A Few Words

2012-11-10T09:04:00.002-08:00

A STRONG WOMAN

A strong woman knows who she is, and doesn't use violence to prove it to anyone else. She loves uncoditionally, and still knows how to show disciplined. She's been hurt, and still continues to learn from the pain. She is a great grandma, a grandmother, a mother, a aunt, a sister, a cousin, a wife, and a best friend.

She knows what real beauty is. She knows how to express herself. She isn't afraid to thank the Lord, even when her life isn't the greatest. She sees the bad in her life, and does anything within herself to turn it into something positive, and when she can't she will know when to move on. A woman carries her child, protects its, and loves it till the end of the world before even meeting there child face to face.

A strong woman knows when to stop a fight, when she knows there is isn't a point to win, and also knows when to stay in a fight. A strong woman holds the hand, and heart of her family. A strong woman knows she can survive without a man, if it means the safety of her children, and also knows when to allow somneone in to love herself. A strong woman isn't all muscels, she isn't a beautiful model, her skin isn't always flawless, but a woman is herself, throughout anything else. That is why I strongly believe that a woman is worth a great value.

D.R.E.A.M.

2012-02-26T11:33:00.000-08:00

D- Desiring

R- Reaching

E- Encouraging

A- Achieving

M- Maintaining

There is nothing negative about your dreams....

STORY OF THE STAR

2011-07-31T17:17:00.000-07:00

STORY OF THE STAR

Imagine a large field, with tall grass covered with wild flowers, can you see the young woman laying back staring at the sky? She's really is there, you just need to look a little hard. She dreams of the future, hers.

Now look over about thirty feet, at that ages oak tree, with leaves struggling to grow. Can you see him? He's there watching her, wanting her, and even possibly needing her. He will never make any move to go to her, because of the hard past he had, which he thinks is so bad that he doesn't dare tempt to try to bring her into it, nor would ever consider trying to be a part of hers.

They are both different.

They are both dreamers.

She doesn't know that someone loves her dearly, but she believes there is a chance.

He is set on just having his dreams, feeling as if though they are enough for him to be happy.

So can you see the field more clearly now, as the young man watches the beauty, as she stared up at the blue sly above? The tree isn't really hiding him that well, only seems like it does to him, because she is to in awe of the beauty above her.

They were made to be with eachother, ask any star in the sky. Why? That is simple my friends. The stars are the dreams of every two lovers, who is bound to be together. Stars are who allow the unknown young people to know of the future, and learn from the past. A star has it's dark side, and it's light. Every couple, rather they have met or not, share a star.

The women is not always the light part of the star, nor is the man always the dark part of the star, the roles could sometimes be reverse. The dreamer could sometimes, once they have met there mate, start to pick up the habits of the others, rather it's good or bad. They learn from one another, and help eachother over come there fears, reach there goals, and make all there dreams become reality. They will only hurt one another in the long run, if neither of them ever tries to fulfill the stars hard work, so it had always been up to the couples decisions.

The beauty in the field, she will some day notice the young man, who hides ashamed of his past behind the tree happy to just watch her. One day one of them will make the move, to cross the obstacle, to find there futures within one another.

Until then, the stars will be watching from above, til they two finally fall in love.

GUARDIAN ANGEL

2011-04-08T11:54:00.000-07:00

Guardian Angels,

sent form the Lord above,

thank you for protecting

all who I ever loved.

Guardian Angels,

looking out for us tonight,

please let all know,

things will be alright.

Show all the love,

which the Lord has for us all,

and prove his love,

is for the big, and small.

I thank you Lord,

for sending an Angel for me,

to keep me upright,

whenever I was feeling weak.

Thank you Lord,

for all the Angels,

who you sent to look out for

all those you Love.

Thank You, Lord!!!

(AMEN)

My Sunset

2011-04-07T07:29:00.000-07:00

I don't know what it is, that being half asleep, and being on the laptop at the same time. It's almost like I can concentrate more on just one thing, because I don't have so many pictures crossing my mind so early in the morning, I love sunsets, and I always remember that guy on channel nine early in the morning teaching people how to paint things.

I don't remember his name, but I remember some of the paintings he had done on the show while I use to get up, and ready for school, or work when I was younger. I don't expect my painting to be as beautiful, or as exact as the ones he does, because I believe an Artists individuality is a big part of them, but I always did love watching him paint. Perhaps that is why I am able to concentrate more on art, at a slower pace around this time, because when I use to watch his show that would be the only thing I was concentrating on during that time of morning. My mind didn't have over a thousand images rushing through my head, it would just have whatever the guy was working on at the moment.

