My Thoughts......

Way of life...

2019-03-18T17:10:00.000+05:30

Regret – it really should have been a four-letter cuss word. At least that way we would have been more careful using it. There is seldom a person I have met who haven’t had any regret in life. Life offers you choices and they are hard to make. We choose one and live our life happily… thinking it was the best we could do. However, at times these choices revolve around someone who was your universe. It hits you hard mentally and emotionally.

Its hard to lose someone, because it’s just not that person you lose, you lose your sleep, your everything to it. Then the memoirs of the things you didn’t say, things you didn’t do, moments you would have created differently resurfaces.

Back then, you never thought of it this way, that person was forever for you and therefore you took them for granted then. Never ever was then there a necessity to stop and reflect on how beautiful things were and how could you add more to it.

Alas, one day you wake up to the new you and accept the situation as your fate and it was meant to happen for you to learn that lesson….sort of being practical is important than your emotions and feelings. That’s the irony.. life is made of emotional choices, make a best one practically.

Cloak

2017-02-19T21:52:00.001+05:30

She wears an invisible cloak.

Her face is a mirror they say yet she knows of no one that can see her, sense her or can comfort her. She is perceived as vindictive yet that what she gives is only love. They call her proud, selfish, and arrogant but it’s their perception.

She feels miserable, broken within yet do not identify with the reason. Deep within she knows she is unique and different, yet she strive to be normal. She feels far grander or less mediocre. She feels unsecure, she wear the cloak to feel acknowledged. She wants to belong, wants to be loved and she feels she is incapable of it, she wears the cloak to escape. She observes the uncertainty around, she wear the cloak of indifference. She fear rejection, she wears a cloak of acceptance.

She wears the cloak of ignorance so that she sees only that she wants to. Without it she would feel being exposed, she wears it hide her innocence.

Reminiscing..

2016-11-06T23:50:00.001+05:30

Was reading through my old journal updated sporadically during last 2 years, went through all the emotions-happy, sad, fears. Will admit reading them now, most of them brought a smile, these are the things that shape up our life. The happy memories bring a broader smile on our faces and the fears that are already over will make you feel a lot better. There are also certain situations wherein the way you dealt with is quite a surprise for you and make you feel so proud of yourself. There are certain approaches that can be applied in your current life to help deal with things in a better manner.

These past archives does make you revisit those feelings which weren’t jotted down anywhere, those were just too personal to be penned down. However there is some connection there and one thing led to another and you start connecting the dots. These can be your special memories or something painful too. Remembering them make you think in what better ways you would have dealt with them. Thinking about them now makes you realize how much you have grown as a person, how much wiser have you become. Some things or people that were so important to you then, hold no importance in your life now, nothing they say, do or the way the situation plans now would impact you in anyway. As if you have forgiven everyone or learnt to walk through without noticing. And then there are still people who became an inseparable part of your life, they have being with you come what may and made the world perfect for you.

These beautiful memories are the important part of our life, they keep us going. They make our past seems so interesting when the present seems not to hold any value. In the present, the life isn’t seeming to be anything more than the pendulum of clock for the working class, we are moving just from one point to another and back, home and office and back. We are powerlessly moving from one point to another as per the set rhythm, rushing through and passing each day as it arrives and trying to fill the gaps forgetting that these are times we would revisit soon someday.

Let’s make our present worthwhile I would say…

Reflection

2014-02-16T21:43:00.000+05:30

A reflection. See yourself as another person. Someone you can exercise control on. Someone who is you.

You wonder as as she moves through life. Get amused at her weaknesses.

She lives on the edge. A wind would blow her life away. Yet she thrives or rather tries her luck in life. She faces innumerable challenges and hardships. She overcomes some, and some overcome her. Life continues on. But wait. She is a human. Her days are numbered. Or are they not, for her pain never seems to wither away? Only time has the answer to that. Such an overused maxim, yet appropriate for all that we go through life.

My Usual Rambling

2013-12-30T20:37:00.000+05:30

My life, I feel is far-fetched boring at this exact moment, leading to low aspirations for all the things that exist in my world. In reality the case should have been totally reversed as I am spending holidays at home with nothing to do and should have had been happy about this as it was all I wanted for a long time. I wanted to introspect and find things I need to improve on in life, wanted to spend some quality time with my friends and family, wanted to get back to writing as I find solace here. But things are not happening as per plans. Also there is nothing happening worth writing I can see and still I am full of thoughts I have to share and itching to vent it out. So there is the just me post about the usual dull ramblings about myself…

I have started living in my hypothetical world, for again after long time as I am finding it hard to comprehend people around. Some complain and some compliment, everyone has a different opinion about me and it’s not correct though at times but have to accept it. Hearing about all that my close ones have to say I feel I have a split personality disorder. Following is how people describe me..

