In my space

Some men and their notion of superiority

2017-09-18T02:42:00.001-07:00

Ever since he hurt his hand and cannot lift heavy weights he can't work as a mason. He depends on his wife's income which she earns working as a house help in six homes. They have three children, all studying. She pays the rent, she cleans the house, she cooks the food, and sometimes he has instructions for exactly how he likes his food. I know I'd have laced his food with something.

She walks in with a sullen face sometimes and tells me how fed up she is of being the backbone of the household since she was 16 years old. Today he has taken the gold earrings he gifted his daughter to sell it for money. Divorce isn't an option, she sees him as her fate.

So let me understand this better..a man is henpecked only if he listens to his wife, takes her advice, helps her around the house or is "scared" of her. But he is still a MAN, all respect due just because of his physical appendage, even when he is a liability, a burden, a good for nothing partner who cannot even manage to say one good thing to his wife by way of appreciation, let alone be humble and have gratitude for her being a caretaker, a provider, when that role is primarily his, considering he likes to behave like a king around his home and family? He can be jobless, he can be unloving, he can be disrespectful and egoistic but her job even as the only earning member is to keep reassuring his worthiness, massaging his ego and also taking his criticism everyday.

If they have a fight he cites his three best virtues - "Do I hit you like other husbands do? Do I drink and create trouble? Do I gamble or go after other women?" So his yardstick for being a good husband is this, after comparison with the scum in their neighborhood. THAT is what he chooses to compare himself to, NOT with men who do whatever job they can to support the family. I've heard these very lines in higher income groups, it's amazing how predictable this category of men are.

Another favorite line to shut her up is "I know why you're so proud, it's because you are earning". That shuts her up, but it has never deterred him from continuing to be dependent on her. If that dosent work,he hasn't hesitated to hit her in the past. He says she is his bad luck, makes her feel like she is the worst wife ever. She is INSUFFERABLE and he says anyone in his place would have left her long ago (I have heard about this line being used in all strata of society) but her income - that, he can shamelessly digest. The money from selling her property back in Bangladesh, that is something he is just waiting for. No shame in using that!

How kind of him then, to continue living with her and doing her that favor. Even after all these decades, he likes to say that he shouldnt have married. This is why you shouldnt marry "because mummy wanted you to", whether you are a man or a woman. Mummy wont live forever, but your spouse and you may have to rough it out with each other all your life.

Didnt stop him from having three kids though..two eldest ones being girls, he needed a son to carry on his precious lineage. What a loss to mankind if he allowed his superior lineage to end with him.

What mental illness is that, measured masculinity..her earnings emasculate him only enough to shut her up but not to stop being dependent on her?

He turned down a job as a supplier in a nearby hotel because it is long hours. Unsuited to his royal being. He turned down a job as a driver for a water supply truck. Because he can't sit that long for that less income.Any woman would tell you that SOME income is better than NONE. But I've stopped trying to arrange any work for this high profile royal being for fear of offending his Highness.

He doesn't need to earn his wife or children's respect and love..it is a given, isnt it? It comes with the 'package', isnt it? He will taunt, fight, threaten and emotionally abuse, manipulate and bully his wife and kids to give him respect because he is a man. He is the husband and father, whether or not he did more than create children.

I can see how people's thoughts turn to murder or suicide when they are blessed with a spouse like this.

Teaching your child to be environmentally aware

2013-10-27T12:15:00.001-07:00

Good habits that are instilled in childhood are never forgotten. It is never too early to begin teaching your child to be environmentally aware. Each one of us has a responsibility towards Mother Earth. Although most schools do have environmental studies as a part of their curriculum, real education always begins at home.

While terms such as “carbon footprint” may be too complex to explain to children, the simplest way to teach children to be eco friendly is by making them avoid wastage of resources. It is good to explain to them that there are many children in our world who do not get enough food, water and other things such as electricity that we often take for granted. Parents can teach even young kids simple good habits like switching the lights and fan off when not in use, turning the tap off while brushing and not wasting food and paper.

Children learn better and faster when the learning process is made fun. Try to engage your child in fun activities like craft projects that make use of waste materials that you would usually throw out. With a little imagination you could use newspapers to make envelopes, carry bags and paper mache articles with your child. Old plastic bottles and containers could become interesting pen holders, flower vases, piggy banks, miniature pots for indoor plants or herbs for your kitchen window. A cardboard shoebox could be made into a decorated jewellery box. Bigger cardboard boxes could become a dollhouse! A touch of creativity could make wonderful things out of simple thermocol that you usually throw out. Unused pages from old notebooks could be gathered and stapled together to make a notepad for drawing or writing.

When your child is old enough to understand, you could explain why trees are very important for the ecosystem. You could plant seeds together and watch the plant grow. This will become an interesting method for your child to learn about how plants grow while teaching them to care for the plants daily. The sense of responsibility that your child will develop towards that single plant will eventually be extended towards nature in general. You could allow your child to select plants from a nursery and choose a spot in a suitable open area where they can plant it. Encourage your child to look after the plant and watch his awareness towards other plants and trees in the surroundings increase.

Use your imagination to give your child ideas. Have fun together by teaching your child to look at a piece of waste and imagine what it could become. In time, children will learn to use their own imagination and creativity. This certainly beats watching cartoons all day!

You could also browse the internet for fun craft projects that make the best use of waste articles. Such projects will enable you to spend some quality time with your child while doing something creative, productive and educational.

Children who are old enough to read can be given easy reading material about the environment and related issues. It would be good to read with them so that you can encourage discussions about the topic. You could discuss pollution, why it is important to conserve energy and water, how to avoid littering and other such topics.

To increase a child’s interest in adopting and advocating an eco friendly lifestyle, involve their friends group by conducting a painting competition with an eco friendliness theme or spend an evening making the “best of waste” .

Use these ideas and watch your kids put their resourcefulness and imagination to use as they learn the concepts through creative projects. While they get to proudly display their talent, you will have the satisfaction of knowing that they have learnt good things.

Chase your dreams..they are all you've got

2013-08-10T04:47:00.003-07:00

Do you remember the list of things you wanted to be “when you grew up”? Now that youre all “grown up”,are you everything that you wished you would turn out to be? Chances are, like grown ups usually end up doing, you made a series of compromises and traded off most or all of your dreams to become something that is far less than you wished to be as a child. But does it really have to be that way?

There may be a number of reasons why you discarded your dreams and settled for a “lesser’ life. I refer to it as such because if your life is nothing close to what you hoped it would be once you stopped taking your parents’ or elders’ advice about everything, you are actually living a “lesser” life.

A life that is presently not the life you dreamt of once upon a time, is a lesser life.

If you really sit down and think of what you really want in life, of what would really make you happy, you may have one definite answer or a list of answers that you could prioritise and still achieve – no matter what your current situation in life is. I’m addressing EVERYONE here. I’m talking to the teenager who hopes to be Miss Universe someday, the CA student who secretly wishes to be a cartoonist, a 50 year old who wishes to learn dancing and perform on stage someday, a salaried employee who wishes to be a millionaire someday.

Why do we let go of our dreams so easily…almost as soon as they are born in our being?

Unfortunately, your circle of friends and family members isn’t always the safest place for your dream to thrive. Often, well meaning advice or light hearted teasing could actually discourage a person from following their heart’s desire. For example, almost everyone laughs at the guy who openly says he wishes to be a famous movie star someday. The fear of such negative reactions makes people keep their desire a secret rather than have it insensitively shot down by people whose opinions really matter.

Napoleon Hill highlighted in his book, “Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve”.

Chase your dreams. They are all you've got.

My 'ghostly' experience!

2013-06-09T02:14:00.002-07:00

I believe that ghosts exist. Spirits, rather. And I am more than happy to "live and let live" (I dont know if that is an appropriate expression in this case) when it comes to them. I dont believe they can harm us for no reason but surely, they like to make their presence known.

I say this because of the many stories I have heard. I myself have had one experience that I cannot put down to logic.

I think it was in 2006 or 2007, when I was working at Firstsource solutions. As usual I reached a long time before my 12:30 pm shift began. Our "floor", as we call it, had around 100 or 120 seats and systems - the PC, keyboard and headset in front of each workstation. I clearly remember I was the only person on the entire floor. I walked in and chose my favorite spot, not far away from the exit. The glass windows that were tightly shut at all times ensured that any noise from outside stayed outside.

As I logged in to the PC, I could hear what sounded like someone typing on the keyboards at the farthest end of the room. I turned and looked at that row of PCs. There was nobody there and I couldnt help remembering what my friends used to say about that row of PCs. It was where our Quality Analysts sat, and there were rumors that those last two rows of PCs were 'haunted'. People doing the last shift often said they heard typing sounds from that row even when nobody was there. Poor Quality Analysts are overworked as it is, perhaps the weary keyboards kept working even after they left? It wasnt something we thought much about.

I dismissed it as my imagination and concentrated on my PC, although hearing that typing noise getting louder I did feel very nervous. Now I just wanted to open a of the necessary applications quickly, lock the PC and leave. I was standing as I opened the notepad, typed in the passwords for a few appliucations..I'd run away as soon as I was done!

I noticed the sound stopped. Atleast it seemed that way to me. Thats when it happened. I heard a distinct 'Shh shhh.." from that last row. The kind of noise you make to attract an unknown person's attention. I froze. I kid you not, I FROZE. My mother had told me once, it is said that in such eerie situations when you hear a noise like that or hear someone calling out your name, you shouldnt turn back to look. But what the hell, when you know there is nobody else in a sound proof room and still hear such a sound, you WILL turn back to look. It is just mindless reflex action1 Besides, isnt that what the actors in horror movies do? They turn to look. And they see the ghost. Only, I didnt.

I looked hard, almost as if straining my eyes would give me some supernatural power to see ghosts. I didnt see anything but I felt really cold. I think It happens when you are shit scared, all your blood rushes to your brain or someplace else and you feel cold. I could hear my heart pound as I softly pressed Ctrl-Alt-del to bring up the screen to quickly lock the PC and get out of there..in the 2 seconds that it took for that screen to come up, I heard that sound again, VERY CLEARLY and as if it was MUCH CLOSER to me, maybe a row behind me.."SHH SHHHH"..

