Rich Hancock's Free Radio Show Prep

Tuesday Show Features

2012-03-06T05:15:00.029-06:00

Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything."
"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."
The lawyer looked somewhat confused. He asked: "How do you start a flood?"

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Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day:
Colorado Gov. John Hickenlooper's flattering comments about Lt. Gov. Joe Garcia turned into a bit of a flub. The governor mistakenly referred to Garcia as a "rising sex star." He made the remark while introducing him at a childhood literacy event attended by about 40 children at a Denver elementary school. The governor routinely introduces Garcia as a "rising star" and a "rock star" at public events.

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The Wacky World of Crime With Officer Hancock's police blotter:

Northern Ireland police say a passing patrol spotted a 17-year-old wrestling to free himself from a Belfast house's front door. They say he had tried to reach the door's inner lock via the letterbox flap but his arm became hopelessly trapped. Firefighters dismantled the door but left the letterbox clamped to the boy's arm until they reached a police station, where it was safely removed.

This is Officer Hancock. Be careful. There are a lot of wackos out there!

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Cool Tools For Radio & Advertising Professionals. Click Here!

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Rich's thought to ponder:
If at first you don't succeed, see if the loser gets anything.

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Rich's Odd News Story Of The Day:
Marine Cpl. Alexander Degenhardt is crediting karma for landing a $2.9 million progressive slot jackpot in Las Vegas. Alexander was accepted as a bone marrow donor to an anonymous patient only a couple of days before hitting the jackpot at the Bellagio. The Marine said he plans to continue his career with the Marines and go through with the bone marrow donation, which is expected to occur in the next six months after extensive testing.

Monday Show Features

2012-03-05T05:15:00.041-06:00

Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:

Two guys on a double bike where pedaling up a hill. It took forever to get to the top. When they finally got to the top the first guy said in a pant, "whew, that was so hard." The second replied, "If I hadn't been pushing the brakes the whole time we would have rolled down backwards.”

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Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day:
Miami Fire Rescue officials said crews responded to a home in Coconut Grove after a man who had been working on the roof of the house accidentally nailed his finger to a piece of wood using a nail gun. Crews had to use a hand-held power saw to cut away the section of roof attached to the man's hand. The man was taken to a local hospital with the wood still attached to his hand.

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The Wacky World of Crime With Officer Hancock's police blotter:

Authorities in Florida said they arrested a man who took up residence in a woman's trailer while she was away for a couple of months. The woman returned to her trailer in Marathon and found items that weren't hers including CDs and liquor bottles. A man came to her door a few days later and called for "Kenny." Police said fingerprints taken from inside the door of the trailer matched Kenneth White who had prior arrests for burglary.

This is Officer Hancock. Be careful. There are a lot of wackos out there!

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Cool Tools For Radio & Advertising Professionals. Click Here!

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Rich's thought to ponder:
If it were not for marriage, people would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

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Rich's Odd News Story Of The Day:
A French man is suing Google after a Street View camera captured an image of him urinating in his yard and posted it online. He said he was embarrassed over the photo. The man said the Google camera pictured him in his Anjou yard and the Web site blurred out his face but refused to take the picture down. The lawsuit is seeking the image's removal from Google Street View and $13,200 in damages. Be careful what you do in your yard. You never know when Google Street View will be in your neighborhood.

Saturday Show Features

2012-03-03T05:15:00.033-06:00

Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:

A lady went to a pet shop.

"I'd like to buy two yellow canaries," she told the owner.

"We don't have any canaries, but we have these," the owner said, as he showed the lady some pale green parakeets.

"That's not what I'm looking for," the lady stated.

But the pet store owner refused to give up. He said, "Just think of them as yellow canaries that aren't quite ripe yet."

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Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day:
A New York man's lawsuit alleges there was an animal toe with its nail still attached in his package of artichoke spinach dip. The man filed a lawsuit in city Supreme Court alleging he discovered the animal toe in his food last September. The man said he felt something very sharp on his tongue and spit it out.

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The Wacky World of Crime With Officer Hancock's police blotter:

A deer rescued a woman from an attack in Ohio! Oxford, Ohio police said a woman left a party and a man "tried to choke her and drag her" by her purse straps and "told her to be quiet." A deer that was apparently sleeping nearby suddenly jumped up and started running, causing the assailant to become spooked and flee.

This is Officer Hancock. Be careful. There are a lot of wackos out there!

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Cool Tools For Radio & Advertising Professionals. Click Here!

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Rich's thought to ponder:
We could handle life's stress if we could find the handles.

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Rich's Odd News Story Of The Day:
Doctors in China said they are trying to figure out how they will remove a thermometer that has been inside a woman's lung for 44 years. The Hunan province doctors said they found the 2-inch-long medical thermometer in the lungs of a patient and she told them she accidentally swallowed the object when she was 12-years-old and her family couldn't afford medical care. Doctors said the woman only recently began to feel discomfort from the thermometer and they are concerned about the damage the mercury could do to the woman's body if the glass breaks.