“You keep things to urself” – (completely agree)
“Can’t you keep secrets” (Huh..From the same person who said the first thing)
“You are an exuberant personality” (people listen to this.. loving it :P..)
“You are so quiet and why not visible” (the same person who said the above line)
“You talk a lot” (that me)
“You don’t talk much” (that’s me too)
“You talk about stuff I don't understand." (all the way me)
“You are so romantic, your boyfriend will be the luckiest one” (I know)
“Is there any romanticism in you.. You are so cold” (Huh..what did I do..)
“Oh look at you.. you are not in shape now” (yes.. I am in my liquid form..free flowing everywhere)
“You are so soft at your heart” (Really..what did I say to you?)
“You are too harsh” (Maybe..but with you..? did I missed any opportunity..damn)

I cannot understand why does the most stupid of all questions seem the most pertinent in my life- How am I concerned with all this? I know I must not intrude. It only adds to the general state of confusion already prevalent around me. Want to switch back to the happy me, instead of introspecting over this, also need to learn accepting things taking everything with a pinch of a salt..

After all I want to lead a beautiful life…

Humble and proud, shall I be,
Thankful and happy today,
That I was born as me this time,
With my life, I can live my way.

Are you still reading this restrained blabbering? Go do something else; I am a total waste of time. On second thoughts don't go, it's better to have someone to shoot off my mouth to other than blank walls. I am too young to be mature and too old to be juvenile, so I must be in the wrong dimension! You all mean a lot to me.

My Feelings...

2013-12-24T17:07:00.001+05:30

My feelings did flared up today,

when I had many thoughts running stray,

Without any special reason though,

My eyes were flooded and tears did flow..

I just wished to know certain things,

What made up stand here at the brink

I cant step forward nor turn back,

For a clear visibility is what I lack.

Can only force a smile and have a laugh,

And wish to have it from my heart,

My dreams looks shattered and happiness all dry,

And my hopes could now only cry.

I never ever wanted to travel this road..

And that is a secret now I am trying to hold,

Honesty and truth is all I ever wanted,

But alas it's my life and my wishes are never granted.

What it seems... .

2012-10-06T22:06:00.003+05:30

Ironic it seems to me now,
Never to think of anyone I had vowed,
Suddenly someone took me away from my thoughts
Eluding the theories which my life had bought..

It’s almost something that is killing me inside,
With reflections making it too difficult to decide,
Is this really what I ever wanted?
Or will it too be a myth my thoughts have painted..

Going back is no more an option now,
Contemplating life’s next move and getting ready to bow,
Can’t really figure what to do next,
Want to share all but my life is not a zest..

Will someone ever understand my feeling?
Without being too forgiving,
I have got nothing but just myself to present,
Will it be readily accepted as a consent..

Malach majhe kalena

2012-09-08T21:14:00.001+05:30

Malach majhe kalena me ashi ka vagate,

Sarva kahi umjat astana vaat kaunachi baghte...

Asach kahi vicharat sumpurna raatra jagate,

Anhe pahate ujedatach tujhe swapna pahate..

Pahatechi survat tujha goad shabdhane hovo ase mannomani watate,

Pan hehi tu swatach janave asehi majhe mann sangate...

Tu he sarva janato aahes ase mala ka bhasate,

Anhe nantar bhanavar yeun me swatasish haste…

Paus...

2012-09-08T21:04:00.002+05:30

Mala avdel paus vhyala,
Tujha maanala chimb bhijvayla,
Bedoond houn tujhavar barsayla,
Algad tujhya mithit shirayla,
Shwasacha tujha ved ghyala,
Mala avdel paus vhyala...

Mala avdel paus vhyala,
Tujha sobat khup firayla,
Haatat haat gheun hindayla,
Haluch tujha hridayat shirayla,
tyat ek chootasa ghari banvayla,
Mala avdel paus vhyala...

Mala avdel paus vhyala,
Hasu banun tujha othanvar yeyla,
Tujha maanala saath dyala,
Swapnat yeun tula jagvayla,
Sang jamel na mal ahey karayla,
Jamel na ekda paus vhyala..

