The Uniboob Club ~ After Breast Cancer...

Life Lesson #180~ The Madness Within

noreply@blogger.com (Christina O.) — Fri, 21 Jul 2017 05:34:00 +0000

"Sometimes we are just the collateral damage in someone else's war against themselves." ~ Lauren Eden

I'm a sensitive soul. I feel things very deeply, sometimes more intensely than others around me do or possibly should. I experience, suffer and bear life and all it's victories and defeats intensely. Each emotional triumph or loss, heartache or delight leaves a mark. I like to think of this as a calling card if you will straight across my heart. Almost as if this extensive sense of sentiment inside me is largely written from a passionate, earnest and fervent writing instrument. These very same emotions along with the empathy I carry within me are expansive as if somehow stretched across a universe only a few ever see. For me, these replies echoing from my heart can be painful and still render, depict and outline such beauty too. How you ask? Well because each indentation is written down, drawn with an ink taken from a bottomless well. Life for me has always been this way...full, deep, fearful, anxious and passionate. To live and breathe in my world means I must drink from a two edged sword, both of joy and sorrow. These emotional connections I carry and encounter are written from an extensive, profoundly haunting and yet soul-rendering pen. Each impression follows me, and once the pen's been dipped it records and inscribes each and every event within the catacombs of my soul. I know crazy right? But then a little madness never hurt anyone as far as I'm concerned. Let me say this I realize at this point of my life I'm not everyone's cup of tea, never have, never will be. I understand I'm not a middle ground kind of gal when it comes to either liking or loving me. It's definitely one way or the other and honestly I've reached a place in life where this fact is absolutely fine by me.Yes I've been told I wear my heart on my sleeve more than once. I feel too much and live too passionately but being a deep soul, well it's not easy. Truthfully feeling as intensely as I do on most days can be overwhelming as well. What I've learned along the way is this path is a hard road to bear. And I suppose this fact has never been as evident as the hours I spend writing. To be honest though, the struggles kinda go with the territory. I think to feel so deeply is both a gift and a curse, both a burden and a right of passage for anyone born a romantic, a daydreamer, a sentimentalist or even a visionary. Some would call us sensitive, while others would say we are empaths. Sadly, a great many would call us weak, while for a more select few we become targets. And for these particular villainous folk they find great joy as their arrow's aim hits a bulls eye. I can't say it in any better way than this: "These villains certainly do play the victim's role very well." Now I will say being an intuitive, insightful and thoughtful soul can be downright exhausting most of the time. But like you, this is not my weakness, it is my strength. I do not walk in fear, and neither should you. These villains as we'll call them for our stories sake are simply individuals seeking power and control over you. And for one reason and let me tell you it's not because they are fearless. You know why, and so do I...it's because they're truly and deeply afraid of life itself. See what I've come to understand, the hard way no less is this: No one, no matter who they are, what position and title they hold or what reality they live in gets to choose how I feel or how I think.

If we look at Alice about now she's really in this same boat with us here really, surrounded by folks who weild chaos and absurd authority like it's sensible. From the moment we meet her, Alice has been told what to do, how to do it and how to feel. And while we all need direction, guidance and the truth, sometimes those folks taking on this role much like the Queen of Hearts are toxic. Alice and her experience with Wonderland's royalty... the Queen and King of Hearts in my mind can only be seen as a walk on the unhinged side of life. No one's safe, not even her King when it comes to her whims and wishes. He is her lap dog, her enabler and their court will either fall in line or it's "off with their heads!" I can see how the good folks of Wonderland might feel a tad bit anxious around her don't you? Try walking on eggshells, finding tantrums around every corner and failing miserably but desperately trying to keep the Queen happy at any cost...talk about anxiety! All this chaos and mayhem, mark my words will bankrupt your emotional vault sooner or later. All these demands, each and every one still come with consequences, ignored or not. Look at poor Alice, she's put on trial by a raging, mad, delusional and yes self-absorbed, egotistical, self-seeking, vain and thoughtless dictator ruling over her subjects with manipulation and threats. This is no way to live. But how many of us do live this way or have without blinking an eye? How many of us have been conditioned to believe this is normal? The Queen is so pompous, so full of her own pride, being right at all costs, so extremely demanding of her own way she fails to see anyone else's point of view. Take poor Alice here. I can't imagine how she must have felt on the stand, on trial for nothing but made up nonsense. Let's listen in again to Alice, but this time in the Queen's court. The Queen, proud of herself, and certain she's about to humiliate Alice says, "Now are you ready for your sentence?" Alice responds, "Sentence? But there has to be a verdict first"... The Queen of Hearts goes on, "But that isn't the way...( as she begins shouting)...All ways are.." And Alice frustrated finishes the Queens sentence, "your ways, your Majesty."

I'm serious if I was Alice, after this encounter with this particular Queen I would certainly reference my skills on future upcoming resumes as having extensive experience in dealing with extreme chaos, total nonsense, complete insecurities, ridiculous entitlements, people cutting their noses off despite their face oh and better yet, intentional conflict and infliction of needless pain. That should sum her resume up quite nicely I'd think. 'Lessons learned life', is spot on when it comes to the situation Alice found herself in. "People who feel the need to control others don't have control over themselves as is self apparent in the chaos following the Queen of Hearts. These kind of folks want nothing more than to destroy anything they can't control. And if they can't control you, then guess what? You are marked, targeted for demise. Think of this Queen residing over Wonderland this way...She finds delight in undoing everyone around her, controlling and destroying anything and anyone within her reach. Those who defy her, upset her or displease this Queen of rage and deception live in fear. And poor Alice, she realizes a little too late she should have just bypassed this exit all together. By the time we reach this point of the story we're all thinking it right? Dare I say it? The truth is she's not only a pure, undisputed antagonist. Let's just go ahead and call a spade a spade since this is the Queen of Hearts we're talking about here...she's a narcissist pure and simple and she loves being one. The Queen of Hearts might very well be what we call here in the South, " Three gallons of crazy in a two gallon bucket." Her need for constant attention is exhausting is it not? You just kind of want to say to her Majesty, "Honey, you'll have to drop that drama bomb somewhere else. I'm busy." Bless her heart, t's just plain exhausting. If Alice was a child of 1997 instead of 1865 I'm almost certain she might have thought to herself at some point when dealing with the Queen of Hearts, "I need a Men in Black Neutralizer to help me forget everything about you, your Majesty." So my question is this: What about life outside of Wonderland? Why is IT so hard to walk away from this kind of drama and nonsense?

Seriously, imagine playing a friendly game of croquet, only to realize your opponent's need to win is so dire that she will have your head. Let's listen in to what the Queen of Hearts has to say to Alice right about here. "I warn you dear child if I lose my temper you will lose your head. Understand?" We have all known people like this..out of control, irrational, intimidating, bossy, impulsive, cruel, explosive, hot-tempered, selfish, severely domineering and let's be honest, at times a singular force of fear we want nothing more than to run from. Let's face it, if we don't fall in line with these Queen's and King's rhetoric, they gleefully call for our heads to be served up on a platter. The reality is by continuing to play the Queen of Hearts game of croquet, we feed the monster and the madness. See as Curiano Quotes tells us, "We must be willing to see things as they are, rather than how we hope, wish or expect them to be." If not we simply continue building a house of cards which in the end always falls apart. I can tell you from experience, the reality is I've been subjected to these kind of folks many times. I have begged, almost killed myself trying to please, while groveling on my knees for forgiveness and redemption out of an ungodly kind of fear, wanting so desperately to meet impossible standards and convince those holding the cards I am worthy enough. I've given away too much of my heart, allowed my spirit to be broken and enabled relationships rooted solely in targeting my self-esteem to forgo taking responsibility for their actions. And you know what? I am not alone. Many of us have lived to tell this tale. For whatever the reason, as victims we continue with this chaos. We subject ourselves to their games of belittling and manufactured jealously devised only to make us feel guilty, digesting unfounded anger for no reason other than our light is shining too bright. I say let your light shine, and turn it up to the max! Remember, "It is a source of power and entertainment for a toxic person to destroy an originally healthy and happy person." Shannon Thomas, makes this point very clear in her quote above. And sadly this has become too common place in the world we live in, a world much like Wonderland honestly, where up is down and down is up and nothing is as it should be.

If we are to thrive in a world gone mad, then we must stop giving our light away to those who wish solely to diminish it. Today as we look at the Queen of Hearts through the eyes of Alice this is my point. Let your light shine for all to see. Let no man or woman take your internal compass away. When drama breaks out, when chaos ensues and the Queen's looking for more heads to adorn her platters, just walk away. 'Peaceful mind peaceful life' makes this point perfectly. "The only way to win with a toxic person is not to play." I for one decided a long time ago I will no longer be a pawn or a player in anyone else's game of chess nor will I be used as a make shift croquet ball or mallet. I am far from perfect, and much like Alice full of questions, odd and at times probably annoying. I am the girl reading under the blankets with a flashlight, running around with swords and light sabers, while carrying an imagination strong enough to believe in magic, dragons and fairy dust. I was taught to believe in myself and the God who lives inside of me. I was the girl who never doubted one day I could grow up to be just like Wonder Woman. I'm the girl who was bullied because she had diabetes, believed angel armies walked beside her and that Jesus was real. I am the girl who grew into the woman you have come to know here and now. Yes, I am a hopeless romantic, a daydreamer, a sentimentalist and at times even a visionary. Some would call me sensitive, but I am not ashamed of this label any longer. I have a strong spirit and a soft heart. I'm a soul on fire and I answer to no higher power than the King of Kings. I kneel to no one but Jesus Christ. And I tell you this truth, I will never again explain myself or that of my tender heart to any of Wonderland's self -tilted Queens or Kings. And you know why? Because I am secure in my imperfections. Each of us have to decide where we stand and who we stand with. There comes a time when those who are victims of the Queen of Broken Hearts and her armies say enough. You're moment will come. I know it will, just as mine did. A moment when you see the chaos for what it is, nonsense and it is then you will know how much abuse you've taken and that you've finally had enough. God is not a God of chaos. His voice "calms, comforts, convicts, enlightens, leads, reassures and stills." The enemy's voice whispers and convinces us to question God's still, small voice, Satan's voice it "obsesses, worries, condemns, discourages, confuses,pushes, frightens and rushes." (Connect quote) Much like the Queen of Hearts right? So I guess it comes down to asking ourselves this question. Who's voice are you listening to?

I tell you today as with any other lesson I've learned throughout my lifetime most are applied by trial and error. In the years since I was a child I've come to fully understand and appreciate we have to stop participating in the madness of the Queen of Heart's.. of course that is if we ever really want to walk in peace. Giving into the whims and wants of those who come to steal, kill and destroy only leads to our own self-destruction. Remember, as the wise Bryant McGill once said, "What they hate is their own lack of self-control. What they despise is your strength. What they hold in utmost contempt is your refusal to be controlled and to accept their lie that's it's your fault." From here on out make this a rule of thumb. When asked if you play croquet by the Queen of Hearts, don't give her the chance to announce, "Then let the game begin!" Just say no and walk away. She has no real power over you that is unless you willingly offer it to her. As for my life, personally I am no longer afraid or a slave to the Queen of Hearts and her cohorts. I walk in faith, in confidence and in the power of Jesus Christ. I am a child of God. My worth is not found in anyone's opinion, beliefs, feelings or standards of who I should be or should not be. My worth rests solely in my Father. And so does yours. It is He who calls me His, a daughter of the King of Kings. No one else has power or hold's His authority over my life but the God of Abraham. As I bring today's Life Lesson #180~ The Madness Within to a close, I want to encourage you. NO amount of preposterous, nonsensical or even deranged and demented requirements and ultimatums need draw you into the madness of the Queen of Hearts. Let her have her madness, you take the highroad and the peace it brings. Just say no thank you and cling to James 1:19-21, "Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear. God’s righteousness doesn’t grow from human anger. So throw all spoiled virtue and cancerous evil in the garbage. In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation-garden of your life." And so my final thought here is simply this: Never allow your self worth to be anywhere but in the hands of God. After all He created you, gave you your unique heart, your complex mind, your one of a kind spirit and your beautiful soul. Don't let anyone damper what God's given you. Who knows your potential better than the King of Kings, your Heavenly Father and the One Who's forged every part of your being in the fires of HIs mercy, grace and unconditional love? No one, that's who.

"Those that talk down to you are just trying to walk tall by making you feel small. Rise above~" ~ Curiano.net

~Christina

Life Lesson #179 ~ Step Into Your Life

noreply@blogger.com (Christina O.) — Wed, 19 Jul 2017 05:05:00 +0000

"Ignoring the signs is a good way to end up at the wrong destination." ~ Unknown

The tale of the Walrus, the Carpenter and the Little Oysters has much to tell us or nothing at all...depending on who you are talking to that is. I guess this could be said of Wonderland as well. I see a world of wealth and wisdom inside these very pages. But I know for some they simply see a child's story filled with laughable silliness, preposterous imagination and absurd, wild dreams, ideas far stretched, jumping off pages and running wild with senseless daft and kooky notions. Certainly at face value Alice and her many adventures down the rabbit's hole and through the looking glass would appear to the unseen eye as nothing but nonsense. But if you look a little longer, dig a little deeper and stretch your mind just a tad bit more this nonsense many speak suddenly appear as sound advice. At least that is how my brain works anyway. For starters I am a book worm, which probably has something to do with it. Second I was raised without restraints on my imagination. And last, I have always believed normal is overrated. A good description of myself probably goes like this. "I've done a lot of things over the years but acting normal has never been one of them." And to be honest I am content in that.

I think contentment is one of the great lessons to be found inside the story of the Walrus and the Carpenter in which Tweedledee and Tweedledum describe in this poem. The thing we must understand about contentment is without it we are subject to unrest. What does unrest lead to? Well let's look at this.Unrest left unchecked leads to a lack of good judgment, allowing ourselves to be deceived, influenced by the options of the masses, becoming followers, not leaders and being led if we're not careful by the nose and the Pied Piper right over the ledge of resentment, unhappiness and envy. Unrest can definitely cultivate a life of destruction. We must remember this very lesson resting just under the surface of Tweedledee and Tweedledum's poem. As we journey through this life, much as Alice did in Wonderland, we can't forget that while we can choose freely where we go, what we do and how we accomplish either one, we are never fully free from the consequences of our choices.

Let's take a look at Matthew 7:15 quickly before we get into the Tale of the curious Oysters and what it has to say.“Beware of false teachers who come disguised as harmless sheep, but are wolves and will tear you apart." A good bit of wisdom and advice honestly. How many times have you been deceived by a person such as this? I know I have. Look at the oysters, seriously how many times have you seen a singing walrus? But then this is Wonderland I suppose. That said if I were to somehow come across a singing walrus or a sheep even with big teeth asking me to go for a walk I am certain I shall pass remembering this very tale. I do believe recalling this Bible verse before daring to think that a walk with the Pied Piper is for sure the cure when it comes to being discontent. Poor Mother Oyster shook her head warning her little ones it was much too soon to leave the oyster beds just then. But much like us, they didn't listen. She knew better. She knew from her own years of wisdom and experience these two were trouble. Be it people, a walrus, the Pied Piper or even the devil himself, some folks are more deceitful, more dangerous and absolutely more what they hide than anything they actually show you on the outside. Surely you can hear it? Certainly you must. This song the Walrus is singing, calling to you, to me, whispering to us of better things? "The time has come my little friends. To talk of other things. Of shoes and ships and ceiling wax. Of cabbages and Kings, And while the sea is boiling hot, and whether pigs have wings. Calloo-Callay come run away with the cabbages and kings." And isn't this much like life itself? When we are at unrest within ourselves have tendency's to take nonsense and whatnot over wisdom and contentment all day long.

See, "listening is an art that requires attention over talent, spirit over ego and others over self." A well spoken verse, said so beautifully by Dean Jackson; An idea I sadly feel is lost many times on us. We tend to hear God's voice but we don't as often listen to the wisdom in what He is saying to us in the here and now, do we? Instead we file it away. We replace our Father's advice with a song and dance, choosing ego over spirit and listening to the lies of the enemy. We follow gleefully after a pompous, well dressed devil disguised as a sheep, or in this case, as a walrus. The truth is if we're listening to the Walrus and his song of Cabbages and Kings instead of God's still small voice inside our hearts the consequences can be dreadfully disastrous, very much like the little oysters once they reached the shore. Depending on which version you prefer or are reading or watching the little oysters are warned by either their mother or older brother to stay put, not to listen to the Walrus's tale of riches and glory. Sadly these little guys didn't bother with the voice of reason and wisdom warning them this was a terrible idea and a dreadful trick. Instead these innocent oysters accepted the pipe dreams the Walrus and the Carpenter offered. As foolish as these words were, not one oyster listened. They chose to ignore the better judgement of their mother for a stranger's lie. And to make matters worse as these two culprits were leading these poor little oysters up above the water to their doom talking of bread and butter and of feeding themselves, the oysters kept following. It is not until it is too late do they realize the mistake they've made. And now, these poor little oysters will pay dearly. Why? Well the Walrus and the Carpenter have intended to feast upon these sweet, misguided little oysters all along. I wonder now if we're being honest with ourselves how many times in our life each of us has followed after the Walrus and the Carpenter? How many times have we been guilty of looking over the fence, wishing for a better title, the promise of a bigger house, a fatter bank account, vast privilege, affluent friendships and a grander, more ambitious life than we have at the moment? But at what cost are we willing to pursue these things? Elizabeth Elliot said once, "God has promised to supply all our needs. What we don't have now we don't need now." The truth is we have to learn to step back, to stop trying to drown out His voice, pushing our way past the safety of His goodness and "Give God room to show Himself faithful."

Tricksters, pretenders, phonies and imposters much like the Walrus and the Carpenter are simply waiting for us to follow them right out of the sea and into the boiling pot. And if we're not careful, we may do just that believing they have our best interest in mind. But this is the reality: they don't, not in a million years. Step away from the glass, put down the Kool- aid and run! These kinds of folks work on our insecurities, watering our unrest until we are so discontent with who we are and what we have we're willing to blindly follow them over and off a cliff. Beware my friends, wolves in sheep's clothing come only for one thing: your destruction. Evil itself masquerades as good, even mincing as if they are God Himself. I like how Tigress Luv puts it. "Like a Pied Piper this master illusionist can lead you to Hell all while making you feel flattered to be chosen to go there. Only when you wake up do you realize the real evil that existed in his flute song. By then it's too late." All I can do is warn you much like Mother Oyster did. Be watchful for those who come as friends and family to destroy your spirit. God will never keep you from His goodness. He will however ask you to wait as He Himself unfolds His plans for you. If we are too eager for what tomorrow holds, to grasp things not yet meant for us then we are destined to become a meal for the conniving Walrus. And so the lesson I personally take away from The Story of the Walrus and the Carpenter is this: Contentment, the same as patience is a form of wisdom. Pay close attention, there are signs all around you, leading one way or another. Be willing to stop and listen, much like Alice does with Tweedledee and Tweedledum. But have the same sense to walk away once you discern and spot the nonsense for what it is: a hostile take over of your life, a tap dance and song played on a lethal flute meant to ruin you and ultimately feed on your goodness. I say to this madness, "be on your merry way." My advice here is this, simply learn to rest quietly ignoring the Walrus altogether, waiting patiently until God leads you exactly where you need to go.

As I wrap today's life lesson up I want to share a very special verse I've carried with me all my life. A verse I've set to memory and at my weakest, at my darkest place I've reminded myself of God's truth in Philippians 4:11. "For I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content." If I have found anything true in this life it is God loves me just as I am, weird, odd and uncommonly unusual. God's love for me is steadfast and His mercy infinite. "The quieter I become, the more I hear." The walrus may approach promising cabbages and kings, the Pied Pier may play his flute and the devil may even try and entice, tempt, persuade and invite me to a life of worldly wealth and title, but if God has not led the way I will not follow. I don't need anything more than I have or anything anyone else has. Why? Because God has given me all I need. He has placed inside me His grace, mercy and my own unique understanding of His goodness. Christ provides for my every need. When I am content in Him, in who I am in Christ, I am content with my life all together and who He has made me to be. Jennifer Booth explains it so well, "Contentment is an attitude that says I will be satisfied with what God has given me." And I believe this really sums up Life Lesson #179 ~ Step Into Your Life. Our lives are not meant to be filled with unrest, even if they are difficult by design. I challenge you today to embrace all God has given you. Find contentment in His plans, His direction and the life that He's blessed you with. If you do, the Tweedle Twins, their flute and of course the Walrus and the Carpenter will have no invoice to collect. Your contentment will be enough to keep the bill paid and the reservation and feast canceled. Remember, when you are content, happiness follows... all you have to do is step out into your life and live it.

"When you love what you have, you have everything you need." ~Unknown

~Christina

Life Lesson #178 ~ Unstoppable Failures

noreply@blogger.com (Christina O.) — Mon, 17 Jul 2017 05:25:00 +0000

"It is impossible to live without failing at something. Unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all --- in which case, you fail by default." ~ J.K. Rowling

Failure, not a word many of us like to entertain. In fact failure seems to be a concept we do our best to conceal. Whether we are sweeping it under the rug, hiding it behind the curtains, under the bed, inside the closet or tucking it away neatly inside a box up in the attic of our minds we stow our failures away as if we know nothing regarding these little shrouded secrets. I think what we're really afraid of is the change failure brings into our lives. Failure pretty much throws everything we know out the window, turning us and many times those around us upside down. We get stuck, afraid to move forward and unable to go backwards. What happens? Like the Mad Hatter and the March Hare, we live in perpetual tea time. Sadly, by stuffing our disappointments inside a teapot we lose sight of the beauty each fiasco holds. Lady Gaga, agree with her or not has some pretty clever words regarding failure. "You will fail. It's a matter of when. The true test is if you can continue and stand up and accept failure and move forward." Set backs, disappointments, malfunctions, clinkers, duds and yes even debacles aren't the end of the world. Truth be told, they're simply the beginning.

"Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm." Is failure fun, you can bet the bank it's not in the least but many times it's change we need in order to locate the courage concealed inside of us. Look at my life. It could certainly be viewed as a mad tea party of sorts, a hot mess for sure, full of uncertainty, failure, disappointment and set backs. And yet if not for every one of those gotcha by the tail moments my life wouldn't be what it is today... a beautiful example of hope and new life clawing it's way up and straight out of failure. Much like the Mad Hatter and the March Hare, I have felt the disappointment of failure, sitting at the table, attending my own pity party, stuck in a rut. And yes while time is moving forward just outside of my mega flop of a defeat I'm just kinda standing still, if not curdled up inside the tea pot itself. In fact as we listen in to what is going on between Alice and the Hatter, we learn time is not an it, but a him. And Time, he's been upset, unable to move forward ever since the Queen of Hearts accused the Hatter of murdering time with his song. What has happened here? I'll tell you what happened...one simple failure, a bruised ego and Time has come to a sudden stop taking the Hatter hostage with him. And so much like ourselves, he's stuck, fixed where he is, immovable and beaten down honestly. For these three at the table the Hatter, the March Hare and the Dormouse well, they are a hot mess quite honestly. They begin offering her wine they don't have and wasting time, what they have of it anyway on riddles with no answers. This follows by scolding Alice for sitting down to their pity party and continuing with this never-ending string of pointless, senseless, useless, absurd and truly futile conversations. Time is apparently punishing these three mercilessly. For those of us in real life it is not Time, but we ourselves we're punishing even if we feel we are penalizing someone else. The problem with this is our mistakes do not define us, but if we're not careful they can definitely darken and block the doorstep of our future. We must learn not only to forgive ourselves but those we feel have wronged us or we'll end up stuck in the past at a perpetual mad tea party for goodness gracious sake.

If not for falling down a fairly steep and deep, dark rabbit's hole, Alice herself wouldn't have found Wonderland. If she hadn't hit rock bottom, she'd have never chased a white rabbit, met the Dodo bird, experienced a caucus race, talked to a doorknob, spoken with a caterpillar, heard the story of the little Oyster, seen a grinning, disappearing Cheshire Cat, painted the roses red, played croquet with a mad, narcissistic Queen who wanted her head putting poor Alice on trial or had tea with the Hatter. Much of her adventures were maddening, filled with frustration, failure even, but Alice kept moving forward. I like to think of it this way, through the eyes of Sumner Redstone. "Success is not built on success. It's built on failure. It's built on frustration. Sometimes it's built on catastrophe." I think of my own experiences in the same way. The Hatter and the Hare are outcasts in Wonderland, and by their response to Alice they aren't used to anyone else attending these unbirthday parties of theirs either. So let's think about this. Once we've faced a failure we have to decide, is this going to define me? I'm an outcast to a degree, a misfit of sorts but these definitions do not consume me. I am not defined by failure but inspired by the change concealed just behind it. Sometimes failure is the catalyst change needs to break us free from our own pity party holding us back. If not for breast cancer, illness, financial struggle, learning disabilities even those who have rejected me, scorned me, even hated me I would not be who I am today. I would not have found my voice, words would not flow leaping from my heart onto paper as they do. Because of my failures I not only see but I have confidence in the Northern Star above me. My Father, His Son, they are clearly guiding my life. Psalm 37:24 is a constant in my heart clearly reminding me failure is not the end of my journey but merely a continuation of His grace. "And even though you trip up, you will not fall on your face because He holds you by the hand." See as much as failure hurts, I can see that "it's our brokenness that God uses, not our flawlessness. There is something so unapproachable about people who seem to have never had a struggle." And so I count my failures as blessings. While I'm not always happy about said failures, I'm content in knowing my adversities refine and transform me from the inside out.

Personally, I believe there is a great truth and a real sense of freedom imparted to us once we realize failure is simply a teachable moment in our lives, not a permanent stop. And while failure can cause us discomfort, adding commotion, a bit of a rumpus, a decent amount of ruckus and definitely a good deal of brouhaha it's all still part of God's plan. An uproar in our lives is a means for change and growth. After all, "sometimes what we're most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set us free." We can't allow our failures to control us much like Time has done to the Mad Hatter, the March Hare and the Dormouse. What is done is done. It happened, can't change it, but I often wonder if we could, would we? Think about what failure has taught you. How has it changed you? We can't run from change, just like we can't run from time or actually stop it. Sure you can hide away from time but the days outside still rush by much like the Mad Hatter's watch. Look at the past and at failure as a means for change to tweak and overhaul your life. Grey's Anatomy character Meredith Grey speaks of change in this way. "Change: We don't like it. We fear it but we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change or we get left behind. And it hurts to grow, anybody who tells you it doesn't is lying." Sure change much like the Mad Hatter can bring perplexing if not wacky and insane moments into our lives, but my question to you today is this. Where would you be, where would I be if not for all those puzzling, bemusing even, but absolutely discombobulating moments of failure and change? I promise you someday, could be tomorrow or years from now, but one day you will be able to look back and know exactly why every failure, every heartache and every struggle had to happen.

So maybe, after attending tea with the Hatter and his companions today, we can honestly begin to see failure, much like change, is unstoppable. While it is true failure and change are uncertain bedfellows most times they come as blessings in disguise. These two much like the Mad Hatter and the March Hare actually bring a sense of order even if a bit strange to our world. This world can be created within our minds, possibly driving us bonkers, mad even, leaving us stuck inside a perpetual tea party of our own. This can make time stand still, unable to move forward. Sadly this getting stuck thing is much the same as the chaos we see running amok in Wonderland right? But this is where Life Lesson #178 ~ Unstoppable Failures takes us from unhinged and buggy to wise and advisable. Failure if allowed to be a stepping stone can actually bring us to the edge of forgiveness, offering a return ticket to the here and now and an opportunity to begin again.

"The beauty of life is, while we can't undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change." ~ Curiano Quotes Life

~Christina

Life Lesson #177 ~ Distorted Reality

noreply@blogger.com (Christina O.) — Sat, 15 Jul 2017 05:20:00 +0000

"It's like you have two brains --- a rational and an irrational brain. And they're constantly fighting." ~ Emilie Ford

When you think of the Dodo bird what comes to mind? I suppose first it would be this creature is extinct. Did you know there's a whole underlying story most don't know about these birds? And it has nothing to do with being dumb. Sadly, when it comes to the old saying, "being a dodo" we assume a certain kind of meaning without bothering to look deeper. The interpretation we accept about the intelligence of the Dodo bird is very clearly a distorted one, misleading in nature. This is much the same way I think of the Dodo bird's character in various adaptations of Alice in Wonderland. Depending on what version you read, watch or even the way you envision his character you can see something different. If you are watching him in the 1951 animated adaptation you will see Mr. Dodo's character as most of us think of this particular bird... a real "dodo." Now, whether he's asking Alice for matches in order to smoke her out by means of burning down the White Rabbit's house, ignoring her pleas for help as she's bobbing up and down on the seas or suggesting a Caucus race to dry everyone off in Disney's 1951 version, you get a clear view one way or another of Mr. Dodo. Personally, my take on his character is a bit different than scholar's but then I'm not a scholor nor am I typical. And the truth is if you know me, then you fully understand I'm a horse of a different color. Wrong story I know but truthful all the same. I guess the thing you should know about me is this: I'm not you, or you or you. I am me, and knowing that means quite a bit more about me should probably make a whole lot more sense from here on out.

Mr. Dodo, in this case, in my opinion anyway represents a vast spectrum of distorted views. Anything from needless drama, rushing to judgment, giving unsound advice with mostly good intentions anyway, obsessive behaviors, repeating and continually directing chaos, followed by an unclear purpose and a meaningless attempt at a life of greatness that is sadly compounded by a need for attention, running around in circles and a clear lack of any set path, originality and finally repeated mistakes which really only seem to bring disappointing results in the end. Anais Nin says, "We do not see things as they are, we see things as we are." And when it comes to Mr. Dodo I think this is pretty accurate. He is chaos in a bottle. Dodo is really not seeing Alice clearly or as anything at this point other than a monster in the house. And why? Simply because he's rushing to judgment. Alice is different, bigger than life in his world and in his eyes she's something to fear. His advice to the White Rabbit is to burn his house down. Seems logical right? Or maybe irrational actually. Mr. Dodo is still going on, breaking furniture, talking in circles and rushing around looking for a way to smoke poor Alice out of the house even after the chaos has concluded. Long after the White Rabbit has left and Alice has returned to a much more normal size and exited the house he's still obsessing, running about looking for a match. Seriously, talk about not letting something go! This is a classic case of "I don't understand your specific kind of crazy but I do admire your total commitment to it!" Seriously, all joking a side, we do have to understand even when life swings sideways, our actions affect others. It's not always just about you or me. This is a perfect example of overreacting and rushing to judgment. See we really have to learn to be careful in what we say, how we exaggerate the details and in what we do or we end up burning not only our house down but those we love in it too. Much like Mr. Dodo fails to do here, we should all take a cue from something Aldous Huxley once said. "Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." So maybe when it comes to Alice, the house and Mr. Dodo a reality check is in order. I'm just saying it would have probably been a good idea at this point to have known all the facts first before anyone opened their mouths and began looking for matches

So what do we know? Well we can't deny there are all kinds of people. And if you've stepped outside your door recently the chances are you've run into a few Dodo types yourself. I can say honestly, I've been guilty of being a dodo more than a few times through the years myself. We all have really if we're being honest. Still this fact doesn't exclude or excuse our behavior or even give us a legitimate reason to continue down such a destructive, catastrophic, calamitous and detrimental path now does it? Remember, saying you're sorry means nothing is you keep doing the same thing over and over again. Repeated, obsessive behavior does nothing good for anyone. It doesn't change the outcome. All repeated negativity does in the long run is add more nails to the coffin. And truthfully, as so well said by Christine Langley- Obaugh, "We repeat what we don't repair." If we continue much like Mr. Dodo here running around in circles, trying to dry off as the waves are continuing to wash over us, we'll get nowhere. Our emotions and thinking can be observed much the same way. The reality we live in is as much a truth as is this Dalai Lama quote. "We often add to our pain and suffering by being overly sensitive, over-reacting to minor things, and sometimes taking things too personally." Distorted thinking can and will destroy any hope of keeping Mr. Dodo from finding those matches. "True power is found in restraint. If words control you that means everyone else can control you." Stop worrying so much about other people's problems, what they're doing or how they are doing it. Spend more time enjoying your own life, instead of watching, commentating and mimicking other people's lives. Nothing good ever comes out of a lack of self-control. It doesn't matter what part of our life is out of control. The simple truth is whatever controls us, drives us and ultimately reveals our weaknesses and insecurities during the process. Any area of our life out of control means every part of us is subject to it's whims and rage. We have to let life happen, good and bad as scary as that sounds. Yes we create our lives, but we do so individually, with our own ideas cultivated by seeds God has already planted inside of us. We have to work with our own hands, both with a love for life and a passion uniquely our own. True, we face struggles, trials, heartaches and bruises along the way, but if we are seeking His grace then there's no need to demand, command, dictate, exhort or even steal, borrow and fake someone else's happiness while calling it your own. If you do you're a thief and about as emotionally, mentally and spiritually extinct as a dodo bird.

I think we can probably agree here distorted realities can really mess us up, mixing up our minds and causing us to lose ourselves. The amazing person, balanced and rational individual we were born to be just slips away. I love Romans 12:2 for this reason. If you really look at it, you can see it's deeper than just saying to someone don't wear this t-shirt or listen to that band. That's personal interpretation. This scripture is deeper than anyone's physical appearance or musical taste. Look at it. "Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." This verse encourages us to find a balance in the way we think. Challenging us not to conform but to be ourselves, individually, uniquely and completely in Christ. This scripture actually encourages us to let God lead the way and not to allow anyone else's interpretation of His will for our life to shape it. Personally, this is rather amazing when I think about it this way. Not as a 'Thou shalt not" kind of way but as in a "you're uniquely you in Christ, just be that" kind of way. The Word of God is living, not dead. The Bible applies to my life here and now and not to just those who followed Him some 2000 years ago. And as such my reality of this verse is this: God isn't looking to hinder me. Instead He's offering me wings. The truth is we can't search for happiness. Happiness is something we are, it's in the way we think and how we see life inside looking out. And looking for happiness everywhere but inside is sadly a mistake too many make. The truth is distorted thinking can cripple us. Especially when it comes to filtering, over generalization, mind reading, catastrophizing, polarized and personalized thinking. These distorted views can destroy a relationship, a home and to be real, your own happiness. "It's funny, isn't it, how humans can wrap their minds around things and fit them into their version of reality?" Hence Mr. Dodo and the matches. He was bending his reality to fit into his own chaos and not the reality of actually helping poor Alice.

And so today I give you Mr. Dodo as an example of what can happen to our thinking when we fail to anticipate the needs of others. When we lack empathy for anyone else other than ourselves, much like Alice stuck in the house, we tend to burn the house down. By forgetting to use our rational minds, along with compassion, composure and clear eyes, we not only burn the house to the ground but we also incinerate our life and loved ones in the process. Never forget what they say, what controls your mind, controls your life. Maybe it's time to refocus and reorganize what's controlling our minds? Maybe then our lives will find some resemblance of direction and mastery too. And so Life Lesson #177 ~ Distorted Reality narrates this truth to us, "Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it." This is the thing about our minds, they can be a very tricky place to reside. Our emotions seem constantly trying to take charge and control of how we not only think but how we behave. If we lose control of our rational side we suffer the consequences. The degree of those results greatly depend on how well we respond and how we balance these two sides of who and what we are. If we fail to pull the reigns in on our irrational and emotional reactions and instead pull the trigger, the ramifications can be devastating. And if we think with our rational brain but respond with our irrational side, the outcome we put in motion will no doubt be dreadful and ghastly for all involved. The truth is some are ruled by one side of this token or the other but most of us anyway have a bit of both. It all comes down to how we react and respond. The end result depends largely on which side of our brain we either give in to or deny and if we're willing to counterbalance our emotional reactions with a rational response. You see in a world gone mad, much like Wonderland, being calm is a superpower. I am of the same thinking as Michele Cushatt expresses here. "Rather than rushing to judgment, rather than searching for flaws and reasons to be disappointed in failures of others...let's gush fountains of compassion instead." Life, much like our emotions isn't always as clear as we'd like. When it comes to the unexpected we can expect life, much like Alice's encounter with the Dodo bird to bring twists and turns. But if we keep our focus on the race God has set before us our life will ultimately end up in the right place filled with real, true happiness and a set, clear purpose. So run if you must, engage if you will, join the chase, go forward and backwards but by all means keep your eyes clear, your heart full and your mind open and centered.

"Before you speak, listen. Before you write, think. Before you spend, earn. Before you pray forgive. Before you hurt, feel. Before you hate, love, Before you quit, try. Before you die, Live." ~Shakespeare

~Christina

Life Lesson #176 ~ Only A Few Find the Way

noreply@blogger.com (Christina O.) — Thu, 13 Jul 2017 05:01:00 +0000

"Only a few find the way, some don't recognize when they do; some don't ever want to." ~The Cheshire Cat

I am a dreamer, a thinker, a creative soul with an imagination bursting full of ideas and aspirations which commonly tend to fall outside the box. I have a heart seeped deep in expressive, artistic and inspired hopes and daydreams. I am a writer with a terribly over active, over creative mind and an eye at times which painfully sees what others can't. I see in terms of inspired vision, and a faith that I can't always explain, breathing in dreams I can only describe in verse. "I begin with an idea, and then it becomes something else." I relate so much to this quote by Pablo as this is my life in constant motion. I see through a different set of eyes, I always have. From the time I was a little girl I have perceived layers, felt depths and heard more intense emotion inside a story tellers voice than most can dream of. I think this is how many writers are though. We're a different bunch, odd to a degree, free spirited and intensely passionate. We have an overwhelming amount of ideas dancing inside our heads at any given moment. We're animated in our thoughts anyway but still we're rather quiet on the other side of that coin. We have an appetite for expressive language and an enthusiasm for the unknown. For the most part you will find a writer with a loud mind locked away inside a quiet observer. I describe myself as a wallflower. As with many writers it can be very difficult for us to speak loudly, making eye contact with strangers or standing on a stage in front of large crowds. But when we pick up a pen words flow freely, we become bold and our wings suddenly spread wide open. It's as if we've been set free to fly parallel in a world determined to constrain our voice, our sight and our hearts. The truth is for writers, "we hold a duel citizenship. We live in the seen and unseen world." Maybe this the same reason, for me anyway, why carrying a faith the size of a mustard seed has never seemed impossible. Maybe this is even why I've never personally had a difficult time accepting the faith of my childhood as truth. And why since I can remember, I have carried this same faith with me as Hebrews 11:1 speaks of. "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."

Faith in the unseen, in the unknown for me has been just as possible as believing in as much as six impossible things before breakfast. I have just never doubted the impossible is possible. This has always been part of me. As a child I could believe not because my faith is some made up fairytale but because my eyes have always been wide open, my soul deep and my mind curious. Now, as a woman I still carry that childlike faith with me. I not only believe but I can see and feel where angels walk. And why? Because I'm not afraid of what is behind the veil or the One who's created both Heaven and Earth. The reality of my small insignificant life is this: I have always seen life much as the Cheshire Cat sees adventure. Remember how he explains this to Alice? "Every adventure requires a first step." Faith is a lot like this. If we are to walk confidently in any direction, we must first be willing to accept life is unpredictable, uncertain and that we're going to face not only our own but the madness of others along the way. See as with the Cheshire Cat we don't always discern, glimpsing the whole picture, only parts of it. But that's OK, faith is rooted in the unseen and found when we're willing to press on anyways. Fear, worry and uncertainty if allowed to will run wildly amok filling our heads with all kinds of nonsense. This will absolutely mix us up faster than the Cheshire Cat can disappear. The truth of where our adventures lie, where our path is truly leading us can become seriously muddled, mishmashed and tangled up in the disorder of our own disbelief if we're not careful. Our fears can overtake us, allowing disillusion, bewilderment, disappointment, bitterness, negative and even world -weary discouragement to distract us, This nonsense will take over the truth of our deeply rooted faith hidden inside our hearts if allowed to with fear and disbelief. Again, the Cheshire Cat speaks wisely, even if he's not all there all the time. "When fear comes in the door, truth flies out the window." And it is the truth of our faith we must learn to hold on to despite all the madness this world surrounds us with.

I think of life much like Alice and the lesson learned. A lesson we ourselves need to understand, "Not all who wander are lost." Certainly while wandering and trying to find our direction life can become quite exhausting. Knowing where we want to go more or less and where we should be going can be baffling to say the least. The old this way, that way, wrong way or turn around can become exceedingly unclear and perplexing just thinking about it. But life, much like Wonderland is full of crossroads. Decisions we make along the way are not always as clearly defined as we'd hope them to be but we must start somewhere. When the road is unclearly marked, take a step of faith and "start now. Start where you are. Start with fear. Start with pain. Start with doubt. Start with hands shaking, Start with voice trembling but start. Start and don't stop. Start where you are, with what you have. Just...start." Maybe, we simply need to accept we don't know our direction just yet and smile much like a Cheshire Cat in spite of this crazy, mad world we're traveling through. It's clear as it would be the same for us, Alice was at first startled by the grinning Cheshire Cat. But, this is key, she didn't let fear stop her from asking directions. Now those directions were not at all what she expected but they were directions all the same. Let's peek in on the conversation between Chess and Alice. She asks him, Would you tell me, please which way I ought to go from here?" The Cheshire Cat responds, "That depends a good deal on where you want to go." Alice unsure herself tells him, "I don't much care where." The Cat, again chimes in, "Then it doesn't matter which way you go." Alice explains as if it should be quite obvious, "so long as I get somewhere." As if this should be understood he responds, "oh you're sure to do that, if only you walk long enough." Good advice that honestly can't be denied right? Sure a bit mysterious, if not confusing but still good advice if we'd simply not judge a book by it's cover. Look at it this way, faith is grounded in the consideration of the unknown and the unseen correct? Much like the Cheshire Cat when he reminds Alice, "I'm not crazy, my reality is just different than yours."

