Relationship

How To Make A Girl Fall In Love With You

2010-08-23T06:10:00.000-07:00

etting a girl of your dreams is much like getting the car of your dream. But unlike a car which you can always bargain for, there is nothing like a 20 percent discount in courting the girl of your dreams, she's so sweet a thing to be discounted, you dearly are in love with her and your feelings for her can only be communicated not by the words of the mouth, but by the words of the heart. Getting the girl actually depends on how big your heart is - faint heart, never won fair lady.

The first step in the heart-winning exercise for any man is to make a good impression. In your doing so, you don't have to talk, dress or do the common things that all the Toms do to get a decent girl's attention. Be unique, that's all you need. Be a man of his own style. Dress decently - indecency can make one be mistaken for arrogance; watch your language - obscene language gives the impression of immaturity, being uncultured and cheap; be a man of good habits - don't drink or smoke like any other loser.

Let her fall in love gradually. Romance is an important part of falling in love. When in College I had a crush on the most beautiful lady in our first year lot. Though all senior guys were out to get that girl, I managed to divert her attention from the other guys. I wrote her three letters without disclosing my identity and slid into her room secretly; all I said was 'Yours Secret Admirer.' The first letter contained the meaning of her name, this I got by playing around with the initials of her name to make meaning. The second was a funny message that could only be read backwards and it was all about her physique and her smartness. In the third letter I told the girl to be ready to receive a rose flower from her admirer, but only if she could be kind enough to phone him using a number that I had included in the letter. The girl did phone me that very night, and her first words to me were, "Hallo Secret Admirer." So, the story of our love affair came to be. Later she told me that was so creative of me, no one had approached her in that manner. I made her fall in love with me in the romantic manner.

Befriending and understanding the girl you are out to get is the next important thing. This is what I also did. You have to understand that as a lady, she loves to be loved, adores to be adored and needs to be needed. This will move you closer to the girl and you'll get to know what she's into, what she likes and dislikes, and what her style is. Love is built upon friendship and it always leaves individuals better off having known each other should they break up. I and my College steady were to break some time later but to date, we are the best of buddies. Be sure that bringing out the selflessness friend in you will make her create room for you in her heart.

A shoulder to lean on and some good friend that she can always turn to is all that a lady wants. Please don't hesitate to be helpful and supportive. Be that friend who rekindles her zeal of hardworking and restoring hope back into her life when she looses hope. This above all other things will make you her daily vitamin simply because you bring out the best in her in terms of personality and character. In you, she'll have found that friend whom she can open up to, share with and advice each other on the rights and wrongs, the dos and don'ts of life. Don't forget to always be there to celebrate the good times, and to lend an ear when the girl needs you to listen as a friend.

Make the girl feel special; because she's someone's friend - your friend, and let her know that she too has touched your life in a unique way like no one else could. Compliment her for her company and for being there when you needed her, when you felt sad and all alone. Show appreciations for the comfort the girl offers you and for making you smile.

In your day to day talks, share your dreams, your world, and every aspect of your life with your girl. Always dream with her, build with her, and always cheer her on and encourage her. Tell your girl how you always think about her even when you try not to think about her. Let the girl know that she's your first thing in the morning and the last thing when you go to bed at night.

Her knowing that you were thinking of her when you slipped beneath the softness of your blanket and gave in to the bliss of sweet dreams, will make her go 'my my' and her heart will sing your name all the year round.

You have to be creative and constructive to keep girl's interest in you so full of life. I remember one time I told my girlfriend to be to imagine we are both deaf and dump. We then sat opposite each other on the table and started sharing our feelings for each other using eyes and hand signs. It turned out to be some fun. There was also this time that we were in the library and we decided we are not going to speak to each other verbal, so I wrote a love note on a paper and passed it across the table to her, she replied and on and on we carried on our love on paper conversation till we almost exhausted a whole rim of paper. At sometime, I noticed that some guys sited with us on the table were enjoying our ordeal than their studies. Such are the things that made the girl embrace my world. I remember her suggesting that we play deaf and dump two years after we broke up, can you imagine that?

Never fail to phone her, even when she least expects it. I once called some girl that I was interested in at four o'clock in the morning. When inquiring of what I was doing up so early, I told her I was in thirteenth heaven, where people think of their loved ones when they can't sleep. Wow! First thing early the next morning, she was at my door with a king-sized hug for me.
No matter how many dates you take her, don't make any elbow - exceeding moves after any date, just drop her home and with a friendly handshake, wish her good night. Don't kiss her when she expects you to. Your respect as a gentleman will be earned on how patient you are with her when it comes to such matters as kissing her and accessing her inner graces.

The writing is on the wall that you want her, but you can't have her just yet. Increase your demand. Try to show her that men are also hard to get at times. Make her realize that when she feels a little dizzy, a little tired, a little sad, a little sick, a lot bored and very much cold, she's actually missing vitamin you. By this time, she'll be so much into you and since love is truthful and is characterized by open and honest communication, honestly promise her your everlasting devotion, loyalty, respect, and your unconditional love for a lifetime. Prove to her that you'll always be there for her, to listen and to hold her hand, and that you'll always do your best to make her happy, and feel loved.

Remember, patience is the key to her heart; be like that gardener watching a fruit as it hangs on the tree, day after day admiring it, but, exercising tremendous self-discipline, neither feeling the fruit, nor pinching it, nor testing it to see if it is ready. And then, one day he holds out his hand and the fruit simply drops into it, ripe, warm and eager to be eaten.

The patience and self-control which you practice will make you more attractive and charming. This will qualify you as her daily vitamin and win you that heart hers.

I wish you to meet the girl of your dreams ASAP, make her fall in love with you, and make her feel the happiest girl in the world!

Vlad Karl

18 Funny Friendship Quotes To Make You Laugh

2010-08-23T06:08:00.000-07:00

o one can make you laugh quite the way your friends can, and there's nothing like sharing a few funny friendship quotes with those closest to you to make your day shine a bit brighter.

Here are 18 of my favorite funny friendship quotes to share with those you love. I hope you enjoy these funny friendship quotes as much as I like sharing them with you!

1. "A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

2. "There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money." ~ Benjamin Franklin

3. "Money can't buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy." ~ Spike Milligan

4. "A true friend stabs you in the front." ~ Oscar Wilde

5. "Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police." ~ Anonymous

6. "An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a dead body." ~ Jim Hayes

7. "Give me one friend, just one, who meets the needs of all my varying moods." ~ Esther M. Clark

8. "Love is blind. Friendship tries not to notice." ~ Anonymous

9. "I have lost friends, some by dath, others through sheer inability to cross the street." ~ Virginia Woolf

10. "Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate." ~ Thomas Jones

11. "I got a lotta best friends. Some o' them I don't even hardly know!" ~ Archie Bunker

12. "It takes a long time to grow an old friend." ~ John Leonard

13. "We must hang together, or surely we shall hang separately." ~ Benjamin Franklin

14. "Friends are God's ways of apologizing for our families." ~ Anonymous

15. "Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and have her nonsense respected." ~ Charles Lamb

16. "You can't stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes." ~ Winnie the Pooh

17 "Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life." ~ Mark Twain

18. "Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one." ~ C.S. Lewis

As you can see, funny friendship quotes are a great way to remember what makes our friendships so special and our friends so dear. Share a few of these funny friendship quotes with the friends who make your life a brighter and your days a delight.

Noel Jameson

Love Advice for Women - Soft Love in the Kitchen

2010-08-23T06:04:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about softness, and how it changes your vibe. We're all very smart, very clever, very defended. We don't want anyone to see how films about animals make us cry, or our scrap booking, or all the mistakes we made and continue to make around everything in life. We don't want anyone to see that we're lonely, or frightened, or exuberant about the simplest things. We don't want anyone to see us being childlike and hopeful. So we cultivate our intellect, our opinions, our thoughts on where we've been and where we're going.

Today I was in the kitchen eating what I'd cooked, when my husband walked in. I have a horrible history of burning food. There was the time several months ago when I retreated to the microwave, defeated, afraid my absent-mindedness would burn the house down (talk about repressed rage). In the last few weeks I've been trying the stove again - scheduling cooking time, staying put in the kitchen, turning on the timer, sharpening my attention, and not burning anything! I'm cured! I'm a cook! I'm not a menace, I can do this! And the ground turkey I cooked in the pan smelled very nice on my plate. And he says, alarm and accusation in his voice, "Did you burn something?"