Friday Show Features

2012-03-02T05:15:00.005-06:00

Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:

Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?
A. Ground beef.

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Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day:
Officials in a Missouri town said they are doing away with an ordinance used to cite a man for displaying his middle finger to a fellow motorist. The Ballwin City Administrator said the ordinance, which was used to cite 64 year old Steven Pogue for flipping the bird while driving in April, prohibited "extending a body part" out the window of a motor vehicle and was designed to keep people from sticking their feet out of car windows.

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The Wacky World of Crime With Officer Hancock's police blotter:

A man is accused of giving an Atlanta area bank teller a note demanding cash. He left without money when the teller fled, protected by bullet-resistant glass. The man fled in a taxi but the driver flagged down a police officer after being concerned her passenger would leave without paying. The officer didn't know about the robbery attempt and talked the man into returning to the bank to withdraw money for the cab ride. He returned to the bank and was arrested.

This is Officer Hancock. Be careful. There are a lot of wackos out there!

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Cool Tools For Radio & Advertising Professionals. Click Here!

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Rich's thought to ponder:
Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation.

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Rich's Odd News Story Of The Day:
Officials in Lawrence, Mo., said they will not allow a local woman to display and then butcher chickens as part of an art project. Officials said legal codes prohibit the harming or killing of domesticated animals within city limits and the only chickens allowed to be kept in the city are domesticated poultry for egg production. Amber Hansen, a Lawrence artist, had sought to display five live chickens in a sculpture resembling a chicken coop for one month then slaughter and serve the birds as part of an April 21 community potluck. She said the project, titled "The Story of Chickens: A Revolution," was aimed at getting people talking about food consumption.

Thursday Show Features

2012-03-01T05:15:00.032-06:00

Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store."

The young man said: "But I'm a university graduate."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that you had no skills," said the manager.
"Here, give me the broom - I'll show you how."

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Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day:
German Chancellor Angela Merkel has suffered a surprise beer shower thanks to a clumsy waiter at a Christian Democratic Union meeting in Demmin. The waiter was serving glasses of beer to Mrs Merkel's table when his tray of drinks tipped down her back! Mrs Merkel initially looked shocked - but managed to regain her composure and even managed to raise a glass to her colleagues.

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The Wacky World of Crime With Officer Hancock's police blotter:

A Hendersonville, North Carolina man is losing his exotic reptile collection worth $49,000 after police found dozens of venomous lizards and snakes in his mobile home. Police seized the reptiles after the man was bitten by an exotic venomous snake and rushed to a hospital. Officers said his mobile home was packed with snakes in plastic containers.

This is Officer Hancock. Be careful. There are a lot of wackos out there!

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Cool Tools For Radio & Advertising Professionals. Click Here!

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Rich's thought to ponder:
Never hit anyone bigger than you because it's not nice and you will get the snot beaten out of you.

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Rich's Odd News Story Of The Day:
A baby yoga course, which involves tiny tots being swung through the air - often by a single limb, could come to your area. Shocking footage of Russian therapist Lena Fokina flipping a baby over her head astounded millions as it went viral online. Doctors around the world were quick to condemn the technique which they say could be dangerous for infants. But Ms Fokina insists it is a genuine aid to muscular development and demonstrated it at a seminar for parents in Dahab, Egypt. Babies were also taught "water rebirthing" - involving dunking kids' heads in water to address "repressed trauma from birth".

Wednesday Show Features

2012-02-29T05:15:00.030-06:00

Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:

Did you hear about the new "divorced" Barbie doll that they're selling in stores now?

It comes with all of Ken's stuff.

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Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day:
A 14-year-old Swedish girl who was refused the name "Tequila" by the country's authorities when she was born said she has finally won the right to the moniker. Tequila Wikinghielm of Motala said Sweden's Tax Agency, which is given the power to reject proposed names if they are deemed potentially offensive or can cause discomfort to the bearers, refused the name when she was born. She has always referred to herself as Tequila and now it's official.

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The Wacky World of Crime With Officer Hancock's police blotter:

New York police said two young men were confronted by a group of eight muggers in the Bronx. The men refused to give the muggers any money and a member of the gang attempted to strike one of the men with a gun, but the weapon discharged and struck one of his fellow muggers in the leg. The other muggers fled. The wounded guy was arrested.

This is Officer Hancock. Be careful. There are a lot of wackos out there!

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Cool Tools For Radio & Advertising Professionals. Click Here!

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Rich's thought to ponder:
All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

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Rich's Odd News Story Of The Day:
Authorities in Wisconsin said participants in an annual ice fishing contest were left searching for rides home when 36 parked vehicles fell through the ice. Organizers of the the annual ice fishing competition on Lake Winnebago said participants were warned against parking on the ice, but some did it anyway because they could not find anywhere else to leave their vehicles.

Tuesday Show Features

2012-02-28T05:15:00.048-06:00

Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:

A young minister, in the first days of his first parish, was obliged to call upon the widow of an eccentric man who had just died. Standing before the open casket and consoling the widow, he said, "I know this must be a very hard blow, Mrs. Jones. But we must remember that what we see here is the husk only, the shell -- the nut has gone to heaven."

