EVILFLU

Making an Appearance

noreply@blogger.com (EVILFLU) — Sun, 30 Jul 2023 15:55:00 +0000

I’m usually an in and out kind of gal. I’ll make an appearance, but I generally do not like to be in the same crowd of people for too long. It may be an anxiety thing because I feel like if I stay too long, people will notice I’m weird or I’ll say something that will randomly come to mind months later.

I’m stuck in a splash pad right now. One of those ones with the slides and water sprayers and kids crying. I’ve stayed well beyond my comfort time. In fact, I’ve had to move my plastic Muskoka chair three times now to get back in the shade - if that gives you any idea how long I’ve been here.

The almost six year old is having fun going down the same slide over and over, scraping the back of her legs each time she goes down. Enough to complain about it, not quite enough to cry about it.

I am people watching. Watching people who have their shit together. The grandparents. The workers …and the guy who looks insanely like R.

It’s not the first time this has happened. I see lookalikes all the time. Someone mentioned to me that R really looked like Tim McGraw and now he is one of the lookalikes. The difference is this one was wearing a tattered up beer shirt. It made me wonder how he would have dressed today.

Would he have a favourite sports team that he wears? Bright colours? Super heroes? Plaid?

He died in 2005…even before he could create a Facebook account. Times have changed so much.

Such a weird thing to suddenly think of.

The kid has now scraped her butt over the acceptable amount and is ready to go!

Did I ever tell you about the time I was cursed...

noreply@blogger.com (EVILFLU) — Wed, 26 Apr 2023 00:54:00 +0000

Actually twice. I was cursed twice in my lifetime.

Once when I was a kid. I can't recall exactly how old I was, but I was at the age where the highlight of visiting your great grandparents was the doll that went over the toilet paper roll in their bathroom. I loved that doll. She hid the spare toilet paper roll with her mint green crocheted gown. She was a beauty - and I'm sure she had seen some things.

I'm sure all I ever talked to my great grandmother about was how much I loved that doll. My memory is not all that great, but from what I do remember my great grandmother was a cold woman - oh and apparently she was a witch. True story.

On one particular visit to my great grandparents' home I was presented with that nasty little toilet doll - and upon touching her fuzzy mint dress, which was unforgivably toilet roll shaped - even though the toilet roll had been removed - I vomited.

You have to know, I never throw up. I can probably recall all the times I threw up and in my childhood I threw up three times - once on TP Barbie, once when I licked a dandelion outside and another time when I went to bed too soon after eating at Chi Chi's and threw up purple on my wall.

TP Barbie never recovered. It was traumatic. Looking back now, I am not entirely sure if it was from excitement or the fact that it was a vestibule for my great grandmother's curse - which may still exist to this very day. It may have been a hearty bowl of Count Chocula and a long car ride to Richmond Hill, but I am willing to bet it was a curse.

The second time I was cursed was by my first ever roommate. Actually I'm not sure if she really did curse me because she said it would be worse for her if she did or something like that. If the curse of my life is from her spell I figure she's probably a gnarled up old troll somewhere if she's three times worse than I am now because things haven't been so great.

All joking aside. I am writing here today because it's been 18 years.

18 years is a very long time and a lot has changed

but I still cry sometimes.

The grief of losing him. The grief of losing what our future would have been.

The grief of the best and worst time of my life - how is that even possible?

I am writing here today because I cried at a commercial about Smile Cookies today.

I am cursed.

Nothing has been normal for me.

and although that is not always entirely bad - I feel like the curse has never left.

Except the times when I was happy and I didn't think about it.

When he was here.

Grief changes. It is never the same the next day, the next year or even 18 years later.

My grief is not the same as your grief.

All I know is it does get easier because we cope.

We learn how to live without the person.

and everything is okay.

PS - I guess I should address not being here for so long. I had to look up something here and I realized how much writing helped me cope. I can't promise I will be here regularly. I even lost my domain and I'm not really that evil anymore - thank you for reading.

Just Do It...

noreply@blogger.com (EVILFLU) — Wed, 09 Sep 2020 12:45:00 +0000

I think a lot of my problems stem from procrastination.

