For Those Who Seek

Come Ride The Roller Coaster with Me!

noreply@blogger.com (Katherine) — Thu, 22 Nov 2012 02:48:00 +0000

These last few months have been the "usual" for me which means lots of clients with pretty significant issues. But first, I will bring everyone up-to-date concerning my younger son, the one who had encephalitis.

He has recovered completely from a physical and mental perspective. I think he has learned some valuable lessons. He is struggling right now with trying to start his law practice on his own. Today's economy doesn't make it easy for someone just starting out. He has developed a niche practice, but the company he hired to market the practice has not been as productive for him as we had hoped.

He has helped a local small businessman with some legal work which led him into a trying to start a business venture with that gentleman. None of us know whether that will work or not. He has been very discouraged lately, and I am hoping that God will continue to work in his life and heart.

Our grandchildren keep us laughing and engaged in the process of growing.

My brother, whose has not been in good health for years has ended up in the hospital in the city where he lives and then in a specialized nursing home for rehab for lymphedema in his leg. I received this piece of news just before I was to speak at a NAMI dinner here in our town.

That week-end was an interesting one, to say the least. On Friday, I was giving a presentation to nursing students about suicide. One of my clients, who struggles with suicidal ideation, had asked to come and talk with the students as well. I had been offered, and had agreed to, a three hour presentation.. After the first hour, we all decided to take a break for a few minutes. I went to use the bathroom and said hello to another person in the class who was leaving the bathroom. When I was in the middle of "taking care of business", the power in the entire building went out. I finished what I needed to do, and was groping for the handle on the stall door when the person I met earlier, came to get me, flashlight on her smartphone guiding the way. The funny thing is, I am almost never without my iphone (which has a flashlight), but of course, that time, it was still in the classroom.

As a group, we explored, talked with the cleaning personnel, listened while the nursing instructor called security and waited. We were informed that the emergency lighting in the hallway would only last an hour, and so we all decided to leave. I packed up my lap top, thought I had grabbed the power cord, and left.

I had also committed to be the speaker for the NAMI dinner the next night. NAMI is National Association on Mental Illness, a grass-roots educational group that was formed to educate people about mental illness and provide support to those with mental illness and their families/friends/significant others. The topic was "Humor in Difficult Situations".

I arrived at the Embassy Suites where the dinner was to be held ahead of time so that I could make sure everything worked properly. Then I noticed that my battery indicator showed that I had almost no power left...remember where I had been the night before? I had not picked up my power cord. Luckily I called someone who had the same model of lap top, and she came down and let me use her power cord.

The dinner was wonderful, and I put my hat on and began to speak.

My lap top was charging appropriately. Then, the first problem cropped up...it was with the microphone...crackle, crackle, squeak, squeak.

Then the LCD projector which was connected to my Mac was not projecting the sound on my video clips to come through the room speakers. So, I put the crackling microphone next to the speakers on the laptop and listened as the audience laughed at Art Linkletter talking to kids on his famous, "Kids Say the Darndest Things" program.

But, after my Mac had died and before I plugged in the other power cord, the connection between the LCD projector and my Mac had been interrupted. I thought it was my Mac and turned to use the laptop Embassy Suites provided for me when my Mac first ran out of power. I connected it to the LCD and inserted the thumb drive that I had copied my presentation onto. Still no powerpoint projected on the screen. And crackle, crackle, squeak, squeak went the mike.

I was provided with another microphone, and continued to speak. I reconnected the LCD to the Mac....but the powerpoint still wouldn't project on the screen. Reconnecting to the other laptop, I continued to speak....and chuckle. That laptop crashed and so I powered up the Mac and presented to the audience from my powerpoint which I could see, even though they could not...I truly was enjoying the irony of the whole thing, and as I closed with a couple of funny stories, decided that what better way to give a presentation on "Humor in Difficult Situations" than to experience it first hand! I still find humor in that NAMI presentation.

How I wish that people who struggle with depression, anxiety, PTSD, abuse histories, Dissociative Identity Disorder and other complex mental health issues could find relief from their struggles. I suggest humor whenever appropriate and have "prescribed" old TV shows such as I Love Lucy. In addition, I suggest reading humorous books as well.
Because of the complexity of the issues that my clients are dealing with, it is not uncommon for several of them to be in crises at the same time. When several of my clients are experiencing crises at the same time, I lovingly refer to that as "Three full moons, six full moons, etc". That is because I have often said that there is always a full moon in my office. (There is a general consensus that when the moon is full, people's behavior often deteriorates.)

