Through the Hidden Door

We're Moving!

2010-10-15T04:10:00.000-06:00

Wassail!

I was getting tired of Blogger and wanted a change of pace (and organization, for that matter!) So I have moved over to wordpress.com! All the posts that were originally on here are now on there thanks to Wordpress's excellent importing capabilities (which is something I wish would have happened when I moved from Livejournal :( ) Hope to see all my readers, few and far between than you are, over on wordpress!

Regards,
Eric.

It Gets Better

2010-10-15T00:15:00.002-06:00

As a homosexual I have been discriminated many a time when I was younger. Now it does not happen so much unless you count the Westboro Baptist Church. If you are not already aware there have been a few suicides in the past few weeks because of bullying in schools. A few of these students were homosexuals and much of the LBGT community is stepping up to the plate to say something about it for those lost souls and indeed for future ones and those still living that are going through their confusing sexuality discoveries!

A man named Dan Savage created a project called It Gets Better, a project to reach out to those that feel that they have no hope. I myself have posted a video and you can click on the link to see it (that is the title of this post).

But it is nothing, NOTHING compared to what Joel Burns had to say. Joel Burns is a Fort Worth City council member and on the Twelfth of October he had this to say to all persons of the nation, and indeed of the world on the subject of bullying in schools.

Thank you, Joel Burns. Your words were truly moving and have reached many ears. They shall be a beacon to all those that have no hope! Blessings on you and yours!

This is happening, my friends. A new age is dawning for all persons! Equality will be made in the world a little at a time.

For Life and Love!
Eric

Hedgewytchery

2010-10-14T13:07:00.000-06:00

I am pleased to announce that I have found another source for the site Hedgewytchery. This was a most excellent site that suddenly vanished without cause! I am so happy to have found it again for it is chock full of interesting tid bits and upon re-reading it again I am finding knowledge that I missed with its short time.

It also seems (if you do a search for Hedgewytchery) that the original site is going to be "coming soon". I do not know what this means, but it will be a wonderful thing to have it back in the resources for those that seek the Crooked Path.

Wassail and Frith,
Angus.

October Mist and Clean up for the Spirits

2010-10-14T12:06:00.002-06:00

Ah! This morning was so beautiful. I awoke, as per usual, at around 8:30 to the sound of the rest of the house waking up. I retrieved my phone to see if I received any texts in the night and looking up I thought I was still dreaming for surrounding my house was a soft cottony mist. I was used to seeing mist whilst in the mountains camping so it was wonderful to see some mist in a town. I took the above picture with my camera phone, so excuse the horrible quality.

The sun hidden behind the clouds, but it had already stained the sky with hints of pink and gold. It was truly a glorious morning, and I take it as an excellent omen. Today I am going to be travelling to that spot my uncle took me to and do some clean up (and steal the bastard's shoe at that....). I will be taking an offering of milk and honey with a piece of bread and do a small rite to let the spirits of the place know that I am here to help. The area in question is quite amazing. It is a little piece of wildlife seemingly on the outskirts of the city, and yet there is more city beyond it. It is not a park or anything like that. It is more of a cliff, if anything. The feel of the place is ancient and certainly a place of power.

The area is also covered in mushrooms of all shapes and sizes and it will help me get a jump start on my Mushroom Diary, a little project that I am working on to better understand these mysterious fungi that are so connected to the Underworld currents. There are also three very significant thorn trees and I was told to call the area Thorntree Place during that time between sleeping and getting ready for sleep. I am not sure if it was just my evening thoughts swirling, or if I should actually refer to it as Thorntree Place.

Here is a picture of one of the mushrooms that I found. I thought it was very cute and so I asked if I could take a photograph.

Such a cute little thing. There are also wild strawberries around the area and various other plants that I still need to identify.

Now it is off to clean up that area and make the connection!

Wassail and Frith,
Angus.

Tools of Witchcraft

2010-10-13T15:19:00.005-06:00

In witchcraft, and indeed in magic, there are tools that one uses to channel the powers needed to create magic. They could be for channeling intent into charms and amulets, poppets and potions. There are other tools that are not for channeling as well such as bells and drums, musical instruments, scrying mirrors, bone fetishes and other such tools for inducing trance.

For a while many of my readers/listeners have been asking me to post about my personal tools and what I use or don't use. Well now that I have some time I will do just that. We will start with my most important tool in my toolbox and also how I came to acquire it.

We will start with:

THE STANG

The above is a picture of my personal stang (next to it is a cleaning broom, not an actual besom, but that is being created as you read!). It is made from Poplar wood which is strong in the underworld currents. Attached is a Raven's Feather and a shell. The antler was a gift from my stepfather a long time ago and I have used for a long time. The staff, funnily enough, chose me. I was walking around in an area that I wanted to contact and I was thinking of how I should have brought my walking stick to bat any persons that would wish me harm when this staff flew right up and thwacked me in the face! It has been with me ever since and since then I have painted the symbols that you see on it and my uncle helped me wax it and bind the antler with leather.

The stang is a tool that represents the world tree. I call it my branching staff and when it is set in the ground in the center of my compass the branches represent the upperworld and base reaches down into the lower world and the staff is the axis mundi that I go up and down upon. It is my altar and my riding pole. I have used it in the past (before I moved to Spokane) to travel to the Otherworlds with great success.

Robert Cochrane was the one that popularized the stang in modern traditional witchcraft, but it was in use far before him. The Witch of Forest Grove had this to say about the staff:

"Stang is an Old English term for a distaff which in its earliest form was simply a forked tree branch with two or more tines."

A Distaff was a tool used by spinners before the invention of the spinning wheel. Cord or twine was wrapped around the top of the distaff, which was taller than the spinner, and then spun onto a spindle. The distaff was used by witches of the past to represent the creatrix and possibly Fate. Spinning has been associated with creation in many different culture and indeed it has been associated with Fate herself! It is said that spinners should stop their spinning on the Twelve Mother Nights of Yule to honor Fate and that they should burn a bit of Flax as an offering to the goddess Below.

Stangs were also used in England at one time as punishment for males that had been unfaithful to their wives, or were rapists, molesters and so on. They were made to walk down the street with the stang between their legs pulled by a donkey. This was degrading for the men for the distaff and spinning were a womenly art and not for men to practice. But times have changed now.

WANDS

Here is my collection of wands, four of which were gifted to me by my uncle (Bless him!) and one of witch was gifted to me by a Land spirit. I shall go in order of the top to the bottom. The first wand, the dark one, was made from a thorn tree outside of our house. As payment for helping to remove it (it was getting very old, the poor thing) my uncle created this blasting rod from the very potent thorn wood!

