Surviving In Sweden

It’s been summer

2013-06-08T12:37:00.000-07:00

Sorry. I have definitely been Swedified enough so that when the sun is out, I am out, too. Little Swede has been running around swimming in fountains. Littlest Swede has been sleeping all over town. We’ve been eating Princess tårta for Swedish National day (I’ll save that for another post), and sitting in the courtyard drinking near-beer since we never have time to get to Systembolaget to buy the real thing.

If you have ever lived in Sweden for any length you know, when the weather gets good, you get out of your house. You never know how long it will last. The rain could come in 5 minutes.

Swedishness

2013-05-27T12:37:00.001-07:00

This little video made the rounds during Eurovision about what it means to be Swedish. It captures a lot of the little stereotypes quite well.

(Also, I can admit that I just skipped Eurovision altogether this year. Sure, I could have blogged about it and upped my hits, but that would have meant watching it. And, well, when there was only ONE Eurovision it was watchable and made a fun drinking game, but now that there are three? Not so much)

You can catch the video here –

Spoiler alert – My one objection contains the highlight of the video – where Prime Minister Reinfeldt makes an appearance. This scene is WAY too confrontational for Sweden. Instead someone would have left a note by the dishes saying something like “The Prime Minister’s Mother does not work here!” or “How can you run a country and not be able to wash dishes?”

Giving birth in Sweden: Pain management Part II

2013-05-13T04:26:00.000-07:00

In my first post on Pain management during birth in Sweden I posted about my experiences with the pain management I decided to go with. But there are several interventions I decided to forgo and here is a little about them and why I opted out.

Acupuncture – At our hospital all of the midwives are trained in acupuncture and they offer it as a regular pain management technique for birth. You are invited to meet with them ahead of time and try the treatment out. I have had this technique recommended to me by several friends who declare the ‘Whiskey stick’ as it is often mistranslated into English or ‘the Whiskey needle’ which, thanks to this mistranslation, I often picture as the size of a small branch, is indeed wonderful. This needle is inserted somewhere into the back of your head and is supposed to release tons of endorphins and feel good vibes.

I have done acupuncture before and surprisingly found it incredibly relaxing. The first time I ever did it I felt like I was high. But I decided when going into labor I did not want anyone coming at me with a needle unless it was going to be full of drugs. Acupuncture for running injuries is fine. But if you are going to be sticking a giant needle into me to alleviate pain it is going to be an epidural – I am not as crunchy as I once believed.

The paddles – Actually I have no idea what this torture device is called in English, but I will call it a torture device since it sounds appalling. This is when they insert pockets of hot water under your skin (yes UNDER your skin) to, again, release endorphins in your body. Or cause you extreme pain elsewhere. Or I don’t know what. I know I thought TENS sounded ridiculous before I tried it, and I am pretty sure TENS worked solely as a concentration method, but keep your body modification techniques away from my body while I am trying to give birth without medication. Seriously, I think the other alternative should be ‘The vice grip’ tightening your hand in a vice until you release endorphins and all of your focus is on your damn hand rather than your painful contractions.

Hypnosis – The biggest bonus about hypnosis? No needles! My hospital has a trained hypnotist on staff and access to listen to hypnosis CDs in the birthing room. I have actually done a lot of hypnosis over the years and regularly use hypnosis as a relaxation technique to handle stress. But labor is not stress. It is labor. There was this time I got the chicken pox at an age where it was pretty damn devastating, and a trained hypnotist could not keep me from itching. I just could not concentrate. I was too nervous to rely on hypnotism as my main form of pain control although I did use some relaxation techniques at the beginning. And way too many of the birth hypnosis CDs stress the idea of labor not being painful and only thinking positive thoughts --- and that just does not mesh with my ‘oh crap this hurts – but I am tough enough to get thru this’ mentality.

Overall I can see why 2/3 of these techniques are appealing, but really don’t get the paddles at all. Those are the main options my hospital offers. If I am missing something (or if you LOVED the paddles) let me know!

Everyone says ‘I love you’ no one says ‘Jag älskar dig’

2013-05-06T13:11:00.002-07:00

Pretty much every time I speak with my parents the phone conversation ends with us all saying ‘I love you.’ Except for these days when they usually end with one child in tears and me running off saying ‘got my hands full talk later’ or something like that before Little Swede has a chance to click on ‘the red telephone.’

But even with all that, there is a lot of ‘I love you.’

I don’t think I have ever heard the Swede’s parents say ‘Jag älskar dig’ to him. Not once. Not that I have ever doubted they love their kid. They certainly show it in many other ways. But through all the weddings and funerals and family ups and downs I have not heard an audible ‘I love you’.

This surprises me in many ways. I know Swedes are not as gregarious with their feelings as we Americans. I get that. But as a parent, I cannot for the life of me imagine not telling my child I love them several times a day. And just in case I forget, I always tell them one more time before they go to bed.

Little Swede is learning about this at the moment. He openly declares his love for me, The Swede, the newest Swede (still working on a blog name for the little guy) and everyone else in the family. But he also declares his love for the guy who delivers the advertising foldouts on the weekend (‘He looks so happy! I love him and his stripey jacket – were the exact words), a new brand of diapers, and Dora & Diego. (See? He is American, too!)

I am very happy to hear The Swede has gotten into the habit of saying ‘Jag älskar dig’ during bedtime routine, and Little Swede and his sidekick will grow up hearing they are well loved in two languages.

I know that actions speak louder than words, and far outweigh them. But I also am a firm believer that these little words say so much – especially to little ears. I cannot stop telling my boys how much I both love them and älska dem.

Our Swedish daycare does not lock its doors

2013-04-23T13:08:00.000-07:00

Schooling in the US these days seem light years away from what I grew up with. These days there are locks on the doors, metal detectors, sign-in desks, ID cards, registered visitors and a ton of other security measures that makes the schools sound less like places to gain knowledge and more like prisons.

