Where in the World?

oops...

2012-04-23T14:20:00.000-04:00

Apologies...I broke my photos.
I was shifting things around in google+ and managed to delete about 50% of the images linked to this blog. Whoops.

It's almost the end of nap time and I just don't have the mental energy to make it better. Instead I leave you with this.

Struggling with Identity and Coming Back

2012-02-21T10:40:00.000-05:00

Hi.

What is a girl to do when she carves a niche for her blog and then her situation changes? I suppose most folks would adapt, but I have proven to be one who is less than adept in the rolling with it department. I began writing in 2008 as a way to reflect on, journal about and share our time in Japan. During the two years we were abroad I did a reasonable job of satisfying my goals.

Upon our return, I really struggled with this space. For the first six months I found myself writing for two reasons, because I had to publish something and I felt compelled to justify myself, and it felt all wrong. And so I stopped. Each time I came back it was out of a sense of obligation, until today.

Phil and I are still on a journey through our world, though it is decidedly less exotic. Right now he's a student, I'm a housewife, and we've chosen to live without an income for three years.

My life is filled with blessings and yet I struggle in my daily grind and the changes that have come with growth. In 2011 mine was a journey that took a lot of energy, one I couldn't begin to figure out how to share for fear of sounding like I was preaching, soliciting, competing, or whining. None of those things were on my agenda, and so I stayed silent and focused on the task at hand.

Today, my path is centered by love and I am opening the door once more, hoping to share with any who stumble upon this space. Oh. And we had a baby.

{Eloise as I never want to forget her - my five pound sack of sugar.}

an invented pasta salad recipe

2011-06-10T14:46:00.002-04:00

But first...a longish whinge about night classes as a prelude to the recipe...

Why is it that adult education tends to be organized in the form of evening classes? Oh, I suppose it is because the majority of folks have inflexible schedules during the day, but I would have expected at least one daytime option for a sewing course. Finally, after searching in Orange, Durham, Alamance, Chatham and Wake counties, after much bitter complaining and a couple of semesters of being pigheaded, I bit the bullet and decided to register for a night course.

{It is high time that I get the fundamentals down...my project pile has grown too large.}

With Philip working in downtown Raleigh this summer, I chose the course closest to him to minimize the ridiculous permutations of bus rides, long commutes and late pick ups. This delicate dance of a single-car {by choice} family that is wrapping up a year of eating in has made dinner a bit of a challenge on class nights. I leave home at 4:30 to pick up Philip at 5 and my class is from 6:30 - 9:30 about five miles down the road from the state capitol. He hangs out at the library nearest my class and we get home together around 10:30. {In typical husband fashion, he has decided to use his time to catch up on 'great' literature, last night conquering Kafka's Metamorphosis and a few other stories. It makes the late night drive home full of interesting and unexpected conversation.}

On the first week of classes I just ignored dinner and we were hungry and cranky once we arrived home. It was nearly eleven and we just crawled into bed and called it a night. {Let's be honest, we eat an incredibly nutritionally dense diet, part of me wonders if the developed world would benefit from more meal skipping...} Please ignore the fact that at the ripe old age of thirty-one, eleven is approaching two hours beyond our average bedtime.

To minimize Thursday night grouchiness {a fully female complaint}, I decided to pack a simple picnic with items on hand as a nice surprise for Philip. I didn't want to make sandwiches. While not at school, poor husband is stuck with them for lunch and I can only take so much peanut butter in a nine month period.

The Menu:

Black Sesame Chicken Meatballs {w/ Sweet Chili Dipping Sauce}

Basil Pasta Salad

Apples {we like to keep desert simple around here :)}

Today I'm going to share the pasta salad recipe because, well, we ate all of the meatballs and I didn't take photos yesterday while I was assembling everything. I only packed a two person portion of the pasta salad and despite having it for lunch with some hard boiled eggs, we still have a bit of it left.

This particular dressing was invented because I am not one for possessing logical condiments and I am also the proud mother of a renegade, out-of-control fruitful basil plant.

I also wanted a creamy dressing, but not an overly heavy salad. Oh the flights of fancy of a pregnant woman.

Ingredients for the Salad:  

2 cups of uncooked pasta of your choice.

1 cucumber, peeled, seeded and chopped

1 large ripe delicious tomato, chopped 

A handful of fresh basil leaves, cut into a chiffonade 

 

Ingredients for the Dressing:

1 T of cream cheese

2 tsp of mayonaise

1 tsp of dijon mustard

1 tsp of lemon juice

1 tsp of fresh cracked pepper

dash of sea salt

Cook the pasta until al dente.  Drain and cool pasta.  Add  chopped cucumber, tomatoes and the chiffonade of basil to the cooled  pasta and toss to mix.  Whisk together the dressing components.  Taste  dressing and then add to the assembled salad.  Toss to coat.  Enjoy.