A blasting rod is traditionally made from either Oak or Blackthorn and is usually longer than a normal wand (which should be the length of your forearm at least). The rod was, and is, used by witches to throw the "fear" upon those that have offended the witch in some way; in other words to curse them. I have not had the chance to use it yet, and hopefully I will not need to use it often!

There was once an excellent article on the difference between Hawthorne wands and Blackthorn wands. The site is no longer up, which is a real shame because it had some excellent articles on wortcunning. However, it had an article on the types of woods used in wands, specifically Hawthorne and Blackthorn.

Hawthorne, shown above, is used in magic for healing and protection and fertility (most fruit trees are). Indeed the berries make an excellent tea! It is also traditionally the tree that one "falls into" to cross over into the underworld and for that it is called in some traditions the Faery tree. A wand created from a Hawthorne tree is powerful in the ways of protection.

On the opposite a Blackthorn seen here:

Is also powerful in protection but on the other side of the spectrum. By that I mean that it is used more as defense and for fighting back whilst Hawthorne is more passive protection. The large thorns in Blackwood make excellent needles for piercing poppets and also for witch bottles! The wood is very dense and is used in Ireland to make shillelaghs. Many walking sticks are made from Blackthorn because of its hard, durable wood.

However, there is no Blackthorn or Hawthorne in Washington (or at least not where I am!) and so we made a blasting rod from this tree. The needles are quite large as well and I saved some to use in witch bottles and cursing if it should come to that. Holding it one can feel the potent power waiting to be unleashed, but again hopefully I will not have to use it.

The second wand that you see in the above picture is my general purpose wand. Again a gift from my uncle upon arrival into his home I was told in a dream to wrap copper about the handle. I did so and the effects were immediate. My focus when holding the wand was sharper and the powers channeled through the wand were much more focused, like a scalpel. It is possible that I was asked to attach the copper because of the lack of identification of the wood itself. My uncles wands are all made from recyclable materials that he finds around the houses and he was not sure of the woods type. I am under the impression that it is birch or rowan, I am not sure.

The wand is a smaller version of the staff and is used for directing energies. I use mine to trace symbols over and over again to get into a trance state, or to charge various sigils that I create. Whenever I am creating a charm or something I will use this wand to seal the magics in the herbs and oils in the pouch. I will also use it to stir brews that are not too hot to implant my intent whilst the brewing process is taking over.

The next wand is my serpent vision wand that was gifted to me by a land spirit. I found it on one of my hikes and it was just sitting there before a hollow tree. I placed it within the hollow tree and left it there for three days and nights before I returned to retrieve it. I did this one a whim and I have no basis for it. My final visit was quite interesting and I felt like I had to go through a trial to find the clearing where the wand was left. I got all turned around and mosquitoes (which don't usually bite me) were attacking my face all the time. But when I finally retrieved the wand this all stopped and the way back was made clear to me.

I use this wand when I am seeking wisdom from an area. I will place the tines gently against my eyes and then have the base against the ground. The powers of the Land are pulled up through the length of the wand and I receive whatever it is that I need to receive.

Next in line is that tiny little wand that was my first failed attempt at carving. My uncle perfected it without my knowing and called it "Nephews Gratitude" the cheek....But I love it all the same. I have not given a purpose to it yet, but something tells me that it can be used for divination purposes via the tarot. I have yet to use that little wand.

The final wand, and probably my favorite of my collection, is the Crooked Wand or Bent Wand. Inspired by Traditional Witchcraft: A Cornish Book of Ways by Gemma Gary my uncle created a slew of what he called "Witch's Wands" which were wands that had a more earthy feel to them. This was one of his creations that he gave to me for my birthday, much to the confusion of my other aunt who is under the impression that I am Christian. The Crooked Wand is used for pulling in certain energies for a specific intent and then they are directed out the other end into the charm or potion or which what. It is a wonderful wand and I am excited to use it in my spellwork because it is so multi-purpose! I keep it right at the fore of my cabinet of supplies to use in a pinch.

Now I just need to learn to carve my own wands!

THE DAGGER

The dagger is nothing too special. I use it to cut cords and herbs and other such things. In some traditions the dagger is used to open a door way between the worlds, or to direct specific energies or to represent the phallus for fertility rituals. My purposes are a bit more practical. The dagger is used to cut and to make a furrow in the land or in someone's life. It was gifted to me by a random druid at a pagan expo, I know not why. But I love the designs on it and it has been with me ever since. My uncle, out of hatred for the original handle and sheath, created a new sheath and handle for my uses. I am much more pleased with this than the original. The sheath has a hex sign, the symbol of mercury, and my personal sigil upon it. It hooks neatly onto the belt (a discovery that my uncle did not initially intend) and the handle has a copper wire running down the middle and is capped with a brass star.

THE BLINDFOLD

This is my blindfold that I use when I am trancing. I have a problem with fluttering eyes so this completes the darkness around me so I can sink easily into travel. Again since being in Spokane I feel like I am moving through tar...but I still try to preserver.

THE CAULDRON

This is my little cute cauldron! Made from cast iron and holds a quart of liquid. So far I have used it simply for holding water that I use to ritually cleanse myself because I do not trust the stove top with it...

Traditionally a cauldron represents the womb and the center of creation and this is no different for me. The water within is the water of the Land and it is so blessed to be a medium of spirits and powers and sorcery. The darkness of the cauldron makes an excellent scrying surface on late nights when I am not doing anything. I have had better success with a small crystal ball that a friend had, but I am trying to learn to scry through water since I lack the crystal ball now.

Usually to scry I fill the cauldron with water, burn an incense of wormwood, mugwort and frankincense and place a single candle behind the cauldron and turn off all the lights. That is how I did it with the crystal ball, but I may have to try placing the lantern behind my head rather than in front of me and see how that works. More on that in a later post!

THE STONE

This is my hearth stone, so named because I found it in the foundation of the house in which I am currently living. It is my connection to the Land whilst I am indoors and is sometimes used in some traditions as a focus to return from Travelling. I have not yet used it in this manner seeing as travelling here has been so hard for me, I am not sure why still. This stone I use as my inner foundation, however. It is my rock and I focus on it when I have slipped into a trance to return "Home" as it were. It is in the center of my working table upon which goes one of my two skulls (usually the goat skull) to use for communication.

THE SKULL

Here are my two skulls that I have. No, that is not a real human skull. It was a gift from a friend who knew that I was in Hamlet. Little does he know I do not use it for Hamlet's "Alas, poor Yorick!" monologue. It is there to represent my ancestors and is sometimes placed upon the Stone when I am honoring those that have passed. The skull next to it is my pride and joy. It is a goat skull that I purchased from ebay though I tried in vain to find a donor here in Washington (I have found someone to give me a horse skull though, so yay!). Upon this skull I poor ritual offerings to my Master and I stare into those hollow eyes to slip into my trance states. They are both very useful in my craft and I hope to obtain more skulls because I am truly fascinated by them!

