The Phunny Pharm

Pheatured Again!

noreply@blogger.com (Mal Dongle) — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 11:33:00 +0000

My blog has been featured on someone else's blog/website again! Check it out:

Click here please... or don't. Your loss...

It's somewhere in the middle. One day I'll be featured at the top. One day...

Pheeble-minded Pharmacy Assistant

noreply@blogger.com (Mal Dongle) — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 11:19:00 +0000

It's been way more than 6 months, so I'll make my come back with a short one. I'm still very busy!

One afternoon, a woman comes into the pharmacy and hands the assistant a prescription. "I'd like the genetic brand please," She stated.

Now, if you know what the word 'genetic' means, you'll know that it has very little to do with medicine:

GENETIC: of or relating to genetics, genes, or the origin of something
GENE: A segment of DNA, occupying a specific place on a chromosome, that is the basic unit of heredity.

What her intended word was, although she didn't know it, is the word, generic.

GENERIC: 1. applicable or referring to a whole class or group; general
3. denoting the nonproprietary name of a drug, food product, etc.

Hearing the word 'genetic' being used instead of the word 'generic' is a daily occurrence in the pharmacy, so the pharmacy assistant and I just carried on our business, understanding what the lady meant.

Once the prescription was finished, I counselled the lady as usual, and upon finishing she said, "I'd like to give you my resume as I'm looking for a job in pharmacy."

My reply, "ah, yeah ok."

As she left the pharmacy, her resume was filed into the 'out' tray (the bin).

Phoxy Photos

noreply@blogger.com (Mal Dongle) — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 04:10:00 +0000

Back in the glory years of pharmacy, before the digital age, there used to be this service called photo processing. For those that don't remember, it involved dropping off 35mm film from a camera then sending it to a company who processed the photos and returned it the following day. Rarely, the pharmacy had its own processing lab and could have the photos processed in an hour. That was like 5 years ago...

I was lucky enough to work in a pharmacy that actually had one of those processing labs. Often, one of the assistants that was trained to process photos would bring someone's unusual photo to the dispensary and show the staff - and we would laugh! Boy did we laugh sometimes... good times.

On one occasion, an assistant brought over another unusual photo to the dispensary and said to us, "This is how I like to watch TV!"

On display was an overweight, blonde sheila sitting on a couch - not unusual so far, I mean, that's where you see a lot of overweight people sitting. The unusual thing was... She was completely NEKKED!!! (That's 'naked' for those that don't know how to spell cool on the internet - because I'm hip).

Imagine pale white skin, some of it red and chafed, rolls of fat (definitely not p.h. phat - that's a cool way of saying 'fat' ;)), droopy boobs and Allota Fagina! (Not the character from Austin Powers - See Alotta Fagina).

Gross!

So for that, the customer that had those photos processed were charged a dishonour fee. I think it was around $10... but only after we laughed at the photo first.

---

In a different time, at another pharmacy that had film sent off to a central location to be processed, one of the male pharmacy students was a little bit... horny, so to speak.

What seemed to be a fairly regular occurrence, attractive women would drop off film to process. Each time he would attempt to chat the girls up. He would fail, but he would mark their processing envelope so he would remember which one was theirs when they returned.

On one occasion, he accepted film from a woman he described as, 'Saucy.' He had a feeling she would be the dirty type so he couldn't resist, when her photos were returned, to carefully, ever so carefully, open the tape holding the envelope closed with a razor blade. On inspection of the photos, there was nothing special, a few people in a group photo at a house, party perhaps. Flicking through, oh there's a dog, picture of food, until...

He found something! On one of the occasions the camera was used, there was another party. The girl he failed at picking up at the pharmacy counter was in it with two of her girlfriends dressed, in what could only be described as, 'slutty attire.' SCORE!!

But wait, there's more! As he scrolled through the photos, an object started to be incorporated into their poses... a banana! Now if you are a dirty little pharmacist like me, you can imagine the banana was being put in people's mouths, held at backsides in a provocative manner - and it was! LEVEL UP!

Unfortunately, the photos with the phallic object ended, and so did the sluttiness. Wait, did I say 'unfortunately?' I meant, 'Thank god,' because I'm professional.

The horny student, after having his fix, replaced the sticky tape so the photos looked like they were never tampered with, because that is wrong! And the attractive woman had no idea. End story.

Aren't you glad your photos are digital now and you don't have to print them to view them? Just don't put them online, or have you computer hacked, etc.

*Disclaimer: I don't condone the viewing of other peoples personal items without permission, but from what I hear, it happens every day. This is no excuse for what these staff members did and I urge all pharmacists to be professional. This story shows you what could happen, or has already happened to you, so be careful with your belongings.

Phuk Yeah!

noreply@blogger.com (Mal Dongle) — Sun, 12 Jun 2011 10:34:00 +0000

Was just checking some background stuff to do with this blog and accidentally discovered I made someone's top 50 list!

Check it here: Pharmacy technician certification - 50 Best Blogs About Pharmaceuticals

It's somewhere near the bottom... but that's not a bad thing! Pity I didn't make the top 5 though. Might have to whore myself out a bit harder next time... hehe.

And here I thought only 3 people read this blog. Four if you include me!!

