The Days Are Long But The Years Are Short

Starting back up again

2011-12-08T09:55:00.001-08:00

So I rejoined the gym and let me tell you after being on bedrest then the 6-10 weeks postpartum I took off, I am OUT of shape and my darn hamstrings/hips are acting up again. I'm trying to go 3x a week and so far this week was 3 for 3. Hopefully along with the new meds and some exercise I will be back to feeling like y old self.

The ongoing battle, SAHM vs WM

2011-12-08T09:53:00.001-08:00

As Moms we are to be: Nurse, Chauffeur, Chef, Dentist, DJ, Fashion Director, Janitor, Launderer, Banker, Dietician, Personal Shopper, Photographer, Plumber, Caregiver, Maid, Cheerleader, Counselor, Storyteller, Teacher, Exterminator, Coach, Negotiator… The list is endless. So why is it that SAHM's, and mom's who get paid to work outside the home can't support each other?!?!?

November Kids

2011-11-26T09:03:00.001-08:00

Click here to view these pictures larger

2011-11-26T08:49:00.000-08:00

Sweet Little Baby Fingers!

Post Partum Blues or just Adjusting to 3??

2011-11-22T12:44:00.000-08:00

“Would you just sit still?! Eat your dinner! Play nice with your sister! Leave me alone for 5 minutes, Stop crying!, How many times to I have to tell you, no I don't want to play right now!”

This is how the feelings of rage begin. I feet overwhelmed, stressed, and tired and then I loose it, I grab, I swat, I yank and forget who I am speaking to. And then I'm flattened by guilt. A crushing wave of shame crashes over me and I am suddenly the worst mom in the world. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I pull it together? Why can't I answer innocent questions, why don't I want to play?

I have a history of depression and felt like this after the 2nd and refused to speak to anyone about it, I hid any sadness, weepiness or other bad feelings that might have arisen after giving birth, after all I was "perfect" I've always strived for that and in public I was the perfect Mom. I went out and did things so I was in public and couldn't lose it. I found a great group of Mama's and activities to do and my "NORMAL" emotional state returned. Now, however, as I adjust to being the mother of 3 I find myself overwhelmed by unexpected emotions, expectations and anger. There is no where to go here, so I am stuck alone in the darkness and no where to go to be in public and act how I want to act, not how I am feeling...

Do I feel depressed? YES. Do I sit and weep inconsolably? Who has time? So, how do I feel? Angry. Ridiculously, illogically, uncontrollably angry. I am irritable, impatient, and resentful. Then I feel guilty, which makes me feel angry all over again.

After losing my temper at my two older kids 23 months and 4, screaming at my husband, feeling irritated at my newborn, and having unattainable expectations, I began to feel as though I am losing my mind. I love kids and I wanted my 3, yet I felt like such a fraud for not “being able to handle” 3 small children. I couldn’t wait to have my kids and here I am resentful of the time I have with them.

I thought briefly that this could be Postpartum Depression, so I did some research and found a list of symptoms:

• Feeling restless or moody
• Feeling sad, hopeless, and overwhelmed
• Crying a lot
• Having no energy or motivation
• Eating too little or too much
• Sleeping too little or too much
• Having trouble focusing or making decisions
• Having memory problems
• Feeling worthless and guilty
• Losing interest or pleasure in activities you used to enjoy
• Withdrawing from friends and family
• Having headaches, aches and pains, or stomach problems that don’t go away

Well, what I was feeling just didn’t seem to fit the list. I now begin to wonder if I am just a really bad mother. I feel like I love being a mom, but I long for time alone. I love my children, but I watch the clock while waiting for bedtime each day.
What is going on with me...

I love PINTEREST!!

2011-11-22T12:26:00.000-08:00

How do I link pinterest to my blog??
ME on pinterest :)

house

2011-11-22T12:20:00.001-08:00

This blog hits the nail on the head!

2011-11-22T12:12:00.000-08:00

http://www.phdinparenting.com/2010/11/19/ready-to-snap/#comment-195481

I unfortunately slap, spank and grab when I am going to snap which is about every day with my 2 month old, my 23 months old and just 4 year old. My husband moved me from Boston (right in the city) where I grew up and had support to middle of nowhere Sidney NE where there is NOTHING to do, not even a target within 2 hours! With the 3rd baby I was on bedrest there were baby and placenta complications, we moved temporarily back to Boston for the birth since the hospital is 3 hours away, then moved back here after the baby’s birth, and bought a house and moved. We still have not sold our house so it is a financial BURDEN to have the 2 houses. I am at my whits end and feel like I am always snapping (similar to my upbringing) and creating a horrible environment for my children. Plus all the comments to me from family and working out of the home Mom’s about “how lucky I am to stay home” This article was good and gives me some coping tips to try when everyone is ALWAYS crying and whining at my house Seriously are everyone’s kids needy and unhappy ALL the time??

