Dainik Batoula : Your Daily Fun Blog

आंसू और ....

2015-10-31T23:19:00.001+05:30

जीवन में एक बात हमेशा ख्याल रखना -
आंसू पोंछने वाले तो बहुत मिल जायेंगे।
लेकिन -
नाक पोंछने कोई नहीं आएगा
इसलिए -
ठण्ड आ गई है, अपना ध्यान रखना,
कहीं सर्दी न लग जाये।😎

Happy winter.

हरियाणवी और संस्कृत

2015-10-31T08:35:00.001+05:30

#जाट : मुझे संस्कृत सीखा दो . .
.
पंडितजी: क्यों?
.
. .
#जाट : ये देवताओं की भाषा है, स्वर्ग में
काम आएगी.. .
.
पंडितजी: अगर नरक में गया तो??
. .
.
#जाट: लठ बजाने में तो P.H.D कर रखी
है।

हरियाणवी और बीड़ी

2015-10-30T06:44:00.001+05:30

एक बस मे हरियाणवी सफर कर रहा था। तभी साथ वाले मुसाफिर ने बीडी जलाई और धुऑ ताऊ की ओर छोड दिया। ताऊ कुछ नही बोला।

अचानक खिडकी की ओर से आई तेज हवा से बीडी एक चिनगारी निकली और ताऊ की नयी कमीज जल गयी। ताऊ फिर भी कुछ नही बोला।

यह देखकर उस आदमी को शरम आ गयी। उसने सोचा कि ताऊ बहुत शरीफ है। माफी माँगने के अंदाज मे उसने ताऊ से पूछा- किस गाँव के हो ताऊ?

ताऊ बोला- अब गाँव भी फूकेगा के?

सरप्राइज

2015-10-27T09:03:00.001+05:30

पति ने नई कार खरीदी
और सोचा कि बीवी को सरप्राइज दिया जाए।
घर में पहुंचते ही बीवी को जोर से आवाज देते हुए बोला.....

'डार्लिंग, तुम्हारा इतने सालों का सपना आज पूरा हो गया।'

बीवी दौड़ती हुई रसोईघर से बाहर आई और चिल्लाई:-

हाय, हाय ! सासू मां को क्या हो गया,
सुबह तो अच्छी खासी थीं ?

आज का हिंदी ज्ञान :

2015-10-16T21:29:00.001+05:30

आज का हिंदी ज्ञान :
Air Hostess = हवाई सुंदरी
Nurse = दवाई सुंदरी😊
और Lady Teacher = पढ़ाई सुँदरी
और Maid = सफ़ाई सुँदरी
And wife - लड़ाई सुँदरी

😀😜😜😜

कंजूस बनिया

2015-10-16T13:05:00.001+05:30

एक कंजूस बनिया अपने बच्चे को पीट रहा था।
पडोसी :- बच्चे को क्यों पीट रहे हो ??

बनिया :- नालायक से कहा था,
एक सीढी छोडकर चढना,
चप्पल कम घिसेगी
ये दो सीढी छोडकर चढा ।

पजामा फाड़ लाया....!!!!

रिश्तों की कहानी

2015-10-16T07:52:00.001+05:30

एक बेटा अपने बूढ़े पिता को वृद्धाश्रम एवं अनाथालय में छोड़कर वापस लौट रहा था;

उसकी पत्नी ने उसे यह सुनिश्चत करने के लिए फोन किया कि पिता त्योहार वगैरह की छुट्टी में भी वहीं रहें
घर ना चले आया करें !

बेटा पलट के गया तो पाया कि उसके पिता वृद्धाश्रम के प्रमुख के साथ ऐसे घलमिल कर बात कर रहे हैं जैसे बहुत पुराने और प्रगाढ़ सम्बंध हों...

तभी उसके पिता अपने कमरे की व्यवस्था देखने के लिए वहाँ से चले गए..

अपनी उत्सुकता शांत करने के लिए बेटे ने अनाथालय प्रमुख से पूँछ ही लिया...

"आप मेरे पिता को कब से
जानते हैं ? "
मुस्कुराते हुए वृद्ध ने जवाब दिया...

"पिछले तीस साल से...जब वो हमारे पास एक अनाथ बच्चे को गोद लेने आए थे! "

Narendra Modi in Bank

2015-10-16T06:11:00.001+05:30

Modi made a surprise visit to a bank branch in India...
He saw a customer angry and shouting as the branch manager was not there in the bank.
Modi asked one of the bank staffs : "Where is branch manager.?"
Bank staff replied : "For the past 1 year he has been outside, campaigning for 'Jan Dhan Yojna' 'Jan Suraksha' 'Sukanya' and now 'Mudra Loan'..."
Modii asked : "Then how does the branch run.?"
Bank staff replied : "Just like the way you are running the government."

Vacation ???

