Beautiful Noise

Dear Time,

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Wed, 14 Aug 2019 17:01:00 +0000

Dear Time,

I don't know what to tell you. Sometimes it seems as though we are here for an eternity and sometimes the moments are so fleeting, I cannot understand how they've slipped away? I may be more emotional than most, I'm just now understanding that I am a 9 on the Enneagram, but it certainly describes me as close to a "t" as possible. Some days I wonder how I'm not the third grade girl who decided to cut her bangs and ended up with spikes resembling my now first grade son.

I often gaze at him and am awe struck at the fact that he is turning seven next month and when I closed my eyes at last slumber my thirteen year old was exactly his age. My body has aged, my mind a bit wiser, but my soul bursts at the seams as if I were a child.

It is so difficult some days to understand my purpose here, tears well up in my eyes for the ones I've loved and lost both family and friends. I grapple with the day that I too will one day not be in the here and now. I love strongly and deeply and Lord knows, I am loyal to the bitter end.

I love my husband and children fiercely and yet I often feel as though I fall short. I want them to know that they are the center of my universe just after God, even when I don't always show it.

As I age, less is more. We could try and keep up with the Joneses, but for what? It's nice to have nice things, but what are things at the end of the day? Again, I go back to the 70s wall hanging my parents had in our kitchen..."the best things in life aren't things". I've gotten caught up in the material world like the next girl, I lament over the home improvement projects we have half begun, the projects we need to complete, but at the end of the day what matters most is that we have each other.

Dear Time,

I wish you would slow down as this is my last year to have children in two schools. Next year, I will have two in elementary, one in middle school, and one in high school. Lord, help me! Someone forgot to tell me that this would happen. I wasn't thinking about this at all when Kieran was 6 and Liam was born. Plenty of moms with four or more do this and I know I will pull through, but holy crap. I'm not ready, so I'll tell myself what I tell my kids-we're not there yet, let's just do today!

Dear Time,

As perplexed as I am as to how I arrived to this point in life, I am grateful to you each and every day to wake up and have another one. I am more grateful the next second you tick than the last as you have been good to me through the good and the bad.

Dear Time,

Thank you for all that you have been, all that you are and all that you have yet to be. I've learned so many lessons along the way. Some days I wish I could go back to being a child, others to when it was just me and Erik or the days when we were parents for the very first time. In transparency, the rollercoaster isn't one I've always wanted to be on, some days are most definitely harder than others. Without you though, we would not have the story we have now.

Dear Time,

You know I'm a photo girl and I'll sob like there's no tomorrow when my mind says my babies were just born and the lens shows me that they are 6 (turning 7), 8 (turning 9), 11 and 13. Sometimes you are difficult to get along with and other times I'm amazed at how grown and beautiful they are and the future changes that will be.

Dear Sweet Babies,

Time is precious in every way. Make every day count and even on the ones that you would assume forget, know that they are part of your story, part of your journey that makes you who you are.

I love you all, to the end of time.

there's something about a hug {the last day of school 2018}

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Sat, 02 Jun 2018 08:14:00 +0000

There's something about a hug. Whether you're the giver or the receiver, there's just something about a hug that changes your demeanor, the way you hold yourself together, the way I imagine that the brain lights up when love is given to another human being.

When you go from this...

to this...

because you love and adore your TK teacher. He told me that he wants to stay a kid forever and stay in Mrs. C's class. Frankly, I share his sentiments.

You might decide on your own to hug your principal

and then before you know it,

your brother joins in because he wants a hug from the principal, too!

Sometimes you stand cheek to cheek because you're a special team that works together to make going to school okay, even when it's the hardest mountain to climb.

And suddenly, when you're side by side, it's inevitable that your team will send you off with an embrace to let you know one last time before summer, that you mean the world.

They meant the world to me, too. I couldn't have taken care of my sweet girl without them.

Yes, there's just something about a hug that makes the world go round, especially when it comes from the sweetest first grade teacher.

And then there's the newly turned seventh grader in his aviators picked especially for vacation.

The best part? He's coming toward me for a hug.

It's that something that life just wouldn't be the same without.

my hard drive is full and so is my heart {first day of school 2017}

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Tue, 15 Aug 2017 06:09:00 +0000

I haven't posted anything since October of last year. October! Before we know it, it will be October and I will have almost an entire year of thoughts in my mind and pictures to go along with that were never written about. So it seems only logical to me that although those events definitely happened and I never wrote about them, it will make for a great throwback or flashback for several weeks to come.

Truthfully, my computer is PAINFULLY disorganized and I've been working the last several nights on photo organization. Part of the reason I haven't written in so long is that I have almost next to zero hard drive space, as in full, as in my computer is so disorganized that I can only upload my jpegs and not the original files to edit them the way I'd like.

That said, if I continue to wait, I will be so behind that all I'll ever be writing about is past events and never catch up.

It makes sense then to keep up until I catch up with unedited photos (even in their messiness). Afterall, I created my blog as my gift to my children and if you happen to stumble across it and get to the end well, thank you.

I'm not a supermom, I don't have any cooking tips or party ideas to share with you. I cannot coach you on fitness or healthy eating as I'm learning to do those things myself. I can't give you any style tips because I leave that to personal stylists or friends who actually have a gift for that sort of thing. My home is not drenched in farmhouse white (which by the way, I absolutely swoon over) and some days I wonder what God's big plan is for me, what is my purpose?

Never though, do I doubt even for a second that I wasn't meant to be a wife to my husband and a mama to my kids.

My heart was full today because I sent my boy off to sixth grade.

Fresh new haircut and all and my sweet boy says that he "wishes I was 99% still working at his middle school as the school counselor". He might not think that if I were actually there, but it still melts my heart. I've said it before and I'll say it again, he has a heart of gold.

He had a great day and the best part is that he is with all of my former colleagues/friends who I know will take good care of him.

I'm not sure how we got here. Wasn't it just yesterday that I was pregnant with him and sleeping on the floor of my office in between scheduling? Wasn't it just yesterday that I pushed these two in the stroller while pregnant with Tatum on my way to work?

Now he's there himself. It's just surreal.

Next up, the spunky one of the group.

Miss "Never Give Up" herself...

who rode her new hand me down cruiser from our next door neighbor.

She thinks she's pretty awesome and without telling her so her head doesn't get too big, I do too!

Third in line is so precious that she picked out her first day of school dress from the Old Navy uniform section.

Nevermind that I bought her shoes on sale for her last year thinking they'd fit. My tiny girl who asks when she's going to grow.