Phalling Anatomy

noreply@blogger.com (Mal Dongle) — Sun, 12 Jun 2011 09:48:00 +0000

While working in a pharmacy, you get to meet a lot of children, some cute, some loud, some messy, some ugly (have you ever seen a really ugly baby and then said to the mother, ‘oh how adorable’?), but I’ll be honest, mostly cute. And I’m saying that because I only have to see them for five to ten minutes at a time. Once they’ve finished being cute in my presence they can go back to their parents and have runny diarrhoea for all I care! I usually only get to see their good side.

So one day, a grandma and grandpa come in to get their prescriptions with their cute little blonde grandson in tow – probably around 2-3 years old. He walks all over the pharmacy asking, “What’s that poppy?”

Grandma and Grandpa are obviously a tad bit annoyed, but I’m finding it cute. My assistant notices that Grandma & Pa don’t want to be chasing him all over the shop, so offers the young lad some stickers one of the pharmaceutical reps left to promote one of their over the counter antihistamines (Yes, promoting to children is slightly dishonest, but it works).

Grandpa and the toddler start putting stickers all over the toddler’s arms, and he stops being so annoying.

I finish the grandparent’s scripts and process the sale through the till. They begin to leave and tell the young one to wave goodbye. Instead he says, “My dick fell off!”

Yes, it definitely sounded like he said his dick fell off! Grandpa immediately asks, “What did you say?”

We all see the boy reaching on the floor for one of his stickers, “Oh, your sticker fell off,” Grandpa said, “That’s ok then. C’mon then, hurry up, Grandma’s waiting.”

See, kids are cute! But only in small doses. You can tell I'm not a parent...

yet...

When I’m at a Conpherence, everything has to be Phree!

noreply@blogger.com (Mal Dongle) — Sun, 22 May 2011 10:26:00 +0000

A long time ago, in a Pharmacy Conference far, far away, when I had just graduated as a pharmacist, I went around trying to grab everything I could that was free - as you do at those sorts of things. It’s what they are there for, not for learning anything and certainly not for buying anything!

I got a few free magnets, coffee mugs, heaps and heaps of pens, samples of all sorts of creams and lotions (no, there were no samples of Viagra – it probably wasn’t even around then…), had my bone density tested for free, and it was extremely good for my age… well, back then it was. I even got to taste test some wine! Why taste testing of wine was at a pharmacy conference I’ll never know, but hell, who cares! It was FREE!

As I was driving, and didn’t really like the taste of 'something, something' brand of wine years ago – being young I was into shooters, spirits, pre-mixed drinks and boutique beer – I decided to use the spit bucket they had provided. I tried the first wine. Ew, yuck, spit. Tried the second wine. Not too bad, spit.

I met up with a friend at the time; they tried the first wine after I had finished tasting both. Their face distorted in a relatively, disgusted manner, so I offered them the spit bucket, “Here, that’s the spit bucket.”

The lady organising the wine tasting said, “No, don’t spit in there!”

Too late, my friend had already emptied the cheap wine they were making us taste… for free, into the bucket.

“No, that’s for people to put their business cards in and win a free case of wine!” She continued.

“Oops. Sorry. Didn’t realise. Where’s your spit bucket then?” I said apologetically.

“We don’t have one!” She said as she began ‘saving’ the business cards, shaking them in the air to dry off.

“Well that’s a bit stupid then, isn’t it?” I retorted and walked away.

Just between you and me, I close my eyes when I spit… That’s why I never noticed the business cards! ;)

Surprise! Phluids!

noreply@blogger.com (Mal Dongle) — Sun, 15 May 2011 14:44:00 +0000

Oh man! It's been, like, 10 years since I posted anything!

I could write about why I've had no time to write recently, but I don't care. I mean, you don't care... (I still don't care).

So here's the latest addition:

One afternoon, a mother came in with her two young toddlers, the youngest a boy, the other a girl. She asked me if we had any nappies. “Of course,” I said and showed her to the baby section.

After selecting a convenience size pack of nappies for her son, she then asked me if we kept napisan, to which I replied, “Of course.”

She then explained that her son had pooped in the car and wasn’t wearing a nappy, the one time she thought she could get away without him wearing a nappy. She was going straight home after this to clean the car, and his pants, in napisan. She then asked me, “Do you have a toilet where I can clean him up a bit and change him?”

To which I replied, “Of course!”

I gave her the key to the toilet and a few minutes later she emerged to return it then asked, “Oh, do you have vomit bags by any chance?”

To which I replied, “ah, no… sorry.” (c’mon! we can’t keep everything!).

“Oh that’s ok, I was just hoping to keep one in the car. My daughter vomited in the car park from the smell of the poo, thankfully not in the car. Just wanted one in case it happens again and then I wont have to clean two messes.”

“Well you can take a plastic bag for now?” I offered.

“It’s ok, I only need to drive a short distance home now,” she gathered her kids then muttered, “Sigh… children, always full of surprises.”

“And poo,” I thought to myself.

“Oh, and also vomit… actually, lets just say bodily fluids,” Still thinking to myself.

Pharmacist Phail

noreply@blogger.com (Mal Dongle) — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 14:20:00 +0000

I've been so busy lately I've had no time to write anything! Very sorry, not that anyone really noticed... I'm the pharmacist who phailed...

Anyway, here's a short one for you:

A lady walks into the pharmacy and says to the pharmacy student, "I want a spray or something to numb the pain in my ear from this ear piercing I got yesterday. It's really sore!"

