In search of Light

Rights & Responsibilities Of Husband and Wife

2011-06-20T01:11:00.000-07:00

So you’re married. You’ve completed one half of your Deen. You’ve got your parents off your back and now you’ve got a lifetime to look forward to with the love of your life. You’re sorted innit? Ah, but are you clued up on the rights your partner has over you and the rights you have over your partner? Yep, ‘rights’! In order to make your marriage a success Allah (swt) has prescribed a list of guidelines for husbands and wives, which if followed properly can lead to marital bliss and fewer nights banished to the sofa.

Islam teaches that marriage is ‘half of Deen’ because it fulfils so many basic needs of an individual and of society. But y’ know, most of the problems in Muslim families nowadays are to do with marriage, coz we don't have a clue how to get married Islamically and as a Muslim partner what our rights and responsibilities are. Well ladies & gents, don't worry, as you will learn all this right here, right now!

So what rights does the wife have over the husband?

Islam has honoured woman and granted her an equal status with man. It's only ignorance and cultural practices that prevent women from receiving the rights that they’re entitled to. It was Islam and not the Spice Girls that brought true Girl Power to women alright!

1. A wife has a right to choose her husband. If she doesn’t want to get married to someone her parents want her to marry then she has a right to refuse. So no woman can be forced to get married in Islam - this is her basic right!

2. If she doesn’t like her husband due to valid reasons then she may also get a divorce and re-marry someone else. Similarly, a widow may re-marry someone else as well.

3. She has a right to be a lady of leisure. Yep, seriously! In Islam, a husband has a duty to provide for his wife and should not force her to work to earn money- this includes clothing, food, accommodation and general care etc, and she should not be forced to work to earn money. She also has the right of Mahr (wedding gift) and inheritance. However, if she chooses to work, any money that she earns is her own and she has a right to spend it as she wishes. Now that is what I call Girl Power!

4. She has a right to keep her surname. Nowadays most women across the world lose their surname to their husbands' name, but Islam gives the wife the choice and power to keep her surname. How cool is that?

5. She has a right to be treated with kindness. Allah (swt) knows that by nature woman are more sensitive and gentle. This is why the Prophet told men to treat their women nicely. (Tirmidhi)

The Prophet advised men:
"The best amongst you, are the best for their wives, and I am the best of you for my wives." (Tirmidhi)

What rights does the husband have over the wife?

Of course, men have rights too. It’s not all about the women y’ know!

1. A husband should be respected by his wife in every way. Unless of course it conflicts with an Islamic obligation or goes against an Islamic teaching.

2. The husband has the right to a trustworthy and honest companion. (The same here goes for the wife too). For example, she should not lie about using birth control to stop him having a child... that would be naughty now wouldn't it?

3. The husband has a right to sexual intimacy with his wife. She should not refuse him this right – unless of course refusal is due to medical reasons in which case the husband should be caring and considerate. As they say, if you don't get any action at home, you're gonna play away. So this is in reality a right and responsibility for both the husband and wife.

4. If the husband doesn’t like someone, then the wife shouldn’t allow them to come to their house, she also shouldn’t accept presents from such people. This is to avoid jealousy and friction between the couple.

5. The husband's possessions are his wife’s trust. She needs to safeguard his property and possessions. The Prophet said:

“The woman is the guardian of her husband’s house and is responsible for it.” (Bukhari)

The reward for fulfilling these rights is immense! The Prophet said:

“Any woman who dies while her husband is pleased with her, she will enter Jannah.” (At-Tirmidhi)

The Best Husband:

1. Shows good character and good manners towards his wife.

2. Doesn’t slack when it comes to the rights of his wife.

3. Does not check out any other woman other than his wife.

4. Learns and practises Islam and teaches his wife too.

5. Is there for his wife during times of distress.

6. Keeps his cool even when his wife hurts his feelings.

7. Appreciates his wife and forgives small mistakes.

8. Helps out with household chores and doesn’t just leave them to the wife.

9. Does his best to raise their children in an Islamic way.

The Best Wife:

1. Listens to her husband and does her best to please him.

2. Always considers her husband’s well being.

3. Does not give the husband stress but gives him peace of mind.

4. Does not spend more than her husband earns.

5. Helps her husband at the time of problems.

6. Has patience when the husband does not treat her justly.

7. Behaves and dresses modestly.

8. Learns and practises Islam and teaches her husband too.

9. Does her best to raise their children in an Islamic way.

Top Ten Tips On How To Be A Successful Husband/Wife

1. Dress up for your partner and look clean and smell good. Make an effort in your appearance so that you are always desirable and attractive for each other. Just like the husband wants his wife to look nice for him, she also wants her husband to dress up for her too. You know a bit of bow cha ka wawa does no harm when you look at your partner! Remember that the Prophet would always start with Miswak when returning home and always loved the sweetest smells.

2. Use the best names for your partner. Call them by their most beloved names (such as baby and honey!) and avoid using names that hurt their feelings i.e. fatty, onion breath etc!

3. If you see anything wrong with what your husband/wife does, as long as it doesn’t contradict the Shariah, try being silent and don’t complain! This is one of the things the Prophet used to do when he saw something inappropriate from his wives. It’s a skill that Muslims need to master! Instead try to appreciate and focus on all the good your partner does.

4. Smile at your partner whenever you see them and embrace them often. Smiling is an act of Sadaqah (charity). Also, tell your partner that you love them regularly, don’t assume they already know! At least once a day say something kind or complimentary to your partner.

5. This might sound a bit cheesy but give it a try! Ask your husband/wife to write down the last ten things you did for them that made them happy. Then go and do the same for them again. It may be hard to recognise what gives your husband/wife pleasure but you don’t have to play a guessing game, ask him/her and work on repeating those things for them all the time.

6. Don’t belittle his/her desires. Comfort them. Sometimes the men may look down upon the requests of their wives. The Prophet set the example for us when on numerous occasions he comforted his wives.

7. Be humorous and play games or sports with your partner. The Prophet would race with his wife ‘Aisha (ra). When was the last time you did something like that? You should be having the time of your life. Do things together. Have fun for crying out loud! Go out for a meal. A weekend away. As long as it’s Halal then go for it!

8. Be romantic! Think about all the small things your partner does for you and then show some appreciation in return. And don’t forget those anniversaries! Some guys are extremely generous when it comes to their friends or family but for some reason can’t even bring themselves to buy their wife a box of chocolates! Spoil your partner with affection and treat each other to a surprise every now and again to keep that fire burning!

9. Trust and honesty is the key to a successful marriage. If something is harming or damaging your marriage then be open and honest with your partner. It won't just go away. Keeping secrets from one another or hiding stuff from your partner is one of the main reasons why a marriage can go wrong big time!

10. If you have done something wrong then admit it! Apologise sincerely to your partner and then try to make it up to them by doing something you know will make them happy. Never both be angry at the same time and don’t go to bed upset with one another.

Marriage is an enormous responsibility but also a great joy. Allah (swt) said that the husband and wife should be like ‘garments’ to one another. The point of a garment is to give warmth, protection, decency, intimacy and comfort. Allah (swt) has created all life forms in pairs and when something is created as part of a pair it is clearly incomplete without the other. But in order for a husband and wife to find perfect peace and harmony with each other, they need to be prepared to fulfil each other’s rights.

Now all that sounds quite straight forward doesn't it? If you try to act upon all of the above then Inshallah your marriage will be great, long and Islamic.

Your Soul Mate

2010-12-06T22:43:00.000-08:00

Marriage is a very important part of Muslims' life. It is the completion of a Muslim's faith as well as a natural way to find companionship and solace in life. But what do Muslims have to look for when they're getting married? And is finding a soul mate really possible?

The most important question you should probably ask yourself before you even start searching or opening your heart to a possible spouse is "are you ready for marriage at all?" Some may feel they are emotionally ready to take a partner, but the responsibilities of a marital relationship — spiritually, emotionally, and financially — will need commitment and realistic expectations. You can know if you're ready through prayer, knowledge about marriage by reading or talking to married people, and also by self-reflection.

Ready.. Steady.. Go!

Once you've decided you're ready to get married, then you can turn to the Qur'an and Sunnah of the blessed Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) for guidance on how you can find that soul mate.

Being in a marriage should include mercy, appreciation, love, affection, and compassion, and these things can be fostered before marriage in simple ways, like talking to the person to see if he or she is attractive to you, or that his or her attitudes toward treating you as an individual appeal to you. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) encouraged a man who wanted to marry a certain lady to go and look at her first. Through this, we learn that fostering "chemistry," attraction, and even love for the person we are about to marry is very important.

You Complete Me

Feelings are an important factor in getting to know your future partner, but it's always important to balance it with advice from family and friends and with a sense of intellect. Almighty Allah has advised us to marry those who are religious and have good manners.

Ultimately, you have to be able to ask yourself "can this person help complete me spiritually (religiously) and also help fix any faults in my personality?" Do not marry someone because you think you can change this person to the better or because you hope this person will single-handedly fix your personality faults. Instead, accept this person's faults and weaknesses, and marry this person for his or her passion to try and change you as a couple for the pleasure of Almighty Allah. Think of that person as your best friend and partner; someone who makes being home a gentle and relaxing experience and helps ease the troubles of your day and life.

The Ideal Muslim Husband

2010-12-05T00:14:00.000-08:00

Much ink has been spilled, and much breath, in defining the role of Muslim women; the rights of Muslim women; the duties of Muslim women, what constitutes an ideal Muslim wife. Maybe because there has so much misunderstanding of the role of women, we seem to give it special emphasis in lectures and books. However since men and women are interdependent, it is not wise to concentrate on one and remain silent about the other.

Many men seem to feel that women, and their wives in particular, should be ideal Muslims, while they themselves and their fellow men behave as they like without reference to the Qur’an and Sunnah, and unchallenged by the Shari’ah.

This paper is therefore intended to redress the balance; to turn the spotlight on to the men, so that they might be aware of the Islamic standard for an ideal husband, as they try to reach that standard as much as they wish their wives to reach the standard of an ideal Muslim wife.
The obvious place to look for these standards of behaviour is in the Qur’an and Hadith.

Let us therefore start at the beginning. How does the ideal husband behave before marriage? After all, a man does not totally change his character with effect from his wedding day. The bride is joining her life with that of another person whose personality and habits have been in some degree already formed. What then should be the behavior towards women by a young man before marriage?

Islam does not accept the view common in the western secular society that before marriage a young man is expected to "sow his wild oats" - whether by frequenting prostitutes or by sleeping around, or having any form of "trial marriage". For all such activities the Qur’an has prescribed a legal punishment of 100 lashes. [Qur’an 24:2]

The Qur’an moreover says;

"And as for those who are unable to marry, let them live in continence until Allah grants them sufficiently out of his bounty...." [Qur’an 24:33]

To assist young men in this situation the Prophet (saws) in a Hadith recorded in Bukhari further advised;

"Young men, those of you who can support a wife should marry, for it keeps you from looking at women and preserves your chastity; but those who cannot should fast, for it is a means of cooling passion."

For those who have the means to get married, how should they go about it? We have mentioned that the modern western practice of having girlfriends and trial marriages is emphatically unlawful for Muslims. Instead it is expected that the family and friends will play a big role in finding out in detail about the character and circumstances of the proposed partner before allowing the feelings of the boy and girl to be aroused has several advantages. Its effect is to cut out a lot of the embarrassment, temptation and heartache which are common in the western system of courtship and intimate relations before marriage.

The boy is expected to share with his parents certain priorities in the type of girl he hopes to marry, and this is mentioned in a Hadith related by Abu Hurairah in which the Prophet (saws) advised:

"A women may be sought for her wealth, her birth, her beauty or he religious character. But do look for the religious women. And if you do it for any other consideration, your hands be rubbed in dirt!" [Bukhari and Muslim]

In other words the key to success in marriage is seen as the moral quality of the partner. The ideal Muslim bridegroom therefore goes into marriage with the responsible attitude of a person establishing a family on the best possible foundation of love and mutual compassion, and not of infatuation over beauty, ambition for wealth or social position. The Qur’an has described the marriage relationship in these terms;

"Among His signs is the fact that he has created spouses from among yourselves, so that you may find tranquillity with them; and he has put love and mercy between you. In that are signs for people who reflect." [Qur’an 30:21]
and again:
"They (wives) are garments for you, while you are garments for them." [Qur’an 2:187]

Having sought his bride in an honourable way, and married her in the manner prescribed by the Prophet- that is with public celebration but the minimum of fuss and ostentation- what are the Muslim husband’s duties?
His first duty is maintenance and protection, and overall responsibility for the welfare of his wife, which is prescribed in the Qur’an:

"Men shall take full care of women with the bounties which Allah has bestowed more abundantly on the former than on the latter, and with what they may spend out of their possessions....". [Qur’an 4:34]

This includes feeding, clothing and shelter for the wife and for any children of the marriage. This is a legally enforceable duty, which remains even after divorce until the expiry of the Iddah or even longer in the view of some of the scholars. Financial responsibility for the family therefore rests squarely on the husband, and the wife has no duty to contribute to family expenses unless she has the means and the wish to do so.

The legal obligations of a husband do not stop with provision of the basic requirements relating to maintenance and protection. He is also expected to give her company and marital relations, and to avoid doing anything that would harm her.

These obligations are enforced by the Shari’ah. If a man fails to maintain his wife or fails to visit her for more than a certain period of time, the wife has grounds to be granted a divorce by a Shari’ah Court. Similarly, if she can prove to the court that the husband is doing harm (Idrar), be it by drinking alcohol, or beating her without lawful cause, or abusing her or her parents and so on, she is entitled to be granted a divorce. In none of these cases can the husband claim back any part of the dowry or presents he has given to the wife. I would like to make a note here that every situation has to be evaluated on its merits and circumstances by a Shar'iah Court. These points mentioned above are general precepts in the Shar'iah.

The Husband is however urged in the Qur’an to avoid divorce and try to preserve marriage even if it is not ideal. This is to be done in the first instance by exercising patience with his wife’s faults. The Qur’an say’s;

"Live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If you take a dislike to them, it may be that you dislike a thing while Allah brings about through it a great deal of good." [Qur’an 4:19]
The Prophet (saws) also emphasised the undesirability of divorce in a Hadith found in Abu Dau’d’s collection:

"The most hateful of all lawful things, in the sight of Allah, is divorce."
The ideal husband should therefore, if need arises, make full use of Qur’anic provisions for reconciliation and arbitration [Qur’an 4:34] before proceeding with divorce
If a man does divorce his wife, he should follow the steps approved in the Qur’an and Sunnah regarding a revocable divorce. This allows for cooling off and reconciliation before it becomes final on the final pronouncement. The divorce is not to be pronounced while the wife is in menstruation, but when she has finished menstruation and not yet resumed marital relations with the husband. (Qur’an 65:1) In other words divorce is not to be pronounced in anger or at random, but at a specific time when the husband is in control of his reason, and the wife herself is not in the state of emotional upset that sometimes occurs whilst she is pregnant or may accompany menstruation.

The husband is to continue good treatment of his wife even if divorce decided upon. He is to keep and feed her as before in his own house until the expiry of her iddah (waiting period) without harassment, [Qur’an 65:1, 65:6]

and to make provision for her according to his means.
He is not to take back any of the gifts he may have given her before or during the marriage:

"The parties should either hold together on equitable terms or separate with kindness. It is not lawful for you (men) to take back any of your gifts from your wives."[Qur’an 2:229]
On the contrary, the husband is to give her a gift or some form of maintenance to sustain her after divorce [Qur’an 2:241].

Moreover, he is not to interfere if after divorce she wishes to marry someone else:

"......and when you divorce women and they have reached the end of their waiting term, hinder them not from marrying other men if they have agreed with each other in a fair manner."[Qur’an 2:232]

The husband should also know that according to the Shari’ah he is not always the one to have custody of his children after divorce, contrary to the common practice in some countries. It is the wife who is given priority in custody of children in many cases, in accordance with a Hadith related by Amru b. Shu’aib in Ibn Majah, which tells how a woman came to the Prophet (saws) and said:

"Truly my belly served as a container for my son here, and my breast served as a skin bag for him (to drink out of), and my bosom served as a refuge for him; and now his father has divorced me, and he (also) desires to take away from me." The Prophet (saws) said: "You have a better right to have him as long as you do not marry again." [Ibn Majah]

We would also like to point out again however, that the decision as to the custody of the children has to be evaluated by a Shar'iah Court, which will consider the particular circumstances surrounding the family and the children's best welfare.

In the Maliki School of Islamic Jurisprudence, this rule is systematised to give priority in custody of children to the mother and to 5 other relatives before the custody could be claimed by the father. This custody lasts until puberty for a son and until marriage for a daughter, while the financial responsibility for their maintenance remains with their father.
The knowledge of the necessity of separation from his children must certainly act as a reality check when a husband is indiscriminately deciding to divorce.

It should also be realised the husband is required to be faithful in marriage as the wife must. The punishment for adultery of a married person, male or female, under the Shari’ah is death. The fact that the punishment may not be applied in this world, does not make the sin any less in the sight of Allah. A sin that is not expiated in this world is after all going to follow a person to the grave.
Therefore the husband should not fail to follow Allah’s command in the Qur’an:

"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and to be mindful of their chastity: verily this will be most conductive to their purity (and) verily Allah is aware of all that they do."[Qur’an 24:30]

Those married men who cruise around in their cars looking for school girls to pick up are surely disgracing themselves, and forfeiting all right to require chastity of their wives.
If for some reason, the husband cannot manage with his first wife but does not want to divorce her, he is not prohibited from contracting another marriage, provided it is done in a legal and honorable way.

The permission to marry more then one wife at a time is however conditional:

".......if you fear you cannot do justice between them, then marry only one." [Qur’an 4:3]

This condition is often taken very lightly in some countries, where polygamy has long been a social custom. No words in the Qur’an, however, are without meaning, this verse should not be taken lightly. A weak husband will not be respected and will not act fairly between his wives, whereby, his marrying more then one is likely to lead to injustice, constant disharmony and the break up of his family. This is not in his interests or theirs or in the interests of the Muslim Ummah.

