Thoughts are powerful

Orchestra - A #hat post

chromo04@gmail.com (#hat) — Fri, 25 Oct 2013 09:42:00 +0100

The orchestra is a level where your music compositions start to play and you fall in love with music. When it's hot enough, the music remains for a long while in your head.

Posted by #hat

The Safe

chromo04@gmail.com (#hat) — Tue, 22 Oct 2013 08:56:00 +0100

Ali was pissed. The code to the safe did not work. He had been assured by Area Commander(AC) that the code was correct. How can it not work? He entered it again for the 3rd time. The red LED started to blink. He waited. Maybe it was programmed to open this way. After waiting for 30 blinks, nothing happened.

Or rather nothing Ali wanted to happen happened, instead a part of the wall opened, and the safe slid through. He watched with panic as inch thick metal panels slid over the safe, taking it from his reach.

He knew he was fucked. Not yet. An alarm must have been triggered. The military police will be here soon and the owner of the safe even sooner. He looked around at the bare room and wondered where the best place to hide would be. Who decorates a room this bare? Who keeps a safe of Confidential Files in such a room? He did not know much about who AC told him to work. All he know was some files needed to be recovered. They ran him through the works and sent him in.

He felt tested. Was this a test from the Commander. This must be the Commander’s way of getting rid of him. Why? He couldn't figure.

At that moment, he took note of a camera's LED blinking. It wasn't there before. He knew he checked the room well before approaching the safe. It must have come out after the safe went in. He was on camera for sure so that left one option. Fight his way through this when the General that owned this place got here. His thoughts immediately flashed to the beatings he will go through. It will be terror. He had to escape. Or die trying. He remembered tales of gore, torment, and mind shredding pain from people who had experienced the interrogation sessions in Abati barracks, Kafachan, (even though it was all hearing). He would have to battle his way through this. The door of the room open and he braced himself for what was to come.

"If I die today, I know I will die hard, I am definitely taking at least 10 of them today"

The door opened and he crouched, one hand working its way towards his belt where his piece was sheathed. He bent his knee to feel the reassuring point of the 6 inch blade he kept in his boots. Joshua’s Knife. He had changed guns throughout his career but never that knife.

She was almost perfect. The only thing she did not have on was an anklet. His heart rate first went dead, like he skipped a beat or a beat skipped him, then it started pumping all four liters of blood throughout his body. He did not even know what to say. They just stood there and looked at each other. This was going to be his killer. She closed the door and dropped what was in her hands. She did not say a word. He did not either. Not because he did not have any fancy commando words to say. It’s more like she commanded no words from him. Just like that. It felt like an army of samurais walked in with her. The room felt full and yet there was only two of them.

Finally she spoke,

"Very long day at the office today, you won't believe the regional MD quit this morning. Men! Never reliable. But I'm guessing you know that already. Here help me out of this. Can you hear me? Are you deaf? Why are you looking at me like that? Do you speak English? Are you Hausa? Am I not talking to you?!!"

At this point he snapped out of his reverie, this woman was talking to him like... like... he did not have what to compare with. All he did was allow the training in him to take over, pointing his gun towards her and clicking the safety off,

"Stop what you are doing, get on your knees and put your hands up"

She looked alarmed when he brought the gun out but seemed to relax when he pointed it at her and clicked the safety off.

She looked at him like Yokozuna must have looked at Pawpaw challenging him to a sumo fight. Confused, thinking, finally agree it’s all a joke and smile.

Ali was mad. Mad because a woman who would look a gun casually like she did was going to be something and if he did not snap out of her spell and do something (shoot her!!!), he would be coming out of here on a trolley, or worse still half alive into the cell at the barracks.

She smiled, helped herself to a chair and proceeded to remove her scandals. Something about sandals and women. She smiled. His hands started to get wet and shake. He found he couldn't hold the gun steady. Worse still, he was likely to pull the trigger. Taking a deep breath to calm himself, he allowed the training take over again. Analyse the situation. Access yourself and your surroundings. What is different now? Feel with your senses, conclude with your brain.

Ali was shocked when he noticed it. How? What could this mean?

He was having an erection.

It was then he smelt it. The smell. He had heard of people who smell death when it comes, and he started to wonder how death could smell so good, so sweet, so familiar. He looked at her. She had been looking at him all through like she was waiting for him to figure it out. He looked in her eyes and saw it. Her eyes set sparks to the smell of arousal that was gradually filling the room. It was an explosion of intentions and suspicions. He was reminded again of the feeling of the room being filled up. Surely, she can't be the only one releasing this. He was inhaling the sweet scent of her arousal greedily and he was beginning to feel stirrings.

"So what made the day long", he asked her.

He relaxed and pointed the gun away from her. The resilient part of his brain was warning him about women and their disarming ways. Surely he wasn't about to get in bed with the enemy.

Who said anything about getting in bed, Ali thought, his training sending height, weight, strength information to his brain about the chair she sat on and the table beside it.

She smiled and replied him standing up "I am now managing my department and his own till a suitable replacement can be found. It took me over 8 hours to fully grasp his way of running things and I have to say I am very tired and right now I can't be bothered about anything. Including the fact you just tried to rob me".

A bit surprised about that statement, he saw it again. She's still the enemy. What is she playing at?

He took a step back as a picture flashed. But it did not make sense, so he shook the reason of 'Rape' out of his mind.

Why should anybody want to set him up with rape?

What if she's covering up a pregnancy?

Silvia stood some seconds before that thought and dropped her robe. He was staring at a woman. As in its like you see a giraffe on the road in day light. Everything you see tells you this is a woman. One in a ripe and fertile age. He couldn’t remember if women get horny during pregnancy. He hated biology because of Hauwa.

He was about to ask a question when she said "I won't report you to those boys if you do me one favour".

He knew what the favour was but at that time he was sure he wasn't going to do it. There was no way he would with her. She's lying to him. She is going to tempt him, then hand his ass over to the boys. She probably had a whistle somewhere and was going to trap him and get to it.

"Just sleep with me on my bed"

He had begin to say "No, I ccc.."

Then, he had the idea to play along with her and sleep with her.

He answered her "Yes".

She looked disappointed but shrugged it off like 'What the hell, let's do this' and got into bed.

He had hoped for something all different. In it, he hoped they wouldn't be going to the bed yet. So he told her to first dance and have a shower.

She reluctantly agreed but agreed when he started to take his cloths off. His member seemed to be acting the part of ‘I’m only getting erect as part of the plan', Ali was sure. She then blurted out "No music". He already knew this was going to be a problem and so expected them to both move out of that room together. Ali was now determined to steal the files he came for. He wanted to go across the room, down the hallway, up the stairs to the room at the top of the house. There was a study here.

"Let’s go to the study upstairs, there should be some music we can dance to there".

"How do you know there is a study upstairs".

"It’s my job to know this things" Ali replied.

They got to the study, the walk had been a lengthy one for a home and a number of brushes had happened. His arms brushed her breasts, or was it they brushed his arms. She led the way so she could turn back and explain something in detail to him. It was like she was having a friend over. So on occasion she will 'stop' suddenly to adjust something or show him something or examine something. This wasn't any bother to him as he was thinking and planning well but the thing is she wasn't in her robe, she left it (against his eyes looking at her in protest). So here he was walking with a woman that smelt sweet, looked edible and was bumping into his tight chinos for this job. He did not even understand how his member could even respond to this ‘accidental bumps where she held him so as not to fall’. Two heads, four liters of blood. He was in a confused state when they got to the study. Elegantly designed with art, paintings and books. Her father must be very learned as well as strong.

She opened the door, they stepped in, she closed it and locked it.

Damn paranoid woman.

She put the key in her mouth and walked to her bed to get her remote. She got it raised her hand towards him and the music came on.

He smiled when he heard the intro of the song. That he could hear Black Magic’s ‘Repete’ this far north hadn't occurred to him.

"I love this jam so much I play it everywhere".

Ali acted like he did not know the song. She got out of bed and catwalked towards him. Her hips swayed but not like a model on broadway. It was still like someone who had spent long hours in a military camp. He really liked how she looked at that moment and for maybe that reason he put his hand out to her waist just as she got within a step from him and took her in a hug. Her budding nuts on his chest, he dove for her lips and kissed her. She fought him at first, then she let go and he kissed her. He kissed her warily and she kissed him with a passion that was at first hot then it went cold. She broke the kiss with a smile, turned her back to him, put his hands around her and they started to dance.

His eyes started to rover round the room, where could the safe be.

"Please don't ruin the moment by still trying to rob me, let's just enjoy this for now"

He went limp for a second, finally relaxed and continued dancing with her. And dancing. After the 3rd song, she put her hand on her crotch and started to rub it. She rubbed it while gyrating her ass on him.

He had never judged men who fell to seduction, as he dropped the plans to finding the files. He instead removed her hand and put his in instead.

"Let's do shower now".

Ali felt they would have to move to a room but she pointed to a door in a corner and inside was a bathroom. They entered.

"Do I have to strip you?"

"I was hoping you were going to rip them off'".

She frowned, "I'm not that horny".

He removed his top. She helped him. He stepped on his rubber soled shoes to remove them. They got to his belt at the same time. She told him to allow her. He told her to start up the shower for them. He needed a word with his member.

She winked and left him to him. She reduced the temperature. He licked his lips at where that was going. The music was playing here and so she continued dancing. Chris Brown's 'Take My Time' was well in its middle as she started to feel the heat loss of the water. She caught the water like she was trying to rub out the dying heat to her. He looked, entranced, as she put her hands into her pants. He figured women like her would wear a thong or some sexy lingerie to work but instead she wore one with a doll. It might mean something about what type of person she was but he did not know and he did not really care as much at the moment. She started to touch her nipples. She tweaked them like an electrician will straighten wire before connecting. Straightening means the current flowed the right way. He smelt her arousal again through the water. He felt the stirring in his member again and pulled his chinos down. She opened her eyes here, closed it, and turned her back to him. He was in the shower and behind her in 3 steps. Chest on her back, pelvic bone to her lower back and the outline of his member fitting into the middle of her buns. He felt the cold water invade the tension in his muscles and relax him. His member twitched and fought the release of tension but soon relaxed. He took breaths through his mouth as the water had his nose. He closed his eyes, and reached for her neck. His lips on her neck, he bared his teeth and took a grazing bite, testing flesh.

She twitched.

"I don't like tickles".

"I do", Ali says as he did it again, his hands holding her. "You will enjoy it if you stay steady through it".

"I can’t stay still, stop joo".

He withdrew his lips, paused a bit and cupped her breasts. He felt the water get very cold now and he pressed into her for heat. Her hand brushed his member. She started to stroke it. Soon she put her hands into his boxers and bring it out, using her hand, she pulled his boxers down to his knees and stroked him all the way. He responded to her touches and nipped at her ears and neck again. He turned her to face him and start to kiss her. They sucked passionately in the warmth of their mouth, finding the best position to get the sweetest part of the kiss. Just when he thought he was having the best of the kiss, she pulled her tongue back along with his and his tongue fell in between her jaws. She bit him. Red, hot, pain erupted from the bite and it felt like there was blood in his mouth. Her tongue quickly found the bit tongue and sucked on the warmth from the bite, soothing the pain she caused while smiling at him. He smiled at her back and enjoyed the soothing of the pain. When they finished it, he bit her. He was hesitant to hurt her so the bite wasn't as strong as the one she gave him. She didn't share. He smiled again, tweaked her nipples and pushed with his tongue. By the time she realized she just opened her mouth to moan, he had slipped into her mouth, and given the tip of her tongue a bite just before she swallowed it again. The bite was painful. It extended to the sides. She rubbed her tongue with her teeth and opened up for his tongue. He stalled and let her tongue find his own. She pushed him to the wall and started to trail her tongue from his mouth to the blood vein in his neck, "You like tickles abi" and slowly down to his nipples. She was an expert at this. He groaned and she left the nipples and continued her journey down south. She paused at his belly button, flicked her bobbing, teasing tongue on his pac line causing his insides to roll over with each flick. Then she came to the tip, kissed it and took it into her hot mouth. She brought it out again into the cold water and returned it into her mouth. She did this till her mouth temperature thermised. She then delivered other military routines were above his security clearance level.

His mouth was getting dry, he licked his lips. He took her nipples in his fingers and dialled gently, he stopped when he got a groan from her lips. She looked at him and smiled. He saw his moment and took it. He stopped her as she opened to take him again, bring her to her feet and nudge her to the side of the shower. He put her legs together, looking into her eyes while pulling her silly girl panties down. He put his hand in between her legs and felt the heat coming from there. He put one finger in to test the temperature. She moaned and sucked it in. Either she did not want to share her inner warmth or the finger was cold and she wanted to warm it. He kissed her for a long time playing with that finger inside her. He bit down on her neck and used his tongue to write military codes. She lashed at his neck in the passion and also bit into his neck. He smiled and moved on to her breasts. Taking the right one, he went for the nipple at once. Hearing her gasp, he swirl them round in his mouth while biting gently. He moved his hand to her other breast and traced the outline of the nipple in a spiral to the tip and then stopped just as he almost touched it. He now ran his hands round it in spirals moving away from her tip. He continued sucking her right nipple, flicking it with his tongue and rubbing the dial button.

He stopped on her right and licked his way to her left nipple. It was warm and responded by hardening more. He licked it roughly then slowly then roughly. She started to rub her crotch on his base. After a while he stopped, spread her legs apart and went for her base. He licked it in a circle and went in a spiral inward to her hooded button. He stopped once he touched it with his tongue. He removed his tongue and touched it with his finger. He then replaced it with his tongue, before moving to her lips. He opened her with his tongue, opening more on each pendulum swing till he reached her hood again.

...He then inserted his tongue in her....

...She clamped her legs over his head...

...You are suffocating me...

...He held her legs away from his head and continued probing...

....She went in a murderous squeeze with her legs and calmed down breathing hard...

....He looked at her with a grin. She looked at him with a murderous intent....

...She pushed him into a sitting position and took him in her mouth....

...She was damn too good at this...

...He was about to go(or is it come)...

...He pushed her head away and told her he wasn't ready to spill...

...They found their way to the bed...

...Entered in a spoon position...

...Playing with her nipples....

...Switched with her on top....

...She had long deep squats....

...At the edge of the bed "you remind me of my Mohammed"...

...On the chair...legs in the air...

...She pushing back on his member in the shower...

... On the staircase going to the kitchen...

...She did not like the idea of ice cubes in her lady parts....

....On the kitchen top...

...On the chest freezer...

....With the fridge door open...

...Back in the shower...

He jerked once more and exhaled, the sight in front of him was of her sweaty body and her nipples shooting out. She looked like she was returning into her body and slowly becoming aware of her surroundings. She licked her lips twice and did not want it to end. Ali hoped it was him she was seeing in her mind. And not Mohammed. Not like he minded however. She opened her eye and asked "do you smoke"?