Thats it..locked or not locked, I quickly walked towards the exit with that cold feeling, as if I was wrapped in a blanket of cold. I cant remember why I didnt run, but the exit which was only 15 steps away felt like it was really far away. I didnt turn back this time.

As soon as I stepped out of the floor and the door closed behind me, I felt warm again and I rushed into the canteen to be amongst human beings again!

I found my friend having lunch (Shreya, if you are reading this) and the words wouldnt leave my mouth faster as I narrated my experience to her. She dismissed it as nonsense, of course. You never believe such things until it happens to you.

I have thought about that experience often. No matter how many times I think of it, I cannot justify those sounds. They were just too clear to dismiss as some coincidence. I know I wasnt imagining things. And I know I wont dismiss ghost stories as nonsense ever again!

The wife and the TV

2013-06-02T00:03:00.000-07:00

At 4 pm her mind alerts her, "I should keep the house neat..my beloved will be home in a few hours".
With a tune on her lips she begins cleaning the house. Surely her maid couldnt add the 'touch of love' that only the woman of the house can bring to an already clean house. A woman who loves a house and its inhabitants makes it a 'home'..she makes it heaven.

While spreading her care and love to reach corners of the house where even sunshine cant, she tends to her sweet child whom she loves more than her own self. "Little baby..your darling Papa will be home soon, tired and weary. He works hard for us, sticking to a job he dosent enjoy. Just so that he can provide for us. Lets make the home beautiful and welcoming. Let this home welcome him and embrace him with our love.."
Time flies soon as she makes her house a home.."Its 5 pm, an hour to go for our beloved to come home. Let me prepare some snack for him to eat.."

There..its ready. Oh look at me..I look like a mess. Let me make myself presentable and dress baby up as well..
Its 6 pm now..what is keeping him?
Its 6:15 pm..did he miss the bus?
Its going to be 6:30 pm..oh there, the doorbell rings..My love is home!

8 pm...his favorite movie is on.
8:45 pm..I'm sure he has seen this one before.
9:00 pm..Have I become that boring? Is he plain used to me?
9:30 pm..I wish TV would interest me as much as it interests him..
9:45 pm..I wish I were as interesting as the TV..
10:00 pm..let me just have dinner and go lie down with my thoughts.
11:00 pm..I wish I were as interesting as the TV
12 - I wish I were as interesting as the TV..
12:20 I wish I were as interesting as the TV..
8 am: I wish I were as interesting as the TV..

4 pm.. her mind alerts her, "I should keep the house neat..my beloved will be home in a few hours".

E Cigarettes – no smoke, all fire?

2013-05-19T03:39:00.002-07:00

E Cigarettes – no smoke, all fire?

Everyone offers their two cents to the smoker looking to quit the habit. Well meaning advice could range from taking up a hobby to chewing nicotine gum or wearing a nicotine patch. Electronic cigarettes may prove to be a useful aid to slowly wean smokers who have tried and failed at quitting cold turkey.

Giving up a harmful habit is easier if the process is less stressful. E cigarettes are made to simulate the experience of smoking without the harmful effects of actually inhaling smoke. While some users report that the seemingly better alternative has helped them battle their craving for a smoke, it is yet to be proven that E cigarettes are a completely safe replacement for cigarettes.

So how do e cigarettes work?

E cigarettes basically work using a battery operated heating element that turns the liquid contained in a cartridge into vapor. The liquid comprises of an array of chemicals alongwith nicotine and small traces of the same substances found in a normal cigarette. The cartridge can be replaced as often as required.

Conventional cigarettes vs E Cigarettes

Nicotine is the main cause of addiction to conventional cigarettes. While using less harmful replacement methods such as a nicotine patch, for example, may take care of the nicotine craving, it does little to address the behavioral aspects of the addiction. Smokers miss the entire smoking experience, not just the nicotine. E cigarettes aim to satisfy the nicotine craving while emulating the feel of holding and experiencing a conventional cigarette.

Since e cigarettes involve vaporization instead of combustion of nicotine, the tar deposits in the oral cavity and lungs of a smoker will not be found in users of e cigarettes.

The repulsive smell of tobacco and second hand smoke are other issues that e cigarettes do away with. E cigarettes offer their users the flexibility of choosing different concentrations of nicotine in the cartridges. Users can gradually phase out their dependence on nicotine until they are ready to completely quit the addiction.

While e cigarettes do contain varying levels of nicotine and other chemicals, the main ingredient is propylene glycol which is used in beauty products, food coloring and other products in safe quantities. It is believed that the exposure to chemical and nicotine vapors from an e cigarette is hardly as detrimental to health as the smoke that emanates from a conventional cigarette that burns a concentrated mix of nicotine and over 3000 chemicals.

In the long run, the monthly cost of replacing the cartridge of an e cigarette works out to be considerably lesser than that of the number of boxes of cigarettes bought to last a month.

According to a study by researchers at the Boston University School of Public Health, 31 percent of respondents surveyed reported successfully stopped smoking for a six month period using e cigarettes. Even traditional nicotine replacement therapy products such as gums, lozenges, patches and puffers only had a success rate of between 12 and 18 per cent.

The downside of using e Cigarettes

Young people who are not allowed to smoke conventional cigarettes may be unwittingly drawn to e cigarettes as they seem harmless due to inadequate health warnings and regulation on their sales.e Cigarettes are available in many flavors as well, making them even more attractive to youngsters who may be unaware of the nicotine content in them. It may in fact, be the a youngster’s first step towards smoking because however negligible, e cigarette cartridges still do contain nicotine.

There is an acute lack of empirical evidence backed by scientific and/or medical research to determine how safe or harmful e cigarettes really are. Until this issue is addressed, it is really a case of ‘buyer beware’.

Innovative devices!

2013-05-19T03:16:00.005-07:00

Those futuristic devices you saw in Star Trek and the Jetsons are no longer wishful thinking. We take a look at some intelligent, innovative e-devices:

‘Inhale’ delicious desserts to skip calories!

Based on studies which prove that the sense of smell triggers feelings of ‘fullness’, which in turn reduces our appetite, Vaportrim inhalers are an innovative way to satiate cravings for delicious desserts by inhaling vapors of different desserts. Around 75 percent of what we taste is actually smell. Users can take advantage of this unique taste – smell connection to inhale flavored vapors and indulge in tasty treats without piling on the calories.

Your own robot maid!

Cleaning tops the list of most mundane and tiresome chores that we just have to do. Cleaning robots are a dream come true. Leave the vacuuming to robot vacuum cleaners that have in built sensors to move away from obstacles and continue cleaning.

A spoon that monitors your sodium intake

The Salinity Monitor Spoon will prove useful for people suffering from hypertension or health conscious people who want to keep a tab on their sodium intake.

The electronic spoon works like a thermometer and displays the sodium content of food. It can be dipped into hot or cold food like soups and sauces, within the temperature range of 60 - 8080°C. The LCD display on the spoon flashes three ranges of sodium content: 0.6–0.8 percent, 0.9–1.1 percent, and over 1.2 percent.

E-cigarettes – the preferred alternative to conventional cigarettes

E cigarettes simulate the experience of smoking a conventional cigarette while replacing carcinogenic tar smoke created due to burning a cigarette, with vapors of nicotine. These vapors contain far a far lesser amount of the harmful chemicals and nicotine than the smoke emanating from a cigarette. E cigarettes can be used by those looking to kick the smoking habit slowly.

E cigarettes use cartridges contain the liquid which turns to vapor when the device is used. These cartridges are available in various flavors and containing different levels of nicotine concentration. In the long run, the cost of these replaceable cartridges works out to be far lesser than the cost of packets of conventional cigarettes.

A syringe that takes the ‘bite’ out of bug bites

CLICK is a non-medical device shaped like a syringe that functions with piezoelectricity – the generation of electrical currents by the compression or expansion of quartz and similar crystalline substances.

Using CLICK like a syringe, the user can reduce local reactions to insect bites. Itches, burns, pains and swelling can be reduced in minutes by the reduction or inhibition of histamine.

CLICK requires no battery or other energy source and does not release chemical substances. It is an eco friendly solution to alleviate the effects of any irritating or poisonous substance introduced under the skin by an insect bite by applying pressure to render them ineffective.

A headset that converts noise into energy

Noise cancelling headsets are nothing new anymore. But the Green Noise Bluetooth Headset will make you sit up and take notice because of its ability to actually convert high decibels into usable energy. Now not only can you block noise, you could harness it to power your headset!

WiFi Plant Sensor to make gardening effortless

The Koubachi indoor WiFi plant sensor allows you to feed and water up to 27 household plants. Forget worrying about when, how often and how much to water your plants. Koubachi can calculate a specific care plan covering specifics like water usage rate, light and temperature needs. It allows you to check on your plants using iPhone or Web App from wherever you are. You no longer need to depend on neighbors to water your plants while you’re away!

Process contactless MasterCard payments using a wristwatch

Watch2pay is a wristwatch that makes contactless MasterCard payments possible. The in-built 'break-out card', which is a MasterCard PayPass prepaid card enables you to hold the watch to a shop’s card reader to make a payment in all places that MasterCard PayPass is used.

This intelligent device gives you freedom from carrying wads of cash. It comes with a free MasterCard PayPass prepaid card that is valid for 2 years. Once the card is activated online and you have credited cash into the account, the watch is ready to go.

Hennes & Mauritz plans to spend 130 M to open chain of stores in India

2013-04-30T08:19:00.001-07:00

Hennes & Mauritz, a Swedish multinational retail-clothing company, plans to spend around 100 million euros ($130 million) to open a chain of 50 stores in India. The company’s interest in India’s potential market is fueled by India’s growing population and rising incomes.

A sizeable section of the population in Asia's third-largest economy now has the spending power to catch up with fast-changing fashions.

