Body Language

2012-06-02T01:53:00.002-07:00

Body language - Arm

The arm is an interesting appendages with a ball at the top, a hinge in the middle, and with a rather complex toolset at the end.

Watch also for arms held still -- this is often the first place the deceiver starts when trying to control body language (they may even hold one arm with the other to keep them both still).

Expanding

Arms are clever expanding devices that can make us bigger or smaller, reaching out without having to move the rest of our body.

They can extend towards the other person, either in threat or a more friendly way. Moved directly and quickly they threaten. Curved and moving more slowly they may offer comfort.

The can also extend laterally, sometimes as a part of a body-expanding 'I am big' display that can signify confidence or perhaps aggression.

Shaping

Arms are used as a part of shaping as we wave them around and carve out the world. They are an adjunct to our words as we literally show other people how big the fish was or how small the child is.

When we are excited or confident, we may wave our arms about like windmills. When we are less confident, our shaping is smaller and closer to the body.

This waving of arms needs control and a person who bangs their hand on something may indicate clumsiness.

Raising

Raising the arms lifts something up. Done rapidly, it throws things into the air. With both arms, it exaggerates it further. A typical two-arm-raising gesture is frustration, as everything that is weighing the person down with confusion is thrown up into the air. Coupled with a shrug it indicates confusion ('I don't know!!').

Weapon

Arms can be like weapons. They can symbolize clubs and spears as they strike out at imaginary foes. They can also be defensive, blocking and sweeping away attacks. In martial arts arms can be used to block and strike and this is reflected in how they may be used in communication.

Crossing

Arms can act as the doorway to the body and the self. When they are crossed, they form a closed defensive shield, blocking out the outside world. Shields act in two ways: one is to block incoming attacks and the other is a place behind which the person can hide and perhaps not be noticed.

Crossed arms may thus indicate anxiety which is either driven by a lack of trust in the other person or an internal discomfort and sense of vulnerability (that may, for example, be rooted in childhood trauma).

The extent of crossing indicates how firmly closed the person is. This may range from a light cross to arms folded to arms wrapped around the person. An extreme version which may indicate additional hostility is a tight close with hands formed as fists. If legs are crossed also then this adds to the signal.

The hands in an arm-cross may also be used to hold the person in a reassuring self-hug, for example holding upper arms in a folded-arms position or wrapped around the torso, holding the sides. If the thumbs are up, this may indicate some approval or agreement with what is being said.

Crossed arms, especially when holding one another can show the person to be trying to keep themselves still. This can be to suppress any signals. It may also indicate repressed anger (I have to hold myself to prevent myself hitting you). In some cultures it also signals that the person is holding themself still so they can pay greater attention to you (and is hence a compliment).

When arms are not crossed, they expose the torso and the person, making them more vulnerable. This signifies comfort that often indicates trust. It can also be power position that dares the other person to attack whilst knowing that the other person dare not.

Crossed arms is a very obvious signal and if you do it in front of other people they will likely feel rejected and respond accordingly (including not agreeing with you).

Note that not all crossed arms are defensive. Sometimes folded arms, for example, are just a relaxed position. Crossed arms are also used when the person is cold (this is typically done with hands tucked under armpits to keep them warm).

A common method sales people use to break a crossed-arms closed position is to give the person something to hold or otherwise ask them to use theirhands.

Reaching forward

Reaching forward to the other person can be quite scary for them as you could attack them, and a sudden thrust forward can indeed be an aggressive signal, especially if the hand is pointing or shaped as a fist.

Reaching forward can also be an offer of support or affection, seeking to touch and join with the other person.

Pulling back

When arms are thrust forward, they are the first thing that may be grabbed or attacked. When a person feels defensive they may pull back their arms out of harm's way.

Elbow body language

When you think 'body language', the elbow is not usually the first thing you think of, and indeed there are less things they can say. The lesser-noticed parts, however, should always be watched, both individually and as a part of a wider cluster.

Size

Elbows are often used as a central part of a size display as we push them outwards as we puff ourselves up to appear bigger larger than we are (much as birds stand their feathers on end).

Putting hands on the waist sends a stronger signal. More subtle is simply to expand the chest and push elbows slightly out.

This is usually done whilst standing and with the body stationery (it is difficult to run with elbows sticking out).

This can signify aggression, but may also be a more relaxed attention-getting pose (look at me!). This often is accompanied by a relaxed S-shaped body curve, with one foot pointing forward at the target person.

Weapon

For those who have struggled in big January sales know (or any hurrying crowd for that matter), elbows can make excellent weapons. They are a pointed tool at the end of the powerful upper arm and a jab in the ribs can wind even a somewhat larger opponent.

In everyday language a symbolic strike towards someone (without hitting them) says 'I feel like hitting you' or 'I could hit you'. It thus can be a suggestion to desist from some undesirable behavior.

Prop

When seated, putting elbows on the table may indicate a relaxed state. The head may thus be propped up by cupped hands.

Pointer

We tend to point at people and things in which we are interested in some way. The most obvious way is with the finger. We also do it with other parts of the body. One of the most subtle and subconscious of these is the elbow.

Hand body language

Hands have 27 bones and are a very expressive part of our anatomy. The give us enormous capability as an evolved species in how we handle our environment.

Reading palms is not just about the lines on your hand. After the face, hands probably the richest source of body language.

It is also worth noting that gestures with the hands vary significantly across cultures and an 'innocent' hand signal can get you arrested in another country.

A hand signal may be small, perhaps betraying subconscious thinking. It may also be exaggerated or done with both hands to emphasize the point.

Holding

Cupped hands form a container which can hold gently. Gripping hands can hold tightly. Hands can hold both individually or together (giving an exaggerated effect).

Cupped hands can symbolize delicacy or hold a fragile idea. They may also be used for giving. Gripping can show possessiveness, ownership and desire (the tighter the fist, the stronger the feeling).

Hands may also hold the self, such as when people hold their own hands, typically for comfort. Wringing the hands indicates more extreme nervousness.

Holding the self can also be an act of restraint. This can be to let the other person talk. It can also be used when the person is angry, effectively stopping them from attacking.

The two hands can show different desires, for example with one forming a fist and the other holding it back, restraining the desire to punch the other person.

Note also that people who are lying often try to control their hands, and when they are kept still (often holding one another), you might get suspicious. Another sign can be holding them behind the back. As ever, these are only possible indicators and you should also look for similar signs.

Hands may also be used to hold items such as pens or cups, which may be used as comfort objects, for example where a person hugs a cup (the cup represents the person, so they are effectively hugging themself). Holding an item with two hands effectively creates a closed position.

Holding imaginary objects as they are talked about can show importance. Things which are important (and perhaps with fear of loss) are held close and tight. Things which are not wanted are held further away (or even tossed away).

Even ideas may be held. The bigger and more important the idea, the wider the arms are held. A common size is as if they are holding a basketball -- this is useful as you can give it to other people. A wide-armed hold may indicate the whole world or something massive.

Items may also be for distracting activity that releases nervous energy, such as fiddling with a pen, clicking it on and off, or doodling with it.

Control

A hand with palm down may figuratively hold or restrain the other person. This can be an authoritative action ('Stop that now') or may be a request ('Please calm down'). This also appears in the dominant hand-on-top handshake.

A palm facing outward towards others fends them off or pushes them away in a more obvious way than the palms-down signal ('Stop. Do not come any closer!').

A pointing finger or whole hand tells a person where to go ('Leave now!').

Greeting

Hands are often used in greetings. The most common form of greeting is shaking hands, of which there are many different forms. Opening the palm shows that there is no concealed weapon. This is significant in greeting, salutes, waves etc.

This is one of the few times we are allowed to touch the other person and it may get used to send various signals.

Dominance is shown with hand on top, strength, prolonged holding ('I decide when to let go') and holding the person with the other hand.

Affection is shown with speed and duration of shake, touching with the other hand and enthusiastic smiles. The similarity between dominant and affection handshakes leads to tricky situations where a dominant person pretends to be friendly.

Submission is shown with a floppy hand, palm up and which is sometimes clammy and with a quick withdrawal.

Most handshakes use vertical palms to show equality, are firm without being crushing and for a very exact period (so both know when to let go).

Waving is also used for a greeting and may be done at a distance.

Salutes are sometimes used, but mostly only in the military, where their style is strictly prescribed.

Shaping

Hands can carve the air, shaping what the person is talking about or meaning. They can thus create visual metaphors out of literally nothing.

A man talking may shape a fish he caught. He might also carve out the shape of his ideal woman. Other gestures can shape more crudely, indicating holding and moving sexually significant body parts.

Cutting

The side of a flat hand can appear as a knife, cutting the air like a karate chop. The cutting hand may strike the other palm, creating visual and aural impact.

A side-swiped cut with palm down tells others to stop what they are doing, for example when a person on stage asks the audience to stop clapping so they can speak. A short side swipe may also signal 'no' in any conversation.

Cuts can signal aggression, particularly when coupled with an aggressive face. They may also indicate decisiveness, chopping with each point. A side-swiped cut can chop away someone else's argument.

Striking

The hand can strike openly, with the palm or closed as a fist. The fist can strike forwards, sideways or downwards. One hand is often used for symbols as two hands as fists can be an invitation to fight (two hands held inwards can also indicate extreme tension).

Fist shapes and movements are often symbols of inner aggression. When moved towards a person, even a small amount, they signal aggression towards that person. A shaking fist signifies a strong desire to strike someone. Punching the air indicates triumphal excitement.

Covering

Hands can hide things. When people do not want to hear something, they put hands to ears. When they do not want to look, they cover their eyes. When they want to say something but feel restrained, they put their hands to their mouth. A hand may also cover a rudely open mouth, which may be opened in such as surprise or a yawn.

Hands covering the mouth when speaking may be an indicator of lying, although it may also just indicate uncertainty.

Hands can cover other things. A hand to heart may seek to protect it from shocking harm. A hand to the groin may protect from dangerous attack. Hands can also cover one another. Sometimes a tense fist may be covered by the other hand.

Giving

Outstretched palms may offer something to another person. Held with palms faced towards one another they might hold something large. Held upwards they openly proffer an idea.

They may also show that nothing is being concealed, giving what I have, which is nothing.

A single offered hand is the start of the handshake.

Asking

Palms offered upwards are a common plea gesture, as if asking for alms. Palms downwards may ask a person to calm down.

Palms up or at 45 degrees and then pulled towards the body seeks to bring others closer to you in an attenuated beckoning gesture.

Hands with palms pressed together indicate a more anxious pleading. This gesture may be done with fingers upwards in a clear prayer position ('Please do not harm me!'), and possibly thrust towards the other person. With fingers pointing down, this may be more concealed or a less anxious desire for agreement. A variant of this is to have fingers interleaved, but otherwise making the same shape and movement.

Rubbing

Rubbing the hands together can mean that the person is cold. It also means the person is feeling particularly gleeful about something. This can be a shared benefit and be used in a conspiratorial way.

When they do this less obviously and more slowly, they might thinking that they are going to benefit at the expense of someone else. Watch also for small smiles and defocused eyes as they imagine a rosy future (at least for them).

Rubbing the face and particularly the chin can indicate thinking, evaluating and deciding.

When a part of the body is sore, the person may rub it. This also happens when that part of the body is tense, for example the neck or abdomen, and can thus be a signal of anxiety.

Light stroking of the body can be a romantic invitation, particularly if the erogenous areas (or nearby) are touched. This says 'I would like you to do this' and can be very arousing.

Thinking

When the fingers are pressed together forming a steepled shape, pointing upwards, the person may well be thinking, evaluating or deciding. This may also be done with just index fingers pressed together and other fingers interlinked ('the church'), with all finger-tips touching ('the cage') or with fingers interlinked.

The steepled position forms a barrier against the other person and may be held lower when the person wants to connect more, such as when they are listening.

A subtler version of the evaluative position is with the hand supporting the head but with the index finger up the side the of the face. The middle finger may cover the mouth ('I'm not ready to talk yet').

These fingers-up positions may include touching of the mouth or chin with the fingers, which may indicate the person is thinking about saying something but is not yet ready to speak out loud.

The fingers may also be all intertwined and typically held under the chin. Again, this is a thinking and evaluating signal.

Hands clenched can be a self-restraining act, effectively holding the person back from speaking until they are ready.

Supporting

Hands may be used to support the head or even the body when leaning.

Hands wrapped around the cheeks with elbows on the table indicates a heavy head and the person may be sleepy or bored. This may also be indicated with a single hand propping up the chin or side of the head.

The hands may also lightly support the head, either as a single hand gently under the chin or with fingers intertwined with elbows on table and chin touching the fingers. Particularly when looking at the other person, this says 'look at my face, isn't it nice' and may thus be an enticing position.

A lightly supported head may also be a position of listening, where the person is holding their head still in order to focus on the other person.

A simple rule is that the more that the head is supported, the more the person is bored. When they are interested in what others are saying, support is light.

Hiding

Hands may be hidden by putting them behind the back, in pockets, under the table or sitting on them. They are often used in communication and hiding the hands may indicate a desire not to communicate or not to collaborate, saying 'I don't want to talk with you' or 'I do not agree with you'.

This may be done in a deliberate gesture of defiance, such as stuffing hands in pockets. Liars may hide their hands in fear that they will give themselves away.

Hiding hands may also be a position of listening, sending the message 'I do not want to talk because I want to listen to you.'

Putting hands in pockets or behind the back can also be due to just feeling relaxed and not needing to talk.

Touching

The hand may touch any part of the body in a whole range of situation.

Perhaps the most common reason for touching oneself is self-affirmation ('I am here. I am real. I am ok.') and related anxiety. Anxiety can be related to concern for the outer world or the inner world of thoughts and forecasts.

Touching is also used in romantic situations, where parts of the body may be lightly touched or stroked in simulation of desired or suggested action by the other person. The more erotic the parts being touched, the stronger the signal is sent.

Touching can also be a form of punishment, for example when a person slaps their head ('Bother - I forgot!').

Touching the other person can be an act of domination or of friendship, for example a hand on the shoulder whilst telling them off adds authority, whilst a gentle touch on the arm when sympathizing demonstrates concern for them.

Preening

Preening is a common action as the person brushes their hair and clothes, figuratively making themselves look more attractive and sending the signal 'Aren't I beautiful!' This is thus says 'Please like me' and may be a romantic invitation, a signal of superiority or indicate feelings of vulnerability.

Picking at bits of fluff clothes often shows disapproval as the person figuratively picks apart your argument.

Weighing

Cupped hands may be used to indicate weight, which often is used as a metaphor for importance.

Single-handed weighting bounces the cupped hand up and down, for example when an argument is being proposed.

Two hands are used to indicate discussion of A vs. B. Watch which hands seems to hold the heavier weight -- this will be the one which the person thinks is most significant.

And...

Not body language as such, but the length of the index finger compared with the length of the ring finger is related to masculinity. High levels of testosterone in the womb lead to a longer ring finger. Testosterone is also related to other masculine characteristics, including strength and aggression, spatial and musical ability.

By looking for long and short ring fingers (as compared with the index fingers), you might hence find a tendency towards masculine or feminine characteristics.

Finger body language

Fingers are very flexible and allow for subtle gestures.

Pointer

A pointing finger indicates direction ('It's over there'). For a long distance, the finger may be pointed diagonally upwards, as if firing an arrow. The index finger is usually used, though the middle finger or even all fingers may be used.

The thumb may be used to pointer to something being as it is jerked over the shoulder.

Pointing at people is like using the prod (see below) and is often considered to be rude and threatening.

People who are angry tend to point more, including at themselves (when they feel hurt or insulted) and at those who they feel are to blame.

Pointing, especially at other people, can be particularly rude in a number of cultures.

In some cultures the thumb is a phallic symbol and giving a 'thumbs up' signal says 'I want to have sex with you.' or may just be a rude insult. This can cause a lot of confusion between people from the Orient and the Occident.

Club

The wagging finger of admonition beats up and down as if striking the culprit. This can be with a stable hand and just a finger way. It may also be done with the whole arm, giving an exaggerated striking movement.

A more polite version points downwards as it beats out an important point, perhaps tapping on something like a table.

The forefinger held up and stationary means 'wait' (perhaps as a threat of being used as a club otherwise).

Prod

The finger prod can act like a stiletto knife, stabbing forward at the other person. This is usually the index finger, although the middle finger is sometimes used. This is often very threatening and felt as a personal attack.

The prod may also be used to prod downwards at an imaginary item in front. This is less threatening than pointing directly at the person.

The prod can also be made less threatening by bringing several fingers together and bending the fingers. A disguised form of this is the finger-and-thumb pinch, where an imaginary idea is delicately held and offered forward.

Plate

Fingers extended and closed join with the palm to form a plate. The plate holds symbolic things, such as ideas, often gently. The plate may be proffered forwards, offering the held item to others. For large things both hands may be held together.

