MY GAL

Sex, drugs and magick

noreply@blogger.com (My Gal) — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 05:41:00 +0000

The Cub was conceived during a very successful Sex Magick Operation. His being here is a continuation of that operation. So far it has been a year and counting. Right after the Cub was born I started to get really bizarre and exquisitely painful eye pain. Traditionally unsealed energy comes right back in my right eye and this feels like the world is imploding on my iris. It has been a real challenge trying to keep up with my now exquisitely busy life. As of yet they have not determined the ultimate cause but have me on some breastfeeding safe medications. They do, however, knock me right out of my normal state.

Many years ago I was in the hospital and on morphine for the better part of a week. At that time I TRIED to do an LBRP. My brain was so fried that I determined that there was no way that any form of drugs would EVER play into my magickal work. I literally got LOST in a Q-Cross.

Yesterday, my right eye developed a blurred circle in the middle of my vision. It resembled how people look in ritual when they take on Godform. You can see them, just no details. It was fairly scary in all honesty. I came home and took the meds - a lot of them.

Well last night I was forced to eat my words. I finally found how mind altering substances can help you get out of your own way. Because of the meds/ drugs my normal mental defense mechanisms, were effectively on vacation. When my mind started to look at an issue that I had dragged around from a previous relationship and into the current one, I was able to look at it honestly. I was able to admit that my insecurity existed - which has been a huge step in and of itself. And then I was able to verbalize it to Tiger - sans ego and sans excuses.

A funny thing happened as I verbalized it, it lead to more Socratic reasoning. So as one honest question lead to another, I realized that the issue I had been dragging with me was not mine originally. One partners issue could not be dealt with by me and so I created my own issue to try to control it - as a REASON for their issue that predated me. Since I could not fix their issue I was out of control and that was far more scary than packing up an issue. If they did not like ice cream, then surely it was because they did not like MY ice cream. There must be something wrong with MY ice cream - otherwise they would like it. It is a nasty loop and the mind is a very strange thing.

As I babbled on honestly through the process to Tiger, I actually felt the issue be released. I immediately felt my heart lighter as I just let that go. When I woke up this morning I felt much better and my heart is starting to heal.

So while I am not advocating anyone start a heroin habit to cure a hangnail, I can now see the point. If used as a tool, this could be incredibly effective. I just think that you can reproduce these results without the drugs once you know the way. The risk is of course addiction and that would be counterproductive to the cause of freedom. Freeing yourself from your issues by placing your neck in a yoke is a tactical error.

LMD describes magick as the art of changing yourself. Last night a GREAT deal of magick was accomplished and insights were made.

Peace to us all and good night!

Hamster Kicks - quick note

noreply@blogger.com (My Gal) — Sat, 23 Jul 2011 05:57:00 +0000

While motherhood has been all consuming for a few months, the pull back into my magickal roots has began in earnest. The other night while rocking the Cub though a glorious bout of teething, I got the not-so-bright-idea to do an LBRP since energy puts him to sleep.

As I began to vibrate the Q-cross, he sat straight up and looked at me. It was not the look of an infant. It was an old Adept staring back as if I had just really stepped in it. The look on his face was a very distinctive "What in the hell do you think you are doing?"

Suddenly I was being scolded simulantously by the Cub and the Hamster.

The Hamster just sternly stated/ questioned "Do you really think that is a good precendent to set? Do you remember how much fun it was to overcome that when you first started?"

(Slight back story... my aunt used to put me to sleep by mediatating. It took me years before I did not just fall right to sleep after most magickal operations.)

So while I know that I gave birth to the Cub, I suspect that he is a very old soul. I suppose that only time will tell!

The St. Pattys Day Cubbie and Thank Yous!

noreply@blogger.com (My Gal) — Sun, 10 Apr 2011 22:41:00 +0000

The Cub arrived on St. Patty's day at 11:03 PM. He is my 9 pound 10 ounce preemie, since he was born at 37 weeks. Yes my friends that makes him a Pisces just like Mommy and brings the count to 4 water signs and an air sign in the house. Pray for the Aquarian Tiger, he will need it. Even the cat is a Pisces...

Pardon the disjointed nature of the post, sleep deprivation is well upon me!

After a challenging pregnancy and a difficult labor, I am pleased report that the cub is healthy and HUGE! While my plan was for an all natural delivery, I was pleased after all of the complications for some assistance from modern medicine. I am also most thankful for all of the magickal assistance from the Cabal and various glorious mentors. The fact that it went as well as it did is in and of itself a magickal act. Thank you one and all for your well wishes and work on our behalf!

As I look at him sleeping next to me, I realize that there is an amnesia that goes with birth or we would all be only children. On this the Third Day of the Book of the Law, I am also most pleased to have a happy healthy baby Horus sleeping next me.

While both the Tiger and I were bald until we were well past the age of 1, the Cub came out with a gloriously thick head of blond (which we thought was red due to a well placed bit of blood) hair. Despite the concerns over his heart, he came out wailing and left no question as to his lung capacity. After careful examination, they could find no sign of the heart issues. Again, there is a magickal touch there and I thank any and all involved.

After 5 days in the hospital I was well enough to get sprung from the hospital we never looked back.

Right after he was born I looked him in the eye and asked him "Who are you?" and I swear to you he smirked. I am not sure what Pisces hedonist decided to take another ride on the material plane, but this will be an ADVENTURE!

HCOMA, Babalon and the Blood of the Saints

noreply@blogger.com (My Gal) — Fri, 04 Feb 2011 11:26:00 +0000

It is 3am, so please bear with me...

The Lust card is near and dear to my heart for a number of reasons. Most of which have nothing to do directly with sex. I had several years to study the proof of this card in all of it's first print 8 plate glory. Last weekend I finally understood it.

The Cub is having issues and I dragged my Tiger down to Venice Beach to talk to HCOMA. She (your mileage may vary) is the Enochian angel in charge of all things fluid. I am talking about a really cosmic flowing sense, not just water. Over the years we have developed a lovely relationship and the beach has always provided a clear place to chat.

As I waddled down to the beach by myself ( quite a sight in and of itself) HCOMA was literally omnipresent. My goal was to work with her to bring about some healing for the Cub. It was old mother magick at it's simplest and finest. Since that 200 yard trip took a while, an interesting download of elemental forces in balance was downloaded. Everything about that area was flowing: the very wet sea air, the sand under my feet and even the marine layer of rain clouds above me. I was in the right place and she was EVERYWHERE.

