Living With AD/HD

Avanza

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Donne) — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 06:31:00 +0000

Starting on 7.5mgs tonight for comorbid depression and generalized anxiety. My psychiatrist was more concerned with helping me find what I can do with my life. We came up with some ideas. It's looking pretty bright. I'll do what I can to get a functional entry down in the near future.

Slouched, much?

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Donne) — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 07:04:00 +0000

I've had to bump down my updates frequency. I have a lot on my plate. I'm just online quickly for the moment and I thought I'd share something. I've decided to totally overhaul a lot of things in my life as a part of my commitment for comprehensive management of my AD/HD. One thing I'm sorting out now is my posture. I've met so many AD/HDers who have bad posture. It might be evident to most readers that I have an interest in general psychology. As such, things like body language intrigue me. If you have bad posture, you may give off the impression that you have low self-esteem. That isn't surprising if you've suffered through attempting to manage a bad case of AD/HD a little later on in life as you'd have liked to. The thing is that once you get through it and life picks up, the damage might have already been done. So I've developed this game plan to sort it out.

Scoliosis is in my family (I don't know if its genetic, but there are a few people in my family who have it). I had my spine X-rayed a year or so ago and there was a slight curve. The doctor said there wasn't all that much that can be done about it. My mother, however, believes differently. And I do too (you've gotta respect your mother).

Obviously, you have to know what exercises are going to help. After a lot of googling, I discovered that most websites on correcting posture are bunk and marketing. That's fine. But it isn't all that useful. I found two useful webpages; here and here. The first webpage I believe is the most important. If the exercise is done correctly, you will temporarily achieve good posture. The exercises on the second webpage look like useful compliments to the first.

But like anything, an AD/HDer might read that, do it once, pledge to do it daily, then do it for maybe a week or so. So what I've done is get my mobile phone (its a Nokia smartphone thing), and I've gone into the Calender function. I've then gone to tomorrow's date and entered a time in the morning around about where I do morning exercises three times a week, and I've scheduled an unobtrusive alarm to remind me to do these exercises. Then what I've done is set the reminder to repeat daily until some time in 2012 (because either thats when the world will end, or I will likely have a new handset).

For the details of the reminder, I entered:

ex. 1:
1. stand w/ feet @ hip distance apart
2. imagine belly button being sucked into spine
3. extend height
4. imagine ribs being sucked into pubic bone

ex. 2
chin guide (think like a chicken)

ex. 3
mid-back thing (double king tut)

ex. 4
pelvic tilt (the thing with the butt)

That'll happen every morning. I may later on decide to replicate the entry for another time of the day. You might want to practice the exercises as the webpages describe before coming up with your own little reminder bits.

Well, I hope that was useful to someone anyway.

Hell Is What You Make It.

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Donne) — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 07:58:00 +0000

Last night, my relationship ended. If time is any indicator of intensity, it was eighteen months to the day. It felt like being ripped in half. This morning I went and saw my psychiatrist as per my appointment. His main concern was my moods over the last few months. We didn't discuss the relationship breakdown for too long, but he did mention that he would withhold treatment for comorbid moderate to severe depression until I re-adjust and finish the grieving process. He did switch me back to instant release Ritalin and helped me come up with a dosing schedule so I could get twelve hours of medication coverage through the day.

We're working on where I want to go in life. He's insistant that I go back to university, and wants me to consider what I enjoy, what I'm good at, and how I can make those activities stimulating and varied enough to do them professionally. He also recommended me a coaching service, and is looking into an appropriate psychologist.

My sleep patterns are OK - but they're still fuelled by temazepam. The treatment he suggested for the depression is a sedating tetracyclic antidepressent called Avanza (also known as mirtazapine), which he believes may tackle both the depression and also eliminate the need for benzodiazepines or hypnotic type sleeping pills. He also says its safe to take with stimulant medication. His assessment was similar to the one I got from the psychiatric nurse - I seem well adjusted, just chemically imbalanced and consequently confused. Initially I was going to see him weekly, but now I'll be seeing him for further assessment every two to three weeks.