Little Swede’s preschool has a door that opens directly to the outside world. It is never locked if they are in the classroom. If they leave the classroom, they lock that door and post a sign saying which room you can find them in. This door is also unlocked.

If someone else is picking up Little Swede I just tell them at the beginning of the day. The people who pick them up have never had to show ID.

There are playgrounds with lots of low trees. On any given day you may walk by and see some of the older kids climbing these trees.

Sometimes I bring friends or family to pick up the kids. Sometimes they go on long walks. They get to know people in the local community – the local librarians, the cafeteria cooks, the people who work at the grocery store.

Some of the kids scream at the passers-by – “Vem är du?’ they ask over and over again. No one tells them not to talk to strangers.

I am grateful for this. I hope it lasts a bit longer. I don’t want my child to be afraid of everything that moves. I don’t want to be afraid. I don’t want to lock my child up.

That said, the other day, one of Little Swede’s friends saw me outside the pre-school and swung the door open shouting ‘Little Swede! Your Mama is here!’ (but in Swedish of course). And that is a whole other can of worms now that the kids are tall enough to reach the oddly positioned door handles. I can totally imagine this kid (who is totally fab in every way and very persuasive) leading a mass preschool exodus while the teachers are looking the other way. I guess we will cross that bridge when we get there.

Becoming an American in Sweden again

2013-04-16T12:50:00.002-07:00

I’m a white girl with fair skin living in Sweden, let’s just say I ‘pass’ pretty well here. Throw in the fact that I have a rather odd accent when speaking Swedish (people have asked if I am from Gotland several times) and most immigrants assume I am Swedish – and many Swedes have said it took them awhile to realize I am foreign. Fine. OK.

But then I had Little Swede – and I went from speaking a large percentage of Swedish all day, to speaking English out in public ALL the time. After 10 years of passing, I stick out again. And it is weird. And people’s reactions are weird.

There are those who are freaked out – like the librarian who went around telling everyone in Swedish that there was a play in the other room if they wanted their children to attend. The one who avoided me at all costs until everyone else had left the room. (We knew about the play and were not planning to attend). Now my dilemma – do I say something off-hand to her in Swedish to relax her? Finally she came up to me, after walking back and forth to our table 3 times before she said in English that there was a play going on.

There are the frustrated Iranians – Seriously, I don’t know if it is only me, but many Iranian men want to stop and talk about politics when they hear me speaking English. This is not a bad thing, I love talking politics. And I am always interested in hearing their stories. It is a strange thing to be asked ‘Are you American?’ after 11 years of living in Sweden, but when I answer yes, I am always surprised by the stories they tell. Most are Mujahidin disappointed in the lack of American support.

Scaring the other foreigners – I don’t know what it is about speaking English, but I speak it louder. And when I am speaking it with an American other than my son, I speak it much louder. And sometimes, when I am totally relaxed and letting my Swedish social guard down? I speak it like I would at midnight at a diner, where we have stopped after having a few drinks, over a cup of coffee and some curly fries. That is pretty loud. This behavior sometimes gets me some odd looks from other foreigners. Or they markedly lower their voices and thus, I am reminded ‘I am STICKING OUT’ again.

It is strange to ‘become American’ again – and as much as I try to ‘keep my voice down’ it is who I am.

Signs you are raising a Swedish/American kid

2013-04-13T07:46:00.002-07:00

So Little Swede is now 3, and showing signs of being a well-integrated Swedish-American kid. What are some signs you may be raising a Swedish/American style kid?

Ketchup on Pasta – Yes, I tried in vein to prevent this culinary disaster, but Little Swede loves ketchup on his pasta. And hates macaroni and cheese. How did this happen to my child? I do not know. 10 points for Sweden, 0 for the USA.

Peanut Butter and Jelly – Any time we go anywhere and sandwiches are served (open-face of course), Little Swede requests peanut butter. And guess what? No one ever has any. Not only does Little Swede LOVE peanut butter. He likes it with jelly, too. And when we are out of jelly, he will demand it with marmalade (???? British touches here?). No crusts allowed from the time he could speak. Kid is even more American than I am. I hate PB&J and go for straight up PB. Seriously. Every day for lunch, for the first 5 years of my schooling, I had peanut butter on white bread. (Yay for American schooling and no cafeteria) 0 Points for Sweden 5 Points for USA

Makes a mean pancake – Yes, by the age of 3, my Little Swede already knows how to whip up some killer pancakes from scratch. No we don’t let him flip them on the stove himself yet (he isn’t Pippi Longstocking – athough he wishes he was), but we do let him make the batter and keep an eye on everything. I still do not know how to make a decent Swedish pancake. But that’s OK I make a mean American Mickey Mouse pancake and THAT gets bonus points for me. 5 points for Sweden that the kid even knows that food is cooked in the kitchen not the restaurant.

Mamma says ‘cawfee’ – in perhaps the best thing ever, Little Swede shows off what little is left of my Jersey accent by telling everyone that Mamma drinks ‘Cawfee’ and Pappa drinks 'kafe'. Cawfee kicks kafe’s bottom. I think this about ties things up for America and Sweden, don’t you?

Dear Swedish Housing Market: I HATE YOU!

2013-04-07T04:32:00.002-07:00

So we are just your average Svenmerican family, with 2 kids, a pretty decent income, a good sized nest egg in a BSCHCOL area in Sweden. And we want a house. But we are not willing to risk our entire financial future on the biggest purchase of our lives.

Basically we are fucked.

I have vented about the Swedish housing market before. I know. But it really pisses me off that those of us who have really tried to make smart financial decisions are the ones who are left out in the cold, and those who are willing to play financial roulette are the ones who have nice homes.

The price of homes in Sweden has doubled in the last ten years. DOUBLED where we live. NO ONE is amortizing their homes. A recent call for home owners to require amortization to 75% of home value was rejected by major Swedish politicians. The conservative ones.