And then there's Mr.BB8

He's going on his first ever plane ride in September to Disneyland! Each TK or Kinder year with our kids, Erik takes them for a Daddy/Kid trip complete with pictures, videos set to music and an incredible bonding experience. I am so excited for them and sad at the same time because Liam is the last! I cringed at buying these shoes but he went straight for them. And I even let him wear them today. My mom had the best advice for this "daunting issue", and it all comes down to what makes you happy!

A BB8 and R2D2 lunch box and water bottle coupled with some stylin' BB8 shoes?

It makes for one happy four, soon to be five year old!

Prepped with folders and original artwork for the inside of her desk,

my girl who has endured a really bumpy road with her health this last year,

is so very lucky to have yet another incredible teacher.

And this little girl has been writing letters (that we still have to send) to her Kindergarten teacher all summer long. Mrs. B is Tatum's idol, but I also know she's the reason that she loves school and the reason she already loves her new teacher, Mrs. M.

I just don't want to forget her little red dress or her blue with gold hearts backpack,

or this spontaneous hug goodbye.

I don't want to forget him smiling for his teacher as they celebrated Clifford the big red dog's 5th birthday (since everyone in TK will be turning five).

I don't ever want to forget the excitement of getting his first tote bag,

or showing off his "kiss" after Mrs. C read The Kissing Hand.

And this. This completely out of focus picture that I will never part ways.

I just can't, no matter what any decluttering minimalism konmarie method person would say.

Why? Because this out of focus picture is real time. Unposed, she was coming at me so quickly I missed the "perfect capture" by a split second. This out of focus picture taking up more space on my already full hard drive is the happiest first grader on the planet who cannot wait to go back in the morning.

This out of focus picture brings me joy because that's what she was feeling and it gives me a reminder that my pictures don't need to be perfect to post.

I haven't even written about the last day of school yet, but we'll just add that to the list of my back to the future posts.

My hard drive is full and so is my heart.

Time to make space for more memories and savor them for as long as I can.

Love to all of you my sweet babies.

May you have a wonderful school year!

faces and feelings of a newly turned four year old {happy birthday, liam erik}

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Sun, 23 Oct 2016 02:22:00 +0000

Tap, tap, tap. Hello? Anyone there? Not sure if you're still here, but thank you if you are. After a very long hiatus, many undocumented events later, I'm back.

In that time, the first day of school has since started, soccer is more than under way as is preschool, Kindergarten, 3rd and 5th grades.

From Summer on, Liam has asked when he was going to "turn into four".

Most days, he asks when he's going to be six. I'm pretty sure it's because Tatum is going to be six and since she's his best friend, he wants to do everything that she does.

On the daily, I am asked, "Are they twins?". It doesn't bother me and my tag line is always, "She's just small and he's just big" and at home, I call them the twins.

The big day finally arrived and Liam opened his eyes the morning of September 30th and proudly announced that he had "turned into four!"

What is a four year old to do on his actual birthday? Frozen yogurt, of course! It was Liam's pick. One of the best parts of the day was that Kieran, Anna and Tatum all had the day off of school, so we all got to go together (except Daddy because he had to work).

The many faces of a newly turned four year old:

I can't really describe his thoughts and feelings other than pure silliness, wonderment, intensity and joy.
After frozen yogurt, what does any four year old want do with the rest of their day? They want to get a hair cut, of course! Wait, what? Yes, I said that right. We were going to drive home after frozen yogurt and Liam started crying. He knew that his hair stylist, Janet was right down the street. Nevermind that we didn't have an appointment and that she is typically full. We marched across the street and I explained to her that I knew that we didn't have an appointment, but that I promised Liam that we would at least come in and ask. Two haircuts before us and we would sit and wait. All Liam wanted for his 4th birthday was to get his haircut! I think it's super cute and hysterical at the same time!
Janet fit us in and the world was right again.

Getting Liam's haircut wouldn't be complete with out blue and silver sparkles,

with a smile as a final result.
Since we needed to stop for some balloons before his birthday party that weekend, how could I pass up a giant orange balloon? Orange is Liam's favorite color.

Favorite Food: A jelly sandwich (he actually loves peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, but because his school is a nut free zone, I send him to school with jelly sandwiches ;))

Favorite thing to do: Jump on the trampoline.

Favorite place to go: The park.

Might I add, Liam just loves life.

The faces and feelings of this boy teach me on a daily basis.

He smiles at the new day, he goes to bed with a grateful heart.

We stop to look at the leaves on the ground, we skip over the lines on the ground so we don't touch the hot lava. We read books together, he wrestles with his brother. He giggles with his sisters and he gives everyone he meets a hug. If he really likes you, he'll give you a kiss. He loves to hit golf balls with Daddy and thoroughly enjoys a good trip to Costco to eat all the samples.

If something goes wrong he says, "But that's okay Mommy, it doesn't matter." In the grand scheme of things, it really doesn't.

What matters to Liam is that people are kind and that they love one another.

Couldn't the world use more Liams?

Happy Birthday, Dude Dude. You did it, you turned into four!

I love you with all of my heart.

Love,

Mommy

Transformation {last day of school 2016}

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Sat, 11 Jun 2016 10:28:00 +0000

To think, when he was in Kindergarten, he joyfully went to school with light-up Star Wars shoes. I remember telling my mom that I wanted him to have cute shoes and not the "dumb light up kind". I also distinctly remember my mom (who is a preschool teacher and has been since I was 2 years 9 months at the same school-hello, 35 years later) telling me that I needed to get him the shoes that Kieran was excited about. "There's only a short amount of time that kids have when the teachers don't find it distracting and kids are still little and happy to wear their light up shoes because they are cool", she said.

This was the time.

He wore his light up shoes with gladness and I'm so glad that I listened.

What I wouldn't give to rewind the time and see this little towheaded boy running toward me with his Storm Trooper feet smiling away.

My little guy is still little (much more so than his friends), but there's no denying the years that have passed. His hair still blonde and towhead for the most part, it will lighten by summer's end, but the darker shades mixed in are creeping up slowly. He will have much darker hair like his daddy come high school.

My little boy,

still little...

but entering the fifth grade in the Fall. We didn't have the opportunity to take a picture with his teacher, but her loving kindness in helping him on his school journey (which has been quite trying at times both academically and emotionally), has been nothing short of wonderful. My little boy has not grown much in stature, but oh so much in wisdom.