My next appointment is on Thursday. I'll likely be out of temazepam by then. I've been coping pretty well generally, but if I start sinking back into the depression I had last week, I'll probably talk to him about antidepressents. It wouldn't be my first time on them - I've tried taking St. Johns Wort for depression as recent as a few months ago (but it seemed to weaken Ritalin's ability to help me focus), and years ago I was on Sertraline (which was horrible - a teenage boy should not be deprived of his sex drive).

Tonight I'm going to try to get to sleep without temazepam. Doctors keep asking me if I've get enough temazepam to last me until the next appointment. Frankly I'll be happy if this is my last script of the stuff for a while. I've had insomnia since before I was eighteen months old, and sleeping tablets have been the only thing that really consistantly beats it. I tend to just shut my eyes and try to ignore my mind racing, my body will get heavy and I won't be able to move. Eventually I might get up, but if I'm too tired I'll just cop it. Sometimes I kind of fade out at around 4AM, but often the alarm will go off or the phone will ring and I'll just think "Shit, this is going to be a fun day." Falling asleep at around 4 is generally worse than not sleeping at all - being jolted awake in the middle of a cycle brings about the most unpleasant sleep inertia experience. Tonight it'll be chamomile tea and warm milk.

So now its treatment time.

I Can Do This.

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Donne) — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 08:26:00 +0000

I woke up today with a big temazepam hangover and only a vague recollection of the night before. That's not quite as dramatic or heartwrenching as it sounds. Its a little confusing though. My apartment is more or less in order. There isn't a lot to go - except the kitchen and the bathroom. There's a lot of rubbish to be taken out, but I'll get to that. I had some friends come over today to help me get it finished a bit quicker. It really did help. I didn't realize how much I hoarded. The day went pretty well, with no moodswings or difficult moments or anything.

Tomorrow I have my appointment. Its first thing in the morning. I figure that getting the place in order before then isn't a total waste of time because the doctor will help me learn to manage my life. Its the same doctor I've always used, but now he's more aware of what's going on. I've really hit rock bottom in the last couple of months. Enough is enough. Einstein said something like "insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results". There is good evidence to suggest that Einstein had AD/HD. Change can happen rapidly or over a few years - but it is inevitable. Tomorrow will be interesting.

On how I've been getting the place tidy - I've been breaking it down into the smallest steps and checking in with someone whose been helping me organize the whole job. The trick has been to not think of the whole job - as soon as I do that, the AD/HD goes into full swing. If its just a simple little task, it gets done. It's also important to anticipate the apathy that I tend to feel when I complete a task. You don't do it for the good feeling, you do it because it'll make things easier. So you can form habits around it. I haven't had my appointment yet so I don't know how that works, but I'll find out.

So I Tried To Get Committed...

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Donne) — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 05:55:00 +0000

To a psych ward. I haven't really been coping these last few days. My psychiatrist did help me get an earlier appointment with him. I can't believe how little help there is in Australia for adults with AD/HD. I actually got hung up on by a hospital support line after I told them I have AD/HD and I'm not coping - they told me that they can't help me if I have AD/HD, because they only help "mainstream brains" that aren't coping. And that I should know that AD/HD is highly specialized. Another psychiatric support phone line reffered me to an alternative therapy clinic that use neurofeedback and nutritional supplements to "get me off medication".

I'm trying desperately to take full responsibility for managing my AD/HD but it really gets too much. People start losing faith in you and you can't exactly point to a record of success to show them otherwise. I don't know what its going to take, but I have to wait until Monday morning.

Right now I'm trying to clean my apartment. It's such a hard job. Apparently I was only cleaning for an hour when it first started to drive me nuts. I felt like I'd been going for about six hours.

I'm not feeling totally hysterical or hopeless any more. I know I can get this under my control and have a more healthy life. I just want it to happen before I push away the people I love and care about...

Decluttering. I Tried...