"Oh yeah, well, I don't really have anything. But, hang on, you could try this! Stud 100 spray! It' a local anaesthetic spray so can numb the pain!"

"Really? That sounds good!"

The pharmacist, who overheard the interaction, then steps in, "No! That spray's for premature ejaculation! You can't use it on your ear!!"

For another of my stories on this famous (possibly infamous) local anaesthetic spray, click here: Stud 100.

Pharmacist Inphatuation

noreply@blogger.com (Mal Dongle) — Sat, 30 Oct 2010 02:54:00 +0000

A woman with scruffy hair and raggedy clothes comes in one morning to the pharmacy and says to me, "Where's Andy?"

I reply to her, "Andy's not here today."

Abruptly, she says, "Why is he not here?"

"He's not rostered on," I answered calmly.

"Can you get him?"

"No."

Then things got a little weird when she announced, "I love him! You're probably jealous because I love him."

"I don't like men in that way," I stated firmly. A smile nearly breached my expression, as I thought to myself, "This lady is crazy!"

"Andy's fucking that Asian bitch anyway!" A true statement as Andy and another of the pharmacists were dating - and she was Asian... and a little bitchy too.

"What about you, are you married? I might come after you!"

Slightly panicked by this woman's obvious mental issues, lied to her question, "Uh... almost married."

Disappointed and frustrated, she then said, "Don't worry about it then."

There was a brief pause before anyone said anything else.

"You know, I'm loaded! I have a mansion. Two mansions!! I'll come back to see Andy." She added.

"OK, no problems. We'll be seeing you then," I said hoping she would leave.

"Is there anyone else?" Now she sounded way too desperate and way too crazy!

"No," I replied while staring directly at a male pharmacy assistant, who also appeared dumbfounded, "Andy and I are the only two male pharmacists."

Thankfully, I never saw her again.

Phunky Phragrance

noreply@blogger.com (Mal Dongle) — Thu, 14 Oct 2010 03:22:00 +0000

One morning working as a student, I was given the task of filling Webster-paks (Blister packs) for community clients. That involves organising all their medication into a single blister for each dosing time of the day, breakfast, lunch, dinner, bedtime.

While fulfilling this task, I was exempt from any contact with customers. I was working out in the back staffroom but could still hear transactions as they happened. Being a fairly busy time of the morning, I always seemed to be able to hear at least one customer jabbering on about their problems.

Filling Webster-paks is a really boring, mundane job, so I was working quickly to finish and was sweating a little. Yes, I would prefer to serve customers than to organise Webster-paks!

After a while, I could smell the sharp odour of a sweaty person. I was sure it was me, I was working so hard! I sniffed my armpits to see if the smell got any worse - not really. I was still thinking I was the culprit, I had to be sure!

I made the excuse to grab a few more medications off the dispensary shelves for a client. I walked out of the staffroom, which was behind the dispensary and the smell immediately consumed my olfactories! (The sensory nerves for smell). I could see a few staff talking to a few customers. As I walked closer to the counter, next to the dispensary, the smell got worse, and it became clear who the culprit was.

An obese lady, with ratty hair, a long tatty dress, sweating profusely from the forehead, complete with a red, 'I've just done too much exercise,' look on her face, speaking to the pharmacist about her scripts. Yep, it was definitely her! I scurried back to the staff room, holding my breath - the smell wasn't so bad in there.

Then I came to a realisation, the obese lady was at least five metres from the door of the staffroom! And it was tucked in behind the dispensary with only one entrance! That's a pungent stench! She probably only walked from her car to the front counter to cause that much odour! Well, probably not, it wasn't exactly a cold day, and she probably did a heap of exercise before she came to the pharmacy. Well, probably not very physical exercise.

I listened for when the obese lady left then went back out to discuss her B.O with the pharmacist, of whom didn't flinch the whole time she was talking to the obese lady!

"She comes in all the time for her scripts," the pharmacist replied to my inquisition. "She always smells that bad. I'm getting used to it."

Meanwhile, one of the pharmacy assistants had grabbed a perfume tester from the perfume cabinet and sprayed it all around.

Eww, vomit!!

Phresh Phemale*

noreply@blogger.com (Mal Dongle) — Fri, 01 Oct 2010 03:35:00 +0000

One morning, a mother and daughter come into the pharmacy, and while the daughter stood behind in dark glasses, the mother asked for a specific Betadine product, Betadine Antiseptic Solution 500mL in quantities of at least 4. That's a lot of Betadine!

NB: I couldn't find any reference to the Betadine Antiseptic Solution 500mL on www.betadine.com.au so here it is on the picky pets website as proof it exists: Betadine Antiseptic Solution 500mL (Click me). What a funny poodle in pink glasses...

Continuing on, this product we didn't keep in the pharmacy so I asked if it was ok to use a replacement antiseptic we had in large quantities, Chlorhexidine scrub.

The mother answered, "No, the Surgeon told my daughter to use the Betadine only."

Being intrigued as to why one person would need to use that much solution after surgery, I had to ask what it was for, "Why would you need so much Betadine after surgery?"

The mother replied again, "We just arrived back from Thailand this morning and the surgeon in Thailand told us we need large quantities of Betadine Solution to irrigate my 'daughter's' new vagina."

