Science of Smut

Wednesday is for Song and Dance!!!

2009-05-27T20:15:00.000-07:00

Hey hey smutlings! Sorry for no blog post yesterday... it's been a craaaazy week at work. I know, I know, no excuses... sowwwwy :(

Anywhoo, I'm just watching So You Think You Can Dance right now, and the crazies have already showed up. So far, quirky, bendy Tony does some weird fumbly number to Footloose, and not only is he told that his performance was "baaaaaaaaaaa-aaaa-aaaaad" by Tyce Diorio, he passes out from exhaustion and is tended to by medics! YESSSSSSS!!! You can't PAY for this shit if you tried!

But speaking of all things artsy, tonight there's a documentary on the making of the FANTASTIC new Tony-award winning Broadway musical, "IN THE HEIGHTS" on PBS! (Check your local listings, yo!). Definitely one of my favourite Broadway shows! Not only did I have the pleasure of seeing this amazing latinolicious show in January, I even got to meet the composer/star of In The Heights, Lin-Manuel Miranda! It was like a dream come true for me...such an inspiration. He is such an awesome person, and such an amazing talent... goes to show that with hard work and determination, dreams do come true.

WATCH THIS DOCUMENTARY, AND GO TO NYC AND WATCH THIS SHOW!!!

Click HERE to go to the PBS Great Performances website!

Here's the trailer for the documentary, In The Heights: Chasing Broadway Dreams

Check out the official website for IN THE HEIGHTS! (Click on the banner below!)

Battle o' the touchscreens hits Canada!!!

2009-05-25T16:46:00.001-07:00

Whoooooaaaaaa! Things are gettin' hot in herre! I am gettin' too hot, I wanna take my clothes off! Well, not exactly. But the seXXXiness coming to cellphone carriers up here is gonna make this summer a HAWT one for sure!

Time to pit the big touchscreen smartphones against each other! No holds barred! Meow!!!

LET THE BATTLE BEGIN!!!

Bell just announced that they'll be providing the seXXXy Palm Pre. WOOT WOOT! And last week, Rogers announced that they'll be introducing not one, but TWO Google Android phones, the HTC Dream and the HTC Magic on June 2! WOW. WOW. WOW. Can Canada handle such tech in such a short period of time?!?

HELLS YEAH! IT'S ABOUT FRIGGIN' TIME!!!

Add to that rumours of new iPhone and the BlackBerry Storm 2 about to pounce this summer... Canada, you're gonna have some choosing to do! AND WE LIKE IT!!! TASTY!!!

Now if we could only have more cellphone carriers to choose from...

I'm having a Susan- F*CKING-Boyle moment...

2009-05-24T22:53:00.000-07:00

Bonjour, smut-monchichis! Just reporting back on the events of the weekend. Well, the Pam Ann show was OFF DA HOOK in the laughs department. It definitely kept the gals and the gays rollin' in stitches in the aisles. Watching the show from the front row was extra special, especially since she dubbed the first two rows as "first class". Hehe. But definitely, if Pam arrives in your city, you definitely need to purchase a ticket to fly aboard her AirBus of laughs.

But TODAY, I got to check out the regional production of Les Miserables put on by the Arts Club Theatre at the Stanley Industrial Alliance Stage... a production that I affectionately call "Les Miz Lite". LOL. But all joking aside, they did an amazing job of this Broadway juggernaut on such a small stage... The production value was ~~top notch~~ high. The actors were well casted. Two standouts though: the dudes who play Inspector Javert and Enjolras... AMAZING. And the guy who played Mr. 24601, aka. Jean Valjean, had nice vocals... he definitely brought it home with his rendition of, you guessed it, Bring Him Home.

Now all positivity aside, you know I'm gonna hone in on the flaws... Shut up, you LOVE it, smutlings! LOL. But to tell you the truth, I only have two major ones... well, maybe two and a half. ;-) One gripe I really had with the production was that due to space constraints, the music was piped in over the loudspeakers from the orchestra musicians making sweet, sweet muziks in an unused store room in the back of the theatre. I remember having this problem when they did the same thing with their previous staging of the other Schonberg/Boublil mega-musical, Miss Saigon, a few years back. The sound was very tin-can sounding, like it was playing from ~~those cheap, white iPod earbuds~~ an AM radio somewhere backstage, and at times it competed with the miked vocals, which made it hard to hear what the actors were sing-speaking. Not so great when you need HUGE sounding orchestrations highlighting the dramatic moments of the show. But the rousing ensemble performances, with their voices soaring to great heights during the more dramatic showstopping moments, made up for the craptacular acoustics of the piped-in orchestrations.

