Illuminating Attempts

Something Missing

2014-12-22T09:58:00.000-08:00

You may or may not have noticed a certain silence from me. This is officially my second blog of the year and we're just a few days away from next year. If you did notice and have reached out to me, thank you. I can't tell you how much your care and concern means to me. If you didn't notice, no big. I get it, really...we're all busy.

And even on my Facebook page, you may have noticed something strange about my posts and pictures. Sure, I'm keeping you updated about the kids, work, my Jamberry business, selfies galore and general funnies but there is distinctly something missing...

If you guessed that it's been my husband, Don, that's been missing, you're right. That's because I moved out in August. The details of our separation are just that - ours. Here's a short list of suggested do's and don't's for you.

Don't alienate - we need you.

Don't assume - ask. Seriously.

Don't judge - until you've walked a mile...

Do blame us both

Do forgive us both

Do love us both

Do support us both

Do pray for us both

I ask for you to do these things for both of us because no part of marriage, including separation and/or divorce is a one sided thing.

Above all though, please join us in praying for our children as we navigate this separation as Christ like as possible.

To try to end on a positive note, here are some of my favorite snaps of the kids over the past year for you to enjoy:

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Love always,

Chan

PS - I lost sight of weight loss and gained since August. I'm back on track and maintaining a total loss of 167 pounds since my surgery in June of 2013.

The Most Epic Throwback Thursday Ever

2014-06-26T03:39:00.000-07:00

One Year

12 Months

52 Weeks

365 Days

8,760 Hours

525,600 Minutes

31,536,000 Seconds

Countless opportunities pass us by. Opportunities to reach out. To make the right choice. To do something that will last. To do something that will change your life forever.

A year ago today, I underwent gastric bypass surgery. After a very long process to become approved by insurance, the day had finally come. I was nervous. I was excited. I was prepared. Most of all – I was desperate for a change in my lifestyle to become a better, healthier example for my children. The surgery went smoothly, the worst complaint I have about the hospital was the chest pain I had when I woke up and then the taste of the blue dye. I went home to begin healing and learning how to cope with this new stomach that I so lovingly call, “my pouch”.

The first few days were hell. I’d gone from consuming 2,000+ calories a day to less than 500 on my clear liquid diet that all tasted like crud. I was miserable, but in good spirits knowing that “full liquids” were right around the corner. When full liquids came, I was able to deal a little better, but still struggled to get in my protein and fluids with my new 2 oz. processor. After a full week of that, I graduated to soft foods. People loves, let me tell you that “soft foods” is just a really nice term for “bane of my existence”. Sure, scrambled eggs and mashed potatoes are super in their respective times and places, but when that’s really all you can eat and in small portions with protein powder mixed in…ugh. Then after a few weeks of that nonsense, I was finally able to start consuming REAL food again. In moderation. Since then, I’ve grown to know what I can and can’t eat. What causes my pouch to get grumpy and exactly how much my pouch can handle. Me & my pouch, we’re getting along just fine.

On top of that, I work out 3 – 5 times per week. In the beginning, I started walking ASAP per Dr’s orders. I even did an obstacle 5k about 8 weeks post-op. I didn’t run at all, but I completed it. Since then, I’ve completed another 2 5k’s. The Turkey Trot in November and then the Run for Your Luck in March. Also, I started going to the gym. I found a class or three that I liked (Splash, Body Pump & Kickboxing) and I started fitting them into my schedule. I was doing Splash every Monday and then BP or KB every Saturday. Then, Mondays didn’t work, so I started doing a double feature of BP & KB back to back every Saturday. Also, 8 weeks ago, I started the Couch to 5k program. I run 3 times a week and LOVE this program b/c it builds up your endurance. I’m now running about 2.5 miles without stopping. The important thing here isn’t what I can do now, it’s the fact that I’ve worked up to it. Small changes here and there to fit these priorities into my schedule.

So, I bet you’re all wondering – HOW MUCH HAVE YOU LOST?! Well…I had a goal. With a starting weight of 390.2, I wanted to lose a cool 200 pounds by my 1 year check-up. At my 9 (more like 10) month check-up, I realized that the 200 lb goal was unreasonable. I was down 164 pounds and had my 1 year check-up less than 2 months away. My new goal was to lose a total of 175 pounds by my 1 year. Well…I had my check up with my doctor on Tuesday and literally stripped down to my skivvies practically in the lobby (there was no one there but the nurse and receptionist!) to step on that scale ever so nervously. I was pleasantly surprised to see that not only had I met my goal, I SURPASSED IT!! In the red corner, measuring 6 foot and a half inch tall and weighing in at 213.1 pounds, I demolished that goal and then some by 2.1 pounds! That’s right my sweet friends, this past week I lost another 5.9 pounds for a grand total of 177.1 pounds lost in a year! GOSH, what a journey full of encouraging friends and family this has been.

Dang, it feels good to be a gangster!

Can I tell you a secret though? The best part has nothing to do with me. The absolute best part is when a dear friend messages me and confides in me that they’ve been struggling with their weight and I’m able to speak into a life. God, may Your wisdom always speak through me.

Love always,

Chan

PS - Here are some amazing photos done by the one and only Antoni Hanlon to help me commemorate the occasion. Hair by Mother Nature. Make up by the beautiful Shalisha Kerr.

Look Ma! I can tie my RUNNING shoes!

25 minutes straight at 5 mph?! No problem...

This is my, "I'm going to hit goal" face.

I'm not excited at all, hmm?

I may have a ways to go, but I have come SO far!

From a 26/28 to a 12/14...

Plenty of room in these bad boys that used to be TIGHT on me!

And she even let me play a model for the evening!

I was threatened not to cry after seeing some of these on site.

Shalisha is THE best at make up!

Feeling every bit as glowy on the inside too...

Know of anyone who needs a plus size model?! :)

I’m 7 days late, I leave in 7 weeks & I need 700 dollars…

2014-01-09T04:52:00.002-08:00

***Just to clarify…I am 7 days late in my mind in posting this blog. In no other terms am I late.***

You see, our internet at home has been malfunctioning. In order to post this, I’ve had to type out my thoughts and prayers into a word document on the way to work and upload it while sitting in the car in front of Don's office because the computer auto connected to his work internet. This message will self-destruct. Wait, no it won’t. It’s the internet!

Anywho – HAPPY NEW YEAR! I still can’t believe that it’s 2014. Like…whoa. I feel like this past year has flown by in an array of love, laughter and life. So, for the New Year update on the family:

Don is great. His job is awesome and he has stepped up within our church to lead the weekly men’s group. He has had no resurfacing of his skin cancer and will be following up for his yearly scan in the coming months.
EJ IS POTTY TRAINED! OMG – I can’t even. This boy amazes me. ERRBODY said that he would do it when he was ready and at almost 4 ½ years of age (ripe, I know…) he did! Other than that, he is hilarious. He has a comedic bone in his body that I hope he is able to hone and refine over the years, because honestly…you just can’t help but laugh at some of the stuff he comes up with.
Evie is 2. 2 ½ to be exact. She ACTS like a pre-teen with the angst of the world on her shoulders. While most of the time she is sweet, funny and a blessing to be around…she has such the dramatic dark side. We’re working on loving discipline tactics with her. Any and all suggestions are welcome and appreciated.

