Kathy's Journal: Weight Loss and Weird Stuff

Maintaining

2012-01-24T15:17:00.000-05:00

My weight is maintaining. So that's good. Not much else to report right now. Well, I did finally get my tooth fixed. It's been bothering me for two years. I had a root canal two years ago—but the tooth still wasn't any better. So yesterday I went to another dentist. He discovered that my tooth had four canals—not three. So for two years I've had a decaying nerve in my tooth causing all manner of problems—from pain to infection. But it's much better now. Thank God.

Slow Wins the Race

2012-01-10T12:28:00.000-05:00

Update: I have now lost 21 pounds. This has been the best I've done in a long time. It's a slow journey, but at least I'm getting somewhere.

Snowy White Fox

2012-01-05T12:34:00.004-05:00

Last night I dreamed of a snowy white mother fox and her four pups—but I only saw three in the beginning. At first I was leery of her. But then I realized, she was hungry and so were her pups. So I got some of the dogs' Milk Bones, and gave each one of them one. The mother snatched the bone from my hand hungrily. The pups took theirs much more gently. Then I thought they went back to where they came from, and I was disappointed.

However, I decided to go into the bedroom and lie down for a while. Much to my surprise, the white fox and her pups were in the snuggled in the bed—she slept while they nursed. the pups saw me and jumped from the bed and ran to me. I pushed the door open a little, and that's when I realized there was a fourth pup. It had burrowed under a rug, and if I hadn't noticed him, I would have crushed him with the door. I thought, "Thank God I saw him in time. The mother would really be mad at me if I had killed him." And having her angry with me was something I didn't want because I wanted to befriend her. I secured the pup from his hiding spot, and put him on the floor with the others. I did notice that this fourth pup was very weak and would require nurturing so it would grow. I was afraid it might die because the other pups would eat all of the food. But I couldn't interfere. I had to let the mother bring up the pups on her own, as you should in nature.

Once the mother had all of her pups together, they really did leave. I asked my brother if he thought they would come back since I had fed them. He said he didn't think so. But I secretly hoped they would, and I couldn't wait for the day when the mother would trust me and maybe even let me keep one of her pups.

And that's when I woke up.

Cool Change

2012-01-05T10:14:00.001-05:00

I heard this song on the way to work this morning. I love it. It has always been MY song. Here it is, brought to you by the Little River Band.

How Much Food Does the Average American Consume Per Year?

2012-01-04T14:07:00.002-05:00

Here's a link to an interesting article about how much food the average American consumes per year. It's kind of surprising.

Changing

2012-01-04T12:18:00.001-05:00

It's the beginning of a new year, and our thoughts are turning to our resolutions. Many of us said: "This will be the year I lose this weight." To that I say, "Good for You." I want to lose this weight, too. I'm sticking to my current plan—no food is off limits. It works for me because I can satisfy cravings, and still I'm eating less than I did when I was on a diet, which meant depriving myself and then going on a binge. Not very healthy.

And while I want to be healthy—I also want to be wealthy and wise.

So my plan this year is to be all about changing myself. And I don't want to just change the way I look, I want to change the way I look at my life. Saying, "I can."

I feel like something really weird is happening—but not bad weird. Good weird. I wake up with a strange feeling that something positive is blowing in. This morning with the wind howling, it was especially auspicious. But, anyway, I don't want to get too mysterious. So I'll leave you with change—it's all about change. As I look back through some of my old posts, it appears that changing is something I've been working on for a long time. More later—

I Know I Can

2011-12-29T10:33:00.000-05:00

Well, I thought I would update my progress on my "no food is off limits" plan. I have lost 18 pounds. Why? Because telling myself that "I can have it if I want it" takes the feeling of deprivation away. So thinking that I can have it later or right now keeps that apple pie or cake or whatever from becoming a craving that I can't get over.

An added bonus to this way of thinking is that it has opened up another door for me. I intend to look at everything as something I can do rather than something I can't. So I know what my New Year's resolution is for 2012. I can do whatever I want to do. That makes the possibilities endless as well as my chances of success.

More to come. . . .

What Do I Want to Leave Behind?

2011-12-06T11:42:00.001-05:00

I started reading The Happiness Project last night, and frankly I can't get into it. I'm having a hard time translating this woman's experiences into my own. I'm not sure if that makes sense. Anyway. . . .