These are just a few of the tools used in traditions of witchcraft. Everyone has their own tools that they use, these are merely mine. I also hope to create a besom and am currently constructing a scrying mirror, I just need to find a pane of glass that fits the frame that I found. All of my tools are handled with loving care and they each have their own personality. Below in the cabinet are also various oils and jars of herbs as well as a motar and pestle. You may have also glimpsed the bell that I use when I am calling to the spirits for ritual offerings. Since my uncle and I share the working area his tools are also around, but I felt it impolite to show them without his permission.

I realise that a lot of my tools were gifts, and I feel that is truly a blessing. Do not feel that you must buy a bunch of expensive tools to create witchcraft! All of my tools came to me when they needed to come to me and when I was ready and some of them will probably leave me when they are ready to leave me or when I no longer need them.

Thus is the way of the Spirits.

Wassail and Frith!

Angus.

On the Word Witch

2010-10-12T03:29:00.000-06:00

So this is where the word "witch" really comes from! It all makes sense now!

Happy Hallowmas, readers!!

The Witch Chamber and Ritual Purification

2010-10-12T01:50:00.006-06:00

So the other day my uncle and I cleaned out the basement to make it into a chamber for our workings. It looks absolutely amazing. We have a little cabinet that all of our magical supplies go into as well as various herbs and powders and such things that I make within circles. It will be absolutely perfect for the winter.

But I would like to talk about ritual purification whilst in a temple or chamber. For my personal practice I have always cleansed myself before a working. I have read that servants of Odin would wash their face and the back of the neck with cold water. Books on ceremonial magic have practitioners take a ritual bath before doing a ritual. In many traditions there is some sort of ritual cleansing and in my practice it is no different.

For me cleansing the body is a physical action that cleanses me of the mundane. It prepares me meeting the spirits and for the art of magic. I have two cleansings that I do. To begin I bless a bowl of water and wash my hands and face with the intention of clean. I will then take a candle and breath in the heat of the serpent and cleanse my spirit and mind. It is then that I am ready for any working at hand.

Chaos magicians, especially in the IOT tradition, begin most workings with a banishing ritual. I also have a banishing ritual, but it is not something that I use in daily practice. A banishing ritual is used to cleanse the mind and the area for the workings about to be performed and can replace cleansing by water. Some witches I know have special herbs that they mix into the water such as lavender and rosemary with possibly a pinch of salt. I do not find this necessary and ordinary, albeit cold, river water works perfectly for me.

I find it important to cleanse oneself before a working, especially if one is meeting with spirits, as it is respectful to the powers that one is channeling. The body should be clean of any outside influence so that the powers have ease of travel whilst they are moving through the practitioner. The area of the working should also be kept clean. Because my uncle and I share the working chamber we have agreed to cleanse the area before and after each working. In my normal compass rite this is already done by way of the creation of the River of Souls and the Purification with Fire. Afterwards a simple banishing ritual to remove my influences so that my uncle can make his rituals more in line with his ways is quite respectful to him and if you share ritual space with someone I should say that it is quite necessary.

But what about when one is outside? The Land is already sacred, but influences can surround a sacred spot even still. I still purify myself and purify the area of which I am working even when I am outside. This is respectful to the powers of the specific area and it also aligns one to the working area. The powers become aware of one's presence through this ritual cleansing. It is not completely necessary, of course. I have gone out onto the Land with staff in hand and have done just a simple mind wipe before speaking to the spirits there and opening my self up to the Land.

If one has a specific spot that one has purified permanently, such as a shrine, then a purification of the area for each working is not necessary. But if one has a shrine to a specific power then a ritual cleansing as one enters the area is quite necessary in my personal opinion. Again this is very respectful to the specific power and respectful to yourself and prepares you for the working at hand.

Wassail and Frith,
Angus.

All Hallows

2010-10-07T18:28:00.000-06:00

All Hallows is quickly approaching. The air here is so much different than back home. Usually after the Harvest I would be able to feel the Underland's cold breath, but here it is different. Only now am I beginning to feel it. The Land of Spokane is so completely different from Montana. It is to be expected. Usually by now I would be expecting some winter chill and a bit of snow, but here it is just rainy and goes on and off between cold and hot. It is most strange.

But there are signs of the crown of the Underworld taking the place of the crown of Heaven. The leaves are starting to turn and that crisp smell of dead leaves reaches my nostrils in the morning. That is my favorite part. I am getting ready to start sweeping up those leaves and fallen branches and work on my carving skills! I am excited for the Hallows festival and to honor the pale ones below the Land.

Compass Round or Ring of Art

2010-08-10T18:19:00.004-06:00

Throughout the years of magic a circle inscribed upon the floor of the working area has always been central to the work and lore of the magician. What is this circle for? Is it necessary? How is it constructed? There are many answers to these questions and each of them from different practitioners. I am going to tell you my way and formula for creating the compass round or ring of art.

First of all what is a compass round? The compass round is the brainchild of the late Robert Cochrane and truly I believe it to be his creation, or at least the wording. There is an article explaining why he uses this term but for the life of me I can not find it. In essence, however, one is laying down a compass of the world and the directions correspond to the lands of the gods. This is reminiscent of the magic circle used in ceremonial workings. But before this the circle of power (as I will call it) was really just sacred space used by the magician, shamans really, to have a place of focus whilst they worked their sorcery.

In the book [i]Way of the Weird[/i] the shaman-master is first seen in the novel exorcising a woman of an evil spirit which is causing her sickness. The monk who is assisting the shaman explains the circle of rods of wood that are tied to a ring of rope. This circle creates the shaman's sacred space and the microcosm to the macrocosm. He becomes the axis mundi, the center of the world and from there he moves the world to his will. Of course, he is a bit more polite about it than many modern magicians.

The circle is the boundary that divides the world of the living from the world of the spirits, the gods, et cetera. Many say that a circle or sacred space is not necessary for all of nature is sacred, and I quite agree, but at the same time it is nice to know that the spirits in the area are aware of what you are doing. For the me the compass represents a little meeting place of souls and a separate place from the world of the living in which to communicate with those spirits and to work my magic and such things. For inside purposes this makes much more sense as it is nice to clear away stuff that is not necessary for the working at hand.

For others the circle represents a place in which to store energy so it can fly out unto the universe in one great burst. I disagree with this and for me I create a circle around that which I wish to protect. For some a compass does not have to have circumambulations. I have known some to simply tap the ground a few times and say something to the affect of calling up the spirits and that is their compass rite. I myself, when I just want to give a simple offering, will sing or hum whilst making internal invocations to the spirits.

However many practitioners have a longer version of the compass rite. Mine is as follows and it is simply in five steps, because I like the number five.

