Random Thoughts About Pressing Mess

Don't touch my child

2015-10-26T20:51:00.002-07:00

Watch this video clip.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6GFJUDjdCw&feature=youtu.be&a

There was no reason for this to happen. Policemen are supposed to be professionals.

Reflections

2015-03-14T01:25:00.000-07:00

December 4 2013 was the day before my life changed forever. On December 5, I had a stroke. There are so many things I need to say. I will say them later.

Generational Gaps

2013-12-04T13:31:00.000-08:00

Two of my coworkers are arguing with each other. One is considerably older than the other. They both feel like they have been slighted by the other. They really should agree to disagree, but that didn't happen. The older of the two is generous to a fault. She has treated us to dinner and lunch on several occasions. She has spent a significant amount of money. She needed to pay the younger co worker for something that her granddaughter needed for cheer-leading. The older coworker is leaving in two weeks and she felt she shouldn't pay and that the younger co worker should consider her feelings and all the things she has done for her.

Instead of allowing the situation to blow up I encouraged my younger coworker to smooth things over with our older coworker. Unfortunately these situations keep happening. Should the younger person always defer to the older person? At what point do you tell someone older about themselves? If you tell them off, are you being disrespectful? Was I wrong to tell her to defer to our coworker?

If the coworker was going to stay, I would not have encouraged the deferential role. Sometimes you have to let people know how you feel and let them know that they are wrong. You can do that in a respectful manner by being forthright and direct. But don't expect the person to change their behaviors. They will probably just change their interactions with you.

As a young lady I was raised to be respectful to my elders and I usually am. I just hope that when I get older I remember how I felt as a young woman. I want to remember that I am not infallible. I want to continue to learn from the young. I want to be that foxy older lady. I want to age with wisdom and grace.

Well I'd Never.....

2013-12-03T10:43:00.000-08:00

We are all quick to say what we won't do. I would never steal. I would never cheat. I would never lie. Yet we struggle with these three things daily. According to twitter, you all have morals and scruples. According to your actions you definitely cheat, lie and steal.

Now I am not leaving myself out of the equation. I strive to not do those things, but I come up short quite a bit. I often get quiet when it comes to certain relationship scenarios. I can't tell any of you how to conduct your lives, but I know that many of us say we would leave a no good cheating man, but it may take longer than we anticipated. There is a reason that folks continue to repeat the same behaviors. They repeat them because taking the high road ain't easy. It is kinda like the baby principle. A baby wets his diaper yet he cries when you try to change it. Some of us are in deep poo but it's comfortable. So we stay in bad situations because they are comfortable. The flesh is weak and sometimes we are weak. I am not gonna judge the behavior because I know I have done some dumb stuff, all in the name of love. Some of the things I did were so stupid, I refuse to share them. Just know that those reality show ladies are not alone in their shenanigans. Or in the words of my Grandmother... "keep living chile". Oh, and I hope your denials keep you warm at night.

Monday Morning Hangover (I bought them too much again)

2013-12-02T10:59:00.001-08:00

Each year I set a budget for my Christmas shopping. I even downloaded a Christmas list app, and lo and behold... I still overspent. I purchase things with my children in mind and this time was no exception. The problem is, I still have not purchased any clothes for them. This year they all are attending schools that do not require uniforms. So they are going to need clothes too. I still have people on my list and I probably should feel guilty, but I do not.

I have a confession to make.... I love to give gifts. Gift giving makes me feel so good. And once I got out of my own way I realized that I love giving so much more than receiving. Since I had my babies, I have realized that I don't really care much about gifts.... The only person I expect a gift from is my spouse.... Any extra is just gravy. I also don't purchase gifts for myself until after Christmas, if I decide to purchase them at all. So I say that I am upset at my spending.... but I am lying. I am not. Let's just hope that in January, I am not crying the blues. I hope you all got out and did a little shopping, or in my case did a little shopping online.

I am leaving you with a little music to get you in the mood.....

