Newsmericks

Drunk as a skunk

noreply@blogger.com (Aparna Ray) — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 05:11:00 +0000

A badger in Berlin, named Jerry
One fine day hogged many a cherry
It left him so fuddled
On the road he lay huddled
As the traffic whizzed past him - how scary!

His head feeling heavy like lead,
He lay on the road as if dead.
The cops used a broom
And saved him from doom--
"I've been swept off my feet", Jerry said.

Yahoo News 09/07/09: Drunk badger disrupts traffic in Germany. Get the story here

Go in peace, Moonwalker.

noreply@blogger.com (Aparna Ray) — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 04:56:00 +0000

As a man who lived life off the wall,
Michael Jackson, King of Pop, had it all.
Unmatched voice and that dance,
Held the world in a trance,
But then after the rise, came the fall.

Sucked him down, to the depths, like quicksand,
The man-boy, from his perch, Neverland.
Yet he hoped to prevail,
Over life's tragic trail--
So his 'curtain call' comeback was planned.

But the Gods denied him a fresh lease,
And ordained that his heart should now cease.
Now as fans near and far,
Mourn the Moonwalking star,
Let us pray that his soul rests in peace.

For Michael Jackson - the King of Pop (August 29, 1958 – June 25, 2009)

Excuse me Sir, did you just swat a fly?

noreply@blogger.com (Aparna Ray) — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 11:49:00 +0000

The President swatted a fly,
Thus causing a huge hue and cry.
Some folks called it slaying,
But others are saying,
"Great swipe!He's athletic, this guy!"

June 18th, 2009: PETA miffed at President Obama's fly "execution". Get the story here.

In West Bengal, it has been said many a time by great Bengali men and women, that we generally sit around swatting flies when we either have nothing to do or are doing nothing. "Maachhi mara kerani" (or fly swatting clerk/babu) is an oft used phrase, referring to the babus working in various government departments, who idle away their working hours. So now those very same fly swatting babus are feeling very proud that none other than the POTUS has joined their ranks. Am sure that they are now planning to cite this case and ask for promotions - a heftier paycheck and additional fly swatters as perk. Now this surely calls for some verse :-)

We the government babus, my dears,
Have been swatting flies for many years.
To Obama, our thanks,
For joining our ranks;
His swatting skills moved us to tears!

Here so often we hear people say,
That we babus sit idle all day.
But I think, they now will,
Appreciate our skill --
We're demanding a hike in our pay!

If the wig makes you pretty, wear it

noreply@blogger.com (Aparna Ray) — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 06:14:00 +0000

The judge said, "Sir, I am appalled.
Your dastardly act was uncalled
For. Now you may not dig
Your law-maker's wig,
But you'd no right to expose his bald!"

Reuters 9th June, 2009: A man who tore the wig off a telegenic Taiwan legislator last year was sentenced to five months in jail for depriving the MP of his freedom to look good. Get the story here

Inkspot's been just been a wee bit busy and hence this lull in posting. But we're back now.

Let's keep it clean for our CM

noreply@blogger.com (Aparna Ray) — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 06:11:00 +0000

The CM's about to arrive;
So we must have a cleanliness drive.
Let's clear out the yard,
Keep those aid workers barred,
And relief work? Can go take a dive!

May 31/09: The Telegraph Calcutta - Chief Minister Buddhadeb Bhattacharjee today tasted the fury of Sunderbans’ relief-deprived cyclone victims, who riddled him with accusations during his visit and then chased and beat up the block development officer, part of his entourage, after he had left. [...] Anger boiled at the area’s “sanitisation” for the visit — police locked up the 50-odd villagers distributing relief, mainly tarpaulin sheets, in a tin shed for an hour and a half till Bhattacharjee left.“Relief workers are locked up, all the boats meant to ferry aid have been requisitioned for the visit; so what is the chief minister’s visit achieving?” Bijoy Dolui shouted as Bhattacharjee walked into BDO Amiya Bhushan Chakraborty’s office. Get the full story here

Look ma, a dead duck!

noreply@blogger.com (Aparna Ray) — Wed, 27 May 2009 12:28:00 +0000

An MP in Briton sought bucks
For building an 'island' for ducks
The ducks said, "You fool,
You're doing up our pool
With tax payers' money? That sucks!"