Didn't this little girl hanging from the monkey bars who used to wear frilly skirts and a headband just start Kindergarten? The pitter patter of her little feet on the pavement in her sparkly light up shoes have given way...

to tank tops, boy socks and high tops and sports shorts nearly every day.

She's always had her own sense of style as she should! I will never forget when we discovered that she needed glasses. We took her to the eye doctor and when she found out she needed glasses, I was a bit sad. I did not need glasses until I was a freshman in college and to me, they are a pain! Careful to keep my thoughts to myself so that she wouldn't denounce them, she tried different pairs on and with great pride. I wanted her to choose the versatile light brown ones with turquoise blue accent.

"You are boring, Mom!", she said. "I am going with purple and pink-that is more fun!"

Just like the Storm Trooper shoes, she was right.

My little girl...

who was given the blessing of a wonderful teacher. A teacher who helped her to meet her fears in math even after discovering a learning disability, to "try everything" and not consider it a disability at all, rather something that even though difficult was still conquerable.

And this sweet little TK girl...

didn't we just get your nametag and a stamp on your hand to start the first day?

Once a shy and reserved pint-sized girl (though you can't tell from the picture),

is now an extroverted, chatty, pint-sized girl. She and one other little boy were the smallest in their class.

I bought a brand new outfit for the last day of school luau. While first day of school outfits are usually the norm, this mini-me is finally starting to grow out of her size 3 clothes (well, shirts anyway) and into 4 and some 5's at 5 1/2 years old. Her shirt says, "Sunshine & Happiness".

Her teacher not only brought her sunshine and happiness, but she brought it to me as well. I was planning to volunteer just "once in a while". Lo and behold, I was on the calendar every Thursday for that first month of school. I could've said no. I could've hid in my shell that I had been in from the school year before when I took my year of leave. I am so very glad that I did not and I am proud to say that I only missed one Thursday the entire school year and that was because I was down for the count with strep throat that plagued our home for 3 solid months!

This teacher brought the joy back into my life that was sorely missing. She made it okay to go from resigning from my job as a school counselor at a school that I loved, to a school counselor stay-at-home mom who got to see magic happen in her own child's classroom. I thought my year of leave was a gift and I was wrong. I even called it "my gift year". The year I actually left was initially painful and it turned into a gift that was multiplied beyond measure.

And when it was the last day and her teacher crouched down to my sweet girl with her hands on her face...

the tears streamed down mine.

We talked all about the wonderful things she had learned including the latest song she had learned that had her doing the hula and singing the Mahalo song.

How did we get from this pair...

to this pair?

You'd never guess from either picture that they often fight like cats and dogs, but at each end to the day, they are filled with such love for each other.

One more year of preschool for this guy (who only has this first day picture and a last day picture that is captive on my phone)...

and God willing there is still TK,

the pair will shift once more!

That's the thing with life, it changes and then it changes again. I initially had this idea that I would love being at home with the kids and when I didn't, I thought something was wrong with me. In all honesty, there have been many days where I feel like I was a better mom when I was working. That's the deal with change. It's not easy. Where my patience used to run as the day is long, this change has chipped away. I fail and I get back up again...over and over and over again. That's okay though because I'm learning and I'm embracing this change which I've grown to love. Ask me if I want to go back and my answer is, "I don't know". I used to say yes. I won't say no. I don't want to live in limbo, rather I want to live NOW.

I have grown in many ways that I had not been able to in the past when I was working-things like volunteering in the classroom and joining two different Mother's groups one of which was heavily focused on growing my faith.

The theme of the year was "Transformation".

I am here to tell you that I am learning that that is what this crazy thing we call life is all about.

Nothing stays the same.

And it shouldn't.

Transformation is happening and will continue to happen for this short time we have on Earth. Whether it's my kids, my marriage, myself or my relationship with God, it's all hard work every single day. Some days I'm great, some days I'm good, many days I fail.

It's all worth the change in order to grow and live better.

So I say (as I've learned from my mother and my children), wear the light up Storm Trooper shoes, get the purple and pink glasses. Do a hula on the blacktop and sing the Mahalo song. Join a group where you know no one (true story). Pick up a great book and read. The Bible is pretty amazing!

And remember, as my planner cover says:

"There are so many beautiful reasons to be happy!"

Thank you, 2015-2016 school year. What a transformation this has been! Next stop, Summer!

{try everything}

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Sat, 16 Apr 2016 14:00:00 +0000

Sign ups were announced weeks ago and Anna came home to let me know that I would be submitting her name for the talent show. There was no mention of dancing, no mention of asking others to be a part of her group. No, I was informed from the get-go, she would be performing a solo. I hesitated, not because I didn't think she could do it, but because I knew the hours of practice involved, along with the try-outs (no one is cut, it's just called try-outs so that they can see who is performing what) and dress rehearsal. It was one more "to-do" in our schedule. The selfish me did not want to sign her up, but the core of me knew that I had to, especially since this was all Anna's idea.

We set out to perfect "Fight Song". She already knew it, we just had to make sure that she was performance ready. The try-outs came, she performed what is a powerful song, along with 4 other soloists who were also singing their rendition of the same song! I'm not sure why I was surprised? Thinking back it was not a good decision for the very reason that the song is so popular. Anna was asked if she wanted to sing "Fight Song" in a group. Her eyes grew wide, the size of saucers, "No way am I singing in a group, Mom." "I am singing a solo." We left the room immediately planning what song she would sing next. Within minutes, Shakira's "Try Everything" from the most adorable movie, Zootopia, came to mind. A song with a difficult rhythm, she was eager to learn.

See, it isn't that she is the next American Idol, and it isn't even that she wants to be a singer (although she does like to be on stage, she has a love and affinity for drawing). Anna just loves adventure. She has an amazing imagination and she is by all accounts, a true extrovert.

That said, underneath the many layers of comedy, laughter, smiles and confidence, are also layers of extreme emotion. I'm not sure that Anna would want me to share the details, in fact, I know that she wouldn't which is why I won't. Let's just say that Anna is the most spirited of my bunch. Her emotions run away like a freight train, but only at home. Sometimes, the train is moving so fast it's out of control and it's very difficult to put on the brakes. Even with my education, my on the job training as a school counselor, the many years of working successfully with students-it still doesn't prepare you fully for the experiences that you go through as a parent. I don't know how to explain it, it's just different. I'm still learning what works best, what doesn't and quite honestly I've had many moments where I have thrown up my hands and given it up to God. There are moments when my mind gives up, but my heart knows to keep going. There are moments when I would rather shut the door and I'm pretty sure I've done this, because I just needed a time-out. I've needed a Hail Mary-the last ditch effort kind and the actual prayer kind, too. When I would work with parents I would often hear them say, "I've tried everything". Though it's easy to feel this way especially when we are at the end of our rope, it's simply not the case. "Tried" is not the proper word-it's "Try"-meaning, there's always more, there's always different, there's always another way. I am not afraid to reach out and ask for help. As quickly as the train runs and is sometimes a blur, we are learning from each other how to slow it all down. Try Everything.