Held under the chin, it presents the face as an object to be admired and is often used in flirting.

Cup

Fingers held together and curled upwards form a cup that can contain things more securely than the plate. Relaxed fingers form a loose cup, whilst tense fingers form a more closed cup. Two hands together form a big cup (to hold bigger things).

Cups may be used to plead for something to be given or offer something forward to others.

Pinch

Fingers pinched together hold something small and delicate. This may be finger and thumb or may involve more fingers (finger and thumb is less frequent as this forms an 'O' which can have many different meanings).

It may be used when saying 'you must grasp this idea'. Held out towards others it offers them the idea. Pushed down it holds the idea whilst beating out the key points.

Claw

Curved and separated fingers form a claw. With palm facing down, the claw may threaten to reach forward and grab, scratch or tear.

If the fingers are held loosely, the shape is more of an open cup and may thus hold something. Held downwards it may gently restrain.

Drumming

Drumming or tapping the fingers can indicate frustration, for example when another person is speaking and the person wants to interrupt. It may also mean that the person drumming wants to leave.

Non-verbal noise sends an audible interrupt signal to the other person. The louder the noise and faster the drumming, the greater the tension the person is feeling. Drumming with the nails makes an even louder noise and hence sends a more urgent signal.

Drumming can also indicate that the person is thinking, and that the frustration is with internal thoughts and perhaps that an easy solution cannot be found.

Sucking

Sucking a finger is often an echo of doing this in childhood. Young children suck fingers or thumb as a breast substitute. This action is hence a comforter, done when the person is uncomfortable or stressed in some way. Variants on this include sucking knuckles or sucking a pencil.

Rudeness

The middle finger pointing upwards says 'up yours' and symbolizes a penis. The little finger in this gesture indicates the other person has a small penis (this is sometimes used as a rude gesture from a woman to a man).

The first two fingers pointing upwards and with the palm towards the self says 'f**k off' (though curiously, with the palm facing the other person indicates peace).

The finger and thumb together forming a circle may symbolize the female genitalia (perhaps likening the other person to this). It can also indicate the anus. Moved up and down it may indicate male masturbation (implying the other person, a male, is unable to gain a female partner and thus has to masturbate to get sexual relief). Yet with little finger facing outwards it can also mean 'OK' or 'wonderful'.

The index and little finger pointing upwards as a gesture can say that the other man is a cuckold. It can also signify the 'evil eye'.

Thumb

Thumbs-up signals approval and agreement. Thumbs-down signals disapproval. Held sideways (and perhaps waggled) indicates uncertainty).

Roman amphitheater audiences reputedly used this signal to suggest to the emperor that a defeated gladiator be spared or killed.

Thumbs up when arms are crossed or a single hand is held across the chest is a subtle sign of approval. It can also be an invitation to others to show approval of what you are saying.

Thumbs sticking out when hands are in pockets is often a sign of confidence, feeling relaxed and in control. It can thus be both a sign of authority and also of friendliness.

And...

Fingers crossed indicates hope (because they form a rough crucifix).

Inspecting fingernails indicates boredom and disinterest.

Fluttering fingers may indicate uncertainty ('I'm not sure') or may be a small wave (for example being child-like, indicating 'I am not a threat' or 'protect me').

Fidgeting fingers may indicate boredom or tension.

Sucking fingers is a regressive return to childhood and breast feeding. This may well indicate timidity and feelings of inferiority.

2012-06-02T01:50:00.002-07:00

Body language - Neck

The is used to support and rotate the head and hence controls some head body language. It also may send a few signals of its own.

Hiding

The neck a classic position where a predator attacks, either going for the jugular artery at the side or crushing or ripping out the windpipe.

When people feel threatened they will thus naturally act to protect the neck, pulling the chin down to protect the throat and possibly also raising the shoulders to protect the sides of the neck.

Embarrassment or fear can lead to increased swallowing. A hand on the throat may cover up the signs of swallowing as the person seeks to hide this signal.

Turning

The neck can be rotated, both horizontally and vertically, thus giving our head several degrees of freedom and the ability to look in many directions. The eyes can also look without turning the head. Rotating the neck is useful for extending the range of vision. It can also be used deliberately to send a signal that the person is giving or removing attention.

The neck can also become stiff from propping up the head and rotation of the neck may be done to exercise it. Exercising the neck can be a sign of tension. It may also indicate boredom.

Touching

Touching the front of the neck may indicate concern about what the person is saying (via their windpipe). This may because they are lying or otherwise are embarrassed or uncomfortable with what they are actually saying or are thinking of saying.

When a person is uncomfortable with what they are saying or where they are saying it, then their neck muscles may tense, affecting their voice through constriction of the windpipe or tensing of the vocal chords. This can cause discomfort in the neck and the hand thus acts to sooth this irritation.

When a person is uncomfortable they may sweat. If they are wearing a tight collar this will start to rub and irritate them. As a result they may pull at their collar.

The neck also contains the tubes going down to the stomach and touching the neck may show a concern about eating or drinking.

Another reason for touching the neck is when the person fears attack, as it reflects the desire to cover their windpipe.

There are also major muscles at the side and back of the neck and rubbing or squeezing these indicates tension, which may well be anxiety.

Suddenly grabbing the back of the neck can be a displacement activity for anger, as if the person raises their hand to strike then has to do something to restrain it. A neck-grab can also be a sign of shock or surprise as if the person is pulling their head back and grabbing it to suppress the reaction. This may be done as a deliberate exaggeration.

No neck

Having 'no neck' is often associated with people who have done so much weight training that their necks are almost as wide as their heads. The appearance, coupled with a muscled body, can be very threatening. If the person enjoys this effect on others, they may exaggerate it with arms held wide, fierce glares and other dominant body language.

Shoulder body language

The shoulders, although they have limited movement when compared with other parts of the body, can be used to convey various signals.

Raised

Holding the shoulders in a raised position requires that the whole weight of the arms are lifted. This takes continued effort, which is supplied if the person is aroused in some way.

Shoulders hunched up can be a sign that the person is cold (they may be shivering too). Often, this is a sign of tension, often from anxiety or fear.

Raising the shoulders and lowering the head protects the neck when the person fears attack (actual or virtual).

Curved forward

curving the shoulders forward happens naturally when arms are folded. When curled forward with the hands down this reduces the width of the body and can thus be a defensive posture or a subconscious desire not to be seen, for example when the person is feeling threatened or when they want to stay 'under cover'.

Pushed back

Pushing the shoulders back forces the chest out and exposes the torso to potential attack. This posture is thus used when the person does not fear attack and may be used as a taunt to demonstrate power.

If the body is pulled back when the shoulders are pulled back, particularly when the person is up against the wall, this can indicate a desire to hide the body and not be seen, or otherwise defensively move it out of harm's way.

Circling

Circling the shoulders may be done forwards or backwards, with one or both shoulders. This is often done to exercise a stiff shoulder, which may have been held tensely (and hence may indicate anxiety). This may also be accompanied by rotating or leaning of the neck and other muscle-exercising movements.

This exercising can signal that the person is readying themselves for action and perhaps combat, and hence may be used as a sign of aggression.

When done whilst the other person is talking and it would be polite to listen carefully, this deliberate breaking of protocol can be an insulting signal of power ('You are so unimportant I do not need to bother listening politely').

Shrug

The classic shrug, with one-off raising and lowering of shoulders usually means 'I don't know!' and may be accompanied with raised eyebrows, down-turned mouth, and hands held to the side, with palms upwards or forwards (showing nothing is being concealed).

Shoulders may not move much in a small or suppressed shrug. Sometimes all you may see is a slight raising of the arms.

A small and quick shrug may send the same signal but be performed subconsciously and thus can indicate uncertainty or lack of understanding.

Shrugging may be associated with lying where a person shrugs rather than speaks, in fear that their words may give themselves away.

A more prolonged and animated shrug can be similar to the circling shoulders that indicate readying for aggression and can thus signal a threat. In a smaller form it may indicate irritation or frustration.

Relaxed

We often carry tension in the shoulders and a person who is truly relaxed will have their shoulders held low, with arms that can move naturally, without jerkiness and swinging free.

Leaning

When the person leans against a wall, they often contact the wall with their shoulder. This is usually a relaxed pose as galvanizing into physical movement would take more than a little effort, which puts the person in a position vulnerable to attack.

Turning

Turning shoulders is a key part of turning away. If a person turns their shoulders whilst still looking at you, it probably means they want to leave (maybe because what you are saying is uncomfortable for them).

Chest body language

The chest can send a few non-verbal body language signals.

Thrust out

Pushing the chest forward draws attention to it, and can be a part of a provocative romantic display. Women, especially, know that men are programmed to be aroused by the sight of breasts. When women push forward their chests they may thus be inviting intimate relations (or just teasing). This is a function of high heels, which curves the spine to push out the chest and buttocks.

Men also thrust their chest out to display their strong pectorals (and perhaps hide their bulging gut). Enlarged pectorals are, along with biceps, the most common muscles that are used to assess overall strength.

A difference with men is that they do this both to women ('Look at me - I'm strong and will protect you and our babies') and also other men ('I am strong, so you'd better not get in my way').

Profiled

When the person stands sideways or at 45 degrees, the effect of a thrust-out chest is exaggerated as the person is seen in profile. Women may use this to display the curve of their breasts. Likewise, men may show their strong profiles.

Withdrawn

The chest cavity, although protected to some extent by the ribs, contains vital organs and thus is vulnerable in attack. When the chest is pulled back, this may well indicate that the person is trying to hide or appear inoffensive ('I am weak - please don't hurt me!'). Curling forward the shoulders may offer further protection.

Breathing

The chest expands and contracts with breath. When the person is breathing deeply, then the chest moves more.

Deep breath may be used to help thrust out the chest, as above. It also increases the oxygen intake and readies the person for action, thus indicating such as fear or anger. We also breath deeply when we are experiencing intense emotions such as love.

A person who is particularly anxious may breathe too fast and deep and so hyperventilate, taking in so much oxygen they get giddy (and can even faint).

When the body is held rigid, then breathing is more difficult and short breaths are more likely and may indicate tension.

When a person in a state of hopeful suspense they may hold their breath, as if breathing would either cause what is feared or destroy what is being enjoyed.

Touching

Touching the chest draws further attention to it. When a woman does this in front of a man it makes the man think of doing this and is thus a highly suggestive and flirtatious act.

Rubbing the chest can also be a sign of pain of discomfort, perhaps from tension and stress.

Back body language

The back, which includes the spine and the rear of the torso, does not send much non-verbal body language and is probably the 'least communicative' part of the body.

Rejection

The face is on the front of the body and so we present the front when talking to other people. If we do not want to talk to them, we can indicate our desire not to talk with them in several stages:

Avert the gaze, not making eye contact.
Turn the head.
Twist the torso (feet not moving).
Twist further (one foot rotates).
Turn at an angle (both feet move).
Turn around (so they can only see our back).

Each of these is an escalating signal, with complete 180 degree rotation as the maximum rejection. Even turning at a slight angle sends a clear message (giving the 'cold shoulder'). Turning fully around thus sends the loudest possible non-verbal signal 'I do not want to talk with you.'

Power

Turning around means you are potentially vulnerable to attack as you cannot see anyone behind you make a move on you. This can thus be a power move, usually between men, which says 'I do not have to look at you to decide if you are going to attack me because I am so powerful you do not dare.'

Protection

Whilst having the back facing someone makes you unable to defend yourself, if you are about to be hit with something the back provides perhaps the least sensitive area on the body. It is broad and well-muscled, with ribs around the organs.

When we face imminent impact we turn around, typically also putting our hands behind our head to protect it and crouching down to make ourselves a smaller target. This is a reflexive action for example when something is thrown at us or someone tries to his us with a stick.

Belly body language

The belly (tummy, abdomen, venter, gut, stomach, paunch) is, for this section, defined as the area between the bottom of the ribs and the top of the hips.

Pulling it in

In romantic and 'body beautiful' situations, a flat tummy is considered desirable in both men and women as it indicates fitness and health. In men, at least, the ultimate is a 'six pack' where individual muscles can be seen.

Most of us, particularly as we get older, fall victim to excessive consumption of food and drink, resulting in a convex belly. Fortunately, we do have muscles in our abdomen and we use these to pull in the belly walls so, for at least whilst we are walking past that desirable other person, we look good.

For the determined, corsets may be used to apply constant inwards pressure. Whilst not as popular as they once were, these may still be found in surreptitious use.

Pushing it out

Sticking out the tum does not indicate a desire to be attractive and can be a counter-reactive move. Particularly in groups of men, 'letting it all hang out' without feeling judged can be quite relieving and contribute to male bonding (along with loud discussions and lewd jokes).

The tummy may stick out more as a counterbalance when we want to pull our vulnerable upper body and head away in a situation where we feel uncomfortably close to another person.

Touching

The tummy area contains the stomach and the intestine, both of which are used to process food and which may be subject to assorted pains as we over-eat or consume substances that disagree with us. Rubbing the stomach can mean the person simply has a digestive problem.

The abdomen walls contain significant muscles and we can carry tension here. Rubbing or holding them can thus indicate tension, for example from excessive worry.

The gut is particularly vulnerable to attack and is a common area for punching and stabbing. If the gut is pierced, this can cause internal bleeding and a slow death. Holding hands across the tum can thus be a defensive act when we actually or literally fear attack.

Pregnancy

When women become pregnant, they have little opportunity but to let their ever-expanding abdomens push forward. This can be a point of pride, perhaps for feminism, perhaps as a signal of fertility or maybe just delight at impending motherhood.

Bottom body language

The bottom is a large padded area at the base of the back. It has many alternative names (bum, ass, fanny, etc.), indicating its significance.

Pushing out

The bottom has a strange combination of meaning. It houses the smelly anus and hence can symbolize unpleasantness. Yet it also can have a sexual significance and some people find it particularly attractive in a partner.

Pushing the bottom towards someone may thus be an insult or an invitation, depending on the situation. It can thus say 'kiss my ass' or 'fondle my fanny' and may thus need careful interpretation!

Exposing the bottom can range from a slight push towards the person or significant extension, such as from leaning on a table (to retain balance) or bending over, such that the upper body is hidden and the bottom is highly visible.

'Mooning' is a semi-serious insult and involves exposing the naked bottom. This is a bit degrading and is often done with a certain amount of humorous intent.

Moving

Waving the bottom draws attention to it even more than pushing it out, although this tends to be more enticing than insulting.

Wiggling the hips can cause loose muscle on the buttocks to oscillate even more. This is highly visible and is used by women to attract men. It is sometimes called 'shaking the booty' and is a common feature in dancing. Wiggling hips may also make the upper body move in compensation, making the move even more attractive.

Touching

With hands behind, the person is more vulnerable and cannot cover their front. This may thus either be a relaxed and comfortable position or else a defiant power display. Putting hands in rear pockets makes them slightly less difficult to retrieve in the event of an attack and hence suggests the person is even more relaxed.

Stroking the bottom often suggests that the person would like their bottom stroked and may thus be a suggestive invitation.

Placing the hands on the buttocks also exposes the chest and hence gives a combined suggestive signal.

The thigh may be slapped as a self-punishment or 'gee up' self motivation.

Hips body language

The hips are at the base of the body trunk and are made up of the pelvis and covering tissue.

Thrust out

The hips contain the primary sexual organs and thrusting them forward is a provocative and suggestive gesture. This may be exaggerated further if the legs are opened, exposing the genitals further and inviting intercourse.

Pushing the hips forwards is difficult without losing balance, so this is sometimes done by leaning back against something like a wall to support the upper body whilst the hips are clearly foremost.

Men may use the hip thrust with other men as a signal of power ('my penis is bigger than yours' or 'I am so powerful you dare not attack my exposed and vulnerable parts').

Held back

Holding the hips back is the opposite of thrusting them out. It defends and hides the genitals, seeking to protect them or avoid them being noticed.

One way of holding them back is to sit down, folding the body over them. This may be compounded by crossing legs and covering the genitals with crossed hands.

Pushed sideways

Pushing the hips sideways makes the spine curve and rearranges the whole body to compensate. This can be a relaxed position as the person lets the body drop. The sagging can also come from disappointment or tiredness.

The hips may be used as a subtle pointer, indicating what the person really wants. Pointing at a person it may indicate they are found to be attractive. Pointing at the door can mean the person wants to leave.

Moving

Swaying the hips from side to side is a common dance move and can indicate the person would like to dance. It also draws attention to that part of the body and hence can be a flirtatious action.

Moving the hips back and forth is a simulation of sexual intercourse and can be highly arousing.

Touching

Hands on hips pushes the elbows sideways, making the body look larger and thus may be a signal of power or aggression.

Stroking the hips in a romantic setting is suggesting that the other person may want to do this and is thus rather flirtatious, particularly if accompanied by swaying hips and prolonged eye contact.