Maybe it’s self doubt hidden under a friendlier term.

Either way, if I don’t do it now, I’m not going to do it.

Cooking dinner the moment I walk in the door versus sitting down means the family eats pizza.

These past few weeks of recovery is compliments of just doing it.

It doesn’t give me time to think of what I might do wrong or who might be looking at me.

This approach may not work for everyone - but for me it’s a reminder of what will work - and so far it’s working!

(A photo of the dinner I made. Yes it looks questionable. I’m not a chef. Don’t come at me!)

Fixing Flu...

noreply@blogger.com (EVILFLU) — Thu, 03 Sep 2020 14:31:00 +0000

Well that was a trip!

I've been gone. A lot. I know.

I've been wallowing in misery...you know, the usual.

But I miss me. Or the me I wanted to be.

I didn't even really get to know myself before I started loathing that person too.

I decided to come back here...my therapy.

I'm older. Fatter. Not wiser. A lot grumpier and pretty unhealthy.

So now here I am. Again. On a journey to make myself a better person...again.

I'm already doing pretty okay. I workout in a gym now - more than once a week!

I'm hoping by coming back here I can keep myself accountable.

-but for my own mental sake, I am not promising anything.

please hold while I dig out a photo to make this post more eye catching because my writing is a little dusty

My Daughter...

noreply@blogger.com (EVILFLU) — Thu, 07 Jun 2018 15:34:00 +0000

My daughter.
I never thought I would say those words.
My little girl with a contagious smile.
Exactly what I needed at the worst possible time.

Charlotte 'Charlee' Jean came in to this world on September 7.
Her birth was like any other scheduled birth (other than the med student who fainted).
She peacefully changed our lives that day and sometimes I still can't believe she's all mine.

Her big brother adores her.
I expected some jealousy, but he is so happy to have a sister.
My son grew up so quickly from the time she was born.
I don't know if it's because I haven't been paying as much attention to him or just that he is more responsible than I ever gave him credit for.

I thought I knew it all.
A single parent for 13 years.
Boy, was I wrong.

Charlee taught me how to love again in a whole other way.
She taught me that babies have different personalities.
and she taught me that it is possible to function on less sleep when you're an "older parent".
I also had to learn quickly about baby girl fashion - don't laugh, it's harder than you think.

This post is long overdue.
I've had to write it over and over.
but it was just never fitting.

My writing is way out of practice.
My mind is tired and occupied.
but my little girl is nine months old today and I have put this off long enough.

The truth is, I was afraid.
Nothing is perfect.
It has taken me a long time to accept that nothing ever really is.
I am working on it.
Even though everything feels scattered - this is us and that is not going to change for a long time.
so I am going to embrace it
and enjoy our little life just the way it is.

Anything Can Happen... (and it did)

noreply@blogger.com (EVILFLU) — Fri, 17 Mar 2017 16:56:00 +0000

Introducing BabyFLU....set to arrive in September 2017.

The Battle...

noreply@blogger.com (EVILFLU) — Wed, 30 Nov 2016 20:21:00 +0000

On the frontline.
The soldiers are in order.
I'm pretty sure Jon Snow is there.
It is a battle...
and it's all in my head.

It's a battle of
Never being good enough.
Never being smart enough.
Feeling like a nuisance to people.
Enhancing my flaws.
Being deceived.
Having trust issues.

Everything changed so quickly.
I panicked and I gave up.
and then they settled and I somehow forgot who I was.
People are not the same.
Home is never my home.
It's never settled.

I try to blend in.
I don't want anyone to notice.
but at the same time this is a cry for help.
Starving for attention.
Where is Jon Snow when you need him?

In a way this is one of those blog posts apologizing for my absence.
In a way I'm not sure I will ever come back.
This world is a scary place.
People are offended.
People are angry.
Being a writer is terrifying.

#FLUReviews: Our Lady Peace and I Mother Earth at Budweiser Gardens, London, Ontario October 27, 2016

noreply@blogger.com (EVILFLU) — Mon, 31 Oct 2016 14:19:00 +0000

A huge thanks to Budweiser Gardens for picking me to review one of my all-time most favourite bands!!