"WHAT THE F...!!" is what I said in my head.

What I really said while trying my hardest not to say something that might offend or be too loud for other customers to hear was, "Ah, ok. I can order that in through our supplier and have it in by this afternoon."

God damn that was difficult to say without the expression on my face changing! I think they may have noticed my eyes suddenly widen with surprise before I said anything though.

*Further Thoughts:
You probably assume, as I did at the time, that the 'daughter' was originally a 'son,' due to the mentioning of a 'new' vagina and the fact that Thailand is full of lady boys - just take a visit to Patpong in Bangkok! I never asked the specifics at the time, that would have been just as embarrassing for me as it would have been for the daughter, but I have heard of cases where girls were born with short vaginal tracts. It's called Vaginal Hypoplasia and often associated with Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome. Obviously it causes problems, specifically so with intercourse when the length or the vagina is below 6cm. So the daughter may have been a girl with AIS, and the logical reason they chose Thailand to have the surgery is because the surgeons there have plenty of experience producing new vaginas.

How to Phrustrate the Pharmacist

noreply@blogger.com (Mal Dongle) — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 13:56:00 +0000

One afternoon on the weekend, a woman walks into the pharmacy looking for a particular item. "I was just walking past and my friend recommended me a product, so I thought I'd come in and see if you have it," She said.

"Do you know what the product is called?" The assistant inquired.

"I'm not sure, I think it starts with an 'M'," The woman replied.

"Ok, do you know what it's used for?"

"Uh, no, not really. But I'm pretty sure it starts with an 'M'."

"Do you know what the packaging looks like at all?" The assistant really trying to help the woman.

"No. My friend never showed me, she just recommended it to me."

The assistant, obviously not knowing what the product was based on the extremely limited information the customer gave her, repeated the request back to the woman, "So you are looking for a product that starts with 'M', you have no idea what it's used for and you don't know what the packaging looks like?"

"Yes," The woman acknowledged.

The assistant, now a little amused by the request, said, "I'm sorry. I have many products starting with 'M' that are used for all sorts of conditions with varied packaging. You're going to have to ask your friend for a little more information or get her to give you the package, then I'll have no problem helping you."

"Are you sure?" The woman replied with a last ditch effort not to have to come back on another occasion.

"Positive."

Unfortunately for staff in pharmacies, these sort of request aren't uncommon... god save the gene pool!

The Pharmacist's Phault

noreply@blogger.com (Mal Dongle) — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 11:51:00 +0000

Late at night, a scrawny, dirty looking man in his mid 40's comes into the pharmacy and asks for a syringe barrel and needle. Yes, a druggie. I comply with his request and ask him for the $2.50 to cover the cost. He gives me $3 and I return to him 50 cents change.

He then begins the typical druggie spill about how he doesn't do drugs and it's for his diabetes or sickness or something. I've heard it so often I just drift away with my thoughts and nod. He asks for a medi-swab so he can be "clean." We sell them for 50 cents, which is actually extremely expensive, but I don't set the price.

He hands me the remaining 50 cents he has from the last sale complaining that it's too expensive. He asks me to throw another one in for him for free, to which I refuse. "The price is fifty cents. If you have another 50 cents I'll give you another," I said.

I could have given him another one, but I'm also aware that if you give a man like this an inch, he'll take from you a mile.

He refuses to pay any extra and angrily walks off muttering things under his breath, possibly even swearing at me. He then stops closer to the front door and yells at me, "This is serious! I could die!"

I ignore him and let him walk out in an angry mood. But seriously, he could die without having an extra alcohol swab?!?!

Later in the evening, the assistant & I close the front door and are in the process of shutting shop when we hear a tapping on the window. Low and behold there is the druggie at the window attempting to talk to us. Unfortunately for him, we were on the other side of the store and couldn't hear his muffled rants. The assistant went up to the window to help translate. As it turns out he was politely - yes, politely - asking if he left $2.50 on the counter.

Just in case, and to make him happy, I check the counter and find nothing. I relay the message through to the assistant who tells the druggie. He yells through the window, "Give me my $2.50 back, it's my bus money!"

I replied back loudly, "No. You gave me $3, I gave you 50 cents change, then you bought a swab for 50 cents. You spent all of your money and we don't have any more of it!"

He continues to shout at me through the window to give him his money back. I give up and continue shutting the shop and tell the assistant to ignore him, but he still continues. Eventually I give up and yell at him, "Bugger off!"

At this point, he stops his jabbering and says, "This will come back to you!" and leaves. Finally!

And as you probably guessed, I'm still waiting for my karma for the 50 cent alcohol swab. I wonder if he's OD'd and died yet?

Phorget Phlushing

noreply@blogger.com (Mal Dongle) — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 12:43:00 +0000

A guy walks into the pharmacy late one night from a nearby pub and asks the assistant with a drunken lisp, "Where's ya pisser?" (He was asking to go to the toilet for those who don't understand)

"Sorry, we don't have a public toilet," The assistant replied.

We do actually have a toilet, but only for staff. We don't want to allow the public access to our toilet at the risk they may shoot up, which could be a common occurrence with the clientele we quite often serve.

I butted in to help out the assistant, "There's a public toilet 50 metres up the street. Go there."

"Oh, alright," the drunken man said and he left the store.

