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A Valentine to my cat. Yes, seriously.

2012-02-13T17:06:00.000-08:00

I've always had a thing for animals. But my cat Teddy and I have a particularly good relationship. To be fair, he seems to have a good relationship with nearly everyone, human and animal alike. He got the name "Teddy" at the shelter because his temperament is more Teddy Bear than cat: he's cuddly and extremely tolerant, and seems designed to hug. You could probably put a broad bow around his neck, like an actual Teddy Bear, and he wouldn't object.

Since I'm the human he spends the most time around, I am the prime beneficiary of both Teddy's delightful qualities and his occasional quirks and oddities. (Oddities like his extra-long incisors, which scrape the insides of my elbows when he presses his face in the crook of my arm as we lie on the sofa reading. His teeth leave fine scratches that turn gently, allergically pink before fading.)

Teddy the cat is unflappable and Buddha-calm. You could light a firecracker next to him and he'd barely react, parade a marching band through the room and he's look up, but you wouldn't get more enthusiasm than that. The dogs chase after him, and half-maul him, putting his head in their mouths, slobbering on him and batting him around. Teddy is remarkably permissive, allowing quite a bit of torment before batting the dogs on the nose sharply to dismiss them, sending them yelping off to their crate in the kitchen.

I used to feel badly for Teddy, almost wanting to apologize to him for the indignities he suffers at the dogs' enthusiasm. But he's clearly okay with it. As with everything else in this world, he takes their silliness in stride, sometimes grumbling to me about it briefly in funny cat-talk, but otherwise allowing what is to simply be.

One of the more endearing things he does is purr himself to sleep when he lies curled with me in bed. Whichever way I'm turned, he positions himself in the "be spooned" position, with his spine pressed against my chest and his head tucked under my chin. When I roll over, he climbs over me and reorients himself in a mirror of our slumbering poses a moment before.

At first I didn't understand that the funny sound Teddy made, sometimes for many minutes nonstop, was purring. It sounded metallic and wheezy. I thought it might be asthma, or even pneumonia. I asked the veterinarian about it. He laid a stethoscope on Teddy's chest, listening intently and looking serious for a few moment. Then he smiled, slipped off his stethoscope, and handed Teddy back to me.

"Your cat doesn't have a respiratory problem," Mr. Johnson, the veterinarian told me with a chuckle."He's just unbelievably happy."

I love you, Teddy. You're the best shelter kitty ever.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Dad

Decency Knows No Political Party

2012-02-09T11:07:00.000-08:00

I admire anyone who stands up for equality. But I particularly salute those for whom taking a stand is risky and may cost them personally and professionally. It touches my heart that some of the most moving and eloquent advocates for LGBT equality, lately, have come from within the ranks of the GOP.

It's important that we support these courageous people. While nationally we've passed the magic 51% number as far as acceptance (presumably making it a good long-term bet for ANY politician to support us), Republicans still fight uphill within their own party. And coming out in support of LGBT equality can have negative consequences for them at the ballot box and in contributions NOW, in current election cycles.

Meet my hero of the day -- Maureen Walsh, Republican State Senator from Walla Walla. Listen to her beautiful words on the floor of the Washington Senate Tue during that legislative body's debate over same-sex marriage.

And let's remember Maureen, financially and otherwise, when she's up for re-election, whether we typically vote Democrat or Republican. Because decency and justice know no political party.

No Faggots in Jack City

2012-02-07T09:26:00.000-08:00

"NO FAGGOTS IN JACK CITY!" the gleeful, blood-thirsty cameraman says over and over.

This video is in the process of going viral. A (presumably) gay man is badly beaten outside a grocery store in Atlanta. You'll see it all over the web in the next few days. It's hard to watch, but you need to watch it.

I suspect that no human who values the dignity of others can look at this without cringing. We've come a long way toward toleration and mutual acceptance in America, but we've clearly got a long way to go. There's much talk during the current election cycle about America being a "shining city on a hill." Those are pretty words ... but we're not there yet.

Thankfully, per reports, the Atlanta PD's Gang Unit is all over this incident, and an investigation is underway. But this is one case that got caught on camera (astonishingly, by the perpetrators themselves as a twisted boast or "proof of performance" for their friends or other gang members) ... there are an untold number of similar incidents every day in America that we don't see, that don't get reported or, if reported, are sneered at and dismissed by law enforcement.

There are those of us fighting every day, as individuals and through organizations, to keep awful scenes like the one above from EVERY happening again. I entreat you -- join us. Stand beside us. Do not be silent. Obviously, if you see something occurring, DO NOT LOOK THE OTHER WAY. But more than that, raise your voice against any intolerance when it crops up around you.

Thank you.

Eddy Barrena is taking pop seriously

2011-11-15T12:33:00.001-08:00

A number of my friends and acquaintances are performers who use their recognizability to promote social and political causes. It's fun to share both the art they create as well as their advocacy.

I'll admit that when I first became aware of Eddy Barrena, it was not in his role as an advocate/activist for LGBTs and Latino youth. It was his performance in the breakthrough 2010 "Ice Cream Truck" music video by out, gay Manhattan rap performer Cazwell that got my attention.

Cazwell's unapologetically sexy video turns the tables on the stereotype of a (heterosexual) rapper flanked by a seeming harem of scantily-clad, attractive young women. Instead Cazwell populates our screen with his visual ideal. The video was simple to the point of simplistic, yet radical at the same time. Holding court center-rear (in this pic) is Eddie Barrena.

Eddy grew up in Spain and Colombia, where he studied filmmaking in college. As soon as he was able, he packed his things and moved to New York City, where he started work on his first short film upon arrival.

It wasn't hard to make ends meet. The modeling business embraced Eddy, and work in print campaigns and as a go-go dancer led him to Cazwell and being signed as one of the "Ice Cream Truck" boys. The rest is YouTube viral history.

Now, Eddy's finding his own voice, not only as a musician, but as a filmmaker and activist. Eddie has participated in the NOH8 Campaign, shooting a portrait and speaking out for acceptance of LGBTs and youth in particular.

