She Exclaimed

Hot Days and Sweet Memories

2018-01-25T06:00:00.000-08:00

Hi Friends!

I love the "on this day" feature that Facebook has. I enjoy getting to see how much my children have grown and how much my life has changed. I have shared old stories before and I'm sure there are many more to share. Here is one special day I was reminded of and hope I don't forget.

"Harper went down for a nap right around lunch time today. I was so happy! Naps have been a real struggle since we moved. I encouraged lunch to go as fast as it could for Ella and I with the hopes that MAYBE I'd get a few minutes of quiet. Just as Ella was about to head upstairs for a nap, I brewed a cup of coffee, confident that I would get at least 5-10 minutes of quiet to enjoy it. As I was kissing Ella and telling her sweet dreams I thought to myself, "forget the coffee, I'll lay down for a nap!" I quickly came downstairs to refill my water and ran back upstairs, as quietly as humanly possible. I I turned on the fan, fluffed the pillow, checked the monitor, to see that both girls were really in bed. I sat on the bed, took a deep breath and gave myself a little encouragement. "Things are getting better. She's napping. She'll start sleeping through the night again soon. I can do this. Just a little power nap and I'll have lots of energy this afternoon. Okay get some sleep while you can." That's what I said to myself. That's the happiness I felt as I let myself lay down on that nice fluffy bed. The sound of the fan, the breeze, and.... The UPS TRUCK!! OOOOOOOOHHHH NOOOOO! Just as my head hit the pillow I heard that vile engine revving it's way up the hill and just as I expected it was quickly followed by the whaling of my sleep deprived, teething 6 month old! Why for the love of everything good and rested does that ugly, brown truck come up our hill every day during nap time?

Of course when I walked in little baby Harper's room she instantly stopped crying and replaced her turned out lip with the biggest, almost no longer, toothless grin. Arms and legs flailing outward, waiting to hold her comfy momma. She wrapped me in the biggest hug her little body could muster and opened her mouth wide for a big cheek slobber kiss. Her giggles made my exhausted frustration melt away. Down the stairs we went. My coffee greeted me with its sweet aroma and I'm now enjoying the quiet of a nursing baby and a warm cup. Maybe naps are over rated. Maybe spending time with each girl, while the other naps, is more important right now. Coffee though. Coffee is my trusty companion.

Of course when I walked in little baby Harper's room she instantly stopped crying and replaced her turned out lip with the biggest, almost no longer, toothless grin. Arms and legs flailing outward, waiting to hold her comfy momma. She wrapped me in the biggest hug her little body could muster and opened her mouth wide for a big cheek slobber kiss. Her giggles made my exhausted frustration melt away. Down the stairs we went. My coffee greeted me with its sweet aroma and I'm now enjoying the quiet of a nursing baby and a warm cup. Maybe naps are over rated. Maybe spending time with each girl, while the other naps, is more important right now. Coffee though. Coffee is my trusty companion."

My, oh my, how things have changed. When I read this my first thoughts were how much I miss having a nursing baby and how I still have a love affair going on with coffee. Second, how I miss living in Hawaii. When I was living in this moment I was overwhelmed with the heat and loosing the comfort of central air. I still think back and remember how miserable some days were, but now the things that stand out in my mind, about living on Pulelo Street, are how beautiful my yard was and how gorgeous the ocean and mountains looked from the upstairs windows.

It's a nice reminder that we should look for the joy in each day. Although every moment can't be lovely and rememberable, if the overall temperament of our life is looking upwards, then when we look back we will remember the beauty and not the frustrations of the day to day. We can remember the sweet cuddles of our cute children and not the hot temperatures and loud UPS trucks.

So now I will go and play with my children and look at their sweet little faces as they tell me stories and imagine a world from the comfort of the play room. I'll try not to dwell on the piles and piles of clean laundry that needs folding or the floors that need swept. Today, or at least for the next half hour, I will focus on the good and not the bad, in hopes that when I look back on this day, several years from now, I'll remember it as a good day.

Cheers!

Sarah

Edit

The Child I Lost

2018-01-17T19:34:00.001-08:00

Hi Friends!

When I sat down to write today I started with a completely different topic in mind. As words started to flow from my fingers I somehow started writing about the child I lost. In one of my first posts I spoke about my journey in becoming a mother. There was a small little paragraph that mentioned that I had lost a child prior to my sweet E being born. I promised I would tell that story one day. I guess today is that day.

I remember the day I found out I was pregnant for the first time. No, not with my oldest child, before that. I remember crying so passionately. I was so completely overcome with joy. I put my hand on my stomach and even though I couldn't physically feel anything, I felt it with my heart. With my soul.

I visited a doctor that day. I had felt poorly for several weeks and I just wasn't getting better. The older man that saw me swore to me that I was pregnant. I took a test, it said no, and he told me he still felt I was with child. I did find this a little odd, being that the test he showed me was clearly void of the thin blue line, but he was a little eccentric and persistent. He shook his head, after starring at the test for a while, and sent me on my way with a prescription for dizziness and nausea.

I climbed into the front seat of my friend's car and spoke with her and my, in fact, newly pregnant friend and we headed on our way to the pharmacy. We spoke about our husbands, who all worked together, and of the strangeness of the conversation I had had with the small doctor.

15 minutes after I had departed the office I received a phone call from an unknown number. I answered to find the voice of the doctor on the other line. He said, with great excitement, "do NOT take the medication!" I was confused. Before I could ask him to explain he told me congratulations and that he was right. "I kept your test because I just knew in my heart that you were pregnant. After I saw my next patient I went back to check your test and there is a line. You are probably just a couple of days pregnant. Take a home test in a few days and you will get a positive!"

What?

Before I could say thank you and hang up my face was covered in tears. My heart was racing and I felt the most pure joy I had ever felt. I hung up the phone and just laughed and cried. My friends were anxious to hear what had happened and repeatedly asked me what the phone call was about. After a few moments of realization I told them the good news. "I'm PREGNANT!!" There were lots of screams and laughter and "oh my goodness". I was going to be a mother. I was pregnant. My good friend in the car with me was only about 6 weeks ahead of me. We would be pregnant together. We would have children only a month, or so, apart and they would be best friends. It was perfect.

I had wanted to be a mother for as long as I could remember. I am the oldest of 6 and I had been called "little mama" for most of my life. I love children and a having a family has always been one of the most important things to me. Unless you have experienced being with child its hard to explain.

Elation

Jubilation

Euphoria

BLISS

Fast forward 8 weeks and laying on a doctor's office bed, cold and covered in crinkling white paper. Soft blue paint on the walls and photos of the staff's infants wrapped in pretty blankets and small children smiling, perfectly posed and flooded with perfect light. I remember holding my breath as the doctor inserted the uncomfortable device. Watching her face as it twisted and her lips pursed. Those words she told me forever etched in my memory.

"I'm so sorry. Your pregnancy isn't viable. You have lost it."

I was in total shock. The child I had wept with joy over was now no longer. I thought back to the feeling I had, when I had placed my hand on my midsection, knowing that there was love in there, but now I felt void. My heart pounded in my ears and I could barely lift my arms. The rest of the appointment was a blur. Insignificant after such earth shattering news is delivered. I remember going out to eat lunch after and barely being able to finish my meal.

The next few days were hazy. I tried to look for the good in such tragedy. The truth of the matter was, I was in a horrible place in my marriage and we both knew it wouldn't be long before things would be over. We told ourselves it must not have been meant to be. The truth is, it didn't really matter what I said out loud. I was hurting inside. I was crumbling like a cracker in a toddlers hand. Pieces of me falling to the floor to be swept up and deposited in the trash. My world had already began to fall apart for months, but this was the icing on the cake. The straw that broke the camel's back. I was devastated.

I carried that "nonviable" in my womb for months, afraid to undergo the procedure that was recommended over and over. I waited every day for the blood to start. I waited for the cramping, that I was assured would come. I waited and wept and slept and woke everyday hoping today would be the day a miracle would happen. I waited for death of that "mass of cells". I waited for anything to happen, but it didn't.

Appointment after appointment was had. Make sure. Just make sure. Finally, after those few months had past, the sweet blond haired doctor told me very firmly, but with much grace, that I needed to undergo a procedure to remove the baby or I could permanently damage my body and ruin any chances of having future children.

I called my mom. I needed her. I told her I needed her and she was there. She held my hand as they prepped me. She was there when I woke. She gave me the peace I needed. She gave me the comfort.

And just like that, it was over.

I bled for at least a week afterward. They didn't fully prepare me for the pain. Emotionally and physically. I couldn't have imagined the tears that would come as each clot left my body. I struggled until my due date passed. May 20th, 2009. That was the day. That was the day I should have given birth to my first child. Instead I spent the day in Basic Training. The night after everyone had gone to bed I got up and prayed. Prayed for that child. Begged it to be loved. Searched for the strength to somehow let go.

In the weeks between hearing the good news and bad news I lived in ignorant bliss. I read books and thought of names. I walked the baby section of every store I visited. One day my girlfriends and I went to Walmart. I just knew mine was a boy and my friend thought she was having a girl. (He ended up being a him) The third, non pregnant friends, bought us each a small sleeper and a toy. Mine was white with blue trim and covered in cowboy print. She also got me a little stuffed giraffe that could be wound up to play music. I kept that sleeper and giraffe. The only pieces of my little boy that I will ever have. My baby I was going to name Jacob.

Quite a few years later I met some great friends while we lived in England. They had a little boy named Jacob and the first time we watched him, while I was pregnant with E, he brought over his little lovie. It was a giraffe. It was warn and no longer made music, but there was no denying that it was the twin to my Jacob's giraffe that was stored in my closet upstairs. After I had E I decided that this giraffe needed to be loved. It ended up being one of her favorite toys. It now resembles our friend's giraffe. Tattered and loved.

I'll never forget the love I had for that baby. I don't care how small it was. I don't care how little time it was in my womb. It was there. I loved it. I had plans for it.

According to Americanpregnancy.org, "10-25% of all clinically recognized pregnancies will end in a miscarriage."

MLK Day

2018-01-15T06:37:00.000-08:00

Hi Friends!

Today I want to share this little video I saw on another blogger's page. It is so simple and powerful and who doesn't love the kid president?