The plan to enter the Indian market is a part of the company’s larger expansion plans. Fredrik Olsson, head of expansion at the world's second-biggest fashion retailer, said in an interview that the Swedish group would continue a rapid rollout of stores across the world as it aims to stand up to larger rival Inditex.

H&M has been able to hold its own even in a faltering global economy by focusing on bringing catwalk styles to the mass market at a fraction of the price.

H&M has around 2,800 stores in 49 countries and about 80 per cent of sales come from Europe.

According to Olsson, H&M had made an investment application to the Indian government, adding the figures were just an estimate. He did not give a time-frame for the opening of a first store in the country.

Speaking to Reuters at H&M's headquarters in downtown Stockholm's shopping district, he said, "It is a very interesting market with a huge population and a growing middle class."

Lately H&M has been adding other brands to its core H&M chain, such as & Other Stories, to broaden its customer base.

H&M would start selling with the core H&M brand in India and has applied to sell nine different product categories.

Many international retailers, including Swedish budget furniture chain IKEA, are eager to expand into India after its government moved last year to allow foreign firms to set up wholly-owned subsidiaries in the country.

Indian retail consultancy Technopak estimates that the textile and clothing market in the country would more than double to $141 billion by 2021, from $58 billion in 2012.

IKEA waiting for the green signal to tap the Indian market

2013-04-30T08:17:00.003-07:00

Will India finally have the world famous Swedish retail IKEA stores?

Tomorrow, the IKEA's Rs 10,500-crore proposal to set up single brand retail stores in the country is on the agenda of the Cabinet Committee on Economic Affairs (CCEA).

The brand has been interested in the Indian market since the Foreign Investment Promotion Board (FIPB) cleared the investment plan of the firm to open single-brand retail stores in the country, earlier this year.

FIPB can only clear foreign investment proposals worth up to Rs 1,200 crore. Since IKEA's planned investment is higher than this, the proposal needs to be cleared by the Cabinet.

The Rs 10,500-crore proposal of the Swedish company includes stores and cafeterias. IKEA had applied to invest the amount for setting up 10 furnishing and homeware stores as well as allied infrastructure over 10 a period of years in India. 15 more stores will be subsequently opened.

IKEA has been sourcing many products from India for the past 25 years. This would be the largest investment in the single-brand retailing ever since the government has allowed foreign investment in this sector.

Earlier this month, President Pranab Mukherjee, speaking on the occasion of Golden Jubilee Celebrations of the Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI) said,“Today India is the third largest economy in the world in purchasing power parity terms."

A PwC report states that the spending power of Indian consumers is projected to be more than $1 trillion by 2021, driven by rising prosperity of emerging middle class people, whose population is expected to grow to 570 million by the time.

Swedish multinational retail-clothing company Hennes & Mauritz has also submitted a proposal to spend around 100 million euros ($130 million) to open a chain of 50 stores in India. The company’s interest in India’s potential market is fueled by India’s growing population and rising incomes.

From TRYING to be a 'good' girl, to raising one

2013-04-28T00:23:00.003-07:00

Gender bias starts at home. Why do we blame society for treating women as second class citizens, when really, the way we treat a daughter and the way we treat a son is glaringly different? By saying this, I know I will be chastised by mothers who will say that they are just being protective for their daughter's sake. Sure they are. In these horrible times if my daughter were old enough to go out on her own, I'd keep tabs on her whereabouts and safety - perhaps every hour, until she gets annoyed and maybe hangs up on me. Then I'd go snoop around and watch her from a distance to know she is safe. I'd be ready to unleash my wrath on any unfortunate creature that posed a threat to her well being. If you talk about paranoia, I am the queen of paranoids. Yet I feel that when it comes to bringing up a girl child, atleast Indian parents blur the lines between 'acting out of concern' and bringing up a daughter the way girls 'should be brought up'.

We love our daughters as much as our sons. Perhaps a little more. But there is an invisible rule book that we go by..an instruction manual put together by past generations to tell you how to bring up a girl child and how a girl belonging to a 'decent' family should behave. In the volatile teenage years, girls will insist that such an invisible code of conduct exists and you will spend years denying its existence. Sometimes when you can no longer deny that she has clearly figured out her brother has a whole lot of privileges that she dosent, you will invariably hide behind the "its all for your own good, for your own safety" line.

I had a 7 pm deadline when I was growing up. Once, for reaching home at around 7.30 pm, I was greeted by the intimidating sight of my mother and brother sitting facing the front door to start the verbal bashing I deserved for being out with friends enjoying street food. The damned vendor who only opened his shop at 7 pm. Of course I knew I'd be in a little trouble but I decided to take the chance because damn, that guy's stuff was GOOD!

The way my mother glared at me, you'd think I was a 17 year old careless teenager sneaking into the house at 2 am, smelling like pot, dressed in a micro-mini and an itsy bitsy tank top that screamed 'cleavage", (of which I had none at the time, believe me!), occasionally flashing my G string - which, till date, I dont understand the point of.

Nope. I was a 13 year old awkward, timid girl dressed in a full-sleeved, LOOSE, fully buttoned top and a skirt that would rather taste the earth than expose my ankles. Whatever little skin was exposed below my ankles were covered by shoes that you'd see nuns wear. I used to wear glasses that covered half my face and there was nothing my entire image that would merit a second look.

First thought - Uh oh..i SHOULD'NT have been greedy. I'm in trouble now.

Second thought - They're going to do this together as a team..Did she finish cooking dinner early just to catch me walking in after my deadline?

Third thought - Ok, what's my attitude going to be, "sorry puppy dog look" or "Yeah yeah just yell at me like you always do and lets all get on with our lives quickly"?

Before I gathered my thoughts, she shot the first arrow - "Do you know what time it is?"

Of course I did. I was a whole 29 minutes late. At that age, figuring out which question is a rhetorical one and which one she actually wanted an answer to was the golden key to choose whether I wanted a small but painful lecture or a full length sermon with history added from my past "misdeeds". Unfortunately, I always got it wrong and answered the rhetorical questions at the wrong time. It always extended my misery.

I stood planted in the spot with my head hung down in shame for not obeying such a simple rule. She weaved into her narrative a few past instances of how I had caused her utter misery, how I dont help around the house at all, how she behaved when she was my age, how stubborn, hopeless, difficult and ungrateful I am etc etc. After a while it was all the same old lecture really, so I'd patiently wait for it to end. Sometimes it would end with a warning, sometimes with an angry "GO!" like you'd say to a misbehaving pet dog.

This sermon lasted around an hour and fifteen minutes. Moral of the sermon was that an ungrateful creature who ate paani puri with friends while my mother slogged alone in the hot kitchen to make dinner for us.

A few days later when I could no longer shut the inner voice that always landed me into trouble with her, I asked her, why does my brother not have a deadline? Not that he ever stayed out late. But why? Her answer disgusted me. She said, "Because he cant get pregnant.".

Of all my classmates, there were only TWO guys that I interacted with. That too, only to exchange notes or reference for homework. They were only interested in me because I was the first ranker. The one whose notebooks were complete, neat and reliable. To the rest of the class, apart from my girl pals, I was the snooty gulf-return student who thought too highly of herself to even look their way. They felt like I treated them as lowly creatures. I came to know that from friends. Reality was that I was lost when after attending an all-girls school for years, suddenly I had to adjust to moving back to India and becomeing a part of the co-ed system. Back in Sharjah I'd hear how a tenth grader Head-girl got expelled for sneaking into the boys section to meet a boy student of the same school. And now here I was, still recovering from the shock of having to sit next to a BOY in the classroom, dressed in half pants. What was normal for kids here was a big culture shock to my senses.

So when I was told that I had a deadline because I could get pregnant - to me it was the most insensitive reply put across in the crudest manner. It reeked of her lack of trust in me and exposed how little she knew me. I'm not talking about morals here. I am talking about the fact that she didnt know I was struggling hard to adjust to even just being around guys of my age. She didnt know how awkward I was around guys and how I behaved like an alien around them.

Parents do their best to ensure that daughters get the best possible upbringing while being as protected as they can from the 'predators' circling them all the time. We want to be extra careful and would rather be safe than sorry. Someday I hope we can embed GPS chips into our babies in a procedure that is as routine as getting them vaccinated. just so that we can rest assured that they are safe, no matter where they are. In case they are in trouble, we would know exactly where to fly to, to swoop in on the bad guys and beat the daylight out of them and bring our child back home safely.

But in our attempt to shield them, do we knowingly or unknowingly tell them what they can and cant do, just because they are girls? Dont we use 'concern' as an excuse to mould our baby girls into the socially acceptable form? In all the lectures I was subjected to, alongwith being chided for being disobedient or plain foolish, I was always given ideas of how 'good' girls should behave. 'Good girls' helped out with housework, did well at school, didnt ask questions, dressed to appeal to others' idea of decency and did not question anyone's authority within or outside the family.

'Good' girls couldnt get too pally with guys. I was sure I was doing ok if I managed to treat them just like I treated my girl friends, but thats not how 'good' girls were supposed to behave. Being friendly with boys would give me a bad name. Without ever being told to avoid letting any boy classmate coming home to pick up notes or books, I already told my two geeky guy friends that they were not welcome at home. In college when a huge mixed group of classmates - nearly 30 of them, planned to watch a movie while their parents thought they were studying hard, I came home and asked my mother if it was ok for me to go. I was older, hopefully more sensible. I was telling her where I would be and was sure to be home by 5 pm. Surely she would allow me to go? Nope. I was given the reason at the age of 13. Dare I ask again.

Being a mother to a baby girl makes me doubly sensitive to the horrible crimes being committed against women more boldly, more frequently and more intensely nowadays. I already worry about how I ensure her well being and safety as she grows older. Its likely that I will improvise my mother's sermons and belt them out to her when she walks in past her deadline some day in the distant future. But I hope to do so without stripping her of the traits that would make her a unique individual just to get her to conform to society's idea of what a girl brought up in a 'decent' family should be like. I hope I will be able put across my concerns as concerns NOT evidence of my lack of trust in her, so that she gets a chance to put my mind at ease with an assurance that she would never do anything to break my trust.

