Faith, Trust and Pixie Dust

Easter.....A Time For Gratitude

2016-03-25T19:54:00.002-07:00

Easter is upon us and so is my gratitude of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Over the last 4 1/2 years I have endured much, but no more that Heavenly Father knows I can handle. The last few weeks the pain I have experienced is much, but to know that our Savior had taken on this pain for me, my anguish, my suffering and that of all of us.

I know our Heavenly Father lives and is with us each day, we are never forsaken. I know his son Jesus Christ walked this earth and will again. I know so much is to come our way and it is our responsibility to be prepared. Now there are some who are not members of that same church I belong to who are reading this. If nothing else I encourage you to read the Bible, read it daily. Pray about what you read, know he will answer your prayers.

When in my most painful day, I felt the hand of God in my life get me through. When the light at the end of this tunnel seems so bleak, he made it bright. When the ground under my feet seemed to have left me, I was carried by him. When I weep for one of my children, I feel him wipe my tears. When I want to be angry for my diagnosis, I hear him say "you must help others". I know Heavenly Father knows me, I know Jesus Christ is by my side & I know the Holy Ghost is my comforter. I am truly grateful for the knowledge I have been given. May we all take a few moments out of our busy weekend and remember, give thanks and pass along these great blessings we have been given.

I encourage you all to join in and watch any of the 5 sessions of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints semi annual General Conference www.lds.org April 2-3 2016. I promise you will spiritual fortified.

Happy Easter ...... MamaSarm

The Light At The End of This Tunnel......

2016-03-25T19:31:00.000-07:00

The years have passed and I just kept putting off my reconstruction due to breast cancer. So I finally got up the gumption and decided to get this done once and for all. I showed up in my Plastic Surgeons office and she took one look at me and "Well hello friend, Its about time"! ha ha

We discussed my options and I quickly answered the option that I felt was right for me, Tram Flap. Now this was the most invasive and difficult of options but I felt was the best for me. This surgery would be a 12 hour long procedure and with a 6 week recovery. Using my own body tissue, my plastic surgeon and team of surgeons, anesthesiologists and nurses would perform reconstruction.

Tuesday March 8, 2016 arrives and so did Kenny & I the hospital at 5:45am....we were the first to arrive in Pre Op for the day & I was the last to be done in surgery for the day. With Surgery starting at 7am I figured I would be out by 7pm. When I woke up I wasn't in too much pain except for my arms and throat, that was so painful. Remember now, when you are in surgery they tape your arms to boards and hyperextend them. I began to cry asking why my throat & arms were so painful. Listening to one of the surgeons tell the post op nurse that I would be fine and the sounds would be faint but I should be fine. My mind was racing at this point, I felt as though I was totally aware of what was going on but couldn't move or speak...what happened?! One push on the morphine drip and I was out like a light.

I woke up and in a room with my post op nurse and 2 floor nurses. The Post Op nurse kept telling me he would stay with me for a while longer. The two floor nurses had such fear in their faces and began to say "We need to have the surgeon come back, I can't get sounds". My heart dropped something was terribly wrong. I asked what was going on and they tried to reassure me I would be fine. I then asked for them to call my husband, I wanted him right away and where is he anyway? They said "but Mrs. Sarmiento, its very late". What time is it? "Oh its 2am....... 2AM!!!! what happened!?

Later I found out there were complications and my 12 hr surgery was 17 hrs.....No wonder my arms hurt so much, and my throat...ugh. The days have been rough and not easy but having my family with me every step of the way has been such a great source of encouragement.

I woke up to an IV in my right hand, one in each foot and 6 drains from my body. Over the last 17 days I have been able to have 5 of the 6 drains removed, all IVs gone, and most of the pain is gone. I stopped taking all pain meds as they were making me sick. There is pain but not too bad, there is a drain but that will be removed by day 21 post op. I cannot straighten my arms fully but I can use them!!! This was a difficult decision to make but one I know will be worth it in the end. My own tissue & no more surgeries.

During this preparation and post op I had learned 2 friends have been diagnosed with Breast Cancer and are now fighting this courageous battle. One has completed Chemo and is now receiving Radiation. The other has just had her lumpectomy and is awaiting a meeting with an Oncologist to decide her course of action. I actually sat and cried one day thinking I really don't want to see one more person go through this. My heart aches for each who are diagnosed and their families.

My husband, children and family have been by my side. My dad and step mom even came to take care of our family for a week, what a blessing. So many good friend have fed my family and visited with us. We so appreciate the love shown, texts and calls of concern and encouragement. This has been a long road and bit to go but I can finally see the light at the end of this tunnel.

Sleepless Nights

2015-09-02T04:35:00.001-07:00

So much on my mind....or is it just too hot? What ever the case, I just can't sleep! I never fails, here it is 3am and I am wide awake!! Yes I worry about my kids...will they; succeed in their dreams, make good choices, be safe, good examples, do well in school/work. Then I worry about other members of my family and their health, future etc.... Then I realize I am just rationalizing why I am still awake! UGH Lets face it, this is what happens due to Post Chemo and current medication.

The summer months bring what I really don't like....heat! I love tempters in the 50s-low 80s. I wouldn't mind 20s once in a while too!! I love weather change, but here in So Cal that is a rarity. School has started and the weather should become like fall right....oh wait, school started in August! Mother Nature may need to change her ways to accommodate. The heat doesn't help with sleeplessness but AC and a big fan does.

This last month I have rededicated myself to exercising again. The side effects I have with exercising from the Arimidex I take is painful, but I push through so I can participate in my first Race!! Labor Day 2015 I will run in the South Jordan Temple 2 Temple Steeplechase! I am so excited, however when I signed up I thought I was going to run a 5k...3 miles that I can do. After I registered online I realized Oops this is a 5 mile race!!! Looks like I will be walking most of this, but at least I am doing it! I think I will sleep really we'll that night....he he he.

Counting Sheep, Reading, Watching TV.....done it all. I could complain but hey, Im still alive and I will take that. Got to go and rest up for my 5:30am wake up alarm....

A Year of Change.........

2015-01-03T16:33:00.002-08:00

So this year I have decided to make more of an effort in physical health. I am going to go to the Gym and see if its for me. I have a few friends who have gym memberships and attend faithfully. I started last year to lose weight, first I walked then started to run. I thought I would hate running but I actually like it. I was hoping to run in a 5k with my girls but that didn't pan out in 2014.

Taking things one step at a time is what my plan is. Last year I lost 9 lbs in 9 months. The medicine I take daily helps to keep the weight on. I was feeling great, then began to feel so much pain for about 18 hrs after each day I ran. I went over this with my Oncologist who sent me to a Rheumatologist, yep one more specialist to add to my new collection. She told me the pain I feel is totally normal and a side effect of the meds I take. I know feel like I have Fibromyalgia and Rheumatoid Arthritis, but this will all go away once I am done with my meds.....accept in my knees.

So with this new information I sulked for a few days, spoke with a good friend who teaches water aerobics and she told me to join as this would be great for my side effects. Well, then got busy with Christmas and traveling.