Fingering genitals is extremely arousing and is only usually used as a direct invitation to intercourse.

Hands held over the genitals, covering them, is a sign of embarrassment or fear.

Holding hands with yourself is a comforting move for someone who is anxious. The natural position of rest for this is at hip level and thus may not be sexual in nature.

The male penis can become uncomfortable in his underpants and he may surreptitiously rearrange it. If he does this overtly, it may be a signal of power or a sexual signal.

2012-06-02T01:40:00.000-07:00

Body language - Head

The head can send such a wide range of signals that the face and other parts of the head are covered in other pages. Here, we focus just on movement of the head as affected by the neck muscles.

Lowering

A lowered head covers the neck with the chin and hence can be a defensive posture that can occur as a result of any perceived threat (not just physical threat).

Lowering the head also lowers the eyes and hence can be a sign of submission, effectively saying 'I dare not even look at you'. The eyes are typically also lowered here. It can be driven by affection ('you are so wonderful') or fear ('you might hurt me if I look at you').

Lowering the head whilst maintaining eye contact can also be a strong flirting signal, typically by women. It says 'You are superior and I just can't take my eyes off you'. It can also be a sign of defiance or caution, for example when showing respect to an enemy ('You are strong and I do not trust you').

Sometimes, lowering the head is just a sign of exhaustion. The head is rather heavy and a tired person's head will sag.

Lowering the head can be a part of ducking as the person reflexively pulls the head down to avoid a real or imagined hazard. This makes the body smaller and protects the neck.

A single short lowering of the head can be an abbreviated nod. This is a common greeting, perhaps as a small bow. It may also be a signal of power ('I am so powerful people are paying will notice even a small nod'). Again it may be a deliberate concealment, sending covert agreement to a colleague.

Raising

When the head is low, raising it may be a sign of interest as the person moved to looking at the point of interest. This is typically accompanied by other expressions of interest such as raised eyebrows.

From a level position, a quick flick upwards can be a sign of query ('What do you mean?').

Raising the head and looking at the ceiling may signal boredom. It may also indicate a visual thinker who is looking at internal images. Another alternative is where a person wants to focus on the sound and is thus averting the eyes in order to concentrate on the sound.

Tilting

Tilting the head sideways can be a sign of interest, which may be in what is said or happening. It can also be a flirting signal as it says 'I am interested in you!'

Tilting can similarly indicate curiosity, uncertainty or query, particularly if the head is pushed forward, as if the person was trying to look at the subject in a different way in the hope of seeing something new. The greater the tilt, the greater the uncertainty or the greater the intent to send this signal.

A tilted head pulled back tends to indicate suspicion, as the uncertainty of the tilt is combined with a defensive pulling back.

The tilted head exposes the carotid artery on the side of the neck and may be a sign of submission and feelings of vulnerability.

If the head is propped up by the hand, it may be tiredness or an expectation of continued interest ('This is so interesting!').

Oscillating (nodding and shaking)

Nodding up and down signals agreement in most cultures and may well be accompanied by smiling and other signs of approval. A vigorous nodding probably indicates strong agreement, whilst slow nodding may indicate conditional agreement (and so may be questioned if you want full agreement).

Turning the head from side to side usually indicates disagreement or disapproval and may originate in infant refusal of food. Again, speed of swinging indicates strength of feeling. A head tilted down whilst swinging may signal particular disapproval ('I don't even want to look at you').

Alternately tilting the head at an angle to each side can say 'I'm not sure', though in Southern India it means 'Yes'.

Nodding or shaking the head whilst talking is an encouragement for the other person to agree (which works surprisingly often).

Nodding whilst the other person is talking sends approval signals and encourages them to keep talking. Shaking the head shows disagreement and they may either stop and seek your view or redouble their attempts to persuade you.

A nod can be used when emphasizing a point. The may range from a subtle encouragement to agree to a rapid and aggressive tilt.

A short, sharp nod can symbolize a head-butt, indicating the desire to strike the other person (this may be in emphasis or for other reasons).

Shaking the head when saying something positive is a negative signal and may indicate the person does not believe what they are saying.

Head movement is also related to status. Higher status people move their heads less. Lower status people often move their head far more.

Rotating

Rotation of the head in a circle is a relatively rare gesture and may just be the person exercising a stiff neck (if they should be paying attention, this may thus indicate boredom).

Turning the head away removes attention and thus may say 'I do not want to communicate with you'. This can be very insulting as it denies the existence of the other person.

Turning the head slightly to the side points the ear at the other person, perhaps better to hear them. This is usually accompanied by continued eye contact and the hand may be cupped behind the ear.

A slight head turn also puts one eye in the middle of your head as the other person sees it. To make eye contact they thus have to focus on one eye. This can be very disconcerting and this 'one-eye' gaze may be used as an act of dominance (It may also be used in the act of 'giving the evil eye').

A slight rotation on top of oscillation may indicate incomplete agreement or disagreement, for example where a nod has a slight additional side-to-side movement, indicating primary or external agreement but with a certain amount of disagreement too (which may be significant if they feel coerced into agreement).

Pointer

We tend to point at people and things in which we are interested in some way. Pointing the head and face at another person shows interest in them.

In groups and meetings, you can often see power people as others often look at them. Likewise, the less significant people are not looked at often.

We can also point with a twitch of the head in any given direction. Pointing at a person in this way without looking can be insulting and can be subtle, for example where you do not want the indicated person is being pointed at.

Touching

We can touch the head in many places. Touching the face is a common sign of anxiety and people tend to have preferred places they touch or stroke when they are concerned. This is a classic pattern that poker players look for in other players as signs of having good or bad hands.

Covering eyes, ears or mouth may say we do not want to see, hear or say something.

We may touch the side of the nose or stroke the chin when we are thinking, making decisions and judging others.

Tapping the head can be self-punishment and hence signal regret, for example tapping the forehead with the heel of the hand ('I'm stupid!'). Note that, depending on context, this can also be a signal that somebody else is considered stupid.

The head is heavy and when tired we may prop it up, either under the chin or at the side. Boredom makes us tired so propping the head may indicate this. Propping up the head also happens when a person is thinking or evaluating.

In some cultures, the head is considered the part of the body that is most spiritual. Touching the head can be considered wrong in such contexts.

Unmoving

The head often moves during speaking and often to signal submission or anxiety. When it does not move, it may indicate that the person is serious or talking from a position of authority. With a stable head, it is easier to fix others with a dominant gaze. This is a quite significant effect that actors often use. Just holding your head steady can lead to others affording you higher status.

When the head is not moving and the eyes are not focused the person may not be attending outer world, instead being lost in inner thoughts and musings.

Face body language

The face has around 90 muscles in it, with about 30 of these purely for expressing emotion. It can thus be used to send many non-verbal signals, using its various features in concert.

Color

Red

A generally red face may indicate that the person is hot as the blood come to the to surface to be cooled. They may heat up either from exercise or emotional arousal, for example when they are excited and energized.

A red face is typical of a person who is angry. This is a clear danger signal, warning the other person that they may be harmed if they do not back down.

People blush with embarrassment in various ways. Some people's neck goes red. With others it is mostly the cheeks. Sometimes the whole face goes red.

White

White skin may be a sign of coldness as the blood goes deep to avoid cooling further.

White skin is also an indication of fear, often extreme. This happens as the blood abandons a surface that might be cut, going to muscles where its power is needed more.

Blue

The skin can also take on a bluish tinge. This can also indicate coldness or extreme fear.

Moisture

Sweating is the body's natural cooling mechanism when it gets hot, possibly from excitement and emotional arousal.

Sweat is also associated with fear, perhaps to make the skin slippery and hence prevent an opponent from taking a firm grasp.

Emotions

Here are some of the facial signals that you might see for different emotions. Do note that these are only possible indicators: not all signals are needed and not all signals indicated here necessarily indicate the associated emotion.

Emotion	Facial signals
Anxiety	Eyes damp; eyebrows slightly pushed together; trembling lower lip; chin possibly wrinkled; head slightly tilted down.
Fear	Eyes wide, closed or pointing down; raised eyebrows; mouth open or corners turned down; chin pulled in; head down, white face.
Anger	Eyes wide and staring; eyebrows pulled down (especially in middle); wrinkled forehead; flared nostrils; mouth flattened or clenched teeth bared; jutting chin, red face.
Happiness	Mouth smiling (open or closed); possible laughter; crows-feet wrinkles at sides of sparkling eyes; slightly raisedeyebrows; head level.
Sadness	Eyes cast down and possibly damp or tearful; head down; lips pinched; head down or to the side.
Envy	Eyes staring; mouth corners turned down; nose turned in sneer; chin jutting.
Desire	Eyes wide open with dilated pupils; slightly raised eyebrows; lips slightly parted or puckered or smiling; head tilted forward.
Interest	Steady gaze of eyes at item of interest (may be squinting); slightly raised eyebrows; lips slightly pressed together;head erect or pushed forward.
Boredom	Eyes looking away; face generally immobile; corners of mouth turned down or lips pulled to the side; head propped up with hand.
Surprise	Eyes wide open; eyebrows raised high; mouth dropped wide open with consequent lowered chin; head held back or tilted to side.
Relief	Eyebrows tilted outwards (lowered outer edges); mouth either tilted down or smiling; head tilted.
Disgust	Eyes and head turned away; nostrils flared; nose twisted in sneer; mouth closed, possibly with tongue protruding; chinjutting.
Shame	Eyes and head turned down; eyebrows held low; skin blushing red.
Pity	Eyes in extended gaze and possibly damp; eyebrows slightly pulled together in middle or downwards at edges; mouthturned down at corners; head tilted to side.
Calm	Relaxed facial muscles and steady gaze with eyes. Perhaps mouth turned up slightly at sides in gentle smile.

Cheek body language

Cheeks can speak body language, although admittedly not very much.

In-out

Cheeks can be drawn in or blown out. When pulled in and particularly when linked with pursed lips, it indicates disapproval.

Cheeks sucked in to the extent that the lower lips curl can indicate pensiveness which may be uncomfortable (look also for a furrowed brow).

When cheeks are blown out, this can signify uncertainty as to what to do next (watch also for raised eyebrows and rounded eyes). This may be exaggerated by the person actually blowing air from their mouth ('Pfoof - what do I do now??').

Blown out cheeks can also be a sign of exhaustion. If the person has been exercising the face may also be red and sweaty.

Redness

Red cheeks is a classic sign of embarrassment. Watch for them becoming red (some people just have natural red cheeks). Red cheeks may also be a sign of anger. Watch here for other anger signs, such as enlarged and staring eyes.

Cheeks pale when blood drains from them. This typically happens when a person is frightened as the blood is moved to the muscles in readiness to flee. Pale cheeks can also be a sign of coldness.

Internal

Chewing the inside of the cheek or mouth can be a hidden sign of nervousness and may indicate lying.

Pushing the tongue into the cheek can show pensiveness as the person thinks about something and tries to come to a decision.

Touching

The cheek is a wide area that can be touched without obscuring any of the functional organs. Touching the cheek is often done in surprise or horror. A light touch, along with an open mouth that says 'Oooh' indicate light surprise. Touching both cheeks with the flat of the palm is an exaggeration of this and may indicate horror.

Chin body language

The chin, as with other corners of the face, has its own body language.

Protecting

The chin is vulnerable when fists are flying as a good upper-cut punch can knock you out. Even more vulnerable than the chin is the throat, where a predator might try to asphyxiate you or worse. Holding in the chin protects both it and the throat, and hence is a naturally defensive move that people use when they feel threatened.

Holding the chin in also lowers the head, which is a submissive gesture. This is distinct from the defensive move as the head tilts down more and the eyes are often largely downcast. This can similarly be a shy or flirting gesture.

Jutting

The chin can be used as a subtle pointing device and a small flick of the head may give a small signal that only people in the know are likely to notice.

Jutting out the chin towards a person exposes it and says 'Go on, I dare you, try to hit me and see what happens!' This can thus be a signal of defiance, if not towards the other person then instead towards some situation or person in the conversation.

Jutting may also exposes the teeth and is a thus a threat to bite which may be added to an aggressive display.

Pointing at a person with the finger is a threatening act. Doing it briefly with the chin is more covert and can thus be an insult.

Touching

Stroking the chin is often a signal that the person is thinking hard. They may well be judging or evaluating something, particularly if the conversation has offered them a choice or decision to make.

The head is a heavy object and is often propped up by holding the chin in a cupped hand, particularly when the person is tired and it may drop. Boredom can make you sleepy and a hand under the chin may be done to stop an embarrassing drop of the head.

Holding the chin also prevents the head from moving and can signal that the person wants to send a head signal but simultaneously does not want to send the signal, for example when they emotionally agree and want to nod, but intellectually want more information so they can have good reason before they say yes.

Beard

Beards and moustaches are sometimes controversial items, particularly in cultures where being clean-shaven is the norm. A beard may thus be an indicator of a non-conformist.

A full beard is more likely to indicate a person who has no vanity needs and is confident and relaxed as they are. When the beard is shaped and neatly clipped, it may indicate a more vain and fussy person who is particular about how they appear and what they do.

An unkempt beard that is left to grow wild may indicate an untidy mind or simply that the person is lazy. It may also point to a person for whom external appearance is unimportant, such as a university intellectual.

Stroking a beard can be a preening gesture, symbolically making oneself look beautiful and hence sending 'I'm gorgeous' signals.

Mouth body language

Generally speaking body orifices are not terribly desirable as they can cause problems such as being entries for disease or can be snagged on passing bushes. The mouth is perhaps the ultimate multi-function orifice as we use it for communicating, breathing and eating.

Emoting

The mouth is involved in the expression of many different emotions, from happiness to sadness, from fear to disgust. In emoting, the lips play a major role in creating visible shapes, with able backup from the teeth and tongue.

Breathing

We usually breath through the nose, but when we need more oxygen we use the mouth to gulp in greater amounts of air.

A person who is frightened or angry by the fight-or-flight reaction may well open their mouth to get more oxygen in preparation for combat or running away. This may also involve breathing faster (panting).

A hot person also pants hard. With typical the red face, this can be mistaken for anger (or vice versa).

Yawning is a process of taking a deep gulp of air as a quick 'pick-me-up' and often indicate a person who is tired or bored.

A short, deep, exhaling sigh, can indicate sadness, frustration or boredom.

Short inhalation, particularly in a sequence, can be like silent sobs and hence be an indicator of deep and suppressed sadness.

Slow, deep breathing, sometimes with slightly parted lips, may indicate someone who is relaxing or meditating. With closed eyes, they are seldom aware of what is going on around them and this may be done as an escape.

Speaking

The mouth sends additional signals when it is speaking.

If the mouth moves little, perhaps including incoherent mumbling, this may indicate an unwillingness to speak, for example from shyness or from a fear of betraying themselves.

A mouth that moves a lot during speech can indicate excitement or dominance as it sends clear signals that 'I am speaking, do not interrupt!'

Careful shaping of words can also indicate a person with auditory preferences or a concern for precision and neatness.

Fast speakers are often visual thinkers who are trying to get out what they are seeing. They may also be looking upwards.

Slow speakers may be deep thinkers who are being careful about finding the right words. They may also have an auditory preference as they carefully enunciate each word.

Eating

The mouth is also used for eating, and the way people eat can tell things about them.

A well-mannered person opens their mouth the minimum to put in a moderate amount of food and keeps it closed whilst carefully chewing each mouthful. They also do not speak when they have food in their mouth.

On the other hand, an uncouth person gobbles large mouthfuls and opens their mouth as they chew and talk at the same time.

In a curious reversal, snobbish gourmands who take great pleasure in eating may do it noisily as an expression of pleasure. This may also be a cultural variable and in some places noisy eating is not only acceptable but also desirable.

People who chew smaller amounts at the front of their mouth are like children whose molars have not developed and may be timid.

People who chew for a longer time may be chewing on ideas at the same time.

When people slide their jaw sideways when they eat are grinding the food. this may also be pensive.

Drinking

As with eating, drinking may be done in a polite way, sipping smaller amounts and swallowing noiselessly. It may also be done with loud glugging and followed by equally distasteful burping -- although again, in some cultures this is a desirable expression of pleasure.

Someone who is slooshing their drink around their mouth may well be thinking and deciding.

Covering

Sometimes the hand is used to cover the mouth. In polite society, exposing the inside of your mouth may be considered rude, so the hand is used to politely cover a yawn.

The hand is also used to conceal the mouth when it will betray emotions that may be undesirable. Thus we put our hands over impolite giggles and smirks, and we may do this to hold back from telling the truth.

Covering the mouth may also be a reason for hiding a yawn. We also cover the open mouth of surprise and the downturned mouth of sadness.

Smiling

Smiling indicates pleasure, either that you are generally happy and are enjoying the other person's company or that you are amused by something in particular, such as a joke.