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Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day:
A woman is suing a Detroit financial services company for more than $5 million for keeping a half tank of gas from her car when it was repossessed. The woman from White Lake, Mich., filed the class-action suit in federal court against Ally Financial Inc. for keeping the gas in her 2008 Pontiac G6 when it was repossessed. The woman said in the suit the amount she's seeking is three times the fair-market value of all gas taken from Michigan residents by the financial company in the past six years.

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The Wacky World of Crime With Officer Hancock's police blotter:

A homeless man was arrested in Washington, D.C., after he allegedly tried to steal a car that belonged to the Secret Service. The car was parked near the Sidwell Friends School attended by President Obama's daughters. The man allegedly jumped into the car and tried to drive it away. He was arrested and accused of carjacking.

This is Officer Hancock. Be careful. There are a lot of wackos out there!

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Cool Tools For Radio & Advertising Professionals. Click Here!

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Rich's thought to ponder:
The best way to prevent sagging is to eat till the wrinkles fill out.

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Rich's Odd News Story Of The Day:
A Spring Hill, Florida teenager allegedly said he stole an AK-47 assault rifle because he was pretty sure his mom would never buy him one. The boy allegedly lifted the rifle from a home where his mother worked as a housekeeper. The 13-year-old was charged with grand theft of a firearm after the weapon and several rounds of ammunition were discovered under his bed.

Monday Show Features

2012-02-27T05:15:00.036-06:00

Billy Crystal's Oscar monologue highlights.

Memorable quotes from the Oscars awards show.

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Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:

While meeting with a client he wished to impress, a big executive flipped on his intercom and barked to his secretary, "Miss Jones, get my broker on the line."

"Yes sir," came back a voice, "Pawn or Marriage?"

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Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day:
A lawyer for two Massachusetts men accused of stealing the head from an ice sculpture in Salem, Massachusetts, said he wants the case dismissed after the evidence melted. Police said a faulty plug in their freezer led to the head, which had been court-ordered to be preserved until the trial, melting away into a puddle.

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Cool Tools For Radio & Advertising Professionals. Click Here!

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The Wacky World of Crime With Officer Hancock's police blotter:

Lee County sheriff's deputies in Florida said a Fort Myers homeowner told them his daughter came out to the back yard and told him she had spotted a naked man taking a bottle of Captain Morgan rum from their kitchen. The homeowner found the suspect nude in his front yard, and a neighbor whose dogs began barking at the commotion held the man at gunpoint until deputies arrived.

This is Officer Hancock. Be careful. There are a lot of wackos out there!

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Rich's thought to ponder:
One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people!

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Rich's Odd News Story Of The Day:
The biggest lobster ever caught in Maine, a 27-pounder nicknamed "Rocky" with claws tough enough to snap a man's arm, was released back into the ocean after being trapped in a shrimp net. The 40-inch male lobster, about the size of a 3-year-old child, was freed in the waters of the Atlantic Ocean. Scientists are unable to accurately estimate the age of lobsters of this size. What does a 27 pound lobster eat? Anything he wants!

Saturday Show Features

2012-02-25T05:15:00.021-06:00

Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:

Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?"
"My father said it'd be a good idea, sir."
"Oh? And what does your father do?"
"He's in the Army, sir."

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Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day:
The Tooth Fairy is hit by the economy. An annual survey suggests the "Tooth Fairy" left an average 42 cents less in 2011 than in 2010. Delta Dental, based in Oak Brook, Illinois, said its annual online survey suggests children who lost a tooth received an average $2.10 in 2011, down from the average $2.52 in 2010.

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The Wacky World of Crime With Officer Hancock's police blotter:

Police in Chandler, Arizona said they arrested a man who allegedly threw spaghetti at his wife and broke her cellphone because he didn't like her cooking.

This is Officer Hancock. Be careful. There are a lot of wackos out there!

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Cool Tools For Radio & Advertising Professionals. Click Here!

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Rich's thought to ponder:
Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.

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Rich's Odd News Story Of The Day:
A New York state couple who have been married for 72 years are being honored by the faith-based Worldwide Marriage Encounter organization. The marriage enrichment organization declared West Seneca residents 96 year old John Frontera and 91 year old Victoria Frontera as the 2012 New York State honorees of the Longest Married Couple Project. John, who married Victoria Oct. 28, 1939, said the secret to his long and happy marriage was to "have a glass of wine every day."

Friday Show Features

2012-02-24T05:15:00.030-06:00

Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:

Did you hear about the blind man who went bungee jumping?

He loved it, but it scared the heck out of his dog.

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Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day:
A New York engineer said he raised $75,000 in just six days to create what he describes as the world's most "annoying" alarm clock. Paul Sammut said he was inspired by his mother's method of waking him up in high school and wanted to emulate her "annoying" tactics. He said his invention, which he dubbed the Ramos clock, will only stop ringing when the owner uses a punch pad to send a wireless signal from a room or two away.