Yahoo News, 23rd May, 2009: A British MP said on Saturday he felt "ashamed and humiliated" over claiming expenses for a "duck island" to put in his garden pond -- and admitted that the ducks didn't like it anyway. Conservative MP Peter Viggers was forced to announce his resignation on Thursday over the 1,600-pound aquatic home, the latest embarrassing revelation in an expenses row which has shaken the House of Commons. Get the story here

When Mamata de-railed Laloo

noreply@blogger.com (Aparna Ray) — Mon, 25 May 2009 15:53:00 +0000

The Gods in the heavens said, "Hail
O Mamtadi, minister of Rail.
It is Lalooji's sighs,
That, in cyclonic guise,
Is ravaging Bengal as gale!"

Lion versus Tiger: An unfinished saga?

noreply@blogger.com (Aparna Ray) — Tue, 19 May 2009 05:20:00 +0000

From the tiger's den, new news arrives,
Seems the tiger's not dead, he survives.
Did the lion then fail,
To pay heed to the tale
That the tiger, indeed, has nine lives?

Could this be true?

When the lion raised his sword: A story

noreply@blogger.com (Aparna Ray) — Mon, 18 May 2009 17:32:00 +0000

Well a tiger like him there was none.
His ambition, to rule like the sun.
But the lion king roared,
Rose and brandished his sword,
Overpowered, the tiger was done.

They say that when a lion and a tiger fight each other, advantage most often lies with the tiger. But that is not a hard and fast rule, as we have recently learned.

Learn more about the original big cats here

India elections '09: India decides to strengthen the hand

noreply@blogger.com (Aparna Ray) — Sun, 17 May 2009 15:45:00 +0000

The voters said, we understand -
Our country needs stable command.
So they flung a few shoes,
Then when time came to choose,
Then went out and high-fived the hand!

What a day it turned out to be! The Indian voters finally put an end to all speculations regarding the rise of regionalism, fragmented franchise, need for severe horse-trading, holding government to ransom and what not, by delivering a clear mandate in favor of a stable government to be formed by the Congress-led UPA. Get more of the story here

Blogging for a cause: I support Global Voices Advocacy

noreply@blogger.com (Aparna Ray) — Wed, 13 May 2009 05:40:00 +0000

Today, I would just like to pause
And blog for my favorite cause
The project "Advox"
Is brilliant, it rocks!
It's work deserves heartfelt applause!

Global Voices Advocacy (also referred to as 'Advox'), is a wonderful initiative that seeks to build a global anti-censorship network of bloggers and online activists, dedicated to protecting freedom of expression and free access to information online. The aim of this network is to raise awareness of online freedom of speech issues, and to share tools and tactics with activists and bloggers facing censorship on different parts of the globe. The network is meant not only to provide support to its members, but also to produce educational guides about anonymous blogging, anti-censorship campaigns, and online organizing. By collaborating with software developers, activists, and bloggers, the network hopes to design new and more appropriate tools to protect peoples rights on the Internet.

This blog post is part of Zemanta's "Blogging For a Cause" campaign to raise awareness and funds for worthy causes that bloggers care about.

Of virgin poultry

noreply@blogger.com (Aparna Ray) — Mon, 11 May 2009 04:58:00 +0000

"The fowl's pure and juicy to taste."
The waiter said, bowing to the waist.
"What makes you so sure
That the bird served is pure?"
"It's a virgin, undoubtedly chaste!"

