As we deal with the effects of the COVID-19 pandemic, we are living through a dangerous time, attempting to navigate the polar opposite risks of isolation and engagement, amidst warnings about how our carefully orchestrated plans can be put in jeopardy by unknown hazards ahead.    

Whether you are staying-at-home alone or with family, or venturing back into the retail world, you may find yourself overwhelmed by a constant stream of challenges. You may be feeling competing and paradoxical emotions: gratitude for your survival yet despair for those who have lost their lives to the virus, over 100,000 in the United States, or their livelihood from the months-long shutdown, with over 40 million Americans unemployed. Suddenly your world is no longer safe and secure. Feelings many range from shock about the magnitude of the effects of the pandemic to anger that we have not yet been able to contain the virus adequately.

When you consider the degree of devastation caused by COVID-19 throughout the world, it is easy to feel overwhelmed. As is true with all catastrophes these days, they are magnified by the 24/7 coverage by cable and Internet news services, leaving many feeling anxious, stressed and emotionally exhausted. Staying at home may presumably keep us out of harm’s way from the virus, but are societies creating an economic meltdown disaster by those very same interventions? Do you feel like you are in the middle of a tug of war? We naturally experience stress and anxiety when faced with paradoxical decisions. Mental health care providers and hotlines report a surge in suicides and calls from the general population experiencing high levels of stress caused by such uncertainty.

Concurrently, one of the major providers of stress reduction, the close support of family and friends, has been limited by both the required isolation and the fear that anyone can be a carrier of the virus. It has been a perfect storm because of our security fears – just when we are in need of a big hug, we are not able to get or give one. This may be a particularly difficult time for women, who traditionally have handled stress by the tend-and-befriend phenomenon, taking care of loved ones and reaching out to other women for support. Past studies have found that social ties reduce the risk of disease and help us live a longer, more satisfying and joyful life.     

Across the United States and around the world, the effects of the global economic decline continue to spread – small and large companies are going out of business, people who were self-sufficient only a few months ago are in long food lines, retirement accounts have plummeted while stock markets remain erratic. No one can predict with certainty the long-term effects of the months-long shutdown on the economy, but most pundits agree that this collapse will not right itself in the near future.

How is all this affecting you? Are you feeling powerless, anxious and angry – on the verge of taking out your frustrations on those around you or on harming yourself? There are concerns that domestic violence, alcoholism, drug abuse, and mental illness are increasing. If you are feeling overwhelmed and fear that you may be spiraling out of control, consulting a mental health professional is the first step in coping with your fragility without turning to dysfunctional behavior. Telemedicine has taken a giant leap forward during the period of social isolation and can be the beginning of a positive response to the high level of stress you may be experiencing.

There are steps you can take on your own, as well. It may be difficult to get started and even harder to keep the forward momentum going. If you are stalled and begin questioning your abilities to cope, implement these nine important practical tips:

Focus on what you can control not what you can’t. Unless you are a virologist or research scientist, you personally cannot affect the course of the COVID-19 virus. Although you cannot change what is happening around you, you can change how you handle it. When you redefine your current situation as a challenge, you can focus your energies and tap into more optimistic thoughts. Let go of negative thoughts and unrealistic expectations. Be flexible and empowered as you take small steps.

Reach out to your support system. We may not be able to join together in person while isolating, but friends and family have connected through phone calls, emails and Zoom get togethers. Whether the technology is for seeing the grandchildren you can’t visit, a book or movie club discussion, or a virtual cocktail hour with coworkers or friends, the relationships that have strengthened you in the past still retain their strong bonds. When you talk about your thoughts and feelings, these virtual get-togethers can give you perspective, insight and help to validate your emotions.  

Exercise. Find an activity that you enjoy – walking in your neighborhood, keeping fit through exercise classes on the Internet, or maintaining your own personal yoga routine. Physical activity can release endorphins, reducing your stress level. Studies show that 30 minutes of brisk walking reduces depression for several hours. Get enough rest and sleep to allow your body to recover.  

Eat sensibly. When you follow a balanced diet of healthy foods rich in nutrition, that serves as a natural defense against stress. Many household cooks isolating with their families and faced with preparing three meals a day are finding new recipes on the Internet and sharing recipes with each other. Avoid the use of drugs and alcohol to self-medicate and limit your use of sugar, caffeine and cigarettes as they can contribute to feelings of tension.

Use relaxation techniques. Set aside time daily for a regular routine of deep breathing, guided imagery, meditation, listening to soothing music or other stress reduction methods to alleviate your feelings of anxiety. Get in touch with your spiritual connections for balance and grounding. Decide to put off worrying – much of what you may fear never actually happens anyway. Research on finding a vaccine for the COVID-19 virus is progressing rapidly and is expected to be available by the end of the year.

Draw on your strengths. What worked for you before when you were stressed? Recall what worked in the past and employ the most effective coping strategies once again. Evaluate how you can build on your assets now. Brainstorm additional ways to apply the abilities you have in a novel way as you find new resources.

Express gratitude for what you have. What are the things and people in your life that you are grateful for? Think about three pleasant things that happened each day. Every night, before you go to bed, write affirmations about what is good in your life. You’ll find that when you increase your awareness of these positives, you’ll be less likely to experience feelings of hopelessness and helplessness.

Enjoy the gift of laughter. Friends are sending group emails with jokes, funny stories and cartoons. Search the Internet yourself for comedy routines, rent a funny movie or stream an amusing TV series. Studies have shown that laughter triggers the release of endorphins and a good mood helps you relieve stress, develop creative solutions and make better decisions. 