We could still see him at our front door, then we realised he was pissing on it!

The assistant yelled at the man to fuck off, but when someone's started to urinate, you know how hard it is to stop, so I weighed all my options before I took any action. Do I, a) yell abuse at him to stop; b) tackle him to the ground and risk getting pissed on; c) call the cops who would have no chance of catching him?

I know you wanted me to pick 'b)' and get pissed on, but I chose a combination of 'a)' and 'c).' What would you have done? There's not much one can do.

So I called the cops and left my details and a description of the offender. The drunk, pissing man finished his business and took off. I never saw him again, or the cops for that matter.

Disgusting prick!

Morning Aphter Phone Number

noreply@blogger.com (Mal Dongle) — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 17:26:00 +0000

Late one afternoon, close to the end of my shift as a student, a young lady, maybe mid to late 20's, came in with a prescription for the morning after pill, Postinor-2. This is also known as emergency contraception (EC) with the active ingredient Levonorgestrel.

The pharmacist dispensed the prescription, and being in a learning pharmacy, handed it to me to counsel the young lady (Or maybe the pharmacist was just too lazy to do it herself?).

The young lady was fairly overweight and very talkative. In fact, I had met her on two previous occasions, one where I assisted her with an ovulation thermometer, then again in Woolworths when the pharmacy boss sent me to get her Cadbury crunch chocolate due to the boss being pregnant and having the munchies. On this occasion in Woolies, the young lady recognised me and complained about how her ovulation thermometer didn't work and would return it, but was generally happy about the pharmacy's customer service.

Anyway, back in the pharmacy I started counselling the young, overweight, talkative lady who didn't seem that interested in the information I had to offer. Probably because she said she had used it before and for some reason was more fascinated in my history as a pharmacy student, asking me numerous questions, then getting a little bit too personal and friendly for my liking by asking if I lived nearby.

I may have panicked a little as the thought came into my head she may be trying to hit on me! Then another thought, "You're (possibly) trying to hit on me when you obviously have had sex with another guy within the last three days?! And you aren't attractive!! At all!!!" (To me anyway, I've seen on documentaries many men go for that sort of thing, and I was young and superficial).

I quickly tried to finish the sale, in doing so realised it was the end of my shift, which motivated me even more to get this lady out of the shop - I had finished all the necessary counselling. The young, overweight, talkative, possibly promiscuous lady finally left then I quickly grabbed my things and took off as soon as I was able, just in case she thought she needed to come back.

And I made it out, unscathed. Phew!

The next day I arrived at the pharmacy rather relaxed, no thought of the previous days events, ready to tackle any challenges ahead. The pharmacist, same pharmacist from the previous day then said to me, "Your friend came back into the pharmacy last night after you left and asked me to pass this onto you."

"What friend?" I replied.

"Oh, that girl you sold the morning after pill to yesterday," the pharmacist handed me a slip of paper.

"Oh, great," I said, "I bet it's her phone number."

Sure enough it was.

"Oops," I said sarcastically as I dropped the paper in the rubbish, "It fell in the bin!"

"I thought you might do that," The pharmacist mentioned.

"She tried to pick me up while getting the morning after pill! Don't you think that's a little, well, slutty?" I suggested, defending my actions.

"Yeah, I guess that's fair enough."

Fair enough indeed...

Phigmental Phriends

noreply@blogger.com (Mal Dongle) — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 06:44:00 +0000

Late one evening a gentleman came into the pharmacy alone while talking on his phone and approached the fridge to choose a drink to purchase.

Well, I thought he was talking on the phone, his monologue suggested as much. I checked for a hands free kit or mobile phone of any kind. No. Nothing. Puzzled, I listened a little more closely to what he was saying.

"You've gotta make it fair," he said, "Even it up. No. that's not good enough! What am I gonna do?"

"OK..." I thought to myself, "So that pretty much confirms he's a little bit crazy. Great. So just don't piss him off and he wont get more crazy!"

While thinking this to myself I noticed a police officer at our front door. The officer was just standing in the doorway watching the crazy guy. Well that gave me some relief.

The crazy guy continued, "Even it up! That's better." He then selected a drink, "They're probably gonna tell me I can't get it."

He approached the counter still muttering, but I couldn't make any of the words out. The assistant put the sale through for the crazy guy's drink and he left the shop. The police officer came in to reassure us and told us he had been following the crazy guy up the street as he seemed a bit odd - just making sure he didn't cause a scene.

Thank you Mr Police Officer man!

In my short experience with this 'crazy guy' I could only assume he had dissociative identity disorder (also known as multiple personality disorder, or split personality disorder), schizophrenia (of which hearing voices is common), or was under the influence of an insane combination of drugs!

Don't do drugs kiddies!

Hey! Is that the first time one of my stories has had a community service message?

Glitter Phingers

noreply@blogger.com (Mal Dongle) — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 11:43:00 +0000

Early one afternoon, a fairly suspicious middle aged man came into the pharmacy requesting to get his script from us and have it kept on our script file so he wouldn't lose it. The problem was, the script he wanted was already on file at another pharmacy a fair distance away and was for an item considered to be a 'dangerous drug'.

We agreed to keep the script for him, but before we could dispense any part of it, we required the hard copy of the script, verification of the Doctor who wrote it and permission from the health department due to the medication's potentially harmful nature. The client agreed while I followed up with his previous pharmacy, his Doctor and the health department.