1. Declaration of Intent
2. Create the Crooked Path to Elphame
3. Cleanse the Body and the Spirit
4. Create the Portal and the River of Souls
5. Declaration of Arrival

To begin I have a few objects that I would always have with me and these are my Stang or a rod of wood; I have heard that the left foot can also be used in a pinch. A bottle of water or cauldron of water. And finally an open flame or a heat source of some sort. I will usually also have a lantern to light my way as I usually practice at night when the living are asleep and spiritual activity is heightened.

So I begin. I come to my working area with a pile of wood or an unlit candle in front of me and a cauldron of water to my left. In my left hand is my stang and in my right my lit lantern. I center myself and connect to the source of All, that dark place within me which echos in all things. Then I make my Statement of Intent which might to the effect of this: "Master of Sorcery, Goat-Footed Angel with the Staring Eye. Queen Elfin of the Hollow Hills, Flaming Mistress of Creation. I ask that you open the way to the Unseen. Open the way to Elphame in your names, Devil and Dame! Open the Door to the Unseen!"

I begin to walk counterclockwise, dragging my stang behind me to make a furrow in the ground. My goal is go around at least three times, but sometimes I will go more if I need to focus more. These are words that I might say: "I create a furrow in the Land reaching into the Deepest Depths. I build a Hedge reaching to the highest heavens. I create a Crooked Path to Elphame. I take this Crooked Path going down and in around around, taking this hellish road to Elphame. I forsake Heaven for Hell and arrive upon a crooked path in Elphame!"

I plant my stang before me and turn now to the water. "Creature of the Waters!" I say "From you I purge all that is unclean. I remove from you all evil and purify you with the Word. By the Master's Name! Be you prepared!" I would then wash myself in the Devil's name by cleansing my hands, face and the back of my neck. I turn to the unlit fire and light it with the lantern's flame. "Creature of the mortal Flame!" I intone "From you I purge all that is unclean. I remove from you all evil and purify you with the Word. By the Lady's Name! Be you prepared!" and then I will cleanse my spirit by taking the warmth and breathing it inward in the Lady's name.

I take up the cauldron and take it around the rim of the compass and lay down a path of water. At each cardinal point I lay down a "road" for which spirits to come by. I instruct the water to become a medium of spirits and spell work, to become the River of Souls in the Master's name! Then I would return to the flame and instruct it to become a doorway, a window into the unseen to become a kindly light and a welcoming light for spirits and gods. So shall it be.

I would rise and stare determinedly at the stang, which has become the axis mundi, the center of all things, the world tree. Then I would say something to this effect: "Master! Mistress! I have reversed myself! I stand here by a seat of Flame, surrounded by the River of Souls! The ground is consecrated by your most Holy names! I have gone down and within and have come to Elphame. I come before you as a servant! So Shall it Be!" And then I go into my working.

By doing this I have made myself aware of the spirits and have connected into the Land. I have reversed myself and turned away from what is mundane and have opened a way to the ancestral lands and the undying lands of the gods. I have come TO the gods rather than calling them forth. If I wished to go deeper I would "tread the mill" by going around the stand and focus upon it and focus on bringing myself deeper into the Unseen. Also by now I am in a good altered state of consciousness which is oh so helpful so good spellwork.

The compass does not need steps three and four, indeed I have done it without them to great effect when I was hiking and decided to have a meal with the Land spirits in the area. I had gone hiking for this purpose so I did have my stang as well as some bread and wine. It did beautifully.

This is, of course, my way of creating the compass. It is greatly inspired by the works of Robin Artisson whose writings I use as a skeleton for my own poetry. I took out a lot of the symbolism that he uses for my own symbolism and it still works. Witchcraft is a personal practice, so always do your own thing in the name of the gods and spirits that you adore.

Speech as an Art Form

2010-08-05T20:06:00.003-06:00

There is a certain art form when the magician is making invocations and calls into the Unseen and to the Powers. I have experimented with different ways of Speaking and have found the way that I do it, but I feel that there is a central working point that many magicians can work from.

As an actor I have learned how to place intention and emotion in my words as I portray them to the audience. As a method actor I take on the aspect of my character; I am not longer Angus but Claudius, King of the Danes and antagonist of the play Hamlet. This was my starting point: if I could call up such emotion in a mundane setting why should I not do the same in a spiritual setting? To do a working the magician must be emotionally invested in everything that is done for the magic or else nothing will happen.

And so I began experimenting with how to call from deep within my inner self. Many authors say that to do an invocation the magician should speak from the heart. But what does this really mean? I interpret it as speaking from your very core, from the very roots of your being, from the deep dark within us. Go to there in your mind which should take you into a light altered state of consciousness and make your Call.

The thing is it may not come as actual words! You may work up to that point but in the beginning you may work in silence as you make your Call into the Unseen to whomever you are wishing to talk to. Or you may be laying down your compass and need only feel your physical and spiritual self connecting with the Land. The words may come, but they may not be in a language you understand. I have come close to shouting nonsense or singing gaily or humming a little tune or I may have the inspiration to play a little tune on my penny whistle or tap out a tattoo upon the ground.

In this you are letting your entire being Speak and not just your voice. Words may come to your mind but you are unable to speak them. I have found that to be the case many times. Sometimes I do speak with my voice and the words are almost always whispered whenever I do this as though my Self knows that my subtle breath will carry into the Unseen and that I do not need to speak loudly. A couple times, though, I have shouted, even screamed, words of such poetry and fervor that it is a shame I do not have a pad and paper to write them down!

If you are making a call to a certain being make sure that you visualize them firmly in your mind. Know what it is like to stand in their presence. Smell them, taste them, hear them stand before you. They are already there, but now you have to be aware of their presence and if it is a god s/he is very much aware of your existence but will wait for you to acknowledge his or her existence. When this happens they will come before you in all their power and glory but only if you are pure of intent and are not summoning them for play or anything like that and if you are focused on the working at hand. If you are distracted or do not finish the ritual because you aren't feeling anything worst things have happened.

I have said that they are already aware of your existence. A god is a perfect being, one who has lived and died and rebirthed. They are perfectly conscious of everything and Aware of the power of the All. They exist within us as we, as humans, are mirror images of Them. A tree spirit, being a creation of the gods, is also a mirror image of ourselves. You must call up the oak within yourself to call up the spirit of the oak. Let your call shake the Web of All and the spirits will answer.

So in the end what does speech really mean? Is it really speech if we can not hear vocal words? Remember that in acting that the pauses between the words are the most powerful. The space between notes in music is the greatest interpretation! Creation began in Silence.

Drinking with the Devil in the Pale Starlight!

2010-08-05T02:42:00.001-06:00

I drank with the Devil in the pale starlight

And His spirits danced around me.