The other mini-fail is what I like to refer as the "Arts Club requisite End of Act Two cheesy special effect moment". If any of y'all saw their mounting of Disney's Beauty and the Beast and recall the transformation scene, you know what I'm talking about... yeah, absolute fromage that REEKED! PEEEEEEE UUUUUU, that was bad! Now without spoiling what it was in this show... let's just say it involves Javert somehow... and like Javert's fate, you know it ain't pretty...

(The half gripe I had was with Eponine. She could hit the notes, but she was a bit too squeaky for my taste. As in mouse-squeaky. Now Cosette, on the other hand... her voice was IMMACULATE! GORGEOUS! Now gurls, based on pristine vocal ability, you can see why Marius picked Cosette over Eponine... well, besides being ~~a hotter piece of ass~~ prettier than Eponine. Plus Cosette had money, whereas Eponine was broke-ass. Yep, you do the math. You know it's true.)

But yeah, go see the show. See it to support a great cast, and to support local theatre. See it cuz you'll actually hear that f*cking overplayed Susan Boyle song that has been smeared all over the interweb in its theatrical context, and you may shed a tear or two. Or you might just laugh at the cheesetastic end-of-Act-Two special effect moment (I know we all did! HAHA!) or at the musical meloDRAMA-lama that only Schonberg and Boublil can dish out on stage! Much fun for all!

Click HERE to buy tickets for Les Miz, or for any of the Arts Club shows!

Alas, how I wish my life were a musical... But life has killed the dream I dreamed. Ugh.

Adieu for now, mes amis!

Master(of the house)Jay

Now arriving in Sunny Vancity... PAM ANN!!!

2009-05-23T12:59:00.000-07:00

Hey hey, smut hipsters,

Today is such an AMAZING day, weather-wise in Vancouver. The sun is out, it's warm, the patios are full of people soaking up the sun and sights over bevvies... this is what living in this city is all about!

So my plans on such a lovely day? Hmm, well let's see. After running some errands, I'll be picking up my sister's pomeranian this afternoon from Mestisos Pet Spa on Oak Street and running it back to my parent's house in da hood (aka. Surrey). Then it's a quick jaunt back to Vancouver to see the highLARIOUS Pam Ann at the Granville Island Stage tonight! Yes, the cabin crew comedienne is bringing her mile high laughs to this international destination... so buckle up, it's gonna be a sexxxy ride!

Here's a clip of one of Pam Ann's signature skits! Enjoy, smutties!

Science of Smut Blog-O-The-Day!!!

2009-05-22T16:03:00.000-07:00

Hey hey consumers of da smut fantastic, here's the SoS Blog-O-The-Day!

It's from my fellow stylista and fashion crusader friend, The Starving Stylist!!!

Now Gurl LOOOOOVES his labels, and Gurl KNOWS his fashion, so he be tellin you STRAIGHT TO YO FACE about your poor choices in clothes and accessories (you can't hide... we can smell if you've been sportin' those stank-ass Crocs while out in public), and he be tellin you about what you SHOULD be wearing.

PREACH!!!

The Starving Stylist

SeXXXy Gadget Du Jour!

2009-05-22T10:52:00.000-07:00

Hey hey hey, smutwhores! It's time for the SeXXXy Gadget Du Jour! And this time, it's a game! It's a game designed to get you off your ~~fat asses~~ couch and work yo BAHDAY!

Cue Jazzercise music!

It's EA SPORTS ACTIVE for the Nintendo Wii! Yay!

Just in time for summer, this game comes along which includes a leg strap that holds the Wii nunchuk controller for certain exercises, along with a resistance band to do those sexxxy toning exercises such as bicep curls (ooh, tasty!). You can even use it with the Wii Balance Board (that comes with Wii Fit), but you don't need to use it.

I picked this puppy up at HMV on Robson and Burrard last night for $59.99 (so far that's the cheapest I've seen it), and I signed up to do the 30-day challenge. I did a late night workout, and boy was I sweating! Being the nerd that I am, I used it with the Wii Balance Board, and it was engaging. There's lots of videos that guide you as to how to do each exercise properly, and it tells you how much calories you've burned. There's even a journal that asks you questions about what you ate, how much water you consumed, number of hours of sleep, and any other physical activity you did for that day. Also, it's fully customizable so you can create custom workouts.