Everyone only looks at the monthly cost – which is interest and fees. No one actually talks about the fact that you are borrowing half a million dollars and then NEVER paying it back.

And the houses? Does no one in Sweden have more than 2 children and work from home? Yay for open plan houses, but all of the new houses in our area have a maximum of 3 bedrooms and some only have one large open area that is supposed to be livingroom/dining area/play area – and these houses start at 600,000 dollars. We need an office/guest room and would love to have 2 kind of open areas – one for kids.

The housing market is starting to slow down a little bit. But it is just depressing. Of course we can wait. But if we are going to do this house buying thing, I would like to do it while the kids are little – so we can enjoy a yard.

And of course the bank is ready to throw money at us. Because who wouldn’t throw money at people they hope will pay interest for the next 30 years on a 500,000 dollar loan. They are combing in the money.

This housing model cannot be sustainable. I do not get it. But then again, I am not an economist.

I don’t want the bottom to go out of this for the sake of the Swedish economy, but when people with our income and with decent money to spend don’t feel like they can afford a house – who is left to buy up all these houses?

Sweden show why national politics and school grading policy don’t mix

2013-03-28T05:32:00.002-07:00

What does an A mean? What does a B or C mean? Having survived the NJ public school system, I know they mean different things to different people. But at least I can be sure that when I try to convince my Grandma that F means fantastic (on a spelling test of course, if you couldn’t guess from this blog) – she won’t buy it. My mother had the same grading system in the 60s.

Here in Sweden, since I moved here, they have had 4 different grading systems. That is 4 different assessment systems teachers had to understand, interpret and apply in little more than a decade.

There was the 1-5 system. Then the VG-G-UG (high pass-pass-fail). Then they added an MVG (very high pass). Then they switched to an A-F system.

Most of the changes were due to policy changes directly from the government, that while built on actual pedagogical research, lacked the one thing I personally think is most important in a grading system – stability and general understanding of what each grade means.

Yes, in the US the grade C is supposed to be average, but the whole grading system is so inflated that C really means ‘poor’ in most schools. And that is OK because it is generally understood to be so. Many report cards will also include an explanation of each grade.

Teachers in Sweden have just barely managed to establish what an MVG means and it disappears.

If you want to give Swedish kids a fair shot, and lessen their stress levels, quit pulling the carpet out from underneath them, politicians, and give them a leg to stand on.

Giving birth in Sweden: Pain management at my Swedish hospital Part I

2013-03-22T06:36:00.002-07:00

So I blogged before about how it takes some work to get an epidural at my local hospital in Sweden (and some readers let me know it was the opposite at their hospital – so this doesn’t seem to be standard Swedish). And so I thought I would post about what types of pain management by hospital readily offers and has offered me.

I consider most of these to be in the ‘natural birth’ category, but perhaps my ‘laughing gas’ fog means I did not have a ‘med-free’ birth. I don’t know. I don’t care. Laughing gas made me crack up during the tough times. And was totally useless in the end anyway.

A candlelit bath with lavender essential oils – So this is where I started out with both of my births, and I LOVE it. You get in a giant bath tub, the lights are low, it feels like a romantic movie, but your innards also feel like they are about to explode, so it is not so romantic. Nurses bring you cups of ‘fruit soup’ (which tastes remarkably like juice) and occasionally put some contraption in your stomach to find your baby’s heart rate. Your significant other can spray down your stomach with hot water during contractions using the showerhead. This pain management technique gets 3/5 stars from me. Only 3 because you can do it at home (but it was not half as relaxing in our tiny bathtub where I felt like I might not be able to get up again from weeks 38 and on of pregnancy). And also because last time I almost passed out when getting out of the bathtub and felt like crap. But it was nice while it lasted.

Wheat pillows heated in the microwave – I loved these suckers during my first labor. They are just regular wheat pillows you warm in the microwave and then cover your stomach and back with until you are almost too numb to feel anything. I was afraid I might cook the baby, but then I was so uncomfortable I forgot to care. With my second I requested one and it felt like putting a band-aid on a hatchet wound. I did like it a lot for my afterpains though, although I had to bring one from home, and beg the nurse to tell me where the staff microwave was in the patient hotel because as she said “I just can’t figure out those darn wheat pillows” (Except she said it in Swedish in an equally annoying way…). I give wheat pillows 2/5 stars because they get cold quickly and end up being a bit of a hassle with the nurses.

TENS – You know those electrical shock belts they advertise on the TV to help you lose weight while you are sitting on the sofa eating bonbons and watching soap operas? That is what TENS is. Basically you give your self electrical shocks to trigger your body to not react so much to other kinds of pain because you are reacting to this pain instead. It sounds insane. You are even supposed to practice shocking yourself before labor. I actually ended up using this with my first and loving it. I think it was a placebo effect. I could relax a lot more when I was focused on when to give my self shocks than when I was just doing nothing but waiting for the next contraction. I had told the Swede that I wanted to use TENS again this time around, but we never had time for that. I give TENS 4/5 stars only because it sounds absurd and I don’t think anyone would use it if they weren’t desparate.

Laughing gas – Ohh laughing gas. How I love and hate you. The idea of putting a tiny little mask over my mouth and nose while in labor freaks my inner claustrophobe out do no end. I wait until the midwife is begging me to put the damn mask on before I give in. I hate that part. But then, the giggles. And the fact that, like TENS, it gives you something to focus your energy on. Laughing gas makes me think I am hysterical. It makes me crack up. And it makes me think that maybe just maybe this damn contraction is worth getting through so that things will be so hilarious afterwards. But in reality, laughing gas does nothing. And when you hit transition, it will be nothing but a tease. I give laughing gas 3/5 stars for getting you over the hump of “How long is this going to take” to “Oh crap what the hell is happening to my body” but then being totally useless.

To be continued ……..