In the studio, Eddy delights in creating shimmery, catchy pop music.You can check out his first single State of Grace on iTunes and follow Eddie on Facebook.

On Veteran's Day, do you stand for what America stands for?

2011-11-11T15:28:00.001-08:00

In the 50s and 60s, conscientious white Jews and Christians stood with African-Americans in their struggle. In the following decades, conscientious labor unions, the NAACP and others stood with gays in our struggle. Today, conscientious 1%-ers and unions stand with the 99% in their struggle.

These movements are very different. But they share one important commonality -- coalition. Sweeping social change can come only through coalition.

Muslim-Americans are increasingly facing withering criticism and discrimination. I believe their struggle is the next big American rights challenge. Today, Veteran's Day, in Tennessee, there is an ABSURD "Anti-Shariah Law" conference going on. A string of speakers have addressed a rabid crowd, including a former FBI officer who insists that people who choose to worship Allah "do not have a First Amendment right to do anything."

The Tennesseean newspaper saw this coming and wrote about it in July.

On this Veteran's Day, when we memorialize American service members who laid down their lives defending the rights of free speech and religious expression, do YOU stand with the anti-Muslim fear-mongers or the freedom fighters? When it's time to build coalition and support our American Muslim brothers and sisters, where will you be?

The REAL face of the Anti-SB48 Campaign

2011-09-27T19:16:00.000-07:00

Typical example of anti-SB48 messaging.

Those trying to overturn California’s Fair Education Act have churned out propaganda pieces full of stock photos of bright-faced fake parents and children who are (allegedly) at risk for gay "indoctrination."

But a more accurate picture in this discussion, one of the real faces of who's opposing SB48, is that of Reverend Louis Sheldon.

His organization, The Traditional Values Coalition, is listed as a hate group by The Southern Poverty Law Center.

Sheldon held a press conference yesterday in Orange County. Unfortunately for him and the anti-SB48 forces, ZERO reporters or real-life supporters showed up. Perhaps this is indicative how how much support the extremists actually have?

It's a fascinating, creepy, must-watch video:

Note how Sheldon uses the standard anti-LGBT talking points (which in this case are flat-out lies.) "You're messing with the children," he says and references sexual material being taught to 5- and 6- year-olds. Then, as soon as he’s challenged by the Courage Campaign questioner, he gets agitated and walks his claim back – because it’s a lie, he knows it’s a lie, and it can’t stand up to even the slightest of scrutiny.

Then, when asked about representation of a list of specific heroic Americans who were LGBT, he even more angrily dismisses the line of questioning, as it cuts through the frail logic of his position:

"You're on one track," he growls, having run out of ammunition, then rattles a bit further and ends the session with a final comment on "they gay agenda" and skulks off.

Yes, good Reverend, the questioner IS on one track, and it's the track of truth.

For more, visit Prop 8 Trial Tracker.

For more on Traditional Values Coalition's hate activities, including their anti-LGBT, anti-Muslim, and anti-tolerance activities, read the SPLC Fall 2011 report here.

That's Not Funny!

2011-09-12T13:45:00.000-07:00

This morning, after a series of minor gaffes like spilling coffee on myself and forgetting my own cell number, I composed the following tweet:

Today, I embrace my inner Mongoloid.

As I played with the phrasing --"Today, I ..." or "God, grant me the serenity to accept my own.." -- I realized this tweet might be offensive to both people of Mongolian decent as well as those facing Down's Syndrome and its challenges. So the tweet ended up on the scrap heap. But it started me thinking.

There may be a few among us who have never posted a Facebook update/comment or tweet and later regretted it (or thought one up and had the good sense NOT to share it.) The rest of us are not so lucky or self-disciplined. Some of our messages are genuinely funny or insightful, but inappropriate for one reason or other -- they are unnecessarily offensive to an individual or group, or have an unintended double-meaning, that sort of thing. Other times we are mad or drunk or tweeting post-Ambien or in a hurry or ... and we post something regrettable.

So I had this idea -- Ask my Twitter and FB friends to share their awkwardness! I'm looking for either things you've posted and regretted (after we came to our senses or someone(s) told you you were being asshole-ish and needed to check yourself ... or things you, at the last minute, had the good sense NOT to post. And here's how we'll do it: all comments on this blog are moderated.

So I invite you to send me your gems as comments. Then, I'll strip your name and post the "best of" anonymously in a follow-up blog, however off-color or misanthropic they might be. The only no-nos are inciting violence, libel, or swipes at named people not in the public eye. This should be fun. Have it it, kids.

CLICK BELOW TO SEND ME YOUR BEST/WORST!

CA Gov Brown Vetoes Westboro Funeral Protest Bill

2011-09-08T14:20:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday, California Governor Jerry Brown vetoed SB888, a bill that would make it a crime for protesters to disrupt a funeral and keep protesters 1,000 feet back from mourners. The bill was passed almost unanimously by the CA Legislature in response to protests by the Westboro Baptist Church. The Kansas-based congregation has a history of colorful, vocal demonstrations at events they feel condone or promote homosexuality, which in their view is in direct contrast with the will of God.

Brown's office told UPI that the Governor opposes offensive actions by protesters, but acknowledges a recent 8-1 U.S. Supreme Court decision allowing Westboro's protest of the funeral of a fallen U.S. soldier, and feels SB888 violates that decision.

Westboro targets servicemembers' funerals because, in the church's view, those soldiers were fighting to defend a nation and culture steeped in homosexuality, and therefore doomed.

Another reason for such protests is they almost guarantee Westboro a slot on the evening news and in the cable news channels' daily churn. For an otherwise inconsequential group like Westboro, this media attention is lifeblood. It keeps them in the headlines, and gives them fodder for lawsuits, several of which have proven lucrative for the organization. Clearly, Westboro has found its niche.

Brown's veto is not happy news for the CA Assembly, LGBT people and our rights organizations, the families of servicemembers, and those who beg for civil discourse. It's good news for Westboro and for civil libertarians who view First Amendment free-speech as sacred.

