American Punjaban PI

So That's How You Want to Play?

2012-03-11T16:25:00.000-04:00

In case you're wondering, apparently Uncle ji and Chachi are still being crappy towards Rohit over the tablet issue from over 2 months ago. His cousin has completely taken up for him and went off on them twice when he caught the kids playing games on it instead of doing school work. It would seem they have now realized you can't get much done on a tablet after all. This cousin caused them to feel ashamed and they put the tablet away and didn't take it out the rest of the week he was here. He's been back twice and they hide it every time. They know they are wrong, yet they are still acting stupid.

Well, before they hid it this cousin also realized they had working internet on the tablet. He alerted Rohit (it's nice to have spies on your side). Now, I've posted enough about how I'm not sharing my wifi with them because of their behavior - which obviously hasn't stopped - and I meant what I said. So we thought about it for a minute and we figure that Ashu the hacker (yes, he does hack stuff and knows way too much) got the wifi password from off of FIL's netbook because we share the wifi willingly with FIL. It wouldn't be that hard to check the computer for settings.

Now FIL rarely uses the netbook so we were sure we could end the wifi use once and for all without upsetting FIL. FIL is not happy with them either right now and thus isn't spending time with the kids like he was before this tablet issue. (Don't let anyone fool you, Indian families can hold a grudge!) So we were going into the router settings to change the password and hide the signal, only I couldn't get in. So little hacker not only is stealing my wifi, he's now changed the password to try and make sure I don't stop him. Hmph. I wasn't born yesterday.

I reset the router, reinstalled it on my computer, hid the signal so now you can't get in without a name and a password. And I don't play around with usernames and passwords, they are among some of the hardest you've ever seen. Interestingly enough that evening someone started saying something about how wifi wasn't working anymore. Pity. Because it won't be any time soon.

Ashu's hacking skills are so far limited to what he can glean and change from the existing information he finds. He has yet to figure out how to crack passwords and login so I doubt he'll be getting my laptop password anytime soon. And it's unlikely he'll get it at all because the one thing that has been respected since I got here is that no one touches my laptop. MIL won't let him near it and if she catches him in here messing with it he won't be spared and we will be told. And ya'll also know from previous blog posts she's always freaking in here when we're not home. I win.

Why Am I Always the Last To Know?

2012-03-10T16:14:00.000-05:00

It's because I don't speak Punjabi isn't it? Or should I say 'innit' like the British do? Lol. (Sorry, too many reruns of Goodness Gracious Me playing on BBC these days.)

Rohit and I were having a serious conversation over dinner. I know serious sounds like a negative word but I define serious conversation as both of us speaking rationally about difficult topics that can't be avoided. It's not always negative and when I talking about these I don't mean fighting or arguing at all. Just so you guys know. Now where was I.

Okay, so there we are at dinner and this had been weighing on my mind for a while but I had waited to talk about it until I was over this last stomach infection/virus/whatever it was. I'm certain tidbits of this conversation had come out before but we hadn't had a serious discussion yet and it had to be done. I've been leading up to it for a while because I needed to soften the blow. I didn't want anything I said to come as a shock.

When I go home for the summer, my visa will expire while I'm gone. I'm going to get my PIO card but not before I have visited family, etc. Basically it's not number one on my priority list and I haven't been able to force myself to move it closer to the top. So I told Rohit that if his visa is going to take a long time I may extend my return ticket and stay in the states much longer than the 3 months we have planned. He still looked a little shocked, though I'm certain I've said this in one of my "omg, India is going to kill me" speeches while I was sick recently. (I'm a terrible sick person in India. I was NEVER like this in the states. I think it's because I've been sick too much here and I've reached my limit but that's not important right now.)

Then I got pretty emotional and told him that when I came here it was with the intention of being part of a happy, well working family system and I feel like I was tricked into believing his family was one of those. He gave me this puzzled look. So then I explained further how I can't spend the rest of my life living in a house with people as rotten as his uncle and aunt and that if his visa doesn't work out this time then we absolutely must either A.) live separately - me in the US - and keep trying or B) move the hell out of this house or C) build or own floor here that is capable of locking the entire family completely out so I can go through whole days without having to hear or see any of them.

Then I thought about it and I couldn't figure out a rational way to work C out. Sure the floor could be built, we already have our own floor and would only need to install a new bathroom and kitchen and then some kind of wall and door that locks so they can go up the steps to our floor and only around the corner to go up the steps to the upper terrace. It seems a little far fetched because then that would mean they are still running up and down past my door and I have to hear them and I can't create the illusion that they aren't here. So C is no longer an option. He didn't seem to keen on A but that was okay because he too had a bombshell to drop on me.

His parents had been planning to purchase another house for a while and were waiting for Rohit and BIL to 'set their lives' so the house can be purchased in their names. MIL and FIL's reasoning was that they didn't want to live with Uncle any longer either and this apparently started quite a while back and they've just been waiting on BIL to figure out what is going on with his life as he's awaiting visa status as well. He's apparently already been stashing money aside and once his visa status is set he'll come back and the house hunting will start.

Now, up front I thought okay, if we get another house and I can have a floor where the jerk family doesn't exist then maybe I can manage. (ya'll remember me mentioning I'm slow to grasp some things right?) Then about an hour later it dawned on me 'hell no!' Even with my own kitchen, bath, floor, terrace and no family in sight I can't live here. I'm chalking my earlier agreement up to being blinded by love because Rohit still causes me to fall prey to that starry-eyed teenager crap from time to time. You know how it is, where some young girl thinks she can move mountains if it means her man kisses her goodnight every night. Yeah, I'm too old for that now so I'm coming back to reality. And I told him about this while watching TV after dinner.

He chuckled then agreed with me that a shiny new house wouldn't change the city, the filth, the power outages, the craziness and the sickness. Now I can concentrate on how no one told me about this house business. Um hello, Maybe I could have saved myself a ton of anger this past year if I knew we weren't going to live with them forever and I would have gladly added in the $15K I had in my bank account. But not now. I'm leaving. My mind is set and too much has gone on for too long for me to reconsider.

More Things That Drive Me Crazy About This City

2012-03-09T03:12:00.000-05:00

So I ordered some blood work from one of only two full service labs a few days ago. Now, even though it's a full service lab (which means they are one that actually offers all types of testing) they still have to send off some of the tests to Gurgaon. So that means I have to wait 3-4 days on a test that should only take an hour to complete. That's annoying enough in itself but what can you do.

So the 3-4 days go by and we are supposed to receive a text message telling us the test results are ready and we can log in online and see the results. We haven't gotten that yet so I decided we should call the lab. There are two phone numbers on the receipt they printed for us. One is not in service and the other does not exist (according to the nice automated lady on the phone). WTH!

So I navigate to the website provided to us on the receipt. Not only does half the links on the website not work and keep directing you back to the homepage but we can't login because the receipt they gave us only has the User ID and no password.

This kind of crap is NORMAL and VERY COMMON here in Amritsar. It doesn't matter who you're trying to call, half the time the phone number they broadcast is not a working phone number. It was the same with the awful clinic I visited. Their number works sometimes and others it doesn't. They also broadcast 2 numbers but only one works. Pharmacies, same thing. Restaurants, same thing.

So I called the main national number from the website, they gave me a 3rd number for this clinic. I called, it doesn't exist. I called back to the main number, they told me how to get my password. I tried, it gave me an error saying call the main number. I called back and had to explain to the same woman 5 or 6 times it wasn't working. The best she could come up with was to give me a sister labs number and call them in hopes they could help me. I called them, they referred me to the original lab. I again explained twice those numbers didn't work. So then the guy on the phone told me give him 15 minutes he would call me back he was going to try and reach them himself. Supposedly he got in touch with them and I can go pick up my results. I'm not sure I believe it though.

So what's that mean? Now I have to go drive all the way across town to this place to find out if they even have my test results and in in 99% of cases similar to this they always say 'come back tomorrow madam, we have _____ for you then' which is always a lie meant to keep you from yelling at them for their incompetence. I should put together a list of all the crazy crap like this Amritsari's have to put up with. Only thing is the blog post may get so long my typing fingers won't want to type any more.

Holi Bhang?

2012-03-08T02:58:00.000-05:00

Holi Scraps

Get More Beautiful Scraps for Orkut

I often crack up about a lot of things I hear come out of Indians mouths. One such thing is how several locals have swore to me they would never touch marijuana and how Americans using it are drug addicts and low class people. This makes me laugh the hardest. Let me explain.

Bhang = Cannabis
Marijuana = Cannabis

Bong = English perversion of the word bhang used to describe a pipe assembly that aids in smoking marijuana.

It's that simple. Half the Indians (well..could be more, I haven't kept count) who tell me that marijuana users are low class people and drug addicts confessed (before I explained that) to having ingested bhang.

For those of you not in North India, it is actually well known, Punjab especially, for it's bhang. Bhang is mixed into a drink, cooked into food and given to children to celebrate holidays such as Holi and the recently passed Shiva Ratri. On Shiva Ratri bhang was being given away in Amritsar.

There are bhang shops scattered throughout the north and I've heard stories of South Indians traveling here just to purchase it as it's not readily available in the south.

Bhang is also the name of a drink containing bhang. Other names you may hear in relation to bhang are "Sukhni Dhaan" which means 'giver of peace' in Punjabi, thandai which is the bhang mixed with almonds and milk (in honor of lord Shiva) and I'm quite sure with over 60 languages in this country there are plenty of names for it that I'm missing.