The dangers (or is it the fun?) of blogging

2013-03-20T05:54:00.001-07:00

I’ve had this blog for a few years now and am really happy with the way it has grown and developed. I’ve ‘met’ a ton of interesting people, I’ve been asked to get involved with different projects, and I’ve had fun getting everyone’s opinion.

But one of the most interesting things about having a blog like this is that often, on other sites, some of your material is discussed or referenced. And I find it fascinating to see who is using my posts in a debate or discussion.

For the most part the reactions have been pretty positive. I’ve had some of the posts on ‘Babies sleeping better in the cold’ get linked pretty high up on sites like reddit and 4chan. My post on Breastfeeding in Sweden led to my highest traffic in one day when a major French publication referenced it in one of their leading stories.

But one of the posts that gets the most hits is my IsFeminism Good for Men post, about my take on the results of ‘feminist’ politics on the role of men in Sweden. Mostly the reactions have been good, from both men and women.

But then one major ‘Men’s rights’ publication linked to my post and when I went to go read their post (I will not link it here, because I do not want to give them traffic or launch a debate with them) I could not figure out why they were quoting my article, which is pro-feminist, in an article totally ripping apart Scandinavian feminism. This article was then picked up and translated by a Spanish site with a similar agenda.

It turned out they were quoting some of the comments to my blog, and using them as facts. The blog post also contained another gem, equally well-quoted from another blog’ comment section, claiming that men in Sweden pay 50% more tax than women in Sweden. (Have you not heard of the penis tax? I had not either).

That one article generated a ton of traffic for my blog, and I wonder if their readers were equally as confused as I was. I don’t know.

But I do find the danger of blogging, and probably the danger of the Internet in general, is that everyone is free to make up their own facts. I try, in this blog, to be very clear (sometimes I think too clear) that this is just one woman’s opinion. I don’t claim to speak for Sweden, nor do I claim to speak for the entire immigrant population.

I like discussion. I like debate. And I like to hear what people think. But sometimes the things you write can be taken out of context. And that can be incredibly frustrating. You must really have to fish for facts if you are taking snippets of comments from blogs as your source material.

(And in the spirit of good measure I will say that the article was written awhile back and can be found on a site that is named after a very manly tool – the spear- and maybe also the particularly killy part of said tool –the head- when those words are put together—along with an article and a hyphen)

Getting an epidural at my Swedish hospital

2013-03-18T06:11:00.001-07:00

OK, so a few weeks ago we welcomed the newest Swede into our family, and once again I was quite happy with the way things went at the hospital – despite a few minor complaints. And once again, I went thru the whole shebang almost all au naturalle, except for a few hits of laughing gas (which always makes me wonder why I paid 1 dollar for that crap in Grateful Dead parking lots).

Getting an epidural at my local hospital is not the easiest of tasks, if one is to believe local rumors and stories. And in my experience, epidurals are certainly rare beasts.

I have never written up a birth plan. I am not a planner and the idea of planning something with so many unknowns involved just seemed so overwhelming I skipped it. And I still ended up with 2 epidural-free births.

If you want an epidural at my hospital, I imagine you need to plan accordingly, completely opposite of the American experience (from what I have read).

If you are going to get an epidural it probably depends on

1) If your midwife is pro-epidural – Seriously, one of the midwives I had with my first got me all prepped for a possible epidural, so that I could opt for one later if I wanted. But the next shift’s midwife was all ‘you don’t need that, you are doing great’ and did everything she could to give me other options (I hope it doesn’t make me sound ungrateful here, I loved midwife #2 and was in the ‘I will try to go without an epidural if I can’ camp before my kids).

2) If the anesthesiologist is around – A lot depends on what is going and how available the anesthesiologist is. There is, I am pretty sure, only one and it can be hard to get him/her. There will be a wait.

3) You scream your head off - One of my friend’s said she got really tired of all of the alternatives and just started shouting “EPIDURAL” or rather “RYGGMARGSBEDÖVNING” until they caved and got her one. I will say, this friend is a bit on the dramatic side, so I tend to believe this story. It may sound extreme, but then, labour does strange things to a person.

4) Let them know right away – Walk in the door and say you want the epidural. Don’t let them talk you out of it. Get your heplock put in immediately and tell them it is all you want. Although this may not work if the anesthesiologist is not around (My friend from the story in #3 did not have time to get one using this technique for baby # two).

I have heard rumours that my hospital has a 10% epidural rate, so that explains the extreme techniques. I do know other people from other hospitals have different stories. In the end I am happy with my birth experiences. But considering how much my husband had to nag about just getting me a damn yoga ball (which we never got, despite having walked past it in the hallway when we checked in) and how I kept saying “I really cannot lie down anymore get these machines off me” before I just stood up and let them fall off (lady do not say I did not warn you 18 times) – I can only imagine how much work it would take to get an epidural.

Swedish dreams – or things I have learned since moving to Sweden

2013-03-14T07:14:00.001-07:00

Yesterday morning, in a desperate attempt to get Little Swede to be happy and excited about going to day care, I vaguely promised that we would bake cookies when he came home again. And then I went and forgot. Until he busted through the door screaming ‘COOKIES!!!’ and I went ‘oh crap’ – but not out loud. I don’t think.

A quick check of the fridge showed we were out of eggs. Really oh ‘crap’.

But what did this all-American girl, raised by a women who saw resistance to baking as a feminist action point, master of any Betty Crocker cake mix do?

Pick up my copy of Swedish baking bible Sju Sorters Kakor and find a recipe for the ingredients we have in the house. Then Little Swede and I whip up the perfect patch of Swedish sugar cookies, or Swedish ‘dreams’ you ever did taste. They were almost Pinterest perfect looking as well, but I was too busy eating them to take photos.

How much more Swedish can you get?

If you want to try these Swedish delicacies that are, I confess, rather easy to make – and somewhat less offensive than other Swedish desserts – here is the recipe. They do include one random ingredient that can be hard to find in the US, but you can always substitute with baking soda. And they aren’t half bad and smell less funky while baking.