I know I need to come to terms with what I'm feeling or not feeling as the case may be. I'm not depressed really. I just have no ambition or motivation to do anything. I've tried a number of things to lift myself out of this rut. But little has helped. Maybe I should begin my own Happiness Project.

The trouble is I'm not sure what would make me happy. I have no idea—other than I would like to be retired so I could just kick around the house and maybe babysit from time to time. But I'm not even sure about that. I was sick for three days last week, and lying around grows really old about mid-way through day two. Oh sure, I read a book. But how long can one expect that doing nothing but reading while lying around can be fulfilling? So fact is: I need something to make me happy.

My sister and I are discussing creating a website. I think our idea would be awesome. I can't say anything about it now because we're still in the planning stages and things might change. But this seems like something that has the potential to make me happy. I will tell everyone about it as soon as we get the site up and running because I'd love your input, constructive criticism and let me emphasize that again constructive criticism (in other words if you just want to mean, I can live without whatever "brilliant" remark you think you have) and ideas. The site will be up sometime in January.

But I need more to make my life seem like it has been worthwhile. OK. So I've done a lot. I've been to a lot of places. I think I've traveled more than I ever thought I would. I guess my real question is: What's on my Bucket List? I know that life is short. I've had first-hand experience at just how short it can be. So what are the things that I really want to do before I die? And here's the scary part. I don't know. I really don't know. I've come to point in my life where I'm confused about my life. I honestly don't know what would make me happy.

If I could do what Elizabeth Gilbert did, maybe I would find a clue. Unfortunately I don't have that luxury. I'd probably pick different places to go, too. I'd stick with Italy, but I think that I'd change the other two. Maybe I'd track my heritage and go to England, Ireland, and Wales. That's three. But I'd have to add Holland, Scotland, and Germany, too. And I have a pretty strong Native American background. So I'm kind of already there for that one. I am a true American mutt. I'm digressing.

(She sighs as she tries to think of what she wants to say.) So in my confusion, I'm trying to find my place. What kind of legacy do I want to leave? And that's what's got me in such a pickle.

Until next time. . . .

It's Not the Chocolate Cake

2011-11-29T09:48:00.000-05:00

I decided that I wasn't going to worry about what I ate—nothing has been off limits. If I really want it, I eat it. I've been doing a Dancing with the Stars workout with my sister for several weeks, too. And what has happened? I lost 10 pounds.

I think if no food is taboo, then the craving stops. It's when you make those things into some kind of guilt-filled reason to punish yourself that you set yourself up for failure. I'm not saying go on a binge—that falls in line with the taboo training we've all let ourselves believe. I'm saying take away the power food has on you. It's not, "Oh if only I weren't on this diet I could have some chocolate cake." Have the damn chocolate cake. And then realize it's not the chocolate cake that's making you fat. It's you.

You give your power to the food. And food can have no more power than what we give it. It's food. It's a piece of chocolate cake sitting on a plate. It can't jump into your mouth. It can't make you salivate. It sits there. You give it that power. So take that power away. Give yourself the freedom to say, "I can have it if I want it."

Running on Empty

2011-10-18T15:22:00.001-04:00

It's been a while since I've been here. I've read some other blogs where the authors are expressing their "blog fatigue." They say they are tired of blogging or just Internet fatigued in general. I, too, am facing a similar such fate. I'm running on empty.

For me, it gets hard to come up with something that doesn't sound like whining. I want my blog to be informative or at least a little new and fresh. But lately, I can't think of a thing to say that I believe anyone else would care about. I haven't even talked about any weight-related topics in ages. I'm stuck.

And so it goes. I'll probably continue to check in sporadically as I have been. And with any luck, I'll get my mojo back before the holidays.

Tongue Tied Tuesday

2011-10-04T14:40:00.002-04:00

I'm having some problems coming up with something clever to say. So I stole this from someone else.

If Profanity Bothers You, Don't Look at This

2011-09-30T13:57:00.000-04:00

I laughed until I cried.

Check Your Shampoo Label

2011-09-26T08:56:00.000-04:00

A friend sent me this joke this morning. I love it. I hope you enjoy it, too.

Check your shampoo bottle label.

I don't know WHY I didn't figure this out sooner!!!! It’s the shampoo I use in the shower! When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body and (duh!) printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this warning,

FOR EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY!