** If I'm honest, I didn't measure as I whisked the dressing together.  I just added a dash & a dab as I saw fit.  I taste as I mix, but the largest component was cream cheese with a bit more mayo than mustard and enough lemon juice to smooth it out and balance the saltiness of the mayo.** 

The dressing very lightly coated our salad, enough to remind me how much I enjoy cream cheese and tomato on a bagel, but not enough to feel like we were eating mayonnaise with a side of pasta.

PS - I like to spell whisk without an h...thank you mass marketing of the laundry detergent brand. I hate writing it almost as much as broccoli {which I misspelled on my first typing just now}.

Getting in the Pool

2011-06-09T12:57:00.000-04:00

When we found out we were expecting, one of the first things Phil encouraged me to do was to get back into the pool routinely. I knew that I wanted exercise through this pregnancy, a feeling that was validated recently by a New York Times article {linked here} regarding the positive effect of exercise on fetal development. The husband's latest mantra was born: "You have been graced with a gift, now is the best time in your life to use it."

{rapidly escaping into the ocean on Memorial Day weekend}

He was right, but despite being a lover of water, it has taken me a while to get into a legitimate solid routine. Fitness is something we like to do together, but the transition to the pool would mean traveling those miles without Phil. We have managed to still build time into our days and have begun to play tennis and disc golf together a few times a week, because we both miss the joy of talking while we jog.

{77 degree waters and it took an act of Congress and the sunset to get me out of the water. Phil is pointing out the sun on the horizon to me as a motivation to head back to camp.}

I also got a bit frustrated because within the first couple of weeks my suit became uncomfortably tight from shoulder to crotch. Just months earlier I had proudly disposed of all of my suits larger than a 34. {I won't go into what my legs did within my first trimester...let's just say I felt like I was walking on two kielbasa in my suit.} Thank goodness I had held onto a fitness two piece, I was able to get into the pool while I searched for a one piece that would take me through my pregnancy.

I was flabbergasted when I started searching for a one piece fitness maternity suit. Honestly. I did find an AWESOME swimwear company EQ Swimwear. They had two options with a multitude of color choices. {Because what is the deal with black maternity suits. I am having a baby, not going to a funeral.} I emailed the company and told them I had no idea what size I would be. They had me place the order for one suit & sent me two sizes to try with a postage paid return envelope for the one that didn't work.

Now here I am, five months into this pregnancy and swimming more than I have since high school. I set a goal at the beginning of my fourth month to swim a mile, five times a week for three months. Despite having all the gear and four pools to choose from, I was finding that I lacked the motivation to actually GET INTO THE WATER. I was managing a swim or two a week during my first trimester with the occasional week off, but I was spending many more hours mentally prepping for that first minute in the pool than actually getting wet. Until one afternoon I was complaining about the fact that the water was only 80 degrees and Phil gave me a bit of a gut check. "Your parents gave you an awesome gift in teaching you to swim. Take that skill, take that love and give the gift to your daughter. If there is any time in your life that you should be in the pool, it's now. No matter what the water temperature."

You know what? He was absolutely right. I feel great when I am pacing the pool. I can feel the littlest one move with me as I stroke. I have cut the dread and now keep my suit, towel and goggles at the front door. The lifeguards know my name and help me keep count {a real problem with me} and last night I was asked to move into the fast lane, which was really more of a statement on the relative age of my fellow lane users, but still, I was one proud momma ducking under the rope and finishing out with a sprint set.

PS - I actually have 2 maternity suits. The other one is from Pez d'Or and is a tankini so really is just for vanity. Of the three items of maternity clothing purchased, two have been swim suits. This little one is going to earn her chops as a water baby.

when we boat

2011-06-02T11:04:00.000-04:00

This post is linked up with a whole bunch of other awesome folks participating in Embrace the Camera hosted by Emily at the anderson crew. Please feel free to hop on over and see who else has been shamelessly documenting their herd this week.

Just because I am feeling all nostalgic, I'll give you a bit more of our boating adventures. We arrived at the boat launch in our little car and were told we couldn't park there because: "You clearly don't have a kayak in that car." To which I rather unnecessarily loudly cried: "Oh yes we do!" The confused attendant waved my husband through, looking very pityingly at him for his wife was not quite right.

We grabbed the two duffels out of the car and unzipped. I was on instruction duty and Phil was in charge of assembly. Thirty minutes later we were ready to go with our magical folding boat. {Well, it's my Dad's magical folding boat...we just borrowed it because we like boating and little cars and folbots make that lifestyle duality possible.}

I threw in a photo of spouse and kayak because sometimes embracing the camera means we end up with blurry Phil and boat.

And here we are out on the water. Nothing like 2 hours on the Currituck Sound to restore your soul and tire your arms.

We're not too cool for life jackets. Happy remainder of the week!

We had a great time! Boy has this week flown...

2011-06-02T09:10:00.000-04:00

I can hardly believe it is Thursday morning again. It seems like yesterday that I was planning our Memorial Day getaway. This week has been full of getting back into the swing of things, moving processes along and beginning new journeys.

