Bringing Hope and Healing to Christians and Their Congregations

Bringing Hope and Healing to Christians and Their Congregations: Reclaiming Our Heritage: Why Can't We All Just Get Along?

2011-08-17T20:08:00.000-07:00

Bringing Hope and Healing to Christians and Their Congregations: Reclaiming Our Heritage: Why Can't We All Just Get Along?

Reclaiming Our Heritage: Why Can't We All Just Get Along?

2011-08-17T19:12:00.000-07:00

Reclaiming Our Heritage: Why Can't We All Just Get Along?

Two Congregations Experiencing Adaptive Change Through Trauma

2010-04-01T14:03:00.000-07:00

There are only two things in life that do not change.
The first is God.
The second is change.

   One of the more recent models of understanding congregations is viewing congregations as living organisms.   As a living things, congregations are born, experience the frolicking freedom of a two year old, have all of the ear marks of a troublesome teen, bear children (new members), grow into some measure of spiritual maturity, begin to show the unhealthiness of an aging adult and in the end, dies.

   The similarity between congregations and humans appears to be eerie or perhaps a flight of the imagination when first introduced. However, the pattern is so consistent in congregation after congregation that the model cannot be dismissed.

   That is why I have a great interest in understanding families and how they function. Some families are full of life; lively and loving. Those who live in such congregations exude a free spirit that many would love to have, but are too fearful to try. Other families are full of secrets, double lives and family wide illness. However, this illness is not physical, but relational. In some families the illness is so severe, the family is toxic. The spoken of unspoken word is, stay away from here. Strangers are not allowed. Be careful so you don’t get too close to too many people. All you will experience is disappointment. Congregations that model that kind of behavior can be found in all denominations, in congregations of all sizes, in congregations that appear to have it all together; the deception is that good.

   Such behavior comes from illness caused by a traumatic event. It might be pastoral misconduct, theft by a well liked and highly respected treasurer; the death of a pastor or influential lay leader; or the destruction of the congregation’s home. When a congregation does not respond in healthy and life enhancing ways, the family of believers becomes ill. It is as though a cancer cell has invaded the body. If not removed quickly, the cancer will remain until the family of faith dies from disease of the spirit.

   However, must a congregation that has experienced horrific trauma die? Or can life return and the congregation experience the joy of their resurrection through the power of the Living God?
   When a congregation experiences trauma, nothing is the same as it was before the violation. A full of life, lively and loving congregation may become lifeless and listless. The congregation’s lively and loving reputation is replaced with a fearful and distrustful regard of others.

   However, other congregations that experience the same or similar trauma can, after a time of healing, bounce back stronger and more healthy than ever before.
This sets the stage for understanding how two congregations can experience adaptive change. One responds in a way that guarantees death, the other in a way that brings life, joy, peace and hope. There is a fundamental difference between the two. That difference is found in the ways they adapt to their “new” life.

   Before I begin, one matter is of utmost importance. That is, God brings congregations to life. When God’s faithful people gather as a family of faith and decide to become a body of believers, God is at work, as He always is. This is a key stone for congregational health. When the family of faith forgets or rejects the God who revealed Himself in a crucified Savior, it is already well on its way to death. The congregation may seem to be alive and lively, but in reality it is dead. God is no longer present.

   That point is significant, for trusting God to change hearts and attitudes is the most important medicine a traumatized congregation can take in the healing process.
Let me introduce to you two “typical” congregations. One is named St. Urho Church. For those who do not know saint Urho, he is the patron saint of Finland. And the other is named St. Patrick, whose mythical existence is well known.

   Both congregations are about twenty-five years old. They are young enough to have an active youth and child ministry. The congregations are excited about their future. St. Urho Church is planning to build a multi-purpose addition; and St. Patrick is planning to form an early education center. Life in the family of faith is strong and vibrant. The future is awaited with high expectations.

   Without warning, a major event brings all ministries of the congregation to a dead stop in both congregations. A momentous event has occurred that immediately changes both congregations, even though at this time, the changes cannot be seen.

   The nature of the event is not important. All that needs to be said is that the moment brings great hurt to the congregation and its members. One might say they both are well on their way to a major spiritual disease, some refer to the disease as a cancer. Te cancer will gradually consume the whole body, unless immediate and frightening action is taken as soon as possible. In one way, the power to heal is in the hands of the congregation and its leaders. How each congregation responds to the event in the first thirty to sixty days will determine a great deal of what their future will look like.