Cue my tears when the lyrics to Shakira's song says, "Nobody learns without getting it wrong". Anna's struggle in school has been with Math. It's never been my strength and has always been a source of anxiety and self-doubt for me. I've made a point to not let my insecurities with Math pass along to any of my kids. I don't want her to feel as though she has to hide because she might have the wrong answer or that others might laugh-it's what I did. When Anna was Star of the Week in first grade, she told everyone her favorite subject was Math. I think Math for her is a lot like singing. It isn't that she wants to be a mathematician, it's that she loves to give something her all. When Math became increasingly frustrating for her, I began to see similarities in the way that I attempted to cover up the fact that I didn't understand. I was sad to see that her usual confidence was slowly chipping away. Having Anna tested for a learning disability was one of the best decisions because she now has the help that she needs and has regained her confidence. She knows it's okay to get it wrong and she's not going to give up. Try Everything.

Earlier, when we were getting ready for the show, Anna asked me if I wanted her to sing the song perfectly. I told her that it didn't have to be perfect, just to do her best and to have fun.

It wasn't perfect. The music didn't start correctly and she had to work to get back on track a few different times, but she kept going with heart and determination.

This girl. We've got quite the road ahead. She was 2 going on twelve and every teenage year after. She'll be 8 going on eighteen at the end of the month-ah, the tween years.

Open the flood gates as my heart filled with intense pride and happiness when Anna took the stage for the big show. When we first practiced she stood there like a deer in the headlights. By dress rehearsal, she had the volume. By the in-school show (that not everyone gets to do) Tatum's TK teacher told me that she and Anna's Kindergaten teacher loved her performance. By tonight's performance, Anna had big smiles, her own signature fist pumps complete with an unexpected bow at the end. Try Everything.

As the song lyrics say:

"Look how far you've come, you've filled your heart with love, baby you've done enough take a deep breath. Don't beat yourself up, don't need to run so fast, sometimes we come last but we did our best." It's a song for Anna, it's a song for me. It's a song for us as mother and daughter. On the days I don't feel I've done well enough, on the days she feels like a runaway train, on the days we don't feel like there's more, there is. Try Everything.

The email at the end of the day from Anna's 2nd grade teacher said, "Wow! A note to celebrate Anna today! She did a fabulous job in the talent show today. Way to go!" That she did.

Today, we celebrate.

Tomorrow and always, we'll Try Everything.

{ten}

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Mon, 28 Mar 2016 18:18:00 +0000

Dear Kieran,

Yesterday you turned ten. Yet yesterday, I was in the hospital gazing at my tiny first born.

You are wise beyond your years telling me on your birthday, "I've been a wonderful boy for the last nine years and tomorrow I start puberty". Oh, Kieran, you bring a smile to my face, laughter to my day and an extra beat to my heart. You surprise me more and more each day, still dependent on me for a lot, yet so independent when it comes to trying new things. Starting baseball for the first time in the fourth grade?

No big deal. Batting, catching pop flies, and eating your Big League Chew gum, you mesh right in. I was nervous, you took on the challenge without question.

How far you've come in school! From the daily tears we both used to cry when it came time for homework and trying to get you to read, to coming home and getting your work done and reading for hours, you are in your zone!

I know sometimes there is pressure to be the first, pressure to be the one that helps with the rest of your siblings. Pressure to be the example. If I could tell you one thing, it would be that your example often teaches me!

Sure, you fight with your siblings as any kid does, but at the end of the day, they are your friends and you show them love.

The empathy that you hold for your friends, classmates, teachers, and your family is out of this world.

I could have said, "Hug your brother goodbye!" as I dropped you off at fourth grade camp this morning, but I didn't need to-no, you did that all on your own.

I didn't cry when we said goodbye, but I'm a little teary looking at this picture. Your warmth and kindness is something special, Kieran.

Thank you for waking up each day with a grateful heart.

Thank you for letting me know when I need to slow down and take a deep breath.

Thank you for always understanding, even when I've made a mistake.

Thank you for being the light in my life that you are, I am so proud to be your mom. As I say, "I love you" and you reply, "I love you more", to which I reply, "Not possible!", I love you my sweet boy!

Happy 10 years from your head to your toes, life has exciting adventures for you and Daddy and I are happy to be alongside your path.

I hope you have the most wonderful time at Camp, I know that you will!

I caught the kiss that you blew and it's right in my heart.

Love,

Mommy

P.S. Change your socks, change your underwear and brush your teeth!

{life's lessons through ferris bueller}

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Sun, 10 Jan 2016 10:08:00 +0000

The Golden Globes are tonight. I've seen just one of the films (which I find amusing because usually I haven't seen any of them and if I have, it's an animated film because of the kids) and it just happens to be nominated for Best Motion Picture. It's a bit eye opening because it tells me that Erik and I need to go out for date night more often! TrainWreck is hysterical, I loved it and I love Amy Schumer who is also nominated for Best Actress. As much as I loved the movie though, my heart belongs to 1987. I was nine years old.

In 1987, Matthew Broderick was nominated for the Golden Globe for Best Performance in my all time favorite movie, Ferris Bueller's Day Off. I'm pretty sure I saw it when I was nine years old too, which makes me laugh because there are certain parts that I wouldn't want Kieran to see now! And though there are countless movies that have come after Ferris Bueller with far greater depth, complexity and everything else, it's still my favorite movie and it always will be.

Maybe it's because I think of life in its quotes...

"Life moves pretty fast,

if you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

Life can be pretty tough, and around our house (especially lately),

it's not always sunshine and rainbows.

I'm a glass half full kind of girl though, and I try my best to pass this along to my kids.

What better way to release tension than a snowball fight?

"The question isn't "what are we going to do", the question is "what aren't we going to do?"

Anna was pretty excited about hitting Kieran with some snowballs made with the snowball maker.

"Les jeux sont faits. Translation: the game is up. Your ass is mine."

Liam thought it was pretty great, too!

And though I was able to capture some of these images...

which are pretty much pure joy,

I put down my camera to sled with them, laugh with them and connect with them.