A full smile engages the whole face, particularly including the eyes, which crease and 'twinkle'. A true smile is also known as the Duchenne smile, after the scientists who first described it in 1862. False smiles also tend to last for longer.

Smiling with lips only is often falsehood, where the smiler wants to convey pleasure or approval but is actually feeling something else.

A genuine smile is often asymmetric and usually larger on the right side of the face. A false smile may be more symmetrical or larger on the left side of the face.

Lowering the jaw to show a D-shaped mouth can be a false smile as it is easy to do. It may also be a deliberate signal of amusement and and an invitation to laugh.

Smiling without opening the mouth, and particularly with lips firmly pressed together, may indicate embarrassment about unsightly teeth. It may also be a suppression of words ('I can see the funny side, but I'm not going to comment.').

A half-smile, on one side of the face, may indicate cynicism, sarcasm or uncertainty ('Sorry, I don't buy that idea.').

Smiling is also a sign of submission as the person effectively says 'I am nice and not a threat'.

Smiling in some cultures indicates a question or that you want the other person to speak.

Laughing

Beyond smiling, laughter shows greater pleasure and happiness. Whilst smiling may happen over a longer period, laughter is a relatively brief affair, happening for a few seconds.

There are many variants on laughter and we all laugh differently, from the suppressed titter to the loud and uproarious belly-laugh. Louder and less suppressed laughter may indicate someone who is less self-conscious. It may also be used by a person who is trying to gain attention.

In general, women laugh at men they like whilst men like women who laugh at them ('It's working! She likes me.'). This can lead to a satisfying bonding mechanism.

'Funny' often gets equated to 'nice' and 'harmless' and the use of humor thus can a way of sending friendship signals. Laughing at risqué jokes is a sign of acceptance of the other person (the alternative is to criticize or otherwise censure them).

Laughing and smiling at the misfortune of others is often socially unacceptable although we often find this funny (Germans call this 'schadenfreude'). In such cases you may see suppressed grins and giggles as the person tries desperately to hide their feeling of amusement. Laughs, for example may get disguised as coughs and the person may turn away to hide their expression.

Yawning

Yawning is opening the mouth wide and gulping in a large quantity of air. We do it when we are tired and blood oxygen is low.

Boredom can indicated by yawning, signalling that the other person is so uninteresting they are sending us to sleep, which makes it often impolite (also because it shows the inside of the body). This results often in the yawn being covered with the hand or concealed such as by turning the head or holding the mouth more closed than it actually want to be.

The gulping of air in yawning can also be in preparation for action and a stressed person may yawn more, or at least take some bigger breaths.

Sucking or biting

Sucking a finger is often an echo of doing this in childhood. Young children suck fingers or thumb as a breast substitute. This action is hence a comforter, done when the person is uncomfortable or stressed in some way. This can happen in general anxiety or specific situations such as when lying.

Variants on this include sucking or biting knuckles, the side of a hand or other parts of the body such as the lips or inner cheek. Sometimes a physical item is used as a substitute, such as a pen or pencil. Biting generally indicates greater stress than sucking.

Lips body language

Lips can say a lot of things without words. Our muscles around them mean we can shape them with incredibly fine control. Lipstick is used to draw attention to the lips, thus exaggerating further the signals sent by them.

Parted

Lips which are slightly parted can be a strong flirting signal, particularly if the lips are then licked and even more so if done whilst holding the gaze of another person.

Parting lips is the first stage in speaking and may thus be a signal that the person wants to talk.

Pursed

Lips which are pulled inwards from all directions are an indication of tension and may indicate frustration or disapproval.

Pursed lips are a classic sign of anger, including when it is suppressed. It is effectively holding the mouth shut to prevent the person saying what they feel like saying. This may also be an indication of lying or withholding the truth as the person stops themselves from telling the truth.

Puckered

A light puckering of the lips into a kiss shape typically indicates desire. It can also indicate uncertainty, particularly if the lips are touched with the fingers.

When you say 'oo', the lips form the kiss shape. This is one reason that romantic songs often linger on words like 'you' and 'too'.

Flattened

Lips which are kept horizontal but squeezed flat are an exaggerated closing of the mouth and hence indicate a repressed desire to speak. This indicate disapproval ('If I spoke I would be very critical, which I do not want to be'). It can also indicate frustration ('I want to speak, but others are speaking and I feel I should wait').

Flattened lips can also indicate a refusal to eat, either because of dislike of offered food or some other motivation.

Turned up

When the corners of the mouth are turned upwards, this can be a grimace of disgust or a smile of pleasure. In a grimace, the teeth are unlikely to be shown (although toothless smiles are also common). Grimaces are often flatter and tenser.

A full smile engages the whole face, particularly including the eyes. Smiling with lips only is often falsehood, where the smiler wants to convey pleasure or approval but is actually feeling something else.

Turned down

Corners of the mouth turned down indicates sadness or displeasure.

Some people are so miserable so often, this is the natural state of rest of their mouths (which is perhaps rather sad).

Retracted

When the lips are pulled back, they expose the teeth. This may be in a broad smile or it may be a snarl of aggression. The eyes should tell you which is which. In a snarl, the eyes are either narrowed or staring. In a full smile, the corners of the eyes are creased.

Moving

Lips which are moving in the shape of words but without making sounds means that the person is thinking of saying the words. This subvocalization often happens with very small movement and is often completely subconscious. Stage mentalists use this when they ask their 'victims' to think hard of a word and then lip-read as they silently sound the word.

Up and down movement may indicate chewing. Some people chew the insides of their mouths when they are nervous.

Rolling in the lips so they roll across one another can be a preening gesture for women, evening out lipstick. It can also be a sign of uncertainty or disapproval (look for accompanying lowered eyebrows).

Twitching

Small, lightning-fast movements of the mouth betray inner thoughts, for example a single twitch of the corner of the mouth that indicates cynicism or disbelief.

Liars in particular will often give themselves away with very brief grimaces as their conscience expresses disapproval of the conscious lies.

Protruding

When the top lip is over the bottom lip, this may be linked with biting of the bottom lip, a common indicator that the person is feeling guilty about something.

The bottom lip extended over the top lip can indicate uncertainty, as if the person is saying 'umm'.

The bottom lip jutting out is often a part of a sulky pout, where the person expresses child-like petulance at not getting their own way.

Both lips pressed together and pushed out generally indicates doubt. If the finger touches them, it may indicate internal thinking or may say 'I am considering speaking but am not quite ready to talk yet'.

Biting

Biting the lip, centrally or at the side, is often a sign of anxiety. Usually, this is the bottom lip (especially if the person has overhanging top teeth). This may be a habitual action and people who do this, will often repeat the move in predictable situations. It can also be an indicator for stress during lying.

This is a fairly child-like action, especially if accompanied by wide eyes and eyebrows raised in the middle and lowered at the sides, and thus may betray concern about being told off or otherwise being censured in the manner of a child.

Relaxed

Finally, the lips will have a position of rest when they are not pulled in any direction. This usually indicates that the person is also feeling relaxed.

Teeth body language

There's not a lot of body language with teeth, but this is a complete section, so here's details.

Biting

Teeth are made to bite, tear and grind. Exposing the teeth in a snarl is saying 'I am thinking of biting you' and is hence a primitive and potentially scary threat.

Actual biting is rare, but indicates the person has been reduced to a base position and is probably not thinking rationally.

Biting can also be affectionate, for example where lovers chew the other person's lip or ear. This can create arousal from the basic fear instinct but the person knows from the context that they are not in danger and hence reframes the arousal as pleasure. Gentle biting also stimulates nerve receptors and is thus similar to touch.

Young animals at play pretend to bite one another as they prepare for adulthood. When people play with friends they may also expose their teeth.

Smiling

Exposing the teeth in smiling tends to indicate extreme pleasure. People who are self-conscious and particularly if their teeth are not that attractive may try not to show their teeth when smiling.

Noise

Teeth can make a noise when banged or slid together. Chattering teeth may indicate extreme fear and is usually accompanied by shaking of the body. This may also indicate extreme coldness.

Grinding teeth can indicate suppressed anger or frustration as the person tensely tries not to speak.

Light tapping of the teeth can be mild frustration or thinking (it is similar in effect to tapping of a finger).

As with other repetitive action, teeth noise can also just be habit.

Tapping

Sometimes people tap their teeth with their nails, making a noise that echoes in the mouth. This can signal thinking or boredom. It may also be a deliberate interruption or irritant, although this is less likely.

Tongue body language

The tongue is normally important in spoken body language. In practice it can also send some body language non-verbal signals.

Sticking out

A deliberate gesture of sticking out the tongue at a person is impolite, although considered rather childish and thus reflects as much on the person doing it. The gesture thus appears petulant unless it is done in an amusingly cheeky way. The rest of the face should indicate more of the intent. Cheeky tongue-poking is often followed by a smile or laughter.

Sticking out the tongue also can happen when the person is trying hard to do something. When this happens it traditionally appears at the side of the mouth.

When people are talking in romantic setting, sticking out the tongue can be a sign of lust.

Licking

The tongue can be used to lick. By oneself, pretty much the only thing the tongue can lick is the lips (although a more hidden way of this is licking the teeth).

Lip-licking may indicate desire, perhaps for another person and perhaps for food. Usually it is for what is in front of the licker.

As a deliberate signal to others it can be sexually enticing, saying 'I would like to like you'. As such, it can be very arousing, particularly when done slowly and with other flirting signals such as a slightly lowered head and steady gaze.

Licking another person can be extremely arousing and is typically done either as a part of foreplay or as a quick tease.

Biting it

Biting the tongue typically indicates that the biter wants to say something but somehow feels unable or unwilling to say what they want, perhaps for fear of offending or breaking social rules.

Inside the mouth

With mouth closed and tongue inside the mouth, you can still sometimes see what it is doing. Pressed against the cheek it can indicate thinking and uncertainty. Pushed in front of the teeth, pushing out the lips, can also indicate uncertainty.

Nose body language

The nose, which is right in the middle of the face, can send a certain amount of body language.

Flared

When the nostrils are widened it allows more air to be breathed in and out and readies the person for combat. In a related sense, this can indicate the person is experiencing extreme displeasure.

Flared nostrils may also indicate that the person is making an internal judgment about something.

Wrinkled

The nose can be wrinkled by pushing up from the mouth. This happens when a bad smell is detected. It can also appear with a metaphoric bad smell is thought about, for example when somebody else suggests a distasteful idea (see: even language uses bad-taste metaphor!). Another variation is when the person is thinking about something but is not satisfied with their own ideas.

Sniffing

Aside from when a person has a cold, sniffing can indicate displeasure or disgust. This may also happen on one side, with the mouth twitching up as well.

Touching it

Touching the nose can indicate that the person has detected a bad smell. It is also common signal from a person who is not telling the truth.

When a person lies, blood vessels in their nose may dilate, making the nose swell or appear redder. The nasal engorgement then causes mast cells to release histamine, which makes the nose itch and so may lead to the person touching or scratching it (this is probably the basis of the Pinocchio story).

Rubbing the finger alongside the nose can indicate disagreement. It may also be a semi-suppressed nose-scratch related to lying.

Pinching the bridge of the nose can show the person is evaluating something, usually negatively and with some frustration.

Fiddling with the nose or pressing it down can just be a habit when the person is thinking.

Eyes Body language

The eyes are often called, with some justification, 'the windows of the soul' as they can send many different non-verbal signals.

For reading body language this is quite useful as looking at people's eyes are a normal part of communication (whilst gazing at other parts of the body can be seen as rather rude).

Looking up

When a person looks upwards they are often thinking. In particular they are probably making pictures in their head and thus may well be an indicator of a visual thinker.

When they are delivering a speech or presentation, looking up may be their recalling their prepared words.

Looking upwards and to the left can indicate recalling a memory. Looking upwards and the right can indicate imaginative construction of a picture (which can hence betray a liar). Be careful with this: sometimes the directions are reversed -- if in doubt, test the person by asking them to recall known facts or imagine something.

Looking up may also be a signal of boredom as the person examines the surroundings in search of something more interesting.

Head lowered and eyes looking back up at the other person is a coy and suggestive action as it combines the head down of submission with eye contact of attraction. It can also be judgemental, especially when combined with a frown.

Looking down

Looking at a person can be an act of power and domination. Looking down involves not looking at the other person, which hence may be a sign of submission ('I am not a threat, really; please do not hurt me. You are so glorious I would be dazzled if I looked at you.')

Looking down can thus be a signal of submission. It can also indicate that the person is feeling guilty.

A notable way that a lower person looks down at a higher person is by tilting their head back. Even taller people may do this.

Looking down and to the left can indicate that they are talking to themselves (look for slight movement of the lips). Looking down and to the right can indicate that they are attending to internal emotions.

In many cultures where eye contact is a rude or dominant signal, people will look down when talking with others in order to show respect.

Looking sideways

Much of our field of vision is in the horizontal plane, so when a person looks sideways, they are either looking away from what is in front of them or looking towards something that has taken their interest.

A quick glance sideways can just be checking the source of a distraction to assess for threat or interest. It can also be done to show irritation ('I didn't appreciate that comment!').

Looking to the left can indicate a person recalling a sound. Looking to the right can indicate that they are imagining the sound. As with visual and other movements, this can be reversed and may need checking against known truth and fabrication.

Lateral movement

Eyes moving from side-to-side can indicate shiftiness and lying, as if the person is looking for an escape route in case they are found out.

Lateral movement can also happen when the person is being conspiratorial, as if they are checking that nobody else is listening.

Eyes may also move back and forth sideways (and sometimes up and down) when the person is visualizing a big picture and is literally looking it over.

Gazing

Looking at something shows an interest in it, whether it is a painting, a table or a person. When you look at something, then others who look at your eyes will feel compelled to follow your gaze to see what you are looking at. This is a remarkable skill as we are able to follow a gaze very accurately.

When looking at a person normally, the gaze is usually at eye level or above (see eye contact, below). The gaze can also be a defocused looking at the general person.

Looking at a person's mouth can indicate that you would like to kiss them. Looking at sexual regions indicates a desire to have sexual relations with them.

Looking up and down at a whole person is usually sizing them up, either as a potential threat or as a sexual partner (notice where the gaze lingers). This can be quite insulting and hence indicate a position of presumed dominance, as the person effectively says 'I am more powerful than you, your feelings are unimportant to me and you will submit to my gaze'.

Looking at their forehead or not at them indicates disinterest. This may also be shown by defocused eyes where the person is 'inside their head' thinking about other things.

It is difficult to conceal a gaze as we are particularly adept at identifying exactly where other people are looking. This is one reason why we have larger eye whites than animals, as it aids complex communication.

The acceptable duration of a gaze varies with culture and sometimes even a slight glance is unacceptable, such as between genders or by a lower status person.

Glancing

Glancing at something can betray a desire for that thing, for example glancing at the door can indicate a desire to leave.

Glancing at a person can indicate a desire to talk with them. It can also indicate a concern for that person's feeling when something is said that might upset them.

Glancing may indicate a desire to gaze at something or someone where it is forbidden to look for a prolonged period.

Glancing sideways at a person with raised eyebrows can be a sign of attraction. Without the raised eyebrow it is more likely to be disapproval.

Eye contact

Eye contact between two people is a powerful act of communication and may show interest, affection or dominance.

Doe eyes

A softening of the eyes, with relaxing of muscles around the eye and a slight defocusing as the person tries to take in the whole person is sometimes called doe eyes, as it often indicates sexual desire, particularly if the gaze is prolonged and the pupils are dilated (see below). The eyes may also appear shiny.

Making eye contact

Looking at a person acknowledges them and shows that you are interested in them, particularly if you look in their eyes.

Looking at a person's eyes also lets you know where they are looking. We are amazingly good at detecting what they are looking at and can detect even a brief glance at parts of our body, for example.

If a person says something when you are looking away and then you make eye contact, then this indicates they have grabbed your attention.

Breaking eye contact

Prolonged eye contact can be threatening, so in conversation we frequently look away and back again.

Breaking eye contact can indicate that something that has just been said that makes the person not want to sustain eye contact, for example that they are insulted, they have been found out, they feel threatened, etc. This can also happen when the person thinks something that causes the same internal discomfort. Of course, a break in eye contact can also be caused by something as simple as dried out contacts or any new stimulus in one's immediate area, so it's important to watch for other signals.

Looking at a person, breaking eye contact and then looking immediately back at them is a classic flirting action, particularly with the head held coyly low in suggested submission.

Long eye contact

Eye contact longer than normal can have several different meanings.

Eye contact often increases significantly when we are listening, and especially when we are paying close attention to what the other person is saying. Less eye contact is used when talking, particularly by people who are visual thinkers as they stare into the distance or upwards as they 'see' what they are talking about.

We also look more at people we like and like people who look at us more. When done with doe eyes and smiles, it is a sign of attraction. Lovers will stare into each others eyes for a long period. Attraction is also indicated by looking back and forth between the two eyes, as if we are desperately trying to determine if they are interested in us too.

