither is apt to become enmeshed with the others’ agenda. They can speak honestly and bluntly to each other. But they may also be unable to compromise, and feel little guilt about their effect on each other. She sometimes thinks that emotional pain comes from poor self-control, which allows her to escape responsibility for others’ feelings. If he’s in pain, he may seek to even the score. He has a need to be the one in control at all times.

When they first meet, they’ll have great respect for their uninterrupted times alone. On the high side, they get independence and a companion nearby. On the low side, they’re too apt to withhold affection from each other, especially when angry.

When she withdraws in anger, she’s pouting and disapproving of him. In revenge, he’ll do the same, thus a silent battle ensues. On the high side, it’s ultimately a good match. She needs to experience his assertive behavior as a solution to her own inability to be competent in the world outside her home and work environments. Learning to speak spontaneously can also be healing to her.

From his side, he can trust her emotional control. Their opposing strengths and weaknesses will rub off on each other, making each one a better person.

Additional Information:

What is the Enneagram, and What are Enneagram Personality Types?

What are Instinctual Subtypes?

Traits of the 27 Individual Subtypes

Sources from which I collected and synthesized information about the matches

Survivalist dukes it out with Survivalist or, Russell Crowe meets Gloria Allred

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy) — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 10:00:00 +0000

Today's letter is S, and we're doing something we haven't done before: We're matching a personality type with itself. In this case, two Survivalists.

Note: I really dislike this particular pairing (not Survivalist to Survivalist, but Russell Crowe to Gloria Allred), but there are so few women with the survivalist personality that I had to take what I could find. I wanted to match two people of the same personality type to show how the strengths of such a pairing are magnified, as are the weaknesses. This, of course, could've been done with any of the personality subtypes. Choosing the Survivalist subtype means you've got a match of two very powerful personalities.

The Survivalist personality is more often male than female, but there are a few famous female Survivalist personalities.

The Survivalist is also the Lawman, the Body Guard, the Father Figure, the Cowboy, the “Strong Silent type.” If female, she’s the Mama Grizzly, the Mountain Mama, the Force of Nature. Disaster and Survival stories personalize Mother Nature as this personality type.

These are protector types whose courage, strength, energy, and perseverance inspire others in disastrous situations. Although strong, they have tender hearts, and in order to try to protect themselves from being too vulnerable, they will often hide or deny their feelings.

Books or movies featuring the Survivalist will be about war or action-adventure; the Mafia; Chivalry; buddy movies and revenge stories. The Survivalist will not be defeated. Working for a noble cause enables him to connect with his feelings without becoming too self-conscious. This personality type is earthy, practical, and self-reliant. Stories featuring his personality type show him how to admit it when he needs help, and to get the help he needs. Read more about the Survivalist personality.

How might a pairing between Russell Crowe and Gloria Allred be?

Obviously, their strengths would be magnified, as well as their weaknesses. In cases where opposites pair up, one’s strengths can complement the other’s weaknesses by helping to show the other how to assimilate the strong traits that he or she lacks, and to minimize the weaker ones. It ends up being a better idea overall.

In this example, both are energetic, independent, and strong willed. They make things happen. But it would also be an extremely combustible pairing, with tests of wills and jockeying for control. If they’re not particularly healthy, psychologically speaking, true equality and sharing will be difficult between them. There will be constant conflict, as neither will back down or display weakness. Cynical by nature, they will test each other’s loyalty. Unless they can learn how to compromise with each other, they will wear each other down, verbally and possibly even physically. Neither is good at apologizing.

In order to feel wanted and needed by the other, they need to feel powerful. Yet, they’re easily hurt and will sulk over it. People whose personality fills up a room, each needs a lot of personal, physical space. They are often brutally honest. The one who feels rejected will demand revenge of some sort, setting up a destructive, retaliatory pattern of hurting each other, and, quite soon, spelling the relationship’s doom.

Additional Information:

What is the Enneagram, and What are Enneagram Personality Types?

What are Instinctual Subtypes?