Swedish Dreams

2 cups all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 cup unsalted butter, softened

1 1/4 cups sugar

1 teaspoon crushed ammonium carbonate (also called baker’s ammonium)

(1 teaspoon vanilla – optional)

Preheat oven to 300°F.

In a small bowl mix flour and salt (and baking soda if using alternate ingredient)

Beat together butter and sugar until light and airy. Beat in ammonium carbonate. Add flour mixture slowly until well blended.

Roll dough into 1-inch balls and arrange 1 inch apart on baking paper.

Bake cookies in batches for about 18 to 22 minutes.

Sweden Eurovision Fail

2013-03-13T06:05:00.001-07:00

I am pretty sure there is some unwritten rule agreed upon in the back alleys of major European cities that you cannot win Eurovision twice in a row. Sic Google on me if I am wrong, maybe there has been a rare twice-in-a-row winner, I don’t know and I’m not going to look it up. BUT, the host country of the Eurovision seems to be an automatic loser of the night, despite having the crowd behind them. And I am pretty sure that Sweden has set itself up to continue this long tradition of failure.

I admit, in writing this, that I did not watch Melodifestival, the Swedish competition to choose a song to compete at Eurovision. It is pretty much the equivalent of spending 4 Saturday nights in a row watching a nails on chalkboard competition – how would you judge that? I do not know, just like I do not know how to judge this mess.

That said, Sweden has a confusing and odd system in which the Swedish people get to vote for the best song, but in the end it is an International Jury that decides which they think will do best internationally – or as I tend to think of it ‘which one will cause Sweden to lose so that their countries will stand a better chance’ vote – but maybe I am the lone Melodifestival conspiracy theorist.

See, Sweden had an entertaining number they voted for that, while it may not be a winner, probably would have gotten attention and votes. Also it would have won if it were the Japanese music festival.

I give you ‘Yohio’ – the only act I managed to catch a part of while channel surfing during the 4 (or was it 5) weeks of this mess. You can give Yohio a lot of crap, but it isn’t boring. And it is memorable. Two things that win a lot of plus points at Eurovision.

Instead, the jury chose Robin. Just a small town boy, who barely qualified through every single round (and there are way too many rounds) he entered to make it to Eurovision. Seriously, if he couldn’t win over the Swedes, how is he going to go down with the Eastern European Voting Conspiracy? Not very well.

If you want to hear him sing, cut to the 4 minute mark....

His song is not memorable. He is not a blonde Swedish walking stereotype of a bikini team member, and his name is not Carola. I imagine this entry will go the way of The Ark (that means almost last place). I don’t even think he will muster up any press about how Europe loves him and he is a frontrunner.

So, Sweden shelled out a lot to host Eurovision this year, but they have pretty much guaranteed themselves not to have to host next year.

Sweden sweeps Oscars - Searching for Sugar man and other Swedish film news

2013-03-08T06:17:00.000-08:00

So I haven’t updated in awhile, because things have been afoot here. Or at least abreast. And there is now one more Swede amongst our numbers. But more on that soon… there are a lot of posts I am behind on here. So I am going to try to catch up. And will try to write about giving birth in Sweden without too many personal crazy birth details, as soon as I have a moment to process it.

But until then, Sweden had quite the night at the Oscars, winning a surprising 3 out of 3 catagories. I say surprising because 2 of the Swedish nominees were in the same category, so obviously we only expected one possible winner. But NO! Swedish tie! Everyone goes home a winner.

Looking for Sugar Man was the big winner for Sweden though. A really uplifting documentary about tracking down a long lost singer who it turns out is really big, not in Japan, but in South Africa. It is a great movie and well worth checking out, I enjoyed this one and if you like documentaries, this is certainly a fun one. But as far as Swedish film goes? Hell, as far as documentary films go for 2012? I am not convinced.

Sugar Man is a long way from Bergman. And that is OK. I don’t think, sadly, Bergman would get to far in this day and age. But there have been some interesting Swedish movies to come out this year, and the Swedish Film Institute did not nominate them for Best Foreign Film, even if they were worthy of the nod.

If you are looking to see an interesting take on life in Sweden, you should not miss Äta, Söva, dö - Eat, Sleep, Die. A little movie that stars an actual afterschool activity counselor, about what it is like to be an unemployed immigrant in Sweden (not so fun).

As for documentaries, Sugar Man was nice, but it was up against How to Survive a Plague, an incredibly powerful documentary about what it was like to battle AIDS at the end of the 80s and early 90s. While this topic hits me a little closer to home than Sugar Man, having lost loved ones during this time who were members of Act Up, the group the documentary is about, this is a fascinating look back at just what the AIDS virus meant in the US during this time. So I hope some people also take a few minutes, or hours, of their lives to watch this one as well – and remember.

Fun with Swedish pregnancy words

2013-02-22T11:36:00.000-08:00

I’m still here. I am still pregnant. But as the days tick by my ability to concentrate on anything other than how uncomfortable I feel is quickly fading. That and fighting with a sick Little Swede (well not really fighting more like plopping in front of the TV trying to avoid feverish meltdowns) and having a house full of guests means that every minute I have to myself I am hiding under the covers. And seriously those minutes I don’t have to myself, you may also find me hiding under the covers.

Anyways, pregnancy terms seem to be universally bizarre. In English, I could say that every day as of late begins with the frantic hope that today will be ‘the bloody show,’ a beautiful term for what is also referred to as losing your mucous plug – which is usually foreshadowed by such endearing wonderful events like lightening crotch (just what it sounds like) and Braxton Hicks – the feeling of carrying a bowling ball around and then spilling pretty much everything you eat into your lap because you constantly forget that your current diameter is so great.

But Sweden is not without its Pregnancy vocabulary beauty – and the Swedes seem to do it much better.