It's like the scene in the art museum, where Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are walking hand in hand with school children-I get weepy every time. Childhood is so fleeting! Cameron then finds himself staring at (what is also my favorite painting) "A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte". The creator of Ferris Bueller's Day Off, John Hughes, was once interviewed saying, "I always thought this painting was sort of like making a movie, the pointillist style." "You don't have any idea what you've made until you step back from it."

It's so important, even amongst the chaos, the crazy, the stress of life as we know it, to take a step back. Just like a Sunday Afternoon, just like Ferris Bueller's Day Off, I'm reminded...

to be present,

to take a look around,

to take it all in,

to experience the glass half full,

instead of half empty.

I'm reminded to take a step back when I look at my husband and my children, to revel at what we've been through, what we're going through, and what is yet to come, good and bad.

To be thankful.

To know what we've made...

and I'm not going to miss it!

merry christmas 2015

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Sun, 27 Dec 2015 06:26:00 +0000

Family is EVERYTHING!

Merry Christmas from my crazy family to yours!

oops! there went november {happy 5th birthday, dear tatum}

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Wed, 02 Dec 2015 02:07:00 +0000

My mom asked me the other day if I had blogged Tatum's birthday. I've posted few and far between this last year, I actually wrote more when I was working!

I had to actually look at my blog because I thought surely I had posted at least once last month.

Oops! Nothing. There went November! A lot of birthdays happen for us in November-my mother-in-law, Tatum, my sister-in-law, my father-in-law and Erik! That's enough to wear a person out just thinking about it!

I am so grateful to each and every one of them, more than they know.

Happy November Birthday's Family, I love you!

And to make sure that I officially stamp Tatum's 5th birthday in time, I'm writing about it now. Her birth story is magical to me to this day. I have all 4 children to create a baby book for, so this is my temporary place holder. Time to print my past blogs, too!

Tatum's Favorite Color: Bright Blue

Tatum's Favorite Food: Pizza

Tatum's Favorite Things to Play: Baby Dolls

What I'm Most Excited About Turning 5: Because I am excited to go to Disneyland with Daddy because I'm finally tall enough.

What I Love: My stuffed animals, Anna, Kieran, Daddy, Murray, Liam and you (certainly not in this order. ;)).

Tatum's Favorite Holiday: Halloween. (Me: Halloween, really? Tatum: Okay, Christmas. Me: That's more like it.)

Tatum's Favorite Flower: Sunflower.

Tatum's Favorite Thing to do at School: Play with my friends and do choice time.

Any other Favorites? I like to visit Weezie and play at Charlie and Lily's house. (Our daycare provider and her grandchildren).

And, this has become one of MY fast favorites:

We had our family pictures taken for the very first time by my high school classmate and wonderfully talented friend, Courtney. She and her husband are true artists! Our family photos each year are taken by me with our remote shutter, so it was extremely special to me to have them professionally done and by a friend!

Happy Birthday, Sweet Tatum. 5 years old and still so small (3rd percentile for height and 8th for weight), but a heart larger than life.

Thank you for blessing me with all that you are, my special girl.

I will always give you "all of the kisses" and take yours, too.

Love,

Mommy

i went to the pumpkin lot and all i got... {pumpkin "patch" 2015}

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Mon, 26 Oct 2015 07:08:00 +0000

I don't typically post a lot of unhappy pictures. And as devastating as this one seems...

I promise she was smiling just minutes before and laughing her head off just seconds later.

Tatum was crying because I wouldn't let her go on the giant inflatable lion slide. I watched a mom staring at us while we wheeled the wagon out to the car. She was either thinking, "glad that's not me" or "what is wrong with that mom that that poor child is that upset?". I'd like to think it's the former and not the latter. I didn't care either way, but by the look on Tatum's face, you would have thought something terrible had happened. I guess in her world, it did. ;)

I told all 3 of them (Kieran did not want to go to the pumpkin lot and Erik was out of town), that we were going just for pumpkins and not for the rides. After a weekend of soccer and basketball games on both days back to back, a quick pitstop was all I had left.

All I could think of was Charlie Brown saying, "I went trick or treating and all I got was a bag of rocks."Tatum really wanted to go on that slide and I felt like she was thinking, "I went to the pumpkin lot and all I got was a pumpkin and a ride in a wagon."

Pumpkin lot, what's a pumpkin lot?

A dirt lot filled with haystacks and pumpkins placed on top.

And it's not that we haven't gone to this lot before, it's just that I love going with the whole family (when we visit my parents) to a REAL farm!

You know, the ones where they have GIANT wooly cows with horns.

Or where the pumpkins are actually still on the ground where they were grown!

We go through the corn maze and on the slides there, too, but most of the time is spent searching for the pumpkins, eating lunch and enjoying the scenery and each other's company. It doesn't feel crowded because there is so much land and everyone is spread out.

No farm, no inflatable slides, just a picture with hay up Tatum's nose (she did that on purpose)...

laughing because I asked her to take the hay out of her nose...

sticking her tongue out at me when I asked for a picture (that's karma because I used to and sometimes still do this to my mom)...

and fake smiling (Liam is cooperating and Anna has now followed suit with sticking out her tongue).

All in all they were grateful that they picked out their pumpkins, I'm grateful that I stuck to my guns and didn't give in to the travesty of not going on the lion slide,

and next year we're going as a whole family back to the farm!

three {happy birthday, dear liam}

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Mon, 05 Oct 2015 05:11:00 +0000

Dearest Liam,

Today we celebrated your 3rd birthday.

It was a very small party, but you didn't care.

You were just happy as you are each day you wake.

Each morning, the sun greets us. While there may be people in the world who do not realize this miracle, you meet each day with complete and utter gratitude.

Each morning, you wake and I hear the chitter-chatter to yourself (and most recently, to Spiderman).

Then, ever so quietly, the door cracks open and you peer out, you open the door and then you come running into my arms.

"Good morning, Mommy!", you shout.

You give me a hug and a kiss and you are off to start the rest of your routine.

I'm often rushed. Rushed for time. Rushed to go from one place to the next. Rushed to get everything done. And then there's you, all 37 pounds in the 91 percentile of you!

You remind me what it means to give thanks, be it a birthday party or the rise of the morning sun.

Each day is a precious one, no matter how big or how small.

There are bumps in the road, uncertainties in our lives, trying times and though you don't understand at just three years of age what these times are like, I feel it in my heart that when you do, you will face them with grace.

Liam-guardian and protector, Erik-honorable, eternal ruler.

See, you really are a real life Spiderman!