I hope I will be able to always clearly define which of my actions are out of concern and which are out of the wish to mould my girl into an individual who will take their skewed ideas of morality into the next generation.

I hope I can burn that invisible book of rules, that instruction manual on 'the right way to bring up a daughter'. If nothing, I hope I can modify the same set of rules to apply to raising a son too. So that I am not raising a son or a daughter, just a child. A child whose clear conscience will be enough to guide her/him throughout life.

Finding the strength to 'pull on'

2013-04-21T03:02:00.003-07:00

Recently a Facebook friend confided in me that she has been putting up with domestic violence for a while now. She has been married for around 6 years and has a 3 year old child. Although she is qualified enough to get a job and fend for herself, she understandably feels lost when it comes to thinking about getting a job after being forced to give up her career soon after marriage because the in-laws saw it as a disgrace to their affluent selves to let their daughter in law go to work.

Marriage is such a gamble. You never really know what you are getting into, because some people change drastically after marriage when a relationship demands more than showing up on time for dates or looking good for each other. Love makes perfectly logical people complete idiots. It makes an educated, capable woman set aside her career goals and her financial independence. Blame it on love, which makes her believe that her needs will be taken care of, forever. Blame it on blind trust, that to her, a child that they bring into their ‘world of love’ is a welcome addition in their lives.She may never understand that to her husband, their child is another ‘responsibility’. Another weight on his already burdened shoulders.

My mother is the strongest woman I know. I may never really understand the pain, the heartburn involved in bringing up her children singlehandedly because her husband never did enough to provide for his wife and family. Some day I will get around to writing a lot more about her, to capture a few fleeting moments of glory for her and the way she brought us up against all odds. Far too many women like her live and die without being adequately appreciated.

She has told me several things about a time when we were living in Sharjah and my father had no steady job. We kids grew up seeing our parents bicker all the time. I never agree with people who say that the world gives money far more importance than it deserves. Because I know the true power of money and have seen how the lack of it can wreck a person’s home, family and spirit.

My mother used to work as a secretary at a law firm. Her salary wasn’t enough to feed and educate the four of us, pay the rent AND pay off the debts that my dad constantly piled up. I wish I could understand his thought process but from the face of it, he probably believed that taking loans from every friend and colleague to manage expenses at home and take more loans to pay off old ones was still a way of ‘providing’ for his family.

She had cut off the wires to the calling bell because everytime the bell rang, her heart would pound with fear of having to face angry people asking where her husband is and when he would return their money. We kids would find a corner to sit quietly in and watch from behind the furniture while she stood at the door, unable to answer for her husband’s actions.

On many nights when she felt there was no hope for us she started plotting a way of escaping that life – killing all of us when we were asleep and then, herself. She didn’t want to leave her kids to the mercy of an irresponsible father. She knew he wouldn’t be able to deal with the responsibility alone. So she began planning how it should be done.

She though the best way would be to set the house on fire so none of us would escape. She would douse the bed and then the whole house in enough petrol to ensure nothing was spared and then set the bed on fire while we kids were asleep.

She told me it was impossible to get enough petrol to do it without arousing suspicion. So she would have to buy and stock small quantities of petrol until she had enough. The best way for her to do this was to buy small amounts of petrol from the petrol pumps on the way home from work. She took a taxi home everyday, so she planned to stop far away from a petrol pump each day and walk towards it with a container that would hold a decent quantity of petrol. She would wear her specs to look like a serious, professional woman and tell the attendent that her car ran out of fuel on her way home so she needed just enough to fill the tank to get her home. She’d make it sound like the car is parked a little away from the petrol pump so that nobody would suspect she is making it all up.

She told me she spent many sleepless nights planning to do this. I do not remember what reason she told me for not going through with her well thought out plan. I think it was because she managed to land a better paying job that would ease the noose around our necks just a little…just enough to manage a little better.

My mother was a meek, frail, undergraduate who couldn’t speak English. She thought she could give up the struggle of being a working woman and just look after her husband and kids. Life mocked her simple plan and threw unbelievable challenges her way. She went on to work for a renowned Lebanese lawyer, handling all the office work including legal documents better than a management graduate would.

When I ask her in awe, how she managed to do it, she smiles and says she just did. She sometimes says that when God gives us burdens, he also gives us the strength to bear them. However she may have done it, at the end, what matters is that she did. And if she could, every woman should TRY.

The making of....me

2013-04-14T23:09:00.000-07:00

I must have been four and a half years old then. Although my mother says its impossible to have a clear memory of things that happened at that tender age, I strongly disagree. Because I know how clearly I can see that incident in my mind. It still gives me goosebumps.

My brother, who is five years elder to me, wasn’t very fond of me as far as I can remember. That particular day he took sibling hatred to a new level. I have a deep scar at the back of my left hand as a reminder of his hatred. The scar his hatred inflicted on my heart as a child, not even five years of age, never really healed. Why else, would I be writing this now?

Our parents were away at work and our elder brother and sister were at school. The four of us, aged between four and a half to around seventeen, were left to ourselves until our parents reached home at night. My mother worked very hard to make ends meet , shouldering responsibilities that my father should have done but couldn’t be bothered to.

The day of the incident, we were ‘playing’, if you can call it that. I am yet to find a word that adequately describes a situation where everyday after waking up, I’d be in constant fear of when my brother will start picking on me for no particular reason. Some mornings I'd pretend to be asleep till I could no longer lie in bed doing nothing. I’d be constantly afraid of what I may do or say to trigger his hatred filled cruelty. Each day it was something new..I have varied memories of ways in which he expressed his hate..from throwing stones at me as I walked in front of him, to telling me he spit in the water he brought for me to drink, to yelling at me at the top of his voice until I would shiver and cry uncontrollably and cling to him hard instead of running away from him. Because he was the only living thing in that terrifying, big house – too big for a child to be alone in.

I keep digressing as memories flood in. Back to the day of the incident, he lit a candle and we were burning things like paper and other stuff. Him, because it was somehow fascinating to him and me, because I had no choice but to join in to be ‘on his side’ so that he wouldn’t turn his attention to making me the subject of his amusement.

He picked up a small blue plastic car and began burning it. It melted and as I was watching drops of molten blue plastic pull away from the illl fated toy, he held my hand under the bubbling, melting plastic and before I knew it, a big blob of molten plastic fell on my hand. Its all in slow motion then on, as most painful memories are. I don’t remember whether I screamed for my life or ran crying. I cant really remember my reaction or his, in the moments that followed. All I remember is seeing that huge drop of molten plastic embed itself in my hand, burning through my tender skin and flesh, turning a darker shade of blue than the toy car originally was. The drop solidified almost instantly and was just stuck there in my hand, lifeless. As if it had always been an odd extension protruding from the back of my hand.

I remember one thing clearly - he wasn’t scared after what he had done. If there was any fear or remorse he did a good job of concealing it because all he said as I cried in pain at the horrific sight of plastic burning deeper into my flesh was that I should let him remove it. I remember yelling, “No, I will show this to mummy today”. I remember saying that because for me it was a daring act of defiance. Everyday he’d threaten me that if I mentioned any acts of his cruel behavior towards me to our mother, he would beat me up even more the next day because surely our mother would go to work and we would be alone again.

Every day at the dinner table as we ate I’d think of telling our mother everything he had done that day to make me cry and he, almost as if telepathically reading my thoughts, would catch that quick nervous look I had on my face a few minutes before I mustered the courage to announce at the table how cruel he had been to me all through the day and as far as I could remember. As my eyes met his, his stern message was conveyed to me with a quiet but powerful force that made me sink back into my chair. My carefully gathered thoughts that had nearly become words and finally become strong enough to leave my lips any minute returned to my heart, taunting me that I would NEVER have the courage to speak up. Mission accomplished, my brother’s stern look would disappear as if it were never there and in its place would be a triumphant grin. A content look of satisfaction that he was safe because I was too much of a coward to rat him out.

I’d finish my meal quietly, unlike any child of that age you may have seen. This always went unnoticed because in my family dinnertime was far from those happy mealtimes we see in movies where family members love each other and cant hear enough about how each person’s day went. Dinner times were the only times that our family sat together. Yet for us, it was a matter of getting it quickly done and dusted so that we could sleep. Our mother would serve us, quickly and quietly. There was no question of fussing about whatever dish was served.

I realize now how tiring it must have been for my mother, to cook dinner for six within an hour or so of reaching home from work. I don’t remember her ever sitting down to relax for five minutes after returning from work. I guess with four hungry children around, any mother would forget her own comfort and jump right into cooking and serving dinner. Even as kids, we all knew better than to hassle her with our petty issues.

That day though, I felt it was very important for me to be the center of my mother’s universe atleast while I told her how I have been suffering. I wanted her undivided attention and hoped that she would resolve the matter for me, once and for all.

After the molten plastic drop solidified on my flesh I ran and hid under our huge dining table and refused to come out from there for my brother to pull it out of my flesh. Whether he wanted to destroy evidence or get sadistic pleasure from watching me suffer the pain of having my flesh torn away with the plastic, I don’t really know. But I swore I’d show it to mummy and hoped he would get a sound spanking that day.

I don’t know how many hours I sat there or how I managed to wait until my mother was home. I don’t remember where our elder brother and sister were after they returned from school. Did I show them what had happened? Did they try to help me? I cant remember any of that. What I do remember is choosing a safe moment to come out of hiding to run to mummy in the kitchen. I remember dodging my brother as he pounced on me to have me reconsider whether I really wanted to complain to mummy and face him the next day.

