Bird For Bird

In the dark room, I see the light.

2013-03-28T07:33:00.000-07:00

I'm expanding my photography and professional life surrounding it & I just can't seem to tear myself out of wanting to be in the dark room.

I have to incorporate this art somehow without the fear of it dying. Developing my own prints is how I learned what photography was and I can't just turn my back on an art form that I've come to love so much. I will never forget seeing my dad's black and white prints and being amazed at the tricks and tools he used in the dark room to double expose, overlap prints, coloring prints with ink, etc.

I've conformed to digital and have been using it for years but looking back on my prints I created in the dark room versus the ones I've had professionally printed, you just can't compare the grain detail in a black and white film print. It's beautiful, traditional & I had a part in creating it from beginning to end.

The Greatest Act of Love Ain't No Act At All.

2012-07-03T09:23:00.001-07:00

I'm missing my babies in India today. There are days when I miss them so greatly, it aches. I hope the aching is them feeling me there with them. That sounds completely silly, but India works in this way. It flows and works from all the noises, smells, sights and acts of love. It's a very symbolic and "everything has meaning" type of place. So for today, I blame the aching of my heart on the fact that the kids feel my love today.

One story sticks out in my head today so significantly, I can hardly work. While on my most current tour in India, we took all 200+ kids at the orphanage to the Bay of Bengal. Some of the kids hadn't been more than 2 miles outside of the orphanage walls, so this was such a treat for them.

As soon as the bus was in park, hundreds of kids ran straight towards the ocean, cloths and all. It was the happiest moment of my life; to see the complete and utter pureness of this joy come to life right before my eyes.

That day, we also celebrated one little girls 4th birthday. This was her first time to have her own cake and blow out candles. It was the day that stole my heart and the reason why I feel like I left my heart there...with all the kids.

If you think this day didn't get any more amazing and heartfelt, you're wrong.

On the way home, I witnessed the greatest act of love I have ever known. I sat next to two little girls on the long bus ride home and watched as they both struggled to find comfort long enough to nap during the bumpy ride. They finally took one sleepy look at each other and hugged, laying their heads on each others shoulders and fell asleep.

It amazes me that these beautiful babies are so robbed of loved, yet they never fail to teach me more about love than I know is possible.

And just for the record, it's never a bad sign when nuns hula hoop better than you. They've got the big guy on their side.

Namaste.

Right to Write

2012-07-02T13:50:00.002-07:00

“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” -Ernest Hemingway

Mr. Hemingway died on this day. This quote could not be more true, although typewriters are becoming few and far between these days. Everyone must make more time to do things that ignite their soul and bleed with intensity.

For me, it's photography & writing. Two things in which I love yet abandon so badly.

My wish for the world today is that everyone would just let their passions positively bleed. I have had two friends in the past year take their own lives. Both of these amazing people were artists that I greatly admired. One was a woman who's paintings were beautiful & inspring to so many people in our community. The other gentleman happened to be my photography teacher turned friend through my college career. Ernest Hemingway committed suicide as well . . . too many artists have let go, leaving behind a legacy of art but much to soon before thier time.

The world is confusing, with sensory overload happening at every turn. No matter how confusing, tragic & depressing there is always a healthier outlet than letting go.

Reading. Writing. Talking. Painting. Biking. Hugging. Kissing.

This post took a whole different path then what I first intended, but I let my thoughts bleed and this is where they ended up.

Suicide is something I have yet to fully understand, but the only thing I know for sure is it's not the answer. For more information, visit the suicide prevention lifeline.

Excuse me, Mr. Man.

2012-06-27T08:45:00.002-07:00

I refuse to believe your job is supposed to be something people don't enjoy. Maybe people would stop killing each other if their everyday was filled with something positive rather than the surrounding of a hated job.

I refuse to let men in my workplace talk down to me and make me feel inferior, no matter how hard they try. So often I see the women I work with scurry around like little rats, doing unreasonable tasks asked of them by men who treat them like the scared little rodents they look to be; only to laugh about them behind their backs.

The Regional Vice President of my company had the audacity to tell me my degree meant nothing to him. My response? "I pity you and the negatively bad person this corporate world has turned you into." I could have, maybe should have, gotten fired, but way too many woman before me have fought for my words and I will not stand down to a man in a K-Mart tie.

And this is why the corporate world is suffocating all the positivity out of me; but I refuse to let it. I may not have the luxury of my dream job at the moment, but I refuse to make Susan B. Anthony roll over in her grave by not sticking up for myself.

So---to all my ladies (and some men, perhaps), stop scurrying around, making less money than your worth and start to believe that your job is supposed to be something you enjoy. Working towards positivity & productivity, no matter what you do.

My dreams are far fetched to some, but my reach is endless. The only reason I didn't walk out when Mr. Man insulted me is because all he has done was fuel my fire of dreams.