Indians don't typically smoke bhang unless it's mixed with cigarette tobacco. However, drinking and eating or consuming the product in any way results in the same effect. Drugs are drugs and DRUGS ARE BAD. Now, keep in mind bhang is illegal, but somehow cops seem to look the other way on holidays. I, thank God can safely say I have never and will never consume any hallucinogenic or narcotic substances not prescribed to me by a doctor. You shouldn't either.

8 Tips Regarding Pot in India

The Worst Part About Living in a Joint Family

2012-03-07T02:40:00.000-05:00

That would be the fact you can't ever seem to get away from them. At this moment the only person in this extended family I can tolerate is FIL. I have no interest in seeing, hearing or being around anyone else. Of course I'm stuck because no matter where I go someone is going to be there.

Rohit and I have our own floor but I still hear the children talking loudly. I still hear all the beating and banging of whatever it is that MIL and Chachi are doing. I don't want to hear it. I want a moments peace and quiet and that doesn't exist here. I want to go down and shower without having anyone speak to me or acknowledge my existence and that's not going to happen either.

I'm going through a very angry phase right now. No doubt complicated by the bed rest and the back to back infections of the last couple of weeks. I'm in no mood to be stared at because I choose to walk through my own house nor am I in the mood to engage in meaningless conversation with anyone.

It's actually quite difficult to live in a house with people you don't like to begin with. I just had this discussion with Rohit last night. I told him that the stupidity going on in this house this year was more than I was willing to put up with. He got defensive of course but didn't deny some pretty crappy things have went on and we are only a little over 2 months into the year. 2/3rds of that time the entire house was in turmoil over the Uncle ji and Chachi stupidity.

And call me petty but it annoys the crap out of me when the kids are home all the freaking time. Kitty hasn't been to school since some time in December and won't go back until the end of this month. Now they swear she's graduated the last grade and will be starting a new one soon but she's supposed to be going to the same school as her brother and he's been going. Not to mention, no end of year break is that long - especially not here where the schools they put these kids in are year round. She's bored out of her mind to say the least.

We've had guests 3 or 4 times in the last 30 days which only makes the house more crowded, meaning I have to see and hear more people. Half the time the guests are paraded up to my room as if I'm not in recovery and need more germs brought in. I swear I think India is making me intolerant of people. At least when I go through these angry phases of culture shock.

I know all of these things ARE trivial at best. But coming from a western country where nuclear families are the norm and you don't have to always interact and engage with family on a constant basis they do eventually get to you. I miss the peace and quiet of the countryside where I could sit and watch TV or just sit and enjoy peace and quiet. I think the only quiet I've heard in this country is when I woke up in the middle of the night before the temple behind us started playing music at 4:30 AM. That's rare though because someone is always having some party and blasting music for the entire neighborhood to hear.

Even if family isn't home I can't walk out of my room without some obnoxious neighbor staring, looking for any aspect about me to run comment to my family on. I've dropped another 7-10 KG in the last 3 weeks and they all flock to the house to find out how I'm losing all the weight and to tell my MIL how proud they are of me and how beautiful I am now. While I won't lie and say I'm not happy about the weight loss, it's scary to me because I know I'm losing it from sickness and starvation. I'm not getting enough vitamins and nutrients nor sunshine and sleeping all day and barely eating is not good. It's not good for a normal person but when you're hypothyroid it's even worse.

So I guess I'm going to go wade through all the people I live with and make my way to the shower. Then of course I'm going to have to fend off all the offers for food because I know if I eat I'll get sick again. I stopped eating at home and got better for a while and as soon as I started having to eat here again I started getting sick again. I don't want these peoples germs. I just want them to stay away from me.

Who's Watchin the Kids in Amritsar? It Would Appear that No One Is

2012-03-06T07:57:00.000-05:00

There are very few places for kids to go in Amritsar. The park areas around the city are not safe during the day because they are taken over by men who are drinking (yes, in public), already drunk men, unruly young men who have no manners, etc. You only see families at the park at certain hours of the evening and the women and kids are rarely unescorted. Playgrounds are almost always empty because, as I mentioned already, everyone says the parks are unsafe during the day.

I've blogged before about kids running the streets here, small children below school age and playing amongst the traffic without a single adult in sight. The kid around the corner from us has went two blocks up before he got scared and came back himself and his sister came looking for him. So for about 15 minutes this 3 year old child was wandering the streets, in traffic, without any adult being concerned for his whereabouts. Discipline doesn't seem to be taught here and he was not even scolded for being out in the streets. The adult "watching" him only called his name when she was looking for him, realized he was about 6 houses away and went back around the corner to their home without calling him back. This is a common sight in this neighborhood.

This isn't the only issue with who's watching the children in Amritsar. Just a few days ago this news article - Pre-primary schools ill-prepared to nurture toddlers -caught my eye. Anyone who knows an Amritsari has most likely heard how great everything is supposed to be on Ranjit Ave. It's one of the most posh areas of town. My personal opinions aside, it would also seem that no one there is any better. I, unlike many residents in this city who know how lax the standards are here, was not surprised one bit. In the article a father recounts how the school wasn't watching the children and he had to conduct a search on his own and found his daughter, well off school grounds with a complete stranger. No one was watching the children.

This article brought to light how common this kind of thing is because no one is regulating these schools. They have no one to answer to. All these schools want is your money and they won't be spending any extra effort to watch your children just because you were naive enough to expect it. Government run schools have serious issues with teachers not even showing up for class, yet the kids go and are there alone. Private schools don't seem to care how much school your kids miss.

This isn't uncommon here at all. One of the few playground areas for children, located inside of Celebration Mall, is well known not to watch your children while they play there. Sure, they have workers who are supposed to but they do not. Children get hurt and these workers don't even acknowledge it or they just brush off the incident as being no big deal and go back to talking amongst themselves. Parents are prohibited from sitting with their own children at the playground, especially if it's the father. Not that most parents care. They blindly trust these strangers to watch their kids while they leave the area and go shopping. *Yes, westerners do the same but we have strict laws on how children are cared for in these centers and it's rare for the workers to disobey them because that would mean jail time. So when a westerner leaves their child, we KNOW our kids are being watched.

Playgrounds are another source of concern when parents are present. Playgrounds inside of parks here all have fences around them. I think this gives the parents a false sense of thinking their kids are fine and need less supervision. It's not true. Kids abuse each other on the playground, get hurt and no one notices. They put things in their mouths that should never go in their mouth and all the while the adults there with them are too busy talking to other adults to notice or stop them.

It's evident among some of the older children, and I use that term to describe 20+ year old male college students for this example, that they are not taught basic social skills for interacting with others. College students in any country are immature but here in Amritsar you routinely see college students acting like small children year olds act in western countries. I would venture to say, and this is my opinion, that this childish behavior comes from not having adequate supervision as children. The Indian government seems to agree. (That's also included in the article posted above.)

A Few Good Indian Men

2012-03-05T03:04:00.000-05:00

In the US the term "a few good men" comes from a movie and is meant to describe the best, the finest, the smartest, etc. type of men. The phrase is most commonly used to refer to United States Marines and was part of a major advertising campaign of theirs a while back.

Women in America always make a big fuss if they are with a man and he holds their hair for them while they are getting sick -also known as bowing to the porcelain God (aka the toilet). I used to always kind of crack up when a girl told me her boyfriend/husband had held her hair for her and I thought about how when I get sick I much prefer to be alone. I typically panic when I get sick and I'm just not fond of the idea of anyone thinking I've lost my mind lol.

Since coming to India I've been sick a lot and had to go through quite a bit of struggling. In talking about these things with my fellow goris and networking with many mixed race couples I really must say that most Indian men are truly unique in the way they treat their wives. I've never heard of any man in the US, or from men of other ethnicities in the US doing half the things I hear about Indian men doing for their wives. I'm not saying Indian men are better than any other man but, I think that they are more willing to do a lot of the things western women crave for and just can't seem to find much of.

Many times over the last year I've had conversations with gori wives and girlfriends that have said their husbands have been there to hold their hair, clean up after them and quite a few things I wouldn't want to post in case it may embarrass them. But I can tell you of my experience.

This last few weeks I've been on bed rest Rohit has washed my hair for me, gone downstairs to cook, even learned some new cooking techniques (I swear he's a natural born chef in the making), changed my clothes, brushed my hair, jumped up to make sure I didn't have to move for anything, did my grocery shopping and took care of me the way a home nurse would in the US. He's had to overcome some of his own fears to do several things for me and he did them anyway. Never once have I heard of any other man, besides Indian men, doing all of that with the dedication Rohit has. He's even assumed the role of lecture uncle when I've sit up too fast for his liking or attempted to do something for myself.

Now I've only lived in 6 US states, all in the south, and I have personal (offline) friends of about 20 different races/nationalities but I can assure you I've never heard of men of any other race taking care of their wives that much or that happily. This is truly an Indian man thing. That's not to say that men of other races don't do some of these things but I haven't seem the same level of dedication. I'm really fussy, so maybe my view is skewed but Rohit's went through extra trouble to make sure he's gotten the exact groceries I've asked for. In the US it's a big joke among women how many men there pick up the wrong brands,etc. when they send them to the store. Rohit's gotten to the registers, realized he had the wrong flavor of something and went all way back to change them lol.