Cheap Gifts 5 Dollars or less

2013-11-27T13:13:00.000-08:00

I have lots of nieces and nephews to buy gifts for. Since there are so many of them I try to keep my gifts to a minimum price point. I usually gift them something that is 5 bucks. So in the interest of saving money yet gifting them with something meaningful, here are some of my gift giving ideas.

Gift Cards! I almost always give gift cards to the teenagers or tweens in my life. Many of the have tablets ad e-reading apps. So a 5 dollar gift card is awesome. They can get a game, game tokens on facebook/ovoo or whatever gaming site they use, or they can purchase books from Barnes and Noble or Amazon.com. And for little kids you can even get the gift cards to Target, Wendy's, McDonalds or even Walmart.
100 Piece Art set at Michaels and a coloring book is an excellent gift. The kids get a lot of gifts from their parents and they will be needing something to entertain them while waiting to eat at various functions. They may also need entertainment on the trip to grandma's house as well. Can't go wrong with a crayon and coloring books... At 2.49cents it is a steal

3. Watches and Jewelry are also awesome gifts. In this cellphone era, many children and adults do not have watches. If you have budding fashionistas on your list they love to accessorize. I purchased 17 gifts for 5 bucks or less at the website http://www.miniinthebox.com.

Learning to Manage your Disappointment

2013-11-26T10:02:00.001-08:00

This morning was a teachable moment. At 3:23 am I was awakened by the sweet voice of my son. He was telling me that his big sister had thrown up in the bed. I sent her to wash up... stripped that puky bed and made a pallet in the living room for my two other children. At about 5 am she came to me in tears because she was supposed to attend a breakfast at her school with her dad. She had been anticipating this event for a week. She cried and cried and in my efforts to console her, I told her that being sick was unfortunate, but it happens. She cried and said but mom what if I miss Thanksgiving with the whole family because I am sick? I then told her, we will just eat at home, and mommy will spend lots of time with you to make it fun. She looked a bit apprehensive but she later told me I was the best mommy. I then told her that I was striving to be the best, but sometimes I come up short. (I probably should have just said thanks.) But she hugged her "wonderful" mother anyway. She is awesome like that.

I am extra sensitive to the disappointment in my children because I was often disappointed. I had very strict parents, and punishments and whippings were meted out often. I remember being put on punishment and not receiving anything for my birthday. Or being told I couldn't go to the movies because of some phantom infraction. I internalized a lot of anger and distrust. I was often sad because of always having things I looked forward to taken away. Over and over again. Yet I did not give up hope. I was ever the optimist as a child. Although many days I cried about it. I realized that my parents were parenting the best way that they knew how. So I always forgave them when they disappointed me.

As I look at my life I have had some disappointing and devastating things happen to me but I found a way to overcome them. Life is full of disappointments, and sometimes I feel as if I have had way more than my fair share. Yet I keep pressing my way. It is imperative that you get used to things being disappointing because life can be disappointing....It's all about how you choose to deal with it.

Don't Be the Person No one Wishes to be Around

2013-11-25T08:23:00.004-08:00

Last night I facilitated a retreat. Many of the younger group members wanted to have this meeting because they wanted to leave the group. They wanted to leave because the older group members were rude and disrespectful to them. It really made me think about my own behavior and how I treat coworkers and friends that are younger or how I treat the less affluent. Do I talk to my students in a manner that is condescending? Am I so set in my ways that I cannot learn something new? Am I the person that talks about everybody but neglects to see the faults in myself?

I don't want to be one of those women. The women who are of a differing class that cannot understand that a young woman without a job does not have money to buy a new outfit for a function. Those same women that talk about a younger Soror that has not arrived at their financial status. I don't want to be the woman that looks at a young girl that is sexually active and call her "fast", when there are clearly biological factors that contribute to her behavior. I don't want to be that person that calls comments on someone's appearance and not factor in that most folks have extenuating circumstances. I refuse to be that person. I recall an older relative commenting on a young pregnant woman whose stomach was out and her clothes were sloppy looking. She said, "I don't know why these young girls don't wear maternity clothes." I looked up from my meal and told her, "Maybe she couldn't afford them." Don't assume things about people. And truly don't assume things about people you don't know. Take time to ask questions. You would be surprised at who needs a helping hand. They may be afraid to ask.