The only criticism I have so far is that I found the resistance band to be a bit on the flimsy side, so those of you packin' huge bulging guns (i.e. biceps), you might want to invest in a slightly more durable resistance band. But since I have absolutely NO upper body strength whatsoever, this wimpy band is just what I need. Ugh, the shame.

Anywhoo, I'll keep y'all up to date about workin' on my fitness over the next month. I wanna look ABTACULAR! (Or at least have a flat stomach like Kara DioGuardi... perhaps I should shop for a bikini and work on singing "Vision of Love" for full effect? Hmm...)

***UPDATE*** I popped into HMV on Robson and Burrard tonight (Friday, May 22). The price has jumped up to $64.99. Wow, what a difference a day makes!

F is for Friday! F-ING FANTASTIC!

2009-05-22T09:26:00.001-07:00

Hey hey, y'all. I'm just happy to report that I've made it through another week! Yippee! Now that the mighty dustcloud surrounding the whole American Idol "shocker" has somewhat settled down, another pop-juggernaut from the Idol machine has wasted no time and has hit the road running. Yes, it's officially "So You Think You Can Dance?" time again. But I committed a pop-smutling crime... I didn't watch it last night! Now I know what you're thinking..."OMG?!? Like, WTF, Jay?!? Who is gonna explain to me the crazy that SYTYCD brings?!?". Well fear not! I've taped that puppy using my handy-dandy PVR, silly monkeys! I'll get back to the crazy as soon as I've indulged in some heftily-choreographed reality show smut. And I'll deliver! Trust.

(For those who are wondering WHY I committed such a pop-cultch violation, I was having a lovely dinner date last night... and NO, I won't go into the details! I love the gossip as much as y'all do, but my biznass is MY BIZNASS. A gurl's gotta keep some of her secrets secret, mmm kay? It's part of the allure that is Jay...)

Anywhoo, gotta check my email. Will be back with my SeXXXy Gadget Du Jour! Woot woot!

Luv ya, smutlings!

MasterJay

Kris Allan = The Taylor Hicks of 2009

2009-05-21T13:18:00.000-07:00

Hey hey, smutlings! So did you catch the Idol-o-rama lovefest last night? Of course you did, you addicts!

Now as everyone knows, the underwhelming underdog overtook the drama queen last night. Surprising? Kind of, but not really. As I predicted. That's what America is like. For us who are internationally inclined, let's translate this into simple American logic, shall we? You see, in America, Different = THREATENING. They're not gonna pick the ~~gay~~ sexually ambiguous glam rocker to be the American Idol. Oh hells no! So was Kris Allan deserving of the title of "American Idol 2009". No way, not by a long shot. Is he talented? Of course. There's no denying Allan's artistry. But in terms of performance and vocal ability, and just overall entertainment value, Adam deserved that title. Hands down. Gurl worked it all season! Kris is too bland to wear such a heavy crown, and besides, that crown is too sparkly... it wouldn't match his wardrobe no matter how well his stylists try to dress him.

Anywhoo, my thoughts about the show? Overall, it was entertaining. Much more so than previous years. However, they need to cut that shit down to ONE HOUR. The first 45 minutes was as boring as hell! Who needs to hear from Mikalah Gordon reporting from the Kris Allan lovefest in Conway, Arkansas?!? Um, not me! Nor does the rest of America and the rest of the world! The Idol group numbers were craptacular as always... the title of their first number "So What" summed it up best. And there were thirteen?!? Gawd, how we quickly forgotten. Over half of them up on that stage I didn't give two hoots about. At all.

But there were definitely HIGHlights amidst the drivel. Less Paula = more entertainment! WOW! Who would've thunk it. And ~~the blind guy~~ Scott McIntyre didn't have a solo! Whoa, was that discrimination?!? Nope, just a wise choice for the sake of entertainment. I don't think I could've taken hearing another bland vocal rendition from him. The return of Norman Gentle and Bikini Girl was fun, especially Bikini Girl's blatant boob job that Seacrest pointed out rather bluntly, and the Kara DioGuardi sing-off that ensued, with Kara pummeling that bimbette vocally to the ground and then flashing off her somewhat bangin' bod at the end of the song (for "charity", of course. Girl, you got a flat stomach! SHOW IT OFF! Don't use charity to justify showing off your assets! If you got it, flaunt it, no matter how much it costed ya!). And the whole Tatiana Del Toro appearance was totally staged, even though Seacrest tried hard to make it seem like an awkward, random "steal the spotlight cuz I'm f*cking Tatiana Del Toro-I-don't-have-to-sleep-with-anyone-to-get-my-CD-out-cuz-I'm-a-damn-good-vocalist" moment. Allison and Cyndi Lauper was a treat to watch, however the shriekfest with Megan Joy and Michael Sarver with Steve Martin on banjo was an awkward folk disaster. Speaking of awkward, what was up with the Gokey's performance with Lionel Richie?!? It was like Gokey didn't know when or where he should sing! Plus Gokey should NOT wear such tight jeans. He's too middle-aged looking for the slim fits, even if they do say "Levis" on them. Fire that stylist who exposed our retinas to such a fashion atrocity!!!

