WHO KNOWS WHAT

2012-02-15T17:33:00.000-06:00

Three years ago, in this month, I was lost. I was lost in a web of lies and destruction. How fast a "normal" Christian woman can fall from a stable family and church life into complete darkness is scary as hell. All it takes is an opening. An area of dissatisfaction. An area of incomplete wholeness. A void. A vulnerability. A weak spot in your armor. Then Satan rushes in and fills it with something, or in my case, someone who can fill it. Someone who is not Jesus. And once you start to feel full you will believe any lie, any deception. Your mind can make you believe anything, because it likes the feeling of fullness. No matter how false it is. It is really frightening to me, the powerlessness we can have over our own selves at times. If we don't have the Word of God constantly running through our heads that speaks truth over the lies we have no hope of staying sane. If we don't have the help of the Holy Spirit to remind us of the truths of God's Word, we have no power to remember them. If you are out there fighting something alone,without the power of God on your side, you will be devoured. Maybe not by another man, but by whatever is haunting you. Believe me, I speak from experience. Don't isolate yourselves for fear of humiliation. Find a loving, living church. Humiliation is worth the salvation and deliverance. You will never be able to fill the void with the things of this world. Only Jesus can truly satisfy.

3 things I'm thankful for today

2012-02-14T11:34:00.001-06:00

Do you see anything unusual about the back of my car? Of course not, because Josh fixed the huge dent that has been there for a year. I'm very happy about this. He did the bodywork and paint himself.

no explanation necessary


We seem to have a "red" trend going. Once it was a red leather bag, once a red ipod, once some nice red high heels, now red Toms. I LOVE Toms.

My girl

2012-02-11T21:57:00.001-06:00

2012-02-11T20:38:00.001-06:00

Josh and I went to a marriage seminar this weekend. It was pretty entertaining.
Nothing we haven't heard before but good reminders.

In other news, Whitney Houston died. :(

2012-02-08T13:36:00.003-06:00

We have started a family gratitude journal. We are going to fill up this book with all the little and big gifts God has given us. I have enjoyed seeing it out on the bar and everyone adding to it every day. It does bring joy to thank God for everyday things He has blessed us with.
My ailment seems to be healing, slowly. I still have 3 days left of these antibiotics, so we'll see if I'm completely better then.
I finally booked tickets to Thailand for Jordan and I for right after her graduation. That was not easy, and I work for a travel agency! Just trying to find the right combinations of flights and prices is tedious. Travel agents don't get any discount at all either, it just helped to know my way around the sites.
So we're going from Austin-San Francisco-Hong Kong-Singapore-Chiang Mai, Thailand. Our longest flight leg is 14 hours, with a total of 24 hours actual flying time, excluding layovers, to get there. Yikes. Pretty similar to Africa, just the opposite side of the globe. Then returning we substitute South Korea for Hong Kong. And we stay overnight in Singapore.
Oh, and on the way I get to visit my friend Heather in San Francicso for the day :)
Going to be quite an adventure for the two of us!

2012-02-06T11:18:00.001-06:00

Today I am thankful for these two books. They are changing my life.

Handcrafted jewelry made with love in Uganda

2012-02-03T15:37:00.001-06:00

amazima.org

This organization was started by a very young American woman who simply wanted to do what it commands us to do in the Bible. Feed the hungry, and care for the orphans. She left the states and has made her home in Uganda caring for thousands of children and has even adopted 14 of her own. In addition to starting this amazing non profit, she has taught a trade of making necklaces to the women of the village. Please buy one in support of them and also read her book, it's an inspiration, but also very convicting. If she can do all this between the ages of 19 and 22, I can only imagine what her future holds.

2012-02-02T18:19:00.001-06:00

Ok, so I know I'm no saint and everyone has their flaws, especially me. But since I'm in a cranky, stressed out mood this week, I'm gonna rant, cause I can. These are my personal pet peeves that seem to occur almost daily around me.