"No!" I look up at him in shock.

"It smells like you burned something. Something's burned." and he walks into the kitchen.

"No, no!" I defend, going for the pan, picking it up to show him, feeling five years old and incompetent. "It's just nicely brown, see?" I say forcefully, totally righteously. It's his nose that's wrong.

"Well, it smells like something's burned."

All of a sudden I get what I really feel. Yes, I'm five. I screw up my face and do big time mock crying and whining. "But I didn't burn it!" I wail. "I didn't...." and I go all gooey, pan in my hand, miserable. And in that second, my husband does a 180. His eyes go deep and very blue-green, he smiles so fast I'm taken aback, and he comes towards me, arms around me, "Ohhhhhhh," he says. And that's the end of it.

"So, how's your day?" he skips right to his next thought, and he's standing right up against me, and we're connected, and I leap from five-year-old to grownup, from lump to goddess. Long ago, whenever this happened, I used to think it was because he was competitive and didn't want me to be big. I thought he liked me girly and the loser at chess and gin rummy. I thought he was scared of my fortitude. Now I know that's not it at all.

He just likes me better soft. He likes me better where I am than where I wish I was. He likes me better human than mistake-proof. And by liking me better this way, he encourages me to rise to the ultimate test of any relationship: He inspires me to say that I like myself best when I'm with him.

Rori Raye

The Best Sexual Positions: The Top 5 Mistakes Most Guys Make

2010-08-23T05:57:00.000-07:00

One of the many challenges men have is to decide on what positions to use when getting booty. The biggest fears are that the woman will get bored with the "same old, same old" and as a result lose interest in sex. So the question becomes, what are the best sexual positions?

The best way to explain this is to talk about what NOT to do. With that in mind, I'll now talk about the top five mistakes guys make when it comes to sexual positions, so that way you won't continue making them.

Position Mistake 1: Imitating anything seen in a porn movie. This is probably the biggest reason that guys fail with sexual positions. Inexperienced guys think porn is a good model because they see studs banging beautiful broads, and... well, they just don't know any better. The problem is that sexual positions in those sorts of movies are meant to display a good scene for viewers, not to maximize pleasure for the actors.

And in fact, one of the WORST positions for clitoral and vaginal stimulation is when the woman puts her ankles on your shoulders. With her pelvis bent back that far, she can feel pain in her cervix if you push in too far. Plus it's a position that puts pressure. (If you ever have a chance to go behind the scenes and watch the making of an adult movie, you'll see how quickly the mood gets killed when the actress keeps having to stop the scene to go to the bathroom!)

Position Mistake 2: Trying too hard to keep your weight off the woman, in any position. To a woman, sex is a way to get closer to her man. She loves it when he leans on the underside of her thighs. So here's a tip for you to try... Next time you're having sex with your woman (while you're engaged in actual intercourse, that is), get more of your weight on her. You see, during sex, almost every woman enjoys feeling her man's body pressed hard against her.

So how much weight should you put on her? Make it enough so that after you come, and the sexual frenzy dissipates, your woman will tell you that she feels like she's being smooshed. Of course, do this within limits! If you're on top off her grinding her pubic bone for too long, it can feel painful for her.

But the bottom line is that many, many women like to be pressured by at least some of the man's weight. So save the gentlemanly sex for the royal family's women!

Position Mistake 3: Letting the woman do all the work when she's on top. For virtually every woman, sex is mostly a passive activity. So by being the motionless beta male, you destroy the whole purpose of sex for her, which is to open herself up to you penetrating into her body.

I hope this helps.

John J Alexander

Four Qualities Women Want in Men

2009-09-10T23:28:00.001-07:00

What do women want?
That is the question millions of guys all over the world wish they have an answer to. If someone knows what women want, he'll simply do those things and make the girls fall over him. A lot of people had tried to figure out what women, especially the beautiful ones want.
Okay, I admit it. I don't have all the answers to what women want. I don't claim to be a seer that sees what ordinary mortals cannot see. However, with my experience with women, I have been able to discover some of the things beautiful women want. No. It's not about being nice to them. It's not about telling them how much you love them every hour of the day and its surely not by buying them expensive gifts.
So what do women want? Here are four qualities beautiful women love to see in men.
1. A Life Of Your Own
Attractive women do not like guys that do not have a life of their own. They don't want guys that will not be able to eat, sleep or work without seeing them. They want you to be independent.
2. Confidence
When a woman is with you, she wants you to be very confident of yourself. They want you to be able to handle any situation you find yourself in. They love to tap from such confidence.
3. Intelligence
Attractive women love intelligent guys. You should be well versed in general issues and you should be able to communicate very easily. You don't have to know about environmental issues or about nuclear physics. Just ensure you're able to communicate easily.
4. Funny
You should be able to make a woman laugh once in a while. I'm not suggesting you become a comedian overnight but cracking jokes a few times will make her more relaxed with you.
The list is not exhaustive but the qualities listed above are very critical to your success with women.

Akin Alabi

Getting Your Dream Girl

2009-09-10T23:26:00.000-07:00

Getting that perfect ten seems to be a difficult thing to do. You understand my meaning. The sweaty palms, the jitters and ultimately getting that big fat, 'get lost.' You will be saying to yourself, she won't like me. Or, man, I'm not that good looking. Well men, I have some great news for you. You can score your perfect ten. And it's easier than you'd ever think!
To start it's essential for you to see that what you believe about yourself inside is externalized on the outside. Have you ever heard the expression, you wear your heart on your shoulder? This is the absolute truth. We do it all the time. If you're not confident, then that cutie you are wanting to meet will see it before they even see your hair color. This is pretty much the same as a dog sensing your fear. Don't be rattled.
Remember that she's just another person on this planet, just like you. And if your plans don't pan out, then try with another girl. Sounds kind of cold, but it is the truth. As an example, here's a story for you. I had an acquaintance that wasn't the best looking. Actually, he was downright ugly. But he'd always approach and date the perfect tens! Why? As I mentioned earlier. He mastered his fear when it came to meeting young women and the ladies couldn't resist him. Does he still get rejected here and there? You bet.
But he doesn't let him deter him one single bit.Your initial steps are to believe that you are good enough and handsome enough to catch that perfect ten. You are good enough, handsome enough and you do have the personality to hit it off. If you can talk and laugh and joke with your buddies, then you can do exactly the same with that perfect ten.
Next is to just do it. Go up to the that perfect ten in a popular hangout and start talking to her. Oh, and for your sake, avoid the ones with big boyfriends! Just go up and introduce yourself and make small talk. You'll be amazed at the results you'll have. Now, like I mentioned about my friend earlier, it won't work out every time, but you'll be surprised at how often it does work. The more you try, the more success you'll have too.
Remember that perfect ten is just like you. They also want to have a wonderful relationship with someone special as much as you do, in most cases. Keep that in mind when you approach her!

Frank Thomas

Love Tips For a Long Lasting Relationship

2009-09-10T23:22:00.000-07:00

An enduring love relationship is built with passion and care, with lots of respect and forgiveness for each other. There are no miracles and no fairy tales in real life love relationships.
Here are some love tips on how to keep the love fire sparking romantically in your daily life:
1. Arrange romantic plans for the weekends such as: a quiet candle light dinner on Friday evening, catching up a romantic movie together, cycling around the country side or having a nice picnic in the park under the big oak tree.
2. Try to switch off your mobiles so that you will not be distracted by any other stuff especially those from your work place.
3. Try to secure as much time as possible having both of you alone, send your kids to their favorite recreation centre during school holidays or weekends.
4. Catching up an old classic sentimental movie at home, which both of you used to be fond of, sharing those happy memories of yours with each other.
5. Share jokes with your partner and laugh out together. Add humor to your life.
6. Switch roles during weekends, husbands get to cook and wash for their wives while the wives gets to do some of the stuffs which their husbands used to do during the weekends such as washing the cars and taking the dogs for a walk in the park.
7. Listen to your favorite music together, sharing some of the stories which you can recall happening to your children which were hilarious and laugh together.
8. Pick up a dancing class together such as ball-room dancing or cha-cha. You will soon rediscover the lost love in each other eyes while practicing along with the rhythm of the song played.
9. Surprise him / her with new ideas such as: he can try to learn to "bake" her favorite cake, while she can get him something which he has been longing for, such as unique collections of toy cars. Tiny gestures like these are important for they show how much you care for your other spouse.
10. Send her / him love cards every other day with kind loving words full of appreciation and passion. You do not need to wait for his/her birthday or wedding anniversary to send special cards or gifts. Express your love whenever you can and as much as you could.