So today I am proclaiming that I will work out at least 3 days a week each week. This will not be easy for me. I am in need of help, if you are willing to. I need you to encourage me, help me, join me. My dream once JT left for his mission was to lose weight so JT can pick me up when he arrives home. Well 20 months have gone by and that hasn't happened. So I am hoping now to just become healthy and a good example for my kids. I want to do this for me....not for a one day event but for a lifetime. Being healthy doesn't mean a size 2, it means being healthy.

This year I will try my best to blog about this weekly and be accountable. As I do this should make it easier and more consistent.

Heres to a New Year.... A Year Of Change.

A Day to Remember & Honor

2014-07-22T10:25:00.001-07:00

A friend passed yesterday. She leaves behind a Husband & Children as well as many family & friends. Her fight was so courageous. I remember her smile & the love she had for her family.

She helped me with our Elementary School Variety Shows and other PTA events. She was always about the kids & never about her own gain. The downside to this is, we will put others I front of our own needs. There are those out there to thrive off attention wither it be good or bad, no matter, the love of attention and control is what some are after. This women would rather help and never ask for any accolades. She always did everything with a true intent of her good heart.

Cancer is not easy to fight, over come or even sometimes talk about....but it is becoming increasingly common amongst us. Its how we fight it, how we win it that makes a difference. Cancer didn't beat this amazing women, she beat it to the very end. Sadly life goes on for us left here, but for her, well she is in a much better place without pain and in full dignity.

As our hearts & prayers are directed to this amazing, athletic, fun loving woman & her family at this time....I can't help but reflect on this thought that keeps coming to my mind... "Pap & Mammo Ladies"! Do yourself a favor & Schedule your next appointment. Do it in honor of someone, do it for your family, do it for YOURSELF. Lessons are not given to us without learning. So we go on with this lesson learned, life is all about making the most of every day in a positive way. I have chosen to live a much happier and positive life since I was diagnosed. I hope to always be involved in all my children and husband do, I don't want to miss a moment of it. Life can be so short and lets be honest, for some of us its shorter than others.

I have much that I would hope to accomplish in this life, I pray I am given the opportunity to do the many things I would like to. I am very blessed to be here today, my story could have been very different. I was reminded of this by a very good friend this morning, she texted me "I'm so thankful that you beat your cancer. It's so scary-that could have been you. I'm going home and schedule my Mammogram & Pap :)" I was at the dentist office with my kids and read this, I started to cry in front of all those in the waiting room. I feel her love and I am grateful for her words.

May we all stop and give thought to all those who fight & win this great battle. No matter if the win is in Heaven or on Earth....we will always win!!!

Hugs, Kisses & Smiles

I Love You!

Marri

Socially Acceptable............

2014-05-13T20:48:00.002-07:00

This last year we have struggled with an issue at our sons school, bullying. He has been harassed, pushed, kicked, tripped, teased, made fun of, singled out, and roughed up after school. We have tried to work with the Administration of our school, but have been told "its all him" or "he is blowing things out of proportion". There hasn't been a week that hasn't gone by this school year where he comes home talking about how he is picked on. At first as a parent you are so defensive and want to find out who is doing this. Then you talk to the school only to hear this is all in your child's mind. You start to rationalize it just to cope. All year we have seen his self confidence start to diminish, his happy go lucky attitude go dark.

I even went on a field trip with his class so I can see how he interacts with the kids, what I saw broke my heart. Kids were indifferent to him, while on the bus I sat in the back and could hear a few boys taunt him and make fun of him. The teacher was in the front so I am assuming she didn't hear this. As a parent I wanted to protect him and tell those boys what they were doing was wrong, but then thought I may make it worse for him.

So many days he tells us how kids trip him and make him fall to the ground only to laugh at him. Other kids bully him into giving him part of his lunch. Girls have even circulated a picture of him on cell phones making fun of him at home and school. I have even listened while kids bullying him while on XBox Live while playing games together.

I am sure you are asking yourself "where is the school in all this"? I have spoken with his teacher who admitted she has seen somethings happen in the class. It has gotten to the point were he will start to verbally fight back, which we have discouraged. The Principal has told me "kids do trash talk on the playground but what can we do"? We send our children to school thinking it will be a safe and educational environment and for the last 21 years having our children in the same elementary school district we have never experienced anything like this. The principal even offered for our son to meet with a school councilor who can meet with him and teach him tools to use to cope with situations. After an interview on the phone the councilor told me he would be benefit but because we have an HMO he doesn't qualify for this service.

I have come to see that Socially it is acceptable to use foul language at such young ages, its Socially acceptable to tease others and get away with it. I think its a travesty that anyone at any age has to be told to just toughen up and deal with others making fun of you. This is not how anyone should have to live. I can't but help see that those who are the perpetrators are the ones who dictate what is Socially acceptable....This is where I draw the line.

I have asked a few moms at this school to ask their children if they have noticed if he is bullied or picked on. The response was the same from each child, "yes he is and the language those kids use is not right". "The kids pick on him and some bully". "He's a nice kid and I don't know why they do this to him". That is when my heart sunk. When I told the Principal this she told me "I wish you wouldn't have done that, that is an inaccurate way to know. I invite you to come and be on the playground to watch for yourself". I appreciate the invitation but what will I see, kids being on their best behavior, who will then later pick on my son for having me there? I went to talk to his teacher before school stared and my son said "I hope the bad kids don't see us come out of the class, they will make fun of me and make stuff up". I spoke to a mom about this and she said her daughter has expressed the same to her.

We have prayed with our son about this issue, to give him strength and peace. There are so many days he doesn't want to go to school, he would rather be home, but we tell him to keep his head high & just tell them to STOP IT! We pray for those who are committing these mean acts on our son, we pray that their hearts will be softened and they will see how their choices have been. Each day we tell him to be strong & know Heavenly Father is walking right along side him.

Recently our church held its annual General Conference and President Dieter F Uchtdorf delivered this message to the world:

https://www.lds.org/youth/video/bullying-stop-it?lang=eng

I watched this video and as painful as it is to watch, I had my son watch with me. I told him "see President Uchtdorf says to just say STOP IT". I can only hope and pray you who are reading this will watch this video and share this with your family & friends. If only we can all learn from two little yet very powerful words...Stop It.

Its Time For Spring Cleaning.......

2014-03-20T19:55:00.002-07:00

Happy Spring Ladies, now don't forget to clean out closets, move furniture to clean behind and get all those dust bunnies and clean out the garage. While your at it don't forget to detail your car, its needed it for a while. Then make sure to turn all the mattresses over and donate all the items you don't need to a worthy cause.

Now that you have done all that take a look in the mirror. Now it's time for you! Call and make that appointment for your annual, or for some your first, Mammogram. While you at it call to schedule a Physical as well.

One day while I was performing a self breast examination I found a lump. Now this was about 2 months before our first daughter was to be married, so I resolved myself to "its nothing and if it is I will deal with it after the wedding". Then came the end of the school year, the beginning of summer and finally I had my 2nd annual mammogram appointment to attend. While I was there I told the Technician that I felt a lump but its was up high on my chest wall. She right away said "the mammogram wont detect that area so I am going to send a referral off to radiology for you to have an ultrasound mammogram for that area". When I attended my 'ultrasound mammo' I was told my Mammogram looked great and they really couldn't find anything. I had to show them where and after a few minutes BINGO, they found what I had felt. Fast forwarding I had 3 different types of Cancer, one of which was very a aggressive cancer.