Now honestly stop and ask yourself how many times you've had to choose a path, a direction not even knowing where you are heading yet? If that's not confusing, I have no idea what is. For some asking directions comes naturally and for others it can be exceptionally difficult. Either way, we still have to be willing to follow said directions if we're ever going to make it home again right? Again faith is much the same. The most important step we will ever take in our life is to step out in faith and believe in the unseen. Dieter F. Uchtdorf, sums it up perfectly for me. "There are more ways to see than with our eyes." For me personally I have not only come to believe but to know deeply I must have faith, trusting a God I have not yet seen with my eyes, but I have felt in my heart. This faith reminds me when I'm afraid that my Father above absolutely knows the way, even if I don't know myself just yet. 2 Corinthians 4:18 says this, "We don’t look for things that can be seen but for things that can’t be seen. Things that can be seen are only temporary. But things that can’t be seen last forever." So as for me and my personal interpretation of the Cheshire Cat I'm convinced he's desperately trying to move us forward and to get us to place where our faith is in the unseen road ahead. This is truly my heart's vision today as these words inside Life Lesson #176 ~ Only A Few Find the Way jump from thoughts inside my head to pen and paper. The Word of God tells us many are called but few are chosen and why? Because so few believe. Personally I want to be one of the ones who believe sight unseen with faith the size of a mustard seed. And so yes in my odd and yet curious driven mind, I see the story of faith within the story of Alice in Wonderland revealing itself all along the way. Faith is not found in the easy roads, but always in the difficult, sometimes maddening paths we encounter along this journey we call life. Do me a favor, will you? Please, please never forget this truth: Until you're lost you can't truly ever begin to find yourself. Now go get lost, have a little faith and be one of the few who truly find their way.

"When the path reveals itself. Follow it." ~ Cheryl Strayed

~Christina

Life Lesson #175 ~ Inpassible, Not Impossible

noreply@blogger.com (Christina O.) — Tue, 11 Jul 2017 13:28:00 +0000

"The Doors will be opened to those who are bold enough to knock." ~ Unknown

Have you ever stood in front of a door, pulling, prodding, pushing and trying to pry it open? All you want to do is open the door, go sit down and possibly even put your feet up for a while. But no, today is simply not your day is it? This situation is mildly frustrating, if not maddening true? Seriously, the key is in your hand, right at your fingertips. but it's just not doing the job. You may very well have turned it to the left, to the right and any other direction in between, still nothing, Nope, that door isn't going to open for you, not here, not now, not today. Your door, the one in front of you with your name on it is plainly jammed, stuck and not budging one iota for you. Almost as it has a mind of it's own right? Then out of nowhere...kapow, open sesame the door just opens, no rhyme or reason just swings out, or in, hitting you in the head and possibly even knocking you over in the process. But hey, it's open right? Doors can be tricky things for such straight forward objects. Just ask Alice, I'm sure she could tell us all a thing or two about doors she's had run-ins with herself.

As we're talking about Alice lately, let's take a look at one of her first experiences not just with a door, but a talking doorknob no less. At just the beginning of her adventures, Alice has finished her tumble straight down the rabbit's hole. I think if it had been me, I would be quite tired by the end of my fall. I'm not sure we realize just how busy she's been in just the first chapter? If I'd been opening cupboards, grabbing books off shelves, putting marmalade back behind doors, plopping myself into a floating rocking chair, reading a bit and then falling forwards all before coming out the other side of an endless tunnel before hitting bottom with a hard thump, I'd have myself sitting for a good long spell. It's not like this is all normal right? So much has already happened to poor Alice in just the first five minutes it's almost a wonder she's actually still standing upwards at all. Like many of us, she's facing a locked door. The thing about doors, especially those that fill the inside corridors of our lives, is knowing when to knock boldly, when to pass through, walk away or even when to try again on another day. Doors, are both entry ways and exits but both doorways, much like Wonderland are as interchangeable as the words themselves. Rebecca Puig explains this theory beautifully like this, "Every exit is an entrance to somewhere else."

Like Alice, we have a few lessons to learn. A big one being: Nothing ever goes as planned! I just hope this message gets through to us a little quicker than it did for Alice. A locked door from my experience is meant to be that way. Whether it be a firm no followed by a slamming door, a locked gate with a note and a return time or even a doorway thrown wide open, my name above in blinking lights, the truth is it still comes down to this: God's perfect timing. Secondly, it's about the strength God provides us in those very moments. Philippians 4:13 is my go to when I am facing a questionable door. "I have the strength to face all conditions by the power that Christ gives me." This is the thing, a truth well spoken by Dolly Parton, "GOD has His plans and His reasons. Sometimes, we are supposed to go through things so that WE LEARN LESSONS." Locked doors are not prisons to keep us in or out, they are merely another door along the way to where we are going. Doors in life can be complicated, hard to shut or sometimes way too easy to open. These doors we face tend to be either helpful or deadly if we're not careful. Personally I have faced many doors, exciting to cross through to only later ask myself what in the world I was thinking. And the reality is we all have. Some doors lead us to beautiful and exciting places, others start as perfect beginnings, turning into nightmares and misery while others become both entry ways and exits leaving us better people for the wear and tear. Don't we all have doors bolted shut or a few we've left cracked open, just in case? Some doors we lock with regret or wish we'd never opened at all but still they are all part of our journey. Like Alice, we must keep going, pushing ever forward, not backwards. Curiano.com brings this home beautifully, "Doors are opening. There's no reason to turn back." But what to do about all these doors? We have doors to the right, to the left, below and above us. And with each one God has a plan. Are they all for us? No, but we have the choice to open, shut, lock, bolt, walk away and even go through each one if we so chose. See each door has a lesson and it's up to us to either walk gracefully into or run out of and away screaming. The choice is ours. Step away from Wonderland for just a brief second, and re-imagine it as the Matrix. What comes to mind? I'll tell you what pops inside my head, It's one particular quote and a powerful one at that from Morpheus to Neo. "I'm trying to free your mind. But I can only show you the door. You're the one who has to walk through it." God works much the same way if you think about it. He can show us the door He's carved out especially for us, even give us the tools to free ourselves, to free our way of thinking but He can't make us go through that door. This is what I know, from my own personal perspective and battles with a few locked and unlocked doors along the way...God can show us, map it out, hand us the key, bolt it shut and even destroy the lock but it we aren't willing to listen, to walk out of or through a door He's providing us, then we have to be willing to accept the consequences.

What feels impossible is not always so; at least that's how I see the world anyway. Look at Alice, she is adamant about following the White Rabbit through the locked door in front of her. "She simply must get through." Her problem is in her current state she's far too big. The Doorknob tries explaining this to her, but she is just having none of it. Alice has just seen the rabbit go through the door, ahead and whether she realizes it or not, this is the main entrance to Wonderland. Alice, well being Alice simply has no fear. Not only has she fallen a very long ways downward, landing in a new and rather odd world upside down, she's decided even while perplexed to continue her chase of the White Rabbit. If this isn't life, I don't know what is! Like Alice we see life as it should be, full of possibilities. The problems we encounter along the way come much as they did to Alice, with the occasionally bizarre experiences we find ourselves in and risks that if not wildly ridiculous could actually endanger us. Everything we think we want is always waiting on the other side of a locked door is it not? The reality is that sometimes we need to knock boldly, and at other times we need to just keep walking. The beauty that comes from a door that is both an entry way and an exit is rather spectacular actually. And I guess I look at this silly, forgetful little doorknob in Alice in Wonderland much the same way. He knows what's on the other side, but is Alice truly ready just now to cross that threshold? Poor Doorknob, he apologizes, explaining she's much too big, "simply impassible." But like us, Alice is not thinking straight, instead she's reacting with her emotions. Alice responds, "You mean impossible?" Doorknob means exactly what he's said, "No, impassible. Nothing is impossible." And it's not. Everything with the right mind set is possible. But while today may absolutely be a great day for opening up new doors, we must first know they are truly our doors to open.

Of course our Alice did eventually get through her door but not after some difficulty. Alice, like you and I at times simply became emotionally reactive, not thinking of what she was doing or really why she was doing it. When the door didn't just open for Alice, she simply took matters into her own hands. First by drinking from a bottle saying 'drink me' on it, with a promise of shrinking her down to perfect size. But that didn't quite work out now did it? Nope, she forgot the key up on the table. Oh Alice. So what happens next? Frustrated Alice as she is, reacts hastily by eating a cookie now simply labeled 'eat me'. The doorknob has assured little Alice this will help her grow again in size so she can snatch the key up. Oh man, I am just tired thinking about all this emotional energy! But not Alice, not yet anyway. It's not until this little or do I mean big version of Alice realizes her mistake and begins crying from dismay. Now as if her giant tears aren't bad enough, poor Alice reacts yet again by drinking and shrinking some more. Only this time, she slips into the bottle and becomes trapped, carried away like a note in a bottle through the doorknob's mouth and out and into Wonderland. Yes, doors can be tricky, but they can also offer us lessons such as this one...Life Lesson #175 ~ Impassible, Not Impossible. Hosea 2:15 sums it up like this for me, "God is the only One who can make the valley of trouble a door of hope." There is always hope, God is our hope and He not only opens doors for us, He creates them Himself.

So how does it all work out in the end? I don't know yet, my life is still full of opening and closing doors. But I can tell you as for Alice, she found her way back home again through the very same door and talkative doorknob. And what do you know, she's had the key all along! And we do too. The Door and the knob in Wonderland remind me from the inside doors to the pages of my own story down the Rabbit's Hole that God's timing is perfect. My door may be locked for now, but God in His infinite wisdom is always on time. We can save ourselves so much toil, trouble and distress if we'd only wait, listen and respond with grace. I'm not saying don't push your way through a door, by all means if you know that's your door, and no one is going to convince you otherwise...push, pull, shove and pry. All I'm saying is, better ways will reveal themselves when we step back and pause. Knock boldly on every door but be willing to step back and wait or move on to one that God Himself has carved out for you. I think what it is for me is and I've learned this hard way, if I just wait more times than not the door meant for me will open all by itself. And without leaving scraps and bruises all over my heart in the process too. So you see much like Alice when facing what seems impossible, we need to understand the solution is there, and nothing is impossible, it's simply just impassible in our present surroundings. Sure you may encounter a locked door, a road block or even a nightmare or two along the way. That's life in a nut shell but this is the thing...as impassible as any mountain may be or as locked, bolted and shut as a door can seem at the time, it's not impossible. Just wait, and like Alice when you need it most, you'll find your key right inside your pocket and your door will open. All you have to do is wait for God and His timing.

"You never know which door will lead you towards your dreams, until you have the courage to walk through it." ~ Unknown

~Christina

Life Lesson #174~ Finding Alice...

noreply@blogger.com (Christina O.) — Sun, 09 Jul 2017 17:12:00 +0000

"She understood the hardest times in life to go through were when you were transitioning from one version of yourself to another." ~ Sarah Addison Allen

Change is hard. There's absolutely no denying this truth. In fact change in and of itself while it can very well be spectacular in the end, is often downright disagreeable, unpleasant and agonizing in the process if I do say so myself. I often think of little Alice falling down the rabbit's hole and landing in a world upside down, strangely familiar, yet oddly perplexing and mysterious at the same time. It's much like waking up from a dream in the middle of the night, unsure of where you are and yet still knowing you are safe inside your own bed. Change, is inevitable. It is also important for our growth, but change can also be overwhelming, with an abundance of nonsense attached to it. Still, transformation just as much as knowing where you're going and more importantly who you are, can be tricky. Alice like many of us, is no different in this. Think about it, Alice falls into Wonderland out of loneliness to begin with. From there she spends most of her adventures chasing the White Rabbit looking for answers, eventually grasping time is far from reasonable. Now to make things worse she loses control of her own body in the process growing and shrinking unpredictably, and drastically too if your paying attention to everyone else around her in comparison. Poor Alice is simply trying to solve what appears to be a meaningless puzzle much like life at times I suppose. She eats cake to stretch herself bigger, drinks cordial to shrink smaller, crawls into tight spaces, looks for keys to open doors and cries so much she quite literally floats away. Sound familiar? Life right? Now look at Alice again, through a different perspective. She has every reason to feel misunderstood, a lot like the way change can feel to us in the real world...frustrating and challenging right? Looking at Alice, I can see myself through a lifetime of ups, downs, and growing pains. Much like this iconic little girl Lewis Carroll brought to life, I've felt "stuck between who I am, who I want to be and who I should be." Haven't you?

Uncertainty, while inevitable in life, teaches us something pretty worthwhile. Change is necessary. We all have to fall apart, breaking even before we realize change while unnerving, isn't always such a bad thing. I look at Alice and I can relate to her feelings of being lost and confused, unable to gain control of the changes happening inside her own body yet alone inside her mind with an imagination running wild. Just look at my life! Personally I have been torn apart, had parts of myself thrown away, incinerated quite literally before having what's left stitched back together again. And that's not figuratively. Breast cancer, diabetes, stroke, auto-immune diseases, and yes an eating disorder have all had me spinning, drowning and looking for a way out of Wonderland at times. But the lesson I have always taken away from Alice in Wonderland is simple: Life is full of inevitable loss, a puzzle while frustrating is definitely worth solving, death is absolutely a constant but through it all we eventually find ourselves. I like to look at it this way, with the same truth Tim Fargo speaks of, "Until you cross the bridge of your insecurities, you can't begin to explore your possibilities." If not for the puzzling, baffling, perplexing, yes down right confusing and at times unfathomable difficulties life has offered me, I wouldn't be who I am today. Personally, I know in my life I need the hard times to make the good times that much better, to shape me, mold me, even break me before revealing the stained glass inside my heart. If we can lay down our burdens, surrender control of the here and now, God will lead the way through the curious and confusing world of change. You see, as Jm Storm explains to us, "on the way to finding the real you, you must accept that it might mean the death of what everyone thought you to be. Just as the butterfly can no longer be a caterpillar." In the midst of this process, "this is the part where you find out who you are." Honestly what I have come to know is this, we emerge from our cocoon of darkness much like a caterpillar with wings, with a new song, a new story, redeemed and set free from the strangle hold of death, and yes, I believe in my life by the grace and love of Jesus Christ.

I'm thinking from my perspective anyway, if we know who we are in Christ, we navigate, a bit frustrating at times I agree, but we still manage by His grace to pass through this unruly, absurd, and at times ridiculous world of riddles. I simply love what Jeremiah 29:11 says in The Message's version of the Bible. "I’ll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." And this is exactly the promise I have held onto my entire life. When I am at the end of my wits, scraping at the bottom of the barrel, God sends a line of hope, a life line and not always from those we would typically expect either. Look at the caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland, and put away everything you've ever been told to think, and see him as what he truly is to Alice...a life jacket in a sea of uncertainty. Just step back and look deeper than his outward appearance. This simple, yet complicated caterpillar, is a teacher trying very hard to show poor Alice she can cope with the difficulties of Wonderland. He reminds Alice change is not always a terrible, rotten thing. He explains to her how his own metamorphoses is coming, a second chance at life, transforming from a caterpillar into a butterfly with brilliant and beautiful wings. He shares with Alice despite her frustration with the lesson that she's just not quite herself, not yet anyway. Looking at the many different storytellings around Alice and her Adventures in Wonderland, there is one line that stands out to me most from Tim Burton. Why this particular line? I don't know, maybe it's because of the struggles I have faced or who they've shaped me into. Either way, I relate greatly to poor Alice chasing answers down a Rabbit's hole. And to answer your question the line goes like this. "You are a terribly real thing in a terribly false world. And that, I believe is why you are in so much pain." I simply love Alice and her heartfelt response when asked a very simple question around this time in the story. She just puts it out there, being bluntly honest when asked who she is? Just look at her conversation here with Absolem, the blue caterpillar. He's a bit pretentious yes but truthfully only as he's trying to help Alice find herself. Very much like our own selves sometimes, Alice has no idea at this point who she is, explaining, "I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir, because I'm not myself you see." Alice is lost, she has no idea who she is anymore. As Absolem concludes, she's almost Alice, but not quite. And why? Because as he explains in the Tim Burton movie, he can't help Alice if she doesn't even know who she is herself. So let's be real here Alice she's insecure, afraid, and looking for answers in a very difficult landscape, a world fully cloaked in madness and unpredictability. Alice, is simply unsure of herself, misplaced and adrift in a world gone mad. But you see the lesson here is clear, in losing ourselves, the question of who we are is finally answered.

The truth is in loss, I have gained. In pain I have grown. In solitude I have found peace. And truly in uncertainty I have found myself. As a woman of faith, my life has been tested, tried, stretched, and challenged every step of the way. I am a child of God, imperfect, lost at times and confused for certain but I am a work in progress. By His hands I'm changing, growing, developing stronger wings, transforming into a metamorphoses of His very own unexplainable, authentic and individual master blue print. The beauty of my life is such as yours, emanating from His grace. I walk boldly through the Looking Glass only because I am unashamed and unabashedly His, reconciled by the power of His blood shed for me on the cross. I truly have reached a place where I know who I am in Christ and His love is my life's evidence of that. I guess at the end of the day, I believe if you're one of the odd ones like me, a little different, a bit peculiar, curious even and just simply unusual, not exactly born meant for everyone to understand then at some point you'll find yourself looking down a rabbit's hole for answers. My advice? Let yourself fall in, as far down as possible and right out the other side if you will. Once there pick yourself up, dust yourself off and be off on your own adventure. I am who I am, no apologies. And truth be told I have no shame in admitting Life Lesson #174 ~ Finding Alice... is simply a whimsical but very truthful means of charting and navigating this map we call life, sitting just a top Wonderland.

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else, is the greatest accomplishment." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

~Christina

Life lesson #173 ~ Chasing Tomorrow

noreply@blogger.com (Christina O.) — Fri, 07 Jul 2017 05:01:00 +0000

"Once she stopped rushing through life. she was amazed how much more life she had time for." ~ Unknown

Have you ever watched the 1951 version of Disney's Alice in Wonderland, and asked yourself what just happened? Or attempted any other version of Lewis Carroll's Alice stories, whether they are books, movies or anything else in-between and thought, this is bazaar? Indeed, taking a trip down the rabbit's hole or through the looking glass can appear quite odd at first, even terrifying to some I imagine. Then again, maybe you just have to bend your mind a little bit. Simply let go of your everyday logical thinking and just follow that darn white rabbit without a second thought. In doing this you just might see things as Alice does and believe as she explains, "in as many as six impossible things before breakfast." As a little girl I saw the world very differently than most of the other children around me. I was indeed an oddball, different and well let's just say it, I was a bit unusual. I'm much the same today as I was then...a little zany, somewhat curious and mostly awkward. I would rather be hanging upside down from the barre bar in ballet class than standing right side up in front of it. I have always just been that girl. My brain just works differently than most I suppose. I have this eccentric, very creative, very loud noggin full of a free and at times wild imagination. I live life from a wider, sometimes more difficult and very complicated and complex perspective. I always have I suppose. I see life and all it offers through what some may call a peculiar set of glasses. For me the stories I grew up on, and you more than likely too, just seemed to have more meaning for me than most could see. I saw books and the world around me a bit deeper with more layers than anyone else close to me dared. I got lost in my world of books, as if there was something waiting just below the surface to be discovered, calling me deeper into the story. I have no shame in telling you I am quite aware and extremely comfortable with who I am. I know my mind can be a vast place of wonder, quirky with both a defiant and unconventional way of thinking quite honestly. So this month I want to bring you on an adventure with me as we take a look down the rabbit's hole, peek through the looking glass out into this vast and strange place we know as Wonderland. And today I want to begin by talking about apprehension and worry and the White Rabbit of course.

As in real life, the same can be said for the White Rabbit, anxiety runs amok. I mean think about it, he's always running around, chasing what's ahead of him, never stopping to enjoy the present. I read a quote recently on Pintrest that stuck with me. It fits the White Rabbit very well. "If you're always racing to the next moment, what happens to the one you're in?" Isn't this actually very true about our daily lives though? We spend so much time rushing around, worried, planning for tomorrow that we tend to forget about living in the here and now. Look at the poor White Rabbit, with his pocket watch, running around, talking to himself, singing, "I'm late, I'm late for a very important date. No time to say hello, goodbye, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late." He's a downright mess, tied up in knots. He's disheveled, in a hurry, rude and dare I say it...anxious? He's so riddled with anxiety he has no concern with whether he's rude, or even if he offends anyone because he's so consumed with chasing tomorrow he can't slow down to appreciate his present surroundings. At one point he mistakes Alice for his servant, commanding her to stop standing there and "Go, go! Go get my gloves! At once, do you hear!" Again, why? Because he's late, that's why. But of course being late is as good as any reason as any I suppose to be rude right? We have no time to waste. That's his story right, and he's definitely sticking to it. This poor, uptight, self-absorbed, distracted and yet completely engrossed in his need to hurry with haste rabbit is willing to not only burn his own house down, but Alice too! All this just to rid himself of what he perceives as a problem. And what about the consequences? Not one thought, only of himself and his need to get rid of poor Alice in the process. Talk about cutting your nose off despite your face! This brings new meaning to that old sentiment now doesn't it? But then of course in a world of our own being impatient, blunt, even destructive and cheeky is very simply acceptable is it not? By Wonderland's standards this seems to be becoming the status quo one would now assume. But what about Alice, what about her feelings, has any one stopped to consider her? The answer would be a strong and vigorous no! The truth beautifully spelled out by Stanko Abadzie if you will allow me this indulgence is this:"The faster we live, the less emotion is left in the world. The slower we live, the deeper we feel the world around us."

