From my kitchen table

United States Standardbred Eventing & Dressage Society

2022-07-29T00:09:00.001-07:00

We are in the formation stages of our group, determining if there is any interest in a society supporting Standardbred Sporthorses competing in eventing and dressage.

Girls Matter

2017-01-27T07:56:00.001-08:00

On Monday, while I was still in DC after the Womens March, my sister Leslie helped Margaret Jo, our first grade daughter with her homework. My husband JJ saw it Tuesday when he checked her homework folder. We were both simultaneously in tears and filled with rage.

We have discussed with the girls, after Clara Lou, our Kindergartener came home excited about having read "Duck for President" and had a mock election, about how we join efforts to provide roads and schools like theirs. How elections elect a President to be the boss, legislators to make the rules, and judges are elected or nominated to decide when people disagree.

There were times when I just couldn't turn the news off fast enough, like when they heard DJT call people names, including "Miss Piggy." Margaret Jo, my 7 year old said, "that's mean."

The election results came in, we read "The Paperbag Princess" by Munsch, and "The Emperor's New Clothes" by Hans Christian Anderson. We used them to explain that what kids see, their opinions matter; that they can help themselves.

I have taken to reading, not watching the news. And for this to have permeated into Margaret Jo's reality feels devastating.

I want our girls to feel empowered and had HRC won the electoral college, I can't help but wonder, would Margaret Jo have written something else for her homework.
BBC Article on girls losing faith in their talents by age 6
···#imabluedot in Kentucky
#beinspired #act #connectthedots

Don't Despair

2017-01-04T21:21:00.002-08:00

"When you feel despair, you don't act." Mark Ruffalo

Mark Rufallo's video resonates with me, personally. I felt like an insignificant blue dot after 11/8, in a big red state. Then I realized just how many of us are out there. I started #imabluedot to track my own inspirations to act, and yes, to connect with the dots. I am blue, but there may be teal, green, violet, and as a former red, even red dots equally horrified at the assault to basic rights.

The news is filled with reasons for concern. We have a PEOTUS who sets policy seemingly on whim. We have had an obstructionist partisan politics, who will do anything, including cozying up with cold war foes. It's easy to miss what is happening locally on our state level. Bolstered by the promise of Scalia 2.0, states legislators across the U.S. have taken rash and ill-advised measures that negatively impact human rights and access to healthcare.

Here is my growing list of horrifying bills, all in one.

Keep this link handy to contact your state legislators often http://www.lrc.ky.gov/Find%20Your%20Legislator/Find%20Your%20Legislator.html

SB 5/CI/LM - An ACT relating to abortion and declaring an emergency. Interpretation: no abortions after 20 weeks; create a litigation fund to defend the law in legal procedings

SB 7 / LM - An ACT relating to firearms; interpretation: allowing concealed carry without a license

SB 8 - An ACT relating to the use of public resources; interpretation: no state or local funding for abortion services. Federal funds funneled to non-abortion providing facilities first.

SB11 / HB90 - An ACT relating to nuclear power; interpretation: changing the law so that nuclear waste facilities need only a plan for storage and not for permanent disposal

SB17 - An ACT relating to the expression of religious or political viewpoints in public schools and public postsecondary institutions; interpretation: allowing teaching the Bible in public schools and other religious/political expression allowances

SB 33 - An ACT relating to wages; interpretation: changes the minimum amount of money business must gross to be required to follow minimum wage laws from $95,000 to $500,000

HB1 - An ACT relating to right-to-work; interpretation: public employees can't strike, no union dues or memberships as condition of employmenth

HB2 - An ACT relating to full disclosure in public safety; interpretation: requiring an ultrasound prior to abortion with criminal penalty

HB3 - An ACT relating to prevailing wage; interpretation: disbanding current Prevailing Wage Review Board. Local governments can't set minimum wages.

HB10 - An ACT relating to public postsecondary education governance; interpretation: eliminate current Board of Trustees of the Univ of Louisville and replace it with 10 members appointed by current governor. (Ignoring the fact the university's accreditation is already on probation for "undue political influence" over its governance.)

HB 14 - expansion of hate crimes to include LEO & first responders; interpetation: while at first blush it sounds like a good idea, the bill fails muster as career choice is not a protected class. One does not have a choice on one's race, ethnicity, sexuality, sex or disability.

HB82 - An ACT relating to election finance; interpretation: reducing the number of campaign finance reports required from 4 to 2 - only 1 prior to the election.

HB92/LM - An ACT relating to juvenile responsibility; interpretation: dropping the minimum age of criminal responsibility to 11

HB105 - It says no law or court order shall supersede “a person’s right of conscience” to stand by religious beliefs, which ostensibly opens up discrimination against LGBT patrons from conservative business owners.

HB106 - would require bathrooms in public schools, state universities, and government buildings to “only be used by persons based on their biological sex.

HB108 - An ACT relating to firearms; interpretation: any guns or ammo made and used in Kentucky would be exempt from federal law (exceptions: machine guns, silencers, exploding ammo, and large bore guns)

HB120 - An ACT relating to preserving the right of Kentuckians to own and use firearms; interpretation: would make it illegal for state or local law enforcement of federal restrictions on firearms

HB127 - An ACT relating to freedom of student speech at public postsecondary education institutions; interpretation: would make it illegal for public colleges and universities to restrict hate speech / have "safe zones"

Looking at this list, it's a lot to take in. Don't Despair. Progress comes slow, one knit, one pearl at a time.

Combating post-holiday blues, knitting the way my Mother taught me. The method of knitting was handed down to her by her Mother who would knit and darn the family's socks. My Grandmother died when I was four, and my Mother died this last September. I took up the knitting needles to knit a pink hat with cat ears as a play on words for some notorious and corroborated admission of our President Elect. I will be going to DC to participate with friends and family in the Womens March on DC. I will wear my pink hat, and march in the memory of my Mother and Grandmother. I march for all the women who seek pay equity. I march for them to have access to healthcare. I march for their children to have access to education. So while I don't march to change the minds of those who think such acts folly? I march FOR them and for those they love. I march as an act of casting on, and with each step, with each call to my legislators, with each letter, each act for my community to address a human need, I knit the next stitch.

Progress takes all our skill and collective action.

#imabluedot #beinspired #act #kentucky #democrat #pussyhat #feminism #knitting #yarn #pink #whyimarch #womensmarchondc #wmdc

#Imabluedot

2016-12-05T07:11:00.001-08:00

Virginia removed To Kill A Mockingbird from its curriculum due to racist content. This is book burning without the match, censorship by omission. To think going without the discussion on racism and sexual assault, is like saying don't discuss the forest fire in Tennessee. The fire rages and leaves a swath of destruction because of our inaction. At least with a fire, there is regrowth. You can't say that about removal of germane issues removed from curriculum. A better metaphor would be an invasive species filling the forest and killing off trees of critical thinking on matters of social justice.

It's not like social injustice is new, and I can be counted among those who previously never considered marching. I'm a Wife and Mother, care giver to aging Father, sister living with me after her permanent disability, and our mere survival from one day to the next is no longer enough.

Every time I think I can't be more flabbergasted or filled with any more outrage, I mean let's face it, social injustice isn't new...more $/:; hits the fan. The policeman getting off for the Charlotte shooting and a President Elect silent on that but on twitter raging SNL and setting foreign policy in 140 character whims. Bannon on staff?! General Petraeus who literally lived season 1 plot line of House of Cards and narrowly missed being called back to active duty just so he could be court martialed and sent to Leavenworth, needing his Parole Officer's permission to travel, considered as Secretary of State candidate? My worst immediate fear when he won was the decades a Scalia 2.0 would have on the autonomy of women and for my girls' generation (they are just six and seven)? That was days ago, at the time I share this, and I think now I was being naive.

So, in January, I will march. I will participate in the Women's March on Washington DC; with each step, may we encourage the discouraged, and effect change from every local elected office, place of business, and community's culture that our best form of caring for ourselves and one another is through our democracy. It's who we are. #whyimarch #imabluedot

Comfortable in uncertainty

2016-12-03T18:57:00.001-08:00

My Mother, Jo Gault Moïse (1935-2016)
Taken her Senior year in high school. It was her
favorite picture of herself.

Years ago, going through photos, I had an unoriginal realization that wow... when this photo was taken, I had no idea what was ahead. Sure, I had plans. Sure, I had some idea of how the adage, "life is what happens while you're making plans." But I really didn't have a solitary clue what lay ahead.

This photo of my Mother, Jo Gault Moïse, is of the young woman I only got to know through her stories. She had many dear friends of over her life. She married her best friend, my Father, Leicester R. Moïse. They'd been together for 60 years, and were married 58 of them. Dad is living on his own for the first time as an adult. The first time he was without family was when he was 9 years old and his parents were having difficulties during the Great Depression. He spent time with all his Father's siblings, and when he went to his Uncle Les', he went to boarding school. The next time he lived on his own, was when he was 17 and joined the Navy. When he got home, it was to a house he had purchased for his parents, particularly his Mother, who'd never lived in a home she could call her own. From there, it was to move to the first place he and my Mom would call their own, a small apartment. He now calls home the small apartment he shared with Mom, after moving from their farm and home of 30 years. Prior to that, was the 30 years in the home where he and Mom had raised my three sisters and I.

Dad's favorite picture of he and Mom. It was taken in England,
on one of their many trips.

Mom's plan was to go to college, study early childhood education, so she'd be a better mother, get married, have four children, and grand children. Life happened while she made those plans, and guess what? She got what she wanted. She was a wonderful Mother. She was also a early childhood innovator, in what is now called experiential learning. She started the first classroom for three year olds here in Jefferson County. With Dad's encouragement, she pursued her art, both Calligraphy and Brass Rubbing. I saw her as an independent woman, running her own business. She was a gifted story teller. I feel like I know the young teenager in that picture above. Friendly, quick with a smile. It's not a stretch, since that's who she was to so many people she would meet over the years.

In the end, Mom got what she wanted too. She got to die at home, surrounded by loved ones. While having decisions made for her, and still able to make them for herself, in the quiet after the din of juggling schedules, working with hospice, Dad turned to Mom, he qsked her, "Jo? What do you want?"

She sighed and said, "to get out of this bed, though I know I will never get out of this bed again. I remember when Daddy (my Grandfather Gordon Gault), would ask me "do you want to go?" My answer was always the same: "let's go!" Even now, I want to go, be with family and friends and go live. I'm ready for what's next, and feel loved...and still have that go gene." In the weeks as her life wound more and more slowly, going was done by story telling and listening to music, or sharing a favorite movie. Going meant many came to see her.

It's the holidays, and I've missed Mom terribly. My sisters, my Father all do. Grief always catches me off guard. It's a sneaky thief. It doesn't rob one of joy, but adds a filter that forever changes the view.

I'm like my Mother in many ways, but as for having that Babe Ruth quality of calling what her life would be like? I am not like my Mother. I didn't grow up knowing that I wanted the life I now lead. In fact, as a kid and young adult, my life today is the antithesis of what I thought my life would be as I skid toward 50. There are many times when I look around and think, how did this happen? I have very strong ideas of what I want today, what I need for tomorrow. At any given point in my life, take a look at a snapshot, and this girl, young woman, 30-something, now firmly situated in middle age? She didn't and doesn't have a clue what's next. Being comfortable facing that uncertainty is something that's only recently become part of my life.

The time to act is now

2016-11-18T06:54:00.002-08:00

I have struggled over the last week how to channel my disappointment and concern over. Not only Trump winning the election, but more importantly, the policies he ran and won on, coupled with those he is selecting to work beside him, a calls to change the very fabric of equality and privacy protections guaranteed by the US Constitution. I have had difficulty fathoming the violence that has befallen a friend of mine's daughters. Feeling disspirited, I found ways to act and comfort among all of us who have joined by compassion. That relief was short lived.

I warn you, if you haven't heard this segment on NPR at the link below, it contains offensive words and thoughts. Do not listen unless you are feeling strong to just let it be. We must understand how latent racism got rebranded.

We must understand how a "white" agenda (and let's me clear, Im a woke white woman who confronts my own bias as much as possible), became dressed in pseudointellectual garb with a message that resonates with a broader segment of our population. It's gaslighting. It's dangerous. And fighting it with normal outrage makes it all the more slippery than catching a greased pig.

At first I couldn't fathom how a nation that has yes, been slow to embrace equality and social justice, with miles to go, could simultaneously take not step back, but step forward into what represents dystopia.

Then it dawned on me. Years ago, my nephew snuck a peek at his Christmas presents. My sister understandably punished him by telling him how she knew he'd done it, since even though the presents were rewrapped, the tape was messed up and only his presents had been disturbed. I laughed with her, and pointed out that she had taught him not her intended lesson to not peek, but by telling him how she knew, he might have learned to make sure not to get caught.

Racism has been here, and for at least the immediate future, is here to stay. When white hooded KKK acted on its racism, it's violence broke the law. They went to court, some and not enough of them, and like the misshapen tape, they learned how not to get caught.

How the Alt-Right came to be is for sociologists and politician scientists and historians to tackle.
That said, racism grew exponentially this election cycle because that lesson learned over the decades: it was worth not getting caught. White supremacy is rebranded and accepted because many who would be horrified at graffiti, or assault, already live segregated lives. They don't want that "criminal element."

And this sells amongst non whites who are tired of being judged as if they were among the "criminals." The blatant racists were ostracized by being defined by what they are against. That wasn't done in polite company.

Racist learned to be defined by what they are for. This is far more seductive and palatable by those who now acquiescence in silent agreement, by voting on one issue or another, turning a blind eye. Never forget racism doesn't require intent. It requires racist effect and make no mistake, the alt-right entering positions of power, not just with the administration of our President Elect, but among our intellectuals, and pervasiveness in our culture, is here.

May each of us, act today.

Click here for NPR segment on Richard Spencer

If link doesn't work, here is the URL:
http://www.npr.org/2016/11/17/502476139/were-not-going-away-alt-right-leader-on-voice-in-trump-administration

#wearenotalltrump

2016-11-09T07:01:00.000-08:00

I'm 47 and voted for Bernie in the primaries and Obama in prior elections. Yesterday, I proudly cast vote for HRC.

This surprises a 20 something still within me, the one that feels more like my 20s was yesterday than 27 years ago I first claimed my second decade. It wasn't just that I had registered Republican a few years before, in 1987. I interviewed and was interviewed for a staff position in Senator McConnell's Louisville office out of undergrad, and took a better paying job at Maryhurst. I considered myself fiscally concervative and socially liberal. Back then, I disliked HRC from the start of her entering my awareness of her after the first 60 minutes interview. I judged HRC through the Karl Rove spin machine of the 1990s, and faulted her for ambition. I judged her for overstepping the role I expected her to play. I didn't like her political expediency. I didn't like how she would misstep and was unforgiving.

I switched my party affiliation after 9/11. I no longer believed in a meritocracy, where the third sector could meet the gap from government safety nets and those at risk, our friends and neighbors, and their children. I had seen how Maryhurst did good work, and was a drop in. The bucket of the need of these kids.