Fear gripped me in their whirling dance
And ecstasy overtook me.
I am everywhere and I am no-where,
I am within and I am without,
I am deep within the Earth,
And in the Highest Heavens.
The stars seemed so much brighter,
The air seemed so much cleaner,
When I drank with the Devil in starlight.
My mind is sharpened,
My will is strong,
My wisdom is increased.
I wait for my Master
And toast His name
And share a Holy Feast.
O, Goat-Eyed Angel,
Twisted and Horned
Come forth from the Undying Lands!
Sit with me and drink with me
And speak with me in Dreams.
I drank with the Devil in the Pale Starlight,
And, O, what visions did I see.
I shall do it again,
And when I do
Perhaps you will dine with me.
Lammas 2010 Angus

Resurrection of the Meadow

2010-08-04T18:11:00.002-06:00

This is the newest book by Mister Robin Artisson. I have just finished in one sitting (it was rather short, but chock full of information)and it was very inspirational! He has this ability to throw in a lot of information in a short amount of pages, I love it. The book affirmed many ideas that I have been meditating about and has made many of his other exercises much easier to understand.

It truly was a wonderful little book and I can't suggest it enough. If you read his book Witching Way of the Hollow Hill you will notice a subtle difference in the way of his writing style and in the depth of the Sorcery entailed. As is my way I will have to read it again to plunge deeper into the writing but on the surface this book was truly a work of the Art. The poetry was symbolic and esoteric; I loved it.

Invocation and Evocation

2010-08-03T19:21:00.003-06:00

Determinded Ritual Action

2010-08-03T12:08:00.003-06:00

Wassail!

The Rite of Arrival went well last night. My dreams were a mixture of many things and I received some wisdom, but I have forgotten most of it. I will try again in the next couple of days. But I would like to go through the ritual that I did with you all and talk about Determined Ritual Action.

I take out all of my tools to my back yard and bring my Stang and my Lantern last to symbolically light my way to my makeshift Covenstead. The air is still, the heavens full of an urban star system. There is no sound as I make my way across my yard to the fence that is so perfectly there. I then set my Lamp down and place my Stang in both hands closing my hands and centering myself, preparing myself for the journey ahead. I face North as that is the preferred direction for such things.

I open my eyes and begin my statement into the Underworld. I state that I come in the names of the Devil and the Dame, away from hedges and the comfort of home and hearth, away from Church Bells and narrow streets full of people. I make my decent into the Underworld slowly after a few moments. My Stang drags behind me in the dirt make a light furrow in the ground. Three times I walk around, my statement of intent dripping from my lips as I plunge into the Unseen Places of the In-between.

I come back to my starting point and take a few deep breaths. My journey was long and already I beginning to feel the pressure that I have so associated with being in the process of magic. A certain fear grips me as well as now I can sense the spirits of the city in which I live. They are powerful and angry but curious as to what I am doing as well.

I look down into my cauldron and see the waters by the candle light. I place my left hand within and bless the water in the name of Azael, the Shining Goat. The water is now the medium of spirits and the track roads in which the come by. It circles me and becomes the River of Souls, a medium for Spells. I look down at the candle and light it remember that it is the Light within the Land, the Seat of Flame and the Portal to the Otherness. It is the Kindly Light, the Leading Light. I light it and bless it in the Herodias's name.

I center myself again, feeling out my awareness to the Underworld in which I am not apart of. I am now fully in a trance and it can only become deeper. I take out my implements, my focusing of Art and bring them to the River's Edge: My branching staff, the lamp of art, and the bountiful cup. The compass is defined and now I can do my work. I open up my hands and breath deeply, slipping deeper into a trance. My words, my statement that I have reversed myself and have come down into the Underplaces rumble out, much louder than before. My words carry through the Underworld and I know that I am a part of it now.

I kneel down and begin make calls to the Hidden Powers of the Land beneath my feet. I call to them in the Name of Fate and in the Name of the Master. I ask them to come before me and teach me wisdom, to come before my Kindly Light and to not be afraid. And come they do. I see them before me as a mass of dark power, they try to impress me and I am impressed. They stand right on the other side of the candle and I see them both in my minds eye and slightly with my physical eye. I greet them and introduce myself as my name and my mother's name. They grin at me slowly and gesture towards the meal.

I take up the goblet and pray inwardly to Her. The cup is then blessed in Her holy name to bring wisdom to us both. I set it down slowly. After a moment I lift up the bowl and pray inwardly to my Master. I bless the bread in His name to bring us strength and power. I set it down and take the cup to my lips slowly, staring determinedly at the spirit of the land beneath my feet. I take the cup in the Lady's name, and in your name, Hidden Powers for She shall gather me home again and you shall teach me wisdom. The Spirit smiles wickedly it seems as it watches me take a sip of the drink. As the wine touches my tongue my trance grows instantly deeper and my mind becomes sharper. There are many spirits around me now, hovering on the outside of the River. I take up the bread and I do the same, taking it in the Unknown name and the name of the Hidden Powers. As I do so I distinctly see the Hidden One bow his head as I almost orgasmically take the bread into my mouth. I savor the taste of this living bread; it feels as though I have not eaten in a long time.

I set the bread down and sit back for few moments, praying silently to myself. I allow the trance to deepen. Then I take up the cup of the remaining wine and pour it into the bread. I offer it up and begin to Hiss. I sway around as I hiss, offering up this sacrifice to the Hidden Powers. The spirits move around me and snakes rise up and hiss with me. It becomes I cacophony and I feel like shouting out but I do not. I continue my hissing to the very end and then I stand abruptly and bring the bowl of sacrifice, the Grail, over to the Stang. I pray inwardly to the powers below and then I pour the sacrifice onto the Stang. I give it the Devil and his Dame. I give it to the ground. I give it to the Hidden Powers that I may grow in wisdom and receive dreams of wisdom. We are one by the Mystery. So Shall it Be.

I return to my starting place and sit back. Instantly I am told to drink more wine so that the Hidden Powers may have some to. I respond obediently. The trance sharpens once more and he tells me to spill it upon the Stang. I do so. I am told a prayer that I call out to the Master. But I no longer remember it. It was, I believe, a Prayer to find a place of working far removed from my simple back yard, which was indeed a secondary objective. I am told to hiss, lower than I usually do and the power perfects the Hiss. I respond well to the lower sounds and the lower hiss that he has me focus upon strengthens the trance. I lay back in a daze and stare up into the heavens and feel the power of the Land beneath me, the Hollowness of it.

And then I exit. I leap out of the East back into the Land of the Living. And then I remove my self from my makeshift covenstead. The place where I offered my sacrifice has become a place of contact. I will not have to do a full compass round anymore, I was told. On Wednesday and then on Saturday I shall make contact again.