Now lets look at this whole White Rabbit thing. Seriously he's dressed in a vest and a waistcoat of all things with a pocket watch in his hands, muttering to himself. This is quite the oddity in and of itself right? He's nothing we would expect to encounter in the 'real' world correct? Or is he? Think about it...what does he represent to you, to me and in our society as a whole? I think Thich Nhat Hanh nails it on the head when it comes to the White Rabbit. "Anxiety, the illness of our time, comes primarily from our inability to live in the present moment." And isn't this exactly what this pretentious little, white rabbit with a pocket watch depicts? He's oozing with anxiety! Look at him, he's so worried about being late apparently he's now calling Alice by a completely different name. He calls her, "Mary Ann." He can't even slow down enough to notice who she actually is, Alice not Mary Ann. Kind of like being mistaken for an employee when you're simply trying to get in and out from somewhere yourself. Now I can relate to poor Alice here. Just recently on vacation, a man was so preoccupied and self- absorbed with getting his coffee at our resort, he grabbed my arm, reprimanding me while frantically asking where another coffee machine was located He was upset, yelling at me asking if I knew this one was out. I was simply in the wrong place, at the wrong time, hair up in a bun, grabbing creamer as he began fussing angrily at me. He was so consumed with time, with getting where he needed to be just like the White Rabbit, this man began behaving erratically and drastically. Sadly, like many of us, he was running around like a chicken without a head, rushing anxiously about who knows what that he simply forgot to smell the roses, or the coffee more accurately in this particular situation. Now think about this, how many times are we so wound up we fail to appreciate the moments we are given, and we fail to be here, now. And the truth if we're being honest with ourselves looking at the lot of us we're just like the White Rabbit, always fussing about our calendars with our cell phones out in our hands, doing the same thing...racing through our lives, chasing tomorrow. I know I can see it, can you?

So how do we slow down? How do we appreciate what we have with who we have it with in a world gone mad? A society sadly overtaken by anxiety, worry, fear, angst, unease and of course our misgiving natures. This is our world, but I am reminded of what scripture says about this. First what comes to my mind is Romans 12:2, "Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but be a new and different person with a fresh newness in all you do and think. Then you will learn from your own experience how His ways will really satisfy you." Second my mind recalls Luke 12:25, "And besides, what’s the use of worrying? What good does it do? Will it add a single day to your life? Of course not! " And my favorite, Philippians 4:6-7, " Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything; tell God your needs, and don’t forget to thank him for his answers. If you do this, you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ Jesus." Personally I believe, as this silly white rabbit portrays all too well, too many of us are so busy looking for happiness, over thinking it that we miss it, losing out on all those tiny, little amazing, beautiful moments we're offered along the way.

So what I have to say about Life Lesson #173 ~ Chasing Tomorrow is STOP! Slow down, take a deep breath, put the watch away, or the cell phone if we're being accurate and simply start living in the present. It's been said, by an unknown, yet very wise person, "The most important gifts you can give are your love, time and attention. Slow down, take time to smile and enjoy loved ones...life goes by way too fast." The truth I see, looking at Alice and the White Rabbit through my very odd, yes curious and admittedly awkward set of glasses is two sides of a very real coin. Alice's high strung and exceptionally time conscious White Rabbit she's followed down the rabbit's hole and into Wonderland isn't very mindful at all. Alice on the other hand is trying very much to her credit to make sense of this strange world she's fallen into, purposely mindful of every detail around her. The lesson here is simple: All we have to do, much like Alice in the end is to wake up inside and begin truly living.

"Be where you are, not where you think you should be." ~ Magnetic.li

~Christina

Life Lesson #172 ~ Bloom Where You Are

noreply@blogger.com (Christina O.) — Wed, 05 Jul 2017 05:23:00 +0000

"If you look at what's fake for too long you'll begin to find fault in what is real." ~ Fight The New Drug

If you have ever watched Disney's animated version of Alice in Wonderland then you are familiar with the scene where Alice encounters the flowers. Now these uppity garden grown and raised botanicals are upfront about who they are to be honest. Iris and Daisy start in the conversation with Alice by saying, "If there's anyone worth talking to. Or about." Pretty much summing up where poor Alice is headed with this group. Before she can defend herself, they start asking themselves about Alice right in front of her. Daisy finally puts it out there, "Do you suppose she's a wildflower?" At this point Daisy gasps as if this is beneath her. Iris, well she can't seem to let it go either. Poor dear, Iris, she just can't help herself now can she? Iris must put poor Alice in her place as she chimes in, "Come to think of it, did you ever see an Alice?" Much like the outside world these flowers begin to judge Alice, to pick at her, to pull her apart, pulling at her dress and pushing her along. They have come to an unanimous conclusion: Alice simply isn't worth their time. But now if that's not bad enough, they make their point very clear to Alice, she's a common, wait for it...weed! At this point poor, dear Alice has about had enough of these self-centered, boastful, vain, proud and yes I'll say it, snobs making fun of her. If only to add insult to injury, water is poured over the top of her head, as they giggle and sit smugly. If Alice hadn't gotten the picture before this point, she certainly knows at this juncture... she's not good enough for this garden of stuck-up flowers. Alice just doesn't fit in. Feeling rejected and having to deal with inflated egos and the rudeness of others at the same time can be down right disheartening right? I know because I have been in this exact spot. I know many of you have been as well. Bullied, talked down to, pushed around, sat aside and made to feel worthless, told we are nothing, and that we don't fit in. I know how it feels, it hurts, The sting is deep. The hurt can sometimes take a lifetime to let go of but let me share something with you I have come to understand deeply myself. It's a well spoken quote by Jarrid Wilson. "Your worth is found in God, NOT in the opinions of others."

I tell you, it wasn't until I reached my 40's that I fully understood how true this is. It took me decades of rejection, being brushed-off, dismissed, beating myself up, allowing others to walk on me, doubting myself, and lots and lots of self-loathing to see that it was all a lie. A false accusation whispered into my ears daily by the enemy. A deceitful, untruth murmur mumbled into my heart by those I allowed the Devil to use, continuing to reinforce his lies. What I know now, without a doubt is "what God knows about me is infinitely more important than what others think about me." I may not ever fit in, but that's OK. I know who I am in Christ and who He's called me to be. I don't have to be perfect, sit on a pedestal, or be better than anyone else. I have nothing to prove. I am me, and in being my true self, the real me, I am a reflection of His grace. And when push comes to shove that's enough for me. I may have been passed over, discarded, ignored and disappointed but I can see now that none of it was actually about me. Not a one of those insults, slights, humiliations or any of the slander has honestly had anything to do with me. More importantly now I know it was about the light within me, the light within you, His light shining through us that makes our skeptics so uncomfortable. And the scoffers and the peanut gallery calling us common weeds, pouring water over top of our heads? Well, in those very actions they reveal their true fears. You see confidence is silent. It's the insecurities we carry that are so loud. The GoodVibe puts it like this: "When someone judges you it isn't actually about you. It's about them and their own insecurities, limitations and needs." And this is exactly what was happening to poor Alice as she walked through the garden!

Those poor unfortunate flowers, the ones ridiculing Alice, well they are what we have coined as, 'Mean Girls' in our society. They even come in all sizes, shapes, personalities and sexes but all with one directive: to destroy. You have to understand it's not about you, but what's inside of you. These uncompassionate, unrelenting and yes unkind souls are simply reacting to the inside beauty they themselves cannot possess, at least not in the state they live in presently. So yes they demand your banishment and displacement. What they see as good and what they fear as competition, they sabotage quickly. Above all, these kinds of folks will attack, blight and spoil whatever they find is genuine, real and authentic. Why? Well because like the flowers in Alice in Wonderland, they have narrow minds, seeing the world in limited perspectives. What they really need is our compassion, our prayers and our forgiveness. It's not about being a doormat. After all Alice got herself out of that garden of conceit ASAP, just as we should. But there is truth in what Martin Luther King once said. " Let no man pull you low enough to hate him." Sadly this is the reality we live in today but remember these 'flowers' only have the power we give them. And truthfully they are so full of insecurities themselves they can't help but project fear, bitterness, and resentment on you. It's sadly the product of this digital age we live in. I mean when people feel they must have their lives constantly on display, perfect and obsessively happy how can anything actually feel real? Amy Poehler has said, "I get worried for young girls sometimes: I want them to feel that they can be sassy and full and weird and geeky and smart and independent. And not withered and shriveled." It's about finding the right balance of confidence, happiness and compassion for all without becoming one of the big-headed flowers of Wonderland.

At 44 I am a woman who has finally embraced her inner nerd and the weird, sassy, geeky, sometimes different, independent and yes smart woman that I am today. I am not a perfect 10 but I don't have to be. I will no longer accept I am an outcast, unworthy or unfit. I may not be a fit in the Garden of Flowers behind me but that's not the end of my world. I will bloom where I have been planted,. I will grow in a garden of wildflowers such as Alice. And I pray for all those who feel like outcasts and outsiders like me, you will embrace being the wildflower you are. Chin up Buttercup, yes, even if the outside world looks at you with petals fading and falling down at your ankles. Remember Proverbs 31:30 says this, “Charm is deceptive, and beauty evaporates, but a woman who has the fear of the Lord should be praised." What I can tell you about myself after years of worrying if I was a Dizzy Daffodil or a Tiger Lily is this: I am a woman at rest with herself. I have absolutely nothing to prove to the world. I will embrace my strengths and encourage those around me. I want only for His light to shine brightly out from my heart but above all I pray my words speak goodness and kindness. Yes, I am at peace with myself and who I am in Christ. I am a wildflower, blooming right where I am by the power of His love. I am redeemed by His grace, and set free by His forgiveness and His mercy. Jesus is not only my protector, He is also my defender. Everything God has made is beautiful be it tulips, violets, morning glories, dandelions or wildflowers such as myself. Stop comparing yourself to what's fake, and bloom where God has planted you! Oh how this is my prayer for you today as we tip toe through Life Lesson #172 ~ Bloom Where You Are... please know how wonderfully and beautifully God has made you....and shine!

"By being yourself, you put something wonderful in the world that was not there before." ~ Edwin Elliot

~Christina

Life Lesson # 171 ~ On Top of the World

noreply@blogger.com (Christina O.) — Sun, 02 Jul 2017 05:05:00 +0000

"When you're on top of the world, do yourself a favor and just enjoy the view instead of looking for ways not to fall." ~ Unknown

This past weekend I was reminded of what a beautiful life I have. A life filled with family, friends, happiness and hope. I am amazingly aware of just how much I walk in the grace of the One who holds my heart. I'm insanely blessed, so much, that despite what I've lost or never seen come to fruition, I am grateful for my life. A life full of unconditional and abounding love. A life filled with His faithfulness. And this was never more apparent as this weekend. Blessed is an understatement really. The details of each of the material gifts I received are so much less important than the love behind them. See I was given one of the greatest gifts of all...time and love while celebrating my 44th birthday with those closest to me. A heart felt treasure greater than any material gift I could have ever received or asked for. I found myself repeating Psalm 118:24 over and over again."This is the day of the Lord's victory; let us be happy, let us celebrate!" Yes there is plenty of uncertainty and heartache from time to time, but at the end of every day I have hope greater than any disappointment and a peace that surpasses all understanding. And it's true, from the time I was a little girl my life has been a constant struggle, but those difficulties have only opened my eyes to the reality and grace of God's love for me each and every day. Again I want to reiterate, my life is far from perfect and I am a total mess most of the time. However I walk in the knowledge that I'm a work in progress, a magnum opus of the Master artists hands, full of beauty, grace and mercy. What I've learned about love in my 44 years is priceless. But what I know about unconditional love is even more valuable. You see no matter where I go, where I am or what I do, at any given moment in time real, genuine and pure love completely surrounds me.

The reality of this life is if we choose to we can certainly see the world through jaded eye, especially when things don't go our way or the direction we thought they should. We can be angry and bitter, lash out at those we feel are the source of our pain, true or not. We can even let that sorrow soak in, develop calluses over our eyes, blind us from the truth, staining our soul and making it hard to see our real worth. We can become the victim of our own circumstances, blaming all our hurts, disillusions, disappointments and unrealized dreams on anyone but ourselves. This kind of thinking, this kind of loathing can ultimately destroy our view of life. It can change us, twisting our journey into a bad trip, a terrible fall down the rabbit's hole that we never intended to take. Life is about choices, taking responsibility for our actions and our thoughts. We can choose to hate the world, those we see as responsible for our loss, to resent the life and those who've been given to us OR we can embrace the obstacles before us, the pitfalls that no doubt will leave us with a few bumps, bruises, scraps and even scars. Why? Because it is not the hurdle's we face which define us. No, our defining moments come in how we choose to rise or fall in the wake of those same complications that actually do define who we are. The truth is, "so much of our happiness depends on how we choose to see the world." And if we choose a jaded, unmovable and one-sided perspective, then that is exactly what we will have...a dispassionate, miserable, continually lacking, never enough, damaged, impaired and incomplete life.

By God's grace, I have come to understand through a lifetime of growing pains, much like Alice in Wonderland, that sometimes you have to fall pretty hard down a rabbit's hole before you realize how blessed you really are. Sometimes up has to become down, and down has to be turned right side up again for you to comprehend that your cup is already filled to the top with running water and that you are indeed on top of the world. Truly, life is an adventure but all adventures have troubles and toil. We must go through the difficulties, the delays of stopping, being still and moving slowly in order to fully enjoy the view from the top of the Ferris wheel. And that is exactly where God has led me...to the top of the Ferris wheel. The view from here is quite amazing, that is once you stop fighting the process. God's grace has saved me, and without it I would be lost down a deep, dark rabbit's hole with no way home. What I know personally is that even when I feel defeated, overcome, perplexed, bewildered thrashed around and yes exceptionally discouraged I am covered by the power of the blood of Jesus Christ. I say to anyone or anything ready to trip me up or push me down another rabbit's hole, I do not live in fear. I will no longer be afraid of what tomorrow holds, to fall or stumble into an upside down, right-side up or even sideways adventure. l am never alone nor am I faint of heart because I carry His grace with me. The strong are not those who never fall or fail. The strong are those who deliberately fall to their knees, look up and acknowledge as long as God is for you, it doesn't matter who is against you as Romans 8:31 reminds us.

What I can tell you from my perspective is this Life Lesson #171 ~ On Top of the World reminds me of the grace and mercy God has restored to my life. I may not always be sitting on the top of the world, but today I am. Today I can see the bigger picture a little bit better. Today the view is actually quite spectacular, amazing, breathtaking and beautiful. This journey of mine, the many adventures up from and down the rabbit's hole again haven't jaded my perspective, but they have indeed strengthened me. I know I'm never alone, My Father, He has gone before me. He knows the way down the rabbit's hole, through the looking glass and back home again. His light breaks through, illuminating my path, calming me and calling to me as His own. He is my defender, faithful in everything, my stronghold and my protector from all those who seek to hurt me, harm me and undo me. I am reminded of the journey my feet have been placed upon when I think of this quote by Mia Kingsley's version of Alice. "From the moment I fell down the Rabbit's hole I've been told what I must do and who I must be. I've been shrunk, stretched, scratched, and stuffed into a tea pot. I've been accused of being Alice and not of being Alice, but this is my dream. I'll decide where it goes from here." The Bloodhound goes on to say, "If you diverge from the path." And Alice now knowing what it is she must do, responds to him, "I make the path!" And this is the absolute truth about life, the rabbit holes, pitfalls, ups, downs and everything else in between. We have a choice. God gives us the freedom to choose which path we will take. It comes down to the choices we make, freely ourselves.

The truth of my life personally, of the faith I carry inside my heart everyday and the authenticity of His grace, the absolute amazing grace which covers me everyday is that life just doesn't go on, it expands, exploding across the universe. By His unconditional love, grace and mercy my life continues leading me towards redemption, away from where I no longer belong and into His marvelous light. Seriously what could be any better than the view I have right now? The seat I have currently inside this Ferris wheel we call life, just sitting here on top of the world looking out across Wonderland is pretty good. But knowing whatever may come I am covered by His grace and mercy is even more amazing let me tell you. What could surpass this? All I can say, is nothing, absolutely nothing! And so my advice as underscored as it may be, is to never forget it's the adventures that get you there, not the destination. Big or small, terrifying or exhilarating, our life is found in the choices we make and in the stories we live to tell.

"I've learned that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while climbing." ~ Andy Rooney

~Christina

Life Lesson #170~ Where the Sea Meets the Sky

noreply@blogger.com (Christina O.) — Fri, 30 Jun 2017 05:32:00 +0000

"See the line, where the sky meets the sea? It calls me and no one knows how far it goes." ~Moana

I was born exactly 44 years ago today. I was born the daughter of a southern gentleman, an All American, death from above, 82nd Airborne soldier and a shy, quiet, creative soul, musicaly inclined and exceptionally beautiful vision I call my mom. I was born in the middle of the night placed in the waiting arms of my parents and given my name, Christina Marie. It's meaning was personal. It's interpretation meaning follower of Christ, a child wished for. Indeed I was born an only child, but I bloomed and my roots grew strong because of this. My parents, a couple of dreamers, a pair of survivors and a family of two for years became a family of three with my birth. The life I have inherited from my mom and dad is one of unconditional love, faith and genuine happiness. Some may look at my life, reaching back to my humble beginnings and see a sheltered and protected little girl. And the truth is I was. I attended Christian schools, and was eventually home schooled. My body was attacked repeatedly by illness, even as it still is today. I found deep love inside our little family of three and an overwhelming acceptance of who I was and who I would never be. I was shown how to be brave, to be strong, to own my mistakes and to be kind above all. Much like Moana though, I was taught, " Sometimes the world seems against you. The journey may leave a scar but scars can heal and reveal just where you are."

I was born a child of adventure and imagination. I loved my little world, and it suited me quite well. I'd build snowmen as tall as towers in my mind when we lived in Germany. I created forts made of sheets strung across the living room and I explored castles and forests all across Europe. I enjoyed high tea with my dad and snuggling and listening to my mom sing, 'Baby Mine' as I fell asleep. I loved reading Wonder Woman just before bedtime and bellowing out anthems at the top of my lungs. As a teenager I modeled current fashion inside the mall shop's windows, snagged a few trophies in local talent competitions, brought home a crown or two competing in beauty pageants along the way and won a few awards for my poetry back in the day. But like my parents, I was also a dreamer, a girl with a vision with a serious history of grace. Much like the spirit of Moana, I wanted to explore beyond the reefs, to voyage to places yet unseen. I dreamed of mornings chasing the waves, afternoons in libraries and museums and evenings dancing under the stars. I was shown how to fly, to accept my flaws by those who knew me best. I was taught there was nothing ordinary about who I was born to be and that my life, my story and my calling was significant, even if only in the eyes of God. I was raised be to an unspoken leader and yet never to apologize for the fire within my soul. Yes I longed to sing a different song than those around me. I knew I was different, born to be divergent, to beat a drum as original as I was. As with Moana's Song I understood, "The call isn't out there at all. It's inside me. It's like the tide. Always falling and rising." Yes, I believe I knew long before I understood the lesson Moana teaches us, come what may, I already knew the way. Wherever life was going to take me, I was going to find my way by listening to my heart.

I may have been born a horse of different color, a totally different cup of tea, odd, weird, outside the box but I knew my heart, just as I know it now some 44 years after I was born. You see just as Isaiah 58:11 says, "Where God guides, He provides." He does. He has been guiding my footsteps all along, even before I was conceived. This life I lead now, is a reflection of His undying grace and love. See He has a plan for my life just as He has for yours. As with Moana's Gramma Talo, my Father is always with me. Remember what she says? "There is nowhere you can go that I won't be with you." I've found God is never far. When the waves are crashing all around me or the waters spilling over and overwhelming my boat, He is there. Psalms 107:29 assures me of this. "He calmed the storm to a whisper and stilled the waves." When I am at my weakest, scared and feeling like I've failed He's there, reminding me to put an end to the conversation of defeat going on inside my head. His grace allows me to stop allowing the nay sayers and any one's anger and bitterness to distract me from what He Himself has already called and told me to do. I am a child of God, a daughter of the King. I was born, chosen for this life for a reason, and with a purpose. I have traveled a long, long way past the reef, that's for sure. But I know who I am in Christ. I am Christina of the Dowling Clan. I am the daughter of dreamers, a soldier and a beauty. I have been given a place at the table, and a name to call my own. By God's grace my heart has been restored. I have no fear of what's to come. I am not defined by what has been taken from me. The truth of who I am is completely defined by the grace God has restored to my heart. I believe in the promise spoken over my life from the moment I was born, "Greater is He who lives inside me than he who lives in this world!" And this truth I have learned repeatedly.

Now today, on this day, my birthday I proclaim the truth by Lessons Learned Life. "The older I get the more I understand that it's OK to live a life other's don't understand." So go, get in your boat, set sail beyond the island that holds you. I have to come to realize that this life is not for the whims of others but for the great adventures your soul calls you to. Life will never be easy and it may indeed be difficult, but the life you have been given is the one God has called you to. Embrace it, accept who you are and the calling, on your life past the reef. Don't let the rejection of others outweigh that. "In Christ you have nothing to hide, nothing to prove, nothing to fear and nothing to lose." I trust in Jesus. He is my protector, my refuge. There is nothing He can't provide for me. Neither is there one person who can take from me what He has given. Remember this, Moana, teaches us a valuable lesson if we will only apply it. "The people you love will change you. The things you have learned will guide you. And nothing on earth can silence the quiet voice still inside you."