And then something unexpected happened. Babalon showed up.

It was as if a pantheon of Great Ladies filed in behind me in an amphitheater to watch the show of the ocean. Normally I would have been disconcerted by several of the Great Ladies just showing up unannounced, but somehow it was I who crashed the party. I stepped into a current without recognizing that I was there.

At an earlier time during the Gnostic Mass Babalon had admonished me not to work with her energies because they were destructive to me at this point. So her appearance made me a bit uneasy. She then stepped forward and explained her earlier advice. She told me at this point in my life her energies could be akin to lack of self preservation that a mother feels for her child. We would die for them without question, but that is not conducive to their life before they are born. We are a unit for the duration and my self preservation instincts must be tiptop or I will injure the Cub. Then I got a flash of the Lust Card and the line from the Gnostic Mass about "admonishing the Great Sea". Then she went on to explain that her energies could be considered akin to orgasm and that it is self destructive in its completion.

In the Gnostic Mass there is a part where the deacon is reading from the Saints list to help get the priest into a spiritually erect state. The list is a list of male Gnostic Saints. They are what make up this spiritual erection. Suddenly spirituality and biology collided and I finally got it. The blood of the saints that she is drunk on has nothing to do with human sacrifice, it has everything to do with how humans get erections. Sometimes I can be rather dense.

I smiled and as the thought percolated in my consciousness, she stood back in the line of Great Ladies.

As I reached the waters edge, I was struck by how LOUD HCOMA was there. As I prepared my sigils and prayers, something odd happened. The planetary sigil for Jupiter that I was going to use, completely blanked out of my mind. Now mind you this is a sigil that I have constructed literally hundreds of times and I have a photographic memory. At this point I realized that this was a hamster kick to pursue another avenue. I pondered for a moment and constructed another sigil for the sand. As I completed the sigils and waited for the ocean to wash way my prayer, I noticed a series of what looked like small out outcroppings of seaweed. When I reached down to unearth one, I noticed that they were not seaweed but closed and living bivalves. They were ocean muscles. I laughed loud enough that even the sea gulls were frightened. This related directly to some of the Cubs issues and I took this as a wonderful sign of confirmation that my prayers had been accepted.

It is a very tightly woven tapestry indeed.

As I wadded into the water a bit, I was instructed to take a few particular shells to place back on my altar. Normally, I would leave the shells where they were but this was low tide and specific instructions. They were a larger half shell and smaller half shell.

Yesterday I went in to the doctor for follow up tests. While the original issue is still there, it does not appear to be impacting the Cub in the least. He is big for his age and feisty. This is how magickal healing has traditionally worked for me. The outward appearances are still there but they present no issues.

So mote it be.

Pardon me you are stepping on my True Will

noreply@blogger.com (My Gal) — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 05:10:00 +0000

Many moons ago Lon gave a class as a precursor to the second Gnostic Mass workshop. It was a class given at Notocon years before and I think that the contents are worth repeating.

The unofficial title was "how to tell those 'above you' in the Order how to Fuck Off!" He told stories of his own magickal path and how a few well meaning but misguided souls tried to tell him what his True Will was. Needless to say this sort of overstepping, no matter how well intentioned, needs to be addressed. The message of the class was clear, no one but you knows what your True Will is and everyone else just needs to back it off. He reminded us that card of the Aeon has a child with a finger in the sign of silence. Sometimes the best Fuck Off! is indeed silence and withdrawal from the situation.

At the time of the class we all practiced saying "Fuck off!" a multitude of times. At the time I thought that this was well meaning but silly. I mean no one I had run into came anywhere near this.

Please fast forward to a few months ago. My universal landscaped has changed and I finally found someone who made this class necessary. While the details are not important the underlying message definitely is true.

If I had not had that class lo those many years ago, I might have been more hesitant to act. But as it was, I knew that there was a precedent and that the Hamster was right.

Large groups always have some large egos attached. No matter what their intent, when people overstep their bounds we have to have the ovum to tell them Fuck Off!

As it was the ergregore worked itself out neatly and all is well.

So for anyone who needs this message, just remember no one knows your True Will but you. If well meaning but over reaching egos are trying to tell you what your True Will is, please feel free to use either the silent withdrawal or the Fuck You method of self expression. Don't worry you have my permission and you have lots of precedent:)

Peace be with us all!

The Work of the Empress Part II - Cakes of Light the Great Flour Debate

noreply@blogger.com (My Gal) — Sun, 16 Jan 2011 15:33:00 +0000

As I prepared to make the Cakes of Light one of the questions that was raised was what type of flour to use. Local flavor has often used Kamut but I had heard that Amaranth flour was actually recommended in some of the older text. After some research I realized that both could be found locally at the Wholefoods store here. As a scientist my journey became clear. Some alchemical experiments were in my future.

The Good Priest made the journey to the store with me most willingly. Getting an incredible cook to venture into a fine grocery store is NEVER hard. After some serious searching we found several packages of preground flour. For the record they also carry the grain in bulk and whole. Winnowing and grinding all day for 2 ounces of flour did not seem like a good idea. So I paid the steep prices for both and moved on.

Saturday morning I was motivated by the Hamster to get my ass out of bed and get to work. He was just not subtle. I found the online recipe again and decided to split the 1.5 cups of flour into 3 options. The first option was 100% Kamut, the second 50/50 and the third 100% Amaranth. I did check to make sure that I could split the tablespoons into thirds and found that 1 tablespoon equals 3 teaspoons. This was MOST helpful.

The recipe I used was found at hermetic.com under egc. I tried to post a link but as usually technology just does not work for me.

Suddenly my countertop was a mini lab and my inner geek was just doing cartwheels. I set up the experiments just as I would any other wet chem lab.

I chose to start with the dry flours and then make a small hole in the center for the wet ingredients. I started with the leavings and noted how they resembled blood I had collected for other alchemical purposes. Next I added the extra virgin olive oil and it seemed to just float on top of the flour and not combine readily. Next I added the honey ( I chose clover as it is MY favorite) and it went through the oil and sat directly on the flour. Finally I added 2 drops of Abramelin oil into the whole mix.