Negative Nancy Not Allowed

2012-01-05T13:33:00.000-08:00

Negativity surrounds an incredible amount of people's lives. Why? We allow it.

What I have come to realize over the past year is that if you don't even allow negativity into the flow of your every day, it dissipates & slowly disappears completely. This began with thinking it was a complete impossibility to go back to India. Last year, after diligently hand-writing over 200 letters to family & friends, I got a donation response of about $200 over a 6 month period. This year, I mentioned to a friend & fellow traveler that I yearned to go back. I kept telling him, "It's not gonna happen" So he started asking around and in a little over 2 weeks, he helped me collect the money for my trip just by asking around. He resides in Houston so the people that donated aren't even people I know; they just donated out of the goodness of their hearts and out of the positivity my friend had for me the entire way. He didn't allow negativity the way I did and it became possible.

This is a rather large example, but it works in little ways too. A few weeks ago I lost my favorite ring that my mom had gotten for me. Searching up and down the entirety of my tiny apartment for weeks led me nowhere. One day after work, I came home and said to my confidant, "I'm going to find my ring today."

"Oh, really?" He said in excitement and slight confusion

"Yup, there's no other option. Today is the day."

20 minutes later, I found my ring.

For that mere 20 minutes, I didn't allow the thought of "I'm never going to find it!" creep into my brain. I didn't allow for it and voila!

Anything you put out into the world in a positive way will make it's way back to you in positivity. Give the world a reason to give you good things. Trust me, the ways of the world work in mysterious ways no matter what God or higher power you believe in; don't let the option of negativity & it's evils stop you from getting something you want and deserve. Pave your way to positivity.

India Dreaming

2012-01-04T10:26:00.000-08:00

The other night, I had an amazing dream about India. I dreamt that someone surprised us with a visit to Sooch Village while we were in India. Tears began rolling down my face in excitement of getting to see how much all the orphans had grown in the past year. When I look back on this dream, I can still feel the complete and utter excitement that overwhelmed me when they told us the news. This one little girl in particular, Mooshkawn, has been on my mind nearly everyday since I returned from India last March. I have never felt a yearning to be a mother, but Mooshkawn is this little girl I worry about daily. She was the initial reason I wanted to go back to India.

Tearfully, I told my mom one day that I couldn't get this little girl out my head and that I worried about her so incredibly. I also told my mom that I thought I was crazy, but that I felt as though I was supposed to be this little girls mother. I thought my mom was going to tell me I was insane after telling her this, but her response was "Well Mona, go find her." I love how my mom says things that are so simple & beautiful, it doesn't matter if she says it to me in Farsi or English, it always translates into the same simplicity. International adoption isn't legal in India and I am so far away from ever being a mother, but the impact this little one has left on my heart is felt every single day.

I can't believe I am getting the opportunity to go back to India as an Ambassador. It also amazes me how often I feel as though I ruined my last trip. Before going to India, I felt like I could conquer anything. I came home feeling more weak than I ever had in my life. A lot plays into feeling that way, but one good start is my lack of writing while I was there and the lack of what I did to send the message of these children once I returned. No matter what you do, you cannot prepare yourself enough for India. As soon as you step off the plane, the immense amount of sounds, smells and sights is enough to make you feel completely out of your element.

Almost a decade ago, my Senior quote for high school was by Gandhi, "Be the change you wish to see in the world."

I'm still working on it and I have a long way to go.

Count on Up

2011-10-15T16:45:00.000-07:00

Countdowns are a staple of our lives for many special occasions during the year. They're the best kind of celebration, especially since no one is exempt from them. From a New Years countdown to a birthday countdown, every single person on the planet participates in both whether or not they like it.

Since I got back from India, I feel like I haven't had anything to look forward to, no specified countdowns or fun excursions and ideas. I itch for my creativity, art and writing rule to my life. I hardly feel as though I can call my self as "artist" of any kind since I don't believe I am anywhere near being "established."

While I am stuck under these fluorescent lights of reality, the only thing I can do sometimes is to count up. Count up to all the things ahead of me that will find it's fateful way to me no matter what I do or what happens.

There are at least two pieces to every slice of life: fate and determination, yin and yang, love and hate, in and out & up and down. I love that I can always count on the count ups of my life.

Going to India changed me and still continues to every single day. Being an Ambassador to show the orphans of India every ounce of love and goodness I possess was the hardest thing I have ever done. What's even harder is feeling the pain of a third world country and trying to bring back a message to everyone at home about what it's like and how we can change it all. Every day was the more intense than the day before. Up and down.