NO wonder I have been gaining weight!!!

Well! I have gotten rid of that shampoo and I am going to start using Dawn dish soap instead. Their label reads,

DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE.

Problem Solved!!!

If I don't answer the phone I'll be in the shower!!!

You Just Get Older

2011-09-22T14:09:00.001-04:00

I'm finding it increasingly difficult to find things to complain about. I'm not saying my life is perfect—it's just why spend so much time complaining when I could be doing something about it. And that's what I'm trying to do. Do something about it, that is.

Next week I will be 53 years old. I say this every year, but I'll say it again: I never thought I'd be this old. Funny. When I was younger, I thought I'd be having 53-year-old thoughts. But I don't. I'm still just me. OK. Sometimes I worry I might have a heart attack or a stroke or something. But, in all, I'm the same person I've been for years—maybe a little wiser. But the same. That gets me every year, too. The way I'm just the same. You'll see that as you get older. If you're 20 now, don't fool yourself into thinking that somehow you'll have start having some weird 50-year-old thoughts someday. It won't happen. You will just be you.

You won't suddenly become grandmotherly or grandfatherly as the case may be. You won't suddenly have urges to bake cupcakes—I mean if you never did before. You will just be you. The person you are.

As a disclaimer, I will say, yes, some of you ideas and actions will mature. You probably won't stay up all night—unless you're going through menopause and can't sleep. But then that isn't a choice.

Anyway, I could go on. But I'm trying to make a point. And that is: you don't make drastic changes in your personality. You're just older.

Emotional Eating

2011-09-16T13:25:00.003-04:00

Foodie Getting Fit wrote a post about emotional eating recently. I'm posting it here for you. I hope you find something that helps you.

One More and That's Enough

2011-09-14T10:43:00.000-04:00

OK. One more dream experience, then I'm done. Last night I dreamed I couldn't move. I thought I was being held down by a demon. I thought it had me completely wrapped up in it's clutches. And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't scream for help. It was like my voice had been blocked.

Now, I've had enough experience with dreams to know that this was sleep paralysis. However, I can't get away from the fact that this is how I feel right now—paralyzed. I can't make anything happen. I can't get going on anything. I feel like my world is ready to fall apart. I used to be able to make my life into what I wanted it to be. I'm not saying that everything I wanted came easily—but I didn't have fear that I have now. Sometimes I feel like I'm trapped under the debris that my poor decisions have left behind. But enough of that.

I am working hard to put myself into a positive mindset. I want to believe that I can make my life into what I want it to be.

So I can't think of anything else right now. Short sweet post—and my determination to break free and become who I want to be.

Another Dream

2011-09-13T10:53:00.000-04:00

I've been having some vivid dreams lately so I want to write them down—mostly so I won't forget and can then try to draw some insight from them. Anyway, last night I dreamed I was offered a new job out of the blue. The woman who would be my new boss told me she was impressed by me and wanted me to start working for her—right away.

I was kind of puzzled as to why she thought I was so great—and I was kind of afraid of changing to a new a job. What about my current job? What if I couldn't do this new job? However, the new job was something I would much prefer doing. It had to do with health and weight issues. It came with many benefits as well—lie built in nutrition and exercise. Still I had this fear of change.

I kept looking back at my old job and thinking that it had been the only thing I had done for years. What if I really couldn't separate myself from it? How could I just leave it?

Then for whatever reason, I said to myself, "Kathy you would be a fool not to take this new job. It is everything you've wanted in a job. And it can help you build yourself into the person you want to be." And so I took the job. That was the end of the dream as I woke up.

OK. the night before the dream was about having the keys I needed—you know, even though I thought I lost my keys I knew who had the keys I needed. Last night it was about being offered something very appealing totally unexpectedly that would make my life into what I want it to be. I'm definitely on board for that.

Another thing, when I woke up from last night's dream I was very disappointed that I woke up into my life as it is now. Sigh.

Losing the Keys Dream

2011-09-12T10:45:00.001-04:00

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1047/1073693834_b7e693f2ac_z.jpg

Last night, I dreamed I lost my car keys. I had locked the car—and I think I left it running. So the keys must've been in the car. But I couldn't find a key to get back in. And for some reason my car was really one of those giant pick-up trucks, which I wouldn't drive. But this is a dream so . . . Anyway, I searched everywhere I could think of, but no luck. So I decided to go about my business—and worry about the keys when I needed them. And that surely happened.