Traits of the 27 Individual Subtypes

Sources from which I collected and synthesized information about the matches

Salesman meets Movie Star or, Jude Law meets Demi Moore

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy) — Sun, 21 Apr 2013 10:00:00 +0000

Today's letter is S, so we're looking at the Salesman personality (Jude Law) matched with the Movie Star personality (Demi Moore).

The Salesman personality is male more often than female. He’s the charmer; the hippie; the adventurer, the Don Juan. As with all types, Salesman has its own inner demons. Non-commital risk-takers, they will skim over the top of life as long as possible, but they will eventually come face-to-face with something, or someone, they cannot seduce with their considerable charm. This person, thing or event will teach them some of the things they need to learn. Read more about the Salesman personality. (Jude Law)

The Movie Star personality is also male more often than female. But it also includes people who are super models, cheerleaders, sports figures of either sex, who portray society’s feminine or masculine ideal. They are loved for their image, but in their personal life, they will not be able to be intimate with another person unless they can give up their image, which they will find difficult to do. You see Movie Star themes in stories and movies that focus on how big dreams and hard work can bring stardom (Top Gun). Often, a change of image is all it takes (Working Girl; Tootsie; Mrs. Doubtfire). Often, the Movie Star personality learns that success without love is worthless (Shadowlands). The themes of these books and movies highlight the contrast between the Movie Star’s image and his or her personal reality. Sometimes, because real intimacy is hard for people, especially people with this personality type, he or she will favor nameless, faceless fandom over real love. Or, at other times, a partner likes the image better than the reality. (Conundrums!) The genres that Movie Star personality types fit into are either success stories or impostor stories. (Image overhaul saves/does not save the day.) Read more about the Movie Star personality.

What might a pairing between these types be like?

Both have star power—high energy, outgoing, assertive, optimistic, future-oriented and excellent communicators. They’re persuasive and attractive, with a youthful orientation.

Of all personality matches, this is the most vivacious, sparkling and high energy.

They would be involved in many activities and projects that propel them towards the good life as they define it. But unless they are both involved in the same activities and projects, they might not spend much time together.

Both will overrate the fun side of their relationship while overlooking the defects. Who wants to talk about money, or disciplining the kids, anyway? Better to move on to tomorrow’s plans.

The Movie Star personality is more sensitive and appropriate in communicating with others, more aware of social conventions. Image conscious, they want to look like good people who fit in. They’re also more able to focus on goals and to achieve them, as well as to set healthy limits on everything.

The Salesman personality brings fun, adventure, and unconcern about failure. The Salesman can be spontaneous when the Movie Star is stuck in trying to be the image he or she wants to project. The Salesman is also boundlessly enthusiastic.

Though they sparkle, they are also extremely volatile as a couple. All the activity, vivaciousness can be difficult to maintain. They both feel pressured to be awesome all the time. But it’s their very lifestyle that often hurts each other without realizing it. They don’t talk about problems. Problems? What problems? They’re golden; they’ve got it all.

Instead of working things out, the Movie Star might become a workaholic focusing on achieving greater success. Family life, what there ever was of it, goes on the back burner. The Movie Star personality isn’t as confident as the Salesman, and is obsessed about achieving success.

The Salesman, more self-confident and not as concerned about image—about attaining success in career or personal life—will start thinking about moving on, where the grass is undoubtedly greener. Especially as fun and enjoyment is being sacrificed, due to the Movie Star’s focus on career.

It takes something BIG—a health or career crisis—to bring the issues between them to the surface. The crisis will come as a complete surprise to both of them. Both are impressed with themselves, and expect others to be equally impressed. Since each one likes themselves so much, it’s difficult for them to look deeply enough within to find out where they went wrong.

If the public image of either of them is questioned, she’ll simply change her image and lie about her past. He’ll switch options and rationalize why it was good to do so. Instead of being allies in personal growth, each will allow the other to do his/her own thing.

Deep emotions frighten them. She’s not used to feeling things so deeply, and he just hates to lose his options and be stuck in a single commitment to one person.

If mature, they will face their fears rather than burying them in activity, and if that happens, she’ll be as stubborn about overcoming her relationship fears as she is about overcoming problems in her work.