As a therapist, I see the pain and anguish these diagnoses cause, and am constantly educating myself and researching techniques and medications which might help. I have found medical hypnosis to be a useful technique for those experiencing depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and those who want to stop smoking or overeating. I am also utilizing it as I work with the clients with Dissociative Identity Disorder. In addition, I use EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) to help clients process trauma. In addition, I use Sand Tray Therapy, stuffed animals, and Projective Drawing to help the adult clients express themselves. This is a journey for all of us. I hope to be able to blog about some of the more complex diagnoses and explain them in understandable terms.

In a Moment of Time

noreply@blogger.com (Katherine) — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 19:43:00 +0000

In a Moment of Time

In a moment of time, one's whole life and circumstances can change. Even when your children are adults, as ours are, what happens in their lives affects us. Last week, my husband and I went out of town with a close family friend so she could attend a training and not have to drive alone. Last Monday night, our older son called and said his brother was acting rather strangely. As a 35 yo with a history of alcohol dependence in the past, my first thought went to, "oh, oh...he started drinking again." Tuesday he was no better and the behavior was becoming more bizarre, so we instructed N (older son) to take P (35 yr old) to the ER. They did a CT scan and preliminary findings indicated acute demyelinating encephalitis...This is an illness that can follow a viral infection, like the flu...He had had a cold a couple of weeks before. He also may have inherited the autoimmune problems that are on my side of the family. The autoimmune issue may have also played a part. We returned from Kansas City the next afternoon (9 hour trip). A spinal tap was performed and an MRI confirmed the ADE. It is a viral infection and it was determined that there is no medicine to kill this virus. The treatment is IV prednisone for 3-5 days to reduce the inflammation so the brain can do its own healing work.

Fortunately there was NO swelling ever in the brain. There is a 70% survival rate with ADE and of the 70%, 2/3 will recover their mental capabilities completely. Each day was filled at first, with prayers for survival. After that was determined, our prayers are now for complete recovery.

P is an attorney with a mind like a steel trap....he is in the process of starting a unique law practice that will mostly be done on line. Like all of us, he has not always made the best decisions in the past and was dealing with those consequences. In the hospital, his mind was obviously affected by the disease. He had to be retrained in basic skills, but, thanks to God, those have returned. There is still some fine tuning yet, however.

We are seeing symptoms of impulsivity, agitation, restlessness, frustration, and an inability to make some wise choices. At this point in time, short, short term memory is a problem. He cannot be left unsupervised at all. He cannot keep track of the simplest things...he is frequently losing his glasses, his contacts, his wallet, his phone...he is not sure where he left his clothes. We are constantly reorienting him. It is very difficult for him on so many levels and us as well. One of the positives is that he figured out how to use most of the functions on his phone and that requires higher level thinking....so the brain connections are there...just not always functioning correctly.

My husband is in his final week of his employment. He is retiring after 47 years with the same company...so this week he has had to be IN the office, finalizing the training of his replacement....(it is taking 2 people right now to replace him!). I have had to be out of my office for almost two weeks now because of P's care needs. If I don't work, I don't get paid since, as a therapist, that is the process in our organization. I don't share this to whine in any way but to give indication of the depth of the stress we are all experiencing. We ARE trusting God to provide in every way for us.

Our church family and friends are upholding us in prayer and offering concrete help, and that is what we believe is making it possible for us to deal in a positive way with all of this.

P is very, very independent and it is very difficult for him to be supervised, questioned, and redirected. It is not easy for us either. He was a very stubborn 2 year old, a very stubborn and defiant teenager, and so some of the symptoms we are seeing are reminiscent of those earlier years.

If any of you pray, we would appreciate prayers for complete healing for him. Please also pray for strength, courage, and wisdom for my husband, N and his wife and our two grandchildren, and for me. I have always suggested to clients how beneficial journaling is. Now I know first hand. And thank you, to whomever developed blogging!

The road ahead is uncertain, but our Guide is beside us and has provided wonderful people to walk with us on the way.

There really has been no questioning of God as to why this has occurred. We are trusting in Him.

I Have Not Taken The Road Less Traveled...

noreply@blogger.com (Katherine) — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 21:42:00 +0000

I Have Not Taken The Road Less Traveled...I Just Went on a Detour!