Rains for me...

2012-09-01T23:29:00.001+05:30

I feel your hands covering me when it rains,
With it blows the wind which has your fragrance
Distance between us conveys no meaning,
Yet so far away we are from each other when it is raining…

The rain drops are nothing but your thoughts for me,
Distances are greater but feelings are free
You do tell me everything, although we are afar,
I try doing the same, but my heart is so very ajar…

I always feel the warmth of your caring words,
For me they convey more than they should do
Contemplating what you are trying to say,
Why am i so much miserable without you..?

Can you to give me back those days,
When I had no one to complain
All that life gave me was happily taken,
Although when things were just plain..

I am not suppose to be like this,
I am not suppose to take this pain
It’s just that I need to tell you.
I thoroughly miss you when it rains….

Words are all i have..

2012-08-23T11:28:00.002+05:30

Some intense words,
Some indigo lines,
A beautiful talk,
By my bedside…

Beyond midnight
I think some more
While my sleep entice me,
Standing at the door…

Mystified with the random surge..
I search for within me a sense,
I took up a simpler urge..
What is it that makes it so intense.. ?

As I turn back on life,
Unruly as it has been
Wheezing past in that time
are all the things I have seen..

I engrave and would do so,
Craving up my endeavor
My words for me are immortal
With them I shall live forever...

Abhi na jao chhod kar..

2011-12-04T13:25:00.001+05:30

Dev Anand a through entertainer who cared to entertain and entertain his viewers and fans. True, an era of Dev Anand’s way of entertainment has come to end by his demise.

You will always be remembered. Cant really sign off without this humming this favorite song of mine with you in it...

RIP Dev Saab..

Waiting............

2010-06-10T04:59:00.003+05:30

“Everything comes too late for those who only wait.” the quote goes,

Heard it during my school times and had decided it then that I would never wait for anything… but never realized it then that it was a way of life… it makes us more optimistic, hopeful and couldn’t be avoided any time.

It would be surreal to find a person who would have not waited out for something in his life. As students we waited for our results, the vacations and then our schooling to get over. Later on as life took its course priorities changed a phone call, a job call, something or someone special and things like that made us wait.

Wait has become so much part of us almost like a living, agonizing and a very tangible thing. Everything else ceases to have any importance and all one can think of is the thing they are waiting for. It’s pretty normal to focus on what you don’t have and not pay attention to what you have and desire for it.

Sometimes to me life feels as a continuous wait from morning to evening and then from night to morning and still can’t make out what I am waiting for (still to figure that out). There are other times when we feel the probability of our wait is coming to an end and these are the times when one looks forward to each day and wish that the day was over.

Its said the best way to overcome this is to keep yourself busy and indulge in something interesting, but I feel its rather impossible – to think about something else, especially if the thing you are waiting for means a lot to you. So, if putting an end to the wait is not in your hands just enjoy the wait or at least try to so. That’s what I am trying to do anyways, even though this wait is killing me...

You

2010-02-03T00:34:00.001+05:30

I had a dream of love

Of living a lovely life

You were there life was bliss.

I was uncertain

You held out your hand.

I had doubts, you understood

I was swept so suddenly,

For more than just a face.

We turned aside the hourglass,

And took our own slow pace.

We walked through life together,

A smile from heart to heart.

We found something so beautiful,

That never had a start.

Back again

2010-01-23T23:21:00.010+05:30

Its already a new year (and almost end of the first month :) ). My year did start with a bang with a short vacation to my native place….hope it continues the same way. 2009 was all work and study and no time to blog, but now I am back. One of my resolutions for this New Year is to be able to blog on regularly. Also many of my friends and colleagues wanted me to continue writing, therefore logged in the blogger account today.

This time around it feels really different to blog. I feel older. But I can say my life is in the same place it was 1 years ago except made few good friends...lost many, made many mistakes...learned few things from them. The hard times and the lightest moments which were kept in the drafts were revisited… I did double check the drafts which I had to post since long…(long means since Dec ’08 ). Phew…had to delete many of them as now I feel they are outdated and have found answers to many of the questions I had, also this time I did changed the template of the blog.