"Yes".

"Got any sticks?"

"No, apart from the one in you".

They smiled at the joke. He started to get up but she told him to just lay on her. He covered as much of her as he could. He reached out with his tongue and barely touched the left ear. She opened her eyes.

"Are you still going to rob me?"

"I don't know. I've never been fucked by someone I wanted to rob before".

"So this is not your first time?"

"It is. I can see why robbers don’t quit when they are ahead though".

"How many women do you think seduce robbers like I did".

"Just you".

"No".

"So what is it you did?"

"I played out a fantasy".

"Fanta... You have a rape fantasy?"

"No, I wanted to have sex with a robber".

"Why?"

"I don’t want to talk about it".

"You can have sex with me but you can’t tell me your fantasy? Or rather explain the fantasy?"

"Yes".

Ali shook his head. "I can see why Mohammed left you"

She went stiff, moved away from him while turning back to slap him. He caught her as she was swinging her hands and struggled to keep her calm. She said nothing and went mute for some seconds.

"When I was 19, I was an innocent girl in UniAbuja. Then one night, robbers attacked our hostel. Out of all the girls there, girls who had experience in these things, bad girls. The robbers picked me. It's like they could smell my innocence. I was used that night and for a long while I was useless. My dad swore he will find the robbers and kill them, my mom sent me to Uni in France where I healed. Fortunately, my roommate was into all sorts of things. I got healed and turned my nightmare into a fantasy. And here we are".

Ali was confused. "But I don't get, you've been waiting for someone to rob you? How do you know the person won't be like the first?"

"Your Area Commander is a long friend of my dad and he was my guardian in France. I confide many things in him and he helps me achieve things. By the way I'm the regional manager who I said quit and not the head manager. And there's no Confidential file in any safe".

He was speechless. He looked at her. Her eyes were closed. He smiled and bit her ear softly. He was worn out. He slept off.

................................

He woke up as his wrist watch's alarm came on at 6:16. He climbed out(of her), from on top of her, got dressed and left the apartment how he came. Now it was morning, his paranoia came back. He couldn't believe he wasn't set up (a sweet set up but still a set up) and that someone wasn't going to jump him soon. All this had been an arrangement. She had a robber fetish and the Area Commander assigned him to play it out. How is he going to look that old man in the eye now. What do you even say when reporting this kind of mission?

He hailed a cab three streets away and just as he got in, his phone beeped. He did not know the number. He opened the message and read,

"Forget anything?"

He felt in his pocket and didn't know what.

The phone beeped and dropped. He stretched to retrieve it and felt what was missing.

He sat up, opened the message.

"I'm home all day".

He smiled as he told the cabman to turn around.

"Haba, where to Oga".

"Abeg reach Jevinik first. I won chow. I dey hungry".

He replied "On my way".

He wasn't going to leave Joshua's knife with her.

Christine Ben-Ameh - My Daddy

chromo04@gmail.com (#hat) — Wed, 18 Sep 2013 12:59:00 +0100

This is a very very soulful, deep and lovely song by Christine Ben-Ameh. This one comes straight from her heart as you can see and that's something we don't see nowadays in most Nigerian acts. She does this one for her Daddy, a man I believe and know to be a very huge inspiration, rock and guardian in her life(as well as in the life of the kids he took in and cares for).

I listened to this song and I appreciated my dad some more (even though this morning we .... ). Anyways, listen and share if you like to.

Here's to our daddies!!!

And here's to us being better daddies for our lil ones.

Which reminds me... I want to have seven daughters.

You?

Cleaning My Closet

chromo04@gmail.com (#hat) — Mon, 2 Sep 2013 09:20:00 +0100

Hi,

First of all, I would like to say my absence is due to me following in the footsteps of my elder bloggers like xxxxxxx and xxxxxx(they knowselves) but I know it's all me.

I don't know if this happens to everyone but between now and the last time I posted a story, I've written many stories. Some I started and never finished. Some I finished and after reading felt like no-one wants to know this or read this or something, so I deleted or threw it out.

NYSC will make you write and doubt yourself. Questions like

'am I writing this because I'm bored?'

'Does this make sense?'

'Should I punctuate?' e.t.c.

I guess it's part of some learning curve (I'm sure I haven't finished).

Anyways, I decided to put together some stories like a book. Choosing what stories will be chosen was another task (and is still tasking) but I'm on it and it looks like there is some degree of motivation around the corner.

I've noticed the only stories I ever tend to post are the ones that hit me, I start to write and I finish the story. Most others that I stop to continue sometime never get finished (does this happen to anyone else? how do you work with that). I figured I hit what they call writers block some months back. I felt I could break through by writing about the writers block. It helped a bit.

Some of the people I've shown a few writings want me to change the way I write. They want it to seem more professional, publishable and all that. Seriously and sincerely, I would love to do that.

Thing is I feel I connect more with my intended audience this way, writing the story the way I would narrate the gist with you if we were sitting somewhere with a bottle, food and some rolls.

But I know better than that. So I reckon I need an editor. Please if you think you can read what I write and present it in a way that will appeal to more people without losing my own touch/style and importantly my audience, please mail me at ayoidan@yahoo.com with the subject: EDITOR. [is there pay?] Yes, there is. You will be paying me. :p

Oh I'm also starting a new blog. You will recognize it with the hash tag #hat. It's basically a movement to add meaning to young people today who need mentorship, the truth about the future and becoming an adult, tackling peer pressure, finding oneself, knowing what really matters and what really matters to you personally and so on. Of course there's also the #LegalizeIT part. If you feel you can add any insight, contribute or occasionally send the team food. Please hola ayoidan@yahoo.com with the subject #hat. I would love to hear from you. (We all would).

So this post is me returning to office and sweeping, dusting the place and installing a new grinder in my minds closet. Haha!

Thanks for your time and God bless.

Space Money

chromo04@gmail.com (#hat) — Thu, 27 Jun 2013 10:49:00 +0100

PayPal goes galactic to answer big questions about money in space http://www.theverge.com/2013/6/27/4468000/paypal-goes-galactic-to-answer-big-questions-about-money-in-space

One Mic Naija April Edition

chromo04@gmail.com (#hat) — Mon, 8 Apr 2013 15:28:00 +0100

One Mic Naija

One Mic Naija is here again. And this month promises to be no less fun from the others. A venue change to a spot where music lovers seek good fun and get it adds to the thrill for this One Mic Naija edition.

That's not even the major koko, the name of the Headliner is being held a mystery.

The only TIP I got was "girls are going to love him".

(safe to say my barbie isn't going)

PERFORMERS

So while the identity of April’s headliner will be revealed later, organisers are assuring guests of a swell time as performers for this month include

Barzini of Aboriginal Music (winner of last edition’s Open Mic competition),

(listen to his single Seeing Things.) (are you?)

Barzini

Falz

(listen to High Class produced by Studio Magic)

Zaina,(my new crush) who is signed to Darey’s Soul Muzik

Zaina

(listen to 'Lo Lo La' and watch the video)

Jaywon of Kennis Music rounds off the list of performers. Jaywon has a new track 'Odun Yi'

Jaywon

SO WHO IS THIS MYSTERY HEADLINER?

You will be the first to know moment I find out.(or not)

The new One Mic Naija venue is Swe Bar and Lounge.

SweBar (inside)

SweBar (bar)

SweBar (inside)

“Swe is known for supporting the arts so we are excited to bring the show here” Tosyn Bucknor said.

To get more One Mic Naija information, win tickets and more and get to know more about the performers by following @OneMicNaija on twitter and/or ‘liking’ the Facebook page ‘www.facebook.com/OneMicNaija’.

One Mic Naija is proudly supported by 360Nobs, abisona.com, City FM, Cool Beans Clothing, NET, Olorisupergal, Reel Radio, Rhythm 93.7FM and Zapphaire Events.

Things you might not know:

Swe Bar and Lounge is at City Mall, Onikan, Lagos.

Gate Fee remains =N=1,000.00k

Fine boys and girls will be there as usual.

Drinks on .... see next post.

'Police is Your Friend'

chromo04@gmail.com (#hat) — Wed, 7 Nov 2012 21:45:00 +0100

‘Bros keep eye for road, all man dey highway abeg’

Gbenga had a knack for driving and arguing. I don’t understand how the best place he could pick to argue ‘Man U VS Liverpool’s recent match was the highway to Benin. Coupled with the fact he was in a ‘good mood’ added to my paranoia that morning as we set out for Benin some minutes past 7. The car was full. Boys planned to move together in hopes of adventure. Hehehe. The 14-seater-bus has seven occupants at the moment, Gbenga the driver, Adebayo the 2^nd designated driver and Nnamdi the 3^rd designated driver. (Nnamdi doesn’t know how to drive tho).

Na so we dey road, blasting MAVIN’s ... No... They were already arguing the match by the time we passed the police check point. Our car was told to park as expected. Police is really y/our friend (who else decides to always check on you when driving)... We park, and a long bald policeman comes to Gbenga’s window. I remember he was tall and bald cos I was reading Game of Thrones and his look was the exact opposite Tyrion Lannister. The only ‘difference’ is he looked stupid.

Black Tyrion: Corper shun!!! He shouted

I closed my eye and rolled it inside. Well, he didn’t say ‘otondo’ which I hate more.

WE: Yes sir, shun sir etc the boys replied...

Black Tyrion: How far now, wetin una get for us..

Adebayo: Oga sir, see we be corper shun, gov no pay us allawi till we comot for camp, we hear say dey go soon pay, na why we dey rush go back benin.

Anthony: Shingbain ko si sir.

Black Tyrion: nNa so una go talk, see as u kack dey say money no dey

Nnamdi: Oga all this one na packaging, kosowo. Ego le.

Black Tyrion: Ehen so if we search una now, we no go see shishi

Taiwo (mumbling): Why does he want to search? We have done nothing. He can’t just flag us down and want to search us. He should ask nicely for whatever he wants and let’s go.

Me: Oga pls now, no be so, na small thing we hold say make we pay for t-fare buy fuel for this car dey with us. Shun sir, tuale.

At this point, he looks at me funny....

The alarm bells in my head go off but as ever I’m unable to know what/where the problem is. I question the point of knowing something is amiss when I can’t figure what it is...

Tyrion signals another policeman who looks at me, looks at the car and goes off mumbling,

“...na dem now, u know see him face”.

Gbenga looks at me, “dey don recognise you. Hope say you get money for them o”.

I’m wondering how they could know my face when the DPO comes to the door of the car and orders everyone out.

I scan my head for where I’d seen him before, any of them...

I come up with blanks...

I look at Jide and he knows...

We are in deep shit!!!

I start to come up with a plan...

We are travelling with 20k worth of vegetable to start a farm.

That was sure guaranty we were fucked up.

I remember the policeman I met at shrine the other day and remember I have his number somewhere..

‘Where’ is somewhere I’m trying to remember, shit I collected it with Muyi’s phone.

We are fucked and screwed.

You are fucked and screwed a fact it is.

All this travel faster than a hit of ayemowa to a 1^st timer in my head.

We come down and two policemen enter and start to search while Black Tyrion opens the boot and gets our belongings out and starts to search. The DPO stands a way off and watches with eagle eyes.

I’ve seen him somewhere before. I know this.

Fat Ibo man (police): Wetin dey inside this case?!!!

I start to look at everyone’s face. What was happening wasn’t bad luck. Someone snitched. This was all a set up. One of us planned this.

Gbenga, Adebayo, Nnamdi, Jide, Taiwo, Anthony and I.

Who is it??

Taiwo’s bag was opened and inside were two smaller bags, one is identified as underwear and the other wrapped more closely is brought to the DPO

DPO: What is inside?

Anthony: Oga sir, it’s nothing, it’s just .....

Black Tyrion: it’s wetin? Na illegal thing? *Anthony shakes his head* then you fit show us wetin dey the inside abi now.

DPO doesn’t wait for tales by the road side and tears the bag open. At first the content was quite unbelievable in their eyes. I’m sure they had never seen so much at once.

One chuckled “see wetin we hammer today”. If it wasn’t for the situation we was in, I would have burst out laughing cos walahi, the scene was too funny. I managed to let a grin escape.

DPO: Explain this (with deep unbelief in his eyes)

Black Tyrion: Haba!!! Only you?

Anthony: No sir, not only me. It’s now what it looks like, I, we, have this urges, we can’t control myself so I have to whenever. My parents ...

Black Tyrion: E no even fit speak English well and you say you be corper. Disgrace!!!

DPO: you said ‘my parents’. Your parents know about this?

We bust into small laughter and the DPO glares at us.

Anthony: no sir, they don’t, they gave it to us at camp sir, NYSC camp.

DPO: camp? What kind of camp is that? Give you all of this?

Anthony is a sex addict. So he is always packing. He is your resort for a condom in the land of no rubber. So staring at us was all the condoms given during our camp to share, Anthony was platoon leader and as such embezzled all the condoms he was suppose to share.

This was his dilemma as he stood on the road side, cars passing and a policeman harassing him for having the sense, decency to use a condom.

Shaking his head, the DPO orders the search to continue and our faces turn grim from the predicament we hadn’t left.

Jide is by this time fidgeting and worried. Seun, Gbenga, Adebayo all had the look of disaster on them. Only Taiwo looked liked he didn’t associate with our present trouble. He might be thinking of how to get a police favour to intervene for him. Rich bastard.

The search continues and apart from finding lighters which they believe is proof we had vegetable on the bus, nothing else is found. We are in a separate police bus by this time as they searched every nook and cranny of our engine, boot, tires and etc. I was sure by this time that they had been tipped off. Who did and why was processing in my mind. Black tyrion and his partner come back for us and take us one by one to be questioned by the DPO. Whoever was questioned wasn’t allowed to return to us in the bus. I was questioned last. I knew I was going to be, so I took my time to come up with the best story to escape the present situation. My turn came and the DPO asked where the vegetable was. I tell him there was none on board... And stuck to the same story.

‘SLAP’

That was how it actually sounded.

The daze from the DPO’s hand tasted slap as well.

Never lie to a friend. Police is your friend.

I stick to my story.

Next moment, the DPO sends for someone.

I couldn’t imagine the shock he probably saw on my face but his actions showed he was mad at this point with the way he rushed at me the moment he entered the room, and shouting...

‘...A Y, how far... where this ish now, na me and you load am for bus this morning. Where you out am, u bastard?’

I tried to remember where things could have gone amiss, when was he bought, who bought him, When did it happen, All this is playing in my head while he is shouting threats at me and so on, while the DPO was shouting on him for leading him to a failed bust raid.

Lots of shouting. I tune out and visit my favourite place.

The DPO faces me and issues another slap. This one with more enthusiasm in front of the snitch.