You can read the review here on the Budweiser Gardens Blog: http://bit.ly/2f9kdiZ

Settled.

noreply@blogger.com (EVILFLU) — Tue, 13 Sep 2016 18:44:00 +0000

Hello dear blog reader(s).

It's been a while.
The truth is I was feeling a little overwhelmed.

I find writing very soothing.
Sharing my experiences with strangers makes me feel less alone.
Blogging has always been a cry for help that I hope nobody answers.

This year has been a tough one.
Those who are not strangers may have noticed the changes in my existence.
Although the changes were beneficial - and necessary - I'm still not myself.
I'm not sure I will ever be.
...but that's okay.

I have a new job (again).
I dreamed of this job.
But it's not permanent.

I am in love(ish).
and of course it has flaws and it's messy.
I realize things are never perfect.

Even though I still wake up every morning feeling like this isn't my life anymore
It is
for now.
...and that's not a terrible thing.

I'm learning to enjoy the moments instead of the months.
Which is a terribly hard thing to do.

I still wonder when the rug will be pulled out from under my feet.
I don't think that feeling ever goes away, really.

Always the Victim...

noreply@blogger.com (EVILFLU) — Tue, 24 May 2016 02:28:00 +0000

I am so stubborn.
Sometimes that's not such a bad quality to have.
I stand my ground.
I am loyal.
but sometimes being stubborn holds me back.

I know this situation is wrong.
It's just so wrong.
...but my heart wants me to fight.

I'm tired.
I'm spiraling.
I can't remember feeling this lost - ever.

I gave up the last 9.5 years of my life - because I was unhappy.
and now I can't get over the loss.
I am in mourning.

I lost my "family".
I lost my confidence.
I am sensitive.
I pushed people away.
I lost myself...

and I'm scared.

I want my old shitty life back.
I want to feel special again.

I want to be sheltered.
and to feel like myself.

Broken Heart Mix

Mother's Day 2016...

noreply@blogger.com (EVILFLU) — Mon, 09 May 2016 15:02:00 +0000

As a single parent, Mother's Day is rough. I'm going to be completely honest (and sound like a selfish asshole) but I am jealous of all you moms out there who get pampered all day or get breakfast in bed or even some flowers or a gift card.

I know it's a real jerk thing to say, but I am always disappointed on Mother's Day and every year I go out to the privacy of my car and cry about it because it just makes me realize that being a single parent is hard and on a day when everyone else in the world is celebrating with their family, I am jealous and angry that I feel jealous. It's a vicious cycle really.

This year we were invited to a Mother's Day picnic which was a really nice change (maybe it should be a tradition). I got to eat food that I didn't have to prepare (except for the Ultimate Caesar Salad - it's kind of my thing now), got to hang out with people who weren't moody 12 year olds and I didn't have to nag anyone to get off the PlayStation. I think it was a pretty decent day after all!

Oh and my big kid let me take a selfie with him where he wasn't making a goofy face!

Road Rage Queen of York Street...

noreply@blogger.com (EVILFLU) — Wed, 09 Mar 2016 16:00:00 +0000

I have no patience for bad drivers.
I'm not saying I'm the best driver ever, but I make safe choices when I drive.
I just finished a year of an auto merit program with my insurance company and I am now saving 5% off my car insurance. Good(ish) driver.

Every good story has a setting. Picture this:
Driving down the street, first beautiful day of the year. Sunroof open, windows down. Tom Petty Free Fallin' on the radio. Nobody is in front of me, nobody behind me. I'm all alone in my little red VW Beetle - oh and the wind is totally blowing through my hair.

Suddenly, a man in a silver BMW pulls out of the TD Bank parking lot right in front of me totally wrecking my vibe. He then decided to look around his car and slow us down to a steady 20 km/hr. There was nobody behind me, had he waited an extra five seconds he could have had the whole road to himself as I had. Instead, Mr. God's Gift to York Street decided he was going to aggravate my face and bring out my alter ego: Naughty Nikki the Road Rage Queen of York Street.