I have repeatedly found myself in the position of decrying Westboro's vitriol while defending their right to voice and promote the message. I've learned a lot in the process, and have had a fascinating dialogue with members of Westboro even as we have publicly sparred. There are many ironies here, and I intend to explore them in a web/magazine piece I've been gradually efforting for a few months with Westboro's cooperation.

One irony? For all the hatred, profanity and denigration Westboro heaps at the feet of gays, they're often out-zinged by the antipathy and hatred gays lob back. Westboro says "God Hates Fags" and warns of an eternity in hell. Meanwhile, a number of my gay brethren actually ideate or advocate physical harm against Westboro members. "I wish you were dead" is not an uncommon thing to see directed at Westboro in a Twitter feed or a Facebook page.

Is it our role to protect society from the potentially poisonous speech of the few? In some cases, no. So says the U.S. Supreme Court in regard to Westboro, and I agree with their decision. Our First Amendment exists to protect the speech of the few from being suppressed by society. It's easier for me to embrace this when it's rights of Gays or Muslim-Americans whose voice is being silenced. It's more difficult when it's people shouting at me that I'm worthless, calling my church pastor a whore (as Westboro did) or making other inflammatory statements.

Gay kids harm themselves because they repeatedly hear statements like those of Westboro coming from the mouths of their parents, authority figures and peers. I view this as a problem. But I don't see gagging Westboro as a solution.

More in the longer piece. But I wanted to get a few thoughts out now. You are welcome to comment. If you do, your words may be referenced in the longer article.

Thanks!

High-Protein Raw Vegan ... with help from Kevin James

2011-08-31T16:19:00.000-07:00

I've been working hard putting together a high-protein raw vegan bodybuilding diet for myself and other athletes who want the benefits of eating raw but have protein and energy needs that go beyond that of the average person. The challenge is getting enough protein from sprouts, rice and peas, plus enough carbs that are not fruit sugars. Also, timing of meals and speed of digestion is important: spreading fast- and slow-burning carbs and protein through the day in a way that will prepare me for training and maximize recovery and growth afterward. It's a pile of math, but with Excel templates, the USDA Nutrient Database and other tools, I have a trial version of the diet up and running.

Then, today, I got a remarkable surprise via FedEx from my friend Kevin James Miniter. Kevin is working on the campaign for gay GOP candidate Fred Karger for President. You may know Kevin as the guy in the infamous Marcus Bachmann "Who's gayer?" picture that's circulated around Facebook, Twitter and the blogosphere recently.

Kevin knows how much I love fresh blueberries. So he and his friend, Navy Lt. Marla Jo Metz, ventured out and picked seven pounds of giant, ripe, sweet and tart Maine blueberries and shipped them here. (Apparently, he spent several hours away from his duties on the Karger campaign last weekend romping around at a farm in rural Maine.)

I can't think of a better way to kick off the new diet than with these delicious superfood snacks. One additional thing you should know about blueberries -- they freeze well, and once frozen make excellent weapons for beaning unsuspecting pets. (Sure, the pet gets hit and startled, but then they have a little snack morsel as compensation for the insult they've just endured.) Not that I've done this. I'm just speculating.

So a GIANT thank you to Kevin for the timely, heartfelt gift. And to everyone else, wish me luck with the diet!

A final note: Kevin packaged up the blueberries carefully for shipment, padding the FedEx box with a copy of the New Hampshire Sunday News.

To show my appreciation for the gift of berries, I have taken it upon myself to read that entire newspaper, memorizing the more significant passages, which I will recite in a plaintive, sing-song tone for Kevin when I next see him in person.

Everything old is new again

2011-08-17T12:55:00.000-07:00

In our rush to new technology, as artists we sometimes don't pay our due to simpler times and the art that has come before. While it's been a staple of music remixers for a couple of decades now to take short snippets from existing work and use them in new projects, the emphasis has always been on NEW. There are many examples of new work that does not simply borrow from, but rather treasures, the past. Here are a couple of delicious ones:

Nataly Dawn is a San Francisco-based vocalist, part of the underground internet sensation duo Pomplamoose. For all of the electronic wizardry the duo display in their other work, Nataly's new iTunes/YouTube single is a straightforward, wistful take on the title song from the 1944 movie I'll Be Seeing You.

Pogo is an Australian music/video artist. He's creating exciting new material in his World Remix Project but one of the thrusts of his work is to take existing intellectual property and re-cut it in a way that showcases the original. Wishery is his homage to Disney's 1951 Snow White.

I hope you enjoy these clips as much as I have. If you'd like to support these artists, each has a presence on the artist funding site Kickstarter.

BPJ

The Best Advice You Ever Got from a High School Authority Figure?

2011-08-03T17:57:00.000-07:00

Earlier today, I tweeted the question, "What's the best piece of advice you ever got from a Principal or other school authority figure?"

There were a flood of interesting responses -- far more than I would have expected.

For what it's worth, here's mine: my High School creative writing teacher Mr. Podas saw my passion, and how I suffered for it. He once told me that for every great thing I might achieve in life, I should expect to be greeted not just with kudos, but with an almost equal amount of scorn, insult, and seeming disgust from those around me. He was right -- at the age of 42, I've gotten plenty of applause and been called truly horrible things so many times, little of it surprises me any longer.

There were too many responses to post them all here, but I thought I might share a sampling of what you had to say. Some of these are optimistic, some bittersweet, others hilarious. Hope you enjoy them as much as I have:

txlonghorn_02 txlonghorn_02

"You think all these people are your fiends? In 5 years you'll be able to count them on one hand" #truth

mrin912 Michael Rogers

My French teacher -- Do first; apologize later. It's much easier that way!

brettteslaa Brett TeSlaa

Christian School AP English teacher, "It is not my place to judge gay people, but I know God wants me to love them."

LilyJaquith Lily Jaquith

Follow your own dreams, not your parents, your friends or your significant others. Be what you want to be.

auntymana Mana

The best advice was taught by example: Example of how NEVER to act as a human being in charge of shaping young minds.