We live in a society that is quick to make fun of people. We are quick to tear each other down, and that is totally wrong. Everyone's life is not a reality show. It is not for our entertainment. People have feelings and emotions just like you or I do. We would do well to remember that.

What is my motivation?

2013-11-22T11:59:00.003-08:00

For those of you who are familiar with me or my blog , you know that I teach. This year I am teaching reading to middle schoolers that are at least 2-4 years below grade level. The behavior is horrible. Most days I wonder why I even chose the teaching profession. The students do not care to learn.. Or at least that is what I thought. One of my co-workers asked the students why they were struggling? Many said it was their home lives. Many said that they were so far behind that they felt they could not catch up. Others said that they wanted to just play because they play at home. Other students expressed that their parent felt that they would never amount to anything or be anything other than a failure. Or in other words, just like their mother or father. After asking them what the issue was, the students came up with solutions on how they can do and be better. They all came up with a plan. That was admirable, but sadly today, the same behaviors ensued.

This interchange made me think. Those classes that have the most behavior issues have about twenty five students in them. If they only had about 15 students it would make it easier to meet their needs. Instead they are packed into a small classroom like sardines. All across the nation education budgets are being cut. No one cares about these minority students and their academic progress because it requires money to help them. These students don't have the social skills or communication skills to ask for help. Many of them lash out because they are unable to express their emotions properly. They are angry, hungry, and many of them have been mistreated. Part of our student population is homeless.

As a teacher, I am unsure of how to solve their issues. I am overworked, underpaid, disrespected by the media, students, parents, and administrative staff. I have contemplated finding another profession because teaching has become a dumping ground. Every time I have a horrific day and apply for a new job, I think about the impact on my students and I decide to stay a little while longer. These kids have had so many teachers walk out of their lives after about 3-4 weeks of teaching them. I don't wish to be in that number. Sadly, I sympathize with the plight of the teachers that left. (The behavior is really, really, really bad.) I often hear the following song playing in my head throughout the day.\

I don't know what I am going to do about my children here at the school, but I am gonna go home over the weekend and come up with a new game plan.....

The next time you want to malign a teacher's performance, you probably shouldn't.

Black Women are Awesome

2013-11-21T12:10:00.001-08:00

It is funny how I spent my early years being concerned with how people mistreated me. Family members were not always nice either. I grew up thinking that the world was out to get me. Sadly, thanks to the people I had surrounded myself with... it was. Now that I am older and had the opportunity to change my location I have a plethora of really good friends, and almost all of them are black women.

I am friends with some really awesome ladies. My local friends are supportive, sweet, and caring. They support me in whatever I am doing and they are a support system for me when I am going through it. My friends have helped me get jobs, they have babysat my kids and they have been through three high risk pregnancies with me. I truly love them. My closest friend and I are the same age and she is wonderful. We commiserate over reality tv, our husbands, and our children. I honestly don't know where I would be without her.

The older black women in my life have served as mentors and dear friends. They have shown me where I was wrong and helped me to realize my potential and have been supportive in innumerable ways. Many have stepped in as surrogate mothers when I needed them most. They have held me as I cried and faced some of the most difficult situations in my life like the death of my father and my mother's illnesses. They are my go to people for issues with child rearing and when I just need to vent about my children and the stressors of marriage and daily life. These are women who have stepped in and treated me as if I belonged to them. Their support is immeasurable.

My online sister friends also serve a purpose in my life. We have supported each other financially and spiritually. My twitter friends have sent postcards to my children so that they can aspire to travel. They have supported my kids' fundraisers and sent me flowers at work when I got a promotion. They are some of the awesomest people on this earth.

Black girls, are not the only ones that rock. Black women do too. They are feirce.

Favorite things remixed.

2013-11-20T10:52:00.001-08:00

Oprah released her favorite things list and all I can truly afford on that list are her hairdresser's products and perhaps a pair of pajamas (only if I want to splurge though.) Seriously most of those things are not priced for the average person and I am entering a daily contest to win these items. Link to enter here. This is a list of my favorite things and it serves as a wishlist for those who want to give me a gift (I know that many of you don't, but indulge my fantasies and my foolishness).