I preheated the oven to 300 degrees and decided to start with the 100% Kamut.

I grabbed the measuring spoon I was using and began to stir and fold the mixture together. The first thing that I noticed was that the Kamut was course. Not just in texture, but there was something very unrefined about it. The leavings stained only the flour that it originally touched and became impossible to fold in to the rest of the mixture without streaking. While interesting, it was not the result I was hoping for. After getting it to a doughy consistency I kneaded it with my hands. Again it was rough and course.

I grabbed some wax paper and my trusty rolling pin. I broke off a piece and attempted to roll it out to a thickness of about 1/8 inch. What a mess. I ended up flouring the wax paper and putting oil on the rolling pin, otherwise this was an impossible task. The dough would not roll out as thin as I would have liked but it eventually got to flat. I found a large oil lid and used to it cut out the cakes. I then pressed my unicursal hexagram from my Thelemic Rosary into the cakes. Trying to move the 5 cakes proved impossible. I finally got them off and placed on the baking stone, but not very gracefully. I baked them for 5 minutes, but because of their size needed to bake them for about 5 more minutes. The came out OK, but still a bit underdone.

Next I repeated the process with 50/50 mixture. The two flours did not play well together. It took a great deal of effort to get them to mix and even then it was an uncomfortable truce. The Kamut again grabbed up the color from the leavings and streaked the dough but not as badly as the 100% mix. This time I started with oiling and flouring and the process went smoother. I also cut the cakes on the wax paper and then moved them to the baking stone BEFORE making the impressions. I was much more pleased with the results. Again I baked them for 7 minutes but ended up putting them back in for 3 more and they still were a bit undercooked.

The last mixture was just Amaranth. I was most pleased to see that as I started to combine everything the whole mixture turned this glorious beige with just a pink tint. It really is beautiful. The most interesting bit was that as I started to stir and combine, I got a glorious smell of Frankincense. To me this was a direct message from my HGA that I was on the right track. This is a temple incense but more importantly it is a SOLAR association. Since this is a solar rite, I knew I was on the right track. The dough just seemed to humm with life. It was sensory intoxication at it's finest. It also cut and pressed easily. I baked them for 7 minutes and again for another 3. They were closer to properly cooked but I will still have to adjust the time.

As if summoned by the smell of the Cakes, the Good Priest stumbled out of bed just as the last batch was cooling. We ran a taste test and determined that the Amaranth was our favorite. I was most pleased that the Amaranth tasted good because it was so functional on so many levels.

It was a lovely morning of Cakes and coffee for breakfast.

So while I will have to tweak the baking time due to the much larger size of the Cakes, I am definitely sold on the Amaranth. Yes, it is about twice the price as the Kamut but really well worth it!

The Work of the Empress part I

noreply@blogger.com (My Gal) — Sun, 16 Jan 2011 04:33:00 +0000

Pardon me for the long quiet spell, but I did not really have anything magickally to add to the discussion and no one wants to read through my internal dialogue. Trust me on this one. The internal dialogue of a pregnant sex magickian is like a word salad. So now I do have something to say and am most willing to share.

Up until very recently this card has not made much sense to me. I mean yes, I got the general symbolism in the same way that people learning a new language learn words. After a while you not only learn the words but the subtly and the innuendos.

The Pelican pecking her breast to feed her young from her own blood was a biological misconception left over from antiquity. Even long after we figured out what she was actually doing, we still liked the image and perpetuate it even today. It is loving and self sacrificing. It is everything we associate with the best of the maternal instincts and motherhood. It is III or Binah in motion. Since she is right above the Abyss, she is not just pregnant with a child but with creation itself. This lead me to my ponderings on the alchemy of the Gnostic Mass.

As I prepare for the role of Priestess in the Gnostic Mass there are some tools that need to be constructed. One of the many are the ingredients for the Cakes of Light or Eucharist. While Crowley only describes the bare bone ingredients for the process there are several good recipes online. There are several ingredients that are not just shelf ready. The first one I wanted to tackle were the leavings of thick red wine.

After considerable research, I finally found what that has been accepted to mean. When you make red wine there are skins and such that are left at the bottom of the fermentation container. At first these seem useless, but on closer examination they are quiet useful. Funny how that works.

Those leavings actually contain cream of tartar. It is a leavening agent. This means that when you add a bit of this to your cakes, they become CAKES instead of flat cookies. What seems useless is actually used in place of baking powder or soda. It also has the effect of looking tremendously like menses.

Recently a suitable substitute has been determined to be used. It does not have the cream of tartar properties, but it is functional. You take red wine, generally Port, and reduce it down into a syrup. I looked for Port at Bevmo but got a Hamster kick for two different red wines by the same vintner. They were both Red Diamond labels. I had never heard of them before, but when you look at the bottle it appears to be a stylized unicursal hexagram. Coincidence? Maybe, but I ran with it anyway. The two that I used were a Cab Sauv. and a Merlot.

Because I am a CM geek and scientist by nature, I did it on the most solar day I could get ahold of. I chose last Sunday during the hour of Sol to start the process. If I got any solar, I might catch fire.

I have been feeling rather like death warmed over lately, but the push and kicks that I received to work on this were similar to the Enochian promptings. Even though you do not think that you can do it, somehow all of the energy appears. As soon as you are done you need a large nap. I learned long ago to just go with it or it gets worse and not better.

I took both of the bottles and emptied them into our largest stock pot. I turned the gas on the stove up until it boiled and then down to a simmer. For the next 6 hours, I stirred and watched. Slowly the two bottles reduced down into a thick red syrup. As I was checking it frequently, it seemed to take even longer.

Towards the end of the process I added a few squeezes of clover honey into the pot just to aid in thickening. It was pure Hamster prompt but it seemed to take the bitterness out of the wine and thicken it just enough to be functional. After it was reduced down to about 200 ml I left it to cool.

After it was cooled I poured it into 3 small bottles and stuck them in the fridge. They look like thickened blood and have almost a black tint. They are really strange to see sitting in your fridge first thing in the morning.

In the next part I will talk about the flours and the actual making of the cakes. This will be an adventure!

Set upon the Summit of the Earth

noreply@blogger.com (My Gal) — Thu, 11 Nov 2010 13:38:00 +0000

The above is a picture of the altar for the Gnostic Mass. For the next foreseeable time, this is the only real sort of ritual and Godform work I will be doing. Sure there will be daily work and the occasional sex magick working, but this will be my main focus.

