Jokes, Funny Things & Total Entertainment

hey friends we moved to our new address

2010-09-28T01:19:00.000-07:00

hey friends,we moved to new blog address,Please visit/bookmark this new address
http://jokesfunnything.blogspot.com/

You can now find feeds on this new address: http://feeds.feedburner.com/blogspot/fMgV

Nice Quote-2

2010-09-27T23:34:00.000-07:00

Nice Quote-1

2010-09-26T22:51:00.000-07:00

Hey friends ,now we are starting a new section of posts in which we will daily post a nice quote.

HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?

2010-09-26T07:05:00.000-07:00

This is hysterical. You have to try this.

I guess there are some things that the brain cannot handle.

You have to try this please, it takes 2 seconds. I could not believe this!!! It is from an orthopedic surgeon............

This will boggle your mind and you will keep you trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can't. It's pre-programmed in your brain!

1. Without anyone watching you (they will think you are GOOFY......) and while sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.

I told you so!!! And there's nothing you can do about it!

You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so.

Post in comments if you are able to do as above

More on Management Lessons

2010-09-26T04:13:00.000-07:00

Management Lesson

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first

few stops - a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.

At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight,built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground.

He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.

Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn't argue with

Big John, but he wasn't happy about it. The next day the same thing happened - Big John got on again, made a show of refusing

to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the next.

This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally he could

stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff.

By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself. So on the next Monday,

when Big John once again got on the bus and said, "Big John doesn't pay!"

The driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed, "And why not?"

With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, "Big John has a bus pass."

Management Lesson: "Be sure there is a problem in the first place before working hard to solve one."

Find more funny Management lessons in our older post

New Management Lessons :)

God sent Professional to help :)

2010-09-26T01:27:00.000-07:00

A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication for her daughter.

When returning to her car she found that she had locked her keys in the car.

She didn't know what to do, so she called her home and told the baby sitter what had happened and that she did not know what to do.
Baby sitter said, "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door."

The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been thrown down on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time or other had locked their keys in their car.

Then she looked at the hanger and said, "I don't know how to use this."

So she bowed her head and asked God to send her some help. Within five minutes an old rusty car pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.

The woman thought, "This is what you sent to help me?" But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful.

The man got out of his car and asked her if he could help. She said, "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"

He said, "Sure". He walked over to the car, and in less than one minute the car was opened.

She hugged the man and through her tears she said, "Thank you so much! You are a very nice man."

The man replied, "Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour."

The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud, "Oh, Thanks God!

You even sent me a Professional!"

Before & after marriage

2010-09-26T01:16:00.000-07:00

Before marriage…..

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don’t even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I’m not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!

After marriage….
Simply read from bottom to top.

how to find your wife if she is lost ???

2010-09-25T06:49:00.000-07:00

The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

"Why?" she asks.

"Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."

Funny Pictures....:)

2010-09-25T06:44:00.000-07:00

WIFE IS WIFE AFTER ALL....

No Matter who you are......

Perils of using trial software.....

their trial period always ends up when u need them most

NO COMMENTS

UNIQUE WEDDING

No body can...........

Gottcha..........

The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes

Monthly pass funny :)

2010-09-25T05:17:00.000-07:00

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:

"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:

"How much for a season pass?"

Newton's law of love :)

2010-09-25T04:36:00.000-07:00

Universal law:
“Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money ”

First law:
” a boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him,

until or unless any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy. ”

Second law:
” the rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance

of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance. ”

Third law:
” the force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while slapping. “

6 weeks to 6 months to 6 years..how things changes after marriage :)

2010-09-25T04:32:00.000-07:00

After Marriage Boys First 6 weeks, than 6 months, than 6 years

Dating process:
6 weeks : I love U, I love U, I love U.
6 months : Of course I love U.
6 years : GOD, if I didn’t love U, then why the hell did I propose?

Back from Work:
6 weeks : Honey, I’m home.
6 months : BACK!!
6 years : What did your mom cook for us today??

Gifts:
6 weeks : Honey, I really hope you liked the ring.
6 months : I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living room.
6 years : Here’s the money. Buy yourself something.

Phone Ringing:
6 weeks : Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
6 months : Here, for you.
6 years : PHONE RINGING.

Cooking:
6 weeks : I never knew food could taste so good!
6 months : What are we having for dinner tonight?
6 years : AGAIN!!!!

Apology:
6 weeks : Honey muffin, don’t you worry, Ill never hold this against you.
6 months : Watch out! Don’t do it again.
6 years : What’s not to understand about what I just said??

New Dress:
6 weeks : Oh my God, you look like an angel in that dress.
6 months : You bought a new dress again???
6 years : How much did THAT cost me?

Planning for Vacations:
6 weeks : How do 2 weeks in Vienna or anywhere you please sound??
6 months : What’s so bad about going to Istanbul on a charter plane?
6 years : Travel? What’s so bad about staying home???

TV:
6 weeks : Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
6 months : I like this movie.
6 years : I’m going to watch ESPN, if you’re not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself.

beauty of maths

2010-09-25T04:29:00.001-07:00

The Beauty of Maths..Take a look

1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321

1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111

9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888

Brilliant, isn’t it?

And finally, take a look at this symmetry:
1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111=12345678987654321

funny definations

2010-09-25T04:04:00.000-07:00

School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that
you can die Rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree
and a woman gains her masters.

Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by
feminine waterpower.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the
Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of
either"

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody
believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and
everybody disagrees later on.

Father: A banker provided by nature.

funny leave letters....:)

2010-09-25T04:02:00.000-07:00

Some people seriously do not know how to write letters,take examples and enjoy........