I recently purchased a kindle.. No bells and whistles. Amazon had it for 60 dollars off. I only paid 9 bucks for it! So my Number one favorite thing is a kindle gift card!

2. My second favorite thing is an electric fur blanket.

I am cold-natured... I even microwave my fleece blanket. I think I need this faux fur electric blanket in my life.

3. The ipod shuffle. I had one of the earlier generations of this ipod and I need a new one. I listen to just enough music to justify having one.

4. The outlate sandel. I own a tan sandal like this and I need this chocolate brown color. As a woman with a large foot, I must get these!

I would purchase these items for myself, but according to my spouse... Christmas is for kids and we have 3.

What things would you love to have on your favorite things list?

Most Americans hate their Jobs

2013-11-19T11:57:00.001-08:00

Apparently we hate our jobs more than any other nation on the planet..... Way to go American exceptionalism. If you want to read more click here. Somehow I thought the number would be higher than the percentage listed. 13 percent of Americans hate their jobs. I teach for a living, and I must say that I hate the paperwork and all of the crap that goes with my job, but I love my students and coworkers. Although I am still on that I need to hit the lotto steez. Help me father!

It's funny I used to roll my eyes at stay at home moms. I am finding that I wish to join their ranks. This working is for the birds.

I will leave you all with a little Johnny Paycheck.

Melanin Fatigue

2013-11-18T07:33:00.001-08:00

I have been a minority all of my life, and I am quite happy with the skin I am in. However, of late it seems as if the United States of America has declared war on those of us with melanin, XX chromosomes, and a salary of way less than 100K/year. As an African American teacher, I comfortably fit in each category.

From newspapers to politicians it is hard out here for a minority. It is not okay for me to embrace my ethnicity. Being black means the following in 2013: You will be denigrated, you can be shot for asking for help, and it is assumed that you are part of the population that has stolen from the majority population by virtue of your existence. You can have all the education in the world, but that doesn't mean anything. You are still considered subpar.

I love social media, and I really enjoy twitter, but twitter tells me in glaring detail all about the things that I am not , and the various slights I have suffered, whether real or perceived. I am aware of the realities of being a working class black woman in America. Unfortunately I must be privy to the onslaught of the burden that my race has become. Driving and needing help while black will get you murdered. If your skin isn't light then you will never get a man, and a host of other drivel. Blackface is still prevalent in 2013, and apparently Dave Chapelle was not only a comedian he was a prophet.

I am suffering from fatigue. Those with the privilege of just being themselves without having to be a representative of the race have it made. I am tired of feeling like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and that I must be as perfect as I can be or else the full force of the law will come down on me and I will be unable to recover from that interaction. I am tired of feeling like I must be a perfect citizen just in case something bad happens to me and my humanity is questions. I am tired. I am so tired of this burden than I am forced to carry. I have small children and I have worked really hard to keep the specter of racism at bay. I am unsure of how long I will be able to do that. Until the day that I have to have that conversation with my children, I will continue to shoulder all of the burdens that being a person of color brings. Oh and yes, this is a race-themed post USA Today.

Contemplating Better Living Through Pharmaceuticals

2013-11-14T07:58:00.002-08:00

Lately, I have been feeling depressed. Not the bummed out because it is raining depressed. I have been there before. I can normally shake it off put on a happy face and keep it moving. Unfortunately, I am unable to do that now. For about five of the last six months I have had suicidal thoughts. I am talking the kind of thoughts that have me feeling as if I can no longer leave my bed, let alone my home. But since I am not independently wealthy and I work in a helping profession, I manage to drag myself out of bed and force myself to work, and get my children ready. I am supposed to be strong but I keep feeling liked I am going to break at any minute.