I remember the first time I heard the "I have a dream" speech. I was in a summer theatre class and at the end of our play we all said the words. I was twelve years old. Now, I'm not putting blame on anyone, but that seems a bit old to be hearing those words for the first time. Today I'm going to talk with my kids about Dr. King. I'm not sure if they will understand what I tell them or if they'll even remember what I say, but the conversation needs to be had.

We don't need to only talk about being kind to people on MLK day, but everyday. It needs to be a part of the continuous conversations we have with our children. Being kind and treating others with respect is our duty as humans. As parents, teaching these values to our children is paramount.

"I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low. The rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight. And the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together. This is our hope."

If you have a moment, I encourage you to read Dr. King's famous speech. It isn't terribly long, but overwhelmingly powerful.

Happy Monday!

Cheers!

Sarah

Friday Favorites- Jimmy Kimmel invades the Start-Up

2018-01-12T00:30:00.000-08:00

Hi Friends!

I'm jumping back in with Friday Favorites. . .

1. Podcasts

I just discovered podcasts a few months ago and they are truly life changing. If you are a stay at home parent you know how lonely that can be. I love putting in an ear bud and getting to work around the house. It distracts me from what I'm doing. I feel engaged. I learn new things. Most importantly though, I don't feel quite so lonely. Sure, I'm not actually having a conversation, but I'm listening to one and there is something to that.

My favorite show is "The Simple Show". Tsh Oxenreider is an adventurous mother who strives to live a simpler life. She talks about travel, books, and life at home with family. I always feel like I learn something valuable while listening to her and I really enjoy when she talks about the year she spent traveling with her family of 5! The beginning episodes she jumps around with lots of different types of hosts and in her later shows she locks down a few repeat guests.

2. Books

To piggy back on my love for Tsh Oxenreider, I have to recommend her book, "At Home in the World". She takes us on her journey around the world with her husband and 3 kids. I love to read travel books but most of them are about singles or couples with no children. I love how she shows the ins and outs of traveling with children. Its insightful, not just for long term travel, but traveling with children in general. I also love the themes of struggle she has between wanting to see the world and wrap her arms around travel, but also yearning for home, even if she isn't sure where that is.

"I was infected with an incurable sense of wanderlust, but I was also a homebody."

3. Wireless headphones

You probably aren't wandering how I am listening to these podcasts, but let me tell you anyway. Since I got my new iPhone, sans an aux port, I was forced to buy a new pair of bluetooth headphones. I love this wireless pair. I love the weight, the retractable cords, the buttons on the base. They really are my favorite pair of earbuds I've ever owned. If you need a new pair, or just don't like yours, check these out!

4. "Crowns"

H has found all the baby headbands and has found a love for them. Not as accessories for her outfits, but rather as a 'crown'. Yes, that is what she calls them. She loves to add multiple bands at once and will walk around with them on until they either get completely in her eyes, or we have to take them off for bath time. Of course I can never get her to cheese it up for the camera, but here are a few examples of her crown wearing.

One night, we put the girls to bed and went downstairs for a nice quiet viewing of Outlander. We had been down there for about an hour and a half. We thought the girls were both asleep, because we hadn't heard a peep from them. We turn off all the lights, start the dishwasher, and head up the stairs, for bed, to find THIS!! HAHA This girl had snuck out of bed, found some 'crowns' for her head and was crouching on the top step, just spying on us!! It gave us quit the startle, and laugh.

Sneaky ninja

Here she is wearing a pink dance outfit, a suede vest, a princess cape, approx. 5 headbands, reflective belt and a chef's hat, all on top of her regular clothes. Man, does this girl know how to show her style!

Just one crown for this silly girl

5. HQ Live.

Have you peeps heard of HQ Live? Some of our new friends introduced us to HQ Live on New Year's Eve and since then Donny and I have been testing our trivia skills every chance we get. It's a new start up and what you do is, sign on whenever they are live, about 2pm and 8pm CST, and answer 12 questions. If you get all 12 questions right you split the prize money with whoever else won. Its fun and silly and every now and again you get a snazzy host like Jimmy Kimmel!! Wow, that was a surprise. I was actually writing this post and received a notification that HQ was live. I stopped to swing for the fences and there he was. HA It's fun and I love helping out start ups, so check it out!

There it is, folks! The favorites of the week. Check back next Friday to see what else I've discovered.

Cheers!

Sarah <3

Life as Usual

2018-01-10T11:00:00.002-08:00

Hi friends!

To start things off, I have to say Thank YOU! I have received so much positive feedback from my last post. Writing about my journey with depression was not an easy thing to do and I can't say enough how much it meant to hear that my words were appreciated and actually helped some. I also received a lot of "me too" and although it saddened me, it further showed just how common mental illness and depression in particular are common and all around us.

Now how do I move forward from such a tender topic? Thankfully life isn't filled with those big moments. Life is filled with the small days. Days that drag for some, race for others. That is

where I want to park for a while. I want to talk about the things that make our existence whole.

So a little catch-up on what's been happening in my life...

E is half way through her kindergarten year and loving her school. It took her a bit to get there though. For the first couple of months she insisted that I walk her all the way to class, each day. Then, one day she took the yellow ribbon from her Jessie (Toy Story) doll's hair and proclaimed that it was going to give her courage enough to be dropped off in the car line. She carried that ribbon in her backpack for about two weeks. Then, one day, she took the satin ribbon out of her backpack and threw it on the floor of our car. She professed that she was now brave enough to do this on her own. I almost cried with joy. How profound that moment was for her. My little girl grew up a little bit that day.

H is shooting up like a weed and as sweet as can be. She still prefers to be cuddled over playing independently, but when big sister is home she is her shadow. Potty training is in our near future and I'm avoiding it as much as I can. I am enjoying the sweet words that only a two year old can get away with. The most recent phrase is "why 'cause".... I'll tell her no, she can't do a particular activity, like stand on the table, and her response is "why 'cause?" The inquiries have started and although I know I will probably tire of their relentless presence, I am enjoying this season of her life.

I am once again Room Mom for Ella's class, I am in a playgroup, that I greatly enjoy, and I've been making friends. We found a gym we love and have been spending a little time there almost every day. We greatly enjoyed the festivities that engulfed the metroplex during the Christmas season and we even had a chance to go to a hockey game, since we've moved here. Lots of visits with family. Yard work, cleaning, and the usual mundaneness has filled in the spaces.

Walking the neighborhood with Aunt Grace

At the Gaylord Texan visiting their ICE! exhibit

H's first ice skating trip... Look at the camera kid!

The month of December was a whirlwind of bugs. Yes, the seen and unseen kind. It all started with E and the stomach flu. Husband had that a few days later. We thought all was clear and then the two littles and man came down with terrible colds. Then E got sent home from school with non other than LICE! My worst nightmare. That same night I had to take her to urgent care with a super high fever, incontinence, and just all over yuckiness. Turns out the poor girl had a UTI. A couple of days later we found out H had RSV and pneumonia. Then we got another round of stomach bugs and another round of hair bugs... again!! Whew.

Soaked these little girls down with olive oil for 8 hours, hoping to kill whatever might be living in those hairs

Christmas was wrapped up in all this sickness, but by some miracle we were all well the weekend of the big day. My mom, step-dad, brother, and sister all came to visit and we had a glorious weekend. Lots of food, relaxing, laughs, and of course Santa came. The girls had fun, but not near as much fun as the rest of us did watching them open their gifts.

I managed to make Christmas dinner for the family and was pleased that there was very little chatting around the table. This meant bellies were being filled and I welcomed the silence. Husband's favorite dessert is Key Lime Pie and I made my first one this year. This recipe was a hit, but I will say that squeezing 30+ key limes takes patience and hand strength. It was worth it to see his face though.

Since I was out of the blogging scene during all this, I failed to take any pictures. I know, I know. We had baked ham, fried turkey breast, sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, and roasted potatoes. I made my first apple pie, key lime pie, brownies, and rice crispy treats. Not all of these are considered traditional food, but its what we like so it was a hit. FYI, if you've never put cheese on your green been casserole... well, you are missing out!! Click the link to follow the recipe I use, but I add mozzarella cheese, instead of cheddar. Definitely not something your scale will love, but if it's the holidays who cares? Am I right?

I did take a couple of pictures on Christmas and this one is a favorite. E had begged and begged for make-up for Christmas and wrote Santa countless letters. I had told her Santa doesn't always bring everything on our lists, but after the 5th or 6th letter I decided maybe Santa would, in fact, bring a little makeup. She was, of course, overjoyed, and I caught her giving Nana a little makeover.

I don't know what its like to be a grandparent. I can only imagine the love. I do, however, know what it's like to see your parents become grandparents. My girls couldn't ask for better grands. They are so loved and I so enjoy seeing my parents love them.

That's it. Life as usual. Boring days, fun days, and just regular old life has been happening. I look forward to more writing and sharing my normal life with you. I hope you'll stick around.

Cheers!

Sarah

Fingernail Clippers

2018-01-02T10:52:00.000-08:00

Hi Friends!

Since my last post, several months ago, we have settled into our house, explored some of our new area, hosted holidays, made new friends and spend lots of time with family. It really has been a time of reflection, busy schedules, and getting into a new grove that is required with every relocation.

Now, you may be wondering, what happened? Why did you fall off the face of the internet? Well, there are a couple of reasons, but only one real reason. Yes, we have been extremely busy, our computer hasn't been working very well, and just life in general, but the real reason I stopped writing is I have been struggling with some pretty severe depression. No surprise I'm sure. I try to be honest in all areas of my life and I haven't held out on the emotional struggles I've had.

I always struggle with moving. I love new adventure. We are always planning our next move, but I always end up at the bottom of the depression pit. It's just part of my DNA. The first time I opening admitted depression was after I left the Air Force. I left a job I loved, a life that had given me so much meaning. A community that I felt connected with. I left all of that for a life at home with a newborn baby. Of course I was overjoyed to be a mother. I had dreamt of having a child long before I was ready. However, I never had envisioned being a stay at home mom. The whole idea of serving my family in that capacity was foreign to me. It didn't help that my husband still worked on the airplane I had just left. Worked with the same people I had seen every day. We lived across the street from the runway, and on warm English days, when we had our windows open, I could literally smell the jet fuel in my bedroom. The smells, the sounds, the visual reminders where all around me, yet I couldn't participate. Add quitting my job to the aftereffects of a very traumatic c-section recovery, which left me couch bound for nearly two months, and the hormones that come to every new mother, I was a disaster waiting to happen. I struggled with postpartum depression for nearly a year.