It is important for a person to be able to have time like that, and to discipline there brain to not rush through so much information going through your head. Well I was going to write about my little art work there, and I suppose I did in a way, when it comes to what I was thinking about while I was working on 'My Sunset'. Well I also did do the image, because when it is a gloomy, foggy morning and we can't see the sunset at least I will be able to look at my picture, and still see one.

I am happy to be able to share 'My Sunset' with all of you.....God Bless You!!!

A Walk In A Strangers Shoes - Characters

2011-04-06T23:27:00.000-07:00

Hazel

Alexander

Mia

Kyla

Grandma Chung

The Apartments

Yuke

The Twins Tina & Nina

Angelica

Ashleigh

Nik

These are a few sketches of characters that I hope to start writing a fiction about. I hope you like each of the characters.....

UNIQUE

2011-04-04T20:32:00.000-07:00

Just like you.

Though we may not look the same,

it only matters what we got on the inside.

I dont try to be what I'm not,

I don't tell people what they should be,

I accept them for being them,

I hope that I could be me.

What happened to the dreams,

Who are "they" to say dreams are not real,

Dreams are like the stars,

You try to reach them,

You want to touch them,

And if you believe enough,

Someday you will realise you are one.

You are a star,

You could make your dreams come true,

Make them real,

Make them good,

Make them so strong,

So strong that no one will beable to break them.

You could become the dream,

I am becoming the dream,

I believe that someday that my dream,

It will become my REALITY,

If you ask who I am,

I am a Star,

I am a Dreamer,

I am like you, Human,

...and I am UNIQUE.

That is what I am, and what I believe...

AN ANSWERED PRAYER

2011-04-04T19:56:00.000-07:00

I remember praying to God, ever since I was about five for a brother, or a sister. When I was eleven God answered that prayer with my sister, Halee Nicole Gerke, a prayer which had been answered. She was born with down syndrome, which made her all the more amazing.

She was so full of love, happiness, and an excellent sense of humor. She made friends with everyone she met, and had the people in her world wrapped around that little finger. She could walk up to a stone cold biker, and even they would leave with a warmness which only, my sister, could bring.

God had definitely given her a gift, to make anyone who's paths she crossed, too learn a all new kind of love. She had such a wonderful appreciation for everyone, and everything around her. She never knew hate, because she was full with so much love, that there just wasn't enough room for anything negative. I believe that she had a special relationship with God, because I don't think anyone could be the full of love, and not have that close of relationship to the Lord.

I thank God for allowing my sister to be a part of our family, and trusting us enough to be able to care for such an amazing little girl. She made our family a happy one, and taught us new things almost everyday she was within our lives.

She loved watching, and acting out the movies she watched. Her favorite place was The Disneyland, and the community swimming pool. She was a very independent girl, and tried hard at everything she did. She even went on a couple road trips, once to Oregon, where she got to visit some family friends. Then she visited Ohio, where she got to spend two wonderful weeks with her cousin, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. I am thankful that she was able to do all of these things in her life time, and I know that I will see her again someday.

I prayed for a little brother, or a little sister, but God did one better for me.....he gave me an Angel. Thank you for taking your time to read my blog, and I hope to hear from you in the future.

UNANSWERED QUESTIONS

2011-04-04T12:35:00.000-07:00

I am the type of person that refuses to be declined knowledge of anything, especially when it had to do with people, places, or other things from my past. I always find answers, because once I find the answer I feel like I had completed something personal. It is good to complete something, even though it will hurt you at some level, because at least now you found the answer......

Of course, there will always be those answers that might never be answered, because that is just the way life toys with us sometimes. Those kind of situations I can handle, not knowing everything, There will always be individuals who will die trying to find the answer, those people are the ones who miss out on there lives of the present. I almost feel sorry for them, but that will take my appreciation for my own life, and the people around me out of the real focus. I never want to be, or at least anymore, the person who does almost everything for the answer because that is when life disappears.

Answers, everyone always had an answer, most of which are always to the questions you never asked. I have this friend that I will ask a question, and they start giving me answers to invisible questions without even answering my actual question. That can be frustrating sometimes, because all I am look for is a short simple answer, Example:

Me: How are you today?

friends: I went to the store, then got a part for my car, then went to check on as couple errands....etc.