Francis Murphy

Marriage is a Marathon, Not a Sprint

2009-09-07T04:03:00.000-07:00

The Battle of Marathon took place in 490 B.C. during the first Persian invasion. It was fought between the citizens of Athens, Greece, and the Persian forces under the rule of the Persian King Darius. A fabled run of a Greek soldier Pheidippides, a messenger from the Battle of Marathon to Athens, is the basis for the modern marathon, held in cities across the world, with the larger ones having tens of thousands of runners participating.
The marathon is a long-distance, foot race on the road with an official distance of 26 7/32 miles, requiring great strength and endurance. A sprint, on the other hand, is a short distance run, requiring a burst of energy, to run at one's full speed. Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint.
From the website Marathon Rookie, I found the Top 10 Rookie Mistakes for beginner marathon runners, which apply to marriage as well. They are: injury, hydration, lack of knowledge, starting too fast, wrong goal, motivation, lack of belief, lack of support, and underestimate stretching. Let's look at each one of these for why marriages are often troubled, and fail.
1. Injury. A couple comes into marriage, bringing emotional and spiritual baggage, and often many wounds. MarathonRookie.com says that many beginner runners "notice soreness in their shins or knees and ignore it. They keep running and BAM, it hits them. They're done. Game Over. Be aware of the warning signs and how to treat them."
If one person in the marriage is injured, then the marriage's health will be affected as well. We need to realize that it is only God who can heal us and make us whole - not our spouse. Men love to fix things, but they can't fix their wives. Vice versa for wives trying to change, fix, or improve their husbands.
Jesus is the healer of wounded hearts. Sometimes healing from deep hurts such as parental rejection, abandonment, childhood abuse, dysfunctional relationships in adulthood, abortion, drug, alcohol, or pornography and gambling addictions may require professional counseling, spiritual deliverance, and/or pastoral accountability.
Ultimately as we seek God's face, study His word, and obey Him, we will receive our healing. Psalm 107:20 says, "He sent His word and healed them, and delivered them from their destruction."
2. Hydration. MarathonRookie.com says that runners get dehydrated because they underestimate how much water their bodies need during training. Married couples don't realize how much they need Jesus' "living waters" each day for their marriage to last. In John 4:10 (NKJV), Jesus said to the Samaritan woman at the well, "Jesus answered and said to her, "If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, 'Give Me a drink,' you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water."
3. Lack of knowledge. When you're dating, let's face it, your fiance' doesn't realize what he's really getting himself into! He doesn't know that you're a clean-freak, you hate to cook, and you aren't a morning person. After all, you go out on weekend dates to the Japanese or Italian restaurant, where they cook the delicious food, wash the dishes, and after your talks and snuggles til midnight at his house, you go home and crash - and sleep in the next morning!
Couples may see some things that concern them while they date, but they often don't really see with their "love blinders" on. They're too focused on how wonderful this person is, and how they're going to be happy for the rest of their lives. A longer dating period, asking probing questions, and paying attention to little details, will help you to get to know your fiance better - and you will have less unpleasant "surprises," such as him being a "messy" or her having a new shoes addiction - after saying "I do."
4. Starting too fast. MarathonRookie.com says that beginner runners try to run more miles than the scheduled training. "If you feel really strong when you begin training and want to run more, PLEASE resist the temptation. By going the extra mile, you are substantially increasing the likelihood of injury."
Going too fast in a relationship can increase your chances of being hurt, too. This is especially true in a relationship where there's lots of intense chemistry. Lust will not see you through the years; commitment and love will! Take it slow, and get to know this person before the wedding day!
5. Wrong training program. In Luke 6:47-49 (NKJV), the story of the man building his house on the foundation of the rock, and it standing in the fierce storm is a perfect picture of a good marriage that will last. Married couples will face many storms through the years, and having their marriage built on the principles of God's word is what will get them through these storms.
Some couples had the wrong "training program," in that they were never taught the truth of God's word, and don't have a relationship with Jesus Christ. MarathonRunner.com says some runners choose a program that is more difficult than they can handle, and they wind up quitting. Jesus said, "I am the vine; you are the branches. Apart from Me you can do nothing." We need God's help with our marriage problems. All we have to do is come to Him in humble faith, and He will give us all we need.
6. Wrong goal. Some runners focus on finishing the marathon quickly. This is the wrong goal, and increases the chances of injury and not finishing at all. The goal of the marathon for a beginner should be just to finish. This should be our goal in marriage, too, doing all we can to prevent divorce. It takes long-term love, mutual honor, commitment, affection, and open and honest communication to make marriage work over the long haul. A great sense of humor helps, too!
Some people go into marriage with a goal of the other person making them happy, and completing them. Only God can fill us up and complete us. We need to lay aside unreasonable expectations of our husband or wife, and not put that kind of pressure on them.
We may also have other goals that are quite selfish in nature, such as our own person career or business success, to the detriment of the marriage and family - ambitiously spending all our time on personal projects to get "ahead," while neglecting the very ones we love. Balance is the key. Time with our husband or wife lets them know we love them, and enjoy them.
7. Motivation. Just as in a run when there's bad weather, an injury, illness, or work that can keep him from a run, and cause him to lose his motivation to continue, there are problems that occur in marriage which causes a husband or a wife to lose their motivation to continue the marriage. Financial stresses, the demands of children, relatives and friends who intrude, pressures at work, a nagging spouse, infidelity or pornography, addictions, fatigue, boredom can all play a part in one of the partners wanting to bail out of the marriage. Keep your eye on the goal; to finish strong. Never give up!
8. Lack of belief. In Mark 6: 5-6, unbelief hindered the purposes of God. People often give up far too easily and quickly today, and file for divorce. "Now He could do no mighty work there, except that He laid His hands on a few sick people and healed them. 6 And He marveled because of their unbelief. Then He went about the villages in a circuit, teaching."
MarathonRookie.Com says that beginner runners begin training and have a hard time finishing their first five-mile run. After that, they give up, thinking they could never do a marathon. "But Jesus looked at them and said to them, "With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." (Matthew 19:26, NKJV) We need to have faith and believe that God will heal our marriages.
9. Lack of support. The world is far too eager to tell you that marriage is too hard, and it's just much better (for your sake, for your children's sake, for your career's sake, for your sanity's or checking account's sake) to get a divorce. Many married couples do not get the support they need to help their marriages succeed from family, friends, co-workers, and even professional counselors and spiritual advisors.
If you are counseling with a professional counselor who tells you to divorce your spouse for any reason other than unfaithfulness, spouse or child abuse or neglect, then RUN! Sometimes a couple may need to draw boundaries with people who are critical of their marriage, or are giving one or both of them ungodly advice. You might even have to cut off contact with them for a season, or permanently. Your marriage is your most important priority, under God.
As the marriage goes, the family goes. As the family goes, the community goes. As the community goes, the state goes. As the state goes, the nation goes. As the nation goes, the world goes! Successful marriages have far-reaching consequences!
God told Abraham that he and his descendants would be blessed forever, to all future generations! Because of Abraham's and Sarah's faith in and obedience to God, and due to their committed marriage, their children and all future generations were blessed!
Don't you think their marriage might have been strained just a little when Abraham slept with Sarah's maid, and she became pregnant with Ishmael, after Sarah had years of barrenness? Yet Sarah stayed, despite her great pain and emptiness...and God rewarded her with her own baby boy, Isaac, which means "laughter."
10. Stretching. Beginner runners often underestimate the importance of stretching, which gives them less soreness, puts them at less risk for injury, and gives them greater flexibility and a longer stride. Stretch out your arms to Jesus and to your husband or wife. Go all out in your love and devotion. Bend, cooperate, be understanding, show mercy and forgiveness. This will help your marriage to last.
Don't be so rigid and set in your ways, insisting that you are right all the time, that you can't meet your spouse half-way or more. Lay your life down for the sake of your marriage. Through the years of your marriage, you will learn that "stretching" yourself in faith and love will enhance your marriage relationship, and create greater tenderness, affection, respect, and passion in your marriage.
A sprint may get you to the finish line faster, but a marathon has incredible awards. Go for the gold in marriage. Do the marathon, and win!
"Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must outrun the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning in Africa, a lion wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the slowest gazelle, or it will starve. It doesn't matter whether you're a lion or gazelle - when the sun comes up, you'd better be running." - Unknown

Beth Jones

What Are the Secrets to Marriage?