And the GLAMBERT! Guuuuuurl, those were some mighty fierce shoulder cages! And those shoes! Adam definitely brought the ferocity last night. And his number with KISS?!? GLAMTASTIC! It was so entertaining, I had to use a whole roll of extra-strength Bounty to mop up the drool that poured out of my gaping mouth. Now the duet with Adam and Kris on "We Are The Champions" (with Queen actually rocking out with them)was great, only because Adam sang CIRCLES around Kris! Adam OWNED that song and that moment, whereas Kris served as his lowly lacklustre backup singer.

Then came the coronation moment. Kris was announced as the winner of AI 2009. Adam smiles and politely sashays stage right. Kris is aghast at the announcement, and the first thing that comes out of his mouth is that the title should be Adam's! EVEN HE REALIZED THAT HE WAS NOT WORTHY! But the damage has been done, America. Just as you voted TWICE for a lame-ass president who flushed your country down the crapper, you voted for the most lacklustre Idol winner in all eight seasons that this pop-monster has been broadcast over the airwaves. That's why I dub Kris Allan as this year's Taylor Hicks. But that's an overstatement, cuz at least Taylor had this quirky "soul patrol" persona (which I still don't understand) that he brought to the Idol stage. But like Taylor, Kris' Idol reign will soon fade. Kris will fill his niche of adult contempo radio stations nationwide before fading into obscurity, whereas Adam will be selling out stadiums and performing to grand aplomb...with rhinestones! And pyro! LOTS OF PYRO!!!

Soak in that glittery confetti and shower of fireworks, Kris Allan fans, cuz that's all you'll get when it comes to whiz-bang spectacles. Kiss those goodbye when Kris comes to perform in a city near you post-Idol tour!

But yet, Adam, in his loss, is shown smiling with glee... at least he doesn't have to have that craptacular Kara song "No Boundaries" as his first single! And that's a HUGE reason to smile about!

VIVA GLAMbert!

2009-05-20T11:44:00.000-07:00

Hey hey scouts of smut, now did y'all watch the absolutely cheesetacular final showdown on American Idol last night?!? DROOLWORTHY!

Now I'm gonna keep it short 'n sweet. ROLL RECAP!

ROUND ONE: Fave Idol Performance

Adam Lambert went first: Did repeat performance of "Mad World". Dramatic elevator entrance with long trenchcoat and lots of smoke... ooh, vampish! Theatrics = 10/10, Vocals = not as chilling as the first time he did it, but great (9/10?). Overall effect = Stage diva. LOVED IT!

Kris Allan next. Repeat performance of "Ain't No Sunshine". His keyboard skills + buttery vocals = great performance. Simon declares this round goes to Kris. Overall effect = 10/10

ROUND TWO: (Idol creator) Simon Fuller's choice

Adam: Cover of Sam Cooke's "A Change is Gonna Come". Moving and vunerable with mad, crazy vocals. It was like he was singing it for all the gays! All we needed was some gay flags and some crying drag queens in the corner of the stage. But overall, very moving. 10/10. Paula is incoherent as always... but bangin' in that green dress! GO VODKA AND VICODIN!!! WOOOO!!!

Kris: Cover of "What's Goin' On?". Kris jams with some musicians in this indie-rock jamboree session. Simon thought it was boring. We all did, too. Overall, good, but boring. MINI FAIL. (6/10)

ROUND THREE: The requisite Idol song...

And here comes "No Boundaries". Surprise, surprise, Kara DioGuardi co-wrote this song... and it SUCKED!!! ABSOLUTELY THE WORST IDOL SONG IN THE HISTORY OF IDOL. HURRICANES?!? WTF, KARA?!? COMPLETELY SHITEOUS!!!