2015-10-15T22:43:00.001+05:30

Quote of the day :

If you are going on a vacation with your wife, it's not a Vacation..

It's just a change of Location !!!

Award Winning Joke

2015-10-12T22:48:00.001+05:30

This joke won an award for the Best Joke in a competition held in Britain)
Wife : U had lunch ?
Husband : ( in a fun mood ) U had lunch ?
Wife : I'm asking u.
Husband : I'm asking u.
Wife : R u copying me ?
Husband : R u copying me ?
Wife : Lets go shopping.
Husband : I had lunch.

एक मर्मस्पर्शी कथा

2015-10-09T22:33:00.001+05:30

एक व्यक्ति ने बुलेट 350 CC
मोटरसायकल खरीदी,ताकि वो
अपनी गर्लफ्रेंड को लॉन्गड्राइव
पर घुमाने ले जा सके ..
लेकिन किस्मत देखिये.. बुलेट 350
CC की तेज़ आवाज़ के कारण
ड्राइविंग करते समय वो अपनी
गर्लफ्रेंड से बात नही कर पता था,
तंग आ कर, आखिरकार उसने अपनी
बुलेट 350 CC जिसे उसने बड़े ही
अरमानो से खरीदा था, बमुश्किल
एक महीने के भीतर, घाटा उठाकर,
यानि नुकसान सहकर बेच दी, और
एक नई एक्टिवा खरीद ली,
अब वो बहुत खुश था..उसकी
लवलाइफ बहुत ही अच्छी चल रही
थी, लॉन्गड्राइव पर जाने में उसे अब
बहुत ही मज़ा आने लगा था, क्योंकि,
नई एक्टिवा उस बुलेट 350 CC की
तरह तेज़ आवाज़ नही करती थी
और वो बड़े ही आराम से ड्राइविंग
करते हुए अपनी प्यारी गर्लफ्रेंड से
बातें कर पाता था, दोनों के दिन बड़े
ही अच्छे से कट रहे थे, वक्त मनो
पंख लगा कर उड़ता रहा.. देखते ही
देखते दो वर्ष कब बीत गये,
दोनों को पता ही न चला, बहुत प्यार
था उन दोनों को एक दूजे से,
दोनों ने साथ-साथ जीने मरने की
कसमें खाईं,
आदमी अच्छाखासा कमाता था,
गर्लफ्रेंड में भी कोई कमी न थी,
अत: घरवालों को राज़ी कर के दोनों ने
शादी कर ली,अब वक्त और तेज़ी से
गुज़रा..
एक साल बाद..
उसी आदमी ने वापस
.
.
.
.
एक्टिवा बेच कर,
बुलेट 500 CC खरीद ली..!

( वजह हर शादीशुदा आदमी जानता
है) ।

शादीशुदा लोगों का सर्वे

2015-10-08T22:28:00.001+05:30

एक सर्वे के अनुसार 90 % पति अपनी बीवी से परेशान है
"
"
"
"
"
"
और बाकी 10 % झूठ बोल रहे है !!!

मैं माँ बनने वाली हूँ...

2015-09-23T10:28:00.001+05:30

लड़की फ्रेंड से :- "मुझे कुछ कहना है"

.लड़का:- हाँ कहो ना ।.लड़की :- समझ नही आता कैसे कहूं ???

लड़का:- कहो ना प्लीज ।.

लड़की:- मैं माँ बनने वाली हूं ......

लड़का बात काट कर :- नहींई ईईईई!!!
ये नहीं हो सकता....
कह दो ये झूठ है ....
ये कैसे सम्भव है ....
हमारा प्यार तो गंगाजल की तरह पवित्र है........

लड़की:- अबे गधे, बकवास मत कर.... पहले पूरी बात तो सुन .....

मैं तुम्हारी माँ बनने वाली हूं....तुम्हारे बाप ने प्रपोज किया है ।।

नीली टाँग

2015-03-01T19:03:00.001+05:30

सलीम भाई की एक टांग नीली हो गयी..
हकीम:----
शायद जहर फ़ैल गया है टांग काटनी पड़ेगी...

कुछ दिन बाद दूसरी भी नीली पड़ गयी...
हकीम:---
इस टांग में भी जहर फ़ैल रहा है ये भी काटनी पड़ेगी...

हकीम ने दोनों टांगे काट दी और आर्टिफिसियल टांग लगा दी..

कुछ दिन बाद आर्टिफिसियल टांग भी नीली पड़ गयी..

हकीम :----
अब तुम्हारी बीमारी समझ में आइ मियां..