I suffered for a time after our move to California and then again when we relocated to Hawaii. After a time of being in Hawaii, my husband and I recognized what was happening, again, and that is when he told me to get some help. I found a wonderful therapist and she changed my life. I opened wounds that I thought had healed, but were only patched up. I found a purpose for my life. I started to love myself and those in my life that I had struggled to forgive. I eventually found great friends, found my groove, learned to live with lizards, and became happy.

And here I am again. The reasons we moved to Texas are many. We had many technical reasons behind the move, but ultimately we wanted to be near family. That aspect has been great! The girls are closer with grandparents, aunts, and uncles, than ever before. I am so incredibly grateful for those relationships and even if we end up moving away again, I know that this foundation will be enough to sustain them. When I found my therapist in Hawaii we discovered, together, that I needed medication. I was so reluctant at first, but overtime, and lots of conversation, I decided to give it a try. It was another life changing thing for me. If you have ever suffered from depression then you know the difference that comes with having the right medication. With my husbands new job came new medical insurance and as fate would have it we were uninsured for a whole month. That meant that I had to go off of my miracle drugs cold turkey. Then when our insurance was reinstated the new policy wouldn't cover the particular medication. It was the worst couple of months of recent memory.

I was more than just emotional. I was suicidal. Now, had I never been on medication in the first place I probably wouldn't have gotten so bad, but when you fix something and then let it fall all the way down, at once, things are going to get a little "crazy". I tried. I tried so hard. I called friends. I got out and exercised. I joined a play group. I KNEW that I was going to have a hard time, and I tried SO hard to combat it the best ways I knew how. It didn't work. I became scared of myself. My husband was terrified. I knew in my heart that I had a great life. I knew it and I recognized all of my blessings. I would say aloud all the things I had to be thankful for and that list was long. I am not normally a pessimistic person and that didn't change. I would tell myself to be happy. I would do things that usually made me happy, but I just wasn't happy. I cried, I was sick, I was tired. I felt like I had 50lb weights on each of my ankles. Weights with arms that were pulling me down no matter how hard I tried to stand up. The demons in my head replayed ever single bad experience I'd had in my life. I didn't just relive the memories, I FELT them. Every fight I'd ever had, every sexual assault, every harassing thing that I had already dealt with, and learned to move past, was suddenly attached to me like a lech, sucking the very soul from my body. I lashed out, I withdrew. I was a complete jumble of emotions and actions and I had no control over any of it. Like a bundle of balloons, strings all twisted and knotted together. I pulled at each string, but as I thought I had one area coming together, the others were simultaneously becoming more tangled.

The night that my spiral seemed to come to a climax was the night I physically hurt myself. Sure I had emotionally beat myself up for months, but I never put those thoughts into action. I don't even remember why I was so upset, but I remember running to the bathroom, barely able to breath. My head was not only pounding, the pressure made me feel like my eyes would pop out of their sockets. I thought about killing myself and taking the pain away, but it wasn't about relief for myself, it was relief for my family. I didn't want them to have to deal with me anymore. I didn't want my kids to see me cry anymore. I thought my husband could find a new wife, an emotionally healthy wife, that would, of course, love my girls, because who could help but love them. If all this happened then they would be so much happier. Of course I knew in my heart that this was ridiculous, but the demon, that was my mind, was screaming and thrashing about and using every inch of its being to try and convince me that leaving was the only way to spare my family the torture.

I frantically searched the cabinets. It was only the guest bathroom, so the cabinets were barren. I was searching for anything sharp that would inflict enough to cause me to see red. I did this almost automatically. The pain searing my ears, blurring my vision. The thing I found was a pair of fingernail clippers. I began clipping at my wrist at a frantic pace. squeezing the silver pieces towards each other as fast as I could and in the process tearing away the layers of skin. With each jab I felt more and more pain. Not sharp or searing, but dull pain. I clipped and clipped until I heard a knock at the door. I quickly felt shame and hid the device in the medicine cabinet. The sobs that followed would rival anything. I visibly shook. My nostrils filled with snot and my mouth became thick with saliva. All I could do was throw up and pray that some of the pain would leave my body, along with the insides of my stomach.

As if by some miracle, I roused from my intoxicated stooper. Intoxicated by demons, and pain and suffering. I quickly stopped my wailing and began to breath at a more normal rhythm. The pressure in my head subsided and I began to be able to breath again. I washed my hands and stared down at the small mark I had made on my wrist. It wasn't large. There weren't large amounts of blood, just a small trickle. However, the implications of what I had just done were not snuffed by the size of my wound. I had just purposefully hurt myself. I had been in so much pain that I thought my family would be better off without me. What an idiotic idea! How could anyone, possibly, love my children a fraction of how much I can love them. It just isn't possible. Only I can teach them the things I want to teach them. I could never let this pain get in my head again.

Just like that I was awakened.

Depression is so real. Quitting medication can be so dangerous. What if I had ran to my own bathroom that night? My own cabinets filled with sharp objects. Or what if I had been home alone and ran to the kitchen? The reflection of that night makes me sick to my stomach. A few days later, while having a coherent moment, I told my husband what had happened. I wept for the obvious fear I was giving him. I sent a text to some of my closest friends and begged them to check on me because I knew I needed those reminders that I was loved. Right around the time that this happened is when my insurance issues were resolved and I was able to resume the use of medicine. Thank the Lord for modern medicine. I am well. I am happy. I haven't had anymore thoughts of hurting myself.

I am lucky. Not everyone has the support system I have. Not everyone has a partner that will recognize the signs and encourage them to seek help. Not everyone is in the situation to get medication. The next time you hear of someone taking their life, please don't think of them with hate. Please don't call them selfish. Please don't blame their family. I am such a happy person and always have been, but I wanted to kill myself. I have a wonderful family and I wanted to leave them. I have the best of friends and I felt all alone. Depression is hard.

Depression is REAL.

Rainbow After the Storm

2017-09-14T13:30:00.001-07:00

If you have been following along you know that I haven't had the best of weeks. I reached a breaking point a few nights ago and spilled my guts for the world to see just how sad I had been. I am so thankful that I shared that post because I have had so many women message me privately, and publicly, to tell me how they feel the exact same way. Isn't it comforting to know we aren't alone? No one wants to feel alone.

Then yesterday I was browsing through Facebook and I came across a memory from two years ago. I had had a good day and this is what I said.

"After spending the entire day out with my family shopping I was feeling very thankful. I then started thinking how much I hope our girls remember all the fun things we do with them. I hope they will one day look back on their childhoods and it mostly be good and happy memories. I then reminisced on my own childhood and there are a few memories that really stick out in my mind. Spending the day at Red River, building sandcastles. Glueing Popsicle sticks together and building army forts in the back yard with my brother. My step-mom teaching me how to spell my middle name and how to cross stitch while we waited for the lights to come back on after a storm. Playing dress up in my mom's high heels. My happiest memories from childhood were from times when we didn't have a lot of money. We were creative in making fun. We spent quality time together! So next time I have extra free time and E is begging me to play Barbies with her I'm going to try my hardest to give her all my attention. I'm going to try and remember to jump on the trampoline a little more and dance around the living room when she's practicing her ballet. I, more often than I want to admit, let the daily grind cloud the fact that I can be a fun person. I am vowing to be more fun more often! All you parents out there that are having bad days think about your happiest childhood memories and then try giving that gift to your kids.

That's what I have to say about that "

What a refreshing memory to see after having such a bad day. It is a reminder that there are more sunny days than cloudy. So again, I leave the message. If you are having a bad day, think of your happiest childhood memory and maybe that will bring a smile to your face.

Cheers, Friends!

Dear Diary, Today I'm Sad

2017-09-12T18:05:00.002-07:00

Dear Diary,

Today has been rough. Actually, I'm not sure if it was rough or if my mind just can't make up its mind. Either way, I'm sad. I feel like I'm drowning. I think its the move. Sitting in a house all day, everyday, with nothing to do. I've been crocheting and that has helped, but there is only so much tying string in knots that can entertain a person. How did the women back in the day do it? How do moms now do it? I guess if I were in my own home, with my own stuff, I would be busy doing housework or some other mundane task and that would keep me from feeling like I'm suffocating. I need to survive until we get our things and until we get out of this apartment. So, I went to Hobby Lobby. I spent money, I probably shouldn't be spending, to make a new wreath. Wow, that's really inspired....

How can having children be the single most important thing and a curse, all at the same time? I love them, but I feel incomplete. I want to stay home and raise them. I love staying at home. I love that I get to kiss them all day long and decide what they eat and what they do and what they learn. I love that I carried them in my body. I love just looking at them. Except I feel like I am loosing potential. My brain is wasting away. I read some scientific piece that said women loose 5% of their brain, or something like that, when they have children. It doesn't surprise me.

And now I have guilt. What is wrong with me? Why do I feel this way? Are people going to think I'm a terrible mother if they know that I don't feel completed? My kids do not complete me. Pfft, that is so hard to say. I used to be this whole other person. I was strong and confident. I was desired and felt desirable. Now I feel mushy and old. Like a sandwich that was left untouched and now needs thrown away. I have a wonderful husband who desires me and loves me, but is it wrong to want to feel that about myself? Is it wrong to want to feel smart? I don't feel smart anymore. Is this what life is all about?

The circle of life thing is just weird. You spend the first few decades of your life growing and maturing and preparing for these monumental moments and then you reach them. You reach them and then what? What do you have to look forward to now? I know live life to the fullest, blah, blah. I do that. Truly I do. I've said numerous times that if I were to die tomorrow I would have died the most fulfilled person. I have been fulfilled. I'm talking about nature. What natural thing is next besides dyeing? Raising kids, right? That is what phase of life I am in right now. So why doesn't it make me complete?

Depression has to be it. I have known for so long that I struggle with depression, but I thought it was all under control. I have had to take medication for about a year now and my life has been infinitely better. It runs in the family. I still have to remind myself of that conversation I had with that family member that told me if I had a heart problem I would medicate, why is mental health any different. I know that, but I feel shame. I feel bad for my husband who has no clue what I am going through. He tires, but I still find myself hiding from him, afraid he will see the real me and not love me as much. How terrible is that? I am punishing him for something he hasn't done.

I sat on the couch and cried today and my children comforted me. Are they going to grow up and talk about MOM like some crazy? Probably. I guess I just need to get used to it. I am a mom so at some point they are going to hate me, or at least think they do. They will probably be "traumatized" in some way or another. Deep breaths, it'll be okay...