*People who are perpetually late. It is inconsiderate and disrespectful of other peoples time.
*People who say they will do something, and then don't. They may have some generally lame excuse, but really, they just didn't do it. I would so much rather you just be honest and say "Hey, I'm not really going to do that, even though you asked me to, or I volunteered, so you might as well do it yourself" rather than me having to continually wonder. At least it's honest.
*People who perpetually procrastinate. Not naming names, but come on, you CAN see a little bit into the future when things tend to happen at the same time every week and month, no?
*People who drive below 50 MPH on 1431! Come on people it's 65!!! Why do you do this EVERY day?? WHY?? I don't understand.
*People who meander and take up an entire aisle. Whether it be with your grocery cart inside, or in the parking lot outside. Move OVER! Pick a side!
This is just from today. I could go on and on, but my blood pressure is starting to elevate. I need to go do something else.

*** a few minutes later, ok, great, now I have guilt. The last 2 posts have been me spewing my venom. Not encouraging is it? I apologize. I promise to get my act together and the next one will be uplifting. Everyone has their days, right?

2012-02-01T14:26:00.000-06:00

I had my follow up dr visit today. I am angry and upset. Not only am I not healed, but I have to start a new 10 day antibiotic treatment. Trying yet a different drug. The hell I went through a week ago wasn't enough. The $400 I spent on dr visits and drugs wasn't enough. Today was another $250 thanks to my wonderful government. So now EVERYONE can afford healthcare, except those of us in the middle class who can now no longer afford the health plan we used to be able to afford 3 years ago. But instead we are forced to go to the high deductible plan where we have to pay for everything in this ridiculously high priced world of medicine. Now WE are going broke. And because my stupid body has turned on me and won't heal, I am even more broke this week! Not just in the wallet, but in spirit. Lovely.
I cried all the way home.

2012-01-29T15:07:00.002-06:00

2012-01-27T14:41:00.000-06:00

Feeling much better; not 100%, but better.

2012-01-24T10:33:00.000-06:00

I'm still here. It was a rough weekend. The pain has gone down in intensity, it's the side effects of the meds that are bothering me. I had to switch to a different drug on Saturday because the world wouldn't stop spinning. This new one is better, but still not pleasant. I'm afraid it may not be enough though, cause he said the pain would be gone after 3 days and it's not. Side effect of switching drugs mid course maybe? Going to finish this round before worrying about it.
God is in control, not me.

Random facts:
*Ok, so on our girls cruise in March we(Jordan and I) are doing a dolphin swim. I'm kinda excited about that.
*I am so thankful for my husband.
*Here in ATX, I think we have decided to skip winter.
*I am so thankful my new crockpot arrived. I will celebrate today by making a roast.
*I got a bunch of Carnival "schwag" when we went to visit the Magic Inaugural in Galveston, and well, I didn't want it, it's a bunch of useless crap with their logo on it taking up space in my closet. So I decided to sell it on ebay. Oh MY!! These people love that stuff! I sold all of it and made like $120! Makes me want to see what else I can dig up.
*I am so thankful for a good nights sleep last night. Sometimes it's the little things..

2012-01-18T16:33:00.001-06:00

Oh what a night..
I laid down to go to sleep and was struck with this horrible pain in my lower left abdomen. No matter how I positioned myself I couldn't get rid of it. By about 2 or 3AM I was seriously considering going to the ER, but I didn't want to leave the girls home alone. I watched the clock slowly roll on and around 5am I made an online appointment with my doctor. Around 8 am the pain finally let up enough to fall asleep. But I was awakened by my dr's text scheduling an appt for 1:30pm. So I am on about 2 hours sleep. Went in, and he thinks it's what I suspected, a flare up of diverticulitis. I had this once before years ago. He decided to skip the testing since I told him I'd had it before, and he went straight for the hardcore antibiotics. 2 different kinds of them, 6 pills a day for 2 weeks. The side effects listed on these things almost seem worse than the pain. (They include psychotic episodes, haha) But the risk of my colon rupturing is much worse. He said about 1 in 20 rupture during a flare up, and rupture is very bad. I can't run or exercise(risk of rupture or a torn tendon), have to eat bland foods, and not a sip of alcohol or I'll immediately throw up(not a problem, just amusing). And if the pain doubles or triples all of a sudden, I must rush to the ER.
I'm so glad Josh is on his way home to me. :)
Please join me in prayer that not only does my colon not rupture, but that it heals and never breaks down again. Also that I won't have really bad side effects to these drugs. Thanks friends.