Yahoo News 10.05.09: A restaurant in China is doing brisk business after it claimed that it serves only virgin chickens. Get the story here

And in other news, Newsmericks is glad to announce that today we complete 1000 posts on this blog. A big THANK YOU to all our readers and also to our intrepid reporter Inkspot.

Daisy who?

noreply@blogger.com (Aparna Ray) — Fri, 08 May 2009 06:38:00 +0000

"My memory", he said, "maybe hazy,
But to date unknown actors like Daisy?
If you really must know,
I will never stoop so low,
As to propose to a struggler - that's crazy!"

6th May, 2009: Indian Cricketer Sreesanth denies rumors of romancing a little-known actress, Daisy Bopanna. Get the story here

On Protectionism, Free Trade & Outsourcing

noreply@blogger.com (Aparna Ray) — Tue, 05 May 2009 07:41:00 +0000

The US, has now indicated,
That Free trade is way over-rated.
With threats of enforcing,
A curb on outsourcing,
Protection is being reinstated!

Washington, May 5 (PTI) 'Say no to Bangalore and yes to Buffalo,' seems to be the latest mantra of US President Barack Obama as he struggles to bring the ailing American economy back on track. Get the story here

Give the swine a bad name and hang him

noreply@blogger.com (Aparna Ray) — Sun, 03 May 2009 05:24:00 +0000

Old porker was feeling quite blue.
Asked why, he said, "Don't have a clue
Why they're making such fuss
And going around blaming us,
When none of us have this 'swine flu'!"

Is the term swine flu somewhat a misnomer for this current strain of this novel H1N1 virus that currently people are falling prey to? Read about it here

Also,

ROME, April 29 (Reuters) - Egypt's order on Wednesday to cull all the country's pigs is "a real mistake" and another reason why the world needs to rethink using "swine flu" to describe a virus affecting humans, a U.N. agency official said. Get the story here

Facebook woes of an employee

noreply@blogger.com (Aparna Ray) — Fri, 01 May 2009 12:12:00 +0000

You thought you had mastered the trick
Of shirking work, calling in sick.
But the boss took a look,
At your page on Facebook,
And pink-slipped you, real nice and quick!

Reuters UK 24.04.09: ZURICH - A Swiss insurance worker lost her job after surfing popular social network site Facebook while off sick. Get the story here

Silence please!

noreply@blogger.com (Aparna Ray) — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 07:21:00 +0000

Said the judge to the woman, "Old maid,
It's good to know you're getting laid.
But screaming in passion,
Is now out of fashion--
So it's jail for you dear, am afraid!"

BBC News 27.4.09:A woman has been remanded in custody accused of breaching an Asbo banning her from being noisy during sex. Get the story here

Look ma, a kissing couple!

noreply@blogger.com (Aparna Ray) — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 05:29:00 +0000

Is kissing in public, offense?
If unmarried, yes, and so hence-
forth for your capers,
Please carry your papers
That prove that you're married - make sense?

:D

MSN News 22/04/09: New Delhi: Kissing by married couple is not obscenity, says Court. Taking serious note of the growing trend of moral policing, the Delhi High Court Wednesday asked the Delhi police commissioner to hold an inquiry against a police official who had charged a newly married couple with obscenity when they kissed in public. Get the story here

I must point out here, that I am against moral policing in any form. However, if, as the news item mentions, only married people can kiss in public, some grave questions arise in this context (check out the comments section of the news item). Do the people in question have only to be married, or must they be married to each other? What kind of kissing will be allowed? What is a public place? Will a public place be defined similarly to the places where smoking is not allowed? Such thoughts surely call for a Newsmerick ~ InkSpot

Power to the people!

noreply@blogger.com (Aparna Ray) — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 05:33:00 +0000

When you're baking, in heat, like a bun,
A power cut's surely no fun.
I think powers that be
Will finally see
Why we must harness power of the sun!