So that's it. I feel selfish for even being sad because as I type this I know of 2 women that recently lost their husbands and I am just torn up about it. I think of those women every single day when I start to feel sad. I wish I could hug them. I think of those parents I know who have lost their children and I feel so much guilt. How would I survive without my husband and kids? I love my life, but it isn't perfect. I'm not perfect.

A Small Change

2017-09-07T09:15:00.001-07:00

I've had a lot of time to think recently since I'm living the forced minimalist life. (read about that here)

Change. I cannot believe the changes I have personally made. I used to hate Texas and said that I would never move to such a place. I hated the cockiness. You know what I'm talking about. Texas sized this and Texas that. Country radio can't get over the state and the whole pride that its residence have was just about enough to make me want to barf. It doesn't help that I am from Oklahoma and the football rivalry runs deep. I'm also from a small area in Southeastern Oklahoma that has a beautiful lake, that is inhabited by Texas licenses plates every holiday weekend. All of that combined, had left a taste in my mouth that resembled copper.

Now I am a Texas resident and I have that 5 letter word on the back of my own truck. I even tried on a shirt a few days ago that proudly displayed the Texas flag and that lone star. Why do I have this change of heart? Well, I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure it has to do with maturity. Now, I'm not saying I'm mature, by any means, the Lowes delivery people walked in to my living room the other day while I was dancing to the Trolls soundtrack with my girls. However, I have lived a little now and I guess I learned not everything is what it seems. Maybe Texans are prideful because there is something to be proud of. Maybe it was time for me to move on.

So that is what I have done. I've moved on from my hatred of Texas. Good thing since I am living here and all my wordy possessions are in a box labeled TEXAS.

This has me thinking what else I should evaluate in my life. Is there anything else I'm holding on to that maybe is time to let go? I can think of quite a few and I am giving those things some thoughts.

So lets move on this week, folks. Think of one thing that you "hate" or dislike or that really bugs you and try and find a positive spin.

Letting go feels good.

Cheers!

Friday Favorites- Minimalism

2017-09-01T12:12:00.000-07:00

I know I've been neglecting my blog lately. Moving just has me all out of sorts. I love a good Friday Favorites though, so I am making sure to take the time to give you that today. So, without further ado...

Minimalism

I mentioned a few posts ago that I've been terrible at reading lately. Putting that out there had me a bit sad, so my next Target trip I picked up a copy of The Joy of Less by Francine Jay. We have really been working on downsizing lately and I figured I could use a dose of minimalism literature. I also recommend watching the documentary that is on Netflix right now called Minimalism: A Documentary About the Important Things. It really is eye opening and very entertaining.

Minimalism Part Two

I am living out minimalism right now. We are currently living in temporary housing and I cannot begin to tell you the increase in the amount of down time I've had. I spend about 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes in the evening cleaning and that's it. The apartment stays clean and I have so much more free time. I've actually been napping almost daily. I also taught myself how to crotchet and I am about a quarter of the way through my first blanket!

Minimalism Part 3

Before we left Hawaii, I let the girls pick a small number of toys to bring along. They chose to bring all their American Girl dolls and plenty of accessories. It has now been a month and all they have played with is those dolls. You know what? They are still happy playing with those same toys. I kind of felt bad for the while I was shopping at Target a few days ago so I bought them each a set of Legos. I bought H some Duplos and I bought E a Wellie Wisher set. Now E has played with hers quite a bit, but little miss has literally not TOUCHED her Duplos! So, I am a believer now. The only question is, what do I do with all their toys that come with our household goods? If you have any suggestions I would absolutely LOVE to hear them!

Suite Française

I watched a movie on Netflix the other night, something I haven't done in ages. (thank you minimalist life) I remembered seeing a while back on Facebook that a friend of mine had watched this film and loved it. Well, boy oh boy were they right! Such a great story and its based on fact. I don't want to give it away, but I think it would be a great compromise movie. Lots of romance and lots of war stuff going on. Check it out!

Free Time

I absolutely have loved having E home for the summer. She is so special and we all love getting to spend more time with her. However, I am SO happy she is back in school! I have a routine again. I hate having to get going so early, but its nice to have to get ready and out the door each day. It just gets things going for me. Shopping trips have been much quieter and most importantly, I have my quiet time back! H has been taking long naps and I have been soaking it in. If you are a parent you know what its all about having that quiet time to recuperate. I feel like I am a better and much happier mom now that I have a moment to myself.

Our New House

I got the keys to our new house today!! I knew that I liked it, but after getting the keys this morning I was able to actually walk around slowly again and take it all in. I like it so much more than I did before. So thankful I don't have buyers remorse, or rather, renters remorse. It'll still be a few more weeks before we can move in, but I am excited to get over there and get things cleaned and ready for our things. I'm crossing my fingers, toes, and eyes that it is only a few weeks, rather than months, until our stuff gets here.

Remember those affected by Hurricane Harvey and if you can, find a way to help out. I hope you all have a wonderful three day weekend!

Cheers!
Sarah

Show and Tell Tuesday: Best Day Ever

2017-08-27T16:14:00.002-07:00

Today is a link up and the subject is Best Day Ever.

I have so many wonderful days in my memory bank. One in particular sticks out. No, not the cliche days. Of course I cherish the day I married my husband and I adore the days I gave birth to my beautiful girls. The day that I remember as being uniquely wonderful was the day we explored the island of Capri.

We had been married only a few months. Life was exceptionally grand! We were crazy in love, living in England, making enough money to fund our travel obsessions. We went on adventures every single weekend that we weren't working and had big vacations planned every couple of months. This particular vacation was to Rome. We spend several days exploring the ancient city. I remember the exact moment we walked up and saw the Colosseum. I literally cried. It was as if the joy was water and it was overflowing from my body. I remember having goose bumps all over my skin and hot tears streamed from my eyes. How lucky was I!

We spend the next few days visiting things like the Pantheon, Trevi Fountain, and Piazza Navona. We walked in tiny alleys, ate pasta by the pound, drank wine from a carafe and all the yummy water we could ever want from the thousands of water fountains spread throughout the city. I also got my first massage and a killer sunburn, but the 4 days spent in this ancient city filled my soul with so much contentment its hard to type into words.

We had planned to take a day trip to Pompeii, but in all honesty we had had our fill of ancient ruins. We wanted a day of romance and beauty. We took the train to Naples with full intentions of eating pizza in its birthplace, but a few wrong turns here and a bus ride in the wrong direction there and we had had about enough of dirty Napes. Instead we hopped on the fairy and made our way to the island of Capri.

We had no idea what to expect. We had no idea what Capri even offered. All we knew was that it was an island and we had heard it was a beautiful place that celebrities visit. Thankfully the crew members handed out brochures. We looked through them all and came across one that said we could rent a boat for 30 Euro. We were a bit skeptical, but though what a glorious thought. We hopped off the boat and walked briskly, afraid they would sell out. We secured our boat and sure enough only had to fork over 30 Euro. About $45 at the time. We could have the boat all day and they even gave us snorkel gear.

The island is just over 4 square miles, so getting all the way around was breeze. We took our time and took in the beauty. The water was so blue. It was like someone had poured out a bottle of pure blue dye and colored the water. The island was rugged. Tall and grand and mysterious. Houses peaked from behind trees at all elevations and I wondered who had visited there. We took turns driving the boat and laying out soaking in the warm Mediterranean Sun. We dreamt together about our future life, our future children. We remembered our adventures we had already had and we talked about life. Not a single interruption other than to say, "check that out" or "look how beautiful it is over there". It was truly what a relaxing vacation day should be.

After we had been in the water about an hour or so, we came across a group of boats and small row boats. People appeared to be going in to a cave. We waved down a few people, anchored and hopped in a small rowboat with 1 other couple and the captain. He sang some song in Italian at the top of his lungs and although it made me feel like a total tourist, I was more than happy to be a visitor in this gentleman's boat. We all had to lay down as we approached the rock. He grabbed hold of a chain that seemed to be attached to thin air and he pulled us into a cave with the rhythm of the ocean. Singing all the time. To say I was a bit scared would be true. I am laying flat down in a tiny boat with 3 strangers and I have just entered into a dark cave. We rocked around for a few moments, completely disorienting me. I could feel my husband's legs, I was breathing in cool sea water, and I could hear several other boatmen singing the same Italian song. My eyes were opened as wide as could be but I could see absolutely nothing. After those few moments passed we were told it was safe to sit up. As we did I was greeted with a breathtaking sight. Glowing blue water. The sun was hitting the cave at just the right angle to make all the water inside glow. I still can't believe that I saw it. For some reason I'm unable to find my photos from this day, other than one. Check out this short little video I found on YouTube. They are even singing. :)

After our trip into the Blue Grotto we continued around the island. I hope that I can one day update this post with more picture, because I know I have a ton, but right now, because I am in the middle of a huge move, I am unable to access them. Here is one photo that I was able to snatch off of Facebook.

Moving- Week 2 Recap

2017-08-27T13:02:00.001-07:00

My life revolves around moving at the moment. We are into our third week, so I thought it was time to give a week 2 recap...

We went to the lake last weekend. Broken Bow lake to be exact. It is one of my favorite places and definitely my favorite place in Oklahoma. Such a beauty and filled with wonderful memories. We went out on my dad's boat and went exploring. We went pretty far up north and found a gorgeous spot. We all decided to jump in for a little dip and E had a blast jumping in over and over again. My dad was ecstatic to see his little daredevil grandchild in action.

We made a cardboard box fort. I mentioned before that my dad got new appliances. We put the leftover range box to good use. I cut out a little door and window and the girls were so happy to have a special little place in their grandparents' living room.

We watched the eclipse with my mom. I loved how eerie the sky was.

We played at parks.

We visited some libraries

More parks

And finally we made our way to Texas. I wish I had taken proper photos before I unloaded our bags, but with it being on the third floor I was too exhausted to think straight by the time I got up here.

It has been so nice to have a "home". We will be staying here for the next month while we wait for our household goods to arrive. I must say i am pleased with our accommodations and very thankful to Mister's new job for hooking us up like this!

Auntie G came to visit and we explore Grapevine Mills. It's a super neat mall with an arcade, aquarium, and Legoland!