MichaelxShirley Michael Shirley

If you're going to smoke cigarettes on the way to high school, don't let your home room teacher see you.

jossafan Joss

From my HS counselor: "Take college seriously, but don't let your studies drain you of your creativity."

joelygabs joelygabs

don't get into graphic design - my guidance counselor. i should have listened.

nycdude5235 Mike

My HS principal stepped btwn me when I was bout to fight. She told me if I fought I would be expelled and all my dreams gone.

Blue_Eye28 Sarah

a teacher once told me to always stay true to myself and I'm still living that advice :)

JFKimberley JFKimberley

My 7th-grade teacher: "Go travel, see the world. The best education you'll ever get is to travel." And I've done just that.

SVAllie Allison D. Duncan

don't eat glue?

PurpleOutkast Jonathan Gavaldon

"Never pay for porn." - my high school ethics teacher

AdamSank Adam Sank

"The higher you go on the ladder, the more your rear end sticks out, and the more people will take pot-shots at it."

MMMelissaK Melissa Kreipe

Chem teacher Pat Anderson- "You don't HAVE to do anything. Everything in life is a choice. BUT there's always consequences"

SteveRalph1 Steve Ralph

best piece of advice from a teacher: before you leave a club with someone ask for their ID to check their age. #400thTweet

andydrinks andydrinks

From my English teacher who said: If you want to experience 'life in the raw' go into journalism. I did. He was right.

crookedcrack Ryan Blazer

keep doing what you're doing and be yourself - you're going to do well

techlifter Techlifter

"Never let someone else be responsible for your failure." Great advice from an otherwise unimpressive college English prof.

katyadotcom Kathryn

Keep speaking your voice because your voice deserves to be heard no matter others. My HS counselor is the best!

theregards Ryan Wardana

My 7th-grade teacher: "Go travel, see the world. The best education you'll ever get is to travel." And I've done just that.

aluminomad TrailerTrashTrez

the higher you go on the ladder... the more people your farts will reach

BurritoElito Brian Eagle

Invest in dot-coms, they will never go wrong.

drjosh81 Josh

Shut up & do your work!

AliMoonGoddess Ali McCollum

Quit smoking!

MadamloverOMG10 Raelyn Ddub-Girly

"Keep smilin' always :)

WBCVideo Rebekah Phelps-Roper

I can't remember, but my principal *did* like my Minny Mouse shirt!

Thanks to all who weighed in!!

A mother on her daughter's same-sex wedding ...

2011-08-03T15:04:00.000-07:00

The following note came forwarded to me from my own mother, age 84, who lives in Minnesota and is a Quaker. Her Quaker friend Marie Knowland wrote this for her daughter and and Marianne and partner Michelle, who have been together over 20 years. Marie was unable to attend Marianne and Michelle's marriage in NY this month, but wanted to participate in the ceremony nonetheless. So she asked that the following be read at the ceremony:

August 5, 2011

Marianne and Michelle Wedding

Michelle and Marianne, as you enter this stage of your continuing commitment to each other, I am honored to address you on this occasion and celebrate with you your love and respect for each other. I am aware that such a relationship has not always been accepted in our society and your honesty and integrity in how you have dealt with it is much to be admired.

In the manner of Friends (Quakers) let me hold you in the light and bid you continue with my blessing. May you enjoy the love and support of each other in a legal relationship of marriage for many years to come.

Go in Peace,

Mom

Kids, Teens and Empathy

2011-06-12T08:41:00.000-07:00

Sometimes my tweets and Facebook posts are spontaneous. Often, though, I work ahead, looking for quotes and media items that fit a theme -- something going on in the news, a holiday, my own emotional or intellectual gnawing.

This morning, I found myself looking for quotes on listening and empathy. I came across this gem from Daily Show Executive Producer Josh Lieb, from his recent book I am a Genius of Unspeakable Evil and Want to Be Your Class President. It matches what I've observed on playgrounds and in classrooms, both during my own growing-up, as well as now in the behavior of my Godkids and their peers.

I'm reminded that empathy doesn't just happen. It must be cultivated:

I am amused when goody-goodies proclaim, from the safety of their armchairs, that children are naturally prejudice-free, that they only learn to "hate" from listening to bigoted adults. Nonsense. Tolerance is a learned trait, like riding a bike or playing the piano. Those of us who actually live among children, who see them in their natural environment, know the truth: Left to their own devices, children will gang up on and abuse anyone who is even slightly different from the norm.

GOP Congress members plan to delay/prevent implementation of DADT repeal

2011-05-10T13:46:00.000-07:00

When the House Armed Services Committee meets tomorrow to discuss 2012 business, several Republican lawmakers have announced they will offer amendments to the National Defense Authorization Act that would either slow or block implementation of the Don't Ask/Don't Tell repeal already passed by Congress, according to a bulletin today from Fred Sainz, HRC's VP of Communications. It's these congresspeople's right wing social conservative attempt to make an end-run around the will of the House, Senate, President and (by poll numbers) majority of American voters.

Here's the hall of shame. Please, let's let them know we're NOT happy with them for trying to codify socially-backward, fearfulness and bigotry once again ... even after the train has all but left the station.

Rep. Duncan Hunter (R-CA)

Mr. Hunter claims approval of the DADT repeal by the President, Secretary of Defense and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff (the previous requirement suggested by critics) ... doesn't satisfy him. He's now asking for approval by all the Chiefs.

It should be expected that if/when all branch Chiefs do sign off, Rep. Duncan will try to move the goalpost once again and come up with some additional difficult standard the repeal must achieve in order to be enacted.

Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO)

Rep. Todd will try to keep Department of Defense facilities from being available for same-sex marriages, regardless of the laws of the particular state in which the wedding would occur.

He wants to bar chaplains or civilian DOD employees from officiating at such a ceremony even if the wedding is otherwise fully legal.

Rep. Steve Palazzo (R-MS)

Mr. Palazzo will try to include language on behalf of servicemembers whose 1st Amendment free speech and religious/moral rights are trampled, he claims, by their having to serve in the same military as open gays and lesbians.