I now have all of the raw material for the tools necessary and must simply make the priestess robe. Since I used to a professional costumer, I really am out of excuses.

Last weekend we attended a Mass put on by my bishops. It was the first time I had seen either of them since our Lodge dissolved. It was beautiful and like home. My Tiger was one of the Children for the Mass and the Cub could not have been happier. While we were not in the normal space that I had seen them do Mass so many times before, it was the same place on a more spiritual level.

As the priestess assumed Godform and obscured from my sight, the Cub let out a little baby yell in my minds eye. I heard"Oma! ... Opa!" with little grabby baby hands. This made me smile as those are the dutch words for Grandma and Grandpa. In a magickal sense, he was very much correct in their assignment.

After, the priestess took me aside to tell me that she got a glowing light when I communicated and an image of a little dancing rabbit. Since the Cub will be born in the year of the rabbit, it seemed fitting.

As we all sat around talking about the specifics of the Mass, she pointed out what my other Bishop had pointed out. "Don't get bogged down in the details... just humm." Since two Bishops, who have not talked to to each other said the same thing - I really was listening. So details be damned, I am going for it. These ladies only have about 60 years combined experience in this ritual, so what could they possibly know about it (smirky smile)?

So as to prove the universal point, I was invited to do Mass in the first temple that I ever saw Mass performed in. I was flattered and realized that the universe had just cut out my LAST excuse. I was so honored and it will be like coming home. The amusing part will be that I will surely be the waddling priestess as it will then be followed by my baby shower. I will appreciate that the altar is not regulation size as I am set upon the Summit of the Earth. 42 inches and 3 steps is a long way down on tile.

So now primitive tools will be set out and my living room transformed. I will not be practicing so much the details, but the humm.

I can see the bigger picture here. It is not the specifics of the ritual that we tend to get bogged down into (you MUST hold your hand just so....) that really matter, it is the energy and the process. The internal energetic wobble that is created by fretting over the minuscea is far more damaging to the ritual than a missed word or tiny gesture.

To sleep perchance to dream. Peace be with us all!

Unintended Side Effects of Sex Magick and Alchemy

noreply@blogger.com (My Gal) — Thu, 04 Nov 2010 11:57:00 +0000

Sorry for the long absence but I have been experiencing some unintended side effects from a particular sex magick working. I am now 4 months pregnant. So here is really where sex magick meets alchemy. I am working on my very own crowned and conquering child or magickal childe incarnate. He is due in early April and has already proved to be quite a jokester. This should be an interesting adventure. At 37 why not have a first baby? We have both raised many kids, but this will be our first born.

I might note that the original working was also very fruitful, though not how I expected. There seems to be a lot of that going around.

For the early part of the pregnancy I have not been doing any Work, besides very mild daily work. I am just not sure what would impact the Cub. The one notable exception to this has been the Gnostic Mass. Early on, I received signals and signs that this was perfectly acceptable. The Great Ladies of both Babalon and Nuit have been very communicative during the Mass, but in different ways.

Since Babalon is not known for her warm and maternal side, I asked directly if it was OK to work with her. Her response was direct but yet puzzled me a bit.

"I offer you no harm" (This is a VERY good thing!) "but work with my sister." It felt like reading stereo instructions. It just was, very factual and to the point. All of my interactions with her have been at arms length and short. Her energies are just not conducive to me right now and I respect that. Proper application of force is always appreciated.

Nuit on the other hand, has been down right chatty. She told me and the priestess "not to worry" and told me that it was a boy. Needless to say she has been right on both accounts. She also encouraged/ instructed me to get up on the altar myself. So at some point soon, I will be the waddling priestess. It is best not to ignore invitations by divinity for too long.

The third Mass I attended after confirming that I was pregnant, was priested by my partner. For those who are not familiar with the Gnostic Mass, the priest starts off in the Tomb back behind a veil. He is for the intent of the ritual starting off dead and raised out of the Tomb by the priestess. As he was raised and started to pass by I heard and saw in my minds eye "Daddy!" with little hands grasping. It was wonderful and oddly strange all at the same time. The Cub as we call him is very expressive and chatty at times.

Recently we did some Work for an elderly family member who was going into emergency surgery. It was the first time that we had Worked for anything but a healthy baby since finding out I was pregnant. I did the divination, checked the planets, checked the moon stations and deemed it a go. The operation went smoothly until right after. After sending/ focusing the energy I was completely unsettled and upset. We closed and I was still upset.

It took me a while to parse out what had happened. For the entirety of the Cubs material existence he has always received the energy generated from any Work. He plays in it and rather enjoys the energy. There is a reason that I am practicing sex magickian, I am good at raising a lot of energy in that setting. He was downright PISSED OFF that I sent all the energy away. After some consideration another Working was done for him and he just giggled off to sleep. These are just not the sorts of things you can put into a baby book. Though I am most anxious and curious to see who this little one will turn out to be.

Well now back to sleep... to sleep perchance to dream....

Sex magick and alchemy

noreply@blogger.com (My Gal) — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 12:27:00 +0000

So for some time I have had the parallels between the stages of sex magick and the stages of alchemy running around in my head. This is what happens when you work long hours in the desert isolated from humanity. The mind wanders!

I suspect that my working with the Mysteries of the Mass, has stirred up some introspective bits. My universe works by my ability to connect what I am currently working on to a long string of experiences in the past. So naturally, the alchemy was going to play a factor in the process.

While not completely fleshed out, I will be working through this connective process and sharing the results.

My pursuit of sex magick has never been for purient interests. It is just how I am wired. At the end of the day we are who we are and fighting that is a pointless and fruitless exercise.

So for now, this will serve as a "things to come" billboard. Now off to contemplate the structure of the universe through my eyelids.

Enjoy your universe!

A comment about comments

noreply@blogger.com (My Gal) — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 03:11:00 +0000

So as many fellow travellers know, I am not technologies biggest fan. In fact I tend to kill electronic devices by my very presence.

With that in mind I would like to appologize to anyone who has left a comment or question and it had not been answered or acknowledged. I have this set up so that things can easily go under the radar. I am not ignoring you, honestly.