Let this serve as a warning to those of you out there who support female fetocide, sex selection, or demand to only have boys....the gori's are taking over! I foresee a lot more desi/gori marriages in the future and in the US the numbers are on the rise already. We're targeting Asian men and since there aren't enough girls to go around here anymore....we have plenty of space to take over. *insert evil smiley here* By participating in anti-girl activities you are inviting the rapid westernization of India.

Want to Know What I Sound Like?

2012-03-04T03:12:00.000-05:00

Unfortunately from time to time you submit a sample work for a job and things don't work out. That's what happened with a job I applied for a while back. I never use Craigslist for job hunting because I don't trust it (hello...there's been how many Craigslist killers and rapist in the last 3 years..yeah, not for me!). But I kept hearing how you can find good jobs there and so I looked. I found what I thought would be an awesome job and I applied. I made it through round 3 of the hiring process and the woman running the show just disappeared. She doesn't answer emails, her site isn't being updated, etc. So I gave the sample to a friend for use on her blog because it fit better at her place than it does here.

Along with the post is a narrated video sample. (Sorry for the short blackout in the beginning but I had to cut something specific that was added for the job app. I'm not promoting someone who disappears. That's unprofesional.) So if you wonder what an American woman with a thick southern accent sounds like, check it out. I'm speaking really slow to try to time the video out (not my best work lol but it was my first so don't critique me too hard).

Communication in an Intercultural Setting

At This Rate I'll Never Get Off Bedrest

2012-03-02T16:29:00.000-05:00

It's 2 AM here and I'm too upset to sleep. I got really sick last week with a stomach infection and then had some complications and the doctor extended my bed rest and increased my medicines, including putting me back on daily shots. It's weird to say medicines though because he has me on a course of several vitamins, probiotics and synthetic hormones. None of which have any real medicinal effect except the baby aspirins. I'm really not a good sick person and I must say I've done almost everything this doctor has told me to do. I've kept my butt glued to this bed for almost the entire two weeks. I had one 2 hour trip out to the mall and down the stairs for 1 shower. The only other rule I've broken is because I truly believe this doctor is a dumbass sometimes.

He told Rohit not to let me eat chicken because the human body can't digest chicken. Now I know that the human body does have trouble digesting some meats and so in my anger over hearing this I got online and researched - not Google! I got into my university library and went through medical journals and books and I found without a doubt that the human body can indeed digest chicken without much trouble and even the Indian government says babies as young as 9months old can have chicken. So I kept eating chicken. Seriously, where else would I get protein because I'm not allowed to have beans and his diagnosis on those was dead on. Yes, they don't call beans/lentils the musical fruits for nothing. I can't afford to harbor too much air in my midsection right now so chicken was my only other source of protein besides nuts and you just can't eat but so many of those before you're sick of them or your blood pressure sky rockets from the salty ones.

Well, I was due to get off bed rest tomorrow and today I got sick again. I had an orange and a can of mixed fruit today and that is it. I only ate that much to take my pills because I'm not hungry and my stomach is soured again. What makes me the maddest about this is that, per doctors orders, I stopped eating outside food almost completely and I've only eaten home food. I had outside food once this week because no one was home, everyone had went out of town for a retirement ceremony and Rohit came home from work late and didn't feel up to cooking.

So unfortunately for me it would seem home food is not as safe as outside food. That's backwards I know but the reason I quit eating home food last year is because I kept getting sick. I worked hard to only eat food I cooked myself or go out to nicer restaurants and I managed to not get sick the entire winter (2 months). Then I get put on bed rest and had to eat MIL's food or starve and now I've been sick twice in two weeks. And I don't mean 2 days of being sick.

On Wednesday I asked for potatoes, peas and paneer sauteed in a little bit of butter and salted. Rohit got the butter out for his mother and told her how to make the stuff for me. When she brought it up 90 minutes later it smelled odd, tasted odd and felt odd in my mouth -meaning the potatoes had a weird texture, kinda spongy and almost burfi textured without all the sugar. I swear she added ghee which I'm not able to digest very well. I messaged Rohit and we had a mini discussion and he was sure she didn't add any ghee but I know it didn't taste like butter and my stomach started hurting by the time I took the 3rd bite. I had no choice but to eat or go hungry for the rest of the day and Rohit has had to pull a lot of long hours lately. So I ate them.

Thursday MIL was gone and I went until about 4PM with no food. I finally had a granola bar I managed to dig out of the snack basket I set by my bed. I wanted something with at least some nutritional value. Rohit came home on time and cooked me maggi type noodles with some chopped veggies (cooked, not raw). I ate all of it and was fine the rest of the night. This morning I woke up and felt fine but really sleepy. So I took my morning pills and ate another granola bar and did some work then fell asleep.

When I woke up I had an orange and my stomach soured again. I lost all my appetite and had Rohit call the doctor again (this was only the 5th time since Monday he's had to call because I'm having so many problems) and he said just keep taking the same medicines and get some rest. Okay fine. I'm not happy with that but fine, what else can I do. I'm stuck here in the bed with no ride anywhere because all the drivers in the family were at work.

As the evening progressed I got really sick. I'm not supposed to go up and down stairs to begin with but I had no choice but to race down the stairs 4 times! I hadn't eaten, I was very weak and now really sick. And thus started the verbal sewage of vocabulary that comes out of my mouth when I'm pushed past my limits. India seems to do that to me a lot but never so bad as this time. I pitched a massive fit with Rohit and said some things I had not ever said to him because, even though they were true, it's inappropriate in my culture to say them.

That's right, I went off about his mother, his aunt and this house. He didn't like it but I held my ground because some of these things I've been trying to gently tell him about and he's not listening. Others I've fussed about before but never in such a mean way. I completely lost all of my southern belle hospitality and just went off. I've really reached my breaking point and I can't seem to put the pieces back together anymore. Living here is more than I can deal with.

During the argument I found out MIL had been sick and had been coming up here and sharing her germs like it didn't matter. This is common in joint families. No one seems to understand anti-bacterial or sanitization in this house. I've been putting my foot down on a lot of these things she does in anticipation of this healing period knowing that it won't take much to put me in a critical position. Obviously, she didn't care when Rohit warned her ahead of time.

I don't know what her problem is lately but she's just about completely destroyed any respect I have for her. She's a sweet woman in many ways but I tied up a trash bag the other day and she untied it right in front of me. Earlier this evening she came in the room and I faked sleeping because I didn't want to be bothered and she started going through stuff in my room (the non locking areas) and trying to wake me up verbally. I didn't respond because I wanted her to go away. Instead she came over to my side of the bed and proceeded to wake me up and ask me for something I didn't even understand. Yes, I was fake sleeping but that doesn't make it any less disrespectful. She knew damn well I'm sick today because Rohit had already come home and told her he was going out to get medicine for me. She knew he would be right back so she had absolutely no reason to bother me. It's not like I can get up and help her search my room.

That was one of the things I went off to Rohit about, this time right in front of her. Our argument started while she was watching so I know he told her stop searching the room and I know he told her about her lack of cleaning. Call it what you want but she's one of many MIL's I know of who thinks rinsing a dish in water makes it clean again. So Rohit has brought dirty dishes up here for me to eat off of not even realizing they were dirty. The food was visible and stuck there but he didn't notice it.

At this point I honestly have to say I fear for my life here. I know not everyone's situation will be the same as mine. I have an autoimmune disorder that I had learned to manage and not have trouble with in the US. Unfortunately in India I don't think it will ever be possible for me to survive given the filthy conditions in this city. I have no desire to move elsewhere either because I know people who live in the bigger cities that have similar health problems that never go away. (Delli belly obviously didn't get it's name from a smaller city either.) I've started dropping weight again and I don't have that much left to lose before I'm too thin. My bones are popping and cracking and I am extremely vitamin deficient. I break out often in small red bumps from allergic reactions and I pretty much stay weak all the time.

Once I get well and off of bed rest and pending my upcoming tests results I'm seriously considering paying the money to change my flight and leave here as early as possible. I'm way past my limit on what I can put up with and no amount of hospitality or in-law niceness is enough to make up for the filth I have to live with on a daily basis or the sicknesses I keep getting. I think I've more than done my fair share to try and learn to adjust. I'm done. And that's exactly what I told Rohit. No, I don't mean divorce. I'm just not willing to continue to suffer like this any longer. I will gladly go back to the US, take on a crappy job that never pays enough and take whatever stress comes my way. India has not even been close to the relaxing or renewing place I was promised it would be.

I know this has gotten long but I had one more thought. Uncle ji told me that India is completely polluted and I need to learn to eat spices so it can kill the germs and I won't get sick as much. The doctor forbid me to eat spices though. So I guess that means I'm screwed. Of course he's right. India was just recently named as the most polluted country in the world. I think what bothered me most about that statement is that instead of cleaning this country up, people are only concerned with eating more spices to combat the effects of the pollution. Seems counterproductive doesn't it?

Really Good Doctors Do Exist in Amritsar!

2012-03-02T01:49:00.000-05:00

I can honestly say I've never been so excited as when I walked out of the scan center last Tuesday night. I was referred to this scan center (I'd been to 3 others previously and was not impressed in a good way at all). As usual, I was hesitant entering because it was almost secluded from the road, there was a roadside fast food stand inside the gate and it looked like a small, run of the mill Amritsar scan center. I needed the scan though and I knew the other places I'd been weren't that good so I went inside.