For him to overcome his fear of commitment, the solution is to set daily or weekly, short-term goals of doing things together. He can help to bring true pleasure into their relationship. She’s spent her life trying to look right (fit the cultural ideal of the perfect woman), and so it will be fun for her to simply do things that feel good instead. She’s always lived for other people’s approval, thus has suspended her personal feelings about how she looks and what she does, in an effort to gain that approval. His indifference to others’ approval, and insistence on fulfilling his own needs, and hers, will feel like precious freedom to her. It will keep the charm in the relationship for him, and might induce him to stay instead of stray.

Additional Information:

What is the Enneagram, and What are Enneagram Personality Types?

What are Instinctual Subtypes?

Traits of the 27 Individual Subtypes

Sources from which I collected and synthesized information about the matches

Hail, Scrivener! (The Sunday Salon)

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy) — Sat, 20 Apr 2013 17:08:00 +0000

On the writing front:
After pulling out the folder and files full of notes for my new manuscript a week ago, I spent last week trying to assemble them in a single, useful, content management system.

About a year ago, I downloaded YWriter and spent some time playing with it. It's quite good, but it still didn't quite do it for me. It has a decent number of bells and whistles, and it's free, but I've written enough manuscripts now that I know my methods, and despite all, I felt hemmed in by it.

So I tried a couple of other tools. They too are quite nice, but each one works for only one piece of the puzzle:

For electronic index cards, I was using Throughline by the Wright Brothers.

For outlining, timelining, and element tracking, I was using Outline 4D, also by the Wright Brothers.

I LOVE Outline 4D, and spent much of last week dumping my notes into it.

But still ... feeling that it was quite nice for what it did, it still didn't do everything that I craved for it to do. I wanted something that could do everything, anticipate all of my needs and methods, and do it in a streamlined fashion. So I went shopping again.

Movie Magic Screenwriter is THE tool for Hollywood script writers. I knew that, but I'd also read that it works well for novel writing. I downloaded a trial version and spent a morning playing with it.

Nope. It may be the Cadillac for script writing, but for novel writing, it hurts.

Soooooo glad I tried before I buyed. ;>)

I'd heard about Blake Snyder's Save the Cat software. His books are great for both screenwriters and novelists, so I downloaded a demo and walked through the tutorial. Again, fabulous software, but it's set up for script writing, not novel writing.

I'd also read of novelists who use the Snowflake method, so I read some reviews about Snowflake Pro software. It doesn't sound like a content management system as much as something that works with you to help develop your ideas.

There's a big difference between Idea Development and Content Management. With this product, you're no longer comparing apples to apples, but apples to oranges.

What I was looking for was something to manage an already developed, but as yet unwritten, idea.

I use Dramatica Pro for Idea Development, as well as StoryWeaver, both by the Wright Brothers. I adore these products and cannot imagine anything could ever, ever, ever hold a candle to them, so I easily bypassed Snowflake Pro.

Are you getting the idea that I love software? How I love having someone to play with me as I develop my ideas, which is exactly what these two products are designed do. But once the idea is developed, they become useless, null and void.

I had long heard about the wonders of Scrivener, but was always sad that it was available only for Macs. Last fall, a Beta edition was available for Windows. Or was it a year ago last fall? I downloaded a version, but it didn't come with a tutorial and so--it being a really big, complex program--I was completely lost. Even for me, the former web manager (and children's librarian) for the public library district where I worked. I can generally find my way around in software. Although I will admit, I watch so little TV that I don't know how to turn on our DVD (when the grandkids come) without following written instructions.

Anyway, back to Scrivener, I forgot all about it ... until Thursday of this week, when the lights came on in my brain and I decided to see if the Windows version, no longer in beta, had been released. YES! I bought the software, based on hearing so many writers drooling over it for so long. I knew it must be good. It had to be good. And oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yes.

Scrivener is indeed the King of Content Management.

It took a few hours to go through the tutorial, but it appears this software does everything YWriter does and oh, maybe ten times more, plus in a more elegant, streamlined way.

I'm a happy camper again, and after exporting half a week's work from Outline 4D, (which had originally, some of it, been in YWriter), I am happily reorganizing it in beautiful, beautiful Scrivener.