I remember crying my eyes out as I stood there looking up at mummy, holding up my hand for her to see what her son had done to me. I remember being in her way as she rushed from the kitchen table to the stove, with some ingredients in hand that needed to be quickly added to whatever she was cooking. I remember saying, see what he did to me today and just as I came in her way, she yelled at me without looking at my outstretched hand,” Go and sit in the hall room, out of my way..”. I don’t remember whether she told me to ‘sit in the hall room’ or ‘go and play elsewhere’ ..but I remember it stung like a slap. It felt like the confirmation of what my brother told me everyday without fail..”she loves me more than you..she dosent love you..she hates you..she never wanted you..we were happy before you were born... You were a mistake..I am their pet..”.

He had probably been watching from outside the kitchen because just as I stepped outside, he did a little victory dance and confirmed for me, “I told you, she wont care”.

The only consolation was that he went easy on me the next day. I wasn’t the same inside. Something had changed. I was still a coward. I still hugged him when he yelled at the top of his voice to scare me. I still cried sitting by his side when he pretended to be dead. But I never thought about complaining to my mother again.

Maybe this incident and a series of others made me the way I am now..Today I despise any show of helplessness or submissiveness in women. Maybe because it reminds me of the coward I was. Even as a child I hated myself for being unable to gather the courage to fight back or speak up. The anger, even disgust that I feel for women who quietly tolerate injustice or being ill treated is actually the disgust I feel for myself, for the way I was. Even though I was a child, I am still unforgiving about how meek and scared I was and how easy it was to put me down.

Maybe these memories make me react just a little more strongly than most women would, to hear about instances of women being ill treated.

I spent a good part of my teenage years trying to convince my mother that all these incidents werent merely instances of sibling rivalry. She spent all those years trying to convince me that I am super sensitive.. that her son only behaved like any child of that age would behave. She kept telling me that all brothers and sisters fight and I kept telling her that not all brothers would suffocate their seven year old sister with a pillow, hoping she would die so he could be the family favorite again.

Years ago we stopped talking about it because my mother and I feel like we are talking to a wall when this ugly topic rears its head occasionally.

Today my brother and I have our own families. We politely interact as much as is necessary. Though I can say for sure that I don’t hate him, I still search for an answer when I ask myself whether I truly love him as much as any other sister would love her brother despite all the childish wars that form an essential part of growing up.

I remember something that I said to him ages ago in a rare moment we were talking about the past, “You could have been my best friend, the first person I’d turn to for help when someone at school bullied me. You could have protected me. Instead, YOU were my greatest fear. And you continued to scare me knowing that I had nobody to turn to.”

Today, some seventeen odd years later, as I look at the scar at the back of my left hand, those words still hold true. That scar dosent look as horrible as I thought it would. The one on my psyche probably does.

Cant take it anymore?

2013-03-16T23:52:00.001-07:00

The thought "I cant take this anymore" is a turning point, whether you decide to let it weigh you down or use it to propel you to dizzying heights.

You just wont remain the same once this thought sinks in.

What does it feel like, to be standing where you are in life?

2013-03-16T23:26:00.001-07:00

There are really only two ways to go from here. Up or down. You cant even stay where you are forever, because life will change and drag you along. On all days, down will always look like the easier option. Because falling down takes no effort.

Healthy snacking - Ragi (finger millet) Laddu

2012-12-16T10:20:00.000-08:00

My baby girl is now 10 months old. Its about time I started seriously thinking about shedding the extra kilos and the layers of blubber that pregnancy left me with. I have never gone gymming or tried exercise. The most I will do willingly is go on a walk for maybe an hour or so. I've almost completely stopped ordering junk food for meals and gulping down aerated drinks without a second thought. Its been ages since I deep fried anything at home or ate any deep fried stuff bought thoughtlessly. I've replicated my favorite junk food recipes at home so that even if I do eat burgers, pizza or kachoris, its all home made. MUCH better and healthier than ordered stuff. So mayonnaise and cheese spread gets replaced with home made low fat, protein rich hummus. Soups made at home so I need not worry about MSG or high sodium content. I have 32 sweet teeth and that does not help my cause. WHAT do I do about the damn sweet ~~tooth~~ teeth ?! I find better alternatives for chocolates and traditional calorie laden sweets of course!

So here I present...drum roll please.. RAGI LADDUS. An extremely nutritious, filling sweet that you wont feel guilty eating. Goes without saying that you should not wolf down a dozen, that would just defeat the purpose. Never mind what I did with my trial batch..

Ragi / Finger millet is a rich source of Calcium, Iron, Protein, Fiber, Calcium and other minerals. The cereal has low fat content and contains mainly unsaturated fat. Finger Millet contains amino acids which help in bringing down cholesterol level and controlling blood sugar level.

I used jaggery instead of sugar as it is a healthier option. Sesame seeds and peanuts helped me avoid the use of ghee completely. Its good to know something that tastes so good is also nutritious. But surely you don't need to know all this after the first bite..You'll only want to eat more.

Here is a list of all the goodness that goes into it:

Ragi/Nachani flour - 1 cup

Grated Jaggery - 1/2 cup

Dessicated Coconut/ Coconut powder - 1/4 cup

Peanuts, roasted - 1/2 cup

Sesame seeds, roasted - 2 tbsps

Elaichi/Cardamom powder - 1 tsp

Milk (optional) - few spoons

Method:

Dry roast the Ragi flour until it smells roasted. Be careful to stir constantly, yeah, work those biceps, because the flour burns quickly. To the roasted flour add roasted peanuts, sesame seeds and coconut powder. Heat the mixture so that the coconut powder gets slightly brown. Now grind this mixture into a fine powder. Spread it on a plate. Add elaichi/cardamom powder to the mixture. Add grated jaggery to this mixture and work it into a crumbly texture. Be careful if the mixture is hot as the jaggery becomes sticky and hot when added to the hot flour mixture.

Ragi laddus shaped without milk

Now there are two ways I rolled out the laddus, just to know which method I will use in future. For the first method, I rolled out the mixture into balls while it was hot, right after adding jaggery. I found it extremely tricky to do without burning my hand. Also, once the laddus cooled and I bit into them they were very crumbly and messy. I couldnt bear the hot sticky mixture for long so I used a modak mould to shape it. Not much success, as you can see in the picture. Oh well. Thats how I learnt an alternate way to roll the laddus. A better method.

Ragi laddus shaped with milk

For the second method, I let the whole mixture cool and added grated jaggery. Once the jaggery is worked into the flour, I added a little milk to the mixture. Very little at a time, just enough to bind the mixture and make it a pliable texture. This slightly moist mixture was easily rolled into laddus. These are the darker, round ones in the picture. They taste better and aren't messy to eat. Adding milk may reduce their shelf life but hey, these wont lie around untouched that long anyway.

HAPPY SNACKING!!

2012-12-14T15:58:00.000-08:00

Now and then I like to let myself believe that I am completely helpless and that my life is completely at the mercy of fate. Sometimes you want to know the reason why your life is not as beautiful as you'd like it to be, why, no matter what you do, your efforts do not seem to pay off as you would like. People have their own ways of dealing with disappointment and confusion. Some seek solace in religion, some turn to astrology for answers.

A few months ago when I was at a somewhat difficult juncture in my life and couldn't decide what I should do, I consulted an astrologer. He offered some clarity on the state of things and what I may expect in the near future. As a remedial measure he advised me to chant the 'Lalitha Sahasranamam'. It was the first time I heard of it. Since then I have read a lot about it to understand it better.

Goddess Lalita is considered the embodiment of Para Shakti or the ultimate female power. Legends associated with Goddess Lalita are found in mythological texts. Devi Bhagavata, Durga Saptashati in Markandeya Purana by the sage Vyasa and Tripura Rahasya narrated by the Lord Dattatreya are some such texts. Books related to Tantra also mention the goddess. As per legends Goddess Lalita represents the Panchabhuta: fire, air, water, space and earth.

The Lalitha Sahasranamam and its significance is explained in the Brahmanda Purana, in a dialogue between Hayagriva, an (avatara) of MahaVishnu and the great sage Agastya. Explaining the greatness of this prayer, Sage Agastya told Hayagriva that chanting the name of Lord Shiva once is as good as chanting the name of Mahavishnu a thousand times. And chanting the name of Devi once is as good as chanting the name of Shiva a thousand times.

Sree Lalitha Sahasranamam is a form of prayer that anyone can chant at any time. It is said that it does not matter if one could not complete chanting it because each of the names of Goddess Lalitha in itself is powerful. Regular chanting of Shree Lalitha Sahasranamam is believed to bring blessings of beauty, good health, wealth, intelligence, fame, goodwill & success in all endeavors.

Particular importance is given to chant the Sree Lalitha Sahasranamam on Fridays and Thursdays. These days are considered to be auspicious for the worship of Devi.

I found a pdf of Shree Lalitha Sahasranamastotram here. Although memorising the meanings of each name in he Stotram is not compulsory, understanding the meanings by reading this will help make sense of what you are chanting. There are several videos on YouTube that could help you listen to the pronunciation and learn the Stotram. Here is one of them, for a start.

May the Divine Mother Bless us all.

The new Indian

2012-11-20T02:01:00.000-08:00

I am a HUMAN BEING before anything else.

Then I am an INDIAN.

I don’t even feel the need to say what community I belong to or what religion I follow.

I don’t feel the need to put down any other community, religion, language, caste or creed to show the greatness of my own religion or community.

I don’t need a savior to safeguard my religious interests.

I don’t feel I am oppressed, weak, incapable of helping myself in any way. I don’t need anyone to fight my battles for me. I trust the Judicial system to provide me justice if I have truly been wronged.

I wont stand being told what to wear, what to believe, whom to vote for, how to talk and how to behave, unless I am doing something that is unacceptable in the eyes of Law.

I am tolerant of all religions. Killing or harming people in the name of religion is terrorism. No religion preaches violence.

I and my future generation no longer require the helping hand that Reservations offered when it was most needed. It has served its purpose & is now being abused. I believe in my capability. I don’t need to be given what I truly deserve. I can earn it for myself without being pitied upon for belonging to a Scheduled Caste. Nobody can earn my vote by pretending to be my savior.