I saw President Ge. W. hold what appeared to be a pep rally on Ground Zero, where the literal obliterated remains of victimes and debris had fallen. I saw him lead us into a vendetta against, not the perpetrators responsible, but the tyrant his Father, Former President Bush Sr., hadn't defeated.

I voted for Obama, because I liked his policy stances more and, looking back, I was still faulting her for her ambition and seasoned skepticism. I voted for Bernie, well, because his version for America is about as close as me getting back to when I was an expat living in Sweden as I may ever get here in the States.

I bristled at Gloria Steinem chastising anyone who didn't vote for HRC because of her gender.

Then I looked at the policies between she and Bernie, when Bernie backed her at the DNC.

Where he was 100% aligned with what I find important, she was 95%. In the unlucky event you're still undecided, try isidewith dot com. It's a good way to see which candidate's positions align with yours.

I decided after seeing how little the variance between Bernie and HRC was, to stop assuming I knew her and actually learn more about her. I stopped hating her and listened to the Wellesley commencement speech. I read not just about the emails, I read many of them. I read about her harshest critics.

Frontline has a good episode on both candidates. https://youtu.be/s7uScWHcTzk

I was, in fact, confronted with my own misogyny during his election. Now, the gender of a candidate is no reason alone to change my vote. My misogyny against my own gender was latent, but I had to let go of it to gain perspective on just how much of a bad ass HRC is.

This may be different for you. I share my thought process of why when I cast my ballot yesterday, #imwithher #togetherwearestronger

I went to bed not long after 2:31 a.m., when the AP released the news that Trump won the general election for the office of President of the United States. There is a difference between giving President elect Trump our support and affording him the respect of the office to which he has been elected. Period. I respect the office; not the man.

I've heard and read many people saying, we can live through 8 years of Ge. W., we can do this. This is different that Ge. W. As some who know me know, I was living abroad, some of the time in Sweden, during his term and 9/11.

There is is the old adage: We are governed by those who show up. Elections have consequences. This Presidential election is no exception and the consequences will go beyond the four years.

With a Trump presidency, Republicans hold on the Senate and the House, the filibuster will be eliminated and Obamacare is repealed, most environmental regulations will be eliminated and Scalia V 2.0 is in the Supreme Court. Roe v. Wade? Obergefell? Destroyed. Expect a recession, expect NATO to either be disbanded or crippled, expect that our involvement in the Middle East will be lead to troops on the ground in Syria and Iraq. Expect the use of nuclear weapons by somebody sometime in the next four years. Japan is at risk. North Korea is thrilled. Expect a vast increase to the Security State and the deportation of millions of Hispanics as well as the ban of Muslims to the country. Expect a change in libel laws and dramatic reduction of our fourth estate. He will do nothing about climate change. Education will be "School choice" a euphemism for making private school cheaper for the rich. All the things Trump has said he will do. He will. Congress will pass all of it.

When Obama was elected, he was going to make gas prices $6 and take everyone's guns. They were wrong.

I may be wrong on some of my chicken little predictions tonight. I've never wished harder to be wrong.

At 2am and the race hadn't been called yet. It's such a close race. I think of it in these terms: we have all but a few state election laws making Electoral College decisions on winner take all election rules. As such, that means we have two viable candidates, typically from two major parties. I remember when the biggest burn you could lay against a candidate was that they were a centrist and compromised. :shudder:

Now? We have extreme positions and government shutdowns, and the biggest burn we have is they are do nothings.

If you are disgusted when government halts? Join the club. I am too. I have compassion for those who didn't vote or made a "vote your conscience" vote for a third party.

Here's the thing, and tonight's election is no different. With winner take all, and elections being won, after millions of votes cast, by 20-70k votes, that vote is indeed for the winner, and not for the candidate you voted for. We are governed by the winner.

The metaphor I use is, if you wouldn't hand your wallet to a stranger, and forego a grocery list saying "just give me what most get" - then don't do it with your vote. Others choose for you and that lack of choosing between viable candidates has consequences beyond your one vote, but for everyone.

HRC lost by 20K-80k votes. That isn't big everywhere. She lost in a horse race against a bull who tore through the infield, across the finish line and next? It's the grandstands.

I don't look forward to the morning. My five year old threw herself on the floor, bemoaning that a bully should win?!

I'm devastated that fear, bigotry and misogyny won tonight. I explained to my girls that elections aren't the end, but the beginning. Then I read to them - The Paperbag Princess- where a little girl survives destruction of her parents' castle, she dons a paper bag because all her princess clothes were burned to ash by the dragon, cleverly thwarts the dragon and chooses not to rescue the prince the dragon had imprisoned, when he insults her and tells her she looks shabby in the paper bag.

I read them The Emperor's New Clothes, where a child spoke truth, and change everyone's act motivated by selfish self-preservation.

Today is the beginning. No prince will come rescue us. We must be resourceful. I reminded the girls that they can be clever, clear headed, and choose how to put ideas into action. #wearenotalltrump

On the level

2013-03-05T07:19:00.001-08:00

There's a cooperative push and pull, that some may
see as adversarial element to the game.
What is easily smashed, leaves in its void
the opportunity to create and build.
This is me, Agent Daphnesq,
shortly after reaching L7 in 9 days, 23 hours.

Ten days into playing a game called Ingress, and I now dream Ingress, according to my dear husband. No one could be more shocked than me.

I have plenty of stress and obligations in my life. Real world, some seemingly gargantuan tasks (hello corporate taxes), but managed through sheer will, aggressive and fair play, to tackle playing the game in such a way that I accomplished something in the game that made me feel like a powerful monster.

How? I'm rather shocked at some enlightening realizations that have come my way recently.

Once, I was a gaming widow; willingly and happily indulging my husband JJ as he delved into yet another rabbit hole, using his wits and imaginary braun against foes in fierce battle that translated to his static state, staring at a screen (great company that). When the most recent game took him out of his chair and away from a flickering screen, and seeking, taking, connecting all about town as Enlightenment Agent "Untranslatable", whilst learning about our city's quirky spots and history, I was intrigued. A week ago last Saturday, I joined him down this bewildering rabbit hole called Ingress. Our future will never be the same. We are husband and wife, parents, and now, fellow-agents for the Enlightenment of our tomorrows.

I now understand my husband a little more, who knew that was possible by just doing something that our two girls do so naturally? Play.

Go play. Play hard. Play fair. Just get out and move.

I am proud to be Enlightened. I am Agent Daphnesq.

---------------------------------------

How I chose "Daphnesq" as my screen and Agent name:

My sister Leslie read me Greek myths as bedtime stories growing up. My fave was about Daphne, a wood nymph. She wanted to be independent* (insert colorful gender study here). Daphne got ensnared in a my arrow's bigger than your arrow fight between Eros and Apollo. Eros was a little sneak, and shot Daphne with a lead tipped arrow so she would be repulsed by Apollo, and he shot Apollo with a gold tipped arrow so he would be OBSESSED with Daphne. (I argue that her independence would have had her react the same, and Apollo, horn dog that he was, would have pursued her anyway. He chased, she ran, and it annoyed me as a kid that she cried out for help. I mean, all that harping about independence, and she ends up being a damsel in distress? wth? There are various versions, one is that Gaia (who was smitted by Apollo when he took her Oracles) another is that Peneus her father the river god, rescued her by turning her into a Laurel tree. Apollo catches her as her skin turns to bark and declares the tree sacred. His minstrels wore laurel wreaths, victors and Cesars wore crowns of them, Olympians wear them, and our certificates and diplomas are decorated with them still, 2000 years later.

It wasn't until about 9 years ago, when I needed help, that I realized that it wasn't her weakness that had her cry out for help, but a strength. It takes courage to ask and be willing to receive help.

That's why, Daphne is my Agent name. The esq, makes it an adjective (made up one, yes), but is also the abbreviation of my profession: Esquire. It was hard earned, and I never forget that I am nothing more than a glorified hourly employee and advocate for those brave enough to ask for help.

When the game stops being fun, do something novel and stop playing. When game "trash talk" isn't received as I intend, in jest, I will shush and give you the win of besting me verbally and do something else novel - let the game decide. It's designed by an amazing team of Google employees.

I owe special thanks to Cowgirl App! and Ingress staff for making such an amazing game that will change not just those who get out and play, but perhaps how we see our world.

When the pendulum swings

2012-06-13T19:48:00.000-07:00

Usually the only factor to getting a photo with
the girls is their squirmy ways, factor in Leslie's lack of
strength, and this was a very lucky special moment.

Family has been one of the great constants in the lives of our girls, Greta Jo and Clara Lou. My parents, sisters, JJ's parents, brothers and sisters, cousins. It isn't the sort of daily interaction at all levels, but the love runs deep all the same. The choices one person makes, to show love and support, to have the character of their choices demonstrate who they are, not just to themselves, but also within our family? Well, there is no real litmus test for defining when that is. It's born out over time. We all face strife and joy, and face fears, over-come hardships and celebrate accomplishments. We either show up, or we don't. What I know is that we are the type of family that shows up for one another.

I've written about how Gammy Margi is facing a time of transition, wanting to be closer to her three sons, granddaughters, and making the necessary changes to make that a reality. Below are some videos we took during her stay.

My sister Leslie had similar plans for change, what she hadn't planned was not having the immediate health to not be able to pursue it. It's just three weeks after we and her doctors can only speculate was when Leslie suffered a stroke. It's only 12 days after Dad was hospitalized for walking pneumonia. Mom had her infection that put her in the hospital and rehab for a few weeks last February. My cousin on my Mother's side facing their hardships and battles with the likes of cancer, and yet they have the courage and support to strive for a chance of being healthy again. Then there's all those in my Father-in-law's family facing their struggles. Cast the net a little wider, and throw in heart ache, and job loss, and financial hardships. Life is just plumb messy and hard at times.

We all have stuff. Just my stuff recently has been heart wrenching. Dad's illness threw us for a loop, and yet, his ability to be resilient and find a way to maintain his and Mom's independence sets a high bar. It's not just that he's 83 a two-time open heart surgery survivor and two-time (that we know of) vertebral stroke survivor, it's that who he is and the choices he makes are ones that put his family first. His ability to do that is shocking when you consider that he grew up not knowing what it meant to have his own bedroom until he was 16, and even then, it was a cot in the kitchen of his parent's apartment. His parents granted permission for him to join the navy at 17. Now, I won't disparage my paternal Grandfather, but let it suffice, Grandpa was of a different generation, and wasn't always a stellar example in how to love and care for a family. Even so, he managed to raise an amazing son in my Father. My Dad's pretty terrific, all said.

Mom and Dad did a pretty wonderful job raising we four girls to love one another. Heck, I'll go so far to say we like one another. That's not to say that my family of origin always gets along, always shows up for one another in the way the recipient wants or needs. Nope, we get it wrong all the time... it's how we recover when we're a miss that really defines who we are as a family.

My sister Leslie is an strong presence in my life. Her name was my first word. Our Mother was calling out to her and I repeated "LOSSH-LEEEE!" Leslie doesn't have children of her own, save the litany of characters that have struck the page with all the force of freight trains only to swoop into the hearts and minds of her readers. She has our little Greta Jo and Clara Lou. She's that second-Mama sort of Aunt Leslie. She hugs them, comforts them, feeds them, bathes them, clothes them, plays, and just plain loves them, loves on them (not sure the distinction, but I am clear there is one). Even at their young lives, when such concepts are only mimicked, Leslie serves as an example of compassion and unconditional acceptance.

This has been the longest two and a half weeks since the girls were born. They've visited with Aunt Leslie, at the hospital a couple of times, and have been to where Leslie is a house guest and convalescing.

The changes in the girls can be striking, one moment to the next, not to mention one day or week. Leslie noticed immediately and it was hard to witness the pang of loss from not having had the regular contact with the girls the way she had. Clara Lou is quite the talker recently, kind of like Boo in Monsters, Inc. Her spark from baby to toddler is complete. It's clear she understands us, and the little wordlets are positively irresistible. Her quick smile, and giddy laughter are positively the best cure to a down day. Greta Jo's spark from toddler to a little girl is accompanied by a greater awareness of her world. She makes up games and jokes, but is also aware of plot in books and stories. This increased awareness also includes what's going on with their Aunt Leslie. After saying good night to Leslie who's voice must have been familiar, but was, well, laboured, she turned to me and said "Aunt Leslie's hurt." I told her, yes sweetheart. Aunt Leslie's hurt, and healing. That takes time.

I am deeply proud of my sister Leslie. She is just three weeks after her stroke, and has enough awareness to know what abilities are challenged, and just how much she has to overcome. She feels abandoned by bits and pieces of her characters. We've described her stroke as if the connections from her brain to her body were roadways, some highways, other side roads, and still some dirt roads. The strides in improvement to her health, dangerously elevated blood sugar and high blood pressure now in check, is accompanied by a greater awareness of her world. Just like Greta Jo, it's a great time of opportunity for thinking things anew. It's hard to think on it that way for Leslie, but being hurt, sometimes the sting serves the purpose of slowing us down enough to allow for our bodies to recover.

We don't get to keep what we start off with. I look at the sweet little bodies of our girls. They are no longer infants, and not only have their minds expanded, but their bodies have lengthened, and skin, although sweetly soft, not the same paper thin skin of infancy. They leap into their hugs, and jump into laughter. Every hurt can be healed with a proclamation of "muah! All better!"

Everybody has stuff that keeps us from enjoying that freedom of being toddlers and little kiddos. They experience life with a wide range of unchecked emotions that aren't necessarily proportional to the circumstance. Whether alone or part of a family, however you define it, we impact one another, our health, our choices, and how we show up for one another. This week, the stuff on my family's plate is waiting on news from Dad's doctor visit tomorrow when we hope to learn whether he can be off the oxygen, and his heart is healthy, and whether he, like Mom, won't be able to drive, and the adjustments to his and Mom's independent living. Today, I pray for the patience to sit and wait while Leslie musters the courage to face a life forever changed. Today, I marvel at the girls love of playing, grass between their toes, fingers dirty with mud and sand.

Today has been another day. I pray that I have another like it tomorrow.

There were many wonderful moments today, whether Leslie working and laughing, or Mom holding both the girls when we stopped by for a surprise visit to pick up some mail for Leslie. By far, my favourite was when Greta Jo was in the swing in the back garden after lunch. She was wanting more. "More swing Maman!" I would wait and she would cock her head, and say "plaît" -- her abbreviated "s'il te plaît." Well, time crept up and it was nap time. I let her know that when the swing stops, it is time to go inside. She just cried and cried.

I told her: Greta Jo, you can either cry over your time in the swing coming to an end or let yourself enjoy the rest of the ride.