Before I continue with this story, I have to give a little bit of a back story. I came in to some extra money this week. I was *supposed* to buy contact lenses. However, I decided to buy myself a fancy Apple Watch instead. I can't explain these things - it just happened. Because of my poor life decisions, I no longer have access to contact lenses. This puts me at a disadvantage when I go in hot tubs, watch a 3D movie in the theatre or wear sunglasses.

Because I can't wear sunglasses properly right now, I found myself pulled up beside Mr. BMW like this:

...and his face was like this:

Disclaimer: BMW man was not really Kanye West.

I forgot that I was wearing my heart-shaped sunglasses directly over my big plastic-rimmed prescription glasses. Safety first people. There was sun!

The moral of the story is: When given the choice between contact lenses and an Apple Watch - you should probably pick the contact lenses so you don't give someone the finger looking like a maniac.

Dreaming...

noreply@blogger.com (EVILFLU) — Tue, 08 Mar 2016 18:34:00 +0000

I woke up sobbing.
I had one of those dreams where you are in another reality.
It was a horrible dream where my mother died.

I felt like I was completely lost.
Honestly, I don't see or talk to my family very much.
I'm working on it.
My anxiety makes me feel like nobody wants to hear what I have to say.
I never call.

So I come here and write about my feelings to complete strangers.
Makes perfect sense, somehow.

Most of the time my dreams take me to amazing places.
Things happen that could only ever really happen - well, in my dreams.
Sometimes my dreams even come true. Usually when this happens it's just an extreme sense of deja vu (example: I've been in this bowling alley before).

Sometimes I have dreams about Freddy Krueger under my grandmother's bed.
Other times I dream of giving birth in strange places.
and then there are those dreams that are just too real.

I told my mom about my dream.
She was curious what she died of. I had asked that in my dream, and just as it was being explained to me I woke up.
I was just glad to know she was okay - even if I annoyed her asking when her last doctor's visit was.

I remember in my dream that I was buying a bed from my aunt and we were working out the details when I found out about my mom. When I texted my mom she was telling me all about the new bed she bought from my aunt *cue X-Files theme song*.

My mom is okay. She's getting a new bed and she's really okay.
but my dream made me realize I have to reach out to family more often.
but I was still troubled as to why I would have such a horrible dream.
I did watch a scary movie before bed - but to dig a little deeper, I checked out dreambible.com.

According to dreambible.com:

"If your mother dies in a dream it represents feelings of having lost your sense of intuition or consistently making bad choices. Feeling that you have poor foresight. You are unable to solve a problem, get away from negative life situations, and problems you have stay unresolved. If she dies it's very likely you have powerful fears, or moral dilemmas that you need to overcome. You may feel a permanent sense of bad luck or that you can't stop yourself from making a bad decision with something very important."

...and it all completely makes sense now.

Hopefully tonight I dream about being a millionaire again. I like that dream.

When There is an "I" in Your Team...

noreply@blogger.com (EVILFLU) — Wed, 02 Mar 2016 16:34:00 +0000

I love being a part of a team.
Mostly because I am a major follower.
I am inspired by leadership roles, but I'm too apprehensive to be a leader.
I've known this ever since I was excluded from those leadership field trips they had in school.
You know what, I'm a pretty awesome follower anyway.

Being a part of a team means you are a supporter.
You have a sense of pride.
You are treated as a respected equal.
You expect that your ideas are taken seriously.
You should feel safe.

When you are an "I" of the team you feel like you are superior to your peers.
You shoot down ideas because they aren't your own.
You feel like everybody is against you.
Your time is much more important
You walk by a light switch - twice - and don't bother to turn it on

People who are affected by the "I" of the team shut down.
They don't feel supported.
Their sense of pride is depleted.
They feel like everyone is against them.

Don't be an "I".
It just makes the team look like a bunch of jerks.

Wild...

noreply@blogger.com (EVILFLU) — Tue, 01 Mar 2016 20:05:00 +0000

My heart doesn't know what it wants.
or maybe that's just your heart.

You make something so beautiful and simple
seem so disgusting.

I just want to be content (again).
You make me feel wild yet barren.

I have immeasurable worth.
I am strong.
I am not alone.