While he waited he wandered the shop, and due to the shadiness of his demeanour, another pharmacist followed his actions on CCTV when he wasn't busy.

I managed to contact the previous pharmacy who informed me that the man had discussed the situation with them and the pharmacist was prepared to fax a copy of the script to me then post it in the mail. The pharmacist was also aware further verification would be required before it could be sent to us.

Once we received the fax, verification of the Doctor was fairly simple, however, permission from the health department was taking some time which seemed to make the client fairly anxious. He was asking every few minutes if it was ok to grab his medication to which the reply was, "No, we are still waiting on the health department."

He continued to look around the shop, then approached me again to say he would come back in a few minutes, of which I was very pleased due to his annoying requests every few minutes. Just before he left, the other pharmacist on duty thought he saw the client put something in his pocket from the skincare section.

Checking back through the video footage, it was confirmed he did take something, but we couldn't make out what it was. Before he returned, I contacted his previous pharmacy and spoke to the same pharmacist again indicating we would no longer help him as he had just stolen from us and not to forward the script.

On his return, the other pharmacist on duty approached the client asking him to return the product he stole. The client denied any wrong doing initially, until we showed him the CCTV footage. He retrieved the item from his back pocket of which was a skin lotion containing glitter!!

"Why would you steal a glitter lotion?" The pharmacist asked.

"Uh, I don't know. It was taking so long and I'm a little weird in the head. I haven't had my medication today," he replied. "Can I get my medication yet? Have they called back?"

"Sorry, you stole from us," I said, "You're not getting anything from us."

The other pharmacist on duty then said, "Because you stole from us we're going to call the cops now."

At this point, his obvious addiction to his medication come forth, yelling and swearing at the other pharmacist on duty then saying, "You got something against me? huh?" and put his hands up as if it was the first round of a boxing match.

He began trying to punch and kick the pharmacist and a bit of a struggle developed. The pharmacist corralled him to the front door as I pushed the panic button for the police to arrive. At the front door, he tried to kick the pharmacist again and accidentally hit a customer. Other customers were yelling at him to stop being such a dick-head, and a couple of them also contacted the police as it was a fairly scary scene.

He eventually left, at which point I realised it was well after the end of my shift. I made sure everyone was OK then went home...

HEY! Don't judge me! Everyone was OK! I didn't abandon them!!

To put you at ease, the customer he kicked didn't get hit hard and was ok. Also, the cops arrived just before I left and I gave them my statement as well as the name and address of the crazy middle aged man who stole body glitter for no apparent reason! He wasn't smart enough to realise we had all his details on the faxed copy of his prescription...

The Perphormer's Phlurry

noreply@blogger.com (Mal Dongle) — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 16:44:00 +0000

Late on a Saturday night, an impressive looking Eurasian girl (hey, I'm only telling you what I saw!) approaches the counter and asks me for something for an upset stomach. I ask her what her symptoms are, of which she explains and requests something non-drowsy as she is at work.

I recommend a product to relax the cramping feeling she has in her stomach and reduce the chance of any 'accidents' leaking out the 'bomb bay.' I put the transaction through the till and then asked, "So, doing the late night at a pub?"

"No, a club actually," She replied. "Strip club up the street. I arrived at work and they said, 'You're on in 15 minutes,' and I was like, 'I've got to run to the chemist real quick!'"

Moral: Strippers are people too... Sometimes really hot people! (Hey, lay off! You'd be thinking it too if you saw her!)

Phorbidden Pharmaceutical

noreply@blogger.com (Mal Dongle) — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 06:24:00 +0000

A lady of Asian descent comes to the front counter of the pharmacy and asks the assistant with a 'typical' Asian accent, "I'd like to get some heroin for hair."

"Umm, excuse me?" replies the shocked assistant.

"You know, heroin!"

Meanwhile, I'm nearby serving two clients for opioid replacement therapy, of which both have had close, personal experience with heroin. (NB: Heroin is an opioid and people who become addicted to heroin at some point in their lives will end up on opioid replacement such as methadone, suboxone or subutex). They struggle to hold in their laughter at this misinformed Asian woman asking for heroin for hair. This is the point where I jump in to help the confused and shocked assistant, "Don't you mean Herron?"

"Yes, heroin!" She says in agreement. "The pharmacy nearby has heroin for hair on special for $24.95. It comes with a shampoo."

"So Herron tablets for hair, skin and nails, yeah?" I confirm, just in case she is asking for heroin, however unlikely... (NB: Herron is an Australian company that makes pharmaceutical and complementary products).

"Yes! Do you have it?"

"No sorry, we don't have that promotion. We mainly keep Blackmores vitamins and I have their product for hair, skin and nails. It doesn't come with a shampoo though," I start speaking to the assistant, "Why don't you show her the Blackmores vitamins?"

"No that's okay," the Asian woman replies. "I was looking for the heroin one."

She thanks us for our assistance and leaves the shop completely unaware of the meaning of her mispronunciation or the other customers chuckles. Meanwhile, the two clients for opioid replacement begin laughing out loud and one makes the comment, "I thought she said heroin! I can show her where to buy some!"