If having married more then one, however, a husband finds his heart inclining to one at the expense of the other, he is warned that this inclination should not reach the stage of neglect of the needs of the other wife:

"And you will not be able to treat your wives with equal justice however much you desire it. But do not incline towards one to the exclusion of the other, leaving her as it were in suspense." [Qur’an 4:29]

This warning against injustice is strongly reinforced by the Hadith in which Abu Hurairah (raa) reported the Prophet (saws) as saying:

"Whoever has two wives and does not treat them equally, shall come on the day of resurrection with half his body hanging down." [Abu Da’ud, Nasa’i, and Ibn Majah]

We have so far examined the legal framework of marriage and divorce as outlined mainly in the Qur’an. This now needs to be filled in with illustration and elaboration drawn from the Sunnah, since the Qur’an tells us :

"You have in the apostle of Allah a beautiful pattern of conduct for anyone whose hope is in Allah and the last day."[Qur’an 33:21]

How did the Prophet (saws) then, behave as a husband? Obviously he observed the legal framework, but how did he behave in his day-to-day relationships with his wives?
A lot of information is to be gathered about this from the Hadith, both directly and indirectly, and also from the Sirah (the biography of the Prophet (saws)).

His guiding principle on the treatment of wives is stated in some well known Ahadith;
"From among the believers are those who have the kindest disposition and are the kindest to their families- such are those who show the most perfect faith.

"The best among them are those who are kindest to their wives." [Bukhari and Muslim]

How did the Prophet (saws) himself exemplify this kindness?
Firstly he was not a difficult or remote or tyrannical husband of the type who regards all household chores as "women’s work". In a Hadith in Bukhari:

Aisha (raa) was asked by Al-Aswad b. Yazid what the Prophet used to do in the house. She replied: "He used to work for his family, that is serve his family, and when prayer time came, he went out for prayer." [Bukhari]

Other Hadith tell us that he used to mend his own clothes.
Secondly he didn’t make a fuss about food. It is recorded in a Hadith from Abu Hurairah (raa) in the collection of Muslim:

"Allah’s Messenger never found fault with food. If he liked something, he ate it, and if he disliked it, he just abstained from it." [Muslim]

Implying that he never complained about the food or it’s cooking.

Aisha (raa) reported that whenever she was sick, the Prophet (saws) would come to her to show his sympathy. Nor, was he ashamed to let it be known that his love for his wife was greater then his love for any other human being. It is recorded in the Hadith collections of Bukhari and Muslim that someone asked the Prophet: "Who among all the people is most beloved by you?" And he said "Aisha".

This love and understanding for Aisha did not eclipse his high regard for his first wife Khadijah, who had been his only wife for about 25 years until her death. Aisha (raa) reported that he always treasured the memory of Khadijah who had supported and encouraged him through the difficult years in Mecca, and that he use to regularly give gifts to Khadijah’s closest friends as an expression of his undiminished esteem and love for her.

The Prophet (saws) never held himself apart from his wives as if they were by their nature as women inferior. On the Contrary, he included "playing games with one’s wife" as one of the legitimate entertainments. According to the following Hadith:

".......There is no amusement which is praiseworthy except three, namely training a horse, sporting with one’s wife and shooting arrows with a bow." [Abu Da’ud, Ibn Majah and Baihaqi]

In illustration of this practice, Aisha (raa) records that on more then one occasion she and the Prophet (saws) ran races and sometimes she won and sometimes he won. Most men nowadays consider it far beneath their dignity to play any sort of game with their wives, and their marriages are the duller and poorer for it.

I think this is one of the problems we encounter in the way we learn about the life of the Prophet (saws). Most of the history books dwell on the political and military aspects of the Prophet’s (saws) life, and his personality, which was obviously very attractive, eludes our knowledge. We tend to, for this reason picture him as always serious, while the Hadith informs us that although he rarely laughed aloud, "Nobody used to smile as much as he did." This is fully in accordance with the Hadith: "Smiling at your brother (Muslim) is a charity."

The Prophet’s (saws) attitude towards female children and female education is a beautiful elaboration of what is found in the Qur’an. The Qur’an not only forbade the jahiliyyah practice of female infanticide, but even condemned the practice of showing disappointment or anger over the birth of a female child. [Qur’an 16:58-59]

A Hadith related by Ibn Abbas in fact encourages the reverse:

"Whoever has a female child and does not bury her alive, nor hide her in contempt, nor prefers his male child over her, Allah will make him enter Paradise." [Abu Da’ud]

The Prophet (saws) showed the greatest love and affection for his female children, particularly for Fatima. Aisha (raa) related that:

"Whenever the Prophet (saws) saw Fatima (raa), he would welcome her, and rising from his seat would kiss her, and then taking her by the hand would seat her in his own seat." [Bukhari]

He decreed that every Muslim - male and female- must as a duty seek knowledge and prescribed education for all children in the following words:

"No present or gift of a parent, out of all the gifts and presents to a child, is superior to a good broad (general) education." [Tirmidhi and Baihaqi]

He laid special emphasis on the education of daughters:

"Whoever brings up two sisters or two daughters, and gives them a broad education, and treats them well, and gives them in marriage, for him is Paradise." [Abu Da’ud, Tirmidhi]

This concern for the education of girls was reflected in his teaching of Aisha (raa), who was still a young girl when he married her, and was only 18 when he died. She had a natural ability for learning and a strong sense of reasoning, and he taught her as much as she was ready to learn. He was so impressed and pleased with her learning that he even told people:
"You can learn half your religion from this rosy-cheeked girl."

He therefore encouraged people to consult her in religious matters, and after his death she became one of the major sources of Hadith.
From all this we can see that some people’s resistance to allowing their daughters to have access to knowledge is not only misguided but quite contrary to all the Prophet (saws) preached and practiced. An ideal-Muslim husband is therefore expected to be deeply committed to and involved in the education of all his children - the daughters as much as the son’s.
The Prophet (saws) respect for a wife’s intelligence and understanding was also reflected in his readiness to consult his wives and respond to their good advice. An instance of this practice is recorded on the occasion of the signing of the treaty of Hudaibihiyah. Many of the Muslims were reluctant to accept treaty. They did not want to go home without performing pilgrimage and they considered some parts of the Treaty disadvantageous to the Muslims. They were therefore reluctant to obey his instructions to slaughter their sacrificial camels and shave their heads, which would symbolise that the Pilgrimage was over and the matter closed. The Prophet (saws) withdrew to his tent in perplexity, and told his wife Umm Salamah what had happened. She advised him: "Go out and speak to no man until you have performed your sacrifice." The Prophet (saws) followed her advice, and slaughtered the camel calling: "Bismillah, Allahu akbar" in a loud voice, whereupon the Muslims forgot their reluctance and raced to make their own sacrifices.
The presence of Umm Salamah on this journey exemplifies another aspect of the Prophet’s (saws) dealings with his wives. One or more of them almost invariably accompanied him on his journeys and campaigns. To ensure fairness they would draw lots as to which wife or wives would accompany him.

His wives were thus not kept locked up so that they could not experience what was going on in the outside world. They wore modest clothes (hijab) and went out and saw everything that was going on, and they participated when necessary, for example in nursing the wounded on the battlefields.
The following Hadith is narrated by Aisha (raa):

"Umar once criticised the Prophet’s wife Saudah for going out, saying he had recognised her in the street. So she appealed to the Prophet (saws) for support and he supported her saying: "Women have the right to go out for their needs." [Bukhari]

Similarly the Prophet (saws) allowed his wives and other women to go out to the Mosques for their prayers. He also advised other men:

"Do not prevent the female servants of Allah (i.e Mosques)" [Muslim]

The ideal Muslim husband therefore does not impose restrictions on his wife greater then those imposed by Allah (swt), or by the Prophet (saws) on his own family.
All the foregoing indicate that the women who is married to an ideal Muslim husband is protected but not suppressed, and is therefore likely to be happy and contented.
However, the Muslim husband is not expected to please his wife at all cost, if what pleases her may be wrong or against her interests or the interests of the family.
The Qur’an say’s:

"O you who have attained to faith! Ward off from yourselves and your families that fire (of the hereafter) whose fuel is Human beings and stones."[Qur’an 66:6]

In this respect a husband has a duty to ensure that his wife is fully educated as a Muslim. If this has been neglected in her parents’ home, he must take necessary steps to remedy it, either by teaching her himself or by arranging for her Islamic education by other means. The husband is expected to give leadership in the family. We have seen that this form of leadership is not dictatorship or tyranny. The wise husband will, as indicated, consult his wife on important matters concerning the family, and if he sees her advice is good, accept it. However, Islam has given the man authority as the head of the family, and he is expected to abide by the Qur’an and Sunnah and endeavour to ensure that his family do not violate Islamic norms of behavior. The kind of treatment required should not therefore include condoning her misbehavior.

The Qur’an has prescribed a specific graded series of three steps, which the husband should take if the wife shows that she is rebelling against Islamic norms of conduct.
His first step should be to speak to her seriously about the implication and likely consequences of what she is doing. If she fails to respond to this sincere admonition, his next step is to suspend marital relations with her for a period of time, If this also fails he is permitted to beat her lightly as a final act of correction. If she then complies then the husband should take no further action against her. [Qur’an 4:34]

This beating is the last resort, and not the first one, and the Prophet (saws) placed some limitations on it, as follows:
(a) It should not be on the face or on any easily injured part of the body;
(b) It should not be hard enough to cause pain or injury or leave a mark.
The Prophet (saws) indicated that if a man must beat his wife it should be more or less symbolic, with something like a toothbrush.
The Prophet (saws) himself very much disliked the beating of wives, and never beat any of his own. In Abu Da’ud’s collection of Hadith he is reported by Laqit B. Sabrah to have said:

"Admonish your wife, and if there be any good in her she will receive it; and beat not your wife like a slave."

In another Hadith from Ayas b. Abdullah he specifically said:-

"Do not beat Allah’s female servants (i.e women)" [Abu Da’ud, Ibn Majah]

In Tirmidhi’s collection is another Hadith related by Amru b. al Ahwas:

"And enjoin on one another goodness towards women; verily they are married to you: you have no power over them at all unless they come in for a flagrantly filthy action; but if they are devoted to you, then seek no way against them. And verily, you have rights over your women, and they have rights over you." [Tirmidhi]

The Muslim husband therefore has no right to beat his wife indiscriminately or habitually for petty offences, and if he does, the wife has a right to seek divorce by a Shari’ah court. Similarly, as we can see, Islam has not authorised men to beat up their wives.

The phenomenon of wife beating is not peculiar to Muslim’s- it is found in all parts of the world among certain types of men. However, some Muslims unjustly claim that they have religious sanction when they beat their wives, while in most cases they are beating them only because they themselves are brutal by nature, or just in a bad temper.

Bad temper is to be controlled, not vented on the weaker sex. The Prophet (saws) referred to this in another Hadith when he said:

"He is not strong who throws people down, but he is strong among us who controls himself when he is angry." [Bukhari and Muslim]

Aisha observed this self-control in the Prophet (saws) behavior:
The Prophet (saws) never beat any of his wives or servants; in fact he did not strike anything with his hand except in the cause of Allah, or when the prohibitions of Allah were violated, and he retaliated on behalf of Allah.

The ideal Muslim husband therefore strives to emulate the Prophet’s (saws) practice by avoiding beating completely and discouraging it from others. It is not at all becoming for a Muslim to be a wife-beater in defiance of the Prophet’s (saws) explicit dislike of the practice.
This brings us to another interesting aspect of the Prophet’s (saws) relationship with his wives.
He apparently allowed his wives to do what is called "answering back" to men who think that women, like children, should be seen and not heard. There are several recorded instances of the Prophet’s (saws) companions remonstrating with him or with his wives about this practice. Nevertheless he chose to allow his wives to speak their minds.

An incident related in Ibn Ishaq’s sirat Rasul Allah (An early biography of the Prophet*) makes an interesting reading:
One day Umar rebuked his wife for something and she sharply answered him back: and when he expostulated with her she replied that the wives of the Prophet (saws) were in the habit of answering him back so why should she not do the same? "And there is one of them," she added, meaning their daughter (Hafsah), "Who speaks her mind unabashed from morning until night." Greatly troubled by this, Umar went to Hafsah, who did not deny that what her mother said was true. "You have neither the grace of Aisha nor the beauty of Zainab," he said, hoping to shake her self confidence; and when these words seemed to have no effect, he added: "Are you so sure that if you anger the Prophet (saws), Allah will not destroy you in his anger?" Then he went to his cousin Umm Salamah (another wife of the Prophet) and said: "Is it true that you speak your minds to Allah’s messenger (saws) and answer him with no respect?". "By all that is wonderful,"said Umm Salamah, "What call have you to come between Allah’s messenger (saws) and his wives? Yes, by God, we speak our minds, and if he allows us to do so that is his affair, and if he forbids us he will find us more obedient to him then we are to you." Umar then realised he had gone too far and withdrew.

In this anecdote we can clearly hear the voices of women who respect their husband not because they are afraid of him or out of hypocrisy, but out of genuine admiration and love. The fact that he allowed them to speak their minds shows that the Prophet (saws) never regarded women as slaves or second-class citizens but as human beings to whom Allah (swt) has given reason and the ability to distinguish right from wrong as he has given them to men.

Aisha went further in a Hadith to say that when the Prophet (saws) told her something she would question him closely about it so that she could understand its justification before she was satisfied. The Prophet (saws) did not tell her she had no right to cross question him because he was a Prophet and a man, while she was only a young woman. It appears on the contrary that he appreciated her critical faculty and clear thinking.

From this we can see that the Prophet (saws) had such calm inner certainty and natural leadership qualities that he did not need to assert himself over his wives, or be on the defensive against them. Those men who behave like tyrants in the home, who assert their rule in an arbitrary or violent manner, are usually the weak ones who actually suffer from hidden inferiority complexes and are afraid of being shown up as mentally or morally inferior to their wives. To forestall this they physically frighten their wives, who are then afraid to open their mouths in their husband’s presence, let alone to disagree with him.

Another incident illustrates how the Prophet (saws) asserted his leadership of his family without harsh words or violence. This is revealed in the way he treated his wives when they became too demanding of the comforts of this world. Aisha (raa) related that before the capture of the oasis of Khaybar she had not known what it was to eat her fill of dates. The Prophet’s wives, fully aware of the general poverty of the Muslims in Medina, asked only for their basic needs. After the capture of Khaybar with it’s rich agricultural produce, the Muslims were better off, and the Prophet (saws) was able to give his wives some presents, and they were not slow in learning to ask for more comforts. This led to problems because in fairness, what was given to one should be given to all, and this could not always be exactly fulfilled. There developed considerable resentment among some of his wives, which disrupted the peace of the household. When his advice to them was not heeded he followed the next Qur’anic step and withdrew himself from them all and stayed in a roofed verandah that was the only room he had apart from his wives’ apartments.

Rumor soon spread that the Prophet (saws) had divorced his wives, and the wives, in suspense, regretted bitterly their demands on him. He then let it be known through Umar that he had not divorced them but that he did not wish to see any of them until a full lunar month had elapsed.
At the end of the month he asked his wives one by one to make their own choice in accordance with the newly revealed verses of the Qur’an:

"O Prophet, say to your wives: If you desire but the life of this world and it’s charms, then come and I will bestow it’s goods upon you, I will release you with a fair release. But if you desire Allah and his messenger and the abode of the hereafter, then verily Allah has laid in store for you a mighty reward, for such of you as do good."[Qur’an 33:28-29]

Aisha replied without hesitation: "Verily, I desire Allah and his Messenger and the abode of the hereafter" and there was not one of his wives who did not choose the same. These events are related in a number of Hadith books, including Bukhari and Muslim. *

Here we see a husband who in spite of his love and sympathy for his wives, would not be carried away to commit injustice between them, not put himself into difficulties or wrong -doing in order to satisfy their desires beyond what was necessary. He was not ready for the role of the "hen-pecked husband." His firmness in the matter quickly made his wives see it in its proper perspective, and peace was restored to the household without recourse to divorce or even harsh word.
It is incidents like these that make it quite clear why the Prophet (saws) is held up a beautiful example to the Muslims in every aspect of his life.
There are of course numerous other facets of his personality and behavior, which contributed to making him an ideal husband.
He was of course clean and pure both in his thoughts and person, and very generous in accordance with his own saying:

"Verily Allah is pure and loves the pure, is clean and loves the clean, is beneficent and loves the beneficent, is generous and loves the generous." [Tirmidhi]

Another very important characteristic was his love of children. Love of her own children is almost automatic to a mother and with that love goes a care and concern for their children in any matter with the same degree of love, and consider the children to be "women’s affair". In our own society today this is a common phenomenon where it is the mother who often plays the major role in ensuring that the children are clothed and cared for, that their school fees are paid, that they learn good behavior and so on. While it is good that the mother shows this love and concern, it is not approved for father to abandon his own moral and financial responsibilities and ignore the proper education and upbringing of his own children.

We have mentioned the Prophet’s (saws) own role in the upbringing of his own daughters (it was only the daughters that survived to maturity) and on his emphasis on education for both sexes. There are also numerous Hadith indicating his love for children and his practice of showing his love for them.
For example in a Hadith from Abu Hurairah (raa) it is related as follows:

"The Prophet of Allah kissed his grandson Hassan the son of Ali in the presence of Agra’ B. Habis, whereupon Agra’ said: "Verily, I have children and yet I have not kissed any of them." The Prophet looked towards him and said: ‘ What can I do for you if Allah has taken away mercy from your heart. He that shows no mercy shall have no mercy shown to him." [Bukhari and Muslim]

The Muslim family is therefore ideally a very united family. Mutual understanding between husband and wife lies at the root of it. The Islamic upbringing of children is one of its most important functions. For it to succeed as the basic unit of the Muslim Ummah, both husband and wife need to know their duties and to practice self-control in trying to abide by the Islamic code of conduct within the family.

I wish to draw this paper to a close by approaching the subject briefly from a different angle. We have so far looked at the duties of the Muslim husband as spelled out in the Qur’an and seen how these points were expanded and added to in the Sunnah. We have also taken recorded incidents in the life of the Prophet (saws) as an illustration of an ideal Muslim husband in action.
Lastly, I approached the question "What is an ideal Muslim husband" by asking Muslim women to tell me what they thought.

To this end a questionnaire was passed to a random group of Muslim women, who informed me what they considered the most desirable qualities for an ideal Muslim husband to be.
To this end, a random group of 35 Muslim women living locally, mainly married ones were selected.

The five most important qualities scored 2 points each and the five next most important qualities scored 1 point each. The result is shown below:
Women’s Order of Priority in the Desirable Qualities of an Ideal Muslim Husband
Points

1st. A Pious Muslim 49
2nd. Truthfulness and honesty 47
3rd A good leader 40
4th Justice and fairness 38
5th Love of children 37
6th Kindness and consideration 31
7th Readiness to consult his wife 30
8th Good manners 29
9th Chastity and good morals 26
10th Trustworthiness and reliability 25
11th Avoids quarrelling and beating 22
12th Clean habits 20
13th Strength of mind and will 19
14th Gentleness 17
15th Generosity 14
16th A loving nature 16
17th Ability to be contented with one wife 15
18th Sense of humour 13
19th Reasonableness 11
20th Firmness 9
21st Intelligence 8
22nd Seriousness 7
23rd Good looks 6
24th Physical strength 4
25th Wealth 1

This list of qualities is not of course comprehensive, and there are a few important omissions. However, it raises many interesting points for our brothers to consider in their endeavor to qualify as a potential or actual ideal Muslim husband.