That was my writing week.

On the reading front, I am no longer searching for books to review on NetGalley, as they now know my tastes and are emailing me about books I might want to read, and are even pre-approving me for them. I've now downloaded 25 ARCs, at least 15 of which I still need to read and review. (Hoo Boy.)

I'm also beginning to do more research for my new novel, which takes place in the Edwardian era. I have always loved that era, and with Downton Abbey being so popular, it seems that a lot of others love it as well. Except that I'm combining Edwarian sensibilities with what was still basically The Wild West in Spokane, WA, 1905. Or I might bump that up to 1910--I'm working out a series of books based on this idea and these characters, and one of them needs to take place after Prohibition.

I downloaded several e-books on Edwardian social life and customs, and purchased some used nonfiction about early Spokane.

Besides those things, I spent a considerable amount of time helping hubby move farm machinery this week. The weather improved for a while before getting bad again. He's now been rained or winded out for several days.

You might be wonder what I mean when I say I help move farm machinery. It's only that I'm the lead (and frequently only) flag person. I seriously would never know how to operate a huge, John Deere or Versatile tractor. Or any other kind of tractor, except our riding lawnmower.

However, with over an acre of grass and a runway to mow, we seldom use the riding lawnmower. Here's how hubbie does it instead: This is our smallest tractor, of three, which actually does field work.

What I mean by being the lead flag person is only that. I'm in a pickup complete with a WIDE LOAD sign and blinking lights, that leads a caravan of various lengths ... one tractor, two. A truck here and there. Some farm implements like seeders and harrows. We farm in about seven locations in about a 15-mile radius.

Our biggest tractor, and the seeder, are so wide that they literally take up two lanes as we travel through a town. When we need to cross a two-lane bridge, the lead flag person needs to go on ahead and stop traffic on the other side. One of the times I stopped traffic, I had my 9 & 11 year old grandkids with me. After the tractor crossed the bridge behind me, and I moved out of the center of the road to stop blocking traffic, the nine year old (a little boy) shouted, "Grandma, that was awesome!" (And I released my grip on the steering wheel. I hate having to stop a line of traffic. It's such an In-Your-Face thing to do.)

Please know I read every comment. I love comments! Last week, one of my readers was asking about my scrapbooking. Sometime soon, maybe next Sunday, I hope to do an updated blog post about it. A couple of years ago, I posted some pictures of my scrapbooking room. The post continues to get hits. Right now, just under 2000 people have viewed it. I posted it right after moving my supplies into that room (formerly my husband's office), but I hadn't yet "gotten cozy" in it. It's so much prettier, so much sweeter, now.

Anyhew. How was your week, reading, writing or otherwise?

Responsibility meets Forges new Trails or, Tom Selleck meets Laura Linney

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy) — Sat, 20 Apr 2013 10:00:00 +0000

Today's letter is R, so we're looking at a match between the Responsibility personality type (Tom Selleck) with the Forges New Trails type (Laura Linney).

The Responsibility personality (Tom Selleck), is as often male as female, and is associated with safety, family and home life, conservative values, and appreciation of cultural traditions. Family oriented, their home shelters them from the world. Often family is all they need, but they are also loyal friends. Books that exemplify this type’s outlook and values include family life stories: Sarah: Plain and tall; Little Women; Old Yeller; Our Town; Cheaper by the Dozen; The Waltons.

Movies and books that focus on love and romance after marriage (rather than prior to marriage, which is grist for the Ambassador, Queen of Seduction and Nurturer types) fall into this type’s themes. This personality type gives love freely, giving people what they need but not what they don’t want, whereas the Ambassador, Queen of Seduction and Nurturer types often have a hidden agenda. They live their lives vicariously through their partners. Feeling unlovable, they help others in order to gain love. This is not an unconscious need for Responsibility types, as they understand that they are loved. The love they give is a gift without strings attached.