Getting back into the pool on Monday challenged me to no end. But. I did it. I'm three weeks into my three month goal of swimming five miles a week. Do you set three month goals? I find three months the perfect length to set goals for.

Yesterday brought my date with the MRI machine. Goodness that puppy is loud. The littlest one did not get the memo about being still and was jumping around the entire time. Good thing it was me they were looking at and not her this time. I am hoping to know the results by the weekend.

Tonight I start sewing classes. So excited. I am hoping having assignments will motivate me to actually complete my list of projects on my back burner. Also, having a person to answer questions will help, since I am definitely a learn by experience person, I find trying to glean and retain knowledge from the internet a challenge.

I hope you all enjoyed last weekend as much as we did. We spent two days out and two days recovering. Fun was had, improvements were noted for next time and we are all cleaned up and ready to go again...just in time for the weekend! What are you planning for the one right before us?

Vacation Planning 101 - Cotey style

2011-05-26T11:27:00.001-04:00

Step 1: plan something really elaborate
Step 2: make plans (buy tickets, reserve campsites)
Step 3: on the day of departure, decide you don't really feel like it and don't go
Step 4: plan nothing
Step 5: pick a random location out of the blue at the last minute
Step 6: go

In the last five years this method to vacationing has led us to not hike the Grand Canyon, to not board a flight to Paris and to not go scuba diving in Egypt. Missed opportunities that passed us by because of changing Army orders, democratic revolutions and post-deployment exhaustion.

But, on the flip side our no-plan, ever-ready solution has led us to:

climb Mt. Fuji on a Sunday, only to turn around and head to work on the Monday,

driven us through rural Ecuador on the most eventful bus ride of our lives,

brought us to the Galapagos Islands for our honeymoon,

encouraged us to camp tent-less on the beach in the Florida Keys,

hop across the Cambodian border to Ankgor Wat on a whim,

and embark on a month long wedding filled road trip across America from Colorado to Vermont and back again.

While our travel strategy is not on the surface rather well-planned, it is well-executed. We're always ready to go and when we find ourselves with a few unexpected days strung together, you'll often find us hitting the road. This last minute, no-notice travel helps us live without regret for our missed opportunities.

And while this Memorial Day weekend won't be quite an epic adventure quite like our others, we have once again decided to utilize our no fuss, no frills strategy in preparing for our four-day getaway.

On Monday, Phil looked at me and said: "I have a four day weekend this week, let's do something." (We haven't had many two day weekends since October, thanks to the super-studious one, so a four-day seems like an eternity!)

I said: "Sure." Then I promptly forgot about the plans. I know where our tent and sleeping bags are. We have an amazing travel cooler/picnic set. No worries. Then I remembered. We're not quite done our year of eating in. (July 23rd cannot come soon enough!)

I called my Mom and asked to borrow their camp stove. No problem. Later Phil mentioned that we should bring a boat to the beach. So, I called my Dad and asked to borrow their folbot. We'll pick up the stove and the boat tonight.

And. We're done.

Tomorrow we set off for four days on the Outer Banks and it took a sum total of ten minutes to work out the details. Swim suits, snorkels, folbot, tent, sleeping bags, sun screen, bug spray and sunglasses and we are ready to roll.

I wish you and yours a similarly planning-free, fun-filled Memorial Day adventure!

Fill in the Blank Friday

2011-05-06T16:52:00.001-04:00

In an attempt to get back into the swing of blogging I have decided to start some light-hearted prompted topics. Happy Friday, I hope everyone has a wonderful Mother's Day weekend!

{via the little things we do}
1. What I love most about my home is that when a light bulb expires I put in a work order and someone else comes and changes it when I'm gone. I'd love a home of our own, but I might as well embrace the benefits of dorm life :)...

2. I'm excited because we got to see the littlest one of us kickin' up a fuss this morning. She has been in our lives for eighteen weeks and yet we got our first peek at her this week and it feels great to say hey and see what a little mover and shaker we've got on our team.

3. My preferred method for blowing off steam when I'm frustrated is to pretend nothing is wrong and get frustrated at the silliest things. Though I am slowly learning to be a bit more productive and go for a walk.

4. Currently I am craving ...not a darn thing, which is just so weird considering. I am counting down the remaining 78 days of eating in and then high-tailing it to our favorite Mexican restaurant.

5. The thing I love most about my mom is her endless supply of love, patience, support and encouragement. Being thirty minutes down the road for the next couple of years makes me the happiest camper in the world.

6. If I was going to write a book about my life, the title would be "The Art of Being Forgetful" People keep telling me not to worry, it's baby brain and I just smile, but honestly I've always been this confused. Have you seen my keys?