After much prayer and discussion my husband and I told the breast surgeon that I wanted a 'Bilateral Mastectomy'. My breast surgeon told me after they performed the biopsy "it was only a matter of time before it spread, You Literally Saved Your Life". Now this was after 2 lumpectomies and 4 rounds of Chemotherapy. I know that listening to my still small voice & being proactive is what saved my life.

Just 3 weeks ago I ran into an old friend, totally out of the blue. When I asked how she was she said, "I was just diagnosed with Breast Cancer". She seemed to still be in shock and didn't know how she and her husband were going to tell their children. My husband and I pray for her and her family daily. Over the last 2 years I have meet many wonderful and inspiring women who have been diagnosed with Breast Cancer. All of us have our own unique story and all of us have something in common.....we are Survivors.

I encourage you....No I Challenge you to get your Mammogram. Challenge your moms, sisters, daughters & girlfriends to get their Mammograms too!!! Its a simple test that take about 15 minutes out of your daily life....to save your life!

Love You..... Marri

2 Years and Counting......

2014-03-20T19:24:00.000-07:00

Nearly two years have passed since I had my Bilateral Mastectomy and became officially Cancer Free. Since then so much has happened to me, I am sad to say that I have neglected to write about. I have started a new business as a bookkeeper for small businesses. This has kept me very busy, so busy I have subconsciously neglected myself and exercise.

Looking back on the days I was just living one at a time, I kept telling myself "A year from now, 2 years from now". Well its now that bench mark and I seem to be doing well. All my hair is back, & I love to brush it, blow dry it and play with it. Funny how things such as simple as brushing your hair is taken for granted.

Gossip, It's Never A Good Thing.......

2014-03-20T18:57:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel like your angry and you don't know why? No it's not Menopause! I was at a point where I had noticed in my life that something has been holding me back and I just couldn't move forward. I tried to think it was someone else or something else, you know its always easier to blame someone else, it eases the pain. I have found that facing my frustration will help me move forward.

So here it is.... about 4 years ago someone who I thought was a friend came to me one day. Now this is someone who has been known to complain to others of how they feel they are not liked, and after a while you start to notice you are falling into that same mentality and find yourself looking for new friends. On a few occasions she felt the need to tell me how others didn't think highly of my family and one day in-particular she said "you know I had lunch with this these women and they were talking about you and your situation". She continued to tell me how these women were choosing to make me their topic of discussion, how stupid my husband and I were and what bad parents they thought we were.

Well of course I went through the usual female emotions.....

Mad: How could they say these things about me, I have never said one mean or negative thought about them.

Hurt: Now I feel like crawling under a rock, these women whom I thought were friendly towards me think so little of my family.

Anger: Seriously, who do they think they are? I wouldn't want to be near them on judgement day!

Depression: I want to totally withdraw from everyone and just forget about having a friend, no one is truly my friend anyway.

After my emotions got the best of me for about a year I realized this is just not me. I tried to turn the other cheek and kill them with kindness but yet these women seemed to me to snub me and only were friendly around big groups when others are looking. I then decided to just ignore and move on, then I was diagnosed with Cancer. I then had put my focus on what really mattered. For a time we had some very kind friends bring us dinner during the days after my chemo treatments. Nearly all of these women who passed judgement on me, or so I was being told, brought us dinner. I didn't have bad feelings with a couple of them but 2 I did, in fact I tried to get out of receiving dinner from them. This was very difficult for me but I knew that I needed to be more Christ Like.

Now the moral of this story is not to point a finger or to give shame to anyone, it is to bring awareness to feelings. I have feelings and so do others. Now in reality I really have no idea if what this woman had told me was even true, none the less I did go through all the emotions. This has truly effected my friendships with so many, my families relationships with other families and my trust issue. What I have found in all of this is when I read Scriptures and Pray daily with my family and husband I am so comforted. I know as long as I treat others how I would want to be treated, have a true intent of my heart and live life with purpose and humbleness I will feel peace. This is something I have come to know.

I started this story for my blog over 2 years ago and have felt different emotions while trying to finish this post. Regardless if these women did or didn't choose to pass judgment on my family, they had no idea why my demeanor had changed with them. I feel so bad and have repented for my actions. I don't want anyone to take this as "Marri needs a hug"....OK maybe I do, BUT.... we are all here on earth to make our own choices. Lets just make choices that don't hurt others, no matter your reason.

Martina Bagaman Sarmiento, Till We Meet Again

2012-11-15T09:54:00.000-08:00

My mother in law has been the cement of the Sarmiento Family for 55 years, raised 3 children, helped raise her brothers 2 sons, helped raise 2 of her grandchildren and was an amazing grandmother to 10. She was born in Shanghai China, migrated to the Philippines, met and married her husband of 55 years, migrated to the USA and worked hard her entire life. She has said to us quite often "the day I stop working is the day I die". She had traveled much and never missed a family celebration. Recently she was diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure, which is treatable. We went to visit her in early August and while we were there at her home she had suffered a hemoragic stroke, Kenny went to check in on her and found her standing by her bed unresponsive. He got our son JT and our nephew Cleve to help him carry her down the hallway. We called 911 and were fortunate enough to have friends there, one an ICU Nurse and one a Pharmacist. They recognized she had stroked, so they helped with the EMTs. Within minutes she was on a gurney and off to the hospital with us behind. The EMT's said as soon as they walked into the hospital she coded and was revived. After a CAT Scan and other tests we received the news that she was brain dead. We were all at the hospital at this point and Kenny's brother and family driving 4 hours away to be with her. We had asked that they keep her alive until they arrived. After watching her code and they had to work on her....it was all too much and with much anguish and tears Kenny, his sister Beth and I asked the ER Nurse & Doctors to stop. We brought all the family in to say our goodbyes and I had the great blessing to hold her hand and sing church hymns to her. Kenny administered a blessing to her and we all stood crying and loving her as she took her last breath. At that very moment I thought to myself all the little things in life that people tend to blow out of proportion, the craziness that ensues in daily life all needs to be brought into perspective. Life is truly short and we have so much to do, let each day be treated as a blessing. Do unto others as you would have done unto you.

The funeral was attended by many and was as lovely as Marty was. All the grandchildren sang, we as a family sang a song as well. Many friends and family came from far distances to show their love and respect for such and amazing women. The closing Hymn to her was "God Be With You Till We Meet Again".... and thats how we as a Sarmiento Family feel.

A Few Words About The Last Year.......

2012-11-15T09:11:00.000-08:00

Over the last 5 months I have started a new Career, lost my mother in law to a stroke, sent our son JT off to College, came home to a water heater break and flooded home, been living in the Residence Inn for over 2 months and Celebrated a Birthday Post Chemo.

Starting a new Career has been so great for me, a blessing and so fun. A great friend offered to train me in becoming a bookkeeper and Office Manager. I have loved it and learned so much.

We lost the Matriarch of the Sarmiento Family, please read the Post "Martina Bagaman Sarmiento, Till We Meet Again".