Additionally, these are the types you find in books or movies that feature loyal employees (labor dramas) or shy sidekicks; Thrillers (stories designed to invoke fear); fear comedies. Because they are more fearful than most personality types, this type of movie pokes fun at their fearfulness. Examples: The Out-of-Towners; What about Bob.) Books and movies featuring this type also include those with themes that celebrate cultural traditions, also those of ordinary people banding together to fight a common enemy. Superhero stories fit into this personality type’s fantasies. Lastly, themes for this type also fall under the umbrellas of science versus faith (this type prefers faith) and fear versus faith (this type uses their faith to overcome their fears). Read about the Responsibility personality.

Still with me? In contrast, the Forges New Trails type isn't far different from Responsibility types. Like Responsibility types, they are as often male as female. Here you find craftspeople and pioneers, editors, “School Marms” (school teachers); Puritains and the Amish. Switzerland as a culture reflects this type. People of this personality type are careful, self-disciplined, independent. They find it hard to relax, have fun, and to express their emotions. They’re buttoned up types. Like Responsibility types, they believe in clean and sober living and conservative values. These types were and are wilderness settlers. They are thrifty, responsible, and can survive hard times and are people of true grit.

Books and movies featuring this type include lawyer stories (To Kill a Mockingbird); Pioneer stories; stories that feature various human limitations and how to live with them; how to balance living one’s passion with carrying out one’s duty; the importance of respectability, correctness and good manners. The theme of books and movies for this type is often one that encourages them to work less and take time for their families and themselves, especially cultivating their hobbies or passions that develop their strong but neglected artistic natures. Read about the Forges New Trails (Pioneering) personality.

So if Tom Selleck were to meet Laura Linney, what might a relationship between these two personality types be like?

They are alike in many ways. They’re both hard workers, serious, dutiful, and want to make the world a better place. The Forges New Trails personality has greater mental clarity, and is more guided by thought than emotion, especially under pressure. They’re more self confident than Responsibility types, and so in this relationship—Tom and Laura—Laura is more apt to be the leader. She is more orderly and consistent, and more logical. Both are idealistic, but Laura’s idealism is more about seeing perfection versus imperfection, and Tom’s is more about hero worship.

But Tom would bring more warmth to the mix, as well as emotional availability, generosity and playfulness. Together, they could be dynamic but stable, if they share the same fundamental beliefs and values. They can count on each other to be faithful and to build a solid foundation. They can relax around each other, which both need, as both tend to overwork.

If there were trouble in the relationship, Laura would get critical and judgmental of herself and of him. She’s often all work and no play, which tends to make her hard to be around. She’ll also begin to think he’s not working hard enough, or isn’t serious enough, or mature enough, or careful enough. She’ll have problems with resentment, and her constant bickering will grate on him.

That will bring out his insecurities, and he’ll look to her for stability, but instead he’ll find only more rejection, which will make him even more insecure. He’ll start to fear that the relationship is doomed and indeed, it might be, especially if he becomes defensive and evasive. He might also spend more time at work to avoid spending time with her. She’ll become condescending and blaming, cold, critical until he finally blames her for all their troubles. Unless they can talk about their issues, the relationship could be doomed.

But maybe not. They bonded in the first place because of shared ideals and the willingness to work hard to achieve their dreams. Both are willing to hang in during tough times, which will increase their trust in each other. Each one sees the other’s high aspirations as well as each one’s fear of success.

Both feel guilty about not meeting others exspectations. She’ll be afraid of making a mistake, whereas he’ll doubt that success is possible. Projecting their fears on each other, they’ll be afraid to talk about it. He’s afraid of anger, and she thinks it’s wrong.

He’ll feel like what he does is never good enough for her and indeed, that’s exactly what she might be thinking. That, of course, will alienate him. If they would but talk it out before losing sight of their partner’s good intentions, they’ll be able to work things out, and will stop blaming the other for causing the problem between them.

Additional Information:

What is the Enneagram, and What are Enneagram Personality Types?

What are Instinctual Subtypes?

Traits of the 27 Individual Subtypes

Sources from which I collected and synthesized information about the matches

Queen of Seduction meets Takes Charge or, Kim Katrall meets Dr. Phil

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy) — Fri, 19 Apr 2013 10:00:00 +0000

Today's letter is Q, and we're matching the Queen (of Seduction) personality [Kim Katrall] with the Takes Charge personality [Dr. Phil.]