He (snitch) begged the DPO to give him time that he was sure the vegetable was on board. He now looks for it where we kept it together that morning. The guys seeing what was happening and understanding the picture were shocked and looked surprised.

He doesn’t find the stuff and soon the DPO grumbles off after ordering his own arrest and we continue our journey...

I really did not care what his fate will be.

We continue our journey and after 20 minutes, Anthony slows down, parks the car and we all take a moment to just stare at nothing.

We saw the lights flashing before we realised the sound was with us as well.

The police car turns off the highway, and parks behind us.

He gets down and struggles with his load as he reaches our car.

He: ‘no vex about wetin just happen’

Me: small thing, na small thing

He: u sure? No tell Rikky say I slap you

Me: na all for show now

The DPO leaves without the load he brought down from his car.

I at that point wanted to ask what he will do with Jide but Gbenga starts the car and we continue our journey. I open the bag and bring out a small quantity, assure myself that all was in order, smile and close the bag.

A friend with weed is a friend indeed.

Police is your friend.

Giving

chromo04@gmail.com (#hat) — Wed, 7 Nov 2012 21:44:00 +0100

Good day,

I heard of a story back then...

About Benny Hinn.

He was in a village as a missionary,

A very very poor village.

They had lil’ food,

They had no more money.

So, come Sunday,

In the House of the Lord,

After all the praying and singing,

And preaching and of course,

More prayer for their condition,

Benny wouldn’t collect offering.

And this went on for a while,

Until Benny asked God,

“Why, what is going on? Don’t they pray enough, praise You enough”?

To which God replied,

“You are the reason for their poor state”,

I can’t imagine what Benny would have thought at that moment.

I’d be so sad and ashamed I’ve been found wanting by God.

Benny in a confused state (anyone will be in one) asked God how he was the cause of their poor state.

God replied “You don’t help them give. You don’t collect offerings and so they remain the way they are”.

We often hear amounts and accounts of ‘crazy giving’ asked for /from the congregation,

And we wonder how someone will actually comply and give.

Or we see things like poor congregation, rich pastor (or well packaged pastor),

And we point fingers and say that isn’t right.

I’m with you on that thought. It doesn’t look right.

But then I know giving isn’t a man thing.

Especially when it’s to God,

I see it as God owes me,

And that is just a ‘placard to have about saying ‘God owes me’’

And God always pays exceedingly more abi?

Then we agree God sees all,

as in all, everything, gbo gbo e,

So please explain why you find it hard (and utterly suspicious) to give your pastor money

(to hold for God),

Is it your money after you have dropped it?

No be God get am?

Sorry mate, this isn’t your cross.

All you know is God owes one,

And God will always pay. ... .

So if your mind tells you that pastor is shady, please don’t give offering. But PLEASE also, don’t spread the gospel of ‘rich pastor, poor congregation’ etc. Preach the Gospel of GIVING as Jesus did for us.

*pockets offering to give baba by the junction*

Please the post should be read with an open objective mind as I’m neither endorsing pastors asking for(and telling people) to give in ‘outrageous’ amounts..... or saying you should close your eye and give somewhere you are ‘convinced’ the pastor is shady or whatever else besides what is written in plain ink.

Lagosian

chromo04@gmail.com (#hat) — Wed, 7 Nov 2012 21:42:00 +0100

At first, I thought I was the only one. Then, sure as I knew I wasn't, my brothers began to show around me.

We were the chosen of our Kind, to bring fame and honor to our Kings from old. We never failed. But that was then. Then when we fought against men of our race, Our own skin, Our own round world. For now, even though noone showed it, That in itself was showing clearly, The anxiousness of not knowing your enemy. The ease with which the Lads had prepared, Before other battles where they were not chosen, Wasn't evident before we left. There had been no tiddy bitty about the 'others'.

The cry was given. And we started to run.

Run, we ran towards where our steady gps, Beeped us to run. Soon and clearly, we saw the clouds they evolked off in their race. Swords abalzing, hats charging forward, We had come across our 1st group. The Mexicans, No ordinary features. They stopped and looked us over. Each race had their 1st representatives step out. The race had to continue. So teams agreed to drop people off to fight and catch up if possible.

We were about moving off when we heard the next group grope into view.

With their square jaws and broad shoulders,

The Germans looked fearsome.

The Mexicans and we knew we had to collaborate this time and so the two races joined together their next assault team and the rest along with the Germans continued.

As is usual in this games, when there are three. The rule of odd begins to apply and immediately, it is best to watch one's old friend than the new one.

Hence, when the Mexican came to attack our own 'chosen', we killed theirs and destroyed the Mexican ambition. The chosen is one who will break into the Dome of life. He has been chosen to sacrifice himself for life. The race which got to bring life was crowned Abraham. Each team usually fought all the way just so the 'chosen' had a chance. The Mexicans were gone and the Dome came into view. Getting there, we saw the Lebanese already drilling their way in for the chosen one. Quick as can be though, both sides swung at each other and started to fight for his race's honor. I swung and swung and chopped and axed and I was in front of my 'chosen'. His face was cut above his right eye and he was dropping dead at the moment. I clutched him and looked into his eye, 'Chosen Bashir, you can't do this'. He looked me and said 'yes, I can' and swinging with his sword he cut out the piece of his staff holding the great Gene of our race, placed it in my hand and told me go. I knew what was required of me immediately and so I ran and dodged and moved and went through fire till I reached the wall of the dome. We had all been taught though, the secret way to entering the dome. A secret I intend to keep too. I am writing this from inside the outer dome. I will go on inside now and bring honor to my race.

................................................................................................................................................

"Madam, you are pregnant"

"Really doctor, it worked"

"Yes maam, it worked"

"Thank God"

"And science for artificial insermination"

"So which of them worked? Is my baby going to be a Mexican or German or Lebanese or a typical Lagosian?"

"We will just have to wait find out maam"

"Eko oni baje"

Shoprite Bread

chromo04@gmail.com (#hat) — Wed, 7 Nov 2012 21:41:00 +0100

I woke up that morning around 7:15 as usual. I stopped the alarm and went back to sleep. The sleep string had been cut though. My head came out from my wrapper. 7: 16 a.m. I mentally go through my day. I had to be at Lere soon. I grabbed the phone and checked for messages. Dropped it and checked other phone, glance through e-mails, IMs. Delete. Delete. Deleting the NEWS subscription e-mails. I wish they sent the gist instead of links. Boy was too lazy for clicking. I put phone down and start my usual 7-10 seconds of Morning Prayer. One day, I will pray like my Mom. Amen.

My phone rings at that moment. I look at the caller ID and ignore it. I finish my prayer and get up slowly, pull on a pair of shorts and called the number back.

Me: Morning, where you dey?

Caller: I just dey comot for house. You?

Me: I won dey comot now now.

Caller: Ok, movement.

Me: Movement.

I open my twitter and post ‘movement...#legalizeIT’. Just then my stomach growled. This is the first warning. Hunger sucks. After what I ate last night? I open the windows, doors and gate. Fan the curtain out and quickly sneaked out before mumsi came out from the (intended) noise I had caused.

I hooked up with Seed at our usual spot.

Seed: Menh. There’s this new stuff. It’s very very good. And stupidly expensive.

Me: Seen, where you get am?

Seed: Na my guy tell me about am. I get small from am. Make we light up.

I had heard of many ‘stuffs’ that are the best. Never hurt to find the true Neo. I squashed some and rolled it. It smelt good. To the point (whatever this could mean). I like that.

*stomach growl*

Seed: Hunger dey wack me this momo self.

Me: You know, some kind shoprite bread on my mind.

‘LegalizeIT’.

‘LegalizeIT’ he replied.

I pressed the lighter and the flame popped out. I moved it to my rolled up blunt and took a drag.....

I took a good long look at Seed and asked him

‘But guy, why you call yourself Seed, and you tall. You be baby iroko?’

Seed looked at me and laughed long. ‘See? I tell you say stuff dey alright’.

Me: Well, I would say it’s just there.

Seed: All join. Admit jare. Of which, that babe come yesterday. She dey come over today

Me: Oshey!!! Easy on her o. I know say baba ti kun (body is full)

‘Na the way now’

His phone rings and he had to leave, so we both leave. I got home and got my bath ready, spent time on twitter in a lovely buzzed state. I took a look at the time. I was late already. I had not eaten. I got to my bus stop and to my disappointment, there was no bus. This would mean taking the bike route to Lere. I groaned at the cost implication and rebuked myself for not leaving since.

“If only I could get a bus”, I wished in my green state

Just like that, three buses rushed from the bend screaming at the top of their hoarse voices;

‘anthony town planning oshodi oke/new garage, gbagada Anthony oshodi oke/oshodi isale Anthony’

Nice!!!!

I smile(well I am smiling) as I looked for the one that looked like it would leave soon. These bus drivers if given the choice would go to bus stop, pick passengers and gladly go and pick the last seat (person) at the persons house. I sat down and first thing I noticed is an Imam sitting in front of me. I enter an absent sober mood and ignored all around. The bus moved and I heard ‘Jesu’, the bus had almost entered the path of a tanker coming from behind. I thanked God for the protection inwardly and turned to look back at my phone when I noticed people staring in my direction. I look up. They were all staring with mocking looks at the Imam in front of me. Just as I wondered what happened, the girl beside me retorted in a mocking tone

‘Shebi Imam le pe rayin, hmmm, Olorun ni kan lo mo eni to n si o’

(But you called yourself an Imam, hmmm, only God knows who really worships Him).

It dawned on me that the imam was the one who shouted ‘Jesu’... oops... I couldn’t laugh out loud like I’m sure the girl beside me and some others would have loved to. We soon move and then conductor goes

‘Owo da ni wa ju. E jo mi o ni change o’.

(Money from the front. Please I don’t have change)

I give him five hundred naira and indicated I was going to town planning oke. He grumbled and I ignored him. I begin running mentally, stages of my day.

....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

I alighted at my bus stop and proceed to join the BRT along Ikorodu road. I get there and first of all, whoever was selling ticket decided to not come. Now I had to cross to the other side to buy tickets. I remember when I was arrested for crossing Ikorodu road during A- levels. Once beaten, second time will use pedestrian bridge. I got to the top and looked down. First thing that went through my mind is...

Me: Superman na bad guy o. Imagine say you jump now from this bridge and you call am. He go reach here catch you.

Me again: But but you know say for naija, anything wey fly na witch. They go stone am, catch am, burn am.

Me: Ehn but but he is a bad guy(strong) now. Except the mob get kryptonite, they no go fit touch am.

Me again: They tell you say we no get krptonite for naija ni, dey dere dey dull.

Me: Oh, really? We get?

Me again: HOW? I no know now. How I won take know.

This convo plays in my head till I climb down the other edge of the bridge (there is nothing wrong with talking back to the voices in your head so far you know they are voices). There’s no zebra crossing. You will be shocked the things you notice when you are on the high way. I select the best time to cross. And suddenly from nowhere, a power bike comes into view. I skilfully do a side step with a back jerk. Unfortunately, a BMW was coming. ‘No, I will not be your wife’ I say as I do a fast moonwalk back to the curb. I’ve got a little audience at this point so as an agama lizard would - I bowed to the homeless guy, the rams walking about and nobody else while thanking them earnestly for coming out to see me- I buy my BRT ticket and cross back. The first BRT bus comes and I think in my present status, I won’t mind a nice seat instead of standing after paying N120. So I wait for the next one. And the next. And the next. And the next. I finally tire of waiting and enter the next one. At least, there were few ‘standings’

‘Oga no dey?’ I ask disappointed.

‘E no dey o, you no dey with key’

I hadn’t taken the key the previous day. Bro said he would be home so I saw no need to. Now, I couldn’t enter. I couldn’t leave for his office on the island so I decided to head back home. But I was hungry, and had been looking forward to hot shoprite bread. So I made my way there, and got on queue. No sooner than I had taken my spot when two guys walk up to me,

‘Bros how many you won buy’

I reply without looking away from the three girls buying food: ‘Four’

This brought a pause, I sigh and ask ‘Wetin happen’,

The short one squints(o_O) his eye and asks ‘how you won do am?’

‘You go help me carry one’

Knowing that was exactly what he wanted me to do (when there is a long queue, shoprite rations its bread to two per person), they both walk away.

Hustle is real.

Buy shoprite bread two hundred and something and sell in traffic for 400-500 box. This people were genius. I look to see the three girls in front but they had already gone. Watching bread you want to eat get baked isn’t the best thing when having munchies. Wickedly wicked!!! I start to contemplate that I would launch the bread as I got it. Eventually, after waiting for the bread to be planted, watered, grown, and harvested. I finally got my two and gave the guys one with a smile. They holad ‘nice one bros, God bless you’, I reply ‘God bless our hustle’ and walk to pay. Shoprite needs an express lane please. Of which Gbagada needs its shoprite. Even if it’s just the bakery. We(I) won’t mind. I rush out fuelled by the hunger and attempt to dig into the bread. The look on the security man and the parked bike gave me second thoughts. Should I go back inside and eat at the food court. I can chill at that shawarma place. I bone the idea and start my way back home.

Bike man: You be student or you dey work?

I reason I should tell him I’m a student so he won’t have ‘gist’ to yarn with me when he goes

‘Good, make I ask you one riddle.

In the morning, I crawl, in the afternoon, I don’t know what I’m doing, in the evening, I am just useless, and at night, I’m fast’.

It took me less than 3 seconds to say sarcastically ‘MTN abi’?

He goes ‘Ahhh, you no book o, make I ask another one,

We are three and we are orange, two of me is in the great goat. If you remove the last and add a guitar. I become someone.

‘You are GTB, then with the guitar, you become GT the Guitar man’.

His grunts shows approval of my answer. He dropped me at Yaba and doesn’t allow me pay. I thank him and karma and make my way to take a bus to Bariga. We get to that four way junction on Herbert Macaulay and that’s when I was sure people were looking at me. I looked around and see/saw that my bread was the source. Hmmm. You know how lovely shoprite bread smells, now imagine, rushing to work probably without breakfast and you in a tight position with such. I didn’t like the look of the people on the bread and jejeli said ‘conductor abeg I won drop’

‘For where, we never reach anywhere now’

The looks I (the bread) started to get at this point was beginning to make me feel like this niggas are about to pounce this bread. Or was it just me being paranoid. I decided to sit back and instead look for trouble. So I dipped my hand inside the nylon and tore the bread.

Open olfactory sesame!!!

I could ‘hear’ peoples taste buds open and begin to salivate. Just as I was going to connect bread with mouth, the person beside me (maybe intentionally) chose that moment to move his hand and hits the bread out of my hand.

I turn to look at him like ‘dude!!!!!!!!!!’ but he is oblivious to the act and readjusts his headphones. It’s like no one saw this happened. I bone, send my hand in again. I tear a bigger chunk this time. Felt good. Just as I was to connect bread to mouth again, the driver suddenly stops. I lunge forward, desperately holding unto the bread. Good!! I made it. Just as I was going to steady myself. The driver jerks forward and then sideways.

Noooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I lost this chunk too. Wtf is going on??!

I shout at him to be easy ‘abeg chairman easy o... na people you carry o. No be goat’. He looks sideways at me and gives me the eye. I stare back at him and look away. I chuck the rest of the bread away nicely. Something was wrong with the universe at the moment. Would wait for her to cool down.

I get home, meet mom in the kitchen and she goes

‘You have plenty money o, Omo Dangote. Why would you leave Oworo to which shoprite did you go to buy bread, don’t (collects bread) we (grabs knife) have (brings bread out) ahn ahn you have started eating it? Don’t we (cuts bread) have bread in Oworo’.

The bread is now ¾ gone, I’m still hungry. I look at momsi, (take her to the place I shout at her in my head) and just keep quiet. I cover the bread and go to change in my room. I take one look at my laptop and sit to do something. I really don’t know what. I finish and move to the kitchen to eat. There is someone in the kitchen. Shit! Lil Bro is still around? I enter the kitchen to see him munching the bread and he’s just about to put the last bite of bread into his mouth.

Me: Stop! Stop! Stop! (Looks at nylon), na the last bread be this?

Lil bro: Yeah, what’s up?

Me: I never chow now

Lil Bro: Ehen, momsi said you started eating it on the way

Me: That was the hungry plan but stuff kept happening jare.

Me: Is (stretches hand to collect last morsel of bread) there any (I retrieve hand to mouth) other (slowly looking around for the next thing that would happen) chow at home (touch down).

I pause, look at my hand and what I held there. Seed turns to look at me asking ‘wetin happen’.

I exhale the first drag and just smile. ‘GOOD STUFF’

I think about MM next before taking the second drag.

The Ban on Okadas: IDIOTIC or NEGLIGENT

chromo04@gmail.com (#hat) — Wed, 7 Nov 2012 20:49:00 +0100

The new Lagos State traffic rules has citizens and netizens on both sides of the divide with respect to OKADAS. There are those that believe that for Lagos state to be the super city that our Governor is fighting for, this Ban is a step in the right direction. I do NOT agree. That has to be the most stupid thing I have heard/read. Read on to find out why.

I should start out by saying I fall in the average class and I use Okadas mostly to get around the metropolis that is Lagos. Also, you might get the notion that this reeks of bias. IT DOES but not for the reason you think (that as a fervent okada commuter of course I will side with them). I am biased because this law affects a whole class of people and then more. This law basically screws us over.

The Problems VS The Logical Solutions

I will be the first to put my hands up and say that the Okada riders are a menace on our roads. Anyone remember when Bus (Danfo) drivers were the exact same thing because I do and for some reason they are still on our roads. Do we know why, because I do. LASTMA. While the bus drivers can still be a nuisance we all can admit that LASTMA has put fear in them. Why can't the State have LASTMA type enforcers for the Okadas as well? I reckon it can be a source of revenue for the state. Plus I can't be the only one that has noticed how much better maintained Okadas are compared to Danfos.

They say Okadas are the preferred mode of transport for Armed Robbers (http://ipad.ynaija.com/ynaija/#!/entry/givethedogabadname-month-98-of-robberies-are-by-okada-police,508a5ffe94f4be7169287679). I sympathize with those that have fallen victim to such but is a ban on Okadas the solution? Are our legislators and Governor that delusional that they think the ban on Okadas will reduce robbery? From where I am typing that is just so flawed. Why? Well for one the ban is on Okadas not all Bikes. So basically all the robbers have to do is buy a bike after which they ride to their hideout which is not that much of a chore seeing as there are many back roads as opposed to the 500-ish roads that they can't ride on. My solution to curb this problem is simply to have all Okada riders register for a license to ply in the City (Another revenue stream). What this does is provide the State with Bike registration details and who the Bikes belong to. In the advent of robbery, all we have to do is get the License plate numbers.

I read that our Governor says that he is outlawing Okadas because of the people in the hospitals. Seriously? Is it just me or this just reeks of desperation? Where are the numbers of those that have died in car accidents, where are the numbers of those that have been hospitalized as a result of car accidents? I am not trying to trivialize the victims of said Okada accident but to use them as an EXCUSE to ban Okadas is very somehow. Please, how many people do you know that was involved in an Okada accident? How many of them stopped taking Okadas afterwards? For me the answer is None but then again, that is just a tiny proportion of accidents. The same way the Okadas involved in robberies is but a tiny fraction of honest to God okada riders.

Another school of thought say that the ban on Okadas is necessary in the transformation of Lagos State into a Mega City. They even went as far as itemizing the top cities in the world and had the temerity to ask which of them had commercial Bikes. . . . How to put this delicately without calling them what they really are; FOOLS. It just goes to show how retarded we are. We take an item out of context and twist it to make a point. FOOLISHITTY (I made up a word cause no existing words aptly describes my disgust). Have those people thought of why there are so many OKADAS in Lagos? How could they, their limited brains will not allow them? There are so many because there is a huge demand for an alternate means of transportation. All those Mega Cities have them don't they? I hope your stupidity is embarrassing you now. In Lagos majority of us commute via road and the roads aren't nearly enough, the Buses as much as they are not nearly enough, the roads are in a bad scratch that terrible shape.

What are the other arguments for the ban again? I can't seem to remember them again. My main gripe is with stripping thousands of Okada riders a livelihood and the stupid comments. Someone actually said crime rates will not go up. Based on what evidence did he arrive at that conclusion? Are the Okada riders just going to miraculously find employment? Mayhaps, they know something I don't. Another said we Nigerians are selfish and unwilling to make sacrifices. Are you taking a piss? What sacrifices haven't we made? Does the idiot not know that we pay more for Okada fares? It is a different thing if there was some alternative means of transportation to look forward to. As far as I can tell, we are all meant to just get used to busing. Has anyone noticed the amount of people waiting for buses now? Has anyone noticed that people are walking because there aren't enough buses? Do you see the problem here? With the Bikes on the road, there was traffic, without them it is even more. There will more cars on the road as a result. Una never even see traffic yet.

The fact that I have to type this "tirade" shows how detached our lawmakers really are, they are obviously delusional if they think this Ban is for the masses. The masses that voted for you all.

You can sense I am angry right? That is because I am. Governor Fashola, the middle class and below are getting the shaft, we have been royally screwed over with this Draconian legislature. I think this is an elitist law. There is a word making round that Fashola bought helmets as a campaign thing. So, he was ok with them before. Wonder what happened.

In summary, the solution of this B-Tech holder is to have all current and prospective Okada riders register to ply on Lagos roads. To have enforcement agency similar to LASTMA to curb their excesses.

Fashola campaigning on Lagos-Abeokuta Road. Bikes can't ply this route. IRONIC.

Bikes that do end up here

The Ban on Okadas is Lazy legislation in my opinion. I left out the economic implications but feel free to enjoy this.

"Written by SAI"

Hauz of Beca

chromo04@gmail.com (#hat) — Wed, 5 Sep 2012 07:26:00 +0100

Hauz of BECA

So I stumbled on a Hauz of Beca recently. I believe it has a lot to offer the fashion industry in Nigeria. Don't get me wrong. I still hate fashion. So you can imagine how much I believe in Beca. Here is a quick view into the world of Hauz of Beca. Please enjoy.

Can we meet you?

Beca: My names are Awokoya Kevin Bidemi the CEO Hauz of BECA, I see myself as an upcoming fashion designer who has a knack for beauty and creativity in fashion. I love everything about clothes and accessories and offer fashion advice and make outfit that make people stand out and be confident. My drive for fashion started as early as my teething years, following trends of designers such as Alexander Mcqeen, Vera Wang, Haus of Belmain and more recently Louis Vuitton, which has really broadened my perceptive about aesthetics. I have been able to discover myself through these models and have successfully found an identity which polarizes and distinguishes Hauz of BECA from other designers.

What is Hauz of Beca?

Beca: Hauz of BECA is a clothing that turns creativity and passion into visible results. The vision for Hauz of BECA was born out of the love for aesthetics and passion for expression through fashion. This passion for beauty and creative art stirred up the enthusiasm that helped the realization of this clothing line. Hauz of BECA is a clear reflection of my personality which suggests spontaneity, elegance, loudness and social grace. My designs cut across several other personalities from diverse region which are imbibed to bring about the best musings for credible designs.

Hauz of BECA is in its infant stage, but more interestingly, we possess the originality of our African roots, as my designs also reflect “Africanness” as well as other extemporaneous attitudes which suggest crazy, wild and gaga inspired designs.

<---------------I like this guys pose. So folks, and Fashion lovers, keep a sharp eye out for this Fashion House because soon.....

Bimbo

chromo04@gmail.com (#hat) — Fri, 10 Aug 2012 01:34:00 +0100

*Inserts headphones*

*Double clicks iTunes*

*Clicks search box*

*o m o p a *

*Double clicks track*

*Scrolls down and clicks repeat track item*

*Intro beat*

*Nods head*

*Doze off*

The sound coming from the sitting room told me it was morning. Duh!

Why didn’t they come to wake me? Oh, I told momsi I would be working late. Last night was sick. Last night.....Yes, last night was sick. There was this girl. And plenty booze, grass, food etc. I told momsi I was working out late but I went for a GF’s house party. I need to tell Wumi her party was the best I’ve ever been to in a while. Where she find those babes self? Wumi is a very close friend. We’ve known each other since secondary school. She is what I will call a female me. Thank God CU didn’t change her. I think she’s a stronger version of me. I can’t go to CU. No no... Not the normal ‘they will expel me BS’ people say about. (Like they are the ones paying the school fees). I can’t go to CU cos I will be fully converted. I’d be the born again I’m running from. Wumi however went, hibernated and came back sane to me. I see her experience as a ‘behind enemy line spy operation’. I love that girl. Wumi did a get together. Her folks were out, only Aji (her brother and my ex class mate) was around. I got to the house around 8 p.m. as Wumi told me to come help her plan the night. I got there and met something I did not expect (well from someone I thought CU had tamed a bit). The house was in its version of sin city. Cartons of drinks stacked high in the kitchen. And the vegetable.... Damn!!!!!!!!!!!! What didn’t I see. Psycho babe even labelled it.

ayemowa, avalon, Even vegetable from Enugu!!!!!!!!!!

Ahhhh...Wumi.... what did CU do to you. Then the syrup. Plenty of CHOWables in beef, fish and etc. This was going to be fun. We went to get ice for the drinks and picked a few things. I saw a few friends at Ebeano and told Wumi I would meet her later. Na so we go siddon for water side to ‘take just one bottle’.

......................

*phone alarm*

*checks time*

Shit!!!. 12am ke? (setting random alarms is a way I check in with reality). Fuck. How did I spend that much time here? Wumi is going to kill me. In short Wumi has killed me. I yarn my friends the low down of the house p. They wanted to go clubbing but at the mention of ‘free booze’. We got moving immediately . Getting back to the house, the street was littered with cars. What is Wumi doing? The guard lets us in and I rush my steps to the door. The door opening brought the best view I ever saw. Even now, the image is bringing an excitement south of my head. Smoke rushed to get a whiff of fresh night breeze. It looked like a script from a cult initiation. Not the ones in 9ja unis. Those frat ones you see in movies. Babes, booze, smoke, and the best part.

Few boys...

Ok, we found out the boys were playing FIFA upstairs. This kind of hell downstairs and boys are in video game heaven. I just can’t get it.

I pray not to.

This is my own sin. I troop in with my friends. And the looks we got were enough to make a bunny’s skin boil. Just picture a rabbit walking into a lion’s den. (Horny rabbit). The look of predators all around me made me shy at first but no... This is a good moment to feed my eyes. So stare back at lots of predators I did. Moving my eyes back and forth, I had just caught sight of her before...

‘ANIMASHAUN!!! You this useless boy!!! Where the fuck?’

‘Wumi, wait...’

‘Wait what ‘

*slap*

*Dodge*

*Push*

*I quickly hold her hands to steady myself*

Wumi has got more weight than I and enjoys her version of letting me know I’m skinny.

I tell her what happened. She shakes her head and eases up.

‘Oloshi ni e in one word. O ni use rara’.

‘I know, Wumi, walahi I know’.

*iWink*

‘Come and meet someone’.

Wumi drags me to meet her BF.BF? This stupid girl didn’t tell me she had a BF. I shook hands with him, wash ourselves a bit. Ask him a few questions (to know what he sees Wumi as). I like him. I give Wumi the look and she smiles. I approve of him. Don’t get me (us) wrong. My approval has no bearing on her choice or whatever, but all’s well when your friend is cool with your choice not so.

Then I see her again. She was a slim, dark and .... No, that’s not her. Same hair do... That one wasn’t dark, she was thick and a little fair. Almost my colour. But then this light could mislead someone. I describe her to Wumi and she asks

‘Ayo, can you see how many girls are here’

‘Wumi, she has hair like that lepa over there’

‘What!!? Her? I thought ...’

‘No, not her, olodo. Same hair do...’

‘Ohh...Thats Bimbo’.

Bimbo!?!?!? Of course she is. I don’t know about you but most of the Bimbos I know are the definition of endowed. I love Bimbos...

‘There, look at her’, Wumi pointed.

Yes!

That’s my Bimbo.

‘What’s her 411?’

Mischief in eye, Wumi replies;

‘Let’s say she’s who I want to be. And she’s an addiction, eat slowly’.

Bimbo was dancing with a couple of other girls and she looked to be having serious fun.

‘I’m pos to go there actually?’ I ask Wumi.

*ijebu woman laugh*

I hate that laugh of Wumi.

‘Noo oo, she will come and meet you’.

‘Ehn, but Wumi I don dey shy. I no fit enter that place'.

‘You? Shy? Ayo? really? It’s me you are talking to o’.

‘Walahi, Wumi, I dey shy nowadays. No dull am’.

‘Iwo lomo. I’m gone’.

She raises her hand to signal the discussion is finished. She leaves me there looking at her leaving. Hiss stupid girl, how will I

.........

Bimbo was looking my way. I couldn’t even say hi. Wave? This babe is fineeeee. I look away and form noticing other things. I steal another look her way and she’s busy enjoying herself. I free and go find some veggie to cool down with. I bring out my tool and proceed to make my fun bliss.

*tap tap*

‘Excuse me? Are you Twisted?’

‘No, I’m Ayo. Twisted is asleep right now’.

*confused look*

Bimbo came to talk with me and the first thing I say leaves her confused. *cuss words* this isn’t going well. This isn’t how I saw this scene. I was ...

‘I’m Ayo’

‘Oh, *still confused*, that babe said your name is ...’