While we were hanging out in the food court and E was, once again, indulging in a Sonic corndog, her first tooth fell out! How exciting!! The tooth fairy came to visit her and left a whopping $5! From what I hear the tooth fairy wasn't expecting the job to be so hard, but she got the job done. ;)

We have had a lot of fun, but there have been plenty of boring, emotional days. When Husband and I were in the Air Force we definitely spent long stretches apart, but this is the longest we've gone in a while. I've had plenty of emotional days and a lot of happy ones too.

I've noticed my clothes getting a little (lot) tighter and I am attributing that to all the stress and horrible eating habits since we have been uprooted. My sister and I decided to do a 30 day workout challenge to kind of kick start us both into healthier living. It's nothing drastic, just a few workouts each day. It gives me a reason to check in with her everyday and hopefully remind me of what I am supposed to be doing. Wish me luck!

This next week will be full of excitement. E will start school and hopefully Mr. Daddy will be making his arrival! Stay well friends.

Cheers!

Patience

2017-08-20T18:44:00.000-07:00

I have moved more times in my life than most people I know. By a lot. I understand the struggles. I understand the stress, the anxiety, and frustration. I've even moved with children before and understand that the extra, pint-sized, person adds even more of a struggle to the mix. I have not, however, ever moved with a 5 year old and a 2 year old.

Patience. Patience is the name of the game. Why does it always have to be about that word? Why can't it be about laughter or gluttony. I mean, I'd rather go on a vegan diet with kale chips to replace sweets than have to deal with that dadgum P word. Popsicles, polar bears, heck, even PEAS. I love all those words more than I love patience right now.

My 2 year old has had a fever for the last week. Actually, she has had a fever for 8 days straight. Besides the fact that I am worried about her, because I'm pretty sure having a high fever for 8 days isn't normal, or good, I have to deal with the effects of that high fever, sans husband, AKA teammate. The whining. Oh Lord of heaven, earth, solar systems, and volcanos, why, WHY?! Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy... I mean, I could type that words hundreds more times and it wouldn't come close to how many times I've heard that words in the past 8 days. The poor child feels awful, I get it. It breaks my heart. Her illness makes me want to take it all away and just make my baby feel better. But why must I endure hearing my name that many times? Patience... Breath. Exhale. Breath again. Hold it again... longer. Think happy thoughts. Remind yourself that we are in the middle of a move. Que 5 year old.

Oh, that strong willed child. I mean, seriously STRONG. WILLED. Whew, how do I even parent this thing? How will I make it to the teenage years if I can't handle sweet little kindergarten aged child? No, I won't eat my broccoli, more whining. Please don't make me go to bed. more whining. Playing too rough, yelling loudly, more whining. It's enough to make me want to scream. Yes, I did lay in the floor the other day and earnestly contemplate joining in on the crying. 5 year old did not want to go to bed and 2 year old was upset because I had dared to leave her for the minute and a half it took me to go use the facilities and wash my hands. They both laid on the floor and cried and I laid right down on the floor and joined them. What else was I to do? Tell the 5 year old to suck it up when she had just been asking to go home. I mean we don't even have a home right now. Tell my 2 year old, with 104 temperature to suck it up? Nope. So I laid in the floor too and contemplated running away. Patience... breathing, exhaling, reminding myself that we are homeless and this is probably harder on them than me... Right?

The days are long and the years are short. Dang right! These days are SO long. So long. I look at my 5 year old sometimes and wonder how she even got to be this sassy, strong willed child. Yea, the years are short. Too damned short if you asked me. Patience... breathing in and breathing out. Enjoy these days. That's what they say to do. I enjoy them all right, but some days I just don't. Some days they are just too dang long. Those are the days I get saturated with oxygen. My lungs probably thank me for the days when I am tested with patience. I am doing so much heavy breathing, how could they not? Always look for the silver lining, right? I think that makes me a positive person.

No profound ending to this. I am enjoying the peace and quiet right now. They both sleep peacefully and I get to enjoy the sounds of my father using his patience to install a dishwasher. We all have those days. We all have those weeks. This week has been mine. I am sure I will have many more days coming up as we try and navigate this move. I should have lungs of steel when it's all said and done.

Moving- Week 1 Recap

2017-08-18T16:07:00.001-07:00

I have a computer!! I left with such haste that I went off and left my computer and blogging on my phone has proven to be most difficult. I've managed to write several posts and I haven't been able to post any of them. Since it wouldn't make much sense with the days being all off, I'll just do a big recap.

Our last night in Hawaii was spent in Waikiki. That is where we spent our first night, once moving there, so I found it only fitting to spend the last night there as well. We had some Kalua pork pizza followed by Honolulu Cookie Company. I love the Cookie Company's cute little pineapple shaped cookies and it has kind of become a "thing" we do whenever we come down in the evenings to see the beach.

I don't ever want to forget this

My feelings that evening were conflicted. I was thankful for the time I had spent on that beautiful island and at the same time sad to leave, happy to move forwards, wondering if I would ever get to come back. This is one of the hardest moves I have ever had and its because of these feelings. I LOVE Hawaii. I will always love Hawaii. I wonder if I will ever not miss it.

The next day we got up bright and early and headed for the airport. We ended up, for reasons I cannot remember, doing a layover in San Francisco. Let me tell you that I will not be doing that again. Laying over with two little kids by yourself was not the most pleasant experience. Next time daddy has to come too! 24 hours later we were in the car and headed towards Oklahoma and that is where we have been staying ever since. This is what we've been up to....

I had a night out with 3 of my siblings. The 4 of us grew up together, in the same house, and it felt all warm and fuzzy to have us all in the same place again. I can't believe how old we are.

We've had fun with Aunt G and her friends.

We've relaxed

We had a flat tire

We painted rocks

We've been enjoying all the parks with swings. Little back story, Hawaii is lacking in the swing department. Like, there are only a handful of parks, out of all the parks on the island, that have swings. My girls naturally love swings and are so excited to finally have them easily accessible. This picture was taken at the little park that is across the street from our new house!

Yes, most important thing is we found a house!! Its an adorable house on a quiet street. We are/will be residents of Flower Mound very soon. Mr. is still in Hawaii finishing up his time at his old job and getting our house all ready to be packed up. We are missing him terribly and can't wait to have our family whole again.

I promise to try and be better at writing. Finding a routine while displaced is hard and I am longing for the day we are settled in our new home, E is in school, and I can find a new normal.

Happy Friday, Friends!

Cheers!

Moving On

2017-08-09T09:32:00.002-07:00

We always knew our time would be limited here. When we took the job we said it was a 2 to 3 year plan. We have been here just under 2 years and already our time is up. We have been to beautiful beaches, hiked gorgeous trails and discovered waterfalls. We've visited other islands, made incredible friends. We really have taken full advantage of our time here and done everything we could have in our short time.

Moving to Hawaii has done something to me. I feel like I've accomplished something. Coming from small town, Oklahoma I never thought I'd have the opportunity to leave and explore. When I moved to England I was ecstatic and felt some sense of accomplishment, but it was safe. I moved with the military and they took care of me. This move to Hawaii we did on our own.

The accomplishment I feel isn't the kind that you think of when you've earned something monetary. Its more the type you feel when graduating college. When you've had a weight loss goal and stuck with the plan and now have a new body to show for it. I always knew I wanted to explore. I wanted to move somewhere exotic. Ive done that now.

Now it's time to move on. Time to be near family, at least for a little while. My childhood revolved around my grandparents. I hope that with this move our girls can learn a little bit about that. I am looking forward to my parents taking them out for ice cream. I'm looking forward to birthday parties with aunts and uncles. I am happy we will have to coordinate holidays when our whole married life it has just been us. I've loved that it has just been us, but now its time for more.

We will be moving to the DFW area. Husband will be working at DFW airport on the terminal train. This career move will create more stability. I'm hoping blood pressures drop and family time increases.

As with every move, I am going to miss the friends I've made the most. I'm going to miss the playdates at the beach and cooking lots of food in my kitchen. I'll miss specific voices and laughs that only these special people have. We are going to miss the ocean. This gorgeously clear, turquoise ocean. The calm beaches, the soft sand. We are going to miss the culture. Going to Costco and everyone being in swimsuit coverups and "slippas". I'm going to miss the Aloha spirt that everyone talks about. People rolling down their windows to wave at you for letting them over on the highway. Shorts and flip flops every day of the year.

So bring on the seasons, Hobby Lobby and JoAnn's, Disney on Ice, museums, road trips, and sporting events. I don't think I'll ever consider myself a Texas girl, but I'm ready to put this girl in Texas...

Here is a review in pictures of our time here on Oahu...

View from the hotel we stayed in while waiting for the arrival of our household goods.

This cracks me up! The sun was so bright she just couldn't be bothered to open her little 4 month old eyes.

Our first swim as Hawaiian residents.

Our hotel was right next to the Honolulu Zoo so we took advantage while we were in walking distance. I love the trees here and just how massive they are. Also, look how tiny my baby is!

Giraffe with a view of Diamond Head

Move in day and playing at the park right down the road.

I swear she has on bloomers.

A little secret garden not far from our house

I'll miss evening spent in Waikiki

And the lagoons near our house

The rainbows have been a fun treat

And I'll never forget the mountains

Let's not forget the waterfalls

What a special treat it has been to have so many visitors

My dad and step-mom ziplinning at Kualoa Ranch

Pops with his two grand babies

Our sweet friends of about 8 years

Getting ready to hike Diamond Head

First Friends. These girls have literally known each other their whole lives and I love their bond

Uncle with this cutie

Thats my BRO!

Brother Joe and his sweet girlfriend, Ashleigh

My best friend is married to my cousin!

We are a lot happier than pictures show

It will be fun they said. Easy they said. :)

Cousins are the best friends!

My best friend in the whole world!

Christmas hasn't been the same since wearing shorts year round, but I'll miss the uniqueness that comes with it.

They are actually sweating in these pjs, but big sis wanted them.

Speaking of holidays, I've loved getting to spend Thanksgiving here.

I'll also miss things like this

Aloha, Hawaii. Thank you for the good times. You will always be in our hearts. <3

Trip to the Big Island

2017-08-05T22:29:00.001-07:00

Thank heavens for frequent flyer points! We've been saving up our Hawaiian miles for a while and we got a free trip to the big island of Hawaii. That's the island that's actually named Hawaii. We wanted to keep expenses low so we flew out for just a day trip. One destination was on our mind: the volcano

The day started early. We are talking 4:30am early. My enthusiasm was somewhere between half living and extremely excited, but mostly just sleepy. We only packed a backpack with diapers, epi-pen, iPads, and the girls' empty water bottles. We had everything ready the night before so it was easy-peasy getting out the door.