2009-09-07T04:00:00.000-07:00

Did you know that you can actually stay married - and did you know that thousands of people have become happier the longer they do it? Of course, many people do not, and end up divorcing, but it was because they didn't set relationship goals, communicate, and re-group.
Indeed, marriage can be just as simple as 1-2-3 and you can find your path to marital bliss, just by dotting your i's, minding your p's and q's, and putting some practical wisdom into practice. These efforts, though they seem small, along with some of your resourcefulness, can be rewarding.
Step 1: Set your relationship goals, with a plan, and love the details! In any relationship, marriage or otherwise, the details are important for you to know. What are your specific actions? Are you going to focus on dating or vacations? Will you date once weekly, or vacation twice per year, or other plans? Will you enlist your spouse with helping to pick out the spots?
How will you involve others in your life that these goals are important to your marriage? What will it take to accomplish these goals? Will you need to hire a back-up babysitter? Do you have the funds? How much of an investment are you willing to put into the marriage? Who else in your circle is willing to invest in your plans?
Look at this as creating your secrets to marriage business plan,. First, be realistic and not judgmental about the things you can do well. If you want to convince your spouse about plans you have for the marriage, find something that makes you passionate. Don't force yourself to be a better wife - just do what you enjoy doing.
Step 2: Communicate! Be creative with the ways you communicate with your spouse - send an Email, write a note, put it on a sticky, tell your spouse's friends, put a letter in the mail, start a chat session. Whatever you do, use all the resources available to you and just communicate.
Give your spouse an endearing nick name. The name should be pleasing to your spouse. Maybe think of characteristic to turn into a name - "Suzy Baker", "Flower", "Sunshine", "Hairy", "Prince Charming". This starts a new phase of communication only between the two of you. Let others know the special names for each other by speaking this way in public. All this builds your marriage bond.
Step 3: Re-group Always do an assessment of how well your plans are working. Come up with an exit plan - no, not exit your marriage. Exit a goal. If a goal does not give you the results you expected, what is your back-up plan? What resources will you need to shift to the back-up plan?
There may also be temporary lull in your marriage as you switch between plans - so be patient, a virtue in the secrets to marriage. Some marriages fail because the spouses can't deal with a temporary stall in plans. Be conscious that your marriage is a work in process and needs an infusion of ideas to get stronger.

Etta kit

How to Save Your Marriage - Yes, You Can Fix Your Marriage and Stop Your Divorce Now!

2009-09-07T03:58:00.001-07:00

How sad is it that marriages start with such high expectations, joyful celebration and fabulous honeymoon. The harsh reality is that the only direction that you can go is down after that. While all marriages go down a bit, many marriages go way down - to the brink of divorce. My marriage was just like that - and I desperately wanted to fix it.
When things were heading south (to a divorce), I tried everything. I cried, I begged him not to leave, I acted like I didn't care - nothing worked. But - I had to do something to stop this divorce, I was desperate.
Time went on and things became worse. My spouse was barely home anymore (starting his new life, I assume) - I was waiting with dread for the divorce papers. I was so despondent but didn't know what to do.
Fast forward to today - we didn't end up getting a divorce. We have worked things out - our marriage is stronger than ever and we are more in love with each other than we have ever been.
Here's a tip. Don't ever beg your spouse. People always want what they can't get. What does this mean for a troubled marriage? "The more you try to show that you want someone, the less that he or she is going to want you". Do not beg to stop your divorce.
Should you talk about divorce? Well, this is different. Getting a divorce is an awful thing for all involved (even the person who wants the divorce). Even if nobody has mentioned a divorce, it doesn't mean that it isn't on both of your minds. It's kind of like the elephant in the room. If things look like they are headed in that direction anyway, you should be the one to take charge and bring up the subject. This way, the power goes to you to change the direction. If you do nothing, you lose control to try to stop the divorce.
These tips have helped me save my troubled marriage.
Once I understood these critical things that set me on the right path. That track stopped my divorce - it will stop yours too, if you take the right steps.
I had such a troubled marriage that I thought there was no hope at all for reconciliation.
But today, I am still with my husband - I saved my marriage

Maggie Marshall

To Save Your Marriage Before the Apple-Cart Tilts

2009-09-07T03:57:00.001-07:00

Before you try to save your marriage, you ought to know why it failed in the first place. Most of us make the mistake of presuming that marital bliss is permanent. Especially when we have loved and married the person of our choice, things can never go wrong. But more often than not it does. We think the spark that we saw during the courtship days would remain forever. It never does. People change and so do their priorities, likes and dislikes. Unless you adapt to the changing situation, you are bound to clash with the new developments in your life.
All of us think that we are right and the other person is wrong. Spouse wanted space and you gave it. Spouse wanted a vacation and you acceded and so on. Despite making all the necessary 'compromises' and adjustments all the way, why does it have to be that one fine day you find that there are serious cracks in your marriage? Most of us get quite overwhelmed when a steady situation shows signs of imbalance. When the apple-cart tilts, we get nervous because we do now know how to manage change. So in a bid to save your marriage, you end up making some serious errors in judgment which further ruin your chances to save your marriage and worsens the all-ready sad situation. Here are some tips to save your marriage and how to avoid making those critical errors:
• You are already aware of the cracks in your marriage and one day your spouse announces his or her desire to end this agony. What is your first reaction? Anger, frustration, denial, aggression, tears? While these outbursts may be common when someone is pushed against the wall, it can never help to save your marriage. On the contrary, you need to be calm and collected and instead of reacting immaturely, take time to think more rationally about the steps you have to take to save your marriage. Crying, pleading or throwing tantrums never take anyone anywhere. You are simply pushing your spouse to follow his or her decision.
• To save your marriage, put an end to your endless stream of thoughts hovering around reasons why your marriage failed. Stop presuming for a change. Get the facts right - is there anyone else? Has the environment in the home got anything to do with it? Is your sex life satisfying? Who knows, with introspection, there could be several skeletons popping out of the in the cupboard? There could be issues with you, which need improvement or correction? Spend time to answer such questions before you try to pass on the blame on someone or something else.
• To save your marriage, it pays to remain hopeful and develop a positive attitude. Remember if you ask for doom, it would come. On the contrary, if you pin your hopes on all that went right, on all the reasons that kept you together for so long, focus on those strength areas and develop them further. There is no point in being fatalistic or pessimistic about the future. To save your marriage, you might need to take some harsh decisions, give up on some old habits and learn to bend more than you are used to.
• A marriage is about a relationship between two people. Therefore to save your marriage, nothing can be achieved single-handedly. You need the support and cooperation of your spouse all the way. And the only way you can involve your spouse in the process to save your marriage, is to have a frank and open discussion about your intentions. Ask his or her opinion about what could be the problem areas and work jointly so that the solution is mutually acceptable. It is futile to take unilateral decisions, even if they are made with all good intentions. To save your marriage is likewise a joint decision.
Why is saving your marriage so important to you?
Because a good relationship is one of the most treasured of human interactions... especially marriage! We all want to be loved. There are the great times together, the shared dreams and visions, the mutual likes and dislikes and more. Great relationships are essential for enjoying a good quality of life. They color everything else around us.
Losing a spouse is one of the most emotionally traumatizing episodes in our life. It is amazing how the very thing that brings us the most pleasure also brings with it the most grief.
But don't give up on the love of your life yet. There is still hope! You can reverse deterioration of your marriage and successfully reconnect with your spouse. Use my professional and personal experience to learn how you can bring the passion back into your marriage

Emma Audley

Have You Called Your Mother Lately?