So I encourage you today, to paddle out, past the reef and see all God has waiting for you. I have. And I plan to continue my adventures, voyaging beyond borders wanting to contain me. By His grace, I can see well past where the sea meets the sky. But as with Moana I have come to understand, after some 44 years of adventures, "there comes a day when you're gonna look around and realize happiness is where you are. And this is the truth of Life Lesson #170 ~ Where the Sea Meets the Sky. We must find ourselves, be ourselves, accept ourselves, embrace our calling and stop striving to live in the future or the past. By doing so we miss the present, the blessings of the here and now. Life doesn't issue do-overs. Truth is we have to enjoy the time we are given with those we have. And that's exactly what I plan to do this very day. I will enjoy this time I have with those I love. And, yes I will be thankful for this day. A day that marks one some 44 years ago to when I was born, placed into the arms of my parents, named Joshua and Micah's mom, chosen to love and be loved by the love of my life and called to be His, part of the greatest story I know. Who could have imagined, I'd be a vessel of the King of Kings? That through me His love would tell a story, one that includes me as His heir, a Daughter of the King? My advice to you is this, listen to your calling, follow your heart, be content in what you have and find peace where God leads you. This is how you truly find who you were meant to be, and how far you are meant to go.

"See the line where the sky meets the sea? It calls me and no one knows how far it goes. If the wind in my sail on the sea stays behind me one day I'll know, how far I'll go." ~Moana

~Christina

Life Lesson #169 ~ Love Lives Here

noreply@blogger.com (Christina O.) — Tue, 27 Jun 2017 05:14:00 +0000

"Welcome to our comfortable, happy, sometimes loud, usually messy, full of love home." ~ Unknown

Love absolutely lives here, within our home, within our hearts and in our memories. If these walls could talk they would surely tell you stories of courage, bravery, sadness, overflowing joy, goofiness and laughter, lots and lots of laughter. We have filled these hallways, rooms and walls with so much love I can feel every moment, see every memory almost as if I could reach out and touch each one of them. Since we first moved in 12 years ago, on June 30, 2005, my birthday to be exact we've built a life together. Within these walls we've watched our boys grow, celebrated birthdays, anniversaries, promotions. We've seen our boys prepare for homecomings, prom and graduation, sent them off to college, watched them walk out the door and come home again after the first day of a new job, gathered for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and sat down to family meals almost every night. We have grieved together, disagreed together, laughed uncontrollably together, prayer together, shed tears together but most importantly we have lived and loved together. Our memories live here and by God's grace we've been blessed to put roots down in this house together. Our home has been a mighty source of both comfort and joy. I am convinced of this truth, "It's not about how big the house is. It's how happy the home is." I have to tell you it's crazy for me to think we've been here in this house for over a decade. Seriously in one place, in one home for so long. For a world traveling wanderer, an adventurer and a girl who's moved over 21 times in her lifetime there's something to be said about that, believe me. And if we have our way one day we'll welcome our own grand-babies into this very same home, the one we've raised our boys in.

This house has seen many things. These walls have experienced loss, grief, death, fear, job loss, breast cancer, and the list goes on. Yes, we have come close to losing everything and yet we have everything. The reality is even if this house was to fade away, we'd be OK. Why? Because we'd still have our home, we'd still have each other. God, well He's more than an idea in our home or a once in a while guest. Jesus Christ is the foundation of our home, the architect of our lives, of every hope and every dream. He is the light illuminating from within and He's the One who fills our home with unconditional, compassionate, forgiving love. Not a one of us is perfect, not a saint, because truly we are all sinners. We are human, with human problems and human predicaments, plights, quandaries, dilemmas and mishaps. But that is where unconditional love comes in. 1 Corinthians 13:13 is a reminder of this. It says," Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love." We don't demand much in our home. We've always allowed our kids a safe zone to be themselves, finding too many expectations or ruling with an iron fist to handicap a family causing an inability to grow. However we do ask our family to love unconditionally daily, to forgive regularly and to show compassion always. This is simply who we are and who we will always be.

Through the years, we've made so many amazing memories together. I've lost count, really, but many of them are captured on the walls of our home while others are simply found in a moment, thought lost then remembered turning a corner or entering into a room. I am so blessed to have been called to raise such beautiful young men, to have been given the privilege of seeing them both grow into adulthood and begin lives of their own. God has been good to me, blessing me with an additional 10 years of life following a TNBC diagnosis. A life we have loved, a love we have experienced and so many memories we have collected together within these walls are just beyond anything I could have ever imagined. I pray long after these walls have grieved my passing, given way to new pictures on the walls and this house has yet again created new beginnings that these three things will still remain...Jesus, unconditional love and joy. A strong home, not a perfect one is built upon beautiful, ordinary and heartfelt moments. The kind we share together, not the material things which we fill it with but the heart that beats within it. As Brene Brown says so perfectly, "Joy comes to us in ordinary moments. We risk missing out when we get too busy chasing down the extraordinary." What I know in the deepest part of me as a mom is I want our house to always be a home. A home that's filled with unconditional love, compassion, forgiveness and acceptance. I know our boys will start their own families, and build their own lives. But I pray with all my heart they will take pieces of our heart and some of the roots we've grown together with them. My greatest prayer as a mom is something beautifully said by Soul-fully Beautiful. "When my children remember their childhood I want only for them to remember their mother gave it her all. She worried too much, she failed at times and she did not always get it right...but she tried her hardest to teach them about kindness, love, compassion and honesty. Even if she had to learn it from her own mistakes she loved them enough to keep going, even when things seemed hopeless, even when life knocked her down. I want them to remember me as the woman who always got back up." Now I know I may not always be the mom of the year, or even a Wonder Woman of a mom, as my boys call me from time to time but I am their mom, and I do love them, their father and the home we have built together.

There's a saying by Sara Jane. It goes like this, "Let's fill our homes with memories instead of things - Moments instead of distractions." So I have to tell you it's almost serial, watching our house transform. I say house because while it's true the structure and the scheme is in the middle of a metamorphoses, our home will forever stay the same...warm, welcoming, and a place where love lives and breathes. This has been years in the making. We have put our children, and the memories we've made together above all material things. And we have never regretted it. But now as I've begun to work full time, and the boys have finished high school we're able to do a little more than ever before. I tell you it's such a heart warming feeling knowing as the walls change color, as the carpet's are replaced by wood, and as our house evolves into a brighter, more contemporary canvas the heart of our home is still the same... full of unconditional love, contentment and happiness. Our home is a place filled with Jesus, built on Texas soil, our country roots dug in deep around us and our love for all three hung proudly on our door. Our home, is a place where we can be ourselves, no pretenses. Whatever the day or night our children can find safety from the outside world. Any given afternoon you can hear drumming coming from upstairs or find a small group of recent high school graduates gathered preparing for a Melee tournament. Our house is full of life and I wouldn't have it any other way. As the late Paul Walker once said, "You know, all that really matters is that the people you love are happy and healthy. Everything else is just sprinkles on the sundae." And he was absolutely right. I may not always agree with my kids or my husband but I love them, completely, and that's all the really matters.

What I know is this: we have a beautiful life. Even in our worst times, God has been good. He has secured and strengthened the ties that bind us together with His own hands. Whether we have everything this world could offer us materially, or simply the unconditional love and the memories we carry with us, we are family. I'm going to repeat this one more time because it's so important and Sara Jane explains it so well. "Let's fill our homes with memories instead of things - Moments instead of distractions." And this truly embodies the message of Life Lesson #169 ~Love Lives Here. These walls, these rooms and hallways are not made of gold or filled with unimaginable worldly treasures, those things do not make a home. What I can tell you is our home and our heart as a family has been filled to overflowing with love, memories, laughter, tears and genuine happiness. Love absolutely lives here. Love lives within our walls, within our hearts and inside the unconditional love that is not only our foundation but the center and the pulse of our home.

"It's not the home I love but the life that is lived there." ~Unknown

~Christina

Life Lesson #168 ~ Love As Old As Time

noreply@blogger.com (Christina O.) — Sat, 24 Jun 2017 05:04:00 +0000

"It's not until you lose everything that you can truly appreciate everything." ~ Belle, Beauty and the Beast

I am a loved woman. I am married to the love of my life. He is strong, handsome, a bit ornery at times but always kind. He's far from perfect, but then neither am I. He can have a temper, but be assured so do I. He is fair, gentle, sweet and yes sometimes a bit unrefined. He calls me his Beauty, and at other times, his Baby Beast. I call him my Beast, the love of my life and my hunny-bee. We are quite the oddly mismatched pair to many, but that's what makes us work. I've always been what you'd call a bit peculiar, just like the song..."Look there she goes that girl is strange, no question. Dazed and distracted, can't you tell? Never part of any crowd. 'Cause her head's up on some cloud. No denying she's a funny girl that Belle" But Johnny knew this about me from the moment we first met and he loved me for it. I was different, unique in a world full of fake. He saw my heart, he loved my laughter and my smile, and yes he was taken with my eyes. He told me from the moment we met I'd be a wonderful mom. He saw me, and I love that he still does. I still get lost in books. On any give day you can find me sitting with my my Harry Potter t-shirt on, my Beauty and the Beast PJ bottoms, Dr. Who slippers sticking out from under my Star Wars blanket and a Mad Hatter mug full of hot tea as I'm listening to my play list. I'm that girl. And Johnny loves me for it.

On the other hand Johnny is a sports guy. I've always loved his arms, the strength they hold and of course his gentle, warm smile. He may have appeared ridged to some and unwelcoming to others, that is until he gets to know you. To me, well I 've always seen his warm, tenderhearted, vulnerable, gentle and generous side. He's Native American, I'm Irish. He's a manly man, loves his whiskey and steak, loves to fish and a good action flick too. He's a cross- fitter, lifting weights and pushing his body to it's limits. He believes "your body is the engine and your mind is the engineer." Just as I've made Harry Potter, Disney, Star Wars, Marvel and DC part of his life he's made football, baseball, basketball, golf and ice hockey part of mine. And I love him for it. He was the linebacker on his high school football team, and was popular. The truth is we wouldn't have ever run in the same circle, and we'd never have dated if we'd met during those years. But you see God had something special planned for us. He knew we'd find each other later. He could see what we couldn't. You see He knew when we did meet, the truth of Beauty and the Beast, this very tale, yes one as old as time would ring true for us.

Doesn't it go like this," Bittersweet and strange, finding you can change, learning you were wrong." And the truth is if we'd steered clear of each other simply because of our differences, we'd have missed out on something pretty amazing. The reality is there is no simple love story. Seriously nothing about love is ever simple, easy or uncomplicated. Unconditional love by virtue of definition is complicated. But as Toby Mac conveys, 'Love is not IF or BECAUSE. Love is ANYWAY and EVEN THOUGH." And I have found in all our adventures out there in the great wide somewhere, in being married to the love of my life for over 21 years that this is a very important piece of loves puzzle. See Johnny and I, well we are complete opposites in every way. Yet our hearts, our lives and our love for one another has proven united, stronger than any obstacle set before us. What does the song say? "Tale as old as time, true as it can be. Barely even friends, then somebody bends unexpectedly. Just a little change, Small, to say the least, both a little scared...Beauty and the Beast." That is us.

Now I know some will say but what about the heartache and the pain ya'll experienced? Was that part of the plan? Nope, it wasn't but it is part of our story. It was not fun, let me tell you but it was worth it. To say Johnny and I have had our ups and downs, that we've struggled is putting it mildly. I mean a wife with breast cancer, RA, stroke, lymphedema, among other assorted conditions unable to work for years plus a child with a TBI and another on the spectrum well let's be honest here, those things can prove to be very worrisome, even burdensome and exceptionally hard to carry on your shoulders. Even if you are a strong, unmovable person, lifting Olympic sized weights like a beast. Add the addition of any more weight, in just the wrong spot, well that can have you shaking, losing your balance and in those moments everything can come crashing down around you. It's life right? It's at this point when the phrase "like a beast" oddly turns into being a Beast and not in the same awesome terms. But you see, this tale, the one as old as time has been tried, tested and told again and again and you know why? Because love is more than a feeling, more than a pretty face and much, much more than an idea. Love is forgiveness, love is putting yourself last and seeing through the eyes of your partner. Love is not about me, not about you, but about us together. Love is talking through the disagreements, but most of all love is about selflessness and unconditional love, never being afraid to put your heart on the line for each other. I absolutely agree with Mrs. Potts, "Love doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be true." She also explains, "You don't lose hope, love. If you do, you lose everything." And that's what Johnny and I have held on to during the tough times, the difficult, tiresome and beastly moments of our relationship...hope. No, I'm not an expert on love or marriage but I can assure you that while it's been learned by trial and through fire mostly, we are inseparable. Together we have seen the best in each other, the worst of one another and we have chosen to stay. We know where our hearts lie, and it's together,in one another's arms.

As I begin to reach the last of my tale, I say to all who question me: I'm blessed. Over the last few years Johnny has fully embraced my Disney side. If not he'd probably gone mad by now. He's started bringing home many Beauty and the Beast ornaments and figurines for our mantel. I love each and every one, because they just don't tell a story, they tell our story. I personally relate to these characters, and in many ways so does Johnny. Much like the lyrics of 'Belle', "But behind that fair facade. I'm afraid she's rather odd. Very different from the rest of us. She's nothing like the rest of us. Yes, different from the rest of us is Belle! " Then they go on to belt out..."It's a pity and a sin. She doesn't quite fit in cause she really is a funny girl. A beauty but a funny girl." This is me. The one and only Christina in the flesh. The real me, the fully odd, strange and different me. Bill Murray has it right, "A soul mate is someone who appreciates your level of weird." And Johnny does, all of my crazy, weird, nerdy, geeky and whatever else you want to say about me level of strangeness. I will tell you this with complete confidence, what I love about Johnny and I is this: Even though I've always been a bit odd Johnny a bit grumpy, both those characteristics are the very things we absolutely love about each other. He sees me, really sees me for everything I am and all I'm not. So yes, in my eyes we're true to the characters, Belle and Beast. Yet I know that's also what makes our love, our life and our years together so rich and full. We may disagree and we may not always get along. He may be moody and I may be unreasonable. We may be oddly paired, a strange girl, with wild ideas and a beast with a big heart who's learned to love that very same weird, peculiar girl all the same. See, N.R. Hart is correct. "Every girl needs her Beast to protect her from everything but him." And in Johnny's arms I am safe, loved, secure and protected.

So now let me bring our story to a close. It's true, love, is a tale as old as time. It's truly "certain as the sun, rising in the east." Johnny and I , we are two imperfect people yet our love is as real as it gets, tried, tested, and true. Our love it is kind, generous, impatient at times but always unconditional. It keeps no record of wrong doing as our love has come to understand what real, genuine forgiveness is. Much like Ephesians 4:2-3, our marriage has grown, been challenged and overcome the adversity of being imprisoned by conditional love. By God's grace we have been freed by true loves kiss. The scriptures say this to us, "Be always humble, gentle, and patient. Show your love by being tolerant with one another. Do your best to preserve the unity which the Spirit gives by means of the peace that binds you together." And so Life Lesson #168 ~ Love as Old as Time, speaks of the forgiveness, of patience and the unconditional love Johnny and I have found for and with one another together. The truth is we all can find this, if we chosoe to. It's been said many times, spelled out beautifully for all of us if we'd only listen. "If he could learn to love another and earn her love in return by the time the last pedal fell, then the spell would be broken. If not, then he would be doomed to remain a beast for all time." This tale is simple, not complicated. If we wish to break the spell of unforgiveness and despair in our lives we must be willing to love unselfishly,unconditionally, ungrudgingly and of course generously. It is then, the beast inside of us is tamed, transformed, and the age old question is answered, "Who could ever love a beast?" The answer is you, and me. Your tale, it will be told just as ours has been today. The two of us together can tell our story, our tale of love and forgiveness without shame or hesitation. Our tale is truly as old as time, and our song as old as rhyme. I as his Beauty and he as my Beast till the end of time.

"I love you. After all this time. I still love you. It's always been you. It was you yesterday. It was you today. It will be you tomorrow. And for the rest of my life it will be you." ~Unknown

~Christina

Life Lesson #167 ~ You've Got A Friend in Me

noreply@blogger.com (Christina O.) — Thu, 22 Jun 2017 15:54:00 +0000

"I'm much more me when I'm with you." ~ Unknown

I love the summertime. I mean what's not to love about the lazy days of summer? You know what I'm talking about, especially if you're in the education field. The stay up late nights followed by those non alarm sounding wake ups, messy hair, no make-up, PJ wearin', barefoot I'm burning daylight, I don't care filled with a hot cup of tea, a good book, your play list turned up best morning ever kind of days. And the best part well that's the ability to spend the afternoons with your closest friends. When I say I'm truly blessed I am. Over the last few years God has strengthened and fortified several wonderful and remarkable friendships in my life. These women many of you know I call my sisters of the heart. Truth be told, I have no doubt, we'll be the old ladies causing trouble, racing our wheelchairs and dueling with our canes one day.That's just who we are, goofy, silly and downright amusing, to ourselves anyway. Yesterday was no different. I got to spend the afternoon with my very best friend in the whole wide world. She's my sister, my confidant, my other half and she loves me for the goof ball that I am, never judging me. No, we don't share the same DNA, but we do share the same heart. And this is why I have called her my sister for almost two decades. I'm sure God made us best friends because we'd probably be too much for either one of our moms to handle together. Just like so many afternoons, we spent the day yesterday talking, sharing scriptures and praying with and for each other. We went to lunch, sharing our baskets of food, and agreeing we were a little too stuffed by the end. Then we spent the rest of the day wandering around our local mall, trying on masquerade masks, looking at purses, pondering shoes, thinking ahead to Ren Fair, contemplating trying on way over priced gowns in preparation for our Vegas vow renewals with our hubbys, snacking on banana split ice cream dots and ending our day taking the silliest pictures we could manage. Dare I say it? Mischief managed!

There is no question I am a Potter Head, hence the reference above but there's absolutely no doubt I'm a Disney enthusiast. And this spills over into most of my friendships as well. So it's probably no surprise to anyone when I hear the song, "You've Got A Friend In Me" I think of my sweetest friend, Shawna. How does it go again? Oh that's right..."And as the years go by our friendship will never die. You're gonna see it's our destiny...you've got a friend in me." It's not that we don't have close relationships with others, because we do. In fact I'd say our hearts are full knowing we have a beautiful circle of friends, together and individually we call family, sisters of the heart, our partners in crime. And though I have a small circle, I know each one of my sisters are God sent. Natalie, Julie, Marnie, Lori , Megan, Michelle, my Aunt Rosermarie and Morgen are never far. They are always in my heart, stitched and woven together into the fabric of who I am. Their presence in my life makes me a far better woman than I would ever be on my own, that's for sure. They each have a place in my life, a special part of my heart that no one else can take away. In the last couple of years I've learned something, something big really, something thegoodvibe.com expresses perfectly. "Sometimes your circle decreases in size, but it increases in value." The beauty about the women God has hand picked and placed in my life is that we understand "family isn't always about the people in your life who are blood relations. It's about the people in your life who accept you for who you are, support you in the things you choose to do and no matter what, are there for you. It's the people in your life who love you, respect you and who you can depend on." I'm blessed to have several sisters in my life, sisters who are the exact definition of this honestly. And Shawna, she is my spiritual sister, the one who encourages me to be strong in the Lord, re-enforcing the idea that God has His hand on me. Shawna prays over me, for me and often feels my pain and joy in her own heart. I look to Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 and count my blessings when I think of my beautiful sister of the heart. It says this, " Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble."

And that's the thing, it's no secret these women, my sisters are invested in my life as I am in theirs. I know I can call Shawna at any time of the day or night. She will cry with me, laugh with me and uplift me, never once making me feel less than her, ridiculous and becoming offended by my heart or jealous of who I was created to be. She is not my rival, but my equal no matter where we started or where we will eventually end up. My Father, has taught me many lessons in life, some hard, some easy but never as important as understanding the importance of true friendship. Word porn has this quote. It's powerful, filled with truth. It says this, 'It's important to make friendships that are deeper than gossiping and drinking and going out. Make friends who you can go get breakfast with, make friends you can cry with, make friends who support your life goals and believe in you." It's crazy to me how as teenagers we feel the need to have an over abundance of friends in our lives. The more the merrier it seems right? And for a brief time that's exactly what we need as we learn how real friendships work. As we experience gossip, heartaches and rivalries we start to see the bigger picture. We become a bit more guarded and not so much an open book for everyone, maybe even a bit awkward to a few souls. Our lives become private, more safeguarded than before. As we grow up and mature we begin to be much more selective understanding having a few, close friends in your life is more important than a 100 acquaintances. If I have learned anything in life, I've learned this: "Everybody isn't your friend. Just because they hang around you and laugh with you doesn't mean they are your friend. People pretend well. At the end of the day, real situations expose fake people, so pay attention." And that's the point of Life Lesson #167 ~ You've Got A Friend in Me...real is rare but when you find it, you know it. The mask falls off, the genuineness of who you are and who they are shines through and you not only realize but you embrace the idea that "real friends are family without a birth certificate."

This is what I know without a second thought: I can be me, the down right silly, goofy, nerdy southern hot mess that I am with Shawna. She sees me, she knows me and my heart better than I do myself sometimes. I think of Shawna when Buzz Lightyear says, "This is falling with style." Why? Well because that's exactly what we do, fall with style. We aren't perfect, we doubt ourselves but when it comes to being there for one another, to encouraging each other it doesn't matter if we're actually flying or falling with grace, we know either way, we're going down or soaring upwards hand in hand, together. We can act crazy, be silly and even look hilarious, bringing out the best in each other even if the world looks at us like a pair of mismatched goofballs. See what I know is this : God has given me some pretty amazing sisters of the heart. In each of them, and in Shawna He has provided me a sister, much like myself, but different. I may have been brought into this world an only child, but I will not go out one. I have no doubt Shawna, and these women God has hand picked and placed in my life "will always be the sisters of my soul, the friends of my heart."