The only people who need help today are the Economically backward who cannot afford basic necessities, let alone education. Poverty is the ONLY thing that the People of India need to be saved from.

My precious vote is for the one who will find a way to ensure that nobody sleeps hungry in my country. Some way to ensure that all children get a fair chance at life by providing them with an education.

My precious vote is for the one who only has as much assets as he can afford with his salary. Someone who didn’t suddenly get rich after entering politics to ‘serve the country’. Someone who has no criminal cases against him. Who dosent use religion or casteism to get people on his side. Someone who dosent need to buy my vote. Someone who can show me how my hard earned money has been used to benefit my country. Someone who wont arm-twist me into supporting him or his ideals.

Someone whom I can RESPECT willingly.

Whom should I vote for?

Diwali Sweet : Balushahi or Badusha

2012-11-07T10:54:00.000-08:00

My kitchen is super busy a few days before Diwali. I love it when I am able to put up a plateful of different sweets and snacks, all prepared by me. At home everyone would just leave me alone for whatever duration of time I needed, knowing that they will benefit at the end of the day. After all meals were cooked, the kitchen was off limits for everyone everyday, a few days before Diwali. My mother would sometimes help me a little. But very cautiously, as I was very particular about the way I wanted things done. My way of course!

I have seen this sweet in some sweet shops. I never gave them a second look as they looked pretty bland and uninteresting to me. Its for people like me that they add COLOR to food, you see. Well now I'm older and have, I dare say, more willingness to look beyond first impressions of everything (and everyone, lucky you!). I read a few recipes and decided to make a small trial batch. They came out quite well, flaky inside and syrup coated, slightly crunchy on the outside. DH says thats how they are supposed to be. I like to trust him when he's complimenting my cooking :-). I've never eaten store bought ones. But when a husband says he loves a particular sweetmeat what does a good wife do? Well, rush him to the store to get the ingredients of course! And here they are:

Ingredients : (For 10 small pieces)

Maida/All purpose flour 1 cups
Vanaspati Ghee/ Dalda/ Shortening 1/4 cup
Sugar 1/2 tsp
Curd 1 tsp
Cooking soda/sodium bi carbonate 2 pinches
Water 1/4 cup (approx.)
Oil for deep frying

Syrup:
Sugar 1/2 cup
Water Just enough to immerse the sugar
Elachi powder 2 pinches
Rose water 1 tsp optional
Lemon Juice 1 tsp

Method:

Add the Vanaspati Ghee/ Dalda/ Shortening to the flour, sugar, curd and cooking soda. Mix it well to get a crumbly texture.

Add water by spoonfuls to make it a soft dough.

Make it to a smooth dough without any lumps.

Form around 10 small balls from the dough. These balls of dough will become bigger when they are fried, so form balls of a smaller size you'd like your end product to be.

Its time to shape the balls of dough. You could pinch the edges and fold it inwards to make a pretty disc like you'd see in a sweet shop. Or you could be plain lazy like I became towards the end and just shape them into little donuts. Keep these shaped pieces aside for around 20 minutes before frying.

For the syrup, add sugar to a pan and add enough water to immerse it. Boil it till it is of one string consistency ,i.e; if you pour in little water,it should not dissolve and it should lay a fine thread.

Add cardamom powder (elachi) to the syrup. If desired you could add rose water at this stage.

Add the lemon juice lastly, to prevent crystallization of the sugar in the syrup.

Back to the little dough soldiers, heat the oil. To check if it is the right temperature, dip a fingertip into the hot oil. NO, silly!! Just drop a adding a pinch of dough. If it rises immediately, then heat is just right. Carefully drop the dough pieces into the oil. Cook them on medium-low flame until they are golden brown.

Drain the excess oil and drop the fried Balushahis into the syrup while they are still hot. Leave them in the syrup for a few minutes to be coated evenly.

Take them out of the syrup and let them cool.

PLEASE do let them cool!! I had forgotten how agonising the pain is from burns cause by hot, sticky sugar syrup and I touched the syrup by mistake. I have a painful reminder of that absentmindedness on my finger. It was worth the effort though. I'm surely making these again soon!

Wish you a Happy and Prosperous Diwali In advance!

Prayers of a Good wife

2012-11-01T05:36:00.000-07:00

Isha sat at the window swirling the last bit of coffee in her cup and watching it create patterns. Her dad walked into the room after a quick shower and sat beside her. They had just attended Jenny aunty’s funeral. She was Isha’s mother’s best friend. Fiesty, straight talking woman. Anand had never quite liked her and wondered why, of all the friends his wife had, she was closest to Jenny.

“Missing Mom?”, Anand asked, placing his hand on her head briefly. Isha nodded silently.

“I miss her too..its been 4 long years since she left us but I miss her everyday.” he said. There was nothing he could say to make Isha feel better anyway. “Hey, they’re probably together now, Jenny and Neeta, chatting and laughing like old times..”, he chuckled and Isha looked at him disapprovingly. Her dad always said the weirdest things when he was trying to console someone. He took her hint and quietly picked up the cup of coffee kept for him.

“Anil called a while ago. He’s attending a seminar in Delhi. He asked me if I have decided what I want to do.” Isha looked pensive as she talked about her husband.

“Have you decided?”

“No. I still cannot see why he feels we should to relocate to Delhi just because his boss hinted there are better chances of a promotion at the Delhi branch. My clients are here in Mumbai. I have just begun to get some decent business here but of course, that isn’t important to him. Just because I don’t work full time at an office, my work isn’t important. He treats me like I am just freelancing for fun. A freelancing interior designer’s work isn’t anywhere nearly as important as a full time Chartered Accountant’s, right?”, Isha glared at her dad. He knew better than to answer that one.

“You’re going to have to decide someday, sweetheart.. “, Anand said cautiously, carefully choosing his words. He didn’t want his daughter to take it in the wrong sense and feel he was rushing her to go back to her husband soon. It had been 2 weeks since she showed up at his house all upset and crying. He had quietly listened to her as she poured he heart out to him like she had never done before. She called her husband selfish and insensitive to her feelings. He couldn’t help thinking of the day she asked if she could bring Anil to meet him. Every father secretly fears the day his little girl wants him to meet the guy who will take her away from him. She could barely contain her excitement the day she brought Anil to meet her doting dad. He remembered distinctly, she was bubbly yet shy. She interrupted Anil quite a few times while he spoke. He wanted to be polite and well mannered to impress his future Father in law while she wanted to tell her dad all she could about Anil and get his approval as soon as she could.

Today her face reflected her disappointment in Anil’s seemingly “insensitive” suggestion that they should relocate to Delhi for a better chance at getting that promotion he wanted. Although Anand could see why she was upset, he wondered if she was being just a little harsh on Anil. Truth be told, she had just got a few clients for some freelance interior designing work. It didn’t seem as bad as she thought it was, to finish those minor projects and start freelancing after settling down in Delhi. She was talented. Anand wouldn’t dare think aloud because he knew how dramatic her reaction could be. At times like these he really missed Neeta. She would have known exactly what to say to their little Drama queen.

To be continued...

Law of Attraction, Hope and staying Positive

2012-10-31T08:51:00.001-07:00

I am hopelessly in love with the concept of the Law of Attraction. As a schoolgirl with a very impressionable mind I happened to read a book called “Law of Success” by Napoleon Hill. At the time it was one of my dearest wishes to see my name on a nameplate in front of a house of my own. My OWN. Reading the book inspired me to turn my wish into a goal and set my mind to achieving it. Almost as if on cue, I came across a story called “Glenna’s Goal book” in one of the Chicken Soup books. It cemented my belief that dreams are worth pursuing and when a wish becomes an obsession, life gets you to the place you want to be.

Almost like a divine hand gently guiding me to believe without question, I read this sentence in Paulo Coelho’s 'The Alchemist' -

"When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."

I don’t remember anything else about the book. But this sentence got etched in my soul. Then came The Secret. The book, the movie, the philosophy, I lapped it all up because I felt I had already seen the miracles it worked in my life. I gifted copies of the book to people I wanted to share the joy with..the joy of having discovered something that really works. I already had the house I had ardently wished for. I happily looked at the nameplate with my name on it a little longer every time I passed by it. I used affirmations religiously and whenever something positive happened, I attributed it to the Law of Attraction and the Power of Intention. I thought all goodness came from keeping a positive frame of mind and expecting good things. It all seemed perfect. Until recently.

Becoming a parent is a life changing, irreversible event. I have wanted my baby girl long before I actually had her. I remember telling my mother when I was a teenager that if at all I do marry and have a baby, I want a baby girl. When she was born, my joy knew no bounds. But the beauty of motherhood is fully enjoyable only when you have people around to help you with everything else and you just enjoy being a mother. Being a nuclear family didn’t help my cause. In between washing bucketfuls of soiled cloth nappies, lack of sleep and having to attend to other chores, moments of pure joy were few and far between. I remember crying out of exhaustion, wishing I’d just get 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Just when I’d begun to adjust to my new role as a mother, we decided it would be the best thing for our baby if I were to quit my job. My mother was a working woman. She had no choice but to go to work to provide for her children. Thanks to a supportive husband, I had a choice. I couldn’t bear the thought of staying away from my baby and miss watching her grow. I couldn’t think of leaving her with a babysitter to go to work each day with an image of her crying for me with her arms outstretched burning my soul, while I’d count hours to be back with her. So I quit my job.

Now any working woman who is good at her job will tell you, the financial independence and job satisfaction that comes from working and being good at what you do has a massive impact on self esteem. The assurance that I got from knowing my job and doing it well, the friends I had at my workplace, the happy times I spent at work, all the new skills I gained each day, all the little fears I conquered each day and the many little challenges that I shone through..everything that made Me the person I am..all gone.

It was in these days that I tried again to reconnect with what the Law of Attraction taught me. Like attracts like. Thoughts become things. So while I coped with the challenges of getting accustomed to being a clueless first time mom and losing my identity as a financially independent, career oriented woman, I tried to apply the Law of Attraction to keep thinking positive thoughts. After a while I just gave up. It seemed like escapism to me. I could no longer replace a negative thought with a positive one. I could no longer shift my mood from unhappy to happy just by humming a tune or distracting myself by looking at something nice. Its hard to stay positive when you’re alone, listening to your baby cry for hours and have no clue why.