   The response of the leaders of St. Urho is to let the incident pass without much reflection. The reasoning was, “what happened is behind us. Let’s roll up our sleeves and get back to work.” Another was, “While what happened is tragic, it is done. We can’t do anything about it, so why try”? Still another response is a fear of what this crisis will do to the reputation they have in the community. So the silent suggestion is made to never again talk about the embarrassing event. Keep quiet about it. That is the best decision we can make.

    Obviously the response of St. Urho’s leadership was to not respond. They didn’t realize they set up for ever increasing pain and suffering. Suspicions will grow, fear will increase, paranoia will show its insidious presence. But none of this happens all at once, these symptoms of the disease in the family of faith are so small and incremental, so much so, they seem insignificant. If only they knew the truth, perhaps they would go to their Doctor and ask for His healing.

    But if the decision is made to do nothing, just get up and keep on going, the consequence is an uncontrollable reflex. The logical, decision making part of the brain shuts down. The instinctive, reactive side of the brain is fired up. The congregation is no longer able to respond to challenges in a rational manner. Decisions are made by emotions, by feelings, by fear. There is no ability to solve major problems in a clear-headed rational and logical way.
   For St. Urho Church, the result is to immediately stop building the multi-purpose addition. They think, “once everything settles down, we will get back to it”. Unfortunately, the congregation may likely never regain the strength needed to go back to the building project. But if the project resumes, the resulting structure will be adequate, but not nearly as nice and spacious as they first hoped.

   Does life return to St. Urho Church? There will be the appearance of health to those outside the “family”. The pastor who shepherded the congregation through the initial months will quickly leave, sometimes through a forced resignation. A new pastor is called. His arrival was met with great excitement and enthusiasm. The congregation thinks, “This young man has enough energy that we cannot help but grow stronger”. However, they still did not realize that everything changed. As the cancer spreads, the progressive nature of cancer is felt in many ways. The primary effect of the sickness is frustration for both the pastor and members of the congregation. Pastors will leave quickly to remain healthy. Others will stay and try to bring health to the congregation, and often will experience spiritual and emotional trauma.

    When the new pastor is installed into office, he is given his instructions. “Move us into the future!” Nobody, especially the pastor, realize he is being set up for failure. First, he is “told” to be responsible for the congregation’s anxiety. The assignment isn’t given directly, rather it is hidden in the oft repeated hope that the new pastor will get everything just the way it used to be.
However, the congregation is still hounded by the trauma. Their secrecy puts them in a double bind. If they talk about what happened, they fear the pastor will loose respect for them. But if they don’t talk about it, they will be sucked deeper and deeper into the dark abyss of hopelessness and despair. Besides, the decision is made long before to forget what happened. After all, can’t we go back to the way everything was before?

   They still do not understand there is no longer a before. They set their minds to put the event out of their minds and press on. But now what was once easily accomplished is as difficult as moving a mountain into the sea.

   Voters’ meetings were once pretty much pro forma. The Council makes a recommendation, the ideas discussed and cussed for a time, until the proposal was adopted. However, now whenever the Council proposes a change, the response is loud and clear. “We can’t afford to do that”. “Who’s going to pay for it?”. “We tried that already and it didn’t work”. “That’s the stupidest thing I have ever heard”! If a proposal meets the light of day, there is rarely any follow up. After all, who is responsible for putting the idea into action? This lack of follow through is a symptom of the congregation’s fear of failure, fear of recrimination and fear of a loss of face if the proposal doesn’t turn out as they hoped.

   In a very short time, another pastor leaves. Many members of St. Urho are shocked! Another pastor gone already? But the response is as expected. “I knew he couldn’t be counted on”. “What’s done is done”. “Time to call a new pastor”.

   This time of calling was a bit different. Due to budget challenges, the pastor was a new graduate from the best seminary in the country (that it happens to be located in St. Louis is purely coincidental). The congregation is excited! “If anybody can move us forward, it has to be a graduate of the seminary in St. Louis”!

   The process continues in a long succession of pastors. As time goes on, and as more pastors are called, the congregation’s expectations for their pastor steadily increases. The congregation’s secret is still buried, but it has a clear impact on the congregation. What happened many years earlier becomes the pastor’s problem.

   As time and pastors move on, resentment increases. Members leave by transfer or by inactivity. Giving decreases, young families are disappearing as quickly as they appear attendance drops, Sunday School is dropped for lack of students and most years, one or two students are confirmed.