As for me, well, most of you know that I just celebrated my 6 month surgiversary (anniversary of my gastric bypass surgery) on December 26. As of this past Monday, I weighed in at 268.2 – a cool 122 pounds down from my starting weight of 390.2. I’ll take it and run with it! Here’s a before and after shot of what that looks like:

Every New Year brings a sense of peace and hope about it for me. I hope that this year brings greater things for His kingdom than last. As you may or may not know, I went to Nicaragua last year on a mission’s trip. Here’s the blog announcing that I was going and here’s the team’s trip blog if you’d like to get some back story. The minute I set foot back on American soil last year, I committed to returning to Nicaragua this year. The trip is March 1 – 8 with the same team as last year and I can’t begin to tell you how excited I am. Don and I have been saving for the past year, but I need some help again closing the gap. The t-shirts last year were SO popular, so this year we’re doing it again! Here’s this year’s design:

All credit for the catchy verbiage goes to Gary Recher!

So that the net is a little more, we’ve decided to charge a little more. Brace yourselves: We’ve raised the price from $25 each to $30 each. We’ll be taking pre-orders throughout the next month so that we can place 1 big bulk order and then deliver them all before I leave on my trip in the hopes that while I’m gone, you’ll maybe wear your shirt one of those days and lift up the team in prayer when you do.

What do you say? Want to buy a t-shirt?! Please?! Please make checks payable to Hub City Vineyard if you would like a portion of your donation to be tax deductible.

Again, I’d prefer your prayers over your money, but sure would appreciate your help again in reaching my goal.

Praying that this finds you well and full of hope for this year!

Love always,

Chan

Sunday, SUNday, SON-DAY!

2013-11-24T14:03:00.002-08:00

Gosh, I just love Sundays! My church is awesome. And when I say, “my church”, I mean EVERYONE who helps me strengthen and continuously renew my faith on a daily, weekly, monthly and yearly basis.

Sure, I go to this AMAZING building each week (sometimes multiple times a week), but it’s the people and the love that is contained in it (and always outpours from it) that IS the church.

If I haven’t before, I’d like to take the opportunity…RIGHT NOW – To invite you to church. Any church. Anywhere. Any day of the week. If you are struggling with the lies and mundane in and out of the day to day and are missing hope…try Jesus. I know it sounds way beyond corny, but maybe this time is THE time for you to fit in. If not at my church (Hub City Vineyard), then at a church…any church. Here’s a few “myths” (lies) and my version of their correlating truths:

Myth: All Christians are hypocrites.

Truth: Yep. We are. But so is EVERYONE, right?! That’s why we NEED to stop judging each other and just LOVE.

Myth: I don’t need church if I’m spiritual.

Truth: Church is community. Jesus hand-picked 12 normal guys to start up a community so that they could keep each other accountable and encourage one another. I know I need that…Don’t you?

Myth: Church is a waste of time.

Truth: Never once has going to church been a waste of time for me. No matter who is speaking, no matter what mood I’m in, no matter anything – God cares enough for me…for all of us to give us SOMETHING from any service.

Myth: No one in church will accept me because of my past/present.

Truth: Try us. There’s a saying that if everyone threw all of their problems into a pile, everyone would choose their own back than anyone else’s. No, I may not understand EXACTLY what you have gone or are going through, but I can empathize with and pray for you.

Please, if you have any questions, reach out, I’d be happy to answer them. If I don’t know the answer, then I’ll let you know and will work on finding that answer for you.

Hub City Vineyard services are at 9:15 am & 11 am every Sunday morning.

Also, if you don’t have plans for Thanksgiving, please come over to our house. We’ll have plenty of food and would love to have you join us.

Have a blessed Holiday week no matter where you are!

Love,

Chan

Quality, not Quantity...right?!

2013-11-17T17:25:00.000-08:00

Whoops! Almost 4 months have gone by since I’ve blogged. Whew, I’m not so hot at keeping this ma-bob updated!

SO…since my last COMPLETELY TMI, in retrospect, post, things have been fairly AWESOME! Don and some sweet friends have just wrapped up my final 30^th birthday celebrations over the course of this weekend and I feel better entering this year, decade, whatever than I have any that I can remember! In 20.5 short weeks, I’ve dropped 99 pounds! I was pushing a 30/32 dress size and am now comfortable in a 14/16 or 18/20 depending on cut and fit. Something that I continue to find amazing is the amount of support and enthusiasm that surrounds my progress. I’ve met some amazing new people through different groups centered around WLS. These people are as dear to me as some of my closest and longest standing friends.

Enjoy the same comparison shots you’ve already seen if we’re Facebook friends:

10.5 weeks post-op: 60.8 pounds down!

16.5 weeks post-op: 86.6 pounds down!

20 weeks post-op: 99 pounds down!

In other, non-weight related news, the kids are great (at a new daycare with an amazing lady whom we all adore), Don is amazing (could be reminiscent of the birthday celebrations) and I feel like I’m in a great place in so many areas thanks to the sweet words given to me by all of the birthday cards and also some extensive prayer time with some sisters in faith a couple of weeks ago.

I’m also working diligently on group fundraising for this year’s HCV Nicaragua trip! If you’re a 31 fan, please check out the 12 Days of Thanksgiving that we’ve got going on right now! Also, if you’re interested in a Chick-Fil-ACowlendar, let me know! They’re only $6 each and make GREAT stocking stuffers!

Praying that this finds you well and at peace!

Love,

Chan

I'm full of it.

2013-07-29T17:28:00.002-07:00

Well – maybe not currently, but I have been off and on far too much over the past week or so. Post-op for gastric bypass isn’t all sunshine, rainbows and dancing unicorns. Sometimes it’s more like playing leap frog with a unicorn. Also known as, not so pleasant.

Just like everything, there is a cycle to doing what you need to do after surgery. IF you can get in your fluids and protein, this cycle can be pleasant and happy. If not, and you struggle, things become…well, stopped up. Little known fact: constipation causes all sorts of other health issues. I wasn’t able to drink or eat without severe pain & nausea and when you aren’t eating or drinking, nothing is happening on the flip side.

Thankfully through prayer and a little medical assistance (enter Phenergan, Colace & Milk of Magnesia), things are going much better. On top of that, I had an incision pop open after the other had finally stopped draining. I know, I know…gross. Sorry, just being honest and I feel like it’s my ~~doody~~ duty to document this for myself when memory puts fog and glitter on everything that’s happened and also for those that are thinking of doing this.

That being said, I wouldn’t change much. I would have taken the medical assistance sooner and let my husband coax me to take just one more sip or try just one more protein this or that.

Overall, I’ve been feeling great! I fit into my smaller clothes from the other closet and even some of those are a little loose! I’m not scared to sit in a booth, my car fits better (if that makes sense) and I’m ready to start working out as soon as I have the release from the Dr. on Thursday.