Recently, I watched an interview by the former President and Jesuit priest of the University that your nonno, daddy, aunt, uncle and I attended. In his interview he reminded us that, "we all have to find hope somewhere". You, my sweet Liam are part of that hope.

You teach me in ways that I never knew imaginable.

Thank you for helping me to pause, reminding me to slow down, and teaching me, and all who know you that life is a gift and truly...

a celebration!

Happy Birthday, sweet boy!

Love,

Mommy

last but not least {back to school 2015 part 4}

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Fri, 04 Sep 2015 05:00:00 +0000

Okay, so it's really not part 4, it's part 2 for Back to School, but since Liam is the 4th child, you get it.

We didn't think when we set out on this journey that we'd have double the number of little ones that we had first dreamt about.
While there are days that present their challenges, four is truly a wonderful, wonderful blessing!

This boy was over the moon excited to go to his very first day of school after seeing his older siblings get to go!

He is a big eater and I mean a BIG eater and he didn't even eat his lunch today. He was THAT excited! He thanked his teacher on his own (my Lord, he has the best manners!) and then proceeded to ask me for his bagel. I just think he was so thrilled with his day, not even eating was going to get in the way.

If ever I am upset, Liam will say, "Mommy, you happy? Be happy!" He is completely in tune with his emotions and the emotions of others and has a way with knowing just how to make anyone feel better.

I simply cannot imagine our lives without him.

Liam, may the days be long and filled with happiness, for that is what you bring to our lives.

Cheers to your very first day of school!

You are last, but not least,

and that makes me happy.

and if i hold the shutter down...{back to school 2015}

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Thu, 27 Aug 2015 07:12:00 +0000

Another summer gone by, another school year starting.

The summer itself was a bit uneventful, and had I to do it over again, I'd have done things differently. Sometimes it is nice to just do nothing, and other times doing nothing can feel like there aren't enough memories being created for the bank. At least that's how it feels to me anyway.

In my leave of absence from my job last school year, I didn't allow myself to be free. And again, if I had to do it over again, I'd have done things differently.

It's hard to let go of something that is such a part of who you are and what you give to the world.

This school year is the first year that I can ever remember (especially while working), that I wanted to move on. I wanted summer to end. I want to move forward...

for them.

I want to move forward...

for me.

I cannot and will not let myself live in "what life used to be like" land. Rather, I want to live in what life is like now, and all that I can dream it to be.

I want to see her shine like a star.

I want to be fully present,

as he inches closer and closer to his middle school years. I still cannot even believe that he is in the 4th grade and I know that it only goes quicker and quicker.

And after reading The Kissing Hand with her teacher on her first day of TK, I want her to know that I'm really home, not just the shell of me that I felt like last year.

"Whenever you feel lonely and need a little loving from home, just press your hand to your cheek and think, 'Mommy loves you. Mommy loves you'." -The Kissing Hand

I want to savor the moment that she savored in this picture, proud of the name tag she wore and the one she made.

I make sure to catch the fine details-like shoes.

Not the brand of shoes, but the fact that these shoes once started off as just tiny little baby feet.

Now they wear high tops...in the second grade.

And then, there's always a necessary capture from behind,

when they don't know I'm there.

I'm ready to move on. I'm ready to be present for them. I'm ready to grow and change for me!

And if, just maybe...

if I hold the shutter down, time will stand still but for a moment.

we're not in july anymore...{flashback friday, fourth of july}

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Sat, 08 Aug 2015 00:45:00 +0000

We're not in July anymore...I wish it was, so that I could rewind to have a Summer "do over". I love the swim team season, but it can be so time consuming that it leaves us with mostly that and not a lot of vacations. So, it's a flashback Friday to the fourth of July and I hope we can squeeze in one more trip before it's back to school.

We had many thunderstorms,

but a few breaks in the weather.

It's next to near impossible...

to not relax and take in this view.

We weren't sure what the 4th would have in store because in the morning, we woke up to this:

hail on the 4th of July!

Liam thought we might need

a life jacket on land.

I was able to get some shots of the kids,

and this was the best I could get of Anna because she wasn't totally in to getting her picture taken.

Then there's my little Tatum,

who is such

a giggly little thing.

And then there's these two little peas in a pod,

that remind me of these "used to be" two little peas in a pod...

and then my heart REALLY aches.

It aches for the time I'd give to go back to when the first two were little when they rarely fought. I relish in the times now where they still get along, they really do love each other. It's just different than it used to be! My heart also aches with an overwhelming amount of thankfulness for the four healthy littles I have now. When they all get along, it is magic.

My then four year old, is now my soon to be fourth grader and he is all kinds of complicated and wonderful. He had THE BEST time and according to him, this was the most fun he's EVER had because he got to spend it with Aunt Jessica (Erik's sister).

We don't get to see Aunt Jessica very often so Kieran was over the moon!

There's this guy,

who is my everything. I rarely get to be in pictures with him, but I made him take one.

And then there's this guy...

who keeps us on our toes. Murray is a handful and then some, but I cannot imagine our family without him.

We got in a quick little hike,

before turning back from the lightning.

We still got to see the fireworks

from our awesome view at the top of our mountain!

We had one sunny day...

on the beach.

Playing in the sand,

lounging,

and drinking the most delicious rum runner (okay, that was just me).

The kids went swimming,

and kayaking with Erik and Papa Drew.

I've got to get pictures with Grandma next time!

My funny boy...

and my tired boy.

It was such a beautiful day to enjoy

God's creation!

Erik and I also got to go out without the littles...

a rarity and something we need to do more often!

We went mini-golfing and trampoline bungee jumping...

much

fun

to watch!

Aunt Jessica brought her kitchen manager from her restaurant, Irais (say it with me...Ear/Eye/Ees),

who my kids adored. Tatum is wanting her to come over to her house today for a playdate. ;)

Such a fun weekend!

Until next time...

wordless wednesday {bring the rain!}

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Wed, 10 Jun 2015 17:36:00 +0000

we're in trouble

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Thu, 28 May 2015 07:28:00 +0000

We're in trouble.

You can see it by the pose.

The pose that was not contrived, the pose that came to her naturally.

Sassy.

The first word that comes to your mind, don't worry, it comes to my mind, too, and far too often.

There are times where she may say something that kills me to my core. She is so extroverted that she is thinking she's being funny and me the "in between", the introextrovert (is there such a thing?) is dying inside when it comes across as "snotty", but not intended on her part.

I can talk to anyone, make great conversation, but she's the kind that lights up the room.