2009-09-04T02:47:00.000-07:00

When I worked in the old Bell System, Mother's Day was our largest day of toll revenue (long distance calls). We decided to try to enhance it even more and hired Alabama's legendary coach, Paul "Bear" Bryant to do a commercial for Mother's Day.
He was seated in his office in his crimson sweater to film a commercial that would become legendary. He was supposed to end in that old gravelly voice of his, "Have you called yo mama lately?" He did, but then he paused and went a bit off script. He looked far away as if to Heaven, and wistfully thought out loud, "I sure wish I could."
The old Bell System network could barely handle all the calls home to "mama" after the commercial aired. We had never seen anything like it. Lewis Grizzard wrote about it, and men made speeches about it.
Memories of that commercial made me think of my departed mother and a special Mother's Day, how I wish I could call her, and what I would say if she asked, "Son, I hear you say you want to serve Christ, but if they arrested you for being a Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict you?"
Many years ago, my mother rode the bus from her home near Tupelo, Miss. to visit me in Georgia. My 5-foot-3-inch, gray-haired little tornado had a layover in Atlanta. The neighborhood near the bus station had fallen on hard times, and a few unsavory characters lurked nearby. Mother's eyes fell upon a young girl of about 12 or 13 sitting across the station alone. Her eyes darted to and fro. She looked scared, and she had runaway written in the strain of her young face.
A stereotypical pimp suddenly appeared and began to circle the girl like a vulture. They trolled such places for runaways who were desperate and vulnerable, fresh recruits for the mean streets of the inner city. The 6-foot-4 predator began to talk to the girl. "Are you hungry baby? I'll feed you. Do you need a place to stay tonight? I'll put you up at my place." And, of course, the rest of the story is all too familiar. The girl would be out on the streets and likely dead by her 20s from street violence, drug overdose or AIDS.
My petite Mom looked around and everyone's eyes were averted, looking at the floor. No one wanted to get involved, the curse of our times. Mother stood up, marched defiantly to the girl, forced herself between the towering pimp and the scared little rabbit, and said, "C'mon honey, you are going to sit with me!" Then she gave the pimp "The Look." It was the look my brother and I avoided like the plague growing up. It was like looking down Dirty Harry's .44 magnum and hearing him say, "Go ahead, make my day!" He withered under her glare, and Mother robbed him of his prey. She took the young girl with her, and they talked. Mother bought her a bus ticket home to Louisiana.
That little girl will never know who that angel was who came into her life and saved her. There were no crowds applauding, no plaques to be given out. Mother was alone with her conscience and her God and displayed what real character is all about: doing the right thing when no one is watching.
On Mother's Day in 2003 as I came home, I thought of that day in Atlanta and many others like it where Mother modeled the code she lived by. Mother had fallen on Christmas Eve while going to work at age 84. She remained a personal care giver for the elderly and the terminally ill and would still today had her own strong body not finally betrayed her unbreakable spirit and will. She suffered a cerebral hemorrhage, and we spent Christmas and New Year's in the hospital trying to relieve the damage to her precious hard head we credited with her survival.
She began to recover from her fall and was determined to show her mettle, the stuff that strong women of her generation seemed to have in abundance. She called just before Mother's Day and said something was wrong, and we were soon to find out why she really fell and what they had missed at Christmas.
Mother and I went to the doctors prepared. We arrived with a detailed list of symptoms and pertinent data to enable him to see this patient, not as an old lady to be dismissed with the usual prescription for painkillers, but a person suffering from a serious ailment.
The young doctor was not jaded and was very aggressive and after some x-rays, he told us that he thought Mother's cancer had returned. It had been 16 years since her mastectomy, but he felt that was it was cancer based on the pictures. Something about that word, cancer, that implies something evil and invasive, not like a failing heart or liver, but something dark and sinister.
The test confirmed the worst: stage 4, inoperable. We made the rounds of the specialists, drawing fluid from her chest, listening to the pros and cons, and finally enough was enough, and we opted for the hospice program. I agreed to stay with Mother as her primary care-giver, and it was the most difficult, trying thing I have ever done. The time with her was also a gift from God.
I would like to say that Mother imparted great wisdom and insights to me, but she had already done that through her many examples of courage and character like the time in Atlanta. The 11 weeks I spent with her did yield precious memories of days gone by, people gone but not forgotten, a sense of who the people I came from really were and priceless moments saying nothing more than "that peach tasted delicious," or "that back rub was wonderful," and "I love you, son."
Just before the end, it seemed the animals of the forests began to gather round her house on the edge of her ancient forest. The birds she fed came in an abundance of colors, songbirds sang at our windows and peered in at the woman who cared for them. Rabbits munched on her daylilies at our front door and refused to run away when approached. Even a pair of elusive fox came up at dusk as the Whippoorwill's call echoed through the hollows of Temple Grove.
Mother looked at me, and said, "Son, do you hear the birds singing?" "Yes, I do," I answered. "No," she said, as she clutched her Bible, "I mean the one who answered me during my prayers?" Not long after that, Mother was gone, her pain relieved, and with a look on her face that suggested she knew something that we did not, but one day would.
Have you called your Mama lately?
Merle Temple

Great Relationship Advice For Building a Strong Foundation

2009-09-04T01:53:00.000-07:00

You've found your perfect partner and you want to find ways so you don't mess it up. Looking for tips at this stage is a great sign. For a fresh new relationship, getting advice on how to build a solid foundation will have a massive impact on your future together.
Be Your Real Self
Spending the initial months acting as someone your not is a complete waste of time, as in reality your partner won't know the real you. At the beginning of your relationship you should take it slowly. One of the fastest ways to kill a budding relationship is to jump into bed too soon or live like you're attached at the hip. No matter how crazy you are about each other, try not to spend every waking minute together. Take some timeout to spend with your friends and yourself. This will create some mystery and will help to keep your feet on the ground.
Maintain a friendship
Ultimately, friendship is the foundation of any happy, long-term relationship. Friendship will help to get you over the bumps in the road. Usually once we have been around another person for awhile we tend to take them for granted and nitpick their behavior. Don't fall into that trap. Even when you disagree, you need to treat your partner the same respect you'd show any other close friend.
Handle Conflict
While it may not be very comfortable, conflict is not only inevitable, it's also an opportunity for growth. Handling disagreements in a new way could reveal better ways of doing things.
The trick is not to let irritations build up. If something your partner does seriously bothers you, bring it up with kindness and gentleness. If may be easier to solve than you expect. Letting issues brew is a recipe for disaster. Learning new techniques and skills in communication is really important to keep your new relationship moving forward.
Learn new skills to make your relationship work
If you've found your true love. You should look at resources that teach you new skills that will allow you to have a successful partnership. Sure, no two relationships are the same, but the ones that last do have certain things in common.
Starting a new relationship isn't always easy but by starting off with the right tools it will enable you to build a strong base on which long term commitment depends on. The right advice at the beginning of your relationship will start you off on the path to success.

Tracey Todd

Falling in Love With Your Best Friend? Can Friends Be Lovers?

2009-09-01T23:57:00.000-07:00

What should you do if you find yourself falling in love with your best friend? Can a platonic friendship turn into a love relationship? Would you like some advice on how to make that guy your boyfriend? Following are some good bits of information to keep in mind if you suddenly find yourself in love with your best friend.
Slowly but noticeably change your relationship. You don't want to start throwing out romantic innuendoes right away, but you could become more involved with him and his activities. Let him see that you are attempting to spend more of your free time with him and that you really enjoy his company. He will get used to you being around for all of his good times also, and will realize that he misses you if you're not.
Make a conscious effort at this point to distance yourself from being one of the guys. Although that is how it's always been, you will need to change this if you are now falling in love with your best friend. You want him to look at you differently and this will be slightly awkward in the beginning, but worth it. Once again, you'll have to move gradually so as not to leave him shaking his head in disbelief as though he has no idea who you are anymore. He will begin to fall in line with your actions without even realizing it.
Now is the time to start flirting with him. This will also be a little awkward, but it will definitely be worth the effort. Practice subtlety as you do not want to scare him away with changes that may be too drastic. Add a little sensuality to your wardrobe and try to touch him for no reason at all. You can believe that he will notice and will be flattered as long as you don't go overboard.
Falling in love with your best friend can be a fabulous beginning. You already know each other's likes and dislikes, each other's temperament, and are reassured that you can always count on each other. The advantages are many, so follow this advice and you will get what you are hoping for.

Tina Jones

Is it Lust Or Love? Find Out How to Capture a Guy's Heart

2009-09-01T22:57:00.000-07:00

Are you hoping to capture a guy's heart at long last? Are there really things that you can do to make him fall in love? Do you want to be more than his latest date? All you need to do to change how he thinks about you is to follow this surefire advice on how to capture a guy's heart and make him fall madly in love!
Connect With His Mind
You need to have brain sex with your guy long before you actually sleep with him. Stimulate his mind, find out what he's made of. Talk to him, build up a genuine friendship. Find out what you have in common and start to do these things together as a couple, or maybe within a group of friends. If he likes a certain author, read a couple of that author's books and discuss them with him. Let him know there's more to you than just a pretty face.
Build Respect For Each Other
Leading on from connecting with his mind, start to build a healthy respect for one another's views and opinions. Find something about him that you truly admire and let him know it! Ask for his opinion on important issues in your life and let him offer you guidance even if you think you know it all anyway. There is always something more to learn.
Abstain From Sex
For the short term at least, keep your relationship non-sexual. Flirt with the guy, let him know you find him sexually attractive, just don't go all the way too soon. Your relationship will be stronger for it in the long run. If you're not having sex, you'll be sure that it's love, not lust, that helped you to capture this guy's heart.