The one thing that I’m really looking forward to is picking up my kids again. I miss being able to comfort them when and how they need.

I’ve been taking progress photos every other week and they really show my progress, but I’m not sure how I feel about sharing them. I thought that it would be most reflective of change if I were just in my skivvies, but therein lies the problem. Maybe in another 6 months or a year and after some toning happens on my part… I think I’m most self-conscious because even though there’s definite change, I still look so much like the “before” picture. Here’s a face comparison from April to July:

And for those of you that that like rough data and charts…here’s a little progress chart that I’ve been putting together:

Hope this finds you all well and loving life!

Love always,

Chan

A week ago today…

2013-07-03T19:42:00.000-07:00

Well, by this time a week ago, I was sitting up comfortably in my hospital chair, my gastric bypass a reported success. However, there was a lot leading up to that. Let me go back for a minute. Way back. To Christmas of 2011. Here we are -

this was one of the only photos that I allowed to even show myself in. The truth of it, I wish I could have been holding the tree to hide myself better.

I was 6 months out after having our 2^nd beautiful child. I hadn’t lost a single pound of my “baby” weight – 20 pounds. Nor had I lost any of the weight that I’d gained between pregnancies – 50 pounds. Nor had I lost any of the weight that I’d put on since mine & Don’s wedding until I was pregnant with EJ – 20 pounds. Prior to the wedding, I’d worked out, eaten right/starved myself, and taken pills to lose 40 pounds to get into a wedding dress that wasn’t a size 20.

That Christmas, I was miserable. I realized that I was at my biggest and yet lowest point in life. I was unable to sit on the floor with my kids for a long time because one or both of my legs would fall asleep because of my weight. I huffed every time I went up my own stairs. I was surrounded by people who loved me for me, but I couldn’t honestly say that I loved myself. Don and I talked. It was time to change something, but I didn’t know where to start. I had friends that had been through gastric bypass, but I was so stubborn thinking that it was a “cop-out” and that I would be giving up on my own ability to lose weight if I took that route.

I talked to my doctor about the pills I had been on previously. She had a serious talk with me about short-term versus long-term weight loss and the permanent effects of keeping this weight on my body and the also permanent effects of getting on and staying on a prescription weight loss drug. I cried, we talked options, and she referred me to the Weight Loss Center.

I had my first appointment in March 2012 where I met with some of the nicest medical professionals I’ve ever known. Dr. Small went through all of my options and assured me that at any point in time in the process I could say “no”. I met with the nutritionist each month for 6 months per my insurance requirements. That brought us to an approval for the surgery in November, but we didn’t have the money for the 10% copay at that time. Then it was Thanksgiving, Christmas & New Years. On New Year’s Day 2013 I announced that I was going to Nicaragua in March. Between raising funds for that and daily life, the weight loss surgery was on a back burner for my schedule and our finances.

Then it was tax time. It appears that refund time was bypass time! So, I called the WLC and told them we had the money! Sign me up for the surgery! WELL, I had to be re-approved because of how long it had been. Honestly, at this point in time I was daily lifting my hands and saying, “Really, Lord?!” BUT, as always, He had a much better plan for me. I went to Nicaragua and came home a changed person. I had looked around a 3^rd world country and seen their hardships and questioned myself and ALL I had back home.

Within 2 weeks of my return to American soil, I received my approval letter from my insurance company! Then it was off to a gallbladder ultrasound, an EGD and a final appointment with the Dr. and nutritionist between then and 3 weeks ago. Everything was set and last Wednesday I walked into the hospital at 5 am laughing with my husband and in amazing spirits ready for this change. I took every opportunity to make a joke at one thing or another with everyone I encountered. I know, very unlike my normal behavior. I don’t really remember saying goodbye to Don or giving him a kiss, but I know without a doubt that it happened before they wheeled me back.

The first thing I remember coming out of surgery was pure pain and pressure on my chest. I couldn’t catch my breath because it hurt and it hurt to try and catch my breath. I had a bit of a panic attack, but they just upped my happy meds for a bit and I was back out. I was released Friday, suffered through clear liquids over the weekend and am now almost halfway through my full liquids week. (MUCH better than clear, but I dream about mashed potatoes, cottage cheese and the like). My energy has been great the past couple of days because I’m hitting my protein requirements and I’m just a little more sore in the evenings and at night than during the day, but am determined to be off of pain meds altogether by the end of the weekend.

The one piece of advice that I’ve held onto throughout this entire process is, “Every day gets easier”. Truly it does. It’s been a blessing to have those that have gone before me for guidance, those that are going through it with me for moral support and those that will follow, possibly for inspiration.

Hoping this finds you all loving life and yourself no matter where you’re at or at what size.

Love always,

Chan

3 Step Process to Being a Cheerleader

2013-06-06T17:53:00.000-07:00

As I sit here on the exact evening 20 days prior to my surgery, I look back at all of the love, support and encouragement that I’ve received since announcing that I would be undergoing gastric bypass surgery. I am yet again astounded and overwhelmed by the quality of friends that I have been blessed with in this life. I have a gigantic cheering section and am beyond grateful for each and every one of you holding a ‘Chandra’ pom-pom, pennant, #1 finger and yelling my name at the top of your lungs!

As we all know, for every 100 positive responses that you get from anything, there is 1 (or 3 – not that I’m counting) ‘not-all’ positive responses. While I don’t think that any one of the not so positive responses that I’ve received were meant to be negative or vindictive in the slightest, it is still one of those things that make you go, “Hmm…” I won’t go into any detail as this isn’t really a rant or call-out session, but if someone gives you news of their lives that you may not be in 100% agreement with, try to just smile, give them a hug and say, “Good for you.” Sweet, simple & non-committal. I’m still working on a witty comeback for those that choose to “go above & beyond” in the not-so-supportive-comment section.

You see, this isn’t a process that someone can go into lightly (BAHAHA – pun TOTALLY intended). Gastric bypass (or any other type of weight loss surgical procedure) has a very lengthy and time consuming checklist and set of tricky hoops that one must navigate through in order for surgeon to qualify, nutritionist to inspect, and insurance to approve. This is something that I have been actively working towards since January 2012. Next (& last) up on my to-do list pre-surgery is next Wednesday - my final meeting the surgeon and a 2 hour class with the nutritionist to go over EVERYTHING that I'll need to do pre & post-op in order to be a success.

Also, I am the proud owner of a Planet Fitness membership now, have been trying to make as many Heart Power Boot Camp sessions as possible and have been meeting with (and even taking pictures of) my health coach, mentor and new friend. Along with these steps, watching my diet & portion sizes; my general good health will hopefully put me in a great position for successful recovery and weight loss results.

In other news, we are still fighting with EJ on potty training and he BIT someone at daycare yesterday. Really struggling with communication, boundaries and discipline. Evie is becoming more and more feisty and we are trying to help her communicate so that we are setting her up to be successful. She DID pee on the potty yesterday and is showing more and more interest. Ms. Michele (daycare lady) is going to start working with her more once school is out. AND - Don was in a car accident today. :( Praise Jesus that he sustained no injuries (nor did the teen who t-boned him). Also, (ironically) thank God that he wasn’t in his own vehicle, but a friend’s borrowed truck.