I went upstairs and quickly undressed before getting into bed. I could see energy pathways and I was truly aware. But I was also tired, but not bodily so. It felt as though I had come back from a long journey, which I had. Time did not exist and an entire hour passed in the space of what felt like nothing. I still wonder how long I sat there staring up at the heavens listening to the Hidden Powers but not at the moment making sense of the words. Just sitting there and feeling everything. It was wonderful.

As I lay in my comforting bed I pictured a door upon a hill. I knew that this would probably not work as I had had problems with it before, but perhaps. I pictured myself standing next to that door and kneeling next to it. But before I could knock three times and open the door I slipped into unconsciousness. Perhaps next time. The dreams I had were interesting. I indeed received knowledge but whenever I awoke I forgot to write it down in the journal next to my bed. It is understandable.

Maybe next time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There we go. So, Determined Ritual Action, what does this mean. This means taking your time with your ritual. Every action should be determined, every action should have purpose. From the moment you step up to your working area to the moment you leave it everything that you do should have a meaning, whether symbolically or mundanely (such as lightly a candle). Your words should be focused and not droning. Try not to let your mind wander.

This is the turning point of magic. This is what makes results or not. If you are unfocused and stray thoughts are coming in such as "This is stupid." or "What are those words again?" If you get the first, refocus yourself and try again. I remember I was lighting the candle in Her name and I said I light this flame in the name of Fate, Queen Elfen, and so on. And on one name a little voice said in my head "No you don't." So I changed the name to Herodias "There you go." said the voice. I can't remember what name it was that I used....but obviously my Self did not agree and wanted me to use a different name. I didn't really have problems after that. At one point on my slowness when I was walking around a voice said "Go faster, dammit!" but I did not listen. I took my time and focused my intent on going down into the Underworld.

Just stay focused and know that what you are doing has purpose. It should tire you out whether physically or mentally. But do not let that worry you or anything. If you follow the way that I do things you will feel hungry whilst you are in the Underworld, not like a gnawing hunger, but just...well when you eat the bread it will feel amazing lets say that. Because you are eating the bread and taking the wine for the person with whom you are sharing the Housle. And for some, like the Hidden Power here where I doubt there are any practitioners like me for miles, have not had anyone talking to them for a while. I sensed that there were some that had, but not like me. I was completely new. As I predicted the Power was wary of me and stayed beyond the candle light at first. That was okay, I didn't force it. But after I let the sacrifice out it surrounded me and became brighter as it were. At least it was no longer a condensed mass of darkness.

But remember this: Ever action echos in both worlds. The gods will hear you when you speak with heart and with mind. If you are just droning a speech without really paying attention most likely nothing will happen. Say it with emotion, it doesn't have to be said loudly. A whisper has as much power as a shout if you say it with conviction.

Wassail and Frith,
Angus.

Hymn to Pan

2010-08-02T17:29:00.001-06:00

A Prayer for the Sacrificial King

2010-08-01T14:29:00.001-06:00

Goat-eyed Master, Lord of Light and the Fields, Servant of Fate, Sacrificed One and Reverser I come before you with words of worship. I come before you as a Servant of the Cunning Flame, as a Servant of Fate, and as a Son of the Art Magical. The Land has been fruitful this many a moon and now the Land is dying. The food is plentiful, the powers strong, but the Summer months are coming to a close. Winter's frigid breath licks at my heels amongst cool breezes. As you return to the Land in your Sacrifice may I also take the journey with You, O King. May my sacrifice give power to the Land and may I give back to the Land as it did give to me. As Your body is ripped and torn and burned and drowned so too may I feel Your pain and sacrifice. I weep by rivers and streams, upon hills and in valleys for my Dying Prince, for my Sacrificed King, for You, my Master. I revere Your sacrifice for the Land and for Your People. I stand in awe of your Grandeur. You are my savior and I put no trust in other things for I know You shall guide me and protect me as You have always done. The Land is thick with the blood of Your beautiful body and from the Land shall come beautiful plants and animals and all Life. Death comes, Life shall return. I take of this grain and of this wine knowing of Your Sacrifice, knowing of your Return. I give this Sacrifice, this Offering back to the Land, knowing of my Sacrifice, and knowing of my Duty to Celebrate Your Return! The King is Dead, Long live the King! So Shall it be by Toad and Hare, by Crow and Serpent!

Lammas 2010 Angus

Sacred Land

2010-07-31T17:32:00.004-06:00

Sacred Land. What is Sacred Land? As a Traditional Witch the very Land around me is sacred to me. But this topic goes a bit deeper than that, literally.

Sacred Land is the both the physical Land that the witch sees around hirself and the Inner Land, the Land of the Gods and of the Ancestors. When a witch lays down the compass xe reaches down into the physical Land, digging down deep and nestling hirself into the currents of the River of Blood. This river is the current of our ancestors. From here does the witch work magic and connect to hir Source.

I, currently, am not in my normal place of living. I am far removed my mountain lands and much closer to the ocean. There is an environmental difference and a cultural difference. When I first arrived in Washington I fell into a terrible sickness that lasted a few days. This always happens when I travel because I am away from my working environment and from my natural habitat. Though in general I have always felt disconnected upon American soil. My true home is across the ocean and in the Old Country, but more on that later.

So, what do I do here? I feel so disconnected that I can hardly concentrate sometimes. In Montana I had always felt disconnected, but there was also a sense of belonging because my mother had shed her blood for me and my birth. I was born in Montana, nothing will change that and it will always be my home. When I am there I create my Sacred Land and reach down to my ancestors.

Here it is different. Modern society has choked up everything here. There are hardly any remote areas where spiritual activity is at its most powerful and indeed the spirits of the city are powerful but aloof and wary of strangers like their living counterparts. Even further the spirits of the dead Indians that once resided in the valley are angry and not very friendly at all to European descendants, myself included!

So I really just have to find a place to reconnect with the land. I am not used to living in a suburban area, so it is really quite different for me. Back home I was able to go out in my backyard a ways and settle down and Connect, but here it is different. I have houses on all sides of me and anyone can just peak over and inquire as to what I am doing. I have a solution to this little problem.

I was searching through my books for some inspiration when I came across Robin Artisson's (yes, I'm like a zealous disciple, piss off) essay on the Sabbatic flight. I scanned through it and came to the part about oeneric workings. Here was the idea that I found: One can connect to the Land in a far remote place and after the connection is made petition to take a bit of the Land back home to the city so that one may always connect at any time. I also had a bit of inspiration from The Golden Compass as the witches in that novel have pieces of the land that they were initiated upon which gives them their powers. From here I could mix part of the gift from the Land onto my current property making it sacred (I have always felt that modern society destroys the sacredness of the land with its bloody pollution...) and becoming its protector as I was back home.