Mr. Palazzo feels one should be able to live gay-free if one's religion dictates, and that it's the military's and Federal government's job to ensure this.

Rep. Vicky Hartzler (R-MO)

Mrs. Hartzler wants to essentially reinstate DOMA, the anti-gay Defense of Marriage Act, which our Attorney General recently dismissed as unconstitutional. Hartzler sees an opportunity for this in the DADT repeal, claiming it's necessary to block same-sex marriage in the military because of a "heightened need to protect marital and family stability." She does not elaborate about what, exactly, she'd like the see marriage protected against.

While their arguments and positions sound/look pretty absurd and obscene when presented as plainly as I have here, they are quite serious about this and will try to slow/kill our military's progress if at all possible.

If one of these politicians represents you, I encourage you to drop them a note TODAY and let them know how displeased you are with their shameful obstruction of basic societal progress. It doesn't take Nostradamus to forecast that history will not look kindly on these people and their actions. But let's not leave it to history while a generation of young men and women in uniform suffer. Let's make a difference TODAY.

BPJ
5-10-11

Source information for this article from HRC, cnn.com and wikipedia.com

On Anger

2010-12-01T12:19:00.000-08:00

There are days like today when what I feel more than anything is anger. Allowing anger to motivate—indeed, control—my thoughts and actions goes against what I speak about and hope to achieve within myself. This shortfall, in itself, is enervating for me; I get mad about being mad.

I grow defensive and rigid. I brace myself against anticipated assaults. I steel my gaze, my mouth draws tight, and my heart hardens.

I recognize that on whatever level, I’ve chosen to be angered by the telemarketer, the man at the gym who’s hogging the machine I want to use, the woman in traffic who is talking on her cell phone and, in her inattention, doesn’t allow me to turn. It’s my choice to let the dog’s yapping irritate me, to get riled at the preening politician or preacher on TV who’s claiming things that aren’t true.

I look at people and rather than seeing each as a child of God, I dehumanize them, viewing them as a series of threats and inconveniences. Yesterday, I tweeted a quote from Buddha – “You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.” While I hope this advice is useful to others, in this instance it was directed at myself. Setting up the world such that everyone and everything I encounter is a threat is the worst punishment I could levy. It’s like signing up to be a victim of terrorism where I am the terrorist!

I'm convinced that many of us deal with this on an ongoing basis. We wake each morning and prepare ourselves for battle, never mind whether it's necessary or even useful on a given day. We’re armed to the teeth and ready to fight.

As I sit here, in this condition, I'm aware that it’s quite literally eating me alive. So I take a few breaths. That helps. I get up and close the door to the room so I am alone. This, too, helps. My terrier Susie comes and sits by me, close enough that we share warmth, but leaving me my autonomy. I feel a little heart-swell of gratitude toward her, the beginnings of what I want to feel more generally.

We know meditation helps us de-escalate. We know prayer (meditation’s more assertive cousin?) is useful as well. But I have a damned hard time getting myself to sit down and do either. Fury is so much quicker, and it’s seductive. It tells me I’m at odds with the world, that I’m right and the world is wrong. But this is a lie. I’m merely shadow-boxing. And the sooner I can get that through my thick head, the more solidly I’ll be back on the path I wish to travel.

Step one for me? Don’t simply create the sort quiet space I just described. The key is to quit fighting the anger. Simply let it be. The anger will melt as it loses its relevance.

Wow. Hard work.

Can Obama win again in 2012?

2010-11-11T09:00:00.001-08:00

A current CNN poll suggests that if the election were held today, Obama would beat a challenge from Sarah Palin, but would face stiff competition from former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee.

My questions is what must Obama do in the next two years to secure a second term -- Compromise with GOP on taxes and cuts? Hardline on social issues? Make good on his 2008 promises to the LGBT community? Address immigration reform head-on?

I'll tell you what I think later. For the moment, you tell me what Mr. Obama should to do lock in a second term.

On Nat'l Coming Out Day, Oklahoma Conservative PAC leader calls me "a confused 'thing'."

2010-10-13T13:52:00.000-07:00

I woke to a couple of voicemails this morning letting me know I, along with LGBT people everywhere, were maligned yesterday in a blog post by Charlie Meadow, the head of Oklahoma's Conservative PAC (OCPAC.) You can read Mr. Meadow's blog here.

I've been working to help elect Brittany Novotny to Oklahoma House District 84. This came after I became aware of the rhetoric of her opponent, social conservative Sally Kern, who galvanized the nation's LGBT community in 2008 by calling gays the biggest threat to America today, bigger than terrorism.

In his blog, Mr. Meadow speculates that the anti-Kern ad my company made is in violation of Oklahoma's election laws (it's not) and calls me and Novotny's supporters "a confused bunch of 'things'" and insists on referring to Ms. Novotny, who is a transgender woman, as "he."

Ironically, Mr. Meadow posted his inflammatory blog on National Coming Out Day.

I took a couple of deep breaths before drafting this response:

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

October 13, 2010

Charlie Meadow
Oklahoma Conservative PAC

Oklahoma City, OK

via email

Dear Mr. Meadow,

After reading your most recent blog post, I must thank you for your flattering words on the production values of the TV spot SALLY IGNORES SENIORS. Despite other things you said in this post, the compliment was a day brightener.

I’m especially flattered that you would think the spot cost in excess of $5,000 to create. Actually, with union voice-over, licensing of images and a couple of film clips, the spot cost Three Things Media $1,635. Add the ad buy and we still came in under $5k. You may sleep better tonight knowing your worries about a violation of Oklahoma election law are moot. (I’ll be happy to provide line-item open books on all expenditures, to you or anyone, after the Nov 2nd election.)

You are also correct on an important point--the spot was created, produced, and is airing completely independent of Ms. Novotny’s campaign. This is about Sally Kern and her long record of putting anti-gay politics over the needs of her constituents and local business.