Instead of this:

It could have been this:

We’re home, friendship with the truck owner still stands and Don is just now starting to be sore from today’s events. Thank you Jesus for protecting my husband and father to our children today.

Love you all, hold someone a little extra close today. You just never know.
-Chan

Comparisons...

2013-05-02T17:45:00.000-07:00

There always comes a point in time when you are comparing something with something else. It’s the way the human brain works. I think. I am maybe going to start calling my ‘comparisons’ what they really are: light judgement.

Let me back up a minute…one does not just become 200+ pounds overweight overnight. I actually don’t think that is possible. However, I don’t remember being a ‘normal’ weight. There are pictures of me as a normal child. Not overweight. Not miserable with a shallow kind of look in her eye because she’s afraid a fat roll will show here or her double chin will show there.

Just hanging out with my Uncle Bill & Aunt Cindy!

Apparently 'grass' skirts and mullets were awesome back in my day...

The problem is, I don’t REMEMBER these times. All I can ever remember is being this odd, lumpy shaped type of person that’s not comfortable in their own skin. Since I was 10. I have ~~a problem~~ an addiction with food. I can eat well (healthy / clean). I’m fine with that. But that’s not my problem. My problem is that I NEVER feel full. You see, there’s this great scientific study that I’m sure you’ve heard of: Pavlov’s Dog. If you haven’t heard of it, here’s the basics: ring the bell while the dog is eating and the dog will soon associate food with the ringing of a bell, right? Well, in my case, it was tell the child to clean 2 plate of food or take her out to restaurants where meals are vastly disproportioned and the child will soon not feel full at a normal portion sized meal. Please know that I’m not trying to “blame” my upbringing. I’ve been an “adult” for a little over ½ of the 2 decades that I’ve been overweight. In that time I’ve done any of the following either individually or in conjunction with each other:

· I’ve exercised

· I’ve eaten right

· I’ve made myself puke

· I’ve starved myself

· I’ve taken diet pills

· I’ve tried Slim Fast and Weight Watchers and every other diet plan written

They’ve worked or they haven’t off and on, but if you’re psychologically starving yourself, you’re not committed and it isn’t the lifestyle change that it needs to be.

So, back to the light judgment thing and how I’ve allowed pounds to continue to creep on… I would always tell myself (and sadly, sometimes still do…), “Well, if I’m not as big/poorly dressed/round/heavy/any other number of negative adjectives as him/her/whoever, then I’m ok.” First, I wish I actually knew them all so that I could call them and apologize. Second, I’ve reached my stopping point. I’m no longer “ok” and unless I can compare myself to Jesus, I have no comparisons to make. Lastly, I want to apologize to EVERYONE for any wool that I’ve pulled over your eyes that I may have always been a good person. It’s a lie, and I struggle every day with one demon or another.

This one heavy demon of weight is about to get a WHOLE lot lighter though! I have my surgery date for my gastric bypass. Duh, duh-DUUH!!! JUNE 26!!! Please know that I am NOT viewing this surgery as a light undertaking. This is and always will be a lifestyle change for me, my family and even a few close friends.

What’s the next step, you ask? Well, here’s all of my appointments leading up to my surgery that I have scheduled for now:

Don't ask to see the rest of my calendar...

Praying that this finds you all well and that you can maybe find it to forgive me for my light judgments one day.

Love,

Chan

The Honest to Goodness...

2013-04-12T19:07:00.000-07:00

Life. We sure have a way of letting that 4 letter word become overwhelming. At least, I know I do. What with one thing and another, I find myself 33 days past my return home from Nicaragua with a very pencil filled, erased and re-written schedule between now and then to show for it. Amongst the day to day of home, kids and work, hubs and I stayed involved with church activities, celebrated an anniversary, a Risen King, and a birthday all within the 4 week stretch upon the touch down and re-entrance to American soil.

While I’ve shared at church and amongst a few friends how “my” trip was, I have had this odd feeling of not wanting to “put it out there”. Sure, we’ve been busy, but I certainly could have made time to sit down for 5 – 10 minutes a day to type out my journal entries and share with “the world”, right? Looking back, I’m not so sure. In speaking with other friends who have gone on missions trips, they seem to share my needed time for processing. I can easily give you a daily recount of what happened, but the true story is my thoughts and feelings behind those activities, and I’m still not sure if I’m ready to share those. In the meantime, please view the trip’s blog to catch up on said daily activities! I’m hard at work editing my 900 some odd photos to make up the photo book and will begin to distribute those that were sold, and sell some for next year’s funds as well, by June. To tide you over, here are a few of my favorites from one of the clinic days:

Si, es claro!

Our interpreter, Salvador, with a handsome little patient!

A little dear that I was priviledged to spend some time with!

Other than busy-ness, home life is well. We are fighting tooth and nail with EJ to get this whole potty training thing down. Evie is entering her terrible twos with a flourish. Don had his other cancer spot removed over 2 weeks ago and goes to get the 2 pre-cancer spots taken care of before the end of this month. As for me, well…insurance has approved my gastric bypass! I’m sure that there are a host of opinions on this subject and weight loss in general, but this is my choice and all I ask for is love, support, less requests to go out to eat and more requests to split a salad or go for a walk. J My first pre-surgery procedure is on the 26^th of this month and prayers would be appreciated. I’m still waiting to hear from the doctor’s office about the ‘big’ (pun TOTALLY intended) surgery date, but they were thinking early-mid June. In the meantime of that, I’m working with an awesome health coach who is quickly becoming one of my favorite people, a fitness trainer who is helping me to get in the habit of exercise and am also really trying to focus on portion size and calorie control. I’ve been overweight for going on 2 decades and really want to be a fun, active wife, mom and being. That can’t happen at my size & weight. Goal shape:

It's NOT round...get it?!

So…that’s what’s going on with me. If you have any advice, encouragement or even questions about my process, I’d love to have a chat with you!

Praying this finds you all well and loving life!

Love,

Chan

6 Days (Really 5.5) To Go

2013-02-24T20:13:00.004-08:00

So, we had our last team meeting today after church where we were prayed for by our pastors and agreed upon with the entire congregation. It’s been kind of an amazing day to clear out the crazy week that I’ve had.

Some updates: Evie is completely healed from her ear infection last weekend. Praise the Lord! EJ has been testing us a little more than usual since his sister was sick and we’ve had to be a little harsher with our discipline, but he has responded so well. Don received the results from the other 3 pieces of skin biopsied and 1 came back cancerous just like the spot on his leg and the other 2 are pre-cancerous. He has an appointment set for March 25 to have the cancerous sport removed and the other 2 pre-cancerous spots frozen so as to kill the cells before they can cause harm.

As for me, I have been trying to physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally prepare for my upcoming trip. I guess I’ll only know how successful my preparations have been once I’m down there. We began a team blog that we will be updating (hopefully) once a day while in Nicaragua. In the meantime, I’ll be utilizing that forum to introduce our team as we count down the days until departure.

Praying that this finds you well and ready for the upcoming week!