I wasn't even trying - but it was that maternal moment that I realized that crying myself to sleep last night when I was worried I wouldn't find the recording of Leslie reading The Paper Bag Princess By Robert N. Munsch, and the gush of all my fears overwhelmed me... it was then that I realized the pendulum swing I was on, my life. I could either let it continue to overwhelm me and and that moment when you choose to step beyond feeling feelings, and being them? That moment when health experience and acknowledgment steps into wallowing? I had to stop so I could enjoy the rest of my time on the swing.

Gammy Margi's Visit from Nancy Moïse Haws on Vimeo.

Mother's Day 2012

2012-05-13T21:20:00.003-07:00

Happy isn't a constant state. I can honestly say, I'm happy here.
I promise you the very millisecond
before and after this picture were a comical combination
of frustration and determination to wrangle two
uncooperative girls.

Today was the best Mother's Day.

Mother's Day was something that meant going to church, making sure Mama had her corsage. I remember her being tinged with sadness, when she changed flowers, to represent she'd lost her Mother. Looking back, this would have been in 1974, when I was just five. After that, we would visit the grave sites for Grandmama (Louise Morgan Gault) and Grandma (Betty, Mary Elizabeth Bradley Moise). I can honestly say, I don't remember a solitary gift I gave my mother growing up. I don't recall making her breakfast, or anything we ate that day. I don't think my Dad ever bought her jewelry, or what, aside from going to church, and being extra nice. What were were, though, every year, was together.

Today, was just that sort of day.

Let me back up. I married, with full disclosure, that I would either have to travel with my husband or be separated from him, on many birthdays, holidays, and such; the extent of which I'm still discovering. There are four quarterly horse sales, and they don't always occur the same time every year, like the Kentucky Derby's First Saturday of May. There's an art to picking the dates for each quarter's auction, but each always occurs in February, in May, in August, and in November.

In February, since we've been dating, JJ and I have yet to spend both my (Feb. 7) and his (Feb. 13) birthdays together. Inevitably, the Sale days take him away either for mine, or for his.

In May, the Sale is always, the Monday after Mother's Day. This occurred without too much notice that first year, but once we were married and I was expecting Greta Jo? Believe me, I noticed. I was so bummed out not being with JJ that year. Last year, I went to the May Sale with my sister Leslie, but we traveled on Mother's Day... and well, traveling, even if just for three hours, wasn't all that fun, though getting to be a family at the end of the day, was a great reward.

The Sale in August will be, for the next six years, held during the girls' first day at school. Now, for some, this is no big deal. My heart aches for JJ though. He's an amazing Papa. He takes the girls to school with me, and although we know that we can't both keep doing that, for now, it's a real joy to share. For him to miss this "first", and then the firsts of each year? Owie. Good thing though? Greta Jo was right there with a smile and a kiss, followed by her parrot of my "all better!"

The November Sale happens, again, it moves about, but usually the week before Thanksgiving. It's not a big deal now, to take the girls out of school, but this is the biggest, and therefore the longest of all the Sales. I have yet to make it to the November Sale and am itching to. I so want to go! AND, chances are, I won't. For one, it's the longest, and well, to take the girls out of school the week before Thanksgiving just isn't the best time. Add to it, Poppop Jerry shared in my reiteration of this at dinner - everyone comes home sick with "the Sale Crud" in November especially, but also in February.

We likely won't go to February - because, I'm sorry, until it's easier to travel, and just plain easier on them, taking the girls to stand in a cold unheated sales arena isn't my definition of good family fun.

But why go? Well, JJ started working for the Sale (when was it?)... well at least 10 years ago? Possibly longer? He started off in the equipment sale, I think, moved to the Sales Office and cashiers. His Dad did something similar, and by 1979 was an officer filing documents and such. His Grandfather did the same before that, working for his Uncle Bob, who founded the Blooded Horse Sale, after having worked with his father, who'd been a horse trader, with auctions for thoroughbreds, standardbreds, and livestock in Lexington, Cincinatti, and Atlanta. They all worked for several years, sometimes for other sale companies, as in the case of Uncle Bob who worked for Tattersall's, where his father's auction was held, before taking the lead. Poppop Jerry doesn't want to do "this" forever, but it doesn't take long to tell, he loves it just as much as JJ does. As much as I have come to love it.

Given all this, Papa/JJ will be away from his girls, doing what he loves mind, and a work that will make the difference in when we get a house, and other necessities for our family, and continue a tradition in the trade of horses that goes, at the very least, five generations back. JJ asked me why it was so important to me that the girls come to the Sale, every year. I told him, several reasons: I want them to appreciate where Papa goes, when I don't get to bring them. I want them to have pride in the hard work of those before them.

This isn't to say that they will be sixth generation. There's the old adage, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. To which I quip, you can feed him a hell-of-a-lot of salt though! Well, there's a fine balance between exposure, such that kids can choose, and enforcing a parent's desires. I can't help but think of the movie The Joy Luck Club, where the little girl is struggling to play the piano, and throws a fit under the pressure of her Mother. I was lucky, and had the opposite in parents. I was exposed, supported in my interests, urged to see things through, but guided through redirecting or focusing my time. For example, it was my choice at 14 to stop playing five instruments, and focus on riding, training, and competing. By then, I'd already started riding ex-racehorses. . . why? They were the ones my family could afford! But I'm already well into one digression, so let me finish with this: the girls can't love, what they don't know.

JJ went to the Sale as a kid, but it was also something that wasn't all that big. He had to come to love it as an adult. He'd wanted to do his own thing... which he did and still does. He started his own business, Memetech, undercapitalized but full of gumption, savvy and determination. In fact, the first year or so working for the Sale, his Sale salary sometimes went to, not putting a roof over his head, but to keep his business afloat, while he lived on the sofa he kept there. He's grown that business over the last fifteen years into one that keeps crew on year round, where most in his industry lay off in slow season. Memetech has grown to have loyal customers, and many wonderful crew, both present and past. It's hard gruelling work, and the reward is the pride in having run it successfully is all those Memetech supports, whether the hundreds of churches and charities that have a vendor that donates most of his profit, or the crew that get the flexibility to pursue their art, or for us, the family that relies on it for both income and flexibility for JJ to be ever present in our girls lives. Working the Sale has a utility, and makes the same difference, for many of the 60 or so staff and crew that work it every quarter. At Memetech, family is crew. It's the same at the Sale, it's a family. It's a family not just in its founding, and the history in the trade of horses, but in who come and gather at the Delaware County Fairgrounds.

The girls can't love the Sale, if all they see is how it takes their Papa away. On his or Maman's birthday. For Maman's Mother's Day. For their first day of school. Or driving him to distraction in the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving, including Halloween.

As much fun as the girls have had going to the Sale these last three years? Well, it's Greta Jo's third sale (four if you count in utero), and Clara Lou's second (three, again, if you count in utero). They're going to be just fine.

Thing of it is, I got stuck each of those years, over how I thought my Mother's Day would be. I am ashamed to say, my panties were in a bunch. Today was very different. In part because of JJ and I getting each other better. Also because, well, my own attitude shift. Also, I wasn't even aware I had expectations, but I did. I wanted a card made by the girls, a brunch, and relaxation. I didn't want a day where I stopped being a Maman, but I wanted one where the four of us were together, as our own little family.

I just decided to get over myself. All I really wanted was to be together. Really. In the end, I mean you know, the end, that's all that really matters. All the strife, struggle, blow-ups, mistakes, hurt, anger, none of it matters, in fact, it's worse if we let it take us away from being together, being connected. We are social creatures. I, despite what I may claim from time to time, am a social creature, and I love my little family. So yes, Mother's Day - together. There will be plenty of times, soon enough, when our little ones are into their own lives. While they are small, relying on us to get to and from, and peak their interest in this or that? These are the holidays for us, and the foundation through which they may create their own traditions later.

Last year's solution of traveling on Mother's Day, meant a good chunk of time was spent something I don't enjoy, road trips with little ones. Hell, I'd be hard pressed to find ANYONE who enjoys that. So that day last year was not so much a "relaxing" treat that every Mom deserves. I was crankier than my girls by the time we arrived.

So this year, and I have no idea why it took me so long to come up with this, I suggested that I come up with the girls the day before. If we left in the morning, we might even get to do something fun.

What you plan and what happens are rarely the same, and we left during nap. Worked fine, and the girls, in their infinite wisdom, decided that napping was a bad idea. They watched a movie, they played with toys. They read books. They played with their toes. We ate fast food. We indulged in just being together. I got one of my favourite things - car conversation with JJ. (I don't know why, but have my suspicions, but he opens up most when we're taking road trips). Check off a new Mother's Day tradition: travel day before.

There was a mix up with our room reservation in Delaware, so we stayed in northern Columbus. It was just a 30 minute drive, down a gorgeous stretch of country road, the Olentangy River Road. We were near where yet another part of JJ's family is from, Worthington (see Thomas Worthington and ). I took this road last year, and adored it. JJ didn't recall whether he'd travelled it before. I think this road in from Columbus to Delaware is part of my new tradition for Mother's Day. Right along traveling the day before.

We got to see Grandma Billie and Poppop Jerry, briefly, as they, like Papa JJ had to get to work. The Sale happens at the Delaware County Fairgrounds. It happens here, from what I understand, because Uncle Bob (the girls' Great-Great-Uncle, on their maternal Grandmother's side), started the Blooded Horse Sale company where one of the biggest races for harness racing, The Little Brown Jug. Oddly, JJ and I have yet to go to the Jug, but this year, I'm not waiting for an invitation. Asa told me tonight, how the Morgan's have held onto the tradition, and are proud to have the box that Uncle Bob had for the Sale company. I don't care if I have to hot walk horses to get on the grounds, I'm coming. Which mean, finding a sitter. I'm not bringing the girls here twice, and with that crowd? That would just be asking for trouble! But, again :rolls eyes at self: I digress.

The girls had a ball running around the Colosseum/arena where the auction is held. Equipment was being delivered. The girls took time to explore the chairs, the office, the grounds. They gravitated to the auction ring.

I took them to church. I took them to St. Peters, a church founded in the 1800s, gorgeous, and the parishioners even more lovely than I could have hoped. There's a story about Greta Jo, but let it suffice, she was her fiery self, and not a single person left that sanctuary without knowing her and her name.

Afterwards, we picked up Papa again. We were there for about an hour. He had to get to a stopping point. I got lost in conversation too. We went to Tim Horton's for a casual quick bite before checking in to our hotel. After nap, we joined everyone for dinner at Bun's. Poor Greta Jo got her finger smashed, but it was nothing a balloon from a nice Wesley graduate couldn't assuage. There was a green space where the girls could run. We came home, and the girls were high octane. It's a little before midnight now, but they didn't fall asleep until 9:30 or so. Papa was asleep about the same time.

My mind's a whir. I am flooded with thoughts, so many more than are actually finding their way to the page. I feel so loved. I am filled with love for all the Mamas in my life, whether sister, Mother, friend, or even if just a Mama-wanna-be. I had to share how wonderful today was. The only thing missing was being able to see my own Mom (or Mama, as I call her on Mother's Day, as that's what I called her when I was small). I love my family. We are rich with story and character, flaws, and wonderment.

The Rector at St. Peter's took today's scripture, and made the lesson of love being one that we can crush, if we aren't careful, with our expectations. Crush is exactly what I did to myself these last few Mother's Days where they didn't happen according to plan. Today, the message and lesson I took away, was that to effect change in my life, to let God in, is to let go of how we expect life, how we expect God to show up in it.

So, I can unequivocally say: today was perfect. Just the way it was.

*****
EDIT
5.15.2012
After corresponding with some cousins from the Worthington side, we are, if at all, only distantly related to that Thomas Worthington. They start with Roger Worthington 1544-1604 who beget (Cousin Hendy, I like that word too!) Thomas Worthington 1570-1626 who beget Roger Worthington 1593-1649 who beget (maybe the word is indeed begat) Francis Worthington 1616 who begat John Worthington 1650-01701 who begat John Worthington 1650-1701 who begat John Worthington, Jr. 1688-1763 who begat Samuel Worthington 1734-1815.

Samuel Worthington was born in Maryland. He was married to Mary Tolley & they had 11 children. She then died, probably of exhaustion, & he married her niece, 13 years younger, & had 11 more. (Cousin Theresa discovered the relationship herself when doing Mary Tolley's family).

We are descended from one of the first 11--James, who was a twin. He & his twin came to Mercer County around 1800. Charles T Worthington, (senior) was his son. Charles T. Worthington married Joanna Theresa Gill. They had 10 children but the first 2 or 3 died. James was the first to survive. After that, the rest survived except maybe one--the cemetery stuff a little unclear. Well, Charles Jr. was one. Union was as well although HE was named before Rebel-- that Cousin Theresa's found the relative birthdates herself when the issue arose. Mary Worthington was the last child & only the second girl to survive. Seven in all made it. Charles Sr. was born in KY, probably still around Mercer & studied law in St. Louis. He developed lung problems & was told to leave St. Louis & he went & bought the land that gave rise to Happy Valley. Charles Jr. married Molly Evens who died in childbirth with Molly Worthington. Cousin Theresa's great grandmother was given her to raise as her own but Mary raised the others as well as long as she was at Happy Valley. She took Molly with her when she went to Bloomfield, but not the others.

Of note, I don't know how Mary, also known as Mary Hen, mother of JJ's maternal Grandfather, Asa Hickman Jewell, who was pictured in my last post, is related to this sort. I thought her father was Charles Worthington Jr, but need to check.

Who Do You Think You Are?

2012-04-30T21:18:00.000-07:00

Have you seen the tv program, "Who Do You Think You Are?" Where celebrities trace their family roots, fleshing out their stories, and learning some insight into who they are, and the whys of unasked questions? Well, when telling his own story, JJ often refers to himself as the poor kid, when he attended Lexington School. When I was growing up, I was the girl with no friends. These stories we tell ourselves, when internalized, are taken as truth. Neither were true, as it turns out.

By truth, what do I mean? Well, permit me to dip into some personal philosophy. Truth, is elusive. No matter how firmly we hold these truths, some held as self-evident, they are but grains of sand. Each facet of truth impossible to describe fully. Each, dry grain of sand, slips through our fingers, the more tightly we ball our fist.

These truths JJ and I told ourselves were true, to the extent we held them to be so. Fortunately, the truth we were told and held, has slipped through our fingers, and in picking up the next handful of sand, I believe I've found a better vessel than a clinched fist with which to carry it.

I found last night, some clarity on JJ's family. I had such fun compiling the information. I have, ever since the mid-1990s when my Father met his half-sister from his Father's first marriage for the second time in his life, had an interest in family history. I wanted to know who these family members were, how they lived, the character of their choices. I wanted them to be more than their name, date of birth and death, and if they married, divorced, had children. I wanted their stories. I wanted them alive in my memory.

My family was fun to explore. Just one interesting fact to wet the appetite is that I can date from my Father's side, back to William Wallace, my Greatx20-Grand-Uncle, (1272-1305) was a Scottish knight and landowner who became one of the main leaders during the Wars of Scottish Independence. You know, the one Mel Gibson played in the movie Brave Heart. It's a crooked line to get to him, but the thread of defiance courses through my blood.