"But I love you so much more than just to the moon and back." (thisislovelife.com) No, I love you to infinity and beyond!

~Christina

Life Lesson #166 ~ I See You

noreply@blogger.com (Christina O.) — Tue, 20 Jun 2017 01:47:00 +0000

"Allow beauty to shatter you regularly. The loveliest people are the ones who have been burnt and broken and torn at the seams, yet still send out their open hearts into the world to mend with love again, and again, and again. You must allow yourself to feel your life while you're in it." ~ Victoria Erickson

Our family just spent eight wonderful days inside the World known as Disney. I know what could we possibly do for eight days and why? Well, for us it's a feeling I can only describe as coming home. We're just Disney people. We were there for many different reasons but the biggest was to celebrate our youngest finishing high school. It's hard for me to believe Micah is 18, done with high school and heading out into the great big world in pursuit of his very own hopes and dreams. I mean I just closed my eyes for a moment, and suddenly both my little boys were men standing in front of me. It's bittersweet is what it is. With all the excitement lately I've definitely shed a few tears knowing my baby is now on his way to the life he's always dreamt about. I have no doubt nor do I fear where life will take him. I know the love and faith we've raised him in and I trust in the One who gave him to us first. Micah, just like Joshua, will always be a child of God, empowered with faith, boldness, courage, and ready to step out into his journey with a destiny hand - craved out for him and him alone. I was fighting back tears as I snapped the picture above. The boys were messing around, being silly and getting ready to take a posed photo for me. It's a tradition going back at least 8 years, inside the studios, in front of the tow truck. With each picture, every year I can see my children growing right in front of my eyes from little boys into men. This moment, like the one captured in the picture above is one of those moments...a moment I can say to my boys...I see you. I see the men you have become, the strength you have inside you...I see you just as you are...I see your heart, I see your soul.

Now you have to understand our connection with Disney. It's not just a place to vacation, to ride rides or grab a meal and a souvenir. Disney is part of us, in our fabric, where celebrations take place and milestones are made. Think of it as the keeper, a living album filled with all of our fondest memories if you will. I admit without shame that Disney World for our family is a place of wonder, imagination, celebration, letting go of our fears, embracing our dreams and re-enforcing our bonds. It's not just a vacation for us, it's our happy place. As Micah so beautifully put it a few years back, "Disney World is where we bond, where our bond as brothers is strengthened." And this year was no different. As we wandered through the new world of Avatar, my breathe was taken away. I can say we all felt as if we were transported to another world. The beauty and majesty of Pandora was astounding. Walking through it's magical landscape filled with waterfalls, vines, interactive plants and flowers was a moment I can't really explain with words. Then as I walked beneath the floating Hallelujah Mountains above me I was moved to tears. But it was when I entered Flight of Passage I found myself experiencing a moment of pure emotion. I was truly struck by how far our family has come, and how we have landed on our feet after so much struggle. As I took flight on a banshee one word stuck out, "Sivako!" It means "Rise to the challenge" in Na'vi, the language of Pandora. For a sci-fi geek like me, that's something that sticks with me and hits close to home.

What I know, what I can see when I look into the hearts and the eyes of our children is this: we are fighters. We don't give up. We most certainly stumble, we fall and feel completely broken sometimes but we always stand back up. We have faced my breast cancer, Micah's autism and Joshua's TBI as warriors, fighters embracing the unique challenges each have brought into our lives. Psalm 61:2 says, " From the end of the earth I will cry to You; when my heart faints, lead me to the rock that is higher than I." Yes, we have faced many great battles, the struggles that have tried to tear us apart and yet here we are, here we stand...together. Broken at times certainly, but continuously we've mended again and again. Together we have faced the fear, the hardships and together we have risen to the challenge. Together, we have found the Rock that is higher than ourselves, higher than all our fears. We have sivako, risen to the challenge. We have taken that flight of passage together. If we have learned anything as a family it's this, "Being challenged in life is inevitable but being defeated is optional." Looking at this picture, I see strong, mighty and genuinely happy young men. I see a big brother taking care of the little one, looking out for him, walking beside him through his own right of passage, acknowledging his ability to rise to the challenge and passing the torch, giving Micah his moment just before flight. And that's what it's truly all about isn't it...giving them wings to fly?

Behind us are the memories, and before us the challenges still yet to be met. The truth is some unfair things have happened to us as a family and individually that are down right awful. Not everything we hoped for turned out either, or at the least the way we thought things would anyway. But I know God is good, all the time and "If we'll rise up out of those ashes, put on a new attitude, He will not only bring us out but He will bring us out with twice what we had before." And that's the thing about God, nothing is a surprise to Him. He knows what's ahead, or waiting just around the corner. The thing I believe we have come to understand about life is something Cheryl Strayed says beautifully. " Let yourself be gutted. Let it open you. Start there." The strong at heart and of mind rise to the challenge, no matter how unimaginable the feats are. And that's what my family and I have come to understand, we have the ability to rise above whatever is towering over us. Like the flight of passage, we bond, we rise and we soar... together. God knows every challenge, and He knows we may wander, get lost and fumble a bit too but He always gets us where we are supposed to be in the end. I know God sees us, and through His eyes I see my children. I understand them and they me, through different lenses than the world does, but together we see and we get one another. "I see you" in Na'vi is spiritual. It means "I see the love and your feelings and your soul and you mean everything to me." And so yes this is what Life Lesson #166~ I See You is all about, seeing each other with an unconditional love.

Micah I see you. I understand you. I love you. I am so proud of you.. You've spread your wings and taken your flight of passage beautifully, even if a bit bumpy at first. "I wish you strength to face the challenges with confidence along with wisdom to choose your battles carefully. I wish you adventure on your journey, and may you always stop to help someone along the way. Listen to your heart and take risks carefully. Remember how much you are loved." I know we don't always see eye to eye. I know it doesn't always feel like it, being on the spectrum, but I see you Micah, I see you. I love you, I know you and your soul. I love who you are, completely, fully and you mean everything to me love bug. I see you baby... I see you. And I have no doubt when you are ready you will take flight, and not just fly but soar!

"OEL NGATI KAMEIE" ~ I see you.

~ Mom
(Christina)

Life Lesson #165 ~ Fly Sweetheart, Fly

noreply@blogger.com (Christina O.) — Sat, 17 Jun 2017 16:00:00 +0000

"No one in this world can love a girl more than her daddy." ~ Unknown

From the moment I was born I was daddy's little girl. In fact my dad was the first father ever allowed inside a birthing room at the hospital I was born at way back in 1973. It was groundbreaking back then. My dad held me even before my mama did. He was the first safe place I ever knew. Right from the start he cradled me inside his arms and in his heart. The fact that I was a girl, and and his only child only seemed to strengthen our bond through the years. My dad, through everything, he's always been there for me. My dad is a man of God, who's shown me His grace, mercy and unconditional love every day of my life. Psalm 103:13 says, "The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him." My dad, never gave me reason to fear him, he's kind, gentle and loving, and yet he is a man to be respected, a soldier, 82 nd airborne strong and green beret tough. My dad introduced me to Jesus by his own example. I never understood the God everyone feared would knock them over with a lightening bolt. Why? Because the Jesus I knew by my dad's example showed compassion, spoke honestly, directly and loved unconditionally. My dad's life is a living illustration of all these characteristics, then and now in my life. And as life expanded, my dad made room under his wings for my husband and our boys, loving them as he loves me...unconditionally. The bond my dad shares with Joshua and Micah is an incredible force to witness honestly. Just as I know my dad loves me unconditionally, fiercely, completely knowing he's willing to lay his own life down for mine his love has grown just as great and as wide for his grandson's and Johnny. I can tell you today, my boys not only respect their Paw Paw, they love him with all their hearts. He is their hero, an example of true faith and unconditional love in it's purest form. I can also tell you my dad is one of the most humble, selfless and giving men you will ever meet. Everything about him echo's self sacrifice. He loves, gives and thinks of himself last, in everything. When I think of my dad, I am reminded of a quote by the great Billy Graham. "A good father is one of the most unsung, unpraised, unnoticed, and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society."

My dad, he taught me to be absolutely and fully myself. If I was wearing two different colored socks, a mismatched shirt and a skirt, my hair falling out of my pig tails, he'd still tell me how beautiful I was. My dad, spent hours having tea with me, entertaining me and my menagerie of stuffed animals and dolls. He put on goggles, tied a towel around his neck, crawled under and inside my fort made of cushions and blankets and read Wonder Woman comic books to me. My dad, he listened to me sing until I passed out, held my hand, walked with me on top of his shoulders and watched my favorite movie, Dumbo, without sound over and over again beside me as if it was the first time each and every time. It didn't matter how burnt the food was, he ate whatever I made him to the very last crumb, proclaiming it was the best thing he'd ever had. That is my dad, humble, selfless and giving. The reality is because of my dad's belief in me, in spite of my learning disabilities, I grew up understanding I could wear the glass slippers and shatter glass ceilings too. When I look at my dad, I am awe struck. I know I am blessed, and while I know my dad is far from perfect, he was made perfectly to be my dad. Anne Geddes, has it right. When I look at my dad I realize, "Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad."

So as we approach this Father's day, I am reminded of the blessings I have been given in my parents and in the bond I share with my dad, as his daughter and daddy's little girl. At the age of five my dad was deployed to South Korea on what they call a hardship tour, We spent a year apart. I won't lie it was hard, I missed my daddy terribly and I didn't understand why we couldn't go with him. Before he left, my parents and I made our first trip to the Magic Kingdom. It was magical, and I came home with my first stuffed Mickey and a pair of ears with my name embroidered on the back. I still have both. The memory I hold closest though is the ride I took with my dad, inside a flying elephant named Dumbo. I can never forget that day, we soared over top fantasy land together. I could see forever it seemed in those moments. As we flew, I can remember my dad whispering in my ear. It was a quote form Dumbo, going a little something like this." The very things that hold you down are gonna carry you up, up and up Criggy. Fly sweetheart, fly!" And he was right, they have. Diabetes, learning disabilities, cancer, stroke, RA, and everything else in between hasn't ever held me down. No those difficulties have given me wings, and much like Dumbo I haven't just flown, I've soared. Why? Simple, my dad believed in me and just like in the movie I was shown how to fly, to believe in myself and to accept, "what makes you different is also what makes you incredibly special."

This Father's day I just want to say I love you daddy. You're an incredible force behind me, always have and I know you always will be. I know who I am, where I stand and where I'm going because you never stopped believing in me. I know I can fly, and soar in my glass slippers shattering that ceiling above me. "Daddy, in your eyes I've seen God's love; in your words I've heard His wisdom; through your life I've found His grace." And today, the day before Father's day I want you to know I am proud to be yours, to be your little girl. "I love you blue as the sky, as far as the moon, as hot as the sun, as big as a kite, as deep as the ocean, as tall like a tree." Daddy, I want you to know as I close Life Lesson #165 ~ Fly Sweetheart, Fly how grateful I am for the wings you gave me. As Timothy Mouse says, "Just look at 'em. Dumbo. Why, they're poifect wings! The very things that held ya down are gonna carry ya up and up and up!" Thank you daddy, for teaching me to look at my imperfections as perfect wings. Because of you, I have learned not to just fly, but to soar!

"Some people don't believe in heroes but they haven't met my dad." ~ Unknown

Always your little girl,

~ Criggy

Life Lesson #164~ I'm Home

noreply@blogger.com (Christina O.) — Wed, 14 Jun 2017 23:27:00 +0000

"Because when I look at you , I can feel it. And - and I look at you and I...I'm home. Please...I don't want that to go away. I don't want to forget. " Dory, Finding Nemo

I can hardly believe it's been 14 years since we first watched Finding Nemo with our boys. The year was 2003. Joshua was 6 and Micah just 4 years old. Little did we know that just three short years later breast cancer would come for me, wrangling for our family and the life we were creating together. How could we know then that every memory we were making was about to be put to the test, tearing at our fabric, and pulling at the very stitches holding us together? How could we know a barracuda named breast cancer would come seeking to destroy our home, our life together in 2006, possibly leaving our boys without a mother? I wanted nothing more than to see my boys grow up. I mean what an awfully big adventure that was going to be right? I longed to see where life would take our boys even as my hair fell out and as I read them a book called 'Love You Forever' by Robert N. Munsch. And yet, by God's grace here we are some 11 years after that terrible day. When I was diagnosed with the C word it was a crushing blow. The moment that barracuda stuck her head into our little anemone we called home, grabbing at our life with her sharp, terrifying teeth, seeking to tear me apart and away from my family will never be forgotten. How could it be? Fear, uncertainty, loss and death are just a few of the words that come to mind. We all still bare those emotional scars, just as I wear my physical scars. BUT to God's credit, we have done just as Dory says, "When life gets you down, do you know what you've gotta do? Just keep swimming."

I really love this line from Finding Nemo, so heart fully said by Dory. "When I look at you I CAN FEEL IT. I look at you AND I'M HOME..." That one line caught me off guard and honestly by complete surprise the other day. I couldn't hold back my silent tears watching this movie again with my class. I was stunned Dory's words had such a grip on my emotions. Dory's words pleading with Marlin held me tight and in that moment stirred such a deep reaction within me I felt my heart break open. I was struck by the reality of how far my life, our family's life has come since May 2003. Our boys were still babies for one, and second cancer had yet to make her presence known. Looking back now, I am so thankful for those powerful, strong and beautiful memories we made long before breast cancer took her first bite. Those moments before built a strong foundation, a desire to fight back, and not to give up but to keep swimming. And every moment, memory and adventure since has been a resounding victory call. As we did then, we still hold onto God's Word believing our faith is not in vain. When the waters start to churn, tossing us around, when the barracuda seeks to cast her shadow or a well intending shark approaches, shouting "Fish are friends, not food" we have learned to remind ourselves of Romans 8:37. "In all these things we have complete victory through Him who loved us!"

Truly, I'm so very aware during this month of celebrations, from my baby boy finishing high school to my own birthday how exceptionally fortunate I am. I 'm here not only to see our youngest become a man, to see both our boys in college but to celebrate my 44th birthday with my family some 11 years after being told I had triple negative breast cancer. I know I'm truly a blessed woman. I know without a shadow of a doubt I would not be here today, where I am standing right now without both the mercies of God or my beautiful family holding me up. During those days of fear and uncertainty, not knowing if the barracuda would ever let me lose and if I'd live to see this very day the words said by Bambi's mother played over and over again in my heart. "I'm always with you, even if you can't see me. I'm here." And while they are true, no matter what tomorrow brings, or where the current takes our boys my love will always be with them. I can't begin to explain how full my heart is tonight preparing to watch Disney's new fireworks, Happily Ever After over top Cinderella's castle. And yes, I know silent tears will again fall from my eyes, this time tears of joy, not uncertainty. It's been 11 years to the day since we stood together, hand in hand, watching Wishes wondering if we were making our final memories together. And I say again, HERE WE ARE, TOGETHER, hand in hand, beginning the next chapter of our lives, again...together. All I wanted, all I asked my Father for was to see our boys become men, to see them finish high school and here we are 11 years after my diagnosis at Disney World, celebrating a new beginning in life. Cancer came for me, she came for our life but she hasn't won. The barracuda is now far from sight, and yes her scars are always near. I can't lie, cancer's constant reminders are with us, but if we have learned anything in our journey, finding our courage along the way is something Spiritual Inspiration reminds me to do often. "You may be up against a giant today. But don't be focused on how big your giant is; focus on how big your God is!"

If you've followed my blog over the years you know Disney has a special place in my heart and in the hearts of my family. I was raised on Disney, experienced the Magic Kingdom for the first time at the tender age of 5. I was just a year in between the ages of my boys when we first watched Finding Nemo, and a year younger than Micah was when we first saw the barracuda peek her head into our lives. Now a decade later, we are a family of survivors. Breast cancer and her viscous attack on my body failed. Today just as Walt Disney believed, I know, "The most important thing is family." This has been my resounding message over the last 10 years of writing, and it will continue to be my mantra, family is everything. Today's Life Lesson, #164 ~ I'm Home is my proclamation. I'm home, I know it, I can see it and as wide as the ocean is deep I can feel it. When I look at my family I know I'm truly forever and always part of something beautiful and amazing. I'm loved unconditionally....and I'm home. I won't forget, I can't forget... the hardship, the heart ache when the barracuda came. But she left empty handed and instilled a courage and a strength inside of us that can't be rivaled. Today, this 12th day of June 2017 we celebrate being a family, God's triumphs, and you can bet we'll shout from the roof tops how we've survived a barracuda attack, crossed an ocean, and found our way back home TOGETHER.

Boys, my love bugs, my sweet, sweet baby boys...."I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living my baby you'll be." ~ Robert N. Munsch

Wife, Mom, Daughter, Sister, Breast Cancer Survivor...

~Christina

Life Lesson #163 ~ Next To Me

noreply@blogger.com (Christina O.) — Mon, 12 Jun 2017 03:19:00 +0000

"With you, I am home." ~Unknown

When I lay my head down every night, he's next to me. When I wake up every morning, he's still right there beside me. When I roll over, he's never too far. He's always just within arms reach, his hands pulling me closer in toward him. Even when we disagree, he's still there, never far from my side. We may agree to disagree but we never go to sleep mad. Life's way too short for that kind of funny business. It's never just my way or just his way. We're a team and we make decisions together, with each other, for each other. He's the love of my life, my husband, my strong, steady and loving refuge. I call him my Beast and yes while he calls me his Beauty, his goof and his love, he will certainly tell you I'm the only woman who can drive him crazy. The one woman who brings him to his knees and still makes him happy to have all the above in one breath. When I think of Johnny, of our home, our bed and our life together all I can think of is "I have found the one whom my soul loves." Right out of Song of Solomon 3:4.

Johnny makes me happy, but he also loves me enough to be honest with me. He's a man who loves with all his heart, and though I don't always get my way, he would move mountains for me. I am loved, completely and fully. Each decision he makes, he does so not only with his interests in mind, but ours together. I love coming home from work knowing our evenings will be spent cuddled up on the couch, side by side, under the blankets together watching anything from hockey to sci-fi. Being together for more than 21 years, we have grown together, found each other's weaknesses and strengths diving into the deep end of the ocean together. Sure we have had to fight our way back once or twice from the helm of disaster but in those dark times, we found the light of day together, side by side. The reality is in the shadow of our darkest hour we weren't torn apart, instead we were forged sounder and sturdier. In fact we came out the other side even stronger, and more in tune, in love and in step than ever before. Was it easy? No, it was one of the hardest things I think I have ever gone through. But you know what? I wouldn't change it for anything. Why? Well because of those hard, deeply dark times Johnny and I don't take our love, our life or our family for granted. We know the risk and we understand the chances we take. But in everything, in all we do, in every step we take, we take them together. I think the truth of what we have discovered is that "sometimes home isn't four walls, it's two eyes and a heartbeat."

Now I know I can be difficult. I don't always see things the way I should and still he loves me. No matter how old or gray I get Johnny still sees the same silly, goofy, kind, brave and honest girl inside me standing in front of him. Johnny, he just takes it all in, still grinning at me, eyes up to mischief. And why? Because he loves the hot mess I am, even when I'm standing there with my hands on my hips, making crazy faces at him unconditionally. The truth is we may not always agree, but what we have both come to know deep within our hearts is that nothing can separate his love from mine nor mine from his. An honest woman, once said, "I never cared about the material things a man could give me. I cared about his time, attention, honesty, loyalty and effort. Those gifts mean more and more than anything money could buy." No matter how much we have in the bank, which cars we drive, cancer or not, hurdles, obstacles of gigantic proportion or not, we are one. I don't need extravagant gifts, a big house or even a second one. No all I need is the man whom my soul loves. That man is my one true love, my husband and yes my Beast and his name is Johnny. He can be found next to me, every night, and beside me each and every morning. When I am next to him, face to face, laying beside my love, my lover and my best friend I am home. When my lips are close enough to kiss him yet far enough away to appreciate his desire my heart is full and in those moments I'm not only content, more importantly I know I'm safe.

The truth is, "I believe in the kind of love that doesn't demand me to prove my worth and sit in anxiety. I crave a natural connection, where my soul is able to recognize a feeling of home in another. Something free-flowing, something simple. Something that allows me to be me without question..." I absolutely agree fully heartedly with Joey Palermo on this. We have grown as a couple, and we have found we're not that different after all. We bring different pieces of who we are to the table and into our bed of course. Yes we most definitely express ourselves and our love in distinct and independent ways but at the end of the day when the lights go out we lay down, sleeping, side by side in our bed together. And the truth is I'm truly my happiest, my truest self, and to be honest the most content when I'm next to Johnny and he's next to me. It's a wonderful feeling to know that after 21 years, we still embarrass our kids. We're still in love just as much as we were if not more than the day we married beneath the wide open skies of Texas, under a canopy of trees that seemed to rival Nottingham forest on that beautiful late April afternoon. Just as then, we're each other's peanut to our butter, water to our ocean, glaze to our donuts, spring to our steps, twinkle to our eyes, blue to our sky, cherry to our sundaes, flip to our flop, milk to our cookies, sweet to our dreams, beat of our hearts, cheese to our macaroni, best to our friend and the love of each other's lives.