Taking my son to school was bitter sweet. I know I can call him and skype him anytime however this is just a preparation for his Mission. JT is doing so great and we had a fun road trip getting there. As always funny things happen along the way but thats what make for fun family stories and laughs.

I return home with Dillon after our road trip to BYU-Idaho to find that Kenny and Makayla had cleaned the home from top to bottom for me. Not a speck of dust, furniture all in place and nothing on the floor. The next day I went to work, picked up Dillon after school then opened the front door to find our home was a Steam Bath.....our hot water heater pipe had broke and blew a hole through our Master Closet and Suite as well as flooded the kitchen and two hall ways. Luckily we have renters insurance. We have been at the Residence Inn now for nearly 3 months waiting for the Landlord to fix what needs to be done so we can move back in, which isn't looking so great now. We have decided to move into another home but thats not as easy as one would think.

I Celebrated my 46th Birthday yesterday but it wasn't just any Birthday, it was the first Post Chemo Birthday. I have learned that my life has a new normal for everything. Tuesday I woke up feeling a little like I was going to get a cold, by 1pm I was feeling really sick so I emailed my Oncologist with my symptoms. She told me to go to the Dr now!!! By 6pm I as so sick the Dr put me on ZPack, Ear Drop Antibiotics and cough medicine (that made me sick to my stomach....yuk). The Dr said my immune system is so low that any normal bug that one would be able to fight off could turn in to pneumonia for me quite quickly. I am frustrated that I can't just fight off a bug, I can't just lose the weight that I put on over the last year, I can't get rid of my new condition Lymphodema. BUT I am thankful for everyday I have on this earth and intend on making the best of each day. I am so grateful for my loving and wonderful Husband Kenny, my amazing children and extended family.

This week last year I started my Chemotherapy, this week this year I have Hair, Happiness, Hope, Life and an Amazing Family.

On The Road To Recovery!!

2012-06-25T12:40:00.002-07:00

I've been drinking this amazing antioxydent and vitamin drink called Vemma. After Chemo and surgeries I have had a hard time getting my body back to normal. My sister told me about this vitamin drink and sent it to me. Once I started to drinking it my energy level rose, my skin became softer, my hair is growing in faster and thicker. So I have been looking into this and found that the vitamins used in the this drink (that you only take 2oz daily) is all natural. There is nothing synthetic or unnatural about it. I can testify to you that this drink works, it goes after the deficiencies in your body to make them right. Check out my new Vemma Website at marri1.vemma.com

Milestones.......

2012-06-21T19:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was yet another doctors appointment, as I was sitting there I realized how last year my biggest milestone was becoming a Mother In Law for the first time....this year my biggest milestone is growing my hair back!

I am so excited to be moving forward in life. I realize how lucky and blessed I am and I have also realized what's really important in life. Sometimes you don't need to be "ontime" to everything, if your just a few minutes late because your daughter want's you to braid her hair... that's ok. If your a little late because your son want's to tell you something that's so important to him, like a video game you can't seem to wrap your head around...that's ok.

I have served on so many different Executive Boards for so many different Organizations and have seen my fair share of "drama", I choose now to stay so clear of all the drama others create, that's not worth it. When I am involved in an organization it's all about fun, those we serve and learning as we go along. I have been blessed in meeting people in so many areas of my life, all these people I can truly call friends.

I have been busy jumping back into being a mom again and not so much healing. I realize my healing will be a long long process, but I am so happy to take time for me, read my scriptures daily and take care of my family. Outside influences wont get me down, you shouldn't let them get you down either.

So here's my question for you.....what was your milestone last year?

In Good Company

2012-05-22T10:23:00.002-07:00

So much is going on lately, yes its due to the end of the school year. We are at the end of 3rd grade, 8th grade, 3rd year at College and High School Graduation!!! Wohoo! We have successfully had 3 children graduate high school and be accepted into a University! We are so proud of our kids, I'm gushing I know. It always seems to sneak up on you, once Spring Break is done the time rushes by and before you know it, your sitting in a crowd of proud parents cheering on these Graduating Seniors success. As always life goes on and moves forward.

A couple of months ago I was asked to be a speaker at our local American Cancer Society Relay for Life 24 hour event. I was very humbled and excited to have this opportunity. So Sunday was the big day, I was to speak to all those who had spent the night after 24 hours of walking, fundraising and having fun. I arrived with my family and thought to myself "how many people are really going to be there and listen to what I have to say". Well there were many and they were so excited to take that final lap of the event. I was to speak to this amazing group of people who had raised over $400,000.00 for ACS. These are self motivating, caring, supporting, compassionate people who spend 12 months preparing and raising money for Cancer research, patient care and many more support activities and events that ACS offer's.

As I took the stage I felt totally in my element, I knew this is what I should be doing. I wasn't nervous at all, I was really excited to be able to share a bit about my story but more so, I was able to rally the supporters in asking for another 12 months of hard labor of love of Relay For Life work. I asked for a show of hands in the crowd of who were Cancer Survivors, there were a few compared to the number of 100's that were in front of me. I felt that the few of us Survivors were in good company with all those who care so much. I have a good feeling about public speaking and striving to be a motivational speaker!

So the funny part of all this is I received an email asking for a picture of myself and my Bio. I really wasn't paying attention so I took one of myself and then wrote something as in Third Person. After I arrived at the Relay for Life I see they had a special insert from our local newspaper all on the weekend long ACS Event. As I am thumbing through it looking for what vendors were there and what the activities would be I see my silly picture in large print! I thought to myself "Oh my, what did I do"? There was my bio and the pictures I had submitted. I just have to laugh and pay more attention to what my emails read...ha ha.

Finding A Happy Place

2012-03-26T13:14:00.002-07:00

So much has happened in the last 6 weeks, it's almost too much to think about but I am so glad it's all behind me and my family. Having a Bi-Lateral Mastectomy was hard, and it was hard to wake up to see what my new reality is. Then to overcome the pain in just 4 days and to be only on Motrin, as needed, was a blessing. I have weekly Doctors appointments with my Plastic Surgeon so I feel like I now live at Kaiser Los Angeles Medical Center. The week leading up to my Hysterectomy I had appointments for either myself or one of my kids on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Sunday. I arrived at my scheduled time of 5:30am on Monday March 19th, Kenny & I thought we would be the first ones there...Boy were we surprised. There were about 20 people, all there for their 7:30am surgeries as well. I was called back and the nurse was so incredibly nice to let Kenny come back with me. I hate when I have an IV placed in my hand, so Kenny was able to bet here for the great Hand Squeeze. I was in surgery for about 2 hours and all went well, but they decided to keep me for one night anyway. When I woke up in recovery it was just my luck that the floor I was assigned to wasn't ready for me. While I waited 9 hours, I was on a great pain killer that I had a hand pump for. You learn to really appreciate your Pre and Post Op nurses more when you see what they do on a daily basis. I had a 5 year old wake up next to me that was so upset due to the anesthesia, her mom was trying so hard to console her. While I was laying there thinking about this little girl and her mom, I said a prayer. I kid you not, with in minutes this girl went from inconsolable to complete calm and was able to go home. On my other side I had a women who went in for a Carpal Tunnel surgery and woke up with chest pains. Turns out she was a heart patient, so I prayed for her too. Her family was shocked to know that she was having heart problems. There were so many doctors who came and took care of this woman. I felt so lucky that I woke up fine and was quite entertained by all the action around me...he he.