Fall has finally arrived, my favorite season. I am really happy I live in the Mid-west because of the seasonal changes. For me, Fall does not represent an ending as in harvesting crops and gray days. It represents, to me, a chance for God to once again provide exceptional beauty with the leaves turning color and the bright orange of pumpkins and gourds that dot the landscape.

Even the gray days provide a time to figuratively catch my breath in the busyness of life. (I spelled busyness this way on purpose :)) I love to sit and look out the window and ponder. I am also now looking for a very inexpensive electric fireplace for my office...I want the ambience to be comfortable for everyone!

I am happy to report on this blog that I have suffered no more slit fingernails from the blade of my food processor. My husband has had both his hips replaced in the last four months and has recovered amazingly quickly...due to all the prayers offered on his behalf. I can now call him a Bionic Man!

Our grandchildren enjoy coming to our house either with Mom and Dad or without them. It is fun to watch our granddaughter ride her bike with joyful abandon and our grandson run through the yard squealing with delight as he plays in the leaves and grass. He is not yet too keen on riding the Big Wheel..he would rather laugh at me on it!

I also am partial to fall because my birthday occurs....Halloween....I used to think what a cool way to celebrate my birthday with lots of extra candy! I love the crisp, cool weather after the humid heat of the summer in the mid-west. We make at least one visit to the orchard in our area, and I always come away from there with lots of goodies.

My grandchildren's happy childhood provides stark contrast with what many of my clients have endured as children. (For those of you who are new to reading this blog, I am a psychotherapist who treats adults, and I specialize in providing therapy for adults abused as children.) Abuse in ANY form is NEVER ok. It still constantly amazes me the horror that children endure at the hands of adults. It also amazes me that so many of them have survived.

There are two mental health diagnoses that can result from the horrific abuse children endure. While Dissociative Identity Disorder and Borderline Personality disorder are very challenging for therapists to treat, they are even more challenging for the client who experiences them.

Clients with DID experience switching of personalities, often frequently. There are periods of time that are "lost". They can drive a car and find themselves in unfamiliar places and not know how they got there. They can lose valuable objects and not know where they are because one of the alters hid them. They can spend money and not know on what the funds were spent. They often have been threated by their abusers with either their own death or the death of a loved one if they tell or disclose details of the abuse. This threat is as real to them as adults as it was when they were threatened as children. They have extremely low self esteem and often blame themselves and feel "dirty, bad, ugly".

Clients with Borderline Personality Disorder have a very difficult time with relationships and often feel abandoned emotionally by the people in their lives. They enter into adulthood with many attachments issues. They struggle with impulsivity and intense anger. They often live in an "I love you, I hate you, don't leave me" world.

And the most difficult thing for all is the fact that only rarely, is the abuser brought to justice and made to pay for what they did. Most of the time it is the survivor who bears the scars and the abuser has no accountability.

The question so often asked is, "Why?". For many there is no answer that makes sense to them as people who have experienced the abuse. For some with a religious faith, they are able to look at the abuse as either the influence of the fall of man (sin) or that God gave them the strength to endure and survive. For others, for those who prayed earnestly for rescue, there is a great deal of anger with God for not rescuing them immediately. For me as a therapist with a deep faith in Christ, it is difficult to help these people without sounding preachy or minimizing what they are going through. I continue to search for answers that will make sense.

In February of 2012, I will be presenting a two hour workshop at our annual Equip Conference. It is a conference sponsored by local churches to provide training to those who volunteer or are paid staff in a church. My topic is "The Church's Responsibility To Those Who Have Been Abused". For those of you reading this blog who pray, I am requesting prayer as I prepare for this. I gave a one hour workshop several years ago, but feel the need to expand it.

We continue this journey together.

It's Been Awhile

noreply@blogger.com (Katherine) — Sun, 21 Aug 2011 22:20:00 +0000

It has been quite awhile since I have written a blog. It is the stuff of life that tends to consume our time, doesn't it? Since I have written, my husband has had a very successful hip replacement and we are getting ready for him to have the second one done. His orthopedic surgeon is very impressed with his recovery! Of course, I am not showing favoritism at all, am I? We celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary 9 days after his surgery, and I am so grateful to God for bringing us together and for the years we have had to know and love each other. We have 2 sons and 2 grandchildren.

Our granddaughter is riding her two-wheeler without training wheels.

Our grandson has his "little" Big Wheel. He insisted that I ride on it as well! That was an interesting sight.