‘Ignore that whatever, tsup’ (pronounced ‘t + sup’)

‘Your stuff has gone out’

She hands me my tool. Duh! The roll had gone out. I excuse myself from the kele I was dancing sorry grinding with and go find my bag. I change the pipe and give her back. She takes it with a ‘thanks’ and leaves. I go to find my kele when she stops me with a

‘I can’t roll’

*since when? I mean, I saw you rolling some mins back.*

‘Oh, okies... lemmi help you’

She smiles thanks and we go back to sit. Sitting down close to me to see how I did it confirmed what I thought. She clearly knew how to roll. Even better than me. I could see her busting with instructions she kept hidden behind eyes that looked like this was her first time. She saw me looking at her. And knew I knew. I kept my gaze on her, impressing her with not looking at what my fingers were doing. She kept her eyes on me to say ‘she did that all the time’ I look behind her. She looks back and I quickly glance at what my fingers were doing.

Quickly focus my eyes to her boobs before she turns to face me. What beautiful cleavage. I def can look down on them and approve of what I saw. I thought ‘amen’. The smile on her lips told me I wasn’t fast enough with my trick. Fuck you. I finish rolling and get the tool ready. I place it in her hand; show her how to hold it and sit back to watch her. I was impressed. She got to it quickly enough. Her drags were impressive. Not many guys could fill a large bottle in few drags. (I’m not yet talking sexual by the way. it’s just sounding that way).

We start talking and getting to know each other. Mostly paying the game of who caves first while sending all the body signals to show interest. We lit roll after roll and got down to seeing what people were doing. Soon, we were shoulder to shoulder laughing at a guy mime ‘Take banana till u go yo’

‘The banana won’t now be sweet’, she blurts out

0_o

‘How would you know?’, I reply after some silence.

‘I know this things’

‘That one self dey. Another way of saying that could be you’ve tasted his banana before abi?’

‘Maybe’

‘Be’

‘What?’

‘Nothing. I was greeting you’

‘You weren't’

‘So I was?’

‘Thinking something else’

‘Something else? I’m thinking about you’

‘What about?’

Silence

..............................

Tell her joo

‘I just took your bra off in my head’

‘About time... I thought you didn’t know how to’

‘I like my chicks tickled’

Silence

......................................

‘I like and appreciate a good tease’

‘That’s my only sin’

‘You have many sins o Ayo’

‘Now you see why Christ died for me’

‘You are just twisted’

Silence

.........................................

Awkward silence

.........................................

We look at each other and we kiss....

(You know when you went to some party you went to and you saw a boy/girl you wanted to take home, and somehow you both ended up kissing during the party. That’s how it was.)

..................................

Silence

............................

More... I had to have more.....

............................

................................

Her mouth tasted of nectar**

Then riding the crescendo as the kiss gets harder....Bliss.

‘Ayo, ku ise o’

Wumi, screw her. I’m not breaking this.

‘Did something happen between you and her?’ Bimbo asked (still kissing)

‘I wish’

‘*smiles* few girls want to hear a guy they are kissing say that’

‘That’s why I like you’

‘So which is it? You have a GF or not’

‘*smile* you have something against doing someone’s BF?’

‘*smile*’

I stop to look around and remember which of the spots would be free atm.

‘Come let’s walk.’

She gets up, pulls her skirt lower and follows me outside. It’s quite cold by this time and I know it. I take her to the side entrance of the house. It has a small stair and we sit.

(If you are wondering why I left the bedrooms in the house, its cos I .... nah, I don’t have to tell you why I chose outside. Bimbo knows so fuck it).

I discovered this staircase make out position through my Ex. The guy sits on a stair level above the girl. It allows for good cuddling. I like it cos it’s outside and cold so perfect for ‘draw nearer’.

“‘Play the weather’”, my school father taught me.

We start kissing immediately we are set into position. The position allows me kiss her and roam my hand into her small gown while the other hand went to her cold laps. Running hands on her cold skin to warm her is one trick. At the same time, she’s in a position to feel the rise of Bashir. Freeing my hand to hold her head in a position to trail my tongue down her neck, I move the other inner down south. She pushes my hand away gently. I back off and wait to see her next move. She arches her back. I stop the kiss. Remove my hands altogether. And signal us to our feet. I pin her back to the wall and start to push her gown up. This time I get to the mountain. She moves her leg farther and my index finds reason to trace the outline and map out the mountain range. Big puffy lips spread over. I use my teeth to pull her gown down at her breasts and get a face full of her bosom. Bimbo. You can never go wrong with a Bimbo. The warmth coming from her volcano told my finger to put slight pressure on the mountain range and trace its aisle further. The look on her eyes told me where, when and how to stroke it. Her stifled attempts to moan made me want her so so much. Bashir nods yes. And she feels it. She smiles.

‘lemmi meet Bashir’

I pull my shorts (guys, very good house party and beach decision) down faster than fast and leave the rest to her. She rubs one hand on Bashir still covered with my tight cotton boxers. She rubs the head shyly, and then traces the shaft. I keep my stirrings to myself. She finally puts her hand inside and grab him balls and all.

Atta girl!!! Go for it.

She pulls the boxers down and ‘borns’ Bashir into the cold airy night of the world. She runs her hand round his head, down his body and ends at his balls. Bashir nods in acknowledgement. (ashewo ni Bashir).

‘He likes you’

‘I know’

‘Of course you do’ I think as I slip one hand shyly inside her.

Her moan was put back into the process. Tantricity. This was good news. We stood in close embrace playing with each other while kissing. A perfect cycle without pleasure loss. Her knees shook a couple of times and I absorbed her juice with my fingers. Calming and massaging at other times. Bashir nodded again. And we stopped. Look at each other. She smiles, goes down and meets Bashir at eye level. Then meeting my eyes, she took him in her mouth. It was a scene I couldn’t look away from. (The way *** entered *** in ****).The sanity of the moment was embedded in the sex our eyes were having while her mouth ministered to Bashir. Maybe she was trying to convert him.
She convinced him.

She loved him.
She licked him.
Hard.
Soft.
This caress.
That ball.
The other.
My lollipop stick.
The tongue tornado.

..............................

Watching the shout out on Bashir for a while I started to envy her. She was doing the giving. I smiled, squeezed her nipples and brought her to her feet. She looked at me with a grin and kissed me ‘what you people call passionately’. Her kiss felt warm and salty. I smile, slip out of her kiss. Trail my way to her neck; feel her pulse beat through her neck, down to her nipples. I fix my mouth around the left and suck it. I rub my hand round the other nipple careful not to touch it. I run tornadoes round the other nipple, play mock bites, wrap lips around it and bite down. I now face the right breast. I start from the valley and take round spiral trips up to the nipple. I take two round trips round it and don’t land on the nipple. I blow air on it and lick round it gently.

Bimbo pushes my head. Cue to focus on the right nipple. I give in to her push but at the last moment, move my tongue away from the nipple to her breast. I fine tune the other nipple in the way. Finally, I continue my journey down south, leaving the nipple in the cold air. She reaches for it with her hand. I was expecting that. I catch her hand before she move it far, pin it to the wall. Tentatively (what does this word mean) touching the tip of my tongue to places on her body was hard with the gown. Finally, I straighten up, kiss her and go back to the breast.

I start with the left again while squeezing the right. Letting it swell more in the cold air. I jump ship mid routine, land few paces to the right nipple and.

Tongue her right nipple. I feel the rush of the blood in the budding tip and Bimbo lets out a sigh/moan pushing more of her breast in. I could swear she was lactating.

Oyan ye dun gaan. Oyan aye. Oyan to shan.

I pull off from her nipple and she tries pushing me back onto it. I struggle against her resistance and look into her eye. We both know what’s coming next. I go down on one knee and inhale. The sweet aroma of musk, sex, and juice had bashir nod.

(Yes, I know you are there brov, wait your turn ogbeni)

I put one finger in and trace my way to her button. I then search for the one outside. There. With one finger on the inside button. My tongue moved in to find its way to a special place.

‘Ayo!!!!!!’

I was almost there. I could just flick my tongue and touch it. Give her some giving. Give her some release. Thing is Wumi calling me at that moment reminded me of something she said earlier.

‘She’s an addiction, eat slowly’

I decided to save this meal.

Why is Wumi looking for me right now tho? Wumi you get bad timing Walahi.

I scramble to my feet pulling my shorts along. Bimbo has this look. I smile. Gently pull her thong back in place and kiss her forehead.

‘We will finish this another time’.

‘We should’.

Her sarcastic tone tells me I aint getting that peppered snail again. She ignores my advance for a parting kiss and pushes me off.

‘What kind of stupid tease are you self’?

I keep quiet and walk with her to the front of the house. It’s some minutes past four. We find Wumi and she whispers to Bimbo. Bimbo thanks her and goes upstairs without even looking at me. Wumi asks me ‘what happened’ with her eyes. I tell her ‘laters’ and go find myself a roll. I see the skinny girl with the same hairdo and said hey. She’s drunk and about to pass out. No. No drunken girls.

I see Bimbo come down with a bag and try to say something but she brushes me off.

...............in JESUS mighty name we pray

Momsi and Shola just finished fellowship. I’m in no mood to go to church but today was the last Sunday of the month, and our church’s 10^th year anniversary. I struggled with my hangover and sad state.

Hmm. That Binta babe is ministering. Missed her performance. It was at an end. I like scoping her tits.

I climb the stairs as the MC was telling the crowd to put their hands together for that beautiful rendition from ... ‘...Bi... Adegoke.’ Hmm, I always thought she was Ibo.

All this stairs to enter church self.

‘....beautiful daughter .......’.

*Climb climb*.

‘........of our Pastor and .......’

*climb*

‘.....Pastor......’

*Sees tall MC*

‘..... Mrs. Adegoke......’

With

*applause*

Binta leaving the stage in a blue checkered shirt and grey pants going off stage (her ass has gotten bigger) .

.....................................................................................................................................................

Church is over but I’m waiting behind with momsi. She wants me to see pastor before I leave for NYSC. I see my friend Osas and together, we wait for our pastor to finish with the Adegokes.

Pastor Adegoke: ‘Thank you very much sir for the opportunity. Once again, we really appreciate it.’

My Pastor: ‘Young girl, beautiful voice there, when are you going back?’

Young girl: ‘September Sir’.

Me: ‘.......the party sick men. Get one babe wey i meet self, but she....’

Pastor: ‘Ok, mummy here will see you before you go.’

Young girl: ‘Thank you sir’.

That voice, I turn to look at who it was coming from. Reconnecting and disconnecting with audio packets in my brain. How could it be. How now. It was Binta that sang. She was right there in front of me. Wearing the same blue checked shirt, grey pants and a satellite hat. Bible in one hand.

Me:‘Osas! Thats the girl from the p last night’ I whisper as I’m looking at Bimbo look at me with that smile I'd come to like.

Osas:‘Bimbo? Omo pastor Adegoke?’

Madam Military 2

chromo04@gmail.com (#hat) — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 23:14:00 +0100

Eeerrmm so Eva I can’t remember what I went to do sha but I’m continuing from where I came back to the room... Ok yes, I went to jot down the points for the last post... (this isn’t the first o... read part 1) then took a bath in my own room then went back to madam military’s room.... (ok madam military is long to type.. let’s stick with MM)...

MM smiled seeing me... that smile that transformed her from a vicious military bitch into a sweet MILF... soi.. Sweet MIHF (go figure).... we bag piped one more time and slept......

*phone rings*

I’m not one for cuddling but I enjoy it just as much.... in this position however, Bashir is awake and trying to drag my whole body frame towards MM’s sweet laps.... (talk about nowhere like home)...

He begs me to move forward to touch them. (Yes! I converse with my dangler. Best wingman ever. We got each others back to the end. Best believe, a guys dangler is his best friend).

I smile at his throbbing pain and look at MMs face... she looks to be in a good sleep, her short military style cut gave her the very tom boyish defiance (she won’t let you goto the next stage until the present one has been well completed) and rudeness I like in her....

I remember her lips yesterday as she chatted with Bashir, her tongue and lips playing a dance routine I could only cope with by returning back to her in a tight kiss with her lips and 'front and centre'.

Tantric sex they call it.... I call it the perfect cycle.... You see, I see pleasure as energy in a way... can’t be destroyed, only changes from one form to another (till the konji subside sha)... so I like when a partner knows to turn the pleasure gotten back into the act itself...

(See me talking like I know my way round the sex maze... I can see you trying to hide that yhimz o). Nyways, a crescendo is reached when everything has to go thru the roof.... there, it is said man can sense God... (you see why masturbation isn’t a sin now abi)...

All this goes thru my head in the second I look at who is calling me...
It’s wale....

Wale: yo oloshi, how far?

Me: I dey, tsup.

Wale: where u dey?

Me: one of mi padi place

Wale: padi? Who be that?

Me: Never mind jare...

Wale: Where d place make I come pick u..

(I roll my eye here... Wale suspects I’m with a girl and wants to know who so I ...)
Me: okies... I go send u addy laer... I just wake... no know the place... pos dey run enter work sha....

(Knowing I just rolled over him)
Wale: Okies no lele then... key dey normal place... I know say u no won make I know the babe u dey wt... You and dis lowkey parols... dey hoard babes from bobos... hiss...

Me: moti gbo..... Why you won know her?

Wale: She should meet the family now... so she can be kept within the family. And protected by the family.

Me: She’s ok on her own... This one doesn’t need the family’s protection .

Wale: Na you know.... by the way if u reach and this babe still dey here... abeg chase am...

Me: Who? I know am?

Wale: Yemisi wey we meet for airport when you and Yao dey comot

Me: Oh.... 'What took u so long?'

Wale: She be travel just come back....

Me: Okies...na so u won discharge am alrdy

Wale: No be so.... Tara dey come laer tonight....

Me: 'gaddamn' Wale... and you pple call me a dog

Wale: What happen? wetin do u now now.....

Me: Me? noi..... i be dog abi?

Wale: Eh now... we dey learn from u....

Me: Abeg fuck off... laer manh

Wale: Laers... I dey enter Mc Kanaki after work oo..

Me: Yes ma, I go meet you for there then

Wale: Your father ma...

Me: *lafs* You should see his dick first...

Wale: (cuts phone)...

And I turn back to what was really gratifying atm

Cos u see, MM woke during the call and the first thing she proli saw was Bashirs consistent pursuit of her innermost... She smiled and locked her lips round Bashir....

That was the 'what took u so long and gaddamn' Wale heard n tot was for him

I look at her and wonder whether she knew we were sopos to be at work in about 55 mins... well, her.... my boss would call me when he was about to leave Lagos for Abuja.....

I put my hands on her head and guide her movements.... quite pointless move so I sit back and enjoy the services of a military head.

Her phone rings and I grope over to pick it for her as I dint want her to break stride (she was flexible enough to reach for it without stopping).... I show her the number and she stops to pick the call...

MM: Where r u?