I have healed pretty well and only had one moment of that "sadness" from losing all my female hormones. Lets hope that was my only one. I am so incredibly grateful that I have great doctors and have been able to beat this Cancer. I recently read a couple of statistics from the Susan G Koman Foundation that in Los Angeles County there are over 100 women weekly who are diagnosed with Breast Cancer. Every 13 minutes in the United States a women dies from Breast Cancer. I started asking Doctors and Nurses why so many men and women have been diagnosed with some form of cancer recently, it almost seems like an epidemic. It seems the universal answer is "health care", a simple answer. Most, if not all, diseases are preventable with early detection. If you attend a yearly doctor physical visit, women annual mammograms and pap smears and if we are proactive about our health we can beat anything!! I have said it before and I will repeat myself now, it's all in the positive attitude.

You would think that my family could keep themselves healthy while I am dealing with surgeries and treatments, well they have for months now but it all caught up to us recently. Kenny had a cold flu and with a combination of moving furniture and coughing so hard he pulled a muscle. He went to Kaiser for his flu and they ended up running all kinds of tests for a possible heart problem. Diagnosis....pulled muscle. Oh gosh it's funny now but when he was there we were kinda scared. Then JT became ill and slept for 5 days straight and didn't eat, I was very worried and was thinking he might have Mono. I sent him off to Kaiser and the Doctor said it was just a bad case of the flu. Once he heard that, he was miraculously healed and was back to going out with his friends and played in the Lacrosse game that week. Janessa came to town for 2 doctors appointments and lots of immunizations for her Haiti trip. In a soccer game on Saturday Makayla had fallen and we thought broke her wrist...after a Sunday Kaiser visit, it's only a sprain. Cassandra called me with the infamous "Mom I'm ok but..." she seemed to have hurt her good knee. She is in Provo so there isn't much I can do for her but tell her to ice/heat, take Motrin and elevate. Luckily Dillon, Austin and I were the only ones illness free!! All in all it could have been so much worse. At times you have to put yourself in a happy place and imagine all the craziness around you isn't happening. My happy place is either on a beach in Hawaii, a cruise with my family or park hopping at Disney World!!!

I am so glad my surgeries and chemo are behind me and it's all up hill from here. In the last 6 months I have endured 4 surgeries and 4 rounds of chemo. I need to let my body heal but I also realize that now is the time for me to start a new career and help others to learn that a positive attitude will get you through anything.

Faith in our Heavenly Father gives you strength.

Trust in all the blessings that are around you, they are gifts.

Pixie Dust, a little magic from Disneyland is the best medicine ever!!!

Whats Your Happy Place?

That Little Bugger

2012-02-29T19:54:00.002-08:00

Tuesday February 21, 2012, after over 4 hours of a Bi-Lateral Mastectomy surgery, I woke up a new person. I had spent 2 nights in the hospital & was then able to go home....note to self: after major surgery, don't go home during rush hour traffic in LA!!! I will say being prepared for what I would wake up to really helped, but still hard to look down and see what Cancer can do to you. I did have a nice talk with my body that morning "Well, I have known you all my life but recently you have made me sick. I think my husband has enjoyed you more than I have, now it's time for you to go". You have to find humor in all this, otherwise its not worth the anguish. The pain hasn't been too bad and by Saturday I was only taking Advil for pain. I wouldn't have been able to get through this without my the support and love of my husband, family, faith and friends. I have so loved all the flowers, plants, magazines, baked goods, dinners and company during this last week.

Wednesday February 29, 2012 at my post op appointments I learned from the pathology report that I had more cancer removed. It was a very small cell but Lobular Cancer spreads & I guess my Lobular cancer was trying to spread, that little bugger just didn't want to leave! I knew with certainty having this surgery was what I needed to do, and that pathology report just confirmed it for me. I feel very blessed to have the doctors I have. I have been able to catch up on some shows and movies I have missed over the last few months. Recovering from a double mastectomy is easier than recovering from chemo...for sure! I still have my complete hysterectomy coming up soon. Walking around the streets of LA going from one appointment to another today was a bit scary. All I could think of is, I hope no one bumps into me. Having stitches across your chest has that protective/scariness to it. Just taking it easy is not one of my strong points, I can't wait to drive, get back being busy and wondering where the day went with so much to do. I am allowed to go on my long walks again, my hair is growing and that since of independence is coming back again. Can you tell, I'm excited!!! Having Cancer isn't always easy but my cancer is beatable! Having such a great support system has made this fight so much easier. Get the tissues out and see this through to the end....just like you are doing for me. Thank You All, this one is for you!!

A Week In Review.......

2012-02-28T17:58:00.000-08:00

Dillon passed all his math tests early this year and was able to attend an Ice Cream Party to celebrate!!! This 3rd Grader is now working on division!!! WOW

Makayla came home so very excited to be one of a few soloists performing in her Jr High School Dance Show Recital. Yeah!!!!!

JT was accepted into BYU-Idaho and will be on the Spring/Fall Track. He will be going with some friends, lets just hope he doesn't have too much fun. We are very proud of him but wondering how much dirty laundry he will be bringing home at Christmas??? ha ha

Cassandra was interviewed for weekly show on BYU TV. That was so fun to see "Foot Poetry" highlighted for their voluntary efforts in performing at events such as fundraisers. Gotta love tap dancers!!

Janessa got a new job and was selected to be the Project Director for a BYU Non Profit group that travels to Haiti and helps with what ever sustaining is needed. She will be there all summer.

Austin (son in law) will be attending lots of training for his military position this summer in and out of the country. Not easy to do but not surprised he was selected!! Hoo-Ra!

While having my pre-op in LA I had lots of messages on my iPhone that "Breaking News" was going on just a block away. There were Firefighters, Cops, News Crews and Helicopters all around. Well, just another day in Los Angeles.

I was tricked into attending an event and then surprised as I was given an award from Newhall Elementary PTA for volunteering. I was shocked and humbled, my good friend of 18 years tricked me and brought me to this event, then stood up and spoke such wonderful words of how she thought of me (all good) and yes we shed a few tears. They even got 3 of my kids and Kenny there. I volunteer in PTA because of the kids, the schools, teachers and so many great programs, grants and scholarships that PTA offers to our schools nationwide. I cannot express my gratitude enough for the recognition of volunteering in the community, it's something I have loved doing.

Dillon's 2nd Grade teacher texted me at about 6:45am to tell me she had her baby boy just 12 hours before! Oh my gosh is Kyle so very cute! I was so excited to see this beautiful new little baby that was so sweet in his moms arms. I can't wait to see and hold him again!!