1) Moderkaka – This is the Swedish word for placenta – although placenta remains the medical term, so if you slip it in now and then with a Swedish accent (as I have been known to do) they will understand you. Moderkaka translates to Mother cookie, or Mother cake - if you are one of those people who has ever actually managed to solve the mystery of kaka vs. tårta.

2) Livmoderhalsen –The Throat of the Life Mother is what the Swedes call the cervix. So much more hopeful and optimistic. Oh please, throat of the life mother, I hope all of these ‘sammandragningar’ or the drawing together of my life mother (aka uterus) are productive enough to make you open. I am not sure what the word for effaced is, so I don’t know how you would explain how effaced the throat is, but really the Swedish midwives do not seem concerned about that at all.

3) Bröstvårt – After my baby arrives --- hopefully today so it can share a birthday with my hero, Kyle Maclachlan, (The Swede already said we could not name the baby Kyle or Maclachlan) – I will immediately place them to my breast warts so as to develop a healthy breastfeeding relationship. This one, for me, does not do as much visually as cakes and life mothers. Breast warts sound a bit icky. But, hey, we’ve all go them. So maybe they are not icky?

Also, I know my grammar is often lacking in these posts, but please keep in mind that sleep has eluded me for the past week. I cannot lie down anymore (except when maybe hiding under the covers), and sitting around being pregnant is a terrible full time activity.

Why is Nespresso conquering Sweden?

2013-01-31T11:25:00.002-08:00

So last weekend we set out to buy a new coffeemaker and every store we went to we were attacked by Nespresso salespeople (and a bunch of other capsule coffee competitors) as soon as we walked through the door. Sure I never say no to free coffee (yes, even during pregnancy), and I appreciated the nice round flavor of the coffee --- but no way am I going to invest in this system for my kitchen and I am kind of shocked at the pace that Nespresso and capsule coffee has conquered the Swedish population.

Why I am surprised:

1) Environmentally unfriendly – I know there is a recycling program for the tiny capsules – I think I took home 8 different coffee pamphlets this weekend – but still, it seems awfully wasteful to use one plastic capsule EVERY time you want a cup of coffee, especially when there is a much more environmentally friendly alternative.

2) It isn’t Swedish mud coffee – It took me 5 years to build up a gut that could tolerate Swedish coffee. OK, so I am used to guzzling down American diner style coffee by the pitcher, and yes, that stuff is like making love in a canoe – but still Swedish coffee is pretty hardcore. I need at least one meal in my stomach before I can digest it without it ripping holes in my stomach. I thought this was a Swedish point of pride. I thought the idea was that you could feel the coffee grinds between your teeth. But Nespresso? It is so smooth, so easy to drink down. Was this what the Swedish people were really longing for all these years?

3) Swedes don’t drink a lot of expensive coffee – Unlike the US where people walk down the street with a 5 dollar Starbucks drink in their hands every chance they get, Swedish latte culture has been much more about socializing than being on the go with your coffee. It’s not like Swedes are saving money and not buying 3 lattes at Starbucks a day and instead having Nespresso. They are doing this instead of having cheap coffee from the pot.

I guess the only things I can think of that make Nespresso so desirable is that the coffeemakers are pretty cool looking, and you can get a pretty nice cup of coffee without a lot of work.

That said, as you can see, we did not get one. We got a nice, old fashioned coffeemaker so that we can brew our rather fancy coffee beans (when we actually have time to get to the fancy coffee store) that we grind ourselves at home. Because one of the things that creeps me out about Nespresso is that annoying little factoid I once read that we consume the most bugs in our diet through our coffee, and because I often wonder way too much about just what is in those damn capsules.

But if my business grows enough to get a little office where I occasionally meet clients, maybe I will reconsider.

The Swedes make some big babies

2013-01-28T05:10:00.002-08:00

Now I have not had a baby in the US, but wow, they make some big babies in Sweden. And The Swede and I happen to have small babies. And this is an anomaly for the Swedish health care system.

Pregnancy in Sweden is generally a very, very hands off affair. You see your midwife once for the first trimester, not at all in the 2^nd trimester, and about every other week until you are 40 weeks pregnant (of course this can vary depending on your age and where you live, and does not include ultrasound visits which are extra).

Pregnancy is treated as a healthy state of being, rather than an illness, as long as you fit within a certain category. And then, well, they go from being hands-off to being all hands on deck.

With my first pregnancy, this scared the crap out of me. Since I apparently don’t have big babies, I ended up in a high-risk category that went from ‘Hey, see you in a couple of weeks to measure the size of your belly’ to ‘see you twice a week to run a variety of ultrasounds and non-stress tests.’ This was pretty scary considering no one ever found anything actually wrong with my pregnancy.

And what is even worse, the Swedes don’t seem to go by the general 5.5 lb border for being a healthy weight baby – they go by 6 lbs. And if your baby is not over 6lbs they want to keep you in the hospital for awhile to monitor everything.

With Little Swede they weighed him right away because, as the midwife said at the time, she was afraid if he went to the bathroom he would fall below the limit. And given the amount of testing we had done in utero, there was really no reason to keep us any longer for observation in a special ward. We made it, by a few oz. Yay!!

This time around, we’ve been to one growth ultrasound so far, and guess what, small baby again. Not in the high-risk group yet, but in the ‘let’s monitor this more closely’ group that we ended up in at the beginning of this nonsense last time around.

I’m trying not to get worked up about this, and just accept the fact that I have small babies. But it is a little scary when a country that is known for few medical interventions, suddenly wants a lot of medical intervention.

But I think everything will be OK. In the newspaper in The Swede’s hometown, when we announced Little Swede’s birth, there was Little Swede and then two babies who were over 10.5 lbs. So I guess I am very grateful I have little babies and not Vikings. Little Swede has since caught up and isn’t such a Little Swede anymore.

And who knows, these growth ultrasounds are notoriously wrong, I could still be having a Viking!