Love,

Chan

So, I heard it's Lent...

2013-02-17T18:27:00.001-08:00

Looking back to a year ago at the beginning of this precious and reflective time, I find myself a completely different person and in a completely different place in my life although many things have stayed the same (actually, gotten better). In no particular order…I’m in a position at work that I love, my marriage is fun, our kids are crazy and interactive and I’m ecstatic about the way my faith is going! I mean, I leave for a 3^rd world country for my very first missions’ trip in 13 days. WHOA.

That reminds me that I need to still get another vaccine and a $90 prescription filled. Oh, and clothes. Goodwill, here I come!

It’s so funny how satan thinks that he can stop someone with this kind of momentum and great things going on. They always say that bad things happen in 3’s. Well, I think that is a stupid saying. It’s asking for more bad stuff to happen if you haven’t gotten to 3, 6, 9, 12, etc. yet. Here’s my list of ‘bad’ things that have gone on since I’ve been re-baptized (Jan 1, 2013). As of Thursday (Valentine’s) I have lost a total of 3 family members, my abdominal pain has increased to level 4 constant, 7/8 spikes, Don’s leg (which is now infected AGAIN), and now Evie is under the weather fighting a fever and puking mucus.

How have I dealt with all of this in the past 48 days? Well…on an emotional roller coaster, honestly. I have been upset and down and frustrated and crabby, but at the end of the day I know that Jesus is my savior and God has me (and the whole wide world) in His hands. It is so sad to lose those that we love, but 1 Corinthians 15:55 challenges death… “Where O death is your victory? Where is your sting?!” How amazing is my welcome stadium in heaven going to be with all of those that go before me?

Rest in peace, Uncle George. I love you. Give Aunt Mary a kiss for me and send some extra angels to guard Evie through this current sickness.

Of everything else on my naughty list, I think the same way. What’s the point of pain? I mean, really? I live with it by choice so that I can be coherent and present in life. If I am in pain, I am ALIVE. And if I place my pain at the foot of the cross, I am comforted fully.

Speaking of the foot of the cross…Lent started 5 days ago. Our church has challenged everyone to give up sodas, coffees, wines, beers, whatever you’d spend money on and drink water instead and send the money to Africa to build clean drinking water wells. $35 provides clean drinking water for 1 person for 1 year. What could you give up to make that possible for someone? Check out Blood Water Mission and get involved if you feel so led!

On top of that, I’m giving up my vanity for Lent. Some people say that my idea is a little silly, but I opt for contacts on days when I want to look better and wear makeup. That takes about 5 – 10 minutes a day depending on how in depth I want to go on eye shadow or red lipstick. I’ll be working on spending that time with my Lord or my family. There was also this great blog that a friend shared about a woman who is “skirting up” for Lent to try and take femininity back to its roots for her logic. It really made me think about my addition to this world’s sex culture. So, this is my way of taking a stand for that. No makeup, no contacts, no paying attention to my hair other than basic necessity, no Pinterest or catalog perusing.

I’ll have more information about my not making it fair for skinny people once I’m home from Nica!

Praying this finds you and your family well and ready for the week ahead.

Love,

Chan

The Day Before… & Yesterday.

2013-02-05T17:55:00.001-08:00

Without making this post completely about death, I want to give a brief explanation of what I blogged about yesterday…

One of my husband’s coworkers found the body of a man who committed suicide in his car in front of their church Sunday morning.

Please join me in praying for the family, the church and all of its members and the community.

Hubs told me about it yesterday and I was already agitated about some things and that news just sent me over the edge. I guess you all know now my version of anger management. I was really so upset because I am an over-empathizer. Some people love me just because of this fact. Sometimes I hate it. Not that I wish to be anything other than what God made me, but when I hear a story that involves heartache to any degree, my sympathy goes into hyper-drive. Like… I’ve sent sympathy cards to people on America’s Extreme Home Makeover. This is something that has always been really hard on me. I often struggle with boundaries for myself and my family, how much and what to share with people, and who to trust and what to trust them with. My brain is always on analyze mode. I think about what has happened, what is happening and what could happen all the time…over & over again. While having a conversation, I’m trying to pay attention while working out each discussed scenario and laughing or being upset about how the conversation COULD go. On top of all of this, I happen to be an extrovert. Yep, I’m an energy vampire. I thrive on people and social occasions. I’m stuck in my own perpetual catch 22.

--------------------------------BREAK----------------------------------------

So, remember that positive Nicaragua update I had for you guys?! Well, I had a little bird tell me that I have had MORE turned in even after my last cry for help to bridge the gap last week! I’m not sure yet what happens with that extra, but I am so looking forward to what God has in store! To everyone who prayed… who gave…. who asked questions… showed support: THANK YOU! You all are SO amazing and I am so blessed to have you all in my life!

Also, if you don’t already have plans next weekend, come on out to Hub City Vineyard for a prime rib Valentines Dinner WITH childcare provided on site! Proceeds will go to the Nicaragua team! Check out the Facebook event for details!

In work news, my company launched a new website this week and asked for blog submittals in preparation. How surprised and honored was I to see that one of mine was picked to publish?! Feel free to check out my very first work blog post and check out our new website while you're there!

I’m determined to finish this week well and I hope you do so too. I’ve kind of been stressing about what I’ll write about when I’m all out of Nicaragua news. Maybe next week you’ll see something new!

Have an amazing week and give someone an extra hug or high five to let them know you care.

Love,

Chan

I'm going to kill myself...

2013-02-04T18:16:00.000-08:00

How many parents, friends, pastors, family members of those who have committed suicide begged that they had heard that phrase from their lost loved one?

Over 80 people today decided to commit suicide and their ‘attempt’ was a “success”.

I am FURIOUS about this. How dare anyone decide that they are greater than God and that their life is no longer meaningful? When there are parents and wives and loved ones dreading to not receive a Skype call from overseas? When tragic accidents LEACH life and spread mourning?! HOW!?

Another mind boggling question: How on earth can there be over 3,000 abortions performed here in the United States of America every single day when there are willing, loving, AMAZING people who LONG to hold a baby in their arms?! HOW!??!

I feel utterly helpless & futile sometimes in this world... In my personal opinion, EVERY single person on this earth has a purpose. Whether they were here for a mere & precious 2 hours so that their parents could example faithfulness through sorrow or that they lived to be 106 and mentor and speak LIFE into countless families by teaching them to play a simple game called football.

I guess that’s why I can’t really focus on THIS WORLD…crazy talk, right? WRONG. Philippians 4:13 says that I can do all things through Jesus Christ who strengthens me. Matthew 7:7 states to ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened. Well Lord, this is me…loud, crazy, Chandra; your humble princess…just ASKING…SHOUTING…BEGGING, God…Please use me. Use my words and my actions and my love for others to change their mind. To seek you. That’s really all I want, Lord. Please. In Jesus’ Name.

Pleading that this finds you all well and thankful for life, love and family…

Love,

Chan

PS – I have a positive Nicaragua update to share with you guys…this just isn’t the place for it tonight. XOXO.

Updates & an Invite...