"It is not you it is me" :)

OK seriously, if you have had a question on something I posted and it did not get answered please repost it here and I will get back to you.

Also I am currently working on the Gematria of the Gnostic Creed if I find anything enlightening, I promise to share.

Enjoy your journey and travel safely my friends.

You are what we call a live one

noreply@blogger.com (My Gal) — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 01:15:00 +0000

The title of this post is precisely what the bishop who confirmed me said, as soon as we were out of temple. It has been resonating with me all day.

The confirmation was lovely yesterday. My dyslexia and anxiety were at an all time high but due to the nature of the ceremony - no meds for me. I am quite sure that was a bit of Divine architecht at work. That which we cannot go around we must go through. After this many years of doing the Work, I am almost used to the fact that I am not going to get any crutches to use along the way. Almost...

As the ceremony started my bishop started to push energy. Not a direct and overt sort of thing, but subtly. It was immediately answered with an instinctual stare. Not just any stare, this is the one that is fixed and reserved only for magickal settings. Honestly I do not do it conciously, it just happens. When it happened there was a visible smirk from the bishop. As the ceremony continued the process just intensified from both ends. At points it was tangible.

After it was all said and done he came up to me and said "You are what we call a live one." And again smirked. I was not quite sure how to take that and asked him to explain.

He explained that as the energy was moving he was a bit taken aback by my ability take it and push it back. He then expressed an interest to work with me in a ritual setting and I was most humbled.

I have not been able to sleep last night or tonight when I went to lay down. This happens to me when I take initiations, but by all accounts this was not that kind of process. Is it the energy? Is it the process of removing my own road blocks? Who knows.

What I do know is that I now have a lot of tools to build and a great deal of Work to do.

Enjoy your universe, mine is certainly looking up!

Priestess of the Silver Star

noreply@blogger.com (My Gal) — Sat, 26 Jun 2010 11:46:00 +0000

Moons ago I took the name Gimel as part of my magickal practice. In part, because my mentor had a Hebrew letter name and I thought that was just how it was done. The other part is more subtle and complex - but then again isn't everything?

Gimel relates not only to the moon ( a good thing for this Pisces) and the High Priestess tarot card but also to the camel.

"Why is the camel in there???" I had to ask myself.

While your milage may vary, it has started to make sense to me these last few months in the desert. The card is placed on the Tree of Life between the spheres of Tipereth ( 6 the Sun) and Kether (1 the Prime Mover). The camel is the only creature that can cross the desert of the abyss from the material world into the preformative world. While I have no intentions of "Crossing the Abyss" in the CM sense of the term, I think that all magickians do it in some form as part of the daily Work. I think that this is especially true for practicing sex magickians. Least I digress...

This weekend I will take Willful and concious steps to becoming a Priestess of the Gnostic Mass. It is something that I have been putting off for a VERY VERY long time. For a very long time, I had used the excuse that I was really too far away from any one to train with and besides you really need a Priest for that. The truth of the matter was that I had not found a Priest that I was willing to work with. I am picky, very very picky about who I let touch me. While the Gnostic Mass is symbolic of sex there are parts that are very intimate energetically and physically. I knew that I would not be performing my part of the Mysteries if I was up on the altar thinking "Dude, if you touch me I swear I will deck you." The God forms involved would kick MY lily white ass.

Then I move to the desert. (Insert mental image of a camel walking across the burning sands of a desert to a cool oasis...)

The desert here is literally filled with people to train with. My magickal partner is now a Priest and so I am flat out of inertia excuses. When I started to realize that I was out of excuses, I started finding new ones.

"The tools are expensive and I am poor" was the first one to pop up.

Then a dear sister (out of the blue) upgraded and gave me her older but still amazingly wonderful tools. Damn, this means I have to get off my ass and Work. I hate it when the universe kicks your ass into gear.

So before the universe gets a bigger hammer, I will get off my ass and just do it. I will try not to get mired in the costuming side of the ritual. I am sure that will be my next excuse...

I will keep you posted on the progress.

Libations of Divinity and other strange animals

noreply@blogger.com (My Gal) — Sun, 30 May 2010 19:20:00 +0000

While I have been under radar for longer than I care to admit, the Work continues.

Down here in the land of harsh beauty, I am dealing with strange currents of land and air. Even the wild life is foriegn to me. The crows are monsterous and steal all sorts of things. Yet it is the reoccurance of the smiling coyette that has me the most baffled.

At least 3 times a week, a coyette will cross my path or make himself really known to me (standing on a butte not 200 feet from me) look at me and smile. He then turns and disappears into nothing. Ther are small tumble weeds out here but really not much flora to speak of. He/they just disappear. Yet, they are sure to make eye contact and let me know that they see me. It is very odd.

The other day I was having particular difficulties for a talismanic bit that I was working on. Suddenly, a hawk feather just sort of floated down and landed at my feet. I was in an area known for hawks but did not see any that day, just the feather. All I could do was say "Thank you Horus" accept the gift and move on.

Strange place the desert.

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to assist with a bit of magickal seamstressing. It is some of my favorite stuff. The magickian in question wanted to dedicate the piece to Bacchus. While I will not explain the specifics, I questioned the wisdom of the young magickian as to why this piece should be so dedicated. Yet, my Hamster was insistant that I stay silent.

The young magickian was in luck his seamstress had a copy of several dedications to Bacchaus due to my fun with the Morrision ritual. So as he burned the Frankinsence and recited the ode, the Hamster was again humming.

I went to sleep and left a cabal of magickians in my living room. That night no one had any wine, there was only good Scotch Whiskey. While there was sacramental wine in the house, it was not touched. In the morning I awoke to a very sick magickian despite only having a glass of Scothc and the Hamster explaining that it is not wise to inkoe a diety and then not have good sense of mind to imbibe correctly. Scotch as he explained is NOT wine or grape. I think that it is a worthy lesson and one that the young magickian will not soon forget :)

Well off to enjoy some quality time with bedroom before I prepare to Work tonight. I must clear out the dust bunnies or NOTHING is getting done.

Enjoy your Universe!

Incoming

noreply@blogger.com (My Gal) — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 01:20:00 +0000

There is seriously something crossed up in my Mars. At some point I will have to work on untangling it.

My one real day off yesterday was spent violently ill and just trying not to cry myself to sleep. It was not pleasant and my body has announced that the last 30 days did not go unnoticed. Damn.