2012-01-17T22:22:00.000-06:00

My beloved crockpot bit the dust. When I went to put dinner in this morning before heading to work, I found a huge crack in the pot. Boo. I use this bad boy several times a week. They just don't make them like they used to. This was crockpot number 2 in my home. The first one lasted a very long time, this one only 2 years. Oh well, new one is already ordered and on the way. Can't do without it.

Did I seriously just blog about a crockpot?? When did I become Betty freakin Crocker??
What is happening to me ?!?

In other news, Josh will be boarding a plane in just a few hours for his journey home :)

2012-01-16T16:51:00.000-06:00

Today I ran for the first time since before the holidays. This was a mistake. I have been suffering with headaches and dizziness for a little over a month probably due to allergies and such. Well this just made it 100x worse. I thought my head would explode. So as soon as I returned and could see straight, I made another dr's appointment. Last time I went he said I had an infection. And while taking the antibiotics, I did feel much better. But after a week it was back.
Minor inconveniences in the grand scheme of things.
I want my husband back.

2012-01-14T17:33:00.000-06:00

I know I'm not blogging. I'm depressed. I HATE Josh being gone. I don't function properly. It's kinda like walking around in a daze for some reason. The only thing I can think to do is read or clean during the day and watch chick flicks with the girls at night. Except Michael's here for the long weekend, so that nixes the last half of my plan.
I guess this means we're co dependent. (He keeps sending me sad messages too.) There are worse things to be with your spouse. We've been married 19 years, that's a long time.
My fingers sting and they're all dried out from bleach and other cleaning supplies. And yet, somehow, the house still isn't clean. It doesn't look all that different. Maybe that's a sign of a really dirty house. Or maybe not, I don't know anymore.
Going back to it now, cause yeah, I have nothing intelligent to say..

2012-01-10T23:08:00.000-06:00

Josh is in Germany :(
Hannah got her drivers permit :)

2012-01-04T22:20:00.001-06:00

Service tonight was pretty amazing. We did a lot of worship, had communion, and had a prayer and prophecy time with the prayer team and staff. I went and visited with Pat, my mentor from a couple of years ago, and told her I was asking for wisdom and direction for this next phase of my life. She started praying over me and said a bunch of wonderful things about me and my steadfast-ness, and then said this -
"In this next season of life God is going to deliver a surprise package and it will be something greater than you even imagined. It will put into play all of your past so that what you've experienced will not be wasted. " She was even surprised when she finished, indicating it wasn't from her.
Change is coming in 2012. Joe says this communion, and our relationship to Jesus will need to be strong enough to sustain us through this year. I felt like that meal was the beginning of a new life. I need to grow some stronger, deeper roots, so that I will not be shaken, no matter what comes my way.

Sent from my HTC Inspire™ 4G on AT&T

2012-01-04T12:41:00.000-06:00

Yesterday sucked. That's all I have to say about that.
Today we went to UT to get Jordan's passport renewed with no wait! Unheard of, so glad to have found this little gem of a place. And then...
Jordan accepted her offer of admission to A&M Galveston, and preregistered for the new student conference, and I put down a housing deposit. This is getting way too real and official... Like, really freaking out. My child is really going. I'm sure you'll hear me whine even more as the months go by, so prepare yourself. Let me say something else, it's freakin expensive to send your kids to college! Just today I shelled out 75 for the conference fee, and 300 for the housing deposit. That's just today! 15k per year plus food and gas and whatever else she will need. It's a great deal compared to other schools, but is still alot of money. I don't have a spare 1200 a month. I filled out the FAFSA (financial aid forms) and according to them we have tons of money rolling in. They only ask for income, not expenses, so we're ruled out on need based on that. Hopefully she will be considered for aid based on merit. She has exceptional grades and great test scores. Otherwise we'll have one heck of a loan.

Breathing in deeply....... exhale slowly.....

