Ron Gunz

Where My Voice Cannot Speak + Vol. 1 + Bonus Art via Paypal

2015-01-11T19:58:00.000-05:00

When you send $14.99 to RonnieAGonzalez@gmail.com via PayPal, you get

- Where My Voice Cannot Speak in mp3 format

- Vol. 1 in pdf format

- Bonus album artwork

- The Story of Where My Voice Cannot Speak

Enjoy 2015,

Ron Gunz

2014-12-24T13:39:00.003-05:00

Hey everyone,

Here's the link to my new blog post listed below!

Happy Xmas,

Ron Gunz

Fear, Hatred and Justice

Phases of Purpose

2014-10-25T18:55:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone,

New blog is up, click on the link below!

Ron Gunz

Phases of Purpose

Growing up, the adult dilemma!

2014-09-30T23:45:00.000-04:00

Hey guys,

This week's post can be seen on the link posted below.

Love,

Ron Gunz

Growing Up, the adult's dilemma

New Site, New Era

2014-09-25T20:25:00.001-04:00

Hey everyone,

I just wanted to take the time to thank everyone around the world that have been tuning in to my blog page here on blogspot. Having said that, I wanted to make a very crucial announcement.

I officially have my website under way and moving forward, all posts I make here will send you directly to my posts on my official site at rongunz.wix.com/home

It took some serious thought and prayer to make this decision, given that I want to simplify the direction of information.

Sincerely,

Ron Gunz

Who do YOU say I AM?

2014-08-30T20:03:00.000-04:00

Hey guys,

Latest blog post is up. It's based on my perspective about who Jesus is or at least the question of it on a personal level. Link is below!

Peace,

Ron Gunz

Who do You say I Am?

New blog directions!

2014-08-30T14:17:00.000-04:00

To all my readers,

Many apologies for the massive absence here on blogger. As of late, I've been not only dealing with working, being a dad and hubby, I've also been changing my main places to blog in.

For my main blogs regarding my music and books, it's now rongunz.tumblr.com.

For blogs regarding every day living and things I just think about that matter, tune into storiesfromthetoilet.tumblr.com.

For those that may find it a hassle to jot it all down, to convenience every last one of my readers, all blog spots will be posted via link on this page.

Sincerely,

Ron Gunz

Where My Voice Cannot Speak Pre-Sale on iTunes and Amazon!

2014-04-25T21:58:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone,

The wait is almost over! My debut album comes out 5/3 but guess what? Pre-sale is live! Just go to either amazon or itunes links I have below and reserve your download!

Get it on Amazon
Get it on iTunes

From Father to Son -- and other things.

2014-02-25T00:56:00.001-05:00

I have been addicted to the song Father to Son by Queen off their Queen II album. The other day I decided, on my lunch break, to do some shopping for my daughter when it finally hit me -- that I was a total brat a douche for complaining about my dad on a regular basis. Many times we go off believing that our parents are talking out of their rear ends and that they don't understand us. While they may not understand our present states of mind but they seem to be on the money when it comes to what will lie ahead.

I am now a doting father as well. I look after my daughter, hold her in my arms, play with her, talk to her and watch her sleep as I jam out on my guitars. In essence, aside from the obvious things that make me my own individual, I have become very similar to my dad -- and that's not a bad thing.

I learned the character of loyalty, respect, honor and responsibility. All the good that I do and know, I owe it to him.

In other news, I'm 8/11 complete with mixing Where My Voice Cannot Speak. As I get closer to finishing, I realize how much work I actually put into it and while I do everything with my own sources, there's a sense of pride in that. I'm also excited in doing my second album since I now have a 3rd guitar in my lineup, as well as a microphone to finally do some singing again.

Death is true worship

2013-12-26T19:08:00.001-05:00

This theme came upon my mind. It just simply did as my wife was helping out with moving some things while baby was having some great grandparenting time. No reason in particular -- the theme just popped in my head.

The first thing that comes to mind is John the Baptist. He said, "He must increase but I must decrease" (John 3.30 ESV) Paul said, "For me to live is Christ and to die is gain" (Philippians 1.21 ESV) and Jesus said, "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." (Matthew 10.39 ESV).

Soaking all of this in gives me the conclusion that in the Christian life, it is the art of dying that brings life. This involves, many times, forsaking a self-serving and self-preserving mentality and dear God is it a pain! Yes, I am very open about my feelings on it because it is nuts.

What I find funny is that most Christian friends I have known don't like the notion of death -- crosses (Christ and others died on it), stakes (some claim Christ died on that instead), death metal, images of death abroad seem frowned upon yet the irony that in order to truly show loyalty to Christ and His Father's majesty all encircles the personal death of self. Mankind, most often than not, is always pinpointing its desires, agendas and goals upon itself, no so much on the other.

Let's be real -- we are in a self-centered way of living and the thought of not living for self isn't all that great for some. Yet it is in this loving of one another, the intent of showing God's kingdom by loving your neighbor that we begin to live -- and this world is already tilting on its head due to its unwillingness to surrender this one track, self-centered, self-destructive state of mind.

Letting Bitterness Die! How I dropped the habit of grudges.

2013-11-12T22:58:00.001-05:00

I have been trying to wrap my head around the whole notion of fatherhood and marriage changing your life, mainly because I felt that despite all changes, I still felt very much the same. I guess you can say that after these past three months, I have to admit I have realized the difference.