Tina L jones

How to Resolve Communication Problems in Relationships and Marriage

2009-09-01T05:36:00.000-07:00

Communication problems in relationships and marriage can crop up at any time. No matter how in love you both are, miscommunication can happen.
Male Vs Female Logic
Neither men or women are absolutely logical. Making an effort to understand how the opposite gender looks at marriage and relationships, will help avoid many problems in them.
Active Listening
Both of you are one half of the communication problem. You may feel like you know what your partner is going to say, that you finish one another's sentences. But much is gained by hearing your partner out . You can restate what you have heard to make sure it is correct. This shows your loved one respect.
Not The Blame Game
It is best to work things out peacefully, and that means avoiding blaming one another. Focus on resolving, rather than blaming. Make sure you state your case in specifics. "You make me unhappy" gives no clue how to change the situation. "I feel upset when you look at other women's (add body part)" is more specific, and therefore more workable.
Prove It!
When you are discussing problems in relationships and marriage, make sure you can prove what you say. This relates back to specifics also: "You disrespected me in front of our friends" is too vague. Respect or disrespect is subjective, and standards differ. However, "I was embarrassed when you told Tony I wouldn't get the job" shows exactly what you mean.
Honesty With Kindness
If you don't discuss communication problems in relationships and marriage then the problems will ultimately destroy them. So talk about problems and issues as they arise, but do so kindly. If you are gentle and respectful you will find solutions.
Probably your partner doesn't want to hurt you, they want your relationship or marriage to grow and mature. They may be upset that you are unhappy but if you approach them as you would like them to approach you, then you can deal with communication problems in relationships and marriage easily and completely.
When Sara came to me with communication problems in her relationship, then this is part of the advice that I gave her. She and her partner Terry put this advice to work in their marriage, and now they tell me they are happier than ever.
Both of their children seem to be more settled too, because they have learned to actively listen to one another, and there is less shouting in their home

Elizabeth Fitz

Three Keys to Better Relationships

2009-09-01T05:14:00.000-07:00

Do you wish you could improve your relationships with family members and friends? Who wouldn't want to do that? The good news is that it can be done. Let's take a look at three ways you can get along better with anyone.
God's Word has a lot to say about relating to others, and some of the best principles are found in James 1:19. In the New King James Version, that verse reads, "So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God."
1.) Notice first that you should be "quick to hear." That sounds easy, but you know it's not. Our society and our educational system teaches us how to express ourselves. We're taught how to get our point across. But we are not taught how to listen to other people. How often do you really listen to your loved ones and friends? If you're like me, you're too busy thinking about what you want to say. You pretend to be listening to your friend, but your mind is elsewhere. So how do you begin to really listen to the other person? Three quick suggestions. Develop a genuine interest in other people. Be curious about them. Don't be so focused on yourself all the time that you forget to be interested in what interests them. Maintain proper eye contact with the other person in the conversation. You shouldn't stare, but nor should you be looking all over the room and watching other people while your friend is talking to you. And be accepting of your friend's views. You don't have to turn every conversation into a debate. That often generates tension. You can listen to your friend's opinion without giving up your own convictions. Lighten up a bit!
2.) Notice second that the verse tells you to be "slow to speak." It's pretty hard for your friend or family member to open up to you if you are talking so much that they don't get a chance to speak. Go ahead and share your thoughts, but pause once in a while and give the other person time to speak. You may have to wait for several seconds before the other person opens up, but force yourself to wait. Silence is not your enemy in a conversation.
3.) The author of this passage of Scripture left the hardest part for last. He says you should be "slow to anger." Now, some of you have a short fuse and some of you have one that's a bit longer. Either way, getting angry in relationships never produces anything good. As James says, "the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God." I don't have some kind of magic pill to give you to help you keep from getting angry. All I can do is encourage you to pray that God would curb your anger and fill your heart with His love and compassion for people. Nothing stops communication in my home quicker than when I lose my temper and get angry. You and I will never totally conquer sinful anger in our lives. Of course, there are times when it is proper to be angry; like when you see evil being done to other people, but there is also a negative, relationship-killing anger that we must resist. I've found that cultivating a genuine love for and interest in other people helps me avoid some of the anger that I might have otherwise expressed.
Well, that is a quick summary of three principles that will help you get along better with everyone you meet. Be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger! These principles take time to apply, but it is worth the effort.

Glen Averil

Effective Communication in Relationships - Speak Respectfully & Directly

2009-08-27T01:08:00.000-07:00

Let your speech be always full of grace, seasoned with salt. ~ Colossians 4:6
Have you ever started an innocent conversation with someone only to have it disintegrate into anger or frustration? We sometimes try to pinpoint where it all went wrong; but a more useful starting point may be, "What can I do to prevent it?" Other than those lopsided encounters with someone who talks as if there's no tomorrow, most conversations include a give and take in which we alternate roles of speaker and listener. Following are "ground rules" that can be helpful in any interaction. The focus here is on the speaker role and, in particular, those talks in which you need to address an area of conflict, a sensitive topic, or something that bothers you. By "speaker role" I mean times when you have a complaint against someone as opposed to those situations when someone's pointing out a problem he has with you.
Is this really an issue?
It's amazingly easy to get caught up in drama. Before you go charging into a fray, ask yourself, "Is this important, or am I making a big deal out of nothing?" It's so tempting to convince ourselves that we're dealing with a real problem. Put it on hold for a day or two before addressing the issue. Allowing your emotions to take over is counter-productive; approach the situation as calmly as possible. By taking a long deep breath you enable yourself to be objective.
Be respectful.
Resolve to be respectful with the other person. In order for you to be effective it will help a great deal if you aren't critical. Being negative or condescending will alienate others and make it difficult for them to listen to your perspective. Rather than point out how he's wrong, focus instead on a goal. It's easy for a person to feel defensive. If he does, let him know that you simply want a new outcome.
Be direct.
Being direct is probably the most difficult of all these guidelines. Too often we tiptoe around an issue and don't say exactly what we mean. This doesn't mean you should "just be honest." We sometimes use honesty as an excuse to be mean. At the same time it's important that you get to the point. Don't make the mistake of thinking that being direct is offensive; it isn't, if your intention is one of compassion and respect. A great way to be direct is to take responsibility for your choices and thoughts. Rather than saying, "I don't think what you're doing is right," say, "I want you to stop what you've been doing." In the first statement you place the responsibility on morality - right and wrong; in the second statement you take the responsibility yourself - "This is what I want."
Stay focused.
You can get off track in thousands of ways. Regardless what the other person says, remember the reason you brought up the discussion; return to the topic anytime either of you veers off course. If the other person makes some kind of counter-argument, acknowledge it when true; but return to your original issue. Don't get caught up with tangential problems.
Be willing to listen.
Finally, sometimes it's important to change to the listener role. Learn how to ask questions, see the other person's point of view, and create a connection. Make connection your primary goal rather than resolution - communication first, solution later. Your efforts to become a better speaker and listener can create the foundation necessary for problem solving and result in deeper, richer relationships.