Those who feared that by adhering to Islamic piety and moral standards they would frighten women away will see that they are actually at the top of the league.

This information also confirms the natural order of things referred to and upheld in the Qur’an, in that women do apparently want their men folk to lead and not be led. Leadership has to be deserved and qualified by all the other qualities mentioned in the upper part of the list, such as piety, truthfulness, fairness, kindness, consultation, good manners, good morals and so on.
It is interesting to go over in one’s mind the qualities of the Prophet (saws) mentioned in the earlier part of this paper and match them with this list to see how far the Prophet’s (saws) behavior to his wives demonstrates perfectly those qualities to which women give priority.
Therefore any man who wants to make a success of his marriage cannot go wrong if he takes as his model and example the practice of the blessed Prophet (saws).

For our brothers I pray for Allah to give them the faith and moral strength to attain those great qualities and thereby make a success of their marriages.

For our sisters I pray for Allah’s guidance to make worthy of being the ideal wife of an ideal Muslim husband.

Power to Divorce is with the Husband

2010-11-30T05:42:00.000-08:00

In pre-Islamic times divorce was a weapon used against the woman solely in a man's hands; when he wanted to harm the wife he would seek to divorce her and then take her back as he pleased. There were no set rules and the woman had no rights in the matter. So Allah Allah (The Almighty) invalidated this injustice by revealing the verse which says:

(Divorce is two times: then one may retain with goodness (and reasonable terms), or let go with goodness (and reasonable terms).)

[2:229]

As a way to help preserve the marriage even when some differences occur, a Muslim man following the Sunnah (way)of the Prophet (Peace be upon Him) may only divorce his wife while she is clean from menses wherein he has not had sexual relations with her in that month. Since this requires some waiting period before the pronouncement of divorce, this allows time for any anger to subside or misunderstandings to be cleared up, and gives time to other family members or mediators to help in reconciliation. If they continue on the path towards divorce, then she must wait three menstrual periods. During this time, he may take her back honorably into marriage. This will be counted as the first divorce and return. If the time lapses and he lets her go her way, she will be fully divorced for the first time, and is free to marry another man.

Her first husband may remarry her with a new contract, if they both choose that option. If he does, and he then again divorces her, he may take her back her within the three menstrual periods, and this will be two divorces and returns. After two divorces and returns, if he divorces her a third time this is called the final and separating divorce wherein they are not allowed to remarry unless she waits the specified time of three menstrual cycles and then freely marries a different man with no intention of availing herself to this means in order to be able to lawfully marry her previous husband . If, for any reason, she becomes divorced from that man, only then, and on the condition that no shady pre-arranged dealings were made to circumvent this rule, can she re-marry her first husband. All these measures are designed to help protect the family and sanctity of the marriage bond, and the rights of the man and the woman. The waiting period is to determine that she is free from pregnancy. In case of pregnancy, the woman has to wait until after delivery before she marries a second husband.

Divorce is ultimately allowed in Islam to escape from any harm caused by the irreconcilable differences. It may become necessary in certain cases. There are strict rules about divorce to protect the interests and rights of the parties involved: the husband, wife and children. Some of them have been mentioned above. Divorce might be forbidden in the case where it would not solve the problem and cause undue harm to one of the two marriage partners, without achieving a needed benefit.

Islamic jurisprudence obligates that in order to avoid divorce, solutions should be sought when critical disputes and differences occur between husband and wife; Allah, the Exalted, states in the Glorious Qur'an:

(And if a women fears cruelty or desertion from her husband, there is no sin on both of them if they make terms of peace between themselves; and making peace is better.)

[4:128]

Allah, the Exalted, also says:

(If you fear a breach between them appoint two arbitrators, one from his family and the other from her family: if the two of them both wish for correction, Allah will cause their reconciliation. Indeed Allah is Omniscient and Well-Acquainted with all things.)

[4:35]

One of the most natural and logical ways to help maintain a successful marriage is to let the man have more control over the divorce process than the woman because it is the man who is financially obliged to take care of his wife, household and family, and has ultimate responsibility of their welfare. Therefore, he must rationally assess the situation, grave consequences, and huge financial and emotional loss that will result from a divorce. The husband will lose the dowry he spent for the marriage, and will have to pay the alimony and child support, as well as any newly acquired expenses from a new marriage on top of that. Thus, with all these considerations, he will not act just out of quick anger, fickleness or passing emotion.

A man is more capable - at least theoretically - of controlling his flitting emotions and personal reactions when upset about the smaller issues in life, especially in terms of disputes with his wife. Divorce should never be a quick reaction for some suffering, misunderstandings, or differences of viewpoints, but only as a last resort and final solution when life becomes dangerously problematic and intolerable, wherein both spouse are afraid that they will not be able to abide by the limits set by Allah and His Prophet about respectable behavior with one another.

Islamic jurisprudence permits the wife to have her marriage nullified upon her request if the husband abuses her physically or verbally. She is also entitled to have the marriage nullified for the following general reasons:

1. if the husband is impotent and cannot perform his marital duties,

2. or if the husband for any reason, refuses to have sexual relations with his wife and fulfill her lawful needs,

3. or is afflicted with a disabling terminal illness after the marriage,

4. or contracts any type of venereal or reproductive disease that may harm the wife or make her lose her desire to be with her husband. Thus, we see that the woman is given the right to seek separation from her husband for legitimate reasons in many situations, exactly as the man has the right to seek divorce. If a wife reaches the extreme limits of patience and abhors her husband, feeling that life is unbearable, then she has the right to divorce. This form of divorce is called annulment, or "Khula", wherein she pays compensation by returning her dowry or some other property. A competent Muslim judge will look into the individual case if the husband refuses to accept the wife's request and if the request is considered sound and valid, will pass a judgment in favor of the woman.

Definition of Marriage

2010-11-16T02:08:00.000-08:00

Marriage:

Purpose and Obligation

Nikah is an Arabic term used for marriage. It means "contract" ("aqd in Arabic). The Quran specifically refers to marriage as "mithaqun ghalithun," which means "a strong covenant".

"...and they have taken a strong pledge (mithaqun ghalithun) from you?" (Quran 4:21)

The seriousness of this covenant becomes obvious when one finds the same tern i.e., Mithaqun Ghalithun, being used for the covenant made between Allah and the Prophet before granting them the responsibility of the Prophethood. (Quran 33:7)

The Quran also uses the Arabic word "Hisn" suggesting "fortress" for marriage. Marriage is considered the fortress of chastity.

The Purpose of Marriage

As a meaningful institution, marriage has two main purposes:

To ensure preservation of the human species and continuation of the human race,

"O mankind! Be careful of your duty to your Lord, who created you from a single soul and from it created its mate and from them has spread abroad a multitude of men and women" (Quran: 4:1)

To provide spiritual and legal foundation of the family,

"And of His Signs is this: He created for you mates from yourself that you might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Lo, therein indeed are portents for folk who reflect". (Quran 30:21)

Through Marriage, the conjugal relationship between a man and a woman becomes lawful. It provides a legitimate outlet for recreation as well as procreation. Islam regards sex as natural and good, but restricts it to the partners of marriage so as to ensure the responsibility for its consequences.

"Your women are a tilth for you so go to your tilth as you will, and send (good deeds) before you for your souls, and fear Allah, and know that you will (one day) meet him. Give glad tidings to believers, (O Muhammad)." (Quran 2:223)

Marriage provides spiritual, physical, emotional and psychological companionship. This companionship generates and sustains love, kindness, compassion, mutual confidence, solace and succor (sakinah). It lays a spiritual and legal foundation for raising a family. The children born of the matrimonial union become legitimate and mutual rights of inheritance are established.

Marriage: A Religious Requirement

Marriage in Islam is recommended as a religious requirement.

"Marry those among you who are single and (marry) your slaves, male and female, that are righteous" (Quran 24:32)

Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) declared:

"When the servant of Allah marries, he has fulfilled half the (responsibilities laid on him by the) faith; so let him be God conscious with respect to the other half". (Mishkat)

Marriage has also been commended as the way of the prophets.

"We indeed sent messengers before you (O Muhammad), and We assigned them wives and children". (Quran 13:38)

Marriage, in fact, is specifically considered the tradition (sunnah) of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) when he declared:

"Marriage is my Sunnah, whoever disregards my (sunnah) path is not from among us". (ibn Majah)

Islam discourages celibacy and encourages marriage, as Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) recommended:

"Whoever is able to marry, should marry". (Bukhari)

What Are The Benefits Of Marriage?

Fulfillment of deen (the full practice of religion) is accomplished through marriage. In Islam, we recognize that marriage is the state to which we aspire - a situation that supports, in every aspect, our attainment of the state that will please our Creator. To fulfill the role Allah (SWT) designed specifically for us, marriage is important. It is through marriage that these roles are fulfilled. Anas bin Malik reported that the Prophet (PBUH) said,

"When a man marries, he indeed perfects half of his religion. Then he should fear Allah for the remaining half." (Bukhari)

For women, marriage provides support and protection,

"Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given one more (strength) than the other and because they support them from their means. Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard" (Ali Imran:34-36).

Satisfying sexual desires/needs may only be accomplished through marriage. As Muslims, we understand that sex outside of marriage is forbidden and considered a major sin. Therefore, sexual desires may only be satisfied within a marriage. Marriage provides protection from sin,

"They (wives) are like garments for you, and you are like garments for them" (Al Baqarah:187).

Marriage provides companionship,

"...the companion by your side (the wife)." (Al Nisaa:36)

For Muslims, it is clear that the trend to delay or skip marriage is prohibited, and with good reason. Marriage still remains the trend in Muslim communities. This provides for the safety and security of women and children. It provides a safeguard against sexual sin for the man as well as for the woman. It provides two-parent homes for children and strong ethics that will support a lifestyle that is consistent with the practice of Islam. It provides loving and kind companionship. This is the way of Muslims.

Islam provides clear and ideal direction for all aspects of life. This is a perfect example of those directions. The religion tells Muslims to marry early. It provides clear guidelines for husbands and wives and, as they become parents, for parenting and for the behaviour of children. There is no guesswork in the process.

6 Etiquettes of Seeking a Spouse: An Islamic Perspective

1. Ask yourself: "Why am I getting married?"

"Because all of my friends are" is not a legitimate reason. This is a good question to ask even if you are meeting the person to make a final decision because it will be a reminder about the real purpose of marriage from an Islamic perspective.

Marriage, from an Islamic perspective, is part of faith and it is part of the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). As well,

2. Ask yourself: What am I looking for in a spouse?

Abu Hurairah related that the Prophet Muhammad said: “Men choose women for four reasons: for their money, for their rank, for their beauty and for their religion, but marry one who is religious and you will succeed (Bukhari, Muslim).

This of course, applies to women as well. However, religion it seems, is not always foremost in the minds of many people. In fact, it is probably the last factor on many Muslims’ list.

3. If you’re looking for a spouse, lower your gaze.

This may seem like a contradiction, but it’s not. Looking for a spouse who has the right qualities and whom you are physically attracted to does not mean throwing out the obligation to lower the gaze for both sexes and leering or oogling the person.

"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and be modest. That is purer for them. Lo! Allah is aware of what they do." (Quran 24:30)

"And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest, and to display of their adornment only that which is apparent, and to draw their veils over their bosoms..." (Quran 24:31)

This perspective would not be Islamically acceptable. Imam Nur Abdullah noted that looking at a potential mate is recommended according to the Hadith. Narrated Jabir ibn Abdullah the Prophet said: “When one of you asked a woman in marriage, if he is able to look at what will induce him to marry her, he should do so....” (Abu Dawud).

This means the two potential spouses can look at each other but not ogle or stare. Abdullah also noted that there is no limit on the number of times the two people can look at each other. However, both should fear Allah and remember the purpose of this is to satisfy the need for physical attraction to the person you are marrying. He also notes it is not permissible for a man to see a potential wife without Hijab, since he is not her Mahram (a relative with whom marriage is not possible, or legally her husband). Abdullah says seeing her face and hands are enough to determine attraction.

4. Get someone to help.

Marriage is not something to throw yourself into all by yourself. Getting the help of someone, especially parents, relatives, an Imam, and/or respected and trustworthy members of the Muslim community to either look for the right spouse and initiate and participate in a communication process is very important.

In fact, even some non-Muslims have come to see this as a more viable way of meeting someone instead of getting involved in the disappointing dating game or picking someone up in a nightclub or bar. Involving others, by the way, does not mean signing over your right to say yes or no to a marriage proposal. It simply increases the likelihood of finding out important information about a prospective partner in a way that maintains rules of Islamic modesty (i.e. not meeting alone, see next point).

Getting that third party involved also helps verify if the person you are interested in is decent, honest and respectful. This person(s) often checks out references, asks about the individual’s character and behaviour, and looks out for your best interest in general.

This person should be a trustworthy Muslim, since you are seeking a Muslim in marriage, and would want someone familiar with the Islamic way of doing things.For those blessed with Muslim parents, remember that they are probably your best allies and helpers in seeking the right husband or wife. They have known you all of your life, and have your best interest at heart.

However, parents must be open and attentive to what their children are looking for, and never forget the element of choice. Ultimately, it is their son or daughter who is going to make the final decision. They must never become too pushy or aggressive, whether this pressure is being applied on their own son or daughter, or on the person s/he is interested in.

If parents, other family members, an Imam or members of the community are not available, you can also try seeking a husband or wife through the matrimonial services offered by a number of different Muslim organizations.

Always ask for references

This is also where your “third party” comes in handy. Not only will they be able to be your reference. They can also check out a prospective mate’s references.A reference can include an Imam who knows the brother who proposed to you, a sister who knows the woman you may want to marry well, a family friend, a boss, a co-worker, and/or business partner.

A note about honesty and references: the people you ask may know something not very nice about your prospective spouse. Remind them that if they reveal this information, they would not be backbiting from the Islamic perspective. In fact, in the case of seeking marriage, complete information should be given about an individual, both good and bad.The advice of one of the companions of the Prophet, Umar Ibn al-Khattab can help in this regard:

A man came to Umar ibn al-Khattab and spoke in praise of another. Umar asked him: “Are you his nearest neighbor such that you know his goings and his comings?”

“No.”

“Have you been his companion on a journey so that you could see evidence of his good character?”

“No.”

“Have you had dealings with him involving dinars and dirhams (money) which would indicate the piety of the man?”

“No.”

“I think you saw him standing in the mosque muttering the Quran and moving his head up and down?”

“Yes.”

“Go, for you do not know him...”

And to the man in question, Umar said, “Go and bring me someone who knows you.”

(quoted from Islam The Natural Way by Abdul Wahid Hamid, p. 66)

This gives you three types of people you can ask about a prospective mate’s character: a neighbor, business colleague or someone who has traveled with them.

5. When you meet, don’t be alone.

Umar related that Rasulullah said: “Whenever a man is alone with a woman the Shaytan makes a third” (Tirmidhi).Also, Ibn Abbas related that Rasulullah said: “Not one of you should meet a woman alone unless she is accompanied by a relative within the prohibited degrees” (Bukhari, Muslim).

Meeting alone, in the hotel room of one or the other potential spouse for example, is forbidden.The two cannot be in a situation where no one else can see or hear them. Instead, a discreet, chaperoned meeting should be set up. The chaperone, while allowing the two to talk, is in the same room, for example. As well, parents or guardians should set a time limit, recommends Winnipeg-based social worker Shahina Siddiqui. A whole day, for example, is too long for this kind of a meeting.

6. When you speak, be businesslike and to the point.

The purpose of meeting and talking to each other must also remain within Islamic guidelines. That means no flirtatious speech of a sexual nature on either side.

Imam Nur Abdullah says some of the topics discussed can include each other’s interests, financial situation of the man, who is Islamically responsible for providing for his wife and children, and the two potential spouses’ relationship with their parents.

He notes that conversations between potential mates cannot be talking just for the sake of talking. There should be a firm and clear intention of either pursuing engagement and marriage, or, if one of the `two or both the man and woman feel they are not compatible, a quick end to the relationship. This ensures both sides are safe from getting hurt more than they could in this kind of a situation and remain within the bounds of Islam, Insha Allah.

With regards to questions pertaining to a person’s sexual history (for example, has s/he had a boy/girlfriend, does s/he have any type of sexually transmitted diseases), Imam Nur Abdullah says these things have to be investigated at the very beginning, when the communication for marriage begins. This is not something that should be brought up at the last stage.

Other topics that should also be discussed at the early stages include level of Islamic knowledge and practice, future career and education plans, home making skills and where the couple will live right after marriage and in the future (state and/or country). The Imam also says the couple can even get a blood test to ensure both are healthy. Some states even require this before marriage.

Seeking marriage is something highly recommended in Islam. While looking for a potential mate should be something Muslims help each other with, this cannot be done at the expense of Islamic rules pertaining to modesty and respect between the sexes.

Selecting Marriage Partner

Marriage is recommended for partners who share a common way of life. The matrimonial partners should be able to fulfill their purpose of creation as defined by Allah. They should be able to effectively carry out their responsibility as care-takers (khalifah) of earth. They should share the common goal of building a well integrated Muslim community and be able to work harmoniously towards it.

Criteria for Selecting a Marriage Partner

Normally the criteria for selecting matrimonial mates are many: wealth, beauty, rank, character, congeniality, compatibility, religion, etc. The Quran enjoins Muslims to select partners who are good and pure (tayyib)

"Women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity." (Quran 24:26)

Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) recommended Muslims to select those partners who are best in religion (din) and character.

"A man may married for four reasons: for her property, for her rank, for her beauty, and for her religion (and character). So marry the one who is best in the religion and character and prosper". (Bukhari and Muslim)

Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) assured the bounty of Allah to those who wish to get married and live a pure and clean life.

"Three groups of people Allah obliged Himself to help them: Mujahid in the cause of Allah, a worker to pay his debt, and the one who wants to marry to live a chaste life." (Tirmidhi)

Freedom to Choose a Marriage Partner

Islam has given freedom of choice to those who wish to get married. The mutual choice of the would-be-spouses is given the highest consideration:

"Do not prevent them from marrying their husbands when they agree between themselves in a lawful manner." (Quran 2:232)

The process of mate selection should be a function of a healthy balance between the freedom of choice of the would-be-spouses and consideration of the influence and consent of the parents/guardians.