There have been people, of which I'll never name, that I felt have either ditched me, backstabbed me or just downright left me hanging with a false sense of support. For years, I had it buried in my heart and dancing in the back of my head. When you look at the smiles of your wife and daughter when you come home from a long day at work or when you wake up in the morning, you realize that there are far more important things in your life now than the energy-consuming, soul-sucking things known as hatred, bitterness and grudges.

There's a Bible verse that I read today that reminded me of this. It's in Ephesians 4.31-32, "Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you".

With a wife as an anchor, of which you can depend on as support, floatation of love God has placed by your side and a daughter that reflects the wonderful elements of you and your spouse, all that crap in your head begins to mean nothing anymore. Lorimer is a intense reminder of that as well.

It isn't an easy process either. It's like changing a diet in a spiritual sense -- you're used to all the junk you love to eat but deep down you know it is downright bad for you, thus needing to replace with healthier alternatives and by God is it difficult. Cheesecake and I are like Winnie the Pooh and Hunny! Overtime, though, through solid discipline and healthy means of activity, you unlearn those things no matter how long it takes. I say this because overnight sudden changes are slim -- slimmer than a Slim Jim.

More than 2 months later! Fatherhood, Marriage and Life!

2013-10-11T09:18:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone,

It indeed has been quite a while since I've written a blog expressing what's been inside my head. I have to say there has been a lot going on. Indeed it is that within over two months a lot can change.

On August 31, 2013 Lorimer Elise Isabella Bernice Gonzalez was born to my wife and I at 9:21AM. It was a bold moment. Up to the point of actual birth, it was difficult. Induction proved to fail and thus a C Section was made to happen and it was, quite frankly, painful to witness. The joy of Lorimer's birth was there but also the momentary fear of something going wrong with your wife was also pending. With a hemorrhage that occurred during the C, I feared the worst for her as the blood splattered about the area of operation to the point that even I was not exempt to the view.

Lorimer is, through and through, my daughter in all the funniest ways. Less than an hour old, she starts sucking on her knuckles and smiling. I tell her that she'll have her Snuggles next week and suddenly she smiles and gives me the middle finger! That is just awesome. As time went on, she can loud like me, likes to be active physically like me and a lover of music like both Genesis and I. What surprised me is her positive reaction to Judas Priest's "All Guns Blazing" as I was casually listening to music on my own when suddenly I see her air guitar (another newborn development I saw aside from the finger). She can also really get laid back on Sarah Brightman, Michael Jackson, Alter Bridge, Creed, Ronnie James Dio and giggles a little to Dethklok (to no surprise like daddy). She likes seeing me get on my guitar.

Thankfully, Genesis, my beloved wife, she is recovering well although that C section scar still stings her a bit. As far as being a mother, she is new to all of it but is a fast learner to the point of paranoia -- but it has served her skill set as a mother. Granted, all of these changes can affect a woman, as wife and new mother, in a lot of ways but I find that she is handling it far better than most.

Some of you are probably wondering how am I doing now as a Floridian, husband and father? Some say they go through this world crackling experience in their head or emotions but personally I feel like it hasn't affected me at all on a grand scale of things. Granted, there is a change of culture between Florida and New York however I have never let the world I'm in affect me personally. I've never been about accommodations unless it involved the kind I created for myself as well as those in my circle. For me, it's just another day another dollar.

As a husband, I do have more responsibilities because I have to not only look after my well-being but also my wife's (and vice versa for you people who think it's a one way street). On the flip side of it, all I ever wanted was to settle down, as though wanting a girlfriend since the age of 4 wasn't enough of an indication, let alone my history of being ditched in some past relationships. I have always wanted to proudly say that I'm married and that there is someone I can go home to for the rest of my existence so for me, being married is as natural as a knee-jerk reaction.

As a father, all it did was further remind me of how much I like to take care of someone who isn't me. This is the fruit of my loins and given that I take good care of my loins, I naturally follow suit with Lorimer. Like my mom and dad, I too am a drill sergeant when it comes to baby scheduling because one tiny slip in the baby routine and Lorimer will react. For a near 6 week old, she catches on fast to that. Nothing, however, is funnier than experiencing your daughter headbutting you as though you were her wrestling opponent (we watch WWE together every week) let alone mumbling "arvudibu" (RVD?) while watching RVD vs. Randy Orton.

In Matthew 22.39, Jesus said, "Love your neighbor as yourself" and quite honestly, when you're able to love yourself genuinely and absolutely, how you treat your daughter and wife reflects that behavior and if sometimes there is worry about yourself, how you treat them finds its way into reflecting that.

I know, some of you reading this must think that either I'm delusional or that I make it sound so easy but for me the fact of the matter is this -- you are, as it stands, your personal investment. You are your own business to take care of and guess what -- your spouse and child, in turn, are a part of that personal investment and for me, I'm all about doing, as Triple H says, "what's best for business". This also means that I don't take some things personally and just deal with it. If your baby is crying every 4 hours, that's code red for diaper plus food time. Afterward, if she's quiet around you, she loves your company. If she's antsy, play with her, put music on, read to her. If still antsy, either it's time to change diapers or she wants mommy time -- and she loves mommy quite a lot! I also don't stand there and be like, "oh my glob, what do I do?" because when I remember what my parents did with me and my siblings, lights turn on and I take care of business and if the business doesn't want to do business, I do business for the baby for her benefit.