7. If I were to eat one thing for the rest of eternity it would be pancakes with strawberries. Though I really should check back on that in a few months, until this littlest one came along I was a savory over sweet.

fiscal responsibility

2011-04-08T15:23:00.002-04:00

This seems to be a topic on many an American mind this afternoon as we move towards a government shut down at midnight this evening. As the wife of a veteran, it was important for me to get my ducks in a row today. (As in, ask questions that have been sitting on my "follow up" list for the better part of six months... and while nothing emergent will happen during this time, I decided it was time to cross some things off the list.) The good news is that the phone lines were clear this morning and the staff were also very interested in addressing my questions today.

If you are a veteran, or spouse of a veteran, here is the information provided by the VA regarding the effect that a shutdown would have. All in all the VA is simply suspending the majority of its informational telephone support lines.

***

In other news, I finally gained enough motivation to reconcile all of our March purchases.

Do you do that?

My Mom taught me all about reconciliation upon the opening of my very first checking account at the ripe old age of 13. There was something soothing about filling in the lines of the register, doing the math and waiting for my monthly statement to come to check and see how accurate I had been. But if I am entirely honest the practice went by the wayside at some point and by my mid-twenties I would open my statements with one eye closed, hoping for a bank error.

When we were both working, we kept a loose accounting of ins-and-outs, but we spent minimal time on our budget, as long as the ins were keeping a good pace ahead of the outs. Now, with me at home and him in school, our pennies are a bit more precious and so, one of my jobs is to account for our expenditures.

I was dreading March. I had already taken care of the first week in April and decided it was time to find out just how bad it would be.

Let me tell you.

It wasn't bad.

[by snowpea&bokchoi via]

It wasn't great either.

I definitely don't have pastries, prepared dinners and fancy cheese budgeted.

Though. Going forward, I am going to focus on not buying pastries, convenience foods, and cheese at Whole Paycheck. Actually, I am going to avoid pastries, convenience foods, and cheese everywhere.

I blame the infamous end to the first trimester. But seriously, maybe the federal government is at the end of its first trimester, maybe it is tired, cranky and doesn't have the energy to make dinner. No matter what, it's April and thanks to my Mother-in-Law, I have discovered that a simple hard-boiled egg is as satisfying as all of those damn sticky buns.

Where in the world?

2011-04-07T11:04:00.000-04:00

Who takes a month off of blogging and disappears for four months?
Apparently that would be me.

If I am completely honest, I really enjoyed the break.

I continued writing, but for this last little bit what was written was really for my eyes only.

If I am completely honest, I spend December and January of most years wading through the days, wearing layers and hoping that someday I will live in the tropics. This winter was so incredibly mild, it is hard to believe that I still felt compelled to hibernate, but, I did. I spent my days reading and cooking and eating and debating exercise. There were lots of stews and chilis and bowls of ice cream consumed in those two darkest months.

In January some pretty exciting things happened that had me sitting on my hands until about now. We celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary and I contemplated the awesomeness of our wedding rings.

Then as the month wrapped, I was all set to return and we discovered that our family of two was no more and we are a budding family of three. Some of us are very excited and others of us are even more excited. I managed to wait a full minute before telling my LilSis the news. (She made me promise to share as soon as I could and, well, it didn't feel right holding the news in.) Once before in our lives I asked her to keep a secret and that ended rather poorly for the pair of us, so I decided to spill the beans to our extended family and relieve the pressure.

I held my tongue publicly until now, and quite frankly, was having a bit of trouble publishing posts about homemade granola, bric, chai and the other drivel that I normal share and so I chose to be silent. Oh. And. I spent a large portion of the last three months asleep, or on the couch, or eating pastries. But last week I heard our third little heartbeat for the first time and I feel like our family is ready to share. And my house is clean. I am once more capable of putting the laundry away within an hour of it finishing in the dryer. The tub has been cleaned and the floors have been vacuumed. Apologies for the long silence, but it seemed irresponsible to return here until after I had sorted my chores.

Presence...presents...the gift of time...

2010-12-22T23:52:00.000-05:00

"But essentially the camera makes everyone a tourist in other people's reality, and eventually in one's own"
- Susan Sontag, Camera Lucida

A quick recap. Friday afternoon signaled an end to exams around here. And much of my alone time has been newly shared. Saturday was spent cavorting under a Christmas tree. Sunday was the day of the Great Lie In. Monday was devoted to wandering around the mall and saying S#!@! at inopportune moments for dramatic effect. Tuesday was spent circling the ~~free~~ sample chocolates, cheeses and wines at A Southern Season. Today was spent recovering from the chocolate, wine and cheese coma. But all of the time was shared. This is a novelty that I want never to wear off.

All of this time has been what I have wanted for a Christmas season. No stress about gifts. Only the busting into the Christmas stockings early because they were filled with cola and Almond Joys. I haven't followed through here with Reverb 10 quite like I intended, but I got stumped and decided it was best to continue the journey in my journal until I find the time to post the way I want to. And, now, if you'll excuse me, all I want to do is kiss my sweet under the mistletoe. We don't have any...but I've been spotting in the trees since the leaves left, and I think we might just pause for some smooches if we get out of the house and hit the trails in the morning.