The Queen of Seduction is usually female. She’s the flirt, the Femme Fatale, the Vestal Virgin, the Groupie. But it could also be the playboy. For this type, life is about the hunt for love. Once the bounty has been captured, they often lose interest, and especially challenges come along. This is the realm of the love story—Boy Meets Girl; Love Conquers All—even across space, time and death. Examples are The Ghost and Mrs. Muir; The Bicentennial Man. Or, the individual is sacrificed for a higher concept of love: Mother Teresa; The Miracle Worker. It could also be the story where parents are seeking a good marriage for their young people in the form of gentle persuasion to outright arranged marriages. If it’s about arranged marriage, the focus is on what got sacrificed and whether advantages outweigh disadvantages. Because the focus is on finding love and romance, it happens before marriage. If the focus about love and romance after marriage, then we’re reading about, or viewing movies that shine a light on marriage as a social institution, and that’s for other personality types (Responsibility; Guardian). Read more about the Queens of Seduction.

Archetypically, the Takes Charge personality is usually male. He’s the Knight, a God or Goddess, a Master, a Rescuer, a Gunslinger, a Pirate, a Samurai. Most of all, they’re upholders of honor and protectors of the weak. Secretly, they would love to put down their armor and be vulnerable (the tough guy shows his soft side). Compared to similar types—the King, the Survivalist—they are the most charismatic and fiery of the three, with big appetites. Think Donald Trump. Of all the personality types, they are most likely to seek vengeance after a betrayal. Read more about the Takes Charge personality.

What might a pairing of Kim Katrall and Dr. Phil be like?

This is a common pairing, and are more alike than it might appear. Both want to have a personal impact on their environment. Both are sentimental, the Takes Charge personality with a hidden soft side. Both will provide for or protect the other while denying their own needs. Both are passionate and vital.

The differences between them come in their focus. The Queen of Seduction is interested in the welfare of the person she loves. The Takes Charge personality wants to impact the world around him to his benefit. Both are strong willed. The Takes Charge personality appreciates the adoration of the Queen of Seduction. The Queen of Seduction appreciates the Takes Charge personality’s strength and his willingness to sacrifice himself for her.

If the relationship were to go south, it would be because of their differing interpersonal styles. The Queen of Seduction is more empathetic, whereas the Takes Charge personality is more blunt, outwardly independent, and proud. The Queen of Seduction tends to see a situation from his point of view, which is the point of view from which the Takes Charge person sees things in as well. He can be selfish if she allows it.

The worse the relationship gets, the more hard-hearted and confrontational the Takes Charge personality becomes, whereas the Queen of Seduction, fearing she’s unlovable, is willing to sacrifice more and more of herself and her interests to him. Sometimes, if they’re in a strongly co-dependent relationship, she will even defend his bad behavior, whether self-destructive or anti-social. But because her interest is more in the hunt than the capture, and she doesn’t like being trapped, the Queen of Seduction will end the relationship before similar types (Ambassador and King) would. But she needs to beware that she ends it correctly. If he fears he’s been betrayed, he’s likely to seek some sort of revenge.

Additional Information:

What is the Enneagram, and What are Enneagram Personality Types?

What are Instinctual Subtypes?

Traits of the 27 Individual Subtypes

Sources from which I collected and synthesized information about the matches

Politician meets Ambassador or, John McCain meets Cindy Hensley

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy) — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 10:00:00 +0000

Today's letter is P, and so we're looking at a match between a Politician type (John McCain) and his real-life wife, Cindy McCain, an Ambassador type.

The Politician personality (John McCain) is more often male than female, and is often a politician, a team leader, a Spin Doctor. If they have substance as well as style, they can be great leaders. Movies and books featuring stories about this personality style will include themes that shine a light on the worthlessness of status gained by dishonesty, without a moral compass (The Firm). They might also look at teamwork as the key to success, or they will be Impostor/Mistaken Identity stories in which a Style makeover (accompanied by Substance) is an avenue to success (Working Girl). Politician personality types can help others feel they’re part of a team. Read more about the Politician personality.