David Cantu

Communication - One Key to Successful Relationships

2009-08-27T01:07:00.000-07:00

Listening is one of the greatest priceless gifts you can give to another person. Know that how you communicate, in any relationship, will make or break that relationship.
How often have you heard about marriages or friendships breaking up because of a lack of communication--even if there was talking-or a miscommunication?
Here is your opportunity to be the expert listener so there is no miscommunication, no lack of communication nor lack of respect.
So, you are there 100% with them. You listen the way they want to be heard. And you want to ask them, "Is this something that is just between you and me or, if there is somebody else involved, is it okay for them to know about this?"
You need to 100% respect whatever they tell you. If they share a problem they are having with somebody else and they do not want you to share it with that somebody else, do not share with that somebody else.
If this is your child coming to you to talk about a problem and they don't want the other parent to know about it-don't share it with the other parent. If you want that person to trust you then give that person a reason to trust you.
Now, if they share something that happened between them and the other parent or some other person then listen first and then ask if it is okay for you to make suggestions. And especially if it is some issue between them and the other parent or some other person, let them know they cannot fix that issue by talking to you.
Remember your role in this communication is to deliver to them what is in their highest and best interest. It is all about them. It is not about you. They don't come to you to talk to you about you. They come to you to figure out what to do in their life to keep moving forward.
Now, all that said, if your child or friend did something illegal you need to be able to talk, quite frankly, about how you feel about what they did and what you feel you'd like them to do. And that doesn't mean you are going to break their confidence.
Unless your child or friend did or is planning to do something that poses a danger to themselves or to others, you need to maintain their confidence, and to be okay with it yourself. Then you want to tell them that you need to ask some questions so you understand what is going on.
The purpose here is not for you to just sit there and listen with no input (unless they asked you just listen and have not done anything illegal or anything to hurt another person or property). When well being and the law are at stake you do not sit back and watch somebody hurt themselves by doing something unlawful.
Be wise and be a full out 100% participant. Be sure your head is clear and you have no agenda in the conversation other than fulfilling the way they want you to listen to them.
Your communication patterns operate out of your awareness--on automatic, The bottom line is only you can change your life...when you are ready to do so. Knowing the programs running your subconscious mind allows you to override what does not work and replace it with programs that do work.

Ali Bierman

A Journey to Find the Right Person

2009-08-24T02:40:00.000-07:00

It all starts with yourself. If you really want to find your soul mate, you have to believe that your soul mate is out there, waiting for you, and therefore, you also have to work hard at finding that person. Here are some suggestions to find your soul mate.
1. Know yourself It's difficult to find the love of your life if you yourself do not understand who you really are. Many people fall into a trap. They think that their soul mate will save them from their uninteresting life. This is exactly not true. If you like to do something artistic for instance, just do it. Do not be afraid that people might perceive you as crazy. If you like it, go for it. Enjoy yourself. You have to enjoy your life. If you are pleased with your life, it will surely attract your true love.
2. Be yourself You don't have to be what others are saying in order to find your true love. You are unique! Your true love will understand you, and will absolutely be interested in who you really are. If that person doesn't, and wants you to be someone else, this person is truly not your soul mate.
3. Be Open to every possibility When you are open to every possibility, you will be ready the right one comes along. You will appreciate people for who they really are and ready to receive the unexpected.
4. Be patient You can't expect this world to follow your time schedule. Be more flexible. Be patient, and feel sure and secure that you know that your mate is somewhere out there. This person will just come when the time is right.
If you follow those steps, you will find that your life becomes easier and the journey is worth the wait.

Annie Sherwood

Three Tips to a Healthy Love Life

2009-08-24T02:33:00.000-07:00

Maintaining a healthy relationship is a very hard thing to do these days. There are so many things that can go wrong. Men and women are also so different that most of them have a hard time trying to see past each other's differences. Some think that taking a break from life and getting away to places such as a Kauai vacation home using Poipu vacation rentals may cure every problem they run in to but this is a very common misconception. Things like relationships need a lot of work and can't just simply be cured with a kiss or an expensive getaway.
One of the most important things to do when trying to keep a relationship going strong is to listen to one another. If one partner does all of the complaining and talking, there is obviously no room for the other to probably get any sort of word in edgewise. Both sides of the relationship need to be speaking up and voicing their problems and even their compliments. Each person needs to carry his or her own weight in this coexistence. If one side had more say and never listened to the other person's, there would be a crack that would only get bigger and bigger. This would eventually destroy the relationship to the extent that both parties would be crushed and would take a while to recover.
Another main thing to pay attention to is consideration. In a relationship, there needs to be respect on either side for one another. One partner should never abuse or hurt the other in any way, shape, or form. This rule goes for both physically and mentally. Many people believe that abuse can solely come from physical beatings. This assumption, however, is incorrect. Actually, many abusive relationships come from the words and comments uttered by a partner. The person in the relationship loves and cares for this partner so much that they listen and believe in their heart that what their partner says goes. The abusiveness comes about when the admired partner starts taking this admiration for granted and using it to their advantage by putting the other one down.
The final and most important thing to have in a relationship is trust. Trust is, hands down, the strongest thing in a relationship and will be the thing that keeps married couples together until they part from the earth. Without trust, there is no relationship because you will never be able to fully put your heart in the other's hands. If one partner knows that their equal had full trust in them and they trusted them completely, there would be no fights because each would believe that the other was always doing what is in the best's interest. This creates an overwhelming sense of comfort and admiration. From these sprout the stems of love that keep growing into eternal adoration.
These three tips are extremely vital in making a relationship work out. They do not come easily and take a long time to work on but with a lot of determination, they can be labored through so that you and your partner can have a happy life together. This may take a couple tries and a few partners because no match is perfect. It is guaranteed that the more you work on it, the more you will be able to understand them and understand you partner fully so that you both can live a good love life.

Connor R sulliavan

The Meaning of Friendship

2009-08-21T01:44:00.000-07:00

Friendship is about bonding. It is about reciprocating the care you receive from a person and at the same time respecting the other persons view. A friend does not judge you by wealth or position, he or she is there with you during your bad times. He is like the pillar of strength you can rely on and also share your apprehensions about the various aspects in life. Friendship blossoms each day and one must make time to strengthen the bond.
Days and events are important during friendship. It is vital for us to remember the important days in our friend's life. Friendship is also about trust. One is able to open up freely to the person who is your friend because you know you will not be judged. It is fine to express your inhibitions and also seek the advice of your friend but at the same time friendship is also respecting the other person's predicament. Many a times the friend is not available owing to familial reasons or other commitments and jealously can mar the fragile bond of friendship.
Situations in life often make us realize who our true friends are. We may be surrounded by a group of people whom we meet but it is only with a particular person we are able to relate. This is because there is a certain chemistry, understanding and also respect which you find in this true friend. It is our duty to bring a friend to the right path but too much of criticism will spoil the friendship.
We choose different vocations and reside in various locations and hence friendship gets separated owing to distance. Communication lines are accessible to all of us who want to connect with a lot of friends. Friends from our Alma Mater, friends from our previous jobs and also friends who have migrated to different lands can be contacted easily with the help of technology. There are No excuses in friendship.
The test of friendship is during critical circumstances. When you are down and out the best friend is still next to you. He or she gives you the biggest support with kind words and assures you that life is truly a great gift. A good friend is a rare gem and we need to polish this bond with the goodness of friendship.