An attraction signal that is more commonly used by women is to hold the other person's gaze for about three seconds, Then look down for a second or two and then look back up again (to see if they have taken the bait). If the other person is still looking at them, they are rewarded with a coy smile or a slight widening of the eyes ('Yes, this message is for you!').

When done without blinking, contracted pupils and an immobile face, this can indicate domination, aggression and use of power. In such circumstances a staring competition can ensue, with the first person to look away admitting defeat.

Prolonged eye contact can be disconcerting. A trick to reduce stress from this is to look at the bridge of their nose. They will think you are still looking in their eyes.

Sometimes liars, knowing that low eye contact is a sign of lying, will over-compensate and look at you for a longer than usual period. Often this is done without blinking as they force themselves into this act. They may smile with the mouth, but not with the eyes as this is more difficult.

Limited eye contact

When a person makes very little eye contact, they may be feeling insecure. They may also be lying and not want to be detected.

In persuasion

Eye contact is very important for persuasion. If you look at the other person and they do not look back at you, then their attention is likely elsewhere. Even if they hear you, the lack of eye contact reduces the personal connection.

If you want to persuade or change minds, then the first step is to gain eye contact and then sustain it with regular reconnection.

Staring

Staring is generally done with eyes wider than usual, prolonged attention to something and with reduced blinking. It generally indicates particular interest in something or someone.

Staring at a person can indicate shock and disbelief, particularly after hearing unexpected news.

When the eyes are defocused, the person's attention may be inside their head and what they are staring at may be of no significance. (Without care, this can become quite embarrassing for them).

Prolonged eye contact can be aggressive, affectionate or deceptive and is discussed further above. Staring at another's eyes is usually more associated with aggressive action.

A short stare, with eyes wide open and then back to normal indicates surprise. The correction back to normal implies that the person would like to stare more, but knows it is impolite (this may be accompanied with some apologetic text).

When a person stares at another, then the second person may be embarrassed and look away. If they decide to stare back, then the people 'lock eyes' and this may become a competition with the loser being the person who looks away first.

The length of an acceptable stare varies across cultures, as does who is allowed to stare, and at what. Babies and young children stare more, until they have learned the cultural rules.

Following

The eyes will naturally follow movement of any kind. If the person is looking at something of interest then they will naturally keep looking at this. They also follow neutral or feared things in case the movement turns into a threat.

This is used when sales people move something like a pen or finger up and down, guiding where the customer looks, including to eye contact and to parts of the product being sold.

Squinting

Narrowing of a person's eyes can indicate evaluation, perhaps considering that something told to them is not true (or at least not fully so).

It can similarly indicate uncertainty ('I cannot quite see what is meant here.')

Squinting can also be used by liars who do not want the other person to detect their deception.

When a person thinks about something and does not want to look at the internal image, they may involuntarily squint.

Squinting can also happen when lights or the sun are bright.

Lowering of eyelids is not really a squint but can have a similar meaning. It can also indicate tiredness.

Lowering eyelids whilst still looking at the other person can be a part of a romantic and suggestive cluster, and may be accompanied with tossing back the head and slightly puckering the lips in a kiss.

Blinking

Blinking is a neat natural process whereby the eyelids wipe the eyes clean, much as a windscreen wiper on a car.

Blink rate tends to increase when people are thinking more or are feeling stressed. This can be an indication of lying as the liar has to keep thinking about what they are saying. Realizing this, they may also force their eyes open and appear to stare.

Blinking can also indicate rapport, and people who are connected may blink at the same rate. Someone who is listening carefully to you is more likely to blink when you pause (keeping eyes open to watch everything you say).

Beyond natural random blinking, a single blink can signal surprise that the person does not quite believe what they see ('I'll wipe my eyes clean to better see').

Rapid blinking blocks vision and can be an arrogant signal, saying 'I am so important, I do not need to see you'.

Rapid blinking also flutters the eyelashes and can be a coy romantic invitation.

Reduced blinking increases the power of a stare, whether it is romantic or dominant in purpose.

Winking

Closing one eye in a wink is a deliberate gesture that often suggests conspiratorial ('You and I both understand, though others do not').

Winking can also be a slightly suggestive greeting and is reminiscent of a small wave of the hand ('Hello there, gorgeous!').

Closing

Closing the eyes shuts out the world. This can mean 'I do not want to see what is in front of me, it is so terrible'.

Sometimes when people are talking they close their eyes. This is an equivalent to turning away so eye contact can be avoided and any implied request for the other person to speak is effectively ignored.

Visual thinkers may also close their eyes, sometimes when talking, so they can better see the internal images without external distraction.

Damp

The tear ducts provide moisture to the eyes, both for washing them and for tears.

Damp eyes can be suppressed weeping, indicating anxiety, fear or sadness. It can also indicate that the person has been crying recently.

Dampness can also occur when the person is tired (this may be accompanied by redness of the eyes.

Tears

Actual tears that roll down the cheeks are often a symptom of extreme fear or sadness, although paradoxically you can also weep tears of joy.

Weeping can be silent, with little expression other than the tears (indicating a certain amount of control). It also typically involves screwing up of the face and, when emotions are extreme, can be accompanied by uncontrollable, convulsive sobs.

Men in many culture are not expected to cry and learn to suppress this response, not even being able to cry when alone. Even if their eyes feel damp they may turn away.

Tears and sadness may be transformed into anger, which may be direct at whoever is available.

Pupil size

A subtle signal that is sometimes detected only subconsciously and is seldom realized by the sender is where the pupil gets larger (dilates) or contracts.

Sexual desire is a common cause of pupil dilation, and is sometimes called 'bedroom eyes' (magazine pictures sometimes have deliberately doctored eyes to make a model look more attractive). When another person's eyes dilate we may be attracted further to them and our eyes dilate in return. Likewise, when their pupils are small, ours may well contract also.

Pupils dilate also when it is darker to let in more light. Perhaps this is why clubs, bars, restaurants and other romantic venues are so dingy.

People with dark irises (the colored circle around the pupil) can look attractive because it is difficult to distinguish the iris from the pupil, with the effect is that their dark pupils look larger than they are. People with light irises make the pupils easier to see, so when their pupils actually do dilate then the signal is clearer to detect, making them more attractive 'at the right time'.

The reverse of this is that pupils contract when we do not like the other person, perhaps in an echo of squint-like narrowing of the eyes.

Rubbing

When a person is feeling uncomfortable, the eyes may water a little. To cover this and try to restore an appropriate dryness, they person may rub their eye and maybe even feign tiredness or having something in the eye. This also gives the opportunity to turn the head away.

The rubbing may be with one finger, with a finger and thumb (for two eyes) or with both hands. The more the coverage, the more the person is trying to hide behind the hands.

Eyebrow body language

Eyebrows can send body language. Being near the eyes, which are the major senders of signals, they are highly visible communicators, although the limited control of muscles around them can limit what they say.

Lowered

Lowering the eyebrows conceals the eyes to a certain degree. Particularly with a lowered head, this can thus indicate deception or a desire that eye signals are harder to see.

Lowered eyebrows may also indicate annoyance, perhaps effectively saying 'I am so displeased, I do not want to look at you.' Related to this, lowered eyebrows are a sign of a dominant person.

Raised

When a person is surprised, their eyebrows are often raised. This typically happens as a part of opening the eyes wider, perhaps to see more clearly what is going on. The more the surprise. the higher the eyebrows are raised.

Raising the eyebrows asks for attention from others and can signal general emphasis. When as question is asked and the eyebrows are raised afterwards, this is a clear invitation to answer the question.

Opposite to the dominant lowering of eyebrows, raising eyebrows is may be a submissive move or indicate openness, as it lets the other person see your eyes ('I am not looking where I should not!'). Dominance and attractive signals can often be similar and raising eyebrows to expose eyes can also be a signal of attraction ('I'm looking at you, gorgeous. Can you see?').

Raising a single eyebrow is something that only some people can do and can be a bit more wry in its meaning, for example asking 'Are you sure?' when the other person appears to be talking with limited accuracy.

Middle-raised

By pushing together the eyebrows and pulling up the forehead, the eyebrows can be made to slope outwards. This can indicate relief ('Whew!'). It can also indicate anxiety ('Oh no!').

Middle-lowered

When the middle of the eyebrows are pulled down so they slope inwards, this often shows that the person is angry or frustrated. It can also indicate intense concentration.

Oscillating

When we see people we know, we often give a quick up-down flash of the eyebrows in recognition and greeting. This is a common signal across all primates, including monkeys and gorillas.

Rapid and repeated up and down movement may be an exaggerated signal, meaning 'Well how about that then!', in the way that Groucho Marx used it.

Forehead body language

The forehead has its place in body language communications, often as a part of a wider set of signals. It is near the eyes and can be looked at without sending other signals (for example looking the mouth can say 'I want to kiss you'), which can make even small movements with it reliably observed and hence significant. Its main limitation is that it can only make a few movements.

Wrinkling

Wrinkling the forehead is often connected with movement of the eyebrows, particularly upwards, and hence acts as an amplifier of these signals. Raised eyebrows (and wrinkled forehead) indicates surprise or questioning.

Sweating

We often sweat more from the forehead than other parts of the body, making it significant in sending moisture-related signals.

Sweating can occur when we are hot, which can come from external temperature, exercise and also inner energy and arousal.

A cold sweat can indicate extreme fear and may be accompanied by damp eyes.

Touching

Wiping the forehead can be to remove sweat. It typically indicates relief and can be a deliberate exaggeration. It can also indicate fear, even when the person is not sweating.

Touching the forehead happens in the greeting of a salute. This is effectively shading the eyes and says 'You are so wonderful I am dazzled by your brilliance.'

Slowly rubbing the forehead can indicate deep thinking, as if the person was massaging their brain to get it going.

Rubbing the temples either side can indicate stress as the person tries to massage away the actual or implicit headache.

The forehead may also be touched as a part of a propping up the head, typically with the thumb touching the side of the face.

Tapping the forehead with an open palm or light fist says 'Gosh, how stupid I am!'

Hair body language

The hair is a part of the body and hence is used in various ways for communication.

Appearance

Hair can be cut and shaped into a wide range of styles which contributes to the overall image and hence sends non-verbal signals.

A conventional and tidy cut indicates a conventional person who follows basic social rules.

Well-styled hair can indicate a desire to be attractive and so get the approval and admiration of others.

Men

Conventionally, men usually have a very limited social style, with hair cut reasonably short.

Very short hair may signal aggression, perhaps echoing army crew cuts. It has also been used by 'skinheads' and is popular with club bouncers and other 'heavies'.

Long male hair is typical of young 'drop-outs' (or those who would like to, but cannot afford it :). When unkempt it can show a lack of care and perhaps lower self-esteem. Longer hair can also be a sign of rebellion and assertion of identity.

Women

Women are socially permitted to wear a much wider range of styles, probably to attract men (and compete with other women in this).

Long hair frames the face and may partially cover it, teasing about the beauty behind this curtain. Particularly when covering the eyes, long hair over the face provides a barrier behind which the woman can hide, perhaps when she has lower confidence or self-esteem.

When women cut their hair short, it can indicate a desire to be male, like a man or perhaps to be unattractive to men. It may also be a rebellion against womanhood, for example when they have been mistreated by other women when they were young.

Tossing

Tossing the head throws the hair backwards (actually or virtually), drawing attention to it. It can thus be a romantic gesture ('Hey, guys, wouldn't you like to stroke my gorgeous long, blonde hair!').

Throwing long hair back also exposes the face, which may be an invitation, opening the doors to communication. It can also be an aggressive act as the person now gives you more unwanted attention.

Touching

Stroking the hair is a preening gesture, which can be deliberate checking that it is perfectly coiffed or an invitation to stroke also.

Playing with the hair is particularly flirtatious and invites the other person to do this for you.

Emotional Body Language

With careful observation, emotions may be detected from non-verbal signs. Remember that these are indicators and not certain guarantees. Contextual clues may also be used, in particular what is being said to the person or what else is happening around then.

Anger

Anger occurs when achievement of goals are frustrated.

Neck and/or face is red or flushed.
Baring of teeth and snarling.
Clenched fists.
Leaning forward and invasion of body space.
Other aggressive body language.
Use of power body language.

Fear, anxiety and nervousness

Fear occurs when basic needs are threatened. There are many levels of fear, from mild anxiety to blind terror. The many bodily changes caused by fear make it easy to detect.

A 'cold sweat'.
Pale face.
Dry mouth, which may be indicated by licking lips, drinking water, rubbing throat.
Not looking at the other person.
Damp eyes.
Trembling lip.
Varying speech tone.
Speech errors.
Voice tremors.
Visible high pulse (noticeable on the neck or movement of crossed leg.
Sweating.
Tension in muscles: clenched hands or arms, elbows drawn in to the side, jerky movements, legs wrapped around things.
Gasping and holding breath.
Fidgeting.
Defensive body language, including crossed arms and legs and generally drawing in of limbs.
Ready body language (for fight-or-flight)
Other symptoms of stress

Sadness

Sadness is the opposite of happiness and indicates a depressive state.

Drooping of the body.
Trembling lip.
Flat speech tone.
Tears.

Embarrassment

Embarrassment may be caused by guilt or transgression of values.

Neck and/ or face is red or flushed.
Looking down or away from others. Not looking them in the eye.
Grimacing, false smile, changing the topic or otherwise trying to cover up the embarrassment.

Surprise

Surprise occurs when things occur that were not expected.

Raised eyebrows.
Widening of eyes.
Open mouth.
Sudden backward movement.

Happiness

Happiness occurs when goals and needs are met.

General relaxation of muscles.
Smiling (including eyes).

2012-06-02T01:35:00.000-07:00

18 Ways to Improve Your Body Language

Now, improving your body language can make a big difference in your people skills, attractiveness and general mood.

There is no specific advice on how to use your body language. What you do might be interpreted in several ways, depending on the setting and who you are talking to. You’ll probably want to use your body language differently when talking to your boss compared to when you talk to a girl/guy you’re interested in. These are some common interpretations of body language and often more effective ways to communicate with your body.

First, to change your body language you must be aware of your body language. Notice how you sit, how you stand, how you use you hands and legs, what you do while talking to someone.

You might want to practice in front of a mirror. Yeah, it might seem silly but no one is watching you. This will give you good feedback on how you look to other people and give you an opportunity to practise a bit before going out into the world.

Another tip is to close your eyes and visualize how you would stand and sit to feel confident, open and relaxed or whatever you want to communicate. See yourself move like that version of yourself. Then try it out.

You might also want observe friends, role models, movie stars or other people you think has good body language. Observe what they do and you don’t. Take bits and pieces you like from different people. Try using what you can learn from them.

Some of these tips might seem like you are faking something. But fake it til you make it is a useful way to learn something new. And remember, feelings work backwards too. If you smile a bit more you will feel happier. If you sit up straight you will feel more energetic and in control. If you slow down your movements you’ll feel calmer. Your feelings will actually reinforce your new behaviours and feelings of weirdness will dissipate.

In the beginning easy it’s to exaggerate your body language. You might sit with your legs almost ridiculously far apart or sit up straight in a tense pose all the time. That’s ok. And people aren’t looking as much as you think, they are worrying about their own problems. Just play around a bit, practice and monitor yourself to find a comfortable balance.

1. Don’t cross your arms or legs – You have probably already heard you shouldn’t cross your arms as it might make you seem defensive or guarded. This goes for your legs too. Keep your arms and legs open.

2. Have eye contact, but don’t stare – If there are several people you are talking to, give them all some eye contact to create a better connection and see if they are listening. Keeping too much eye-contact might creep people out. Giving no eye-contact might make you seem insecure. If you are not used to keeping eye-contact it might feel a little hard or scary in the beginning but keep working on it and you’ll get used to it.

3. Don’t be afraid to take up some space – Taking up space by for example sitting or standing with your legs apart a bit signals self-confidence and that you are comfortable in your own skin.

4. Relax your shoulders – When you feel tense it’s easily winds up as tension in your shoulders. They might move up and forward a bit. Try to relax. Try to loosen up by shaking the shoulders a bit and move them back slightly.

5. Nod when they are talking – nod once in a while to signal that you are listening. But don’t overdo it and peck like Woody Woodpecker.

6. Don’t slouch, sit up straight – but in a relaxed way, not in a too tense manner.

7. Lean, but not too much – If you want to show that you are interested in what someone is saying, lean toward the person talking. If you want to show that you’re confident in yourself and relaxed lean back a bit. But don’t lean in too much or you might seem needy and desperate for some approval. Or lean back too much or you might seem arrogant and distant.

8. Smile and laugh – lighten up, don’t take yourself too seriously. Relax a bit, smile and laugh when someone says something funny. People will be a lot more inclined to listen to you if you seem to be a positive person. But don’t be the first to laugh at your own jokes, it makes you seem nervous and needy. Smile when you are introduced to someone but don’t keep a smile plastered on your face, you’ll seem insincere.