Adam: Tried what he could. Infused his shrill, mad vocals into it. Couldn't save the tragedy of this song. A valiant effort. Simon told him that he is a world-class star, and hints to America that he should win AI this year.

Kris: The song consumed him, he flubbed a line, he couldn't hit the high notes, but yet the song suited his voice better. Weird. When you f-up a song that bad and it made you sound good? That's a bad song! Wait, that's GENIUS! (Kris is thanking Kara and Co as we speak!). Anyway, the judges congratulated him on his effort. Really, they were telling America in a subtle way that Kris deserves 2nd place.

Now who will win? Who knows? Will Adam ride in on a fabulous cloud of stage smoke amidst a rainshower of glittery confetti to claim his Idol crown like a true prom queen? Or will middle America rear its mighty conservative head and declare Kris the bland but dependable keeper of the title of American Idol 2009?

BTW, gotta love the occasional pans to the Idol loser holding pen. The looks on their faces = priceless! And epic fail to Carrie Underwood. I absolutely HATED her delivery of the Idol farewell song. "I'm on my WEEE-EH-EH"... puhleaze! Spare our ears from this atrocity. Plus she seemed like an arrogant C U next Tuesday up there. Ah, how fame can make you a scary, cold country biatch... I wonder how many people she bitched out in order to get her microphone bedazzled?

But back to the competition, I'm thinking Kris will win cuz America is f-d up like that, but in my heart I want the diva to win... Thoughts?!?

SeXXXy Palm Pre out June 6 in US = Yippee!

2009-05-19T16:09:00.000-07:00

Remember the sexxxy piece of tech I was raving about last week? Yep, the Palm Pre is finally gonna be released Stateside on the Sprint network on June 6th (which is a Saturday... odd...). It'll be selling for $299, but if you sign up for a 2-yr contract you're eligible for $100 mail-in-rebate. Yay, way to make your customers work to save a hundred bucks. Ugh. Why don't they just SELL it for $199 straight up?!?

(BTW,the rumorang says that the Pre costs $549 without a 2-yr contract...)

Not only can lucky (?) Yanks pick this up at their local Sprint store, they can also get the techtacular Pre at Best Buy, Radio Shack, as well as their local Wal-Marts.

No word on international release dates (Canada, yep, you're outta luck. AGAIN).

Read the official press-release HERE

As happy as I am for this, too bad the Pre's launch is two days ahead of Apple's Worldwide Developers Conference (WWDC)... that's when Apple is expected to announce the ~~newest iPhone~~ latest Apple gadgets.

Not only that, the Blackberry Storm 2 is rumoured to be released next month as well. Crazy! Let the battle o' the touchscreens begin!

I think I'll wait to see what Apple says first before jumping on this tech-sexiness...

Behold, a teenage love triangle!

2009-05-19T09:59:00.000-07:00

Hey smutwhores, I'm back from my 3-day rest period, otherwise known as the Victoria Day long weekend. Well, it was pretty chill, and now I'm back to my healthy ol' self. Except there's this lingering phlegmy thing in my throat now that makes me want to gag once and again. Other than that, I'm good!

Well, I got a teleconference at 12:30. Eek. Dunno how that'll go.

So yeah, an official "Twilight Saga: New Moon" poster is out. Twi-hards are foaming at the mouth as we speak, going ape shit over this. Not gonna lie - I kinda wet myself over the hotness of this. I'm such a tween...

Any thoughts? I wanna hear your comments! Let us know the smutty lust you have for this shizz...

Getting lost in Wally World...

2009-05-17T17:50:00.000-07:00

Hey hey, smut-addicts! Sorry for the late post. I spent the day in South Surrey shopping and hanging out like the consumer-whore that I am. Ugh.

So yeah, for those of you in Vancity, there's a little bastion of shopping that has sprung up just off of 160th St and 24th Ave in South Surrey... and I shat you not, the stores are FRIGGIN GOOD!

Well, except for H&M. I was not prepared for the lameness that lay before me when I entered that atrocity of a store. The layout: horrible. The selection: anemic. It's not even worth your time to set foot in that waste of space. Ugh. It made the Wal-Mart Supercentre across the street seem like a godsend... and that's saying a lot. (I'll get to my Wally World experience in just a bit... Hang tight, kitties!)

Besides all the designer boutiques, the store you have to check out there is definitely the huge Indigo bookstore. GORGEOUS! The layout: PRISTINE. Selection: FANTASTIC. It made me feel good about myself that I was spending part of my holidays buying literary material.