So when I got into work today, I literally felt like death warmed over and then all hell broke loose.

When I was 19 I spent time in Yugoslavia during the war. The better part of 20 years later, I still go back to it anytime the boys at work get the munitions a bit too close. It is an occupational hazard.

Most of the time I try not to let it phase me and I go on about my business trying to keep a calm exterior. The interior is a whole other matter. Today was distinctly different. At least 30 times today the munitions were close enough to rattle the building and set off all the alarms. As long as the rest of the staff were around, I could sort of remind myself that they are not REALLY shelling me. Then for the last two hours it was just me.

I went outside to "check the plant", but in reality I just didn't want to be in that building anymore. For whatever reason, being shelled in a building was distinctly too close to home. The building in Yugoslavia were not the most sturdy and you were often better out in the open than taking cover in something that was likely to come down and kill you. I learned to fear the shaking and the after shocks. 20 years later it all comes flooding back. The mind is indeed an amazing thing.

It is unfortunate that I cannot drink. Today I would really like to just get good and blitzed. Then again like so many things in this magickal path, that which you cannot go around you must go through.

So here is to surviving and the sincere hope that one day the shelling will not bother me.

Harsh Beauty

noreply@blogger.com (My Gal) — Sat, 03 Apr 2010 23:23:00 +0000

I was trying to upload a really cool picture of Sherlock Holmes here, but the computer is being difficult so please just imagine it at your leisure...

To paraphrase one of my favorite Sherlock Holmes quotes, "When you remove what is impossible whatever is left, no matter how improbable, is your answer."

This has been running through my mind all day at work. Work has been grueling to say the least and this will be the first time that anything like a weekend has come my way since February. (Weekend two days off together... ode to joy!) To say that I have been a bit grumpy would be a vast understatement. Despite this, today I was greeted with a glorius carpet of golden wild flowers as far as the eye could see. Since I am in a high dessert valley, that involved the horizon. It was absolutely breathtakingly beautiful.

The dessert is almost devoid of standing water and fire, it is composed mainly of earth and air. For me, those are the two most challenging elements. Watching how life adapts to this harsh environment has been inspirational in my own alchemical journey. The Joshua Trees grow but an inch a year and get the water they need from the air. They adapt and stand firm, this is a good life lesson.

When I stop to think, there are really two major workings that have contributed to this Dessert wandering. The first was a request to HCOMA after my lodge dissolved into ecstacy in November. I asked to "Be given the strength to do what needed to be done." This was done at Seal beach while drawing sigils in the sand and letting the ocean wash them. It turned out to be way more foreboding than I intended. The process of needing strength is by implication stating that you will need to push through something. I really had a general idea of what I needed strength for at the time but missed the second half of that equation. I have found on this journey that I have done things that I did not think I was capable of doing. In some ways that is wonderful and in some way that is horrible. It is however edifying as a human.

The second working was a sex magick operation where all of the parts were fullfilled exactly as charged, but not at all how I had expected. When I went back recently to read the charge, the universe followed the letter of the charge. I was most amused. It manifested in a complicated and delicate way. At the end of the day the charge was accomplished and magickal childe is firm and palatable.

While this is not the life I would have chosen 2 years ago, it suits me just fine today. Funny how things change, but the magick remains.

And for today... first the exstacy then the laundry!

Wandering in the dessert

noreply@blogger.com (My Gal) — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 03:16:00 +0000

I LIVE.

The last 6 weeks have been a whirlwind of magickal and mundane activity. I had done some workings to get on my feet and the universe granted me my wish in spades. Yes working 16 hour days are really quite lovely....

In that time I have been working on all sorts of magickal endeavors. Some large and some small. All of them focused on making the journey smoother. Sometimes those have been revealed to be long term and not short term issues. OYE!

All in all strange angels have been at work with me. For every smack to the head there have been two incredible acts of kindness. For a while my faith in humanity had been completely shattered,but now it is duct taped together with the optomism only a pisces can muster.

I have found that while the Goetia are very efficient at many things, they are still fratured and need tending. Much like a very dangerous guard dog, you must be careful how you train them and what you expect them to do.

The Enochians, specifically HCOMA, have been much more active in the creative process. Some of the most amazing moments have been surrounded by swan images and that I cannot chalk up to coincidence.

Back to the grind and off to find the rest of my universe... I think it is in that box over there.....

Enjoy your universe.

Blog reality check of the cabal

noreply@blogger.com (My Gal) — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 03:12:00 +0000

This shirt was seen on my travels of late. It provided a great chuckle and a good reality check. My partner in crime that day did not understand why I was laughing so hard.

I have no false hopes that my blog will change the world of magick or be cutting edge. It is however an honest account of a working magickians universe. There are not enough of us in the world and definately not enough who are willing to share their splats as well as their successes. I am lucky to have blogging buddies that I affectionately call siblings.

When Jason was in town he spoke of the Cabal of bloggers and I am starting to understand. None of us move on the same spoke to the center of the wheel. In fact, some of my closest blogging buddies are diametrically opposed. Some of the cabal I had lived with for years, others I may never have the chance to meet in person. It does not mean that I do not love and respect everyone of them.

As I sit here chowing down on fine chocolate and calculating planetary hours, I realize that it is indeed quality and not quantity that makes all of the difference. So to all who are part of the cabal know that you are loved and appreciated. To those who chose to read and hopefully take away a bit here and there that helps you along your path, take it in good health it was written for you. Quality and not quantity makes all the difference.

Enjoy your univerese!

Gematria and snapping your brain open

noreply@blogger.com (My Gal) — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 16:23:00 +0000

As a dyed in the wool geek, gematria is just clean fun. At various points in my journeys I have turned to the blueprints of the universe and put forth questions. Gematria to me has always been more of an "ooooh I see" sort of oracle than a seek out and ask questions deal.

A few weeks ago I noticed that the number of fellow travellers had reached 31. This number has been following me for a while now. It is Babalons number and this Goddess has been very active in my life as of late. As usual I take note but am not entirely sure what it means. I suspect that in a few years all of the cards will have been played and the sublties therein will make themselves known.