तुम्हारी लुंगी कलर छोड़ती है

हरियाणवी गर्लफ्रेंड

2015-02-27T14:54:00.001+05:30

लड़की को टेडी बियर गिफ्ट देने पर रिएक्शन -:

दिल्ली वाली ..
ओ माइ गोड वाऊ सो क्यूट

लुधियाना वाली -:
ओ जी रब दी सौ किन्ना सोना टेडी हा

लखनऊ वाली -:
या अल्लाह ..! कितना खूबसूरत है

हरियाणा वाली -:

"र यो के दे दिया भालू सा"!!

Santa Banta ki Deewar

2012-08-20T21:38:00.002+05:30

Santa : Mere paas gaadi hai, bangla hai, bank balance hai.... tere paas kya hai ?

Banta : Mere paas bhi gaadi hai, bangla hai, bank balance hai... ... ...

Santa : .................

.............

........

....

..

..

OOOOO TERI....... Phir saddi MAA kithhe hai ????

Two wishes........

2012-06-12T21:30:00.002+05:30

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him, and as he sits down, the waitress comes over and asks for their order. The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $6.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes a routine, until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad," says the man. "Same for me," says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "That will be $12.62." Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer.

"Excuse me, Sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "One other thing,Sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."?

Why This Kolaveri Di...?

2011-12-01T21:49:00.001+05:30

Brilliant Answers by a student who got 0% :)

2011-10-16T18:26:00.001+05:30

Q- In which battle did Tipu Sultan die?
A- His last battle !

Q- Where was the declaration of independence signed?
A- At the bottom of the page !

Q- What's the main reason for Divorce?
A- Marriage!

Q- river Ganges flows in which state?
A- Liquid state !

Q- When was Mahatma Gandhi born?
A- On his birthday !

Q- How will u distribute 8 mangoes among 6 people?
A- By preparing mango shake....

Recognition

2011-08-31T22:54:00.000+05:30

There was a farmer who collected horses; he only needed one more breed to complete his collection.

One day, he found out that his neighbor had the particular horse breed he needed. So, he constantly bothered his neighbor until he sold it to him.

A month later, the horse became ill and he called the veterinarian, who said:

- Well, your horse has a virus. He must take this medicine for three days. I'll come back on the 3rd day and if he's not better, we're going to have to put him down.

Nearby, the pig listened closely to their conversation. The next day, they gave him the medicine and left. The pig approached the horse and said:

- Be strong, my friend. Get up or else they're going to put you to sleep!

On the second day, they gave him the medicine and left. The pig came back and said:

Come on buddy, get up or else you're going to die! Come on, I'll help you get up. Let's go!
One, two, three...

On the third day, they came to give him the medicine and the vet said:

- Unfortunately, we're going to have to put him down tomorrow. Otherwise, the virus might spread and infect the other horses.

After they left, the pig approached the horse and said:

- Listen pal, it's now or never! Get up, come on! Have courage! Come on! Get up! Get up! Horse slowly responded..

That's it, slowly! Great! Come on, one, two, three... Good, good. Now faster, come on....

Fantastic! Run, run more! Yes! Yay! Yes! You did it, you're a champion!!!

All of a sudden, the owner came back, saw the horse running in the field and began shouting:

- It's a miracle! My horse is cured. This deserves a party. Let's kill the pig!

Understanding the Customer ....

2011-07-25T22:40:00.000+05:30

Man: "My wife is going to commit suicide from a window of your hotel.... please come fast!".

Manager: "Sorry sir, its your personal matter."

Man: "Hurry .. you idiot..., the window is NOT opening !!!

Advice....

2011-07-25T12:57:00.000+05:30

Mr. Patel, who had been called to testify at the Income Tax Department , asked his accountant Mr. Shah for advice on what to wear on the occasion. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper", the accountant replied. Then he asked his Lawer, Mr. Bhatt, the same question, but got the opposite advice. " Don't let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie."

Confused, Mr. Patel went to his pundit, Mr. Joshi and told him of the contradictory advice and requested some resolution on the dilemma.

"Let me tell you a story". Replied the Pundit Joshi. "A girl about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night and she waid 'wear a heavy Punjabi suit with a nice long Dupatta.' But when she asked her best friend, she got an opposite advice, 'Wear your most revealing negligee with a plunging neckline.'

Confused and irritated Mr. Patel asked, "What does all this have to do with my problem with the Income Tax Department ?"

"Simple", replied Pundit Joshi, "It doesn't matter what you wear, your are anyways going to get screwed !"

Mulla Nasruddin

2011-07-19T14:16:00.000+05:30

7 Funniest Contradictory Words

2011-07-08T17:24:00.000+05:30

1. Clearly Misundrstood

2. Exact Estimate

3. Small Crowd

4. Act Naturally

5. Found Missing

6. Fully Empty

7. Happily Married

CORPORATE LESSON # 3

2011-07-02T00:18:00.000+05:30

There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appears. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, and then your wish will
come true."

The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted "WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.

Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool.

The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SH**!!!!!!!.........IT"

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Mind your language; you never know what it will land you in

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