Now who am I kidding... after oggling the hawt models in some magazines, I walked outta there empty handed. But I still felt GOOD about being there. Thanks, store designers! ;-)

So yeah, after stuffing my face with a pulled pork sandwich at Memphis Blues (guilty as charged), I decided to give the Wal-Mart Supercentre a go. WHOA, talk about SUPER SCARY! God I felt lost in that cavernous space. It was hard to get my bearings. I just wanted to buy some body wash and moisturizer for my face, damnit! Why do I have to walk two city blocks just to find these items?!? I was nearly in tears... I wanted my mommy.

But as huge and over-capitalistic as that place was, I F*CKIN LOVED it... Shameful, I know. Everything was literally under one roof. EVERYTHING. It was so shoptastically disgusting... I could see why North America suffers from an obesity problem... you might as well pick up a couple of boxes of Viva Puffs for $2 and chocolate malt balls for $1.50 since you're already there buying oil for your truck, Nair to burn off that pesky back hair, and that 46" plasma TV you've been eyeing. Hell, throw in a week's worth of groceries and an entire wardrobe to feed and clothe your illegit children! You can't beat those rollback prices!

Wal-Mart Supercentre = The Shangri-la of consumer smut.

And as huge as that store was, there weren't enough tellers to keep up with the number of people buying crap. Even the "self checkout" tellers (which I had the misfortune of wrangling with. EPIC FAIL) had a lineup! WTF, Wal-Mart?!? You sell SO MUCH SHIT, could you at least put a couple hundred more checkout counters in that football stadium of a store? Thanks.

F*ck you, Wal-Mart.

(But yet, as much as I loathe you, Wal-Mart, I f*ckin wanna have disgustingly dirty monkey sex with you. Ooh, yeah, Wal-Mart... you're so dirty...daddy likes that...)

Enjoy the rest of the long weekend, smutlings. I'm just gonna enjoy these $1.50 O-Henry bites along with a bowl of brown sugar Mini-Wheats (which were $2.97 by the way). The shame...

And you thought Idol was cheesy!

2009-05-16T15:05:00.000-07:00

Hey smutlings... I've just been watching the finals for the Eurovision 2009 song contest. What's Eurovision, you ask? WELL! It's this song contest where each european country submits a song entry and the people of Europa vote for the winner. Simple, no? Cheesy? ABSOLUTELY!!!

Burlesque queen Deeta Von Teese performed as part of Germany's entry "Miss Kiss Kiss Bang". Her bod was banging, the song and overall performance, not so fagtacular. Could've been gayer. Bummer.

Here's the link for the Eurovision song contest. You could prolly still catch the last bit of the finals if you're quick enough! Watch cheesy Euro-pop trash history in the making!

http://www.eurovision.tv/

*** UPDATE*** NORWAY just won the Eurovision song contest! Alexander Rybak's "Fairytale" was the winning song! Here's Alexander! SEXXXAY! :P

Pure POLIDENTertainment: The Mac in Vancouver!

2009-05-16T14:21:00.000-07:00

Hope y'all cleaned off your dentures... as I promised, here's some clips of last night's Fleetwood Mac show! They're influenza-free and they put on a great show, from the looks of it!

Why does my back ache all of a sudden? Hmm...

Enjoy "Go Your Own Way"!

And here's their encore: Don't Stop!

Starting the Long Weekend off right: with LAZINESS!

2009-05-16T11:43:00.001-07:00

Hey hey hey Smut Students!

Well, it's officially the May Long Weekend up here in Canada (for those of you internationally inclined, there's a long weekend in May to celebrate Victoria Day... Queen Victoria... not Vicki Beckham. But maybe they should change that? Hmm...) and I'm just loungin' like a sloth at my dad's house. Yep. FAT-ASS LAZY. Being cooped up in my apartment for 4 days with some ~~swine flu~~ "unknown illness" just made me really sick (har har) of my place, so it's nice to just chill in a big house with my fam's pets (two fluffy pomeranians and a cat), watching garbage TV (yeah, yeah, I'm guilty of watching "Ghost Whisperer" last night. Ugh. The shame...) and movies and reading flyers. Ooh, Liquid Tide and Bounce are on sale at Shoppers Drug Mart for 5.49 each!...

Well according to a friend of mine from my high school days o' yore, Rhiannon, last night's Fleetwood Mac show was AMAZING! (No surprise there! They're LEGENDS). I'm just glad ~~Stevie's~~ the band's healthy and charging ahead with their tour. HERE'S TO GOOD MUSIC, Y'ALL!!!