I had the opportunity to meet with three wonderful women who have something in common with me, I guess you can figure out what that is (wink wink). We found it alarming how many have recently been diagnosed with Breast Cancer. The statistics read that 1 in 8 women are diagnosed with Breast Cancer, I wonder if those numbers will change soon to read 1 in 6? These women are so wonderful and fun to talk to. All of us have had Chemo and these women have had either a Single or Bi-Lateral Mastectomy as well. I was so excited to see that these women have hair!! They are walking around with surgeries and treatments done and just recovery ahead. The funny thing about hair growing back in after Chemo, the last thing on your mind is to have it cut, trimmed or colored...Your Just Happy To Have Your Hair Again! I am so happy to say my hair is growing in, slowly at this point but it's growing in. I am not sure what color it is yet, but I am hoping its not one I would have to color. I have never in my life had to color my hair, I loved my hair color and wishes it comes back the same. No matter the color or texture I just pray daily my hair grows in fast.

No matter what is on my plate....life keeps going.

New Normal.....What Is Normal Now?

2012-02-19T13:46:00.000-08:00

What is normal after a life changing event. I can tell you that normal isn't what it used to be, I am still waiting. I really thought that 3-4 weeks after my last Chemotherapy treatment I would be back to normal, well that was dumb of me! ha ha. I have learned that I probably won't be 100% what I used to consider to be normal. I am walking 1-2 miles daily now but always feel like I just did a "Last Chance Workout" with Jillian from the Biggest Loser. I walk with a great new friend of mine who happens to be a nurse, so I know if I faint or something goes wrong...I'm in good hands. My body has retained water enough for two people, but the walking is helping....well kinda. My sleepless nights are still with me at 2am!! You know, there are some strange shows on TV between 1:30am-4am. I still have memory loss and eyes water like I'm crying. BUT the upside is, I can eat and taste everything, I can eat all foods and not have side effects. I drank one soda and realized I think soda is a once a month beverage for me, that's a plus! My muscles and joints feel so stiff I sometimes think rigamortis has set in..ha ha. Just walking up stairs, no matter how few, are painful but doable. I am not going to let this keep me from living a life, I just need to find that normal. I hear "New Normal" is only a few months away for me. I will have hair, the weight gain will be gone and hopefully the joint and muscle pain will be gone to.

I do have a couple of major surgeries coming up that will help with the prevention of having cancer return in the future. February 21st I will have a Bi-Lateral Mastectomy with Plastic Surgery and in March I will have my Ovaries removed. I am hoping for 100% remission of cancer but I am not turning my back on it. This is my new normal, another lesson to learn in life. So whats normal now, we really don't know yet but all modesty is thrown out the window when I see an Oncologist or Plastic Surgeon now!! ha ha. You would think I am used to "New Normal" having had two girls in High School Cheer.....nope that's just plain craziness!! Yet we get to be CheerParents yet again soon....Makayla is trying out for the High School Cheerleading Squad in a month or two, her two older sister's advise, "if your going to do it, stay out of the drama"!! ha ha. Now that's an Oxymoron......

Strawberry Lemonade......

2012-02-02T09:59:00.000-08:00

Now that the chemicals are out of my system I can now have all those foods that I was unable to have during my therapy. All carbonated drinks, berries, citric acid, spicy foods, shell fish and raw vegetables are suggested not to have for a Chemo Patient. There are side effects that the chemicals from chemotherapy can cause, which of course I was having. I know of some chemo patients that had these foods and were just fine, but of course Marri "Murphy's Law" was not able to. I will say since I was unable to eat some of my favorite foods for three months, this has made those foods taste so much better now!! Yesterday I was given the OK to eat all foods again, so I went shopping at the Produce store and bought myself some strawberries & tomatoes!! I am not a big soda fan so I haven't missed that but I have missed having a strawberry lemonade....can't wait to have that again. I will be so excited to have some great Mexican food!!

Now if my hair would just grow in...FAST. I really want to go to Disneyland, but with either a scarf or wig on it will fly right off on a ride. Can you imagine some kid on Space Mountain enjoying his ride in the dark and BAM a hairy wig flies right into his face! Yea that would happen to me, so for now I will wait...ha ha

My energy is getting back to normal now. I am so excited I can do things and not feel so exhausted after, that was so hard for me. Over a few weeks the energy level really went to nothing and over time I didn't notice how much. Yesterday and today my energy level is amazingly working it's way back to what it used to be. Although I have a few more surgeries to go I can now see the light at the end of this tunnel.

Enjoy your food of choice today everyone!

Chemo....It Does Funny Things To Your Body

2012-01-27T14:31:00.000-08:00

I am still waiting for my hair to grow back, you know I really miss it. I sometimes find myself grabbing for it, brushing it and wanting to blow dry it. It's the small things in life that you realize are habit forming. I have a great wig that looks real, but I feel the mesh on my scalp, something you can't see. I feel the synthetic hair and it doesn't feel the same to me. I also wear my scarves, caps and hats but again it's not the same. I have hair envy, is that bad or what? I hear so many people complain about their hair color, texture and style. I pray every day that my hair grows fast and isn't grey!! ha ha.

I have also realized how pale I am now....I haven't been out in the sun in so long! I need to get out walking and get some color back in face. Its so windy here lately I am afraid I may lose my wig so I guess I will have to sport a cap or scarf. I went to a luncheon meeting one day in December. I had just gotten this long wig from the American Cancer Society and wearing it was so new to me. This lunch was on a day of "The Wind Storm" that blew through So Cal. The wind was blowing so very hard that I had to hold the car door with two hands as I opened it to get out, for fear it could bend all the way back. As I was walking to the restaurant I had to hold my wig down with my hand. I noticed that the people in the restaurant were looking at me funny....I had to laugh, I would have done the same thing. Since then I have learned to not ware wigs on a windy day...ha ha

Last week I attended another meeting and drove with a couple of friends. We stopped at Taco Bell to grab a quick bite to eat. I knew I couldn't eat anything there since I am unable to eat anything spicy. I asked the man behind the counter if the chicken was spicy, he replied "No the a chicken isn't a spicy". So I ordered a chicken soft taco with cheese only. Now my mouth was coated, as usual after chemo, with this funny film in my mouth that prevented me from tasting anything. I had my taco and we went on to the meeting. After about 15 minutes my face felt really hot, I thought to myself "oh man my face is turning red"...then my tongue became tingly and my lips felt like they were plumping...ha ha. All I could do was laugh in my head about this. I wonder what the others in the meeting were thinking as they saw my face get more red as time went on. So funny the things chemo can do to your body, yea really funny.

I'm so excited to eat spicy food again, salads, BBQ, berries and other fruit, eat tomatoes and not worry about what salt can do to my body. I have gained about 15-20 lbs in water weight over the last week or two...I have been assured by my Hemo Oncologist that this weight will all come off in February. I really hope she is right, I really don't want to end up on the Biggest Loser-Cancer Edition...ha ha Actually that would be a good one! I look forward to having the energy to exercise again!! I need to build my stamina up and get back to working out again!!

Sometimes Plans Change

2012-01-27T13:24:00.000-08:00

So as I finished with my Chemotherapy....Wohooo....I continue to learn more and more about my pathology report, my body chemistry & options for treating my cancer to prevent it from coming back. I have met with more new Doctors and have found that because I am Estrogen Positive my ovaries must come out, otherwise my cancer will come back. I also have decided, through much prayer, to have a Bi-Lateral Mastectomy to prevent cancer from returning in either breast. I know it's not 100% however chances are in my favor of 80%-90% that it won't return. I could have cancer in the muscles of my chest are and maybe in some tissue, but that is a slim chance.