She's also the kind that presses my buttons and I'm often left with, "how could I have said this better?", "how could I have taught her differently?", "how can I be a better example?".

She's got sass and I can't say that I don't love this picture.

She has a zest for life and she's got big feelings. I mean, big, BIG, feelings.

I have to be careful. I need to reign her in sometimes.

She has a heart of gold toward everyone in public, but with her siblings and family she can sling it with the best of them. She learned from school in a Soul Shoppe class about "I messages".

Though I might be "retired" from my school counselor position, once a school counselor, always a school counselor. I am so very, very, proud that with her big feelings, comes big listening. She loves Soul Shoppe at school. I taught "I messages" to all my students, even my teachers that had difficulty with some of their own peers.

I feel...

when you..

and I would like it if...

It can feel boxed, but it's sometimes what we need to fully express ourselves in a meaningful and to the point way.

She came home and told me all about the "I message", and I couldn't have been more proud.

I need to use this with her for myself.

She's challenging, but I love every ounce of her.

And, we're only in trouble if we don't communicate with her.

She's the one that God gave us to keep us on our toes.

She's amazing.

Bring it.

sassy, spunky, sparkly, spirited {happy 7th birthday, dear anna}

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Wed, 29 Apr 2015 06:51:00 +0000

Sassy, spunky, sparkly, spirited,

are just a few words that come to mind when I think of Anna.

She's been this way since the day that she was born. I've always been intrigued by people that just have "it"-whatever "it" is. You know, the people that walk into a situation full of confidence and presence. Not the arrogant kind, not the "I'm better than you kind", no, the kind that you can't quite put your finger on. The kind that exude happiness, the kind that light up a room, the kind that can bring anyone and everyone to tears with their incredible sense of humor. The kind that everyone knows wherever they go, the kind that really, truly, light up the world.

This is definitely not how I would describe myself and while I do love being me,

I love being me,

loving her.

Anna.

She's 7 going on 17. Look out world, and pray for me and Erik!

That's the sass.

She's not afraid to be who she is, she dances like no one's watching, but loves that everyone does. That's the spunk.

Whether it's jewelry, glitter in her artwork, or a pair of new shoes, she loves anything that glistens. That's the sparkly.

The love she has for people, animals, God, her "move mountains" attitude, it's strong and unique to her.

That's the spirited.

Sometimes, she's stubborn.

Enough said.

All of these things and more, make up the Anna Elizabeth that we brought into this world by the grace of God on April 28, 2008.

My sweet Anna, on the occasion of your seventh birthday, these are the thoughts I want to hold onto:

Me: What is your favorite food?

Anna: Pizza

Me: What is your favorite dessert?

Anna: Donuts

Me: What is your idea of the perfect day?

Anna: My birthday, spending the day with my family

Me: What is your favorite thing to do?

Anna: Drawing

Me: What is your favorite animal?

Anna: A cheetah.

Me: What do you think about Murray?

Anna: He's the funnest puppy I've ever known. (Coincidentally, Anna and Murray share a birthday!)

Me: What is your favorite subject at school?

Anna: Writers Workshop.

Me: What would you like for your birthday?

Anna: My ears pierced.

Me: What is your favorite song?

Anna: Blank Space by Taylor Swift. (Sassy, Spunky, Sparkly, Spirited...yep, I mentioned those already!)

Me: What is your favorite movie?

Anna: Home.

Me: What do you think you might like to be when you grow up?

Anna: An Olympic Swimmer.

May you always be you and be proud.

May you never lose your "S's", they make you shine!

The best is yet to come.

Daddy, Kieran, Tatum, Liam and I love you with all our hearts. And Murray, too!

Happy 7th Birthday!

Love,

Mommy

Happy Easter, I mean it! {easter 2015}

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Wed, 08 Apr 2015 04:26:00 +0000

"Come out of your tomb, be like Jesus, be a BLESSING to others...say Happy Easter and mean it!"

This is the message that we heard at Easter Sunday Mass.

I hope that these four will walk with God all the days of their life.

They teach me daily in ways I never imagined. They are truly loving and compassionate beyond their years.

When life gets difficult, it would be easy to stay inside, to stay behind the stone. Or, we can roll it away, face the difficult and persevere.

Be a blessing to others my little ones, just as you are to me.

I love you so very, very much.

Happy Easter, I mean it!

forgotten...

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Mon, 23 Mar 2015 06:41:00 +0000

I haven't posted since December...

I've not picked up my camera since January.

Not since this...

I have forgotten just how much I've missed.

Not to say I haven't been in the moment, not to say that I can't steal these moments with my iphone, not to say that I must be behind a shutter every minute of every day.

There's certainly a time and a place.

Sometimes, taking no pictures at all is a gift!

That said,

I have a deep love for capturing life through my lens.

Not necessarily for anyone else, but for me and my family.

I need to print my photographs once and for all! What good are they stored captive on my computer? They are much better off gracing the walls of my home. I've talked about it, I've said it before and I haven't followed through.

It's time.

Capturing LIFE.

I miss it.

I crave it.

I had forgotten just how much.

the magic of christmas

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Wed, 31 Dec 2014 08:36:00 +0000

The magic of Christmas-it's my favorite time of year. I start listening to Christmas carols the day after Thanksgiving and continue listening to only carols the whole season. I don't get tired of them-the fun ones, the silly ones, the ones that give you chills. My favorite carol? I can't say that I have just one because I love so many, but I can say that I love any Christmas song by John Denver. Hokey, maybe, but I don't care. I still love a good John Denver tune.

I grew up surrounded with folk music from my parents. Either listening to folk artists or listening to my parents playing the guitar, the piano or singing. Growing up, they were the head of the choir at church. They were the ones that were hired for weddings and funerals, they even sang at my wedding. Erik calls my mom the "church lady" ala Saturday Night Live. I have to admit, I get a good laugh from that, but I promise she's a lot better and I am thankful every day that my parents instilled in me a love for music. My only regret is that I don't play an instrument! If you haven't heard any Christmas songs by John Denver, go listen. Afterall, December 25 may have come and gone, but it is still the Christmas season!

Our Christmas season is most complete for me when we travel to visit Erik's family and see the lights at CALM. This picture doesn't do it justice, it's only a small fraction of what you see and it's absolutely gorgeous!

"The light that shines for all to see...

the peace of Christmas day." -The Peace Carol

Anna, of course, was the first one up Christmas morning! She is usually one of, if not the last to sleep in on a regular morning, but Christmas? Where's the party?