Although,

My exterior is rough.
My past is troublesome.
My present is dim.

but still,

I am worth so much more than the games you are playing.

Family Day 2016...

noreply@blogger.com (EVILFLU) — Tue, 16 Feb 2016 20:52:00 +0000

After a very strange/snowy/emotional weekend (in which I got questioned for murder), I decided we had to celebrate Family Day this year. Usually Family Day is just an extra day to veg out and binge on Netflix (OMG do you watch Wentworth??) - usually in separate rooms (I vowed to never watch Mall Cop again in my whole entire life after having to endure it twice in the theatre. It just so happens that Mason loves Mall Cop). It's an unfortunate situation.

This year, after being trapped inside due to a snowstorm and my neighbour's murder, I figured it was a good year to start a tradition where we will never stay home for Family Day again. Not that there's anything wrong with staying home - it's just so easy to pass an entire day without even really acknowledging that the other is there.

I let Mason decide on an activity to do in the community. I had a few rules: no crowds and low cost. Mason came up with the great idea of tobogganing. I was so in to it, until I remembered I had donated his sled to the Goodwill because he outgrew it.

Then he suggested skating...and I was shocked.

When I was in grade school, every week they would make us go to the arena next door and skate for an hour or so. It was torture! I hated being cold. I hated having to carry the gear to school every week. I was lucky I even owned a proper pair of skates that my mother didn't Macguyver up for me. I just hated that feeling of my feet burning off when I took off my skates. I never learned to properly skate because my teacher always picked on me and I got frustrated and gave up. Kind of like the time my dad tried to teach me how to park a boat. I got frustrated and never learned how to park a boat (Tip: never let me drive your boat).

Mason goes to the same school I went to and is lucky to get to attend these "fun" skating trips When he recommended skating as an activity, I realized that he has not been tortured enough at the arena because who in their right mind would want to freeze and skate around in a circle for an hour.

We have a couple of options when it comes to free outdoor skating in my city. It's really quite impressive because the ice is full of people who don't mind frostbite...or circles. A lot of people had the idea to take their families skating on Family Day (go figure) but that didn't stop Mason from lacing up and joining them on the ice. I stayed on the sidelines, watching nervously, because I like my feet being warm(ish) and not falling and breaking my ass in front of a good portion of the population of London.

As he clumsily made himself around that ice pad I felt something (other than frostbite creeping into my Uggs) - I felt proud. He wasn't the best skater out there, but he tried. He made his way around in circles, dodging little Ice Capades champions - or so I assumed they were anyway - and tried his best to stay on two skates. He certainly was a lot better than I was at skating. In fact, he only fell once when I distracted him to smile for the camera.

Next year we hopefully can do something where both of us can participate - and hopefully something a little warmer. I think it was a pretty successful excursion though. Mason had a lot of fun showing off his skating skills and I didn't freeze to death (although my iPhone did - boo).

Moment of Weakness...

noreply@blogger.com (EVILFLU) — Wed, 03 Feb 2016 15:13:00 +0000

It was just a moment of weakness.
A bad decision.
It was over. I won.
and suddenly I wasn't winning anymore.

When you have a moment of weakness
the best people in your life will put your face in a mountain.
with clouds.
and hot air balloons.

Those are the people who should stay in your life forever.

Ps - If you edit my face into mountain we will be BFF for life. I promise!

That's me in the corner...

noreply@blogger.com (EVILFLU) — Mon, 01 Feb 2016 18:08:00 +0000

I guess I've never really been the life of the party.
I attempted it a time or two. The night usually ended with too much to drink, smeared makeup and accessories that made me look like a Kindergarten classroom Christmas tree. It was awkward and weird. Good times.

Me being the "life of the party"

As I age, I find I've become more of a corner type. You'll find me there with a couple good friends, hoping nobody will notice my nervous hand wringing or my crooked smile. I have a good time in the corner. I drink socially and talk about things like puppies and the X-Files Revival. I meet new people, and get this, I actually remember their names the next day! Sometimes we even become Facebook friends. It's magical. Also magical: not having my eyes glued shut from sleeping in glitter mascara.