The exhaustion, the worries about our future, the mood swings I had while my hormones went crazy, the unending list of chores I had to do with baby practically attached to me, the loneliness of suddenly being home alone all day with a bawling baby..all of it just sucked my energy and enthusiasm. My inability to explain to my confused better half just why I wished to simply curl up and die added to the stress. The sudden change from living a predictable, somewhat organized life to being hurled into this whole new world of being a mother, then being a full time homemaker was an emotional roller coaster.

I couldn’t see HOW I could use an affirmation like “I am a joyful person” without feeling foolish. I couldn’t add any more pictures to my scrapbook, of things I hoped to have one day. It made me feel like an idiot. When I was earning, it made more sense to hope to have that nice modular kitchen someday and paste a picture of a beautiful holiday destination. I knew it would be within reach. It all seemed like I was asking for too much now.

Yesterday I picked up The Secret again. I wanted to know if I still had a shred of belief in me that the Law of Attraction may work for me again.

The page I opened read “You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step” - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. A little hope glimmered in my heart.

I remembered a quote I read somewhere - "When the world says, "Give up,"

Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."

Maybe it isn't time to throw away that scrapbook yet.

Veg Cheesy Pasta

2012-10-29T22:34:00.000-07:00

Quick and Easy meal – Veg Cheesy Pasta

Anything with Cheese in it is good in my book. In my attempt to replicate the recipes of all my favorite junk foods in my own kitchen, I tried to make the kind of pasta we shell out good money for, at Pizza Hut or Dominos. Was the end result as good as their stuff? You decide! All I can say is, it was all gone soon after I served it and the dear husband says he thinks about eating this when he is at work. Now that is a good enough compliment for me!

It’s a bonus when something that tastes as good as this is quick and easy to cook, AND is quite healthy too. This pasta dish keeps me fuller for longer because of its high carbohydrate content. The milk and cheese in the recipie are good sources of protein and calcium while the other ingredients supplement this recipe with iron, folic acid, fibre and vitamin C. Besides, it is SO easy to put together.

Heres What you’ll need :-

2 cups pasta (I used fusilli)

2 tsp Olive oil

Enough water to cook pasta
1 onion, sliced
1/2 cup capsicum, sliced

½ cup carrots, sliced

½ cup sliced mushrooms, optional
1 cup green peas, frozen or fresh
1 cup milk (Skimmed milk works too)
2 cheese cubes ( you could use cheese slices if that’s what you have at hand)

2 Maggi Magic cubes or 1 cup vegetable stock

1 tsp refined flour/maida (corn flour works too, if you dissolve it in some milk and use it as instructed below)

1 tsp Oregano - This is where those little Oregano packets that I get with Pizza

came handy

1 tsp butter
salt and black pepper powder to taste

Method :-

1. Bring the water to a boil and add around 2 tsps of salt. Add the pasta and let it cook. I am not in favor of adding a little olive oil to the boiling water as many recipies would suggest. Pasta seemed to take on flavors better when I didn’t add oil while cooking it.

2. You can taste the pasta to know if its done. It should be firm without a hint of rawness. This took around 15 minutes.

3. While the pasta is cooking, you could prep the vegetables. Begin by heating 1 tsp of olive oil and sauté the onions in it till they lose the raw smell. When the onions are soft and transluscent, add the carrots and capsicum. You need these to remain crisp, so don’t cook them too much. Any other vegetables like corn, spinach can be added. Just ensure that they aren’t overcooked.

4. Add powdered Maggi Magic cubes. If you have vegetable stock, you could use it. Maggi Magic cubes are just stock cubes.They are salty, so do taste the dish before you season it with salt.

5. Add the milk and cheese slices/ finely chopped cheese cubes and bring to a boil. When that’s boiling, make a runny paste of 1 tsp of refined flour and water or milk. This mixture needs to be without lumps. Add this to the boiling milk and vegetables. Stir while adding so that lumps aren’t formed.

Alternatively, you could heat a tsp of butter and add the refined flour to it. Cook it till it loses the raw smell. This is done on low heat so that the refined flour dosent burn.

6. I have tried both, the butter-refined flour mix and the milk-refined flour mix. Flavor wise, it didn’t really make that much of a difference.

It gives the whole white sauce a thickness good enough to coat the pasta well.

7. By now the pasta would be cooked so drain it. Add the cooked pasta in the sauce and bring to a boil. Toss the pasta well so that all of it is coated in the sauce.

If you're not too fussy, you could top it up with some more grated cheese. Hey, you only live once!

(Note: If the pasta thickens before serving you could add a little warm milk to it.)

Gobble up!

Donuts!! Glorious DONUTS!!

2012-10-29T14:46:00.000-07:00

I absolutely LOVE donuts. Who can resist donuts?!! And WHY would you deprive yourself of such a yummy thing? Its like biting into a soft cloud of light sweetness. With or without frosting, I could gobble them with my eyes shut even if you wake me up at 3 am. I cant rush to Mad Over Donuts whenever I feel like it. I’d shamelessly eat into my retirement savings if I were to give in to every craving like that. So whats the next best thing ? HOME MADE DONUTS, of course!

As with every dish I decide to try, I read and read and read recipies until I found the PERFECT one for me. EGGLESS. I saw a couple of recipies for Baked Donuts too..but hey, Deep fried is what I dig. Ya dig? (Sorry! Blame the sugar rush…)

Please excuse the picture quality. Either that, or gift me a nicer phone with a better camera. I cannot waste the calories I blissfully gained from these donuts on fetching the digicam, taking pics, then uploading them. Naah. I'm sorry about the weird shapes too..I just couldnt waste any of that awesome doughnut mixture! But the recipie, I promise you, is perfect. Guess what the secret ingredient is? POTATO!! YES, one mashed boiled potato gives these donuts the smooth texture you’ll love. If you haven’t worked with yeast before it could be a pain in the business end to proof the yeast..fancy way of saying that the yeast wont do what its supposed to do if you don’t treat it right. It may take a few attempts to get it right, so browse a few nice pictures of donuts to get yourself motivated to keep going..

Heres what you’ll need :-

1 1/3 cups warm milk,
1 packet active dry yeast (2 1/4 teaspoons)
2 tablespoons butter
2/3 cup sugar
1 boiled potato, mashed smooth without lumps
5 cups all-purpose flour or maida
A pinch or two of nutmeg (jaiphal), freshly grated
1 teaspoon salt

1/2 cup unsalted butter, melted
1 1/2 cups sugar, powdered works better
1 tablespoon cinnamon powder

Method:-

Place 1/3 cup of the warm milk in a bowl. Stir in the yeast and set aside for five minutes or so. Be sure your milk isn't too hot or it will kill the yeast. Keep this bowl aside in a warm place. I placed it in an oven that was off but still warm from being used a few minutes previously.

Once the yeast-milk mixture becomes frothy, stir it alongwith the butter and sugar into the remaining cup of warm milk. With a fork, stir in flour, mashed potato, nutmeg, and salt. Knead the mixture. You want the dough to pull away from the sides of the mixing bowl and eventually become supple and smooth. Add milk or flour as required to get this non sticky, soft consistency. Turn it out onto a floured counter-top, knead a few times and shape into a ball.

Transfer the dough to a buttered or oiled bowl, cover it with a cloth and put in a warm place. Let it rise for an hour or until the dough has roughly doubled in size.

Punch down the dough and roll it out 1/2-inch thick on your floured countertop. I used a drinking glass to stamp out circles. Stamp out the smaller inner circles using a smaller cutter. I used the handle of a spoon used in my mixer ginder. Don’t throw away the precious bits! They can be fried just like the rest of the donuts.Cover the donuts with a clean cloth and let rise for another 45 minutes.

If you are the calorie counting type, you could bake these at 170 C for around 10 minutes and get out of my face..I tried and preferred the deep fried ones instantly. Make sure that the oil isn’t too hot. You could test it by dropping a little ball of dough into the oil. It should come up to the surface fairly quickly.

Drain excess oil and while the donuts are fairly hot, dust on powdered sugar mixed with cinnamon powder or plain powdered sugar.

I couldn’t wait to eat them as soon as I could bite into them, so the cream cheese frosting never happened. If you search for frosting recipies, you’ll find many. I just loved them as they were.

Makes 1 1/2 dozen lovely donuts.

Kubera Kolam

2012-10-29T13:31:00.002-07:00

I recently read about “Kuber kolam”, which is a kind of floor painting or rangoli done to please Lord Kuber.

Kuber is regarded as the god of wealth in Hindu mythology. Lord Kubera is also known as the God of yakshas (savage beings). Kubera is always remembered with the goddess of

fortune, Lakshmi. Lakshmi Kuber pooja is done on Diwali for prosperity.

It is believed that Chanting the Kuber Mantra blesses the worshipper with money and prosperity by drawing new avenues and sources of income and wealth. Mantra of Kubera helps to increase the flow of funds and the ability to accumulate wealth. It is said that One who worships lord Kubera and Goddess Lakshmi, can never fall short of money and material comforts. Auspicious dates to worship Lord Kubera is between Oct 15th to Nov 15th each year. Tuesdays and Fridays are the most auspicious days to draw the Kuber Kolam and worship Lord Kuber.

I managed to get myself an idol of him from e bay some days after I drew the Kolam. He looks quite like your friendly Laughing Buddha with his pot belly. His face has quite a stern look though, as I would imagine anyone guarding massive wealth would have on their face. (I hope I’m not offending him! God knows I cant afford to!)