As far as work goes, there are elements where I sincerely miss the way business is handled in NY but on the other hand there are things in FL where business on a long-term scale is more beneficial. As a father and husband, this is actually where those two factors actually change your attitude. Remember when you felt like voicing yourself on something you were adamantly agreed with to the point that you could risk losing your job or you wanted to defy all the bull because it was "the right thing"? Guess what, you better check that attitude out the door when you go to work unless it is truly affecting your personal life because when you're head of household, the household takes priority over all else. You bite your lip, shut your mouth and do your job because you have your family, your lifelong investment, to take care of. This isn't about you anymore and if you care for yourself, your family and all else that's on the line, deal with it because at the end of the day, that is what's best for your personal business -- until you branch into something bigger of course.

My father, in all his adamant attitude and absurd level of opinionated mentality, out of respect for himself as a man, husband, father and respect for my mother, myself and my siblings, he never whined, cried and complained about anything at work unless it was life-threatening. He simply checked his ego out the door, did his job and proudly took care of all of us because if he were to mouth off, he would've found himself in the unemployment line quicker than a knock knock joke.

Get my Vol. 1 book for free THIS WEEK!

2013-08-11T11:58:00.000-04:00

To everyone that reads this blog,

Congratulations, for this week only, my compilation is absolutely free! Just click on the link I have below and then download. Some of you are wondering why I have made my book this easy to get -- it comes down to just getting it out there. I want it to be out there and spark the curiosity and after all -- if you end up liking it and want it in paperback, you'd just have to order it.

This is my way of saying, "read before you buy". It is also because there will be a magazine version of it coming soon that has a vastly artistic rendition absolutely different from this one! This will also be the last version that will be under my real name before I officially change it under my pen name (and stage name) Ron Gunz.

So click on down and enjoy!

http://www.lulu.com/shop/ronnie-abimael-gonzalez/vol-1/ebook/product-20600698.html

Life after Brooklyn! Life starting in Tampa!

2013-08-11T01:47:00.002-04:00

So it has been just a bit over a week since the big move from Brooklyn, NY to Tampa, FL and I have to say, much has happened in my move. For one thing, the weather is certainly different. From experiencing four seasons to just one, there is certainly a grand departure in that dynamic. NY gives you a bit of every kind of weather except for an actual hurricane.

In a two hour walk from one side of Hillsborough to another in Tampa, I experienced practically every form of weather I could be offered. I started with some hot and sunny weather to downright humidity, heavy dark rain to scattered showers to a conclusion by way of sunny and partly cloudy. I should be sick after that experience but I'm not. What should've been me walking into what is now my new work location all soaked and wet turned into me having my clothes instantly dried up by the sun, looking as though I didn't get drenched. Hurricane season is approaching as we speak so I'll fill you in first hand as to how I experience it.

Another thing I experienced was the change in commute life. 90% of the people here drive and God forbid they even move a damn muscle to exercise, even if it's a fifteen minute walk! On the upside, there's the HART bus transit, of which to my surprise kicks the MTA's rear end when it comes to bus service. Seeing me on a bus in Brooklyn was like a death wish because what should be a 10 or 20 minute wait for a bus turns into a 45 minute wait. HART buses estimate to 30 minutes per bus but I find it to be 25 minutes at best.

How about things available? Well, my friends, there's quite some variety. First of all, there is nature everywhere so you can throw out the concrete jungle environment. I also find that there's a food market with fresh fruits, veggies and meat 15 minutes away by foot, the DMV and the bus stop. Keep walking a little more, there's dollar stores, Burger Kings, Walgreens. On the very block where my job is located, there's a Babys R Us, a grocery store, a gym, Pizza Hut, Applebees, chinese, machu pichu restaurant and even a check cashing place. My reaction was, "Well, looks like I don't have much traveling to do!".

As far as the people, I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that people are genuinely nice. I'm used to kindness equating to fakeness or the setup for some scam or quid pro quo scenario but it isn't the case at all. When it comes to funny acting people, it's as simple as, "you leave me be, I'll leave you be", which I find to be very respectful and an unspoken ethic here.

I've seen palm trees, ponds, families of ducks going out on a family outing together, dragonflies, fire ants and lizards (no snakes yet). The sunrise and sunset is a beautiful sight. There are areas that remind you that you're in the south by the gritty look but many other parts, especially in the townhouse manor area I live in, remind me of Puerto Rico back in the 90s in layout and feel.

I am also still taken aback by pricing. I feel as though I died and woke up in paradise.

As for my people back in NY, I haven't forgotten about you. Some have this perception that because I moved and that I am enjoying my brand new life that I'm gonna just go amscray and leave people with this impression that NYers mean nothing to me but the truth remains that I still carry a ton of NY in my blood as well as in attitude. I do miss my friends and family, I just don't miss the over-saturation of police and the whole concrete jungle life, totally void of God's creation and natural life.

Farewell New York City, hello Tampa!

2013-07-30T10:16:00.001-04:00

The time for me to leave New York draws increasingly near much more than it did any other day -- and it's crazy! With my transfer to my job effective August 10th, it gives me time to explore and check out my new home -- in Tampa, Florida.

I think what's going to be interesting are a few things -- a new environment and the absolute removal from everyone and everything I've ever known. Think on that for a second -- Everyone you've bonded with, everyone you knew, loved, hated and embraced for 28 years were from New York and now it all ends. Gone will be all the skyscrapers, the dreadful MTA, the big presence of NYPD, the growing mass of bar/restaurants, the borough of churches (well, I may not miss that unless I need business in sales) but at least I won't be missing hipsters!