2013-01-23T18:52:00.006-08:00

Whoops! I let 2 weeks go by without updating this majigger-bob!

I know you’re dying to know…I have OVER ½ of my Nicaragua monies turned in with 10 days to go! If you wouldn’t mind, please lift the team and the trip up in prayer and if you feel so led, consider giving. Every bit helps! If you can give a check, please make it payable to ‘Hub City Vineyard’ with “Nica 2013 – Chandra Dickson” in the memo. You can either send to me (see Facebook event for address and share with friends) or directly to Hub City Vineyard. You can also give online if you so choose.

I have some extra tees! Let me know ASAP if you want one!

In other news, Don had his skin cancer COMPLETELY removed last Friday! He’ll be going in on the 13^th for a full body scan to make sure there aren’t any other spots. While I pray daily about the niggling doubt that chills my heart, I just know that he is going to be fine and here to stay for quite some time.

I had a normal doctor’s appointment on Monday and just need to get my typhoid vaccine and medicine to ensure that I won’t contract malaria or a bad stomach bug while on my trip and then I’m set in that department. A huge shout out to a new friend – Amanda – for watching the littles at the last minute for me!

Little Ms. Evie had her belated 18 month well-baby checkup and is off the charts for weight (as she has been for quite some time) and in the 98^th percentile for height. No big surprise there. I had a terrible ordeal at the doctor’s as I had both kids with me and they took 45 minutes each getting us from the waiting room to the exam room and then getting a doctor in to see us. Anyone have any suggestions for pediatricians in the Hagerstown / Frederick area?

As for EJ, well, he’s been ok. Poor guy has had a terrible cough and a come and go fever but is his normal, cheery, and hilarious self.

I’m SO excited right now because our church is hosting a women’s ‘Pajama Jam’ Friday night into Saturday. Like an adult, all female fellowship lock-in! How amazingly cool is that?! Speaking of church, we just went to 2 services on Sundays…9:15 am & 11 am. I wouldn’t be able to say it better than this, “Maybe you’ve been away from church…come check us out. Maybe you’ve never been to church…come check us out. Maybe you’ve been hurt, been abused, just have an overall bad feeling about churches…come check us out. Bottom line, I want to share my Sundays with you.” – Matt Walker

Also, from Mr. Walker…he took this photo this past Sunday morning. You can’t say that we don’t invite the Holy Spirit to come. Completely unaltered…and he’s a cameraman.

As always, I hope this finds you well with lots of love surrounding you.

Love,

Chan

Optimism for 21 Days

2013-01-13T17:36:00.001-08:00

I am a perpetual optimist. That being said, this has been a REALLY rough week on me. After all of my crazy news in last week’s post, I woke up Monday morning to find out I had lost another dear loved one. My cousin who was more like an uncle D.W. passed away Monday morning. Not a great way to start the week. Not to diminish this loss at all, but when I saw my mom calling, my heart dropped because I thought that she was calling to tell me that something had happened to my grandfather. I found quick relief and then fresh despair. I was the one that ruined the 17 year streak for attention for D.W. A LOT of my childhood memories are filled with D.W.’s mullet and smiling face. Summers of fishing success stories, crawdad broils, catching fireflies and him being one of the protectors that allowed all of that innocent fun to be had along with the rest of our family. God called home another in what we see as too soon timing, but all I can ask is that peace finds all of my family in their time of mourning and the knowledge that God is omniscient and we are not.

Rest in peace, D.W. …thank you for always being a part of my life. Love always.

This loss left me kind of…well…blah for lack of a better term. I was just ‘OFF’ in everything. Home, work, yeah. Praise Jesus for an amazing support system through my sweet hubby and our awesome church and all of the relationships that go along with that.

I will admit that I’m feeling a little under the weather as this week is getting started, but I am just trying to praise Him through everything and keep my eyes on the proverbial Nicaragua prize. So, an update on the fundraiser: I’m turning in over 1/3 of my goal money to my church THIS week because of all of the generous donations in the last 13 days. Seriously…just 13 days, you guys are amazing! Our money is due on the 3^rd of February, so I have a goal to sell 1 t-shirt a day starting tomorrow 21 days until the money is due, 21 t-shirts. Simple enough, right? So, who’s in?! If that actually happens, I will have reached my goal! 100%! Please visit my Facebook event for payment details.

Thank you so much if you’ve already donated in any way, shape or form. Above all, please pray for our trip, safety and effectiveness in our works while we are there. Praying this finds you all well!

Love,

Chan

Some T’s, a little C and a D

2013-01-05T17:00:00.001-08:00

We’re 5 days into the New Year and what an incredibly exhilarating and bright week that it’s been. I can’t begin to provide my complete and sincere gratitude to this amazing family of friends that God has provided me with. You guys have gone above and beyond!! In the first 24 hours of the launch of my fundraiser for my trip to Nicaragua, there were 5 shirts and 1 photo book pledged for! Since then, I’ve received 1/3 of my goal in donations and have another 1/3 of my goal accounted for with t-shirt orders!! SPEAKING of t-shirts…WOW, did Mr. Mike Barnard deliver! I ordered 20 shirts online yesterday to fill these orders and had them delivered (FOR FREE! www.jiffyshirts.com is amazing!) TODAY…yes, a Saturday! So, I took the shirts over to Mike around 1ish and he delivered them back to me at 5 pm! That’s a 4 hour turn around and was completely unexpected and beyond appreciated.

Check out my face of shock and my awesome model:

Please consider giving if you haven’t already by visiting my Facebook event…I found out the other day that the money is due February 3, so the sooner the better and thank you all so much!

In other news, we’ve had a rocky couple of days here in the Dickson household. Don had a spot on his leg removed in December and biopsied and we found out the results of that biopsy on Thursday and it was cancerous. While I was fully shaken and upset, Don was able to explain that it is completely treatable and curable. He’ll have to go in to get the rest of the cancerous area removed, but then it’ll be gone. Please pray for our patience with doctors and our peace in waiting for that appointment. This isn’t something that can spread as long as it is treated. Please pray also that no other spots decide to crop up and that we continue to turn to God as our ultimate Healer in all things.

On top of that news Thursday, my great ‘Aunt’ (Grandmother’s niece) Marge passed away Friday morning. She was elderly and had developed and never recovered from a bout with pneumonia, so I am ever grateful that she is free of pain, sorrow and suffering. However, being unable to attend the services because they will be held in Colorado next week; I’m feeling a great disconnect and home sickness for my family that is spread all over the United States.

Rest in sweet eternal peace, Aunt Marge and give Aunt Bea and Nana a run for their money over cribbage in Heaven. XOXO…

As always, thank you for reading and I hope this post finds you well!

Love,

Chan

Crunching Numbers & Apologies

2013-01-02T18:54:00.000-08:00

First off, I’d like to take a quick minute and apologize. This is my very first missions trip and definitely the first time that I’ve done any kind of fundraising for a big project like this out without a sweet form to just fill in how much you pledge per mile I walk (a’ la Crop Walk circa 1995). That being said, I thought that I knew exactly what needed to be done without seeking the proper counsel. Please forgive me and my naivety in this endeavor and thank you for your patience as we get this ball a’rolling!