Life Lesson #163 ~ Next To Me is a reminder that love is a gift, a treasure we mustn't take for granted. Breathe in every moment, share a passionate kiss or simply one on the forehead, both are priceless. Don't fear the pruning. Hold on to each other, and the knowledge you are rooted in His mercy and grace. After all, they say "the couples that are meant to be together, go through everything that is meant to tear them apart and come out stronger." Love, like a tree's roots grows deep, like it's trunk bends with the storms, and as with it's leaves, blooms, stretching out wide and tall over time. I am thankful for this kind of love. And I am blessed by God's grace to not only be loved but to love this man. The love of my life..my lover, my friend, my Beast, his name is Johnny and he's the love of my life, the man who holds my heart everyday and shares my bed every night... always part of me, always next to me.

"You. Next to me. That's all I want." ~ Unknown

~Christina

Life Lesson #162 ~ Recalculating

noreply@blogger.com (Christina O.) — Wed, 07 Jun 2017 13:00:00 +0000

"I am learning everyday to allow the space between where I am and where I want to be, to inspire me and not terrify me." ` Mind Set on Greatness

Have you seen the car ad where the guy's life GPS just keeps recalculating? Personally this ad, strikes a cord with me. Maybe it's because my life continually feels like it's constantly changing, adjusting, modifying itself and ultimately recalculating my path. This ad gets it right. Sometimes life takes a sudden, and very dramatically different turn from what we originally had planned. Truthfully my personal internal GPS has driven me all over the map through the years. I set off in life with a plan of my own but not everything lines up as perfectly as we want it to. "Life is funny isn't it? Just when you think you've got it all figured out , just when you finally begin to plan something, get excited about it and feel like you know the direction you're heading in, the paths change, the signs change, the wind blows the other way, North is suddenly South and East is West and you're lost." Seriously, that's how it goes isn't it? Life' s taken me a lot of places. Many of them amazing, from the castles of Europe to the mountains of West Virginia. I grew up an only child, and have had two children of my own. I'm a public school teacher, a writer and a breast cancer survivor. I'm a daughter, a wife, a mom and one day, though hopefully not too soon, I'll be a Granny too. For the most part I've stayed pretty much on the road less traveled. I like it that way, but on occasion I seriously have to ask myself where the heck am I now and why? When I think of my life, snark e cards comes to mind. "If my life was hooked up to GPS you would constantly hear, Recalculating." Maybe it's just my life but I suspect it's how all our lives work. Turn left, turn right, follow the white rabbit or make a U-turn in 3-2-1... followed by you guessed it, another U-turn. Personally I know Jesus is my personal GPS. So if there's no exit sign, and He says exit I know there's something there for me. Of course that is if I can simply trust Him. No matter how many crazy turns, or sudden direction changes happen along the way, He's leading me in the right direction.

If I spent my time arguing and yelling at my GPS about where I'm going most of the time, I might really miss something important. Seriously, we all know how frustrating GPS can be at times. I mean, why is GPS pointing me towards a dead end? Unless of course I'm simply not aware of the train station waiting on me at the end of that so called dead end street. See what I often don't account for is God's master plan. I forget to remind myself , "You need to keep moving on, darling, or you'll miss the train to bigger things in life than this." I certainly wasn't looking for a lane change from single to married and I certainly wasn't looking for love when I met Johnny. Lord knows I was no where near take a left and say I do but God knew better. So my GPS recalculated taking my journey down a completely different path. As our children were born life changed yet again. Then after years of planning, and saving we bought our first and only house. Our plans were as wide as the sky and as deep as the ocean. Breast cancer definitely wasn't one of them and chemo was not in our grand plans I can assure you. But while that combo along with an MRM were nowhere in our sights or on our radar, six months after signing closing papers, life recalculated again. And it continued to recalculate as the years went by. Everything from job loss, a child on the spectrum, another with a TBI, going back to work full time, the loss of Johnny's mom, going from one to three dogs and now sending our boys off to college you can be sure our GPS has not only recalculated but been recalibrated often. Life simply in a rather complicated process continues to recalculate over and over again. If I have learned anything about life, God's plans, my own plans and where life actually takes you is something Marc Andangel so eloquently speaks of himself. "Use your struggles and frustrations today to motivate you rather than annoy you. You are in control of the way you look at life. Be mindful." And that's the thing, we can't always control where life takes us, what happens around us or even to us but we can control how we respond and react to each and every one of those unexpected GPS turns.

What I have come to fully and completely understand is that life is most definitely like a box of chocolates, just as Forest Gump tells us sitting at that bus stop. Not one of us has the ability to choose our starting point or set our own GPS when we first start out on this road we call life. Along the way we learn quickly life will recalculate and relocate us as we choose certain paths or as change takes over the driver's seat more often than not. Life may start off shaky or it may wind up somewhere down a dark, creaky, poorly lit not to mention badly maintained rickety road or bridge in the middle of nowhere. Either way, we all experience loss, pain and suffering at the hands of grief, fear and chaos. Life is not easy, and anyone trying to sell you that line probably has a bridge to sell you too. I love this quote from The Perks of Being a Wallflower. It explains things brilliantly. "I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But if we don't have the power to choose where we come from we can still choose where we go from there."

Today I can confidently tell you my hands are firmly on the steering wheel. I've set a course I've chosen for my life and I'm extremely excited to see where it takes me. At 43 years old I still have a lot of living to do, sights to see and experiences to experience. I'd be lying to you if I didn't say I'm nervous and excited at the same time. Life, well it's quite an adventure, and one that seems to be recalculating with each mile we pass along the way. But this is the thing, I fully understand who's already programed my GPS. I know how that sounds, relinquish control, are you serious? I get it but I know when I surrender myself to the One holding the master key, with access to a complete atlas, my life will recalculate correctly, sending me in the right direction. Proverbs 19:21 is a perfect example," We humans keep brainstorming options and plans, but God’s purpose prevails." And that's so true. We plan, we yell, beat the steering wheel, scream at the passing cars beside us, take a right hand turn instead of the left one our GPS was so clear about in the first place. Then oddly enough we wonder why life is completely off course and our GPS is spending so much time recalculating a new route. So take Life Lesson #162 ~ Recalculating as what it is, a friendly reminder to stop and smell the roses. Life is going to turn you around, get off course and take more wrong turns than you can count and yes those new calculations will probably confuse you. When that happens, just pull over, take a deep breath and let your internal GPS do the recalculating. You'll be fine, I promise.

"In the end, she became more than what she expected. She became the journey. and like all journeys she did not end, she just simply changed directions and kept going." ~ R.M. Drake

~Christina

Life Lesson #161 ~Growing Up Wonder Woman

noreply@blogger.com (Christina O.) — Mon, 05 Jun 2017 08:10:00 +0000

"I didn't always know what I wanted to do but I knew the kind of woman I wanted to be." ~ Diane Von Furstenberg

Ever heard the saying we all have a little Wonder Woman inside us? I have, and my daddy was the one who repeatedly affirmed this to me every day of my life growing up. My dad was a believer in who I was then and the woman I would become later. He taught me long before it was cool to rise up and be a woman of character and strength. The saying, " She needed a hero so that's what she became" was ingrained into my fabric long before it made the social media rounds. My dad has always been my greatest fan, and while I loved my Barbie dolls right long side my comic books my dad made sure I understood being a strong woman was far more important than ever looking like a Barbie doll. And truthfully my Barbie's stepped in as Superhero substitutions more often than not. I was and will forever be a Wonder Woman kind of girl. I know I'm not Wonder Woman, but I could just throw it out that that no one has ever actually seen me and Wonder Woman in the same room together now have you?

So all silliness aside, I have to admit I was beyond excited finding out my parents were treating my family and I to a movie this past weekend. Any guess which movie it was? And nope the first one doesn't count. Truthfully anyone who has talked to me or followed me for that matter over the last year pretty much knows I've been excited about this particular movie. OK yes, I am talking about Wonder Woman. I mean how did you guess? And no I can't lie, I have no shame... I was actually wearing my Wonder Woman under-roos beneath my regular clothes. No it's not secret I have and will always be a Wonder Woman kind of girl. If you've followed my blog then you've heard my references to comic book nerd status, without shame I might add. Maybe you've even noticed my profile picture wearing the Wonder Woman Chuck Taylor's my boys gave me for Mother's day two years ago. It's even possible you've read my many posts regarding my favorite D.C. super hero, Wonder Woman through the years going as far back as 2007. What can I say, I have loved the world of comic books and Diana Prince since I can remember. My dad first introduced me to sci-fi, Star Wars and yes comic books, most notably, Wonder Woman before I could read. Long before I ever saw Lynda Carter twirl her cape around in circles as Wonder Woman my dad was reading Wonder Woman comic books to me. I know I've told this story many times, but till this day my parents can't resist a chance to recount my Wonder Woman leap tale. Yes, I'm speaking about the 'Christie flying through the air, after jumping from the dresser, across the bed with a towel tied around her neck, yelling Wonder Woman' story. As you might be able to tell imagination has never been a problem for me or been a trait I've ever lacked talent in. My parents, with their humorously shocked faces were proof of that as I flew over the tops of their heads that morning. I'm simply the kind of girl who has never believed she needed saving.

As a little girl I wanted to be strong, smart, beautiful and most definitely a force of nature, a woman to be reckoned with. To be honest, much like Wonder Woman herself. I was taught I could be anything. I was shown unconditional love and given the freedom and tools to explore my own dreams. I was encouraged to be completely myself, nerd, geek, super hero, to become a strong woman, soft, powerful, humble, kind and unconventional. From the time I was a little girl I knew I was capable of standing up for myself and for others. So when breast cancer washed up on my shores, I knew what I had to do...pull my hair back (what was left of it anyway) and fight like the girl I was. I simply remembered and repeated something Wonder Woman would say. "Hang on (Cancer). I don't want to wreck my hair when I wreck your face." Then I looked straight into the eyes of that two-headed monster, Breast Cancer and Chemo and went to war. I fought her with the strength of my faith, my God and my family. I applied all the training I was given as child, and took it into battle reminding myself of the biggest truth I knew. "You, Father, have chosen me and called me for great things. So I will choose to say yes to your way, your will and your plans." (TrueBeautyMinisties.com) See I may have doubted myself, but I never doubted the resounding truth in my heart...I was, I am and will always be a child of the King of Kings. I'm a woman walking in His grace. A woman who's been taught how to face the world, to stand up for herself and others, to never play victim and to always stand and deal with her problems with her head held high.

So why Wonder Woman you ask? Well that's simple, she's strong, feels deeply, loves fiercely and while she's soft, she's still powerful and as tough as nails. As a woman she knows who she is, even if she didn't fully understand herself in the beginning. She came to understand by trial and error who she really was and what her path was, and she accepted that. Every time my dad read me another one of Diana Prince's adventures, I knew there was a little bit of Wonder Woman inside me too. There's a scene in the new Wonder Woman movie where Diana takes her first real stand, charging into no man's land. She leads the way, across the battlefield, not worrying who or if anyone will follow her. She simply takes up her sword and shield, exposing her true armor and the real warrior she is, adjusts her tiara and confidently goes to battle. In these moments, she inspires others, not because she was trying, but simply because she was leading by example. I was struck during that scene by the true strength of a woman and reminded of a great quote by W.E.B. Dubois. "There is no force equal to a woman determined to rise." This particular scene brought me back to my very own battle with breast cancer, and how the Wonder Woman in me rose up then. I never thought I'd face a monster such as breast cancer, but I did. The reality of who I am today is directly influenced by the battlefield I faced crossing my own no man's land. I learned a life lesson on that war torn battlefield, one I still carry with me today. "You can break down a woman temporarily, but a real woman will always pick up the pieces, rebuild herself, and come back stronger than ever." And that's what going toe to toe with breast cancer and all her monstrous consorts did for me...made me stronger, bolder and braver than I had ever dreamed I could be before.

So today, I humbly bring you Life Lesson #161~ Growing Up Wonder Woman simply to encourage all you little girls who've grown up to become women who believe the Wonder Woman inside them is real. Have courage, and faith in who you are, and who you can yet be. I'm truly blessed to have been brought up in the way such as I was. With a dad who not only read Wonder Woman to me, but inspired me to believe in myself and to be myself. Every day after reading another great adventure of Wonder Woman AKA Diana Prince I was also reminded of Proverbs 31:25, "She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future." And because of those powerful words, I knew the kind of woman I wanted to be... strong, courageous and true to myself. I wasn't afraid of the woman I would grow up to be one day because I knew who I was inside and out. I can tell you since becoming a woman, a wife, a mother and a breast cancer survivor I've found there is strength even in my failures. Each loss has been a lesson, teaching me, showing me how His grace is enough. And the scars cancer left behind across my chest well they simply serve as beautiful reminders of that same amazing grace. The reality of my life today is I'm free to be me, strong and on a path God alone has set before me. I'm thankful beyond words I found out who I was inside at an early age. Today, knowing myself fully even as an adult I can most certainly wear my Wonder Woman under-roos confidently in spite of the peanut gallery.

At the end of the day the truth is quite simple, because of dad's love for comic books, he not only passed that love to me, I've passed the same love on to my boys. Now as I close this post all I can tell you is this: I will face whatever washes up on my shores. Why, because I've learned it's not my own strength, but the might, the backbone and the resilience of those who've always believed in me and who stand behind and to each side of me everyday that strengthens me. My family may wonder about me sometimes, and sure I may wonder where I've left my keys or my glasses from time, to time but I'll never doubt there's a little Wonder Woman inside me, and neither should you.

"Here's to strong women. May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them." ~ Unknown

~Christina

Life Lesson #160 ~You Can't Rewrite Your Past

noreply@blogger.com (Christina O.) — Sat, 03 Jun 2017 01:22:00 +0000

"I can't. You can't rewrite the past." ~ Jay Asher

How many times do things go wrong in life? Our plans get caught up in mayhem or simply fall off course and into a stinkin', rotten, nasty, unpleasant, gigantic pot hole in the middle of the road. Sadly a lot of the time we can't avoid the road hazards. They just come with the territory. Goodness gracious I know I've found myself more than once taking the detour. Life just has this way of altering , faltering and revising any and all of our perfectly laid out plans. For whatever reason, life seems to have a mind of it's own right? The same can be said of our past. Our lives are all different, each one of us has a distinct, separate story to tell and like those unaccounted for detours, we tend to stay stuck in the same chapter, and often on the same page over and over again. We get caught in a warped time loop, becoming prisoners of our own poor, sad, story-telling. The reality is while you can't change or rewrite your past, you have the ability and the power to decide this isn't how your story will end. What is it that we don't have or that we feel we so badly need we're willing to rip out the pages of our life apart to obtain? Personally, when I look back, flipping through the pages of my past, I've realized, "the greatest challenge of my life has been discovering who I am. The second greatest has been being happy with what I've found."

If we're not careful fear, emotional pain and panic combined are more than likely than not to play a very large, dark part in how we view our past. Maybe it's because we feel we were slighted, bruised, snubbed, unnoticed or deserving of more than we got from life. Maybe we've come to believe in spite of all we really do have that life is still simply unfair, unequal, biased and one- sided. We want more, therefore we deserve more. I've watched it happen more than once as people have desperately tried to re-write their past, to alter their history. Folks so discontent and dissatisfied with the pages of previous chapters, and full of unrealistic fantasies and expectations they've collectively destroyed, damaged and sabotaged any hope of a promising future. Sadly as I've observed insecurity and anxiety take over the writers pen, I've witnessed envy and bitterness kill more than one story. Brene Brown, couldn't be clearer about this. "Owning our story and loving ourselves through the process is the bravest thing that we'll ever do."

Unfortunately when we allow ourselves to dwell on destructive ideas that focus on emotions and feelings rather than our reality we end up with a corrupted, misleading and misguided past. A story that continues to remind us of how we've been left out, forgotten, erased, omitted, excluded and passed over. Thinking this way, is a pretext for an unfounded view of our circumstances and those who actually love us . Instead we become angry, resentful, spiteful, vengeful and un-thankful writers in our own story. This is the thing, as hard as it is to swallow, Tony Gaskins thoughts on our past are truthful. "If you can't do anything about it, then let it go. Don't be a prisoner to things you can't change." Just because we don't like how our past unfolded, how life started out or developed doesn't mean God can't re-write our story. Now understand me, I'm not talking about changing or rewriting your history. I'm referring to how your life plays out from this point on. What we all need to understand, especially when it comes to our live's is this. "The moment in between what you were, and who you are becoming is where the dance of life really takes place." (Barbara De Angelis) So I wonder who do you really want to be? An overcast shadow of your past, a copy of someone's life you wish had been yours over run by hurt, senseless guilt, filled with self inflicted misery and a victim of you're own making? Or do you want to be free, to be yourself, an original knowing your past is simply that, the past? Umar Ibn Al-Khattab speaks a truth many of us seem to forget, a little too often. "No amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of worrying can change the future. Agree or disagree with the author, there is truth in his words.

What I know about myself is this: My story is my own. I am not you nor are you me. My past, my present and my future are all uniquely my own. The pages of my life are filled with tragedies, hurts, slights, scars and rejections. But those are only pieces of my past, definitely not all of my story. The rest of my life, all of the pages written from the moment my life and my story first began have also been filled with unconditional love. Those two words, well they have been the driving force behind who I was, who I am and who I will become by my stories end. I don't know what my story holds just like I don't know what the pages of your past say about you, or the story they tell. All I know is no one can rewrite their past, not even if you make a wish upon a star. No, the pages that come after what's already been written are blank for a reason. And while those pages are yet unwritten, they're also full of promise and possibility. Tomorrow's chapters are blank intentionally and if you can let go long enough God will begin writing something pretty amazing for your life. Marie Kondo, is so on point when she says, "When we really delve into the reasons for why we can't let something go, there are only two: An attachment to the past or a fear for the future." This is the absolute truth, and the reason why so many of us throughout our lives lose opportunities for real happiness, contentment and closure.

Isaiah 43:18-19, encourages us. "Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new." And this is what Life Lesson #160 ~ You Can't Rewrite Your Past is all about. God has something new, something wonderful and something pretty tremendous waiting on us in the next chapter. I don't want be so hung up on yesterday that I miss tomorrow. As emotional beings, we just get too focused on what we don't have yet, or on what we feel we weren't given or should have had all along we end up missing the moment our new chapter begins. The dance eludes us because we're too busy looking back on the past, instead of looking at the partner we're dancing with today. Unfortunately, when this happens we become too deeply engaged in tying to rewrite the pages of our past to suit our present that we miss the pages unfolding in the here and now. Sadly in those moments we fail to look ahead toward the bigger picture God's passionately working on. And all because we can't let go of our past or give God control of our circumstances, trusting Him to write those yet unknown, upcoming chapters for us. Bottom line is we can't undo what's been done, or change how things unfolded. We can however look at our past through His eyes, understanding it, learning from it and moving on to the next chapter in spite of it. Just never forget, the more you fear life, opportunity, change and possibility the more reasons you will have to dread them. The more you love life and those given to you, the more you find a way to see all the beauty life offers, even while sitting in the potholes of life. Just remember, none of us can rewrite the past, but God sure can fill in the blank pages ahead of us!

"It doesn't matter what's been written in your story so far, it's how you fill up the rest of the pages that counts." ` Unknown

~ Christina

Life Lesson #159 ~ You Are Enough!

noreply@blogger.com (Christina O.) — Wed, 31 May 2017 03:45:00 +0000

"Do not tame the wolf inside you just because you've met someone who doesn't have the courage to handle you." ~ Bella Estreller

When you look into the mirror what do you see? Are you hard on yourself, pushing yourself to be better, to do more, to be enough? Do you think you should be skinnier, fuller, do you want straight hair, curly hair, a smaller nose, bigger eyes or maybe you simply wish you were taller or even shorter? Being honest, that's probably most of us. We all feel we're lacking, invisible or too visible at some point in our lives. Some of us choose to fight our battles privately, while others do so publicly. Many of us feel we can hide our insecurities, while others wear them on their sleeves. My question today is , do you know you're enough? I'm not talking about being conceited, of thinking you're the cat's meow, talking bad about others when they have no way of defending themselves or making someone else look bad in order to feel good about yourself. No, that's another form of insecurity. Believe me it's loud, obnoxious and it's a powerful tool too. This kind of instability and insecurity is brought to life by a particular kind of person and believe me the enemy uses them in our lives to beat us down, and keep us off track. I'm telling you from personal experience , I know how off track I can get when I feel insignificant. So yes, this is exactly what I want to talk about today. Joshua 1:9 tells us, "Be strong and have strength of heart! Do not be afraid or lose faith. For the Lord your God is with you anywhere you go.” So if I believe His word is true and I do then He is with us and in us right? So then how can we be worthless? How can you not have value or not be pretty enough, smart enough or brave enough? Your talents, creativity and interests are unique to you. Each gift, each talent is God given, and within those abilities is potential. Who cares if your enthusiasm is not something someone else finds fascinating or intriguing. Their opinion of you has no influence on your worth. The only power anyone has over you is the very same power you freely give them. I can tell you from my own past, especially over the last 3 years, no one can take away your value or worth but you. No one can dictate or take your merit and importance without your consent. If I have learned anything it's as women and men, believers in Christ or not, we have to "be bold enough to use our voice, brave enough to listen to our hearts, and strong enough to live the life we've always imagined."