I am more than grateful for every last thing I did accomplish. I finished elementary, junior high, high school and community college. When things take their form, I'll wrap up my Bachelors but it will wait for now. I was in three bands and in each of them, I gained experiences of the learning kind, met different people of different walks of life and played in places I thought I'd never play at the time. I've played in churches, bars, lounges, parks and even prison. I wrote the three poetry books here in NY.

My dating life started and ended in NY. Every sexual experience I ever had, I did it all in NY and not ashamed one damn bit. I met my wife here. I conceived my kid here. I married my wife in NY.

My birth, growth, death and rebirth in spirituality all happened in New York. In the concrete jungle, I developed my faith in Christ, a love for his Bride and absolute disdain for corruption, hollow religion and falsehood. I learned in time, in a harsh way, that to truly fellowship with our Lord, you'd have to tear the walls down and get rid of the business model we've been attached to for centuries -- and that process, at most, will create alienation and even, for a season, create isolation but if you've learned anything from the Bible, quality men and women in God are formed in isolation but be aware of the hurting process. You get betrayed for going against the norm, criticized for criticizing and antagonized for questioning that which is worthy of discrepancy.

The bigger question now is, as Pillar's album says, Where Do We Go From Here? Honestly, my answer is being a husband and father. It's all about the adult life and responsibility. I have a woman and a kid all to me now to look out for, love and care for.

Also, in the meantime, I will finish my album, as it's about halfway done but knowing how I am, I may extend it to more than just 8-10 tracks and even extend it to two or three albums. I am also plotting to get into airbrushing soon as well as making some freehand art canvases.

To everyone that has been around since my lifetime in New York, I thank you all just for being there -- through thick as well as through thin. This chapter of my life closes and another letter opens -- just stay tuned as it begins to unfold.

Love,

Ronnie "Ron Gunz" Gonzalez

History of my rig

2013-06-28T02:06:00.000-04:00

I figured it would be fun to write about my history when it comes to my performing rigs -- whether it be for effects or even amplifiers or the combo of both and let me tell you, there's been a run of changes.

In 2002-2004, I had a Boss DS-1, a Crybaby and a Danelectro French Toast Octave Fuzz. It actually wasn't my favorite rig but it did the job I needed it to. I was just on a Squier Strat, mostly playing on 90's Peavey keyboard amps wherever I went unless a Roland Jazz Chorus was around. I always had the distortion effect on the French Toast rolled back because of the excessive distortion for what I was doing back then. My DS-1 was often with the Distortion rolled to about 45% and my Tone setting to the same. I always used the Crybaby strictly for some funky rhythms.

In 2006, my rig went through a big change. I had an Epiphone Les Paul Special II at the time and my Sinbiote. I switched the old Crybaby for the Dimebag Crybaby From Hell and the Morley Bad Horsie 2. The DS-1 left and I replaced it with the Digitech Bad Monkey and the Grunge pedal. I also included the BOSS CE-5 and the KORG AX3G. I would use these as a means to experiment and try different tones for punk, pop/rock, alternative, metal and prog stuff too. I was also using all this through an old Guitar Research acoustic amp that had built in phase and chorus (both on) while hooked to a Peavey 5150 4x12 cabinet. I eventually replaced that amp with the Crate Power Block in conjunction to the 5150 and that definitely opened more clarity and more messing around.

In 2008, my rig got through another big change -- no more half stack, hello to the Raven RG100 and my Audio Technica guitar wireless unit. I also eliminated all the pedal mess, replacing them with the Morley Mark Tremonti Power Wah and the Line 6 Floor POD Plus. By then, I also had my PRS SE Custom 22 and eventually the '85 Ibanez Axstar. It was only yet another big change.

Now we're at 2013, ended up losing the Tremonti Power Wah somewhere. I ended up getting the Crybaby 95Q which does the same I used to get out of the Bad Horsie 2 except being significantly slimmer in size. The Floor POD Plus is still in place and will always stick with it but now I may be adding the MXR Prime Distortion as a kicking boost for solos. The RG100 is gone, as is the Sinbiote and the SE Custom 22 but in addition, I have the Crunch Lab and Liquifire humbuckers on my Axstar and now I possess the PRS Mark Tremonti SE. I can honestly say that I enjoy the combinations I have now.

Forfeiting titles -- Another thing I let go.

2013-06-17T23:53:00.001-04:00

Another day drags on as I think about everything I left behind that I once had years ago -- titles. I look around and I see all my fellow Christians acting like they're on top of the world by calling themselves Evangelists, Pastors, Prophets, Apostles, Bishops, Reverends and so on. Don't get me wrong, I think it is wonderful when you find your calling in life and you live it out but I think it is quite a stretch to use that calling as a title as though you're trying to be extra special. There is a sense of pretention, arrogance and pride -- qualities of which Christ teaches against.

If I wanted to, I can go on about how in the early 2000's, I attended a Billy Graham seminary, certified and all, as it was about Preaching the Gospel during times of Crisis. As I have said in past entries -- I too was an evangelist under the Pentecostal's definition. You could also say I was also a teacher and more but none of these things mattered. Even being an active musician for churches, as well as ministry to outreach to people with God's love, I've played at churches, street church events, Riker's Island, bars, clubs, lounges and even McCarren Park. As Paul said, "but whatever gain I had I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ" (Philippians 3.7-8 ESV).