9. Don’t touch your face – it might make you seem nervous and can be distracting for the listeners or the people in the conversation.

10. Keep your head up – Don’t keep your eyes on the ground, it might make you seem insecure and a bit lost. Keep your head up straight and your eyes towards the horizon.

11. Slow down a bit – this goes for many things. Walking slower not only makes you seem more calm and confident, it will also make you feel less stressed. If someone addresses you, don’t snap your neck in their direction, turn it a bit more slowly instead.

12. Don’t fidget and try to avoid, phase out or transform fidgety movement and nervous ticks such as shaking your leg or tapping your fingers against the table rapidly. You’ll seem nervous and fidgeting can be a distracting when you try to get something across. Declutter your movements if you are all over the place. Try to relax, slow down and focus your movements.

13. Use your hands more confidently instead of fidgeting with your hands and scratching your face use them to communicate what you are trying to say. Use your hands to describe something or to add weight to a point you are trying to make. But don’t use them to much or it might become distracting. And don’t let your hands flail around, use them with some control.

14. Lower your drink. Don’t hold your drink in front of your chest. In fact, don’t hold anything in front of your heart as it will make you seem guarded and distant. Lower it and hold it beside your leg instead.

15. Realise where you spine ends – many people (including me until recently) might sit or stand with a straight back in a good posture. However, they might think that the spine ends where the neck begins and therefore crane the neck forward in a Montgomery Burns-pose. Your spine ends in the back of your head. Keep you whole spine straight and aligned for better posture.

16. Don’t stand too close –one of the things we learned from Seinfeld is that everybody gets weirded out by a close-talker. Let people have their personal space, don’t invade it.

17. Mirror – Often when you get along with a person, when the two of you get a good connection, you will start to mirror each other unconsciously. That means that you mirror the other person’s body language a bit. To make the connection better you can try a bit of proactive mirroring. If he leans forward, you might lean forward. If she holds her hands on her thighs, you might do the same. But don’t react instantly and don’t mirror every change in body language. Then weirdness will ensue.

18. Keep a good attitude – last but not least, keep a positive, open and relaxed attitude. How you feel will come through in your body language and can make a major difference.

You can change your body language but as all new habits it takes a while. Especially things like keeping you head up might take time to correct if you have spent thousands of days looking at your feet. And if you try and change to many things at once it might become confusing and feel overwhelming.

Take a couple of these body language bits to work on every day for three to four weeks. By then they should have developed into new habits and something you’ll do without even thinking about it. If not, keep on until it sticks. Then take another couple of things you’d like to change and work on them.

2012-06-02T01:23:00.000-07:00

Body Control

What real control do you have over your body? Can you make it do what you want, expressing emotion as you will? Probably not. There is, however, a way of doing this.

Involuntary motion

There are about 640 skeletal movement muscles in the human body, as well as 200 or so other internal muscles for movement within organs. There are around 50 muscles in the face, many of which have a particular role in expressing emotion (for example it takes over 20 muscles just to smile).

The complex job of managing and coordinating all the muscles is done by the unconscious mind, directed either through the intent of the conscious mind (such as for walking or talking) or from other unconscious motivations, such as the expression of emotion or tics.

Emotional communication

Importantly, we use muscles to communicate. Animals, who do have language, do this, such as when a dog wags its tail or rolls over to show that it is not a threat. In the 95% common mammal genes, we have inherited this physical form of communication, particularly of emotions.

In common with many animals, we watch others to read their body signals and understand what this tell us of how they are feeling and thinking. Given our animal past, this may be done at a subconscious, non-language level, for example where just looking at a person makes us feel relaxed or fearful without us knowing why.

Charles Darwin noted the importance of muscles in emotion:

When movements, associated through habit with certain states of the mind, are partially repressed by the will, the strictly involuntary muscles, as well as those which are least under the separate control of the will, are liable still to act; and their action is often highly expressive.
...
A man when moderately angry, or even when enraged, may command the movements of his body, but . . . those muscles of the face which are least obedient to the will, will sometimes alone betray a slight and passing emotion.
-- Charles Darwin, The Expression of Emotions in Man and Animals.

In other words, you cannot help but show what you feel through your body shape and movement.

Deceptive control

We are sometimes known as the mendacious ape as evolution has taught us that deception can be very useful, at least for short-term gains. We hence seek to use deceptive body language to express emotions that we want others to perceive. We smile to make them think we are friendly. We frown or stare at them to indicate displeasure.

When we speak deceptively, we try hard to show we are not lying, for example by holding our bodies still to suppress the signals of guilt or fear of discovery.

Darwin noted of expressive movements:

They reveal the thoughts and intentions of others more truly than do words, which may be falsified.

A problem with this is that it is difficult to consciously control 650 muscles and so we may 'leak' emotions, such as crossing our legs when we are carefully holding our hands at our sides. Facial muscles are particularly difficult to control and are highly visible. Tension in vocal muscles is also out of conscious control.

Darwin also noted in his Inhibition Hypothesis that if you cannot voluntarily activate a muscle, then you will not be able to voluntarily inhibit its involuntary activation in a spontaneous emotional expression.

Where we do not or cannot pay attention, then our true feelings may be exposed. A common example is the lower body. People trying to control their body language commonly hold their arms and head carefully but often forget what their legs and feet are doing.

When different muscle groups display different emotions, we send mixed messages that lead either to confusion or, more likely, suspicion. When I see you smiling but also fidgeting, I wonder if there is something else on your mind.

Effective control

The best way to change body language is not to hang onto every muscle, trying to be a puppeteer of your own body. As described above, this is virtually impossible to do and makes you look deceptive.

The best approach is to notice your own body language and change your body by changing what and how you are thinking. If you can really believewhat you are saying, then your body will naturally align with your speech. If you like the other person, then your body will automatically assume a friendly stance.

This is easier said than done, and some people are better at it than others. In effect, they hypnotize themselves, changing what they feel at will.

Two professions in particular attract those who have natural ability in this area. Actors are trained to 'get into character', thinking and feeling as the person they are portraying. The consummate actor is a blank canvas onto which requisite personalities may be projected.

The other group which tends to be good at this form of self-hypnosis is sales people, who believe their products are clearly superior and for which they develop a deep passion. When we buy, we often buy the sales person as much as the product, so good sales people really do like other people and comfortably engage in subtly persuasive conversation.

Actors and sales people practice a lot. You can do this too. If you have a presentation to do, then do it physically. Set up a video camera and play it back, watching your body language. Then change how you think and keep repeating until you both sound and look great.

To improve your own ability to express emotions well, attention to Emotional Intelligence can help. This includes being able to read and manage your own emotions. If you can do this well, you can then 'infect' others to change what they feel too.

Extreme emotions are highly visible and send strong signals that you may later regret. At the very least, if you can curb the depth of feeling in strong emotion then you will have a better chance at least of not putting off other people.

Social Distance

We like to keep our distance from others and there are very specific social rules about how close we can go to others in particular situations.

This social distance is also known as body space and comfort zone and the use of this space is called proxemics.

Why the distance?

Regulating the distances between us and other people provides us with several benefits, including:

Safety: When people are distant, they can't surprise attack us.
Communication: When people are closer, it is easier to communicate with them.
Affection: When they are closer still, we can be intimate.
Threat: The reverse can be used - you may deliberately threaten a person by invading their body space.

Social distances

The social distances here are approximate, of course and will vary with people. But they are still a good general rule. Hall (1966) identified four zones that are common for Americans:

Public Zone : > 12 feet (3m)

The public zone is generally over 12 feet. That is, when we are walking around town, we will try to keep at least 12 feet between us and other people. For example, we will leave that space between us and the people walking in front.

Of course there are many times when we cannot do this. What the theory of social distance tells us is that we will start to notice other people who are within this radius. The closer they get, the more we become aware and ready ourselves for appropriate action.

When we are distant from another person, we feel a degree of safety from them. A person at a distance cannot attack us suddenly. If they do seem to threaten, we will have time to dodge, run or prepare for battle.

Social Zone : 4 - 12 feet (1.5m - 3m)

Within the social zone, we start to feel a connection with other people. When they are closer, then we can talk with them without having to shout, but still keep them at a safe distance.

This is a comfortable distance for people who are standing in a group but maybe not talking directly with one another. People sitting in chairs or gathered in a room will tend to like this distance.

Personal Zone : 1.5-4 feet (0.5m - 1.5m)

In the personal zone, the conversation gets more direct, and this is a good distance for two people who are talking in earnest about something.

Intimate Zone < 1.5 feet (< 0.5m)

When a person is within arms reach or closer, then we can touch them in intimate ways. We can also see more detail of their body language and look them in they eyes. When they are closer, they also blot out other people so all we can see is them (and vice versa). Romance of all kinds happens in this space.

Entering the intimate zone of somebody else can be very threatening. This is sometimes done as a deliberate ploy to give a non-verbal signal that they are powerful enough to invade your territory at will.

Varying rules

The rules about social distance vary with different groups of people. You can detect this by watching people's reactions. If you feel safe and they seem not to feel safe, back off. If they invade your space, decide whether to invade back or act otherwise. Turning sideways is an easy alternative for this, as a person to the side is less threatening than a person at the same distance in front of you.

Town and country

People who live in towns spend more time close to one another and so their social distances may compact somewhat. In a large and crowded city, the distances will be less than in a small town.

People who normally live a long way from others will expand their social distances and may even have to lean over towards another person to shake hands and then back off to a safe distance.

Different countries

Different countries also have different rules about social distances. The overcrowded nature of some Asian countries means that they are accustomed to talking to others from a very close distance.

Watch a Japanese person talking at a party with a person from the Western countryside. The Japanese will step in and the Westerner will step back. Speeded up it is like a dance around the room.

Micro-expressions

Micro-expressions are fleeting facial expressions that betray underlying emotions that the person may be trying to suppress.

They mostly happen around the eyes and mouth, and are very brief, typically lasting only between 1/25 and 1/15 of a second.

While micro-expressions are often facial, they can also appear in the body, for example in small movements of the hand and twitches of the legs.

Detecting micro-expressions

Micro-expressions happen quickly, but they can be detected. Once you know that they happen and are concerned that somebody may be lying, just watch carefully for them. This is not that easy as they are very brief. You may miss several, but if you can ask a pointed question and then watch carefully, the micro-expression may be seen.

Videoing the person can help for later analysis, although of course this is not always possible. Another way is to have another person involved who watches more carefully while you ask questions and manage the conversation.

Also notice your own gut reactions to people. If they make you feel uncomfortable then perhaps you are unconsciously noticing the micro-expressions. When this happens, ask them questions about which they will probably lie and watch their face intently for quick 'twitches'.

An easy way of practicing identification of micro-expressions is to watch television or YouTube videos of live interviews. Politicians are always interesting as they are often motivated not to tell the whole truth. Reality and game shows also invoke strong emotions and are useful learning material.

Particular signs of emotions may be indicated as in the table below. These are usually quick and attenuated forms of the normal expression of the emotion.

Emotion	Micro-expression
Happiness	Corners of lips turned up. Slightly raised cheeks. Crows feet at side of eyes.
Sadness	Corners of lipss turned down. Eyebrows slanted out, pulled together and raised in middle of forehead.
Anger	Lips pressed together. Corners of lips flat or turned down. Eyebrows slanted in, lowered in middle of forehead. Widened eyes (brief stare).
Fear	Widened mouth, slightly open. Wider eyes with raised eyebrows.
Contempt	One side of lips raised. Head slightly back.
Disgust	Raised upper lip. Wrinkled nose.
Surprise	Opened mouth. Raised eyebrows. Widened eyes.

Discussion

Initially discovered by Haggard, and Isaacs (1966), micro-expressions have been further explored and communicated by Paul Ekman, the eminent psychologist who specializes in facial expression of emotions.

He noted that micro-expression are...

...so brief that they are barely perceptible to the untrained observer. Micro displays may be fragments of a squelched, neutralized or masked display. Micro displays may also show the full muscular movements associated with macro affect display, but may be greatly reduced in time.

-- Ekman and Friesen (1969)

They found that by slowing down videos of people talking deceptively, that a very short flash of another emotion would appear, such as a momentary downturn of the corners of the mouth that indicate unconscious self-disgust at lying.

Smiling

When you smile in a genuine way, it happens using the unconscious brain where emotions are controlled - you are genuinely happy in some way.

The physiology of the smile

There are various parts of the face that change when someone smiles:

The mouth stretches and may well show teeth.
The muscles that move the cheeks contract, making the eyes crease up and eyebrows dip slightly.
Lines appear around the eyes.
The eye cover fold (the bit between the eyebrow and the eyelid) moves downward.
The end of the eyebrows dip very slightly

The genuine smile

The genuine smile, also known as Duchenne smile indicates real happiness or amusement. In particular it is different from the false smile in the use of the cheeks and the muscles above the eyes (the orbicularis oculi). Eyelids may fold more and the outer ends of the eyebrows may dip.

It is not the entire orbicularis oculi, actually, that is involved, only the outer portion, the orbicularis oculi, pars lateralis.

A genuine smile tends to last for 0.5 to 4 seconds (so believe a quick smile over a longer one). It may be asymmetric and larger on the right side of the face. It may also cover the whole face and so make asymmetry less obvious. Happy expressions tend to be more symmetrical than sad expressions.

Genuine smiles are smooth and natural, quickly or steadily spreading and then gradually fading after the initial maximum stretch.

In the brain, the genuine smile is associated with left frontal EEG activation, which is also associated with positive emotions.

False smiles

False smiles can be remarkably difficult to detect, especially when done by a 'pro'. Yet they are distinctly different.

Watch for excessive symmetry and missing lines around the eyes as the orbicularis oculi are not used, although these can sometimes be forced with strong muscle movement.

Watch for the eye cover fold: it is very difficult to control this. Also the ends of the eyebrows dipping is difficult to fake.

False smilers may lower the jaw to create a D-shaped open-mouthed smile. This is easier to do and pulls attention away from the eyes.

The false smile tends to appear suddenly and disappear suddenly, making it seem less natural. It may be held for too long (more than four seconds).

False smiles may be lop-sided but can also be symmetrical due to the greater cognitive effort involved. When we are paying attention to our muscles, we try to ensure they are all working in the right way.

A false smile does not necessarily mean malevolent deception as people often use false smiles simply to be polite. False smiling is also used to placate other people who may be a threat to us.

Duchenne himself said:

You cannot always exaggerate the significance of this kind of smile, which often is only a simple smile of politeness, just as it can cover a treason. … We politely smile with our lips at the same time as being malcontented or when the soul is sad.

Touching

Touching is one of the most powerful forms of non-verbal communication and needs to be managed with care.

Ritual

Touching is a common part of many rituals, in which the action often has a long-forgotten symbolic meaning.

Rituals are highly culture-dependent, which means touching in some cultures is normal whilst in others there is far less touching.

Greeting and departure

By far the most common touching ritual is greeting and departure, although the actual form of the ritual changes across countries. This may include shaking hands, hugging, kissing, rubbing noses and other touching.

When hold out your hand, you show that are not holding a weapon. When you allow others to touch you, you are indicating a level of trust.

Approval

Rituals may be used to show approval and delight, where touching is a form of reward or deligh bonding.

More formally, these include shaking hands or patting. Children may be patted on the head, others may be patted on the back. Less formally, approval may be shown with hugs and body-grabbing.

Dominance

Men on men

Men have a particular concern about status, in particular relative to one another. This is a primitive tribal game and is played out every day around the world.

When one man touches another, even if it appears that it is related to sympathy, then there is a game of status and power being played out.

Shaking hands

Shaking hands, although basically a ritual, may also contain significant acts of domination.

The 'power grip' grabs the other person's hand firmly and shakes vigorously. The 'vice grip' does this to extreme, intending to demonstrate strength by causing pain.

The 'hand on top' method offers the palm down, using the principle that being above the other person in any way symbolizes superiority. This is often combined with an elbow grab.

There is also domination in the duration of the shake. If you do not let go within the prescribed period, then you are taking control. Even for a second, this can send subtle power signals.

Back and arm touching

Patting on the back and touching the arm may be an act of sympathy and friendship. It can also be an act of dominance. Again, between men and particularly in situations of power, this is a signal of who is in charge.

Countering dominance

The simplest way of countering dominant touching is to do it back to the other person. This can be very surprising for them, especially if you seem not to be subdued and even may be smiling at their surprise.

If they pat you on the back or arm, you can do it to them with the other hand, put you hand on top or slide your arm underneath and pat their side (if they are on top, this shows that you have got beneath their guard). You can even turn the whole thing into a hug.

Sympathy

Touching is often used as a form of demonstrating sympathy, particularly between women. Men also may use it, but it is easily confused with acts of power (it may also be mistaken for homosexual acts of intimacy).