So moving forward I will have my ovaries removed in February and Breast Surgery with reconstruction in March. I should be done with all my surgeries in June! I now have 3 Oncologists and a Plastic Surgeon, the good news is I won't need radiation now that I will have the Mastectomy, one less procedure to have done.

I have some great doctors who are really listening to me and teach me more about cancer and my body. I am so grateful for the doctors and nurses I have!!

The Hard Truth

2012-01-02T13:41:00.000-08:00

I am finally done with my Chemotherapy Treatments, each Chemotherapy does become harder to recover from. So here's a list of the worst so far:

Hair follicles hurt - Loss of hair - Constipation - Body aches - Runny nose - Finger nails hurt - Joint pain - Memory loss - Physical fatigue - Eye sight blurry - Perception off - Very dry skin - Temporary menopause - Mouth sores - Intermittent loss of taste buds - Nausea - Headaches - Indigestion - Sleepless nights - Loss of smell - Weight Gain - Mental fatigue - Numbness - Night Sweats - Frustration - Understanding

I have to say with all this that I have been through so far, it's tolerable, it's not easy but it is tolerable. I feel blessed for all the researchers and advancements in technology that has made Chemotherapy Tolerable. I can remember my Grandmother dying of cancer in our home. My sister and I had a large room on the main floor so the Hospital Bed was set up in our room. We shared it with her intermittently over the last year of her life. She was very skinny and frail. Her tumor in her abdomen was so big she looked pregnant. She carried it when she would slowly get out of bed. She wore socks to help her legs from clotting. She is was in so much pain she would moan all day and night. My great Aunts and Great-grandmother came from as far away as Oklahoma to take turns caring of her. One night she was so near death, at least that's what they told me, for all I know she did pass and they were able to revive her. My Dad and Grandfather carried her to car and drove as fast as they could to UCSF where she was admitted and would pass away a couple of weeks later. Her cancer metastisized and were now in her Uterus, Ovaries, Kidneys, Liver, Mouth and Brain. She was a very strong woman all her life. To see her pass this way was difficult but she was so very brave. I wasn't very close to her but I have always had so much admoration for her and her strength.

Here is a few of what they call "Chemo Cocktail". There are "Pre Chemo" drugs that are administered either through IV or Pills before I get the actual Chemo Drugs. I start off with 3 Anti Nausea pills then receive a bag each of Saline, Pepcid and Benadryl. All of these counter act any allergic effects I get from the Chemo it self. This process is usually an hour long. I usually get very painful joint pain from the Taxotere (chemo) so they then give me a syringe of Benadryl and push that through the IV, this really helps and then makes me really tired. That treatment usually takes about 1 hour. I then have a bag of Cytoxan (chemo) for about 40 minutes, this burns going in my hand so they heat me up a small bag of saline and put that on my hand, for some reason it helps??? Once I am done the IV comes out and I am free to go! I was never to so happy to walk out those doors yesterday.

My faith hasn't been shaken but it has been strengthened. I have literally cried in prayer for strength and asked to be carried when I need to be, I have been. I know how loved I am by Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I can say without a doubt that Jesus and Heavenly Father are my best friends. When I have my darkest moments, when I am in so much pain or when I just need comforting I turn to my family and my Heavenly Father and my faith for strength. I read my scriptures and write in my journal often. I have gained so much spiritual strength over the last few months, but I know there is always room for growth. I am so grateful for all the prayers offered on my behalf. My fight is not over as I may have a few more surgeries ahead of me, but I do believe what I have been promised through my Church Patriarchial Blessing, that I will live a long life and I have much to accomplish. No matter the age I am when I pass I am grateful for the knowledge that Families can be together forever. Since my family has been sealed in the Los Angeles Temple I know that we will be together for all eternity, I am so grateful for that. I am grateful for each and every one of you, it takes an enormous amount of support to not just the patient but the family as well. We have been very blessed to have so much love and support. I know this isn't usually as upbeat as I normally post but this is the true facts of Chemotherapy. It's not easy but I have gotten through it. I hope to never endure this again, I hope my children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren and any other family members never have to endure this terrible disease. The truth is right now 1 in 8 will have breast cancer. That's just for Breast Cancer, not to mention any other type of cancer out there. I am very lucky to have the type of cancer that I do, this is so beatable. I have decided to seek consultations for a Double Mastectomy and Hysterectomy as I am having a few issues with my female body parts during Chemo. I am being very proactive in my health management and seeking all the advise and options that I have available before me. I can't wait to get back to a normal life and have a Calling again for my church, give back to the community and start my Motivational Speaking as well as having my book published. Lot's to look forward to but do know my family comes first!

My next Blog Posting wont be so harsh or weepy but I did want to share this with all of you so that you know how you have uplifted and really helped my family through the last few months. I can't thank you all enough. 2011 is behind us and I look forward to 2012 bringing much more great gifts and joy to our family.

Giving & Receiving.....

2011-12-22T15:53:00.000-08:00

I know I am not the only mom out there who has done this but when you receive a phone call from your 8 year old from school telling you that you forgot to pick him up, you feel like your the only parent on earth that has done this. After we picked Dillon up from school I explained to him that since I had Chemo on Tuesday I wasn't feeling 100% just yet. He replied "What you had Chemo on Tuesday? I didn't know that?", it's that selective hearing thing kids have. He then said the smartest thing that made me think he is paying attention, "That means you only have one more! What day is that on?" I had to tell him he is so smart!!! I then realized my disease has consumed our every thought, I just hope that we can make this into a positive. With as many blessings as I have been given I really hope to help others and make sure my family can do the same with our knowledge of this disease and treatments that are needed to be undergone.

I had an amazing opportunity to meet with a new friend Janelle, who had her first Chemotherapy on Tuesday December 20th. Cassandra is friends with her son Tanner, who is currently serving a mission for our church in Australia. Cassandra & I put together a care package and brought it to Janelle Monday. I was able to answer her questions and hopefully calm her fears of having Chemotherapy and all that it will bring to her body. She is doing great and will continue to do so, she is a very strong person. I was so happy to be on the giving end instead of the receiving end. I so appreciate all the help, dinners brought in, gifts, kind words, lovely cards and many many prayers said on my behalf. BUT it felt great to be back where I usually am, the giver.

One thing, out of many, that I have learned so far is.....to receive is just as important as to give. As important as it to give of your time, effort, talents, love and compassion, it is just as important to receive those special gifts. When someone has taken the time to bake cookies and bring them to you as a gift during the holidays or to show appreciation, the gratification of having them received with such joy is so important to the giver. I have learned that to show my appreciation to those who have given me so much from dinners to prayers, is to give back by doing for others. When I give a plate of homemade baked goods I don't want the receiver to make me a plate, I would hope that they would do something similar for another family. That's the gift that keeps on giving, something that has been taught to us for over 2000 years.

My gift to everyone this year, gratitude. I have not lost faith, I have not lost hope and I have not lost the trust that no matter what, I have a mission on this earth and I fully intend to fulfill that mission.