A lot of people won't remember me even being at the party. I might show up in a photo or two (awkwardly of course). I might be remembered as the girl who made an awkward comment or two out loud (usually about the time my mom sold dildos). I might not be remembered at all - but I worked on relationships. I learned some things and I woke up without glitter in my eyes. It may not seem like it, but I had a great time!

I'm not saying that being the life of the party is wrong. It's okay to be glittery and fun every once in a while. It's just hard to make lasting friendships while you are beer chugging and adjusting your push up bra.

Sincerely,
Party-Pooper.

On Being Worth It...

noreply@blogger.com (EVILFLU) — Fri, 22 Jan 2016 18:40:00 +0000

It took me a really long time to accept that I could be attractive to the opposite sex. I was single with very little self-esteem for a very long time. Somehow, last year I worked up the courage to put myself out there. After over ten years of being alone, I finally had a little more confidence and it felt great.

I found someone who I thought was just right for me - and at first he was. Things were great. I was giddy again, something I hadn't felt in a very long time. Although things were fantastic at first, I (very) slowly started to realize things that just weren't - well, fair.

I felt like I was being used. I was called whenever the time was right for him and when I needed support he was nowhere to be found. I went out of my way to make sure his life was easier because I felt like as a girlfriend - one who still didn't feel that confident - it was my duty. I felt that if I didn't prove that I was there for him he would leave me for somebody else - even though he never once proved that he could be there for me. It was always what I could do for him.

At the time, my biggest fear was being alone again. I am almost 35 years old. I wasted over ten years of my life grieving, feeling insignificant and lonely. I didn't want to go back to that lifestyle, so I tried - really hard - to make myself happy in this relationship. I put up with stuff that nobody ever should have to. Even though I realized it at the time, I still felt that this was the best I could do.

Even with the major red flags that came only a week or two into our relationship, I stuck with it because I felt like nobody else would want to be with me. I felt lucky to have someone who kept me around and could deal with the fact that I was a mom and a little anxiously awkward at times.

It took some therapy sessions and some great friends, but I realized that being alone wasn't a terrible thing. I can work on being happy (if not even happier) all by myself and I don't need to have the title of a significant other to make me feel worthy. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I finally realized that I'm worth it. I don't deserve to be treated the way I was treated. I deserve to have someone care about me as much as I care about them. I deserve to not question every social media decision they make (due to the prior red flags in the relationship). I deserve to trust someone.

Although they never met, my son deserves to have a role model in his life who treats his mother properly - I think that was a huge eye opener for me. If I were to accept all these faults and just try to be happy with what was being offered to me, I would show my son that it's okay to treat a significant other like they were nothing. I'm worth way more than that - and I want to thank everyone that helped me to realize that (and I apologize that it took months for me to realize this).

The "big dumping" was hard to do, but felt so great afterwards. It's probably not right to feel happiness after a break-up, but I really feel like a weight has been lifted off me. I don't have to pretend to be someone who I really wasn't anymore. I don't have to feel insecure - and I don't have to check Tinder every week to see if he signed up again.

It may seem that I should worry that he finds this post - somehow - but in a way I kind of hope he does. I tried to break up with him two times before the "big dumping" and he managed to talk me in to staying. I was afraid if I said more than I did I would have a hard time arguing my points without him convincing me to stay. I had a script, I stuck to it and it worked. So if you're reading this, here's your explanation. Start being nicer to girls. The end.

Twelve...

noreply@blogger.com (EVILFLU) — Mon, 18 Jan 2016 21:15:00 +0000

This has been the hardest birthday letter I have ever had to write to you. As a parent, a single parent, this has been the most challenging year, so far, of our relationship. First of all, you grew a mustache. I was not ready for your personality to change, and I most certainly wasn't ready to see you grow up right before my eyes. Your dad had a mustache when he was young. He told me it helped him to buy beer for him and all his friends. I know I don't have to worry about you though. One thing I know about you is that you always do the right thing. You have saved me a lot of anxiety knowing that you will always try to do the right thing.