Phibbing Phor Prophit

noreply@blogger.com (Mal Dongle) — Sat, 26 Jun 2010 10:07:00 +0000

One afternoon, working in the pharmacy after studying at uni as a student, a middle aged woman came in for some batteries for her camera. One of the other students approached her at the battery stand. She was unsure what batteries she required, so gave the camera to the student to open and organise while the Pharmacist and I remained in the dispensary and listened.

The batteries were just simple AA batteries. The student, who had excellent people skills, attempted to companion sell an extra set of batteries.

"You should probably take a second pair of batteries, if you're taking lots of photos they'll come in handy," The student said.

"Um, nah. The batteries only just went flat on the weekend. I probably wont use it for a while. Just wanted to make sure it was ready when I needed it," The woman replied.

"Well, did you know that if you aren't using the batteries in the camera, they discharge around 3% per day, so by the time you come to use the camera you might actually need that second pair,"

"Oh, really? I'd never heard of that!" The woman answered rather surprised.

"Yes, you don't want to miss out on any photo opportunities now, do you?" He cunningly questioned.

"No, you're probably right. It's always a good Idea to have a spare pair of batteries anyway. Thanks for that bit of advice."

"Hey, no problem. That's why we're here!"

The student processed the sale of two pairs of AA batteries on the till and wished the woman on her way.

After she was gone he came back to the dispensary where the Pharmacist asked, "I didn't know batteries discharged 3% per day, that's quite interesting. Where did you learn that?"

A cheeky grin emerged on the student's face, "Oh, I just made it up to sell her the extra batteries. The boss told us to companion sell more!"

Phungal Inphection

noreply@blogger.com (Mal Dongle) — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 10:59:00 +0000

A lady came into the pharmacy late one night, brunette, skimpy clothes, rather tatty looking and was immediately served by a pharmacy assistant at the counter. Without any regard to her own privacy, says, "Can I have some Canesten please? My pussy is sore."

While speaking, she held her hands down near her crotch and began writhing her body as if she needed to go to the toilet. The assistant, a little surprised by the openness of this woman began following the protocols for such a request, "What symptoms do you have at the moment?"

"My pussy is sore. Please, I do like 20 guys a night! I need some Canesten," she replied while still writhing at the counter.

"Uh... ok. Do you have any itching?" The assistant asked

"Yes."

"Any discharge?"

"A little."

"What colour is the discharge? Is it white and cottage cheese like or a different colour?"

"It's white. Please! My pussy is sore! I need to work!" The woman, which can confidently be called a hooker now, continues to squirm.

The assistant, having received just enough information from the woman, shows her the range of Canesten products we supply and suggests the once pessary and cream. "You shouldn't 'work' until the infection's gone and see a Doctor if it doesn't clear," the assistant added.

"I know what I'm doing," The woman retorted, "Thanks."

The assistant put the sale through the register and the woman then left the premises.

For those unfamiliar and those that didn't notice I had already included links to Canesten in the story, more information on Canesten can be found here: Canesten. Oh, and a bit about vaginal thrush, also known as vaginal yeast infection, can be found from the global Canesten website here: Vaginal Yeast Infection.

Pharmacy Phrenzy

noreply@blogger.com (Mal Dongle) — Tue, 25 May 2010 04:06:00 +0000

Late one night, a man wandered the pharmacy for a little while, checking out products here and there. I waited for him at the counter as he said he required no assistance, and when he was ready, put through a few items for him.

Just after I served him, the security guard approached him and asked him, "Can I check your pockets please?"

The man refused and asked why he had to show his pockets. The security guard demanded, "Show me what you have in your pockets!"

I was unaware the man had tried to steal anything, but quite often, you are unaware. I said to the man, "Just show him what you have, if there's nothing, you can go, if not, I'll give you the chance to pay for it or hand it back."

The man insisted he had nothing in his pockets. He tried to leave the shop but the guard stood in his way, so started to push the security guard. The guard, obviously having none of this, stood his ground and at the same time reached for the man's left pocket.

The security guard said to me, while reaching, "He's stolen a berocca!" Berocca, in case you didn't know, is an effervescent vitamin group B & C product most often used as a hangover cure. Wikipedia information here.

The man protected his pocket and began to push more. The guard's reaction was to restrain him, pulling his right arm while still reaching for the left pocket, causing the man a little bit of discomfort. The man attempted to break free of the guard and a small struggled developed.

While this was going on, I went to the phone and said to the man, "If you don't stop fighting and produce the product I'm calling the cops!"

The man then started to to get quite agitated and began yelling and whimpering, his face had gone red and it look like he was crying!

"Stop pushing me," he said, "Let me go, I haven't got anything! This is harassment, let me go!"

I called the police, and began describing the incident when the man started yelling, "I'm having a panic attack!" and fell to the floor.

"Stop, I'm having a panic attack!" He continued.

I described the incident to the police and then added, "And now he's having a panic attack. I don't know if he's faking or not, but it happened as soon as I called you guys."

The guard stopped after finding the product in his pocket, a small box of red berocca. The man meanwhile, curled into a ball and crawled into a corner of the counter and some shelves, whimpering and crying, "Leave me alone, I'm having a panic attack."

The man stayed there with the security guard watching over him while he continued to complain of being harassed and having anxiety. I continued to serve other customers, of which all inquired as to what was going on.