The freedom of choice of those who wish to get married should not preclude the influence and consent of the parents/guardians nor should the parents/guardians ignore the wishes and consent of the would be spouses.

Falling in love is not a pre-condition for marriage in Islam. However, for the purpose of selecting an appropriate mate, the would-be- spouses are allowed to see and/or talk to each other.

Prophet Muhammad (S) recommended:

"When one of you seeks a woman in marriage, and then if he is able to have a look at whom he wishes to marry, let him do so". (Abu Dawood)

The would-be-spouse are allowed to see each other for matrimonial purposes under the direct supervision of their mahram relatives. This provision is expected to be conceived and executed with piety and modesty.

Prophet Muhammad (S) instructed:

"No man has the right to be in the privacy with a woman who is not lawful for him. Satan is their third party unless there is a mahram". (Ahmad)

The would-be-spouses residing in non-Muslim societies are recommended to enter into a pre-nuptial commitment to safeguard Islamic values and Muslim personal law.

Falling in Love: Allowed in Islam?

2010-04-13T06:33:00.000-07:00

What does Islam say about falling in love? Is that allowed in Islam? If it is yes, how could we show that to the person we love without causing fitnah?

Islam teaches us to be truthful and realistic. Usually, we love for the sake of Allah and we hate for the sake of Allah. Islam teaches us that a male and female can build up a good relationship founded on marriage.

We do not say love is halal or haram because it is a feeling. Maybe it is not under control. You can judge what is under control. But people who fall in love are in many episodes away from the cleansed and pure atmosphere.

Marriages that are usually good and lasting marriages are those that start at the least affection. That affection grows after marriage and maybe it will grow until the couples continue their companionship at the Jannah.

If you have any affection towards a person, you should ask yourself: why do you like that person? If you have good Islamic, reasonable justification, then you need not tell that person of what you feel. However, you can make a serious plan to make him ask for your hand. If you want to know the meaning of fitna, a great part of it is what people nowadays call love or romance.

In this context, we'd like to cite the following fatwa that clarifies the Islamic ruling on falling in love:

"If we are speaking about the emotion which we call "love" then we are simply speaking of a feeling. What we feel toward a particular person is not of great importance, until our feeling is expressed in a particular action. Now if that action is permissible, then well and good. If it is forbidden, then we have incurred something that Allah does not approve of. If it is love between a man and a woman, the emotion itself is not the subject of questioning on the Day of Judgment. If you feel you love someone, then you cannot control your feeling. If that love prompts you to try to see that person in secret and to give expression to your feelings in actions permissible only within the bond of marriage then what you are doing is forbidden."

Sex, Chastity, Purity and Islam..

2009-11-08T00:40:00.000-08:00

Modesty

2009-11-03T22:20:00.000-08:00

Modesty and shyness play a special part between the affairs of the Creator and the created. All prophets and Messengers encouraged modesty, as the Prophet, may the mercy and blessings of God be upon him, said:

“Indeed from the teachings of the first prophets which has reached you is, ‘If you do not have shyness, then do as you please.” (Al-Bukhari)

Modesty as a sense of shame or shyness in human beings is a shrinking of the soul from foul conduct, a quality that prevents one from behaving badly towards others or encouraging others to behave badly towards you. Islamic ethics considers modesty as more than just a question of how a person dresses, and more than just modesty in front of people; rather it is reflected in a Muslim’s speech, dress, and conduct: in public in regards to people, and in private in regards to God. Any talk of modesty, therefore, must begin with the heart, not the hemline, as the Prophet of Mercy said, ‘Modesty is part of faith,’ and that part of faith must lie in the heart.

Take reservation in speech. As with everything in Islam, speech should be moderate. Raising one’s voice in venting anger simply shows one lacks the ability to contain it, and only damage will ensue from it. Uncontrolled anger, for example, can lead one to verbally abuse and physically assault another, both of which take off the veil of bashfulness one is endowed with, exposing the shameful ego within. The Prophet said:

“A strong person is not the person who throws his adversaries to the ground. A strong person is the person who contains himself when he is angry.” (Saheeh al-Bukhari)

A strong person who believes feels shy in front of God and His creation, since God knows and sees everything. He feels shy to disobey his Lord and feels shame if he sins or acts inappropriately, whether in private or public. This type of modesty is acquired and is directly related to one’s faith, where one’s awareness of God increases one’s “shyness” in front of Him.

Islamic morality divides modesty into natural and acquired. Modesty is a quality inherent in girls and boys, a certain type of modesty that is natural in human beings. If manifests itself, for instance, in a natural human urge to cover one’s private parts. According to the Quran, when Adam and Eve ate from the fruit of the forbidden tree, they became aware that their private parts were exposed, and they began to cover themselves with the leaves of Paradise, a natural result of their modesty.

Islamic scholars consider modesty to be a quality that distinguishes human beings from animals. Animals follow their instincts without feeling any shame or a sense of right or wrong. Hence, the less modesty a person has, the more he resembles animals. The more modesty a person has, the closer he is to being human. Islam has mandated certain legislations which induce this sense of modesty within humans. These legislation range from seeking permission before entering any room and distancing one from others while relieving oneself, to mandating certain manners of dress for men and women alike. Another way that modesty may be attained is by associating with modest people - people in whose presence a person feels embarrassed to do anything shameful - as the Prophet said:

“I advise you to be shy toward God, the Exalted, in the same way that you are shy toward a pious man from your people."

Being shy of a stranger’s gaze is one of the driving forces behind modesty in dress. This can be seen in children, who naturally shy away from strangers, sometimes hiding from them in their mother’s skirts or behind their father’s legs. In Islam, screening most of your body off from the gaze of a stranger, especially of the opposite sex, is actually mandated as a means to avoid falling into conduct that may lead to extra-marital or pre-marital sex. God says,

“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and be modest. That is purer for them. Lo! God is Aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest, and to display of their adornment only that which is apparent, and to draw their veils over their chests, and not to reveal their adornment.” (Quran 24:30)

The verse then mentions the people before whom one is exempted from veiling; the ones who cannot be called ‘strangers’. Also, the command is relaxed as one matures: an aged woman who has no hope of marriage can discard the overcoats that screen what they are wearing underneath.

As seen from this verse, Islamic ethics view modesty not as a virtue for women only, but for men as well. Thus, men must also dress modestly, being careful to wear loose flowing and opaque clothes through which the area between their waist and knees be totally covered. Tight pants or translucent clothing is prohibited. This modesty is reflected upon Muslim male clothing throughout the world, long shirts reaching below the thighs, and loose flowing trousers.

It may still seem, however, that women bear the main brunt of ‘dressing modestly’. When one reflects, however, about the predator and the prey in illegal relations between the sexes; the prey which is hidden escapes being a victim. Besides, another verse says modesty in dress actually identifies one as being a believing woman, a ‘target’ which the devout Muslim, or any decent man, would be motivated to protect rather than abuse.

The way to develop modesty is to think about whether he or she would do the sin they are contemplating in front of their parents. A person with a shred of shame in their heart will not commit any lewd act in front of their parents. So what about doing so in front of God? Is not God much worthier that such acts not be done in His sight? Thus, Islam considers that the modesty of a believer in front of God must be greater than in front of people. This is manifest in the saying of the Prophet when a man asked him about remaining naked in the house while alone. The Prophet responded:

“God is more deserving than other people of shyness.” (Abu Dawood)

Early Muslims used to say, “Be shy toward God when you are in private in the same way you are shy in front of people when you are in public.” Another one of their sayings is, “Do not be a devoted slave of God in your public behavior while you are an enemy to Him in your private affairs.”

Modesty can therefore be seen as the means by which morals and ethics in society are maintained and pursued. Shyness from people and society may be a reason to be modest, but this modesty will not remain due to the fact that what is immodest one day in a secular society may be totally acceptable in another. Thus, the key to modesty is knowing that God is aware of what you do and shying away from that which He forbids. God only desires what is best for us. So to seek what is best for us is to submit to what He has in mind for us. The only way to properly know what that is, is to believe in what he sent down to us through His Prophet, Muhammad, and to embrace the religion (Islam) that His Messenger brought us.

Increase the length of your life: Be good to your Parents

2008-12-07T05:53:00.000-08:00

“And your lord has ordered that you worship none but him, and that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them a word but address them in terms of honour.”

“And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: “My lord! Bestow on them your mercy as they did bring me up when I was young.” (Part 15: Surah 17 Al-Isra)

The most striking opening of an ayat, which starts with the obedience of Allah Taa'la and thereafter to be dutiful to your parents. This verse is clearly indicating towards the importance of obedience to the parents and fulfilling the orders laid by the lord of the universe himself.

Through the light of the Hadith, we will learn the importance of being righteous and obedience to our parents and the punishments of disobeying the command of Allah Taa'la.

The Final Prophet: Muhammad has said:

“The pleasure of the lord is the pleasure of a parent, and the wrath of the lord is the wrath of a parent.”

It is clear from this Hadith that to keep Allah Taa'la happy, it is necessary that our parents are happy with us.

SPEAKING GENTLY WITH ONE'S PARENTS.

In a Hadith, which I will quote briefly:

Taysalah ibn Mayyas said, “I did certain things that I can only consider as major sins. When I mentioned this to ibn Umar, he asked me what I had done, and he said that those are not major sins. Rather, he said “The major sins which are nine in number”. One of the nine that ibn Umar mentioned was causing ones parents to shed tears because of ones disobedience. Then ibn Umar said to Taysalah ibn Mayyas, “Do you fear the fire and desire to go to paradise?” Taysalah ibn Mayyas replied, “Yes, by Allah Taa'la!” he said. “Are your parents still alive?” I replied “Only my mother.” He replied, “By Allah, if you speak with her gently and give her food to eat, you will surely enter paradise if you avoid these major sins.”

BEING GOOD TO ONES PARENTS

Abu Huraira reported that once the Prophet was asked to whom one should be good to. He replied, “Your mother.” He was asked the same question a second time, and he replied, “Your mother.” He was asked the same question a third time and he replied,” Your mother.” He was asked the same question a fourth time and he replied,” Your father.”

DOING GOOD TO ONES PARENTS EVEN IF THEY ARE UNJUST .

Ibn Abbas said, “Any Muslim whose father and mother are Muslims and who wakes every morning with the intention of doing right by them will have two doors opened for him/her in paradise by Allah Taa'la. If only one parent is alive, then one door (will be opened). If he/she angers a parent, Allah Taa'la will not be pleased with him/her. Then the Prophet was asked, “What if one's parents are unjust to him/her?” He answered, “Even if they are unjust (one must act good to please ones parents)”.

THE REWARD FOR PARENTS

Abdullah ibn Amr said, “A man went to the Prophet to pledge his allegiance to him for the coming (from Makkah to Madinah). However, he left his parents crying. The Prophet told him “Go back to them and make them as happy as you have made them sad”.

This man had come to the Prophet to take an oath of allegiance on him on migrating; his intentions were auspicious and virtuous deeds. However, his parents did not agree to his separation, as migrating was not compulsory at that time. They became restless on the prospect of his journey and wept in sadness. When the Prophet learnt of this, he instructed the man to return to his parents and make them laugh just as he had made them weep.

This indicates the merit and significance of kindness to love ones parents and being a sin to do something which causes sadness to parents and makes them weep. It is virtuous and rewarding to do what makes them happy and laugh.

Hazarat Mu'adh reported that the prophet said “good news to those who are good to their parents, good will increase the length of their lives “.

THE PRAYERS OF PARENTS

Abu Ja'far heard Abu Huraira say that the Prophet said, “There is no doubt that three kinds of prayers will be answered, the prayer of the oppressed, the prayer of the traveller, and the prayers of the parents for their children”.

Prayers of parents for their children will be accepted immediately whether it is a prayer in the favour of the children or against the children, so we must do our up most best to keep our parents happy.

Certain people have included among whose supplication is definitely granted are those who treat their parents kindly.

Sayyidina Uwais al Qarni (Rahmatullahi Alayhi) was a resident of Yemen . The Holy Prophet called him the best of Tabieen (successors) and he said, “Get him to pray for your forgiveness”. He had embraced Islam at the time of the Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wassallam but he could not present himself before the Prophet because he looked after his mother and thus remained deprived of the honour of companionship. It is clear from the conduct of Sayyidina Uwais Qarni, that to be good and mindful to parents is a very high ranking deed.

The Prophet said, “Uwais has his mother. He has treated her kindly. If Uwais claims (anything) on Allah Taa'la then Allah Taa'la will surely let him have what he claims”.

Muslim Women's Dress in Accordance with the Qur'an and Sunnah

2008-12-07T00:48:00.000-08:00

Based on Hijabul Mar'atil Muslimah by Ash-Sheik Muhammad Nassirud-Deen Al-Albani
Translated and Abridged by Mahmoud Murad

Praise be to Allah and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger and upon his honorable companions and those who have followed his example with piety.

This paper has been prepared in response to a deterioration in the condition of Muslim women of this day and age, which is a consequence of the misconception that how a woman dresses is of little importance, as long as she performs her obligatory acts of worship. This misconception is not restricted to Muslim women in the West, but unfortunately is shared by many of their sisters in the East.

In the Glorious Qur'an we are told:

And let there arise out of you a nation inviting to what is good, enjoining what is right and forbidding what is wrong. Those are the ones who are successful. Qur'an 3:104

Abu S'aed al-Khudri relates that he heard the Prophet (saws) say:

He of you who sees something wrong should correct it with his hand; if he is unable to do that he should condemn it with his tongue; if he is unable to do that he should at least resent it in his heart, and this is the lowest degree of faith.Muslim

It is clear that we must draw the attention of our Muslim sisters to the importance of wearing Islamic dress. This is not imposed upon us by the mere opinion of a scholar or a sheik. It is a Divine Command, and is necessarily in the best interest of the society of every age and place. In this we stand opposed to the opinion of some "modernists", who maintain that those living in a western society are justified in adapting to its norms and morals.

We believe that our religion is that which has been transmitted to us through the Prophet Mohammed (saws), his companions and our pious predecessors. A careful study of relevant Qur'anic ayat (verses) and Hadith (Prophetic traditions), along with the works of our pious predecessors, will reveal a strict emphasis on the need for women to observe modesty in their dress when they appear in public, by covering all of their bodies and any ornaments or other means of beautification they might wear.

Allah the Exalted says in Surat an-Noor, ayah 31:
And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their private parts and not show of their adornment except only that which is apparent, and draw their veils over their (necks and) bosoms and not reveal their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands' fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers, or their brothers' sons, or their sisters' sons, or their women, or their slaves, or male servants who lack vigor, or small children who have no knowledge of women's private parts. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And turn you all to Allah in repentance, O believers, that you may be successful.

And He says in Surat al-Ahzab, ayah 59:
Oh Prophet, tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their outer garments close around them. That will be better, that they may be known and so not be bothered. And Allah is oft-forgiving, most merciful.

From these two ayat of the Noble Qur'an and from the authentic sources of guidance provided for us, we can derive the following principles of proper dress and adornment for Muslim women:

1. The outer garment worn in public must cover all of the body except the face and hands.

Surat an-Noor, ayah 31 (quoted above) contains a clear command that a woman's natural beauty and her adornment are to be concealed from strangers, except that which might show unintentionally (i.e. parts of the dress or ornaments) or which show as a matter of course because it is not prohibited that they be shown (i.e. the face and the hands).

Abu Dawud narrated that 'A'ishah said:
Asma came to see the Messenger of Allah (saws). She was wearing a thin dress; the Prophet (saws) turned away from her and said to her: "O Asma, once a woman reaches the age of puberty no part of her body should be uncovered except her face and hands."
It should be noted that the Arabic word khumur (plural of khimaar) which has been translated above in the ayah from Surat an-Noor as veils, means head covers, not face veils, as may mistakenly be supposed. It refers to a cloth which covers all of the hair. Furthermore, the word juyoob (plural of jaib), also found in the ayah of Surat an-Noor, refers not only to the bosom, as is commonly thought, but also to the neck.

Qurtubi, an eminent mufassir (Qur'an commentator), stated:

Women in those days used to cover their heads with the khimaar, throwing its ends on their backs. This left the neck and the upper part of the chest bare, along with the ears, in the manner of the Christians. Then Allah commanded them to cover those parts with the khimaar.
"And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment."
Women in the time of the Prophet (saws) used to wear anklets, which they could employ to attract attention by stamping their feet, making the anklets tinkle together. This practice was now forbidden, but even more important for us, these words make it absolutely clear that the legs and ankles are to be covered.

Bin 'Umar narrated
Let them lower their gaze Prophet (saws) said: "On the Day of Judgment Allah will not look upon one who trails his garment along out of pride." Um Salamah then asked: "What should women do with their garments?" The Prophet (saws) said: "They may lower them a hand span." She said: "Their feet would still be uncovered." The Prophet (saws) said: then lower them a forearm's length, but no more."
Tirmithi

The ayah from Surat an-Noor quoted above gives us specific and detailed information about what a Muslim woman should be sure to cover when she is in the company of strangers, and it gives a detailed list of those with whom she is permitted to be less inhibited. The ayah quoted from Surat al-Ahzab further directs Muslim women to put some outer garment over their clothes, and to draw it close around them.

Abu Dawud related that after this ayah was revealed the women of the Ansar appeared like crows (because of the black cloaks which they wore).

Some outer garment, whether a cloak or a coat, must be worn by a Muslim woman when she is in public, and even when she is in her own house or that of a close relative, if she is in the presence of strangers.

It was mentioned above that the face need not be covered. If, however, the woman is wearing make-up, she should cover her face, since the make-up is adornment beyond what is permitted.

Similarly, she should cover her hands if she is wearing nail polish or some other decoration or ornament. Furthermore, although it is permissible to leave the face uncovered in the presence of strangers, it is praiseworthy to cover it, as that was the practice of the wives of the Prophet (saws) according to authentic Hadith.

2. The outer garment must not be decorative itself or a means of beautification.

When Allah commands women not to reveal their beauty, He means both the natural beauty, with which He has endowed them, and all means which they might employ to enhance that beauty. Clearly, the garment which is used to screen the woman's beauty and her adornment from public view should not itself be a thing of beauty.

Fudalah Ibn 'Ubaid reported that the Prophet (saws) said:
There are three people that you should not concern yourself about: a man who parted from the Jama'ah and disobeyed his imam and died in that state; a slave who ran away from his master and died without returning; a woman whose husband departed from her after providing for her worldly needs and who then beautified (tabarrajat) herself in his absence. Do not worry about any of them."
Ahmad

The word tabarraja means not only to beautify oneself, or to make oneself pretty, but also to display oneself, to play up one's charms for the purpose of exciting desire. Imam Adh-Dhahabi said in his book Kitaab al-Kabaair (The Book of the Great Sins): "Of the deeds woman is cursed for are displaying the ornaments which she is wearing, wearing perfume when going out, and wearing colorful clothes and silky short cloaks."