Look outside yourself to those in need. Studies have found that when you perform acts of kindness and giving to those who have less, you feel happier yourself. With so many feeling the effects of isolation or economic stagnation, you can help either from the confines of your home or in person, utilizing a mask and social distance. It might be making a phone call to a single friend, bringing a meal to a hungry stranger, checking in with a senior. Numerous organizations need financial donations or volunteers to help staff their programs. Consider what best fits your interests, abilities and schedule, then make a commitment.

When you are facing uncertainty about the effect of this pandemic and prospects seem bleak, integrating these strategies can create a new positive direction in your thoughts and stimulate you toward reducing your stress. As you draw on your support, resources and strengths, you’ll be rebuilding and restoring hope and resiliency. And remember that families can grow stronger when they weather challenges together.

If you’re the Mom of a Millennial who has boomeranged back home, try to accept the status quo for now. Of course, you’re reluctant to turn your new office or crafts corner back into a bedroom. But if your kidult has huge student loans and a job that can’t pay the rent, living at home may be the best option. For lots of practical tips CLICK HERE.

Having unrealistic expectations may be the greatest obstacle to positive change for everyone in the family. Instead, try to provide guidance as your offspring go about creating short-term objectives that will help them determine and then reach their long-term goals:

Be adaptable. Although unemployment numbers are low today, Millennials are still struggling to make their way in the labor force. Suggest that they reconnect with mentors, apply for  internships, or do volunteer work as a step toward finding their passion and the career they were meant to have.

Track progress. Journaling is an excellent way to stay grounded and motivated. Encourage your adultolescents to make a list of the obstacles and stumbling blocks they’re facing. Then it will be easier to identify their internal strengths and explore external resources that can help them move ahead. Through writing regularly in a journal, they’ll be more focused as they release mental toxins and deepen their emotional awareness.

Give it time. Be patient and supportive as boomerang kids open up to all the new possibilities. It takes time to discover what they need or want and adjust to the demands that change creates. But discuss a general end date – most surveys indicate that living back home should not exceed one year.

Start thinking that, before too long, you’ll be re-feathering your empty nest. As your Millennial moves forward and you commit to your own changes, you don’t have to do it alone. We invite you to visit Her Mentor Center anytime – read our blog posts and search through the resources as you LEARN new strategies.

With empathy and clarity, you see that each member is a part of the family’s continual change and renewal. As you manage the challenges of aging parents and growing children, be compassionate with yourself. Here are practical tips on how to do just that:

Embrace change. Keep a journal about your core values and what you want for yourself. Notice emotional shifts as you come to terms with feelings of frustration, anger or sadness. And try to reconnect with old dreams and passions. Be willing to go beyond what’s comfortable to explore your creative side. When you set goals and take small steps toward them, you’ll begin to feel more centered.

Create balance. Find a happy medium between caregiving responsibilities and self-care. Make nurturing yourself a priority. Carve out time for yoga, swimming or whatever brings you peace of mind. Talk with friends who understand what you need as you work through changes in your family life. Laughter triggers the release of endorphins and a good mood can help you make more realistic decisions.

Build resilience. Although you can’t prevent what happens to you, you can control how you handle complicated issues that cause anxiety. Change your mindset, establishing limits that work for you. As you reframe negative thoughts, you’ll have the power to turn worry into energy. A positive attitude makes a big difference in recognizing the lessons in what you’re going through.

Find support. When you take smaller steps than you would like, don’t be ashamed to ask for help. During the tougher times, find a role model who encourages you. An objective opinion from a family therapist or life coach can provide awareness and direction. As you step back, you may be able to see a difficult situation from a different perspective.

Trust yourself. Remember that past is prologue as you prepare for what lies ahead. Look back at the insights and strategies that have worked before. And as with any transitions use your tried and true coping strengths. Be fiercely curious and determined to find solutions, no matter what. Listen to your inner voice and focus on what’s important as you continue to integrate moral standards into how you live your life.

Whether you’re confronted with a crisis or transitioning to the next chapter, expect a cascade of feelings – anxiety, the desire to hold on, resentment, fear, and eventually a sense of freedom. This emotional roller coaster is normal. If you find the courage, you can’t help but grow from the experience. And be aware that your children are watching how you support your parents.

Express gratitude. Compliments can ignite loving feelings if you’ve been taking each other for granted. When you notice a caring gesture or a job well done, mention it. You may be pleasantly surprised at what you receive in return.

Pay attention. If you feel bored or stuck, discover new interests you both will enjoy. Plan a surprise weekend away or organize a well deserved vacation. Time together away from the daily routine can kick-start your relationship.

Inject humor. Lightheartedness is often the first casualty of a busy life. Make time for each other to keep the romance alive. Have fun and laugh a lot – playfulness can lead to greater intimacy.

Resolve conflict. Try to respect the differences that set you apart. Learn the art of compromise and meet halfway. Look for the qualities you love as you value peace of mind more than being right.

Stay engaged. When you’re having positive thoughts, say them out loud. And stimulating conversations often arouse curiosity. An affectionate moment – a gentle touch or a loving glance – can release oxytocin, a bonding hormone.

In the midst of hectic lives, we often operate on automatic. But you can lower tension and increase well-being as you take small steps. Just like any valuable asset, the emotional investment you make will be returned in multiples. Building a reservoir of goodwill can do wonders for you and your partner this Valentine’s Day and beyond.