I push her back and start to work on her mounds of milk.... how she loved my ministrations to them last night... she responded now by her hand on my head following (guiding) my movement gently....

I’m a sucker for tits....

MM: Ok then. lemmi know

She ends the call, allows me continue for a while and when she senses my movements south pushes me aside saying 'I av to be at work before you.. Let’s save that for laer boy'... (twas laer in the bathroom dt ‘boy’ she said gammi a boner).

I smile, kiss her and roll over...

She goes to bath and leaves for work...

I settle down to tweet those coded tweets after such a night.... very plain, obvious go figure tweets... respond to pings from people who heard I’m around.... and I ping some Abuja friends who I wanted to see on this trip...

Soon my boss calls and I prepare to go the office....

I get to work and start reviewing my work plan for the day boss emailed....

Hard to concentrate when I kept hearing MMs voice outside...

Hiss

I turn to uber and tweet.... 'shhhiii... what a konji... this woman doesn’t understand what is going thru my head right now' (who remembers this tweet?)

Knock Knock

I looked up to say 'come in' but already the knocker was already in the door. Twas a man. Nna menh, this guy BIGGGGG gaan o. He shud av been a bouncer when he was young. With that gorimapa and big tummy.

I tried to reason why this man will be here.

Only bad thing I had done since I entered Abuja was erm ok I threw away that plastic bottle at the airport in frustration at the dust bin but it dint enter... And the other bad thing (that tasted sweet)
ok was some bag pipping with MM (and I was going to deny it happend even if the pope asked me). But the mans demeanour wasn't that of hostility, more like boredom.

And then surprisingly behind him was MM. Turns out he is the military’s head in charge of data communication and all those stuffs, basically what I came for sha... He asked for my plan package and he reviews it along with MM who starts drilling me again along with the man.

I answered the first two questions with coldness.... then I realised MM was saying something all together....

I mean...

We all knew that the older hard drives weren’t 'available' to satisfy the current workload and so we had to install newer (and younger) systems to work with....

Also, when the director asked if I wud be able to stand in front of an audience that was old enough to parent me and talk, MM answered for me saying 'oh I tested his oratory skills yesterday... he isn’t lacking... he should be able to hold his own'....

She said this looking as casual and her bitchy self as possible but looked at me at the point 'isn’t lacking'.... I smiled with my eye to let her know I got the drift...

They asked me more questions to which I found out somehow decoding that MM was going to stay behind and just as that was processed, she asked after the assignment modules I was suppose to present. I tell her I have it on soft copy and will take time to print out to which she snapped and talked about time wasting...

The director decided to see the modules when they were ready and got up to leave. MM announced she was staying to collect them today so the director left and as the door closed, I stood up from where I was forming trying to locate the files to print to MM already at my side pressing her boobs into my face....

There’s something abt MM... We flow... It’s like we both know what we want and when... almost liked we’ve made out before? No... I’m definitely sure I haven’t... must be experience and waeva the chemistry between us...

I lick my lips and proceed to kiss her hungry lips.... massaging her boobs in one hand and sending the other farther south to explore for a wetness to drink from...

We were in this state of groping and touching each other when I heard from my sub conscious

Unknown voice: 'She's in there'....

I have this sense of alarm (I got from an ex) when doing something wrong and immediately I knew 2 things

no 1 was someone was looking for MM
no 2 was the person now knew where she was and was atm turning the door lock

and

no 3a was we dint take our cloths off (I often wonder why pple do this in quickie situations... cloths on makes it all the more OSHEY!!!! ;))....

no 3B was we locked the door.... whew!!!

...........................................................

So I was shit surprised to find that I was wrong on count 3B and the door was opening...

Shit (I think) and try to cover MM from the person entering...

The person who walked in was MM in a tee shirt and jeans....

Wait wait!!!!!!!
How now.... wtf.... What's goin ...

Ok not MM... But them resemble sha... Gaddamn...

MM turned to see who the intruder was....

What she (MM2) was doing here was surprising....

But not as surprising as what came out of her mouth

MM2:...You rily cant change... be snatching all my men there

MM: You dint tell me you will be coming here...

MM2: Had to come drop something for you now... Came up after we talked in the morning. Tried your phone but your assistant said you wasn’t on seat so just came. Be trying to change topic o

MM: It’s not my fault u don’t mark them and where did u meet him'

MM2: He was on the flight yesterday.... he was practically fucking me in his mind all thru... apparently you are helping with the erection... n I trust you that it isn’t the same one... hiss...

MM muttered a knowing grunt and removed herself from my grip without looking overly alarmed...

Actually twas laer i recollected all this...

For atm my attention was on MM2....
I remember her from my flight to Abuja yesterday... she was the air hostess I boarded (no I wanted to bone)....

Remember the uniform that filled my head coming to Abuja.... the one I told(wrote) about now...

That wasn’t wearing...

Actually she removed her panties and was flashing mi.....

What!! I haven't told u? Ahh. Wait lemmi tell it....
Ild send only you the link... Lowkey Things... *wink wink*

iRap

chromo04@gmail.com (#hat) — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 11:40:00 +0100

>They say I can't rap... (iyalaya won!!!!!!!)

>Emi ke...

>Emi ko

>Iwo ke...

>Iwo ko...

>Okay...

>All day...

>Anyway...

>Lets goo...

>1, 2...

>I unbuckle my shoe...

>3, 4...

>She unlock my door

>5,6...

>She comot my stick

>7,8...

>I laid her straight

>9,10...

>She gave good head

DISClAIMER: DISCLAIMED...

Oh yes.. finally food is ready....

Bye bye....

Madam Military

chromo04@gmail.com (#hat) — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 01:42:00 +0100

Finishing school wasnt really part of my plan...

Really im still dreading it...

But the events of the past 30 minutes just about will change my thoughts about it...

I finished exams sometime in July, thoughts of what to do next have been playing seious golf and mountain biking in my head... No lele, this things tend to sort themselves out. Next thing I know, I meet up with my boss from IT and he has work for me. So sharpaly, I'm having something to do again. The work I help start at abuja was nearing completion and boss gave me the assignment of putting the users through the new system we developed for the ministry of defense.

Choi, na me just finish uni last week o, and I don enter plane dey go abuja with security clearance and escort waiting for me at the airport..... military style... eshin.... na this work I dey maintain menh...

I arrive abuja and I go to meet my boss. He assigns me my clearance and all those military whatever.... check my ID... reads my name as a project instructor and civilian consultant.... I mean this happens only in movies menh.....

This is lovely menh....
I get to work immediately sorting out how I will teach my new class... people wey fit born me....
Knowing the right way to communicate computer jargons to people like them is tasking but I picked up some skills before so this shouldnt be hard..

*knock knock*
That felt good i wont lie... I'm used to people entering my room at their own will so I let the person knock again.

*knock knock*
Then I say come in and start to tweet about what just happened... while looking at who came in....

*wolf whistle in mind*
The person who knocked was a woman.
She was hot...
She was uniform hot
She was uniformly hot
She was ok u get...

She had this look of 'where is ur oga?' and I reckoned she dint know i would be the one taking the user classes...

I stand to greet her (forgetting I'm the boss here...who dash monkey)...

Good afternoon ma and she sensing weakness uses that against me...
'Yes, what are you doing here, wheres your boss', she says.
'He is in the next office ma', I reply.
'No i mean, the project inspector', she counters.
'Oh that will be me ma', I reply as calmly and without sounding sarcastic as I could.

She gives this look and grunt of this people with connections sha... and asks for the trainee package I just finished.

I tell her to sit, (a statement she dint enjoy) and proposed to start taking charge from there joo

I start to run her through the whole blah blah blah and soon she understood that I was one of the creators of the development and began to drop her 'connection thinking' (if I slap you this woman.. dey tell u say i no go skul'

Before we know it, my boss comes in and tells me he is going back to lagos and gives me the rundown I needed.

I continue talking with the woman as it turns out she is something like the 'classrep'... not bad... she looked gangsta enough
.
I'm not a fan of flat women but i enjoy them just as much....(o_0)

Wait oo...
Just wait a bloody minute
Are you checking her out?
Oh fucking gaddamn.. u r checking this military bitch out....
Hmmmm.... must be the uniform
I love babes in uniform...
Lawyers, doctors, etc :D

We finish our talk and she leaves...
I pack my things and thats when i remembered i hadnt called the friend i was going to stay with...
Hiss
Hiss long
I call my friend wale and he takes his time to pick up...
When he did..... the conversation ended in five seconds...
He said...'guy, on a p things' and cuts..
Ok, less than five.
I understand he has a girl over..... and he isnt going to hear my side tonight....
On a p things means he has planned and set this ball in motion a while back and nothing is going to spoil some weeks plan...

So, i got together my things... two bags and my laptop and lock my office... (ahhh.. no name yet...anyhow sha..:D)....
i walk down to the gate where i sign my key down and walk outside....

Na so one mumu press horn loud behind me..... (oloshi, dey tell u say I deaf)...
I turn to look and I see madam military signing out.... hiss

She finished, looks at me and asks where I'm going... I tell her I'm going to the grand mirage hotel around garki 2.....
She offers to drop me off...(whew).. finding cab will mean i had to walk a while.....

So in I enter and she sees that as we are not in office environments starts to drill me....(not the sex type)... she fires questions after questions.... (whats your bizwax with my primary 1 teachers name)

She then asks why im staying at the hotel...
I contemplate telling her my friend left town but that inner werey that was checking her out somewhat blurted my friend has a girl over for the night so i cant go to to his place....
My audacity stunned her a micro second (or so i wanto believe)...

She then asks if i have a girlfriend... I reply no.. and she starts to fire why and etc...
She finally tells me since I'm going to be in in abuja for a while i can come stay at her BQ... rent the place was what she said... (I'm thinking, see this woman oo.. rent? my guy wont be knacking the whole two months way now... im going back to his place by tomorrow joo).... I tell her no ma, I dont have the money to rent the place and also that I planned on staying at my friends place....

She says ok, I should stay in for the night.

That inner werey says 'ok, that will be nice ma'.
She finally smiled.
I dint notice...
The werey did.
He now turned me to look at her.
She looked at me and asked what?
I said nothing... the werey said 'you have a lovely smile'.
She gave me this dumb look.
And threw the smile.
This time I saw it...
And werey was forming 'I don't give a fuck'
I just don't understand how werey was doing it but he was in charge of the body at that moment cos that was what madam military saw.
She asks what happened with eyebrows raised.
I say nothing and continue tapping on BB that will soon die.

*beep* it does.

We finally get to her house.
She shows me where i would sleep for the night and goes to dish dinner.
Her maid already left but made dinner.

I eat... Sorry we ate together

Each with our own thoughts.

Now i know twas similar.

She finished before me, dropped her dishes and i offered to wash them.
She says thanks, shes going for a bath and leaves.

I start to wash the plate when i hear someone behind me.

I look back and the fear that gripped me cant be explained.

I dropped the plate in my hand from the shock.

Madam military was standing nude covered in soap repeating some words....

Twas later i found out she said.... 'come and scrub my back'

To be continued....

Rich Man VS Poor Man (Story of my holiday)

chromo04@gmail.com (#hat) — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 01:04:00 +0100

Rich Man…. Happy Man

Please note that the beginning part of this post is story.... Fery fery long one.... and yes... it took me about ... ok i started shortly after easter sha... so please calculate the time...

>Leaving school that Wednesday to the airport with my friend, my thought was Abuja should be fun...

>I was going to celebrate easter with my friends in Abuja...

>Just hang out, do guy things, meet girls and make hook ups for job connect. (graduation already pinged us)...

>All my thoughts were this three day trip/holiday will be madt fun (It should... what could stop it?)...

>Arrived airport, booked our flight and blah blah blah… (oh yeah we did not hook up with those two babes... keeping our game fresh for Abuja i suppose)...

>Tosin and I got back to Ota, went to visit our normal eating joint ‘Amazing grace’ (I don't think the food is that amazing or goes down graceful but then :X)...

>Tosin says lets go to see our first love…

>Now our first love is one woman Tosin, Adebayo, Obaro and some other of our friends can share...

>She is the only one any of us is allowed to visit and you know, have a nice, lovely time when we feel like...

>Maybe because she does not judge us, she understands our needs, she feels our urge to leave school and come and spend a sad time with her...

>Sometimes we are all present at the same time having a good time with her, she takes care of our needs at the same time... (wink)…

>Shes that good…

>She takes care of our needs well except erm..uhmm..the one that remains as a result of her lets say taking care of us…

>She brought about some saying I coined ‘you think its hard sleeping with a broken heart, try sleeping with an erection’…

>You see our first love is a place where we visit and drink palmwine, pelebe (some local drink consisting of things I dont know) and pomo...

>Now you have met our first love..

>I wont ask what your mind was thinking...

>Just smh for you. It's alright. I led you on...

>I tell Tosin we would go later, and we go to school instead…

>Soon we end up at first love where we start to drink away…

>you remember this picture .....

>yeah this is first love…

>Well, this evening I was having a mixture of palmwine and pelebe and well into my third cup when I start to feel like there was a possibility to get high tonight...

>Lovely!!!!!!!!

>Something tugs at me to stop that I could get erm uhm hmm (this is why I don't answer my inner warnings because it couldn’t tell me what the danger exactly was.. something it really needs to work on)...

>But I don’t stop and before I know it, we are playing a game of konse konse (concentration).

>Please run away from this game as it has fucked me up everytime I have ever played it..

>The rules are these… someone calls out a group or defines a set say x={names of private schools in Nigeria} and starts to mention them.. the person who misses takes a shot of alcohol.

>Lovely game I tell you…

>We used pelebe instead of alcohol this day even though pelebe is a mixture of all sorts of herbs + alcohol…

>So we started playing and as you would expect, I had to down some shots.. lots of shots…

>I sent a friend a text and told her to get me food that I was drunk and shes like if you were drunk, you wouldn’t say and blah blah blah.. I told her to just get the food.. minutes later I told her not to worry because I couldn’t eat in the state I was in.. so Obaro and I walk back to school.. (Obaro is always walking me to school when I get drunk.. kisses.. please feel to interprete anyway your misguided self helps you to).

>Dear reader, I WAS FUCKING FUCKED UP ALREADY!!!

>I thank God for the fact that in such state, I can still comprehend thongs sorry things very well, I just cant keep a straight path (I will if challenged but you get sha)

>So I walk into school drunk, greet the security guards, laugh and say ‘’ahh, chairman, kosowo menh,tomorrow etc’’

>I get to hostel and before even getting into my room already meroved my shirt, and underwear tee shirt and

>slam!!! (ok it did not sound slam).

>I just fall on my bed and …………………….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

>Straight up……

>Next thing I remember is I wake up and I got to the toilet at the end of the corridor to pee...

>Sleep again and repeat step above...

>This time from my balcony… toilet far menh...