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Donne) — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 04:52:00 +0000

I haven't given up. But I have to say that the sheer volume of crap that I own is staggering. I've lived out of home for nearly four years. I spent the vast majority of that time unemployed, living off scholarship money and Youth Allowance payments. But somehow I managed to acquire the contents of what might make up a museum of early 21st century hobbies in a hundred years time.

I own books on everything. I'm not exaggerating. This will merit its own paragraph.

I own books on cactus care, professional writing, speaking French, stand up comedy, playing all sorts of instruments, martial arts, psychology, diet, public relations, pop culture, fitness, programming, acting, various religions, philosophy, popular science, physics, the occult, drawing, nursing, drug guides, painting, a whole set of books on history, several complete encyclopedias, speaking German, all types of martial arts, film making, AD/HD, natural medicine, business, the share market, card games, finance, strategy, sociology, stage magic, famous crimes... This is just off the top of my head. These are not your standard "Short Introduction" books. These are meaty textbooks. The kind that would be fascinating for someone with intense interest, but otherwise they would be thoroughly boring.

Of course, those books aren't just from the last four years. But a lot of them are. And it doesn't cover fiction. I don't own that much fiction. I own hardly any straight-up fiction. I only read the really complex stuff. When I say read, I usually mean half-read. The non fiction I own is typically pilfered from MA or PhD reading lists on the subjects. I usually get about half way through them before I lose interest. Its not from not understanding what I'm reading, its just because the sense of "OK, now I know. There's nothing else here to interest me." I'm one of those lucky combined type AD/HDers who don't have co-morbid dyslexia (though I am occasionally guilty of lazy spelling and grammar. I keep meaning to read a chapter of this old journalism textbook that fixes me up for a few months...)

But yes, where was I? Oh yeah, possessions. I own a lot of varied crap. My most used stuff is generally broken. Whenever things break I usually try to fix them myself for a couple of hours. I research on the internet, improvise, whatever. The stuff I have to take places to get fixed I typically won't find the time to do it. Or I'll procrastinate it. I'm not sure why. Maybe its more stimulating to look at something and to know that I have a purpose for it (to fix it), rather than looking at it when its in working order and trying to figure out what to do with it. That example may be most applicable to a $500 midi keyboard I own. I use it to control my music hardware when I'm writing music. While its not working, there's only one thing I can do with it - fix it. When its working, I can only really use it to write music - and even after doing it for years, its still something you have to start and the options can become quite overwhelming.

Despite that, I really wish the damn thing was working. It's a great keyboard.

So what did I get done? I have a corner desk. I vaguely set up one side of it with my synthesizers and mixer. Now there is a pile of books, DVDs, and CDs on the floor. I discovered that I'm missing some of my audio cables and an adapter for my still functional keyboard. The whole place kind of got on top of me a few months ago so I pretty much abandoned making music. I'm not talented with music, its just something I could hyperfocus on occasionally because every track I made was so different from the one before it.

This post is a bit of a rambling mess, I admit. I have more meaty posts in mind, but I'm having a bit of an off day. Can I give this post a bit of credibility by saying its a snapshot of an off day for an AD/HD adult? Probably not, but that'll have to do.

Gentle or Justified? Part II

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Donne) — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 04:46:00 +0000

Continued from here.

I remember reading somewhere that in our brains, our emotional center is closer to our decision making center than our logical center is. I don't know how true that is, but it surely rings true enough for the point of this post. From a logical* point of view, you can imagine the implications of this theory; we humans (mental illness notwithstanding) are not entirely logical creatures.

If we're not logical, it probably isn't suitable to apply logic in order to explain everything humans do. That's probably why no machine has so far passed the Turing test - it might require a partially logical kind of artificial intelligence, which I imagine would be significantly harder to create than a wholly logical one.

If we've come to rely on facts about reality to cope with our AD/HD, it can be particularly painful or difficult to adopt the idea that facts are generally mutable. Or just that nothing is ever absolutely true. But it doesn't have to mean a total denial of reasoning - just that with a lot of things that appear true, they may only be true enough for human understanding. There could be infinitely more to it that is well outside our control or understanding.