Distant sympathy

Showing sympathy when you are not very close to the other person typically is done with more distant and brief touching of the back, shoulder or arm.

Even a short touch can be very comforting and is effective when you fear that they may misunderstand the touch as dominance or intimacy.

Close sympathy

Closer forms of sympathetic touching are closer to intimate actions, such as putting your arm around the other person or hugging them as they cry or touching the arm for more prolonged periods.

This is more common amongst women, partners or very close friends.

Intimacy

Friends

Friends tend to greet each other with more intimate touching, such a hugging or even kissing (although this may vary with culture).

Friendship touching will also vary with the intensity and type of friendship. Some people you just touch more and some do not like it. In a group of friends, one tactile person may convert the whole group to a more touchy culture.

Families

Families touch one another more, in particular parents and children, where as well as sympathetic touching there may be guidance and others forms of touch.

As with friends (and lovers), families touch each other more partly because they trust one another and also to sustain bonding and trust.

Gender differences

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the most powerful connection is when a woman touches a man. Women touching women may also have a reasonable effect.

Man-on-man touching is least likely to have a positive effect and can be negative, due to homophobic fears or power games, as described above.

Lovers

Partners and lovers touch each other a great deal. Intimacy does not have to be all sexual and is often just because it feels good. This may include holding hands, arms around each other, necking, nuzzling and kissing.

In early romance, a light touch or brush may be a signal that the person would like to get closer and touch more intimately. Touching hands hence becomes holding hands, holding bodies and so on.

And of course there is also sexual touching, done with the deliberate intent of arousal and gratification.

Bonding

Gueguen and Fischer-Lokou (2003) showed how touching another person during a conversation influenced the other person very strongly. After touching a stranger when asking directions, turning away and 'dropping' some diskettes, the touched subject would stoop to help pick them up 90% of the time, as opposed to 63% of the time when they were not touched.

Other research findings include:

Library users touched while registering, rate the library and its personnel higher.
Restaurant diners are more satisfied and give larger tips when waiting staff casually touch them.
People who are touched by a stranger are more willing to comply with a simple request.
Women touched on the arm by a man are more willing to share their phone number or agree to a dance.

(Schirmer et al., 2011) found that even touch by a machine increased empathy, showing that this is a very basic process, that happens without mental processing.

Touch creates a bonding effect and this experiment shows how powerful this is in turning a stranger to offer proactive support. Of course asking them for directions also had an effect, but the increase is significantly more with just a light touch. This bonding effect is clearly significant for other sections above and constitutes a significant method for influencing others.

This bonding effect from a simple touch has been shown to have multiple benefits, including a greater likelihood of:

Honesty: Telling you the truth.
Integrity: Returning things to you.
Help: Responding to requests for help.
Buying: Agreeing to buy from you.
Romance: Agreeing to a date.
Listening: Paying more attention to you.
Empathy: Understanding how you feel.

Amplification

The extent, strength and repetition of a touch can have an amplifying effect on the other person's decision.

Simply touching a person twice can have a greater effect than touching them once. Vaidis and Halimi-Falkowicz (2008) asked people on the street to complete a questionnaire. Those who were touched twice were more likely to agree.

Of course there are also limits: touching a person too often or too firmly or in the wrong place may be considered an invasion and result in reactive rejection.

Hugging

Hugging is a common interaction between people where bodies are brought into close contact with one another.

Reasons to hug

Hugging is used for a number of reasons. And sometimes for no apparent reason (although there is almost always an underlying purpose).

Greeting

Hugging as a form of greeting is usually highly ritualized, with prescribed action and timings. These vary significantly with culture and can include variations such as:

Initial throwing hands wide, with eye contact and friendly facial expressions that signal the impending hug.
One- or two-handed hug.
Back-slapping or rubbing (typically two or three times).
Squeezing and lifting as expressions of delight.
Words of greeting spoken at the same time.
Cheek kissing or touching (one, two or three times, on alternating sides).
Holding, patting and eye contact whilst disengaging.

Hugs may be used both in meeting and leaving, with different rules for how each is executed.

Comforting

Hugs are sometimes given to comfort a distressed other person, such as when a parent hugs a crying child or when a friend hugs another who is upset over a social matter.

Comfort hugs are often longer and may continue until the other person has calmed down. The signal for disengagement may well come from the other person, typically by loosening their grip or pulling slightly away.

Bonding

Hugs may be used to develop trust and create an emotional and identity-forming bond with the other person. In coming close together you effectively 'become one', joining identities for a few moments.

Affection

Hugging is often used between friends (who by definition already have a stable bond). Touching signals trust and reaffirms the bond. If you can hug a person without worrying about whether they will mind and without conscious concern as to whether this will upset them, you are likely to be showing affection.

Like greeting hugs, affection hugs are often done in a prescribed format, with a single quick squeeze and a cheek press.

Some people, often women, use affectionate hugs quite frequently. A sad fact is that spontaneous hugging seems to be in the decline in societies where fears of abuse and litigation override the simple pleasures of an affectionate hug.

Romance

Hugging is a key part of any romantic relationship and a first hug, often given as a sign of simple affection, is a step away from a first kiss, which significantly deepens the romance.

Hugging in romantic relationships is often far more frequent and of much longer duration than affection hugs. The hug is more likely to involve full-body touching and may, in the appropriate setting, lead to further actions such as kissing, caressing and so on.

Hand positioning on the back is an important romantic signal. The lower the hand, the greater the romantic intent. A longer duration of hug also indicates greater passion.

Possession

When a man puts his arm around his female partner when there are other people about, it may be a signal to others that 'she is mine -- hands off'. This may be partly protective and can have elements of jealous guarding his 'property'. A woman may also put her arms around her man when other women might seek his company.

Protection

When out in the street, a man may put his arm around his partner as a signal to her and to others that he is giving her shelter and will be prepared to fight for her safety.

Domination

A hug may also be used as an act of domination. Invading body space and taking charge of the other person's body can easily be an overt act of power, showing how the hugger does not have to ask permission and can invade at will.

This can cause confusion where it is not necessarily clear whether the hug is an act of affection or domination. Typically other signs and relationship details will help clarify this question.

The domination hug may well be quickly initiated, giving the 'victim' less time to escape. It is also likely to include a stronger squeeze, indicating the power of the hugger. The disengagement may also be slower as the hugger hangs on, maybe even just to an arm, to show they are in control right to the very end.

The process of hugging

Hugging, although a simple act, has a distinct set of steps.

Approach

As people approach, one person or both people indicate the impending hug, typically with one or two arms thrown wide. Eye contact is established and the face will show smiling and pleasure.

There may be a pause as the hugger waits for a reciprocal signal that indicates that the hug will be accepted. The two people then approach (one or both moving forward) towards the embrace.

There may be other pre-cursors to the embrace, such as hand-clasping and arm grabbing. The approach may also be very brief with one person rushing in and grabbing the other.

Embrace

The embrace, the main part of the hug, may be one-or two-armed. It may be from the front, the side or at a slight angle. The extent of the body touching may vary from the polite head touch (leaning forward for this) to the full-body hug.

The embrace typically lasts only a second or two and, to be successful, should lead to feelings of comfort and happiness. Distress will happen only in such circumstances as misunderstanding and domination.

Interaction

Within and around the embrace there may be a variety of other actions and interactions, such as back-slapping, back-rubbing, arm-squeezing, hand-holding, cheek-touching, cheek-kissing, head-holding, spoken words and so on.

Disengaging

A point comes when the huggers have to let go and back off. This may be determined by ritual timing, which can be amazingly well understood to the point where it is not clear who initiates the disengagement. At other times, one person starts to pull away, the other senses this and releases their clasp.

Hanging on for longer can happen in various circumstances. Often, the second person will hold for a moment or two longer to signal 'I really do like you'. Sometimes they will cling, unwilling to lose the intensity of the comfort or affection. This can be embarrassing and the releaser will often condescend to hug for longer, although they may also simply push away harder. An extended cling may also be a power move, asserting that the second person is in charge and will release when they are good and ready.

Disengagement often has additional interactions that signify a ritual unwillingness to relinquish the closeness, for example by short grips of the arm, stroking rather than just letting go, finger-tip clasps and facial expressions of further affection.

Types of hug

There are many types of hug that are used. Here is a list of many of these.

Name	Description	Meaning
A-frame hug (or triangle or teepee hug)	Leaning forward a long way, touching at top (forming triangle shape). Quick hug and push away. Little or no eye contact.	Formal greeting, often uncomfortable for both people.
Air hug	Open arms slightly to indicate beginnings of hug. Maybe hug oneself. One or both people may do this.	Greeting at a distance where real hug is difficult or could be embarrassing.
Bear hug	Full body touch, tight clasp. Possibly with growly noises or belly laughter. One person often stronger.	Strong and open affection from extraverted character. Risk of discomfort. Can be an act of domination.
Back pat	Brief hug, often upper-body only, with patting of shoulders or back. Possibly no eye contact.	Back pats are friendly but may be indicator of limited affection. In a longer hug, a back pat signals a desire to end the hug. No eye contact says 'I'm being polite but don't really care.'
Back rub	Longer and close than back pat, with rubbing of the back either up and down or in a circular movement two or three times.	More familiar and affectionate than back patting. Rubbing is closer to caressing and emulates a parent rubbing a baby to 'burp' them. When not done immediately may be a request to end hug.
Body hug	Standard hug, with both people vertical and most of the body touching. Warm embrace, not for too long. Smooth and uninterrupted disengagement.	Standard greeting of friends. Shows relaxation and comfort with the other person. May be many variations on this.
Bomb	The hugger runs up to the other person and leaps wildly onto them, possibly bearing them to the ground. There may well be multiple huggers for one person hugged.	Often congratulatory or celebratory, as when a sports team member scores points.
Butt grab	Full body hug with hands grabbing the other person's bottom, squeezing it or pulling them in. Kissing may also be involved. Hands may go straight to the bottom or may slide down to it from back.	Romantic, with strong sexual overtones. May be unwanted act of domination.
Cheek touch	Leaning forward, very light shoulder clasp, touch cheeks, possibly with kissing noise.	Polite greeting, respecting the other person's body and space.
Clinger	One person holds on for too long. The other tries to pull away but often ends up having to give in and return the longer hug.	Need for extended comfort. May be signal of desire for closer romance. May also be act of dominance.
Comforter	Hugger holding tight or maybe just gently. Hugged person may well be holding tightly. Comforted person rests head on shoulder or breast. Comforting person leans head on head of other person, patting or stroking them.	Administering of comfort to distressed other person. May be between friends, partners or parent-child.
Crusher	Overly tight bear hug. Often held for slightly more than normal hug.	May be accidental 'don't know my strength' but likely dominant show of power.
Cuddle	Full-body with heads touching and firm clasp. May include caressing and comforting words or 'mmm' sounds. Longer duration.	Very similar to the comforter hug and often with this purpose, although may also be romantic or of benefit to both people.
Dancefloor hold	On the dancefloor, one person puts arms around the other's neck, who puts arms around the waist. They move slowly in time to the music. Often the woman puts arms around the neck and may rest her head on the man's chest or shoulder.	Simulation of intimate embrace, even if it is 'just dancing'. May be a precursor to more romantic events later.
Entwining	Usually lying or sitting down, the whole bodies including legs are entangled together.	Highly sexual. Making two bodies 'as one'. May be used before, during and after intercourse.
Family hug	Long and firm embrace. Often between parents (or grandparents) and children (even when they are adult). Heads touching.	Display of family affection. May be for comfort, greeting or on departure.
Forced kiss	One person tries to kiss (and maybe succeeds) whilst the other pulls away or only allows a quick peck.	Poorly-judged attempt at romance or otherwise dislike of kiss by other person.
Full-on kiss	Mutual and extended lip kiss.	Successful romantic move (by both).
Group hug	People stand in circle with arms around the backs of persons either side. Heads often down and touching in the middle of the circle.	Celebration by group of people. May be ritual confirmation of togetherness.
Hand hug	Looks like shaking hands but other person's hand is grasped with two hands rather than one. Often used by politicians.	May well say 'I would like to hug you but I am too polite.' Person with hand on top may be signalling dominance.
Head envelope	The other person's head is enveloped by the arms and pulled into chest. Hugger may well be taller.	Protective and comforting. May be a a part of the comforter hug.
Lap hug	A lateral twister that leads to one person lying in the lap of the other.	Romantic. Classic sofa action.
Lateral one-arm hug	People standing or sitting side-by-side. One person puts one arm around the others and gives them a quick hug.	Quick and safe sign of approval or affection. If extended may be a comforter. Romantic if in setting such as movie seats.
Lateral twister	People standing or sitting side-by-side twist towards one another and do as best a frontal body hug as possible.	Hugging when constrained by seats. Maybe when lateral one-arm hug leads to more.
Leap and lift	One person (usually the woman) leaps into the air towards the other person and clings onto them, possibly wrapping legs around them. Other person lifts them up, possibly stepping back to absorb the impact. May continue into spin hug.	Excited and open greeting, with significant trust and affection.
Leg wrap	During close hug, one leg is wrapped around the back of the other person's legs. Typically done during long hug with caressing and kissing.	Indication of desired and actual intimacy.
Look at you	Head of other person held between two hands for short eye contact and possibly a few words. May be done before or after (or even without) body hug.	Eye contact creates closer contact and words may be significant. Can be light admonishment of a child before a forgiving hug.
Lover hug	Slow approach with touching, sliding into embrace with extended stroking and caressing.	Romantic and caring. Who knows where it may end up?
Man hug	Quick grab, touching upper body only. Patting back a couple of times. Often avoiding eye contact. Quick release and step back with brief smile. Similar in some ways to shoulder touch.	Greeting between straight male friends. Friendship but clearly nothing romantic.
Neck grab	One person throws arms around the neck of the other person and pulls them in, with heads touching closely.	Often a sign of affection. May also be seeking comfort. Can be dominant.
Open man hug	Fuller body than standard man hug, with more extended hugging. Maybe with cheek hug and head-on-shoulder.	Direct affection. May be gay or just liberated.
Pity pat hug	In a romantic situation, one person pats the other quickly a couple of times on the upper back.	This signals 'I don't want any romance.' A higher pat shows less interest and quick pats indicate a desire to disengage.
Reverse hug	One person approaches the other from behind and puts arms around waist with full-body touch and possibly leans head on shoulder. Hugged person puts hands over hugging hands and possibly leans back with head against huggers head.	Relaxed affection between trusting partners.
Rocker	Standard body hug with rocking from side to side, often with smiling and laughter.	Expression of fun-loving personality. Similar to twister hug.
Sandwich hug	One person is hugged by and between two others. The huggers' arms may reach around one another. Typically parents hugging a child.	Show of affection, comfort or celebration.
Self hug	Wrapping arms around one's own body. Maybe top arm clasping other arm. Possibly some twisting or rocking.	Self-comforting. May signal 'I would like to hug you' or 'I want you to hug me'.
Shoulder drape	One arm casually over shoulder of adjacent person. That person may have arm around hugger's back or waist (especially if the other person is shorter). Long duration.	Not so much a hug as an expression of closeness (and possibly jealous possession).
Shoulder grab	Approach as if to hug but only get as far as grabbing shoulders. Likely to have continued eye contact and arm patting.	Often used by men who see hugging as too familiar. May be tactic by one person to prevent a full hug.
Shoulder touch	Hands clasped in handshake followed by pull together, hands still holding and brief touching of shoulders or chests. May be accompanied by 'ayyy' sounds.	Very often done by men as 'safe' and not-too-intimate greeting.
Spin hug	One person (usually the man) puts arm under the other person arms, lifts them and spins them around.	Open affection. Shows closeness and trust. May indicate possession.
Spoon hug	When lying down with other person (typically in bed) and they are facing the other way, pressing part of all of body behind them (like two spoons fitting together) and put one arm around them.	Like a horizontal reverse hug. Often sustained and may occur as unconscious connection during sleep.
Twister	Body hug with oscillating rotation about a vertical axis.	Similar to the rocker hug. Shows stronger affection.
Unequal height hug	The shorter person puts arms around the waist and possibly rests head on chest. The taller person wraps arms around upper body and maybe rests head on shorter person's head.	Typically taller man and shorter woman in romantic embrace.
Upper-body hug	Similar to body hug but only touching in the upper body. May be quite quick.	Avoiding touching genitalia. Often between man-woman with no romantic connection or between two men.

Hugging is a very human thing with many variations. The above table is only an indicator and there may be different meanings and styles to the hugs.

Hugging can be between people of various sexual preferences and with various intents. The article above generally considers heterosexual men and women. The principles described can of course also apply to homosexual and other preferential contexts.

2012-06-02T01:16:00.002-07:00

Body Language and Flirting

Only 7% of communication is verbal communication. 38% of it depends on our intonation, or the sound of our voice. For instance: A shaky, uneven voice may suggest that a person is shy, intimidated, or dishonest. A clear, loud voice may indicate that a person is confident.