I often fantasize about what life would be like if I had more money. If I didn't have so many adults depending on me, and I get depressed all over again. It's not that I don't mind helping folks. I love to help. The problem is trying to maintain two households and be a safety net when I don't really have one myself. I feel the loss of my father profoundly at these times. He was my safety net, my friend, and a confidante. He always had something practical and profound to say at times like this. He has been dead for a decade now, and some days it feels like he died just yesterday. Who can I turn to? How can I stop this pain and madness? I am self aware and intellectually I understand that I am underneath a lot of stress and I am experiencing depression. Unfortunately, I am powerless to stop it .

I am the mother of three children ages eight, five, and four. They are the only reason I have not been able to even consider being serious about suicide. But the mental anguish that I have been going through monthly can often be too much to bear. The depression sucks the joy out of my life and then just as soon as it arrives it goes away. I have jokingly talked to my friends and told them that I often feel like I want to go buy cigarettes and never return. (I don't smoke so that is an exercise in futility.) My children and spouse both suffer because of my depressive state. What's a girl to do? And just as soon as the depression arrives, it is gone. I then feel normal again. I began reflecting on when the depression occurs. It usually happens about five days before my menstrual cycle and stays till my period is almost over. I think I am suffering from pmdd. I will be going to see my doctor about this current phenomena I am experiencing.

Do any of you suffer from depression? Is it hormonal, environmental, Situational?

Happy Birthday Grandma

2013-08-14T17:23:00.002-07:00

August 14th is the birthday of the woman on the left. She is my grandma. Both women pictured are my grandmothers. They were two of my favorite people in the world. Grandma Ruth was my father's mother. I spent every summer when I was little with her. She was a jokester and a very, very, good friend. Back when you had to pay a lot for long distance calls, I would talk to her twice a month for 2 hours at a time. She would make me a roast when she knew I was going to be home from college for the weekend. She taught me to crochet, put up vegetables, and how to entertain guests. She used to play ring games with us. She was smart, and a snazzy dresser. She used to wear this tee-shirt with snazzy on it. Just thinking about that shirt makes me smile. She was everyone's best buddy. She made all of her family feel special. I aspire to do that and to be that kind of woman. Grandma, thanks for the example. May you rest in God's loving arms.

Happy Birthday Buzz

2013-08-13T00:00:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to my little guy. He was the hardest labor I had. But he is the sweetest child I have. My pregnancies are nothing to write home about. Medication filled and rest inducing is what they are. He was supposed to be born October 12. He was supposed to stay inside 10 more weeks. But much like my plan to have my children 2 years apart, that sorta fell through. My blood pressure shot up insanely high. Especially considering I was taking about 12 pills a day at that point. The doctor's looked for fetal movements. he refused to cooperate. When they left he began to move. Sadly his heart rate started to drop and they told me I was gonna have another preemie. I was sad to have another c-section, but I knew I had to do what was best for my baby.

I went into the operating room and the anesthesia took forever to kick in. When they started cutting me, he went underneath my ribs. I wasn't numbed that far up. Excruciating pain is all I remember. The pain was so bad that they knocked me out. I was in such pain afterward, I did not want to even go see my baby. My mother asked had I seen him. I told her no. He would keep till tomorrow. My husband rolled me down in a wheel chair to see him anyway. He was the tiniest little thing. But his nurses said he was sweet. Thankfully he only stayed in the NICU for about 4 weeks.

I never thought I would have a son. I am kinda partial to little girls. I must say that my life has been greatly enriched by my little boy!

How come teachers can't make 250K?

2013-08-12T21:30:00.003-07:00

250K is not a lot of money. Apparently that was the consensus. Someone said with kids in college, they were barely getting by. I do so wonder how that same person could live on my salary then. I wonder what it would be like to make that kind of money. If I continue in my chosen profession, I may never know. I teach for a living. It is not a glamorous job. It is thankless, and unappreciated. And if you have been watching the drama unfold in state houses around the country, it is also being poorly funded. My state ranks 48th in teacher salary and wants to keep me from getting Master's pay.... It's kinda tragic.

I don't do many of the things that would be considered a lucrative career. My salary may never reach that level. In spite of that, I am proud of what I do. Now if they would just pay me better........ Who knows, my teacher group may decide to play the lotto weekly. Maybe we will win.