My first shock was that the lady behind the reception counter was very friendly and the man accompanying her didn't stare at me like he's never seen a gori before. That might not seem like much but trust me, if they aren't staring at you in this city, it is amazing lol. They even informed us we would have to wait about an hour before they could take me back because they were currently assisting other patients. Again, this would seem normal but most places I've been to here don't have an organized staff who take patients in turn and maintain order in the waiting room. Nor do they inform you of an accurate wait time. It's almost only "5 minutes" or "a few minutes" which in Punjabi time means they have no clue when you're going back there so just suck it up and sit down. Lol.

Instead of waiting in the room for so long Rohit told the lady we would be back and we went and got some food nearby. We went to a local restaurant which passed a recent round of inspections from the Indian government that has led to the shut down of tons of restaurants and other establishments this past week. Then after eating we went back. The lady was again nice and said the last patient still wasn't done yet but it shouldn't be too much longer. We sat down and waited.

When my turn came to go back I was a little nervous and I have to admit I was having bad thoughts about what this exam room would look like. I had no choice though so I took off my shoes (seems to be mandatory at most of the exam rooms I've visited) and stepped inside. I was shocked. The exam bed was secluded from view of the door by a free standing wall (the decorative type that you can move around as needed. The exam room was clean - including the walls.....no nasty finger/handprint trails anywhere.

I got a bigger surprise to see this was the same ultrasound technician that had assisted with my procedure a couple of weeks ago. I don't think I mentioned him but he was nice then too and when I complained of pain at one point he translated for the doctor on my behalf. So that st me a little more at ease. Then I noticed he had a sparkly new ultrasound machine, one of the exact same types I'm used to seeing in American hospitals (because not too many doctors offices have them and they send you out for scans).

The nurse accompanied us back, told me how to lay on the exam bed and the doctor immediately started talking to me - just as a doctor would in the US. He asked what was going on, when was my procedure, etc. Lots of questions to make sure he knew of anything he might need to look for that wasn't obvious. He began the scanning, measuring all my organs. The whole time he kept talking to me like two friends would talk. He relaxed my mind so much I didn't even feel like I was back there more than a minute when it was really more like 20 minutes.

We talked about Indian men, my education (he was impressed with my medical knowledge and thought I had a medical degree lol), we talked about my coming here and cricket...yep, he's Indian remember. I asked him some questions about some things I was curious about and he answered every one, even some that I wasn't even being seen for. He printed some pictures for me, wrote up my report and put it in an envelope to take with me. Wow.

I would have to say this experience was better than any I've ever had, even in the US. Mostly because the doctors bedside manner was fantastic and I got my pictures and report right away whereas in the US they send it to your doctor whenever they get around to it and you rarely walk out with any information. Naturally the first thing I did was open and read the report and that's when I noticed everything was normal. So now I'm still wondering where the pain is coming from but I know there's nothing serious wrong.

I will be putting up a review for this scan center on my review blog as soon as I can get a picture. It was too dark and I didn't think to take one before the appointment as I had no idea it would go so well! If any of you are ever in the area and need a scan, ask me and I'll provide you all the details.

The Evil Eye is Upon Me

2012-03-01T01:01:00.000-05:00

I actually believe in the evil eye and so do most of you. You just might not think about it as being the evil eye. Let me give you some examples.

You spill something on your shirt at lunch and there's no time to go home and change clothes. You notice people are looking at you weird or even laughing and giggling after seeing your shirt. You begin to feel bad, embarrassed, etc. That's the evil eye effect.

Maybe you're out with your spouse and they do or say something completely shocking and there are complete strangers nearby that you are certain heard/saw it. You freak out, even if just a little, and can't wait to get away from the place so you no longer have to suffer the embarrassment. That too is the evil eye effect.

It's taken me a while to really understand this but recently I got the true idea of what all of this is about. I'm pretty sure I've written about my MIL placing a black dot behind my ear before I go out and such and now we've had some new humor to add to my tales of the evil eye.

On Sunday we had visitors - Rohit's cousin (female), her son and her MIL. Now, against doctors orders they wanted to get me out of the house because for some reason the family doesn't understand the concept of bed rest and they think I'm depressed or sick or that something is wrong. Since the doctor had said I could walk a little I agreed to go with them and it was really good to get out of the house.

Of course on Monday it was back to bed rest because I'm not going to push it too far. MIL got upset. She told Rohit that she had seen his cousins MIL looking at me in a weird way while we were out and so I must have gotten the evil eye upon me. I couldn't help but giggle when he told me that but still, MIL had a cure. So Rohit circled my head 5 times with a red chili pepper, touching my 3rd eye chakra each time around then took the chili back to his mother who burned it.

On Tuesday I'm still in bed, on bed rest obviously, and she again gets very worried. I had to go out for an ultrasound to make sure I was okay and when I got back I was happy. (BIG blog coming on the first doctor I've found here who is AMAZING!) MIL was thinking that because I had been in bed all day again I must have had the evil eye real bad and this time she sent up 3 red chilis! Rohit was supposed to have his head circled as well but for some reason declined.

I think I'm recovering okay. I had pitched a fit yesterday to get the scan because I didn't believe the infection was gone. I'm still having some discomfort and swelling and it shouldn't have lasted nearly this long. But, after having the scan I feel a great sense of relief because all of my organs were indeed normal. What makes it even better is the liver problems I developed last year are now completely healed as well.

I intended for this post to sound funny but somehow I think it sounds a little serious lol. Hopefully you get at least a little laugh out of the chili pepper story. I think it's really cute MIL and FIL are so concerned. I do feel a little bad about that poor woman who is now being blamed for giving me the evil eye though hahaha. Oops...bad timing on her part.

I Bet You Didn't Know.....

2012-02-28T23:22:00.000-05:00

I was recently presented an award from a fellow blogger. Thank You, Haritha, for the Versatile Blogger award!

With that reward comes certain responsibilities, one of which is to tell you 7 random things about myself. But first, I want to tell you the 15 bloggers I feel deserve this award as well. I chose these blogs based on who I felt was the most versatile - blogging about the most diversity of topics and who are committed to their blog. There are so many blogs I love and read on a regular basis so given the purpose of this award, I thought it would be fitting to choose them with those criteria and these are not in any particular order. So here is my list of bloggers I present this award to:

Crossing Over..... Indian Style!
Nicky Singh
Videsi Girl in Mumbai
Authentic Journeys
Musings of a Bou
Queen of the Suburbs
Double Expat
Kya Dekh Raha Hai?
Diary of a White Indian Housewife
Haathi & Saathi
Rancid Raves
The Big, Bad, Blonde Bahu
A Little of That Too
The Gori Wife Life
I Blog 4 A Cause

And now 7 things about the old me (pre-India...you know, before I became angry and culturally shocked lol) you didn't already know.

I've had premonitions throughout my life through dreams.
For my kindergarten graduation I dressed up like Strawberry Shortcake.
I broke off a 20 year long addiction to Dr. Pepper when I moved to India...though like any addict I'm quite sure it's the first thing I'm going to purchase when I get back to the states. Well, that and some Chick-fil-a Chicken Minis. Oh, and Baked! Ruffles. (I'm noticing a trend here.)
I really don't like the color orange.
I ran my own business at the age of 13. Selling bubblegum at school. Don't laugh lol, it was quite profitable, especially since it was breaking the rules and I made about $20 a day which is good wages for a teenager with no responsibility.
The US version of maggie noodles (called Ramen in the US) were my favorite food as a kid.
I lost my first tooth while eating a hamburger at my grandma's house and I'm quite sure I swallowed it because we never found it.

Village Idiots

2012-02-26T07:27:00.000-05:00

We have a saying in the US that I only half way understood before coming to India. There are several sayings surrounding this "village idiot" concept including 'somewhere there's a village missing an idiot' and the saying in the image below. All of them are meant as an insult when someone does something stupid that they never should have done or really messed up some simple task that even a baby could do without any trouble.

But we don't have villages in the US anymore. At least not villages like those here in India anyway. We have some towns or housing areas with "village" in the name but they are not true villages nor do they resemble what comes to mind when people use the word "village." When I hear village I think about some impoverished area where there are no true houses, maybe only straw huts or shanties, etc and even the land is all dirt and there's barely any grass or foliage around. No one is educated or even could be considered smart. Obviously a place like this is fictitious but I want you to get the image so you understand what I'm talking about.

So while I understood the idiom I didn't truly grasp how deep the insult was until moving here to India. I frequently hear comments about people being "from the villages" or being "village people" and it's always meant in a negative way. It brings back the same thoughts of what a village is that I had in the previous paragraph only in parts of India the straw huts are actually there. They aren't really homes most of the time but you get the picture. Now on to the point of my post.

While I was spending all that time laying in the clinic it startled me how many people in this city have trouble with the basic task of opening and closing doors. It wasn't just the clinic I noticed this and I know that the concept of closed doors is a rarity here in this country but I do know for a fact that doors are closed sometimes and even locked. Quite a few people and most homes I see have double doors or double gates on the front of the property. Many of the doors on peoples homes have one door that must be closed first for them to close properly and some have a angled cut to make them close more tightly.

On public buildings most double doors are normal doors, there just happens to be two of them side by side. So it really baffles me why anyone older than 2 would have difficulty using them but I saw at least 15 different people have trouble with the door on the exam room and most of them had the same trouble multiple times. For example, there was an exam bed near the door. So several people opened one door, slammed it into the exam table then pulled it back closed most of the way and squeezed through the small opening never once opening the other door - which was not locked or even closed all the way, nor blocked by anything.