Well, the last few days have been terrible in Kolkata, weather-wise. A sweltering temperature of 40/41degrees, high humidity and frequent bouts of power failure (coupled with Dada's ouster as captain of the KKR) - the lethal combination is seeping the life force out of Kolkatans. The power production is failing miserably to keep up with demand. A few days back, all the units of one big supplier tripped in unison, leaving citizens power-less for hours on end. Since then, with an average of 4-5 instances of power cuts per day, the dreaded word "loadshedding" is back with a vengeance in our day-to-day conversations.Maybe the time has come to focus on solar emergy, like never before. Well some good news in that direction here. If lights come, can fans be far behind? One hopes...

Who'll win the Elections? What's your best bet?

noreply@blogger.com (Aparna Ray) — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 06:01:00 +0000

In India now, if you're a bookie
(It matters not, whiz or a rookie)
You're on safer wicket
While betting on cricket
For election's one hell of a cookie!

TOI 20/04/09: According to the betting meter, the Indian National Congress (INC) is likely to get somewhere between 135-137 seats, the price for which is 65 paise return on every Rs 1 betted. The BJP is likely to get about 125-127 seats, where the return is 60 paise...the betting market for Lok Sabha elections 2009 is yet quite fluid and only by first week of next month, would the reliable trends start showing. As of now, there are few who are getting into the game of numbers, specially with the markets, bookies and clients more absorbed in betting on IPL matches.Get the story here

The art of currying favor with the boss

noreply@blogger.com (Aparna Ray) — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 05:58:00 +0000

At the workplace, you've oft come across
Those who constantly butter the boss.
You may turn up your nose,
But a new study shows,
It's a matter of profit and loss.

Reuters 14/04/09: Workers "sucking up" is bad for business, says experts - By Ellen Wulfhorst. Get the story here

In case you now would like to learn this skill, here are some pointers: 1, 2 & 3. Happy buttering!

The cost of sms: your thumb

noreply@blogger.com (Aparna Ray) — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 05:28:00 +0000

Text messaging, faster and faster
On your cell phones, they say is disaster
For your thumbs, 'cause the strain,
Can cause blisters and pain,
So much so, that you may need a plaster!

TOI 14/04/09: Communicating via text messages can damage your thumb, according to a study. Get the story here

Gassing at your own risk!

noreply@blogger.com (Aparna Ray) — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 11:51:00 +0000

There are those that will stab you (I swear)
For leaving a stink in the air.
So if you wanna gas,
My advice, move your ass,
To a place where there's nobody there!

Yahoo News/ AP: 08/04/09: Texas - A man was stabbed after causing a stink — literally — in a motel room while eating with a friend, police said. Five men from the Houston area were sharing a Waco motel room Tuesday night, and two were inside the room eating when one had a flatulence problem, Waco police Officer Steve Anderson said. One man was so upset about the gas that he threw a large knife at him, cutting his leg, and then stabbed him in the chest, Anderson said. Get the story here

:D

It's a Jolie good affair, this!

noreply@blogger.com (Aparna Ray) — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 13:15:00 +0000

"This Jen will get my Brad to stray"
Thought Jolie with shock and dismay.
"And I have a hunch
That it's more than mere lunch--"
What goes around, comes around, ay?

Entertainmentwise 07/04/09: Angelina Jolie Furious Over Jennifer Aniston And Brad Pitt's Cosy Lunch? Get the story here

Not enough proof

noreply@blogger.com (Aparna Ray) — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 08:10:00 +0000

Thought CBI, "We'll bury in quiet,
The '84's anti-Sikh' riot.
Got Tytler absolved,
So our case is now solved--
Wonder why the Sikhs don't want to buy it?"

The Hindu 03/04/09: The Central Bureau of Investigation on Thursday submitted in a trial court here that it did not have sufficient evidence to prosecute the former Union Minister, Jagdish Tytler, in a 1984 anti-Sikh riot case...The CBI counsel submitted that it had filed the cancellation report and wanted to close the probe.Get the story here