This doesn't have to be a bad thing. It can be quite a positive thing if we choose to see it as such. If we understand the world this way, we tend to become a lot more tolerant to different people's experiences and understanding of themselves and the world we live in. It may make us a little less grating to be around. It may also make reality's game of hide and seek all that more amusing for an AD/HD mind.

Trusting people can be hard when you don't trust yourself. And a lot of AD/HDers have trouble with social cues and nonverbal communication. But if you remove the idea of static being, you may find yourself becoming a lot more receptive to the nonverbal things you miss. (Keep in mind that this helps, but it doesn't fix things just like any other one thing in a comprehensive AD/HD management plan. So keep working with professionals, too.)

This is by no means an easy point of view to adopt in every day life. As I said earlier, its something that I tend to struggle with. But occasional contemplation on the idea may just make life a little easier and more fun. If my apparently cast iron chain of reasoning can crack or break as often as it does, I'd be pretty unreasonable to consider that reason may not always be the answer.

This whole post reminds me of a classical poem which I may just have to share another time. For now, I'd like to point you to a lecture by Dr. Robert Miller, a former philosophy teacher of mine. He is also the author of a book entitled Buddhist Existentialism: From Anxiety To Authenticity And Freedom. I'd wager to say that it makes for a good read for anyone, regardless of their mental health.

*Note that I'm using logic to explain the problems with logic. Confusing hey?

Gentle or Justified? Part I

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Donne) — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 04:37:00 +0000

AD/HD adults can develop some weird coping methods. Especially if they missed out on a childhood diagnosis. Most of these methods are counterproductive, and are often what leads to the diagnosis in the first place. Occasionally they might be brilliant, but this AD/HDer suspects that this case is more the result of luck than anything else.

One coping mechanism that I've developed and still struggle with is the need for a chain of logical reasoning behind everything that happens. This has lead to giving the impression of being controlling of people's lives and various projects that I become involved in. The problem in relationships is that it can be confused with the kind of controlling behavior exhibited by an overly insecure and excessively jealous person (I've been there, but I found it a lot easier to recognize and kick than this).

I've heard of other AD/HD adults having a similar problem. Some of us get brilliant at inductive reasoning. We can start to cling on to things like facts, hard data, and the idea that there might be some kind of absolute truth. Maybe we do this while saying that there is no absolute truth.

Truth is attractive to AD/HD brains because it doesn't change. Facts are supposedly static by nature. We notice that ice is cold so we infer that all ice must be cold. We also might notice that low cut dresses get girls extra attention, so we might assume that girls wear low cut dresses for attention.

If facts don't change, then we can safely get distracted or forget about one thing or another. And when we get back to the first issue, the reasoning is still there, as static as ever. It makes the world a little safer for us. But if it were the right way to go about life, then why does it create so many problems for us? Everyone else seems so irresponsible (!) to us AD/HDers when they ignore the facts. Its true we get distracted easily, but at least when we do pay attention to something, we know what's going on with it. We know why.

Of course, logic is tyrannical. Thats where the controlling behavior steps in. We need to know where our partners are, where the kids are. People without AD/HD don't get forgetful, so if they forget our birthdays its a personal attack. We look insecure because we are. Its not the same insecurity that others experience. If others don't follow the same logic that we do, the static world that we rely on simply collapses. Nothing brings out insecurity over AD/HD symptoms than a smack of reality. And since reality seldom seems to cooperate with logic, this kind of coping mechanism leads to a very insecure life for the AD/HDer.

The problem with inductive reasoning and the empirical method in general is that its only really useful in certain situations. Like in a laboratory where the latest scientific paradigm is being ironed out (those familiar with Kuhn or postmodernism might see that as a bad example; but I'm sure they get my drift).

Continued here.

Medicated, Not Fixed.

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Donne) — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 08:23:00 +0000

I couldn't clean my apartment without stimulant medication. But medication doesn't get me into the habit of keeping it clean.

Medication is an important first step for any useful AD/HD treatment plan. Stimulants are amazingly effective for around 80% of adults with AD/HD. Being amazingly effective and in most cases an essential step doesn't make stimulant medication a cure. Especially for those diagnosed of us who were diagnosed as adults.