She's here

2011-11-01T12:45:00.000-07:00

Julia Marie
September 12 2011, perfectly healthy and a great drug free 2 hour birth from water breaking to holding her!
After all the complications and worrying my beautiful girl was born at 40.5 weeks naturally and HEALTHY!! and BIG 8 pounds 1oz and 19.5 inches long :)

The Little People

2011-05-15T08:35:00.000-07:00

Liam is 3 years 9 months and is as crazy as every!
Hi preschool ends this Thursday and I am scrambling to find summer activities for him to do. I think I will enroll him in "camp" for 2 half days at his preschool and depending on where we are (Boston or Nebraska) he will have swimming lessons in July.
He is my emotional, freaking out at the drop of a dime. His latest battle is underwear. We have now started buying size 6/7 for our 3 year old and they still "hurt his penis" every day is a battle about the underwear choice and it sometimes leads to screaming, kicking, hitting, and a 30 minute ordeal. I threaten to take him to the Dr. but nothing works short of putting him in his room and telling him he can't come out till he has underwear on. Sometimes this backfires though when he needs to leave to get to school or daycare on time.
He knows all his colors and can count up to 20. He's started to really use his imagination to create stories or scenarios. I think this is from the interaction with the other 2 boys at daycare.

Emma is 1 year 5 months and is a spit fire!
She will climb on anything and everything and wants to do and eat and say everything her brother does. She is big into covering up her babies and putting them to sleep or laying something down on the floor and snuggling up to it. She enjoys the itsy bitsy spider and will do the hand movements and this little piggy went to market and will ask for wee wee wee. She can say Papple for apple, B, me, up, mo for more, bubble, Mommy, Papa, and NO. She will sign please, thank you, bath, milk, diaper change, all done, eat, sleep and book. She will eat almost anything and eats with a fork and spoon and drinks milk out of a sippy cup. Her 3 1 year molars have popped through and the bottom left is stubbornly on it's way. She knows her belly, belly button, hair, eyes, feet, arms, hands, and legs.

Vasa Previa and the Bed Rest Blues

2011-05-15T08:24:00.000-07:00

Tuesday April 19th I woke up got ready for a run and had some bleeding and contractions, I called the Dr. and she said to come in and they would do the 20 week ultrasound today instead of next week. The baby looked fine however some placenta and cord issues were identified. I was diagnosed with Vasa Previa and Velamentous Insertion of the Umbilical Cord. They will see me again May 17th for another Ultrasound and to check on the baby. In the mean time I am on bed rest until the next ultrasound and it SUCKS, only allowed to get up to pee and a 5 min shower every couple of days!
There are some good points, such as the kids are in daycare full time so I am all alone all day every day to read, rest and watch trash TV but seriously after a few weeks it really stinks.
The first 10 days we had my Mother In Law here to care for the kids and help Paul out with the household chores. It worked out well but Liam was having some issues adjusting to not only the Nebraska move but now Mom in bed and Nana here to rule the roost.
I've been very lucky to have Paul come home at lunch, and friends visit daily. We have had meals delivered from MOPS which has been a GREAT help, but seriously nothing can take away the fear, unknown and boredom of bed rest.
So far I have

Read the first 2 Stephanie Plum series books
Caught up on Real Housewives of New Jersey
Caught up on the Real World
Started watching The Secret Life of the American Teenager
Reinstalled Vista on my computer
Read Redeeming Love
Wrote thank you notes
Done a ton of crosswords and word games
Knitted the baby a sweater and hat
Played online Solitaire and Scrabble

Bed Rest has made me thankful for

A WONDERFUL husband who has taken care of everything, including me, our children, the dog, our house, all the cleaning, meals, etc. I am truly a blessed woman and I married the right man!
The support of my family and friends
The MOPS group here in Sidney Nebraska. Every day I have had a visitor drop by and people call to check on me.
MOPS meals! We have had meals delivered almost every night by wonderful Mama's
The support of my Bitchin Mama's from far away!
Day Care and how affordable and flexible it is here, allowing me to enroll both my children full time at a minutes notice!

December

2010-12-18T07:04:00.000-08:00

Click on the little Monkeys to see some December pictures.

Kids

2010-12-14T14:18:00.000-08:00

Liam has adjusted great to the new school and even though he clings to me when I drop him off I know he loves it. He has met a few friends to attend the library storytime with. He's done well at church play drop off and the MOPS drop off. He LOVE LOVE LOVES the fact that we live near the John Deere store and I think they might be wondering when we are going to stop by!