Last night I did the gematria of my name to find that it comes out to 1331. I was rather enjoying the geeky Palandrome of the number when it occurred to me that it is also the cube of 11. In my tradition 11 is the number of the balanced and perfected magus. It is the macrocosm and the microcosm combining into a single unit. It has been a number assigned to me through an initiation and I assumed that everyone got that number - I was mistaken.

So what does it mean that in 3 space my name equates to 11? Does it mean that my mother was fond of French spellings? Does it mean that balance is coming into my universe and making itself known? Does it mean the tarot card of Lust is supposed to play a stronger roll in my life? I will answer a qualified yes and no to all of the above.

Gematria is a connection tool. It is a glorious form of mental masterbation that helps us connect the dots of the universe and helps us to see the forrest for the trees. It is also a glorious way to get your monkey mind so busy on calculations that you have no time to do anything else and eventually snap your mind open like a crisp carrot.

As of late my monkey mind has been having a field day working overtime. Perhaps the Gematria is just enough to shut it up so I can get some work done. Only time will tell.

So to the 31 fellow magickians... lets see what the Great Lady has in store for me.

Enjoy your universe!

Ta Dah

noreply@blogger.com (My Gal) — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 00:03:00 +0000

I live!

I was going to wait until Groundhogs day to reemerge but I thought that this was just as good a time.

Sorry for the long delay in posts. It has been a rather wild 8 weeks. The good news is that I am alive and well. I am also doing quite a bit of magick in the process. Some of it has been efficient and some of it has been well... less than efficient.

The consulting gigs have been turning out quite well despite the hard work and travel to parts unknown. It is a fascinating journey and one that will take me far and whee... ( Pardon my ee cummings reference).

I have also started a second grove out at my parents house and that seems to be going quite well despite it just being in the clearing stages. They have 3/4 of an acre and prospects for plants and herbs is almost as unlimited as my imagination.

One of the first tasks of moving into my parents was to clean a space. This is not your ordinary smudging here. I mean CLEAN it. I started with a bucket of cold water with hyssop sprinkled in. I scrubbed every inch of this space with the chant "Wash me in hyssop and I shall be clean." I then smudged the crap out of it (literally) with rosemary and then sage. Once I had cleared the space I started the painful and disorienting task of deconstructing and reconstructing my altar.

It is painful because so much of my universe was wrapped up in that altar and moving the pieces around is just a teeth grinding experience. I sewed a new altar cloth and rearranged and pared down many of the extraneous things that had been cluttering my altar. It is now a lean mean magickal machine.

I am at a bit of a crossroads with respect to where I will go and what I will do, but if you wish you can all come along for the ride.

Now off to start some seeds. There is just something comforting about the process of life starting anew.

A one way ticket to Alabama

noreply@blogger.com (My Gal) — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 00:12:00 +0000

I attempted to upload a picture that said "Welcome to Alabama the beautiful", but there was in internal error that prevented that process. This does not bode well for technology in that state.

A couple of weeks ago I went down to LA and felt that things were changing, I just didn't realize how drastically. Within the span of a few days I had three job offers to consult. It sort of kills this semester, but all of them are opportunities that I should really take.

The first two are actually together. My best friend from high school is starting his own business in Huntsville and needs some help with the EPA and regulations. They have a sister company that they are working with who needs the same sort of help. Late next week I will be getting on a plane to Alabama that does not have a return flight. This is more than a little disquieting, but I don't know how long this process will take. Hopefully it should not be much more that a week or two. It could, however, be incredibly lucerative in the long run. This should be quite an adventure.

When I survive that I will come back home and deal with family Christmas. That is probably more dangerous than this hippy in Alabama.

In mid January I should be starting another contract job working for the woman who trained me in this business too many years ago. It will be fun to get to work with her again. We will work 18 hours a day, but it should again be short term lucerative and great fun. That hopefully will be about 6 weeks.

The good Frater has graciously volunteered for cat duty. I hope the two of them can work it out :)

So when I said the tides were changing, I had no idea how fast and in what direction.

All I keep thinking is of John Lennons line: " Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans."

My Pisces side is thrilled with the adventure and my Taurus side is not at all thrilled with the impending change to my schedule. The bull will just have to learn to roll with the punches. Yeah, I will keep you posted on that :)

For now I am off to contemplate my universe and I hope you enjoy doing the same.

Tides are changing

noreply@blogger.com (My Gal) — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 05:00:00 +0000

The above picture was taken last weekend at Seal Beach when my LA family was kind enough to take me down to the water. As a Pisces it was like plugging into a battery.

I process life and magickal things slowly. It is ironic because I usually process information very quickly - right up until it impacts me. Then it hits a filter. A big Taurus kicking and screaming filter.

When I did the cube of space talk I could not get the corner that was Death ( Scorpio) to balance in 3 space for love nor money. It kept twisting no matter which ropes I tightened or loosened. Eventually, I gave up and make a joke about it being a lovely rhombus of space and continued. This was a big screaming visual clue that I was missing something large. I was just trying to ignore it.

Last weekend I went down to LA to dissolve into ecstasy the Lodge where I started. In speaking with my family it was decided to be a sort of day of the dead party. As a joke and serious life lesson I brought my wedding dress. That had dissolved into ecstasy many years ago amicably. I spent 18 months hand beading the thing, it was nice to wear it again. Well that and I really liked the tiara. I could not help but think of myself as a large representation of the Art card. I had a white dress, a crown and red cloak. Whether or not I consciously planned it, there was alchemy a foot.

As part of my trip my siblings took me down to Seal Beach. They graciously allowed me to put my feet in the water. While there I had an inspired moment to draw a few of my personal magickal symbols and charge them with the energy of the ocean. I then watched as they dissolved and spoke with HCOMA from the Tablet of Union about my intentions. When I was done, nothing but sand, dreams and water were left.

When we were defending the mural, one of the elder photographers had a great line. He stated.

"I have always lived by to thine own self be true and the rest was negotiable."

That line has been running in my head since I got back from LA. Changes are a foot. Big life changes. I can feel the pull of the tide and must embrace Death and let go of those things that are no longer of me. I must embrace the putrefaction that Scorpio implies and move on. Compost happens.

In that line of thought I have a few things that are nonnegotiable.

1. I am a Thelemite sex magickian
2. I am a Druid
3. I love deeply and fully

Beyond that, everything is negotiable.