I saw a psychiatrist who, after thorough analysis, was pretty quick to say "AD/HD, without a doubt". He promptly began treating me with stimulants. The results were amazing. There was a marked improvement in pretty much everything I did. I could focus for a lot longer, I could listen better, and I spent less time frustrated with myself. This improved further over the years as we fine-tuned my doses. Things improved a little more when I got around to fixing my diet and totally abstaining from recreational drugs and alcohol (which is probably good advice for anyone, really).

It took me about four years before I realized that the medication wasn't adequate. I'd always been told it wasn't going to be, but I saw myself finishing things and I had a lot more self confidence. But there were a lot of subtle tell-tale signs that things weren't quite right. I did my assignments well, but I handed them in consistently late. I'd forget things. Wherever I lived, I couldn't keep the place clean. At best, I'd do a big clean up every couple of weeks. I'd spend a lot of time wondering where my money went. I'd often forget to wash my clothes. Basically, I still had no structure. Any task that was immediately apparent, I could do. But the little habits that everyone else had established I was still missing.

Eventually, it all caught up with me. My girlfriend noticed that I couldn't connect with her without putting it into words. I was controlling - not out of jealousy or male insecurity, but because whenever something unaccounted for happened, my whole world and fragile semblance of structure would fall apart.

If you get a diagnosis of AD/HD and you're an adult, don't just take the medication and assume everything else will follow. Your psychiatrist will advise you to look into the disorder and to find help from specialists psychologists (unless you're lucky enough to have a psychiatrist who is also an AD/HD specialist). You have to take responsibility for your treatment. Take the medication, then read all you can about the disorder. Find that specialist, get a coach.

Remember that pills are important, but they're not the cure. They don't get you into productive habits or create structures out of nothing. They are the keys to the door, but you have to walk through it. You may very well be on them for the rest of your life, you might as well make the money you spend on them worthwhile.

As a general rule, if it rails against medication it's probably crap. Don't listen to anyone who says that AD/HD is not real. If your diagnosis is from a psychiatrist, don't second-guess it. If you suspect you have something else, you may have it in addition to AD/HD. AD/HD is often comorbid with other disorders such as Oppositional Defiance Disorder, Depression, and Borderline Personality Disorder (especially in adults).

In Australia, it can be hard (trust me). It can be hard anywhere in the world. If you're finding that resources aren't immediately available to you, get on Amazon and buy all the books you can. I'll post a list of books and websites I'm finding useful in the near future. Until then, use Google. You have to take responsibility for managing your own AD/HD. If you've had a lifetime of people telling you that you're irresponsible, trust me, its especially rewarding to see yourself making progress.

Starting My Decluttering Action Plan.

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Donne) — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 05:55:00 +0000

I don't know if I'm breaking some kind of blogger code here, but I will continue the AD/HD in the workplace series. If I don't, put it down to AD/HD. That was a joke. It will get covered in the near future.

I divide my time between two residences. My girlfriend's apartment, which is also my workplace. The other place is my own apartment. While I'm happy to accept it as just a place to store my stuff (as George Carlin put it), it is meant to be my space. The two places aren't that far apart, so I don't know if we qualify as "living apart together" in the postmodern refugee sense. Maybe I'll discuss that elsewhere.

I have a book called 10 Simple Solutions to Adult ADD by Stephanie Sarkis, Ph.D. I also have a membership at TotallyADD.com (which is a fantastic website I'll likely mention a lot on this blog). I'm going to use both of these sources in formulating my action plan. I'm sharing it here because it may be of some use to some AD/HDers who might be reading this blog.

Yesterday evening I went to my apartment with the goal of tidying the place up and organizing my possessions, but I was totally overwhelmed by all of the clutter. Further research had to be undertaken. I extracted the aforementioned book from the rubble and brought it to the sanctuary of neatness that is my girlfriends place.

Originally, I was going to use a tip from TotallyADD.com, but where would I go from there? What follows is the first part of my action plan, which starts with the tip and some advice from Sarkis' book (paraphrased and fractionally reinterpreted, of course).