Several others couldn't manage to close the doors. There was no special way to close it, you simply had to pull it towards you and that was it. I only saw one nurse use the second side of the door and one maid. The maid opened both doors fully without slamming the bed behind the one side and left them open and some womans husband came along and closed them and then proceeded to open only the side blocked by the bed and try to squeeze in through a narrow opening! Sadly, he was also in military uniform.

This reminds me of other times I've seen people have difficulty closing doors in their own home. Doors they've used probably thousands of times and they couldn't figure out how to close them right. This term village idiot just got stuck in my mind watching these door closing shenanigans. How the hell could a full grown adult not understand how to use a door? Much less so many full grown adults having trouble with doors? I think all the missing village idiots were having a convention in that clinic and no one told me (lest I would have stayed away because it's not somewhere I belong).

Maybe I'm wrong and it's something I'm taking for granted but it's rare to see someone have trouble with opening and closing doors in the US. Besides figuring out which way the handles work on different styles of doors (like french doors which don't have conventional door handles and could work more than one way) I've never seen anyone having trouble with the normal opening and closing of doors. I even had a cat that knew how to open doors (though she never closed them behind herself).

What about you? Do you see people having trouble with opening and closing doors of any type?

If It Looks Like Crap and Smells Like Crap....It Must Be Crap!

2012-02-25T17:16:00.000-05:00

So a couple of days ago I mentioned having a conversation with one of the nurses while I had my IV drip going. It was during that conversation that something dawned on me. I like these Aha moments and the more I get out and socialize with others the more of them I seem to be having. It's a good thing as I'm going through quite a bit and my mind is often consumed with what's going on with me and I don't always think about other things.

Let me tell you a little about this nurse other than her being friendly and sweet. She's been married 5 years and has one child. Her husband is in Dubai and she's trying to go abroad as well. She failed the English speaking test twice and was denied a study visa in the US. (I thought she spoke quite well and we had very little difficulty communicating so I'm not sure why she failed.) She's now trying for an Australian visa and hopes to leave Amritsar in about a month or two. She was born and raised here in Amritsar.

During our conversation she asked me some of the same things pretty much everyone here asks me. Where are you from, do you like it here, which country is better, etc. I've gotten in the habit of saying that I like India "some days" because most Indians can't seem to handle the fact that I don't find this country the most perfect example of life and heavenly and all that craziness. Not to mention not all of them are as comfortable with English or my accent and long answers seem to be less understood.

So when the nurse asked me did I like the US or India better I misunderstood her at first and said "both." Then she asked me if I had any trouble living here and that's when I realized I had misunderstood the first question and I answered her yes. So she asked me if I was staying and I said not much longer. That's when she told me her story. She also told me she didn't like it here and that she found this city troubling and she didn't like it here.

That's when I had my Aha moment. I suddenly realized just how many people have told me that lately and over the course of my year here. I've had NRI's tell me they hate it here. I've had people who have never left this city tell me they hate it here and how dirty and screwed up this city is. I know two people who can't stand the people here in general (meaning they don't have specific people they hate, they just don't like anyone) and call them "aliens." Those are all Indians, native Amritsari's. I've also had expats and Indians from other states tell me they hate Amritsar and how bad they feel the environment is here. I've lost count of how many Amritsari's tell me they wished they could leave and how many people we know who come to me for visa/legal advice on how they can get out of here. I've even had Indians comment on this blog assuring me that Amritsar is the worst city in Punjab.

So with realizing all of that it dawned on me that if the residents who grew up here can't stand this place then why should I bother to keep trying to find things I like about this city? I've looked for anything here I can find that is good, tolerable or even inspiring and I've not found it yet. Not a single thing in a year. I came into this city optimistic and maintained that for a while but as it faded it's never come back and more and more each day I realize just how backwards things are here. I discover more and more of Amritsars dirty little secrets and it only makes me dislike it more. So it's as if the more I look to find some kind of happiness here, the harder it becomes to live here.

I'm not one of those people who can live in denial and pretend these things don't exist as so many Indians do. I haven't been born and raised this way and thus am not able to dismiss these things as "little" things either. So I guess my point is that I'm done trying to find anything good here. If so many Amritsari's think this place is crap, it must be crap and who am I to argue with the experts?

How To Scare Your Indian Outlaws Into Submission

2012-02-24T06:27:00.000-05:00

Okay so maybe submission isn't the best word for the overall situation but it does apply to this one instance. I bet you guys have already guessed this is about Uncle jerk. I think, considering the war is over for now I'll go back to uncle ji. Yes, I'm a woman, we change our minds like that and he surprised me by stepping up to the plate this time so I must give credit where credit is due.

Up until last Monday Uncle ji and Chachi had not spoken to me in about 6 weeks. They barely spoke to any of us but I had noticed over the preceding weekend that Chachi and MIL were on the terrace laughing about something and noticed how long it had been since that happened. So, back tracking a little, after all this surgery and infection mess I was feeling like I needed a cup of tea to regulate my digestion on Sunday night. I got half a cup because Rohit was overly concerned about the caffeine which I'm only supposed to have in small amounts and much to my stubborn defiance he cited all the chocolate I had as being close enough to my limit already. I was stuck with no argument left and so I settled for half a cup. Lol.

About an hour after I drank it I started feeling like my stomach had soured. I had specifically asked for my cows milk but MIL had used the house buffalo milk instead. Though I wasn't happy about it I figured it would pass and so I stated my opinion and left the issue alone. I woke up Monday morning with the same sour stomach. So I ate something that I thought would settle it and for a little while was feeling better so I went and gave blood work to the lab for a follow up test on my hormone levels. Then I showered and got sick in the shower. I thought that had settled the sour tummy issue and thus resolved never to drink MIL's tea again.

I got really tired around 2 PM and fell asleep and when I woke up around 5 PM I knew it wasn't over. I was in a great deal of pain and could barely move. It took a while but I managed to get up off the bed in my room where I was completely alone and start working my way downstairs for the bathroom. I had to hold to both walls in the stair well and I was moving so slow. I barely made it half the way down the stairs before Chachi came out of her room (which is in view of the stairs partially) to ask if I was okay. I tried to answer but didn't have enough strength for any sound to come out of my mouth at that point. She took one look at me and I could see the panic in her face and she ran for everyone else.

The family was in a full fledged panic by this point and I have no doubt I looked like death warmed over just from their reactions. They started calling Rohit who was still at work and trying to get him home. In the mean time FIL came home and they alerted him to the situation. By that point I had gone back up to my room to get back in bed because I couldn't hold myself up to do much more than that. I was burning hot and also cold, shivering, nauseous and more.

MIL came up shortly after along with Chachi and the kids (to translate) and asked me all the details and what was wrong. Then they went back to relay the message to FIL who by this time was yelling at Rohit over the phone about why he wasn't home yet. (Of course, having to stop to answer the phone so many times will slow you down you know. I swear the boy needs headphones so he can talk and drive.) Next thing I know MIL was back in the room telling me to get ready and I knew I had to though I must admit I wasn't sure I had the strength to get up. That and the restrictions I'm on (including not bending over) would make changing out of my pjs or putting on socks a major ordeal.

I sat up and grabbed my medications and my medical file from the doctor about the surgery and made my way to the close and got out a jacket. MIL came back into the room (the poor woman was running up and down the steps like crazy by this point) and she put my socks on for me and commented about the pjs and I declined to change. I have very little dignity left already I wasn't about to ask her to help me change my pants though I'm quite sure she would.

I got my dupatta and she ran downstairs ahead of me and that gave me a minute to try to call Rohit who still wasn't home and pray he could get there before FIL tried to put me on the back of a motorcycle. MIL came back to get me and I had to hang up before reaching him but I was getting really nervous. I had to make my way back downstairs and I went as slow as I could go praying Rohit would show up soon. I got down the first set and everyone was standing there waiting for me and FIL had his jacket on and with Rohit still not home I started to panic. I had to fight back the tears so I could still talk though and tell FIL I couldn't ride on the bike.

I stumbled through it and he asked if I wanted a rickshaw and I said I didn't know they would have to ask Rohit what the doctor said was allowed (because I'm on some pretty tight restrictions). Next thing I know Uncle ji grabbed his coat and said he would drive me in the car. (He's the only male in the family that knows how to drive the car lol....Rohit quit his driving lessons.) I was surprised but wasn't going to argue. So I then started making my way down the second set of stairs to get to the ground floor as slowly as possibly, still praying Rohit would hurry up and get home.

I got to the bottom and sat down to rest a little while and asked them to wait for Rohit but they were terrified and told me not to wait. I know how things normally go when I'm sick and I have to say I must have looked really bad for them to be this scared because in the past they've waited for him. I couldn't argue so I went out and got in the car and they drove me to the doctor (not the hospital where I had been going). I was a little disappointed to see it was the doctor I've named Dr. Quack (he gives all his patients the same pills no matter what you come in for - I've seen it many times and he's also racist and every time I go he has something rotten to say about English people....which I'm not even English!)

They don't know I call him Dr. Quack and stopped seeing him last summer though, they just know he's the closest western educated doctor around here. I know they felt they had to but FIL and Ashu went into the doctors chamber with me and that made me uncomfortable. I was sick enough though that the discomfort didn't matter and I knew they were only there for translation purposes. I did ask Ashu to leave the room because I felt it was inappropriate for him to be there given some of the things I had to say. Still no Rohit! (I had texted him where we were so he didn't freak out.)