That said, I must object to your continuing to disparage–indeed dehumanize–gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. It’s ironic that in the same posting where you voice displeasure at a political ad, you don’t seem aware of the implications of your own speech. You’re not conjecturing in a public forum (where it’s fair game) about an elected politician’s record, you’re maligning a whole class of Americans.

This comes at a time when media attention is focused on the tragedy of suicide among young LGBTs, and increased awareness of how bullying and speech such as yours can help push vulnerable young people to the brink.

While I live in California now, I spent plenty of time in Oklahoma City as a kid. My family is from Oklahoma. My parents met at Phillips University in Enid. They went on to be schoolteacher missionaries, representing a variety of Oklahoma Disciples of Christ congregations. I wrote a book on the subject.

And sir, the way you talk about others is not how decent Oklahomans talk.

You have a history of tone-deaf remarks. Mrs. Kern recognized this and censured you on her website after you labeled Ms. Novotny "a confused it.” Now you’ve put Sally in that unenviable position of apologist again. As much as I disagree with Sally’s politics, it’s not fair for you to burden her with your hyperbolic excesses.

Furthermore, we gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgenders – in Warr Acres as in West Hollywood, in Bethany as in Bethlehem, PA -- are not a confused bunch of its (or things.) We’re human beings, sir.

And, in fact, we’re not confused; we’re clear on where we stand. It turns out a person gets to know his or herself quite well after being repeatedly spat upon and having the stuffing kicked out of ‘em, be it literally or figuratively.

The confused one is you. You seem to have a tough time wrapping your head around Ms. Novotny’s gender, and you take glee in heralding this ignorance to those who will listen.

In your post, you ask, “How can this confused bunch of ‘things’ know what Sally did or did not do?”

The answer is the Internet, sir. Via the Internet, one can read nearly every article ever written about a legislator, examine their voting record, and see many of their speeches. That’s how it works in 2010. Yesterday, for instance, I watched a (actually fascinating) City Council Meeting in Norman where social issues were being discussed. Charlie, if you need assistance getting up to speed on how to use the Internet for research, someone at OCPAC can help you. Hell, I’ll give a few pointers if it’ll bring you on board with the rest of us.

I regret that I will not be able to attend your OCPAC lunch this Wednesday. I would love to be able to present these concerns to you in person, man to man. More than anything, I’d like to know if you could look me in the eye – as a fellow child of God, practicing Christian, and philanthropist – and call me a “thing” face to face, continuing to deny my humanity along with the humanity of others who may not lead their lives in precisely as you do.

Sincerely,

Ben Patrick Johnson

Executive Director, The Ben Patrick Johnson Foundation
Board Member, Equality California Institute

Sally Kern Ignores Seniors

2010-10-05T07:50:00.000-07:00

SALLY KERN (R-OK) is one of the most notoriously antigay politicians in America today. She's up for reelection on Nov 2nd. I say 'no' and encourage Oklahomans to do the same. To that end, I created and produced the following TV commercial. It runs starting next week on FOX NEWS and CNN in Oklahoma City.

Since being elected, Sally has neglected Oklahomans in favor of her own narrow/radical social agenda. Maligned in local and national press for her embrace of extremist views which have scared away business, Kern is being challenged in District 84 by pro-business, pro-seniors transgender attorney Brittany Novotny.

IT GETS BETTER Project

2010-09-30T21:57:00.000-07:00

There has been much reporting recently about gay teen suicides following taunting or abuse. Whether there's a sudden uptick in incidents or whether a heightened sensitivity to the subject matter has caused news outlets to run more stories is a matter for discussion. But many of us in America, and perhaps most surprisingly in the gay community, are seeing the magnitude of this problem for the first time. Some of us have been struggling with how to respond. Journalist Dan Savage came up with an idea. It's fantastic, even if it's just a jumping-off point. He calls it the IT GETS BETTER Campaign.

He's encouraged adult lesbians, gay, bisexuals and transgenders to post videos on YouTube talking directly to LGBT teens, especially those who feel trapped in bad situations. Dan asked us to talk to the teens about the various traumas around being gay we faced growing up, and how we now have rich adult lives.

Here's my contribution:

To vist the IT GETS BETTER Project YouTube page, click here: youtube.com/itgetsbetterproject

Trans Friends -- What Shall We Call You?

2010-09-24T13:14:00.000-07:00

I got blasted by a series of people on Twitter in @ responses and DMs recently for using the term "homophobic" when "transphobic" would have been more accurate. The concern expressed was in regard to visibility and being "disappeared."

It brought up a question on labels and identity. As an LGBT activist, I want to use language that dignifies all the members of our rainbow. So ... how to you like to be referenced? Transgender? Transgendered? Transsexual? I've been present as Ashley Love and others trans activists have spoken publicly against the term "tranny" for its potentially demeaning associations. But what are other hot button no-no's, and what do you prefer?

I understand that different people have different experiences, backgrounds, and physical states, so there won't be one single, definitive answer. But please help me and other ignorant/well-intentioned allies at least use terms that dignify you. I invite all *polite* weigh-ins.

Catholics to get DVDs opposing gay marriage

2010-09-22T07:45:00.000-07:00

It's one thing to not endorse gay marriage. It's quite another for bishops to spend donated money in an unabashed political effort to take away civil rights vs. feeding and clothing the poor and seeing to the practical and spiritual needs of Minnesota Catholics.

Perhaps most egregious is the video using factual falsehoods and deception to make its point vs. keeping its references contained to actual Catholic doctrine on which the bishops have reasonable authority to comment.

Tuesday's Minneapolis Star-Tribune shares news of the church's disappointing foray into civil politics:

Catholics to get DVDs opposing gay marriage

Critics say the mailing, from state bishops, is aimed at November voters.

By MARY JANE SMETANKA, Star Tribune

More than 400,000 DVDs are being mailed to the homes of Minnesota Catholics on Wednesday, courtesy of Catholic bishops in the state who want to stop the campaign to legalize same-sex marriage in its tracks.