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The Wacky World of Crime With Officer Hancock's police blotter:

A man accused of dealing drugs had his luck run out when he won $2,500 playing blackjack at a casino near Philadelphia. Altoona police say the man was arrested because he had to produce identification to cash out his winnings. Casino officials learned the man was wanted for drug offenses in Altoona and called authorities.

This is Officer Hancock. Be careful. There are a lot of wackos out there!

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Cool Tools For Radio & Advertising Professionals. Click Here!

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Rich's thought to ponder:
It's too bad that stupidity isn't painful.

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Rich's Odd News Story Of The Day:
A mother with a screaming child wanted a quick getaway from a plane on the tarmac in Vietnam and asked for help. The man next to her obliged by opening the emergency exit and triggering the escape slide. But that's as far as they got at Ho Chi Minh City airport. The man told authorities the child's mother asked him to open the door so she and the child could exit faster. An airport official says the man will be fined up to $950, and it will cost $10,000 to refit the slide.

Thursday Show Features

2012-02-23T05:15:00.023-06:00

Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:

A pastor put sanitary hot air hand dryers in the rest rooms at his church and after two weeks took them out.

When a friend asked the pastor why, the pastor confessed that they worked fine but when he went in there he saw a sign that read, "For a sample of this week's sermon, push the button."

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Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day:
Hell Hole could be closing. The U.S. Forest Service said a South Carolina camp site known as Hell Hole may be closed to camping due to unsanitary conditions. Sumter National Forest rangers said the camp site has become unsanitary due to trash and human waste left behind by campers making the place a real...hell hole.

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The Wacky World of Crime With Officer Hancock's police blotter:

San Diego police said a man walked into the Washington Street Shell Station, brandished a florescent light bulb and smashed it on the desk. Police said the man demanded money but walked away empty-handed when the clerk refused to turn over any money.

This is Officer Hancock. Be careful. There are a lot of wackos out there!

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Cool Tools For Radio & Advertising Professionals. Click Here!

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Rich's thought to ponder:
People are like boats, the more they are in a fog, the more they toot their horns.

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Rich's Odd News Story Of The Day:
A 15-year-old Michigan boy says he has no idea how he was able to lift a 2,000-pound Buick enough for his grandfather to escape from underneath. Austin Smith said he was working on the 1991 Buick with his grandfather when the car fell from the cinder blocks holding it up and trapped his grandfather underneath. Smith said he instinctively grabbed the front end of the 2,000-pound car and was able to lift it enough for his grandfather to get out.

Wednesday Show Features

2012-02-22T05:15:00.029-06:00

Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:

"Doc!" the elderly man yelled. "I've lost my memory!"

"Calm down, sir. When did this happen?"

The man looked at him, puzzled. "When did what happen?"

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Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day:
Organizers of the 2012 Nude Luge World Championships in Germany said 25,000 people watched 30 lugers throw themselves down the slopes. The organizers said 17 men and 13 women slid down the mountainside in Braunlage Saturday for the fourth-annual event. The participants were required by safety rules to wear helmets, shoes and underwear, but were otherwise unclothed when they took their turns sledding.

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The Wacky World of Crime With Officer Hancock's police blotter:

Largo, Florida police arrested a woman who rammed her Ford Focus into the vehicle in front of her at the KFC/Taco Bell drive-through because she was angry about how long it was taking the woman in front of her to place an order.

This is Officer Hancock. Be careful. There are a lot of wackos out there!

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Cool Tools For Radio & Advertising Professionals. Click Here!

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Rich's thought to ponder:
If you really want the last word in an argument, try saying, "I guess you're right."

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Rich's Odd News Story Of The Day:
The advertisement was designed to promote foreign investment in Kosovo, but it didn't quite work out that way. Just before Kosovo declared independence in 2008, it unveiled a large statue in Pristina with the word "newborn" spelled out in large yellow letters. So the government decided to feature that work in its video advertisement. But when the ad began appearing locally on Internet some viewers said the statue appeared to be spelling the word "newporn." Blue paint that vandals had sprayed on the statue was blocking out some of its lettering. Before the ad was to be shown on CNN-TV it was redesigned and now works just fine.

Tuesday Show Features

2012-02-21T05:15:00.034-06:00

Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:

The dentist gave his patient a lecture on the importance of proper dental hygiene. He then asked him, "Have you been flossing religiously?"

"Well," the man hedged, "I floss more often than I go to church."

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Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day:
A cobra that had been missing since last month after it escaped from its cage in Brownwood, Texas, was found inside the owner's home. Its owner had been jailed on an unrelated drug charge. Officers arrived to find the cobra with its head attached to a large glue trap. Animal Control arrived and took custody of the cobra and it is currently incarcerated at the Brownwood Police Department.

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The Wacky World of Crime With Officer Hancock's police blotter:

Police were called to the Exton, Pennsylvania Walmart where a naked man was walking around the store. Police found the man in the store wearing only socks that were allegedly stolen from the store. The man allegedly would not comply with officers and they had to use a stun gun on him before taking him into custody.