So I started telling the doctor about the surgery in a slow tone of voice to make sure he understood. I used medical terms too so it would be even easier for him. Then he wanted to know what was wrong and I told him all of that and Rohit finally walked in and replaced FIL. That was a huge relief. Dr. Quack prescribed me his miracle pack just as suspected. This miracle pack consists of one pink, one green and one white pill broken in half and it always has 3 doses - all unmarked by the way. I felt so disappointed with that. After prescribing me the pills he then took my temperature and it had dropped down to 96 (which is a sign of a low grade infection).

Rohit took down Dr. Quacks number and took the pills and my information to a better doctor and this doctor gave me a different set of prescriptions - all in clearly labeled packaging. Of course I googled them and checked them out before taking them to make sure I knew what they were and if they were okay to take and they were.

Uncle ji drove me home and I went back up to my room and the good doctor said I needed to eat. At this point I hadn't digested any food all day and he was concerned quite a bit about that. I argued my way down from a glass of milk to a very dry Nature Valley granola bar. I just couldn't accept milk would ever be good for a sick person no matter what half of India tells me. The whole family came up to my room again after the doctors office (not everyone fits in the car so Chachi stayed back with the kids) and Uncle ji proceeded to tell me that my room has fungus and that he's now going to teach me yoga so I don't get sick so much.

I was too weak to argue so I just nodded my head and said okay we could do that when I get off of bed rest. I'm not buying the fungus thing anyway. I'm quite sure the buffalo milk that was in the tea is what did this to me and that's the reason I had been avoiding it for the last 6+ months and buying cows milk instead. I can't prove it was the tea but considering I was doing well until I drank it, I'm sure it was.

So since I saw Dr. Quack I'm not sure if this was food poison or another stomach infection but I'm glad it's over now. Usually food poison lasts longer than this did and doesn't mimic infections though. Since then the family is talking again and Chachi even came to check up on me again on Tuesday. Not that I recommend it but if your family ever gets split over petty disputes, nothing like a good medical nightmare to bring them all back together.

Post Surgery Recap Part Four

2012-02-23T08:54:00.000-05:00

I'm noticing this was a lot to write about considering I'm supposed to be on bed rest. Hmm.....I wonder what the doctor was thinking running me around so much. You can't stay home in bed and be running back and forth to the doctors office.

Thursday morning finally concluded all the drama for a while. I do have to go back for one more follow up to make sure everything is settled but that's not until after all this bed rest is over. I can't wait for it to be done. This has been a long road to say the least.

I was a little shocked, though I'm not sure why considering how bad medical care is in this city, to go in Thursday and again see patients being herded like cattle. I was taken into an exam room where another woman was lying with nothing on from the belly button down and placed on an exam table right next to her. When she was done, another woman was brought in and put on the other exam table. There were the same 3 doctors in the room as were there on Monday. I wasn't in there long but all total there were 7 or 8 women there and they were all taken in like that.

The doctor was exceptionally rough during the check up and I felt worse after that than I did after Monday's surgery. It took me 3 days to recover and even then it was difficult to sit in certain positions or recline on the bed. I spent 2 days on strict bed rest (yes, there is a difference which I didn't know before) and then the remainder of the 2 weeks will be normal bed rest. The difference is that on normal bed rest you're allowed to sit up in a chair and do a minimal amount of walking.

I had to get up more than I should have and lock my bedroom door. My MIL couldn't respect that we had asked her not to come into the room and the only way to keep her out was to lock it. We told her not to send the maid in, etc and still she tried. The minute she would find the door unlocked she was barging in. Even with the door locked there was one point they sent Kitty to knock repeatedly trying to get me to answer...which I didn't. I texted Rohit and he called to find out what the issue was. This isn't something she normally does and so that only makes it worse. I'm not supposed to be stressed but being blinded by the sun here and barged in on are both shocking things and I can't afford to jump, etc right now.

Overall though I though recovery was going pretty well. Other than being sore and bruised up from the roughness of the doctors and nurses I was able to get up and moving around a little on Saturday night. That's when I found out I had an infection from the surgery and now I'm on antibiotics. I'm back to my usual angry self being stuck in the bed and I'm pretty sure once I get off restrictions and can stop taking shots the anger will subside again. I hope. I'll keep you all updated if anything changes.

Roka: My Formal Desi Engagement Ceremony

2012-02-22T00:14:00.000-05:00

Four years ago today I had my roka ceremony. This is the official engagement ceremony that includes the family and a few rituals performed by a pundit in Sanskrit.

FIL was over eager and more than excited because he loves anything to do with weddings. He couldn't wait to set this up. He arranged the ceremony at a nearby Hanuman temple. I still had virtually no understanding of Hindu deities at this point and I must admit I was just going with the flow. Of course so was Rohit who was completely nervous and I'm not sure he knew his own name he was so bad off that day lol.

I had a special suit made for the ceremony and Rohit refused to wear a suit. Everyone got dressed up and we left from our hotel. I was instructed not to put on lipstick or nail polish before leaving but had to pack them to take with me.

When we arrived at the temple we were all seated on the floor near a fire pit. One of Rohits aunts (who everyone calls Didi which means sister - she says she's not that old lol) sat right next to me and she was super excited. She painted my nails and put on the lipstick and put bangles on me. I don't know what all of that was called but I'm told it was tradition. Looking back at the pictures I now know the red was way too red for me lol.

The pundit began the ceremony and we all just sat there for a while as he chanted and went through the rituals. Then he placed tilak on Rohit's forehead and then Rohit put the same on mine. Right over top of my bindi which no longer stayed attached to my forehead after that lol. The next part of the ceremony continued and then Rohit and I tied strings around each others wrist that were to remind us of our commitment. The ceremony continued and then we put rings on each others' fingers. The pundit then finished his rituals and we had to go stand in front of the large Hanuman statue and feed each other one bite of ladoo then offer the rest to Hanuman.

Obviously I was a newbie with salwar kameez at that time but since Anushka wore hers that way in Rab Ne Bana di Jodi I don't feel bad. The red string around Rohits wrist is the things we tied on as part of the ceremony.

I know that sounds very generic but to be honest I didn't know what was going on and neither did Rohit to tell me. Once we fed Hanuman the family all went to eat dinner at a nearby restaurant. I barely ate anything because everything the place served was too spicy or oily. Thank God for green salads lol. I did eat one roti because Rohit was certain that was essential to my survival. This place didn't serve continental cuisine and now looking back I also realize it was my first experience eating with an Indian family.

That would seem normal to most westerners and just like dinner but it's much different lol. In these families here the male head of household orders the food for everyone. People don't pick their own food. I've seen this countless times since being here but it's only just now clicking that it's the norm. In the US when having dinner pretty much everyone would pick their own food individually no matter how large the party. For catered parties they are also often given a choice of which meat they want ahead of time so everything can be ordered to suit everyone.

I did get to choose the ice cream and I also refused to drink the water being served. I ordered a Coke instead. Not a great healthy alternative but it was safer than the water I had been warned about before coming.

Even though I had no clue what I was doing or what was going on, I think the day went well overall. What surprised me a little (long before I found out how hard it can be for gori's to infiltrate desi culture) was how well his family took to me. Besides uncle jerk, all of the other family members welcomed me with minimal concerns and open arms....even the skeptical ones. I'm lucky to have married into a fairly modern and progressive family.

Oh and I know this is getting long but I think it's only fair to tell you all how Rohit proposed. This had been a topic of our conversations as my trip grew closer and not having seen hardly any American movies and knowing very little about proposals he was nervous about it. I guess he spent some time online researching and I wouldn't give him any hints, I just told him it was necessary.

So one night (after the roka ceremony by the way) he took me out to the MK Hotel and I had begun to think he was going to chicken out on me. I was thankfully wrong and he went off to tell the waiter something and came back with a single red rose and got down on one knee (the restaurant was almost empty or I don't think he would have had the courage hahaha) and asked me to marry him. It was so cute.

Post Surgery Recap Part Three

2012-02-21T03:26:00.000-05:00

On Wednesday when I went to the doctor to get the second IV done Rohit dropped me off. I knew I would be there a while and he's hyper most of the time and can't sit still for that long. I consulted with the doctor and then they took my blood work to check on me first and then started the IV. What I found interesting when I first got there is that the doctor was counseling patients individually in his office with the door closed. That was nice and I patiently waited my turn. I found out later why, and I'll get to that.

The IV drip took 90 minutes and I listened to my iPod after the nurses went off to do their work. I did have a conversation with one of them that got me thinking about some things while she was getting me ready and inserting the needle. I'll write all that later too because it doesn't fit here. I was texting with one hand while I lay there as well and that's no easy feat on a touch screen.

Then when it was all over I went to sit outside for a little while (it was so cold but I didn't realize that at first). As I sat there I noticed for a second time that there was medical waste in the flower bed. Having time to kill while I waited for Rohit to pick me up I walked around and realized that was their dumping ground for all the used needles. I took some pictures for you guys to see how crazy this is. Sorry, I took them with the BlackBerry because Rohit had my good camera at the time.

In this photo you can see vials (which are glass and you break them to open them), used needles with and without caps.

More needles and glass vials.

More needles, caps and various trash.

A close up on 2 needles stuck in the ground. This wasn't simply dumped or dropped, it's clear someone took the time to stick them in the ground that way. There were tons just like this all around the flower garden.