Life in the past 1 year have surely being a roller coaster ride…with lots of upheaval moments, many opportunities… but still very positive for me…have learned a lot…personally feel have done things which I never thought I was capable of. On the negative side...I learned I was less communicative, less social also have become more cautious and reserved sort of person with a constant fear that life is not going anywhere and now have decided to do something very drastic about that. I would never say I was a very happy go lucky person anytime…I am and always was a serious sort of person amongst my siblings… Maybe losing someone very dear and being the eldest made me more responsible and serious in life. I just didn’t realize when I walked past the line of self-control and inched towards wanting to fanatically control over every aspect of my life.

Like everyone else I am trying to juggle every ball life is throwing at me and hoping to achieve that perfect balance knowing that this is the game we're meant to play every day. Now I have realized certain aspects of life...for me it is a struggle and a test of my physical and mental endurance to get that perfect harmony that have always eluded me and to stand up every time with a smile and be cheerful or whatever else it is that the situation demands of me. I am just getting ready to change the mechanism of my life wanting to revisit my old self again, want to be aggressive, risk taker and person with opinion again as always was and that would take time but longing to get back to that self of mine.

Thinking of how to get back…..safe way or full throttle guns…what say…

Silent Talking

2008-09-11T03:19:00.005+05:30

The quiet is so enveloping that it has drown me within it.
The question buzzing in my head since many weeks is - have i really becoming calmer
(cool-as they say) or am i losing my interest in doing the things i liked or cared for?
Many of my collegues too have the same question for me.... (Sorry guys maybe I am in my hibernation state now...... see blogging after long again)

Here again i have come accross the hard to comprehend human nature as i call it..
where the people had issues when i spoke and now they want me to shoot when i want
to be quiet...this makes me feel befuddled and bemused ...still no qualms against anyone.
I really have not being a very talkative person anytime...but wrongdoings or injustice to
anyone have always pissed me off and that's the time i have oppossed it.
But for now I want to be happy smiling and let it all go in peace.

Phew..that was boring...was'nt it?

P.S.-Just to share with you a very good thing.......finally i got an award for my
blog but still unable to find who nominated the blog ... Neways thank you
everyone for reading the blogs, giving your valuable inputs on the same and nominating it.
bye.. and see you soon.

Mirage...

2008-06-01T00:23:00.003+05:30

A famous Persian saying translates that if you have being to a desert and never fallen prey to a mirage, then its nothing to be proud of, rather except the fact that you never were thirsty for water”…how true.

Life is not about what we get from it rather it is about what we become from what it gives us. There are situations in our life that can make us responsible, conscientious and so on…I mean it can bring out all the good or destructive things in you. In such a situation what matters most is our own thought about the matter. Never to get driven away by what others think. Try to be yourself and have firm hold on you beliefs. Many a times we are faced with the reality that our current situation is not always favorable to having victory. But that doesn’t mean that we are at a loss.

From this it feels Life is like a state of mind…it mostly shows or reflect the same way you perceive it to be. If you are hungry for more, (and you should be...after all it is just one short life that we are living) life would have plenty to offer you.. But if you are the satisfied person with what life has offered you then you would never see a mirage….

A mirage of life aims to encapsulate life.
It is like seeing things from a different vision, understand the purpose of life through a different spectrum of ideologies.

Trust

2008-04-18T22:53:00.003+05:30

These days I find it hard to trust anyone... even my friends whom I have known for so long....for its getting tougher to find a person with a true self, without a mask on and behaving like someone else who they are not in the real life... also what I hate is advice from such mindless (maybe intelligent) people...I fear if they have their own opinions anytime or are they are more smarter and exactly know where and how to click. I also wonder if they enjoy doing such things...or do they just lack self-belief and confidence or are they very high on it? I do understand that I shouldn’t be saying this as it is anyone’s personal choice of leading a life… but this is where I find human behaviour hard to comprehend and understand.

I feel it liberating, when one can trust someone completely. But it could only be possible when one can honestly speak things on one's mind without processing about being politically correct all the time.

It makes remember the lines…..

A simple promise
Of being true,
Fills me up with
Freedom through and through.

2008-03-10T01:13:00.002+05:30

I've had yet another long silence between blog entries. Since I last wrote here, a lot has happened……

I have vanished into an inner landscape, taken paths barely visible through the bramble. It's a strange place, and i'm often afraid of my own shadow. But I am curious, and I trust my feet.

Though you can't see me, I haven't gone away. I think I will always come back, here. It's like no other place. A meeting of wonderful minds.