   Another change takes place. What used to be a rather small group of grumbling members is now many! Once a minor inconvenience, grumbling is now a major crisis. The complainants can no longer be ignored. There are just too many complaints about too many things.
   The leadership of the congregation is constantly shifting. Leaders quickly burn out from the complaining the gossiping and the back biting. Finally, there is nobody left to lead, not to mention there are few left to lead. The congregation no longer has a pastor. They have an intentional interim pastor. He said he came to be their undertaker. St. Urho Church was going to close.

   Sadly, this is how most congregations (LC–MS, ELCA, UMC, the RCC and all the rest) in the United States, resolve trauma. Nothing is done, lest anyone finds the truth and brings guilt and embarrassment to the congregation. The secret remains hidden.
A unspiritual climate is usually the cause of a congregation’s demise. The suggestion that the congregation actively seek out those they sinned against and hear a word of forgiveness is met with disdain. Existing as victims, the members do not have anything to repent about. They certainly won’t forgive anyone either. Holding grudges is preferred over being civil.
   While it may be difficult to understand, St. Urho Church did adapt to change. They adapted through death.

   Congregations have two choices to adapt to trauma. The first leads to death. The second choice is dramatically different and has dramatically different results.

   The leaders of St. Patrick Church are strengthened by the conviction that only God can bring healing. They are also convinced God would use the moment to reveal the Kingdom of God. When I was in the seminary, I one of my professors “Wherever there is the forgiveness of sins, there is also the Kingdom of God.”

   The members of St. Patrick chose to act quickly in a proactive manner. Many members felt remorse, thinking they could have done something to stop the hurtful event before it started. Others took responsibility for what happened. Still others blamed others for the disaster. The leaders saw the obvious. If they did not act quickly, the members of the congregation will begin to devour each other because of a divisive spirit in the congregation.

   The leaders of the congregation knew they were at an important moment of history, their common history . With spiritual maturity, they turned to God and His Word. They took bold and, to some, dangerous action.

   The Church Council met quickly for to begin crisis management. They called a Congregational Meeting to report what had taken place and what the consequences would be for the congregation’s future. Nothing was hidden, except that which would add hurt to the congregation. They asked questions. They were asked questions. They gave answers. They heard answers.

   Though nobody could foresee what was going to happen, many felt responsible in one fashion or another. Rather than gloss over these statements of personal responsibility, the spiritually mature members reached out with the Gospel. The conscience ridden members knew they were loved by God because He willingly forgave them.

   The difference between St. Urho and St. Patrick is the way they chose to respond to their life changing event. St. Urho tried to bury what could not be buried. Eventually the truth came out too late. The plot was already being dug.

   The members of St. Patrick Church chose to be open and honest. Those who were responsible accepted responsibility for their failures in thought, word and deed. These individuals did not become bait for the mischievous and malicious members of the congregation. The pastor and lay leaders would not permit that to take place. They knew they were called to experience a moment just like this. They also knew Jesus was there with them to see them through the crisis.

   With faith and trust they commended the moment to God and His care and keeping. The members of St. Patrick Church kept these words as their own vision for the future:

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you [Ephesians 4:29-32].

St. Patrick Church also experienced adaptive change. They adapted to their change by trusting the Spirit of a Living and Loving God.

Dale M Kleimola
St. Urho’s Day
March 16, 2010
Presented at "The Second Annual Conference on Spirituality and the Arts and Sciences," Concordia University, Ann Arbor, Michigan.

Professor Werner Wadewitz lecturing at CSC between 1972 & 1974

2009-09-11T13:44:00.000-07:00

"Why Do Christians Have Such a Hard Time Seeking Reconciliation?

2009-03-02T12:52:00.000-08:00

"Forgiving is the hardest thing you will ever do...”
Andree Seu, The Thing We Won't Do

Andree Seu wrote,

"I asked a few people if they'd ever forgiven anyone, and what it felt like. They gave me answers so pious I knew they'd never done it. I am at the present moment in the maw of temptation, and I can tell you there is nothing exalted about this feeling, this one-two punch to the gut that comes when you even contemplate forgiving, which is as far as I've come."[1]

Whether Christian or not, when asked what they thought about confessing a sin and asking for forgiveness, no doubt the response would be one of the following: “Why would you ask such a thing?” On the other hand, perhaps the individual will look at you with a blank stare. And, of course, a possible reply would be a gruff, “What business is that of yours?” This underscores the point made by Andree Seu. “Forgiving is the hardest thing you will ever do.” [2] In fact, the act of forgiving is foreign to our way of thinking, it is difficult even for Christians to forgive as God in Christ has forgiven them. Moreover, that is contrary to everything the holy catholic and apostolic church – the Una Sancta confesses before the whole world.