I saw this today just after my amazing friend Meghan (she mentioned me in her blog today!) was asking how much goes into setting up an online giving account…had to share with you guys:

SO, I decided to put together a couple of charts of my own so that you can see exactly where the monies for the items I’m selling will be going. On average, the cost to make / buy the items is about 30%. I’m doing everything I can to cut costs so that percentage decreases! J

Here’s everything broken down by column charts with all of the details:

A portion of your gift may qualify as a charitable deduction for federal income tax purposes when you make checks payable to Hub City Vineyard.

Please let me know if you have any questions by visiting the Facebook event and thank you all so much for your outpouring of love and support!

Love,

Chan

Online giving is now available!

2013-01-02T09:27:00.000-08:00

Someone reminded me that not everyone possesses a check book (I know, I’m straight out the 80’s!); SO - I’ve set up an online giving account!

I’ve raised my goal a bit to cover percentages that will be taken out, but am not raising the costs of the items. We’ll just have to sell more and share more Jesus love!

Click on the widget below to give online or visit my Facebook event for old school check sending info!

It's a NEW Year!

2013-01-01T12:58:00.001-08:00

Happy New Year!!! “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” 2 Corinthians 5:17

It’s been quite some time since I’ve blogged. Not that I haven’t had anything to say, just that I haven’t been able to formulate the thoughts properly.

Updates: Hubs – I don’t think I’ve ever typed out just how much I love this man that God created specifically for me. He encourages me in everything and is such an awesome daddy.

The kids – EJ is now 3 ½ and that is a REALLY fun age. Like…hilarious. This kid says some of the darndest things! My favorite from this last week: “I can’t pee in the potty, momma…I already peed in my butt!” (At the top of his lungs and very exasperated.)

Evie is now 1 ½ (18 months) and is quite the comedienne herself. She knows she’s cute and uses it to her advantage. Her favorite word is “No” and she says it SASSY!

As for me…well, I still have my pain. Every day. On the 1 – 10 scale, it’s usually around a 3 or 4. Sometimes I have spikes, but not nearly as often as they used to be. Basically, I have stopped going to the doctors for that because I was tired of being poked, prodded & tested with absolutely no answers. Work is amazing. I seriously LOVE my job. Especially after being a stay-at-home mom all last week for their Christmas break. I am NOT cut of the same steel as some of the amazing women I know who can have craft time, synchronized naps and dinner ready too.

My family…we come as we are. I think we’re perfect for each other…

So…I bet you’re wondering. “Why the ‘re-launch’?” “What are your plans for 2013?” “What’s with the map background?” I am SO glad you asked! J

The re-launch: 2012 was on and off tough and crazy on us as a family with a lot of stuff going on that really didn’t matter for eternity. We completely lost our focus as to what is right for us as Christ-followers, spouses, parents and people. This VERY morning, hubs and I waded into the freezing Potomac River to rededicate our lives to Christ through water baptism. We had both decided to do it and then when (shyly and awkwardly) asking what the other thought, we realized that God had put it on both of our hearts so that we could also recommit to each other. This year, we’ll be celebrating 5 years together and I am so thankful that the Man Upstairs is in charge and not me!

One of the most amazing experiences of my life:

My plans for 2013 are quite simple: to focus inwardly while thinking outwardly. A paramedic who is bitten by a snake on the loose obviously can’t save the man who called 911 in the first place, right?

The map background is symbolically the most exciting part! God has lain heavy on my heart since I can remember to help others. Go. Feed. Clothe. BE Jesus. Taking a recent spiritual gifting scale test, I came in tied for #1 with Missionary & Hospitality. For those of you that know me, I’m sure you’re completely shocked right now. Our church sponsors a group to Nicaragua each year to help provide medical services to the community of HueHuete. When they announced the trip back in August, I was sitting in my seat, minding my own business and I got this dry warmth that just surrounded me and every single word that was being said about the upcoming trip sunk through my brain like raindrops through a fog. And then they STRUCK home. I’m not the type that “hears” from God, but if that’s not someone telling you SOMETHING; I don’t know what is. I committed to go. I was excited and pumped! I had a sponsor who said they would pay for my entire trip! The time came to turn in the ½ amount for the plane tickets and the sponsor’s story changed. I was devastated but put on a happy face at church and told one of the ladies going that I would just pray for the team and then save up to go next year. During our after service worship, that very same lady came and laid a check in my hand for the exact amount due that day and said, “You are SUPPOSED to be there.” It was amazing! I was back in the game! While in Nicaragua, we’ll also be helping to build an aquaponics system. Here’s the Wikipedia link to learn more, but basically it is fish and plants living in water and thriving symbiotically. Cool, huh? In talking with a couple of my creative genius friends, we came up with the idea to ‘market’ the fish part.

A small, portable aquaponics system:

Well, the trip is March 2^nd through the 9^th and I still need to raise the rest of the money...$800 total. As a fundraiser, I am selling fish for $5 each, t-shirts for $25 each (hand screen printed by an amazing friend), and personalized photo books for $50 (filled with pictures that I take while on my trip and scriptures that inspired me to go). P.S. You can give ANY amount you’d like. Every penny helps and contributes towards the trip. To give, please visit my Facebook event.

Example of the shirt on a pink person:

Please don’t think that I just want you for your money! I need lots of prayer in preparation for this trip as does our entire group that’s going as well as the community that we’ll be going to. While this is more of a service trip than an evangelical trip, we are hoping to BE Christ everywhere we go.

Thank you for reading and be blessed in this new and exciting time of year!

Love,

Chan

2012-04-10T16:35:00.001-07:00

Prayer for today:

Dear Jesus,

You gave us EVERYTHING on that cross. Thank you. I can’t believe that you knew all of our sins before they happened and were willing to not only take them for us, but completely absolve us. That freedom in you and repentance of our sins is your true gift. I can’t wait to get to heaven, kiss your feet and hug you in ‘person’ for that.

Amen.

Piece’o’Past:

I’m an only child. Of a single mother. The first born on our side of the family in 17 years. The only grand-daughter. The only niece. I don’t like to say that I was … spoiled … per se, but I never wanted for much. My mom cooked for an army, but we never really ate leftovers. We ate out at least once a week, I had new clothes 3 – 4 times a year.

Present:

Greed and selfishness is something that comes easily to me. I’m not used to ‘wearing clothes out’. I’m used to getting what I want when I want. When you have a house, cars, bills, kids, pets, husband (not in order of importance, of course), and other commitments and priorities (tithing and giving), you have to learn to juggle, prioritize and go without. I am NOT complaining in the least. In fact, I’m thankful for having to WORK for things and trust in God’s provision (which has come at the EXACT moment when we need it, not a minute sooner or later). Included in His provision are my family, my friends, my job and many other countless things that I probably can’t even name that have come into play for me over the years.

After Easter Sunday, I’m feeling amazed and loved and cared for…in a personal and individual way even while knowing that what was done was done for all.