To you Fleetwood Mac fans, I'll post a clip of last night's show in just a bit!

Now to charge up your smutty-senses, here's a spicy example of when music takes a detour towards the bad part of town... it's a karaoke rendition of Mariah's "Touch My Body", but by a flamboyant Korean boy! OOH, SMUT-TASTIC!

TUTS MY BARREH!!!

Happy long weekend, smutties!

MasterJay

Free music from Coldplay!

2009-05-15T21:08:00.001-07:00

Hey hey smut addicts! You wanna da free Coldplay? Well, to coincide with the start of their North American tour, Coldplay is giving away a CD copy of their new live album, entitled "LeftRightLeftRightLeft" at all their live shows in 2009 (apart from festival shows) as a "thank you" to their fans! But what if you can't go see their show due to *insert reason here* ??!? What's a Coldplay fan to do?!?

WELL! Lemme tell you! You can download it FREE from coldplay.com up until Coldplay plays their last gig in 2009!

Click here to get your free fill of Coldplay!

Here's the tracklisting:

Science of Smut Blog-O-The-Day!

2009-05-15T16:12:00.000-07:00

Hey hey smutties, here I am, winding down from another day of advancing the face of health research to post up the SoS Blog-o-the-Day!!! YAY!!!

It's GIZMODO: The gadget blog! It's one of the most popular blog resources for gadget ~~nerds~~ whores on the planet.

But today, not only do I want to introduce you to this geektastic blog, I want to share with you this AWESOME post by Gizmodo blogger, Jason Chen, on why Wes Moss is the new Super Douchey Face of Microsoft's Zune!

(For those who aren't gadgetly inclined, the Zune is a portable mp3/media player from Microsoft... in other words, it's Microsoft's attempt at stealing some of the thunder away from Apple's beloved iPod... yeah, you probably guessed by now how well that fight is going...)

So read on! This post just elevated my smut-love for this blog even more! TITTILATING!!!

Wes Moss Is The New Super Douchey Face of Microsoft's Zune - Gizmodo

Stevie Nicks & Co Unleashed in Vancity

2009-05-15T13:41:00.000-07:00

Alright you lovers of the old-time rock 'n roll... are you ready for the Mac attack? Yep, Fleetwood Mac is hittin the stage with their "Unleashed" Greatest Hits tour tonight at GM Place in Vancouver. After an unexpected illness (swine flu?) affected an unidentified band member (Stevie?), which resulted in the cancellation of BOTH the Calgary and Edmonton gigs earlier in the week (much to the dismay of many Mac faithful), LiveNation has stated that tonight's show at GM Place is a go! Woo hoo! That's reason to get your Depends undergarments in a knot! So go ahead: wet your pants! Put the super-absorbency of those daddy diapers to the test!

But seriously, if you were lucky to get tickets to this much hyped reunion tour, I'm sure you'll be in for an awesome show. There's many reasons why they're legends. To name some, their songs helped to define a generation, and Stevie is such an icon to many a performer, woman, and music affectionado alike.

At least we know that Stevie and Co won't bail after a few songs due to ~~marijuana~~ "ventilation problems" (yeah, Britney, we're looking at you. Smoke my ass...). I'm pretty sure they'll appreciate y'all smokin up! Party like it's 1969!!!

To the curb, illness! This boy's gotta WORK!

2009-05-15T13:30:00.000-07:00

Hey hey, smutty-minions, I'm baaaaack! Well, sorry for the late post, but it's been a real gong-show at work. Yep, I've kinda gotten over this stupid illness and gotten my virally-smitten butt back to work. Thank gawd for the painkillers. Gotta love the meds. After reading a gajillion emails and clearing a bunch that I hadn't deleted, it was time to work some scientific magic and pull a crazy report out of thin air. But somehow things are getting done. Well, mama's gonna WORK... and how's she gonna do it? She's gonna work HARD!

Anywhoo, back to this report. I'll post some smutty tidbits up soon. Stay tuned!

MasterJay

Smut Vocabulary 101 - WHORELICIOUS

2009-05-14T17:48:00.000-07:00

So I was just chatting to a friend of mine in NYC, and he read my posting about Holly Valance, and was ROFL at the sight of the word "whorelicious". So yes, this word may have you puzzled, but let me define this word, and put it in the proper context so that you may use this word properly, as it was intended.

whorelicious (adjective):1) The state of whoredom (see also: skankiness) that provides the ultimate satisfaction to the desires of the whore whilst providing ultimate entertainment value and enjoyment to the people witnessing her sinful acts. Can also apply to a whore of the opposite sex (see: manwhore). 2) The state of whoredom that can be likened to being delicious or tasty.