We walked right through security and our gate was less than 50 yards away. I love hanging out by the gate with Harper at this age. She is so excited to see the planes and her excitement always brings lots of smiles from onlookers, which puts me in a good mood!

The flight was just about 45 minutes. I love flying Hawaiian Airlines. We were on a little plane, but SO much legroom!

When we landed in Hilo the weather was much cooler than what we left in Honolulu. I was rejoicing since 1, I'm always hot, and 2, Mr. had convinced me to wear jeans. I compromised with capris and it felt great!

After a little rental car drama we drove off in our red jeep. The drive from the airport to the volcano national park is about 45 minutes. The drive was beautiful and we were surrounded by a lot of lush greenery. It was wonderful to see the calmness of this island as compared to our home.

The first thing we visited, besides the visitor center for their restrooms, were the steam vents. I am a science nerd, but come on, seeing huge plumes of steam rising from the ground is pretty cool. We also got a pretty cool view of the crater. We were all blown away.... almost literally. Look at our hair! ha

We hopped back in the jeep and drove a few more miles to the Jaggar Museum. It wasn't too big but had lots of amazing photos and this little feature that E loved. A working seismograph. We all took turns giving our biggest jumps and watching the needle move. We also got a closer look at the crater.

Back in the jeep for a drive through the jungle and the next stop was the lava tube. It was a little bit of a walk, but we didn't mind, it was gorgeous!

The entrance to the cave greeted us with a lovely bridge and lots of hanging vegetation. If I could have designed the entrance to a cave to feel mystical, this is how it would look.

It took about 5 minutes to walk to the end and up a flight of stairs.

The end of the lava tube for us

Mom always makes us stop for a photo

We then took a drive to the coast and I wish I could have truthfully captured it. We saw a massive plume of smoke coming from the ocean were the lava pours into its waters. It was absolutely amazing to witness. Here is a short video clip that only slightly shows what we saw.

On the drive back we stopped at a few lava flow sights and walked around on the rocks. I have seen lava rocks before but I didn't realize how unique they are. They felt dense, but hollow. When we dropped them to the ground they kind of made a twinkling sound. Several of the rocks had color variations, which I didn't realize was a thing.

That concluded our volcano tour and we had time to do one more, small thing. The famous black sand beach was too far out of reach so we attempted to find another. Unfortunately, it was a wild goose chase, but we did find this pretty little spot. Get this, those little puddles were perfectly clear. I could see all the way to the bottom and all the little fish swimming around, just as if I were looking into an aquarium. I say this little place was just what we needed to see to cap off our wonderful day!

The Hilo airport was a pleasant surprise. It was small and cozy and very slow going, but not in the stressful way a slow airport usually is. It was very relaxing and filled with these comfy couches. People were lounging around like they were at summer camp!

Quick little tip that I should have mentioned in my travel tip post. Here it is in action. The Brica Roll N Go: my #1 travel-with-kids gadget! It makes dragging that bulky carseat around the airport a breeze. Little H LOVED getting a ride as well. We have used this thing more times than I can count and have loaned it to friends even more. Everyone that uses it loves it!

Check out that exhausted little grin

Our day trip to the Big Island is one we will not soon forget! I wonder what adventures we will have next. Stay tuned! ;)

When Food Kills

2017-08-02T11:29:00.002-07:00

I read the most devastating story this morning. A 3, almost 4, year old boy died while doing a food challenge. He had multiple food allergies, including dairy. While he was at a children's hospital he tried food with baked dairy to see if his body could tolerate it. This is a normal part of food allergies. Being able to tolerate a food that is extensively baked can widen a person's diet. Except he didn't tolerate it and being at a hospital didn't save him. They couldn't save him and now he is gone. Just because I carry around an epi-pen and am prepared to use it, doesn't mean it will work. This news today is a sobering reminder of what food allergies really mean.

We have done baked challenges, but in the home, at the advisement of our doctor. My child is allergic to eggs and peanuts, and after a pediatrician accidentally gave our child a vaccine that was cultured in egg, we, the allergist and myself, decided to try baked egg. Thankfully we have been without incident, but we are just lucky. We are lucky.

I humbly admit that I used to be one of those people that wondered why an entire school had to be peanut free. I was blind. I didn't understand that food, our most basic need, could cause someone to die. I was slapped in the face when my 7 month old broke out in hives from a bite of scrambled egg. I might as well have had a bucket of water thrown over my head when she tested positive to peanuts. Now my child is the one that will be the reason for no nuts in a school. My child will be the reason you can't pack a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in a lunch box.

What does all this mean? Why are children allergic? Is it because I am a helicopter mom and sanitize my children too much? I can assure you that is not the case. I grew up in the country, bare feet and all. I dug in the dirt, I played with chickens, and climbed trees. My children get dirty and I don't even always give them a bath every day. I try and make them wash their hands before they eat, but darn it if I forget sometimes. My family does not live in a sterile environment and yet my child has food allergies.

The fact is, she was born with them. From day one my daughter has had issues with tolerating foods. For the first 9 months of her life I, a breast feeding mom, had to completely eliminate dairy from my diet because if I had one bite of BAKED dairy she would projectile vomit. Thankfully she outgrew this allergy/intolerance, but she still can't stand the taste of milk or cheese. Is this her bodies way of rejecting something that isn't good for her?

Eczema has also been an issue since day one. I used to have to cut the toe out of socks and put them on her elbows because the insides of her arms would be puss and blood from the sores. Nothing I did seemed to help. She itched and scratched and her arms were always raw. No cream, no soap, no amount of humidifiers could take that away. It never went away until I eliminated peanuts from our diets. Yes, my daughter has never had a bite of peanut butter, but I used to eat it every day. Peanut butter and apples was my go to snack. Breastfeeding mamas are always hungry and peanut butter was my protein of choice. The day I found out she was allergic I stopped eating it and within a week those sore on my baby were gone! She was reacting to the trace amount of peanuts that had gotten into my milk.

The guilt I felt was immeasurable. Did I do this? Did my love for peanut butter cause her to have this vicious thing? The answer is no. I know that. But I cannot help but to feel responsible. I came home that day and scoured the Internet. I joined Facebook groups and read journals. The comment section drove a knife into my already bleeding heart. Here are some things I read.

"Those crunchy parents did this to their children with their whole food diets and over sanitizing."
"This clearly is the result of helicopter parenting"
"Let your kid roll in the dirt and maybe they won't be so sensitive"
"It's clearly this millennial generation that has issues with their kids"

And the worst one of all. . .

"Maybe we aren't all meant to survive"

Wow. Remembering those comments still gets my blood boiling. How can people be so mean? How can people be so insensitive? Things need to change.

I've been trying my hardest to raise awareness for food allergies ever since. We need to start young. Even if you don't have food allergies in your home could you please take a moment to talk to your kids? Can you tell them that sometimes people can't have certain foods and if they have that food it could hurt them really badly? Can you ask them to be kind when another kid has a food allergy because that kid might be embarrassed? Can you ask your kid to stand up for kids that have food allergies? Can you talk with your kids about alternatives to PB&J and instead of showing your frustration for having to find that alternative, can you instead show your compassion?

My heart goes out to the family of that 3, almost 4, year old boy. I cannot begin to fathom their pain. But I am reminded that what killed their son, could kill my daughter and that punches me in the gut.

Click here to read more about this little boy from Alabama and see his cute little face.

Weekend Recap- Kailua Beach and Ala Moana

2017-07-31T10:22:00.003-07:00

This weekend we decided to spend our time having lots of fun since we have been working on projects the past few weeks. Our fun started on Friday. I had a little party for our playgroup to celebrate the end of summer. It was sprinkling a bit when everyone arrived so we started out with a little paint project. They were supposed to be fish, but we weren't sure if they looked like fish or round pineapples. Regardless, the kids had a blast painting and adding jewels to their paper plates.

We then headed outside and the kids had so much fun splashing around in our little pool. I wish I had captured a photo of all the kiddos. Little H didn't want to leave the pool and she was the last one out.

Friday was Husband's birthday so, after he got home from work, we decided to head on over to Outback and celebrate with steak and a Bloomin Onion.

Saturday we got up early, as usual, (Thanks little human alarm clocks) and decided we needed a beach day. We loaded up our gear and headed to Kailua. Oh, Kailua we love you. Such a gorgeous place.

We built sandcastles.

Building Sandcastles

Husband and E went paddle boarding.

Heading out with the paddle board

Little H even took a nap while Daddy and E walked to the little store to grab lunch. I didn't take that quiet time for granted. Being able to lay in the sun and listen to the nothing but the waves will get me through the week.

H taking her nap.

E is growing so quickly and demands to be able to try things on her own more and more. The most recent demand is being able to apply her own sunscreen.

Sunday we went out to Ala Moana, which is the largest mall EVER. Seriously though, its pretty big. I looked it up and it's actually the seventh largest mall in America. We were lucky to come upon a group dancing hula.

We played at Barnes and Noble and then the Disney Store

Disney Store magic

Disney's magic mirror

We visited the Tesla store and ended up at Jungle Fun, which is just a fun little arcade. E is super competitive and when she scored at air hockey she threw her hands in the air and in the process accidentally threw her striker across the room. It was quite hilarious. Thankfully no one was injured so we all had ourselves a good laugh. Did you know that little piece you hold is called a striker? (Thanks google!)

After we left the mall we headed to Target and I captured this sweet little moment. Little H said she was cold so big sister wrapped her up in her arms and they were so happy to have a little snuggle. Love listening to them giggle.

This time of year our Sunday was wrapped up with Game of Thrones and WOWZA, what a great episode.

We are heading to the park today to play with our playgroup again. I hope you all have a wonderful Monday!

Friday Favorites

2017-07-28T04:00:00.000-07:00

Aloha y'all! Its Friday again which means its time for a link up with Andrea, Erika, and Narci.

Aquariums

I love a good aquarium. Actually I love any aquarium, but I have had the privilege of visiting some pretty spectacular ones. Monday we visited the Waikiki Aquarium with our playgroup friends. It wasn't the grandest one I've been to by any means, but it was nice and I felt it was just the right size for kids. By the time we completed our tour the kids were ready to run around outside and were pretty much over looking at fish.