>Ibrahim sees this and is like ‘Ay im disappointed in you’...

>I'm in my head thinking.. guy you dnt know how far that toilet is sha...

>This time around I feel the urge to puke so I get a bucket and put it beside me on the bed... (I'm always lucid even when drunk... NO! you can't call me a control freak)...

>I'm always in control during alcohol digestion...

>Finally I couldn’t sleep again as I felt the urge to throw up but couldn’t so I stick my hand in my throat and did...

>All the pelebe just came out and first thing I thought was… ‘hiss.. see waste.. why din't me stomach process this now’

>I then start to drink water and throw up more and more...

>By morning, I had thrown up about half of a bucket...

>And my thoart felt like it was on fire so I send my friends to get me gascol for 'heartburn’...

>I was weak, tired and needed sleep… luckily for me my body had to rest to so I was finally able to sleep in the morning...

>Oh I forgot to mention, our flight was 2:35pm so there was time now...

>I woke around 11am and was too weak to do anything, Tosin packed for me...

>I managed to get to the bathroom, just stood under the shower as I was hot...

>Oh I forgot, I was having fever days before that day...

>Finally we leave for the airport and I'm drinking lucozade to gain some energy...

>We get to the airport, get our boarding passes and decide to eat some pizza before our flight was called...

>So Tosin, Esther and I entered double 44 and order pizza...

>By this time I had almost finished a whole gascol trying to treat my ‘heartburn’...

>Then I went to buy ‘gestid’ and started drinking it from there (the pharmacist must have thought that was the new high the way I just opened it and started gulping the shege)...

>Our pizza came and what I had been suspecting was finally confirmed...

>*place dirty thought here*...

>I couldn’t swallow (ok this sounds wrong)...

>I was hungry, I had appetite, I could chew but it was PAIN to swallow...

>Unknown to me my tonsils were swollen, most of my throat was swollen as I felt pain all through to my belly...

>I managed to eat just one slice of pizza that I dint finish (still vexing)...

>At this time, even drinking was PAINFUL...

>Swallowing spit was PAINFUL...

>Plus I had this PAIN constantly in my chest...

>I was in PAINS but no way I was going to let this dampen my fun spirit so I put on a cheerful face and was my normal self safe when the pain took me bad...

>I was with friends and they were concerned.. I don’t want to spoil the trip for them..

>I struck up a convo with my seat partner, met his wife and kids and started a lovely convo...

>There is this convo spirit that comes on me at times and I talk talk and talk about everything possible, make jokes, sensible ones to retarded ones (why cant government work on bumpy roads (turbulence) in the air, has my seat partner taken this road (air route) before? nigga must have had his longest flight ever)...

>I couldn’t eat on the plane...

>By now im holding two bottles of medicine and drinking and thinking it is just slow to act...

>By the time we landed in Abuja, the pain was worse...

>blah blah blah...

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...........................................................

Rich man…. Happy man

>See, I was in abuja to have fun….

>I had money on me….

>I was going to blow money...

>But you see, I couldn’t swallow...

>Something i do everyday and not notice...

>And hence I couldn’t enjoy myself... (I love food)...

>In short I was in constant pain...

>I was in Abuja from Thursday and by Saturday I still hadn’t eaten anything... :(

>One thing that happened on Friday was we went out and I ordered food for everyone and some for me...

>Thinking noway noway a grub like me would see food and pain wont go...

>Omo it dint oo!!!!!!!!

>I only took a test bite and gave up the food...

>Ordered pepper soup for myself thinking I should at least be able to withstand liquid but same thing...

>Gave it up...

>To my hungry friends who dint waste time clearing up the food...

>So here I was buying and buying and I couldn’t eat a sinlge thing...

>Others were eating and drinking...

>I finally understood what my mom meant when she would pray and say 'Thank you Lord that we are not in the same shoes as the rich man who had to be fed via tube'...

>And the title of this blog struck me...

>Rich man….. happy man…. Life is short...

>I was to spend 3 days in abuja...

>Have a good holiday and get out but somehow this wasn’t to be...

>But one thing is I never let anything get in the way of my fun so not even the fever I was feeling or the tonsil whatever could hold me down...

>I had my fun because I knew I had limited time... (i had to)...

>I had to be happy...

>I actually missed my flight back to lagos on Sunday...

>Lovely!!!!!!!!!!

>While riding back into town, Victor packed the car, Tosin and I got out and started jerking on the road...

>I even stuck my head out of the car roof...

>We had to be stupid.. we were given one more day to enjoy Abuja...

>I was given one more chance to have some fun...

>What I want to bring out is this….

>Somehow somewhere, we lose/lost track of what brings us happiness...

>We lost our reason to be happy...

>We don’t even know what makes us happy...

>People find happiness in a lot of things...

>Money isn’t happiness...

>Yes, money brings happiness... (It really really does)...

>But it can never substitute for it...

>A millionaire that cant take anything except milk isn’t a happy millionaire...

>I was in the middle of happiness but somehow I couldn’t tap into it like i should have...

>I had problem laughing too...

>A rich man is never always the happiest of us all...

>The rich also cry... (big fat salty tears i suppose)...

>I happen to be a very happy, jovial person...

>People reckon I'm always laughing, they have never seen me angry, sad etc...

>People actually find it weird seeing me frown...

>I sometimes get questions like ‘what is wrong with you, you are not looking your self today’... (I was probably hungry or on konji and thinking hot to fix this)...

>Apart from feeling special, it tells me that people see me as a happy person...

>Me in Abuja wasn’t all too happy but seeing as I had a short while to stay managed to gather my happy chi out and have some fun...

>And fun I did have even though I spent Saturday morning in the hospital (that was when the doctor told me I had inflamed tonsils and not heartburns and that I should gargle warm water and salt… what!!!! I should have started that treatment before I left lagos and will be ok by Friday instead of situation getting critical)...

>So here is my advice...

>Life is short (Thurdays – Sunday)...

>Sometimes we get an opportunity and live longer (missed flight and postpones to Monday)...

>We should remember to get the best out of life (be happy)...

>Forget that life is all about money...

>Money you cant enjoy is wasted effort...

>So smile, cry, dance and do everything that makes you happy because one day you will look back and see that it was all that mattered... (and you might be staring down the barrel of a gun... sssmmmiiilllleeee.. :D)...

KISS OF LIFE

chromo04@gmail.com (#hat) — Fri, 1 Apr 2011 18:35:00 +0100

>I don’t know what it is about a kiss…

>But I’m sure…

>Yes I am sure…

>There is something and everything about a kiss…

> The simple yet complex and meaningful act of touching lips… (and sometimes tongues *wink*)

>Complex because a kiss can start a war…seriously… Believe me… I believe the Trojan War was fought up to an extent because of a kiss… Don’t ask me how….

>Besides you have to know how to do it… You know what I mean… The right way to touch…. How to touch…. Right moment to touch…. Right where to touch…

>Wow… There really should be a class or course... Even a school for kissing…

>Imagine if ermm… hmm... Lemmi just say (insert name of person you hate and you think you are finer than here) is your kissing teacher…..actually imagine the person is grading your final kiss…

>Ok iv strayed too long... (My pumpkin thinks I do this a lot but she doesn’t get she’s the only one *blows kiss*)…

>There I go with this kiss thingy again… which brings me to meaningful...

>Meaningful in that a kiss is a sign of brotherhood (no homo), sisterhood (YES HOMO!!!), love (yawn), trust, encouragement (in fighting bouncer that slapped your kele), even betrayal (an anarchy of trust) (ask sorry axe Bro J)….

>Humans have kissed from the beginning of time….

>Even the act of kissing has changed… (I don’t want to believe Abraham frenched Isaac *straight face*)…

>Nevertheless the reason why we kiss still remains…. (By the way if you find out please hola at your boy)…

>Lots of reasons means lots of kisses…

>I mean Bimpe, Anu, Jumoke get different kisses from ****…

>However in everyone’s lifetime (please note lifetime stands for only people who live life)…

>Over lifetime…

>There is one kiss…. One kiss that changes all…

>There is a saying that… ermm…hmm… uhmm…*slapping head **do you believe I am? ** hard*…

>Ok something along the line… ’you have not loved if you haven’t met the person that divided your life to the time before that person and the time after that person’…

>I hope you understand that sha…

>Ok I believe when you meet such person… you can agree with me that there will be a kiss….

>Yes this is the kiss I’m talking about…

>This kiss is a different one….

>It’s the ‘launch_butterflies_in_stomach’ kiss

>Some people have even talked about bats in them stomachs…. (Image of Dracula ripping out of her tummy scaring me)…

>I’m sure some of you know that…

>This kiss is like an elephant’s body part to the blind men from Ota (I hate the place much)…

>This kiss is explained or described by different people using different descriptions…

>My guy Olajide said it was butter through bread (I think he was hungry at the time)…

>Sandra said it was like ice cream with berries (ok I think Ola and Sandra kissed during a fasting period)…

>Vanessa said it was like fireworks (I’m guessing it was with Prince Charles... heard just his smile gives girls orgasm… hiss… how? Not possible joo… no bloody way… nitori kini)…

>I said…. Ok I won’t tell you what I said…. :X

>But they (and we) will all agree that that special kiss made us feel connected to that one person... and that person (insert name of person u inserted above)…

>It felt like a bond was created…

>A bond so strong all we sometimes have to do to remember and/or feel their presence is to think of that kiss…

>A connection so strong it’s like a part of them has been stored in our brain or somewhere deep in my mind… (Oops… x_x)…

>Me I love to kiss….

>I even tongue wrestle…

>Play the ‘dance of the tongues’…

>I can’t constitute what a perfect kiss is or should be…

>But I know every relationship needs a kiss of life…

>Kiss Of Life breaths a new beginning into a relationship…

>It fans the fire and makes it glow brighter…

>It can wake the dead (ask sorry axe Trinity and Neo in matrix)…

>It tells the person a lot more than could be said with words…

>I think that’s why we even kiss in the first place…

>Maybe because we want to let people know that we want to be connected with them in some way (this includes casual sex… some people actually don’t kiss during casual sex)…

>Maybe we want to let them know we will always be there…

>Maybe we want them to know we got their backs…

>Maybe we want them to know we will be cheering the loudest for them…

>maybe we want to jerk off later that night…. Oops

>Maybe we want them to know we are not complete without them (so we should now s.h.a.r.e saliva? Hiss)

>Maybe we want them to know we love them

>Whatever the reason we kiss… we should know that we are saying something with every kiss because the way we kiss also speaks volumes on what we are not saying…

>Whatever the reason we kiss… we should know the person is saying something and try to find out what (you should know when s/he is happy through a kiss)…

>And let us remember to never stop connecting…

>Never stop kissing…

>please note... if u can’t kiss... just get an orange and practise till you can suck the half dry in one try x_X

Search For Moralitys Killer

chromo04@gmail.com (#hat) — Fri, 17 Dec 2010 18:47:00 +0100

Diary Mi,

Ba wo ni...

Ki lon pop...

Me is just shilling...you know now....

Btw...was reading something the other day.....and...

Someone asked a question....

who killed morality?????

view here www.craziepandie.com

Morality???

ok my first reaction is to say who the fuck is that but this is a question that really grips me...

So my answer is ?????

..........

well...you have your opinion but we all agree charity begins at home (i dont know where they got you from though)

..............

Our parents killed morality!!!

Yes, the very people who are asking the question are the ones who killed her....

"in my time", "in our days", "when i was young", ati be be lo....these are rantings our parents blurt out nowadays in response to out rebellious and defiling behaviors.

Well, in their time/days, there was respect yes...

I know why...

There was also the whip...

Yes...

Morality and also grandmas whip...

That whip thought them (and some of us) right from wrong....

Quite simple mathematics...(programming rather)

if (parent's act=whip)

{ inference=wrong doing;

kid action = just chop it}

else

{inference=right doing;

parent's act=give kid one more banana, gala etc}

That way we learnt what was right and wrong from an early age...

the same age we learnt to read and write....

"Teach a child the way of the Lord and it shall not depart from it"

It is 'not' enough to let us have 'freedom'

As far as i can remember...I have always known or rather noticed that freedom comes at a price...some often more deadly, irreversible, consequences....

Freedom should and must be given in an appropriate manner...

Take the example of a fruit falling of a tree...to.....errrmm..rot and die???

Not cool...not cool.....

If our parents can sit(actually stand) and use the whip...

If our parents can sit and give us tongue lashes(this actually works more than the whip btw)...

An issue comes to mind....

A father pays RICK ROSS (rozay!!!!!!) 100,000 dols to come for his 10 year olds birthday....(as in seriously, what kind of father do i have...hiss)

Anyways....

(my personal opinion is this)....

a 'father' actually decided to pay such amount to such a model for his child...

Rick Ross is not an ideal role model for a 10 year old kid....(go figure why)

And i think the father should know since he obviously listens to Rozay(he does right)....

Anyways.....

If our parents can actually get this western bullshit about 'using the rod on we kids is going to affect us somehow somehow'........

If they can get it off(out) of their heads...

Then maybe...

Just maybe...

Morality can be revived again....

Abi what do you think...

lemmi know....

R. Kelly Joins One8

chromo04@gmail.com (#hat) — Mon, 29 Nov 2010 09:20:00 +0100

The all-star line-up of the supergroup ONE8 is now complete.

The ONE8 artists have been amped up, living the high life in Chicago and most importantly, recording what will no doubt be one of the world’s hottest singles this holiday season. Hands Across the World is being released today to radio stations and clubs across Africa and worldwide.

The star-studded gathering of African musical giants has continued to gather mass momentum with 8 of Africa’s rockstar legends combining their star power and talent into the continent’s first supergroup. Now Rockstar4000 and Sony Music Worldwide are proud to announce the last signing to the group – international mega-star R. Kelly and the release of the group’s first single.

R. Kelly, who was recently joined in the world famous Chicago studios by the members of ONE8, has been a powerful force in R&B worldwide for the past two decades. Apart from global fame he has also received numerous awards for some of the most important recordings of our time, as well as outstanding production, for many years, making him one of the best selling urban artists of all time. Hits like ‘I Believe I Can Fly’, ‘Bump ‘n Grind’ and ‘Gotham City’ have made him a household name around the world and his production on top artists like Michael Jackson, Toni Braxton, LL Cool J and many more have kept him at the top of the charts and on radio for the duration of his music career.

R. Kelly is excited to be involved in the ONE8 project. Speaking from his studio in Chicago as they put the final touches to the single, he stated: “I love projects like this . As I hear the music of these artists and meet them in person I can feel myself connect. Somehow I can feel the excitement and adrenaline through them and then the ideas and everything around this track just comes together. This is probably one of the greatest things I have ever done, I can just feel it in me.”