The verb tabarraja includes all of these actions. Tabarruj is so abhorrent that it is associated with shirk, fornication, stealing, and other sins.

'Abdullah ibn 'Umar said:
A woman came to the Messenger of Allah (saws) to give her pledge for Islam. He said: "I accept your pledge that you will not associate partners with Allah, nor steal, nor fornicate, nor kill your child, nor commit a sin between your arms and legs, nor wail over the dead, nor beautify and display yourself (tatabarraji) after the fashion of the pre-Islamic days."
Ahmad

3. The outer garment must be thick and opaque so as to conceal the clothes worn under it, and loose so as to conceal the woman's form.

Proper covering cannot be achieved by wearing tight or transparent apparel.

The Prophet (saws) said:

"There will be, in the last days of my Ummah (nation), women who are dressed and undressed. Curse them: they are accursed."

Al-Tabarani

Abu Hurairah related that the Prophet (saws) referred to:

...women who are naked even though they are wearing clothes, go astray and make others go astray, and they will not enter paradise nor smell its fragrance, although it can be smelled from afar.

At Tabarani

The "dressed and yet undressed" women are those who wear transparent or very tight clothes, or clothes which are cut in such a way that they expose the body. Such clothes reveal more than they conceal.

The Prophet (saws) said:

Belief and the sense of shame are tied together; if one is lost the other is lost."

Al-Hakim

It should be noted that a woman should wear a loose over-garment for offering prayer. It should cover her whole body (as far as going out) and should be such that it conceals the shape of her arms and legs, as well as that of the rest of her body.

4. Muslim women are not to wear perfume in public.

Abu Musa narrated that the Prophet (saws) said:

Any woman who wears perfume and passes by some people who smell her perfume is like one who commits fornication.

Abu Hurairah said that:

A woman passed by him smelling strongly of scent. He called to her: "O slave of the powerful, are you going to the mosque?" She said that she was. He said: "Go back and wash it off. I heard the Messenger of Allah (saws) say: 'Any woman who goes to the mosque wearing perfume will not have her prayer accepted by Allah; first she should go back home and have a bath [to wash it off].'"

It is inappropriate for a woman to wear perfume in the mosque, where people are attending to the worship of Allah (swt); how much more inappropriate it is that she should wear scent elsewhere, where people are more liable to distraction. Scent attracts attention to a woman and may thereby stimulate sexual desires; this is improper in the marketplace and mosque.

5. The clothes of Muslim women should not resemble men's clothes.

Abu Hurairah said that:

The Messenger of Allah (saws) cursed the man who wears women's clothes and the woman who wears men's clothes.

Ibn Umar said that he heard the Messenger of Allah (saws) say:

He is not of us who imitates women nor is he of us who imitates men."

Al Hakim

Abdullah Ibn Umar reported that the Prophet (saws) said:

Three people will not enter paradise, and Allah will not look at them on the day of Judgment: the one who is disobedient to his parents, the woman who imitates men and the ad-dayooth.

Ahmad

Ad-dayooth is the man who permits women for whom he is responsible to engage in illicit sexual relations, or to display their beauty to strange men, thereby stimulating their sexual desires.

6. The clothes of Muslim women should not resemble those of the disbelievers.

In Surat al-Hadeed, ayah 16 we are told:

Has not the time come for those who believe to submit their hearts to Allah's reminder and to that which has been revealed of the truth, and not become as those who received the scriptures before and for whom the term was prolonged so their hearts grew hard? And many of them are rebellious transgressors.

Those who refuse to submit to Allah's commands are rebels against Him, and they are permitted to continue in their rebellion until their hearts become hard.

The ayah and Hadeeth quoted above serve as a double warning to us: we must take care to heed Allah's commands, revealed to us through the Qur'an and the Sunnah of His Messenger (saws), lest we suffer the fate of the recipients of previous revelations; we should also shun the way of life of any believing people. If we adopt what is theirs, we partake also of the quality of their hearts.

We pray to Allah to safeguard us from that, lest we become like them.

Given the condition of the disbeliever's' hearts, it is not surprising to find that much of their clothing, particularly that of women, is unsuitable for Muslims. It is designed to be attractive in itself and to enhance and attract attention to women's natural beauty.

7. The clothing of Muslim women should not be ostentatious.

Ibn Umar reported that the Messenger of Allah (saws) said:

He who dresses for ostentation in this world, Allah will dress him in a dress of humiliation on the Day of Judgment and set it on fire.

Abu Dawud

By following the seven principles above, In'sh Allah a woman will satisfy all the necessary requirements for proper Islamic dress. It should be noted that some of these principles also apply to men's dress, and clearly some would apply not only to what a woman wears in public, but also to what she wears in the privacy of her own home or in the homes of he relatives or her Muslim sisters.

There are, however, some additional prohibitions regarding personal appearance of which our Muslim sisters should be aware. These prohibitions have to do with changes made to the appearance which are regarded as unacceptable alterations to Allah's creation, namely wearing wigs, plucking facial hair, filing teeth and getting tattoos.

Asma related that:

A woman asked the Prophet (saws):

"Messenger of Allah, my daughter had smallpox, and as a result her hair fall out. She has recently been married; can I get her a wig?" He answered: " Allah has cursed the maker and wearer of a wig."

Abdullah said that Allah (swt) has cursed tattooers and those who are tattooed, and those women who have their teeth filed for beauty and those who have their hair plucked and thus alter Allah's creation.

A woman asked him: "What is all this?" He replied: "Should I not curse one whom Allah's Messenger has cursed? And it is in the Book of Allah." She said: I read the Qur'an from cover to cover but did not find that in it. "He said: If you had read it thoroughly you would have found it. Allah says "Whatever Allah's Messenger gives you, take it, and whatever he has forbidden, refrain from it

Qur'an 69: 7
(Muslim)

This Hadeeth is particularly significant for us, because it not only informs us of something which the Prophet (saws) found hateful, it also makes it perfectly clear that, in matters of religion, the commands of the Prophet (saws) are as binding on us as the commands of Allah (swt).

In obeying Allah and his Messenger (saws) we can hope to be of those who are successful, tasting of the fruits of Paradise. If however, we should disobey Allah (swt) and do things prohibited by Him (and we seek refuge with him from that) then we will taste His wrath; in the case of a woman who does something forbidden by Allah (swt) or his Messenger (saws), she and her husband or guardian who permitted her to do the forbidden thing are cursed by Allah (swt). We are advised in the Qur'an to:

".....ward off from yourselves and your families a fire whereof the fuel is men and stones..."Qur'an 66:6

The Prophet (saws) said:

All of you are guardians. The man is a guardian of and is responsible for his womenfolk on the day of Judgment.

May Allah (swt) open our hearts to guidance, strengthen us that we may be obedient to Him and His Messenger (saws) and save us from the punishment of hell fire.

Allah is most Knowledgeable and all praise belongs to Allah, the Lord of the worlds.

The Many Forms Of Punishment For Women

2008-12-03T05:12:00.000-08:00

Hazrat Ali radiyallahu anhu has stated, "I arrived at the blessed presence of the Holy Prophet sallallahu alaihe wasallam with Hazrat Fatimah radiyallahu anha only to find him uncontrollably crying. I asked ‘ May my parents be sacrificed for you, oh Prophet of Allah, what ails you to cry?’ The Prophet sallallahu alaihe wasallam stated, ‘Oh Ali, the night I travelled the heavens I saw the women from my followers being punished in numerous ways, and upon seeing their intense punishment, I began to cry.’ The Prophet sallallahu alaihe wasallam then described the various methods of punishment. Hazrat Fatimah radiyallahu anha stood up and asked, ‘My dear father, and the coolness of my eyes what crimes did these women commit to warrant for such punishment?’ The Prophet sallallahu alaihe wasallam replied, ‘My beloved daughter, the woman who was hanging from her hair did not keep it covered from other men. The woman who was hanging from her tongue used to distress her husband and the woman who was hanging from her chest soiled her husbands bed meaning she had illicit relations with other men. And the woman whose feet were stretched and bound to her chest with her hands bound to her forehead, and who had snakes and scorpions set upon her, was the woman who did not keep her body cleansed of janabat (pollution), haidh (The menses) and who ridiculed Salaah. And the woman who had the head of a pig and the body of a donkey was a woman who lied and spoke ill of people behind their back. And the woman whose face resembled a dog and who entered the mouth of a fire and came out of the back, was a jealous woman and one who spoke and boasted of favours conferred."

A Collection of References from the Quran and Hadeeth about the Rights of Women guaranteed by Islam

2008-12-02T05:38:00.000-08:00

Spiritual Equality of Women and Men
Allah has got ready forgiveness and tremendous rewards for the Muslim men and women; the believing men and women; the devout men and women; the truthful men and women; the patiently suffering men and women; the humble men and women; the almsgiving men and women; the fasting men and women, the men and women who guard their chastity; and the men and women who are exceedingly mindful of Allah. (Al-Ahzab 33:35)

Attitudes towards women
O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may take away part of the dower ye have given them,-except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good. (An-Nisa 4:19)

Collaboration and consultation
The believing men and women, are associates and helpers of each other. They (collaborate) to promote all that is beneficial and discourage all that is evil; to establish prayers and give alms, and to obey Allah and his Messenger. Those are the people whom Allah would grant mercy. Indeed Allah is Mighty and Wise. (Al-Taubah 9:71)

Examples of Consensual Decision Making
If both spouses decide, by mutual consent and consultation, on weaning [their baby], there is no blame on either. If you want to have your babies breastfed by a foster mother you are not doing anything blame-worthy provided you pay to the fostermother what you had agreed to offer, in accordance with the established manner. Fear Allah and know that Allah is aware it what you are doing". (Al-Baqarah, 2:233)

Women's Right to Attend Mosques
Narrated Ibn Umar: The Prophet (p.b.u.h) said, "Allow women to go to the Mosques at night." (Bukhari Volume 2, Book 13, Number 22)

Narrated Ibn Umar: One of the wives of Umar (bin Al-Khattab) used to offer the Fajr and the 'Isha' prayer in congregation in the Mosque. She was asked why she had come out for the prayer as she knew that Umar disliked it, and he has great ghaira (self-respect). She replied, "What prevents him from stopping me from this act?" The other replied, "The statement of Allah's Apostle (p.b.u.h) : 'Do not stop Allah's women-slave from going to Allah s Mosques' prevents him." (Bukhari Volume 2, Book 13, Number 23)

Ibn 'Umar reported: Grant permission to women for going to the mosque in the night. His son who was called Waqid said: Then they would make mischief. He (the narrator) said: He thumped his (son's) chest and said: I am narrating to you the hadith of the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him), and you say: No! (Sahih Muslim Book 004, Number 0890)

Ibn Umar reported: The Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) said: Do not deprive women of their share of the mosques, when they seek permission from you. Bilal said: By Allah, we would certainly prevent them. 'Abdullah said: I say that the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) said it and you say: We would certainly prevent them! (Sahih Muslim Book 004, Number 0891)

Yahya related to me from Malik from Yahya ibn Said that Atika bint Zayd ibn Amr ibn Nufayl, the wife of Umar ibn al-Khattab, used to ask Umar ibn al-Khattab for permission to go to the mosque. He would keep silent, so she would say, "By Allah, I will go out, unless you forbid me," and he would not forbid her. (Sunan Abu Dawud Book 14, Number 14.5.14)

The Common Performance of Ablutions
Narrated Ibn Umar: "It used to be that men and women would perform ablutions together in the time of the Messenger of Allah's assembly." (Bukhari: 1: Ch. 45, Book of Ablution)

Women's Right of Proposal
Narrated Sahl: A woman came to the Prophet, and presented herself to him (for marriage). He said, "I am not in need of women these days." Then a man said, "O Allah's Apostle! Marry her to me." The Prophet asked him, "What have you got?" He said, "I have got nothing." The Prophet said, "Give her something, even an iron ring." He said, "I have got nothing." The Prophet asked (him), "How much of the Quran do you know (by heart)?" He said, "So much and so much." The Prophet said, "I have married her to you for what you know of the Quran." (Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 72)

Women's Right of Permission
Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "A matron should not be given in marriage except after consulting her; and a virgin should not be given in marriage except after her permission." The people asked, "O Allah's Apostle! How can we know her permission?" He said, "Her silence (indicates her permission)." (Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 67)

Narrated Khansa bint Khidam Al-Ansariya that her father gave her in marriage when she was a matron and she disliked that marriage. So she went to Allah's Apostle and he declared that marriage invalid. (Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 69)

The Right of Women not to be Forced
Narrated Ibn 'Abbas: Barira's husband was a slave called Mughith, as if I am seeing him now, going behind Barira and weeping with his tears flowing down his beard. The Prophet said to 'Abbas, "O 'Abbas ! are you not astonished at the love of Mughith for Barira and the hatred of Barira for Mughith?" The Prophet then said to Barira, "Why don't you return to him?" She said, "O Allah's Apostle! Do you order me to do so?" He said, "No, I only intercede for him." She said, "I am not in need of him." (Bukhari: Volume 7, Book 63, Number 206)

Asserting Women's Rights
Ibn Al-Jauzi narrated the virtues and merits of Umar bin Al-Khattab (Allah bless him) in the following words: Umar forbade the people from paying excessive dowries and addressed them saying: "Don't fix the dowries for women over forty ounces. If ever that is exceeded I shall deposit the excess amount in the public treasury". As he descended from the pulpit, a flat-nosed lady stood up from among the women audience, and said: "It is not within your right". Umar asked: "Why should this not be of my right?" she replied: "Because Allah has proclaimed: 'even if you had given one of them (wives) a whole treasure for dowry take not the least bit back. Would you take it by false claim and a manifest sin'". (Al Nisa, 20). When he heard this, Umar said: "The woman is right and the man (Umar) is wrong. It seems that all people have deeper insight and wisdom than Umar". Then he returned to the pulpit and declared: "O people, I had restricted the giving of more than four hundred dirhams in dowry. Whosoever of you wishes to give in dowry as much as he likes and finds satisfaction in so doing may do so". quoted in: "On the Position and Role of Women in Islam and Islamic Society"

Seeking advice and comfort
Narrated 'Aisha (the mother of the faithful believers): ... Then Allah's Apostle returned with the Inspiration and with his heart beating severely. Then he went to Khadija bint Khuwailid and said, "Cover me! Cover me!" They covered him till his fear was over and after that he told her everything that had happened and said, "I fear that something may happen to me." Khadija replied, "Never! By Allah, Allah will never disgrace you. You keep good relations with your kith and kin, help the poor and the destitute, serve your guests generously and assist the deserving calamity-afflicted ones." Khadija then accompanied him to her cousin Waraqa bin Naufal bin Asad bin 'Abdul 'Uzza ... (Bukhari Volume 1, Book 1, Number 3)

The Characteristics of a Believing Man
Narrated AbuHurayrah: Allah's Messenger (pbuh) said: a believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another. (Muslim Book 8, Number 3469)

The Education of Women
Narrated Abu Said: A woman came to Allah's Apostle and said, "O Allah's Apostle! Men (only) benefit by your teachings, so please devote to us from (some of) your time, a day on which we may come to you so that you may teach us of what Allah has taught you." Allah's Apostle said, "Gather on such-and-such a day at such-and-such a place." They gathered and Allah's Apostle came to them and taught them of what Allah had taught him. (Bukhari Volume 9, Book 92, Number 413)

On the Treatment of Women
Narrated Mu'awiyah al-Qushayri: I went to the Apostle of Allah (pbuh) and asked him: "What do you say (command) about our wives?" He replied: "Give them food what you have for yourself, and clothe them by which you clothe yourself, and do not beat them, and do not revile them." (Sunan Abu Dawud: Book 11, Number 2139) "The best of you is one who is best towards his family and I am best towards the family". (At-Tirmithy). "None but a noble man treats women in an honourable manner. And none but an ignoble treats women disgracefully". (At-Tirmithy).

A Husband must keep the Privacy of his Wife
Narrated AbuSa'id al-Khudri: Allah's Messenger (peace_be_upon_him) said: The most wicked among the people in the eye of Allah on the Day of Judgement is the man who goes to his wife and she comes to him, and then he divulges her secret. (Muslim Book 8, Number 3369)

A Husband's Attitude
'Umar ibn al-Khattab (RA) said that a man came to his house to complain about his wife. On reaching the door of his house, he hears 'Umar's wife shouting at him and reviling him. Seeing this, he was about to go back, thinking that 'Umar himself was in the same position and, therefore, could hardly suggest any solution for his problem. 'Umar (RA) saw the man turn back, so he called him and enquired about the purpose of his visit. He said that he had come with a complaint against his wife, but turned back on seeing the Caliph in the same position. 'Umar (RA) told him that he tolerated the excesses of his wife for she had certain rights against him. He said, "Is it not true that she prepares food for me, washes clothes for me and suckles my children, thus saving me the expense of employing a cook, a washerman and a nurse, though she is not legally obliged in any way to do any of these things? Besides, I enjoy peace of mind because of her and am kept away from indecent acts on account of her. I therefore tolerate all her excesses on account of these benefits. It is right that you should also adopt the same attitude." quoted in Rahman, Role of Muslim Women page 149

The Prophet's Disapproval of Women Beaters
Patient behavior was the practice of the Prophet, even when his wife dared to address him harshly. Once his mother-in-law- saw her daughter strike him with her fist on his noble chest. When the enraged mother -in-law began to reproach her daughter, the Prophet smilingly said, "Leave her alone; they do worse than that." And once Abu Bakr, his father-in-law, was invited to settle some misunderstanding between him and Aishah. The Prophet said to her, "Will you speak, or shall I speak?" Aisha said, "You speak, but do not say except the truth." Abu Bakr was so outraged that he immediately struck her severely, forcing her to run and seek protection behind the back of the Prophet. Abu Bakr said, "O you the enemy of herself! Does the Messenger of Allah say but the truth?" The Prophet said, "O Abu Bakr, we did not invite you for this [harsh dealing with Aishah], nor did we anticipate it." quoted in: Mutual Rights and Obligations

And Allah (swt) knows best.