The Ambassador personality goes through life being an event host, an emissary of goodwill, an organizer, a stage mother, and a social climber. For them, life’s social occasions make it worthwhile. As the old adage goes, “Behind every successful man is a woman.” They are the power behind the throne. In movies and books, they are the power behind the scenes at social events such as weddings, funerals, baby showers and class reunions. They can also be owners of hair salons, where they make others more beautiful. Movies that highlight the Ambassador personality type include Sisterhood; 9-5; Fried Green Tomatoes. Read more about the Ambassador personality.

How might a relationship between John McCain and wife Cindy McCain be?

It’s the perfect political partnership and one of the most attractive and influential pairings possible.

Both are driven by the need for attention and the desire to be loved, thus are people-oriented. Both are outgoing, high-spirited, charming and frequently handsome or beautiful. Both are good at making great first impressions. They’re both able to make others feel that they are the center of attention, which makes them more likeable and able to get others to support them in achieving their goals.

She would be more personal, thoughtful and kind in her interactions with others. He would have a vision and goals for how to make things better for others, including in their own relationship. She wants to feel proud of him and he wants to be worthy of her pride. She likes to shine a spotlight on him, and he loves to be in it. As long as he appreciates her lavish attention, this relationship will work well. But if he fails to appreciate her, she’ll feel used. She doesn’t need to be the center of attention, but she does need recognition for her efforts on his, or their, behalf.

But the Politician, hating to share his glory, finds it difficult to thank others for their role in his success. He might even think she takes credit for things she has no right to, which might cause her to chip away at his confidence, to make him depend even more on her. If he feels criticized, he’ll distance himself from her, which causes more anxiety on her part, perpetuating the problem instead of eliminating it.

Beneath it all, both feel vulnerable. Aware of each other’s weak spots, they can be highly manipulative when they feel threatened. Both are goal oriented, and yet neither likes to take time to examine their motivations. It’s possible that they can think they’re heading in the same direction, toward greater material and social success, only to realize later that they’re no longer “on the same page,” so to speak.

She will typically feel that he puts his career before everything—her, their family, and home—which are her greatest values. She’ll worry that, in his drive for success, he’s missing out on the things that matter most.

He, on the other hand, will be angry at her insistence that he spend more time with her and the family. He’ll think she’s only trying to make him feel guilty for working too hard, when he feels he’s trying to be as successful as possible for himself, for her, and for the family. Unless they can work things out, and come to an agreement about the meaning of success in their relationship, the relationship could be doomed.

Additional Information:

What is the Enneagram, and What are Enneagram Personality Types?

What are Instinctual Subtypes?

Traits of the 27 Individual Subtypes

Sources from which I collected and synthesized information about the matches

Observer meets Bon Vivant or, Bob Dylan meets Goldie Hawn

noreply@blogger.com (Cathy) — Wed, 17 Apr 2013 10:00:00 +0000

Today's letter is O, and so we're matching an Observer, Bob Dylan, with a Bon Vivant, Goldie Hawn.

The Observer (or Cultural Critic), is more often female, but in this case, I chose Bob Dylan, who seems to be of this type. Observers are discriminating evaluators of art and ideas. If reading a book or watching a movie about this personality type, it would be about the difficulties of fitting in, but eventually finding their place in society. (Ugly Betty; Dumbo; The Ugly Duckling; The Elephant Man.)

This is a good personality type for Young Adult stories. In addition to finding their place, the focus could be on their difficulties accepting social conventions. Belonging vs. Not Belonging. Authenticity vs. Conformity, and is it worth being ostracized if one doesn’t conform? For them, being authentic to who they are is more important than belonging. Having exquisite taste, they are drawn to expressing themselves through the arts: high fashion, visual art, music, writing, acting, literary criticism, haute cuisine. Read more about Observer (cultural critic) personalities.