I have never been a fan of carrying titles as a Christian. It almost absolutely comes off as though people are trying to add an extra pump to their egos with that and yet again I say, it runs against the grain of humility that Christ teaches us as the standard. Jesus didn't run around going, "stand back, there's a Messiah coming through"! Sure, he did at times make the claims such as, "Bread of life" claimed whose "Yoke is easy and Burden is Light" and "The Way, Truth and the Life" but they were rare, usually among the closest thing he had to family -- his disciples. To everyone else, He simply was. That says a lot as to how we, his believers and followers ought to be -- don't talk about your credentials because there's plenty of people in the world talking about theirs. Live what you were taught and lead by example.

One last thing to bear in mind as well -- those titles and degrees won't mean squat when YaHWeH calls you unto account for what He called you to do. Jesus won't be your advocate then because He's gonna let His Dad get his judgin' on. Remember my fellow believers, walk in humility, demonstrate the example Christ has set before us, which is nothing short of love, light, holiness and humility.

Your friend,

Ronnie

My top favorite Overdrive, Distortion and Wah pedals

2013-06-13T12:47:00.001-04:00

When it comes to overdrive pedals
1. Fulltone OCD
2. Ibanez Tubescreamer 808HW (the one that looks like a jolly green tank)
3. MXR Classic Overdrive

When it comes to Distortion
1.Bogner Ecstasy Red
2.Wampler Sovereign(ONLY because it has no boost button)
2.5. MXR Prime Distortion. Yes 2.5 because Wampler's absence of a boost button is the ONLY thing stopping it from first place.

When it comes to Metal Distortion?
1.Wampler Sovereign. Alright people calm yourselves. This guy can go from a subtle overdrive tone (that's okay) to a raucus and brutal metal sound.
2. MXR's Super Badass. It's the Wampler's little brother minus the bright/even and boost/standard switches.
3. Metal Muff. Even though it has a Top Boost, it's just that -- a Top aka Treble Boost. Not everyone that is solo hungry wants a top boost, they may just want to boost overall.
4. MXR's Fullbore Metal. It's good for metal but that's as far as it goes. Even with the Gate button activated, it's still a tad noisy in tone and even with the scoop button activated, the Trebles still sound scratchy.

For Wah pedals?
1. Crybaby 95Q. Clean or dirty, all the way or just a subtle touch, it sounds clean through and through and you can adjust the gain boost and the range.
2. Bad Horsie 2. Clean, it sounds good until it's fully pressed down, where you hear a slight bit of a scratch. Dirty? This thing kicks serious butt. The range from the Contour is ridiculous!
3. Dimebag Crybaby From Hell. Has all the range of the 535Q and like the 95Q sounds clean as can be when playing clean.
4. Mark Tremonti Power Wah. Has the cleanliness and the Gain Boost of the 95Q and its default range is only a tad short of the Bad Horsie 2.
5. Crybaby 535Q has the range the 95Q and Bad Horsie 2 possesses and has tone to made the wah deep or bright. It's problem is the same as the BH2 -- doesn't sound too clean when playing full cocked in clean.

That Inner Sorrow

2013-06-06T02:59:00.000-04:00

It stems from years of the favoritism, injustices, corruption and false Christianity that I find these days. I've become weary with grief at how the only thing that matters to some are just filling up four walls, singing all day and preaching to the choir -- meanwhile there are people needing help with poverty, abuse, injustice and disease. Too many leaders caring about how much money they can stuff themselves with and preoccupied with hi tech in presentation but so low tech in heart with all the things going on that their congregations are going through.

It stems from the disillusion of thinking I could ever see Christianity the way Jesus and his disciples taught it. I guess everyone likes the way it's business as usual and don't want to tear the system down. It you can't beat them, leave them and be among those who agree that the only solution is demonstrating Christ-like attitude at its core.

I miss my baby sister Bernice. It's been about 5 years. I'm still finding it weird that when I turn the curtain, she's not there reading a book with a funny face or being the only audience that'll laugh at my weirdness. Not much you can do I guess.

At least I'll meet some new believers in Tampa and I'll have my wife and my little daughter to keep me up and at least I'm not a golfer!

Where do I fit Agape in life now? or Where does Agape fit me?

2013-06-02T19:29:00.001-04:00

I woke up God knows how late. I think about 12pm or something similar to that frame. I look around and the first thing was making pancakes and working out in my balcony. Five sets of pushups, dumbbell flys and dumbbell presses, plus 160 crunches later, my head wandered towards sanding my Strat's body down. I remembered wanting to do a fresh hand-painted job on the whole left side of the body but for years never go to it. It's still a work in progress but I'll get there.

As 3 1/2 hours went by, I realized that not only did I miss fellowshipping with fellow Christians but that I'm in one serious spiritual pickle. Forget the concept of lacking a new challenge on my faith -- I'm talking about my conflict with fellowship.

For years, the thing I noticed the most is that most of my brethren in the faith, I have never actually developed a friendship with them so that my faith can grow. Part of it is due to my experience of how they will then try to puppet you into no longer being a human being and just doing fellowship in a building, nothing else. I always felt, in a sense, betrayed because the Bible teaches about fellowship being very family-like but I've never experienced any of that. All I've experienced was a lot of politicking, backstabbing of congregation members, myself and my family being one of those victims. I ask to hang out and instantly their agenda is church -- not having coffee together, jamming in a studio, hanging out like real people. I never liked the concept of relationships with my fellow Christians being that shallow. Don't get me wrong, I love talking about God and everything but I can't stand shallow relationships. I get bored very easily when it comes to people. We're supposed to be family, which means we challenge each other, grow with each other, love each other. I've experienced none of that.