Just an idea to get reconnected I suppose.

Power

2010-06-24T02:56:00.003-06:00

I was recently asked about why I practice magic. They asked it as though I had some noble intention for practicing it. I pondered over it for a few moments, trying to figure out what to say precisely that would appeal to them. Why does one practice sorcery? As each magician is different so will too will their answers be different from one another.

My answer is plain and simple: I practice sorcery for the pure sport of it and for the power. I lust for power. I want to become strong, powerful, feared, respected and so on. Sorcery is my chosen path for this.

Now many people are probably saying: "Well then it isn't going to work for you."
Why not? Why will my magic not work for me if I practice it to obtain archaic power? Is it any different than practicing it to "save the Earth" or something? Are you not wanting to gain the correct power to save the Earth? Yes, you want power, but you do not lust after it like I do.

It is the same as a curse, I think. Some people don't use curses, some people don't believe they work, some people, like myself, cast curses for monies (and then do the counter-curse for more monies :D). Humans are greedy creatures. We are sinful creatures by nature. Society has tabooed greed, lust, wrath, gluttony, pride, envy, apathy, vanity because society fears to explore these deeper, more primal parts of our minds. What's the harm in taking a stroll and just feeling nothing for anyone if you then balance it later with compassion.

Balance is key to a good life. Robin Artisson wrote an excellent article on the nature of the soul and how it swings between misrule and order. We must balance our lives in this oscillation. I seek power and in return I serve the Queen and her Court. In return I give out my power willingly, give out my knowledge willingly to those who seek it. Those who hoard their knowledge and power are doomed to die with it.

So, yes. I practice sorcery for the power. I wish to scale the greatest heights, stretch the barriers of magic further than they have ever been stretched and breach walls that have been set up by others. I want to scour the occult knowledge of history and find new clues to better my magic and my power over my Self.

Many people will disagree with me, seeing magic as a spiritual vehicle for a better life. I see it as a tool. A tool that must be utilized at all times to get around problems. Every moment is a moment of magic, every moment is a show of Power.

I answered the fellow: I don't know, I just do.

Black Sheep

2010-04-10T18:09:00.001-06:00

Your mind tricks make me chuckle,
and are easily done when I am distracted
Mostly I feel obligated to satisfy your curiosity
to feel accepted.
Which is a silly thing, really .
But to not be accepted by someone who I wish to accept me,
would be accepting that I am useless and easily forgotten.
So I allow myself to give off the information of my body freely.
So that I am not longer a black sheep.

Waiting

2010-04-10T18:08:00.001-06:00

Waiting on a darkened street corner
with only one spotlight.
And a faulty one at that.
Kinda cold here, kinda frigid.
But I'm just waiting.
I'm waiting for that awesome juxtiposition
that will likely blow my mind.
Rather like that actively faulty spotlight
on that dreary, empty stage.
No audience, save me.
Whomever wrote this play was not that good.
And the artistic director needs to
take a class in decor.
Kinda lonely here, kinda frightening.
Creeping headlights crawl forward.
The doors open but I shake my head.
I don't want to join in your little ride.
That will be a tough act to follow,
that driver's face.
I watch retreating red tail lamps
which fade into darkness.
Much like me.
Technically I am not here,
I am just waitng.
Waiting for the show to begin
on that dark, empty stage
with its broken spotlight.
The curtains are parted and there
is little original scenery.
Mostly some brown grass
and a few windblown pines.
It's drafty in here.
I don't think this show
is going to start any time soon.
I've been here for so long
I think I will go.
Oh, wait, here is someone.
He is coming downstage
and stepping into that spotlight
that doesn't work well.
Much like this play.
Now he is on the pavement.
I have been waiting a long while.
Keen on seeing this soloist
who will fulfill my deepest dream.
Come forth dark wanderer
and let me have it.
I will take it.
You do not perceive me.
You can not even know the maddness
of waiting.
Well, now you will know.
Now they all will.
"Follow me."
And so we do.
Into further darkness
away from the stage.
Take of me the fruit of the serpent
and become aware.
his eyes are darkening now.
He will not remember.
He will forget.
He will only feel.
Only feel and forget.
All is as it should be.

~Angus April 2010

The Promiscuity of the Homosexual

2010-04-10T14:26:00.005-06:00

Often I have been told that I am anomaly. In the past I was part of the usual gay hookup sites like Manhunt or Gay.com. On such sites I would be looking for something that many of us are looking for here: Romance, Love, the works. Always I was contacted by people older than I was searching for sex. Sometimes I got the occasional guy that was my age, but I think I scared most of them away from what I wanted and what I was interested in (you know, intelligence?). Sex, sex, sex. It is indeed a wonderful and beautiful and sometimes profoundly deep event to undertake. However, there is a vast majority in the gay (male mostly) community that see it as something that needs to be had all the time.

This is not to say that it is prevalent in the heterosexual community, but because we are homosexuals and are mostly portrayed as sexual offenders more attention comes our way about that type of stuff. And I really do think that this particular stereotype about the homosexual community is slightly true. Truly I am usually disgusted when as soon as I meet a guy that is homosexual there is no talking about anything cultured. It's simply: Kiss me; Oh, let me feel you up. Look, I have a condom, let's have sex.

Yes, we are men, and yes we have hormones, but can we not learn a little self-control? It is starting to become a requirement to be gay, I feel, if you had sex with at least twenty-odd people. Is it truly that important that we, as gay men, must have sex to be accepted as homosexuals? People tell me: "Oh, that is just what gay people do." What, do we have Sexual Roles now in addition to Gender Roles? What if I do not want to comply with that little aspect of homosexuality? "Well, then you are just a prude." Ha, right.
I was once having a conversation with someone about relationships in the homosexuality community and why they seem to last for only a few months to a few days or what have you. And the person I was having a conversation with told me: "Having long-term relationships is a straight thing." That pulled my goat! So being happy with one person for the rest of my life or for a long period of time is now a "Straight" thing. What the fuck does that even mean?

Mus we always have roles that we need to fill in society? Why must we act a certain way to be homosexual or straight or what have you? It disgusts me, frankly. No, not the idea of sex, but the idea of having sex with someone you have only met moments ago. This is most epitomized in the character Brian from Queer as Folk. He is a partier and loves to fuck all the time. Because he doesn't want to identify with the "Straight" community.

Straight, gay, bi, pansexual. Do these labels even matter in the end? In the end sex is sex. You stick a straight thing into a hole.