Pile all of my clutter on my bed.
The good folks at TotallyADD.com advise that I then deal with it in bite sized chunks. Thats where it lost me.
Organize my belongings into five piles, or four boxes and one garbage bag. The boxes are labled "Fix It", "eBay" (Sarkis suggests "give it away", but I'm in a bit of debt and every dollar helps), "Keep", and "Unsure". The final pile or garbage bag is as implied, garbage.
This advice comes from 10 Simple Solutions to Adult ADD. Its what I was missing last night
Then what?
Sarkis suggests Feng Shui. Next time I'm in Borders and I remember, I'll look into that and try to write a kind of Feng Shui for AD/HD primer.

Now that its here, the appropriate follow up would be a report on how it went. Hopefully you'll see that sooner rather than later.

The AD/HD Resume. Part II

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Donne) — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 03:14:00 +0000

Continued from here.

One way to solve the problem is to find a job that requires a certain level of distractibility. It would also have to have enough novelty to be consistently stimulating. One example that springs to mind is software programming or any job that requires a lot of problem solving and creative thinking in order to get a major task done. The distractibility is often channeled into creativity. An AD/HDer may break the big project down into bite sized chunks and hack away at it piece by piece so it doesn't overwhelm them. Eventually, someone with treated AD/HD could get the job done just as well as any equally skilled programmer.

But another problem might arise - often times when a project is completed, someone with AD/HD may experience depression. The task is done, there's no more stimulation. Maybe they're dreading having to go through the whole process again, now that the problem is solved it may become unbearable to have to repeat the process with the added degree of monotony.

This may not be true for all AD/HDers - an AD/HDer with a flair for development and an encyclopedic knowledge of programming languages may be able to use their skills creatively enough to be able to take on a project in limitless ways in order to circumvent boredom. But without that passion, the AD/HDer is pretty much screwed in a job they're not suited for.

An AD/HDer in an unsuitable job will cost their employers a lot of money. I can think of one case where, in one night, I cost a restaurant I worked for more money than I would've earned in six months. While I was locking up, I once forgot to close the door to the cool room and destroyed all of the stock. Oops. I could've been working at a stockbroking firm, only after one long day I might've forgotten to backup essential databases on the eve of some corporation destroying virus epidemic...

So is there a solution? Of course there is! Why would I shoot myself in the foot like this and expose all of our shortcomings? Especially after there have been cases where employers have discriminated against people with AD/HD. Find out in Part III, where I attempt to summarize my hyperfocused research on the subject. Hopefully I can figure out how to apply it too (maybe I'll cover that issue in a seperate post).

The AD/HD Resume. Part I

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Donne) — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 03:03:00 +0000

Easily distracted, rarely finishes tasks, often late for appointments, chronic procrastination, often fails to follow instructions, is often forgetful in daily tasks, constantly seeking external or internal stimuli, often loses things necessary for tasks and activities...

These are some common AD/HD symptoms (mostly associated with inattentive subtype, so it only covers half of the combined type spectrum - I am combined). It reads like an anti-resume, doesn't it? Kind of an employment binary-opposite. Having AD/HD does make it look a lot like you're wired for unemployment.

Repetitive tasks that require focus and a lot of mental energy are downright impossible. For me, its easy to learn how to do something new if I want to learn it. Sometimes it takes me a little longer, sometimes it takes me no time at all. But either way, I can learn it and do it really well. Once. Maybe twice. Three times I can't do. A whole day is going to be hard. A week is going to be difficult. A month is going to be improbable. A year, impossible.

So there goes hospitality as a viable career option. Also most retail jobs. The two entry level job types which are considered a necessary precursor to real employment. I've done both many times, and I've never been able to do it without screwing up to epic proportions.

So how about manual labor or a trade? A lot of these types of jobs do burn off excess energy, and sometimes the skill level they demand can be quite stimulating. But at the end of the day, all the nails need to be hammered. And thats dull. The boss could introduce and provide training for using a nailgun effectively. But once mastered, or if not interested, the AD/HDer is just going to adapt the nail gun into something that will interest them. A bored combined AD/HDer and a nail gun is not a good idea.