One of the gripes that I find and will never let go, is the fact that people of my own faith have the audacity to separate everything else from your spiritual life. That's a red alert for hypocrisy, insincerity and even duality. If your soul and spirit are entirely separate from who you are in church, then who is that who goes to work and interacts with co-workers? Who's the person sitting in the classroom studying? Who's the artist creating music, drawings or paintings? If your spirituality is not in conjunction with every other fabric of who you are, there is a big problem.

I guess part of why I haven't been as adamant about fellowship as I once was is due to the terrible reality that I sat down and learned more of who God is and how Christian faith is supposed to work on my own than amongst others. No tracts, handouts, expositors or study guides. I sit on my own, pray to God and read on.

Life also rocked my mentality on fellowship. I never experienced much beyond the fellowship walls. Unless I told you what's going on, you'll never know. Most of my life, I was told that people are the enemy and that they only want what they can benefit from you with -- that's what my very self-righteous father always taught. Life also taught me that you can't always trust the pastor, the "angel" of the church. They'll be guiding you by the hand today and unquestionably backstabbing your father and making him look like a disgrace the next. You're fed sound advice today and later tonight, that same leader is doing double of what he's telling you not to do.

I once had a best friend who befriended me but because of who I am, would make it his agenda to change who I am. Once he saw that there is no changing me and that you must accept me as I am or beat it, he gradually turned people against me, played off as Mr. Righteous and before you know it, when his agenda elsewhere didn't go well, he went off on a drinking spree. I also am disgusted with condescending Christians who write you off without actually getting to know you one on one. Any little thing and they've already made up their mind about who you are. Never sat for dinner with you, visited a gallery, watched a movie, worked on something together or ever bothered to ask questions.

Ever since I was baptized, I questioned every last thing about my faith. Some places I got very comforting and affirming answers, others gave me even more questions and when it came to execution, doubt undoubtedly made itself known.

Do I believe in Christ? Absolutely. Do I believe in the Bride of Christ aka The Body? Not a doubt. So what's my problem? The Body doesn't resemble itself and I'm tired of it. I;m tired of being one standing alone against the monotony, the politics and falsehood it has become. When God said there will be a remnant, I definitely believe there will be one. Thankfully, all those phonies won't be a part of it.

Sheep in Wolf's Clothing?

2013-06-01T23:19:00.002-04:00

The most random thing came to mind today -- people always have made use of the term, "a wolf in sheep's clothing" since God knows how long. Obviously, it is a reference to people who seem sweet, loyal and sincere on the outside but deep down they're like ravenous wolves, seeking to eat you alive and poison you with all sorts of evil. They're the kind that you stay away from but not sure when to do so until the shady attitude begins to unveil itself.

What about the "sheep in wolf's clothing?". These, in my mind, are the people that appear like trouble, total bad news and absolutely rotten but once you actually see what they're made of, they are the total opposite. They turn out to be the most sincere, loyal and most fun-filled characters in your life.

The two terms both collided in my head and oftentimes, I wonder if people are one of those two terms or if sometimes we impose these perceptions on people. What if the people we label wolf dressed as sheep are only that because of our perception in life because we grow afraid of being challenged no different than if those who are sheep dressed as wolves are only that because it's easier to label the misfit-looking person as unfit to our existence?

I think of it this way because I'm going to give two examples. There's me. For some retarded reason, by people of the same faith I identify myself with, I was somehow perceived (and still perceived) as a wolf in sheep's clothing based on my preference and approach on music, as well as how stark in contrast I've come to see things when it comes to faith and materialism. As a Christian, I do believe in following what Jesus Christ taught and lead the loving example he showed. Musical preference, in the end, is up to you. A distorted sound or a phaser sound or a wah sound will never make your music any holier or evil than hot sauce makes or breaks one's preference to how they want their chicken. I don't believe in the clothes makes the person anymore because when it comes down to it, if your dress code is your ministry, you should therefore pursue a career in fashion not in showing love, peace and joy of Christ to people. I draw cheap heat from fellow Christians for being real because I'm sorry, I'd rather be up front and real about my faith as well as in who I am than to play this dreadfully fraudulent act of perfect and squeaky clean Christianity because it's not real. If you are engaged with Christian faith, you will find that in spirituality and faith, there is a lot of messiness going on.

Then there's my best friend, Sid. People see him right away and they hide their kids, maidens, wives and so on. They perceive him as this Satan-worshipping, demon summoning, looking for trouble guy. The irony, of course, is that he's really damn far from that. He isn't summoning Lucifer to steal Kat Von D's soul so he may eviscerate her body, he doesn't call upon demons to kill off police nor is he looking for trouble with people. In fact, he is the most faithful friend around. He'll whack you upside the head for sense and hug you simultaneously. He'll listen to you, he'll eat, work out with you and sit and watch music videos, concerts and movies with you. He'll even sit and eat popcorn as your man-ger unfolds for his humor! He will also challenge people. He likes a great challenge because it gets him off the way Hitler got off from the Holocaust. The sad thing is that people point the finger at him all the time in scorn and partially that's why he despises 99% of all of Christendom. To think he too was a Christian.

So there you have it, you do have people who are wolves in sheep clothing, as well as sheep in wolf's clothing but there are times where the labels are stamped upon you based on perception rather than through deep understanding and reality.