The view from Waikiki Aquarium

The girls loved learning about hermit crabs

My favorite aquarium is actually one I visited on our trip to California. (Yes, I know I keep mentioning this trip, but it was 3.5 weeks long and we did a lot of things) The California Academy of Science in San Francisco was amazing!! Now, the Academy is in the same area as world renowned Monterey Bay Aquarium. I am most definitely a fan of Monterey. Actually, when we lived there we had an annual membership for a couple of years in a row. However, the Academy just wowed me! It was definitely equal or better than Monterey Bay.

Monterey Bay Aquarium

The Beach

Tuesday we hit the beach with some friends and we could have stayed all day had we not ran out of food and sunscreen. I love going to the beach and if we ever leave Hawaii I will absolutely miss this time the most. We love to hang out at the lagoons at Ko Olina. It's pretty close to our house and we love it because the water is so calm. It really gives the kids the freedom to enjoy the water, rather than fighting the waves. It also lets me breath a little easier.

Ceramic Knifes

When Husband and I were in France, 6 years ago, I discovered ceramic knives. I bought a few because I had never seen them back home. I actually have the same 2 knives that I bought back then and they are still as sharp as can be. They don't need to be sharpened and they come with nice covers. I am so pleased that I have been seeing them more and more places. Obviously the exact ones I have were purchased in France, but you can find similar ones here. You could ask anyone that has helped out in my kitchen, I am totally a spokes person. The ceramic knife people should just start paying me because I love to advertise for them! Do yourself a favor and get on the wagon with me.

French Press

Oh, how I love coffee. Who doesn't, am I right? We have a Keurig and I love using loose grounds in our reusable coffee pods. I feel better about not causing so much waste and plus, we live in Hawaii and the coffee is AMAZING here! For my birthday my bestie got me a fancy little french press. It changed my coffee loving life! Whew, french pressed coffee just tastes so smooth. We don't own a kettle, so we just use our Keurig for hot water. It works out great. If you have never had french press I suggest you jump on this as well. You can thank me after your first cup. ;)

That's it folks! My Friday Favorites. Short and sweet. Are any of these also your favorites? Have you tried a french press or those glorious ceramic knives? Leave me a comment and tell me about it.

-Sarah <3

P.S. This post contains affiliate links... Thanks so much for supporting my blog!

What's Up Wednesday

2017-07-25T19:46:00.001-07:00

Today I'm linking up with Shay, Sheaffer and Mel for What's Up Wednesday

This is my first Wednesday link up. Do you know what a link up is? I'm still really new at all this, but basically a blogger "hosts" a topic and a bunch of bloggers can write about the same things. Then we all have our links in the same area which means its a great opportunity to find new blogs to read. So, check out the links above for a whole lot of links and maybe you'll find a new blog to love.

Here are the questions that are asked every month.

The question of the month...What is your favorite part of summer?

Getting to spend time in the water. I grew up near Broken Bow lake, which is in southeast Oklahoma and absolutely beautiful! When I joined the military I remember getting home sick and all I wanted to do was spend a hot day at that lake. I love the smell of sunscreen, hot skin, floaties, and charcoal. Now I live in Hawaii and I get to experience that year round, which I'm so thankful for!

Broken Bow Lake from my daddy's boat

Little H was digging the boat ride with Pops!

My sister and step mother. We had a great day at the lake!

What I'm eating this week

It's towards the end of summer and for some reason I'm running out of ideas. I am a pretty avid meal planner and this week we are going pretty simple. Pulled pork sandwiches, tacos, baked chicken with a few veggies, and pasta. I'll have something fancy next time. ;)

What I'm reminiscing about...

My husband's birthday is in a few days and I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do to celebrate. It has me thinking of just a few short weeks ago when we were in California. He surprised me with tickets to see the San Francisco Symphony. It was a night celebrating the work of John Williams (Jurassic Park, ET, Harry Potter, and Star Wars, just to name a few). It was such a wonderful night. I loved the music and the atmosphere. Before the show started they had Star Wars characters in costume. R2D2 was so legit I swear it could have been the real deal! I geeked out for sure and was super happy they had people there to snap your picture with them.

What I'm Loving...

I've mentioned it so many other times, but I LOVE my Silhouette Cameo. I love it! I don't know how I ever did life before I received mine.

What we've been up to...

We stay pretty busy. As of lately though we have really been focusing on downsizing. We spent the entire day Saturday working on the garage and we still aren't finished. When we moved here we moved into a house half the size of the one we were currently in. That has created this pile of "stuff" that we just can't seem to get rid of. However, it feels great to purge and make things more organized. I just wish we could get it finished already. So, full disclosure, here it is. My crazy garage! Judge all you want. Before and after day 1. Still so much left to do.

What I'm dreading...

I'm really dreading school starting back. Yes, I'm also excited because my days will be a lot quieter and I do enjoy the routine of a school drop off, but I HATE having to get out of the house so early every day. I sure hand it to you working out of the home mamas! Getting out of the house with the kids early is hard work!

What I'm working on...

I've been working on several little craft projects lately. Actually, I usually always have some sort of project in Que. Recently I finished making a world map. I also made a sign for my sister's bathroom, and a sign for a dear friend of mine. In addition I also made the girls bedding for their American Girl dolls. I talked about it here. I am all about the signs lately, but I'm excited to start making some shirts for school. Making things is so therapeutic for me and whenever I have had a rough day or just really need to unwind, I let everything go and get creative.

Still a little rough around the literal edges, but its getting there.

My sister is such a hippie and she requested this for her new apartment's bathroom

Ohana means family. Remember that from Lilo & Stitch? It's a prominent word here in Hawaii

I finished this baby and was so proud of it until I realized I misspelled Van Gogh's name. Epic FAIL!

What I'm excited about...

I am excited about August 4. I am taking my husband to see Jack Johnson for his birthday. Poor guy really isn't in to music, but he loves Jack Johnson. Plus, the guy is kind of worshiped here in Hawaii since this is his home. I am really excited for a date with my man and getting to spend time at the Waikiki Shell. I've heard it has a chill vibe and it looks so cool.

What I'm watching/reading...

Oh, how I love reading. Since becoming a mom I somehow have just fallen off the wagon. I think my mind is moving 100 mph that I struggle to sit down and read a book. I have spoken to so many other moms who say the same exact thing. I am hoping I can get a handle on this and start reading again soon, because I do miss it.
I've been watch Game of Thrones and couldn't be happier about it! Geez, the show is just so good.

What I'm listening to...

I have been listening to Pandora for about a year now and I thought I was in love. That was until I discovered Amazon Music! Wow, so much better! I have been listening to a lot of Sia recently. I discovered her while watching an episode of Jimmy Fallon and its been love since. I know I'm way late to the game, but I'm a mom. I have excuses.

What I'm wearing...

ummm... I am wearing clothes. Capri yoga pants or shorts, a tank top, and my toes are mostly all the way painted. Good thing since I sport "slippas" everyday. What can I say? I live on an island. It's hot every day.

What I'm doing this weekend...

This Saturday morning we are taking E to meet her soccer team and coach. After that we will probably have a beach day. Sunday Hubs will go either paddle boarding or scuba diving and the girls and I will hang out. (Its part of his birthday gift to go diving).

Look at that cutie!

First day of 2016 soccer

Daddy and his girls love our paddle board

What I'm looking forward to next month...

I'm looking forward to school starting and getting back into a routine (despite having to get up so early). E loves school and always does so well when she has the structure that school provides. I'm really hoping to be class mom again so I can be involved and help out a lot.

That is it folks! To make sure you don't miss a post, hit subscribe. <3

5 Things I learned During Summer Vacation

2017-07-24T21:24:00.001-07:00

This is my first summer following a full time school year. Here is Hawaii part time preschool is hard to come by. After E begged, literally, daily to go to school we decided it was worth it. So she had an amazing year of school and now we are in our first summer break. Here are a few things I've learned
this summer.

1. Nap time cannot happen if I want her to sleep at night. Yes, she had nap time every day while she was in preschool. One whole hour. She still napped before I sent her to school as well. I was really excited at the idea of summer break and getting that one hour to myself. My youngest, and still at home child, naps right around the same time as school naps so I thought I would be set. WRONG!! There is no amount of crafts, park play, or dance party that exhausts my kid to the level she was exhausted at school. If she takes that hour nap there is a 110% chance she will not go to bed at that glorious hour. Instead she'll get out of bed 20 different times asking for anything and everything under the sun, not excluding dinner requests for the next night, her dreams of going on a family cruise, or telling us that her bottom itches.

2. Bedtime is the most important activity of the day! Sure having a good bedtime routine is important and making sure your child gets adequate sleep is also suggested, but what I'm talking about it actually bedtime. Get those kids in bed before I loose another ounce of my mind. Because seriously by 6pm I'm about to loose my jacks and marbles. By the time 7 rolls around I am marching those pajama clad little heathens up the stairs and on goes the night light. I LOVE bedtime. LOVE it! Yes, it actually sucks because THEY don't think they are ready for bed, but I know this is my last push before the glorious hours that are my own, that follows.

3. Trying to figure out what to feed these kids for lunch every day is torture! Now you might say, didn't you have the same issue when school was in session? The answer is NO! I packed her lunch every day and she insisted on a butter and jelly sandwich each and every one of those days. She doesn't know that she only got jelly and not the butter but she was happy as can be. I just made sure and switched up the sides and occasionally used a cookie cutter on her bread and she was a happy camper. Now that she is home for the summer she is done with jelly and phantom butter sandwiches and she has no idea what she wants instead. I spend approximately 17 minutes every day discussing with her what she would like for lunch. It usually ends up being the very first thing that I suggested. And no, if I just go ahead and make her lunch without her approval she just won't eat. I've learned this is a battle I am not willing to fight. My strong-willed child doesn't not do well on an empty stomach.

4. We are both ready for school to be back in session. I remember singing the Christmas song when I was in high school and wondering why the parents and kids were both happy about the kids being back in school and now I understand. I love my babies dearly, but there is a reason they go to school at this age. They need the stimulation from both a teacher and other students.

5. The sibling bond is strengthened an immeasurable amount with so much time spent together. For now, ages 2 and 5 are a good combination. I'm not naive to believe that they will always love each other this much, but I am sure enjoying it while it lasts. These girls play together all day long! They laugh and tickle and pretend and it makes me absolutely gushy with happiness. This is my most favorite part of summer. I know little sister is going to be lonely and lost when big girl goes back to school in just a few short weeks.