The Swedish January meh

2013-01-21T11:47:00.003-08:00

It’s January in Sweden. All the Christmas lights are gone, but the nights are still long and I really wish that human hibernation was an actual thing, not just my fantasy. Maybe it is because I am 8 months pregnant and huge, the weather is cold and blustery, and the sun passes over head about 8 hours a week. Maybe it is some kind of seasonal depression. All I know is that I am using the excuse that cups full of vanilla ice cream doused in melted peanut butter calm my insane pregnancy heartburn to down at least one every night.

I always think this time in Sweden is the worst. The cozy Christmas candles are looking pretty worn around the edges. Daylight is starting to last a little longer, but not enough to mean you get to wake up to sunshine. The hours between picking kids up from daycare and darkness are too short to actually do anything outdoors for too long.

And I become a whiney annoying bore.

This is why Swedes obsess about the summer. And have silly optimistic ideas that there is no bad weather. I get it. I do. It is just really hard not to whine.

So instead I will be grateful: That I have planned to work most of this month at home. That I am still able to walk my dog around the neighborhood without being in too much pregnancy pain. That my family makes me laugh every day and we spend most of those dark evenings having crazy dance parties around the livingroom. That little Swede sings his way through breakfast in a way that is cute enough to snap me out of my morning grumps.

And that in a few weeks I will be way too busy caring for a newborn to even notice any of this.

Also, until then Little Swede still gets to sled to school – and I am still a bit jealous of that.

Dancing out the Christmas tree

2013-01-09T06:15:00.000-08:00

I know, I have been a bad blogger. I was just getting into the swing of writing here regularly, and then I went on a Christmas vacation to nowhere. I just vegetated with my family for two weeks. It was nice.

This weekend we conducted the sad, but slightly merry ritual of dancing our Christmas tree out the door. It was a first for us as a family. I remember doing it occasionally when I was really little and in Sweden celebrating Christmas or via Swedish au pairs, but I don’t remember much other than that we did it. Needless to say that before kids, The Swede and I left out the dancing bit and just chucked the tree.

So we did what we usually do, we created our own tradition.

While we packed up the ornaments and undecorated the tree we listened to Weezer’s Christmas album – Did you know Weezer had a Christmas album? I did not. The things you learn from Spotify trying to find endless versions of We Wish You a Merry Christmas to keep Little Swede happy.

I think there are specific songs you are supposed to sing while dancing around your tree as it is leaving the house, but I could not remember any of them at that moment. And as our entire –get Christmas out of the house- operation was rather spontaneous, I did not Google it first.

So I asked Little Swede what songs he might want to sing and dance to, and the answer was ‘Här kommer Pippi Longstrump’ So we danced around doing our best Pippi dances while singing the first verse of Här kommer Pippi Longstrump (because it is the only verse we all know by heart) over and over again.

It felt pretty Swedish at the time.

Then we waved goodbye to the tree as The Swede dumped it in the Christmas tree collection spot, and Christmas became officially over in our house, except for the Christmas placemats which keep sneaking back into the kitchen.

I survived a Swedish Christmas checklist

2012-12-27T05:49:00.003-08:00

So we did it! We made it through another Swedish Christmas. The first one where Little Swede could actually appreciate and enjoy some of the activities (after being talked down from his previous –No Christmas, no presents- position).

Here is a simple checklist of Christmas milestones we met or failed to meet this year:

Baking – Check! – This year we baked a lot more than last year, when I pretty much skipped the whole thing. The Lussekats were a win, but the gingerbread cookies were meh. When I asked other people what they do for gingerbread, it turned out everyone bought the damn dough from the grocery store – no one made it themselves. Must make note of this for next year.

Gingerbread house – Fail! – This is where my baking line gets drawn. Not going to happen trying to glue with hot melted sugar and a toddler and my crappy designing skills. Just no. If the Swede decides to give it a go in future years, I will gladly cheer from the sidelines. And maybe laugh a little, too. Besides these things always taste gross.

Found the almond in the rice pudding – Check!- This tradition was one I loved as a kid. We used to hide the almond and the person who found it had to keep it hidden until the meal was over and then return it for a prize. It seems not every Swedish family plays this game the same way. I found the almond this year. And man, it was not easy to keep the damn thing hidden while eating a bowl full of rice pudding. And then, well it turned out I didn’t have to. And all I got was a friggin wish.

Welcomed Santa Claus to the door – Check!

Santa Claus wearing a really scary mask that creeps me out – Fail –

Here in Sweden, Santa comes to your door with presents. It is awesome. But many families, to make this possible, use a really creepy Santa mask. Thankfully our Swede family uses a giant beard instead. I’m pretty sure the mask would have made Little Swede weep.

The story of the Swedish Christmas goat

2012-12-23T11:13:00.002-08:00

Growing up it was easy to get the American/Swedish Christmas stories to line up, mostly because we were either celebrating in the US or in Sweden, and in that case, it didn’t seem odd that Santa stopped off at Northern homes earlier and more southerly homes in the middle of the night. It is a time consuming job.

But in The Swede’s family, like most Swedish families, Santa comes on Christmas Eve and delivers a few gifts to the kids before departing again to other homes. (Yes, it can be tricky to find a Santa to show up! The Swede is on Santa duty for our neighbors this year.)

But there are a ton of kids in the Swede’s family, so there is a gift limit. And since this is a big party, we like to open grown-up gifts, family gifts and a few other little tokens before we go to the big party (We originally thought we would keep a Christmas Day celebration, but since we usually end up at sleeping over somewhere, that is too difficult).

My Swedish in-laws developed the tale of The Christmas Goat, a classic part of the Swedish Christmas, to put the story together and thus this year we decided to tell the tale of the Christmas goat. This may prove to be a mistake, but, well, none of the other stories really seemed to add up.