Aizen Complex Today: Making you believe what you perceive

2013-05-30T14:52:00.000-04:00

I love the Bleach anime. It's awesome for a few reasons --

1. It's samurai in nature -- from the garbs the Shinigami wear to the Society they live in beyond physical life.

2. Shinigami aka Death gods or Soul Reapers

3. Some interesting characters.

The one character that now catches my attention looking back is Aizen, the main antagonist in the first storyline. You see him at first and he comes off as this fair and very benevolent character -- very suave, graceful, gentle and kind. Then the random murders happen and all the chaos that ensues. You find out he's the villain all along. Each Shinigami has their own special ability. In Aizen's case, it's illusion. Every time he takes out his sword, whatever you perceive will be illusion. That means whatever conspiracy, whatever event, even whatever is presented to you (even victory), if he is behind it, you will only see whatever you want to see. He'll even make you perceive someone else's death as reality when in fact it is your own or of a person entirely different of the one you see.

With that said, I find myself in a similar dilemma with most people in life these days. I don't know if it's because I have little to no faith in people, wanting to protect myself or because people have really been reduced to a certain level of stupid. I make different people see different sides of me. It is rare that anyone sees all sides of me. At work, I'm the knowledgable, middle of the road guy that doesn't do office politics and has his mind on his job. In school, I was the quiet guy who just came to class and just did simply that. In fellowship meetings with Christians, I'm just the musician who has something to say once in a while, usually ignored and not leaving any curiosity behind. With my family, they just see me on my computer, playing guitar, video games, eating, laughing.

My friends? Oh they're my shrinks! They hear most of every last thing inside my head! I become this loud and maddening man-child that speaks out ideas and thoughts everyone else in my life wouldn't care to listen to me talk.

My wife? She discovers everything about me. My likes and dislikes, what brings me up, what drags me down, what gets on my nerves and what stimulates them, what imprisons me identity-wise and what calls me out from the shadows. I leave no stone unturned to my wife. If she sees something bothering me, she will know because I know I can tell her.

It's not ironic that to your closest allies and your significant other you can be totally yourself because you don't be judged. You can totally be you. It is ironic, though, that we're told to be absolutely ourselves to everyone yet because how you perceive the other audiences, you only let them see a part of it, which eventually they think is all of it.

One of my friends has friends that when they see me, they judge only by appearance and know so little of what's inside my head. Logic would tell you, "why not let them see who you really are" but reality will tell you that there are, in fact, people that don't always need to see the other side because if they judge you based on what they see and on their own mindset, you can't expect them to change their perception or mindset ever after they see the bigger picture of your identity.

I love Jesus. I love rock. I love metal. I love music. I love guitar, video games, comic books, movies of different kinds. I love sex, lots of it but I also love my wife for accepting me as I am, love my friends because they understand me and understand how I operate and how they can help me go beyond the usual. I love the artistry within tattoos. I also love crazy weird people. You know -- the goths, the satanists, anarchists and so on. Why? They're totally opposite of what I believe in and stand for.

This goes way back in high school. Here I was this typical well-mannered and sheltered Christian guy sitting 60-80% of the time with a table loaded with metalheads. We're talking guys and girls that were into Cradle of Filth, Marilyn Manson, Slipknot, Nine Inch Nails, Immortal, Venom, Celtic Frost, Rob Zombie and Motorhead. Mind you, to this day, out of those bands, the only band I have on my phone is Motorhead. These guys probably found it bizarre that I sat among them but I guess they saw I was with them the same reason why they were with each other -- I didn't exactly belong. I never felt like I belonged with my own Christian kind because I felt that 9/10 they were only interested in converting you and not so much getting to know you the way Christ wants us to come to know him.

I loved their company and yes, I laughed at some of the filthy jokes that went on for the simple fact that many times it was absurd. They weren't the demonic hellspawn they were painted out to be. I guess I never got ousted because I wasn't out to convert them but rather to get to know them as people and really get where they're coming from because everyone else only saw what they wanted to see or what they perceived as comfortable to see.

I think it's also the reason why sometimes at work or in fellowship I hold back from showing everything. It's the fear that if I showed them, I will either never hear the end of their judgments or I would be exploited and burned out by them to the point that once they got everything they could out of me, I'll be tossed out as nothing more than an expendable asset.

Thus I feed people an illusion and false perception of who I am unless their curiosity and personal interest drives them to see if maybe there's something else behind the curtain.

In the Darkness

2013-05-19T13:59:00.001-04:00

"For you are all children of light, children of the day. We are not of the night or of the darkness." - 1 Thessalonians 5.5 (ESV)

As a follower of Christ in my own right, I have struggled with this Bible verse. It is for a very solid reason -- the night is where my strength is drawn from. By day, I struggle to do things but as soon as night falls, my energy returns. On a day of no work (and no work the next day), I can prowl the night until sunrise. Even for sleep, I need darkness to sleep peacefully.

I find daylight irritating. Every time I see it, my first reaction is, "Where's the moon, I can't deal with all this light in my face". Every time I want to do things, it's always at night but most people are either sleeping or if not in bars or clubs, places I care less to go to. Let's also include that most places are closed after 9pm-11pm.

It's quite the struggle for me because when I do want to show up to church, I wish for them to be open at 1am for me to isolate myself from the world to pray. When I desire to write, draw or record, all of my energies kick in about 1:30am. The only reason I work by day is because all my pleasurable desire comes out at night and I don't want to spend my precious energy with work. As much as I love people, I hate being surrounded by endless droves of people by day.

So it comes down to one question, "Where do I, a self-professed Christian that has all his energy for everything at night, belong"? It's bad enough that I have that issue with those of my own faith because my political and social views don't coincide with their idea of the norm.