Those kind of answers are the ones I can't tolerate so much, because it didn't answer my question. Those people give answers like that, just so you can continue to converse with them, because they just like to hear themselves talk. I admit it is a sly way to get someone, to converse with you, but still it can get annoying when you the person really doesn't have something to say and the other person is on them to answer question, after question. So please, when someone ask you 'How are you today?', just answer them, and if they still want to converse let them continue leading the conversation instead of taking it over for the bother of you.

Now that I have that off my chest, please enjoy the rest of you day....

I SHOULD HAD KNOWN

2011-04-03T13:49:00.001-07:00

I should had known,
not to give you my dreams,
to make you the main character,
to make you love me.

I should had known,
not to depend on you,
the way that you told me to,
the way you made me trust you.

I should had known,
better then to tell you my goals,
to think you were my prize,
to make me sacrafice, all that I once stood for.

I should had known,
not to listen to you,
to despise you,
to say we're threw.

You should had known.
from the start,
despite my words,
my actions,
that I still very much am in love with you!

IF I

2011-04-03T13:42:00.000-07:00

If I were crying,
would you lend me your sleeve,
would you say those sweet nothings,
you know mean the world to me?

If I were angry,
and you were the target,
would you still be there,
trying to hold me,
the way I don't want you?

If I never called you mine,
or forgot to say I love you,
would you call me,
and say those three meaningful words?

I want you to remember,
know matter how bad things may get,
how sad, angry, or busy I may be,
that I always will need you beside me.

Because when you're sad,
I'll lend you my sleeve,
make you feel safe,
and whisper those sweet little nothings.

If you were angry,
saying what you don't mean,
right in my face,
the way you fight me,
and try to turn away,
I will be there still,
waiting to hold you.

Most importantly,
no matter how busy I may get,
rather we are near,
or far away,
I will always find away,
to say 'I Love You, Always'.

GAME TIME

2011-04-03T13:36:00.000-07:00

She's different now,
not like before,
she doesn't smile,
and gets mad more.

You played with her heart.
like the jerk that you are,
and for what?

Does it really,
truly, honestly, matter,
what your friends think?

If that is the case,
then get me a stool,
so I can stand, and
spit in your face!

You deserve everything,
that is coming to you.
You never should had started,
this game, because
It's my turn now,
and I don't care if I joined too late.
You should had played by the rules,
int the first place.

She tagged me,
now I am in the ring.
I hope you got something,
to protect your most precious,
of things.....

Halee Nicole Gerke

2011-04-03T13:11:00.000-07:00

D.O.B: 11-123-1992

R.I.P: 10-18-2004

WHEN MY SISTER WAS ALIVE, EVERYTHING SEEMED SO EASIER, AND I NEVER REALIZED HOW CLOSE WE WERE UNTIL AFTER SHE PASSED AWAY. I MISS ALL THE THINGS LIKE "SISTER LOVE ICE CREAM" WHICH I MADE UP JUST SO SHE WOULD SHARE WITH ME. SHE WAS AN IMPORTANT PART IN MY LIFE, AND EVERYONE WHO KNEW ME KNEW THAT, SHE LOVED ALL HER FAMILY, FRIENDS, AND EVEN STRANGERS, SHE COULD MAKE THE TOUGHEST GUYS SMILE, AND MELT ALMOST ANYONES HEART. SHE WAS SO MUCH A BIG PART OF MY LIFE, AND I STILL ALMOSY THREE YEARS LATER CAN'T STOP REPLAYING THE DAY WHEN SHE DIED.