"Find your heart...

open up both your eyes." -It's in Every One of us

Sometimes the sisters bicker, and other times be still my heart.

"See how much there is to give, see how strongly you believe...

see how much you may receive." -Aspenglow

Christmas would not be complete without tears (of joy, of course) from my mom.

"The season is upon us now, a time for gifts and giving...

and as the year draws to its close, I think about my living." -A Baby Just Like You

I decided this year we'd use the remote shutter to document that we were here without anyone having to have a camera in their hand. I need a lot more practice, but it's a start! It's the only one that has the six of us and we never did take a whole family photo other than our card-that's life.

"I don't know if you believe in Christmas, or if you have presents underneath the Christmas tree...

but if you believe in love, that will be more than enough, for you to come and celebrate with me."

We actually had a Christmas Eve Eve with my parents before they headed to my sister and brother-in-law's house this year. We have "big Christmas" every other year.

"Christmas is a time to come together, a time to put all differences aside...

and I reach out my hand to the family of man, to share the joy I feel at Christmas time."

I just happened to steal this moment from my dad and Tatum. According to my mom, she knows Tatum loves her, but she'll drop her in seconds flat as soon as she sees her Nonno. They have a really special bond.

"For I have held the precious gift that love brings, even though I've never saw a Christmas star...

But I know there is a light, I have felt it burn inside and I can see it shining from afar."

We had a fairly quiet and calm Christmas morning and celebrated with Erik's parents. Liam loved seeing Papa in his space age ski goggles.

"For the truth that binds us all together, I would like to say a simple prayer...

that at this special time, you will have true peace of mind and love to last throughout the coming year." -A Christmas Wish

And of course, what would Christmas (or any day for that matter) be, without Liam getting into something he wasn't supposed to. I think he ate everyone's chocolate from Santa. #liamstrikesagain

"Perhaps love is like a window, perhaps an open door...

it invites you to come closer, it wants to show you more". -Perhaps Love

Liam's big gift from Santa was his John Deere tractor, which everyone but Kieran and Erik have ridden so far. I may or may not have ridden it in the garage yesterday.

"It's tall in the saddle we spend Christmas Day, driving the cattle over snow covered plains...

So many gifts have been opened today...

ours is the sky,

and the wide open range."

Okay, so no wide open range or snow, especially not inside the house, but riding an electric tractor was as close as I could come to riding a horse. ;)

When I was just a wee little boy, full of health and joy,

One Christmas morning I received The Marvelous Little Toy.

A wonder to behold it was with many colors bright...

And the moment I laid eyes on it, it became my heart's delight." The Marvelous Little Toy

(lyrics by Tom Paxton)

"That Peace on Earth fills up your time, that brotherhood surrounds you...

That you may know the warmth of love and wrap it all around you." -A Baby Just Like You

Our priest at our church spoke to all of us at family mass on Christmas Eve, he even wore a Christmas bow on his head for part of the mass. His message simple, but so powerful. While presents we give to others at Christmas can signify the gifts that were brought to Jesus by the Wise men, the true presents, the gift, the magic of Christmas is us. It is YOU! Jesus lives in us, in our hearts. We share this love and we give this gift to others. Father gave each child a Christmas bow to take home and instructed them to put the ribbons on their heads Christmas Day.

It's my absolute favorite picture...

"Music makes pictures and often tells stories, all of it magic and all of it true...

and all of the pictures and all of the stories, all of the magic, the music is you." -The Music is You

...it's the magic of Christmas.

"Live, Jesus, in our hearts! Forever"-Lasallian Prayer

Merry Christmas Eve

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Thu, 25 Dec 2014 01:50:00 +0000

Glory to God

in the highest,

& on Earth,

PEACE,

good will

toward men.

Luke 2: 14

Merry Christmas Eve!

With Love,

Erik, Kristin, Kieran, Anna, Tatum, & Liam

just one

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Mon, 15 Dec 2014 18:26:00 +0000

It's hard to remember what it was like with just one.

I wouldn't trade having four for the entire world, even on the craziest of crazy days, even when I feel like I'm going to lose my mind.

My four are my heart.

On a rainy Monday like today though, it's quiet.

The rest are in school.

And so, it's a train kind of Monday.

Train tracks and potty training, that is...

with just one.

perfectly imperfect

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Tue, 09 Dec 2014 07:03:00 +0000

It's not techically sound, it's grainy, the focus fell on Leo the Lion and not on him. The iso is cranked to the highest my crop sensor can go, and I had one quick shot to get while he slept so peacefully (with poop in his underpants...yes, I just said he was sleeping with poop in his underpants).

I've taken a similar shot recently, it seems that while I try to keep things together as a stay-at-home-mom, a nap of my first born right on schedule, is similar yet so vastly different than that of my fourth.

My first born mom self would have woken up my baby...the audacity that any mother would leave her child on the floor, in poopy underpants no less.

My fourth born...why wake him? It would only ruin his nap time and how can I move him while he clutches Leo the Lion ever so sweetly?

I'm wanting to do these days differently, I often feel that I did them better as a part-time working mom. Today though, it was perfectly imperfect.

And I wouldn't change a thing.

happy birthday, dear tatum {tatum frances is four!}

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Wed, 12 Nov 2014 03:49:00 +0000

Dearest Tatum Frances,

As always, the hands of time have moved far more quickly than I ever want them to as it seems that you were just placed into my arms.

birth photo credits: Melissa Larson

and instantly captured our hearts.

It's almost impossible to fathom that I went from writing about your first year,

to your second,

to your third,

to now.

You...

my beautiful,

sometimes used to be all the time shy,

sweet,

witty,

silly,

four year old, Frozen loving girl.

How far you have come in four wonderful years!

You are my little warrior. From your accident, to an adenoidectomy, then a tonsillectomy and finally learning with the right therapy how to eat, you are one tough cookie!

Tonight you said to me while eating pasta,

"Mommy, I'm going to eat all of this pasta so that when Daddy measures me, I can grow and then when I grow I can go on the airplane with Daddy to Disneyland to see Mickey and Minnie."

My sweet 2T wearing 4 year old girl, you are tiny in stature and so very big in heart.

Where you used to be afraid of preschool, you are now full of giggles, and the most funny, insightful and thoughtful conversations.

And though I'm sick of Frozen as is most of the adult world, just like Frozen, you prove to me daily that LOVE conquers all.

Your love,

shines through,

and weathers any storm.

Happy Birthday, my sweet Tatum Frances.

Daddy and I, Kieran, Anna, Liam and Murray love you so very, very, much.

Love,

Mommy