So the Christmas goat is delivering some of Santa’s gifts early, to take the load off. We left out some water and gingerbread cookies (Little Swede wanted water rather than milk). We could go with reindeer. Or maybe some goat/reindeer combo. But Little Swede is pretty into goats at the moment. He decided this goat’s name was ‘Brown’ since it was gingerbread. So obviously, we have some elements to go over for the future.

But hey, I don’t think this story will be believable for more than just a few years.

The goat is a traditional Swedish symbol, and is often made of straw and set around all over the place, and often burnt to the ground.

Do you have any weird combo traditions in your family? Either way, I hope you have a Merry Christmas!!!

Swedish Christmas Carols

2012-12-22T10:58:00.000-08:00

While I still associate most Swedish Christmases with the Absolute Christmas soundtrack (no this is not a type of vodka, but rather an oldschool series of 'mix-Cd's' sold at gas stations and released semiannually, well not the Christmas one, but Absolute top hits 2012 etc), the day of CD collections is over and there are still a lot of classical Swedish Christmas songs that are well worth enjoying.

If you are curious, the Absolute Christmas contains everything from Wham's Last Christmas, Abba's Happy New Year and Harry Belefonte.

But some classics are this one here:

Nu är det jul igen! The lyrics are: Now it is Christmas again, Now it is Christmas again, and it will go on until Easter, but that isn't true, that isn't true because in the middle is Lent.

It works better in Swedish

All good Swedish holidays include the drinking of the snaaps. But before there is the drinking of the snaaps there must be singing. At Christmas you sing this one:

Hej tomtegubbar

The translation is: Hello Santas bang your glasses and let us merry be! Hey Santas bang your glasses and let us merry be! A little while, we will live here, with lots of effort and trouble. Hello Santas bang your glasses and let us merry be!

And if my first paragraph just left you nostalgic for Wham.... there is always this:

That time the Swedish post office decided it didn’t want to work with the post anymore

2012-12-21T06:06:00.000-08:00

Like post offices around the world, the Swedish post office has really suffered since the advent of email and the introduction of competitors to the market. Not only does the Swedish post compete with companies like DHL and UPS, but there is also CityMail, a local mail distributor that deals with company post.

But the decision the company took in the mid-2000s left me laughing so hard, I still think about it now and then – like today when I had to go pick up all of my on-line Christmas packages.

Here in Sweden, for a long time, the Swedish post office ran both a mail/package delivery service and a banking service. You could pay your bills at the post office, for example. Most companies had what is known as a ‘Post giro’ an account you pay into to pay your bills.

It became obvious to everyone about 8 years ago that there was not going to be a lot of money in the Postal industry in the future, but that banking was still something that was bringing in a steady cash flow.

So one day, the Swedish postal service decided that they would not longer provide postal services at the post offices, and only offer banking services.

Now see, this is the point when the Swedish postal service should have picked up the phone and called me. You see, I would have told them this:

“Silly post office, you are forgetting that most people pay their bills at the post office because they are going there to drop of their packages/mail and want to kill two birds with one stone. If they are going somewhere just to do banking, they are probably going to go to the bank!”

But they didn’t call.

Instead they did an awesome thing. They opened a bunch of mail counters in local grocery stores. So now, you can go and pick up your packages while you go grocery shopping. The opening hours are much more extensive, and you can also ship your packages at these counters as well. Did I mention what a win this was for us customers! Really. It is great.

Sadly, things did not go well for the Swedish Postal service. Most of the post offices were pushed to closure. While many companies used to have on their invoices that you could pay via the bank or post office, most now only say bank. Why? Because no one goes to the post office anymore.

There is still a Swedish post office. Their mailmen and women come and deliver mail to your doorstep 5 days a week.

And while sometimes things get a little hectic at the mail counter when you to pick up your packages –especially the last day before Christmas – the Post office’s solution has been great for customers.

But in the end, if your company is called The Post, it might not be good business to decide you no longer want to work with ‘The Post’.

Great Swedish Brands for Kids

2012-12-20T10:57:00.002-08:00

IKEA is the one Swedish brand everyone knows, and while they do sell toys and kids stuff, there are a few other brands out there that really exemplify the experience of being a Swedish kid.

Like most things Swedish, they are usually pretty well made, and always rather expensive. You will also find them in about 80%-90% of Swedish homes. OK, maybe I am exaggerating a little, but not by much.

My two favorites are:

Brio!

Founded in Osby, a tiny town just south of where Ikea was founded, Brio is known for making classic Swedish children’s toys, mostly out of wood. There are the infamous Brio trains, similar to the wooden Thomas the train tracks, that pretty much every family has either a stash of in their basement or has sold and gotten rich off. These things are gold – and while they cost a small fortune, the old ones have been known to survive 20-30 years in regular families (ie families that don’t save the packaging and have multiple children play with the toys).

You may recognize, but probably not, that Brio also designed our SUV stroller that I am still gushing over after all these years. They also do strollers (Scandinavian giants only) and I believe car seats.

If you are ever in Sweden you can even go to the Brio museum, where, coincidently, Santa Claus also lives in the basement.

Polern och Pyret

It took me until last year to figure out that the words Polern och Pyret actually meant something, The buddy and and the little guy. PoP is pretty much a staple in middle-class Sweden.

They sell organic and regular cotton products, but really specialize in outdoor gear that will set you back a couple hundred dollars.

The best thing about PoP, (although I admit I don’t shop there often, too expensive, and when I do I order from the US website sales – or rather, grandma and grandpa do), is that the clothes grow with the child. A lot of the clothing has small design touches which mean they can last for ages. Take one organic cotton PJ Little Swede got when he turned one. It had thick cuffs on the arms and ankles that you could roll up or down. The cuffs, when rolled down, easily add at least 4 inches to each arm/leg if you want to. Almost 2 years later and Little Swede still fishes it out of the drawer, it is still in one piece, and it still fits. Almost makes justifying the purchase of 50 dollar pajamas for a 1 year old.