The largest chunk of communication is body language, which takes up the remaining 55%. These statistics show that a person who knows how to control their body and voice is considered more appealing than someone who knows only a mouthful of pick-up lines and crowd pleasers.

The impression we make on others starts not when we first open our mouth, but with our posture, breathing, appearance, and movement.

Art and Science of Flirting and Body Language

The art of flirting is expressed with gestures and subtle actions - also known as body language. Non-verbal communication is often more important than words.

This artful dance makes it possible for strangers to become comfortable with each other, even at their first exchange of words. People become at ease with others when they find the other person pleasant. People appear pleasant as a result of showing interest in others via their body language cues. (I like you, because you appear to like me.)

Some body language (physical actions expressing inner emotions or thoughts) is universal among us and other mammals. Also see: Micro Expressions article here on Blifaloo.com for more information on emotions, evolution and physical responses.

Eye Contact and Triangulation

Body language reflects our emotional interest in various ways. In general, these actions manifest by instinct when we are facing people that we admire. For example, in intimate conversation, people usually look at each other's eyes.

Sometimes we shift our vision from one eye to the other, and to the bridge of the nose. This is what is called the triangular formation of vision. As a person becomes more interested in another, this triangular formation extends downward. Some say that it’s rude to look at a stranger’s body, but when you really think about it, people really can’t help it when they feel attracted.

When people are talking to mere acquaintances, they simply look at their eyes, but when people are interested in someone, they tend to notice a lot more than just the eyes and the nose. Also... looking at the someone's mouth can suggest interest in kissing.

Mirroring - Gestures, Body Language

We can make others feel comfortable by mirroring or matching their mood and actions. When two people enjoy similar things, they tend to move in sync with each other. This does not mean that every single move they make is exactly the same, but rather that their moods are the same.

Flirting Body Language Overview
(for our lazy readers)

Male Flirting Signals:
- hands on belt or belt buckle
- preening / grooming
- stretching (and other actions that make him seem bigger)

Female Flirting Signals:
- actions that make her appear smaller
- playing with hair
- exposure of neck or inner wrists

General Flirting Signals:

- eye contact
- mirroring
- triangulation
- "accidental" touching

When a person finds something in common with another, an instinctive fondness develops between them. This same effect is replicated by mirroring.

(Editors note: I first read about "mirroring" when I was a teenager and into NLP work by Bandler and Grinder. Now it is a common tool taught by professional pick-up artists and salesman.

There is tons of info out there about mirroring, the author barely touches on it in the paragraph below. Google search for mirroring and body language for more info.

In mirroring, you need to tune in to the other person’s movements and imitate them, not mimic them. Also, these actions should not be done in the same pace as his/hers, otherwise, the person might take it instead as mockery.

Generally, the mirror actions should be done after 10-20 seconds, and must be done naturally. The other purpose of the mirror actions is to show the other person that you accept and respect their views without them noticing it. In effect, he/she will subconsciously see you as an open-minded person.

When people are interested in the person they are talking to, they tend to face the person more. This is also noticeable in a person’s arms and legs.

When a person’s attention is completely focused on another, their legs, knees, or feet are will extend in the direction of the other person.

Another common flirting signal is the pupils of our eyes. When people like what they see, their pupils increase in size, and tend to blink more. Eyes can blink in sync (like mirroring) when looking into the eyes of the person they like.

Male Body Language and Flirting

(Editors Note: Please note these are general flirting signs in males -- not scientific, and definitely does not represent 100% of the male population. This article was written by a guest author.

Just go to a bar and people watch for a few hours -- and you'll be able to recognise flirting signs and gestures yourself.)

Aside from general body language, there are also signs specific to males and to females when they flirt. When a male notices a woman he finds attractive, he may suck in his gut, flex his muscles, and take on other postures that make him appear taller and stronger.

A man shows confidence by putting his hands on his hips, or putting his thumbs behind his belt. Most men do this to appear macho and posed, but a commonly unknown fact is that this action also highlights the genital region sending the message: "I'm virile." (able to make babies).

Other flirting or interest signals may includes grooming their hair, fixing clothing and standing tall to make them look their best.

Female Body Language and Flirting

(Editors note: again, guest author -- please remember that these signs do not apply to 100% of the female population.)

The actions of women, on the other hand, are more subtle but very sexy in the eyes of men. A woman can make a man desire her more by exposing the skin of her neck.

When a woman tosses her hair from one side to the other, the gesture appears more intentional, and is often followed by a well directed intimate gaze.

The same thing goes when a woman exposes the thin skin on her wrist. Both actions appeal to men saying, “I want to show you more.” Women can very well play with men’s minds by doing little things like wiping off their sweat, and fondling with their hair, fingers, and feet.

The most appealing sign a woman can give is to sit with one leg pressed on top of the other. This gesture makes the legs appear very well toned. A hand on the thigh completes the position and is definitely considered a call for the attention.

Whenever people show their interest, an exchange takes place. When a mutual confirmation is established, one of them then makes the first move to approach. Body language makes up a very big part in the first moments of courtship, and may determine if people become more intimate.

2012-06-02T01:11:00.000-07:00

Become a Human Lie Detector

This knowledge is also useful for managers, employers, and for anyone to use in everyday situations where telling the truth from a lie can help prevent you from being a victim of fraud/scams and other deceptions.

This is just a basic run down of physical (body language) gestures and verbal cues that may indicate someone is being untruthful.

Body Language of Lies:

• Physical expression will be limited and stiff, with few arm and hand movements. Hand, arm and leg movement are toward their own body the liar takes up less space.

• A person who is lying to you will avoid making eye contact.

• Hands touching their face, throat & mouth. Touching or scratching the nose or behind their ear. Not likely to touch his chest/heart with an open hand.

Emotional Gestures & Contradiction

Timing and duration of emotional gestures and emotions are off a normal pace. The display of emotion is delayed, stays longer it would naturally, then stops suddenly.

• Timing is off between emotions gestures/expressions and words. Example: Someone says "I love it!" when receiving a gift, and then smile after making that statement, rather then at the same time the statement is made.

• Gestures/expressions don’t match the verbal statement, such as frowning when saying “I love you.”

• Expressions are limited to mouth movements when someone is faking emotions (like happy, surprised, sad, awe, )instead of the whole face. For example; when someone smiles naturally their whole face is involved: jaw/cheek movement, eyes and forehead push down, etc.

Interactions and Reactions

• A guilty person gets defensive. An innocent person will often go on the offensive.

• A liar is uncomfortable facing his questioner/accuser and may turn his head or body away.

• A liar might unconsciously place objects (book, coffee cup, etc.) between themselves and you.

Verbal Context and Content

• A liar will use your words to make answer a question. When asked, “Did you eat the last cookie?” The liar answers, “No, I did not eat the last cookie.”

•A statement with a contraction is more likely to be truthful: “ I didn't do it” instead of “I did not do it”

Liars sometimes avoid "lying" by not making direct statements. They imply answers instead of denying something directly.

• The guilty person may speak more than natural, adding unnecessary details to convince you... they are not comfortable with silence or pauses in the conversation.

• A liar may leave out pronouns and speak in a monotonous tone. When a truthful statement is made the pronoun is emphasized as much or more than the rest of the words in a statement.

• Words may be garbled and spoken softly, and syntax and grammar may be off. In other
words, his sentences will likely be muddled rather than emphasized.

• The use of distancing language.

Other signs of a lie:

• If you believe someone is lying, then change subject of a conversation quickly, a liar follows along willingly and becomes more relaxed. The guilty wants the subject changed; an innocent person may be confused by the sudden change in topics and will want to back to the previous subject.

• Using humor or sarcasm to avoid a subject.

Final Notes:

Obviously, just because someone exhibits one or more of these signs does not make them a liar. The above behaviors should be compared to a persons base (normal) behavior whenever possible.

Most lie detecting experts agree that a combination of body language and other cues must be used to make an educated guess on whether someone is telling the truth or a lie.

Eye Direction and Lying

Eye Movement and Direction & How it Can Reveal Truth or Lies

This is a continuation of our previous article Detecting Lies. Many comments by our visitors asked about how eye direction can indicate the presence of a lie.

Can the direction a person's eyes reveal whether or not they are making a truthful statement? Short answer: sort of. But, it isn't as simple as some recent television shows or movies make it seem.

In these shows a detective will deduce if a person is being untruthful simply because they looked to the left or right while making a statement.

In reality, it would be foolish to make such a snap judgment without further investigation... but the technique does have some merit.

So, here it is... read, ponder and test it on your friends and family to see how reliable it is for yourself.

Visual Accessing Cues - "Lying Eyes"

When asked a question a "normally organized" right-handed person looks (from your viewpoint, looking at them):

Up and to the Left

Indicates: Visually Constructed Images (Vc)
If you asked someone to "Imagine a purple buffalo", this would be the direction their eyes moved in while thinking about the question as they "Visually Constructed" a purple buffalo in their mind.

Up and to the Right

Indicates: Visually Remembered Images (Vr)
If you asked someone to "What color was the first house you lived in?", this would be the direction their eyes moved in while thinking about the question as they "Visually Remembered" the color of their childhood home.

To the Left

Indicates: Auditory Constructed (Ac)
If you asked someone to "Try and create the highest the sound of the pitch possible in your head", this would be the direction their eyes moved in while thinking about the question as they "Auditorily Constructed" this this sound that they have never heard of.

To the Right
Indicates: Auditory Remembered (Ar)
If you asked someone to "Remember what their mother's voice sounds like ", this would be the direction their eyes moved in while thinking about the question as they "Auditorily Remembered " this sound.

Down and to the Left
Indicates: Feeling / Kinesthetic (F)
If you asked someone to "Can you remember the smell of a campfire? ", this would be the direction their eyes moved in while thinking about the question as they used recalled a smell, feeling, or taste.

Down and To the Right
Indicates: Internal Dialog (Ai)
This is the direction of someone eyes as they "talk to themselves".

The Gist of it...

How this information is used to detect lies:

Example: Let's say your child asks you for a cookie, and you ask: "Well, what did your mother say?" As they reply "Mom said... yes.", they look to the left. This would indicate a made up answer as their eyes are showing a "constructed image or sound. Looking to the right would indicated a "remembered" voice or image, and thus would be telling the truth.

Final Notes:

*** Looking straight ahead or with eyes that are defocused/unmoving is also considered a sign of visual accessing.

*** A typical left-handed person would have the opposite meanings for their eye-directions.

*** As with other signs of lying, you should first establish and understand a persons base-behavior before concluding they are lying by the direction of their eyes.

*** Many critics believe the above is a bunch of bull***t. In my own experiments I have found these techniques to be more true than not. But, why not find out for yourself? Make up a list of questions that like the sample ones, and give them to your friends/family anyone who would be your guinea pig, observe their eye movements and record the results.

*** This guide is hardly in-depth, I recommend getting the book "Frogs into Princes: Neuro Linguistic Programming" by Richard Bandler and John Grinder for a more thorough explanation if the subject interests you.

Micro Expressions, Subtle Body Language and Lying

Is the show "Lie to Me" for real?

I am not a police interrogator, scientist, or other expert... I am however a mother & people watcher.

Years ago, when I wrote articles on How to Detect Lies & Eye Movement and Lying -- I knew of the Micro expression theory, but had a difficult time researching the subject well enough to relay it into an article.

Recently, I've come across tons of new research, websites, articles, videos, etc. about micro expressions and believe anyone who reads my old articles about lying & body language would benefit from micro expression research and theory.

What are Micro Expressions?

A micro expression is a momentary involuntary facial expression -- that people unconsciously display when they are hiding an emotion. They are quick & intense expressions of concealed emotion.

The main points to remember are that micro expressions are:

Brief - Micro-expressions can appear then disappear off the face in a fraction of a second. In other words micro-expressions occur so quickly, that most people don't even notice them.

Involuntary - A micro-expression is caused by involuntary movements in facial muscles. Most people cannot control these involuntary muscles which are affected by their emotions.

Micro Expressions are generally grouped into seven universal emotions: anger, disgust, fear, sadness, happiness, surprise, and contempt.

A Brief History of Micro Expression Theory

According to Wikipedia - Micro Expressions were first discovered by Haggard and Isaacs in the 1960s. In 1966, Haggard and Isaacs outlined how they discovered these "micromomentary" expressions published under the title: "Micromomentary facial expressions as indicators of ego mechanisms in psychotherapy".

Although it is not included in most histories of micro expressions; I would like to point out that Darwin's book "The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals" published in 1872 deserves a mention.Darwin noted the universal nature of facial expressions, the muscles used in facial expressions, etc.

Most websites I can find next list William Condon as a pioneer who studied hours of tapes in the 1960s frame by frame to discover micro movements like micro expressions. I can find little info on this research but there is some other interesting body language & verbal expression / NLP research by a Dr. William S. Condon (I'm 99% sure it's the same dude - contact me if you have any info on the 1960s micro expression research by Condon as cited on wikipedia). Others mentioned as pioneering researchers in the field include John Gottman and Paul Eckman.

Dr. Paul Ekman's research (along with the work of Silvan Tomkins ) in the study of emotions and their relation to facial expressions took Darwin's work to the next level proving that facial expressions of emotion are not culturally determined, but biological in origin and universal across human cultures. Eckman co-developed the Facial Action Coding System (FACS) with Wallace V. Friesen in 1976. FACS is a system to taxonomize human facial expressions, and still used today by psychologists, researchers and animators.

Detecting Deception Using Statement Analysis®

How People's Words Betray Them

Introduction by Blifaloo: I am super excited to introduce my readers interested in lie detection to "Statement Analysis®" -- a technique used by police and other investigators to determine the truthfulness of written or spoken words.

Guest author Mark McClish is a well-respected retired Deputy United States Marshal, and an expert in interviewing techniques. You'll find more info & links about his research at the end of this article.

Intro to Statement Analysis

Statement Analysis is the process of analyzing a person’s words to determine if the subject is being truthful or deceptive. The reason these techniques work is because people’s words will betray them.

There are usually several ways you can phrase a statement. People will always word their statement based on all their knowledge. Therefore, their statement may include information they did not intend to share.

It is nearly impossible to give a lengthy deceptive statement without revealing it is a lie.

The Statement Analysis techniques are very accurate because they are based on the English language specifically word definitions and the rules of grammar. For example, when a person states, “I am trying to be honest” he is telling us he is not being honest. The word “tried” means he is only attempting to be truthful. When a rape victim uses the pronoun “we” in her statement she is revealing she is being deceptive. The pronoun “we” not only shows plurality but it also means a partnership was formed. We would not expect a rape victim to partner up with her attacker. When a person uses phrases such as “later on” or “afterwards” he has withheld some information by skipping over something in his story.

An example of utilizing the rules of grammar would be to analyze the verb tenses in a statement. When a person is telling us what happened, he is required to speak in the past tense. Therefore, if present tense language appears in his statement, this is a sign he is making up the story. Consider the following statement:

“I was sitting in my car when a man opened my door,
pointed a gun at me and tells me to get out.”

While the person starts out using past tense language, he switches to present tense language with the word “tells.” The present tense language is an indication he is not drawing his story from memory.

Another example of using the rules of grammar to detect deception is how a person uses articles within his statement. When we introduce someone or something that is unknown, we are required to use the indefinite articles “a” or “an.” Once the introduction has been made, we then use the definite article “the.” We see this in the following statement:

“A man approached me and pointed a gun at me.
He stuck the gun in my ribs and forced me into the car.”

In the first sentence, the victim properly refers to the attacker and the weapon as “a man” and “a gun.” Having identified the gun, he then correctly refers to it as “the gun” in the second sentence. A problem arises when he refers to the vehicle as “the car.” Since this is the first time he mentions the vehicle, he should have called it “a car.” Using the article “the” tells us the victim either recognized the car or he is making up the story.

Many times the truth goes unnoticed because people like to interpret what a person has said. However, you should never interpret. First, one cannot read someone else’s mind. Secondly, people mean exactly what they are saying.

We see a good example of this with O.J. Simpson’s so called suicide letter. This was the letter that was discovered when Simpson failed to turn himself into the police. The letter starts out saying, “First everyone understand, I had nothing to do with Nicole’s murder.” That is how you heard it read on television. That is how you saw it printed in the newspapers and magazines. The problem is that is not what Simpson wrote. In his letter, he crossed out the words “I had.” His letter actually reads, “First everyone understand, nothing to do with Nicole’s murder.”

He took himself out of the denial.

So, why do most people include the words “I had?” Most likely because they believe this is what Simpson meant. However, people mean exactly what they say or in this case write. Simpson meant to cross out those words.

By using the Statement Analysis techniques, you can determine exactly what people are telling you. This allows you to obtain additional information that sometimes goes unnoticed. These techniques will also show you if they are lying or telling the truth.