A Target trip cuddle

I learn something everyday about being a mom. Mostly patience. I know this list could be 105 instead of just 5, but who has time for all that!

Babydoll Bedding DIY

2017-07-22T11:18:00.000-07:00

My girls love their dolls. For Christmas I was lucky enough to pick up these cute little beds at a K-Mart store closing. I knew when I picked them off the shelf that I wanted to personalize them and I love how they turned out. The girls also love that they have their names on them. Little H's bed is a little crooked, but it was literally my very first project with my Silhouette, so I try and cut myself some slack.

During our trip to California we had a day when we visited the American Girl store. After we left, the girls were into their dolls even more. Since I had had a 3.5 week crafting hiatus I knew I needed to do something as soon as possible to get my crafting itch scratched. I finally, 7 months after Christmas, decided to make bedding for the girls' beds.

First I searched through my remnant pile to see if anything would do. There were lots of options, but then I had a light bulb! You know the diaper organizers that come with baby bedding sets? The kind that hang on the end of a changing table or in a closet. Well ours has been completely useless, so I decided to put it to use as a baby blanket. I loved that I actually found a purpose for this piece and most importantly that Little H will now have a baby blanket, she can keep, and that will match her own bedding. I love that this can now be a sentimental keepsake, if she turns out to be an old sap like her mom.

For the backing of the blanket I used an old changing pad cover. I used just plain white covers and they are all very soft material. Perfect for a sweet little baby doll blanket.

Here is how I put it together...

First I cut the elastic off the diaper pad cover. Flipping it inside out helped me stay close to the seam, salvaging as much of the material as possible.

Once it was a flat piece I was able to cut it to the dimensions I needed.

Then, I cut the top off the diaper organizer thingy. I also cut out the square bottom.

I loved that there was a cute detail along the opening and I wanted to use that for the blanket. I turned the fabric over and cut inside to get as much of the blue detail as possible.

Once the diaper thingy was all flat I then was able to cut it to size as well.

I then pinned the soft white fabric and the print, pretty sides touching, to each other. I used my handy-dandy sewing machine and got to work. I made sure to leave a small opening so that I could pull the blanket through to be pretty sides out. I then folded that opening together and just did a straight stitch to close it up.

Pinning both pieces of fabric together

Leave a small hole to pull the blanket through

Fold fabric in and sew together

I am NO seamstress, by any means. NOT AT ALL! I got my sewing machine about a year ago and I've only used it a handful of times. I grew up sewing with my grandmother and I love those memories, so I knew I wanted to someday start it again. I know people always say this, but practice really does make perfect!! After I completed this blanket I made another blanket, a "mattress", and 4 pillows. With each project I got better and better.

I love that I didn't have to buy a single thing. (I already had some polyfil in my garage to fill the pillows) I also love that the pieces are remnants of other things the girls have had. The hope, when making something like this, is that your children will love it forever and pass it down to their children. These certainly aren't heirloom quality, but for now they love them and that's all that really matters!

Friday Favorites

2017-07-21T18:56:00.000-07:00

Today I'm linking up with Momfessionals and telling you all about my favorite things. Can you just go ahead and call me Oprah? "You get a car! You get car! You get a car!" Didn't you just love her enthusiasm? I still quote her "You're going to AUSTRALIA!!" I digress... BUT, speaking of Australia

My Favorite destination to dream of living. Yes, I know I just stretched that a bit far, but seriously. Australia just sounds so exotic. The Great Barrier Reef, Sydney Opera House, Ayres Rock, I just want to see it all. My husband and I seriously considered trying to move there, he even applied for a few jobs, but we were afraid we would never want to leave. Instead, we decided that Hawaii was exotic enough. I know my Mama is happy I didn't decide to move to the complete opposite side of the world. Just a quarter.

My favorite place to shop right now is the Target $1 Spot. (Can we just start calling it the $3 spot?) EI love this time of year with all the back to school things they have. If I were a teacher, with a classroom, I would have no money left because I would buy ALL the things! I love the flashcards they have. I actually have a little container full of flashcards, because my girls love them so much. This year I picked up a pack with landmarks and a new pack of animal flash cards. I love that my 5 year old was asking questions about The Leaning Tower of Pisa and was so excited to see the cards of places she has visited. Any chance I have to expose my people to travel, I take it. The two year old (Still can't believe she is two!) was happy to have her own set and she loved sitting down and going over animal names and sounds. If you have a chance, go and check it out and luckily the flash cards are still a dollar.

My favorite comfort item is my bag of corns, or "my corns". They were made by my sweet friend, Lisa, a while back, and I have loved them since day one. I have terrible posture since having my children and my neck always seems to be hurting. My corns sure make things feel a whole lot better. I just pop these babies in the microwave for 3 minutes and they are just the right temperature. Head on over to Coast to Coast and ask her how she made them. I have no idea, but it sounded pretty easy.

My most favorite are these cute photos of my oldest and my dear hubs. She had to have a little procedure performed this morning, don't worry nothing major, but she had to be put under for a few minutes. She is a daddy's girl through and through and wanted him to take her back to the OR. I love seeing them together. Their cuteness almost diminishes my insecurities about not being her favorite. ;)

One more thing. Writing this blog. I have been told for years that I needed to start one and it feels so great to be writing! Thank you all for your support and words of encouragement. If you don't mind hit the subscribe button, leave me a comment, or share a post if you like it. Hope you have a glorious weekend filled with sleeping, someone else cooking and cleaning, and no fighting amongst your children.

Traveling: Tips and Destiantions

2017-07-20T11:40:00.000-07:00

Today I am linking up with my good friend, Lisa from Coast to Coast and talking about traveling. If you know me at all you know that I live for travel. I even decorate my house with things that remind me of traveling. Today I'll tell you my top tips for traveling with young children and a few of my favorite places we have been (with and without kids)

Tips

Mindset- You can't travel with kids and have a good time without a relaxed mind. Yes there is lots of preparation that is required, but it isn't worth anything if you don't have a happy and go with the flow mindset. So take a deep breath, accept that things are going to get messy, and learn to laugh when it all your preparations and expectations crumble.

Electronics- I know this will be controversial to many, but electronics are a life saver. If I allowed it, that is all my 5 year old would do on a plane flight. Living in Hawaii, the shortest flight we have, when going to the mainland, is 5 hours so I definitely take advantage of a tablet.

Packing- Don't over pack. Especially your carryon. Remember you have to carry that backpack around and you have to be able to find the things you need. Don't weigh yourself down with unnecessary things.

Diaper an hour (5 hour flight, 5 diapers),
Wipes
Travel pack of disinfecting wipes (to wipe down the surfaces at your seat),
Snacks (small, bite sized snacks work best because they occupy them for the longest. Think goldfish and raisins)
Coloring book and small pack of crayons
Tablet and headphones
Small toy. When my oldest was younger, and before she really knew about the glorious iPad, she loved to play with Mr. Potato-head on a plane flight. I would only pack enough accessories so that everything fit inside. She loved laying the pieces on the tray table (that I wiped down before takeoff) and making lots of silly combinations. I would make sure and hide the toy for several weeks before we left so it was new and fresh. I actually recommend hiding any toy you plan to take, several weeks before the day of travel.

Destinations

England- I lived in England for 4 years. It is where my husband and I met and were married and where we had our first child. It feels impossible to narrow the entire country down to one city, so I'll just share a few of my favorite photos. I can assure you the country is filled with beautiful scenery, culturally rich food, and historical sites for days and days.

Tower Bridge

Tower of London

Headland Hotel and Fistral Beach, Cornwall, England.

Lavenham, England. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star was written here.

Liverpool, England

St. Paul's Cathedral London, England

Land's End, Cornwall, England

2012 Olympic Games London

Towan Beach, Cornwall

White Cliffs of Dover and the English Channel

Paris- I have been fortunate enough to visit Paris twice. Once when I was a newlywed, and again with my husband, sister, and oldest. I love the romance of the city. The architecture, the art, the cheese... Oh, how I love all the cheese. ;)

Cathedral of Notre Dame

The Louvre

Arc de Triomphe

Palais Garnier (Paris Opera House) Home of Phantom of the Opera

THE Mona Lisa

Oregon Coast- My best friend and I took a road trip with our 5 children earlier this month and we had a blast. We drop from The Bay Area up to Portland. On the way back we took the scenic route and drove down on Highway 101, along the coast. I cannot tell you how many times we gasped at the beauty of the rugged coast. It is absolutely breathtaking and words simply cannot describe its beauty. I also love all the interesting sites we saw along the way. A prehistoric garden, a house made from a single log, and a towering statue of Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox. Besides being such an exciting vacation (did you catch the math? 5 kids and 2 moms?) it was such a fun experience having a road trip with my best friend. I would do it a thousand times over again. Maybe just pack a few more bottles of Dramamine and ibuprofen.

I love exploring the world and seeing how different people live. It's wonderful to discover that people living in the same country can have such a different culture. I feel like travel is the best way to grow as a person and what better way than exploring with those that we love. What is your favorite tip for traveling with kids and your favorite destination?

Beach Day

2017-07-19T18:17:00.002-07:00

Today needed to be a beach day. We haven't been in so long and we have had a lot of stresses on our plate recently. My good friend and I decided to take our kiddos to the windward side, to a beach I've never visited before- Kaiona Beach Park in Waimanalo. It was absolutely stunning. Despite the overcast sky and the choppy water, it was just what I needed to relax.

We were even surprised with a group of girls who came and danced hula. The 3 older girls were transfixed and sat and watched them for a long time.

Then we decided to take a dip in the ocean. The water was glorious. The perfect temperature. Just right for soothing a tired body. We were laughing and having a good time when all of a sudden I noticed I was surrounded by bright red water! What was going on? Was someone injured? Was it the second coming? Just about that time my friend yelled out, in shock. I looked down and realized the bright red water was surrounding only me. It took a split second for me to remember that one of the reasons I had been stressed is because of some bladder issues I've been having. Issues that are being treated with a little dye pill that turns my urine red. I guess the perfect temperature water really relaxed me enough to not register that I was peeing in the ocean. Needless to say my face turned 50 shades red, just like the color of the water surrounding me. The kids thought it was hilarious!

As we left the beach the sun decided to come out and it ended with a perfect view. Don't worry, the showers worked great and my friend brought along the soap. ;)