Sometimes we can do really repetitive things - but only for so long. And usually only if we're medicated. And even with medication, its often still a little frustrating. If we're forced to do it, we will eventually crack. These kinds of repetitive things tend to only work as hobbies. Things like martial arts, dancing, painting, and perhaps blogging.

Continued here.

Wearing Da Vinci's Genes?

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Donne) — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 02:57:00 +0000

Late last night, an associate of mine managed to peak my curiosity long enough to get me to download an ebook named after something called "The Da Vinci Method". Apparently its the next big thing among AD/HDers. Its even endorsed by Ph.D. holder Dr. Shane Perrault, who is the head psychologist at Entrepreneurs with ADHD. I'm not familiar with his work, but he has a very marketable headshot (and no, American readers, it has nothing to do with the colour of his skin - and that's how we spell "color" in Australia).

I only really skimmed through it, but I read enough to be really put off. It read like the The Secret for people with ADHD, and thats not a good thing. Mostly because The Secret reads like a big American advertisement more than anything else.

The first thing that disturbed me was the idea that AD/HD is something that you develop from being a perpetually shunned and misunderstood "Da Vinci" (apparently a type of uber-creative hyperfocused person that makes up ten percent of the human population - AD/HD is medically thought to effect between 3-5%). Its almost like it talks about an AD/HD master race, which sort of neglects the fact that its a disorder and as such it has enough of a negative side to be consistently difficult to deal with for most people who have it.

It went on to say that AD/HD could be "cured". I know it was probably referring to the negative aspects of AD/HD rather than the whole disorder, but it is a statement that borders on being downright offensive. The problem with the whole positive thinking movement is that it denigrates those who don't cling onto it as whiney doubters, which is unreasonable and presents its proponents with an interesting paradox. But thats for another post.

Then it criticized stimulant medication from within a questionably valid scientific framework. Fair enough, it does decrease Alpha and Theta wave activity in the brain, but the theory hasn't been studied enough to show what that implies. From a biomedical paradigm, thats a good thing. And from personal experience, I like being rapidly creative and such, but I can't follow my passions without focus - and stimulant medication is the only thing I've encountered that offers me that to a tangible degree. So I tend to be on the side that states that anything that is against medication as a primary form of treatment for AD/HD will invariably do more harm than good, despite whatever else it might offer.

The last thing I noticed that turned me off the book was the "spiritual" point of view it touted. First it rails against medication, then it invokes God. It seems like a kind of step back from everything. I do not adhere to any religion in the dictionary sense or the new age enlightened sense. I'm a philosopher and maybe a postmodernist. I practice Zen but I don't believe in reincarnation.

In any case, I suppose I better give it a read. Some folks over on addforums.com (I'm only a lurker) have said its worth a look, despite its obvious shortcomings. Maybe if I take it with a grain of salt, I might be able to extract something from it, even it its just another rant post. Maybe when I'm done I'll review it.

Kindergarten.

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Donne) — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 15:00:00 +0000

Just before we all moved on to primary school, our kindergarten teacher gave each of us kids picture books that she thought we could relate to.

I got given a book called "Michael". I haven't been able to track it down anywhere online. I'm pretty sure it might be somewhere in my parents' roof. If I ever find it, I'll scan it.

It was about a kid who didn't pay attention to his parents, dressed like a punk, and didn't do well at school. He had this obsession with drawing rocket ships.

One day, he disappears from class and he's out the back of the school in the garbage. Everyone gathers around and tells him that he's a freak. Then suddenly he pops up with this rocket ship he's built out of junk and one of those metal garbage cans.

The last page shows Michael blasting off into space. The last sentence in the book was "we always knew that boy would go far."

That was something that always kind of stuck with me. Since my formal diagnosis and subsequent treatment, its something that always pops into my head whenever things are getting a bit rough.

Whirling Dervish.