This is the edge of the flower garden. the wooden post on the right holds up a cooling unit and those are trash cans on the back. Doesn't look like anyone cared that the gloves, urine samples and more fell on the ground. This flower garden is at the front of the clinic and many patients sit in the grassy area in the middle of the garden during each day.

When I sat back down I realized why the doctor was on his best professional behavior that morning. There was a couple from the UK who came in for the same service as me and a couple from Canada there for similar services. So he was behaving because of all the international clients he had today. What a scandalous fake. I wonder if he can keep up appearances and continue not to look like a shitty Amritsar clinic for the several months it will take to complete their treatments? I somehow doubt it.

I spoke with both couples and it turned out to be quite an interesting day. It's weird but I also noticed westerners talk to me more when Rohit isn't around. This was genuine friendly conversation that any westerner would engage in. Where are you from? How long have you been here? Oh, you married a Punjabi! That kind of stuff. It was nice and this is one of the things I missed about being in the US but hadn't realized. And on a totally unrelated note, you can definitely tell the difference between NRI's and resident Indians at first glance.

Oh, and according to my research the Indian government has rules and needles are supposed to be "shredded" after being sterilized and then they can be disposed of. There doesn't seem to be any mention of how they can be disposed of.

Here's some references for disposal of medical waste in India:
Bio Medical Waste(Management & Handling) Rules, 1998
Frequently asked Questions Biomedical Waste Management

Post Surgery Recap Part Two

2012-02-20T02:39:00.000-05:00

Two days into this thing and I'm already hating life here more than you can imagine. But don't get excited, I have a reason to.

Picture it, I'm in the freaking bed all day long, hiding under the covers and trying not to let the blinding light that comes in every time MIL opens the door blind me. I'm not feeling well, my head has a lot of pressure in it and I'm not even sitting up but she can't stop running in and out. She's not checking on me and she doesn't even speak to me. Then after several trips she quits and leaves my door open with all the light flooding in. So I had to get up and close it or be blinded all day.

No sooner than I get it closed and get back in bed and comfortable and start a movie the maid comes in and again the doors are wide open. I dealt with that and the maid closes the doors when she's done. Then, since it's Valentines Day I'm thinking that I will at least get a decent dinner, even if it's veg only because it was Tuesday. No such luck, but wait....it's worse than just not getting a good dinner.

Rohit had to work late because he works for the crappiest company in India and some big boss is in from Hyderabad who thinks they should only leave the office to sleep and then come right back (literally). So he gets home close to 7 PM. He told me he was going to cook me something special and he had been planning all day. I asked what and he seemed to have no idea, or was just playing clueless because of insecurities (he does that sometimes) and asked me what I wanted. I knew what I wanted...I wanted the freaking garlic chicken this new place here makes that I seem to have gotten addicted to. He told me no because it's Tuesday and we should behave from meat. Fine, whatever...I tried.

So then he decides that I can make this mock Chinese stuff I made the other day. I informed him it had chicken broth in it and he changed his mind. Then he decides that he's going to see if there was any jeera aloo left that his mom had made in the morning and he called her into the room. They got into a little spat and she told him that I had to cook for him because she wasn't. Next thing I know I'm being baited downstairs - you can translate that as lied to. I get down there and I'm brought into the kitchen to "help." Next thing I know I'm cooking just for myself because he's going to have his moms jeera aloo anyway despite their little spat. I got pissed. I refused to cook and an argument ensued.

It didn't help. I got conned again and he started cutting up everything and putting it in the pan asking me questions like he was going to cook. Then, when things are about half done MIL comes in wanting to eat the food I'm cooking. Now by this point I'm extremely pissed off because I'm not well, I just had surgery and here I am cooking food for myself to eat alone on Valentines Day and now she wants my food. I walked out of the kitchen leaving everything on the stove, the gas on, etc. Rohit had the nerve to ask me why I was in a bad mood. (I know he loves me but he really can be clueless sometimes...like all men.)

I started getting sick to my stomach and my head was spinning from a combination of the smell of the mattar paneer MIL had cooked before we went in there and the gas fumes. I just went and sat out of sight because I was not capable of walking up the stairs. I finally did make it up the stairs though and I laid in the bed and Rohit just kept bugging the crap out of me to sit up and eat. The food was pretty close to burnt, tasted awful and was just overall nasty. He loved it though. I ate a few bites and then got a bag of chips out for myself and didn't bother to offer to share.

Day 3 I got up when Rohit left for work and locked my door. MIL has once again started just barging into the room anytime she pleases and I had no mood to interact with any member of this family. Through this whole ordeal I've had more of the BS that goes on in this house than I can stand. I can see the drama with uncle jerk and his family has affected MIL's attitude towards me in several ways. The relationship is being destroyed and I've lost my ability to care.

Day 3 is also the day I had to go back to the doctor for more medicine so I didn't die. I think I've said it a few times, if I don't get the hell out of this country it's going to kill me and it's turning out to be more true than I imagined. Even the doctor was calling to make sure we showed up at the right time to get this medicine and injections and such. I know there are some of you out there who think I should just be thankful my kidneys and liver didn't just shut down and not be so negative but that's very unrealistic. I've had heart palpitations for the last few days to go along with this so there is no part of any of this unnecessary overdose that I am thankful for.

To Be Continued:

Reflections - My First Trip to India

2012-02-19T01:06:00.000-05:00

As part of my looking back goals for the year one of the important things I never wrote enough about was my first trip to Amritsar. Today marks the 3 year anniversary since my first trip here and I wanted to share with you all some of the sights, smells and experiences of that fateful first trip.

I wrote a little about my big Bollywood style airport welcome here a couple of months ago. That article didn't allow enough words (I was limited to 500 lol) to talk about how challenging it is to run with so many suitcases or how distracting it can be to try to hold onto those suitcases while you're hugging the love of your life. Nor did I get to really discuss the look of panic on Rohit's face when he realized pretty much everyone was staring. I was new here I had no idea people could stare so much and in general in the US we don't care or notice these things....at least I don't lol.

I also didn't get to add in all the emotion to that post. I was so terrified to get off of the plane. I had spent the entire flight worried that Rohit wouldn't even be at the airport (because we all hear those horror stories) or when I got here he would not be all he had said he was and instead be some criminal waiting to kidnap me and my family never would see me again. I never told anyone but I had written personal notes to all the important members of my family and I had a "just in case (I don't return)" file I had left behind. My nerves were a mess between worry about flight mishaps, lost luggage and the prospect of being lost or turning up missing in a foreign country.

I actually waited for everyone to get off the plane before I even tried to get up because I was scared and nervous. I was thinking about my clothes and what his family would think of me and just about every fear a girl could have meeting the parents for the first time in addition to all that other fear. After that warm and well deserved hug I got to meet Rohit's parents. I wrote here about the hug his mother gave me but there was so much more to it. It went more like this:

Before I could let go of my bag handle and give it to Rohit she grabbed me and hugged me long and tight. It was intensely emotional. She hugged me like a mother who had not seen her child in years. She couldn't wrap her arms around me because I still had one of my bags strapped to my back but she tried. Then when she let go we smiled (really big) at each other and I took the bag off and before it could hit the ground she grabbed me again for another long, intense hug. Rohits dad had run off to fetch the car after saying hello. He was just as nervous as I was I think. He came back and Rohit's mother and I were still smiling at each other.

We all walked to the car and they were surprised at how little luggage I had. I, on the other hand, was struggling to bring all that stuff with me lol. We got loaded and Rohit sat in the middle of the back seat and his mom was on one side and I was on the other. I held his arm fairly tight, still not sure if he was going to try to get away and I was still a little ....errrr a lot nervous. The driver took us to the hotel and I gave Rohit my passport to check me in while I unpacked in the room. OMG. He left me alone with his parents less than an hour after meeting them for the first time!!

I wasn't aware they spoke any English at that point but his dad chimed up in perfect English "So do you like Rohit?" Looking back after all I learned I now realize that was more of an arranged marriage type plot than it was an innocent question. At the time I had no idea the implications of those 5 little words. I answered yes with a big smile and the room was pretty much silent until Rohit came back. When I told him about it later he was shocked his dad had spoke lol. It made for a great conversation and the incident will forever stand out in my mind.

This was one of our first pictures taken together....stay tuned for more photos as I recount all the important memories in our history.

Post Surgical Recap Part One

2012-02-18T05:59:00.000-05:00

Surgery back on the 13th went much better than expected. I am certain this is due to several reasons. First, I knew what was going to happen before I went in. I was a little surprised at how I was walked into the room before the woman before me had been moved from the table after her procedure and I got to watch her be carried out on a stretcher and taken to the recovery room though.

My doctor then introduced me to two other doctors who were in the room and explained their titles and where they had traveled from. He then told them they had to be gentle with me and that set my mind a little more at ease. I was still a little concerned about the conditions of the room but there really isn't anything I could do about it. The nurse that put in my IV didn't do so good of a job so when the anesthesiologist put in my anesthesia it pooled up around the end of the needle and their solution was to rub down the length of the needle to get it to go in. That hurt like hell but is the last thing I remember before the surgery.

I'm also not sure what they gave me but while I was on the table I remember sorting bubbles resembling this game:

Only difference is there was no time nor score and each of the bubbles contained some aspect of my life and I was trying to arrange them so that the whole picture made sense. The background in my dream was even pink lol. I remember contemplating things in my life and whether or not they would work out if I moved them into the order I did, etc. I've never had any kind of experience like that and this was not my first time under anesthesia.