Merry Christmas, and to all a goodnight. I might not be back until the new year, and possibly after our move. Life right now is for the living and I am growing wary of my tendency to become a tourist in my own life.

Japan

2010-12-19T10:43:00.000-05:00

December 15: 5 minutes.

[ Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.]

Memories of where I was.

My recollections of my life also seem to have limited staying power and the memories of 2010 are no different from any other. And so, I have sat for a week with this prompt terrified that if I took five minutes that at the end I would have an empty list. Instead of letting doubt and distrust of my own mind rule this day I am setting a timer and capturing the year, because if I don’t write it now, it will be gone before long, without much doubt.

This is what I remembered:

That magnificent run along Lake Suwa.

Aching painful toes.

Crime scene photography in Japan and not being able to stop laughing.

Having to stop in order for the monkeys to cross the road.

Three story descents to the toilet.

The morning ritual of starting the heaters, and running the bath in order to survive the cold.

Finding the fox shrine.

Being lost and yet learning to comprehend.

Sharing it with LittleSis.

Riding bikes with my husband.

Conbinis.

My students.

Awkwardness and failed communications.

Classes that were six flights of stairs away and five minutes to get there.

The clover carpet in our backyard.

The joy of trading omiyagi with my girlfriends.

Unexpected waterfalls and the aquamarine blue of sulfur fed rivers.

Having half of my goodbye taken.

Tokyo.

The act of leaving a place that I loved.

The act of returning home.

Apparently 2010 was not just the year I returned home, but the year I left Japan. Oh Japan, how I miss thee.

Have a look see at what others are remembering over at Reverb10.

The drought is over and I cannot stop consuming.

2010-12-15T17:16:00.001-05:00

December 14: Appreciate

[What's the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?]

My local library.

Living among words that I could not read made me crave the company of books, a desire partially sated by a thoughtful friend who would slip a few books into my arms each time we met. To make up for lost time, and repair the damage done by reading North & South, I indulge myself with weekly trips to the library.

{this week's reading}

Despite the shift towards digital readers, one of the first things I did when the boxes were unpacked was stop by my local branch and get my very own library card. Fiction, non-fiction, audio, video…my appetite for library materials is voracious and indiscriminate. One aspect of reading from the library pool that pleases me most is the randomness of what I read. I revel in the choosing from this discreet collection and remind myself of inter-library loan when something is missing that I seek. Sometimes I take an extra moment to wander down the aisle to see if a spine catches my eye and as I walk I inhale the intoxicating scent of aging paper, dust and well worn words.

My next move.

2010-12-13T23:12:00.001-05:00

December 13: Action.

[When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It's about making ideas happen. What's your next step?]

Settling down isn’t our path, not now. Just call us what we are, modern-day nomads. Always restless, looking onwards. In three weeks we will move for the ninth time in our five year union.

I’m chasing the sky this time.

Some people covet things. I covet Westward facing windows, so much so that I am packing our bags despite being here for less than four months. When given the opportunity to inhabit a space with a vista that makes my heart sing, how could I not shift our lives up one floor and across the hall?

My next step is to do the improbable and move, simply for a better chance to see what I can see.

Take a moment and explore how other folks move from ideas into reality at Reverb10.

wrapped, written and packed...

2010-12-13T12:59:00.001-05:00

After a week of staring at the fabric, furoshiki have been cut and sewn. Happy almost birthday to the littlest one. I picked up your uncle - two down one to go - and we sent your gift on its way with hugs and kisses and not quite enough tape. Now it's in the hands of the Post Office. Here's hoping your great grandfather is shining down and smooths delivery through the snow.

I am most whole in turbulence.

2010-12-12T22:34:00.002-05:00

December 12: Body integration.

[This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn't mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?]

In July I developed a fear of flying, a very specific fear of the notorious turbulence over the Pacific. Whenever I spoke to someone who had travelled eastward from Asia to America I would ask – ‘Did you hit a pocket?’ ‘What was it like?’ and no matter how my questions were answered, my doubts and fears and expectations grew. I would lay awake at night in the sweltering heat of summer listening to the crickets and wonder aloud. ‘Would we be like that FedEx flight?’, ‘Would I have my seat-belt on if it happened?’, ‘What if we hit no turbulence, then I would never know how it felt…’ All the while, a very patient someone next to me was silently rolling his eyes in the dark.

As our plane flew across the deep blue expanse we did indeed hit a minor pocket of turbulence. I sat back, silent with eyes wide open and stopped preparing. I held my husband’s hand and I was. I looked to him and he looked towards me and smiled. Probably thinking to himself that I am an awful chicken when it really doesn't matter. And I remembered. We were fine. We have lived, are living and will live this life.

And then, as we took a rather large dip down in altitude the Japanese Boy Scout delegation headed to the Annual Jamboree all began ohhhhing and ahhhing as if Pacific air turbulence was the roller coaster at FujiQ and I laughed at their enthusiasm, joined in and enjoyed the ride.