Kuber Kolam

Kuber Yantra

I read several articles and decided I should try drawing the Kolam myself. So on a Friday alongwith my regular little prayer ritual I drew the Kolam with rice flour. I wrote the numbers as required and placed a coin in each square. The value of the coin should face the number in the square. I applied kumkum on each coin and placed some flower petals on each coin. Ideally red flowers should be used but I didn’t have any on hand. Then after lighting the lamp and burning incense, I prayed that I may be forgiven if I have not done everything as it should be done. I expressed gratitude for everything, all the goodness my life already offers and then chanted the a Mantra 11 times.

“Om Shreem Om Hreem Shreem Hreem Kleem Shreem Kleem Vitteswaraay Namah"

Meanings: Shreem for Lakshmi (love, beauty, health, prosperity), Hreem for Great Goddess/Sun (illumination/dispel illusion), kleem for Kama/Krishna (love and fulfiller of desires from material to moksha, where your intention is) and Vitteswaraay (Kubera) Lord Kuber, the lord of riches and wealth.

Once the this is done, the coins can be kept safe for the next time it is to be used.

For the longest time I had stopped lighting the lamp and spending some time in prayer. I grew up watching my mother remembering God in her casual conversations but never lighting the lamp at the altar at home so I guess I followed the same. Its only recently in a desperate attempt to be free of the worries that were getting to me, that I cleaned the dusty little temple and all the idols in it. I lit the lamp, prayed for a while and felt a sense of peace descend upon me.

To each his own, I say. Sometimes instead of questioning why as a Hindu I have a multitude of Gods I can pray to, I just like to surrender thoughtlessly. I find peace in some rituals.

No matter which religion you follow, what rituals you do, FAITH is all that matters.

Rajma Urad Curry

2012-10-28T13:14:00.000-07:00

Stove Top Tandoori Roti & Rajma Urad Curry

I get bored of eating the same few dishes day after day, dont you? We are blessed with the internet, an amazing resource for every imaginable recipie, so I hardly have any excuse to get my lazy butt off the couch and try cooking some new dish when I get bored of the dal-roti-sabzi routine.With the luxury of my darling husband keeping my little girl entertained, I manage to get the time and peace to try a new recipie. I thought I should share the joy, because the end result was just super yummy, dhaba style!!

(PS: Sorry I dont have step by step pics, this wasnt intended to be a cookery blog so I didnt plan on it.)

Rajma Urad Curry

Ingredients:
1 cup rajma (kidney beans)
1/2 cup urad dal
1 large onion, chopped
1 chopped tomato
4 tablespoons ghee
1 tablespoon butter or cream
salt to taste
1 inch piece ginger, minced
4 garlic cloves, minced
1 teaspoon chilly powder
2 teaspoons coriander powder
1 teaspoon cumin
1/2 teaspoon turmeric powder
1/2 teaspoon garam masala
2 tbsps Fresh Cream

Method:

1. Soak the rajma overnight, urad dal for 3-4 hours.Cook it in the pressure cooker until mushy. 5 whistles did it for me.I used a hand blender to mash it further.

2. Heat 1 tablespoon of ghee,or oil, if youre watching the calories (get a life!!!). Fry the chopped onion till transluscent. Add the ginger and garlic mince and fry till slightly brown.Add the chopped tomato and cook until it gets a pasty texture.

3. Add the coriander powder and fry till its brown.Then add turmeric powder,chilly powder and stir the mixture till all the spices have blended well. Be careful not to burn the chilly powder.

4. Add the mashed dal to the masala paste and blend well. Add garam masala and salt to taste. I usually dont fry garam masala with all the other spices.The dish tastes better this way. Let the mixture boil for a couple of minutes. You could add water to achieve the consistency you prefer.

5. Add a generous tablespoon or two of cream after you take the dish off the heat.This just gives the curry a silky, heavenly texture :-)

Dig right in!!

We had this with my version of Tandoori roti. I love tandoori roti and have always wished I could make it at home. Some fine day I WILL have a big tandoor in a huge, spacious designer kitchen which is a part of a huge, spacious, well furnished, luxurious, centrally air conditioned home equipped with the biggest entertainment center, a nice library and a cozy Lazyboy...sigh!!

For now, I'll just go with making Tandoori Rotis on the stove top. I read a few recipies on the internet and I must tell you, I have SUCH a problem following instructions obediently. I end up giving every recipie my own twist. So this recipie for Tandoori roti is a blend of some methods I read and what I saw on the show "Highway on My Plate". Its not an authentic Tandoori Roti Recipie. But then, STOVE TOP Tandoori Roti isnt very authentic is it?!

But thats the subject for another post. Maybe. Cant promise..

Mylo - How I brought my pet dog home

2011-04-27T04:39:00.001-07:00

I heard the term 'pet parent' somewhere and thats when it really hit me like a punch on the nose...THATS IT! Thats why it feels like a huge responsibility to have a pet! Because its just like having a 3 year old to take care of. Like a child who is solely dependent on you for all its needs.

Mylo is my mongrel-labrador confused dog. He's just over 2 years old. I remember the day I brought him home. I'd heard that a friend's mother was upset with the new litter of puppies that were born in her house, of a stray that she used to care for. She did not have the heart to throw the adorable, tiny fur balls out but did not want all 6 of them and their mother living in her small house. I jumped at the opportunity to get a puppy that would not entirely be a mongrel. Not that I have anything against mongrels, they are the best pets you can have. I just thought that it would be really nice if the puppy looks anything like a Labrador because I am extremely fond of the breed. Plus, I would not have to shell out the thousands of rupees that a pure breed Labrador would cost.

The timing could not have been better to bring home a puppy..my mother was away for a few days and would not be home when I'd bring my new pet home. It would give the puppy a few days to get used to his new home and by the time my mom was back, he would be a part of our family (just my mother, me and my dog!). I knew that my kind hearted mother would nOt ask me to abandon a dog that I'd brought home from so far away to be my pet. (We kids know our mother's weaknesses, see!). So my husband (then fiance) and I bought a bright red leash and went to my friend's house, all excited to find out which one of the adorable pups would be ours.

As my friend opened the door of his home out tumbled a confused group of six yelping puppies, tumbling over each other to be the first one to meet us! Glad to meet you too, I thought, and sat down to pet each and every one of the adorable creatures. They were least bothered that we were strangers. Their mother stood still looking at us cuddle her offspring and just sat there with a sage - like expression, almost as if she knew that we meant well.

After their initial excitement over the new visitors, the puppies rushed back inside the house as we walked in. We sat on the sofa looking at them play and were trying to single out the one meant to be our pet. I observed them for a long while, wishing I could take the whole lot home. How could I pick just one? Just like we people have distinct personalities even as babies, each puppy displayed a different nature. Two of them were like twins, they kept to each other mostly. Another one, a female, quietly hid under the furniture with just the tip of her nose showing. I took to her instantly. It may be true that pets and owners resemble each other in some way because she came across like a canine version of me! Shy, withdrawn and introverted. I was about to zero in on her when my guy drew my attention to the only fully white puppy in the lot..He was harrassing all the other puppies by biting at their tails, pawing them, climbing over them, trying to irritate my favourite puppy and make her come out and play with him. He was chubbier, looked cuter than the rest and resembled a Labrador the most from the entire bunch with his white fur, flabby body and drooping flesh on the jaw. What really caught our attention was his mischievious nature and tiny tail. He had a stub in place of a tail. Almost like it lost the will to grow mid way.

'Lets take the white one,' my guy said. 'He'll be fun. Look how mischievious he is!'. So I dejectedly wished I could keep the shy girl pup too and took the white pup in my arms. Protesting at having his terror spree interrupted he looked into my eyes for a few seconds and silently demanded to be put down with his legs going in a cycling like motion in the air. I took a last look at the others and fastened the leash around our hero's neck. He looked confused and sat down looking at the leash fo a minute and then almost as if he suddenly understood what we were about to do, began backtracking and then pulling at the leash, falling backwards and trying to join his bothers and sister who were now quietly looking at us and him in turns.

His mother came near me and sniffed him and me. I stroked her head gently a few times, hoping she would trust me to take good care of her boy. She sat down again with that wise look still on her face.

He was quite heavy, the little mutt. I held him close like a baby and by now he was mostly quiet with the occasional whimpering and struggling to break free from my strong but careful grip. He had never gone beyond the entrance of the house and as I walked down the steps of the building I could sense that he was very scared. He now alternated between leaning in closer to me when he looked at the new surroundings and pushing away from me, almost climbing me as if I were a tree when he realised that I was holding him tight and that we were going somewhere far from his home.

To be honest I was sad for him. Just a while ago he looked like the happiest puppy on earth, playing with the others and now he was like a scared little baby. I wondered what he was thinking? Maybe that he would never see his family again. Or about where we were taking him. Maybe he was just quietly taking in all the new sights and sounds. He was awfully still after a while.

I kept him in my lap for most of the time on our way home. He buried my head in my lap, occasionally looking up at the passing sights and getting startled at the new sounds - of traffic, of people. He made a gurgling sound and I quickly sat him down. He threw up. A LOT. I comforted him by gently stroking his back and head and softly told him that he will be home soon.

He seemed heavier when I carried him out of the vehicle. He was tired from the unusual experience and fatigued from throwing up throughout the ride back home.

Once we reached home, I cleaned him up with a wet cloth and placed him on a rug. He lay there staring into nothing with droopy eyes. I went into the kitchen to find something for him to eat and to give him water to drink. When I returned to him, he had gathered strength and had begun to explore his new surroundings. He was a far cry from the playful puppy that I saw an hour ago. He looked disinterested, sad even. I felt pangs of guilt at having torn him away from his family. He had nobody to play with here.

I sat down on the floor with a bowl of water for him and watched him take weary steps, looking around the room. He walked past me and I placed the bowl of water near him. He stopped to drink. He drank slowly but drank a lot and then sat down staring into thin air again.

I picked him and kept him on my lap. He did not protest this time. Maybe he was too tired or did he just resign to his fate, accepting that this is now his new home and there is no fighting the fact?

He lay curled up in my lap while I caressed his soft white coat. As I watched his eyes slowly closing and his body relaxing, giving into sleep, I silently promised him, 'I'll take good care of you, boy.'