Forgiveness of sins is the very act that gives the Christian Community a unique place among all the world religions. For only Christians believe their word of forgiveness comes at the pleasure of God Himself. As a result, one would expect those who are in this community of faith to be a people who, trusting in God’s personal assurance of forgiveness, to be the first to confess sins committed against another and the other to graciously speak the word of the Gospel to bring healing to the nagging spirit.

In Psalm 32, we see David’s lament over his unconfessed sin:

Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven,
whose sins are covered.
Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count against him
and in whose spirit is no deceit.
When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.
For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.
Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD”— and you forgave the guilt of my sin.’ [3]

If the confession of sin has such a powerful effect on one’s relationship with God, and by our understanding of redemption, on one’s relationship with others, “Why Do Christians Have Such a Hard Time Seeking Reconciliation?”

One morning, a pastor met with one of his parishioners to discuss her inactivity in her church. When they met, the pastor saw that she had a number of physical complaints – he could not avoid noticing them, since the woman talked about them as soon as the pastor arrived! Eventually asked the question: Why aren’t you more involved in the congregation? Without hesitation, she explained her reason. Many years earlier, she and her sister had a falling out. They did not speak to each other for more than 25 years. The parishioner wanted her pastor to agree how bad her sister was, and that she had every right to be angry with her. After listening some more, the pastor suggested she call her sister and offer an apology, with the hope her sister would respond in kind. She looked at her pastor with horror! “I can’t do that,” she replied, “If I did that, my sister would consider me to be weak and take advantage of me.”

Ironically, the telling of this story led to another sin. One Sunday morning, the pastor related the story in a sermon, changing the event enough to respect the confidentiality of the visit. Later in the week, the pastor received an anonymous letter. The message was terse and to the point: “Quick gossiping and preach the Gospel!” Apparently, the sermon hit a nerve! However, rather going directly to the pastor with the complaint, the complainant hid the reason for the negative response in the secrecy of a letter.

In the synod’s “Battle for the Bible” in the seventies and eighties, one of the official councils of the Lutheran Church—Missouri Synod met to address the tempest. One of the officials, trying to reframe the conflict, brought lapel buttons. The buttons had two messages. One, read, “I might be wrong. Let’s talk”. The other read: “You might be right. Let’s talk.” Some at the meeting became angry. They refused to consider the log in their own eyes. After all, they were “innocent” of practicing false doctrine. The pain and damage created by this synod-splitting crisis and its conclusion are not only still present but in many respects has become more serious.

Why Do Christians Have Such a Hard time Seeking Reconciliation? Almost every Sunday morning, we gather to confess our sins and receive God’s assurance of forgiveness. However, when we leave the time of worship, one Christian may continue to harbor resentment toward another parishioner. Yet another refuses to speak to one who gave offense. Still others complained about the most recent “slight” from the pastor and started to gossip even more about the foibles of their shepherd. Of course, not one of the complainants shared their concerns with the pastor. While doing this, they made a mockery of the very thing that brought them together that Sunday morning: God’s grace and mercy shown in Jesus Christ.

Why Do Christians Have Such A Hard Time Being Reconciled? Perhaps the better question to ask is, “Why do I have such a difficult time seeking reconciliation with a brother or sister in Christ?” I am addressing my own problem. If, perhaps you can identify yourself in my self-revelation, praise God. As I observe how I react toward those who sin against me, and how I react when accused of sinning against another, I can understand why Christians are reluctant to be reconciled to one another. Pride prevents from acknowledging our sin and privately addressing the sin in another.

In a sermon titled Undiscerned Spiritual Pride, Jonathan Edwards, an 18th century evangelist, wrote:
The first and worst cause of error that prevails in our day is spiritual pride. This is the main door by which the devil comes into the hearts of those who are zealous for the advancement of Christ. It is the chief inlet of smoke from the bottomless pit to darken the mind and mislead the judgment, and the main handle by which Satan takes hold of Christians to hinder a work of God. Until this disease is cured, medicines are applied in vain to heal all other diseases.”[4]

Pride leads one not to seek reconciliation for fear of looking weak.
Pride leads one to confront a Christian Brother or sister with anonymity.
Pride leads one pastor to use a public forum, such as the internet, to accuse a brother
Pastor of preaching false doctrine -- without first going to the accused.
As the result of pride, those who are to lead become so confident in their own “rightness” that there is no need for further discussion.