I am most present in moments when I am not analyzing or observing or planning, I am most present when I simply am. Daily life seems to fill itself with lists and expectations and obligations that are self-imposed or imagined and the future is full of things that might go wrong. Taking a moment to stop the worry, to release myself from what should happen, to stop focusing on the rules, and instead to simply be still and know and breathe…this is what helps me to feel most alive, most integrated and most present. It also helps to surround yourself with boy scouts, in case of emergency.

See how others find themselves @Reverb10.

11 things on the 11th day to leave behind as I move to 2011

2010-12-11T23:13:00.004-05:00

Things.

[What are 11 things that your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?]

{all of our worldly possessions, tied up with a bow}

Eleven things to remove, how to eliminate and what I will gain. Wow. I don't have so much stuff to begin with. i spent most of 2010 making changes and erasing habits and patterns that didn’t suit the life I dare to live, but there are a few skeletons in my closet that I can shake out and toss into the nether.

My old rice cooker.

I was planning on free-cycling it to someone in our building and never made the signs. I think it might be time to find that little buddy a new home.

These packets of seeds in my desk drawer.

I have the pots, the dirt and the seeds. I simply have to plant them. Sometimes container gardening is more difficult than it seems. Like right now, when you are a procrastinator in search of drainage rocks in the winter.

Time alone.

Within the first six months of my marriage, I said goodbye to my spouse for the next fifteen. That time alone shaped the beginning of us. Now time together defines us. Over the next two and a half years my husband and I have been gifted with a tremendous amount of time together. When we are together I want to seek his company and not disappear between the pages of a book, into the kitchen or behind a computer screen. This time together is a gift that I want to utilize to its fullest.

The Un-achieved Goals.

There are two goals that I set for myself in the Spring of 2009 that have not been checked off my list. It is time to see them through. This will give me success and I'll finally get those two tasty carrots that are dangling before me.

Wasted Food.

I have been surprised by how little goes bad or is left uneaten so far during this year of not eating out. In 2011 I would like to increase my mindfulness when purchasing and virtually eliminate food waste from our lives.

Reality TV.

I am not sure I really need to address how letting this go will improve my life, but I'll miss my buddy Bruce.

Reliance upon our car for getting around town.

I am lucky to live in a small community with a free and prolific bus system, and yet I still use my car to run the simplest of errands. While I live somewhere that can sustain an alternative, I would like to take greater advantage of the choice.

Pulling my grays.

I have been known to stand in front of the bathroom mirror and pull the gray hairs that have begun to grace my crown. They have in recent months begun to come in fast and furious and 2011 might just be the year that I decide to give into the gray.

Paper in the Kitchen.

I want to go back to relying upon cloth napkins and kitchen towels. I have them in my drawers and would like to utilize them daily.

1,000 pounds of books.

After ~~seven~~ eight moves in five years, our backs can no longer handle the shifting of so many tomes. {I was reminded that I forgot one when I did my quick count...but no books were moved in that move from bachelor pad to marital home...so I came back and corrected on 12.14}

Promises that I don’t intend to keep.

One of the greatest challenges in moving towards a more intentional life has been learning to not commit to doing unless it will be done. And so. An exercise is just that. We will see where I am a year from now, progress will have been made…but as has been said, to err is human and I am simply that.

Have a look see at more lists of 11 @Reverb10.

#Reverb10 - days six through ten

2010-12-11T17:39:00.001-05:00

December 6: Make.

[What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it.]

The last thing I made was breakfast.

I love cooking with all of my heart and soul, even if it is something as frying an egg for breakfast. The act of feeding others makes me feel as if I am doing something right.

Furoshiki

As for my next leap into the making of things, the table is currently covered with fabric and the ironing board is out. I need to take the plunge and do some quick stitching of Japanese wrapping cloths so that I can wrap and send birthday presents to a very special young lady.

December 7: Community.

[Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?]

The loss of an unexpected community and a desire to connect through shared experience.

I found community in the Nurse's room. I started sneaking into her office once a week to check my progress in 2009. At first I would try to do so when no one was around, but after a few months I realized I enjoyed the community of our budding friendship. We exchanged treats and sought understanding across a language divide.

I am cautiously seeking community as I move towards 2011. My native itinerancy is in direct conflict with the development of strong ties, though I suppose my framing through Reverb10 is just that.

December 8: Beautifully Different.

[Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.]

My ankles, I mean strength.

When I asked my then newly wedded husband to share something he remembered from the day when we first met, I was seeking a kernel of knowledge, a reason why he loved me. He answered me in a way I would have never expected. He told me he loved me because of my strong ankles. It was at that moment that I wondered where the romance had gone, but I understood his sentiment.

My ankles make me beautiful because they are a symbol of my inability to turn back, my determination to always move forward.

December 9: Party.

[What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans. ]

Onbashira.

I while we welcomed my final Spring in Japan and was able to experience one of the quirkiest festivals around. Nothing says party like sake flowing and all the men of your district riding massive logs down mountains.