I am so very lucky to have you in my life. There is never anything I can say that is more true than I am so lucky to have you. Even though sometimes I get frustrated, please know that I would never change a thing. You keep my eyes open, you make me laugh when I need it and you remind me to love when I feel like being angry. We have grown together - we will always be growing together and I thank you for making growing older so easy.

This year, you became even more independent - which is really a blessing for a single parent to have - a child who is very independent. Well, you would think so anyway, until I find out you have used my good Tupperware to cook your breakfast eggs in - three days in a row. Other than that, I can count on you to pack a proper lunch, make yourself a snack after school and keep your room tidy (somewhat). With all these duties off my plate, I have so much more time to focus on myself and work on making our lives better. It's a blessing - minus the stained Tupperware.

You began to realize the value of money and that we cannot afford to have the best of everything. Instead of pouting about it (like I often do) you come up with numerous ways you could contribute to the household. This year you had a paper route and earned your own money. You soon realized that paper routes are hard and that you wouldn't be able to do it. It was your first taste of real work responsibilities and you failed. You tried, you weren't ready for such a big responsibility. Although I didn't understand at first, I soon realized that the most important thing is you learned. You learned earning money is hard and you learned that delivering papers to 186 houses was just impossible to do on your own. I honestly don't know what your next big venture will be - just please don't ask to deliver papers ever again!

Your friends mean the world to you, and I absolutely love that about you. You think about their feelings and try to be fair. You listen to their interests and often point out things that they would like. You are a great friend and I see you having many great lasting friendships throughout your whole life.

This year you were very much in to Lego and Marvel Superheroes and Lego Marvel Superheroes, Minecraft, YouTubers, Playstation, and inventing new recipes. Not much has changed in your interests from previous years. That's okay, you're figuring out what you really like at this age and sticking to it. I appreciate that about you.

I am so proud of everything you do. I know I may not always show much enthusiasm (read: you ruined my Tupperware) for seeing the nine billionth Minecraft bachelor pad you designed, but just know that I am amazed at everything you create. Please keep making the right decisions and being an all over awesome 12 year old.

Happy birthday to my little (now big) guy!

Wordless Wednesday: January 6, 2016

noreply@blogger.com (EVILFLU) — Wed, 06 Jan 2016 17:16:00 +0000

Insert funny cat/toaster joke here...

2015:2016...

noreply@blogger.com (EVILFLU) — Tue, 05 Jan 2016 17:42:00 +0000

2015 was an interesting year. I set goals for myself and while I didn’t achieve all I had hoped, I achieved way more than I thought I could. There was a time when I was at my lowest in 2015. I came back quickly and made myself do things (successfully) I told myself I would never be able to do. I know I have further to go on my journey, but I also realize now I am not faced with impossible tasks and that I can do things my (evil) mind tells me I can’t do. Overall, I would say it was a year of success and pride, and that’s more than I ever asked for.

Best Memory of 2015:

The best memory of 2015 was opening my own photography business (flutography.com) and my ever customers who I had never met before. This could also be known as my most terrifying memory of 2015. I met these customers (now friends) with my hands shaking – hoping that their photos turned out okay. It turns out they loved their photos and I am so happy to have met them. It was really the confidence boost I needed to get my business started.

Worst Memory of 2015:

The worst memory of 2015 was my first appointment with a psychologist. Sitting in a waiting room with people who were just crying – I mean, I don’t know why they were crying, I’m sure they had problems which I was sure were bigger than mine – but it made me realize that I had problems, more problems than I could handle on my own. It was scary because my mind was not my own at that point. The worst moment of 2015 was realizing I had a problem bigger than I thought.

Favourite Post(s) of 2015:

Eleven... (January 15, 2015)

25 Hamsters on my Face... (March 18, 2015)

Ten... (April 26, 2015)

Fear of Rejection... (May 20, 2015)

Buy yourself a parrot... (August 18, 2015)

Poor Girl... (August 28, 2015)

On Being a Single Mom... (September 21, 2015)

Favourite Instagram of 2015:

Favourite Song of 2015:

Willow Lane - Ryan Adams

Favourite Movie of 2015:

This is a hard one because I spent a lot of time watching old cheesy horror movies on Netflix and I can’t say that one of those would be my favourite movie. I would have to say Avengers: Age of Ultron because first of all I love pretty much any Marvel movie ever made and I am a huge Avengers fan but mostly for the experience Mason and I had watching it.