Home Alone

2013-08-11T21:01:00.002-07:00

Before getting married, almost every weekend we would take in a movie. Now that we have children... No movies unless we have a babysitter. My husband is the person that loves movies the most. So as a trade off, he leaves almost every Sunday night to take in a movie, and I get to stay home. Just doesn't seem very fair. Alas there isn't anything I can do but tell him what movie he can't see (So I can watch it with him on the off chance we do get a sitter.). Tonight I think he has gone to see Elysium. I will catch it on video. In the meantime, I will watch iron chef America and wait for his return.

RIP Daddy it has been Ten years

2013-08-10T21:43:00.002-07:00

Giving too much info.

2013-08-09T11:47:00.000-07:00

I like trying new things and meeting new people. I give folks a little information but not too much info. (Although a decade ago, I would have given out way too much info.) In the employment arena this is also important. Allow folks to formulate their own opinions! Don't prejudice their view.Let them experience it for themselves.

Ironically enough, I was accused of poisoning the well. Sadly I was not. I commiserated with former employees, but I was nothing but nice and helpful to the new employees. And honestly the new admin staff was really being unfair to the returning staff members. I saw what poisoning the well truly looked like. It was an old employee in a leadership role telling war stories and sharing some of the worst scenarios that had ever happened at the school. By doing this...She turned a new employee totally off and she decided that she didn't want to work there before the school year really got started.

Allow people to ask you questions about their environments. Don't volunteer too much. Just because things didn't work out for you doesn't mean it won't work out for them.

ChildFree means having it all?

2013-08-08T12:51:00.000-07:00

Full Disclosure: I have 3 children. I work full time and have health issues. I have a parent with health issues. I have big bills. I would love to quit work and focus on my health. I would love to take time and grieve for the loss of my father, my figure, and my fun years. But until I hit the powerball, write the Great American Novel and then the screenplay........ I am living. I used to spend a lot of time with my self in deep reflection. I used to have time to read trashy romance novels, and see movies the first weekend they hit the box office. I now just have a perfunctory amount of time to reflect. read, exercise, spend quality time with my spouse. But as a trade off for those things, I have children. My trio let's me know that life is worth living. They also let me know that I am an awesome person, in spite of my own failings. You can't beat that kind of encouragement. They also let me know that I must be better.

My children are honestly the best thing that ever happened to me. They've made me a more grounded person. I may not be able to go on lavish vacations, trips to the spa, or even buy new clothes every season for my wardrobe. But to me that's ok. There is something humbling about a child depending on you. The fact that you influence them and help hold their destiny and self esteem in your hands can be overwhelming.

I wouldn't change it. I think folks that don't have children should have children or at least spend time with children to catch a glimpse of what it really brings to your life.

That's my two cents.

The Soul Man

2013-08-07T20:35:00.001-07:00

Cedric the Entertainer is the funniest man on television. Hands down. Neicy Nash is funny too. I just wish this show didn't start so late... Get it together TVLand.

Familiar Spirits... I recognize You: Why we all Enjoy Love and Hip Hop ATL

2013-08-06T18:14:00.001-07:00

You may laugh at the ladies of Love and Hip Hop Atlanta, but you relate to them. Every woman on that show is recognizable in your acquaintances, friends, and family members. You recognize the raggedy men too. Mona Scott Young may truly be the "Spielberg" of the reality world .

This highly entertaining morality play has sex, love and violence on deck. I shall tune in next week to see what is going to happen next.

Ten Years Ago

2013-08-05T17:27:00.000-07:00

On August the 10th it will be 10 years since I lost my father. I am feeling so sad. This would have been his 40th class reunion year. He made it to his 30th. I miss him more than words can ever say.

Daddy, I love you.

Drawing a Blank

2013-08-04T10:22:00.001-07:00

It is August, and it will be 10 years since I lost my father....Feeling sad and numb.

Daddy and Calvin Jr.

Me and my Daddy

Daddy and Calvin Jr.

I miss you so much daddy.