I just felt I needed to become visible, here, for a moment. To let my friends (those i've met and those I haven't) know how much they are treasured.

Blogging after long.......

2008-02-04T15:53:00.003+05:30

Its been months since I wrote anything on here – its just that I have been very busy to indulge in something like this. It was me learning to live life to the fullest, excepting all that came to through my way as a gift and recognising the fact that whatever I did, once again, fell just short of expectations but atleast I tried doing it.
I think that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

Today I was browsing through some of the blogs on blog-spot and it was truly a experience. There are a lot of people out there venting out their feelings and spilling out their guts and the results of some of the efforts are astounding. A lot of talent is going waste in this modern world for sure. A lot of Blogs are trying to do what we all should be doing in real life. Finding out what's wrong in our society and giving solutions and finding means to solve the problems. There will always be strong and there will always be weak, there will always be a majority and a minority, there will always be the wrong and there will always be the right. What's important is for the strong to recognise their strength and help the weak instead of feeding on the weak and getting stronger.

This small difference is the fine line that divides failures and success.

My Love

2007-11-21T02:03:00.001+05:30

Some beautiful lines......i have read

Sometimes I think I still can’t live without you.
A dull ache inside me
Realizes my yearning to be a part of your life.
The years have come and gone.
I never heard your name.
I don’t even know anyone who knows you.
Most of the time I believe I have changed
I have outgrown the ME who loved YOU.
Then,A song, a scene, a scent
Catches my heart off guard,
And reminds me of you.Sometimes,
Even after all these years,
I think I still can’t live without you.

Reflection

2007-09-10T22:31:00.002+05:30

Just came up with an insight, It's about the distinction between worry and reflection. So many thought authors or great personalities counsel us to avoid living in the past. “Live in the now,” they advise. “Enjoy the moment.” Well, I get what they are saying. But isn't there something good about going back and delighting in the delicious moments of the journey we've arrived from?

Which brings me to worry versus reflection. Whether to revisit the past - in my mind - depends on your intention. If your intention and reason to go back into your past is to dwell on bad things and to worry over things you cannot change and to rehash painful times, then I suggest it's an unhealthy act. But, if your intention - in going back in time - is to reflect on the lessons events have taught you and to grow in wisdom and to savor the precious memories that you were blessed enough to experience well then I think it's good.

Of course, I still remember the old adage - Even if you win the rat race, you are still a RAT –so that means even if you lose you will still be a RAT. Therefore our past can be useful to us to move forward in life by learning good things from it and analyzing the wrong that happened and be more careful never to repeat the same, after all that’s what LIFE is all about …….learning from experiences.

JUSTIFICATIONS

2007-08-26T16:28:00.004+05:30

Today i found that i try to justify everyone that i am right. why i do so…. i see the reason is my inferiority complex. Not having enough faith in myself.
I should always watch this.
i should accept other's view as their own view and until they are something of importance why waste time in useless justification of me.

Silence is the key.
it seems there is no answers of the questions which arise in mind. There are questions behind questions……….. doubts behind the doubts.
But i don't want to be silent……… may be i am waiting …… till i exhaust & give up………And rest in silence.

MARK THE START

2007-08-25T20:45:00.001+05:30

You captured me with a second’s glance

Awakening my curiousity with your high profile stance

Silently hiding all that you felt

Still making sure it would make my heart melt

In directions afar from what you perform

The smile of yours can make anyone transform

Secretly masking your compassion the most

But your eyes makes me feel lost

To build a new compassion's fire.

To make love your heart's desire.

It is you I treasure in my heart.

What draws you here marks the start.

Still learning ......

2007-08-13T00:28:00.001+05:30

To be gentle…and also to not sound like I think I know everything.

I tend to be rather blunt as I am prone to cutting to the chase. Not everybody cares for my approach and sometimes even I don't! I know where it comes from - from my own hard-headedness! I seem to have carried that approach into my own work. Sort of like, totally forgetting that even when most people say they want the truth…they don't necessarily want it straight up. They want it made a little more palatable. I am making efforts to soften my edges, and it is still something of which I often need to remind myself.

And the knowing everything thing…I absolutely, positively, one hundred percent believe that each and every person has their own framework of belief. I also respect my own framework of belief - that when I speak of what I understand to be Universal Truths, it tends to sound like I want everyone else to think the same thing.

I don't! I just want them to know who I am. And it seems like many people think that I think I know everything which is funny since what I know is that I don't know anything!