Boom boom go the lights

noreply@blogger.com (My Gal) — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 06:11:00 +0000

So after working on some glorious physics most of the day, I went out to a local bookstore to continue as activities went on at the house. I took the laptop with me which was mistake number 16 on the day. I finished the lab and then it ate it. Just when I thought that this joy would never end, they started playing Christmas music.

That works as my personal lesser banishing ritual, if Santa has not made it down the parade yet!

So I get home and the house has an eerie candle lit glow. I am already in a bad mood and I am not sure what this is about. When I get in to investigate there is no power to just the house. The neighbors are fine, it is just the house. WONDERFUL!

The back story to this is that the Good Frater has been working on Jason Miller's class meditations. He has been feeling everything and pulling energy out of the Earth.

The Hamster immediately jumped to "What did you DO???"

I went out and checked the circuits. Everything seemed to be on. Shit!

I went back in the house and was positively sulking by now. I asked the good Frater to ask the various house guardians what the nature of the problem entailed. He was on too many pain pills to hear clearly so he gave me the "phone." I started asking questions and got opposing (but ultimately true) answers. Again a lesson in asking the right question...

Finally PG&E shows up and explains that our meter is "blown open". It happens with these smart meters he says. Within 2 minutes we are up and going. I thank the man profusely and eye the good Frater.

Coincidence? Maybe? Just in case no more of that! It will be hard to explain why we have gone through 27 meters.

The good news is that I am no longer the only one who blows up electrical equipment. Yes I will savor this moment! Assuming that the lights are on long enough for me to post this.

Cube of Space and the aftermath

noreply@blogger.com (My Gal) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 06:21:00 +0000

This glorious image was taken off of the site:
http://www.maybelogic.org/maybequarterly/06/images/Figure5.jpg

They do incredible book bindings and as soon as I win the lotto, I am on their doorstep!

The last two weeks has been an adventure to say the least. The Cube of Space talk went well and several folks expressed interest in the OTO classes. I realized though why I was actually there about 5 minutes into the talk. There were two girls down front that were not so sure about all of this, but they really wanted a tarot reading. I found it funny that I was Hamster kicked into tucking my cards into my bag that morning. I had not intended to do anything with them. The Hamster knew otherwise.

After the talk. which rambled a bit I admit, the girls tentatively approached me. They asked me how much I charged for a reading, when I said that I didn't they were a bit shocked. We went over to a quiet area and as soon as I pulled out the Thoth deck one of the girls noticed the Hermetic Cross on the back of the cards. She asked me what the cross was and as I explained it. You could literally see both of them relax. It might not be the largest moral victory but if two young ladies came away from the event with a sense that we are not out to sacrifice cats and other such nonsense, then it was time well spent.

Since the event several folks have come up and asked for clarification on the specifics. All in all I would say it was more sucessful that I anticipated.

Some of the unexpected fall out came from the annual edition of the "drama club."

From my humble experience people come to paganism for a number of reasons. Most of those can fall into three general catagories: a quest spiritual enlightenment, flipping off the mainstream religions and because they are just generally hard to get along with and need some reason to scream that they are being persecuted. The last one rarely has anything meaningful to add to the pagan conversation. They are however often the loudest.

This years drama club escalated to thinly veiled threats of some sort of violence against the good Frater. It really was a banner year. I am generally a calm and gentle soul. Right up to the point where you threaten me or mine. If you want to see a mother bear in action just push, trust me she is in there. I take all threats seriously, but must say that some of the chaos was amusing. The genius ringleader decided that I just wanted to burn all witches. I explained that since I had been HPS at several large wiccan gatherings and would have to set half of my family on fire, it was probably a bit off the mark. While amusing I must say that eventually all of this gets old.

It is why in many ways I prefer as Jason calls it the cabal. I enjoy the company, online or in person, of Working magickians. The local community is so diverse and diluted/polluted that it is hard to find working magickians here. In fact the concept of magick is often very foreign and scary to the local community. Thinking happy thoughts and dancing around with flowers in their hair is about as far as they go. And that is fine. I just prefer the company, online or in person, of working magickians who do not meet me with stunned silence when I explain my recent working.

Enough for now. More later on the new adventures :)

Peace to all and enjoy your universe.

In Defense of Artistic Freedom

noreply@blogger.com (My Gal) — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 05:06:00 +0000

This morning I had the intention of bageling as we do every weekend and working on the semantics of tomorrows presentation. (Please read as Pisces procrastination and working on scrambling details together - small stuff like the actual cube...) All of that changed with an article in our local paper about a mural in an artistic area of town that was going to be painted over due to neighbors complaints. Mind you this is the ART district.

So we went down at before 8 am to see it before it was painted over. On the way down I was formulating a protest strategy in my head. The good Frater looked at me as if I had lost what was left of my little mind. Hyped up on coffee and Jackson Browne CDs we headed down. As soon as we got there we both realized that painting over this beautiful mural was travesty of justice. A few other souls were gathered and we worked out a very impromptu plan to protest instead of sitting Shiva (sorry for my bad Hebrew spelling.

We knew right then that our day had taken a dramatically different but important turn.

When the artists who had been working for free and supplying their own paint for this 125 foot mural heard that it was going to be painted over, they "modified" their mural to express their displeasure. Their acts of definance emboldened the rest of us.

We went and gathered supplies, lawn chairs, bits from Lowes for the actual cube and headed back. The revolution may begin, but we will be comfortable for it!

Soon we were a small group of motivated souls bent on stopping this action in a peaceful way. We were a rag tag bunch at first. Just a few old hippies and a few young artists. Soon our numbers swelled to about 150. There were old ladies in Jaguars and starving artists standing side by side. Quietly protesting with our presence our moral outrage. We were all prepared to get painted over in order to make our protest heard. Soon some of the old hippies had contacted the press and the social pressure mounted.

The artists came and explained their mural to the crowd and the time for them to come and paint over it came and went. We took some group pictures and sort of toddled off to wence we came.

We went back before dinner and it was still there along with the artists. We thanked them again for their efforts and then found out that the owners had reconsidered their choices and the mural stays. For now. For the next few weeks.

This battle is far from over, but it is my sincere hope that if we can come together peacefully over art that we show progress as a people. Baby steps in the name of artistic freedom. Baby steps, but steps none the less.

Now to sleep. It will be a long chaotic day tomorrow. Peace be with you.