This is Officer Hancock. Be careful. There are a lot of wackos out there!

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Cool Tools For Radio & Advertising Professionals. Click Here!

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Rich's thought to ponder:
If the window of opportunity appears, don't pull down the shade.

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Rich's Odd News Story Of The Day:
An Austin, Texas, organization said it is working to build the world's largest ball of dog fur and has asked for donations. Texas Hearing & Service Dogs is building a ball of dog fur, named Fur-O-Sphere, that is larger than 67 pounds. The Fur-O-Sphere is a 5-foot-wide and 5-foot-tall clear ball in which dog owners will deposit their dogs' hair clippings. It will be presented to the public at the 14th annual Mighty Texas Dog Walk on April 7.

Monday Show Features

2012-02-20T05:15:00.028-06:00

What are you working for today? It's President's Day. You should have the day off.

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Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:

Patient: "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor: "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. "Yours is the tenth case I've treated; the others all died."

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Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day:
Social workers who took a toddler into care because his grandmother had been caught speeding have been ordered to hand back the child. Baby Jonas, from Lambach, Austria, was living with her mother and her partner when he was seized more than two months ago. Social workers claimed the 12-month-old child was at risk, because if it's grandmother was unable able to pay a speeding fine, she could be jailed and then couldn't help her daughter care for the youngster. But despite the family paying the fine instantly, social workers refused to hand Jonas back to his heartbroken parents.

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The Wacky World of Crime With Officer Hancock's police blotter:

Russian police said three armed robbers held up a St. Petersburg shop and stole what was described as an inflatable sex doll.

This is Officer Hancock. Be careful. There are a lot of wackos out there!

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Cool Tools For Radio & Advertising Professionals. Click Here!

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Rich's thought to ponder:
One cannot have too large a party.

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Rich's Odd News Story Of The Day:
A Connecticut man attempting to have his 98-year-old mother evicted from her home said he wants her out of the house for her own good. 71 year old Peter Kantorowski, eldest son of Mary Kantorowski, said he wants his mother out of the Fairfield home she has occupied since 1953 because "she would be better off living with people her own age." A trial to determine whether Mary will be evicted is scheduled for March 2 in Bridgeport Superior Court.

Saturday Show Features

2012-02-18T05:15:00.025-06:00

Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:

A boss tells his new employee, "I'll give you 8 bucks an hour starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to 10 bucks an hour. So when would you like to start?"

The employee replies, "How about in 3 months?"

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Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day:
Nine daring couples stripped off to exchange vows in a mass naked wedding in Jamaica. Wearing only veils, body paint and plenty of sunblock, the couples were married on Negril beach. A local resort invited the couples for the all-expense paid group ceremony. The lucky few were selected from a stack of 100 applications asking a myriad of questions, including why they wanted to start their life together in the nude.

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The Wacky World of Crime With Officer Hancock's police blotter:

Authorities in Georgia said they arrested two women accused of trafficking in fake Nike shoes featuring an image of Michael Jordan with one too many fingers. Gwinnett County police said the women were pulled over for following too closely to another car and the officer discovered 78 boxes of counterfeit Nikes. The officer said he immediately knew the shoes were fakes because the image of Michael Jordan on the logo had too many fingers on one hand.

This is Officer Hancock. Be careful. There are a lot of wackos out there!

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Cool Tools For Radio & Advertising Professionals. Click Here!

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Rich's thought to ponder:
The thing that takes up the least amount of time causes the most amount of trouble.

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Rich's Odd News Story Of The Day
Fire officials in Missouri said a sweeper truck driver spent about an hour trapped inside his vehicle when it became lodged in a tree. The Crestwood Fire Department said the driver was cleaning the Crestwood Sam's Club parking lot in a sweeper truck when the truck went over a guardrail and was left dangling from a tree on a bluff overlooking Interstate 44. The driver told rescuers the accelerator on the vehicle had become stuck.

Friday Show Features

2012-02-17T05:15:00.032-06:00

Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:

Bill's wife's psychiatrist just called him and said, "Did you know she was going to poison you?"
Bill said, "No! What do you suggest?"
He said, "After listening to her for three hours, my suggestion to you is to take the poison."

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Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day:
Workers at the Heart Attack Grill in Las Vegas said the restaurant lived up to its name when a customer was carted away with chest pains. "Doctor" Jon Basso, the owner of the restaurant and not an actual medical doctor, said he originally thought the incident was a joke.

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The Wacky World of Crime With Officer Hancock's police blotter:

A homeless Florida man arrested on counterfeiting charges told investigators he used a printer to create fake $20 and $50 bills. Ocala police believe the man attempted to use a fake $20 bill at the local Dollar General store.

This is Officer Hancock. Be careful. There are a lot of wackos out there!

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Cool Tools For Radio & Advertising Professionals. Click Here!

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Rich's thought to ponder:
He who laughs first also laughs last if nobody laughed in the middle.