2012-01-02T13:07:00.001-06:00

This has been a very low key start to the year. I finished my Hunger Games trilogy, and haven't done a whole lot else. Everyone is enjoying the laziness of the last few days of vacation before the chaos begins again. Michael goes back to Waco this coming weekend, and then the reality of school hits hard. Jordan's last semester, Hannah in drivers ed. Let the fun begin! It will be a whirlwind of applying for financial aid and scholarships, doing college paperwork, teaching Hannah to drive, Jordan's birthday cruise in March. Prom in April. Then graduation and hopefully Thailand in May. Lots of schoolwork in there. And Josh starts his travel year by going back to Berlin in a couple of weeks. Oh, and I have to go back to work tomorrow.
I know this semester will fly by, but I will try and enjoy every last second of it. I will miss this all too soon.

2011-12-31T16:59:00.000-06:00

At the beginning of this year we were looking for a car for Jordan, and she had a crush on Michael. Hannah had just started playing keys in youth, and my mom had renal failure and I began testing to be a donor.
Now, Jordan obviously has a car, and has Michael. Hannah is still playing keys in youth, and just today was asked to play lead keys on Sunday morning in the adults services to fill in for someone who is sick. She is VERY excited and she knows it's an honor to be trusted with such a responsibility. She has come so far this year in her talent. And has even added guitar to her list of skills. And my mom, is on the road to complete healing. No donor necessary.
God is good, all the time.
I am thankful for a year of progression. And am hesitantly excited about 2012. It will be a big year. Hannah will turn into a driver, Jordan and I should be going to Thailand, and then late summer, we have to face sending her off to college. Can't say I'm excited about that part. But God has been all over this year, as He will the next. I think the coming year will force us all to grow in every area, especially growing closer to Him.
I'm grateful for all of you and hope you have a blessed New Year.

<3 Shileen

2011-12-30T21:26:00.003-06:00

We went to my moms cabin in Utopia today, to go shooting. Josh and I and the girls and Michael met up with Mom and Steve. We had a pretty good arsenal of guns. For the most part everyone had their weapon of choice that they excelled at. 22's, 380's, revolvers, 9mm's rifles, etc.. We girls, I have to say, can shoot! It was a very fun day and exceptionally wonderful weather for this time of year. Aside from the cedar of course.

2011-12-27T21:38:00.000-06:00

So I haven't posted in a while, like for real, a while. One, it's the holiday season, two I have been really sick. I feel like just today I came out of my sick coma. I half feel like I missed Christmas. I do remember Jordan getting ice skates and a nice underwater camera, and Hannah getting a new keyboard. I got Josh an El Capistan guitar pedal. BUT I, I got the worlds BEST beach cruiser bicycle! It is so stinkin cute.

Well I rode it today cause I couldn't stand it sitting there much longer, and that was probably a mistake. I bit off more than I could chew because I was STARTING to feel better. I rode 3 miles before nearly collapsing my sick lungs. But man, it was awesome :)

Last night some of the boys came over for the first Spurs game of the season. They won, and from the sound of it they all had a great time. But I was in bed. Trying not to die. And reading The Hunger Games. Excellent book, very captivating. I finished it, so I had to go get the 2nd one today.

Tomorrow is clean up day. Decorations are coming down.

Friday we're all going to Utopia to go shooting at my Mom's cabin. Really looking forward to that, and the weather should be beautiful. Josh is off all week and has been working on cleaning out the garage.

At the moment Josh is helping Chase root his Nook(that sounds funny), then we're watching Apollo 18.

So goodnight to all, and I hope you've had a Merry Christmas. I'll talk to you before New Years for my final post of the year before shipping this thing off for its annual printing.

2011-12-24T00:47:00.001-06:00

2011-12-22T15:07:00.001-06:00

Franciscan Benediction

May God bless you with discomfort
At easy answers, half truths and superficial relationships,
So that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger
At injustice, oppression and exploitation of people,
So that you may work for justice, freedom, and peace.

May God bless you with tears
To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger and war,
So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain to joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness
To believe that you can make a difference in the world,
So that you can do what others claim cannot be done,
To bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.

Amen