Favourite TV Show of 2015:

I want to say The Walking Dead (again)…but I’ll try to change it up a bit and say Mom but what I really mean is The X-Files because I watched the whole series (twice) last year.

Favourite Quote of 2015:

In 2015 I learned…

I learned that it’s okay to need help sometimes. I learned to put myself out there more – even though it’s scary and I can get hurt in the end, it’s not the end of the world. Best thing to do is just move on from the heartaches – even though it’s hard and it supersucks.

Things I wanted to learn in 2015:

How to be more organized - Somewhat achieved
How to put on make-up properly – I tried eyeliner!
How to be more financially responsible – Let’s try this one again…
How to be happier - Maybe? Not quite there yet
To be more social - Achieved. It was harder than I thought and things didn't always go the way I wanted them to, but being social is a little less awkward for me now.

Things I want to learn in 2016:

How to like myself even more.
To play guitar. I'm not saying I have to be a pro - I just want to learn some cool songs to impress all my new friends.
I want to be better at being more comfortable in my own skin. I want to be able to not care what people think about me or my family or the way I parent my child. I want to be better at standing up for myself and my family more. I need to accept that nobody is perfect – and that’s okay.
To stop being so negative. This is something hard for me because I always tend to lean towards the dark side of things.

Happy New Year everyone!

EVILFLU's Spotify Christmas Playlist...

noreply@blogger.com (EVILFLU) — Wed, 09 Dec 2015 20:14:00 +0000

There's something about Christmas music this year that has me crying like a baby in the grocery store. I'll be pushing my cart, minding my own business, hoping they have those cream cheese toaster strudels this time (which they never do!) and next thing you know I'm wiping my eyes and sniffling along to Last Christmas by Wham!

The lack of Toaster Strudels at my local grocery store is depressing enough - now I have to pretend I have allergies when I hear a song about giving someone their heart at Christmas. Being an emotional lady is rough I tell ya! Despite feeling like my heart is being ripped out when Elvis is singing about his Blue Christmas, I still love Christmas songs. I have decided to put together a list of fantastic Christmas songs and share it with my friends. I want you to listen to these songs and cry like a baby in the supermarket like I do - actually don't do that, it's embarrassing. This is my gift to you. It's all you're getting too so you better like it!

https://play.spotify.com/user/22hg55g5t5hh3dg6kkpvk2wrq/playlist/7uhnfgyJ7VF758rKA1b9EZ

Throwback Thursday: December 3, 2015

noreply@blogger.com (EVILFLU) — Thu, 03 Dec 2015 13:24:00 +0000

Seven years ago at this time we were in Florida visiting all of our favourite things at Disney. It was an amazing trip that I will never forget. Admittedly, this is one of my favourite pictures I took on that trip!

It Starts With the Proper Shirt...

noreply@blogger.com (EVILFLU) — Fri, 27 Nov 2015 20:20:00 +0000

Girls are gross. Girls have cooties.Girls chase us on the playground.

This is what I have been hearing over and over since EVILBOY started school. However, somewhere between the beginning of grade six and yesterday the story is a little different.

It started with the presentation of two very similar black button-up dress shirts. "which one should I wear to the dance?". The shirts looked almost identical to me, but it only took a moment for me to realize that this was a really hard decision for a young man going to his first (out of school) dance.

I pointed to the black button-up shirt on the left and decided I was going to be the annoying mom who suddenly seemed interested in the reasoning for such a perplexing decision.

"are you going to dance with girls at this dance?"

When he replied with a shrug and a "maybe" I was a little in shock. What happened to girls are gross. What about the COOTIES? I then realized if I wanted to keep this comfortable openness between us, I would have to play it cool. Before I could figure out what to say, my question was answered...

"Last year at the dance Will danced with a girl because she said she would give him a bag of candy"

....and then I realized that my son hasn't changed a bit. He loves bags of candy!