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Rich's Odd News Story Of The Day:
A fugitive is back behind bars after he ran out of gas near Evanston, Wyoming and called the local sheriff's office for roadside assistance. The Wyoming Highway Patrol said the Prineville, Oregon man was wanted in Georgia for violating parole on a murder and escape conviction. The local sheriff did not offer roadside assistance. He did, however, arrest the fugitive.

Thursday Show Features

2012-02-16T05:15:00.027-06:00

Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:

A Texan is visiting Australia for the first time; He sees a sheep and starts laughing; he says to his Australian guide " At home in Texas, sheep are twice as big!" He then sees a cow and says "In Texas, our cows are much, much bigger!" And suddenly, he sees a kangaroo and asks, "What's that?" the guide answers " oh, that's just a grasshopper...”

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Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day:
An Australian man who bared his buttocks to Queen Elizabeth during the monarch's visit to the country was fined $800. The court heard Liam Warriner displayed his bare buttocks with an Australian flag while running alongside the motorcade carrying the queen and the duke of Edinburgh during their Oct. 24 visit to Brisbane. Warriner said the act was a political protest.

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The Wacky World of Crime With Officer Hancock's police blotter:

Corpus Christi, Texas police said they arrested an 18-year-old woman who led them on a chase while wearing nothing but a pair of cowboy boots. Police said the woman appeared to be intoxicated.

This is Officer Hancock. Be careful. There are a lot of wackos out there!

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Cool Tools For Radio & Advertising Professionals. Click Here!

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Rich's thought to ponder:
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.

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Rich's Odd News Story Of The Day:
A California woman has her gold necklace back months after she accidentally flushed it down her toilet. San Rafael sanitation district employees were performing routine cleaning work on a pipeline last month when they came across Ann Aulakh's necklace. Ann’s friend had left a message with the district after the chain was lost. Workers remembered the message and used it to trace the necklace back to Ann. A worker dropped it off at her home!

Wednesday Show Features

2012-02-15T05:15:00.034-06:00

Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:

"Mr. Clark, I'm afraid I have bad news," the doctor told his anxious patient. "You only have six months to live."
The man sat in stunned silence for the next several minutes. Regaining his composure, he apologetically told his physician that he had no medical insurance. "I can't possibly pay you in that time."
"Okay," the doctor said, "let's make it nine months."

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Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day:
Brits will now be able to tone up as they eat thanks to the launch of a bizarre new cutlery set. The Eat Fit Cutlery set attaches dumbbells to a knife, fork and spoon! The hefty chrome knife and fork weigh the equivalent of a bag of sugar. And the spoon weighs twice as much!

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The Wacky World of Crime With Officer Hancock's police blotter:

A woman came home Monday night and found a strange man in her apartment in South Bend, Indiana. She thought she was being robbed, but instead the man had cooked some chicken and onions in a pot, folded her clothes and swept her floor. Police arrested the intruder.

This is Officer Hancock. Be careful. There are a lot of wackos out there!

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Cool Tools For Radio & Advertising Professionals. Click Here!

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Rich's thought to ponder:
In democracy it's your vote that counts; In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

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Rich's Odd News Story Of The Day:
Married couples in the UK can now get divorced within 24 hours - if they don't mind travelling to the Caribbean. The deal includes return flights to the Dominican Republic, a hotel room, lawyer and court costs. Only one person needs to travel, with the other signing over power of attorney. Adds new meaning to the term "quickie divorce."

Tuesday Show Features

2012-02-14T05:15:00.039-06:00

Happy Valentine's Day. The first valentine card was probably sent by the Duke of Orleans while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London in 1415. The card said: "Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm in the Tower of London, where in the heck are you?"

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Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:

Darla had applied for a job, and when she returned home, her mother asked how the interview went.

"Pretty good, I think," replied Darla, "but if I go to work there I won't get a vacation until I'm married."

Her mother, of course, had never heard of such a thing. "Is that what they told you?"

"No", replied Darla, "but right on the application it said 'vacation time may not be taken until you've had your First Anniversary.'"

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Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day:
A waste water treatment plant in Brooklyn, N.Y., says it's offering a Valentine's Day date to remember -- a tour of the plant. On the Valentine's morning tour, visitors will view the plant's egg-shaped "digesters," which break down noxious waste into sludge and gas. And for the Valentine's Day tour, every visitor will get a Hershey kiss.

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The Wacky World of Crime With Officer Hancock's police blotter:

A Seattle man dubbed the "piggyback bandit" has been reported jumping or trying to jump on the backs of athletes at games in five states. The Forum of Fargo, N.D., reported the man has shown up in North Dakota, Minnesota, Montana, Washington and Oregon. The man, who weighs 250 pounds, has been banned from all high school sports events in North Dakota after episodes at three schools.

This is Officer Hancock. Be careful. There are a lot of wackos out there!

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Cool Tools For Radio & Advertising Professionals. Click Here!

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Rich's thought to ponder:
A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.

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Rich's Odd News Story Of The Day:
The fictional Romeo and Juliet's home town of Verona, Italy, is one of the world's top cities for marriage proposals. And this Valentine's Day is no exception. According to the online travel site Cheapflights.com, couples seem to be attracted to the Renaissance flavor of the city made famous by Shakespeare's 16th-century play. If Verona is too intimidating for nervous soon-to-be grooms, then Paris, New Orleans and London are also on the list of romantic backdrops.