This went on for about 10 minutes until the police arrived. Two officers walked in, one an older gentleman and a younger female officer who asked, "where is the guy?"

I pointed to him, "he's over there."

The male officer approached the man, then said, "Oh, hi Barry. What trouble are you getting yourself into tonight?" (Real name not used)

"You guys know him?!?" I said

"Oh yeah, he's been at the station earlier this week. We'll handle it from here."

The police talked to him privately in the corner for about 10-15 minutes, calming him down, while I continued to serve and the guard stood close by.

Eventually, after taking short statements from both the guard and I, the police walked out with the man. To this day, I'm still unsure if they arrested him, as we did recover the product and the guard approached the man before he had officially "stole" anything. To officially steal something you must leave the premises with the item, of which the man did not, although he intended to. And to top that off, he is within his rights to refuse any bag or pocket check!

Sometimes, sorry, I mean, a lot of the time I feel the law is out to protect the criminal rather than the victim. The crazy world we live in...

Unfortunately for us, intention to steal is not breaking the law, it's almost breaking the law... In totally unrelated news, intention to travel is apparently a foul in basketball according to the umpire of our competition!

Prophylactic Problem

noreply@blogger.com (Mal Dongle) — Thu, 20 May 2010 12:46:00 +0000

A lady came into the pharmacy one afternoon and asked to speak to whoever was in charge. At the time, I was still an undergraduate, so the pharmacist in charge, when she wasn't busy, went to assist the lady.

"I would like to return this product," the lady announced, "It doesn't work!"

The pharmacist inspected the item in question and it turned out to be a 75g tube of spermicide. "I'm sorry ma'am, but we can't return medicinal products, especially if they have been opened and used," The pharmacist replied.

"Well, I'm pregnant, so you have to! It didn't work!" The lady retorted.

"I'm sorry, but I can't. You've used all of the product, if everyone did that for all the products in the pharmacy because they 'didn't work,' eventually there would be no pharmacies!"

The lady, getting angrier now, said, "So I ate this stuff every time I had sex for nothing! It tastes like CRAP!"

The pharmacist, shocked by the lady's answer, lowered her voice to a whisper, "Um, ma'am... you swallowed it? This is meant to be inserted... you know... down stairs..."

"What? It doesn't say it on there." The lady checked the tube of spermicide, "Insert the spermicide deep into your vagina... oh, it does." The lady reduced the tone and fierceness in her voice, "I'm sorry, this is embarrassing. I didn't realise."

The pharmacist, feeling sorry for the lady then said, "Look, considering this has caused you some embarrassment and nobody offered to explain to you how to use it when you bought it, how about, as a gesture of good will, I give you 15% off any pregnancy, breastfeeding or baby product? I'll write it on a voucher for you so you can purchase it any time in the next year. And to reduce this problem happening again, I will personally apply some 'vaginal use only' stickers to the spermicide tubes and encourage my staff to ask if the person knows how to use it when they buy it."

The lady, a little happier, replied, "Ah, yes, that's sounds ok. Thank you."

The lady took the voucher and left the pharmacy quietly.

Manuphacturing Phail

noreply@blogger.com (Mal Dongle) — Wed, 05 May 2010 05:52:00 +0000

One morning at a pharmacy I was working at, a customer came in to get something to relieve colic in her infant and Donnalix was something she had been recommended. When I grabbed it off the shelf I noticed a spelling mistake in their packaging. See if you can find it...

You get a theta for your labelling!

Did you find it?

If you didn't see it, and if you aren't in the health industry I don't expect you to, the mistake was Atropine spelt Atrorine! If I did that in a pharmaceutical lab I'd get an immediate theta. Theta is a fancy way of drawing a '0' on your lab report because you failed miserably!

This error is the real reason Donnalix Infant was taken off the market, not because parents were accidentally overdosing their children!
***UPDATE*** 16/06/2010 - According to the Wyeth website here, Donnalix Infant was not taken off the market. Must have just been discussions in the industry coinciding with the Pharmacy I worked in at the time removing the product from their shelves by choice. Also notice I have embedded links to the Wyeth consumer website in this story regarding Donnalix. ***END UPDATE***

Needless to say, I recommended the woman not take the Donnalix for her infant. I don't particularly like those kinds of products and most products for colic aren't effective anyway.

Philling the Phorm

noreply@blogger.com (Mal Dongle) — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 03:42:00 +0000

A woman comes in to submit some forms through our pharmacy one night and she is required to show her ID, a driver's licence. She is unsure how to fill out the form so she asks my help. I check if she's filled out the form correctly and the spelling of everything on the form. While I complete this task, she mentions she's dyslexic, so there will most likely be at least one word incorrect.

While comparing the names on her licence, I do in fact come across one mistake - her middle name. I wont use her real name, lets just call her by her middle name and her middle name is Sonia. Sonia has spelt her middle name correctly on the form, in fact, everything on the form is correct. However, on her driver's licence, Sonia has been spelt, Snonia!

I'll spell it out for all those who didn't notice the difference:

S - N - O - N - I - A

I double check with her that her middle name isn't in reality, Snonia and show her the driver's licence. She's says, "No, it is Sonia. I can't believe I've never noticed it spelt Snonia on my licence! I've had that for years!"

Bwahahahahahah!

I'm very sorry to all dyslexic people out there, but you have to find that a little funny!