Yet, no Christian can argue against the Biblical statement, “For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”[5] More over, He did not have any trouble-finding sinners. Everywhere He went, He found sinners. Whenever Jesus approached the repentant, such as the woman threatened with stoning, or the man born blind or the paralytic brought to Jesus, He spoke the same words: “Your sins are forgiven.”[6]

Jesus Himself forgave each sinner. He knew of their need for forgiveness. With out forgiveness, they could not be reconciled with God. St. Paul, too, recognized the reality of sin: “For there is no distinction: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”[7]

As Christians, we face a paradox. Ted Kober, the president of Ambassadors of Reconciliation, and a well-known reconciler, at least in the Lutheran Church--Missouri Synod circles, wrote:
"The LC--MS is a world leader in Christianity in its desire to equip church leaders in biblical peacemaking. Ken Sande, President of Peacemaker Ministries (a non-denominational Christian ministry), observes that no other denomination has invested more time and resources into training leaders in biblical peacemaking than the Missouri Synod. The LC--MS Dispute Resolution System, although it continues to be refined, provides a model system, which other church bodies in America are studying for implementation."[8]

Yet at the same time, while as a church body we “provide a model system” for biblical peacemaking, we are reluctant to make use of the very reconciliation process for which others, like Ken Sande, commend us. Which gives evidence of the truth, it is easier to know than to do.
We can still reclaim the power of a Christ-like reconciliation. An organization called Peacemaker Ministries is devoted to teaching lay-leaders, clergy and other professional church workers and families Biblical reconciliation. To facilitate this mission, Peacemaker Ministries created an anagram to identify biblical steps leading toward reconciliation. These steps are the Four G’s of Biblical reconciliation:

Glorify God
Get the log out of your own eye
Gently restore
Go and be reconciled.[9]

Seeking peace when we sin, or others sin against us, brings glory to God. When we “pay attention to the plank in [our own eyes], then [we] will see clearly to remove the speck from [our] brother’s eye,” we demonstrate that we, too, are sinners in need of forgiveness. When we restore a fallen brother or sister through Biblical reconciliation we are following St. Paul’s admonition, “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently.”[10] Finally, when we go to be reconciled, we honor God by heeding His warning, “[I]f you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.” [11]

The Christian Church of every time and every place has a singular mission. This mission should govern our every action, our every word, our every thought, our response to every need.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." [13]

Footnotes

[1] Fred Barthel. Quoting Andree Seu in Peacemaker Ministries Blog Route 5:9. April 29, 2008.
[2] Barthel.
[3] The Holy Bible: New International Version. 1996, c1984 (electronic ed.) (Ps 32:1). Grand Rapids: Zondervan.
[4] Jonathan Edwards, Undiscerned Spiritual Pride, found on SermonIndex.net, no date.
[5] The Holy Bible: English standard version. 2001 (Lk 19:9). Wheaton: Standard Bible Society.
[6] The Holy Bible: English standard version. 2001 (Lk 7:48). Wheaton: Standard Bible Society.
[7] The Holy Bible: English standard version. 2001 (Ro 3:22). Wheaton: Standard Bible Society.
[8] Kober, Ted. Lutheran Education: Peacemaking in the Church, Fall 2000, 136:1.
[9] Peacemaker Ministries, Billings, MT.
[10] The Holy Bible: New International Version. 1996, c1984 (electronic ed.) (Ga 6:1). Grand Rapids: Zondervan.
[11] The Holy Bible: New International Version. 1996, c1984 (electronic ed.) (Mt 5:23). Grand Rapids: Zondervan.
[12] The Holy Bible: New International Version. 1996, c1984 (electronic ed.) (2 Co 5:17). Grand Rapids: Zondervan.
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Life can be a challenge

2008-11-29T15:04:00.000-08:00

Challenges come in many ways:

The challenge to excel;
The challenge to make a difference;
The challenge to succeed;
The challenge to make it through the day without tears
The challenge to find a vocation which enables me to serve the Lord, without the tears of depression and anxiety.

That is my personal challenge.

I live with a depression and anxiety disorder. Everyday, all day. It is life as I see it -- at least in part.

Life as I see it is full of hope and joy:

I have an unquestionable faith in a God who saves by His grace and mercy in Jesus;
I have confidence that God will give me the strength to endure and even excell in spite of my challenges;
I have a grand daughter who brings more joy that just about anybody else in my life;
I am waiting the birth of my first grand son -- due date January 15 at 10:30 am.

Life as I see it is always full of challenges. The question is not what the challenge is, but how you face it. I choose to face the challenges of "Life as I See It" with confidence that "nothing in all creation will separate me from the love of God in Christ Jesus," and confidence that God will bring me joy in service to others --- what ever that might mean.