Monday Show Features

2012-02-13T05:15:00.020-06:00

Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:

The driving instructor was giving lessons to an extremely nervous student who panicked whenever another car approached on a particular two-lane road. One day, however, they got to the same stretch of road; and the student remained completely calm.
“This time you’re doing fine!” exclaimed the instructor. “Yes,” the novice driver agreed. “Now when I see another car coming, I shut my eyes.”

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Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day:
Chinese scientists are investigating a bizarre case in which a rooster apparently started laying eggs after all the hens were eaten. The birds owner kept the rooster together with seven hens on his small farm in central China. He said that his family had been gradually eating the chickens over winter until only the rooster was left - and he was amazed when he went into the cage the next day to discover an egg.

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The Wacky World of Crime With Officer Hancock's police blotter:

Police in Baltimore said they arrested a man accused of breaking into a woman's home, stealing her panties and sending her cellphone pictures of the underwear.

This is Officer Hancock. Be careful. There are a lot of wackos out there!

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Cool Tools For Radio & Advertising Professionals. Click Here!

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Rich's thought to ponder:
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

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Rich's Odd News Story Of The Day:
A British company said it is opening salons across England dedicated to the tattooing the scalps of bald men to make it look like they have short hair. Company Hair-Ink-Skin said it is opening facilities across England to allow men who have lost their hair to give the appearance of hair growing back using a tattooing technique applying different shades of pigment to the scalp to emulate the look of a buzz cut.

Saturday Show Features

2012-02-11T05:15:00.035-06:00

Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:

At a party the hostess served a guest a cup of punch and told him it was spiked.
Next, she served some to a minister. “I would rather commit adultery than allow liquor to pass my lips!” he shouted.
Hearing this, the first man poured his punch back and said, “I didn’t know we had a choice!”

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Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day:
Homeless people are lining up at an Austrian brothel after the owner offered them free rooms during the current cold spell. Peter Laskaris, owner of the Red Rooms Laufhaus in Vienna, has opened his door to the homeless as temperatures of minus 20 hit the city. He is offering 10 people a night a bed in his brothel for free, including a hot shower and a hot meal. But he added: "Other services are not included."

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The Wacky World of Crime With Officer Hancock's police blotter:

A woman's speeding got her a warning from an Ohio state trooper but wasn't enough to keep her grandchild from being born in her car. The woman got pulled over as she was trying to rush her daughter to a Columbus hospital. The State Highway Patrol officer told her she was going 90 mph. The trooper let them go with the warning. But the delay from the traffic stop kept them from reaching the hospital in time, so the daughter gave birth to a daughter in her mother's Hyundai.

This is Officer Hancock. Be careful. There are a lot of babies being born out there!

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Cool Tools For Radio & Advertising Professionals. Click Here!

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Rich's thought to ponder:
A fool and his money are a girl's best friend.

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Rich's Odd News Story Of The Day:
A judge has ordered a man accused of scuffling with his wife to take her out for a date. The man was told to buy his wife flowers and then take her out bowling and for a romantic meal. Judge John Hurley also ordered the couple, of Plantation, Florida, to visit a marriage guidance counselor. The man was charged with domestic violence after he and his wife got embroiled in a spat after he failed to wish her a happy birthday.

Friday Show Features

2012-02-10T05:15:00.031-06:00

Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.

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Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day:
A woman in eastern England says she has learned to love the giant pig she bought as a piglet believing it to be a micropig. Meeka the pig now weighs 200 pounds! Janey Byrne of Laughteron, Lincolnshire, said the breeder told her the pig when full-grown would be the size of a springer spaniel and weigh in at no more than 30 pounds. The pig is 5 feet long and stands 2 1/2 feet high. Janey said her husband, who was worried that feeding the pig would empty their savings, has learned to love the giant pig as well.

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The Wacky World of Crime With Officer Hancock's police blotter:

Swedish police are warning residents and tourists to be on alert for a gang of thieves who pickpocket valuables while hugging their victims. The gang, which could include up to four men, have robbed more than 20 people in Stockholm. Police said victims have reported one thief usually approaches and hugs the victim without any greeting, sometimes even lifting them off the ground. Meanwhile, a second thief takes the opportunity to steal valuables from the victim, mostly wallets and cell phones.

This is Officer Hancock. Be careful. There are a lot of wackos out there!

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Cool Tools For Radio & Advertising Professionals. Click Here!

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Rich's thought to ponder:
Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.

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Rich's Odd News Story Of The Day:
Police in Britain revealed an undercover officer seeking a suspicious person reported by a closed circuit TV operator turned out to be chasing himself! The camera operator mistook the undercover officer, who was staking out a burglary-hit area, for a suspicious character and sent him on a 20-minute chase before discovering he was seeking himself.