HIJAAB

2008-12-02T05:23:00.000-08:00

This article portrays a broad representation of the issues of hijaab. Hijaab is seen as a very controversial issue and many argue that the ones ‘ under cover’ are undeniably attracting the most attention, a belief which confuses the logic of hijaab. Firstly, the observers of hijaab may be a minority within certain regions which is the case in many a town or city, however, this is obviously the case due to the number of Muslim sisters whom have chosen to neglect such a worthy act, and it is these very persons whom chose to voice such discouraging and demeaning statements. Such a statement however is a representation of sheer ignorance and is denial of faith which is bestowed by the All Provider: the Almighty Allah. The observance of hijaab will Insha’Allah reap a glorious Hereafter and uncountable benefits in this world .With anything in life determination is a much needed characteristic. Is it not time that we allowed our faith to snub out feelings of doubt and inferiority which are merely emotions created by the forever menacing Shaitaan ?

How Hijaab Came To Being

2008-12-02T05:22:00.000-08:00

Islam being an eternal religion has thus catered for man’s life upon this world in the most stringent of ways and so Islam has not only defined the lawful from the unlawful, however, it has also made unlawful all acts/objects which would resultantly procure unlawfulness, i.e. The act of drinking alcohol has been defined as unlawful, in conjunction to this any acts/objects which could lead to the consumption of alcohol are also defined as unlawful for example the selling of alcohol, working within a brewery etc.
In the same manner adultery is unlawful within Islam and so in view of this any such acts which may lead to this e.g. Lustful gazing have also been defined as unlawful. In order that such acts are ruled out the revelations governing Hijaab were ordained upon mankind.
These revelations were revealed unto mankind within the actual era of Prophecy. This era was a period of time which held many highly ranked and pious households whom, through their piety did not allow free mingling of the opposite sex. Thus, the people of this era were the refined and decent of man however, from the very beginning the free mingling of the opposite sex was an act which held dislike and opposition.
The actual date of the revelation governing Hijaab is one of differing opinions however, Hijaab was ordained as compulsory within 3.A.H or 5.A.H.
The Holy Quran contains 7 verses altogether concerning Hijaab, 3 of these are featured within Surah Noor and 4 in Surah Ahzaab.
The Quranic tafseer (commentary) upon these mentioned verses can be read within this booklet.
There are more than 70 invaluable ahadith which are concerned with matters regarding Hijaab. From amongst the 7 Quranic verses, scholars are unanimous upon the fact that the verses within Surah Ahzaab were revealed before those of Surah Noor.
Hazrat Umar (R.A) once suggested to the Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam that the wives of the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam should observe the veil as many differing persons of differing manners and natures visit the houses of the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam. The Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam himself found this a desirable suggestion however, he was unable to turn the suggestion into a practicality as the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam was in wait of divine revelation. Shortly afterwards the revelations of Hijaab were revealed successively.
The first of the revelations concerning Hijaab is as follows :
"Do not enter the houses of the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam unless you have been granted permission." Surah Ahzaab.

Hijaab In The Era Of Prophecy

2008-12-02T05:21:00.001-08:00

Many a time people have argued whether Sahaabiyaat (the female Companions of the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam used to observe Hijaab or not. Such arguments are predominantly centered around the actual veiling of the face, proclaiming that such an act was not alive within the Sahabiyaat.This argument however, is merely false consolation and bears little or no weight.
There are many evidential ahadith and incidents which reinforce the observance of Hijaab and actual veiling of the female face within the era of the glorious prophecy.
Hazrat Ali (R.A) narrates that once he was in the presence of the Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam when the Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam questioned, "Tell me what is the most worthy act of a woman?" Upon hearing this all the Companions of the Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam remained silent. Hazrat Ali (R.A) further reports that when I returned to my house I forwarded the same question to Hazrat Fatimah (R.A). She replied, "A woman should not see any man nor should a man see her." Hazrat Ali (R.A) says, "I then related this to the Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam and he stated that Fatimah is my beloved child, for this reason she has understood properly." (Musnad-e-Bazzaar)
From this hadith we have learnt that Hijaab is the most important item in a woman’s life. The whole aim for a woman is to keep her beauty hidden so that it is not revealed to a ‘non-mehram’ (to whom marriage is permissible) which could finally lead to evil acts.
Hazrat Aa’isha (R.A) narrates that on one occasion a female fellow Muslim wanted to give a letter to the Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, the letter was delivered to the Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam from behind a curtain. (Abu Dawood, Nasai and Mishkaat)
Considering the fact that all female believers are the daughters of the Prophet Sallallahu Alahi Wasallam and that the Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam himself was flawless, the above incident is evidence enough of the fact that the Sahaabiyaat were observers of Hijaab.
Hazrat Umme Atiyyah (R.A) has narrated that the Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam once ordered that upon the day of Eid,that even the menstruating women and the veiled girls should also join the Eid congregation (in order that the congregation may project a greater number of Muslims for onlooking non-Muslims).
Some Muslim women questioned, "If one of us does not have a veil should we still attend the congregation?"
The Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam answered,
"Her (Muslim) sister should cover her in her cloak." (Mishkaat)

THE OBSERVANCE OF HIJAAB IN TIME OF DIFFICULTY:

2008-12-02T05:20:00.000-08:00

Hazrat Qais Ibne Shammas (R.A) reports that Umme Khallad (R.A) came to the Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam to inquire about her son who had been killed in one of the battles in the path of Allah. When she arrived she had a veil covering her face. Upon seeing this one of the Companions of the Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said, "How is it that even under such unfortunate conditions (inspite of such grief and sorrow) you wear the Hijaab?"
Hazrat Umme Khallad (R.A) replied,
"If I have lost my son I have not lost my modesty." (i.e I should not lose them both)
Then the Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam replied, "Your son will gain the reward of two martyrs."
She asked, "How can this be possible?"
The Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam replied, "Because ‘Ahl-e-Kitab’ (people of the book, i.e. Jews, Christians ) have killed him." (Narration of Abu-Dawood)
From this we can learn how the Sahabiyaat (those women who saw the Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam after accepting Islam) remained firm upon the observance of hijaab even at times of difficulty and misery.

THE NECCESSITIES OF HIJAAB AND CONSEQUENCES OF NEGLIGENCE

2008-12-02T05:19:00.001-08:00

"Oh Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam! Tell thy wives and thy daughters and the women of the believers to draw over them their jilbaabs (cloaks). That in the least so that they be recognised and not be molested." (Surah Ahzaab)
"And remain within your homes and do not make an exibition ( of your selves) like the displays (of the immoral women) of former times of ignorance." (Surah Ahzaab)
One of the fundamental principles of Islam is to establish a system of virtue, goodness and justice. For this reason Islam teaches both men and women in order to secure such a society. Amongst other things it disciplines the human urge for the opposite sex so that both sexes can live in pure wedlock and have full control over their bestial desires. To achieve this objective Islam has a code of behaviour. Breaching these codes of principles may resultantly endanger the purity and goodness of society. This code protects, wards off evil inclinations and bad influences. This observation of rules is termed as hijaab/ purdah.
The Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam is reported to have said,
"Verily a woman walks in the form of Shaytaan. Her approaching and recoiling are in the form of Shaytaan."
Commentary: This means that Shaitaan used women as a means to trap man into doing evil.
In another tradition the Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said, "Verily the woman is aurah ( anything that is concealed by shame and prudency) whenever she leaves the home the Shaitan raises his eyes and looks towards her. When she is in the innermost part of the home it is then that she is closest to her Lord ."
From the above hadith we learn that the Shaitan used the women as his avenue to creat evil in society.
In the second hadith we learn that a woman should not be revealed to strangers and that the coming out of the home can only cause mischief as Shaitan awaits and gives her his evil and full attention.
In Islam a woman feels a great sense of security and enjoys a high status of honour and dignity within her home and out, which in a way is greater than man’s. Each sex have their own responsibility and duties to perform according to their emotional and biological nature. Her great responsibility lies in the upbringing of the nation’s next generation. On her shoulders does not lie the burden of financial problems, therefore she has no need to venture out of her home unlike the non-Muslim women.
Insecure feelings, financial, moral and physical problems have driven the non-Muslim women from the boundaries of her home. In the process she has had to abandon her modesty and dignity at the cost of moral and spiritual life, hoping that through this she can overcome her insecurity and inferiority against men.
In Islam a woman’s real worth is not accounted by exhibiting a half exposed body, or the fascination that the opposite sex has for her, rather it is by her modesty, piety and moral conduct.
The main aim of purdah or hijaab is to guard the spiritual and moral purity of man. Caution is taken in the very first steps so that man is prevented from plungering into the abyss of immorality and shamelessness which can be witnessed today.
The Quran reads, And tell the believing woman to lower their gaze and be modest. (24.31). The same has been ordered for man as well.
The Quran proclaims," Do not approach near fornication."
Shame and respect are natural qualities in man. When these cannot be found in him and his whole community, what can be the outcome of this? You only have to look around us today to witness these atrocities caused by the negligence of immodesty.
The Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said,
"There is nothing left after me more dangerous to man than the temptations of women."
Is not the unveiling of women in our time along with the free mixing of both sexes the cause to some of the social and moral ailments? Many complain that the hijaab enjoined upon Muslim women is far too restrictive and rigid and is in order to keep inferior to man. Ignorance and misunderstanding can only be the cause of such beliefs. Besides Islam which other religion or nation has given homes full protection from exploitation from strangers? While at the same time Islam guides women upon importance of purity and morality as well as upholding her status and dignity.
A woman is likened to a sweet creature; everything about her is an attraction for spectators. Islam protects her by enjoining her to wear hijaab so that the covering of herself does not attract men like the swamps of flies and dirty creatures are attracted to uncovered sweets as in the case of todays women who falls prey to this.
The Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam was ordered to tell his wives and believing women to wear purdah so that they could be recognised as believing women and not molested. Is this not the case of todays women?
The Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam is reported to have said, "Every religion has a characteristic. The characteristic of Islam is modesty." (Ibn Majah.)
He also said, "Verily modesty and faith are inter-related. If one is taken out the other diminishes simultaneously". (Bayhaqi)

VIOLATIONS OF HIJAAB

2008-12-02T05:17:00.000-08:00

Many women today say that the wearing of veil is difficult and unimportant.
In the Holy Prophet’s (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) era the modesty and observance of hijaab amongst the Sahaabiyaat was at it’s peak despite the lesser need for it than today. Communities and nations progressed and were sucessful due to such social conduct.
The evils of shamelessness, of low morals and over liberated people are the main cause of destruction of any member or nation; as humans we all bear testimony to this, be it that our testimonies are voiced or unvoiced. Only in this belated age of modernity do people have a divergent view on modesty. Today, hijaab may pose difficulties for Muslim women due to the environment surrounding them. If we actively create an environment of hijaab i.e. if our mothers, sisters, and friends who we daily visit become observers of hijaab then the situation would become one of the norm, eliminating feelings of awkwardness and difficulty.
In the sixties when our elders first came to Britain it was impossible to keep a beard or wear a topi, rouges would mock such persons. But today Alhamdulillah we see many muslim youngsters in the middle of the town dressed in jubbas and turbans without the slightest hesitation or fear.
The Thawaab and divine pleasure for reviving hijaab can be deduced from the following hadith.
The Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said, "He who adheres to my Sunnah at a time when my Ummah has become corrupt will obtain the Thawaab of a hundred martyrs."

QURANIC TAFSEER UPON HIJAAB

2008-12-02T05:09:00.000-08:00

"O ye who believe! Enter not the dwellings of the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam for a meal without waiting for the proper time, unless permission be granted you. But if ye are invited, enter and when your meal is ended then disperse. Linger not for conversation. Lo, that would cause annoyance to the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam and he would be shy of (asking) you (to go) but Allah is not shy of the truth."
The above is a part revelation of verse : 53- Surah Ahzaab.
In a narration of Bukhari, Hazrat Anas (R.A) explains: " I am the most known amongst the people, concerning the causes of the first revelation of Hijaab. Reason being, I was present throughout the whole incident and I witnessed the acts of the Sahaabaa and the Prophet Sallallahu Alahi Wasallam."
After Hazrat Zainab bint Jahash enjoined in marriage with the blessed Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, she was brought into the small house situated in the Haram of the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam. The Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam had a meal prepared in aid of the blessed marriage i.e. Waleemah. After the dinner was served many people stayed behind and lingered for purposes of conversation. In a narration of Tirmizi it is stated that the blessed Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam and Ummul Mu’mineen Hazrat Zainab (R.A) also remained there. Hazrat Zainab (R.A) had turned her face towards the wall in shame. To see such actions caused discomfort to the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, who took leave and visited the other blessed wives. Upon return he found the gathering had not yet dispersed. Again the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam left in annoyance. Seeing this act of the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam many people understood and took leave. Hazrat Anas (R.A) reports: The Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam came outside the small building and I was present there too. It was then that the above verses were revealed to the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam.
Although the verses do not openly explain the form and procedures of Hijaab, they have given an explanation as to refrain from going to the Prophet’s Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam houses, because discomfort was resultant not only for the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam but also for the blessed wives too.
Following onwards the Quran portrays: ‘And when ye ask of them (the wives of the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) anything,ask it of them from behind a curtain. That is purer for your hearts and for their hearts.’ (Part revelation of verse:53 Surah Ahzaab)
Although the cause of revelation refers only to the blessed wives of the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, the rule applies to the whole Ummah. So that the hearts and intents of both the believing men and women can stay clean and purified.
We learn that if such a revelation was related to the blessed wives of the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wassallam, who in all means stand as our pillars of guidance, then we, the unworthy, too must also consider the matter and follow in accordance, as no man can ever level with the standards of piety and purity of the blessed Sahaabaa/Sahaabiyaat. If there were such restrictions, then we, in all circumstances should restrict ourselves more severely in matters such as these.
Allah Ta’aalaa has stated in the Holy Quran: "And stay in your houses, adorn not yourself with the adornment of the times of ignorance." (Part revelation: Surah Ahzaab)
The times of ignorance mentioned in the Aayah indicate the days of darkness previous to the light and expandations of Islam. The Holy Qur’an has referred to these days as, ‘The first/early days of ignorance.’ This reveals to us the fact that there will be another period when darkness will over power the true light to cause disruption within the living people again.
Reflecting upon the present situation of the ways of the world, we can witness this fact. We see the evil growth of ignorance is casting it’s magnitudinal force, unfortunately the very ways and teachings of the Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam are being neglected.
If one looks towards the inner meaning of the Aayah, it becomes apparent that a woman was created with a homely character, her duties lie within her home, therefore the Islamic law requires her to stay at home. However, if the need arises she is permitted to leave her home, enclose herself within the ‘Jilbaab’ and accomplish her needs.
Allah Ta’aalah has further stated in the Holy Quran :
‘O, Prophet! (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) tell thy wives and thy daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks close round them (when they go out). That will be better so that they may be recognised and not annoyed. Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.’ (Verse: 59 Surah Ahzaab)
Hazrat Ibne Jareer (R.A.)has reported the description of ‘Jilbaab’ from Hazrat Abdullah Ibn Abbas (R.A.) : ‘A thick cloth in which a woman conceals herself from head to toe allowing a narrow opening by the eye for means of seeing.’
Along with this limitation, the woman must walk to one side of the path, refrain from mingling in crowds of men, not apply perfume or any other forms of scent, or wear tinkling jewellery that cause attraction, as these give invitation towards corruptive acts.
In the above mentioned Aayah, Allah Ta’aalaa has ordained the blessed wives, daughters and believing women of the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam to observe ‘Hijaab’, according to the specification of Abdullah ibn Abbas (R.A).
A woman is like a precious rare stone, the most valuable and attractive recognition is her face. It would be considered useless if she concealed her whole body, and revealed her face, for this is where a woman’s beauty lies. What could be more worthy of being kept ‘well hidden’ than her face?
Hazrat Abdullah Ibne Mas’ood (R.A) has given the following definition for the ‘Jilbaab’: ‘The large cloth which is worn over the large head scarf (dupattah).’
Imam Mohammad Ibn Seereen (R.A) inquired to Hazrat Ubaydah Salmaani (R.A) about the ‘Jilbaab’ and its form of concealment. Hazrat Ubaydah (R.A) taught through demonstration by drawing a large cloth over his head and then covered the face allowing a small opening by the left eye for purposes of seeing.
Both explanations of Ibne Abbas (R.A) and Ubaydah Salmaani (R.A) are focused upon the word ‘yudneena ‘ (in the Aayah). The Aayah openly explains the necessity of ‘Hijaab’ for women of all ages and times.
Hazrat Maulana Shabbir Ahmed Uthmani (R.A) has stated: "It can be found in many narrations that the believing women would go out in such concealment that only one eye would be revealed for means of seeing. So, accordingly in the age of corruption, to cover the face would fall as a compulsory act upon every Muslim woman."
However, if unintentionally any loss or misconduct occurs within the observation of Hijaab, Allah Ta’aalaa is most forgiving.
Commentary upon ‘Hijaab’ is covered sufficiently under the verses of Surah Ahzaab, which was revealed at the time of the respected marriage of Hazrat Zainab bint Jahash (R.A) at the blessed hands of the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam.
The scholars’ views differ as to when this incident took place. Many scholars view this incident to have taken place in the year 03. A.H. In contrast several others as mentioned in ‘Tafseer Ibn Katheer’ and ‘Naylul-Awtaar’ give a stronger view towards the occurrence of the incident to have taken place in the year 05.A.H. This has also been narrated from Hazrat Anas (R.A). However, an agreement was finally made on the narration of Hazrat Anas (R.A).
The verses upon ‘Hijaab’ in Surah Noor were revealed in the year 06.A.H. The observance of Hijaab was obediently adhered to in result of the revelations of Surah Ahzaab. The following part revelation of verse: 60, Surah Noor explains :
“In such a way as not to show adornment." One interpretation of the Aayah explains that having dressed accordingly as the Quran, old womenfolk may go out unveiled yet in such a way that adornment is not revealed.
The Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam once said to his blessed wives: "I permit you to leave your homes whenever the need arises."
It is said that the blessed wives of the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam would pay visits to their parents, friends, relatives etc. They would also take leave for purposes such as performing the blessed pilgrimage as well as the optional Umrah. Many Sahaabiyaat would accompany the blessed Sahaabaa at the time of battle, nursing the wounded etc.
"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their modesty, that is purer for them. Lo! Allah is aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest, and to display of their adornment only that which is apparent, and to draw their veils over their bosoms, and not to reveal their adornment save to their own husbands or fathers or husband’s fathers or their sons or their husband’s sons or their brothers, or their brother’s sons or sister’s sons or their women or their slaves, or male attendants who lack vigour, or children who know naught of womens nakedness. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And turn unto Allah together, O, believers in order that you may succeed." (Surah Noor, verses: 30-31)
"And tell the believing men to lower their gaze."
‘Yaguddoo‘ is originated from the word ‘ gadd‘ which means: " To lower the gaze." Relating to this Aayat Ibne Katheer and Ibne Hibban have commentated as follows: To turn the gaze away from such things upon which the Islamic law has forbidden, e.g. To look at a non mehram of the opposite sex with bad intent, to even glance at any male/females’ ‘Satar’, to disturb others privacy by looking into their homes, living quarters etc., are extremely forbidden and the outcomes are severe (in this World and in the Hereafter).
"And guard their modesty." To over-rule ones unlawful desires from bad intents and doings e.g. To indulge within adultery, to be sexually attracted to members of the same sex (Homosexuality, Lesbianism), to fulfil evil desires by means of forbidden touching, glancing etc. Hazrat Abdullah bin Mas’ood (R.A) has reported from the Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam: "Sight is a poisonous spear amongst the many spears of the Shaitaan. One who resists it in the fear of Allah, is rewarded with strong faith, whose sweetness is witheld in the heart of the resistor."
Hazrat Jareer ibn Abdullah (R.A) once questioned the Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam regarding a man who unintentionally glances at a woman. The Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam replied: "The man must turn away instantly and his first glance will be forgiven." Muslim.
"And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their modesty." Part revelation- Surah Noor . This Aayah is in accordance with the same command as above, except that this Aayah relates to women. The above Aayah ordained that the believing men should lower their gaze. Usually the orders for women follow along accordingly although the Aayah may be directed to men alone. The woman’s order was specified so that subsequently it may strengthen the point and highlight its outcome effectively.
"And to display of their adornment only that which is apparent." The literal definition of ‘Zeenat’ is the accessories which adorn a woman, e.g. Outstanding garments, jewellery etc. The majority of commentators have given an explanation as follows: Looking at the accessories of zeenat is permissible but, to look at the bearer of such accessories is forbidden.
"Only that which is apparent." The Aayah reveals an exception as to what is apparent of a woman’s adornment. These exceptions are when a woman is working or constantly moving and her hands/face may be revealed then this is dealt with as an exception. Hazrat Ibne Ma’sood (R.A) gives the following commentary regarding this exception: The Aayah relates to the cloth or garment worn above the inner clothing eg.burqa’.
Hazrat Ibn Abbas (R.A) commentates as follows: The aayah gives the exception to uncover the face and hands when the need arises.
Again the scholars’ views differ as to whether it is compulsory for a woman to cover her face or not? Hazrat Ibne Ma’sood (R.A) states: To unveil the face or hands in the presence of a non mehram is not permissible. Hence this is an unlawful act.
Hazrat Ibne Abbas (R.A) states: To uncover the face and hands is permissible for a woman when there is no fear of bad intents and doings. And men should consider the fact that the Qur’an has ordained them to lower their gaze and be modest.
"And to draw their veils over their bosoms."
‘Khumur’ is originated from the word ‘Khimaar’ which means a large head scarf which covers the head and the chest. Before the revelation of the Aayat -e -Hijaab women used to cover their hair and let the scarf fall down the back, baring the front parts from the scarf. However, we see today that the same fashion of the days of ignorance is being adopted. ‘Juyoob’ is originated from the word ‘Jayb’, this word holds the meaning of the breast pocket, but within the Arabs this word co notates the meaning of the upper front half.
"And not to reveal their adornment save to their own husbands or fathers or husband’s fathers or their sons or their husband’s sons or their brothers or their brother’s sons or sister’s sons or their women, or their slaves, or male attendants who lack vigour, or children who know naught of women’s nakedness."
The ‘men’ mentioned above are a women’s mehram, along with these mehrams is her own husband. A woman is permitted to reveal herself fully in the presence of her husband. However, this is not permissible in the presence of her mehrams also. They are not entitled or permitted to even glance at her ‘Satar’. A woman’s mehram is there to protect her and was created as a protective model for the purpose that he will not cause any harm to her. Grand father and great grand father fall into the category of a father to which Hijaab is not necessary.
"Or their women." This means the Muslim women. These are like her mehrams, not permitted to see a woman’s ‘Satar’. Otherwise there is no harm to unveil in their presence. The aayah indicates that Muslim women should refrain from maintaining acquaintance with ‘kaafir’ women as consequently ill influences are very likely.
"Or their slaves." Although there is no restriction governing whether the permittance concerns male slaves within the Aayah, many scholars have commented that this relates only to the female slave.
Hazrat Saeed ibn Musayyib (R.A) spoke these last words before taking leave from this world: ‘Do not let the Aayah of Surah Noor mislead you as this refers to the women slaves not the men.’
"Or male attendants who lack vigour." Hazrat Abdullah Ibn Abbas (R.A) has stated: This means one who has no interests and desired pleasure in sexual matters.
"or children who know not of womens nakedness." This refers to such children who have not yet approached adolescence, and who are not aware of sensual features of a woman. However, if the case is such that the child approaching adolescence displays an interest in women and their features then to unveil oneself in the child’s presence is prohibited.(Ibne-Katheer)
"And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment." If jewellery is worn around the ankles e.g. Anklets, which create noise and tend to attract men towards the tinkling sounds then this again is considered within the violations of Hijaab. To let a non mehram become aware of this attraction is extremely prohibited. If restrictions are such for the sounds of tinkling or heels, then for a woman to raise her voice reaches well beyond the border. Within the same category falls the use of perfume and scent, these are a source of attraction whether applied intentionally or unintentionally, these should not be applied when going out or in the presence of non mehrams.
"And turn unto Allah, O, believers in order that you may succeed." Finally Allah Ta’aalaa mentions in the Aayah which reveals the fact that if any sins or faults are committed then O believers turn to Allah so that you may succeed. Whilst asking for forgiveness from our great, most forgiving Lord one must express shame and regret over ones previous misconducts and resultantly never approach or intend to advance towards any bad.