Example: "Gurl, that was the skankiest video I've seen so far! That Jessica Simpson chick washing that car was so dirty... it was like she was loving it! But seriously, it was fantastic! Absolutely whorelicious!"

Any questions? I'll be available for office hours after class.

Class dismissed, y'all!

Kiss Kiss, part deux?

2009-05-14T15:14:00.000-07:00

Hey hey smutlings, remember Australian pop-tartlet Holly Valance?!? Yeah, she did a version of the Tarkan song "Kiss Kiss" several years ago. Well, according to her twitter, she's working on a NEW ALBUM with Lady GaGa! And Cheryl Cole from Girls Aloud is making a featured appearance on the album as well!

I wonder if it's going to be EXTRA skanky? Let's hope so!

Here's the video of Holly Valance's "Kiss Kiss". Whorelicious!

Science of Smut Blog-o-the-Day!

2009-05-14T13:56:00.001-07:00

Hey hey smutwhores, miss me? Thought not. Anywhoo, here's a blog I'd like to feature today. Thanks to a quirky acquaintance of mine in Calgary for telling me about this blog... describes what I see in my neighbourhood of South Main on a daily basis (i.e. the hipster district of Vancouver)

Enjoy "Look At This Fucking Hipster"! I give this the smut seal of approval! Scientifically proven to tantalize your smutty senses!

Look At This Fucking Hipster

SeXXXy Gadget Du Jour!

2009-05-14T12:05:00.000-07:00

Hello, smut-monkeys! For those who have the honour of knowing me personally, you know how I am one of, if not, the biggest gadgetwhores around. I KID YOU NOT: nothing gets my heart aflutter more than juicy pop culture morsels than newfangled shiny pieces of technology. Brimming with the latest technology and birthed from warehouses in Asia by the tiny hands of thousands of assembly line workers in suboptimal working conditions, these high-tech tidbits send me into a nerdgasm of techtacular proportions.

So todays SeXXXy Gadget Du Jour is.... the Palm Pre!

Yes, this is Palm's touch-screen answer to the iPhone, and quite frankly, their much-needed saving grace that has resurrected the sinking Palm company a la "touched by an angel" from the hallowed halls of tech failures. Even though I'm a raging Apple fanboy, the sweetness that the Pre packs is enough for me to splurge on this sexxxy piece of tech. And it's only moments from being launched on the Sprint network in the States (no signs of the Pre launching in Canada though... go figure), which makes me want it even MORE! I WANT! I WANT! I WANT!

Here's an early review from CNET. Click to see why I'm wetting myself in true nerd desire over this shiny technucopia of goodness!

And feast your eyes on the tech-sexy of this bebeh. Oooh! Naughty!

And if pics don't get you off, here's some live action Palm Pre porn!

Smut Alumni Roll-call

2009-05-14T11:29:00.000-07:00

Just to get y'all started on your daily intake of smut, here are today's headlines from other Smut College Alumni:

Robert Pattinson celebrates his 23rd birthday in my hometown! (Boo that I wasn't invited): Pink Is The New Blog
Jon + Kate + 8 = dunzo!!!: dlisted
Posh, skinny as always: LaineyGossip
Rob Lowe- another nanny bites the dust!: TMZ
NPH is hosting the Tony Awards! YES! YES! YES!: Perez Hilton

That should momentarily satisfy your hankering for popjunk... enjoy!

Ciara shows us her goodies!

2009-05-14T11:18:00.000-07:00

So I'm waiting for these Tylenol to kick in, and what better way to do that than by watching Ellen! So far, Kelly Clarkson has come out and sang "Since U Been Gone", and Portia De Rossi was in the audience, singing along with Ellen to Clarkson's track. Then Ellen hooked up this girl with a $15,000 scholarship and $1000 cash so she can get all schooled. Girl was working THREE jobs just so she can get by! That's crazy. So mad props to Ellen for that. Spreadin' the love wherever she goes.

Okay, Anderson Cooper is on... gotta run. But in the meantime, here's a HOT HOT HOT performance from Ciara on her latest single "Love. Sex. Magic" that she performed on yesterday's show. So TASTY!!!