We've stayed countless times with his Father, Jerry, and his wife Billy, at the farm in Wilmore on Pekin Pike. The farm, the six bedroom house, their life allowed it.

This past weekend marked the very first time we'd stayed with Margi, JJ's Mum. It was shocking to realize this half-way through their stay. Jarring in fact. His Mother's life, with Bill, her aging husband and the care involved, didn't permit such extended visits with our little ones in tow. Short visits would just wear her and Bill out. Sadly, Bill passed last year, and I still love him so. It really does take at least a year to get through grief and recover from the hardships of having someone near and dear in and out of hospice care. One thing about Bill, you never knew, no matter how hard his body was on him, because who he was was joy and had a wry playful sense of humor and sharp wit. Margi and I have had our share of trials, and to both our credits, have created space to find our footing. I'm proud of her. I'm proud of me. We could have left the rift, and had not only ourselves to suffer for our shortcomings, but also the ones we both love dearly, my husband JJ and our two little girls.

It is so common that what is left undone by one generation is left for the next to address. For example, my Mother's paternal Grandmother, Rose Gault, made her son choose between herself and his new bride. He chose the new bride and never harkened his Mother's door again. My parents acquiesce and defer not only to my husband, but to his family at every opportunity, to avoid putting me and him in the unpleasant position of having to make that impossible choice.

We didn't get to stay at Rolex
as long as we did when
the girls were less mobile last year.
Here's Anna with Clara Lou
in 2011. Below is Greta Jo from
last year too. She was far too
on the go go go! to catch
a snapshot of her.

So, to Lexington we went, under the annual family tradition of volunteering for my sister Ellyn, who organizes volunteers for writing on the official scoreboards around the Rolex Three Day Event. The first event was in 1979, and our attendance and involvement followed not long after that. Me, I had just started riding, and my sister Leslie was studying at riding school that year. I competed on the Kentucky Horse Park ground for Ha'Penny Horse Trial, the Mid-South Combined Training Association (MSCTA) Dressage Finals, and the MSCTA Team Challenge, and many more. The grounds felt like a farm.

Today, the Horse Park echos to that rustic past, and to keep pace with the crowds necessary, it has grown and the course become more like a golf course than grounds of a horse trial, suitable to test the war worthiness of a calvary horse.

The Rolex Kentucky has become a time when we Moise sisters are connected with the horses that once defined much of our waking thoughts. It's not just a time to see horse and rider compete at a world-class level, but to share the fun for a sport that has learned to evolve and keep pace with its enthusiasts.

When JJ and I started dating, we didn't realize we shared a thread of horses. I, was a new comer, not having had a family member ride a horse or drive a carriage, as I had as a hobby, since horses were used as transportation. JJ's family had "The Sale" - but that was a new world of Standardbred trotters and pacers. I tried to grasp what that meant, as I got exposed to it. Keeping track of the horse-side of his family though had its challenges since there is an Asa named in every generation, and so many men named John, and women named Elizabeth or Margaret, I got confused and gave up for three years. That is, until last night.

Having just spent the weekend with JJ's Mum (that is what he chose to call her on his own, by the way), I arrived home, still curious for more. One photograph, in particular had caught my interest.

Can you tell these folks kept a practice of "toddy time?" I think you can!

This was taken 1942 at the The picture of my grandparents was taken in September 1942. It was taken at the pre-cocktail (toddy) party at their home before the rehersal dinner at the country club for their daughter Elizabeth's, Davis-Jewell wedding). That sofa has been in their Grandson Charles Davis' possession since his mother, Elizabeth Berry Jewell Davis downsized and moved to an apartment. It is now in his living room. His Moma's story is that Moma Jewell would not allow "Old Pappy", as he was affectionately known, to have his toddy until the photographer took the pictures. He was not pleased.

JJ's Mum told me the who, but the following details I found when I got home, all on the internet. This is Mary Henderson Worthington Jewel and John Berry Jewell, JJ's Great-Grandmother and Great Grandfather, given who had the photo, as you may have guessed, on his Mum's Jewell side of the family. John Berry Jewell had hundreds of acres in Jessamine County and a "small horse farm" on Paris Pike, two doors down from Lexington Country Club, and a home at 221 Woodspoint Road, near JJ's Mum's house and Henry Clay's Estate, Ashland. He was President/Treasurer of Jewell Tobacco Warehouse Co., Inc. with warehouses in 340 9th Avenue North, Franklin TN, at at 566 McClelland, Lexington, and President of Jewell Oil Co. of Ky., Inc., located at 525 S. Mill St., Lexington Kentucky. No small wonder too.

His father, was Asa Hickman Jewell. According to the 1900 census, he was a "horse trader" You could say he was a horse trader, but there was much more to him! He owned the horse sales firm, Harbison, Jewell, & Co., which conducted sales of horses at Tattersall's Mart, S. Broadway, and also in Cincinnati and Atlanta. There are family stories of "Cousin Asa" as he was affectionately known to not just horsemen in the Bluegrass, racing friends and rivals up and down what is now Broadway/Harrodsburg Road, before there was Tattersall's and The Red Mile. (Perhaps that's why the tracks were built around there?) Yes folks, that is the equivalent of drag racing, in his day. That said, Asa was a typical Kentucky Gentleman: suave, smart, always polite and considerate of friends and business associates. He was described as one of the finest characters to grace the harness horse field. His father, John Jewell, had been born in High Bridge, near Wilmore, Kentucky in 1812. It was his father, John Moses Jewell, born in 1776, who had moved from Maryland to pioneer Kentucky.

Jumping back to the last century, John Berry's brother, Robert Berry, assisted their father Asa in managing the family farm, Pleasant View Farm, and started breeding Standardbred harness horses in 1922. "Uncle Bob," as the Haws boys have referred to him to me, but who is their Great-Great-Uncle, took on running the farm in 1937. He was the State Fair Manager in Louisville, and also had a hand in running Pleasant Hill in Shakertown. It was at this time that Uncle Bob was Director of the United States Trotting Association. He owned one-half interest in the sale company, held in partnership. I believe that this is when the Sale would have moved from being in Atlanta, Lexington at Tattersall's and Cincinnati to Delaware, Ohio, home of the big race, The little Brown Jug. I don't know who the other partner was, but the office was at the family farm, Pleasant View. Was it his father? Was it someone else? I'm guessing Cousin Francisw will know. :smile:. When Uncle Bob hired and then partnered with his nephew, John Berry Jewell's son, named for their father, Asa Hickman Jewell, who would keep his promise to his Uncle, as I understand.

This Asa Hickman Jewell, II, b. 1910, was JJ's Grandfather. He worked the Sale in Delaware Ohio. Clearly, it has a history beyond the years ticked off most calendars from a date of incorporation. Grandfather Asa graduated from MIT, worked in as a stockbroker in New York. His Aunt, Therese Worthington Grant, his mother's sister, had the first fried chicken restaurant in NYC. Asa and his wife Margaret Loring Jewell worked together at their restaurant, which was located near the Waldorf Astoria, in NYC, and eventually owned it. He contracted TB and moved to Franklin Tennessee where, at some point, served as Mayor. When his Uncle Robert was ready to retire, he asked Asa to learn the Sale. He bought out his uncle, as promised. In the years he first owned the Sale, the office was in Wilmore (don't know where, but would like to). When the house on Pekin Pike was built, Grandfather Asa moved the Sale office to what was then his 200+ acre farm on Pekin Pike, where it currently is run by his former son-in-law, Jerry Haws, JJ's Father, with an eye of having a fifth generation in the horse sale and trading in one of Grandfather Asa's three grandsons, who were just 19, 17 and 14 years old when Asa passed away in 1989.

There aren't many old timers at the Sale that remember Grandfather Asa, let alone Uncle Bob, or the I'm sure wild stories of Asa Hickman Jewell, I. What's fun to envision is that in the years that Grandfather Asa worked at the Sale in Delaware Ohio, Grandfather Asa wore tweed jackets in winter and linen in summer.

His toddy of choice was copious quantity of gin.

JJ carries on the family tradition. His favoured toddy is modicum of bourbon.

So, I have friends as it turns out, I have friends. All I need do was figure out I had to risk holding out my hand. And JJ, he wasn't the poor farm kid. He came from a family rich with history, as we approach the May Sale, his what? thirteenth or is it fifteenth year working in Delaware? He goes there knowing he's fifth generation in the horse industry, from a family as diverse as the horsemen who go there.

For want of $80

2012-04-26T06:18:00.003-07:00

The below was first published on http://www.momsrising.org/ - an organization that since 2006 has been working to bring together millions of people who share a common concern about the need to build a more family-friendly America. The members are bringing important motherhood and family issues to the forefront of the country's awareness. Together, they are working to create both cultural and legislative change, on both the national and state levels. Here, with a few additional photos, is that story.

****

My name is Nancy, and these are just the highlights of my story. I am one amongst many.

A family of my own almost didn't happen.

I spent my 20s married to a wonderful man, but the relationship had gone its course by 2001. When we parted ways, he kept the house and the fragments of our life together. I packed up and moved to Europe with a one-way ticket.

I figured, if I was going to create a new life, I might as well be in a place where if I fell in love, it'd be in a country that took care of its constituency, particularly women, better than I could ever expect back home in the States.

I first moved to Paris France, and then on to Stockholm. There, I explored love - anticipating the wonderful family-friendly approach there in Sweden. Nine months maternity/paternity leave. Tenth month use it or lose it for the Father. 100% Healthcare DELIVERY (no talk of insurance which is NOT the same as healthcare actually being administered, more on that later). Childcare. Phenomenal schools. Five weeks minimum paid vacation. All state-funded. Not enough? There even were private insurance policies that covered sick days, should a parent need to take a day off for a sick child, leaving their own paid sick days for :shudder: for when a parent was sick. All this, and so much more. The cost was about the same in tax rate. In the US, when one combines the local, state, and Federal taxes, adds in what we pay to have similar services and benefits, we pay more - and still get less.

Love in Stockholm didn't work out, and for me, well, that's a prerequisite for starting a family.
When I returned to the States, my timing was off to be re-entering the workforce. It was a time of high unemployment, and with a two-year hole in my resume, I wasn't all that marketable. I couldn't get work in my field (lawyer), so my vagabond years began. I went from comfort, to living paycheck to paycheck, and lived amongst the uninsured for the first time in my life.

I moved back to my hometown of Louisville Kentucky, and explored a broader approach to finding work. I had to; none of the work I would choose could be found. I founded an arts organization, determined that what I did for a living wouldn't define who I was. I worked all sorts of jobs, but was wary of being insured while I looked for work in my field, which with it, would come insurance.

In 2006, I worked at White Castle (remember, I have a law degree). They were great. It is, to date, the best job I had, because of the life lessons I learned there. It made me live what I believe - what one does for a living isn't who we are.

Sadly, a month before I was to qualify for paid sick leave and health insurance, I had a miscarriage and missed work, which was unpaid. Medical bills on top of making just $7+/hour and a smaller paycheck because of missed work meant that when I had what I thought was the stomach flu shortly afterwards, I toughed it out. It happened just one day after I'd handed in notice for having found a "better" job as a bank teller (remember, I'm a lawyer, who was willing to do what it took to makes ends meet). I didn't want to just not show for my last two weeks, and also, $7/hour or not, I needed every one of those dollars because I (1) liked to eat, and (2) still had those medical bills from the miscarriage. I got more and more fatigued. Worked every day of my last two weeks. Two days into the new job, I finally scrounged up the $80 to go to an immediate care center. They rushed me out the door with strict orders to go to the ER. That stomach flu had been my appendix rupturing. Those abdominal pains I felt after that "flu" weren't a result of the miscarriage, but a result of the peritonitis and other resulting damage from the ruptured appendix.

My story appeared in a Velocity article
on the uninsured. (This was the actual state
of my desk and the bills).
(c)2008 Courier-Journal

A few years before, I'd been flush, and being able to afford my share of medical expenses had been an inconvenience, but not a bar to my receiving the care I needed. But at the time, for want of $80, I nearly died. My organs had started to shut down, causing that fatigue that I had "worked through."
Fortunately, I was okay, but faced over $20,000 in medical bills after emergency surgery and a week's hospital staty for IV antibiotics. I was earning about $9/hour at the bank, had missed work, again. The new job? I was just 2 days into the insurance company mandated 30 day waiting period for coverage. Nice.

I did the best I could pecking away at those bills. I worked hard and liked being a teller. There's pride in a job well done. While at the bank, I met my now husband. I had another medical complication, which we later determined was the cause of that miscarriage, and we struggled to get together my share of the deductible.

The condition had gone two years undiagnosed because I hadn't had the money for an annual exam. Fortunately, it was treatable by surgery. Unfortunately, it might cost me my ability to carry a child. When I had the surgery, the surgeon advised me he would do his best to not have to take my entire uterus. He cautioned me that even if he was successful in saving enough of my uterus so I could carry, he warned that the infection from after my appendix had ruptured was likely to have compromised the function of my fallopian tubes. Nice. Again. Thanks medical "system" in the States responsible for my care. I'd busted my hump to NOT be a burden, and ended up nearly costing me my life, and then, nearly costing me the ability to have children. Just great.

I'd gotten what I thought was a better job, in my field of law, after working at the bank. Well, as it would happen, my husband and I conceived and I was able to carry. Fortunately, again, I had health insurance. Or so I thought. (Why insurance is tied to our place of employment, with as often as people change jobs, many of whom don't earn a living wage is beyond me.)
I was laid off, not long after I found out I was pregnant; a "pre-existing condition." But wait, if you can't get new coverage, you say, there's COBRA. I'd still be insured, right. Well, yes, IF you can afford the COBRA payments, that's your catch, isn't it Nancy.
Oh no. There's another hitch. Small businesses are not included in COBRA. Therefore, the unemployment relief of paying 60% of the COBRA payments that was being offered at the time, was not extended to me. Fortunately, the state did mandate that I could continue my health insurance, IF we made the payments. I boggled at the full cost - and somehow, we made those payments and the deductibles and copays.

We've since had not just one, but both of our girls. Greta Jo and Clara Lou. At the time of writing this, Greta Jo is 2-1/2, and Clara Lou is 18 months. I was on unemployment, unable to find work. I'd worked in corporate all those years, and used the time to be admitted to practice law, to broaden my job opportunities. Even if I had found work while pregnant those two consecutive years in 2009 and 20010, it frustrated me to think that a maternity leave would be woefully inadequate, in my humble opinion. Six weeks just doesn't cut it. And in a new job, the minimum is what I would get. That is IF I had been successful in finding someone to hire a pregnant new attorney.

So, 2009, there I was, laid off, and pregnant. Waddle Waddle into an interview and they know I'll be asking about a six week maternity leave.

SIX. LOUSY. WEEKS.

And even those were not a maternity leave, but cobbled together between sick pay and short-term disability. Really? A disability? Was no one who wrote these policies that became law aware that they too had been BORN to a mother?