December 10: Wisdom.

[What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?]

To let life be what it will be and find contentment in what is.

I have spent a lifetime focused on what is coming down the road instead of enjoying the moments held within each day. This year I have begun to learn what it means to embrace the journey without so much as a thought towards the destination.

...

And so now I have caught up. Days six through ten challenged me more than the first five. I look forward to reflecting and writing on the daily prompts with more time and consideration and hopping around to see the lenses that each of you are using to frame the year we are wrapping up.

#Reverb 10 - days one through five

2010-12-11T14:38:00.003-05:00

In typical Teresa fashion, last night I signed up and promised to get started with #Reverb10. Then I promptly composed the list of ten, looked at the questions, felt overwhelmed and turned off my computer. I suppose this is what happens when one decides to catch up on ten daily prompts late on a Friday night.

As I was drifting to sleep many of the questions floated in my cerebral soup and I knew that I would wake up ready to attack. Instead I woke up and cooked a massive fry up. There is nothing like a pot of coffee, two eggs sunny side up and mixed greens to give this girl just enough courage to reflect honestly and begin the framing of what is to come.

I have ruminated and written on days one through five and am ready to release them. Days six through ten will follow shortly after a pause to rest my mind. And then I will begin again with day eleven, the greatest day of every month.

December 1: One Word

[Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?]

Return.
After two years out of country I returned to the United States. The end of our time in Japan was paired with my return to life at home. I have returned to my space, having chosen a path that takes me out of the working world and into the domestic. While I welcome this return to center and home, the thought of being stationary for three years overwhelms my itinerant soul.

Peace.

As I move towards 2011, I am aware of the unsettled nature of my spirit working itself to the surface. With the gift of return and stability that this next period of our lives has given me, I would like to move beyond my restless nature into a greater sense of peace.

December 2: Writing

[What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?]

I doubt my ability to write with clarity and so lack the discipline to actually record my thoughts.

I am not a writer by nature, you could call me a diligent historian and observer, but a writer I have never been. The recording of things is a struggle both in words and images, however it is worthy of effort and an exercise that helps me grow as an individual. Throughout my life I have had a series of journals that rarely get filled beyond the first ten pages, but my mind is overflowing with words.

Over the last three years I have been challenged by this exercise in writing to frame myself, to focus my mind and to produce…something. I am not quite sure how to eliminate doubt, beyond continuing and trusting that with practice I will find my voice.

December 3: Moment.

[Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). ]

Our snowshoeing expedition along the rooftop of Japan in honor of birthdays and St. Valentine.
A singular afternoon remains with me from 2010. On Sunday, February 14^th my husband and I went snowshoeing on the back of Yatsugatake. We started too late, had no clear idea of where we were going, and yet, the moment we stepped off of the gondola we both knew that we had arrived in an other-worldly kind of place. Instead of strapping on a board or pair of skis and escaping back down the mountain, we turned our backs on the slopes and set off to explore the landscape.

Neither of us anticipated the magic of disappearing into a mountain range. We walked upon the snow with ease, at branch level, high above the frozen ground. We whispered back and forth, exclaiming at the absolute silence that descends upon snow covered hills on a still day. We walked in circles and smiled, and we felt entirely alone for the only time in our two years in Japan.

Until the spell was broken when a foursome of middle aged Japanese, all outfitted in the latest cold weather gear, the men snapping away with rather large cameras on ski pole mono-pods and the women exclaiming "sugoi!" with every step, slipped over the horizon and into our world of make believe. We laughed and made our way back to the gondola, and descended into reality once more.

December 4: Wonder.

[How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?]

I looked up.

This past year was my first in my fourth decade. This aging of me has brought about an awareness that I have in truth become an adult and that growing-up was a silly thing to strive for. What I strive for now are those heart exploding moments of bliss that come with contentment, grace and a healthy sense of amazement at all that surrounds.

Whenever my awareness of my own grownupness would begin to weigh me down over the past year, I found my gaze drifting towards the sky. The way the clouds seem to write their stories across a backdrop of ever changing shades of blue inspires me. This year, I discovered that a glimpse towards heavens infuses my soul with wonder.

December 5 : Let Go.

[What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?]

I let go of work.

Many of us live our lives attempting to reach a balance so that we can answer the question “Do you live to work or work to live?” in the way that soothes our soul. If you think you live to work, spend some time in Japan, life is defined by work in a way that I don’t think many cultures can even comprehend. My two years working within the periphery of this cultural construct challenged me to walk away from the working world and plunge head first into a domesticated life.

2010 was the year that I threw the live|work dilemma out the window and walked away from gainful employment and back through my own front door. I feel everyday blessed that I have been given this choice, to pursue a life with passion that does not require I have a paycheck deposited into my account every couple of weeks. Now that I am six months into my life at home, I am wondering where this freedom will take me.