Here is my theory: As gay men we are not allowed to be intimate with other gay men at a young age. So when all the straight folks are discovering the act of kissing when they are twelve or so, we as gay men are looking on women at that age and saying to ourselves (possibly): "Well, I am not attracted to her." So then we wait to find a boy that has the same sexual persuasion as us and we have to hide our nature because we are considered taboo by popular society. When we get that first kiss we are maybe eighteen or maybe older. And by now our wonderful "sex-wanting" hormones have kicked in so we instantly go a-sexing amongst the sheets so clean because we have not had the six-plus years of exploring such things and slowly opening up to it over time that we need it NOW dammit, Sex me now! Our insecurities get the better of us and we just resort to jumping from bed to bed because we were never able to have actual relationships because for the past however long it is taboo. But society is slowly opening up to it. But sadly some of the homosexual community is giving a bad name to the rest of us.

Recently I put on my Facebook information that I like Men. Instantly the ads changed to things like: "Chat with hot guys in your area." With a half-naked boy about to put his hands down his underwear. Or "Gay porn now!" "Hot guys, hot chat!" et cetera, et cetera. Sex is a very primal thing, but that "hot guy" might be the dumbest person I have ever come across in my life.

Is it so wrong that I wish to be friends with someone before I have sex with them? Is it so wrong that I wish to be comfortable with the person emotionally before I have sex with them? Some people (straight or gay) have the wonderful ability to have sex with no strings attached. Oh, yes, because that is a fantastic thing to do. A cheap thrill for a couple hours and then you never talk to the person again. Yes, that is absolutely fantastic. My Libra is showing, excuse me. But still: Must homosexual relationships exist only on two month thrill rides with some hot young guy or one night stands with a drunk fellow you met at the rave?

The other thing that happens often (speaking of young people) is the age thing in the homosexual community. As soon as you hit thirty you start to go off the radar for a vast majority of the community. And at forty you might as well not exist anymore and just hide under a rock somewhere. Do even get started on beyond forty. In "gay years" as my friends call them forty is the age of death. You die as a gay guy at forty. Why?

Because we lost our years of youth in the time when we were the fucking closet. That is why older men want to be with younger guys to remember their youth. And there are some older guys that want to be with older guys, but those other older guys (the ones that want to have sex with younger guys) don't even notice their own peers hitting on them and asking them out on a nice dinner-date. Frankly, it's sad and degrading.
Now, I am not an agist, I make friends with everybody. But I don't want a relationship with someone vastly older than I am. It would be like having a relationship with my grandfather and that is just...wrong on so many levels. Personally, I can't wait to grow older and experience the glory of pills and walkers (See Old Dogs with Robin Williams and John Travolta for what I mean here). To be able to wave my cane at the younger generation and yell: "Get off my lawn you hooligans!" and then they laugh and spray pain a nasty word on my car and then ride off on their skateboards. I look forward to that sort of thing! I know, I'm weird!

Recently (very recently) I made a very horrible mistake to myself. I promised myself that upon moving to Spokane I was going to turn over a new leaf. I was going to not have sex with the first gay guy I met just because they were attractive in physical body. And I broke that vow to myself. Yes, I was drunk (off an excellent cognac) and I told the boy that I get very touchy feely when I am drunk (which is true, I'm rather ridiculous. This is precisely why I don't get drunk that often). And so, you can probably guess at the rest. Luckily in my drunken state I did an affirmation that I would not remember any of it and I don't. I just know it happened because he told me about it the next day in an email saying how much fun he had and yadda yadda yadda.

I was so disappointed in myself. So very angry that I had done what I hate most about my nature of being both a boy and a homosexual: I have the insatiable need for sex. It is in my nature, yes, but I have never, ever been comfortable with any of my partners. Never. And I know it is because I don't know them. I may know them by name or by face or something, but I do not know them. Really know them in a personal matter. It was just: "I want to kiss you." Mmk... Kiss, oh I have a condom, let's have sex.

And I go along with it to be accepted. Ha! Why would I want to degrade myself, sink that low into that dark pool in order to be accepted by some nimrod narcissistic nymphomaniac? Shall I allow myself to do that with all homosexuals I meet just to be accepted by them? To be loved by my fellow homosexuals?

No, no longer. If you are still reading this, I commend you for your patience. If I am going to be accepted by someone that is homosexual they will accept me for who I am and not how much of a thrill they can get out of me from sex.

I challenge you, fellow reader, can you do the same? Gay or straight, I care not. Can you overcome the need for Sex First, Know Later?

I can, and I will.

Scott

2010-04-07T03:20:00.003-06:00

My brother, Scott, once lived and laughed
as I do now.
But now he is gone
With only a memory to remain.
He fell, that day.
Fell because of some stupid mistake.
I'll never have him back
Except in my dreams.
He once loved and lived and laughed,
Much like I and you today.
We will never hear his laugh
Save in his offspring's smile.

~Angus April 2010

I am moved to tears so much

2010-04-06T03:35:00.005-06:00

I am moved to tears so much
now a days.
A simple laugh from a child
a leaf falling
or a flower opening.
I stifle Them, or I try to.
Really, I try.
But They still come.
They come from deep within.
Deep inside my sinuous muscles
and frigid bones
and purple blood.
They well in the bottom
of my eyes.
And then They fall
thick and slow and warm
all because of a cat stretching
a couple walking
or a voice singing
or a symphony's crescendo.
I am moved to tears
and collapse at both beauty
and wickedness.
Collapse into a molten pile
of human sea water.
I will stay in that pile
for maybe moments
or for hours.
Sometimes I let Them come
mostly I don't.
Now a days
I'm moved to tears
because of you.

~Angus April 2010

Someday.

2010-04-04T01:48:00.002-06:00

Love isn't of flowers and chocolates
Of intelligent conversation.
It is of deep looks in endless eyes.
Love is two souls brought together
By a principle of attraction.
Feel my touch against yours
And we shall vibrate the starry heavens.
I will breath your name into a wind.
I yearn for an embrace
Only you are sure to give.
Love is a light that hums
When two souls combine
To dance to their unique song.
I shall feel your touch
As I feel your love
Someday.

~Angus April 2010

Dirty skeletons litter these streets

2010-03-26T16:11:00.003-06:00

Dirty skeletons litter these streets.
They hold little cans
Hoping to make a living.
But they blend into the background
Unnoticed by those, like me,
That made seemingly right choices.
Darkened, empty, psychoactive eyes
Bore into the pockets and purses
Hungry for a bit of coin,
Hungry for a second chance.
Tremulous lips and trembling hands
Touching and praying
Hoping to be noticed.
Innocent eyes are now marred
By the cold reality of being Alone.
They are unseen,
They are unwanted,
They are left unloved.
A pitiful mess of bloating rags
Left to rot is fed upon,
Scavenged for scraps and coin.
On the streets no one notices,
No one sees, no one hears
The moaning, and the pleading
For a bus fare.
Such a simple thing is dismissed.
Is it so hard to squeeze from pride
A few drops of coin and time?

~Angus March 2010