Barbaric is what my friends in Europe, but particularly in Sweden, men and women alike, say about us here in the States. Not all women struggle with going back to work. A new Mama facing those first few months where a child is so dependent, I understand how, perhaps conflicted, som jump at the chance to leave babies for the familiar demands of work. I'm not starting a fight, between stay-at-home Moms. We women are all wonderfully different. I just believe all babies deserve the right of having a parent at home with them longer than is our cultural norm. I would suggest that either parent, like in Sweden, be able to use the maternity/paternity leave - and that leave ought to be longer than just a few short weeks. That said, having just gone through those early times in recent memory, I do appreciate the lure and trade-offs of not being a full-time Mama. Me, I just wanted the chance to work.

So I went to work for myself. The market is flooded with attorneys, and my practice is not only the only place that would have hired me pregnant, one year, and then kept me when immediately pregnant again... it's also the only place I know that wouldn't have FIRED me thus far. Babies get sick. Many childcare can't or are insufficient to care for sick children. Parents miss work as a result. FMLA or not, it's unpaid. Well, between my husband and I, when the girls are sick or something comes up, and Mamas you know how something ALWAYS comes up, it's me that does it. Something has to give, and it's the time dedicated to my law practice.

Having to figure out whether finding work is even worth it is part of the calculation. If we had gone the day-care route, it's a trade-off from our attachment parenting approach. That means family, and a nanny (found on sittercity.com with its criminal background checks), have partnered with me in watching the girls when I do manage to make it into the office. The nanny, to make ends meet for her household, has taken on not just a second job, but three - so she has gone from watching our girls four to just one day a week.

We have cobbled together childcare. The nanny watches one day, my sister for one morning, a Parent's Day Out program for two half days, and another sitter as back-up, all gives me one full day in the office, and two half days. That's it. Now it's summer, and I'm scrambling between two sitters and a camp for twos for our eldest, to be able to maintain my law practice, while having the girls tended when I'm not with them.

So, although I love the States. I love raising my girls here, in Louisville Kentucky. I sure do wish we had a few of the sensible public policies that make Sweden such an ideal place to live, work, play, and raise a family.

We must have a change in our priorities. We settle for what we have, because so many don't even fathom that it doesn't have to be this cobbled together broken system. I am committed to do whatever I am able, to gain the ears of those with spheres of influence, to change public policy, legislation, not to make it easier but make our lives make sense, if not for me, for our two girls. No one should have to risk their lives, their fertility for want of $80.

nancymoisehaws.blogspot.com
nancyesq.com

—Nancy Moise

Shepherds Pie Snack

2012-04-22T18:56:00.001-07:00

I try to do organic, from-scratch everything, particularly when it comes to my girls. Even more so when it comes to feeding their friends. Not so for tomorrow. This is, Maman's in a hurry- gotta-get this-done, sort of recipe. Hopefully there's enough cheese and good stuff for them to eat their peas. I know my girls will... question is, will anyone else's!

Shepherds Pie Snack
Makes 2 dozen

Ingredients
1 package of Jiffy Mix
1 egg
1/3 cup water
1/2 cup grilled corn (left overs from dinner)
1 lb ground beef*
1 lb/package of sage pork sausage
1 cup peas (fresh or frozen)
6 large Yukon Gold
whole milk
1/4 cup butter
1 cup parmesan, grated
1/2 cup Italian seasoned bread crumbs
1/8 cup butter

Preparation

Preheat oven to 350ºF. Place paper muffin cups into muffin tin.
Prepare the Jiffy mix, per instructions with egg and water. Blend with spoon, and add the corn. In muffin cups, place small dollop of corn bread batter, distributed evenly between the two dozen muffins. Place in heated oven for 5 minutes and remove.
In saute pan, brown crumbled ground beef and pork sausage. Set aside and drain.
Place small (1 tablespoon) amount of meat mixture atop the corn muffin. Top with peas and grated cheese, leaving small amount below the paper muffin cup.
Boil water, and cook peeled and diced potatoes until done. Mash with "enough" milk and butter. Salt and pepper to taste. Put slightly-cooled mashed potatoes into gallon bag, and cut small corner. Pipe mashed potatoes into muffin cup. Top with grated cheese
In small bowl, blend butter and bread crumbs. Top with bread crumbs.
Place the pie into the oven for another ten minutes.

* No, not a traditional Sheperd's Pie with lamb, but seriously, do you think a bunch of two-year olds will care?

---- EDIT ---- the update

Okay, the two year olds did just what I thought they would... they found the part they wanted, ate that, discarded the rest. Greta Jo, who was just treated to a spice cake cupcake yesterday, discarded the entire snack and ate just the oranges that accompanied the snack. She was clearly disgusted to have not received a cupcake topped with sweet and creamy icing, but was not to be fooled into eating the savory treat her Maman had made. Her classmates disagreed and liked the snack. Clara Lou and her classmates were less enamoured. They like it simple Maman - crackers, cubes of cheese, basic diced fruit. They're still working on feeding themselves, so on Wednesday, that is just the sort of snack they'll be getting.

Six Words

2012-04-19T20:24:00.001-07:00

Southern Charm

2012-04-16T20:31:00.000-07:00

Louisville isn't really that southern.

except for the first Saturday in May.

That's when we pull out all the stops. It's the Kentucky Derby. The fastest two minutes in sports. The first leg of the Triple Crown. Where ladies don their best chapeaus and frocks, men dapper in their seersucker suits, bow ties and straw fedoras. The classic cocktail of the mint julep. The late night before partying. The early dawn workout with mimosa sipping owners and cigar smoking punters shoulder to shoulder, studying the morning odds. All hoping to hit a win, double or trifecta. Throngs hitting the in-field. The game of sneaking in what you can. Picnicking in small metal runged boxes with six folding chairs, so as to avoid the horrid carnival food. Wishing you had with the catering food on "Millionaire's Row." Feet aching long day of people watching, horse flesh assessing, indulgence... leading up to those famed two-minutes. Just before, Southern Charm enters into the gentille song of "My Old Kentucky Home" - edited for political correctness.

For the locals, a game of sparing for the coveted finish line boxes begins the year or more before. Companies, corporations, jockey just as hard for prime real estate - grandstand, bleachers,

counting the jets that depart that night and the next.

Aspire

2012-04-07T19:53:00.000-07:00

This is Louisville.
South Hill street at the I-65 overpass.
CSX livestock car, tagged. 07.04.2012

My days and nights have kept pace with my brain of recent. It is at that time, that I feel I am at my best. Left idle, my brain seems to grind the meat of me.

I've started a series of photos of Louisville inspired by some posts I've put up elsewhere about Detroit. I have quite by accident been a promoter of Louisville, inspiring people to make Louisville a place where they either call home, or regularly visit. Someone once said to me, Louisville is fabulous for three-day visits. I couldn't agree more. It's spring break, and that's exactly what I'll be doing with the girls later this week.

The series will evolve, and will be places I see on a regular basis. Some will be the spots where I take those friends who later decide to relocate or move here. Louisville is average, random, quirky. Of all the places I've been, and according to the list I've started keeping on tripadvisor, it's far more extensive than I'd ever imagined, Louisville is lovely. You find what you look for no matter where you are, and if you're around me, you'll find it to be a grand place.

This is Louisville.
"The Raft," by Armando Marino outside
21c Hotel. 06.04.2012

I've lived here most of my life, save a brief spell elsewhere. When people ask, what did you want to be when you grow up, it wasn't lawyer... it was international traveler. Only later, would I shoe-horn working for the State Department into that dream. I started preparing for the entrance exam, and learned of the women who pass and get work, most were secretaries. I would not grow up to be a secretary. :scoff: so at 19, I changed my mind. If I were to travel, it would be for leisure. The travel, I most state for the record, was never to get away from Louisville. It had what I wanted. This isn't to say, that I didn't want to live somewhere else (too long to list)... but you have to live where you are, and for much of my life, that's been right here in Louisville. It's kind of funny to think, but it's as if Louisville has gotten better in such a way that it makes me glad I didn't move elsewhere. Add to it, the internet. I have been fortunate to have traveled the world, and have what I would define as good friends - kept close to my heart in part by the ease of communication on the web. I had this fanciful idea of writing nothing but letters the month of February. (they were written, but I just found them stashed in a shelf recently. I asked myself a yet answered question: do I still mail them?) I love the handwritten note and letter. I am particularly fond of the love letters. To touch where another hand has touched. To see the swoop and fall of their pen. To read the letter before you in tangible form. Letter writing is lost and that is a sad thing. But the speed at which I type make my letter writing a rarity.

There is a good history to be found here. Short, by most reasonable comparison, but proud. Louisville, has had its economic fortunes and hardships, like anyplace. For the longest time, it has suffered from trying to be like other cities.

This is Louisville.
Louisville has the most iron-clad facades outside of
SoHo NYC. 06.04.2012

I wish I had been able to stop some of the development that took away forever the character of Broadway. For example, and I will have to go to the world-class photo archives at UofL to find it again, but there was a stunning mansion at the corner of Second and Broadway. Today? It's a McDonald's. Two stories tall, but still a McDonald's. If only we had not put down the interstate where we had - robbing ourselves of our waterfront, damaging already strained racial divide in the city by splitting off neighborhoods. And yet, the strides that have happened, are wonderful. I could go on writing about this, and for now, let it suffice to say, that the journey for Louisville isn't over. It has more story to tell, unlike say, some of the rust-belt towns of Pennsylvania, or ghost towns of the Wild West. I think we Louisvillians forget that and over-compensate. Like an insecure woman needing affirmation, we just need to relax and be.

This is Louisville.
Marker, at the corner of Sixth and Main Streets.
06.04.2012

The girls inspire me to find what I believe all people, when nurtured, have at the start. It isn't until we start to tell ourselves, something's wrong here, and repeat that message, gathering evidence along the way, that our neurosis sets in. I think people react two ways to that first message. I don't mean to get all biblical, but come on, like it or not, the imagery from the Bible permeates our language and ability to communicate. People react either like a lamb or a lion. I reacted like the lamb, and would succumb to the powers that assaulted or threatened me. I found evidence to support that I was victim. Others, take on the lion, defending the self, the ego. Some take the most aggressive trait of the lion and don't just defend, but become the aggressor.

[If you are wondering where I'm going with this, please, as ever, be patient.]

Easter Egg Hunt.
Godfathers Dan and Chris included the girls in their
family's Easter Egg Hunt. I was trying to get
a photo of Greta Jo and Clara Lou with Dan's
niece Samantha, and Chris' nephew Max. 07.04.2012

Our girls have an innocence. Well, of course they do, they are just two and a half and sixteen months. But in that innocence is freedom from the burden of learning that first hard lesson of something is wrong here... and all we do with it the years that follow. Some never ever get loose from it. Their perspective of events and the meanings attached are truth. I was hurt by so-and-so. Everyone hurts me. I'm different. I'm not accepted. I'm not good/smart/pretty enough. There are those who live aware that this is their message, this is their truth, and yet do nothing to shake themselves free of it. They cling to it as if it is who they are.

Seeing our girls, aware of the message I've spent the last 40 some years telling myself? I know this is bunk. Who we are -- is innocent little monkeys. We steal toys. We want our milk when we want it. We're quick to smile, play and use our sparking brains in brilliant ways. All the other stuff? Unnecessary weight. It's kind of like taking a thoroughbred and handicapping it with extra weight, keeping it from ever being able to run freely and win. I'm here to say, and I know this is unrealistic, I aspire that I remove all extra weight that slows me down and keeps me from winning, and that our girls never ever have more weight than they can carry, and certainly none that keeps them from running free and fast.

Clara Lou, 16 months. Toddling -
with a can do confidence I hope she always has.
Easter Egg Hunt ready.
07.04.2012

aspire
Trill in her voice resonates
every beat of a strong heart
tumbling giggles turn
a Mother’s self-doubt to wistful smiles
the wobble of her step
gasp not Maman
the tumble taken in stride of next
a way of being
acceptance
confidence
assured
creativity unconfined
these girls of mine
they have today all I would wish
hope
dream
/nmh ©04.07.2011

unrequited & insatiable

2012-04-06T20:55:00.002-07:00

me, circa 2005.
photo by Gary Quick.

For years, I wouldn't admit that I wrote. I would have words assault me like a lashing of a whip, caught unaware. I would jump and the only way that they would stop the bashing inside my brain was to be set loose, fill my mouth, drip across my tongue, falling down on the page. I wouldn't edit. These words were not mine to change. I would only put them on the page. I shared my writing with Don Vish, a poet and friend. He urged me to keep them. To stop throwing them away. You see, my family already had a poet. I couldn't possibly be one. I was merely neurotic. I lived my life in scarcity.

Fast forward a few years, and I dared read them. Out loud. To another person. This was again, a published poet. I remember hearing the words get caught in my mouth. They weren't mine to impart, you see. I just was a conduit.

About this time, one person in my life who was occasionally on, asked if I was ever content. At the time, I wasn't. I was proud to serve as catalyst and conduit. It wasn't that I was malcontent. No, my state of being, although uncomfortable, was familiar.

Rodin: The Eternal Idol, 1889
my favourite statue

A regular visitor, my muse, and she was a rude bitch. She would interrupt my meal, my sleep, and even sex. :feigns blushing: It was powerful. I, a supplicant to my own written word. Demanding. Unreasonable. Much of what inspired at the time was seeing misery I'd hidden for years under down of willful confusion and angry despair.

Time passed, and the anger turned to outward chaos and mess in my life. My muse was active. Words fell on screen, envelope, tossed on hands, cocktail napkins, whatever was within reach.

Gradually, the madness subsided. I found peace. It was then, that this familiar muse of misery found better accommodation. I knocked on doors, I set my life up so she'd be comfortable. I lay traps and triggers for me to scrape my knee and bitch... in hopes she'd visit me and give me a wordy high.

I longed for the promised days, unsure I dare name them. I wanted something other than what I had, because what I had hurt. But still, as I gained strength, my muse eluded me.

Her sisters, there were what? Eight of her siblings? Surely they must be hanging about.

Seems the happier I was, the more I wanted to get stoned and pelted by my old soliloquy.

first person
Boredom seeps into any dining table,
no matter the number in attendance
the first person must always be present.
/nam 16-08-2001

solitude in a crowd
I am never alone.
I have my own voice.
/nam 16-08-2001

common sense
Part of the charm
of one who disarms
is the very aim
to disclaim
any sense of commitment
/nam 01.2003

salt covenant
grappling with the undertow
of yesteryears
filled enjoying extremes that
stacatoed numb monotony.