Crossing a Hurdle

2011-12-07T09:37:00.001-08:00

Tuesday November 29th was my 2nd Round of Chemotherapy, and for the most part it went good. This time was a bit harder during the treatment but I survived. I was more tired after treatment this time, and it will be a bit more each time. Luckily I only have 2 more and I am done! Tuesday December 6th I had a brunch to attend, it was good to see friends I hadn't seen in a few months. Most didn't know about my Breast Cancer Fight. We had a motivational speaker address over 200 of us, Carrie was great. She started off with a "Who here is a" or "Who here has had to" but then she got to her last question, "Who here is a Cancer Survivor". I had been raising my hand to the questions that applied to me and when it came to this one all the sudden everything was in slow motion. I saw a few friends look at me as if to say, ok thats you raise your hand. Then Carrie had asked me to stand up, I did as I was told but now realizing "oh my gosh I am a Cancer Survivor". My eyes filled with tears and of course I tired to shut that off, this was a happy time and why would I cry now??!! I only stood for a few seconds, but it felt like a few minutes. I heard some gasps with disbelief, they didn't know...Well didn't the scarf on my head give that away, ha ha. I also heard some say "ohh", I guess it all just hit me and to be asked to stand and hear claps of encouragement for what I am going through was overwhelming for me. At this moment I felt like I had crossed a hurdle, I wasn't at home having a pity party, I wasn't in the car crying to a song that touched me, I wasn't toughing out my emotions, I felt empowered! Sitting on one side of me was Heidi, who's sister lives in Pennsylvania and recently found out that her breast cancer had come back and now they would be doing Chemotherapy. Heidi had so many questions for me and I was able to answer them. On the other side Diane, a great friend who comforted me knowing somewhat of my feelings. Her dad is battling cancer and not doing well right now. Later in the day I received a call from my friend Lisa who told me her friend had just been diagnosed with Breast Cancer and she had asked if it was ok for her friend to call me. I have a great mentor Ines, who has been there every step of the way, checking in on me and calls just to make me laugh. Now it's my turn to do the same. The unknown is frightening but when you have someone to guide you through, its not so bad. I am grateful that I have been given this great gift to share with others and help where I'm needed. I am grateful that my cancer didn't spread, it is curable and I will live a long life. I am grateful for a loving family who supports me and loves me eternaly. I am grateful for friends who are so gracious, kind and so incredibly supportive. The strength I have is one that is developed through Faith and Prayer, without that I would be on my sofa watching movies. Not now, I have a goal. I am writing a book, becoming a Motivational Speaker and living my life they way I am supposed to. Thank You Carrie for coming to speak to all 200+ of us and have the courage to ask me to stand.

Christmas is only 17 days away....I have so much shopping to do, but keeping mind what this Holiday is all about. As a primary song sings "I'm Trying To Be Like Jesus"..... Merry Christmas Everyone!

The Strawberry Blonde Is Now All Gone......

2011-11-28T17:49:00.001-08:00

What defines you? I like to think your character, your compassion, your thoughtfulness, your dedication, or maybe your convictions in your religious beliefs. When you walk by someone who looks a bit different do you tend to stare? When you hear something that is a bit out of the ordinary to you, do you find yourself thinking "What did he/she just say"? OK, so it's totally normal....right??

Lets see it from the perspective of the receiver of those looks and giggles. So Sunday November 19th, I woke up to what seemed to be a normal day. While getting ready for church I noticed a bit more hair in my brush than usual. With each stroke I thought to myself, "I could make my own wig"!! ha ha.... So I knew this day would come but I was hoping it would happen after my 2nd Chemotherapy treatment. Now lets think about this, does anything in my life happen like it should, or even on time?? While at church I was praying that no one would give me a hug and touch my hair, for fear it would come out in their hands & I would have to explain. Then what would they do with this enormous amount of hair in their hands, that would be embarrassing. Well that almost happened, but my quick hand headed off that stroking of my hair like Superman stopping Lex from trying to strike him. OK so I'm not a superhero but I kinda like the analogy.

I decided since our daughter Cassandra would arrive on Tuesday November 22nd, I would wait to have it cut off that night. We had all our children (except Janessa & Austin), Howie and Ann Sarmiento, and of course Elizabeth Bence and her daughter Carrie. I had a good friend Nikki Gouldin, who happens to be a hairdresser, come do the honors. Ann brought me a scarf and bangs....yes I said bangs. They are a like a wig but on a thin head band, you wear them under a hat or scarf. They are really cute!!

So Nikki started to take my hair band out of the braid I had & make a pony tail. I tried to tell everyone that my hair falls out in big clumps...but they really didn't understand. That is until Nikki took the braid out, everyone just looked, mouths dropped and all I heard was, Wow. I tried to tell them...ha ha. So after she carefully put my hair in a pony tail Carrie, Cassandra and Makayla took turns cutting the pony tail off. So my hair, when you would look at me, seemed really Strawberry Blonde...emphasizing BLONDE. Well under those blonde locks was dark red hair, almost blonde!! It was a fun night only filled with laughter, just the way I wanted it. Nikki was able to buzz it down to a 0, which still left stubble. The next morning Cassandra & I got creative using duct tape to get those remaining hairs. I still have stubble but was able to take out some hair that is just sitting there. No it didn't hurt, I have some hair that has no roots, its just sitting in the pore waiting to come out. I think after tomorrow I will lose the rest, including eyebrows and eyelashes...now you can cry for me...he he he.

I have refused to stay inside like a hermit crab, huddled on my sofa watching movies all day, so Wednesday Cassandra & I went out. It felt weird, now everyone will know I have cancer. People do look at me differently, treat me differently and people who usually wouldn't give me the time of day even come up to me and try to be my new BFF....Whatever!!!! I do appreciate the sentiment though. We have had many friends and families who are both members and non-members of our church bring us dinners. Thank you Debbie Crockett for organizing this. We so appreciate all the meals, especially when I have no energy or are too sick to get out of bed the 4 days after chemo to cook dinner. But its ok, my mom told me to be proud of my baldness....ok I will try. She even cut her hair really short, thanks Mom. But let me just say, please don't cut your hair short or off on my behalf....it really stinks. I wear scarfs and hats for now, I really don't know if I will wear wigs though...but I have bangs...ha ha!!

So my point to this is when you see someone who is bald, please don't look at them with concern or pity in your face. That is truly the last thing anyone who is battling Cancer or dealing with Alopecia (refers to a group of rare disorders that destroys the hair follicle & replace it with scar tissue, thereby causing permanent hair loss) really wants to see. When fighting a disease it's overwhelming sometimes, you need to have strength to get through it. Talking about it is good, making jokes about its great and killing the disease is Worth It!! But please remember, I am not dying....I'm in it to win it...sorry to my girls, I know it's a cheer motto but truly I am!! I have too much to accomplish on this earth, one of them is to live to be at least 90 something. Thank you to all my family & friends who have called, mailed me cards, sent me emails, text messages and messages on Facebook. Those who come to see me, give me hugs, bring me gifts and feed my family....I am eternally grateful. Now remember....NO TEARS.... so I leave you with this Makayla "mom do we have any conditioner" Marri "no honey I didn't even think to buy that lately, I haven't really needed it for a while now".

Live, Love & Laugh...and Read Your Scriptures After You Pray.....

That's What Gets Me Through Each & Every Day.

Now, on to Christmas!!!!!