1.    An employee applied for leave as follows:

Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.

2.    An employee who's daughter was getting married and needed to apply for leave:
As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.

3. As my mother-in-law has expired and I am the only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave.

4.    Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:

Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave.

5. I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday.

6.    A leave letter to the headmaster:

As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today.

7. As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day.

8.    Covering note: I am enclosed herewith.

9. Another one:

Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below.

10. My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave.

11. I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well.

12. A candidate's job application:
This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for

the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.

Cheers,

Intersting and funny facts

2010-09-25T00:05:00.000-07:00

You burn more calories sleeping

than you do watching television.

The King of Hearts is the only king

WITHOUT A MOUSTACHE

Walt Disney was afraid

OF MICE!

Most dust particles in your house are made from

DEAD SKIN!

IT is possible to lead COW up-stair but

not downstair.

Do u know these facts friends....If u have any interesting fact ,do post in comments

More PJS

2010-09-24T23:46:00.000-07:00

More PJs.....

Ek bar Santa Gangubai ke ghar jata hai aur darwaja knock karta hai...
Gangubai:"Kaun?"
Santa:"Main!"
Gangubai:"Main kaun?"
Santa:"tu gangubai!!!!!"

Hema, Rekha , sushma and jaya are 4 friends.
They all got marriage proposal from Shah Rukh, Salman, Aamir nad Saif.
But none of them is ready to accept any of the proposal.

Kyunki....Hema, rekha ,jaya aur sushma...
Sabki pasand NIRMAAAAAAAAAAAAA

a doctor is examining his patient for some infection..............
but suddenly the infection gets transferred from the patient to the doctor.......why????????//

becos the patient has a bluetooth

Here is this King who always kills his newly wed wife on the first nightand offers her as a feast to the crocodile by the side of his house.
Everytime he gets married he does the same thing.
Before killing them he sings a song expressing the situation..
what is thesong he sings?....
Scroll down......

stop thinking, you are never going to get this

Humein tum se pyaar kitna
yeh hum nahin jaante
"magar"(crocodiles ) jee nahin sakte
tumhare bina!!!

Guess what :)

2010-09-24T23:33:00.000-07:00

It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.

The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead,

and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers." "That's right!" the boy

said, "But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.

The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held

her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A

box

of sweets." "That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh,

just a wild guess," said the teacher.

The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher

held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off

the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she

asked."No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated

the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?"

she asked."No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took

one more big taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?" With great glee, the boy replied,

"It's a puppy!"

hahahaa

Girls explained in IT terms

2010-09-24T06:23:00.000-07:00

HARD DISK GIRLS:

she remembers everything, FOREVER

RAM GIRLS:

she forgets about you, the moment you turn her off

WINDOW GIRLS:

everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.

SCREENSAVER GIRLS:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun

INTERNET GIRLS:
Difficult to access.

SERVER GIRLS:
Always busy when you need her.

MULTIMEDIA GIRLS:
She makes horrible things look beautiful

CD-ROM GIRLS:
She is always faster and faster.

EMAIL GIRLS:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense

VIRUS GIRLS:
Also known as "wife'' when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything...

Band of Joy

Rithik Roshan is gonna walk on the fire

2010-09-24T05:52:00.000-07:00

Iron Man 2 (Three-Disc Blu-ray/DVD Combo + Digital Copy)

Rithik Roshan, One of the super star of bollywood , is gonna walk on the fire for his new film, which is agneepath remix.Director karan johar has decided to remix the film agneepath that was originally directed by his father.He told the press "There will be lot of changes in agneepath-2.Hero (Rithik Roshan ) is gonna walk on the fire."

Why Bachelors Can't Cook

2010-09-24T03:31:00.000-07:00

Two bachelors were talking. One said to the other, "I got a cookbook the other day, but I can't do any of the recipes."

"Why? Are they too difficult?" asked the second.

"No," the first replied. "It's just that they all start with the same thing: 'Take a clean dish...'"

Wife knows

2010-09-24T03:30:00.001-07:00

Most Friday nights at the Naval Station in Bermuda, we would assemble at the Officer's Club after work. One Friday, Rick, a newly married ensign, insisted he had to leave at 6 p.m. We all tried to talk him into staying, but he'd promised his bride he'd be home by six. I offered to call home for Rick.

When his wife answered the phone, I said, "Rick has been kidnapped. Put five dollars in small, unmarked bills in a plain brown paper bag and throw it in the door of the officers club." Then I hung up.

A short time later, a waiter brought a grocery bag to our table. In it were Rick's baseball glove, a tennis racket and a teddy bear. Attached to the bear was a note: "Rick can play kidnapped until 7 p.m. Then he must come home."

Bar joke

2010-09-24T03:29:00.000-07:00

An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him.

"What'll you have?" he asked.

"Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spit it out.

"Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!"

"Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"

New Management Lessons :)

2010-09-24T03:26:00.000-07:00

Lesson #1

A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.

The Genie says, “I usually only grant three wishes, so I’ll give each of you just one.”

“Me first! Me first!” says the admin clerk.”I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone.

In astonishment, “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an Endless supply of pinna coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone.

OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Management lesson?

Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson #2

A crow was sitting in a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Real Secret of a Happy Married Life

2010-09-24T03:09:00.000-07:00

Once Banta asked Santa, “What is the secret behind your happy married life?”

Santa said, “You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems.”

Banta asked, “Can you explain?”

Santa said, “In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other’s decisions.”

Still not convinced, Banta asked, “Give me some examples” Santa said, “Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it”

Banta asked, “Then what is your role?”

Santa said, “My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iraq, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar should retire etc. Do you know one thing, my wife NEVER objects to any of these”.