I yearn to sense the subtleties
comprehend the nuances
beyond the wrath of damage, harm and hurt

the pull of sea at my feet and legs
draws me further out to miraged safety of horizon
to float, fatigued, above such dangers
and still the sirens call
drags me down ‘til salt scores my throat,
and lungs once filled with life sustaining air,

collapse

under the weight of so many pounds above me

so still I sit at sea floor

coughing up so many grains of currency for my soul
to patiently find enough from that which is so mixed.
/nam 11.2004

Once I named what I dared to want - husband, children, and here, now, I have it. I realize that giving birth to character, to a thought, a glance, an act, that only exists in the mind of another because the muse empowered my pen, takes just as much as giving birth to our girls. Greta Jo and Clara Lou are my joy. I found the sister muses. I miss the words that used to visit me, but realize the trade. The words belong to them. My creativity is expressed in the form of mothering and fostering who our sweet girls will choose to be. So for now, instead of on pen to page, it's their mouths that form their words. It's their turn to listen and be inspired.

When my muse visits again, beyond the posts found here, I hope she comes densely packed, as I have designs to enjoy every luscious morpheme. I will lash her for abandoning me and make her give me more.

*****
Written while those whom I love most sleep. I had a soundtrack by Gotan Project. And again, true to my personality... I just can't get enough.

Mrs., Miss & Ms.

2012-04-06T18:56:00.000-07:00

This post is not for those who blush. Or at

------

Good. Now that we have that settled. If you are still with me, this is a vague recollection and assertion of what I enjoy most about being me. Who I am, today.

I was recently discussing age, and for the record, as I believe I may have previously mentioned, I am unabashedly 43. I earned every day of it, some of them harder, so I am darn well going to claim each and every one of them. In them, we all play roles, and today, I am Mrs. As the title purports, I have been the Miss, Ms. and although now Mrs. - each suited me at the time. They are all an abbreviation for Mistress. I always thought it an interesting word, Mistress. It has a variety of connotations, and it originally meant the woman of the house. The use of the word has certainly turned that meaning on its head and also means the other woman, of note, by definition is not the woman of the house. It could also mean a woman who commands, shall we say, unwavering attention.

I was with the girls for much of the day, save one outing and a brief failed attempt to get something done at the office, :damn you IRS:. I was apparently not commanding their unwavering attention.

No one goes by

Mrs., Miss & Ms. by tremadotdot featuring a leather blazer

Feeding your Horse

2012-03-30T15:50:00.000-07:00

Bucky is a horse I rode for Judi Quaife in 1994 or so.
This photo was taken about the time of this post,
March 2013 when he is 28.
Proof positive that older horses and pensioners,
when well-tended, don't have to look and feel old.

My l ast post, "Maman, can I keep him?" reflects some of the things that I remember about taking care of horses. As a pantry cook, it's no great stretch that I turn to what horses eat. After all, I've been seeing the few remaining pictures that survived a flood at my parents, pictures of the horses I've owned and ridden. I've gone down memory lane. To the left here, is a photo of Bucky, a horse I had the great pleasure of riding working on :shudder: 18 years ago. That photo, is recent, though from his disposition and health, you'd never guess he's 28.

This post reflects what I remember and some additional research on feeding horses. I did the research to make sure that what I write is up to date. A horse is a horse, yes? Is an oat still an oat?

Before feed can be feed, it is seed. If your horse has feed consisting of corn, soybeans or beet pulp it more than likely is grown from seed that is GMO (genetically modified organism).

What does that mean? Why should it be of concern? Well, a GMO is very different from say, a hybrid bred to resist bacteria or pests. A GMO is modifying something, changing it at its most basic level. I am not convinced that science has ironed out and identified that every result is one that is intended. I believe that in the lifetime of our girls, we as a public will come to the awareness, like invasive plants of English ivy, honeysuckle (in certain forms), and kudzu, not all invention for the home, heart and farmland, is a good thing. Some observe very interesting and devastating side effects of GMO. Perusal of some popular culture, such as the documentary Food, Inc., is good enough for me to do my utmost to feed our girls avoiding GMOs (although impossible really), as well as hormones and antibiotics. I'm not saying animals ought not get a steroid or antibiotic to fight inflammation or disease, I'm suggesting that I don't want to eat the ones that did. I'm also suggesting that when it comes to the delicate systems of the horse, we ought to proceed with caution. As a sidebar, I also theorize that the reason why some girls are larger younger or enter puberty at alarming ages like 9, is because the milk they drink, the most affordable and thus most pervasively offered to children, is loaded with hormones. We give the girls milk on demand, but it is all been organic and hormone free (to the extent that such guarantees are statistically valid, that is). [Lawyer much?]

So, as I begin to approach the topic of what to feed a horse, know that it is in the context of conceding that to my knowledge, not only are most of us, but so too with our horses eating GMOs. Money, Monsanto makes Roundup and they control most of the global farming industry. They sue farmers who seed save, an ANCIENT tradition, and drag them through the courts for violation of patents - on plants.

Europe was on to their game and banned all GMOs. Unfortunately, not so in the US, Mexico and Central America, India and Canada. Native corn plants are forever lost as homogenization, which spurs the need for pesticides, more antibiotics, leading to folded genes and infertility and oddities that impact the food chain... all of which start with a seed. So, well. Well, go read a little Joel Salatin of http://www.polyfacefarms.com/ for just a sample of one of the chief influences on my approach to land management and "grass" farming.

For the purpose of this post it is simply important to know that any feed or supplement that contains soy, beet pulp or corn in any form has to be presumed is GMO. The impact this has on horse's health - we are the guinea pigs, the canaries in the mine shaft. Even if you grew it yourself, because of seed propagation, your seed plus your neighbor's crops equals Monsatan knocking on your door. So, know that many of the foods we eat and the feed we give our horses here in the US, that wholesome whole-wheat bread, the hearty oat, the flake of sweet-smelling alfalfa, would not be available overseas at all because they are considered very dangerous. As a result, I turn a blind eye, hold my nose, and do the best I can.

Which means, when it comes time to choosing how to care for my own horses, I'll seek out the farmers and their vendors selling organic horse feeds. One example is Genesis, http://www.organic-horse-feed.com. Their site has links to other like-minded companies.

Now, all disclaimers as to the realities of today's horse feed aside, even for the non-horse-person tends to be somewhat familiar with what horses eat and how much. I'm hungry as a horse. That horse, he's feeling his oats.

What's not always known, or if known, not fully appreciated is that horses cannot vomit. Whatever they eat, must go all the way through the digestive system. And it's BIG. If a horse gets oats with molasses or moldy hay or a rusty nail - it must get through, and obviously, things go wrong if something can't.

My source for the basics is to turn to the Humane Society. According to their website, here are the basic rules: don't walk behind a horse, don't run anywhere, always feed treats on the flat palm with fingers outstretched (but be prepared, you may be encouraging a horse to nip imho). The basic rules for feeding are very important.
1- provide plenty of roughage. Horses don't need grain as much as they need good-quality hay and/or access to sufficient pasture.
2- Feed grain in small amounts and often. If you feed your horse grain, give it in multiple smaller meals rather than one large one. When a horse if fed too much at once, the food isn't digested as effectively. This is especially true for old horses whose teeth don't grind as well, and digestion is less effective.
3- Feed according to the horse's needs. Each horse is individual and one ought to consider the amount of hay and pasture access they get.
4- Change feed and feed schedules gradually.
5- Measure feed accurately and feed consistently. This means feed quality, quantity and when you feed.
6- Don't feed or water immediately before or after
7- Stick to a routine. Horses thrive on routine, and their amazingly accurate internal clocks make them much better timekeepers than their human caretakers. Most horses aren't harmed by a change in schedule, but for those prone to colic, such as a horse that already has coliced or an old pensioner, a change in routine may be more than an annoyance, but could trigger colic, to possibly fatal results.

Digestion
In order to fully appreciate what to feed your horse, we must examine the how of what horses eat, and the dangers if they aren't fed properly.

Anatomy
Understanding how a horse digests can help you appreciate what they can and need to eat. Humans, pigs, and dogs are non-ruminants, meaning we can digest carbohydrates, protein and fat by enzymatic action. Cattle, sheep, and deer are ruminants and use bacteria in their fore stomachs to digest fiber by fermentation and use enzymatic digestion in the small intestines.

Source: Merriam-Webster http://goo.gl/KnoYc

Horses are different. All their digestion is by enzymatic digestion, and takes place in the foregut/small intestine, ahead of hind gut/large intestine. The foregut has about 30% of the total weight of the digestive tract of the horse, but is where most feed nutrients are digested and absorbed. A horse is designed to digest soluble carbohydrates and proteins from grains. What isn't digested in the fore gut, is the insoluble carbohydrates from forages and is sent on to the hind gut. The hind gut is made of two large organs: the cecum and the colon. The hindgut is built to use up what's left of the plant fiber. This is the cellulose and semicellulose, and starches. Think of the cecum as the big tubs where sour mash ferments when making bourbon. Volatile fatty There is a tremendous amount of gas produced too. What's left enters the colon where the last of the nutrients are broken down and absorbed. Before it can get there, food has to be ground. It makes healthy teeth imperative. We humans can gum food, if we have to, but for horses, unless it's ready to be mash, digestion doesn't happen, or if it doesn't, not well.

A horse can only hold about two gallons, which makes it hard for me to wrap my head around just HOW much a horse has to eat to stay healthy. Enter speed. A horse's stomach can empty as fast as 12 minutes after eating its fill. The rate food works its way through the foregut is is about one foot per minut. Food goes from the horses mouth to the hindgut in about an hour and a half. This is why horses are sometimes called "hay burners" - they can (and need) to eat fairly constantly.

Factor further into your consideration that pelleted or hay (often found in sweet feeds) move faster than loose hay.

Foals and youngsters don't have a developed cecal and colonic digestion. There is very little fermenting sort of digestion before three months - so a foal needs a low fiber diet. Foals are seen eating their mother's manure just might be doing so to get the bacteria needed to start the microbes necessary for their guts to properly digest.

Colic
A word even the youngest of horsemen learn to dread. It's usually gastrointestinal in nature and is most often due to a trouble in the hindgut. There are so many possible causes colic, whether bacterial, physical blockage, or even sand. However, the source of dread is that colic can have fatal consequences without surgical intervention. Colic surgery is expensive procedure and risky. Add to it, the aftercare is intensive. Among domesticated horses, colic is the leading cause of premature death.

The cecum has about 7-9 gallons of capacity to the stomach's 2 gallons. The exit and entrance to the cecum is about 2 inches. You can well imagine how this has potential to clog the pipes. This part of the the digestive tract can become impacted when there is a sudden shift from poor quality ration (which is digested slowly) to high quality (which is digested quickly). Impaction of the cecum and colon is most common. Add a shift in feed, a lack of adequate hydration or change in exercise, and a horse is predisposed to colliding. To prevent this type of colic (of which there are many more), it is best to allow one to two weeks when shifted from one type of feed to another.

Of note, there is an annual sudden change in feed when winter scrub grasses are replaced by fresh lush spring grasses. Those spring grasses are the horse equivalent to ice cream, and horses have all the will power of a toddler let loose on your freezer. They will eat and eat and eat until they are sick.

Why is that dangerous? Young lush fast-growing plants are low in fiber, contain about 22-25% protein, and large amounts of digestible carbohydrates. That sudden change from winter to spring grasses, changes the bacterial flora and the sudden death of less favorable bacteria - necessary for proper digestion. Death of large numbers of bacteria leads to release of endotoxin as the bacteria die or the cell disintegrates. Horses placed directly on pasture after being fed from a dry lot or hay can develop what's called laminitis due to this sudden shift.

If you suspect your horse or pony is suffering from colic, call your vet immediately.

Laminitis and Founder
Laminitis is the inflammation due to infection in the sensitive layers of tissue (the laminae) that connects the coffin bone to the hoof wall. It's the hoof equivalent of swelling in the brain. The brain swells, there is no place for the inflammation to go against the skull. Same thing with the hoof, there is no place for the inflammation to go against the hard wall of the hoof. The result is that the tissues separate, called delaminate. This doesn't tickle. It's extremely painful.

Founder occurs when the bond between the sensitive and insensitive laminae completely fails, causing the laminae to die. The means the coffin bone (a pedal shaped bone that allows the horse to stand inside that hoof) and the hoof to break down. Arteries and veins are damaged through the crushing force on the remaining living tissue around the coffin bone. The bone starts to rotate downwards and through the sola of the hoof on the ground. (Thus, the term "to founder" in maritime vernacular means to sink.)

the pink line
shows where the
coffin bone
had shifted
hoofcure.com

This condition is particularly prevalent in ponies and can cause extreme lameness. It can lead to what's commonly called founder. The reason why is simple, ponies only need a fraction of what horses do. Hay for ponies should therefore ALWAYS be of good quality grass hay. A pony won't need the nutrition provided by alfalfa or clover hay, for instance. The sudden access to lush pasture that happens every Spring is of particular danger to a pony. Therefore, when you notice winter scrub subsiding to Spring lush grass, plan on keeping your pony out in short periods. You'll need either a dry lot or to stable a pony to prevent it from getting colic, which again can cause colic or laminitis. Start with 10 minute of grazing and gradually and add a few minutes each day, twice a day. Yes, this means having to get out to the barn, taking the pony in and out of its stall, perhaps even picking up a pitchfork. When compared to the real risks, it is a small price to pay. Ponies become obese very quickly, and that alone can lead to health problems. Just because a pony hasn't had a problem, doesn't mean it won't this year or next. As ponies age, as previously discussed in another post, their ability to digest is compromised.

Here's a good article from the website, www.hoofcure.com that hopefully will stay up on how to keep a foundered hoof trimmed. Note, a hoof where there is found can just look like a neglected hoof, one that's gone a few months too many without having hoof clippers and rasp taken to it. Unfortunately, what you see isn't what you get underneath.

If you suspect that your horse or pony is developing laminitis, it is imperative that you act immediately. Even a few hours can make an enormous difference in the outcome of laminitis and founder treatment. First, call the veterinarian and follow their instructions. Take your horse off the pasture immediately and make sure he does not have access to any grass. Even if your horse shows only mild symptoms, such as slight stiffness in the forelegs, you should make sure he is taken off grass as even a small amount will pose great danger to a horse with laminitis. Feel for heat in your horse’s feet. If possible, direct a spray of cold water from a garden hose over the affected feet to reduce inflammation. (Inflammation contributes towards separation of the laminae.) When the veterinarian arrives, he or she will be able to assess the situation and start treatment to relieve pain and reduce swelling, if necessary.

Feeds

There are three basic sources of nutrition for horses: pasture, hay and grains. Before we get into them, there are a couple of concerns that I'm more aware of today, and quite honestly with good reason, than I knew and for that matter, had to know that first time I filled a repurposed coffee can full of grain. We bought horse feed from the local feed store, one of which is now the location for a local famed bar-b-que joint called Mark's Feed Store - still has the metal feed signs on the walls.