Getting serious about Boy-Girl relationships in Islam

2008-12-02T00:46:00.000-08:00

My very dear young Muslim brothers and sisters I have something of extreme importance to talk to you about. I want to tell you some things about boy-girl relationships, sex, and marriage. I know these are very personal and delicate matters for discussion, but given how essential they are to your life, to the whole Muslim Ummah, and to the future of Islam as our way of life these are matters we must discuss. In Islam it has been made very clear as to what is acceptable and what is not acceptable between males and females who are not married to each other, so if all was going well in this critical area of life I wouldn’t need to say anything; but, all is not going well. Please know what I am going to say to you I say only because I love Islam and I care so very much about the future safety, happiness, and success in the lives of all of you although we may have never met.

From what I have been reading, from what parents have been telling me, and from what has been confirmed in discussions with many young Muslim brothers and sisters from countries all across the world it has become clear that more and more young Muslims are not following the guidelines for relationships between boys and girls so clearly set out in Islam. What Islam says is right is easy to remember because we are told that before marriage there is to be virtually no contact at all between males and females. In today’s world, while still a minority, an increasing number of young Muslims are having relationships with members of the opposite sex that are clearly outside the limits set by Islam. These relationships beyond the limits of Islam range from seemingly innocent friendships, to boyfriend-girlfriend relationships, all the way to the complete sexual relationship that has been made right by Allah only for those who are married to each other.

Do you think Allah has said there should be virtually no relationship at all between unmarried males and females because He doesn’t want you to have fun? No, Allah has set the rules for right relationships between males and females because He knows for sure what is best for you as an individual and what is best for His Ummah. Allah wants you to have a good time and enjoy the wonderful pleasures of male-female relationships, including the sexual relationship, but He knows you can only experience the greatest joy, and suffer no harm, if you keep your relationships, particularly the sexual relationship, within the necessary guidelines of the right way of life He has given us.

Tough Times for Young Muslims

As you read this message I ask you to keep an open mind until you evaluate everything I have to say. In all parts of our lives we must be sure that what we get is worth what we have to pay. In something so tempting as sexual pleasure there are few who objectively weigh the full costs against those brief moments of gratification. By ‘sexual pleasure’ I mean all the aspects, including the emotional aspect, that lead up to the full expression of the sexual relationship. Allah has placed within both males and females an extremely strong desire to pair off as couples and eventually experience the full sexual relationship. So the feelings of desire for a close relationship with a member of the opposite sex you might be having are entirely natural as it is Allah’s Will that you feel those desires so strongly.

When we look at animal behaviour we see that animals take their sexual pleasure whenever and wherever they can. This is how Allah ensures the continued survival of their species. Never forget that human beings are not animals, so although we have bodies quite similar to animal bodies, and basic needs quite similar to the needs of animals, we relate to our bodies and our needs as beings who have had a God consciousness breathed into us by Allah when we were still in our mother’s womb. This special spiritual nature provides us with many wonderful benefits, but it also presents us with some very serious responsibilities.

These benefits and responsibilities show up quite clearly in relation to the desire for sexual pleasure placed within us by Allah. The benefit is that human beings can experience a level of sustained deep emotional bonding and sexual pleasure far beyond the ability of any animal, but the responsibility is to direct our sexual desires only in the manner set out as the right way of life for us by Allah. Sexual pleasure is only to be experienced between a man and woman married to each other; sometimes this is for the purpose of bringing new human spiritual beings into the world and sometimes it is to allow the ecstasy and the intimacy of the sexual relationship to bond the married man and woman together so strongly as a family, who will be able to raise a new generation of good and right Muslim children within that family, that they become invulnerable to the forces of evil that might attempt to tear the family unit apart.

Most young Muslims in the world today have been heavily influenced by a highly sexualized society around them which says, “Look at the many Western teens or non-Muslim teens in Islamic nations who know no rules except to experience as much pleasure as possible, and who don’t worry about the consequences.” It would be virtually impossible as a young Muslim teen to see the many hundreds of times when unmarried teens are portrayed as boyfriends and girlfriends enjoying the pleasures of sex in movies, songs, and stories from the entertainment of the Western world without having the thought cross your mind something like, “Hey, that looks like fun, if they are doing it why shouldn’t I do it too.” Well, I would like to make sure you know what comes along with what has been called “free sex,” because it turns out that sex isn’t free after all, and the cost is going to probably be much more than you would be willing to pay – if you knew what the true cost was.

First, what are the benefits? Well, you might get a relationship with member of the opposite sex that could take away some of the personal loneliness so common in today’s world; you might get to be seen by your peers (if they don’t know better) as someone who is modern and cool; you might feel you are breaking out of restrictions imposed on you by a religion and culture that you didn’t choose for yourself; you might feel not left out if many others around you are doing the same thing; it might make you feel better about yourself knowing someone ‘really’ likes you; and, of course there is the obvious fun and physical pleasure that naturally comes from experiencing the various aspects of the intimate and sexual relationship.

Some of those benefits result in the fulfillment of natural human desires, even if done wrongfully; but, some of those so-called benefits have been conditioned into your thinking against your will by the wrongful influences of the secular materialist society that exists outside the Muslim Ummah. If you ever find yourself experiencing envy of the ‘freedom’ and the lifestyle of the American teens as portrayed in the media please ask yourself this question and answer it honestly. “Who do you think is better equipped to make decisions about what is a right way to live, the average American teen who has never even heard of Allah and Islam, or you who are a Muslim teen who has been Blessed with the opportunity to at least know of Allah’s existence and to understand a little bit about the Islam He gave us as the right way of life? If you don’t know that you are much better qualified than the average godless, pleasure seeking American teen to know right from wrong then you had better start using that wonderful brain Allah put in your head a little better.

The Real Price of a Kiss

Now let me list some of the costs of those early intimate and sometimes sexual relationships experienced before you are married and it all becomes lawful to you. The list might seem a bit long, but that’s because the costs are many. Be honest in your judgment as you read of these costs and see if I am being fair and truthful with you in all that I say. I will be presenting the costs of relationships that have gone as far as full sexual behaviour, but even if you haven’t gone that far, which I pray you haven’t, many of these costs must be paid for the relationship whether there was sex or not. These costs are not being presented in any particular order I am just trying to make sure I don’t miss any costs because I do not want you, my very dear young Muslim brothers and sisters, to have to suffer the consequences of paying so much more in the future than you ever expected to pay for taking some forbidden but temporary pleasure now.

We will start with one of the really ugly costs, disease. Promiscuity (sleeping around) can lead to a wide range of very nasty diseases. The effects of these diseases can go from simple pain and discomfort, to disfigurement, to other lifelong diseases such as cancer, to the inability to have children, and even to painful lingering death. For example, did you know that females who have slept with three or more people over a lifetime are 15 times more likely to get cervical cancer than those who didn’t? Weigh these facts highly as you make decisions about relationships before marriage.

Another cost is divorce. In Islam it is expected a married couple will stay married forever and enjoy their family life till they die. This is the way Allah wants it to be for our greatest happiness. The reality is that couples who engage in sex before marriage are many times more likely to divorce.

This is a sad cost, adultery. The more relationships you have before marriage, the more likely you are to commit adultery after marriage, and so is the person you marry. No good marriage can tolerate adultery, adultery is certain to cause great unhappiness to the married couple and to destroy the good family life necessary for the development of a right society. But, isn't it logical that if you don't follow the rules about having sex before marriage that you are not very likely to follow the rules about having sex after marriage.

Many young Muslim girls never expected such things as unwed motherhood, unwanted children, and abortion to enter their lives, but those terrible things do sometimes happen when you have wrong relationships; they happen much more often than anyone wants to admit. Unwed pregnancy, how would you like to tell your parents about this one? Even worse, you would be bringing a child into the world and this child may be very unwanted, are you going to be able to care for this child and the sacred soul Allah has placed within that child? Or what about an abortion, not only is that likely to be committing a great sin, but you would be killing a new human being growing within you. Does it make you feel sad to think about this? It makes me sad.

Here are some depressing statistics about suicide. Sexually active boys are more than twice as likely to have depression and almost ten times more likely to attempt suicide than boys who wait until marriage. Teenage girls who have premarital sex are three times more likely to have depression than girls who aren't sexually active. Also, teenage girls who are sexually active are about three times more likely to attempt suicide than those who aren't sexually active. See what I mean about being depressing?

You could end up being a (well I won’t say that word), let’s just say you could end up being very promiscuous. What did you expect? The decision to have sex the first time is probably the hardest, but once you have done it I’m sure it must get easier to do the second time, and third, and forth, and so on until you are no longer counting. Oh please don’t get to that point. By the way, know for sure what I am saying here applies to boys just as much as to girls. Islam is about equality and boys and girls are most definitely equally responsible to keep themselves away from wrong relationships and pure for marriage.

So you only did it because you were totally sure you were going to marry him or her, so why wait. Too bad; statistics show people who have sex with each other before marriage usually don’t end up marrying each other.

Some people believe that you have to have lots of practice to get good at sex and if you are not already good at sex before you marry you will have a second rate love life when married. Well, contrary to that popular belief, studies show those who do choose to wait for sex until marriage are not doomed to a second-class sex life at all. Instead they usually have significantly higher levels of sexual satisfaction and marital contentment. I guess nothing is so romantic and erotic as having a marriage partner who has never experienced those most intimate moments with anyone but you. Seems reasonable to me!

Some people say sex isn’t really a big deal; people just make a big deal about it. They would say that having a ‘wrong’ sexual relationship isn’t a very wrong thing to do, if wrong at all it is just a tiny wrong. Well personally I trust the word of Allah not the opinion of some teen boy or girl with highly active hormones affecting their judgment. This is what Allah has to say about fornication (the technically correct name for illegal sexual intercourse).

“Those who invoke not, with Allah, any other god, nor slay such life as God has made sacred, except for just cause, nor commit fornication; and any that does this (not only) meets punishment (but) the Penalty on the Day of Judgment will be doubled to him, and he will dwell therein in ignominy.”
(Al-Furqan, 25:68-69).
In this verse from the Qur’an, the sin of fornication is given its seriousness by being ranked as follows: the most major sin of all is associating partners with Allah Most High (shirk); the second most major sin is murder; and the third most major sin is fornication. And if you are interested in what Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) had to say about fornication we have this, “The one who commits illegal sexual intercourse is not a believer at the time of committing illegal sexual intercourse.” I would say wrong sexual intercourse is not some small wrong, but is actually a very, very major wrong. Don’t forget, the crime of zina (illegal sexual intercourse) is one of the very few offences that Allah has considered so important that He has prescribed a specific punishment, in this case it was, and still is, one hundred strokes of the cane.

Then there are those who want to say sex can’t be wrong because it is so much fun, and anything that is as much fun as sex couldn’t possibly be wrong. Well, I have to say that fun is most definitely not a good measure of what is right or wrong. Do you think that shaitan (Satan) is going to try to lead you away from the path of goodness and right by offering only things you don’t like? No, of course he is going to make going against the Will of Allah seem like fun. Shaitan tries to prevent people from knowing and accepting Allah’s truth and gaining eternity in Paradise by distracting them with sin that is fun. For those who are Muslim, he will attempt to turn them away from Allah. One method shaitan uses quite successfully is to make people feel unworthy because of the sin they committed to have fun. Once you feel unworthy of Allah it is much easier to turn away from Him.

There are still others who want to claim sex can’t be wrong because it is natural (and of course sex is natural, but for humans only when done rightly, which means in the beautiful marriage relationship). To prove that all sex is natural, they give examples of wild animals, like monkeys, who have all kinds of sex all over the place with no inhibitions. They attempt to degrade human beings to the level of wild animals, and then justify their deeds by finding examples of free sexual behaviour in the animal world. They are, in the Qur'anic expression, "like cattle, nay they are more astray; they are the heedless ones." (Al A’araf 7: 179).One of the purposes of Islam is to establish that we are not animals, and to put us on the right path so that we will not behave like animals. This certainly weakens the “all sex is natural because animals do it” argument. And, wouldn’t you rather act like a God-centered, spiritual human being than an animal? I know I would.

Sometimes young Muslims, who sincerely do not intend to stray from the right path as far as having a sexual relationship, justify their boyfriend/girlfriend relationships by this noble intention of abstinence. Unfortunately studies have shown that the more time a couple spends alone together, the more likely they are to wind up in bed! And that is true even if they begin with the firmest intention of abstinence. Best not to believe you can resist temptation if you are given too much opportunity.

Do you think you can be involved in a wrong boy and girl relationship, particularly if it includes sex, and keep being a good Muslim? Can you pray and fast with sincerity and carry on an unlawful sexual relationship? I think that might not be possible. Going against the Will of Allah in a matter so important as sex means that you will be more likely to go against the Will of Allah in other matters also, possibly eventually leaving Islam. How terrible for your life, how terrible for the whole Muslim Ummah, we could possibly lose the benefits of Islam for the whole world just because some could not wait for the pleasures of sex until it is made right for them after marriage. What a huge price to pay.