Since my last post, I have cut yet another finger on the same food processor blade, left in about the same place on the counter! It now sits safely (?) in the food processor instead of on the counter. Same day of the week, same people present, same function of cleaning the counter.
This one is healing more quickly than the other and the split
in the nail is not as long...

Our grandson is saying more words, and we chuckle at how much he loves life and family. Our granddaughter starts kindergarten tomorrow, and my daughter-in-law gave the thumbs up for me to accompany them on her first day. It is hard to keep up with all the changes.

But, for those with DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder), living with constant change is also hard to keep up with. Two of the clients I see in my office have DID. It is a disorder that, for some, is frightening because of the switching that occurs without warning. For others, it seems not to be so fear producing. Neither is right nor wrong....just different. Mental illness presents itself in as many different ways as there are people with a diagnosis. I see the frustration and anguish in their eyes and on their faces as they switch in front of me, and try to account for lost time and lost sense of identity. There is hope, but this takes a great deal of time.

Unfortunately, there is still a lot of controversy about this diagnosis. I want to learn as much as I can about this disorder so I am in the process of studying and learning more about DID. Several books have been helpful...Sybil, When Rabbit Howls, Switching Time, and More Than One. I am continually seeking articles and books to continue to educate myself in this area.

There is hope.

This and That

noreply@blogger.com (Katherine) — Wed, 04 May 2011 02:41:00 +0000

It has been a few weeks since I published my first post. I so appreciate how supportive people have been who have read the first posting. These last few weeks have been a usually busy period of time with the normal ups and downs of life.

From a more light-hearted perspective, my grandson and I had an interesting week prior to and including Easter, to say the least. It was a normally busy week for me seeing clients during Holy Week. My daughter-in-law called on Wednesday to say our grandson had broken out with hives on Tuesday evening and was worse on Wednesday morning. She had been able to get him in to see the doctor on Wednesday morning and God provided a cancelled appointment for me so I was able to meet her at the pediatrician's office and help her. My husband and I both have a problem with hives (testing can give no indication of cause for us), but I was able to provide some light-hearted banter with the nurse practitioner and her because of this. It took several days, anti-histimines and children's motrin but by Easter Sunday we thought he was better.

In the meantime, on Thursday my right eye developed pain, and I soon had a case of conjunctivitis (pink eye). I started on antibiotics, but my vision was affected, and so I was not at my best. I missed the Good Friday service of darkness at our church. This is a special service during which Christ's death is the focus. At the beginning of the service, the sanctuary is in full light. There are candelabra on the platform, with the candles lit.

As the Scripture is read and explained, candles are extinguished. Communion is served. By the end of the service only one candle still flames (Christ, the light of the world). The sanctuary lights are at their dimmest (yet still on enough to provide safety) as the service ends. The congregation is requested to exit in total silence out of respect for what had happened so long ago. It is a very moving service, and I was sad not to be able to attend. However, I was able to get the things done on Saturday that needed to be done in preparation for Easter.

Easter Sunday, our grandson awoke with a lot fewer hives, but with a low-grade fever. It was a busy morning, but I was able to go to church and sing in the choir...By time for dinner, his fever was gone, and only a hive or two remained. At our house, his mom was holding him as we were waiting for dinner guests to arrive, and he promptly threw up on her and the floor! We got him cleaned up and down for a nap right away, and she headed home to change clothes (a 20 minute round trip). Dinner went well, and even though our guests had to leave quickly to get their two college age sons to the bus to return to Chicago, we had an enjoyable meal and celebrated Christ's resurrection together. As I was cleaning up the kitchen counter, however, wiping with a sponge, I ran my finger into the blade of my food processor (which I had unfortunately not put away). Fortunately, it only cut a little of the skin, but slit the nail almost to the quick. Band-aided, I continued getting the kitchen in order. He woke from his nap, feeling much better, and we had fun hunting Easter eggs, being thoroughly entertained by a five-year old and a two-year old.

On Tuesday, my right eye had cleared up, but now the left eye was infected, even though I had been very careful with hygiene. We then decided that my grandson and I should be wrapped in customized bubble wrap....he and I are both back in good working order.

Even with the light-heartedness of the above, the difficult questions that my clients ask continue to be an issue for which I search for answers. I see a number of clients with significant issues...trauma, abuse as children, resulting problems ranging from Borderline Personality Disorder to Dissociative Identity Disorder, to Bi-polar Disorder to Major Depression and Anxiety. Throw in those couples struggling with serious issues in their marriage relationship, and it is sufficient to say that my professional days are not boring.