When I was taken out of the room, two nurses helped me walk and I was very aware that I was having difficulty walking and I remember being scared I would fall and thankful there was a nurse on each side of me helping me out. (Did you catch that, the woman before me was carried out on a stretcher and I was walked out.) They helped me onto the bed in the recovery room and helped me put my pants on and covered me with a blanket. I was able to help myself some but I'm sure it wasn't very well. For some reason I felt much better about the whole experience and my mind kept focusing on how much I was able to do despite being so drugged up.

A very happy Rohit was sat down next to me and with great excitement began to tell me how well things went and how the doctor was excited and he had compared me to several of the women who were in before me this morning and how mine had been much more successful than their surgeries. He told me I had been in the room about 50 minutes and that the women before me were sitting out in another room having tea and they had been quizzing him about us and how we met, etc. The usual for Indian first meetings lol.

I took a long time in recovery which I've figured is normal. I'm not sure if it's my hypothyroidism that keeps me from metabolizing the anesthesia or if it's just too strong for my body considering how rare taking medicines are for me. The maid came in and cleaned the room and told Rohit she needed a tip. I find this crass and ridiculous to say the least but he assured me she asked all the other patients as well.

I was very dizzy and kept my head covered for the longest time. I couldn't tolerate the light in the room so once all the nurses left I told Rohit to turn it off and the heat back on. They had the heat on while the other ladies were in recovery but for some reason it had been turned off. We could hear the two new doctors in the room next to us. They were doing some kind of work and there was a machine that kept coming on and it sounded like it was vibrating. The doctor came back through a couple of times.

Finally a nurse gave me some kind of other medicine to help me be able to get up because I still wasn't able to even sit up and they put that into my IV which hadn't been removed from my hand and it swelled again and she pushed on it and that's when I realized how sore it was and she stopped and asked if I wanted her to put in a new one. Umm...no. So she moved my whole arm and hand until she got it to work right instead.

By that time I had been in recovery 2 hours and the nurses told Rohit I needed to eat and drink something to try and get the dizziness to go away and the medicine to wear off. I had thankfully packed some things because after my last encounter with that room I figured they would again leave us up there and forget about us. So Rohit helped me drink some water and eat a granola bar. Then the maid came back wanting me to change clothes so she could have the pajamas I was wearing to go wash them.

I could barely sit up but with Rohit's help I managed to get my shirt changed before falling over because I couldn't take any more. I did finally get changed but the maid didn't come back. Instead a much friendlier maid came in later. She tried to speak to me and was very friendly towards me but I didn't understand her so I told her in Punjabi that I didn't understand her and she went and got an English speaking nurse. The maid then checked up on me a couple of times and when the IV drip was running out she went and got a nurse for me as well. Rohit tipped this maid too lol.

When the IV came out of my hand it didn't want to stop bleeding and putting pressure on it hurt quite a bit. My hand was so sore I didn't even want to touch it by that point and here I had to press down really hard to try to clot the blood. It took me about 20 minutes to get it to clot and that's not normal at all. It was still swollen the next day from the assault that IV waged on the back of my hand. I went home and rested for the rest of that day and the next.

Tuesday afternoon I was still experiencing some dizziness and weakness but was otherwise okay. I had the follow up appointment on Wednesday and had to have an IV put in again for more treatment as there were some things not right with my blood work. These were very serious and life threatening things - specifically liver and kidney failure if I didn't get the IV and take some pills to fix it quickly. I again had a follow up on Thursday.

To Be Continued:

Sludge? Or Palak Murgh?

2012-02-17T06:23:00.000-05:00

That's what I was wondering when I saw this.

Those are both pictures of spinach chicken (aka Palak Murgh) we ordered from a local take out place. I've been to this place a lot and normally there food is very good. That dark liquid you see on the top of the food is the oil that is obviously not blended with the food. In cooking this is known as separation.

Not only is this the oil I can't eat because it makes me sick and burns my throat, it's also gross. I can't imagine someone looking at that and thinking it's appetizing. I see this a lot here though. Not in food I order because I'm super picky after being sick so much but I see other people eat it. To me it looks disgusting with all that oil. I also see this in the food people serve at home. I haven't seen this much oil in MIL's food but here tends to have too much water in it. (Not good, but still much healthier than oil.)

It's like no one realizes that they are:

wasting oil
clogging their arteries and waging war on their heart
eating food that has had the vitamins burned out of it

I spooned some of this out of the bowl for Rohit and even though I avoided oil as much as possible it kept seeping out of his food. Of course all that oil gets absorbed by the roti or naan and then you consume it if you try to eat this mess.

To make it even more gross, the oil that had leaked out of the container also seeped through the 2 layers of paper bag and the 4 layers of newspaper we had it sitting on and soiled the bed sheets and mattresses. This is why Mumbai has now launched a campaign in their newspapers to teach people how to eat healthy.

It can no longer be ignored that all this oil and sugar and unhealthy food that is permeating the Indian lifestyle is causing serious health problems and an obesity epidemic.

Here's some articles I found interesting:
Hindustan Times: Urban Indians have unhealthy diet: Experts
The Times of India: Cut the junk for healthy adult life
The Times of India: Unhealthy lifestyle, poor diet can make you prone to TB

And some good articles to help you find healthier Indian foods:
Times of India: Health facts about Indian foods
Indian Foods: AAPI's Guide to Health, Nutrition and Diabetes

Gori Kitty Party Revenge!

2012-02-16T04:50:00.000-05:00

Last week I organized a sort of mini-kitty party for a few of the local gori's here in Amritsar. There weren't enough of us here to really raise the roof on a place but that's not what's important lol. It's taken a long time for me to find enough people to get together in a group. Not everyone was able to come yesterday either so in the end it was just 3 of us.

One of the girls remarked at how we all got to talk instead of just two of us talking and the other being left out. One of the girls husbands dropped in to check on us a few times and he only added to the fun. He was witty and intelligent and it was so cute to see how they interacted with each other. I think she was absolutely right when she told me she had met her match.

Of course, it was quite a scene for all of us to be there like that and we did some attention to ourselves but the day was amazing. We shared our stories and thoughts and ideas and talked about our homes, our jobs, our lives, our husbands, our families and so much more.

One of the girls and I joke often about the kitty parties that go on at this restaurant and how loud they can be so up until this meeting we would have a laugh that one day we're going to get an all gori (or pardesi) kitty party together and show these aunties how it's done. I think we were doing quite well until the lunch rush started and a couple of groups came in. One of them was much louder than us. I was concerned at one point that I wouldn't be able to hear everything the other girls were saying because that table got so loud, but thankfully I did hear everything.

We wound up taking up the valuable real estate at that table for almost 4 hours! Not once did the conversation become awkward (as it can between strangers sometimes), there was never a silent moment (we even talked while reading menus lol) and I don't think any of us felt left out of any part of any conversation. Even when the husband showed up he was able to jump right in and we never missed a beat and he entered the conversation seamlessly.

This was unlike any other social gathering I've been to before - including in the US. Typically it takes a few minutes to get the conversation flowing and then the hostess usually jumps in and starts things off with an ice breaker. At this meeting the girls introduced themselves before I even had a chance. This made me happy because I had previously thought they would get along well and as it turns out, I wasn't wrong. I can't wait to have more get-togethers like this and hopefully our numbers continue to grow. That way we can be louder and over talk the aunties.

Just in Case the World Ends

2012-02-15T06:24:00.000-05:00

I'm not a believer in the 2012 end of the world prophecy but I do know that none of us has any promise of tomorrow at all. You only live until your time is up and there's not guarantee when that will be so you have to live each day to the fullest and be proud of what you have done so far. With that being said, here's a list of things I'm hoping to do/accomplish this year. I would love for you to comment and let me know what you hope to accomplish this year.

Go ice skating - of course this requires both Rohit and I to learn but I think it would be fun to go at least once in my life.
Go to an astrologer in India - don't believe in these either but I've always thought it would be fun to go and well...when in India, do as the Indians do!
Go to a cricket match in India - I hate sports but I think this would be quite the experience indeed.
Take Rohit to a local baseball game in the US - this is a great way to see a big chunk of American culture and I think he would find it fascinating. I say a local game though because I doubt he'll sit through the entire game and there's no stadiums near my family.
Order food delivery here - we finally have one place that delivers to our area and I want to call, order it myself and then make Rohit go downstairs and pay for it hahahahaha
I want to organize the ultimate westerner kitty party. A friend and I joke about this often and how we would get kicked out because they've never seen a kitty party so rowdy but I'm working on making it happen. I finally know enough westerners here I think we can make it happen and we already have the place picked out to go.
Finish at least one book. I'm working on several including a children's storybook for intercultural children and I would love to get at least one finished so I can start the publication process. This of course means I must stop procrastinating though. Wish me luck!

So Many Ways to Love

2012-02-14T04:35:00.000-05:00

Love is a great word. It has so many different meanings and uses. We can apply it to many situations and relationships and the person we are talking to almost always understands exactly how we mean it without further explanation. For example, we can love food, TV, our computers, our mothers, our family, our life, our country or our spouse/significant other and you can even "make love." All of those types of love are different but when we use the word, it's understood.

I hope you all are having a great Valentines day and those of you in a relationship I hope you get to spend it with the person you love! I myself and hoping for some chocolate since it was on my banned from the diet list for the last month or so. Thank Goodness I married a romantic!

Now go out and spread some love around because there's simply not enough of it in this world!

Free Twitter Backgrounds