The 18-minute DVD includes an appearance from St. Paul and Minneapolis Archbishop John Nienstedt in which he says it is time for Minnesotans -- not the "ruling elite" of legislators and judges -- to vote on a constitutional amendment defining marriage as between one man and one woman. Thirty-one states have passed such an amendment.

"It is the people themselves and not politicians or judges who should make this decision," Nienstedt says on the DVD. "This is the only way to put the one man, one woman definition of marriage beyond the reach of the courts and politicians."

Gay advocates who have worked to change the Catholic Church's stand on same-sex marriage said that coming six weeks before the November general election, the DVD distribution is aimed squarely at voters.

"It's an effort to have Catholics vote the way the bishops want them to vote, but by and large Catholic voters are well-educated and they are independent-minded," said Brian McNeill, president of Dignity Twin Cities. The group for gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgender people works to change what it calls the "antiquated sexual theology" of the church. "We would like to talk to the archbishop about it, but he won't talk to us," McNeill said.

Michael Bayly, executive coordinator of the Twin Cities-based Catholic Pastoral Committee on Sexual Minorities, said that because gubernatorial candidates Mark Dayton of the DFL and Tom Horner of the Independence Party support same-sex marriage, the chances are great that Minnesota could have a governor who supports what Bayly calls "marriage equality." He called the DVD "almost a last-ditch effort to try and influence Catholics to turn the election to ensure that doesn't happen."

"It would be really tragic if that succeeded, but I don't think they will," Bayly said.

The "educational packet" produced by the Minnesota Catholic Conference, which represents bishops covering the state, includes the DVD and an introductory letter from each local bishop. The video includes Nienstedt's six-minute appearance and a 12-minute video produced by the Knights of Columbus, a Catholic fraternal organization, warning of the damage that same-sex marriage will do to families, especially children.

The Knights of Columbus video includes appearances by a civil rights advocate who quotes the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. and a Princeton University professor who says that the well-being of kids is threatened when they don't grow up in a traditional family. The video warns that if same-sex marriage becomes the law, public schools would teach that same-sex marriage is OK regardless of what parents think and that the religious liberty of Catholics and others would be threatened. It says that people who oppose same-sex marriage would be seen as bigots who could be prosecuted and that the accreditation of parochial schools and tax-exempt status of those schools and churches would be threatened.

Similar DVDs have been sent out in other states, including California and Maine, said Dennis McGrath, spokesman for the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis. He said it was his understanding that the bishops jointly decided to send out the packets here.

"I think they felt the situation had gotten to the point that they had to do something," McGrath said. "They couldn't stand by and let this thing go any further. The same-sex marriage train was chugging ahead."

State Sen. John Marty, a Roseville DFLer who has authored proposals to make Minnesota's marriage laws gender-neutral, said Tuesday that he will renew those efforts if he wins reelection this fall. He said the bishops are free to express their opinions but that he believes that shifting public attitudes about same-sex marriage and gay rights have moved Minnesotans past the debate the bishops seem to want to create.

"I think the constitutional amendment push died about four or five years ago," Marty said. "Even the strongest proponents realize that it's time has passed, and it's not going to happen. Times are changing."

The church mailings were paid for with a private donation, McGrath said.

Mary Jane Smetanka • 612-673-7380

Link to the original story on startribune.com -- http://www.startribune.com/lifestyle/faith/103494984.html?page=1&c=y

A Secret Gay Millionaire's Club?

2010-09-17T15:15:00.000-07:00

September 15, 2010

Pastor Paul Blair
Fairview Baptist Church
Edmund, Oklahoma

Dear Pastor Blair,

I'm dropping you a note to introduce myself after we were both featured in the Kern-Novotny story this AM on CNN. I'm writing you in hopes of building bridges, not burning them. More than anything, I would like to try and put some fears to rest for you and clear up some mistaken information.

You and I are on opposite sides of a political race, but we have many things in common. We're people of faith -- my parents were both ordained ministers who spent their adult lives in the Lord's service as Disciples of Christ missionary schoolteachers as well as in secular schools. I myself attend Hollywood United Methodist.

You and I also have strong Oklahoma roots -- my mother was born and raised in OKC, my parents went to Bible college at Phillips, and my mother keeps ties there. While I live in California now, I remember well summers spent at my grandmother's Oklahoma City home -- the sticky heat, the tornadoes, and of course the wonderful people I met and called friends.

It's really hard for me -- after spending much of my own adult life fighting for human rights for Christians, Jews, Muslims, gay and straight alike -- to hear from Sally that I'm a greater threat to America than terrorism: Really? While pursuing a career in acting and writing, I've followed my parents' example of being of Christian service and have done my best to help feed and clothe the needy, lend financial support to women in impoverished countries across the globe, keep gay youth from being beaten up for honestly living who they are, and help America's seniors and veterans live in dignity. As best as I am able, through my many human failings and imperfections, I take marching orders from Christ and his teachings. I know nothing of terrorism or actions that would harm others.

I understand that for many Christians, someone being gay (or transgender, like Brittany) and living it openly is in contrast to teachings they hold dear. It would be unuseful of me to pitch a general fit about this -- again, I'm looking to build bridges, not burn them -- but I wish that instead of jumping so quickly to inflammatory rhetoric, my fellow Christians would look at people's actions, compare those actions to Christ's instructions, and draw conclusions that way. It would serve us ALL better.

I tell myself Sally doesn't realize how the things (many of them half-truths or fabrications) she has said about gay and lesbian people can not merely hurt feelings, but stir the fires of bigotry and violence. We witness gay people in America harmed every day simply for existing -- teased, beaten, killed in vivid and ghastly ways. I can't believe any sincere Christian would condone these outrageous acts. But there seems to be a disconnect for some of my brethren as far as seeing how their hyperbolic speech can (and clearly does) foment decidedly un-Christian action from those who hear or read it.

I'm grateful Sally posted a statement on her website last week distancing herself from Charlie Meadow of OCPAC's pointedly insulting comments about Brittany. Sally showed class, and it was an admirable first step. I wish it didn't run in direct contrast to her own statement of a few weeks ago urging supporters to "get the word out" about Brittany's transgender status, but I'm happy to see Sally publicly turn toward more civil discourse.