Trauma is such a devastating phenomenon...because it affects people not only when it is happening, but also for so long afterward.   The physical wounds eventually heal, but the emotional, psychological, and mental wounds remain. If they are not process appropriately, they fester. I often explain trauma work to clients in this way...Picture a wound that is not healed...infected...scabbed over. In trauma work, the therapist has to take off the scab, clean out the infection, debride (cut away dead tissue) the wound, and help the client begin the healing process...physically, these deep wounds need to heal from the inside out...but often, the resulting tissue is stronger than before....likewise, the emotional wounds have to heal from the inside out as well.

When children are abused, especially sexually abused, the wounds are not only physical. If the abuser is a close relative, the devastation is much worse..not only did these children suffer this horror at the hand of someone who was supposed to protect and cherish and them, but also, in many instances, had to deal with those who chose not to protect...who ignored the abuse, and made no attempt to correct the wrong. Many develop Dissociative Identity Disorder (a subject for the next post), major depression, and other serious mental health problems. Some do not. The reasons for the difference in coping are still being researched.

One of the most repeated questions asked is, "Why"? For those with a religious belief, the companion question is, "Where was God when I was being abused? Why didn't He protect and get me out of there?" I am still seeking for those answers that will address those questions. I will not provide simplistic rhetoric to my clients. I am honest in telling them that I do not know, but will keep searching until I find answers. God has answers; I just don't know what they are yet.

We are all on a journey. I don't have all the answers...and I am very honest in admitting that. But my heart, my passion is to continue helping these individuals as they walk this road. For whatever reason, I believe God has equipped me to do this work.   I read and research continually to find new and old ways to help people in this healing process.

However, I would be very interested in hearing from anyone who has been abused in any way as a child. Please share what helped, what didn't, and for those who attend a church or other place of worship, what helped or didn't help there. I will be giving a workshop in February at a conference for those involved in ministry. The workshop will be in two parts...the first is a description of abuse and the effects. The second will be on what is the church's responsibility to those who have been abused and what can and should the church do.

Thank you for reading about this journey...For Those Who Seek.
pjelcsw@gmail.com

Today

noreply@blogger.com (Katherine) — Sun, 17 Apr 2011 23:55:00 +0000

I have had the privilege to read several blogs recently. The authors have been very honest in sharing their feelings and thoughts about specific happenings in their lives in general and in specific situations. I have been challenged to blog for several years since my daughter-in-law started writing hers...She started writing as a way to share the adventure my son and she took to Italy about six years ago. Life became interesting for them with the birth of their first child, our granddaughter. When my daughter-in-law was pregnant with their second child, our grandson, her father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, stage 4. She was able to share very honestly through her blog, the gamut of emotions that she experienced. She and her dad were very close, and his illness and death affected her greatly. He was able to see his grandson and spend time with his family before he went to to be with his Lord. Our "family" is a group of people who love and care for each other, don't always agree with one another, are vocal in that disagreement, but love unconditionally. We supported one another through that difficult time and were able to laugh and cry together.

I have been involved in the helping professions for my entire adult life. I was one of those people that others sought out to "talk to". My mother was ill for a number of years, and my father and I were her caregivers. She died when I was 17 and I pursued and received my BS in elementary education. I
married, taught for six years, was a stay-at-home mom for seven years, and then began my graduate work in social work. I have worked as a social worker in various settings, and I have experienced the normal ebb and flow of the profession.

My greatest professional fulfillment, however, has been in the last seven and a half years as a licensed clinical social worker, providing therapy for adults in their twenties through the "golden" years. My heart and training are in the field of trauma, and I specialize in treating those adults sexually or otherwise abused as children. I work in a Christian agency, and I am free to talk openly with clients about spiritual perspective, if they so desire.

With the focus of my work, I am often asked very difficult questions...and I do not shrink from saying, "I don't know why God didn't literally take you out of the abuse you were suffering." I research other Christian sites and am always searching Scripture for answers to those questions...I also ask others what their experiences and perceptions are. WHY? WHY? WHY?

I hope you will join me on this journey...the writing may be serious, may be humorous (especially if I write about my grandchildren), but will always be an honest sharing of feelings as we all seek answers to questions, easy and tough.