Emma is also adjusting to NE living. She has been going to the same place Liam goes to for school for daycare while I head to the gym. She is a little social thing, always smiling and drooling. She is into everything and sure has a little personality to go along with her cuteness.

Sidney Month One

2010-12-14T14:11:00.000-08:00

It's been a month since we've been in Sidney. Do I still miss the city, YES and NO
I miss

having my support system of Mama's and my choices of Targets to run to.
Running outside (which I can do here, just not sure if the dirt roads are "safe" to run along)
Museums, the cafe's, starbucks, and the Aquarium
Riding the train, and the tourists in the city
The quintessential New England towns that I can never afford but dream I can.
Impromptu play-dates and a plethora of Mama's to call on ( I posted on a MOPS board about having people over for a kids craft playdate and no one responded)...I miss having friends

I don't miss

Being the only English speaking person in the store, neighborhood, phone etc.
The garbage and disrespect of the people in the city and their VULGAR language
Car alarms, drag racing, and emergency sirens during the day and into the night
Lack of outdoor and indoor space
Fighting for a parking spot or fighting parking tickets!

What I love so far

Local coffee shop
Meeting people who know you or have seen your kids somewhere in town
Tons of outdoor space
A garage
The genuine pleasantness of people
The willingness of people to embrase you and make you feel comfortable (The golden rule is still alive, and it is alive in Sidney)
The sense of community and togetherness during the holiday season
A great children's library with a wonderful librarian

Ditching Nebraska!

2010-11-11T14:30:00.000-08:00

So I am trying to find a way to run around here and our street is a dead end street so in lieu of runnng up and down the street a million times like a lunatic I decided to see what else there was. There are two ways to Paul's office, one a paved road, the other a bumpy dirt road. Well Paul tells me that if you turn the opposite way on the dirt road it may go to Cabelas, so on my way home from his office I decided to take it. Now it just snowed here and I couldn't figure out why things closed and why everyone has a BIG truck or SUV...
I shall soon find out.
We go the other way down the dirt road and Emma starts to nod off so I say forget this we will just go home and do it another day (we have many days left!) There really isn't enough room to turn around so I will just drive backwards down the dirt road, if nothing else Liam will get a kick out of it. Well all is well till we start to slide the ABS brakes kick in and we slide off into a ditch and get stuck..damn front wheeled drive cars. So I reverse and forward and try to rock up out of the ditch to no avail, finally a pickup passes and a bunch of kids ask if I need help. They try to tow me out and the rope breaks, so they have a wench and wench me out...ahh welcome to Sidney where they don't plow, salt, or sand the roads and where 4WD is a necessity.

Concouring Sidney in a Day

2010-11-10T13:48:00.000-08:00

So this morning we headed out to the bank. Yes you actually go in to the bank and talk to a human, they handwrite out a reciept for a deposit!! Next stop is the TrueValue for a key, then the local coffee/book shop (which is adorable, and super cheap!), next to check out the kids consignment shop, then to storytime at the Library, the local craft store to get some stickers then off ot pick up Papa for lunch...
Note to Self: Might not want to do all the days errands in one day :)

I also connected with a DS Mama today!! And a woman from MOPS! Both have similar aged kids and were again super nice. Small town living just might be fun.
I also got a cool new pacifier to try and review in the mail :)

Into the Swing of things

2010-11-10T13:44:00.000-08:00

So my routine begins.
We wake up we all drive Papa to work, we head to Walmart (waste almost 2 hours there), quick run home to pee and change Emma, head to the 10am playgroup at the Communty Center, check out the gym and Liam's new preschool, pck up Papa for lunch, lunch, back to drop off Papa, home to nap, TV, play, back top get Papa, Walmart again for wine (YES MAMA NEEDS WINE) dinner then bed... All in a Sidney day.
I met 2 great Mama's who are both Cabela's transplants and have kids around the same age and stay at home.

Current Cty: Sidney NE Pop 6,000

2010-11-08T13:34:00.000-08:00

Go West Young Koch's
So Monday morning comes and the kids and I board a plane to Denver. Plane ride goes smoothly and the kids did great. We get our bags and embark on the next chapter in our lives and take the 3 hour drive to Sidney Ne.
So now coming from Boston we are in the car 10-20 minutes max per outing so 3 hours in the car was a LONG time for my kids, the are we there yet and screaming started about 1 minutes in, thankfully there was a Starbucks ;)
The temp housing we are in is ok, the place is 3 bedrooms and fully furnished with all the necessities you'd use in 1 day, i.e. 4 plates 4 spoons 4 towels etc. :) All in all it is fine and it is our place to call home for the next few months or until our place sells.