As far as the race itself -- as I said in the CNN piece, while I'm heavily involved in LGBT politics, I'm unaware of any secret group of gay millionaires looking to buy/influence elections around the country. Certainly there are organized advocacy groups, and I participate in them -- EQCA, The Task Force, etc. But everything is above board, and contributions are clearly disclosed.

I myself watched as out-of-state contributions from the Church of Latter Day Saints, the Catholics and others fell like an avalanche on the Prop 8 race here in California in 2008, their financial clout burying what messaging and advertising we in-state LGBT people were able to air to support our own rights. It was as if they ripped our freedoms out from under our feet. It felt plain awful.

I cannot speak for Brittany. But I assure you, as her largest out-of-state contributor at this point, while it makes for a convenient target, there is simply NO boogeyman effort afoot to buy or unfairly influence this election. That's made-up rhetoric. There are only individuals like myself who have an interest in not seeing LGBT people maligned and harmed, and who have a personal stake in the welfare of the citizens of Oklahoma and, specifically, House District 84.

I will toss out a soft challenge here, and suggest that for Sally to continue to claim the existence of some coordinated campaign against her or other socially conservative candidates would show her to be dishonest. I sincerely hope she will refrain from spreading that sort of inciting misinformation and stick to issues, as Brittany has likewise vowed to.

I welcome your feedback on any and all of this. Again, we're on opposite sides of a political race but I stand beside you as a Christian in wanting the best for all God's children, including the good people of District 84.

Sincerely,

Ben Patrick Johnson
Executive Director, The Ben Patrick Johnson Foundation
Board Member, Equality California Institute

cc: Brittany Novotny, Sally Kern, AvaDale Johnson (my mother)

Be a real American - Stand up for the Lower Manhattan Mosque

2010-08-24T07:01:00.000-07:00

Now is the time for us to stand up adamantly for our Muslim brothers and sisters. They are about to be hit by a flood of hatred, fear, and discrimination. Mark my words.

Watching the news, reading commentaries and blogs, and having conversations ... it's clearer and clearer that the resistance to the lower Manhattan community center is just the tip of the iceberg of a mass of anti-Islamic sentiment brewing in America. We seem intent on incorrectly blaming mainstream Islam for the acts of a handful of angry nutballs who just happen to reference the Koran and revere Muhammed as moderate Muslims do.

From the conversations I've had, mainstream Muslims have no more fond feelings for the terrorists than mainstream Christians do Timothy McVeigh or the various Michigan militia groups that claim Christ as their inspiration. Imagine if the world insisted on viewing those loonies as our standard-bearers!

Forces on the far right are doing their best right now to whip up fear and antipathy against the Manhattan project and, by extension, mainstream Islam. There are actually calls being made in the last couple of days to block the building of ANY new mosques in America, and remarkably, a few have begun calling for Islam to be outlawed altogether.

For compassionate lefties, ACLU free-rights huggers, and conservative Constitutionalists alike, there's now a single mandate. We MUST both protect our First Amendment freedom of religious expression as well as do our best to dissuade those who would make life difficult to impossible for Muslim-Americans.

To ignore this, and allow fear-mongers to frighten us into retreating from our Constitution and principles, is to allow un-American activities, plain and simple.

The truly patriotic thing to do is to defend the Manhattan mosque and free practice of Islamic faith in our nation with all our might.

More thoughts on Gay Pride

2010-07-26T12:47:00.000-07:00

I ran across this and wanted to share it. It's too long to tweet, so appropriately, it ends up here at "More Than 140 Characters."

I get sick of listening to straight people complain about, "Well, hey, we don't have a heterosexual-pride day, why do you need a gay-pride day?" I remember when I was a kid I'd always ask my mom: "Why don't we have a Kid's Day? We have a Mother's Day and a Father's Day, but why don't we have a Kid's Day?" My mom would always say, "Every day is Kid's Day."

To all those heterosexuals that bitch about gay pride, I say the same thing: Every day is heterosexual-pride day! Can't you people enjoy your banquet and not piss on those of us enjoying our crumbs over here in the corner?

~Rob Nash

IRS examines Sean Hannity's scam "Charity"

2010-06-23T13:21:00.000-07:00

It's a widely-accepted standard that legitimate nonprofits spend at least 70% of contributions on program work. This holds true for both humanitarian and partisan efforts (The Red Cross, Amnesty International, Habitat for Humanity, Save the Whales, Save the Imaginary Goats ...) My BPJ Foundation takes advantages of donated accounting and web assistance so we can pass through a full 100% of receipts. Granted, we pass funds through to third-party organizations who have their own overhead expenses, but only orgs who operate very efficiently.

Over the past half-decade, IRS records show FOX NEWS commentator SEAN HANNITY's Heritage Foundation, which Hannity touts frequently on air, skims over 90% off the top for "private planes, stretch limousines" for Hannity and friends, according to reports, and other undefined "administrative expenses." Again, 90%. Meaning of every dollar Hannity's pontificating extracts from America's pockets, less than a dime goes to provide aid.

Hannity's Foundation passes remarkably little money to veterans and their families.

This is a detail he has yet to cop to. In fact, when challenged he denies it, despite it's being a matter of public record, verifiable by the IRS. This denial of fact requires no small amount of hubris on his part.

I actually lost sleep over this last night. Hypocrisy in general disgusts me, but there is a special place for those who accept money, allegedly to help others in need, and then spend it on luxuries for themselves.

How, in this regard, is Hannity any different from villainous dictators globally who do the same thing -- spend the bulk of aid money for their own pleasure, amusement or military fortification, while those who were supposed to have been helped continue to suffer?

How can people watch Hannity day after day on TV and not ... I don't know ... THROW THINGS at the screen, or get out pitchforks and torches and go after him for his outrageous behavior?
Every dollar Sean Hannity begs for and gets, then spends on limos and chartered planes, makes the work harder for those of us trying to legitimately help people.

He diminishes us all.