Repeat after me," I am extraordinary, I am strong. I am confident, valuable, talented, blessed, fearless, determined, beautiful, loved, and I am victorious!" The reality is you are all those things and more. There is nothing about you that is unworthy of love and acceptance. The problem we tend to run into, especially as women, is that we compare ourselves too much. We give other women power over us, instead of looking to our Creator to define us, to be our champion and to inspire and fortify our purpose. Those of us that don't see ourselves as enough VS those who see themselves as more than what they really are, are always at odds. That's why it's so important to be selective with who you allow into your inner circle. Not everyone is good for you, and because of that it's OK to graciously decline any and all invitations you receive leading to drama and self-doubt. This is what's so important to understand, your self worth and confidence are not up for grabs. Anyone attempting to bring you down has no argument in your place, or your standing and definitely no dog in your race. Remember those who seek to shape you into who they want you to be aren't looking to better you, but to lessen you, to feel they control and manipulate you for their benefit. Don't ever forget "those that try to destroy your happiness do so out of jealously." Pay close attention, they know and realize you are enough, they see your potential but in order to to raise themselves up, they have to deconstruct what's good inside of you. My mama has often reminded me through the years, and the last three years are no exception: "People who repeatedly attack your confidence and self-esteem are quite aware of your potential. even if you are not." And don't you dare forget they do all this at your expense by the way. Ignore them, listen to your heart and lift your head. In your Father's eyes you are precious, priceless and absolutely enough.

Listen to me sweet girl, "The face you see in the mirror? SHE'S PRECIOUS to the King of Kings, so don't you dare underestimate the plans that He has for her, because they are great." Getting to the place where you can accept you are enough, isn't easy. It's an uphill battle mostly. It isn't so much finding our security in who we are but holding on to it. When you doubt you are enough, you begin to lose sight of who you are. I love how Britteny Moses explains this. "Your calling is meant for you, not everyone else. Everybody may not get it, and that's okay. It's not for them. They weren't designed for this. You were. God didn't place it in their heart, Ge placed it in yours. If we left the plans and purpose of our life in the hands of people, our entire life would be conformed to what people want to see instead of who God made us to be, and that's just no way to live." So how do you want to live? Defeated, downtrodden, manipulated by those who talk behind your back, attempting to discredit your character? Or do you want to walk victorious, secure in who you have been created to be?

So what are we to do then? How do we respond to those who attack us, throwing stones and trying to start fires? Well personally I have begun to simply walk away. You are enough, and I am enough. I think of my worth and the changes that have taken place in my life hurdling me forward in this way. "One morning she woke up different. Done with trying to figure out who was with her, against her, or walking down the middle because they didn't have the guts to pick a side. She was done with anything that didn't bring her peace. She realized that opinions were a dime a dozen, validation was for parking, and loyalty wasn't a word but a lifestyle. It was this day that her life changed. And not because of a man, or a job, but because she realized that life is way too short to leave the key to her happiness in someone else's pocket." Now as for my own self worth, I have found myself fully in Christ. Since my journey began over 3 years ago I have turned over my fears, and though it's still a day to day uphill battle, I know when push comes to shove I am His creation and my worth is not up for grabs to anyone. And especially not to the lowest bidder that's for sure. Truly I can only speak for myself, but I want to encourage all of you who feel less than enough to stand up tall, take heart, and embrace His courage within you. To those who disregard my value and overlook my worth I repeat Lupytha Hermin's words , "You only know a part of me, I am a universe full of secrets." Need more, well Jessica Katoff can help me out here too, "I am made up of depths the ocean couldn't fathom."

Today as I publish my last post for the month of May, Life Lesson #159 ~ You Are Enough, I encourage you to be yourself. There is no one else like you. Remember this, as so perfectly said by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, "If you are not free to be who you are, you are not free." So be as imperfectly perfect as you were created, yes be that. Darling girl simply be free to be yourself... be creative, independent, persistent and curious living the amazingly full life that God has given you because you my beautiful girl are enough!

"She remembered who she was and the game changed." ~ Unknown

~Christina

Life Lesson #158 ~ Lifting the Darkness

noreply@blogger.com (Christina O.) — Sun, 28 May 2017 01:56:00 +0000

"And at last I see the light, and it's like the fog has lifted." ~ Tangled

As children we're afraid of the dark, at least I was anyway. Growing up an only child I didn't share a room with anyone. It was just me, and the quiet of my room filled with toys, stuffed animals and dolls surrounding me. As you can imagine, my imagination sometimes got the better of me. After I brushed my teeth, put on my Strawberry Shortcake night gown or dare I say Wonder Woman underroos I'd grab my favorite stuffed animals and dolls and climb into bed ready for goodnight kisses and prayers. Before my mama and daddy could leave, they'd check and recheck under my bed, above my canopy and inside the closet for all those mysterious monsters I was convinced were ready to pounce once the lights went off. OK so full disclosure, till this day I can't sleep without the bathroom and closet doors in our bedroom closed. I know, silly right? I absolutely understand that nothing is going to jump out from behind those doors, and yet I can't quite fall asleep until both doors have been shut. I guess it's just a hold over from my wild and sometimes untamed childhood imagination. Plato said once, "We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light."` As a child my parents understood my fears of the dark and never made me feel undeserving. As a I became a young woman, I embraced the light and my fears of the dark faded as I learned to face the darkness without alarm.

I think as children, we just found the dark overwhelming. Once the lights were turned out we were ready to hide under the covers, peeking around just enough to catch a glimpse of the monsters under the bed as they materialize. We knew they were there, or at least our imagination did that's for sure. So much so we'd convince ourselves we needed a night light on, maybe even two. It's much the same for us in life, especially as we face times of spiritual darkness, facing difficulties and complications. Pitfalls are everywhere it seems when you're fumbling around in the dark. Obstacles come one after another and stumbling blocks are a dime a dozen as we become adults. Once the light has been doused, our hopes become obscure and our dreams begin to fade into nightmares. As we get older our night light grows smaller. Our lives begin to take on more stress, strain, anxiety and ultimately the weight of the world. Suddenly the real faces of those monsters under our beds are revealed in the wake of our uneasiness and angst. Much as Meredith Gray explains on Gray's Anatomy, we begin to understand, "When you're little, night time is scary because there are monsters hiding right under the bed. When you get older, the monsters under the bed are different - self doubt, loneliness, regret - and though you may be older and wiser, you still find yourself scared of the dark."

The dark can be pretty scary if not an exceptionally intimidating place. Waiting for the dawn to break can be almost unbearable. Sleeping exposed under a dark, starless sky can be down right frightening, hair-raising and eerie. Those monsters under our childhood beds have surfaced and with no shame about showing their faces either. I will admit it's absolutely eerie and spine-chilling. The hope I have, especially as a believer in Christ, is this: "Even the darkest night will end and the Son will rise." I may have to face the shadows and every scary, dark monster hiding under my bed but I will never have to go toe to toe with a single one alone. I may certainly not like the idea of sleeping in the dark but I know without a doubt the darkness will lift. I am confident in the One who walks with me. The One who died and rose again, faced the monsters of the night and on the third day tore through that same darkness, piercing it by His blinding light. What I have come to realize about the dark is it's not there to break me, but to strengthen and ultimately enlighten me. See,"when you find yourself cocooned in isolation and cannot find your way out of the darkness, remember that this is similar to the place where caterpillars go to grow their wings."

Personally my life has been a constant struggle. My wings have absolutely grown under the cover of darkness. I've most definitely lived through the night, hiding from monsters more times than I'd like to count. I've spent the night more often than not with nothing more than a pocket size flashlight running around my room, up and over and across my bed in an attempt to get away from those monsters taking residence under my bed. In those moments when I'm simply dog-tired I call out to Jesus. He's my light in the darkness and it is He who not chases the monsters away but banishes them too. When I'm at the point I'm most fearful I find my heart at peace, raising my voice in praise singing out, "Lord, enlighten what's dark in me. Strengthen what's weak in me. Mend what's broken in me. Bind what's bruised in me and lastly revive whatever peace and love has died in me." The truth is I've fought a good many battles under the cover of darkness. Some have been physical and others have been emotionally charged with pain. I've fought off the fear of death, felt the searing agony of rejection, grappled with the ghost pains left behind in the absence of a breast. I've walked into rooms completely devoid of light and slept under the darkest skies. Fear has crept up behind me, scratched at my back while demons danced all around me rushing out from unseen doors. The reality is we all live in a world lacking light, full of evil, manipulators, wrong doers, and wolves in sheep's clothing. We could hide and cover our eyes and fear the darkness and truthfully we have every reason to be angry, resentful and afraid about it. The battles going on all around our lives, spiritually, emotionally and physically can be downright exhausting but then again maybe if we embrace the darkness the light will shine brighter inside of us. Al Carraway clearly gets this, and reminds us in his own words why we no longer have to fear the monsters hiding under the bed. "Maybe that's what I love most about the gospel, not that it prevents us from the blows of life but that we can feel an incredible amount of peace and love in every dark moment."

I hope you, my friends and family know I'm writing today's post not just to share my faith and my heart with you but also to remind myself the darkness will indeed vanish. Life Lesson #158 ~ Lifting the Darkness simply reminds each of us, "The broken will always be able to love harder than most. Once you've been in the dark, you learn to appreciate everything that shines." And that is the truth. Deep down in my heart I know I am secure and confident in my faith. Do I question why I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere in the dark sometimes? You bet I do. There are times I can even be heard yelling and screaming out to God, frustrated in my circumstances. I'm not perfect and I've never claimed to be. Neither am I always patient, that's for sure. I can be irrational and agitated, and quite frankly annoyed with where I am at times. But what I love about this personal relationship with God is that I can talk to Him just as I do with those I'm closest with. We may not always agree but just like my best friends, my husband and my parents usually know me better than I know myself so does God. And what's so comforting about the relationship I have with my Father is He's always patient with me regardless of my attitude or if I'm a little too scared of the dark. John 1:5 so clearly encourages us, "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it." So today, be encouraged, especially if you're feeling you're facing the dark and all those terrible, miserable monsters under the bed alone. Take heart, you aren't I promise you.

"Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise." ~ Les Miseralables

~Christina

Life Lesson #157 ~ Daughters of the King

noreply@blogger.com (Christina O.) — Thu, 25 May 2017 11:24:00 +0000

"A Daughter of the King is known not by the crown she wears. but by the message she bears." ~ Daughters of the King ebook

As a child did you ever dream of being royalty? I know I did. Yes, this comic book loving, Sci-Fi watching little girl daydreamed of being a princess. Pictures of Snow White and Sleeping Beauty come to mind. I mean who wouldn't want to talk to animals and sing all day? I sure did, but more than anything I wanted to wield a sword, carry a shield and fight with the rebels. I twirled around in my cape made from a bath towel and carried a light saber made of a cardboard wrapping paper roll. My idea of royalty was more of a warrior than a dainty helpless damsel. I wanted to be like my favorite Amazon fighting Princess, Wonder Woman right out of my comic books or even Princess Leia from a galaxy far far away fighting against an evil Empire. Looking back now, I know I'm a warrior by birth. Even at my weakest, I've been a fighter from the start . Sure as a child I may have been fighting imaginary foes, but those battles fought inside my daydreams had a purpose. You see they were there to prepare me for what was to come, to train me for the real battles I'd face one day.

The God of Heaven knew I would face illness beyond description, and that I'd have my heart broken and shattered. Still He chose me, called me and embraced me as His own. He placed a crown upon my head and a sword and shield in my hands. He breathed purpose into my life, carved mercy and grace upon my heart and gave me the spirit of a warrior. His love turned my life around, picking me up, dusting me off and encouraging me each and every time I've fallen. I call Him Father, my daddy and He calls me by name, His daughter, a child of Heaven and Earth, commanding His angels with my protection. His Spirit lives within me, pushing me forward, encouraging me never to give up. As I've spoken of recently, there's a spiritual battle going on all around us, on all fronts. No mater how strong we are or how prepared we think we may be at some point we're going to be tested and the enemy is going to surprise us. When those times beckon, that's when knowing Whose you are is so important. So when I'm trapped in the middle of a battle, fallen and afraid, I know Whose crown I wear, Whose shield I hold and Whose sword I carry with me onto the battle field. My Father comes to me, a King carrying me back in His arms to the safety of His camp. It is in these moments He speaks to my heart, reminding me through the words of Lisa Jo Baker, "There is nothing ordinary about you. You are a Daughter of the King and your story is significant."

Certainly the world can remind me of each and every failure. Scoffers can throw stones, hurdle words of hurt and try to inflict pain upon my heart/ But you see what they do not understand is my heart, my soul and my spirit have been forged by the fire, carved from grace and set in the mercy of Jesus Christ. What is done is done, my past is my past. I have not only been forgiven but by His grace I also forgive those who have injured and wounded me. You see as Elaine S. Daltons reminds us, "I understand who I am and whose I am." I may not be Wonder Woman or Princess Leia in real life but I am a warrior, redeemed, forgiven, fearfully and wonderfully made, a Daughter of the King of Kings and the God of Heaven and Earth. No matter what has or will come my way the weight of the world can't change the truth that I have been claimed, adopted and called His. Be it pain, suffering, emotional loss, physical scars, joy, hope and yes happiness all these things have shaped me, built me, and made me into the warrior princess that I am today. I am not a picture perfect princess. I go barefoot more often than I wear shoes. I go without makeup and usually have my hair tied up in messy ponytail, and yes with a crooked tiara on top of my head most days. I can sure get mad, snort when I laugh and trip over my own feet. I am not over confident though, instead I'm a very real, authentic and flawed, daughter of the King. My identity isn't found in who the world says I am, should be or the opinions of those who would throw me into the lions den. No my identity is found solely in the absolute mercies of Jesus Christ.

Psalms 91:14-15 tells me this, “If you’ll hold on to me for dear life,” says God, “I’ll get you out of any trouble. I’ll give you the best of care if you’ll only get to know and trust me. Call me and I’ll answer, be at your side in bad times;" And the truth is He has kept His word. The real story inside Life Lesson #157 ~ Daughters of the King is in knowing this simple truth, "You are strong and beautiful. You are a woman trained by the King to be a warrior, to face the very battle in front of you. You will not fail for He is with you." (April Williams) I can tell you without hesitating His name is great, and so is His spirit inside of you. I'm forever grateful that I heard His voice inside my heart calling out to me, "Little girl, arise and take my name." It was at that moment I realized the God of Heaven not only knew my name, but called me His, and in His eyes my life was meaningful. I knew then I was not only a child of God, but in fact a Daughter of the Highest King. He not only claimed me, He knew me before I was formed, before my heart began to beat under my mother's and He placed me in this world for a purpose. This is my truth, a truth which covers me from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. And I tell you with all I am, "God's truth has prevailed in my life. I am not important because of what I've done, but because of what's been done for me. My worth is not based on my fame, but my Father's name. I am a daughter of the Most High, whose worth is defined by a sacrifice that was made by Jesus. That is who I am." (FlourishigToday.com) So today, I say to you, arise little girl~ What do you have to fear? Don't you know you're anointed and blessed? Let Isaiah 14:27 ring in your ears, "All the forces of darkness cannot stop what God has ordained." Then take this to heart beautiful girl... I know, "inside you may be a weak heart but behind it is a strong God." (curiano.com) So go on, take up your sword, hold tightly to your shield, you're a warrior, a daughter of the King, and His name is written upon your heart.

"I am a daughter of royal birth. My Father is King of Heaven and Earth; My spirit was born in the courts on high; A child beloved, a princess am I." ` Anna Johnson

~Christina

Life Lesson #156 ~ Downhearted and Discouraged

noreply@blogger.com (Christina O.) — Mon, 22 May 2017 03:36:00 +0000

"What you're going through does not go unnoticed. God sees every injustice. He's got you in the palm of His hand." ~ Unknown

Life can be unfair, can't it? One day every thing's right as rain and the next somehow you've bitten off more than you can chew. It may be through no fault of your own or it could be you put yourself smack dab in the middle of that particular rodeo. Either way, the storm's coming and there's not a whole lot you can do about it either. Many times you're just an innocent bystander in all the ruckus. Just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sadly you may just simply be an escape goat or punching bag for someone else's failures. Maybe it's because you had a different opinion or just simply didn't have one. Possibly you decided on reinforcing your emotional fences and in the process they were trampled and smashed. The reality is when we start building healthy boundaries, that's when the storms roll in and the stampede rushes our spiritual and emotional perimeters. Those folks, they come to test us and like a wolf, to blow our newly carved out and constructed boundaries down. The thing you have to remember when you're being attacked on all sides is found in a wonderful quote by Lydia H. Hall, "Healthy boundaries are not walls. They are gates and fences that allow you to enjoy the beauty of your own garden."

We all know those days, the kind when you're caught by surprise, unprepared and realize you just might end up with your feathers not just ruffled, but possibly pulled out by the roots. Seriously, we all have those days, even seasons of our lives that seem to go on and on. Before you can get a handle on the situation the sun has retreated, the clouds are growing darker by the second, the winds are not only picking up but getting colder and the rain is becoming heavy, sharp drops falling on your head from an ominous sky. All we can think of in those moments is to find shelter, a place to cover our heads, protect ourselves from the flying debris, take off our rain soaked clothes and sip from a cup of something warm and comforting. Depression, sadness and anger can settle into our lives, especially when you're battered by those same storms on a daily basis. And it's easy to say to someone, God has a purpose for your pain, even a reason for your struggle. Now while this may be true, the reality is if we can't respond with real compassion and actual action by opening our own hearts to the wounded, then our words as Christians are worthless. We have all known the feelings that come from being downhearted and discouraged, so why then is it so hard to show compassion and empathy when others are in need? How come we can be put out by those who deny us room at the inn, and yet still hang a sign of our own that says, "no room" on our door? Why are we not being Jesus to those who need His compassion and grace?

So back I come to myself, to you and how we respond to those who reject us and cast us out of our comfort zones. It's never an ideal situation when we're opposed by those we're connected with but sometimes we need that kick in the butt even if it bruises our pride a bit. Depression and discouragement can come in like a bat out of hell at this point. It's true, it's easy to feel downhearted, as if you've been banished, exiled, booted out and falsely accused. And why, well we may never truly know the answer to that question honestly.We can respond with anger, hostility or even with a malicious and vicious self righteous stance, but that perspective only leads us further into the badlands, alone and condemned. This is the thing. You are worthy, and nothing about you is undeserving or unlovable. Truthful, you have to look at it this way, "Small minds can't comprehend big spirits. To be great, you have to be willing to be mocked, hated and misunderstood." You also have to be capable of forgiving and letting go, showing compassion even when you don't feel like it. Being misunderstood, rejected and dismissed is hard, but sadly it's just the nature of the beast I suppose. Is it right? No, but how we respond and react to the world's criticism of us determines how well we rise after the storm has passed. Take your moment, let your emotions sweep through you, let discouragement wash over you but then let it all fall like water off a duck's back. When it comes to the world and their 'opinions' of you, remember they are just that, an opinion, a view or a judgment formed about you , sometimes having nothing to do with you. These viewpoints aren't based on fact or knowledge, but conceptions. Personally I believe what Bill Bullard says is true, "Opinion is really the lowest form of human knowledge. It requires no accountability, no understanding. The highest form of knowledge is empathy, for it requires us to suspend our egos and live in another's world. It requires profound purpose larger than the self kind of understanding."

What I have come to understand is this truth: I will not be liked, or even loved by more than half the people I meet. The reality is you may be too much for some people, but I say be too much. There is a greatness inside all of us, but not all of us are able to achieve that greatness. Not because we're not capable, but because many do not know how to be humble in the abilities they've been given. Those who walk in humility, who still open their doors and show compassion are the one's who tend to be outcast. Never forget Jesus was rejected, and He was tossed out of His own town. So when you are shunned, just remind yourself of the amazing company you keep in your heart. Understand, you will find yourself at the center of someone else's opinions,sentiments and storms of rage at some point. The rains will come, and being wounded, you may be shot down again and again. don't take it personally. Instead take heart and don't be discouraged or downhearted. "God restores everything. When we submit the broken pieces of our lives to Him, He restores us to a beauty far more than what we prayed for." What I have truly learned in my some 43 years is something Isaiah 54:17 says," But in that coming day no weapon turned against you will succeed. You will silence every voice raised up to accuse you." What we need to know deep down in our hearts is even if we're banged up on every level, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically we are not a lost cause. I may not be accepted by those who sit outside my front door ready to pounce on my good intentions or my integrity, but I still walk out the front door with a smile on my face, a song in my heart and God on my side.

As I wrap up Life Lesson #156 ~ Downhearted and Discouraged, I want to say to you, rise up and don't allow the world to make you despondent or downcast. Remind yourself of this when the hurt of this world comes banging on your door. "David didn't need to know Goliath's strength because he already knew God's." There are always going to be times in our lives when we feel useless, rejected, hurt and even angry in our circumstances. To say we are downhearted and discouraged is more than an understatement but we are not made by our circumstances, instead we are crafted by how well we rise from the ashes. So as I close this post today I want to leave you with an amazing quote by Morgan Harper Nichols. She says this, "You might not be able to see where you're headed, but I assure you, the Lord can. He's breathing life into every aspect of your present and future. He's shining His light even in the darkest corners of your mind. So hold on tight to Him. Hold tight to His love, knowing that He will never leave you or forsake you, and because of Jesus, you are in His grip forever. No uncertainty, no broken dreams, and no fear of the future can keep you from Him. He is with you always, in all of this. Trust Him. Believe. And let Him gracefully lead you where you need to be." Don't forget your story is still unfolding. Go on look up, the skies are calm, the clouds are clearing and the Son is shining, His light is inside of you and you not only walk in His grace but in His favor too.

"Not to spoil the ending for you but...everything is going to be okay." ~ Unknown

~Christina