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Donne) — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 13:49:00 +0000

I've been unemployed lately, and so I've had the chance to watch myself go against no imaginary structure whatsoever. And having been more aware of my AD/HD lately, I thought I'd make a quick post listing some of the rapid cycling 'phases' or 'obsessions' I've gone through in the past six weeks (off the top of my head of course):

Writing a series of science fiction films.
Writing a sitcom series.
Python programming.
Front end and back end website design.
Blogging.
C programming.
Assembly programming.
Hacking and reverse engineering.
Mobile phone application development.
Augmented reality software and hardware.
Teaching English in other countries.
Stand-up comedy.
Cooking.
Writing short films.
Lighting for cameras.
Photography with models (recently recurring).
Shooting things in HDV.
Sound mixing.
Job hunting (this one has been the most consistent, but it ties in with most of the others).
AD/HD itself (recurring).
AD/HD treatments (recurring).
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
The share market.
Iaido and Japanese swords (semi-recurring).
Martial arts and self defense.
Zen (frequently recurring).
Writing in general.
Symbian S60 3rd Edition.
Fedora Linux (Ubuntu seemed too mainstream...)
Reading.
Watching British sitcoms.
Postmodernist anime (thats a new one).
Acting.
I'm too tired to continue...

What's interesting is that if I were employed, the list probably wouldn't be that much shorter. What's also interesting is that I have fragments of tangible things I've got from each item of the list except for two. Lately I haven't really been hyperfocusing on anything for longer than a day or so. I guess that might have something to do with stress from money and family and so on. And my medication needs to be re-calibrated.

I've read at least one reference book cover to cover on most of the topics I've listed. Mostly titles from the For Dummies series (by the way, C All-In-One Desk Reference For Dummies is one of the best computer reference books I've ever half-read. My girlfriend is actually putting the effort in to make me finish it.)

Well, I suppose the AD/HD stuff has been the consistent thing lately. Its a shame I can't get a job for that. Maybe I should go sign up for a psychology course...

The Kitchen.

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Donne) — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 04:11:00 +0000

What's it like being an adult with AD/HD? If I'd forgotten my medication, I'd have started this blog earlier when I was meant to be cleaning the kitchen. Instead I mostly finished the kitchen and planned this first paragraph.

I can't answer that question in one quick post. I doubt anyone could. I'm not really the best at living with it either. I'm still learning and I have a way to go. I suppose thats kind of strange because I've always had AD/HD. I actually showed my first clues at around fifteen months when I began showing abnormal sleep difficulties. Of course, they couldn't diagnose it then. I was first diagnosed at six, and again at twelve. My family and I didn't accept the diagnosis - both came during Sixty Minutes AD/HD hysteria.

Eventually I was diagnosed again at seventeen and I've been on medication since. I'm twenty one now, and I'm finally starting to get some understanding about the disorder. I live in Australia, so the information isn't quite as readily available as it is in the United States.

My girlfriend was the one who got me to really look into it. We've been together for almost two years and she was the first person who noticed that I wasn't as well off as my doctors thought I should be. She pointed out that the meds didn't really fix anything - they just put me in a position to fix things. But while I was under the impression that they were fixing me, I wasn't really trying to fix myself. I didn't know how.

Now she helps me work on it. We come up with these little systems to make life a bit easier. When we clean the house, I clean the kitchen. Mostly because its a small and enclosed space, the mess is a little more even and consistent. I can get distracted in there and get back to what I was doing just as easily. Its a load off my mind, being able to do things out of order but in bite sized chunks. Eventually, even if I keep getting distracted cleaning different sections and doing partial jobs, it does end up clean.

Cleaning the whole house, I'd probably have to pile the mess all in one area put things away bit by bit. Which might run counter to the way my girlfriend does things. Then I'd have to vacuum and dust. That'd be hard to do without stopping to read a magazine, a book, watch TV, end up on the computer, or punching out notes for my next blog post.

I also haven't figured out how to get AdSense or Google Analytics working on these blogs yet. If anyone has any ideas, please feel free to let me know. I'd really appreciate it.

I better go take out the recycling and the garbage.