Commercial feed companies operate as any large (huge, remember these guys supply feed to the slaughter industry) corporation, they are in business to make a profit. Not to aid in the health and well being of your animal, they are much more concerned with the health and well being of their shareholders, and they are very concerned with what will entice you to purchase their product. Again, they do not care if your horse eats the grain or supplement for 2 days or two years, if he drops dead, as a caring horse person you will buy another horse and purchase their feed again anyway

Pasture
The most natural food for horses is good quality pasture. Most mature pleasure horses doing light work will do well on pasture alone if they have sufficient grazing. However, horses are selective grazers and need a large area to meet their nutritional needs. Just because a field is green does not mean it contains sufficient grazing for a horse, and depending on where you live, for a large part of the year pasture is not available.

You can optimize the amount of grazing available by dividing your pasture into sections and rotating your horses through the different paddocks. That way, you give the grass a chance to grow back and can pick up the manure.

Hay
Hay is the basic food of domestic horses. Only feed good quality hay to horses. Inspect hay carefully before buying it, asking the seller to open a bale. Make sure the bales are green and dust and mold free. Stick your hand down into the centre of a bale to make sure it's not warm. Feeding moldy hay can cause colic and dusty hay can cause respiratory problems. To avoid dust, which harbors unhealthy bacteria and more undesirables, it's a good idea to pull the flakes apart and shake them out well before feeding. As a precaution, you can also soak hay before feeding.

The type of hay available varies according to the area you live in. Three basic types in Alberta are grass hay, alfalfa hay and grass/alfalfa mix. Common grasses are timothy and brome. Alfalfa has a higher protein content than grass. Many horse people consider a grass/alfalfa mix the best for horses, and timothy/brome/alfalfa is a common combination.

Alfalfa

Alfalfa Hay
Alfalfa hay is high in fibre, protein, energy, and calcium. This hay is ideal for young or lactating animals as well as those that are recovering from surgery or illnesses. Once an animal reaches adulthood or completes recovery, Alfalfa hay should be replaced with other types of hay.

Alfalfa is also available in cubes and pellets. However, horses need chew time to be content, so except for veterinary reasons, most people feed some hay. Some horses have a tendency to choke on cubes. To be safe, you can soften cubes with water before feeding.

Timothy

Timothy Hay
High in fibre, low in protein and calcium, Timothy hay provides excellent nutrition for all small animals. This grass hay has “solid cattails” that are irresistable to rabbits, hamsters and guinea pigs. This hay is ideal for matured small animals because of its high nutritional value and low fat content.

Timothy hay should always be available to your small animal. It increases motility of the gastrointestinal tract which helps to promote proper functioning of your small pet’s digestive system. Because the majority of small animals have teeth that grow continuously throughout their lives, the provision of Timothy hay will help to wear their teeth down. Aside from keeping their teeth from getting overgrown, Timothy hay also helps to keep their teeth clean. The diet of mainly Timothy hay should be supplemented with fresh vegetables, a small amount of pellets and, of course, fresh water.

Oat Hay

Oat Hay
Oat hay is harvested differently – the oat is collected before it develops into a seed. The hay is high in fibre and low in protein and is a great preventative of GI Stasis. Oat hay contains savory husks full of both flavor and fiber, making it a favorite for many pets.

Orchard and Tall Fescue Hay
Like other long-strand grass hays, the soft-textured Orchard Grass Hay and Tall Fescue is high in fiber, low in protein and supports the health of small herbivores by stimulating digestion, preventing obesity and making mealtime more appealing. Orchardgrass and Tall Fescue are the primary grasses used for pastures and hay.

NOTE: Do not feed your horse grass clippings as they can cause founder. Also, hay alone often cannot provide enough nutrition for hard-working horses, pregnant and nursing mares, or growing youngsters.

Grains and Pellets
Horses often need to be fed more than hay to get the nutrition they need. However, hay should still provide the bulk of the diet. Feeding too much grain can cause problems.

The other feed available comes in three forms: grains (whole, rolled or cracked), sweet feed (grain mixed with molasses), and manufactured feeds (pellets, cubes, or extruded). You can buy bags of feed specially formulated for every stage of a horse's life from creep feed for foals to feed for senior equines.

Grains
Grains can be whole, rolled or cracked and are fed to horses, either on their own, or as part of a prepared horse feed. If the grains are hulled the percentage fiber will be lower and the other percentages higher.

It's important to know that the have different densities, so a quart of corn or wheat gets you twice as much as say oats or barley. So too is the amount of digestible energy vary grain from grain. The importance then is weight. Corn and wheat weigh twice as much per measure means that the horse gets about twice as much energy per measure compared to oats.

Another significance is the amount of carbohydrates per portion. Wheat has about three times the carbs as oats. This is because much of the energy in oats is found in fat and fiber.

Whole Oats

Oats
Historically, oats has been the grain most often fed to horses. Of the common grains for horses, it is the most nutritionally balanced and best for the horse's overall health. Compared to other grains, whole grain oats are high in fiber (10.5% to 12%), lower in starch and are more easily digested. These benefits reduce the risk of colic and laminitis (flounder), making oats the safest grain to feed horses. In addition, the presence of 5% fat provides both nutritional value and additional energy in a safe form, as opposed to pure carbohydrates which can increase the risk of laminitis.

Whole oats has been standard horse feed for decades. Oats can also be bought crimped, crushed, rolled, steamed or triple cleaned. Cleaning removes all dust and weed seeds. Some people feel if the oats is bruised by crimping or rolling it will be more digestible. Often owners will see what looks whole oats in the manure and assume that the horse can't digest the outer shell and the oats have gone straight through. But if you inspect the manure a little closer, you'll see that nothing is left of the inside of the oat and only the hulls are passing through whole. Also, there is a chance that crimping, rolling ect... allows the grain to deteriorate faster and lose nutritional value.

Oats can sometimes make horses much more energetic. This has resulted in the expression 'he is feeling his oats' to describe someone who is much more energetic than usual. When most horses were worked hard (e.g. plowing fields, pulling carriages) this additional energy was considered an advantage. However, now that many horses are used for slow pleasure riding, an energetic horse which wants to run is often considered a disadvantage. With some horses, the extra energy provided by oats is quite pronounced, especially if they are fed large amounts and have little opportunity to burn off the extra energy (e.g. kept in box or small paddock much of the day), which can result in them insisting on running even when their riders command otherwise. Such cases have resulted in the myth that oats makes horses a little crazy and resulted in the use of other grains instead, although the same problem can occur (but is less likely) with other grains.

Barley
A common alternative to oats is barley. One advantage is that it is less likely to result in excessive energy. However, horses typically prefer the taste of other grains and some horses are reluctant to eat barley due to the taste.

Barley starch is also more difficult to digest and consequently more of it passes through the foregut to the hindgut, which may increase the risk of colic or laminitis.

Barley grains are relatively hard, so they typically need to be crushed (see discussion below).

Corn

Corn (which is known as maize in many countries) is high in starch and consequently high in energy. Although not as nutritious as oats or barley, it is a relatively inexpensive source of energy to fatten up a thin horse or maintain the weight of a working horse. Horses like the taste of corn so there is no difficulty in feeding it to them, although the grains will need to be crushed for digestibility. It has the same problem as barley in that the starch typically ends up in the hind gut rather than being digested in the foregut.

Corn can be a source of carbs for your horse. It is reputed to be a 'hot food' - meaning it gets horses hyped up, like a High Fructose Corn Syrup, or cane sugar does our little Greta Jo when against my better judgement she gets it. (side note - HFCS is in EVERYTHING - even cling peaches). Of note, corn kernels are hard, so for a horse with dental problems cracked corn such as this may be easier to chew. Corn is often mixed with other grains such as oats or barley.

Wheat
Wheat is similar to maize in that it is high in carbohydrate energy. However, aside from energy it has limited nutritional value. In addition, many horses find it more difficult to digest than other grains. Unless there is a strong economic (or other reason) to use wheat, one should use one of the other grains.

Crushed, Rolled or Crimped Grains
The hull of grains can be difficult to digest, especially as many of the grains are swallowed by horses without being chewed sufficiently to break the outside hull of all the individual grains. This can result in some of the grain simply passing through the horse, without being digested. Although this is likely not a problem health wise, it does mean that substantial amounts of food can be wasted.

To avoid this, it is common to break the hulls, typically by putting them through a machine with one or more rollers which crush the grains. The result is commonly called 'crushed', 'rolled' or 'crimped' grain (e.g. 'rolled oats').

The disadvantage of this process is that it reduces the shelf-life of the grains in two ways. One is that when stored, the nutritional value decreases at a faster rate. The other, which is a more serious issue, is that mold or fungus can establish itself quicker on crushed grains than on un-crushed grains, which can cause a number of different illnesses. Consequently, it is best not to store crushed grains for long periods of time. If you feed a lot of crushed grain to your horses, it may be more economical to buy a small grain crusher (from a horse equipment store) so that you can freshly crush yourself rather than buying crushed grain.

With oats, crushing is not necessary as healthy horses will normally digest most of the grain even if it is uncrushed. With barley and corn, crushing is more important, as these are difficult to digest if un-crushed and un-hulled.

Hulled Grains
One can either buy whole grains (with the hull) or hulled grains (hull has been removed). Whole grains are generally healthier as they are higher in fiber and the hulls may contain additional nutrients lacking in the grain kernel. However, whole grains may need to be crushed (see above discussion) for digestability. In the case of horses with a weaker digestive system (e.g. very young, very old, or sick), one may prefer to use hulled grains for better digestibility.

Allergies
If one uses straw bedding, one may wish to avoid using the same grain. For example, if one uses wheat straw it may be best not to feed wheat grain or if one uses barley straw it may be best not to feed barley grain.

The first reason for this is that horses sometimes develop allergies, and the risk of developing an allergy is higher with increased exposure. So if a horse is fed wheat and also has wheat bedding (which it not only lies on but also likely eats some of), then the risk of developing a wheat allergy is increased.

Related to this is the issue of what to do if a horse develops an allergy. For example, if it develops an allergy to wheat and one uses wheat bedding, it is advisable to switch to another type of bedding, since horses which eat food they are allergic to can develop a number of health issues (e.g. excessive water retention, poor digestion). Especially in a commercial stable, where alternative bedding types may not be available, this can be an issue.

Manufactured Feeds
These come in either pellets, cubes or extruded form.

Most pellets are a mixture of grains such as oats or barley, corn, vitamin and mineral supplements with molasses often used as a binder and to make it taste good. Some are made specifically for mature or older horses delicate system.

Beet Pulp Pellets
I wasn't even aware that many of the pellets I fed my pony came from beets. Only later, when I started to pay attention did I learn that beet pulp is a popular addition to many horse diets. Its a good source of carbohydrates and can be fed dry or wet, as part of a mash. Many owners like to feed a mash, especially in the winter time, to get a bit of extra moisture in their horses. It's a good feed for horses that are underweight or working very hard. Molasses is usually added to pelleted beet pulp as a binder and palatability. Shredded beet pulp is also available.

Hay cubes - here the type
of hay is Timothy.

Hay Cubes or Bricks
Hay cubes (also known as hay bricks) is hay which has been cut and then compressed into a brick shape. This is a convenient way of storing hay as it uses up less space and can form convenient individual portions. It does tend to be more expensive to buy than baled hay and horses with dental issues may find it more difficult to chew. There have been cases of horse choke reported with hay bricks, but this is uncommon. Aside from these differences, it has much the same advantages and disadvantages as normal baled hay. The hay is dried, chopped and compressed, then sold by the bag. Some people replace a portion of their horse's hay with hay cubes and they are useful if your horse can't tolerate even a small amount of hay dust. These cubes are very hard, and while a horse's jaw is very strong, there is a chance of choke. Soaking and breaking up the cubes is one way to avoid this problem.

Hay Pellets
Hay pellets is effectively hay which has been ground up, heat treated and converted to pellets. It tends to be more expensive than hay (partly due to the additional processing), but is also more convenient and uses up about a third of the space as medium-density hay bales. As the pellets are effectively hay in another form, it has much the same nutritional value, except for those brands which add minerals or vitamins.

Pelleted feed

Pellets
little pellets especially for foals, although the size of the pellets would be fine for mature horses too. Pellets are usually a mixture of grains, corn, supplements. The grains are often steamed so they are more digestible. Molasses is often added as a binder and to make the feed taste good. Pellets can be eaten quicker than hay and grains in their unprocessed format, so provide somewhat less occupation and stimulation than unprocessed hay. They also tend to break down quicker in the digestive system, so provide somewhat less value in terms of absorbing stomach acids and protecting against ulcers.

A common problem with pellets is that many horses will try to swallow them without first properly chewing them, resulting in the horses choking. If your horse does this, you should soak the pellets in water for 10 minutes or so before feeding to the horse; this causes the pellets to break down into a soupy mix which the horses cannot choke on. The advantages and disadvantages of soaking are:

Benefits of Soaking. Soaking the pellets prevents the horse from choking on them. Water Intake becomes very important, so soaking them is a good way to increase your horse's water intake, as horses do not always drink enough. In particular, older horses sometimes do not drink enough (although there are some illnesses which have the opposite effect) and horses being transported often do not drink enough.

Winter Warming. During the winter, horses can become chilled (especially old, sick or shaved horses). If there pellets are soaked in warm water (but not hot water!) this can help them warm up, especially as compared to drinking cold water from an outside bucket or unheated drinker.
Mess. Unfortunately, many horses lift their head away from their feeding bucket while eating, and in the case of soaked hay pellets this can result in them dropping a fair bit on the floor. Furthermore, if they toss their heads while eating (e.g. if startled by a noise), it tends to result in the hay soup being sprayed on the walls. All such mess should be cleaned up to prevent the growth of mold or fungus. Alternatively, one may wish to feed them from a bucket outside.

Sweet Feed

Sweet feed
A lot of people swear by sweet feeds -- its very easy to find inexpensive ones -- and a lot of people won’t ever buy them for their horses because of the negative health effects associated with them. Many feed companies make their own sweet feeds for owners who may only need small quantities. One precaution with sweet feed in hot humid weather: if the molasses content is high, and the feed sits for a long time, it can begin to ferment or mold. Some horseman make their own mix of sweet feed.

However, when discussing these feeds, it must be noted that they have a VERY large range of quality. There are some that are very bad for your horse, as well as some that will not do too much damage to his digestive system.

Anything that has added sugar is considered a sweet feed. This includes both textured feeds (those with particles that are visibly different) as well as pelleted feeds, such as beet pulp.

There is a common misconception that pellets can't be sweet feed, but that is just that, a misconception. Pelleted feeds can contain just as much (if not more) sugar than textured feeds.

Usually the sugar is added to feeds in the form of molasses. Molasses in and of itself is not bad. In fact, in small amounts, it can be beneficial, as it is a good source of copper.

Inexpensive (ESPECIALLY the ones that are less than $12-15 for a 50 pound bag) sweet feeds that are grain based are some of the worst feeds for horses. [Note, when determining the minimum one should budget for owning a horse, this is the feed I used for my calculation.]

Usually these feeds have high amounts of added molasses, at which point the negatives outweigh the positives for its addition. What’s the reason for the high amount of molasses? It is to cover up the taste of the low-quality ingredients that go into these feeds.