Thursday Show Features

2012-02-09T05:15:00.042-06:00

Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:

John was furious when his steak arrived too rare. "Waiter," he shouted, "Didn't you hear me say, 'well done'?"

"Oh, thank you, sir," replied the waiter. "I hardly ever get a compliment."

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Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day:
Here is news of a family that is having a frugal February. A California family says it will not be spending money on anything for the entire month of February except fresh milk for their children. Shelley and Bob Dunning of Davis said they made a final grocery store trip Jan. 31 and will be living mainly on beans, frozen meat and rice during the month of February, and they and their four children will walk everywhere they need to go.

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The Wacky World of Crime With Officer Hancock's police blotter:

Police in Neon, Kentucky say a man is facing charges after being found in a grocery store covered in chocolate, peanut butter and little else. A manager of the the local IGA store arrived at work to find the man wearing only the confections and a pair of black boots. Court documents say the man is accused of smearing peanut butter around the store, discharging fire extinguishers and using bottles of Nyquil to spell out the word "sorry."

This is Officer Hancock. Be careful. There are a lot of wackos out there!

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Cool Tools For Radio & Advertising Professionals. Click Here!

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Rich's thought to ponder:
Nobody ever learns anything while talking.

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Rich's Odd News Story Of The Day:
A Wisconsin couple have celebrated their 80th wedding anniversary. 100 year old Roy Fleming and 95 year old Dorothy Fleming marked their 80th anniversary Monday with a party in Brookfield. Roy says the secret to their long marriage is that he knows his wife is the boss.

Wednesday Show Features

2012-02-08T05:15:00.031-06:00

Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:

A woman, searching for a job, inquired about the benefits. The Personnel Manager informed her they had group health and life insurance, but the costs were deducted from the employee's pay.

She said, "My last employer had full health coverage, as well as five years salary for life insurance and a month's sick leave AND they paid the full premiums."

The interviewer asked: Why you would leave a job with such benefits?"

The woman shrugged her shoulders and said, "The company went bankrupt."

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Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day:
Authorities in Florida said a woman who awoke to the smell of smoke discovered a stranger attempting to cook in her kitchen. The Neptune Beach woman woke up around 4 a.m. Monday to the smell of smoke and discovered a stranger attempting to cook frozen foods on the stove without removing them from their plastic packaging. The woman locked herself in her room and called 911. The intruder was spotted by a neighbor while leaving the home. He had the woman's purse over his shoulder when he was found by authorities.

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The Wacky World of Crime With Officer Hancock's police blotter:

Police in California said a bank robber who claimed to have a bomb in a fast food bag was actually only carrying a pair of McDonald's apple pies. Sacramento police said the robber was carrying the McDonald's bag when he walked into a Wells Fargo bank and told a teller there was a bomb in the bag. The man was arrested a few blocks from the crime scene.

This is Officer Hancock. Be careful. There are a lot of wackos out there!

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Cool Tools For Radio & Advertising Professionals. Click Here!

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Rich's thought to ponder:
You're never too old to become younger.

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Rich's Odd News Story Of The Day:
A street cleaning company in a Russian city said an official will be fired because of a video of his workers racing tractors that appeared on YouTube. The video features two tractors drift racing, a type of racing involving sideways steering, at night in the Siberian city of Irkutsk. The drivers involved were disciplined and the chief of the unit was fired.

Tuesday Show Features

2012-02-07T05:15:00.006-06:00

Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:

As John and his five year old son were headed to McDonald's one day, they passed a car accident. Usually when they saw something terrible like that, they would say a prayer for those who might be hurt, so John pointed and said to his son, "We should pray."

From the back seat John heard his son's earnest request: "Please, God, don't let those cars block the entrance to McDonald's."

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Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day:
A retrial has been ordered for an appeals court case in Gothenburg, Sweden, after lawyers said the presiding judge fell asleep during proceedings. The judge maintains he did not fall asleep during the trial but has nonetheless agreed to no longer preside over the case. The judge allegedly started closing his eyes, his head falling forward, followed by jerking movements as he allegedly pulled himself together.

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The Wacky World of Crime With Officer Hancock's police blotter:

A 55-year-old Montana man who says he "always wanted" to be part of a police chase can check that off his bucket list. The man followed a patrol car for seven blocks before pulling his SUV around and taking off at speeds of up to 100 mph. He was arrested.

This is Officer Hancock. Be careful. There are a lot of wackos out there!

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Cool Tools For Radio & Advertising Professionals. Click Here!

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Rich's thought to ponder:
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

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Rich's Odd News Story Of The Day:
An 89-year-old Florida man said he has spent the past 25 years and about $10,000 building an Egyptian-themed coffin. Fred Guentert, who lives near Orlando, said he began crafting the coffin in the mid-1980s. The coffin is hand-painted red, black, gold and green and is made of cedar to resist rot. The nearly 7-foot-tall box was created using chisels, files and sandpaper, and is held together with dowels and glue. When he dies, he'll be wrapped in a shroud, embalmed and placed into the Egyptian coffin. A fiberglass mask of Osiris, the god of the afterlife, will be placed over his face.