Love,

Chan

2012-03-25T18:19:00.001-07:00

Prayer for today:

God,

Help me draw nearer to you. Use me.

Amen.

Piece’o’Past:

Life isn’t always easy…some of us having it MUCH better than others. Some of us don’t. Over the years, I’ve come to not be complacent, but content with where I am, who I’m with and what God has given me. I haven’t always been this way. I used to WANT everything that I didn’t have…coveted with envy. I used to spend money I didn’t have…uselessly and stupidly.

Present:

Today at church, some people who went on a recent missions trip to Nicaragua shared their ‘God moments’ from their trip. It really pops things into perspective when you’re told about children crying gratitude for fluoride treatments, adults weeping with thanks for finally being able to see “Claro!” with a used pair of glasses, and an intercession happening over a hurt homeless man who was able to hold his head high the next day and be healed through prayer.

If you don’t believe in God or that His Son is THE way to Him, take a moment and look around at everything and its wonder around you and think back to when you were a child and thought you could fly if you climbed high enough and jumped…that sense that you could DO and BE anything that you wanted in life, God GAVE you that will. Choose Him. 1) Because I want to hang with you in eternity. 2) Because when creating the earth around us, He took the time to create every important cell in your body and count the hairs that you have on your head. Then, He sent His Son to die for the sins that He knew that you’d make.

These past couples of weeks have been ‘off’, but I know that I have purpose as do each of you. Pray for me and mine as I pray for you and yours.

Love,

Chan

2012-03-08T16:33:00.003-08:00

Prayer for today:

Dear God,

Thank you…for a full belly, a roof over my head, a job to go to in the morning, my 2 sweet children {whether 1 is throwing a temper-tantrum or not}, my loving husband and so many other things that I may not even recognize as something to be thankful for. In times of trouble, I am comforted and surrounded by you, Jesus.

I love you,

Amen.

Piece’o’Past:

Ashley, Shelby…don’t look at this…I used to box-dye my hair. A lot. Like different colors at opposite ends of the spectrum once a month just because. Like since I was 13. Anywho, when I lived in the great San Ann, I had a hairdresser friend who taught me the rights and wrongs of hair care and {with a lot of time & $$$} got my hair healthy. I haven’t touched a box of color since then. Over 5 years.

When I moved to MD, I had a hard time finding a place that fit me and my budget…proper hair care can be quite expensive. I found this AWESOME place about a year and a half ago {shameless plug for Frayedberry} and haven’t strayed once since!

Present:

Piece of past has nothing to do with this…it’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve posted and a LOT has happened since then…helped with Tides of Love, got a sinus infection, knee has half-healed, EJ got sick, Evie got sick, Don & I got away, ran into people we knew while away, we came home and this week started. PHEW!

Of ALL of that, can I say that the 2 biggest blessings that God revealed to me were that 1) there truly are some homeless and helpless people out there that will sit and have a meal and thank you profusely for it and 2) being in a loving, respectful, FUN marriage is AWESOME? I guess so...I just said it! BOOM-shacka!

The big goose bumps & tears moment at Tides of Love {which if you don’t know about it, search it on Facebook & if you do know about it, devote a Saturday and serve…you’ll be humbled & awe-struck at God’s provisions in your own life…} happened when one of the first guests came out of the bathroom with a wide-eyed and scared expression on his face. He was middle-aged with blue eyes, a silver ponytail and a worn jean jacket over a red plaid flannel shirt that had seen better days. He walked up to me and handed me a wallet while saying, “Ma’am, I found this in the bathroom, I didn’t open it and I don’t know whose it is.” I thanked him, took the wallet and found its owner {one of the other volunteers}. Well, the man in the jean jacket came back up to me, pulled me aside and said with earnest, “Ma’am, I’m really worried about the wallet. Please, if something was taken, hold me responsible. I’d hate for something like missing money to end such a blessing as is put on like this.” I could barely hold back my tears to nod, smile & tell him not to worry. He was a pure example of God’s love for the world. He was willing to sacrifice himself so that others wouldn’t suffer. When the volunteer who owned the wallet got it back, I told him about it and he was able to go sit with the man in the jean jacket for the meal. Just think…we’re all just walking around with lost wallets. God gives us our treasures in heaven and we get to sit at His table because we weren’t just invited, we were SOUGHT after and BOUGHT with His own blood.

Have an amazing evening...surround yourselves with family and friends.

Love,

Chan

2012-02-23T19:01:00.003-08:00

Prayer for today:

Jesus,

In less than 40 days, we will be mourning Your ‘loss’ and celebrating Your supreme victory over death. Thank you for the ultimate sacrifice to save us. While not deserving in the least, Your righteousness gave the most. ‘I stand in awe of the One who gave it all’…

Amen.

Piece’o’Past:

Lent has always been confusing to me. First, we didn’t GO to church. THEN, I was in Catholic school for 4^th and 5^th grade, so Lent was HUGE…Ash Wednesday mass, fish every Friday, proclaiming what you were giving up to glorify God & thus glorifying you, stations of the cross and wafers & wine. (Not trying to be judgmental, but that was my 8 & 9 year old impression.) After I started insisting on rosary beads & Hail Mary’s at the dinner table, Mom promptly removed me from that ‘unstable environment’. (Her words, not mine!) So, back to a public school and off to Sunday services at the local First Christian Church with weekly communion it was for us.

Present:

I am a firm believer in doing things for Christ with a joyful and humble heart. SO, instead of giving something up and grumbling about it for the next month, I’m going to work on my spiritual – and faithfulness.

Going to bed without Percocet and praying that I am able to get a good night’s sleep without it.

Love,

Chan

Old habits and beautiful prayer no matter what religion you are...

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you; blessed are you amongst women and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Lord Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners...now and at the hour of our death.

2012-02-14T17:17:00.001-08:00

Prayer for today:

Father God,

I love you. Thank you for loving me SO much.

Amen.

Piece’o’Past:

I remember when I spent Valentine’s alone and wishing that someone would come along and do something straight out of a rom-com to win my heart over? GOD, those were lonely days. I had NO clue of what love was in its true form. & this was less than a decade ago for me.

Present:

Even with a bum leg, my (not so constant thanks to the pain meds for my leg) abdominal pain, sinus pressure ready to crack my skull, a full day of work and 2 sweet babies to care for…this has been one of the BEST Valentine’s Days that I have EVER had in my LIFE. Another great one was when Don and I were still “talking” and he sent me my first ever received bouquet of flowers. The love that God gave me through my amazing husband is overwhelming and sweet and perfect in all ways (even the ways when we argue and have issues).

First, Don surprised me by stopping by my work after lunch on his way back into town from a meeting with 2 chocolate dipped and vanilla ganache strawberries for us to share and a single red rose for me to keep on my desk for the afternoon. Once home w/kiddos, we decided to grab Five Guys and he ran out to get after we exchanged cards. All in all, most awesome. Another plus – We had the besties over for dinner last night and I was feeling bakey, so I made some uber delish cupcakes and had enough to take into work today and got high praise for them!

May you cherish and love those around you…Happy Valentine’s Day…XOXO!

Love,

Chan