Jennie gandhi

12 Ingredients to True and Lasting Friendships

2009-08-21T01:41:00.000-07:00

There comes a time in our lives when we must decide with finality whether or not we are going to follow Christ in earnest. We want to know God's Will, set in our hearts to do it, but when it comes to action, we run the other way. Why? Most of the time, God's Will requires that we totally trust His leading without having the slightest hint of what the future holds. It requires change from the norm. Often enough, that change is convoluted and mysterious. We don't like that and that is where the struggle begins. Following the Will of God suddenly becomes following Him "our way".
In his fine book, "Experiencing God", Henry Blackaby wrote, "You cannot continue life as usual or stay where you are, and go with God at the same time. That is true throughout Scripture. Noah could not continue life as usual and build an ark at the same time Jonah had to leave his home and overcome a major prejudice in order to preach in Nineveh. Saul (later Paul) had to completely change directions in life in order to be used of God to preach the Gospel to the Gentiles."
What does it cost to follow Jesus? Often times, the cost is more than we want to pay comfortably. What we really want is a comfortable relationship with Him just as long as He doesn't interrupt our lives. It's true that Jesus always accepts us where we are. However, He never leaves us there. When the prodigal son returned home, his father did not leave him the way he arrived. Gold rings, robes, feasting (and a bath I hope!) were heaped on the son.
We need to understand that Jesus is Our Friend. To understand our relationship as His friends, we need to learn the true definition of a friend, according to Scriptures. I believe that once we do that, our struggles to follow the Will of God become less and less. At the same time, we learn how to be true friends to others.
Twelve (12) Ingredients to Successful Friendships:
1.Love:
Read Proverbs 17:17. The word "friend" is so misused today that it has lost its true meaning. A true friend loves even when it's sorely uncomfortable. A friend is a friend even when it hurts. A friend never leaves you flat when everyone else has. When adversity strikes, a true friend is there with you. In a marriage, your spouse is your best human friend or should be. And you, because you know what Jesus requires of a friend, you are your spouses best friend. A friend loves you when you stink, when you're grumpy and when you've gained 50 pounds. When you're sick, a friend will cook homemade chicken soup and if necessary, spoon-feed you. May I ask? Are you this kind of friend?
2.Commitment:
Read 1 Cor 13:7. One word sums up this passage: Hosea. I got the point with Hosea because some Christians will declare, "I am not Jesus!" That's very true. But there is the human non-God example of true commitment. Do you have a Gomer in your life? All things are possible through Christ, including loving the unlovable.
3.Honesty:
Read Ephesians 4:15. We love to tell others about themselves and have the audacity to call it "being honest". Let's ask ourselves this: what was the intent? Was it to edify or to bring down? The answer to this question will reveal to us if we spoke in love. Proverbs 27:17,19 explains this further.
4.Trust:
Read Proverbs 20:6. Can you recall a time when you messed up so badly that you wish someone would understand you? You realized how stupid your mistake was and you wish you could make it right with your friend? Jesus does that. We can trust Him to have our best interests in mind, even when we mess up royally. Has someone hurt you? Can you be trusted to forgive and forget? Can you be trusted to be a true friend? It's very hard, I know. I've wrestle with it daily. Yet, it's not impossible. Besides, Jesus requires us to do the same as He did on the Cross.
5.Loyalty:
Read Proverbs 17:17. How loyal are we? I can tell you this: Jesus is absolutely loyal to us. Would you be loyal even when at times it is downright unbearable? I was delivering flowers many years ago to this beautiful home. I rang the doorbell and waited. An older man, bent over and frail, answered the door. I was puzzled because the card was addressed to a lady. When I asked about this, he waved me in and told me to deliver it to his wife. The moment I stepped over the threshold, I froze in my tracks. His wife was sitting in her chair, even more frail and immobilized. Next to her on the table was a soup bowl. In her husband's hand was a spoon. On her chest was a bib. This bent over frail old man had been feeding his beloved. I delivered her flowers and left. In my van, I choked back my tears. Jesus had just taught me what loyalty meant.
6.Communication/Sharing:
Read Hebrews 13:16. Do we communicate well? I am not talking about just yapping non-stop. I knew a florist once. She had always wanted flowers from her man. He never gave her a flower because he thought he could never give her the right kind of rose. In his mind, he thought she would criticize the flower and indirectly criticizing him. Little did he know that he was actually communicating a different message to his girlfriend. What message are you communicating to your friend?
7.Support:
Read Ecc: 9, 10. This one is self-explanatory. We all have been in situations when we had no one, relatives or otherwise to turn to in times of troubles. Even God said it is not good for man to be alone. Are you a supporting friend? Can you be counted on to be a friend at 3 am?
8.Encouragement:
Read Philippians 4:8. We all have something that needs changing and we know it. What we fail to realize that there are lovely things about ourselves. Jesus encourages us. He is our cheerleader. He is our personal trainer. He says that even our feet our lovely to Him. Have we looked at the good qualities of our friends? Or are we critical? At one time or another, our friends are going to down in the pits. We need not to be like Job's friends. Rather, we need to be like Christ encouraging and speaking lovely things over our friends.
9.Kindness:
Read Job 6:14. So our friend messed it up again! What is our response? What is Jesus' response to us when we mess up over and over again? What would you like it to be? Can we suffer our friends and be kind anyway? Remember, the same mercy you show will be the same mercy that will be shown to you in your time of need.
10.Availability:
Read Proverbs 27:10. The phone rings at 3:00 am. It's your friend. S/he needs to talk. S/he was just told that their spouse wants a divorce. They are devastated. You just went to bed two hours ago. You were preparing a presentation for your boss and you're bone tired. Will you mumble something and return to bed? Or will you get up, make some coffee and talk with your friend in need?
11.Confidence/Dependability:
Read Galatians 5:10. Trials have just arrived for your friends and you know he heaped it upon himself. What do you do? Will you stop visiting, talking, counseling and praying for him? Would you buy a bag of groceries for him? What would you do? Can you be a dependable friend in his time of need? Or would you abandon him like the disciples abandoned Jesus? Did Jesus abandon you?
12.Forgiveness:
Read Proverbs 17:9. I have to admit I have been guilty of this one in particular. I met a person long ago, who has been in trouble for most of her life. You could set your clock with her propensity to get into a mess. I would sit down with her and counsel her at length. But for all the counseling, I never gave her a chance. I did what others had done to her. I was guilty just the same. I did not forgive and forget. I did not think lovely things about this young one. I failed in my walk with Christ.
You see, if we are truly followers of Christ, as much as it is possible, we are to be true friends to others around us. True friendship is valuable and never easy. When we think of true friendship light of Matthew 25:31-46, it is a necessity and a command of God to His children.

Jonny Riviera

How to Be a Real Friend

2009-08-21T01:39:00.000-07:00

In this crazy world where relationships often last about as long as a Popsicle on a hot summer day, it's nice to know that it is possible to actually make and keep friends. There is an art to being a friend and it's one that has to be practiced and perfected like any other kind of art. If you want to have a friend, you must learn to be a friend and here are some suggestions that will help you in that quest.
When you hit it off with someone and find that you have a lot in common and enjoying spending time together, it's only natural that you would want to continue that relationship. You'll want to pursue the friendship but not as such a pace that it frightens off the object of your interest. Be constant but not overbearing. Suggest getting together but if you sense a hesitancy on the part of your friend, back off a bit and give them a little space. Everyone is different in how quickly they like to develop a relationship. Respect their parameters.
Become familiar with the moods of your friend so that you can be uplifting when you sense the need for that, or perhaps so you can inject some humor when things are getting rather "heavy" or just a listening ear when that is what is called for. Be there for your friend because chances are very good that they will be there for you when you have those needs.
Cherish the friendship for the treasure that it is. Real relationships are a lot of work and worth every bit of the effort that you put into them, so plan to be there for the long haul. Make sure your friend knows they can count on you in good times and in bad times and that you are not judging them. You don't have to agree with everything they do or say to be a friend, it's okay and perfectly normal to see things from an entirely different perspective. In fact, those differences can be very helpful in maintaining a good balance both for yourself and your friend.
You should be able to have great laughs, good cries and wonderful experiences with a true friend but don't expect every day to be a great day. Friendships go through ups and downs like almost every other relationship. It's all so worth it and you can count yourself a blessed person indeed if you have a true friend that will be with you through the thick and thin times of life.

Nancy kelsey Smith

Turn Enemies Into Friends

2009-08-21T01:27:00.000-07:00

Imagine all the enemies in your life converted to rewarding, lasting friendships, wouldn't that be something? How many more friends would you have? How would that change your outlook on life? Obviously, only positive outcomes could occur, but is it possible? You'll be surprised to find that not only is it possible, but easy and even fun! Here are some tips to convert your most despised enemies into long lasting friendships.
Discuss with them, things that neutral. Avoid topics that may lead to why you two aren't friends in the first place. Discuss things that don't contribute to a mutual hatred. Try to talk about things that they are good at. Complement them for what they have achieved. This conveys that there is little hostility felt by you. If you keep a respectful manor, no matter what happened in the past, your rival will do the same. But be sure not to be too nice or it will seem like you have no intention of becoming building a friendship, rather, simply condescending or teasing them.
Discuss something that is a shared passion between the two of you. (If you both like: pets, sports, etc.). Nothing will unite two people as a mutual passion for something will. There will always be something you two feel similarly about even if it doesn't seem like it.
Ask for their advice. Not only does this help with making enemies, friends, it can be used to make friends in general. Asking for advice from someone displays a deep sentiment of trust and respect for the recipient.
Make sure, when they are not around, you maintain the same level of respect you would if they were standing right next to you. Do not speak negatively about them to other people, try to avoid the topic of your enemy altogether but if forced, be sure to speak only positively. The worst thing that can happened when starting a new friendship is for them to hear your gossips, especially from others.
Treat them as you would any other friend, this means telling jokes, showing empathy, etc. Act normal. This will make them feel as though you two have been friends for a long time and will allow them to forget the differences in the past.
After they have become a relatively trusted and close friend, tell that you are sorry for what happened in the past and that you hope that you two could put it all behind. At this stage, they will likely follow suit. Create a productive friendship. Invite them over for a family gathering, a barbeque. Invite them to go camping. The possibilities are endless. By doing this, you are ensuring that the friendship endures for many years.
There you have it, you are now ready to convert your most hated enemies into your most trusted friends.

David Z