Some things never change pt. 2

2013-05-10T02:32:00.001-04:00

In my last entry, I introduced the concept of forgiveness while also speaking about how the political stigma of music genres and their acceptance factor in church life caused the alienation of young people in the faith. In this entry I want firmly state that it only leaves room for one more issue -- falling. Perhaps it may not relate to music itself at all but forgiveness is something to be read carefully on here.

How many people must we ask forgiveness to because we shunned them over something very minute yet overblown and in turn also caused them to distance themselves from the faith. Even if that pretense isn't the best means to distance from Christ, it does not leave exempt that in approaching the matter without etiquette, class and grace, there are sheep that may have gone astray from those rash actions.

Forgiveness also matters because these days, a lot of us Christian brothers and sisters are attacked with struggles, battles and sin left and right every day. Business is encouraged and artistry isn't given more sensibility and encouragement as a means to address struggles we may have with our identities, emotional and even sexual ailments. Identity because of desire to express, something that isn't common at all in business (since business is all about money), emotional because people sometimes may feel depressed, angry, in anguish or worry and therefore, music and art are a healthy means of expression and sexual ailment because sometimes people need to help themselves to not be consumed by sexual appetite because when you lust, it can lead to a lot of manipulation, infidelity, broken hearts and even a mess in a network of friendship and even work.

In the process, a lot of Christian brothers and sisters are falling due to temptation, frustration as well as isolation. Let's be real -- social networking has crippled the definition of friendship. Friendship once met gathering together outside of work or religious environment as a means of camaraderie and genuine love and fellowship. Now people think they know you just based on your social networking page. Every person has has experienced a falling moment are just being judged and stomped on. Fearmongerers feast on them like Dracula does on blood. Let me set something straight -- you do not need to further remind someone about a failure, especially if they are very aware that what they did is wrong. It's not that I don't believe in correction, it's just that you don't need to correct someone that knows what they have to do. If you're in the wrong about something, you don't need someone to tell you, let alone step all over you.

Furthermore, as the Body of Christ, we are to show a forgiving spirit. It is one thing if the person is trapped in something and need help to get out but it's quite different when the person knows what's wrong in their life. Normally, we as humans, when we slip up and slip up bad, we tend to drive ourselves into our own personal guilt trips. The very last thing we need are a group of people stepping on us, crushing us to bits, judging us on our past mistakes.

To those that I know or don't know that have fallen or are falling, hear me out because I've been in your position. I understand the guilt that stabs into you like venom, the depression from failure that torments every brain cell and the chills of condemnation that point the finger within. Remember what John said in 1 John 1.9 ESV, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." No need to hang yourselves over your shortcomings.

"I will not allow my past to dictate my future." - CM Punk

Some things never change pt. 1

2013-05-10T02:06:00.001-04:00

For some crazy reason, the message of forgiveness is constantly being reflected to me every day this week. Even while at work, it traveled deep in my mind. Perhaps it's because the resurfacing of my anger towards those who feed on the falling down of others.

Yesterday I was talking to a few customers and one of them was asking for a good distortion or overdrive pedal for a warm and rocky sound in church. Granted, I gave, as always, the best recommendations that came to mind. Behind him were two young teens with the most, "what the heck" faces I've seen in a while. The older man left happily with the Fulltone OCD Overdrive and the young guys came forward. They asked, "rock in church"? I felt the flashbacks as I felt just as they did. These were kids that, at the same age I was once, were feeling outcast because of their musical preferences. Ironically, they too were ex-Pentecostals, who left the church her mother went to because they were judged over their music genre preferences. These kids weren't looking for trouble, scoring with women or doping it up. Just two kids that love guitar, love rock like I do.

Apparently, they didn't get to see how the perception of rock changed in church as years went on. Perhaps because more church people realized that a sound modification didn't really make your music playing any holier or corrupt. I remember how taboo a touch of a Boss DS-1 was in churches. They looked at you like I summoned Satan, which I would've understood if they preferred a Fulltone OCD, a Boss OS-2 or a Hardwire Valve Distortion. All I was really doing was adding a layer of distortion while playing funky latin, reggae or calypso type of rhythms circa 2001. I never saw rock become less taboo until around 2006-2007. By then, hearing a Salsa/Merengue style of music in church was nothing new and actually was normal but a rock sound was just beginning to be welcomed.

Unfortunately, a lot of youth, like these kids, were alienated because of their sound preference. It was okay to hear Fred Hammond, Salvador, Third Day, Hillsong, Jeremy Camp, Todd Agnew and Steven Curtis Chapman but God forbid you gave ear to Demon Hunter, ReD, Oh Sleeper, The Showdown, Skillet, Narnia, Disciple or Switchfoot.

I couldn't help but while talking with these customers about how despite that, they can't just not like Jesus anymore. For crying out loud, if these old folk Christians met Christ today, they'd be in trouble. Jesus was always around anyone but religiously acceptable people. I also understand why these two kids felt the way they did -- because I was outcast the same way. I was that guy that pushed against the grain because I believe that if you are a man or woman that loves to worship God, worship Him or point to Him with anything you can. Whether it's rock, salsa, jazz, metal, reggae, tagging, henna or even with sock puppets, if the intent is to reflect God and his goodness, just do it.

Why am I bringing this up? This is due to this forever being something that will never be let go. Even if one day a music genre is no longer taboo, the damage that was done remains. The fact that many souls were alienated and enstranged by church people hangs there.