One minute I was having the time of my life playing a ridiculously fun and traditional game of bulldog, and the next minute my heart would be breaking while holding a tiny toddler the size of a newborn who was suffering from malnutrition. I was the photographer for the trip and with all this going on you would think it would be a cinch to capture a defining moment on film was a lot harder than I thought. A lot of rules surround the exposure of the children and the people involved with the orphanage for their safety.

I had been hoping to have an art show ever since I got back in March, but with some of the expenses that come along with the process of presenting pieces to the public can be expensive. Lucky for me, a great little art gallery called Buffalo Totem opened recently just down the street from my apartment. A young local couple I'm acquainted with run the store and are going to show some of my pieces at the next Paseo First Friday art walk. These are some of the prints I'm thinking of showing:

"Suns over Sooch"

The sunsets in Oklahoma are incredible, and India is the place that most closely compared to it's orange beauty. It made being homesick a lot calmer.

"Class for class"

In the morning, we would see the kids off as they traveled by bus to a nearby village to attend school.

"prayer, eat, polish"

Each morning, they would patiently polish their shoes and neatly comb their hair. They were so proud and thankful to be lucky enough to be going to school.

"House mothers"

The house mothers of this orphanage are Saints. There are a total of 20 houses on the orphanage grounds and each woman is a house mother to about 15 kids per home. They are incredible strong, immensely loving and always smiling.

"Pink in pretty"

This little girl was one of the few kids that was too young to attend school during the day, so she was incredibly fun to hang out with during the afternoons. Some of the kids had never seen a photo of themselves so the attention and curiosity of photography was very humbling.

So, my count down to my next count up celebration:

I am so excited. It's a great start to so many count ups coming up in my life.

Namaste.

Windy Knights

2011-10-07T13:47:00.000-07:00

If you don't like the weather in Oklahoma, wait 20 minutes.

Sometimes you just have to make the best of our crazy weather. No matter what kind of weather, there's always a cure. That's why people invented the slip and slide, kites sleds and Gary England. Those 4 things could get you through rain or shine.

The wind didn’t stop us from enjoying the sunlight and playing frisbee. Another big positive; it gave me a chance to play with my camera. Photography is trulsy my number one passion. My dad did it and was incredible so I know it's in the blood. The best photographers have always said to never go anywhere without your camera. After months of making excuses to not carry my camera around as if it was my child, I rode my bicycle around town for hours in search of some must-see photo opportunities. I came home with nothing.

Then, the next night on a whim I rode my bicycle to the convenience store less than a block away and I see this older woman, stretched across her lawn in her short shorts and moo-moo, trimming her grass with scissors. Inch by inch she snipped away while she carrying on conversations with herself.

Since then, I haven’t left home without my camera.

My friend Rachel and I decided to have a girls afternoon and play frisbee.

Always play frisbee, even if it's windy! Did you know that Oklahoma actually gets more annual wind than Chicago? Yup, it's true.

Oklahoma has one of the best sunsets I've ever seen. That's how red dirt makes magic.

I learn something new everyday. On this particular day, I learned how much fun triple exposures can be.

I always hear people from around the country say that Oklahomans are the nicest people you'll ever meet. That ain't no lie. A neighbor nearby noticed how much fun we were having and let us borrow a huge stuffed banana they had won at the State Fair.

And with the recent news of Arrested Development signing to do another season, it had to be a sign.

There's always money in the banana stand. Why not meet someone new everyday? It makes life spicy.

Project Tourism

2011-10-03T14:44:00.000-07:00

Ever since I graduated college in 2005, I've contemplated this whole blog thing. It wasn't until I heard Kevin Durant was caught allegedly saying his new home, Oklahoma, was boring.

Excuse me, Mr. Durant. Spend one week with me and I'll show you what Oklahoma is about. Sure, it isn't L.A and it definitely isn't the coolest place to live but I get so tired of hearing about how much people hate Oklahoma. So it's my duty to Oklahoma to show all those nay-sayers just how cool Oklahoma can be if you just look around.

Take for example my most recent project. Project Tourism. The Oklahoma Department of Tourism provides anyone who signs up a very large and information filled box bursting with brochures and maps of things to do in Oklahoma sent straight to your door.

From hunting, camping, wine tours, pumpkin patches, museums, Operas and the Zoo, you can find all the information you need to keep you busy for an entire year. My friends and I have already mapped out how to get ourselves to a winery, a pumpkin patch and an opera all in one day. The best part: it's FREE! With all the commotion about budget money, I personally like to know that my tax dollars are going towards a good cause I can appreciate.

The fun part about this project is no one knowing who sent it to them. I'm already quite the fan of snail mail, so my address book is packed full of friends and family that have received my sneaky little gift.

Get your own box o' Oklahoma goodies at www.travelok.com/brochures. (Of course I'm having trouble making it an actual link, go figure)

Now if only I knew what Durant's address was.

Until next time!