I WAS GOING TO WORK, AND SHE WAS SITTING ON THE COUCH, AND SAT WITH HER FOR A LITTLE BIT BEFORE I WAS GETTING PICKED UP. I HUGGED HER GOOD BYE. WHEN I GOT TO WORK I BOUGHT HER A MaCDONALDS TOY TO GIVE HER LATER ON WHEN I GOT HOME THAT DAY. I WAS WORKING IN THE MALL FOR THE HOLIDAYS, AND I REMEMBER I HAD A FEELING THAT SOMETHING WAS NOT RIGHT, AND I KEPT ON CALLING MY HOUSE, BUT THE PHONE LINES WERE BUSY THE WHOLE TIME IT HAD BEEN TEN IN THE MORNING WHEN I STARTED CALLING. I DIDNT GET THROUGH TO THE HOUSE PHONE, OR BOTH THERE CELL PHONES (iMOM, AND hOWIIES) SO I KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG. THE WORSE THING WAS, I HOPED SOMETHING HAD HAPPENED TO MY REAL DAD, BECAYSE WHEN I GOT THROUGH TO MY MOM, SHE TOLD ME SHE COULDNT TELL ME WHATS WRONG OVER THE PHONE, AND I WILL HEAR WHEN I GET HOME, A PART OF ME KNEW IT WAS MY SISTER, BUT I WANTED IT TO BE MY DAD BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS IT TO BE A CHILD, LET ALONE SOMEONE YOU ARE SO CLOSE TO LIKE A SISTER. WELL AT TWO I GOT PICKED UP, AND AND MY NEIBHOR, WHO WAS ALSO OUR FRIEND TOLD ME WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO MY SISTER. I REMEMBER SHE TOLD ME TO SIT DOWN AFTER I FOUND OUT, BUT I TRIED TO MAKE IT NOW SEEM LIKE IT WASNT A BIG DEAL, I WANTED TO STAY CALM. I CALLED MY FRIEND CHERYL, AND TOLD HER WHAT HAD HAPPENED, VERY CALMLY. I WAS CALM UP UNTIL, I DONT KNOW WHEN. I GUESS I WAS AFRAID TO CRY BECAUSE IT WOULD MEAN SHE WAS REALLY GONE. BUT NOW I KNOW SHE'S IN HEAVEN, AND HAPPIER, AND HEALITHIER THEN SHE EVER COULD BE IN EARTH.

(INCASE I FOTGOT TO MENTION, SHE HAD HEART PROBLEMS, AND WAS BORN WITH DOWNSYNDROME, SHE WAS THE BIGGEST BLESSING ANYONE EVER COULD GET)

TEARS

2011-04-03T13:05:00.000-07:00

Guns, Cancer, Asleep....

Those are three of the ways I have lost family members in my life time. Why is it when someone dies, you think of the people who died before that you supposedly already mourned for in the death time?

How do you know the tears you free, are really for the person who just passed away this time, and they aren't really for the person who might have died a yeart before, or maybe two?

I could be letting these tears free over a death that happened more then ten years ago, and maybe I wont have tears for tis recent persons death for another ten years....

How do I know what these tears were meant for.....

Maybe I am jealouse, because I know some of the people who passed made it to Heaven before me.....

I could be happy for the same reason as I am jealouse...if I am.

Maybe I am afraid that I might not see the ones I have lost again,l because they might not be in Heaven....

How do I know?

RIP~Grandma Peggy Cancer

RIP~Tammy Davis (cousin, was shot by her biyfriend in the head)

RIP~Great Grandmither Hazel (Old Age)..

RIP~Great Grandma Gomez (Old Age, 1996)

RIP~Grampa Stevens (Lung Cancer, 2000)

RIP~Grampa Gomez (Reason of Death Unknown, 2001-2002)

RIP~Halee Nicole Gerke (Heart Problems, 2004)

RIP~Uncle Richard Kevin Glines (Leukemia 2006)

RIP~Grandma Janice Anne (Lung Cancer, 2007)

I have freed tears numerouse of tiems for all I loved.....

I listed them in the order of death, although I didn't know the years for some....

SCARS

2011-04-03T12:59:00.000-07:00

I was laying in my bed reading something, then noticed my arm and the gray scar I had on it since I was in Pre-School. I remember when I first got it. I was siting on the bus on my way to daycare, not even knowing that there was a hole in my backpack, or that my pencil was punctured in my arm. I don't remember it hurting, all I remember was getting off the bus, and feeling something exit my arm. That was when I noticed a black whole in my skin. I also remember not wanting to look at it, so all the nurse did was clean it, and put a bandaid over it so I would leave it alone. I am twenty-six, and I still have that gray scar. Just something I find funny. It's interesting something that happened so long ago, could still be inflicted in our minds as we get older.

I Don't Know How To...

2011-04-03T12:46:00.000-07:00

I been down this road before,

I could tell you everything,

from the happiest moment of the young girls

mind,

to the moment of lost where she had no one.

Down this road,

you could see all those,

who I once have meet.

From the old man in line at the Grocery store,

pushing his cart when she was a little girl,

all the way to the last person who she saw right before entering the door

to the house of the woman she had become today.

She is happy most days,

sad others, confused a few,

and angry whenever not the other

but aren't we all?

I just wrote this because......

....well....

I don't know how to.....Explain!