#Reverb10 - an introduction

2010-12-10T22:59:00.000-05:00

Today I wore my rainbow socks, took the trash out and decided that I too want to frame the year I had and the year ahead by participating in #Reverb10. While I might be a bit late to the party, I am excited to see where the daily prompts will lead me. In the spirit of sprinting to catch up I am joining this month long project on Day 10. In fairness I learned of it on Day 9 – via Moments of Perfect Clarity.

I tell you what. Sometimes I wonder at how I managed to not join a sorority in college…this need to join in and play along is mighty strong. Then I remember I was never one for joining out of a great fear of not really belonging, and I chose a school without a greek life just in case no one would let me be a part of their club. I suppose this is a bit like a virtual pledge. Hi. My name's Teresa. I'm ten days late, but I want to be a part, not apart.

And so, I am going to be playing catch-up. Here we go.

...the monsters under my bed...

2010-12-10T16:20:00.000-05:00

I used to worry in the middle of the night. Though I was never quite sure that I believed in the monsters under my bed, I preferred to err on the side of caution. I would exhort them to show themselves and declare myself brave enough to handle those unseen, unheard, unknown frightening things that my mind was busy creating. The internal dialogue would continue as I made my way down the hall and back again. While I have been able to silence the fear of nighttime creepy-crawlies, that mechanism of coping has stayed with me.

Yesterday I used it to call out an element of myself that makes life less gumdrops and rainbows than I would like. I planted my feet on the floor, put my hands on my hips and I tried to look as brave as I could in the face of something that I am not quite sure I believe in.

Within moments of declaring that my anxiety would not defeat me that day, it was gone, all that remained was the faintest whisper of fear in the wind. Soon that was carried away and I was able to begin again.

breathing deep

2010-12-09T14:00:00.001-05:00

I am feeling rather full these days. This December, like so many before, is rapidly becoming about not being overwhelmed by anxiety. What is it with this, the darkest month of the year?

Sometimes, my breath quickens, my heart races and I feel like the weight of the world is descending on my shoulders. Today is one of those days. This week has been one of those weeks.

Its moments like these that make me know that I have yet to release myself from my own tangled web of expectations. Its moments like these that my memory seems to falter and when I try to remember all I can concentrate upon is the blood rushing past my ear drums.

Its moments like these that I become still and I know…and I breathe.

and she is inspired

2010-12-04T16:27:00.000-05:00

I heard from Jetty that they might get flurries West of us, but never did I imagine this.

And so this winter wonderland inspired me not to find drainage stones for my herb garden, but instead to gather evergreens. After a quick Google to check the penalties for clipping from public land, I took a walk outside this afternoon and these are the fruits of that first gather.

I stripped the paper off of some twist-ties and went to town and this is what was born.

Now if you will excuse me, I have more clippings to snip and a husband to meet for a lovely dusk-time stroll in an unexpected winter wonderland. My heart is soaring as my mind is planning wreaths and garlands. I wonder if I could possibly be tipsy from the intoxicating smell of juniper and pine in our home.

Oh how a blanket of white encourages me to begin to embrace the joy of this season.

favorites

2010-12-02T14:56:00.001-05:00

One of my favorite blogs in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD is My Milk Toof. It is a beautifully done blog that chronicles the adventures of two best friends. Ickle and Lardee are my favorite pair on the Internet. They are the brain children of Inhae Renee Lee, an artist living and working in Berkley, CA.

{rights reserved image created by Lee for My Milk Toof from Ickle & Lardee's latest adventure Pop!}

Without fail I exclaim in delight when I see a post from Ickle and Lardee come across my Google Reader. I wish upon the brightest star to live a life as full of adventure as these two do, enjoying the company of one another, passing time and discovering fun in the normalcy of everyday.

{However, I secretly fear that if we drew the comparisons between me and my best friend, I am the Lardee to Phil's ever-patient Ickle...}

a man named Joe

2010-12-01T15:22:00.001-05:00

On the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, I was walking down the street and a man asked to rake my yard.
I laughed and apologized. "I'm sorry sir, I don't have a yard."
I on my way back to the car I stopped and I wished him well.
"The leaves are down and the wind is blowing, I hope someone passes who can give you some business!"
We got to talking. It turns out he was in Japan in the '80s with the Navy.
We compared notes for a while and then at my suggestion, we walked to a restaurant.
I bought him a meal, wished him well and thanked him for the fellowship we shared on that blustery fall day.
And then I walked away.

When I was talking with Joe, I didn't remember that Thanksgiving was in two days.

I just went on down my list of things to do, until I remembered.
On Thursday as I sat down to my first Thanksgiving in two years, I wondered where was Joe?
Who did he celebrate the day with? Could I have helped him have a better Thanksgiving?

I feel called to give, I think most of us do. We are blessed without debt and so I am able to give without reservation. However, I am often left feeling that whatever I have shared, it is never enough. I do look to my husband to help guide me, because one time when I was asked, I gave away our car.

As we draw closer to Christmas and as I prepare myself for this season of grace I find myself thinking about giving in a different light.