The Bon Vivant is more often a male personality, but in this case I chose a female, Goldie Hawn. Bon Vivants love good times, good food, good spirits, good friends. He or she might be a Gourmand or an Interior Decorator. His lifestyle and his family will often be unconventional. He might live in a fantasy home, or you might find him on Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. Adventurous, he enjoys travel. If in a book or movie, the genre would be adventure. Sometimes he’s grounded, and enjoys beer more than wine, barbeque more than an elegant French meal. Other times, less grounded, he’s more interested in haute cuisine, and leans more toward air-headedness than having his feet on the ground. In either case, he loves to eat. He’s the charismatic drifter, the eternal youth (Peter Pan). If female, she’s the mother in the movie, Chocolat. Or Cher in Mermaids. You see Bon Vivant types of either sex very often in movies. Read more about Bon Vivant personalities.

Because they are so different, even opposites, they are often curious about each other, maybe even fascinated with each other. So—assuming Bob Dylan and Goldie Hawn were otherwise unattached and met and hit it off, this is what a relationship between them might be like:

He’d be moody and pessimistic, introverted. She’d be bubbly, confident, optimistic. She could help him overcome his social shyness. He could help her stay focused, and to feel her negative, darker feelings (which she is terribly afraid to do).

Both can be spontaneous and passionate, and would enjoy sharing their thoughts and reactions toward daily events. Both enjoy travel, beautiful clothes and furnishings, good food, good spirits. Both tend to live beyond their means in order to enjoy the good things in life. Their sense of adventure and romance can help keep their relationship fresh and spirited. Both can be funny, irreverent and entertaining as well as bawdy and sophisticated.

They will balance each other. He’ll introduce her to the deeper emotions, but when he gets mired in them, she’ll help pull him out and restore the fun.

He experiences life through his feelings whereas she’s mainly mental. Her emotional unavailability works well with his longing for things that are missing . . . such as her emotions! He longs for a better relationship even when the one he’s got is just fine. She won’t be affected by his push/pull way of relating. (Go away; I hate you. Come back; I love you.) He’ll respect that in her, even if he secretly wishes she was more like him emotionally.

But because they’re so different, unless they’re attracted in several important ways, they probably won’t get together in the first place. For them to stay together, there needs to be a meeting of hearts, minds, a passionate attraction to each other—or any/all three options. Especially when conflicts arise.

Both are impulsive and easily frustrated when their desires are thwarted, but it’s worse for her. She cannot tolerate negative emotions, and so her brain comes up with possibilities for escape, both mentally and physically.

Activity will help them both, although he will resent the fact that she can’t deal with his negative emotions—mostly sadness and depression. He’ll want to talk about it, and she’ll think it’s a waste of time. Already unhappy, it’ll make him even more unhappy to hold back his feelings, but it scares her to death to see them in others, or feel them in herself. He’ll work at getting her to feel rather than to think. She’ll tell him that she does feel, but only for the briefest of moments. He needs to be able to convince her that it staying in her negative feelings for a while will be worth it.

At their worst, he’ll complain that she’s shallow. She’ll feel strangled by his emotional needs. Only if emotions are “interesting” to her will she stay with negative feelings. (And then you have to wonder if she’s really feeling them at all, or dispassionately observing them.)

While he might secretly envy her high energy, and want to keep pace with her, he might lack the ability to do so. She might wish she possessed his musical talent or personal flair, but she might also see him as being too sensitive, moody, self-absorbed, weak and inadequate.

He needs to learn to distinguish between a genuine need with a potential solution and emotional neediness that creates problems in order to get comfort.

From her side, she needs to be willing to talk about his needs or issues, even if she’s feeling bored and resistant. And not to end the conversation too quickly. She needs to be willing to process her feelings. He needs to realize that being endlessly mired in feelings is actually an impediment to good communication.

If they grew to dislike each other, he would be hostile toward her, and she would be impatient and verbally abusive toward him. He might want to talk it out, but she’d rather just walk out, especially if a new relationship looks more fun and exciting. The very things that once attracted them to each other are now only sources of irritation.

Additional Information:

What is the Enneagram, and What are Enneagram Personality Types?

What are Instinctual Subtypes?

Traits of the 27 Individual Subtypes

Sources from which I collected and synthesized information about the matches