ONE8 already consists of the finest superstars on the African continent. Born from a simple idea and a small collaboration, the momentum of this project has turned it into a full-blown supergroup already dubbed by fans and media as ‘a music revolution’ and ‘history in the making’. ONE8 will release not only the hottest single of the year, but also a full album and DVD later this year. This long-term project was kicked into high gear when the artists flew into Chicago late last month to record ‘Hands Across the World’ with R. Kelly and his world class production team.

The group also recorded a video and documentary which will be released shortly.

The final ONE8 line up has been confirmed as follows:

R Kelly – USA

2Face – Nigeria

Alikiba – Tanzania

Amani – Kenya

Fally Ipupa – DRC

4X4 – Ghana

JK – Zambia

Movaizhalene – Gabon

Navio – Uganda

With a scorching hot track now released and an album in the pipeline, the ONE8 crew is heading for the ride of their lives! A major focus of the ONE8 group is to provide their fans with digital All Access passes to follow their diaries and journeys as larger than life rockstars around the clock, allowing fans closer and more personal experiences than ever before. Join online at www.myone8.com, on mobile at myone8.mobi, facebook.com/myone8, twitter.com/myone8 or youtube.com/one8TV and be part of history in the making as ONE8 explodes a revolution in music from Africa across the world!

Photos from One8 recording in chicago

chromo04@gmail.com (#hat) — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 09:35:00 +0100

2 Face and Fally Ipupa

Amani

Fally Ipupa

Fally Ipupa and Movaizhaleine

Amani and Navido

One8 artistes recording

Alikiba

Amani

Fally Ipupa

Movaizhaleine

2 Face ever looking good

2 Face at the salon

2 Face shaving

Alikiba

THE BIRTH OF A MUSIC REVOLUTION IN AFRICA – ONE8

chromo04@gmail.com (#hat) — Mon, 25 Oct 2010 09:52:00 +0100

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8 SUPERSTARS FROM ACROSS AFRICA UNITE WITH ONE MAJOR GLOBAL MEGASTAR TO FORM ONE8 – THE ALL STAR GROUP TO TAKE THE BEST IN MUSIC FROM AFRICA ONTO THE GLOBAL STAGE, CONNECTING MILLIONS OF FANS THROUGH THE UNIVERSAL LANGUAGE OF MUSIC

The wait is over and a music revolution has begun -after weeks of speculation ONE8 is here!

Through the power of the universal language of music and combining genres, sounds, voices and audiences - while breaking down stereotypes, geographical borders and divisions - ONE8 is the ultimate music force that is single-handedly changing the face of the African music industry.

Planet music is the playground for ONE8 as the hottest African talent from eight major African countries joins forces to create an African supergroup unlike anything seen before.

The power and excitement around this collective of African stars is so big that ONE8 will be not only be joined by one of the biggest global megastars and icons in music for its first single and video, about to be recorded in Chicago, USA, but this superstar, who’s played a crucial role in defining R&B and Hip-Hop as we know it, will produce the song and video together with some of the biggest names in music and music video production in the world today.

This all star group ONE8 is produced and managed by the first major pan-African record label and 360 music company, ROCKSTAR4000 within the family of the world’s number 1 recording company Sony Music. Sony Music has delivered some of music’s biggest icons and pioneers and boasts a vast catalog of some of the most important recordings in the history of music including the likes of Elvis Presley, Michael Jackson, Beyonce, R Kelly, Alicia Keys, Usher, Christina Aguilera, Pink, Neil Diamond, Bruce Springsteen, Santana, Shakira and Kings of Leon to name a few. ONE8 is destined for greatness, shattering perceptions about African music as it builds networks and excitement across the pan-African music landscape and across the world.

ONE8 is not only just another all-star lineup, but is a progressive, digital media driven project. It’s driven by the passion of the artists to not only allow their fans access around the clock, but to give them the freedom to escape from their every day challenges and empowering their fans to be whatever they want to be through the power of music and the digital world - connecting them across cities, borders and continents.

As all eight artists set off for the USA, fans will be connected with them around the clock through the website, mobile site or mobisite, Facebook, Twitter, Flickr and YouTube and live webcasts from on-the road. Millions of fans will experience this music revolution and historic journey as it happens. Fans will experience their favorite stars up-close and personal and roam where no fan has roamed before, digital ALL ACCESS PASSES delivered personally by these superstars to their fans!

All the artists have worked together to create a song that is a truly Pan-African creation. The group will also shoot a video in Chicago which will be released globally with the first single in November, alongside a full album and DVD soon after.

You can follow ONE8 around the clock on the following official portals:

Website: www.myone8.com
Mobisite: myone8.mobi
Facebook: facebook.com/myone8
Twitter: twitter.com/myone8
YouTube: youtube.com/one8TV

Over the past few weeks rumours and speculations have been flying wildly across the internet as everyone tried to predict – or influence - who would be next join ONE8. The waiting is over; for the first time we can officially announce all of the superstars making up this group:

2Face: Nigeria
2Face started his musical career with BlackFace and the two of them formed the group Plantashun Boyz, a highly acclaimed group in their own right. However, 2Face has achieved most of his success as a solo artist and is now one of the most internationally recognized celebrities Nigeria has produced in recent years. 2005 saw 2Face become a household name when he took home an MTV Europe award for best African act, a Channel l Music Video Award for Best Male Video and Best African Video (both for "African Queen") and a Kora award for Revelation of the Year. Last year he took an MTV Africa Music Award for Best R&B and as he joins forces with the ONE8 project the sky is the limit for this amazingly talented artist.

JK: Zambia
JK is currently Zambia’s leading superstar artist with a sound just perfect for mixing with other artists and styles. His Afro-centric signature sound of Rhumba-meets-reggae-meets-R&B have made him a household name in his native country. Being lauded as the man who singlehandedly put the fire for Zambian music back into the hearts of Africans, JK’s star continues to rise, seeing him regularly touring the continent and Europe. As part of the ONE8 group, his style will engrave Zambia firmly on the musical map.

Navio: Uganda
One of Uganda’s most awarded hip-hop artists, Navio has been on the forefront of the countries hip-hop genre for more than 10 years making huge strides in pushing the genre’s accessibility in Eastern Africa. Originally from the rap group Klear Kut, Navio became an overnight sensation, winning awards and topping charts until 2009, when he decided to pursue a solo career. Navio is adamant he will continue to develop the East African hip hop sound and will definitely bring a passionate and creative style to the ONE8 project.

Amani: Kenya
Amani is one of the most talented and beautiful female stars ever to come out of Kenya. Her name is a Swahili word that literally means peace and tranquility, and the soothing sounds of Amani’s music reflect exactly that. Amani’s soothing music is urban and African, uplifting with unforgettable melodies that showcase both Amani’s vocal and song-writing talents. This talent has not gone unrecognised in the awards category with Amani having won numerous awards including the Kenya Kisima Award in 2006 for Best Female Artist and Best Collaboration, and in 2007 for Best Female Boomba Artist. Amani has also been nominated for a Channel O video award in 2008 for Best Female Artist East Africa. In 2009 she won the MTV African Music Award (MAMA) for Best Female Artist Pan Africa alongside a slew of nominations at the 2009 Channel O Music Awards.

Alikiba: Tanzania
The king of Bongo Flava, Alikiba is Tanzania’s biggest superstar artist. With his first album only being released in 2008, he has exploded into one of the biggest African artists, across the continent and internationally. With the origins lying in Caribbean music, Bongo Flava is a happy, danceable style that brings parties to life and lifts moods effortlessly. Having a debut album be the top selling album in the whole of East Africa, Alikiba is no stranger to success and is looking forward to bringing his positive energy to the ONE8 project.

4x4: Ghana
4X4 (Pronounced ‘four-ex-four’) is a hip-life trio mentored by hip-life duo Buk Bak (Bright and Rooney). They released their first album ‘Siklitele’ in 2003, followed by a second album ‘Contestant Number 1’ in 2007. As great role models to the youth in Ghana, the members of 4x4 have worked extremely hard to get where they are today. Their latest album, Hotgirls.com is a blend of foreign touch (hip hop style) but with a local dialect and dancehall flavours. Their great example to the youth mixed with their pride for their country will see 4x4 fit perfectly into the One8 group.

Fally Ipupa: DRC
One of the biggest and most talented superstars from the African continent today, Ipupa Nsimba aka Fally Ipupa is a singer, songwriter and respected guitarist who was born and raised in Kinshasa, DRC. His silky smooth voice soon reached the hearts of many, both in DRC and internationally, due to his blend of various musical styles including soukous, ndombolo, pop and R&B. In 2007 Fally was acknowledged by his peers in the music industry when he won the Best Male Artist Cesaire Award and Best Artist or Group from Central Africa in the continental Kora Awards. His creative spirit, incredible talent and youthful passion make Fally Ipupa a valuable part of the ONE8 group. Fally is well traveled and has toured extensively in Africa and the rest of the world. It was recently announced that he will perform later this year at the MTV Africa Music Awards (MAMA) in Lagos, Nigeria

Movaizhaleine: Gabon
One of the continents most successful rap stories, ex-pats Movaizhaleine, now residing in Paris, France, have taken the African rap flag and are flying it high across the world for Gabon, and indeed the rest of the continent. Consisting of two young conscientious rappers, Lord Ekomy Ndong and Maat Seigneur Lion, the group, also affectionately known as MH, began rapping together when still at high school - highly influenced by the activism on the continent at the time. With four top selling albums under their belts and more than a hundred spectacular showcases in Africa and France, the group is still growing from strength to strength. Joining the ONE8 group is a natural move for these pan-African music-cultural leaders.

4x4

chromo04@gmail.com (#hat) — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 14:27:00 +0100

4x4 is made up of strangely named trio consisting of Captain Planet, Fresh Prince and Abortion. Captain Planet's real name is Sylvanus Dodji Jeoffrey and Abortion was christened Raphael Edem Avornyo. Fresh Prince’s real name is Prince Tamakloe.

4X4 is a rap group mentored by hip-life duo Buk Bak (Bright and Rooney). They released their first album ‘Siklitele’ in 2003, followed by a second album ‘Contestant Number 1’ in 2007. The group explain that they choose the name 4×4 because the whole crew was elevated by four minds: Bright, Ronny, Captain Planet and Abortion.
4X4, was initially a duo, later bringing Fresh Prince (Prince Tamakloe) on board to feature on their 2007 hit ‘HotGirls.com’ eventually joining the group permanently to make it a trio.
Under the watchful eye of Ronnie Coches and Bright Bling Sparkles (Buk Bak) the group has made a massive name for themselves in the Ghanaian music scene.

Captain Planet is the first person to rap in Ghanaian vernacular languages which include Akuapem, Twi, Ga, Ewe, and Pidgin English.

Abortion, who is a ragga artist, started rapping with a group called Kokorokoo in high school which featured Ghana's premier Akuapem rapper, Pope Skinnie. Captain Planet also started rapping in secondary school with a group called the Wu Clan. He was discovered by Buk Bak after being featured on a television programme called Kiddafest.
As great role models to the youth in Ghana, the members of 4x4 have worked extremely hard to get where they are today. Captain Planet has a degree in Advanced Marketing while Abortion studied his dream career of being an architect at ATTC.

Their latest album, Hotgirls.com is a blend of foreign touch (hip hop style) but with a local dialect and dancehall flavour. Speaking to Ghanaian media, they stated that ‘we have introduced this new blend of foreign touch (hip hop style) with local dialect and dancehall to sound different, more productive and very hot. The album is going to be launched in some tertiary institutions like University of Ghana, Legon, Kwame Nkrumah of Science and Technology and Cape Coast University.”
“We have decided to launch the album in tertiary institutions because our target audience are the youth and the best place to reach their hearts is to be at their doorsteps in their various institutions”, they said.
We are sure that their great example to the youth mixed with their pride for their country will see 4x4 fit perfectly into the One8 project.

Alikiba

chromo04@gmail.com (#hat) — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 14:22:00 +0100

When it comes to the Tanzanian music style of Bongo Flava, (a combination of hip hop and traditional East African music), one man is at the top of the food chain. He goes by the name Alikiba and he is fast becoming an internationally recognised star. Alikiba’s Bongo Flava style is largely influenced “Zouk” music which has it’s origins in the Caribbean Islands. “Zouk” means “party” or “festival” in Antillean Creole and that is exactly what the music of Alikiba is all about.

Alikiba’s first album was released in 2008 and shortly after it hit shelves the album became one the top selling albums in East Africa. Its main feature was the hit “Cinderella,” the popularity of which propelled him on a whirlwind tour of the UK and the US.

In 2009 Alikiba released his second album entitled “Ali K 4Real” which saw him nominated for two extremely prestigious awards in the UK. The first award that the Swahili speaking artist was recognised for was the Best East African Artist at the African Music Awards for 2009. Alikiba was then nominated for Best International Act at the BEFFTA Awards, (Black Entertainment, Film, Fashion, Television and Arts Awards) which was held at the London Hilton Metropol.

With a career on the rise, Alikiba will bring a unique style and flair to the ONE8 music project.

Amani

chromo04@gmail.com (#hat) — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 14:15:00 +0100

Amani is one of the most talented and beautiful singing stars ever to come out of Kenya. Her name is a Swahili word that literally means peace and tranquillity, and the soothing sounds of Amani’s music reflect exactly that.

Amani, then still known as Cecilia Wairimu, started performing at an early age in church talent shows and was already writing her own songs by the time she was in primary school. By the time she was in high school she had already recorded her first single.

In 1999 she had her first radio hit, with the massive track Move On, one of the first home grown Kenyan songs to reach number one all major local radio charts. She followed up on this success with a collaboration with top Kenyan artist Nameless, and the song Ninanoki became an instant classic across East Africa.

In 2004 another collaboration, this time with Big Pin and Pantonee gave Amani another hit with Talk to You, a song that became the most requested song on Kenyan radio that year. The song topped all the charts and saw Amani’s sound developing into a richer and more accessible R & B style.

Her debut album, Amani was released in 2006, soon followed with the release of Tamani in 2007, both being awarded and acclaimed across the continent.

Amani’s soothing music is urban and African, uplifting with unforgettable melodies that showcase both Amani’s vocal and song-writing talents.

This talent has not gone unrecognised in the awards category with Amani having won numerous awards including the Kenya Kisima Award in 2006 for Best Female Artist and Best Collaboration, and in 2007 for Best Female Boomba Artist. Amani has also been nominated for a Channel O video award in 2008 for Best Female Artist East Africa. In 2009 she won the MTV African Music Award for Best Female Artist alongside a slew of nominations at the 2009 Channel O Music Awards.

Amani has toured the world having played concerts in Norway in 2007, in Germany in 2008 at the Zanzibar International Film Festival, for the president of Ghana and even in San Diego, California during a US tour in 2008.

Amani’s unique East African R & B and her undeniable style bring an uplifting and soulful feel to the ONE8 group.