Liam is in LOVE, there are John Deere's everywhere and the railroad runs through the town.

Florida for our last week of the East Coast..

2010-11-06T13:27:00.000-07:00

On the 23 we had a farewell Halloween party wth the neighbors and some close frends. It was sad to see everyone and to know we were leaving. Boston is such a great cty and we all have our rpots here. We went to college here, we met here, we had our first real jobs here, we got engaged here, got our pup here, got married here, bought our first home, had our first and second babies here, and now we are leaving...we loved the place and the memores it gave us but I think our tme in the cty was coming to an end. Raising 2 small children and a dog n the city is just not what we wanted, but seriously did we have to go to NEBRASKA to ge the slower paced quiet life?? Well if you know the Koch's then YES we would be the ones to do that.

We packed up a caravan and Paul and Mochie headed out west to Nebraska with the necessitates and the kids and I headed down South for some fun n the sun and family time.

We visited IKEA :), Busch Gardens a few times, The Glacier Children's Museum a few times, the pool, the local Targets, the Mall and every Starbucks I could find...I had to "Live it Up"!

We hit up Avery's Halloween part at school for our first round of Trick or Treating. Liam was a Monkey and Little Emma was a Spider. The costumes were a little too New Englandy and my poor kids were roasting. On the actual Trick or Treat Day Lam opted for the "Bones PJ's" and was a scary skeleton.

Nebraska or Bust....

2010-10-08T10:11:00.000-07:00

So we as a family decided to take the offer in Nebraska.
So from city to country we will travel.
So many things to coordinate, the sale of the home, the purchase of a home, the moving, the packing, the relocating, the Dr.'s, the dentists, the banks, the schools etc etc
A little overwhelming but exciting none the less

Hello, Bugaboo Donkey | Spilling the Beans | Baby Gear, Toys, Strollers, Nursery Furniture

2010-09-20T12:11:00.000-07:00

Hello, Bugaboo Donkey | Spilling the Beans | Baby Gear, Toys, Strollers, Nursery Furniture

Sad Sad Morning

2010-09-10T07:11:00.000-07:00

So this morning Paul goes to take the dog out and comes back in and says "Michelle come here there is something I need to talk to you about" Oh shit I think what did I do...??!!! Well he tells me that the kids toys and sandbox outside were stolen...WTF!! I go outside and I am pissed, I am almost in tears, how do you tell your just 3 year old that the outside toys are gone.... Well Liam, I'm sorry we let some other kids who needed them more than we do borrow them for a bit. I'm thinking this is the easiest way.

Now my heart is racing I run in grab my flip flops and in my PJ's I head down the street determined to find our stuff in someones backyard, I climb up on our roof to get a better view but still nothing :(

Here's what we lost, and if you are in the area and see someone's kids playing with ALL these not so new looking toys, let me know!!

Boston and I are Once Again in Love

2010-08-19T18:10:00.000-07:00

So I need to go to PaperSource to get invitation making goods for Emma's Christening and I think..drive to Wellesley or venture into the city again and hit the one on Boylston Street. I chose the city :) We head down to the T and wait for the train, we hear a voice call out and it's our friends who also have kids the same age heading over to the Public Gardens!! Yippie, the boys sit together on the train, I lug the stroller up the stairs but this time I have a fellow Mama holding onto Liam. Arlington T stop is complete and now includes an elevator!! We all get out, walk through the Commons, the Public Gardens, watch the swan boats, chase squirrels, feed the ducks, check out Make Way for Ducklings, the Frog Pond and the Playground, all before hitting PaperSource! The day is amazing and once again I find my love of Boston and for a moment I think...I might miss this place....

Peach Picking!

2010-08-18T18:16:00.000-07:00

So we've picked a LOT of peaches in the last few days and I'm not sure who has more fun at the farms, me or the kids!
On Sunday we headed to Carson's Farm in Harvard and it was by far the BEST farm for picking I have ever been to. We had Blueberries, Raspberries, Nectarines, and Peaches, toss in a free hayride and it's a day in heaven.
Now what to make..peach pie perhaps?

Emma trying HER peach @ Carlson's

Liam testing out the raspberries @ Carlson's

Camping and the Koch's

2010-08-17T18:11:00.000-07:00

We did it, camped with a 2 year old (who won't sleep anywhere but his crib) a 7 month old (who had a 102 fever, stuffy nose and was teething) our dog, rain thunder and lightening, and a "rickshaw"
Despite all the "downers" we had an amazing time! Liam and I canoed, walked in the woods, had smores and swam together. The boys went fishing and Liam got to experience Paul catching a fish, he was so excited and kept wondering if it was pretend or not, ahh the innocence of a small boy.

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