Then some old boyfriend showed up. At first I thought about getting back into a relationship with him, but he didn't want to. Then I realized that I didn't want it either. It just seemed like a way to get home. Then I checked a key ring in my purse, but the keys weren't there. Then I poured all of the contents out of my purse and thought for moment I had found them. But again no. The illusive keys disappeared before I can get them in my hand.

Then, a revelation hit me. I had given spare keys to a number of people. In fact, at least five people had keys. I could remember who had them—all I had to do was ask. Why hadn't I remembered that before? Why did I always forget that these people had keys? If I could remember that, I wouldn't have to go through this all the time.

Anyway, I think I know what this means in my life. I keep going through the same problem over and over, and I forget that I know where the keys are to solve it.

Have you ever dreamed that you lost your keys?

Viva la Vida

2011-09-09T15:10:00.000-04:00

I love this song.

Letters To God

2011-08-31T13:41:00.000-04:00

I was wondering about the things that other people pray for. So I started looking around the web and found a few letters to God. I was surprised at how many people pray for things that are similar to my own requests to the Lord. As it turns out, a lot of people want God's help.

I have written numerous "God, Please help me," letters and said many of those prayers. Have you ever asked God for help? Have you ever written a letter to God? I started a simple poll—it's to the right of this post. I'm not trying to be intrusive. I'm just wondering. Also, do believe that God has answered your prayer or letter?

Too Much Candy May Cause More (Or Less) Than You Bargained For

2011-08-29T10:37:00.000-04:00

Over the weekend, my five-year-old nephew said to me, "When old people eat too much candy, they get feet like stumps." OK. I'm sure he was referring to his grandfather who had to have half of his foot amputated because of gangrene due to diabetes.

Later when I told my brother about the nephew's observations, we pondered whether the nephew had come to this conclusion on his own, or whether someone told him, "That's what happens when you eat too candy," in an effort to spare the child of nightmares about doctors and hospitals—or just thinking he was too young to understand.

Then I said, "Well, I think it would be even more horrifying to think 'that's just what happens.' You know, one too many Hershey's kisses, and it turns into a scene from the Wizard of Oz. Suddenly, your feet just shrivel up right in front of you."

And now, every time I think of "feet like stumps," I laugh out loud. Even though, it isn't really that funny, if you really think about it.

And that was the funniest thing that happened to me this weekend.

And Almost a Month Later. . . .

2011-08-26T13:19:00.000-04:00

I'm still at a loss for words. My life's path remains unclear. Some days, I'm very confused. Other days, I feel OK. But it isn't anything anyone else hasn't faced. And there is a solution to all of life's problems. At least I know that much.

Hope all of you are well.

The writers of nondiet.com keep sending me links to their articles. And I checked out their site. It seems legit. You may find some tidbits of information there. I hope you enjoy it.

That's all for now.

I'll Be Right Back

2011-07-28T13:56:00.000-04:00

Forgive me Blogger for I have sinned. It's been 20 days since my last confession. . . .

And as hokey as that opening is, it's the best I can do right now.

It's sad when the top Google search that brought at least some hits to your blog is "pictures of monkeys." Yes, that's what I said.

I'm still in the mist of a deep soul search. I'm getting closer to coming up for air, but not quite.

Be assured that I'm still around, and even though I may not comment on your blog, I probably read it. Stay positive.

Oh Happy Day

2011-07-08T21:37:00.002-04:00

I absolutely love this song. Enjoy!

Caylee's Law—Sign Petition Now

2011-07-08T13:21:00.001-04:00

It has been 21 days since my last post. A lot has happened in my life and in the news. Things that have affected me—the Casey Anthony verdict. Who saw that coming? I have decided that there are some cases that God chooses to prosecute himself, and that his wisdom is far superior to mine.

If you have not had a chance to sign the petition for Caylee's Law—please do so. This law will make it a crime to not report a missing child within a reasonable amount of time. Right now, there are nearly 700,000 signatures on this petition, and the states of Florida, Oklahoma, New York, and West Virginia have proposed legislation in response to this petition. Make your voice heard in this critical campaign.

That's my main reason for posting today.