Then of course there is the price you could end up paying for eternity. What if on Judgment Day the price you must pay for your wrong relationships and unlawful sexual behaviour is that you are sent to Hellfire instead of to Paradise? Some young Muslims give little thought to Judgment Day, but we know Judgment Day is certain and everything will happen exactly the way we have been told by Allah through revelation. Consider how you would feel then. It would indeed be an awesome mistake to not take this possibility with all the necessary seriousness.

This list could go on forever so I will make this the last, but it involves something so very special, so very precious, that even without all the other costs this one alone makes wrong relationships between boys and girls, young men and young women, far too high a price to pay. This cost involves the relationship between husband and wife in marriage. InshaAllah, you will be married for a very long time and of course you want that married relationship to be very special and very wonderful in every way. But the reality is that any relationships you have with members of the opposite sex before marriage chip away some of what should make the relationship between husband and wife so exquisitely special. Allah wanted to make the marriage relationship so very special that married couples would care so deeply for each other that neither partner would ever want to stray through adultery or separate through divorce. It should be the most wonderful worldly relationship possible. The more a married couple has to share exclusively between themselves, the more special and unique the relationship, in particular the sexual relationship, in a marriage becomes. So the reason that relationships before marriage make your husband or wife less special to you is that to some degree whatever has been done with others before makes your marriage partner just one more in the line of persons who have shared that part of the relationship with you which should have been held as a trust for the one you marry. By not waiting for that special moment when you first marry you make that special moment no longer special. This is true of all aspects of relationships before marriage, but it is of particular importance for that most special of all parts of the marriage relationship, the sexual part. Sex is a precious gift from Allah. This gift can only be given away for the first time once. Wouldn't this be a great gift for that one person who will be with you for the rest of your life?

I hope from this discussion of boy-girl relationships before marriage you are now better able to weigh what you get objectively against how much you have to give. Be honest with yourself, can you really say it is worth it? It seems the benefits of waiting until marriage are so great that no other possible choice should be possible.

Beyond the Limits – Allah’s Mercy Awaits You

Because some of you who read this may have already gone beyond what is right in Islam, I don’t want to scare you into believing that now you have no chance at all for a happy, successful marriage. A good marriage is still possible, but sadly, less likely. So if you have already lost the opportunity to make your marriage the most special it could possibly be by waiting to partake in the rights of marriage, then you should immediately begin doing what ever you can to make your chances for a successful marriage as good as possible. You should of course, no matter what has happened so far, repent sincerely to Allah, and promise Him and yourself with total sincerity that you will do all you can from this point on to steal no more from the ‘special’ nature of your future marriage. And, you should be prepared after marriage to treat the one you marry with an extra degree of love, tenderness, and kindness far beyond anything you have ever experienced before.

Please know that I have absolutely no doubt that the limits of boy-girl relationships before marriage set by Allah are correct and offer by far the best way to ensure a happy and successful marriage. But, I understand very well the pressures of the modern world, and pressures from peers, upon young Muslims, so I am going to do something I wish I did not have to do. I am going to suggest, for those who for whatever reason can not or will not follow the way of life Allah has made lawful for you, an alternative that, while not right, will still protect you and your future marriage from the most severe effects of the harm that could come from wrong relationships.

First let me suggest a common pattern of how boy-girl relationships can get started and how they can go so wrong. In almost everything we do we don’t jump right in at the final behaviour in its fullness, we move in a series of small steps. Possible likely steps in the development of a wrong relationship could be as follows: you see someone of the opposite sex at school that you feel some attraction to; one day you smile at that person; next you might say hello to the one you like; then you might start talking regularly with that person; then you might let the person know you like them; then you might become good friends; then you might become sort of a couple; then you might arrange a date; then you might become boyfriend and girlfriend; then you might arrange to meet alone somewhere; you might hold hands; you might hug and kiss; the kissing might become more intimate; there might be some wrong touching, sexual but not yet intercourse; then you might end up going all the way to illegal sexual intercourse; then you might do it again and again, maybe changing partners; then you might begin to suffer the most harmful of consequences. It makes me very sad to think this could happen to any of my very dear young Muslim brothers and sisters, but I am sure you know it is happening to some.

I really badly don’t want your lives ruined by this increasingly common pattern of behaviours that lead to the most wrong of boy-girl relationships. So I offer the following as a suggestion to those who for whatever reason choose not to live according to the Will of Allah. To those wonderful young Muslims who have been, and are, able to follow rightly the commands of Allah I am indeed most pleased and may Allah give you extra Blessings. You do not need what I am about to suggest, just continue to live Islam in its purest form.

A Dangerous Suggestion

For those who still choose to stray from Allah’s commands, I say this to you; take some of the pleasure of the boy-girl relationship, but do not take so much that it harms you in the worst ways. To do this you have to set some limit as to how far you will go in the wrong boy-girl relationship. As I look at the likely steps in the progression of relationships I see that there is a natural point where the risk of harm, particularly leading to the greatest harm, becomes clear. In that progressive sequence in the development of wrong relationships the point where you become at risk of greatest harm is when you agree to meet and be alone. Remember earlier in this discussion, “studies have shown that the more time a couple spends alone together, the more likely they are to wind up in bed.”

What I am suggesting is that if you cannot or are not willing to do what is right and best then at least keep to a limit that will minimize the harm to you and to your future marriage. If you set the absolute limit at only those parts of the boy-girl relationship that can take place if you are never ever to be alone together you can still have quite a bit of the fun and pleasure of having as a friend a member of the opposite sex you like a lot, talking to them, and even being some sort of couple. Actually this is a lot. The fact that many of our wonderful young Muslims, who have friendships with a member of the opposite sex, do sincerely have the intention of abstinence makes the commitment to never be alone together all the more likely to be effective. Still you are stealing some part of what is special and should ideally be held only until after marriage, but you are retaining the most intimately precious parts until they can be experienced rightly with the one you marry.

Remember, this can only work if that limit of never being alone together is totally absolute. To make sure this limit is never passed it must be understood that no person in the relationship would ever even suggest in any manner at all to the other that they should meet in a way that allows them to be alone together. Make sure right from the beginning that the person you like understands how strongly you feel about this matter, and that they feel the same. If your friend were even to suggest meeting alone this should be sufficient evidence that the person you liked is not a right person to have a relationship with; and, you should be completely willing to end a relationship with anyone who would care so little about harming you and your whole future just to satisfy their selfish needs. For this plan to work it is critical that the Ummah around you, your Muslim peers, feel so deeply concerned about this matter that they would not only look very unfavourably on those who chose to be alone together, but also on anyone who would even suggest being alone together. This has to become an unbreakably strong social taboo. All must understand that, “No, it is NOT cool!”

What I have suggested is clearly not right according to Islam, but I feel the circumstances of today’s world require me to offer you an alternative that is outside the limits of Allah’s command. I do this in hopes that by offering this alternative to a greater wrong you can be protected against the greatest harm, and that this can be an early step in the progression toward a future Muslim Ummah where no alternatives are needed and ALL young Muslims fully follow Islam, the way of life made right for us by Allah. So if you decide against the command of Allah to still have a boyfriend or girlfriend but never ever be alone together don’t do it thinking what you are doing is right, do it knowing what you are doing is still wrong; and, plan to do what is the right Islamic way as soon as your iman (faith and pious desire to do what is right) is ready for that change. Do it only because you know a small harm is better than a great harm, while no harm at all is always the very best.

The Path to Paradise?

Because feelings of love and desire are so strong more acknowledgement must be given to the powerful need to be part of a couple that is being felt by both young Muslim boys and girls. No one should doubt that these feelings are very real and completely natural; by natural I mean Allah has placed those feelings within all human beings. Allah has prepared boys and girls both physically and mentally to be ready to bond as a permanent couple through marriage with a member of the opposite sex at quite a young age. That age is probably about 16-18 years old.

Please do not misunderstand, I am not by any means saying that all or even most young Muslims who fall into that young age range are emotionally ready for marriage. I am saying that under the right circumstances virtually all could be ready; but, in today’s world I would say very few are actually emotionally ready. This presents a significant problem for young Muslims because in most nations of the developed world, and increasingly in the developing world, the average age for marriage has now become about 25-30 years old. This means that after Allah has prepared you for love and marriage you might have to wait another ten or fifteen more years to partake of those most wonderful pleasures.

Waiting ten or more years after you have been made ready for a loving relationship with a member of the opposite sex to finally experience that relationship is an awesome task to contemplate. This alone might be one of the many reasons some young Muslims today are finding it so difficult to obey the limits placed by Allah and end up in boy-girl relationships beyond that which is known to be right. How hard it must be in today’s pleasure oriented world to live conscientiously by what Allah has said is right for all those years while feeling the powerful natural desires for love He has placed within you. This effort would be made even more difficult by knowing that many of the world’s non-Muslim youth are uncaringly partaking of these pleasures, and even some of your Muslim friends and peers might have boyfriends and girlfriends.

Young Muslims for over a thousand years had been able to resist the temptations of a relationship with the opposite sex beyond the limits set by Allah. To understand why that was so we must understand how all aspects of human consciousness and behaviour are conditioned by the influences of the environment we grow up in. In the past the temptation of a loving relationship with a member of the opposite sex before marriage, while still alluring, was combined with a wide range of very powerful social influences almost invariably saying that to have any relationship with a member of the opposite sex outside of marriage was so terribly and intolerably wrong that it would be virtually inconceivable to do such a thing. In today’s increasingly Godless world the temptation of a loving relationship with a member of the opposite sex before marriage has virtually none of those very powerful social influences saying that to have any relationship with a member of the opposite sex outside of marriage is terribly and intolerably wrong, but today’s secular world does provide an untold number of seemingly plausible reasons, justifications, and inducements encouraging young Muslims to indulge in just such wrongful boy-girl relationships.

Given these are the realities our dear Muslim youth face today I am going to make one more suggestion that could help keep the wondrously beautiful institution of marriage pure and innocent as Allah intended. I am relieved to say that this suggestion is well within the limits placed by Allah, although it is not within the prevailing cultural practices of the modern world. Since Allah has prepared young Muslims for love and marriage at a very young age, and for much of the history of Islam marriage has taken place at a young age, maybe we should return to that practice today. If Allah prepares us for marriage at a young age doesn’t it seem right we should marry at a young age? If young Muslims only had to wait a year or two after the time that Allah prepared them mentally and physically for marriage, rather than to wait the seemingly interminable ten to fifteen years that modern culture dictates, might not virtually all Muslim youth be willing and able to restrain themselves from coupling until that intimate love is made right for them by marriage?

My dear young Muslim brothers and sisters, upon reading this suggestion please do not rush out planning to get married at a very tender age. To make early marriage work will be no easy task. At the time when Muslims married at a young age we had a much more right Islamic society for those marriages to flourish in. The social conditions and influences in today’s world are definitely aligned against successful young marriage. If we wish to reintroduce marriage at an early age for young Muslims we must do everything we can to ensure a society conducive to making those youthful marriages successful.

Making the Impossible Possible

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could resolve the problem of young Muslims straying from what Allah has allowed in relationships with the opposite sex by simply reintroducing youthful marriage, which has traditionally been accepted within Islam? I have thought long and hard over this matter and I have not been able to come up with any other viable solution to the multifaceted problem of Muslim youth disobeying the command of Allah to participate in wrongful relationships with the opposite sex other than reinstituting early marriage as the norm within our ummah.

If we are going to suggest early marriage as the solution to the relationship difficulties facing Muslim youth then we must do everything within our power to help ensure the success of those early marriages. I see two important hurdles which must be overcome in order to give early Muslim marriages any real chance for success. There will be other difficulties to be sure, but if we can find a solution for these two then we will be well on our way toward making happy and successful early marriage among Muslim youth an achievable accomplishment. The first prerequisite for success will be to find some way to make sure that young Muslims make the right choice of a marriage partner. The second precondition for success would be to find some way to make sure that the young Muslim married couples do not succumb to the tremendous burden of financial stress during those delightful but fragile beginning stages of married life.

We must get over the widely accepted idea that so-called ‘love marriages’ are somehow more desirable than marriages arranged for good Islamic purposes. That is a completely untrue belief that has been wrongly conditioned into the minds of many young Muslims by the powerful influences of a Godless decadent culture. Young Muslims must come to realize the full meaning and deep truths behind the much repeated cliché, ‘love is blind’. Most young Muslims would have no idea at all how incredibly and exceedingly blind love can be. When the heart experiences love the eyes and the mind can become totally oblivious to the most obvious of faults.

Although arranged marriages have recently fallen well out of fashion, they really did have a lot going for them. There is no question of the reality that arranged marriages have generally been happier, more successful, and long lasting. There are many logical reasons for this. First and foremost among the reasons is the obvious fact that parents will have a much more objective perception of the overall suitability of the prospective marriage partner for their son or daughter. Even if modern Muslim youth do not want to give their parents complete responsibility for choosing a good marriage partner for them, they should at least have a wholehearted acceptance of the fact that they must never marry the person they choose for themselves without the unqualified approval of their parents. To refuse their parents full right of approval would indeed be to court disaster.

The other crucially important circumstance that must be taken into consideration is the financial situation. In many cases youth in their late teens will either be going on for further education or they will not be able to have access to employment that provides sufficiently for the financial needs of the young married couple. It is only right if we want to successfully reintroduce marriage at a young age that Muslim parents, relatives, and Islamic society all be prepared with a generous, loving heart to help the young married couples financially to the degree that money never becomes a hindrance to a happy and successful marriage.

If done rightly and with sincerity the return to youthful marriage within our Muslim Ummah could provide other benefits besides helping to ensure right relationships and loving marriage for future generations. It could help reinforce the traditionally strong Muslim family relationships as generations work together helping their children have happy and successful marriages. It could vastly increase the feeling of love and appreciation by Muslim youth for their parents and their extended family relationships. It could bring the attention of our ummah to the fact that the original practices of Islamic life according to the limits set by Allah are indeed still the very best way to live, even in the hectic modern world. It might motivate our Muslim Ummah to work ever harder to help transform the very wrong society of today's world into a much more right Islamic society as we attempt to provide the best possible social environment that can nurture our most dear Muslim youth as they strive to have happy and successful Islamic marriages. And importantly, it could help protect young Muslims, during the often perilous university years, from harmful social influence and participation in wrong activities, and at the same time it would likely focus their minds more fully on their studies, their family, and their future.

All’s Well That Ends Well

It is my prayer that in this short, but reasonably insightful, discussion of boy-girl relationships, sexual behaviour, and marriage that I have been able to help you make right decisions in this most important area of your life. Please do not ever do something that can hurt you in a way that you can never fully recover from. I love all of you and care about all of you so very much that any harm that comes to you or your life hurts me also. You very dear young Muslims are the future of the Ummah; you are the future of Islam in our world. By following Allah’s commands you can now help ensure a wonderful married life for yourself and your future family, and at the same time you can be part of a new generation of Muslims who refuse the worldly influences that take so many from the beauty and rightness of Islam and do your part to make right all the wrongs of the world. The world of the future can be a virtual Paradise on Earth. This is the destiny offered us by Allah.

Prof. Dr. Muhammad al’Mahdi
(December, 2005 – revised January, 2006)

WOMEN AND THE MODERN SOCIETY

2008-11-30T05:48:00.000-08:00

During the pre-Islamic era women were treated like animals and household goods. Unfortunately today the modern world has ushered in a second period of ignorance in which, in its attempt to rectify the folly of the pre-Islamic times.

Some of the ill effects created by removing women from under the guardianship and authority of men:

a) The respect for women has been lost.
b) Marked increase in the divorce rate.
c) Neglect of children.
d) Children are not being educated and trained in an Islamic way.
e) Jobs of male personnel being taken by females, resulting in the increase of unemployment.
f) Increase in the instances of rape.
g) The rise in the unemployment amongst males leads to loafing idleness which encourages alcoholism, drug abuse, rape, murder, robbery and a host of other social evils.

All this in the name of liberation.

Nowadays, there are some misguiding and misleading notions regarding the status of the rank of women in Islam. This information is given by people who consider women in Islam to be prisoners and someone who has no rights and is always under the domination of man. The importance given to a woman can be deduced from the following Hadith:

WHAT QURAN HAS REVEALED REGARDING WOMEN

2008-11-30T05:47:00.000-08:00

Allah states in the Qur’ân: “And stay in your houses and do not display yourselves like that of the time of ignorance.”
(Surah Ahzab)

And at another place: “And tell the believing women to lower their gazes (from forbidden things) and protect their private parts and not to show off their adornments only that which is apparent.”
(Surah Nur)

In Surah Baqarah Allah has declared: “And the men have superiority over the women.” In other words, men are their guardian governors. The difference could be likened to the necessity of appointing a captain in a football team, where the captain is subjected to the same rules and privileges of his teammates. But a greater responsibility and a higher rank have been conferred upon him in order to maintain a proper system for the smooth running of the team.

PARENT'S UPBRINGING OF A CHILD

2008-11-30T05:46:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately, nowadays, the parents themselves encourage their young daughters to go and earn their own livelihood and when things go wrong they question themselves as to how the situation came about. They will cry for months on end little knowing that they themselves sent their daughters to the fire.

DEPRIVING WOMEN

2008-11-30T05:44:00.000-08:00

To deprive a woman of her rights is undoubtedly a severe oppression, which Islam has wiped out by means of very just and moderate laws. The so-called lifestyle of women is also a form of injustice to give them a free right depriving them of the guided authority of men and making them equally responsible to pursue their own livelihood to lead them to their destruction.

THE PROPHET(SAW) REGARDING WOMEN

2008-11-30T05:43:00.000-08:00

May our lives be sacrificed for that mercy unto mankind the Prophet Muhammad and the religion of truth which he brought and which opened the eyes of the World. He , with divine guidance taught mankind the real value of humanity. From the swarm of darkness and polytheism into the paradise of light and monotheism.

He enforced justice, making it obligatory for men to fulfill the rights of women. Just as it is necessary for them to fulfill the right of men. He freed women from the slavery of man. A woman was granted the ownership of her life and property. Thus, no man not even a father or a grand father could force a mature woman to marry against her wishes and desires, nor without her consent.

No person has the right to use her wealth without her permission. Just as males are entitled to their share in the estate of their relatives, females also have their own rights. To spend upon ones wife and to keep them happy within the boundaries of Islam is regarded as an act of worship. The blessed Prophet has stated:

“To have intercourse with ones wife is charity and a means of reward ". The Sahabah ? inquired. “O’ Prophet ? is there a reward for fulfilling your desires also?” The Holy Prophet replied, “Had he fulfilled his desires in the wrong place would he not have sinned?” The Sahabah answered “Yes.” So the Prophet then said, “In order to safeguard oneself from sin one will undoubtedly attain reward.”