You get what you pay for in this world, and its also true for horse feeds. To make those bags of feed so inexpensive and still make money, the feed company must use the cheapest ingredients they can, which are usually very low quality.

In fact, a lot of times the ingredients in one bag might not even be the same as in the next bag! (Take a look at the ingredient list section of reading a feed tag for details...)

...now, back to the sugars.

Compounding the problem is the fact that these feeds are usually very high in corn and other grains...which are very high in sugar and/or starch themselves. This sugar and starch is not handled well by the digestive system of the horse. In addition to not being handled well, all the sugar and starch creates a sugar-high -- kind of like when you give a pre-schooler candy bars for lunch!

You wouldn’t give your pre-schooler a diet of soda and candy bars for snack right before lunch, or instead of lunch, so why would you do the same to your horse?

Yet that is exactly what these sweet feeds are. Hello. Look at their name.

As I mentioned with corn, often sweet feed also makes horses get “hot” on grain? The sugars and starches are the culprit. Not all horses react this way - just as some children can have that bowl of ice cream followed by popsicle (true story, and fortunately not my kiddos). Often "hot" horses can very successfully be fed alternative low-grain feeds (even low-grain sweet feeds) and remain calm and manageable.

Also, these inexpensive feeds are usually meant to be fed at rates of 6-10 pounds per day...which is a lot of feed. It is also a LOT of sugar.

Some of the higher end sweet feeds are not near as bad as the inexpensive ones. However, some of them are just as bad, if not worse. And for the price you pay for a bag of the high-end feeds, you could buy an alternative forage-based feed that would be healthier for your horse.

If you do decide to feed your horse sweet feed, make sure to look for the following to minimize the sugar/starch you are feeding him (and therefore its potential negative effects):

Water

Really, this should have been first. I've already touched on how important fresh water is as a vital part of your horse's diet. Horses drink from 5 to 10 gallons a day. It adds up.

We once kept our horses at a barn off Bardstown Road, down Watterson Trail (much of which is now claimed by the expansion of Hursbourne Parkway), that had no running water nor electricity. The price for renting the barn, as a result was just right. We would haul water in repurposed gallon milk jugs in milk crates. Note: at the time, we had five horses. That's 50+ gallons just to drink, plus more for baths to cool down, clean tack, scrub mangers and water buckets. When you want something badly enough, you make it work. When you don't, as someone recently said, you make excuses.

No matter the hassle to an owner of a horse, clean water should be available at all times. One of the main reasons we horsemen go to the barn is to water the horses. It must be kept clean, free from bird dropping, heck, even the horse's droppings.

The only exception when you have to deny a horse water because it is very hot from work. As long as a hot horse continues to work it can drink its fill, but a hot horse should never drink its fill and cease working. A hot horse that has ceased work needs to be cooled out (30—90 minutes) before you give it all the water it wants. As you cool out your horse, allow him to take several small drinks rather than giving him free access to water. While cooling out, continue to hand walk the horse and this coupled with the sips of water will help the cooling process. The danger to giving water to a horse hot from a workout is that they may suffer from colic and/or laminitis and even founder.

While horses can survive on snow in the winter, it is far from ideal. The horse's body has to melt a lot of snow to get enough water, thus wasting body heat. A horse not getting enough water is more liable to impaction colic. An inexpensive stock tank heater can keep the water trough ice-free.

Simple ways to give clean fresh water
1- Use hanging buckets. by raising the buckets, you keep waste (most), bedding, food and other debris, and therefore the unhealthy bacteria and such, from the water. Also, it helps prevent the horse from knocking it over and you having to refill it.
2- Clean waterers often. You must remove leaves, hay, insects, and debris daily. Regularly scrub out the bucket with vinegar and a bristle brush. Refill with fresh clean water.
3- Check for contaminants. Whether on city water or cistern, the EPA offers test results from their water sampling. It's especially important to test your water after floods, heavy storms, or any damage to plumbing or wells.
4- Keep free from manure. sounds like common sense, but if manure is up stream from the stream that feeds the pond where your animals drink… well, guess what's in the water? Generally, manure heaps or concentrations from where animals congregate need to be at least 500 to 1000 feet away from any pond, stream, well head or other water source. Fecal-born bacteria is particularly nasty… like Salmonella.
5- Limit chemical use - akin to how I opened this post with GMO, antibiotics there are pesticides, herbicides and fertilizers thatch leach into ground water and end up in the water. Even if you aren't using them… is your neighbor?
6- Fence off unwanted/unsafe water sources. Blue-green algae that blooms in many ponds, lakes and streams can be toxic to horses.

Supplements
Salt and Minerals
The most common supplement is a mineralized salt block should be available free-choice. You can also buy a variety of other vitamin, mineral and herbal supplements. Consult your veterinarian.

Other Supplements
There are hundreds if not thousands of dietary supplements. They are used for a variety of purposes. Some are simply concentrated forms of a nutrient such as vitamin E or biotin. Biotin has been shown to increase hoof quality in some horses so it is often found in hoof supplements. There are multi-nutrient supplements and single nutrient supplements. While we know that nutrient deficiencies are detrimental, there is not very much research support for feeding supplements that increase nutrient intakes above requirements. In today's commercial feed market, most mixed feeds are highly fortified with minerals and vitamins already.

There are lots of other dietary supplements...some are aimed at enhancing joint health (glucosamine, chondroitin, etc.); some are aimed at enhancing digestive health and capacity (probiotics and prebiotics); some are herbal/botanical supplements. Pretty much anything you can find in a dietary supplement store for people is in a feed supplement for horses. Do they work? Not much data. Are the safe? Maybe. Do some contain prohibited substances? Possibly. Are they harmful? In most cases no.

We've got the what - now HOW MUCH?

Drumroll please... IT DEPENDS?

I know, you'd like me to put a chart here or something, but the amount of food a horse needs will depend on such things as size, breed, age, and activity. In cold weather, a horse living outside needs more food just to keep warm.

I will give you a general rule: a horse needs 2 to 2.2 pounds of feed for every 100 pounds of body weight. If you don't know how much your horse weighs, don't fret about bringing out the bathroom scale, they make a tape to measure how much your horse weighs by measuring the circumference of their barrel just behind the withers. For example, an average 1000 lb horse would need 20 to 25 pounds of feed a day. Most of that should be hay. A typical diet for a horse being ridden for one hour five days a week would be 2 to 5 pounds of grain and 15 to 20 pounds of hay a day, split into at least two separate meals.

You must be involved in your horse's life and have an ongoing awareness of its overall condition. If you have to make adjustments, again, I can't stress enough, make them over one to two weeks... gradually. I found it useful to use the weight tape on a regular basis and keep a record. If your horse is gaining or losing, change the amount or what you feed. If you find fluctuations, be aware that your horse's weight should remain stable regardless of how much work he is doing or how cold the weather is. In winter, you can't tell by looking. That fluffy (even if muddy) heavy winter coat hides a thin horse. Groom your horse regularly (you need to for healthy muscle tone and coat anyway, and while you're at it - feel your horse's body under all his winter woolies. If you are unsure about how much to feed your horse, ask your veterinarian for advice.

How often should I feed my horse?
I've already touched on this, but again, it's good practice to feed horses a little at a time and often. The more meals you can split the day's feed into, the better for the horse. For practical reasons, most people feed two or three times a day. Keep to a regular schedule and allow the horse an hour between work and feeding and watering.

Can a horse eat too much?
From the brief discussions on colic and laminitis, it's obvious that overfeeding can be a problem. While some horses will eat only what they need, most will eagerly overeat if given the chance. This can lead to founder or laminitis. Keep an eye on your horse's weight and adjust meal size as required. Don't feed concentrates unless your horse needs them. If your horse is pastured, it may be necessary to confine him in a dirt corral for part of the day. In some ways, a fat horse is as unhealthy as a thin one.

How can I can tell if my horse is the proper weight?
Go beyond the tape measure. What you'll want to be looking at is the amount of flesh on the ribs, on the base of the tail, between the hips and on the bony prominences. These are the bones that stick out from the spine behind the rib cage. A horse in good condition, the ribs ought to have a slight fat covering but you can feel them. The base of the tail has a smooth shape with slight fat covering. The neck is firm but, except for stallions, has no crest. Scroll back up top and look at 28 year old Bucky -- not bad, eh?!

Poisonous Plants
I've talked about what they should have (save avoiding the apparently unavoidable GMOs), what about what horses ought never have, or should avoid having in large copious quantities? Below are some common weeds, trees, plants and shrubs are toxic to horses and ponies. If you suspect poisoning from any plant or substance call your veterinarian immediately. Learn to identify these plants in your pastures and yards:

Deadly nightshade

Deadly nightshade likes sandy soil and thrives even in dry conditions. I've become very familiar with this plant's vining habits on my own property. It has a white star shaped flower and the fruit looks like a large black current. All parts of this plant are toxic to humans and pets.
The leaves are dark green and smooth textured somewhat similar to that of a tomato plant. (It is in the same family as tomato, potato and pepper plants which is why you don't want your neighbor pitching his garden scraps over your fence.) Nightshades can be difficult to eradicate.

Horses are unlikely to eat nightshade or any other toxic plant unless there is no other feed available or it is baled into the hay and eaten accidentally. Signs of nightshade poisoning may include:

colic like symptoms
loss of muscle control
disorientation
dilated pupils
death

Buttercups

Buttercups can appear on the margin of a marshy area in a pasture, or under trees. The flowers are yellow and cup shaped with sharply lobed leaves off of a thin stem. The grass around them was well grazed. Horses will avoid eating buttercups if there is more desirable feed available. After a hard frost or dried in hay buttercups are no longer toxic. Buttercups may cause:

irritation of the mouth area
colic like symptoms
diarrhea

Bracken Fern

Bracken fern is very common, growing along roadsides, in fields, in light bush areas and even gardens. In the spring 'fiddleheads' unfurl into triangular fronds up to 3ft (1m) high. I've had horses snatch a mouthful of fern while riding and they seem to find it palatable. Bracken fern dried and baled into hay is still toxic. If a horse eats a large quantity of this fern the toxins can cause a Vitamin B1 deficiency.
Symptoms of bracken fern poisoning may include:

loss of coordination
depressed heart rate
arrhythmia
weight loss
eventual death if not promptly treated

Horse Tails

Horsetail: This plant grows in largely sand and gravel. If it drains quickly, it makes for the perfect spot for this variety of horsetail. Other varieties grow in more marshy areas. If the plant is dried into hay the toxin may have a greater effect than in the fresh plant. The toxin in this plant destroys the Vitamin B in the horse's blood.
Symptoms of Horsetail poisoning are:

weakness
stumbling
arrhythmia of increased pulse
death
irritability

Lamb's Quarters (or Pigweed)

Lamb's Quarters: In some areas this plant is called pigweed or lamb's quarters. The plant I've photographed here is what we call lamb's quarters. It has smooth, light colored leaves and a woody red stem. The 'flower' looks rather like small pale green cauliflower cluster. A horse would have to eat a large quantity of lamb's quarters for the toxin to take effect. Unless there is no other feed available it is unlikely a horse will eat this plant. If a horse consumes a large quantity of lamb's quarters symptoms may include:

weakness
lack coordination
respiratory distress
coma
kidney failure

Lily of the Valley

Lily of the Valley: This common garden plant is toxic to humans and pets, including horses. Lily of the Valley is unlikely to be growing in a pasture. It could be accidentally ingested if someone were to throw garden clippings close to a fence line where curious horses might be able to reach. Garden and lawn clippings should be disposed of out of reach of horses.

Milk Weed

Milkweed is a very common pasture plant. Elliptical shaped leave branch off of a central stem. When any part of the plant is torn it will ooze a white, sticky sap. The flowers grow in a ball shaped cluster and when in full bloom are a lavender color. The pods develop to about 3" and in fall split open to release brown seeds that float through the air on downy fibers. All parts of the plant are toxic. Living and dried plants (accidentally baled into hay) are toxic. Like most toxic plants horses will avoid milkweed unless they have no other food source. Signs of milkweed poisoning are:

disorientation
loss of muscular control
spasming
rapid and weak pulse
respiratory paralysis

Milk weed poisoning is rarely fatal.

Pigweed

Pigweed: can be very toxic if eaten in large quantities. Horses are unlikely to eat this plant unless there is no other food available. This weed seems to grow everywhere--from pastures to vegetable gardens, roadsides to barnyards. It is still toxic if dried and baled into hay. Pigweed, and its relative lamb's quarters can cause kidney failure. Other symptoms of pigweed ingestion may include:

respiratory distress
weakness
lack of coordination
coma

Red Maple

Red Maple: This tree offers beautiful fall colour, but the bark of red maples is smooth and grayish. The twigs are reddish brown.

The fresh leaves are considered relatively safe, but wilted and fallen leaves can be toxic--but tasty, to horses. The toxins affect the red blood cells. Three pounds of ingested red maple leaves is considered lethal.

Leaves can remain toxic for several weeks after they've fallen. Don't dispose of red maple leaves in manure piles or compost heaps that might be in reach of your horses. Red maple leaves can cause problems if baled into hay.

Red maples grow throughout eastern United States and Canada.

Symptoms of red maple poisoning are:

depression
dark brown urine
rapid pulse
increased respiration
coma

Red Oak

Red Oak: The leaves of red oaks are toxic to horses. Thankfully they are far enough away from the paddocks that the horses can not reach them.
While I've had my horses snatch a mouthful of oak leaves while riding with no apparent harm, a large quantity can be dangerous.

Various varieties of oaks live throughout North America. Horses will eat the leaves if there is no other food available. Water may be contaminated by fallen leaves. Acorns are also toxic if eaten in quantity.

Signs of oak poisoning are:

colic symptoms
diarrhea
darkened urine
depression

St. John's Wort

St. John's Wort: You may notice this pretty yellow flower growing from mid-July to mid-August. St. John's Wort blooms in our dry sandy soil. If you crush the flowers between your fingers, it will leave a rusty reddish stain. Some people soak the flowers in a vegetable oil base to make what is believed to be a healing oil. I found out the hard way that it is not a good way to treat a sunburn on a horse's nose--it actually makes it worse. St. John's Wort causes photo sensitivity--whether it is ingested or as an oil applied to the skin.

Pond Scum

Blue Green Algae

This microscopic organism, commonly known as pond scum, can produce a neurotoxin that can kill your cattle, horses, your dog (or you child, for that matter) in minutes. The algae blooms usually occur in late summer or early fall, but can occur at any time.

Want more? Here's a handy quiz:

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Sources:
For feeding and anatomy - memory and too many to list
Types of hay: http://www.petsmagazine.com.sg/articles/24-types-of-hay
Feed grains: http://horses.about.com/od/feedingyourhorse/ig/Horse-Feed-Gallery/
Poisonous plants: http://goo.gl/o4xz1
pond scum: http://goo.gl/HrXL0